Broad Ideas with Rachel Bilson & Olivia Allen - Manon Mathews

Episode Date: August 8, 2022

The week's guest is a long time friend of Olivia's and a talented comedian with a heart of gold... It's Manon Mathews! She opens up to Rachel and Olivia about her very public divorce, including the bizarre and amazing story of how they met, never-before heard details of the relationship and split-up, red flags and more. Manon also shares her thoughts on stand-up comedy, the importance of listening to your body and the power of sharing your story. Enjoy!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hax is back for its fifth and final season, and so is The Hacks podcast. Join the Hacks creators and showrunners, Lucia and Yellow, Paul W. Downs, and Jen Statsky as they unpack the Emmy-winning comedy series. On each episode, hear stories from the set, what goes on in the writer's room, and how these beloved characters close out their final season. Watch Hax streaming exclusively on HBO Max and listen to The Hacks podcast on HBO Max, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello, welcome to broad ideas.

My name is Rachel. My name is Rob. And I'm Olivia. Today, I really have been so excited, though, for a very long time to meet this person, in person. She's good friends with Olivia and Arlia. I'm just a fan. She's hilarious, beautiful, and I've heard many stories. So I was very thrilled that she came to sit down with that.

us today. Without further ado, let us welcome the lovely, the beautiful, the funny, amazing man in Matthews. Sometimes we start to swirling round and round inside to join us on this journey as we take a little ride. We'll talk about dogs and kids and things. We'll talk about chicks and tampon strings. We'll talk about boys that are... Because people die. Well, Olivia, why don't you introduce our beautiful guest today? Because...

Man in Matthews. I remember the first time I met her. We were in a room and she said something not to me, but to someone else. And Uncle Jennifer, one of my best friends, Jennifer turned to me and goes, you love her. And I was like, I love her. It was literally love at first sight. Your mouth opened and I was like, I'm in love with this human being. And that was like, what, 11, almost 12 years ago, I feel like.

Wow. It was 2012. 2012, you know dates. You're one of those people. I know dates. I'm really good with dates. I love dates. But not date dates, like fruit dates, actual dates.

Right. I mean, dates are fine in a smoothie, but I'm not going to just like eat them. You're not going to snack on them. No. No. They're too high in sugar. They're high in sugar. But I do find that's a good substitute when you don't want real sugar.

That's true. Let's go down that road. because I felt the same way because you told me that and I instantly clicked with you. And it's like, it's actually sad if I think about the time we haven't had together. Yeah. Because I felt instantly connected and you actually opened me up to so much other spirituality, like the school you went to. Oh yeah. I ended up going to that like because of you. Oh, you did. I didn't graduate. I didn't like take the class. You went to the, yeah, I went to the school. Yeah. For like workshops. Would you do like a loyalty to your soul?

Yes. And Insight one and two. Oh, you did? What did? What did you think? Well, at the time, I really loved it. And now you hate it? And now I hate it.

And I go against it. No, I just, is it still there? I don't know. It is. It's still there. They changed it. It was a master's program. And now they've changed it.

So I think more like you can do like a year, two at a time, something like that. I had to practice the stackers thing today. because of my car got towed. And I would... Oh, so it got towed, you found out that it was towed? It was towed. And I wanted to come in here and just cry. Yeah, please do.

Yeah. And then I was like, or... Thank you. I felt that too. I was like, well, if I wanted to, I know I could. Yeah. Yes. For sure.

And the thought. And it's still happening right now. And I'm like, how can I... What do I need to learn from this? How can I breathe through it? Are there any lessons? And it's so interesting because I remember watching that video. of them talking about it, the two people.

What are their names? Ron and Mary. Yeah. Whole neck about like things stop happening if we respond to situations differently. Right. Because I remember when I used to drink, I kept rear-ending people. I was like, why is this happening? And it kept happening until the big one.

Yeah. You know. And what was the big one? Oh, it was a DUI. Yeah. Oh, yeah. The big one. That was the by BluPoint 08, but it was just.

enough to make me want to be present in my car and not be so out of my body and, you know. What year was that? 20, 2011. Sorry, 2011. All right. And so that's how you guys met, obviously. Yeah, she was in the car. I pulled her over.

I was like, you're cute. Oh, you're arresting me? Okay. That's fine. That works sometimes too. Okay, so that was right. So I don't know. I mean, obviously, are you sober?

now? I'm sober right now. Yeah. Right now. Yeah. What's up with that? What's up? Are you open to talking about that? Yeah. Is that something that? I think so. I haven't talked about it in a while. I got sober in 2012. Stayed sober five years and then it got sober again for another four years. And now I'm recently sober again. For how long? I don't want to say. She's like one day. One day. No, like over a month. Okay. Yeah. But I don't. Yeah. But I don't want to say. She's like one day. No, like over a month. Okay. Yeah, but I don't know if I'm doing it. So here's that this is why I'm doing it in a different capacity. Right. You're safe to talk about it or not. Yeah.

I know. I don't know what the, I don't know what the proper way to talk about it is. But I like being open and honest. Yeah. Yeah. It's a journey. A lot of people probably go through exactly what you're going through. Yeah.

With the on and the off. You know, or there's obviously like Olivia's version, which. She's just queen. She's just queen. Sober. She's never going to go back because there's something you did, I think, right. Well, no. I watched a lot of family members.

I think that I have toyed with going back and forth. And I even thought about that yesterday because I'm so open about it now. But before, I wouldn't have been open because I still had reservation. And I always thought, well, I might drink again. I first got sober thinking I'm going to go to AA so that they can teach me how to like clean up my life so I can drink right. That's why I went so that I could drink better. I think it'd be a better drinker. Yeah.

And it didn't work. And then, you know, obviously I've stayed sober, but, you know, who knows what the future holds. It's so interesting because my reasons for drinking again were never that like my life fell apart. Like even when everything happened with my marriage, which I can talk about. about soon. I didn't drink through that. I didn't even desire a drink. My thought process is I'm not having enough fun in my life. I'm young. What am I doing? Right. And I'm too rigid in my life and I'd like to explore going out again. And, you know, I lost, I wasn't, I was sober in my 20s. And so like, and I've had a lot of fun and traveled. And I'm like, okay, I did all the work to, you know,

be this way and blah, blah, blah. And then I get this thought that's like, I feel like I could be having more fun. Sure. And maybe there's like a permission aspect. Like if I'm able to like have a drink out at the bar, like I don't want to go to the bar if I'm not going to have a drink. Do you know what I mean? Like what is the point of that? Or even traveling feels a little less appealing if I can't picture having a glass of wine in Italy with the pizza. Yeah. Yeah. That is no, for real. And yeah. And so like even right now, it's like, you know, the last few months that I was exploring drinking, it wasn't. Like I hesitate to talk about this because I think I'm one of the few people that when drinking again, it didn't take off where it left off. You know, it didn't get really bad. I didn't, you know, lose my life. I drank a drink. Yeah.

Sometimes too. But it was the, I miss the community. I wasn't as connected to my spiritual life. Yeah. You know, I crave connection, right? The opposite of addiction is connection. And when I'm connected, I'm the happiest person. If I'm making a video or I'm creating something or connecting with my friends, I don't think about alcohol or food or whatever the ism is. I get it. I mean, you know, I remember when I first got sober, a friend of mine was like, stop picturing yourself in Italy drinking a glass of wine. You're not in fucking Italy. And I still haven't been to Italy, you know, but that that vision of like, well, I'm not going to drink here. I'm not going to drink there. The allure to me that it would always be more fun, Never was a reality for me personally because when I got the opportunity to drink, it always ended

with me feeling completely hung over and kind of hating life. Yeah, and I will say that when I was drinking, I would shrink when I would go out. There's such a power in being a sober woman. I've had 10 years of experience of being out in the world and feeling so comfortable in my body as a sober person. And even in the last 30 days, I've re-experienced like, oh, I love it. love this. I'm so comfortable out here. But when I was drinking, even if it was a drink, something in me would, like, shrink and I'd feel small. And I was like, this is weird. You know,

when I first started drinking when I was like 16, I felt like, oh, this is giving me my power. I feel tall and beautiful and more funny. I feel like the reverse is true now. It's bizarre. I wonder if that's like an age thing, you know, like, yeah, in your 20, yeah. I mean, and, you know, for me, and I always come from the opposite side of, like, not having addiction issues or not issues, but, you know, I have a lot of issues. But, you know, I don't have an addictive personality. So seeing, like, my best friends, who you obviously know go through all of that, it's like this thing, like not having an understanding, really, of it because you don't experience it yourself, but witnessing it does give you something. And I was talking to you about this yesterday. And when it comes to

depression. Like, I never, ever, ever, ever struggled with depression my whole life. I was always like, why can't you just be okay? Like, just be okay. You know? And now I've experienced it in the past like few years as I've gotten older and I don't know if it just comes with age or whatever, but it's so interesting for a person to not have these things and be on the outside and then once you actually experience it, you're like, oh shit. This fucking sucks. But it's just interesting to like witness. And I just went off on a tangent. I don't know why I started talking about this. Can you help me?

Yeah, because it's important. And I think you're speaking to the same part that's powerless. Like you had never felt powerless before. Because Rachel doesn't drink. No, I'm not a drinker. We congratulate her and celebrate her if she can finish a glass of wine. She'll like send us a picture and we'll be like, you did it. You know.

Whereas. It's amazing. It's so crazy. I don't like the taste of it. I like to be drunk. Like it's fun. But the taste of alcohol, this isn't my thing. You know, like pot's another story, but.

But yeah, it's just so, I don't know. I've witnessed a lot of it, but I really commend her and Leah, but anyone who, whatever journey it is, like yours, you know, and the fact that you said even when you were toying with it again is like, yeah, you had one or two. And that's what I wonder. Like, I have questions. Like, can you control it at a certain point?

Like, can Leah go back to smoking pot and be okay? and not turn to alcohol. I don't know. But I wonder like, obviously some people are going to listen to me like, you're an idiot. No, I think that's, I think some people can. I think some people can't. Right. And I think a lot of it depends on the unconscious mind and our programs that we have running. I had a lot of hypnosis done the first five years of my sobriety. Wow. And so I would first go to meetings and, you know, I would relate to a lot of the people that were like, you know, one's, there's no point of one, but a million's never enough. I would relate to that. And then all the sudden I'd start going to meetings and after, you know, becoming a certified neurolinguistic programming practitioner and getting hypnosis done on my unconscious mind, I would start going to meetings

and people would talk about having 10 drinks and I would get nauseous. I go and I would hear my mind go, why would anyone have more than one? And I became aware of that thought and I went, well, this is different. What are you talking about? And that, that triggered into food too, whereas like I used to binge and have, you know, when I stopped drinking, I was like, I need sugar now. And now I'm able to have one Oreo and I don't want any more. And that's never been my story. And so I started going to meetings, but not relating as much, but still craving the connection and wanting the principles because I've heard you say about the 12 steps is like everyone benefits from those. Like, it's an amazing, beautiful program to live by is to like, you know, take inventory and amend. Can I

switch gears for a second? Do whatever you want. I'm such a fan of yours and I need to, yes. Oh my God. I haven't acknowledged it because we started talking about something else, but I like, oh my God. You're like, I, O.C. was everything. Really? Yes. That was like my age range. My every, like, I just love you. That is so. And your energy right now is so sweet. Aw. Thanks. Yeah. Oh, geez. And yeah, thanks. Like how cute she is. I know. I know. I can't take confidence very well. And you're so like, yeah, you're precious. That's so sweet.

Thank you so much. So I'm just like really honored to meet you. Oh my God. I feel the same way about you because I have heard nothing but such incredible things about you, obviously, from Olivia and Leah. And I think the first thing, now correct me from wrong, but I feel like Leah was like, you have to see Manon talk about the Bachelor or something. Like, didn't you do something about like the Bachelor of the Bachelorette? She does everything. Well, there was something like hilarious.

This was a long time ago because obviously you guys have been friends for a long time. And it was hilarious. And I wish I could remember what it was. But I feel like it was probably on Instagram or something. Maybe. Yeah. Like a recap, I don't know. A couple of them would DM me and I would tell her about it privately and then we would like joke about it. But I don't know. What do you mean a couple of them would DM me? Like well, because. Like bachelors? No, like I, I'm a comedian. Yeah. And I'm also like a really like sensitive, you know, spiritual young girl. So like I have both sides where I like cry a lot, but I also like make fun of life. Right. So I have that internal process going of like, how can I make fun of things that either are really

heavy usually or, you know, the bachelor. And so I reposted something that I saw about a certain bachelorette. And I thought it was really funny. And then she DM'd me and she got really upset. What? Yeah. And she sent me a very long message saying like, you know, I don't remember what it was because I blocked it out.

But it was something like, do you think this is funny? you think this is a joke, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was, honestly, she didn't follow me. I didn't think she would ever see it. I was just reposting something else that somebody else made that I thought was funny. And so I immediately apologized. My first instinct was, oh, my gosh, I didn't.

Oh, because she also brought up my book. She goes, it's funny that you would write that book with everything that you put your videos out about. Like, you're just like not that person or whatever. And then she started sending me screenshots. Oh, after I had apologized, I said, listen, I'm taking it down now because it was on my story. I definitely didn't mean to offend you. It was all in good fun. You ended up with the guy anyway. I was totally joking. I wish you well.

And I deeply apologize. I sent a video apology. Just like so she really felt it because I felt bad. And even then she didn't. She started sending me screenshots of other like two other people saying that Mannon's a bitch. And she sent me screenshots of them saying that because I guess they tagged her in my post or something like that. And I was like, and then I started writing, okay, now it feels like you want to hurt my feelings because I already apologize. I don't know what else you want me to do. I took it down. I don't know. I think she was just taking out all of her. You know, people bash on the bachelorets. Even if you're the best, most likable one, like people will find something wrong. Yeah. And I feel like she was taking out her rage on me. Just on you. She targeted you. Does that happen to you a lot? Do people respond in those kind of ways to your content? Sure. Yeah. Of course. Really? Yeah, not a lot. See, that hurts me for you. I know.

Because you're an interesting type of person because while you are hilarious, you're also incredibly deep and loving and kind and all of the soft things of life. You know, you just... Like a daffatoo. Like a spade. Yeah. I feel that. And that's why it hurt.

Like, it's been hard. It's been like, I've been doing this for like creating comedic content since Vine online. So what? That's almost like 10 years, maybe nine. But yeah, it's so interesting because you're a comedian, you would think you would have to have the thickest skin, right? Because all you do is make fun of yourself and life and things. And I think a lot of comedians, you know, deal with that on a day-to-day basis. And some are really into like now, especially, like how censored you have to be in cancel culture and all that stuff.

And I feel like comedians get it the worst because that's literally your profession. Like that's what you do. The job is to make fun of things and people, and it's kind of turned into this whole, like, how do you do what you do without repercussion? I mean, I'm not doing great. I got to be honest. Like, I'm struggling a lot. Like, I hold back so much now because I have let, you know, in the beginning when I first

started putting out videos, a lot of my, first of all, a lot of my content's pretty harmless. Like, it's not like a lot you'll get offended at. Yeah. Unless you're the Bachelorette. Yeah, then you'll definitely get offended. But like, because it's like goofy faces or making fun of Airwain or doing impressions. But even there's been times where I've done impressions where I'm like, oh God, you know, if they, I don't want to hurt even one person.

But then I think of the higher purpose. If it makes 99 people laugh and resolve their attention and one person gets offended, it's actually worth it for the collective. And so I try to keep my vision there. But it's been hard at times because there's not every day, do I have a defense against the negative comments or the people that. get offended, you know, and likely the people that get offended are people that get offended. Like, it's not your fault that they're offended. You know what I mean? Of course. I like that

Ricky Dervais once said something like, just because you're offended doesn't mean you're right. And I was like, oh, thank you for reminding me that. Because a lot of us go to comedians to tell the truth because it feels like they're the most courageous ones that actually say it like it is. Right. I don't feel like I'm nearly on that playing field because I'm not out there doing stand-up at least any more at the moment. But you did do stand-up? Yeah. For a few years.

That to me sounds like the scariest. Like you have to, that's the one thing that I'm like, the biggest balls to do. Because you're putting yourself out there in such a way. But that's amazing. Like, just the fact that you did that, it just. Yeah, it's pretty scary. But it's also very liberating. Like, it's so different from online comedy where you don't feel anything and you're like

alone and you can like read comments. Reading comments is very different than like being in a room filled with people. who are like laughing. Laughter is so infectious and it makes you want to keep telling the same joke or elaborating on jokes that you wouldn't do

if you were alone in your room or whatever. It's such a weird thing. But I've been very passionate about comedy lately in regards to everything that's like happened at the Oscars and all these like things

where I'm just like we do not need to like make comedians feel worse about what they're doing because they're so few and far between now we like we need them. We need tension dissolvers, and that's what they do. I get that they're not each for everyone. Like, not every comedian. That's fine. But then you keep scrolling or you keep switch the channel.

Like, I don't yell at the TV for having 100 channels. I don't go, why are you on here and start criticizing at the TV? That doesn't make any sense. I would just change the channel. Like, only a crazy person would do that. But now everybody feels like they have a voice and they need to be heard. And even if it's a negative thing, like the creator needs to hear my opinion. No, I don't. No. And oftentimes I will read it, especially if something I'm insecure about, then I'll feel it. Like if somebody says something else, like, you are a purple dinosaur. I'm not going to be like, what? Because I'm not. And I know that about myself. Yeah. Right. But that brings up like reading comments and whatever, because I've been talking to Olivia about it because, you know, she'll read things. Yeah, from like the podcast, putting herself out there. But I find that it's so important not to read them. But it sounds like you read them all the, or a lot. I don't. You don't. Okay. Yeah. I think it's important not to read them as well. Right, right, right. But I occasionally, on a day where I'm not spiritually fit, I'll see some. I'll see some. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And they're mostly good, of course. Like, I'm not an evil person. I don't have a lot of

controversy around me. So, but, you know, on a bad day, I'll see like a negative comment. And you only remember that one. That one. Yeah. Of course. So interesting. We went to, um, what was his name. Bill Burr? Yeah. She went to Billber. There was a fight. One of the women in the audience was yelling at him because she got offended by one of his jokes. What was the joke? It was about abortion. Very casual. Not a tense subject. But in my opinion, I'm like, look, we're here, we're signing up for that. We're paying our money for that. We're sitting in this. We're sitting in this room knowing that there's going to be things that scuff us. And like there was jokes about COVID that would, I could be sensitive about because my son was in the hospital. Right. And he's like,

oh, it killed all the people we don't need anymore. And like, I could feel myself want to get triggered and then go, no, that's actually fucking funny. You know, and check myself and be like, there's every single joke he's telling there's someone in that. this room that it's going to tickle or trigger in some way. But as a collective, we're here to make light of it all. Right. Like that's what we signed up for. That's what we actually put our dollars towards. Yeah. Why are we going to get mad about it? Because we're looking to heal. And if we're not laughing, then we're not healed in that scenario. Like, that's why kids laugh all the time because there's no thing in their, there's no thing in the wig. There's no thing in the way for them.

And so I know when I'm like depressed if I'm not laughing. And then I have to go, okay, what's going on within me if I'm not laughing? You know what I mean? It's like such a good signifier. Yeah. And so like I saw at least the Red Rock of Bill Burr. And I really, really like him because he tells the truth. I felt like it came out too late a little bit.

But I felt that tension within me too. And it's like we can either go, well, he's an asshole. Or I can go, okay, what in me hurts that needs some love? Yeah. Right. Because that's really what it is. That is. What hurt you, Rob, when we saw Chappelle. Nothing hurts Rob.

Nothing gets to Rob. So why aren't you doing stand-up now, then? The last show I did was in Washington, D.C., literally days before everything shut down, March 2020. And I did three nights, and it was right after, like, not right after, but it was after my separation. And I just went on stage and told a couple of times. but I was mainly crying the entire time to the point where someone came up after me and she goes, I just wanted to let you know, like I'm so inspired by your vulnerability and it is a comedy show. I was like, okay, I need to just take a minute because I just put my feeling like I didn't think

of like, okay, I thought of this would get like, I was in breathwork and I was like, I'm going to just go tell the truth. And parts of it were nice because people had been wondering about. my marriage because I had I had just gotten married in July 2019 and then six months after I didn't post about him. Right. You want to talk about that? Yeah, let's say that way. Please let's unwrap that one. So it was 2017. I just moved to New York City and I was living there for three months and I was just like loving it. I was single, kind of dating around, really enjoying myself because I'm born and raised in L.A. and I, you know, I just wanted to stretch and be outside my comfort zone. I was newly sober again, so I was feeling really good there. And then I move into this apartment.

It was actually the day I moved, November 1st, good with dates. You really are. Yeah, really. 2017. Well, I have this weird thing about, like, if I say the wrong thing or amount of time, like, that someone's going to come back and be like, you're a liar. Like, I never want to be inaccurate. Wow. Because I think I'm that way. Even my boyfriend will joke and he'll be like, you know, it was like two, three, four, five, six, seven days. And I'm like, okay, that's two and seven are two very different numbers. And so like he, it's just funny and he's changed that a lot because he knows that I'm like a stickler. I try not to be, but like I, I don't know, I'm just weird with dates. I liked math growing up. I don't know if that has anything to do with it. Anyway,

it was 2017, November 1st. And I went on Instagram and, I went on Instagram and I, I was, I I saw this guy. Well, I went on my friend's story. He was like my best, he is my best friend. His name's Travis. I went on his story and he was hanging out with my friend and I just saw the side of his face and I was like, whoa, that's an energy that feels familiar. And I went to his page, this guy's page. And, you know, at the time they were in Los Angeles, but said that he was Australian and I started watching his videos and he was really funny in a really unique, deep way. He was handsome. But I felt like I was. knew him. And that's never happened before online. Like I don't, I'm not like somebody that's like

going to DM everybody and just feel connection because at the time I'm like a creator and I just, you know, you got to be careful and whatever. And I was like, okay, well, he's hanging out with my friend. So that's something that feels trustworthy. And I keep thinking about this guy and I keep looking at his video. So let me DM him. And I go to DM him November 1st and see. probably around 9 a.m. And I saw that he already DM me 18 months before. What? Yeah.

Oh, that's so weird. I got chills. Yeah. That's the usual response. And his message to me, this guy, will call him. Guy. We'll call him guy. I was going to say Robert.

Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob, is it you? Yeah. Do you remember me? We were married. Yeah.

You emailed me. 18 months before. He DMmed me and he said, you shine unlike any other human I've seen in a very long time. And I'm happy to see how you're channeling your light. And I was like, oh, that's how I speak. That's weird. Oh. It's fucked up.

Well, they don't know. The audience doesn't know that yet. So far, so good. Yeah, no. So you're fucked up like, yes. Yeah, no. She met in a good way. In a good way.

Yeah. What is horrible. So then I read that, I'm like, whoa, and then we start messaging, and I feel this like pit in my stomach like, oh, it sucks that he's in L.A. Like, I just moved to New York three months ago. And I want him here. Like, I want to see him. It felt like it, it felt a little bit urgent, which I'll talk about later. And then that night we decided to FaceTime and he came, we FaceTime for two hours.

I feel like he came on Facebook. And he came. He just came right on the phone. I thought, this is a keeper. This is my love of my life. Oh, man. It's just there's nothing hotter. Like instant ejaculation.

Yep. But you know what the best part about this whole thing is, is you've got Rob smiling. It takes a lot to get anything out of him. Oh, good. It's because he knows exactly what that's left. Just calling him coming. Okay. So, sorry, he came up on my FaceTime?

Yeah. What's the proper? Appear? He appeared. He appeared. And within, like, no joke, within, like, I don't know, a few minutes. I'm looking at this man who kind of looks like Ewan McGregor with a beard. He's got pretty eyes.

He's a really deep voice because he's Scottish. Even though he lives in Australia, he's Scottish. But his, long story, but his accent was a mixture of New Zealand. Zealand Australian. So he's born in Scotland, grew up in New Zealand, ended up in Australia working in the coal mines. This is what I'm learning about him in the first FaceTime call. But regardless, in the back of my mind, I hear, oh, that's the man I'm going to marry. I've never had that thought before. I'm not your usual. I've definitely dated and I love, love, and I'm a hopeless romantic. But I've never thought, I've never had the thought of

I'm going to marry this man. I've been with people that I thought, maybe it'll come and maybe it'll grow to that place. So it really stuck out to me that that thought came. The next day, we FaceTime again. We were really connected. It was very, felt very deep and ancient. I don't know how else to describe it. I remember my mom called. She goes, how did the move go? Because I was moving apartments. And I was like, it's good. And I met the man I'm going to marry. And she was like, well, what a day. And then. And then. And then. She actually, you know, she took note at what I was saying because she's never heard me say that before. And so we just FaceTimed for like a few days and he was going to go back to Australia.

And so obviously before then we had to meet in person. Oh, because the second day, November 2nd, after the end of our call, he said, hey, I'm going to show you a song. I just want you to listen to it and let me know what you think. And it means a lot to me. I, you know, I just want you to listen. And so I was like, okay, so I listened to the song. Again, within seconds, I hear, oh, that's our wedding song. I type that to him, like a what could be a crazy person, but I don't know.

I just felt safe to let him know. I was like, that's our wedding song. I get an immediate response that says, I know it is. That's why I haven't shared it with a single soul. I've saved it for us. Like, this is how quick. Yeah. We're on the same exact page within hours of FaceTiming.

I instantly feel like I know this man. I've already known him for many, whatever, I don't know, if lifetimes are a thing, I definitely have known him for lifetimes. I can't really explain it. But that's what happened. And so I've been listening to the song, we decide we're going to meet. I tell my mom, you know, my future husband's coming to stay with me in New York because we need to be in person before we start our lives together. And she goes, well, shouldn't I meet him? Because at the time she's living in L.A. I was like, no. And then I tell him what she said.

And he goes, oh, I'd love to. So they met for a two-hour coffee. What? Oh, my God. That happened to my mom. That's weird. What? We'll get to that later.

Your mom went to coffee with my ex-husband. With her husband? Same thing, though. She told her mom if you, some guy wanted to date her. And she's like, well, you could go meet my mom. And he went and met her mom. Her first husband, Neil. Oh, carry on.

Wow. Carry on. Yeah, so my, so he met my mom before he met me in person. That's so crazy. That's insane. For two hours. Two hours in Larchmont. I was going to say where?

That's really insane. Front table. Sounds like bullshit. Yeah, none of this is true. This is all, I'm lying. I'm making it up as they go along. Yeah, and so. She called me after and she goes, oh, he's so endearing. He's so sweet. You're going to love him. And I was like,

you're going to love him. I was like, I already do. I haven't met him, but I do love him. And so that Friday, November 6th, he, oh my Lord. I'm really specific about these dates because at the time it was happening, everything felt like I need to remember all this because this is what's going to dictate my life. So then he flies in. We meet in Madison Square Park, 515. It's kind of like darker. It's getting that dark out, you know, that energy and my heart's beating out of my chest. And we walk up to each other. I take a deep breath because the energy is different than I expected, but it was still like very overwhelming. I gave him a hug. He was wearing like one of those brimmed hats. And then we started crying. You both started crying. And we held each other. And after a few moments, I would say maybe, I mean, maybe a few minutes had passed. He said, where have you been? And I said, I've been looking everywhere for you. And I was crying.

You're going to make me cry. Then we sat on the bench and he told me that he looked at my hands and he said, those are the hands. And I said, what do you mean? And he said that he had been dreaming of hands. He said that he had been having dreams of these hands since he was a little boy. And he knew that they were the hands of his wife. And we, you know, and I knew that he, you know, and I knew that he, you know, know, I had had some experiences in Rome of like, actually did go to Rome and I went on this bridge

and I lost my breath. And there was a lot of things. And I remember going to an Irish healer. This all sounds really a lot, but I'm trying to rush through it. But I went to an Irish healer and I said, hey, I went to Rome and I lost my breath on this bridge. And the feeling I got was the most familiar thing I've ever felt. What do you think happened? And she started telling me about a past life that I had had. And at the time, I was like, I guess I believe in past lives. I guess we'll see what she has to say. I'm pretty open. I don't really have a lot of, like, logic. And she told me about this, she told me a story about a young man and a woman that were in love and young. And I've never told this story, like, on a podcast, this part. But I will. She told me that

basically I was young and I was to be wed and I was really in love. And near, this bridge in Rome, the man got into an accident and suddenly died. And I'm sitting here listening to this Irish healer. Tell me this story and I'm sobbing my eyes out. And I, because I can remember it. And she says, don't worry. He'll come back to you in this lifetime. And I said, are you kidding me? I don't know if I believe that. Like, how will I know who it is? She goes, you'll know when you see him. And so when I saw this man, I go, that's him. I'm like, literally looking at my, that's him. And so I'm So when all this is happening, it's the most overwhelming thing in my life. And keep in mind at the time I'd spent nine years sober doing, you know, the steps, going to every Tony Robbins event, landmark, loyalty to your soul work.

I've done everything in the sun to heal so that I could be ready for when the love of my life comes. Because I don't want to, you know, I just want to be ready. And so I thought all my hard work had paid off. Yeah. Like I had literally was like, oh my God, the fantasy. he's happening. This is like all happening. And so when he's telling me the hand story, it's, it's beautiful. And it feels like, oh, and you've had your whole story of how you've gotten to me. And we finally have found each other. And it was really beautiful. And, you know, we spent the

week together in New York. We said, I love you immediately. It felt really easy to say that. there was a time outside of i got a jacket outside of a store and the zipper wasn't zipping i just bought it because it was 28 degrees out in um new york and he bent down to like get the zipper and all these people walk by and we're like say yes say yes where's the ring and it was like so and this girl's like i need to take a picture because it looks like you're proposing and i still have the picture and it just looks so symbolic of like what was to come yeah yeah and so we you know we were kind of not kind of. We were long distance the first few months of our relationship and I went to meet his family in Australia February. So like four months later I went to meet his family and he

proposed. I said of course like he could have asked that first week and I would have been like yeah. I don't want to like I've already found you like what is there to wait that doesn't really make any sense because he was so he you know in in a lot of the trips that I would see we went to the snow and he would literally get out of his car and help people across the street. He loved dogs. He, like, loved animals. Like, he was just really warm and kind. He, of course, had heaviness at times.

He had a really rough childhood. And he would, you know, but he was also sober. And so I thought, you know. Oh, he was? Yeah. Interesting. He, yeah. And not to mention, he got, sorry, he was born May 28th, 1986, the same exact day to the year that my parents

got married. Whoa. And so I found that, yeah, like all these crazy synchronisms. Yes, exactly. And so I went, oh, you were literally born for me, great. Like things like that where I was like, that's very strange. But also not for us. Like everything that's happened just feels like, okay, this is our story.

And so he finally moved to New York and we lived in New York together. And again, I, you know, there was some, he had a rough past. But he didn't, you know, I don't. I assumed he'd healed from it because of how kind and present he was. And even, you know, I would suggest like workshops and he did all of them. Like so I was like, oh, wow, he's really willing, like really willing to heal and so that he could be the best partner. I love that. And so then we moved from New York to L.A.

back to my hometown. We had our wedding in July. Oh, I bought us a house in Toluca Lake. Aw. Yeah. That's where I grew up pretty much. Oh, you did. Oh.

I love it there. Yeah. I have a different house there now. Okay. Yeah. And ironically, I bought it. Like, we closed five days before the wedding and the street was Weddington. And we had a rehearsal there.

And then we had our wedding, July. 14th, 2019 in Malibu. It was perfect. It was beautiful. For me, I was really calm the whole day. Other than when I was walking down the aisle and dancing with my dad, I was sobbing like a crazy person because just the moments my dad heard like what I've always wanted. And I don't know why that sticks out so much. People have like, my friends have been like, you were crying like a lot. They keep tying it to like maybe something else. But I, for me, it was like the power of like, just being with my dad down the aisle because that was something that's so special. It's a moment. It's quite a moment. Anyway, a month after the wedding, I got the wedding photos. They were gorgeous.

And then my friend Travis and his girlfriend called me and they said, we want to take you to coffee, which they've never done. And I was like, well, just come over. Look at the wedding photos. We're like, no, we want to take you out to coffee. And I was like, okay. And we went to a really bad coffee shop that's like seconds away from the house I was living in. And they sat across from me. And I thought they had a surprise for me, which they did, but like it wasn't a good one. And they grabbed my arm. And they just said, what we're about to tell you is going to be really difficult.

But just know that we're going to be here for you no matter what. And I was like, oh, my God, what, what? And I thought they were going to tell me that someone had died. Right. That's like the feeling I got over me. And then my friend Travis said that a girl DMed him saying, Manon's going to need a friend because her husband has been sending me nude videos, nude photos, hundreds of messages saying Manon's nothing, she's useless, she's just a roommate, she's boring,

she's not sexy, you're my true love, you're my true queen, you always have been, I love you, I always will, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like verbatim saying what he said, because I have the screenshots. So I am in shock. I don't understand what I'm seeing. I'm with this man every single day. He treats me like a queen. Everybody that, everybody that, like my parents, my friends were like, oh, he's obsessed with you.

You guys are a perfect pair. We'd go out and we'd dance the exact same. Like, they were like, you met your match. I saw you guys dancing once. I remember it. Oh, yeah. You've met you mentioned? I did at Jennifer's birthday.

Oh, yeah. And you guys danced. the night away, I remember being so happy and just being like, hell yeah, these two. Yeah. I do remember that. Yeah. That was like months before it all went down, actually. Yeah. So that's what I'm saying. So I was in shock because I'm going, what do you, like, it's like my whole reality got shattered because everything I think I know. And not to mention, like we practiced on, at least on my end, very great communication. We didn't fight. We were really clear. I was very open. I made it really clear that like, I'm never going to fault you forever having feelings. I would just love to be included on them so that we can go through it together.

Yeah. So this was just like, what? What was the timeline from when you first started talking to this point? November 1st, 2017 to a month after the wedding. So August 2019. Okay. So a couple of years. Yeah, basically.

Yeah. And did your intuition feel like, oh, no, this is like. lie this isn't true? No, because I saw the screenshots and the way he writes, I saw the way he writes and those were his video, his naked body was in my kitchen that I just bought with my name tattooed on his chest. He had mann and tattooed on it across his heart. But did you believe what he was saying to this person? Were you? Because like, I'm having a hard time believing it. I'm having a hard time believing that he wasn't in love with you.

I think he was. I just also think he was. I don't know. I don't know. It's hard to say. I still, it's 22 now. I'm still scratching my head having to make peace with, I don't know if I'll ever know, or he loved me the best he could. Maybe he sabotaged it and didn't feel deserving. I don't believe that he thinks I'm boring. You know what I mean? I'm not away. I think he needs a lot of attention. a lot of has some sexual stuff that's unresolved that he didn't include me in on i think he hit a lot i think you know at the time i thought he didn't know this girl so he wasn't i think he was just trying to keep her attention and you know and and throw me under the bus so that she would stay i don't i don't know i the time i just was like i i just don't know this man at all so i went home and i packed a bag and

I had my key in my pocket to be ready just in case because I was like so confused. And then I confronted him about it when he got home. And he fell to the floor crying, like admitting it to it all. And then I spent like four to eight hours like saging him and showering him and just holding him together because he, I was like, oh, this man's deeply in pain. And I had no idea to what degree. And so let me just at least let him grieve some stuff and let it out. then I went on Mark Groves' podcast and talk about it. And he was like, what a great way for him to take the attention off of your feelings. Yeah, yeah. And I was like, oh, I never thought about it like that

because that's not the way I function. I put my stuff aside. I'm like, I was able to see, because of the work. Yeah. I was able to go, oh, this has nothing to do with me. I'm really complete that I was a great partner in many ways. I'm sure we all have room for improvement. But in no way was I like, wow, he did this because I'm not good enough. He'd be. did this because he does this. He had it because he does this. That's right. And unfortunately, you know, after the 48 hours, I asked him to leave, which was really hard because I loved him and married him and I take marriage seriously. And we spent about a month, you know, I thought he was working on himself and I was working on healing. And then we went to therapy for three months,

even though people were saying like, you know, this is too soon for this to be happening. It'd be one thing if it was 10 years down the road and it was just a sexual thing. But for him to be saying those unkind things about you and telling other girls that he loves them, this is something else. Yeah. And I knew that. He kept saying to me that he wanted to change and that he was so sorry and he kept presenting like a way that made me hard to leave. I don't know for me. And so I also wanted the therapy.

for us and for myself to like process stuff and heal. So I'm really glad I did that because when I did finally walk away, I never looked back. I've never once questioned my decision of walking away because I like rang out the washcloth with every last drop. I was like, I just have to see for myself because everyone will tell you what they think that they would do or what you should do, but only you know what you need to do for yourself. And I remember I was on like 2% left. of like, I don't know what to do. I just don't trust him. Like my body just doesn't trust him. And that's the, I feel like that's the whole reason why it happened to me is because I was in a place in my life where I was really impressionable to other people's words. And I didn't trust my body. Right.

And there were times, many times where my body would feel closed off to him. And I would blame myself like, oh, maybe I just don't feel deserving of love. I guess I got to keep doing more work. Wow. And I blamed myself for my body not working. Yeah. And believed his words over my body. Because he would say, he knew how to say all the right things. Like he's even admitted to me he's been, you know, since all this happened, I'm a master

manipulator. I've been doing this since I was five. Wow. And so the whole relationship was, was he, you know, engaging other women and it was all manipulation? Was it like the whole time? And that came to light after. the factor. So I didn't, he, I said admit it now, like, like this is your time to set yourself free. He admitted that there were some other girls on and off. And then, you know, I wrote my book.

I really was planning on kind of staying friends with him, which is just funny to me now. Once I wrote my book and there's, the book's not about that. The book is like about my life, but there is a chapter where I share what happened because I did bring everybody, at least the people that followed me. I brought them on this love story. And then I stopped posting about him for six months. And everyone's like, you just showed us your wedding. We love your love. Like, where is he? And so I felt like I wanted to just like share like a quick blur. But I left a lot out because I was still trying to be considerate of him. Now, not so much. Not so much because when the book came out, other women came forward. Oh, really? Yeah. There's one in particular that came forward that said I dated him for a year.

and she knew all about his life. She goes, I know you don't name the song. Oh, shut up. But I know the song, and this is the name of it, because that was to be our wedding song. Oh. And that was the song we danced to at our wedding, like that. I'm so disturbed.

So when I heard that, I went back to, well, he told me that day two. So he actually lied, and all my consideration went out the window for him. I went, oh, okay. So never mind. Forget it. need to hold on to any other consideration. I've done my part of trying to protect him. And I heard on TikTok the other, like, I don't know when it was, but which is surprised because I should know the date in time. It was like, it's not my fault for telling. It's your fault for being. Like, because I,

you know, I don't want to tell people. I want to pretend. I don't want them make them look back. I'm like, but he shouldn't have behaved that way if he didn't want people to write about it. Right. Like, I don't know. And you know what? He's still behaving that way because. another girl reached out after we were along over, and she said, I just got out of a relationship with your ex. And I've been in therapy. We only dated for five weeks, and I've been in therapy because he really messed me up. And I'm like, he still do it. Like, this didn't solve it for him. This was not his bottom. And that's what breaks my heart is that I feel like if I don't, I mean, I'm not going to name his name or whatever, but like if a person wants to find out information about him

because they're dating him and they feel suspicious in their body, like, listen to it. Like, the body does not lie. Right. People lie. Yeah. But the body's so smart. It knows. It will work when your brain can't think right.

How did your body respond to him? Because, you know, our mutual friend Leah, who did an episode with us on infidelity and what she went through in that experience. And I think that part of, you know, what turned her body signal off was she was drinking a lot. and I think she was drinking over the signals that her body would have been telling her. But I think it's important for people to know what does that actually mean? How did your body respond to him that you ignored? There was a time where I think if the body leans back, it's suspicious.

And there was a time where he said something like a month in and he said like, he was just talking. He was just saying, you know, you're the love of my life. And I just love you. You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. And my body, my head leaned back. And I just stared at him. And then I said right after he said all that, I stared at him. And I went, I'm going to go to the bathroom.

And he made fun of me. I mean, and I laughed too because I was like, what a weird response. I know this is like weird. No, it's not. He was like, he was like, what are you, Aspergerie? Like, hello. And we just laughed about it. Yeah.

And I was like, maybe I am. Maybe I do have Asperger's. Or like something. Something's wrong with me. You were trying to find like what was wrong with you. Totally. Yeah, instead of listening to it. Instead of going, why are you, instead of going,

something's off about that sentence. I'm going to investigate further. Are you for real, buddy? Right. Are you playing me? Right. I don't call out people. Are you, I don't do that.

Like, I want to start. I'm the opposite. I'm like, I'm the wrong one. And I exist. I'm a burden. It's horrible. Done with that. Yeah, over with that. I'm a gift to the planet. You fucking are. It's taken a minute. I actually had a realization when I did the loyalty to your workshop that I had like because they say that there's like the observer, the sharer, and then the listener or something like that.

And when I did that exercise, I found how profound it is that if a person just keeps sharing their experience without being interrupted, that they can kind of come to their own solution, which will be the most powerful anyway. And in doing one of the exercises, I realized that I created the story that I'm a burden when like my dad was changing my diapers and he was frustrated. Like it went back to that. Wow. Is that weird? No, it's exactly right. That's so in the, um, in USM, they would do the client, the facilitator and the neutral observer. And they would have you do this exercise where someone's going to share for 10 minutes and you do not interrupt them. You don't try to help them. You don't give them advice. You don't give them feedback. And it's so hard because you want to jump in there and be like, oh, here. I'm

I have a solution for that or have you tried this or have you done that. And then you see if you just sit there, they come to conclusions you would have never thought of. And you're like, oh, shit, how many times have I hindered someone from finding that it was their dad changing their diaper that made them feel this way? And if we could just allow people the space to find it within themselves, all the answers are there of why we come up with these stories. and then we figure out how to undo it from there, right? Totally. Totally. I wish I would have had more space to share. I was only sharing with him a lot also. And so like if he has a motive, like I wish I would have had more space and time and people to share with when I was going through it. Because I don't know. I think, or maybe I was just delusional because there's times where I look back and I'm like, man, there were red flags and I painted them green. Really? Totally. What were some red flags? I mean, him tattooing my name. on his chest, he didn't tell me he was doing that. He just like flew over and then got out of the shower

and I was like, oh my God, that's my name. And, you know, at first it was like, well, he is going to be my husband. So if anyone's to do it, it's him. And that's so romantic. But like now in hindsight, I'm like, what are you trying to prove? I don't know. There's like a weird. So there's that, I guess the other red flags are just the energy that I felt at times. There was times where we would like go out to eat and then he would kind of like, this isn't even that big. of a red flag. But like he, there's something, there was something sketchy energetically that I felt about him. And instead of being like, hmm, let me listen to my body. You know, when you order at the cash register and you stand there and then pay and then go get your seat. Yeah. Anytime we'd get to

the cash register, he'd say, do you want to go find a seat? And I, and it always, like, what came up in my mind was like, are you paying with faulty money? Hey. Also, he didn't have a job the entire time. So I paid for everything. And that's a red flag because he had told my dad, I'm going to get a job when I moved to America and he didn't. That's a red flag, I think, not contributing. Yeah. He didn't contribute anything. How did he support himself? Yeah. Well, he worked in the mines and they make a lot of money. Did he really work in the money? I don't know. He said he did. I don't know what's true anymore, but he said he did. He always had cash. Another red flag was that he switched his phone number four times. What? What? Yeah, but I always thought it was because of international

thing. Like he'd be in LA for like three months and then have a phone and then go back and then switch his phone number. But now I'm like, because after my book came out, he switched his phone number again. And I went, oh, you're switching it again. So then I looked back and I went, remember the times he switched his phone. Whereas I justified it in that like, oh, it's because he's always international and you can't have the same number. But I've never had to switch. I've never. Yeah. No. It's like little things like that that feel like at the time, I'm like, well, I'm so in love. I can't see. And I'm going to just put these feelings aside that feel like red flags to me. They didn't occur as red flags. Oh, another red flag is like on one of our first dates, like at breakfast, he had a knife because he'd always

walk around with a knife as one does in New York City. He acted like a, he acted like a like a real life Viking. And in our first date, he's teaching me how to stab something. He's teaching me how to stab someone. Oh. In your first date? Yeah. So we met that night at 515 and then the next morning we went to breakfast and he's like, you know, you just have to keep your arm.

You have to stop your arm when you stab someone. Like this knife could stay in. So you have to have your arm with your other hand so you could pull it out. Yes. And I'm going, uh-huh. Uh-huh. For sure. For sure.

And but I'm looking at it under the umbrella that this is a job. joke. Right. But now I'm like, does he stab people? Right. Like, why are you actually holding a knife? Why do you have a knife on you? How did you travel? Why do you have a knife on you, dude? Like, how big of a knife was it hidden? I was trying to like visualize this whole scenario. He's like a machete. He also had a backpack of like wool and I don't know. Wait, no, no, no, no, I'm not. I'm joking. It was like a six-inch knife. No, that's weird. And he held it in his boots.

But I thought he was like a mountain man. And like this is just like some people just carry knives. But then I would learn about his past. And he said like he had a really dangerous childhood in New Zealand. And like danger. I don't know. Listen, I've come from like San Monica. Born in Santa Monica, grew up in the valley.

So sheltered. So I'm listening to these stories like they're all red flag stories. Like they're all. horrible. You thought it was a carnival. But do you think they're real? I don't know. I said she thought it was a carnival. I saw someone's like, I saw a bunch of red flags and I didn't leave. I thought it was a carnival. That's funny. I didn't think it was a carnival. I thought, like, what a show. Like, I just thought it was so cool that like you've been through all these crazy dangerous things. I'm imagining like, crocodile dendy, like out there. What? No, I think it was more like drug dealing

stories. Okay. Like, you need a knife in case you get, I don't know. But he was sober? Was he sober? He didn't drink the entire time. He had a great story. He said it was the day after his birthday in 2011, and he never drank again. So he had eight years. And I was like, oh, that's so cool. That's a year more than me. That must have felt so kismet, too. Of course. Because it makes it so much. But what about the 18 months prior where he reached out to you? Like, what is that? Yeah. So I think he was like a super fan from Vine. And he reached out. And then, oh, God. And then somehow met my friends. Oh my God. This is such a movie.

It's so, I know. Oh, you said, you don't think I'm going to write this shit? Wait a minute. I'm going to have you star as me. I am in right now. I am signed on. Sign me at. We'll just have to get together and you're going to really embody my.

Oh, I would be honored, first of all. I'm going to know how to stop. He's like, sadden way. Chris Hemsworth. Chris Hemsworth would be perfect because he's like, He's like, Australian. Big hunks, yeah. Is he?

He's hot. I don't know. He's really hot. But wait. So he contacted your friends. Were these other women that he was reaching out to? Were they like influencer type women as well? Oh yeah.

Were they like successful women? Like was there a pattern? Sometimes. Sometimes not. No. They all kind of had similar looks to me though. They all had like dark hair with blue eyes and white skin. Oof.

Which is kind of weird. Do you still hear from him? No. No. It's like totally cut off. No, like once my book came out, he cut off all contact. Because I think he was trying to keep me on his side. Yeah.

You know, and be like, oh, you're so amazing. But then once my book came out, he was like, okay, never mind. He saw me as like the enemy. Well, I think you should be the enemy. Well, he's the enemy. I know, but I'm saying like, you shouldn't be seen in a light of any kind that's like welcoming or understanding or, you know. You know what? I saw him actually on Ventura.

Actually, so I saw him twice in the, like, of the life. last since so my book came out in 2020 June 2020 and then I saw me a year later on Ventura and I was with my current boyfriend Johnny that's a good feeling isn't it to run into oh that in that case no no this what happened oh okay tell the story I felt so okay so okay so he was walking and what's his what did we give it Robert? Yeah. Johnny came back in with our coffees from Phil's or whatever and he goes, don't be alarmed, but I think Robert's walking like on a sidewalk.

I roll down the window. Oh, no. And I look at him and I go, hey, like nothing happened. Like, why? Because I was over in. Because I healed all right. Like, because I go, oh, somebody I know. I remember you.

Oh. Oh. And then he goes, and the guy goes, my ex-husband, the guy, he goes, hey, how you going? And then kept walking. How you going? Yeah, because he's Australian. Yeah, they say weird stuff. You know, like British people go, you're all right? And you're like, whatever. And you're like, what? Anyway, that's how they say, how are you? Is you all right? Oh. Okay. That's British people. But yeah, he said, how you going? And just kept walking. walking, kept walking. And then my heart started being really fast. And I look over at Johnny, he's like,

what are you doing? I don't know. It was just in my instinct. He goes, no, that man does not deserve your smile for you to even look at him. I'm going to, like, no. And I was like, I don't know. I just, I don't know. Like, I think it, the way I think about it is, I guess that like so much time had past. I was in a better space. You know, I, I forgot like how, I don't know. I'm kind of like Leah in the sense that a person can be, like, I really override anything that they've done to me and I really look at like, well, what do they need? Yeah. Because I heard that in her podcast and I really related to that piece of it is like, I'm very forgiving. Way too forgiving. Well, there's a way to be forgiving and also have a protective boundary. Yeah, that I'm working on.

I don't think I have a ton of boundaries. Because that's what's missing with Leah. It's like you can, you don't have to carry the anger and the hate and the resentment. You can heal that. You could let it go. You can even practice forgiveness and still draw a line. Yeah. Where it's like I still don't need to give you an ounce of me.

But I feel like I feel their pain, if that makes sense. You do. If I were to go like, if I were to ignore them, which I don't know if I've ever ignored anybody, probably have. like I can't remember a time. Like I feel like I can feel their pain. I don't know if I'm creating that in my mind or if like, I don't know. It's just a real empath. Totally.

And so Johnny reminded me that like that is exactly what you said. It's a boundary thing. And I will say thank God for Johnny because he came at the perfect time where I really didn't want to keep my, you know, I wanted to like do what the natural thing, which is like, okay, well, I'm not going to date anybody ever again. I'm definitely not going to get married. That marriage does not equal foreverness. That is just, that was just like very bitter, obviously. Because it didn't feel like it was just like, oh, he sabotaged. It felt like he played me the entire time. Like with the song, everything.

It just made me feel really. Can I ask what the song was or is it private? It's Northern Wind by City in Color. It's a beautiful song. I'm a big fan of City in Color. The song will really do it. Or maybe that's just I can have to listen to that one. I can say it now. I've held it kind of sacred for a long time, but I don't see the point anymore. Right. Well, it's not sacred to you anymore.

Yeah, we'll play it right now. Let's roll the clip. Down the song. Coming in on. Wow. Yeah, no, and I have to listen to it. Do you still feel closed off to marriage in that idea now? No.

No. So, luckily, I didn't, you know, the therapy was really helpful. being sober throughout at all was really helpful. I would go to meetings and just like cry. That was really helpful. Talking to friends that have been through similar things. I don't think I realized how many women have been through stuff just like this. Yeah.

Because in sharing it, so many people come forward and tell me their stories, which has been really helpful. And so obviously writing the book was really like cathartic and sharing it was really helpful. What's the name of your book? Funny how it works out. And, you know, implying that it is. is funny, but also works out. Yeah. The lesson is not to, like, close your heart and, like, deem all men bad.

That's not going to work. Generalizing will never work. That man was in pain. So may I keep my heart open to love? Because I still know I deserve love. Right. And, yeah, just keep your heart open. Like, be willing to be a target for love a million times no matter what happens.

It's just such another example of, like, utter betrayal, right? Because you think you know someone one way. and there's this whole other person underneath. Like very similar to what Leo went through. Like no idea, you know, blindsided by something. I've had similar experiences in my life where you're with someone and then it's literally Jekyll and Hyde and you're like, whoa, wait a minute. I thought I knew this person and they turn around and they're completely someone else.

But they can be both things. And it's so confusing. And like you fall for these people. But then like you've done what you've taken from it. It's now opened you up to. the new relationship and, you know, it makes you grow in so many ways. But that betrayal, like, that deep, like pain and I know people that don't work through it, but to be able to look at it and learn from it, it's a gift because you're like, okay, I can go on in my life. I recognize all

these things and I can do it better than the next time. Totally. You know? Had it not happened, I wouldn't have learned the lesson of like, oh, I need to listen to my body. I need to learn to trust myself more. I need to set better boundaries because without that, I'm at the whim of another person and their feelings and their decisions. And that is not a way to live. And I don't know, this was the way I needed to learn it. And it was actually a really beautiful experience. The irony is, like, I don't have any bad memories of him. Like, that's the hard part. It's like, when I look back and remember our time together, there's no, it's not bad. The bad part was like after the fact of like, oh, I'm learning all these new things. But,

You know, Johnny, I'm so glad he came when he did, which was pretty soon after I had, you know, we'd close the chapter of, which was on Christmas Eve, 2019. I was like praying for a miracle and I met my friend who's also sober and we were like having a coffee or a lunch and in like an hour in she was like, okay, I have something to tell you. I interviewed this girl that works with your husband and she told me some things. And at that point, right before I was like, I need a miracle because I'm hanging on by 2% and I don't know whether I'm supposed to stay or go somebody please help. And then the girl that I met with who I trust so much. told me all these things. Oh, wow. And it was all I needed to hear. It was a Christmas miracle. It was Christmas miracle. Oh my goodness. And so then shortly after I met Johnny and, you know, because of everything I was going through, I was sharing it with him a little bit and we built this cute little friendship and we just laughed and the energy was so different. He was like light came from like, you know, his parents are still together. I was going to say, does he have a good relationship with his mother? Because that's like my first question, dating anyone.

I'm like, what's your relationship like with your mother? You have to ask that. Yeah. Because you find that that that really is telling. It is. And the fact that his parents have been married for 42 years, I love his family so much. It was really cool to experience him after because there was no pressure, right? Like there was no, whereas we weren't interviewing each other to be potential mates. We were literally just like hanging out and enjoyed each other's company and like we're very playful. and he's a little bit younger, whereas Robert felt very old. His energy was very old, even though he was only a few years. It was ancient.

Ancient. Johnny's very young and playful, and my body responded so differently. So to have that experience of like, oh, this is what trust feels like. I don't know. And I'm still, you know, we've been together like two and a half years now. And like, I'm so happy. I love him so much. he's a good guy he has ethics and morals which i didn't know i valued but i do

now it's like everything because you have to trust what the person actually says not just like you know it matters like the body knows and yeah like he's just not he was so patient with me throughout the beginning of our relationship because in the beginning i you know i still had like some unpacking to do yeah i was still triggered and i would occasionally cross like on the floor and just be like I just need to cry because I miss my ex and he was like man and you just went through trauma so much trauma you need to cry every single day for the next four years I got you let it out let it out there was no threat to him like he helped heal my heart big time that's so sweet yeah so do you think I and this may sound weird but I feel like sometimes

people come into our lives that are our soul cluster and are our our soulmates in ways. And sometimes the lessons they hand us aren't always pretty and they don't always feel good. But when I hear that story and how you first responded to him and how your body knew him and he felt familiar and all these things, I almost feel like is this part of your soul group? Like, did he come in for this specific reason to open you up and give you the gift of trusting your body, opening your heart again, like all of these beautiful things that have come from it, even though it was incredibly painful. Does that sound like a bunch of bullshit? Or do you feel like... That sounds right to me. It's not like I learned that he was able to lie and betray and hurt himself

and hurt me. And then all the stories went away of like our past lives and the way I felt like they both exist. Yeah, right. They both exist. And I think that's hard for us humans to grasp. being like sometimes I'm happy, sometimes I'm sad, sometimes I don't love this person, sometimes I'm madly in love with them, sometimes I'm angry, sometimes I laugh at myself. Like, it all is part of us. And so I definitely believe that he still is a soulmate and came in to help me. And I'm so grateful that it happened. I wouldn't change it.

Oh my gosh, I would not change it. It was like one of the best things that's happened to me because it helped. it helped me in so many ways. Like, trust myself, love myself deeper, love the parts of me that hurt. Not only that, like the biggest reason of all is it happened to a girl that has access to many women. I get to tell the story.

And then all these women, the amount of people that have reached out and said, hey, I've been angry for 10 years about my husband doing this 10 years ago and you just sent me free. Wow. Even if that just happened one time, I'm like, okay, worth it. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. This is not for, like this is for the masses. Yeah. Well, people are writing me constantly about Leah and when her sharing her story and they're coming forward and sharing. They're like, and my boyfriend was a secret porn star too. Wow. It happens more than,

no, I'm kidding. But they really are reaching out and that's like the best part. And I'd moved right under her in Santa Monica. And she was just going through that. And I was like, well, I have a story for you. And it was like, just one-on-one it was healing for both of us. And I was like, wow, like, you bonded over that. So this happens then because I was unaware that people were capable of this kind of thing. I didn't, I was very, I didn't think, I often project that everybody thinks the same way I do, and they're all going through the same experience, which is obviously not true in any which way. But that's what sometimes we do is we project our inward, outward, and we see the world through our lens thinking that, you know, maybe other people are seeing it. So how could they do that? And it's really hard to

understand that every single person has had a very different life experience and they're seeing it through the lens of their own life. So, you know, I was projecting that he was having the exact same experience as I was and he wasn't. And I'll never know what he experienced. And that's hard for me. Right. I don't know what he experienced. I want to know what led you to this. Why didn't you feel safe telling me? Where did it, where did I lose you? Like what, what, why didn't you feel enough to just write me a letter and say, hey, I'd love to come visit you, but I'm, I don't know. like why did you have to show me that song? Why did you feel like you had to do X, Y, or Z to feel enough? Why did I feel like I had to pay for our relationship? Why didn't I settle in? Okay, well,

let me know when you have your shit together and fly over here when you're ready to meet me. But I, you know, I led a lot of it too. Like my masculine led a lot of the relationship as well, because maybe perhaps I didn't feel like I was enough just being myself that I had to like facilitate it with my money or whatever. And it's like we're all functioning either from love or fear, our wounds or our heels. And like I think a lot of our wounded parts must have gravitated towards each other. And I definitely take full responsibility for that. Like he did not do this alone.

Like I participated for sure. But I believe it is real though. I think what you both experience, like I don't think that even though he was like basically leaving two lives. It was like that was real. And that was real. Like both sides were. And I think it's hard for like anyone to be like, oh, was that all a lie?

Because that feels really shitty. But you experience it. And you would have known if it was all bullshit. You know what I mean? Like obviously there were parts that were as far as his commitment and all that crap. But, I mean, hearing your story, I don't know how you experience that without it being genuine, you know, to a certain degree. I don't know. I think so.

I mean, I flew to meet his family. His whole family flew in from Scotland and Australia to be at our wedding. Right. There was a lot of love. Like, I don't see how your conscious could act. If it was just for to get a green card or like just. Did he get a green card when you got married? He got whatever the first round is.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he did. Yeah. Yeah, I know. It's so, I'm sure, conflicting. I'm like, really? I don't know if that's worth it.

You could just pay somebody. Yeah. No, why go through all. Yeah. Like, his family, like, spent $10,000 just to be at our wedding. Yeah, I don't think so. Because there's a bunch of them there. And, you know, it's interesting.

But in hindsight, too, at our wedding, I didn't hear this. But my dad and some friends did is when we were saying our vows, there was a truck backing up going, right? Right. And so there's like, little signs like, yeah. Alert. Oh, wow. Abort. Abort.

Don't do it. Don't die. Wow. Yeah. That is interesting. Well, you know. the lesson is do not ignore the red flags your body always knows you know there are definite red flags and you feel like Leah had more though because you guys did you said like you didn't like him and they're

no everyone hated him that was yeah no that was so hard as like everybody in my life was like but he's your guy but let me tell you I've been in a situation where all of my friends loved to the person and totally blindsided oh so like it can go either way can you tell me about that later tell you later. Although, no, there were some red flags, like looking back. But in the moment, it's always fine sights 2020. Of course, like you look back, you're like, oh, shit. But yeah, it's hard to see when you're in it, and I think I've said this before,

and no matter what, there's been many relationships of mine where you don't see things until you're out of them. Yeah. And there are lessons. Or it'll keep repeating until you learn the lesson. Yeah. But that's what I was going to say. This is a perfect example of everything that happens in our life.

lives can either happen to us or for us, right? So you can either be a victim of your circumstance or you can take the opportunity and the gift of learning the lesson from it. And that's the difference between where you sit today and where I do. And where Rachel sits. We are on different seats. No, but I just commend you for really taking the opportunity to use it as healing and how you can grow from it and not repeat the same pattern. Because I think that that's hard. It's really hard to change. I mean, if this would have happened 10 years ago, I would be ruined. I don't even know if I'd still be here. It probably would have killed me. Yeah. But thank God for all the healing tools that I got access to in my 20s. It was literally like perfectly designed, honestly. Because even in our relationship,

I do feel like we helped each other heal a lot of stuff. Like there was so much. many beautiful times that I don't know I haven't really thought about lately but there's a lot of moments where we really helped each other. It's unfortunate that it turned out that way but is it? I don't know. Maybe a great movie will come out of it. Maybe more people will be helped. I don't know. We're in talks. It's already, yep. Yeah, but I mean, thank you for being so open and vulnerable and willing to share. And I think that's the best part, especially about what we're doing here is is making it like a safe space to be able to talk about things that, you know, aren't always easy. I feel that. I'm really grateful that you guys are providing such a safe space.

Like I shared things that I haven't before in a different way and I can feel the energy. It feels, I love what you ladies are up to. And thank you for like giving me the space to share. And I felt really safe. You aren't a lot. And you make my eyes to your up because I love of you. I mean, you even got, like, you know, reactions from Rob, which is... You're welcome. Man, and thank you so much. Thank you.

Thank you so much. So awesome. This is a dream for many reasons. Not only like, you know, just to come on and see you, Olivia, because I haven't seen you in a long time. It makes me sad. But you're moving back? Yes, she's moving back.

That's so exciting. I know. I know. But the younger 15-year-old me that watched you weekly on the O.C. I went to high school one night it was like the day it was like the

I was going to say spoiler alert but after the second season when she dies third season sorry so sorry not the what you say

no that's second season yeah I used to watch that on replay in my home after school the actual scene or the S&L spoof no no the actual gained well quite a lot of it

recently no but it came out like the spoof came out years and years. Yeah, like seven years after. But it has like 35 million hits on YouTube. It's so good. It's so good.

But I watched the actual scene. Spider-Rent. No, where Marissa shoots Trey in the O.C. the end of the second season and S&L did a spoof called Dear Sister. And it's like Samberg and Hader and Kristen Wigg and Jason Sudecis and Shia LaBiff is like the, and they reenact it.

It's hilarious. And because it plays the same imaging heaps on. And they just keep changing positions. Yeah. And I watched the real scene over and over. And my dad would come in. He goes, why are you watching this man shoot? Like, why are you watching this so many times?

I was like, because it means so much. Like, it just was so intense. It's so intense. And the look back, like Logan Marshall Green was on the OC podcast. I do. Sorry, I need to listen to that. And he, we talk about it and we watch the SNL spoof, but like the look he gives, like, he's so like, how could you shoot me basically?

She'd shoot me after he tried to rape her and is about to kill his brother, who was her boyfriend, and she shoots him. It's so intense, though, and the fact that you watch that scene over and over, like 15 years old. Over and over and over. It was a very dramatic scene. Like, I would come home from school, and I'd be like, okay, I got to watch the scene again. And I would cry every time I watched it. And then after Marissa died, I didn't think she was dead. So I went into school the next day in my history class, and everyone was, like, talking about it.

And, you know, the teacher was teaching And I was like, yeah, but she's not dead. And they were like, no, she's dead. Like it said, no, it's like a thing. Like, she's dead. And I start sobbing in history class. Because I was processing it then. They revealed it that she died.

Yeah. No, no, no. Like, I watched the episode the night before, but I wasn't convinced. Oh, got it. Yeah. Yeah, you thought she was not dead. Yeah. Which, by the way, it's the episodes with Cam.

Gigante. Oh, Olivia went on a date. What? I went on multiple dates with him. Oh, she went on. What was that like? He's really hot. He was a sweet, sweet. Yeah, he's very hot, very sweet guy. Cam Jigande? Yeah. Cam Jigande. He cried. He cried. He cried on their date. I met him at Barney's Beinerie.

You did? Yeah, his sister came up to me and was like, my brother wants to meet you. This is before the O.C or before any of that. And then I think we revisited. You had a little revisit? A little revisit, maybe. What was it like for you when, were you friends when she booked that? Yeah. We were best. Were you dying? Dying. Dying.

I auditioned for Marissa and I came home and I was like, that was awful. And then I remember telling Rachel she should audition for summer. And then she went and, yeah, our whole world got flipside upside down. Turned inside out. I'm sorry you didn't book Marissa. I am true. But when she showed it to me, I was like, I want to read for Marissa. Like I was like not interested in summer.

which is ironic. And then... Yeah, you're just... You are somewhere. Literally. I'm literally... Literally. Yeah.

And Adam Brody, we knew before the OSEC because he dated our friend Deanna. Yeah. Wow. A very small fall... Yeah, we were all like... All kind of like already in each other's atmosphere before that, except for Misha. She wasn't in our atmosphere.

No, Misha, I didn't meet until, like, the first day I should be shooting. I worked with the guy who got shot. Logan. It's twin. He has a twin, which I just learned recently. You just learned that? Yes. I had no idea.

Yeah, he came on set of a show I was doing, and I was like, but he was the boyfriend of the producer. Got it. He's a beautiful wife, who's a producer. And she was like, this is mine. I'm like, oh, I know who you are. He goes, that's not me. It's my brother. And then he like, whatever.

Did you reenact the scene? Probably. Knowing me, I probably did. I've reenacted it many times, like in my life. I have videos of me on the floor. It's probably what you wanted to do to your ex-husband was put image and heap song on and walking. I actually have a video of my ex-husband filming me to that song, me reenacting. That was he.

Yeah, I'll find it and I'll show it to you. It's actually, it's really bad, but. Your impressions are amazing. Thank you. Can you do Rachel? Like summer. Yeah. You're channeling it.

I can see it. You can feel it. I can feel it. I have to work on that. If you work on it and you want to release it, like, we can put it out when your podcast comes out and, like, you can attach it to promoting your episode. Is you impersonating me. My friend Vincent, who I've done videos with, does an amazing OC cast impression. What?

He does Ryan and Adam and I got to see it. I've done Marissa where she's like, hey. Ryan, or whatever, Ryan. Like, she's just like, hi. I don't know. It's the only two things that because it's a cigarette and he's like, She's like, who are you? Do it. Do it again.

Whatever you want me to be. Okay. Please keep doing it. You're like for Cheetah, right? Or whatever. Like, she's going. That is so amazing. No, more.

I'm not even kidding. I know. I want more. I want to give you like a whole script. Yeah, I give you the script. I'll do it later. Yes. Please do it.

Oh my God. That's her. But we have a joke because all they would ever do is say, hey, when they walked into a scene and saw each other. It's never like hi, what's up. It's always like, hey, hey, hey. Totally. I bet you there's a compilation somewhere.

There is a compilation somewhere. But your hay is on point. That was amazing. One more time. Do it one more time. Please. Remember when Ryan goes, seriously? With a cigarette.

Hi. Okay. I never thought I would do a Marissa impression in front of summer. This is a highlight of my life Oh my God You never know where life's going to take you right? You really don't. You know what?

Everything that you've been through has brought you to this place. Friends was my favorite show growing up. Still is. Still is. It's... Obsessed. Literally gets me through every single night.

And one of the reasons I moved to New York was because when I went to visit, I saw David Schumer at a party. And I was like, I had just a week before saw J.C. Shazé from InSink, who was my favorite in sync member. He was your favorite? Oh, yeah. Interesting.

You don't hear that often. Really? Well, I guess he was like second tier to Justin. Remember when he was like, girl, I thought you bounced. To who? To me. What? What did you say?

What was that last week? No. Like at a party, I remember as being like, that was interesting. Because he came up and he was like, oh, what's up? girl I thought you bounced and I was like I didn't know he like had so much swag swag swag yeah yeah they were a swaggy bench I guess they were a swaggy anyways you went to New York you saw him that was a sign and you moved no I saw no I saw J.C at a rooftop and I was like oh I got to go say hi to him because I like saying hi to people that I clearly yeah I like coming on their podcast I like say I like acknowledging

because I know what it feels like. I have fans and they come up to me and it's always very pleasant. I know I'm not as famous as David Schwimmer. Yet. Yet. But I was like, okay, I didn't say hi to JC because he had left and I was so mad. He had bounced. And he bounced.

And I was so mad. I was like, dang it. I should have jumped on the moment and just, you know. So when I saw David Schwimmer, I was like, okay, I definitely need to say hi to him because friends is everything. And so I went to like introduce myself and he was like, oh, I know who you are. You're very funny. And I was like, that's my sign. And so we talked for like 20 minutes about the differences of New York and L.A. or whatever. And I got to like tell him how important the show has been to me. And then I moved to New York because he had said he lived in the East Village. And I was already thinking about it. So I didn't just like. It was your sign. Yeah. That was like the sign. That was like, okay. Then I moved to the East Village. Jennifer Aniston follows you. Yeah. So does Courtney.

What? Yeah. I just got together Courtney. Courtney. We made a video. What? Did? Yeah. Because I freaked when I saw Jennifer Aniston followed you. I was like, okay, you're done. You've made it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. A hundred percent. That happened right after everything with the marriage too. And I saw it as like, God loves me. God loves me. I was like, okay. You know what? I've made it. Jennifer Anison is, yes. She's goals of everything. I can't even. Couldn't agree more. It would make me feel complete. I'd be like, oh, I did something, right? Full circle. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 100% and she's messaged me she bought my book like everything she's the sweetest eventually i would love to meet her yes can you ask her to come on this podcast yeah i'll do that please yes you can just we've never met and i'm still we still keep trying to get together but before that it's like we're the mom we're the mom

we're the mom we're the mom you can you meet my girlies yeah then i can decide whether i truly want to meet you Yeah, I'm still not sure about you, Jennifer. I'm not sure. You just need to have a few more accomplishments and just a cute little more darlingness to you. When does your video come out with Courtney Caw? Well, she has to approve it. You know, they're particular about what they have. I'm just like, I'll post whatever.

Yeah. It's like, I understand that. So, you know, it was like a last minute thing that we filmed. It's really a dumb video. Great. So there's a chance that she might say like, eh. That's a dumb video. filmed it and it was so fun and easy.

She's really down to clown, which I love. Yeah. Down to clown. That's great. Down to clown. I'm down to clown. Damn girl, I thought you bounced. Damn girl, I thought you bounced.

It's fun to make videos whether you think you're going to post them or not. Like, it's just fun. Let's make one right now before you leave. I'm so down. Let's do it. Down to clown. I like that. Yeah. That reminds me of Justin Bieber's swag when I met him when he was all of 18 years old.

Yeah. He was like. What's up? Gorgeous. All swagged out. And I was like, hello. Were you, very nice to meet you, sir? Or were you just like you're a kid?

He was like a Wii one. He was a little child. He was dating Selena and I had talked to his like manager on the flight like the whole way. And he's like he and Selena just like binge the OC and they're huge fans or whatever. And I was like, I'm huge fan. Like I was like kind of geeking out a little bit. But he was like, he was like kid, you know? But I was like, geez, this kid has swag.

Yeah. Yeah. Because he, like, took after Usher, I think. Yeah. Didn't he or something? Something. That sounds right. Who he was around were people that talk like, swaggy.

Yeah. Sexy. Isn't there an artist name Swaggy? Shaggy. Shaggy. He's the one who caught him doing it in the kitchen. It wasn't me. Yeah.

Right? It wasn't me. Okay. Maybe that's the video we should make right now. That's our song. That's a song. It wasn't me. It wasn't me.

That is so. It is so perfect. It is so perfect. Going down history. Oh, we have to do. Yes. Rob sent us. Oh, he did. Okay, good. Let's see. Because at the end of each episode, we like to play a little game. Where is it? Where did you go? Okay. So, the real version is fuck Mary Kill. Oh, or we call it Mary Barry One Night Stand, depending on the person, what they're more comfortable with. Oh, that's what Rob sent us. Yeah, that's what we're. We're just what I said. I thought he was saying that was in the photo. Because he sent us an S&M. Is that what it's called again? S&M. GIF or picture? It's just a photo.

Oh, it's just a photo. An S&M photo. And then under it, he wrote three names. And I thought he was saying that those were the people in the photo. Yeah. Marlon Wayne's Charlie Day and Bobby Lee. And I was like, when did they pose for that? And I'm like trying to look.

And I was like in my car and I couldn't see. But that is not. But anyway, those are your fuck Mary Kill. Marlon Wayne's Charlie Day and Bobby Lee I know two of those people You do? Yeah I did this is a personal No but I'm not going to go off of that

Actually maybe I should Um Oh Ah You can thank Rob I don't get like one Okay wait What does it fuck Mary Kill

Or Mary Barry one night stand I mean it's really Except T2 And Barry is like bury them Barry is A nicer word of kill. Because they could survive a burial. Oh, they're dead. Oh, they're dead. No, they're definitely dead. Well, one of our guests buried them in the

sand. They're like, we could bury them. Okay. Of course. I think it's pretty clear what I'm going to say. Oh, I don't know. Do you guys want to guess? Well, you're going to marry Charlie Day? Yeah. Yeah. Because I would. Yeah. So I just, we're already connected like that and I'm going to be you. So I do that's what you're going to say. Bobby Lee. Bobby Lee. I love Bobby Lee. I love him. I love him so much. We used to make vines together. You did? Yes, he's amazing. But I think I'd kill him, unfortunately. He's amazing, but he's dead. Just because Marlon, he does have like a, like a. You would rather sleep with him. Yeah. Yeah. That's fair. That's a very honest answer. Man, and thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. So awesome. It was my pleasure. I would do it all over again. Even if you have to Uber, because you couldn't find your car. Because you lost your car this morning.

Thank you for reminding me. And now the other tears are going to come. All right. You guys. Hey. Hey. Can we all have to try it? Go ahead, Rob.

Well, I don't know. What are we doing? Saying hey? He's never seen the O.C. Yeah, but you were here when Manon. I've seen the O.C. Wait, you talk to us about that. Have you?

Yeah, I watched the O.C. You did? I did. Like, growing up, you watched you. In high school? Yeah. Did you have viewing parties? I did not have viewing parties.

Did you have a crush on Rachel or Misha? I liked Misha. You son of a gun. He would say that no matter what. I know he would. Tird face. You're a fucking turd. Did you like Misha?

Yeah. She was beautiful. I was not to like. Yeah, she was gorgeous. I remember I used to get lost in her face. I get lost in your eyes. And I feel. Keep going.

Yes, she was absolutely gorgeous, our little Misha. So I understand. I did not know that you watched the show. Did you like Seth? You were more like a Seth. I probably related to Seth more. Music. Like even though.

I like the music. I like the music and the show. I think that's... You did. Because you guys had like... We had really good music. Great music. Good music.

Alkal and Trio and Death Cab, Modus Mouse. Yeah. That was like the OC's thing. Yeah. was music. But doesn't Rob seem like he would have been more Anna than Summer?

Yeah. You did like Anna, right? You liked her. Yeah. Were you mad when Seth picks Summer? No, I don't... No. I don't remember.

You do. You do remember. But she was like a little bit more like hipster bed. Yes. She was like, email, like music. Like hipster. She was way cooler.

Rob. She was way cooler. cooler than summer for sure. She was actually really cool in real life, too. What? She was cooler than me in real life, too? No. That's what I heard.

I was like, yes, Elizabeth. She was really cool. Like, she had that cool factor. For sure. 100%. She's running for mayor right now. Of Arizona. It's not of Arizona.

The character. The character. She has many crickets. No, Samira herself in real life, is running for the mayor. of Sedona, Arizona. This is correct. A little known fact for you, Rob.

That's wild. So my mind's blown a little that you actually knew the OC. So you knew, you knew who I was that day we met. I made Natalie watch it because she did not watch it in high school. Did you make her watch it recently? I think she watched it like three years ago, maybe. Oh, no way. And she's like, I hate this show.

I tried to put it on for her once, like, years and years ago. And she was like, I'm not watching this. It's too bad. Yeah. Did she get into it? And then she got into it and watched all of it. Did she cry when Marissa died? I think we both maybe didn't get that far.

I thought you were going to say, I think we both cried. Me too. I thought you were going to say, I think we both did. We both cried. You're still crying. Well, Rob. A little something we learned about you today. Did you recognize me when you met me?

From that story of the music video? Yeah, no, it's a simple plan music video. Big deal, Rob. Big in music. I told you number one on TRL. I did. Okay. Rob doesn't know what TRL is.

He's too young. I know TRL on TRL. Manon. Manon. Oh, Manon. Her story I knew a little bit about before she came on. And I was so fascinated, I was like,

what the fuck? And so I was so excited for her to come and actually tell it. It's so crazy. It's just, I just, I don't understand people. You know what's crazy is that it's more common than we know. Because even people writing in are saying like, oh my gosh, I was completely duped by this person. Right.

You know, I feel like it's more common. By Jooped by Rob, who was an Anna fan, but it's fine. Yeah. You know, like, people really do live double lives. Yeah. Yeah. Have you ever lived a little bit of a double life? Not, like, fully, like, you know, having, like, another family or husband or something, but...

Once. No. I used to fudge things, though. I remember I used to go on dates and, like, first dates, people would be like, oh, and do you have siblings? And I'd be like, yeah. And they'd be like, well, what do they do? And at the time, the truth was, my brother was in jail. And instead of saying that, I'd say, well, my brother is a personal trainer, which had a shred of truth to it because he would.

He was training dudes in prison. He was training dudes in prison. And I'd say in, like, Pasadena. I used to always say Pasadena. So where the prison was? That you trained in Pasadena? Yeah, because it was just like far enough away. away off the cuff, you know.

Because what I realized was... I do hear that about Pasadena. There's lots of personal trainers there. Yeah, there are. And prisons. In prisons. So I would be a little false in my information that I would give. Interesting.

Yeah. And it wasn't necessarily... Well, that's not true. I was going to say it wasn't necessarily because I was ashamed because I was ashamed. I had to learn to grow up and accept my family is what my family is. Mm-hmm. But also it made me uncomfortable that the person in front of me would be uncomfortable with different information. Oh, interesting.

Yeah. I mean, I can relate to that, but like shapeshifting a little bit, like, depending on who you're dating. Because now, it's not really, like, not true. I have a lot of things that I'm into or I know about. And it kind of depends on the person which part or fact or subject I will bring out, which version. Which version of me? So there's actually 212

and like it'll be like Oh, he's into basketball Like I can fucking shoot the shit about basketball And I will bring that knowledge to the front But are you hiding anything? So that's different. Oh. You know what I mean?

Right. You're not like going on dates pretending you don't know about basketball if they don't, right? Have you ever done that? Not that I can recall. You're a good person. Oh, wow.

I mean, I'm sure, but... Yeah, I guess so it's different, like, hiding, you know. Yeah, so then no, I've never... I don't live double lives. Well, well, well, wow. Let's hear it. I'm just kidding. I don't live double life.

Well, it's probably harder for you to do it. Why? Because you're more of a public person. So I couldn't go around being like, hey, I'm Stephanie. I come from Cedar Rapids. I'm a doctor. I'm a doctor. Oh, did you just cut yourself?

Let me suture you. Yep, I said suture because that's the medical term. And I talk just like that. Oh, she's had matcha. She has had matcha. Was this the heart of Dixie character that you were doing? I will say, I did play a doctor. And let me tell you.

What are you going to tell us? I had to learn how to suture, first of all. I hated any of the medical scenes or jargon. I'd be like, oh, fuck. I got to do this now, you know, and I would have, like, a med tech there to help me. He would always laugh at me. The one thing in the pilot, we had a different med tech for the pilot, and I did a scene. And I took off my surgical gloves, like, by the tips of my fingers.

Like, I pulled each finger and I, like, ripped it off. And they left it in because the fucking med tech wasn't like, no, you have to take your, like, he didn't tell me the right way to take your gloves off. So in the pilot, first scene, like me as a doctor, I'm fucking. and taking off the gloves like an amateur. Needless to say, we had a different med tech after that for this series, but it's a little embarrassing. Did you know that there's a way to take your gloves off? Yeah, I wouldn't try taking the most of my finger.

No, who would? It doesn't make sense. Why would you be touching the tip of the finger that's been touching things? You take it from the, you know, on the wrist and you peel it off. Rachel, I'm not going to lie, she spent some time with me in the hospital when my son was first born, and she was quite cocky in that room. She knew her way around in weird ways. She'd be like, oh, you just need to get the spacula. The spacchcock.

Yeah, exactly. Old Spatchcock, Wilson. And I forgot she played a doctor. I'm like, what? I can't learn stuff. Up with you. Yeah, I've done some things. You take your glove off from the wrist and you peel it off.

She was like changing the cords on the kid and shit. Did you correct the doctor on anything? Yeah. I was like, I think what she means to say is. Yeah, she wants a C-section. Yeah. It was, but it was interesting learning some things about that. And I love using that now.

And something's wrong with someone. I'm like, oh, you know, it's that I did diagnose myself and I was correct. Do you remember? Which was it? The trigeminal neural neuralgia. Do you tell. I don't remember. Anyway, this happened to me and maybe I'm saying it wrong right now.

But it did happen. And I did, I'm like, and I researched and I, you know, the feelings. And I'm like, I think it's this. went and saw someone, they're like, oh, it's a trigeminal relish? I was like, yes, it is. I diagnosed myself. Was that an episode of your show? No.

So then how? Yeah, I'm not getting the connection. So you Google to something. That I played a doctor, and so now I'm able to diagnose things. With Google. Yes. Got it. Otherwise known as Dr. Google.

But it's true. I did do that. And I was right. Googling is not smart. Googling is the devil. If you don't feel good. If you don't feel good, you never should Google. because then you're going to be like, I'm dying, it's official.

These are all the symptoms. The end is tomorrow. Yep. Right? Yeah. And I argue with my husband a lot because what does he say? He says something like... Don't Google?

No. What does he say? He says, don't Google. No, he says like, oh. Your Google account isn't equivalent to my... Knowledge? Medical degree? I don't know.

Well, he's not wrong. Depending on the sources, though. Well, that's his problem. He's always like, what was the source? And then I'm like, good health daily. And he's like, that's not a source. Like, you need to actually get it from a true medical source. But those of us who don't have knowledge on what those are may not know.

Hmm. Yeah. That's his biggest thing. So I always have to send him the source. Or find multiple sources to make sure. Yeah, but it depends on. those sources because multiple sources can be saying a bunch of garbage as well. Have you read the news?

I don't like the news. No, I got really hooked on the news for a long time and I have taken a step back. Fox News? I'm not going to lie. You love Tucker Carlson? Oh, he is a peach, isn't he? Did you see him and John Stewart? No.

No. Oh, I got to see that. We would watch it. We would do an even amount of CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, just to see, like, what, you know. It kind of makes your blood boil, though, right? It makes your blood boil 100%. And so we got really into it, and I think slightly addicted to our blood boiling. Yeah.

And then it was like every night at the same time, Jeff and I would meet to boil our blood together. And after a while, we were like, what the hell? How are we doing? I feel that way about Instagram. You're just scrolling in any site that, like, reports things. It's all negative. Like, this kid died, you know, by, like, random little, but it's all negative fear-based shit.

Then I'm like, oh, my God, I'm going to think this is going to happen. Every single story, every single story I read. Yeah, it's really, it's really gnarly. And also, even what they write about other people, even if it's... What? A bear back. Wait, we miss you. Where are you going? He has to pee.

I do it to pee. Your birthday gift came. What? And it's outside. Is it a boy? Yeah, is he? Does he mo? Is it a man?

Did Rob get us a stripper for your birthday? Rob, what? Rob is something. Let's talk about Rob while he's out of the room for a second. Yes, definitely while he's out of the room for a second. We're obsessed with him on many levels. His non-reaction reactions to absolutely everything in life. is really comforting.

You can do nothing. Nothing. To blow his skirt up. No. We're trying to find it. What else about Ralph? Rob. Only like good stuff.

Legit. Yeah. He's a little boogie, people. I'm sorry. I know he comes off all sweet. And innocent from Chicago. Coy. He's not.

He's a boogie little. Motherfucker. What? What? He's back. He's back. What is this box? What is it?

Oh, God, am I going to be embarrassed? No, you're not. Am I? A box. It is a reference from the show, so it makes sense. What is this? What is it? It's a pourover set.

It's a real pourover. Oh. Oh. It's the same one that I use is. Really? Oh, shit. That's really sweet. Well, then we know it's the real deal. That's so sweet.

Thanks, Rob. That's really sweet. I am so excited. This is like the one thing. You couldn't have done better. I like look forward to every morning of my life. Like the poor, it's really. You've sent a picture of the one you use.

I have like a one cut from Amazon, like a $20 little. It looks like someone made in a children's ceramic class. Well, maybe they did. Rob, maybe they did. Rob, this is seriously so sweet. I could not be happier. I'm not even kidding. It's the only thing I wanted.

Yeah, you nailed it. This and Dr. Pepper lip smackers because they fucking discontinued it. Okay? Well, I didn't get that. I'm sorry. No, it's okay. Well, this has just been the best day of my life.

Don't tell Breyer that. Second to when the day she was born. But barely. Well, on that note, thanks to everyone. For listening to the shenanigans, as always. And thanks Manon for coming on and sharing her story. Absolutely. We laughed.

We cried. We really did. We really laughed. We really cried. Her Marissa was right on, right, Rob? Since you're such a Marissa fan. You liked Manon. You were engaged in that story.

You were. It was a good story. It was a good story. She's a great storyteller. All right. Thanks, everybody. That was a headgum podcast. podcast.