Broad Ideas with Rachel Bilson & Olivia Allen - Nick Viall on How They Pick Bachelors, Couples Therapy, and Making Love Without Having Sex

Episode Date: March 27, 2023

Nick Viall [The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, Bachelor in Paradise], Olivia and Rachel discuss cheating, couples therapy, and watermarking nude pics. Nick also talks about what qualities producers look for in Bachelors, Tom Sandoval, and making love without having sex. Broad Ideas is supported by Talkspace. Get $100 off your first month at Talkspace.com/IDEAS. Broad Ideas is supported by Béis – BEISTRAVEL.com/ Broad Ideas is supported by MVMT. Get 20% off at MVMT.com and use code IDEAS. Broad Ideas is supported by Hiya Health. Receive 50% off your first order by going to hiyahealth.com/IDEAS. Broad Ideas is supported by Blissy. Get better sleep now with Blissy and use code RACHEL to get an additional 30% off at blissy.com/RACHEL.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Very important. and it's important to do it before it's a problem. Exactly. You want to be proactive so you know how to handle it when problems arise. As a listener of this podcast, you'll get $100 off your first month with Talkspace when you go to Talkspace.com slash ideas. To match with the licensed therapist today, go to Talkspace.com slash ideas to get $100 off your first month and show your support for the show. That's Talkspace.com slash ideas. Welcome to Broad Ideas. Rachel Bilsen's podcast.

Rob. Hey. And my silent co-host in the corner. Olivia Allen. Hi, Lou. Hi, guys. Today we have an old friend of mine joining us. Nick Viol.

Some people might even say Nick Vial. Or some people might say Nick Vail. Nope, nobody says that. From Bachelor fame, of course, where I, learned to love Nick on his Bachelor in Paradise Redemption tour, we call it. He's been on The Bachelor well, four times. He also has a very successful podcast of Vile Files. I'm saying it like that because that sounds better. And have you been on this podcast yet? I have. So the first podcast I ever did, that was my first podcast ever. And then I did just see him again this morning and I did

his podcast once again. Loveneck. We had a great combo. Stick around and listen. Sometimes when the way inside of Rachel's little brain, all these thoughts are swirling round and round inside to join us on this journey as we take a little ride. We'll talk about dogs and kids and things. We'll talk about chicks and tampon strings. We'll talk about boys that are me. Because people die. What's up, Nick? It's up, racial.

It's been a while. It's been a while. Yeah. We've got to catch up. We've got a lot to catch up already. And then you're coming on next week. I know. I'm excited.

We're not going to blow our load today. Yeah, we're going to be on. Oh, we are. I'll blow mine. Yeah. Perfect. Perfect. All right. So, Olivia, this is, you know, first time you're meeting, Nick.

Yes, it is. But. First impressions. It's so good. Great. I love the tattoos. Thanks. Are they all new?

Since I last saw you. Yeah. Yeah? I got like, I don't know how I'm up. I have 20 some now. Jeez. What inspired? And I got like, well, I've always wanted to, I have a lot of siblings.

Yes. And so. How many? Ten. Ten. That is so many. I knew there was a lot. So each tattoo represents a family member.

Which one's your favorite? Family member. Yeah. My parents. So I got mom and dad on my chest. And then, yeah, it's like a, so that's the family crest from my dad's side of the family. And then a hummingbirds remind me of my mom. And then these are all the kids.

Little stars. Stars. And then, you know, these are all siblings or grandparents. And that's Jeff. Oh, your dog. His dog's name is Jeff. Oh, my husband's name is Jeff. I was like, you have my husband.

I love Jeff. So, like, you love Jeff. No, like, when I saw that you named your dog, Jeff, I was like, yes. That's so good. You know what I love about the tattoos is they're sweet looking. I like the contradiction. Do you want your tattoos to be sweet, Nick? I wish they were threatening.

I personally love things to not match. I don't want to look that dangerous. Right. I think I'm good in that department. You like to have a gentle approach. Yeah. Yeah, I like them. Yeah, I did not, I guess it's been, yeah, a few years, right?

Well, the pandemic and whatnot. I haven't seen you since before the pandemic, which I realized is like three years ago. I know. Three years since the start of the pandemic was three years ago. Yeah. Right? Is that when you guys were dating? Oh, yeah.

We didn't date. Did you address that? I know. Are you like, I want to. I'd rather. Well, first, yes, we never dated. We were going to work together. We were going to work together.

We had fun trolling the internet. It was fun to troll. We were full with trolling and we were having fun. Yeah. Yeah. Makes my friend. Yeah. It really, the peak trolling is when you first started dating Bill.

Oh, yeah. And then I was at the Golden Globes. That's right. And then I commented something like, what did I comment? Something about his show or something. Oh, yeah. It's just like, it really hurts that I'm also a big fan of him or something like that. Like, this is painful or something.

That's right. were like on the car, you were doing interviews during the carpet. That's funny. At the Globes? Yeah, I was doing some interviews. Yeah, yeah. I was just basically crashing, like, old ankle calls. It's a good thing to crash.

I had no business being here. Yeah. You were. Everyone was like, why are you here? I'm like, what do you mean? Why am I not here? Right. Why are you here?

Exactly. Exactly. Oh, yeah, we had a lot of fun with that. So yeah, sorry, everybody. But Nick is my friend. Yeah. Okay. So, Nat, you are recently engaged.

Yes. Congratulations. Thank you. You finally doing this. the thing. It's been a long road, Nick. We'll see. I've been engaged before. Well, with that attitude, do you have her name tattooed? I don't. How do you feel about that? Getting a tattoo of, I don't feel good about that.

You're right. If you're married, I think something small that you could cover? Nick. This one guy got Kimberly tattooed across his chest. Pete Davidson? No. Listen, I don't believe in forever. I just believe in tomorrow, you know. Or today maybe would be the right answer. Sure. I mean, like, yeah. You know, you can't make someone love you and you can't make someone prioritize you.

And, like, you just got to hope that every day they wake up and choose you. Are you guys okay? Yeah, yeah. I just don't take anything. I just don't take anything for granted, you know. Yeah. That's good. That's a positive mindset.

Yeah. So you wouldn't do it even once you're married, would you? Yeah, I might. But, like, small. Oh, my God. How does she feel about this opinion of yours? What? Does she know that you're like, how you feel like I wouldn't tattoo?

Or if I do, it has to be small so I could then cover it just in case? I just don't, I just, yeah, I just don't take anything for granted. Okay. Yeah. And a tattoo is, you know, permanent. It is, it definitely is permanent. Yeah. That would feel kind of like I'm tempting fate.

Hmm. That's how I feel. I get that. I like keeping myself on my toes. You know, I don't want to not appreciate the important things I have. And, you know, this idea of, like, I'm going to get tattooed because nothing could happen to us because, like, we're perfect. Like, I just, yeah, I just kind of. Yeah, I get that.

I can appreciate it. Yeah. I've been hurt too much in the past. You've been hurt. Yeah. Let's talk about the road to. Let's talk about all the hurt. Let's talk about all the hurt.

So Olivia has never, like, watched The Bachelor. She doesn't know the franchise very well. Are you still watching? No, I could not watch Zach. He was from Rachel and Gabby's season, right? Yeah. Did you watch that? I did.

I did watch that. I really like Gabby. I think she's really funny. I watched that. And he just didn't seem like, I think he's probably a very nice guy. A little vanilla for me. Yeah. No, he's...

I don't want to be mean. I'm sure he's so sweet. I've been mean. Oh, you have? Yeah. Okay. I mean, you know, I call the show. No, on the show.

I don't try to be, me. I just recap the show. You know. Yeah. You express your feelings. And I just, you know. Is it over? Did he pick someone?

Not yet. Not yet. It's probably getting close. It's getting close. Okay. Sex week next week. Oh, really? Sex week.

Wait, there's a sex week? Okay, so this is what I was getting at. So she's never watched fantasy. It's called fantasy sweets. Okay, question. So she had never watched it. I told her you started out. You were on a Bachelorette.

Yeah. Run her up. Yeah. You were on The Bachelorette again. Run her up. Bachelor in Paradise. Hence the note had to do. Got it.

Redemption tour. Paradise. He then becomes The Bachelor. Got it. Long road. Yeah. He got engaged on the Bachelor. Yeah.

Got unengaged. How long after? How long after did you break off the engagement? It was like eight months. Okay. Eight months is a good trial. We gave it the old college. try.

Okay, explain to her fantasy week. Fantasy suite. Sweet. You're down your final three. Okay. And you have the opportunity to have an overnight date with one of your final three. Sleep boat. And have some off-camera time to do whatever you want.

And truth is, like most of the time, most people just talk. Is that true? They don't do the things with each other? Oh, people have done the things. Is there anyone that's done the thing with like every single one? Yeah. Yeah. Was that you?

No. Okay. With every single one. How far is it spaced out? How is that psychologically okay? It's just a day in between? You get a day in between the rest to rest the... I never, I always wondered because like, you know, potentially you're going to have

sex with somebody, like back to back. I always wonder, like, how much time? You get 20... You get a day. You get 24 hours. You get 24 hours. Do they film the room? Do they fill the room with, like, condoms and K-Y and like, it's like we know

you're going to go in there and do these things? Safe Sex Precautions Products available to you Do you guys have to be tested? Yeah You do? You get tested before the show

Okay But like there's a Usually a good Month or two gap Between the test and filming Yeah so you could definitely like They test for STDs before the show Before yeah to get on the show

You have to It's like a porn Are you allowed to Do those things with people Before the Fantasy suite Like if you want to have sex? It's been done.

Okay. I think you maybe did in one of your many seasons. How do you not lose your mind? You do. Okay. Yeah. Okay. You literally, you do. It's, yeah, it's psychological warfare. Yeah. Are you? Okay. Yeah. Yeah. It's crazy, right? I love explaining, like, people who have never watched the show and don't know anything about it. It's pretty fun to be like, no, this is what happened. I know.

I'm, like, the only person alive, I feel like. That hasn't seen it. I really, I know. I didn't watch, I haven't watched in like a few seasons, at least the past couple bachelors. Who was before Zach? Clayton? No. Who?

Do you know? You know. Zach with Clayton. That was good. Clayton? Did you watch that end? I watched a little because I wanted to see Gabby and Rachel like what happened. Oh, it was good.

He was a mess. He picked somebody. He's like, I love you the most. Oh, my God. He told the all, so like, he. Do tell. He was a little, you know, he, he did know better. Let's just say that.

And he told more than one. He was set up for failure. And, yeah, he got down to the end. And the Bats, the franchise loves to cast. like men who don't have a lot of dating experience. Oh. Which is the opposite of what you'd think. They love to cast boys and have the audience.

That's their old-fashioned playbook, and they're still kind of obsessed with it, which I don't get, but what else? You can see the same thing from Zach this season. He's a well-intentioned guy. He seems really sweet. I've heard nothing about good things about him as a person. But it's very difficult to be the lead,

and he doesn't look like he knows how to empathize at all. Like every time one of the ladies like has like a moment of vulnerability, he just looks annoyed, you know? He has no like, but he just, it just, he just comes across as a guy who's just like had like an incredibly wonderful life up in between now and 25 years old and doesn't have a lot of experience with like heartache pain and and just like challenges. So it's like he finds, if he just comes across as he finds all their like vulnerabilities is like inconvenient and in. And I'm knowing. But Nick, they keep casting, like you said, 25 years old. Like, who at 25 years old knows who the fuck they're going to marry? Certainly not the guys nowadays.

They're doing, like, senior bachelor. And I'm like, so are you doing 40? Because what is senior in this franchise? And then, but Clayton last year, he was, like, got to Fantasy Suite. And he, like, he liked them all. And he slept with them. I think he might have loved them all. But he slept with all of them and told all of them he loved him.

And at the end, they were like, he told them. He, like, told them, like, I had sex with all of them. you. That's right. He sucks with all of them. And then one of the girls like got mad, obviously.

And he's like, but I love you the most. What you're like, what is it even me? You can't love all of us. The most. It was so good. Oh my God. Yeah.

Great TV. Did you have dating experience before? Yeah. I showed up a little older. A little older. But you also had been on quite a few seasons before your own person. Yeah, so I, yeah.

Do you still do like the asking the things on Instagram? His relationship advice is actually like, not to sound so shocked, but like for a dude and what, yeah, it's just shocking. Yeah. Really smart. Should have brought my book. Oh, I know why. What book? I wrote a book.

Oh, yeah, you did. Of course I knew that. It's because he's a Libra. Is that why? Yes. Great. I'm a Libra. I love it.

You have the same birthday as my son. Really? But that's why you can do the relationship advice. The 28th or the 29th? 28th. Okay. Because the internet said the 29th. Oh, where I read it was 28. Okay, good. Yeah. You're on the same page. Great.

What's the name of your book? You have like the heart thing. Yeah, don't text your ex, happy birthday. Yes. That's a great title. Thanks. Don't text your ex, happy birthday. Ooh. How good is that? It's so good. Why didn't you bring me your book? It's a good. I don't know. I have a copy of my car. Okay, great. I would like it.

No, so smart. Like, you're always so good, and I'm always so impressed. And I just, I don't know, I guess experience does that. Truly, yeah. I mean, everything I talk about is something I got wrong. Right. But being able to admit that, you know, that takes some balls to admit when you're wrong, right? I'm pretty, for a guy who likes to be right, and is often is, I can't admit when I'm wrong.

That's a good quality. It's called humility. Yeah. So how did you meet your fiancé? She slid into my DMs. Literally? She just DM'd you. What did she say?

You're unreal. Oh. She replied to a picture. Okay. What was the picture? It was a picture of me just standing outside. No, I had a shirt on. That's a miracle.

But it was a picture I took in the parking lot of the Whole Foods at Venice that my masseuse took of me. Why was your masseuse at Whole Foods with you? And why were they taking pictures of you? Because I love a good chair massage. Okay. So they were in front of Whole Foods? Offering chair massage? Yeah, like they're no, in Whole Foods.

Okay. And I think her name is like Diane. Like I miss her, honestly. And she was just there almost every day. And so like as a single guy, like I'm a single serving guy, you know, I don't grocery shop for like an entire week. Like I don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow. Like I go to dinner or like whatever. You know, so, like, I go to the grocery store four or five times a week just to, like, pick up dinner that night, you know, like, what am I going to make?

And so, you know, Diane would be there. And, like, so I end up spending, like, $3,000 in one year on her. Because, like, every day, I'd get a 30-minute massage. It was the best. Sounds great. So we built a rapport and, like, you know, like, a single guy who has a social media and they keep telling you that you need more content. It's like, I don't, I need a fucking picture. I didn't post in a while.

So I was like, can you take a fucking picture of me? She's like, sure. So she did. And that ended up being the picture that, you know, shut up on Natalie's Explorer page and got her to DM me. No way. That's really cute. Had she been a fan of the show?

No. She just saw that picture. I mean, she doesn't like the show at all. Yeah. I have to wash it. For your... Right. Yeah.

So, like, she'll watch it with me, but she's... It's painful for her. She's not... That's amazing. I get it. You know, different sides of it. But. Not even like the me part.

Like she's never, she's never seen any of my seasons, but. That's the concept. She's just not a fan of the show. Yeah, I get it. Broad Ideas is supported by base. Size matters. But as they say, it's not just the size of the boat. It's the motion of the ocean.

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Get 20% off at mvmt.com and use code ideas. That's mvmt.com code ideas for 20% off. She slides into your DMs. You must get a lot. Yeah, I was going to say you probably get a lot. How did it stand out? How did you find it? Like what deal?

I don't get that many. I think also it's just a bit of a coincidence. That you happen to see it at the time. Yeah, I think it's just good timing. And then what made her stand out. I mean... She's gorgeous. Her face.

She's so pretty. So pretty. Yeah, she's gorgeous. Yeah. How did you respond? Do you remember? Natalie remembers. I don't remember.

But there was some banter. Okay. Banter's though I... It was... Because she replied to one of my pictures and then I went about and like went and replied to one of her pictures that she had posted. The rest was history? Yeah.

What? What? What? I'm trying to remember. Oh, it was cheesy. I was like, what's that going on behind me? Yeah, it was something. But it worked.

It worked. So then you asked her out. You guys went out. Well, then, no, then she asked for my Snapchat. And then. Oh, people still talk over Snapchat because it disappears. Is that the whole idea? Well, this was a little while ago.

Yeah, three years ago. Three years ago. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. And then so Snapchat had a future you could call someone. Right. And I just don't trust people.

Sure. Like catfish is a real thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I called her immediately, but put my camera like on the ceiling. And then she answered and I said, show me your ID. I carded her. I don't fuck her out. Yeah, she was a stranger.

I didn't even know if she was real. Like, you know, people lie. Yep. And then we met up in New York in like two weeks later. But she's from here, but you met up in New York? She lived in Georgia at the time. Oh, wow. She lived in Georgia.

Yeah. So she was DMing you from Georgia. Yeah. And then she got here for the relationship. Yeah. Oh, okay. Is she a nurse? She's a surgical technologist.

What is that? Explain. So she assists in surgery. Yeah, that's amazing. It's a big job. Yeah. She's still doing it here? Yeah.

What kind of surgery? She now works for one of the top eye plastic surgeons in the world. He's great. That's awesome. Wow. That's a departure, right? For you? Isn't that great, though, to have someone in a completely different industry?

Yeah, I like it. You looked at me like, what do you mean? It's like, there's a departure. No, it's, yeah. She's very passionate about it and good at it, and it's nice to have some separation. But, like, you know, now that we've been, you know, together for a long time, obviously, you know. Things are shifting a bit. You have a business together, or whatever.

He's being like... Coy? Yeah, you're being coy? But yeah, she's great. She loves it. And yeah, I love that she... It was definitely when I met her, a very attractive quality. Right, yeah.

Yes. It's morphed. I was with a table last night of... I was with a table. It sounds like a joke, but it was like a plastic surgeon, an ophthalmologist, and a nerve. surgeon and then their wives and they were all nurses. All the wives were nurses? And surgical technicians.

Yeah, it was like... That's good sense, proximity. Yeah, it was like, wait, this is like a whole world. She's done some pretty impressive and cool surgeries. Yeah, she's dealt with... I mean, yeah, she's done... I don't know the proper name for it. I don't know.

She's assisted in a surgery to do a sex change. Really? Oh, wow. But just involved with the eyes. No, she's worked for other doctors in the cash. She's currently... They see their sex is different. How does that work?

She's, you know, she's worked for, you know, orthopedic surgeon. She's worked for trauma. Oh, wow. But, yeah, and she's worked for, like, other plastic surgeons, which, you know, when you say plastic surgery, I think most people just think, like, you know, the boob. Yeah, boobies. Which she's done that. But it's also with plastic surgery is very cool because, like, they help a lot of people,

like the eye surgeon she works for. A lot of people might be born with a defector of some kind or, you know, like something with their eyes. And they do some pretty miraculous things that, like, improve people's quality of life. It's not always just cosmetic. Right. Absolutely. That's awesome. Are you guys in the wedding planning stages?

Super early. But kind of talking about it. Sure. Yeah. Right now we're talking about, like, how many people we're going to disappoint with the guest list. I feel like that's a common and really tough thing, the whole guest list. I'm okay with it. You're okay with cutting people out?

Yeah. You don't care. Yeah. How many people do you want there? I don't know. I think less than 100. Whoa, that's hard to do. It's hard.

And she's one of seven and I'm one of 11. So you want your family's there? Yeah. And friends. She's one of seven and you're one of 11. That's a huge family. Yeah. Religious?

I grew up very religious. Okay. Mormon? Catholic. Catholic? Yeah. Okay. And what about her?

No. not religious. No, just a lot of kids. Yeah. Because you usually see that come with. Her dad is an interesting fella. Do you get along with the family? Yeah, she's a lovely family.

Oh, that's good. And they're in Georgia? Yeah, they're in the South. In the South. Okay. So she should have brought her because we have so many questions. I know. We're not asking him anything about himself.

We're like, and what's her middle name? And what is her favorite food? For sure. Ranch dressing. Oh, yes. Anything dips in ranch. What's your favorite thing? She's a hill valley.

Really? Hidden Valley. Hidden Valley? Yeah, yeah. That's a hidden valley there, neck. No, but places have specific ranch. Yeah, what's your favorite? Food.

We actually care a lot. We actually care about food. Way more than you think we should. Pizza? Although I weirdly have not and have been the mood. for pizza the past couple days, but I do, we do eat a lot of pizza. We eat a lot of pizza. From where? I will say, like, Natalie and I are, I'm a creature of habit. I don't, I don't have the most expansive palate. But now, like, and I cook, but I will say, like, having someone who has a

similar diet as you is such, it is such a win in a relationship. I agree with that. You know, I've dated vegetarians. Oh, right, yeah. And if you are, wonderful for you. But, like, if you're not, and you're dating one, it's just, it's just huge

inconvenience for everyone. It's hard. It's just an inconvenience for everyone. Yeah. And, like, she loves the food I cook. And so... You're like, I'm going to marry you. It just makes it easy.

Yeah. We like a lot of the same things. I love that. We like a lot of the same TV shows. We enjoy a lot of the same things, which I... You have an experience before? Well, you know, when I was younger, I think you're just more like, all that matters is love, you know?

Sure. I don't even need to like you. I just love you, you know, like, I don't care if we don't like anything of this, you know, you kind of romanticize everything. Yeah, for sure you do. As I've gotten older, I value compatibility more than I do chemistry. Yeah. Yeah. Although we have great chemistry, but...

Right. But where do you get your pizza from? I'm still hung up. I really want to like... Oh, I'll go off the chemistry. I'll tell you. Yeah. Well, I mean...

Chemistry is important, but like for someone that loves pizza. Yeah, like, well, have you had Roberta's? No. Out of Brooklyn, but they, you know the new air one over on Ventura? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lovely little eatery. Love it there. Yeah.

There's a new Roberta's, try it. Try it. The pizza place there? Yes. Excellent. Now, I make my own pizza. Okay. Do you do your own dough? I don't. Okay. So I don't really make it.

Did you have pizza? No. Okay. But you don't need it. But it's right. Go to... Roberta. Go to Ely. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And buy their dough. Okay. Right. And then you go get like a perforated pan. Yeah. Mm-hmm. It has all those... The holes. Not but not, not, it's got a... It's not the pan with holes. It's like, it's wiring. You want it to...

Oh. You know, like... So that it's on the... Yeah. I get it. Yeah. And it's real cheap. You're gonna, you're And then you laid out real, I make a real sin crust. Real sin. I should make you guys some. That would be fun. Yeah. Yeah.

So good. I want to talk to animals. Yeah. Let's do it. Great. Yeah. Yeah. So, but you bring up at such an interesting point about chemistry, compatibility,

whatever. But it's true. I find, like, as you get older, like, I would do checklists, you know, in my mind of, like, actually what the most important things are, right, in a relationship. What's number one for you? Trust. Okay. Yeah.

Communication. Huge. So even if they're like not attractive, but you trust them? Well, no. I mean, like. At what stage here? This is a loaded question. What's the most important thing?

I don't know if there's any one thing. But communication. I think it was quality. Is that what we were saying? Quality? Like, what's the number one quality you look for in someone? And that's more along the lines of the question. I just think.

like, you know, I don't like to make lists, so I don't have like a number one quality. It's just more like you meet someone, you see if you vibe with them, and then you start to get to know them, and you kind of go from there, you know. I definitely like to be very attracted to my partner. Same zies. I've been attracted to a lot of people I've learned to not like quickly, so, you know, so but so looks aren't everything. But. So, but, so it looks aren't everything. But, But they aren't everything. But yeah, I just want to enjoy being around them. And then, you know, can I communicate with them and can they put up with me?

Can they put up with me? Yeah. What are the things they have to put up with? Like, if you had to, like, say one thing about yourself. Boy. You can say, like, five. Yeah. You can say I'm wrong.

Yeah. You're safe. I can, I'm either really quiet or I don't shut the fuck up. Interesting. No, but in public, I can be very quiet. I'm very introverted and I can be a bit aloof at times. For someone who's been on many a reality show, it's kind of interesting. But, yeah, if I get like a thought in my head and I like to debate and discuss things,

so I can really ramble on and on and on and on. And I do repeat myself, I can interrupt. I leave cupboard doors open. That's the worst. Why do you do that? Is that her pet peeve? Drives me nuts. I just don't know how. You just shut it.

My brain just simply does not work that way. Neither does my husband. It's weird. I will say like much when I started dating, I reached a point in my life where I just was more comfortable with myself. I always believe in like changing. I always want to improve myself. I do sincerely work a lot on myself. I get a lot of therapy. But I've also learned to just accept that like this is who I am, you know? And there are just certain things that like I remember telling her like I'm just, this, this is never just not going to happen. Like what? What was it?

Like leaving the cup. Yeah. But that's, I feel like that's a cop out a little bit. No. Like, no. No, because my brain literally doesn't, I can't, I don't know how to do it. Just the energy it would take for me to make sure that I always close cabinet doors behind me or like put things away where they belong. is this a part of my brain that just does not work?

And it takes up so much fucking energy for, I'm not kidding, that it's just, it's, how does, it's weird. I just, I'd rather just be like, you know what, this is why I am. And I'll try, but I make no promises. If you want to date me, if you want to be with me, I need you to love me and the open cabinet doors. I've had to learn to close him. My husband doesn't close him.

And then his sister came to visit, and I noticed she doesn't either. And her husband goes, does Jeff leave the cupboard doors open? I'm like all the time. He's like, Stephanie, too, every time. It's like something in your makeup. I'm so, like, no, it's baffling. I don't, like, it's pain. It hurts my brain to think about it.

Do you close the door when you're going to the bathroom? Usually not. Do you? Number two? With her there? No. Yeah, I closed the door. You keep it private?

I mean, no, there are couples that do that in front of each other. We're not one of them. No, I'm not into that. We have our own bathrooms. That is the key to a happy fucking relationship. Well, we have our own, like, we have the same bathroom to get ready, but we have our own toilets. You have your own designated toilets. Yeah.

I feel like that's great. Yeah, so do I. And we're all adults. I'm like, we're not children, but, like, we don't need to, like, throw in each other's faces. That would be very disgusting. Literally. Yeah. Exactly.

Yuck. I feel like now, I don't know, I can't say I'm not married, whatever. But like having your own bedroom sounds like a fucking great idea. Bathroom, bedroom, I'm all for it. Sleep separately? Yeah, sometimes. I hope I never want to sleep separately.

I mean, look, I'm not in a relationship right now so I can say that. When I'm in a relationship, obviously I share the bed. But I'm going to stick to the bathroom. Let's leave the bedroom out of this. Own bathroom. Yeah, own bathroom for sure. Yeah, I think if you are lucky enough. If you're fortunate enough to not have to share.

By all means, yeah. Yeah, but they do say that... Because I'm gross. Like, messy? Dirty? I'm way more messy than I am dirty. Okay. But also like hair in the sink kind of shit.

Yeah, yeah. Okay. Well, they say couples who sleep in separate beds live longer. Right. They do? Yeah. Why? Because you're not woken up.

Like usually I think it's because like people snore or move. and it interrupts your sleep. So, like, the more sound you sleep, the better your sleep, the longer you live. Do you sleep with your husband? I try not to. Really? Well, he snores. He should get that looked at.

No kidding. He's a doctor. Yeah. He's a doctor? Yes. He needs, he just... And I'm telling him, he should get that look at that way. I know.

Well, he just went to a brain doctor. He's functional medicine, family medicine. So, like, yeah, like, full on. Yeah, no. He needs to get it looked at. He doesn't know that snoring. Can kill you? He knows.

What do you mean snoring can kill you? Well, it could be a... It's how Reggie White died. It can be a sleep apnea. I was going to say. It's that, right? But yeah, like, technically, I mean, yeah, I think basically snoring can kill you. Oh, my God.

Yeah. When you break it down. Yeah, sure. I can't do... I'm a very light sleeper. That would be very hard for me. I sleep with a sound machine. My dog snores, too.

We are sleep sound people. I love it. Usually thunderstorms. Okay. We tried River past couple of times. nights. Doesn't make you have to pee? No. Okay. I like white noise. More than brown noise? Have you tried brown ? No, great. Brown noise is good. Brown noise is really good. Yeah, check it out. They also say it's better for like anxiety too. Did you hear it read? Is it? Yeah. Do you deal with anxiety? Oh my God. You have

anxiety too. I have had for a couple of, it's been bad past a couple days. I don't know why. Just a couple days, but is it something you struggle with in your life? Always or? Yeah. Well, adult life. Adult life. Since starting the show or before? Got worse. Yeah, for sure. Well, yeah, I mean, you're thrown into like... But I've always been kind of an anxious guy. How do you treat it?

I stay active. Like physically, work out. Yeah, that helps a lot. I'm not medicated. Have you ever been? No. Okay. So it helps you...

I'd rather not be. Right. I can avoid it. I mean, if you need it and if it helps you, great, but... You found ways to help yourself with it. Yeah. Therapy, too, right? Lots of therapy.

Lots of therapy. How many times a week? Once. Okay. But you do it once a week. Yeah. That's great. Would you guys be open to past life regression?

I'm listening to this book. Past life regression? Yeah. It's like where they hypnotize you and take you through anything that's, it could be anything. It's like past trauma and shit. Yeah. And then it could possibly go into other lives if you believe in that stuff. Reinfirmation.

I've read the book many, I haven't read many books in my life. It's my favorite book of all times. Many lives, many masters. That's her favorite book. That's one of the few books I actually finished. And I got to say, as it, it makes you go, my, maybe he's a con artist or? No way. I'm listening to his other book.

No way. No way. I mean, he's got every. I haven't read it. There's a lot of con artists out there. There is. I don't think he's one. I'm reading the book right now.

Only love is real. I'm listening to it. It's worth a listen. I'm a listening. guy myself. So did you read I read that one? I read that one. It's like, that's an accomplishment for me. I'm dyslexic, so.

So is she? Reading. Yeah. Really? Did you struggle in school as a kid? No. Because I guess it turns out I think I'm smart. I don't mean that like enough. No. But like I was a like a 3-5 student.

But like I was a slow test taker and I didn't study much, but I was smart enough to get by. I think Einstein was dyslexic, wasn't me? Was he? I believe so. Was it? One of those heavy hitters.

Yeah, a lot of successful dyslexic people out there. Yeah. Let's give it a voice, people. Neurodivergent, apparently. That's what I heard. That's the term. I learned that on The Bachelor. Did you?

Why? Yeah, because some girl came on and made it a thing. Really? Was she neurodivergent? I guess she had ADHD. Oh, wait. Was that recently? Yeah.

I'm remembering something's true. Who was it? What was it? When was that? Because I was thinking, I'm like, when's that? I don't know. She just went on this whole thing of, you know, it was her. It was the thing.

She definitely made it a thing. Her name, I believe, was Elizabeth. She didn't, like, make, she wasn't, like, further along in the season. No, she was, like, went home, like, week three. And she did her own, like, bachelorette photo shoot. What? What does that mean? What does that mean?

She's like a campaign to be the next bachelor at? Yeah, kind of. Is she? No. Oh. Yeah. Did they pick the next bachelor I get? They did.

Charity. Is she from this current season? She is. Charity? Yeah. See, no, I have to. So that's a problem. All young, right?

Yeah, they're all like 20. She's like 24. 25. Dude. How can anybody at 24? 26. Matt. She's smart.

She's a, like, she seems to, I think she's like a family therapist or something. But they all, they all have these like great. careers and then they do this and then they go on to the things. We'll see. Well, you've made a great career out there. You sure have, Nick. Thanks. Mr. Podcasts. Yeah. Extraordinary. Yeah. Yeah, it worked hard. It's worked out. It's worked out. I wasn't really sure for a while. You weren't sure. You have to get off the show, you know. It's like, can't do Instagram ads forever, you know. And so you try to figure out what you can do with. the platform and the exposure and the experience.

And you think everyone who goes on that show has some level of success. Like that's kind of the big burden. What can I do with this? Because as I tell everyone in that world, like you get a lot of access, but you get no credibility. So you have to figure out how you get credibility before you run out of access. Right. Well, you did work hard and it also speaks to you are smart.

You were like, you know, you found your way and you did it well. Yeah, it worked out. It did work out. So far, so good. Look at you sitting here talking to us because... I'm in a famous person's house, you know? Listen, it was all not for not. It was all not for not.

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colors, and they make great gifts because they're an option for literally anyone. Men love them too. They have over 1.5 million raving fans, and you can be next. Try now risk-free for 60 nights at blissy.com slash Rachel and get an additional 30% off. That's B-L-I-S-S-Y-S-Y.com.com. Okay, can you explain something to me, actually? This Vanderpump thing, I've never seen the show. I had it until the season, and I got to say it's good. Well, I've never seen the show. I don't know who, I know who Sheena is because she, whatever, I talked to her because of the OC.

And, but what happened? So. Have you ever seen that show? You know what you're missing out. Do you like reality TV? I do. It's good. Okay.

All right. Right. Well, the original premise, I think, was a bunch of, like, people who worked at, like, Lisa Vanderpenterbrose restaurant. Sure. And, like, I think it still, like, has a place on the show, but, like, it's a little bit more than that. But, like, yeah, these people, it's been on for, like, a decade or longer. Right.

It's been on forever. And I guess castmates have come and gone. But now Ariana, Ariana Maddox is on the show, and she's been dating this guy named Tom Sandival for the past nine years. They own a house together. They're not married, but they're a house. essentially like together together and it was recently discovered that another person on the show named Raquel self-named her real name apparently is Rachel we've since discovered you could do that I'm good I think Rachel's fine it hasn't been received well people finding out

she changed her name to Raquel but it turns out they've been sleeping together for the better part of the past year and cheating on Ariana all while the season is being aired But she's like friends with them or something Yeah Like the season's airing now And so like you're kind of watching it back

And there's just a lot of like holy shit This was going on while this was happening Was it really going on or is it like producers? No I think it's very much An authentic storyline Which is why it's so like kind of captivating It's everywhere It's everywhere

That's why I was like I had to talk to you because I know you would know No, it's, it's, I'm hooked. You're hooked now. I'm invested. Is Natalie hooked? We are watching Vanderpump together, yeah. Got it.

Okay. No, I mean, it's real life drama within. Yeah, what I like, also what I like about Vanderpump now, at least this season is because, and again, I haven't watched earlier seasons, which I am going to go back and do now. But because now you have a lot of, a lot of the cast people are in their, like, mid-30s, right? And so you see a lot of, it's like, I think it's kind of fascinating to watch, you know, again, like the bat shirts, it's a lot of the 20-somethings, you know, so it's kind of fun to watch more contemporary. Messy adults. But like, you know, not in a minute. I don't mean that in a critical way.

Just like, you know, we're all kind of life. Life. And like see like real life shit being discussed and like people who have made mistakes in the past who are learning from the mistakes and like, you know, trying to be better for it. And, like, there's, like, meteor topics, it seems like, at least, I know, this season. Right. It's rather than, you know, kind of surface level type of, like, oh, like, my boyfriend breaks my heart and I'm sad. Well, the stakes go up as we age. Pardon me?

The stakes go up on all levels, right? So when you're in your 20s, you have that space and that room for mistakes. and for the mess. But as you grow older... Right, you share a house together. You have a family. Yeah, the stakes go up. Your career is more established, your relationship, all of it.

The stakes go up, your stakes go up and you're even less reactive, though. Because you've dealt with some shit. Right. You know, you've... Yeah. You're not freaking out over every little thing. You're like, you know what? I'll live.

Yeah. You know, I'll deal with this. And so, yeah, it's a lot more interesting to have, like, more nuanced conversations with people who have some perspective and have been through the shit, so to speak. Who did you talk to on your show that you said was out? Most recently I interviewed Kristen, who was on Vanderpump and left the show

or was removed from the show or whatever. And so she is good friends with Ariana. She also used to date Tom Sandoval before Ariana. It's a very incestuous group. But it was years ago. Okay. When she was much young, But it was really, I really benefited because right now all the other castmates are like, they're in the middle of the season.

And they're like, they're still like recording shit to try to like, so they're not. Now they're still shooting? Well, because of all this shit, they're trying to like do some pickups. Got it. Got it. But they're kind of embargoed. You know, the show is kind of like, we don't want you doing podcasts. We don't want you to do other shows.

Because, you know, I get it. They want to. Yeah, they want to capitalize on it. Well, Kristen is very involved, but like also not. under contract. That's awesome. She got, you know. Yeah, yeah.

We got the tea. Good for you. Well, yeah. I knew you would have the tea. Hustler, you know. You are a fucking hustler. That's so interesting. It's just like all I see on Instagram or whatever.

It's all over. Well, that sucks. I feel bad for the girl that was. We definitely, team Ariana. We feel bad for Ariana. We do, right? Oh, yeah. She's a.

Yeah, this Tom guy sounds like truly the worst. Like, think of the worst Peter Pan syndrome type of. He created a band. Oh. This is a true story. I was like, I'm going to paint a picture for you. So he's 39. And he started a band called like Tom and the Wildcats.

Essentially. Essentially. Tom and the Wildcats, right? It's not it, but like it might as well be. And he pays them to practice with him. He pays them to play with. They're just hired hands. And he just has this little band that he essentially, from what I gathered,

just does cover music. It's so he can, you know, hang out with fans. Wow. What? Wow. So like... He pays people to be in his band. So he can play like Jesse's girl and have like 20 Vanderpump.

Like if he wants to get girls, you know, in this time, in age, Jesse's girls. I've just said. I've just said. The way to go. Like, you know, so I have a bunch of, like, women who have been watching Vanderpump over the years show up, spend 20 bucks and, like, they're like, you know, sleep with some of them. Oh, my God. Is he attractive?

Yeah. He can sit. I feel like you're a confident of dude. You can comment on him. Yeah. I was pretty. He's pretty. He's pretty?

No, he's attractive. Can I look him up? Well, he's got a bit of a porn stash now, but he's objectively a handsome guy. A porn stash? What is it Tom Sandival? Yeah. Okay. Are they saying like Scandal Ball or something?

Did I make it up? Probably. I don't know. If I've made it up, you're a genius. She'd be writing copy. Yeah, I mean, come on now. I'm just seeing girls' faces. I'm not seeing him.

Oh, let me see. Is that him? Let me see. Wait, hold on. Oh, I have been seeing that face. See, I told him everywhere. He's in the middle, right? Yeah.

Let me see. And those are the two girls. Which one's which? Let me see. Oh, you know who he looks like is the Cody, the twins? Which girl's which? Cal is on the right. That is Katie on the right.

on the left. That's not Ariana. Oh, okay. I don't know what that's all. But that's the girl he was asleep. That's the girl. Raquel, aka Rachel, is the one. And she seems like just the worst. That's terrible.

You know, you're just a classic, very insecure. I want to see the Ariana girl. He does look like from Riverdale, the twins, you know, the one. You think he looks like cold sprouts? Like a buffed up version of him. I don't see it. Is she the blonde? Yes, that's Ariana.

That's sad. She's a lovely person. You know her? You know all of them. Does the reality world know all of the reality world? I've recently got to know the event. I've known, I met Ariana like when I moved to L.A., but I don't know her well. And then I met Katie and Ariana.

And then we were in Vegas and I saw them. And I don't know any of them very well. Right. I've gotten to know them. Okay. But you're still super close with like Ashley and Jared, right? Yeah. And they were like friends.

They're from fact. like to the podcast, obviously, I met a lot of people. Like love is blind people. Yeah. How do you feel about that show? Great. I love that show. It's great.

It's very, very entertaining. Yeah, I love it. It's crazy. It is crazy. And I'm excited by the next season. Season four is about to come out. Is it about to come out? Like two weeks, I think.

But like you talked to like a lot of people from it, right? Some, yeah. You talk to everybody from all of the things. I try to be very selective and get the most relevant story. What was the most relevant as of late other than Vandrump that you spoke to you in uncovered? Well, Raven. What? Did you watch from Love is Blind?

Oh, you, that's, I saw it on your Instagram. You interviewed her. And her dude cheated on her, right? Yeah. That is so crazy. What happened? He, he. It already came out because you posted it.

Okay. Yeah. She. So you need to watch these shows, Olivia. Apparently. Sorry. They like, they didn't get, they didn't get married. but they kept dating.

Right. I saw the catch up. And it sounds like, yeah, he was just fucking around the whole time. Sounds like there's a lot of cheating in this world. Is there? I think there's a lot of cheating in the world. I know. Unfortunately.

What? Okay. We have a lot of questions. We do have a lot of questions. So we asked people to write in their questions. We didn't reveal it was you yet, but we just general questions. Not to put, so we didn't put you on the spot too bad. But, okay, well, I'm going to, I need to, like, a racket range.

Do you think cheating's forgivable? Yeah. That's what I was going to say. Yeah, it can be. What's the circumstance that you would be willing to forgive? Well, I think I'm a big believer, and I just, I think in general how people respond to things is more important than we all make mistakes. I'm just speaking generally. And so I care more about how we respond

to the mistakes that we make rather than the mistakes themselves. I think that says more about who we are as people in our character. Because we all fucked up. We've all been selfish. We've all hurt others. We've all heard people we love.

Yada, yada, yada. I've never cheated. I've been cheated on. So I'm very critical of cheaters. And I don't have a lot of... I was about to say, I don't have a lot of patience and empathy for the cheating, but I do have empathy for people who have experienced past traumas in their lives or whatever, and people cheat for all sorts of reasons,

but people can cheat from, you know, just, again, like unresolved trauma in their life, right? So I guess it's very circumstantial, but I think as someone who, like, you know, works a lot in relationships and stuff. So I try to like study this stuff. There's this really, um, this is really good TED talk by this therapist or this doctor called Esther Perel. I was just going to say,

yeah. Yeah. And she talked about affairs. And it's just really interesting. And in the premise of her video is kind of, is more about how, how one could get over an affair or our couples can last from affairs. You know, like oftentimes cheating is the straw that broke the camel's back,

like the relationship's dog shit, it's over or whatever. Right. There's no appreciation. And other times, like, people are, they step out for a variety of reasons. Maybe it's, again, like, maybe it's often that could have nothing to do with the relationship. Maybe it's something internal that they're just acting out on in a very toxic and destructive way. And that, it can create, I suppose, more honesty in relationships where it really kind of opens up, like people are really kind of putting everything on the table. this is all to say I think I'm a big advocate for therapy right yeah and so I think if you are

willing whether it's infidelity or anything else in a relationship I was saying this on like I did the questions with Nick and someone was talking about a frustration with their partner I mean like you have people say they're going to change all the time and they never do you don't change closing the cabinet there you go yeah but like you know if I were to say I want to I want to get in better shape. I want to, you know, like, I would have to go to the gym, but I'd have to start eating right or whatever, you know, like. You'd have to do something.

They'd have to do something. Yeah. But like in relationships, people will say, well, I'm going to change or, you know, or if they fuck up, you know, maybe there is an affair if there's cheating or whatever. Like, I'll stop. And like, in someone like, I'll forgive you. And then, like, well, what are you two doing about that? Like, are you, you're just going to.

trust, like, why should you trust them? What do you mean they're going to change? How do they even know how to change? You know, because if you're going to be in a relationship where someone cheats and you're willing to forgive them, you both need to understand what happened. Right. You know, why did that person make that decision? You know, this person, maybe they're saying, maybe they're still claiming that they loved you and they still want to be with you. It's like, well, you love me, you still want to be with me. Then why did you do that? You know? And sometimes the answers aren't as obvious, right? Because, you know, sometimes, literally, if we experience trauma, we all have experienced some kind of trauma as a kid, you know, some more than others,

you know, some very severe, some is just like we just didn't get what we wanted, I guess, you know. I'm more on the fortunate side of things. But we all have some unresolved childhood trauma. But our brain starts trauma in the back of our brain, you know, and we make our decisions in our frontal lobe, but when we are triggered by something from trauma, then we, like, our subconscious brain is what drives our decision making, you know? And so if you haven't dealt with that and you don't have the tools to, like, process that and, you know, people can make very destructive decisions. It's not an excuse, but it is a reason to understand why someone can do the unforgivable or someone could do something that you can't process what they're doing. So, and they're not going to

stop doing that until they deal with it. Yeah. So if you're in a relationship with someone, yeah, you know, you both should be in therapy. You should both be in couples therapy. You should be figuring out what's going on in this relationship. That person who's cheating needs to figure out why do they do such destructive things when they are triggered as opposed to, you know, writing it down or journaling or communicating with their partner or whatever. You know, Because literally, when we are triggered, we can go to our, like, we turn into kids, literally. Of course. You know, we, so if you experience trauma, let's say, as like a 15-year-old, let's say it's

a very traumatic event, you know. That's when it was. If someone triggers you, right, you will literally go back to, like, making decisions that you did as, like, a 15-year-old in a sense. Like, I'm not a therapist by any way. So when I say this, if I'm getting any of this wrong, you know, like, but like, there's, But, you know, read up on it, but that's the general take of some of these, this logic. So this is all to say, like, you know, if there's infidelity, I think it's forgivable.

It's a case-by-case basis, but you really have to do the work. And if you're not going to do the work, and if you're, you both have to do the work, you know, if you want to stay in a relationship or someone cheated on you, like, you don't have to stay. Right. You know, but if you do want to stay, then you both have to make changes. is you both have to do the work. You have to understand each other better and you have to do the work

to make sure this doesn't happen in the future. And if you watch that video, like Esther Perel's TED Talk, I think, you know, and I've talked to people and, you know, who have experienced stuff like this, it can be very positive. It could be your relationship.

You know, there's some people who have experienced this and have a better relationship for it. You know, there's some scars there and some pain, but like they've done the work. They've really worked through it. And now they're more connected than ever before.

They're prioritizing staying connected and doing the things and making sure they don't lose, create that space that causes them to, you know, do something they regret. Do you and Natalie do couples therapy? Yeah, we actually just started after we got engaged. That's smart. That's good. Yeah, well, you know, it's funny because I first started, I started therapy in the beginning of the pandemic. but I was just like I advocate for it all the time.

So like I should try it. Practice what you preach. Yeah, literally. And then I started talking with like people who would call in and I would always say like, you know, like couples therapy is like far better served as like a safety belt or a bicycle hemout rather than reconstructive surgery. Totally. Yeah. So again, back to practicing what you preach. But I got to say ever since we started, it's.

one of those things where I wish we would have started sooner. That's great. That's cool. Because it's like a high every time we go. We feel more connected. We're just like, there's like a, like, you have like a mediator. And we don't, like, we're not even fighting over stuff. But it's just like, it just creates a safe place to like get to know each other.

And, yeah, like, I think we've, we've never felt more connected than when we're then starting couple's therapy. I think that's awesome. One of the things, too, that Esther Pearl says that. that changed my whole perception on things was when she talks about the reason people cheat is often, obviously, not about the other person, but more they miss how they felt in the beginning of love. And they miss that part of themselves when they're excited or engaged and all of that. And I was like, wow. So how can we find those places and ourselves in long-term

relationships, right, where you're not like, oh, I have to go cheat in order to feel that again. Like, what can you do to get feeling new and not feeling? I mean, does that, do you get what I mean by that? Yeah, I mean, I think. Do you have any thought, advice or whatever on it? What do you guys do? Well, uh. Or do you have to let go of that?

Like, what do you? Sex chair. Like, what is it? Well, I don't, yeah, because I don't know if to, I guess I guess I get, I can't really speak from personal experience, but I think that applies. I mean, that makes a lot of sense, you know, where, yeah, I don't think what I agree with is I don't think people, when they cheat, it's something that's going on in themselves. It's like, it's really, it's not the, it's not because your partner's not doing something usually. And even if they aren't your arm.

Some people like to blame the partner, though. Sure. Yeah, but that's just bullshit. That's an excuse. Right. Yeah. So if you, yeah, if you're someone who's attention, like who, who, who loves. the attention and when you were dating and you were just used to collecting hearts and kind of

getting you can miss you can miss that sure yeah like in any even in the best relationships you know in monogamous relationships it's kind of like you know like so do you want to have sex you know like yeah how do you know like not every time you have sex with your your partner that you've been dating for a long time is like a throw them up against the wall kind of like like throw them up on the kitchen counter. I think it's probably rarely ever that. Right. And so like, yeah, that can, you can lose something that you would have outside of a relationship that, you know, our brains prefer pain to boredom. I was just talking to the neurosurgeon last night. And he was talking about how thought is one of the things in the brain that really needs to be addressed is human brains

don't know how to deal with boredom. Yeah, because the brain requires. all pain is a stimulus. Exactly. Bortem is literally nothing, you know, is so the brain will seek out stimulation even if it's painful. Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah. Yeah.

And it really is, we were talking about like how do you create more of those kind of pregnant gaps in life where you're not seeking stimulation, but being in that kind of boredom and getting comfortable in it. because that's where intuition comes up. That's where creativity comes up. If you don't allow yourself... Yeah, you just have to channel it, I think, differently. Like, if you're just someone, again, like validation from attention from men or women or whatever, whoever you are, you know, like, if that's all you're used to in terms of, like, being stimulated, you know, like, you have to find other interests and you have to find other things that get you going and give you purpose.

That's it. And in a relationship, yeah, I think you just always have to find ways to keep it fun and fresh. Also, what I would recommend for every couple who has been dating for a while, like, make love without having sex. Oh. Go on. Show us. Elaborate. Well, your skin's your largest organ.

Yeah. It's your most sensitive one. It's like, I mean, I just think, you know, back to like, like, you know, back to like. Like, if you're in a relationship for a long time, foreplay kind of dwindles down. Sure. Yeah. You know, just the sex and time, convenience. You have kids.

People are tired, whatever. But, like, make love without having sex. So, like, tease each other, caress each other's skin. Like, talk while you're, like, you're just naked, lying in bed. Maybe play some music, light some candles. I don't want it what the fuck. And you just, like, touch each other. Yeah.

You know, like, you used to do that when you were, like, teenagers, you know? And that was fun. And, like, you know, you'd touch others private private priority. or whatever. Like, you know, like maybe, yeah, like make love and tease each other. Don't even climax, you know, like, you know, tease each other. Maybe send some nudes with each other at work or whatever, you know? But, like, you don't always have to finish.

And when you don't, that can be an exciting thing, you know. And you can, again, like, talk through and connect and make eye contact and touch each other's skin and not necessarily just, like, put the P and the V. And I think that's a way that couples can really connect in ways that they have it in probably a really long time. I love that. And I think that... I'm just picturing you and Jeff. You don't have to picture us.

No, but I mean, like, I think it's good, though. No, it is. And especially as, you know, someone that's married with two kids, a lot of the times it's like, meet me in the room for five minutes for sex. You know, it's like, yeah, you have to find the time. And it's just like, all right, wham, bam, bam. Thank you, ma'am. That's right. But next time, maybe just like, we're not even having sex.

We're just going to get naked. I'm going to, I'm going to propose that tonight. And we're just going to. I can't wait to hear how it goes. I'm going to be like, so, babe. We're going to lay naked. Little twist here. Don't even say it.

Just feel like, no. He's going to like, what? Yeah. Just like gatekeep. Play a little game. You know. Gatekeep. That's the name of the game.

Gatekeep. No, I love that. That's happening. Yeah. Good, Nick. And then, like, you know, like, don't have sex for them and he'll get all fired up and then, like, send a nude or something or the other day, you know, just slice it up. Sending nudes are, you guys don't do that, though. You guys?

No. I used to tell her, like, I'd be in the other room for my partner and I would, like, send a picture. Send a nude, yeah. Yeah. I mean, I've sent. Or into the bathroom. Yeah. I feel like he'd be like, are you okay?

I mean, I think also, too. It's like, I don't know, we've been together 10 years. How many nudes have you sent? Any? I've sent him, like, cute lingerie pictures, but not like... To start. It is a start. You know what I mean?

Like, yeah. Don't look at me. I said I'm going to start sending nudes and vital to him. I think in a relationship, sending each other nudes is great. I don't necessarily... But you cut your heads off out of the pictures? Or do you say... send with full frontal with face?

We've done both, but like there's a level of trust that we have. Yeah, obviously. Well, it's not even with the other person. People can hack in and fucking... Yeah, but I'm very careful about that stuff. How are you careful? If I don't keep them, and then my passwords are like sentences. Okay.

Yeah. These are my nudes. Also, also, just, you know, for anyone listening who, you know, doesn't have a partner, I learned this from a guest, watermark your nudes. What does one? You can get an app can do that. Oh, really? You put their name on it.

So if that picture gets out, you know who did it. So if you're single, right? And you're like you're dating Tom. Right. You want to send Tom a nude. You watermarked Tom's first and last name on the nudes. So if it ever gets out, you know that Tom is dirt back. That is brilliant.

That is very, yeah. That is very important information. But hopefully you don't have to do that with your husband. That would be that would suck if I did. Why are you watermarking? Like, why do you have a name on here? Oh, my God. Brilliant.

Okay. I think you're on a double date. Do you guys double date a lot? Yeah. I mean, not a lot, but they do. You were last night at the dinner. Yes. You should have gone to the bathroom and sent him a new.

Jeff would fucking lose his mind. Like, you're really doing this guy as solid. Like, he would fucking. lose his mind. I've never said you've done this. Can't wait to get home before. Can't wait? Yeah.

Like these people are such a bore. You just like not worn an underwear under your dress. Let's say you're wearing a dress or a skirt. Gone to the bathroom and showed him. Like what? And be like, you know? Yeah. None of this has ever occurred to me.

Truly. And I think it's because, to be honest, like I've always felt like we're good. You are good. You know what I mean? Like we're great in that department. It's like we're attracted. We're like... Just about not being good.

No, I know. This is about... Spices and up. This is taking it up and on us. Yeah. Don't you want to be home in the car with Jeff? And you can tell he's just like going a little fast to normal to get home and just like, you know, like, this guy wants to fuck me. So true.

Like, I don't know. I love it. Oh my God. Jeff is good. Like you're going to be Jeff's favorite person. Zoom, Zoom. Zoom. Zoom.

Zoom. That's so good. All right. I have a question for you, Nick. If you had to pick a song to play, every time you walked into a room, what would it be? I'm not good with music. Well, you could sing it. It could be a theme song from a show.

Yeah. Well, you've seen the movie Blow with that Black Betty song where he's walking all cool. That's a great walk. Well, I mean, I don't know if I could pull it off, but. That's what you're going with. That's a fun song. That is a fun song. Yeah.

I can see that. What would be yours? Oh, party didn't start until I walked. I don't know. That's the lyric. Party in the USA by Miley Cyrus. Yeah. Well, it was yours.

I don't know. It's hard to think of it so hard. I'm not like, I'm so dumb with music. Are you done with music? Dumb, dumb, dumb. Like, I just don't know. I don't know music well. Like, I'm a top 40s guy.

Like, you know. Yeah. But you came up with that. That was like pulling something out. I guess, sure. Yeah. That would count. I feel like I have.

I would do some sort of like Ariana Grande song. Really? Yeah, I love her. I love her. And she makes me feel sexy. Okay. You know, like I feel like I'd walk in and it would be like this. Well, she has a great song.

Her song. I'm thinking of it. Nick dancing. I'm so into you. I'm so sicker. I can't sing. All it. Yeah, I like all of her.

SWV. I'm so into you. But that brings us time. Yeah, that's different. That ages us. It does, but that's okay. SWV, they don't fuck around. What's the lowest you stooped to get back at an X?

I'm not petty that way. You've never done anything? No. Okay. Really? Because like indifference is the is the key to that. Indifference.

Yeah. Well, I mean, so the first time I got cheated on was my then-fiance at the time. What? Yeah. She cheated her? This was long before. I was like 28. Oh, that you were engaged prior.

Yeah. And it was like her bachelor at party. And she like came into the bar where my then girlfriend worked. It was just like, what are you doing? And so I purposely, like, I was good. And like, the fact that she was there was like already. And so like I knew what I was doing. Like I was self-aware and I was like in a good like mental state.

So I just like congratulated her. But I and she cried. But like I kind of was like, I'm so happy for you. And I was like good. And I think she showed up. wanting you to be destroyed. Trying to get destroyed. But like I was like, I knew it was going on.

Like I was self-aware. And so I deliberately like was super like indifferent and nice. And that was kind of pain. Made her feel. Yeah, for sure. Yep. But powerful. But also awesome.

Yeah, exactly. I was like, but a power move. Yeah. But yeah, I don't. I think if you're loot. You're just, listen, I preach just a lot, but like we only have so much energy. Energy is not infinite. It's finite.

And our energy is our power. And whether you're thinking about someone or you're actually taking your physical energy of doing something, like you can either give it to the people you love or yourself or people in your circle or you can give it to like someone who you don't like or who isn't in your life. And if you give them their energy, they're winning. So I try to subscribe to that type of mindset of not giving people who I don't like or respect or want in my life, my energy. That's great.

I heard someone say yesterday, I want to be the sun for those in my life that I choose. Yeah, love that. Me too. I was like, that's brilliant. Why am I going to go be the sun for anyone that's outside of that? Right? I choose who I'm the son for. I'm giving all my energy.

I'm giving you all my light, like all my everything. And so many of us give so much energy to so many people who don't even ask for it. Right. We're being their son. Yeah. Unnecessary. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm everyone's son. Best advice for a single father. So this father wrote in, single father of a child, soul custody. And... Soul custody. Yeah. And he wants... He hasn't been out there in years.

dating advice. Yeah. Yeah. Get out there. But an app, like he has, what do you think? His kid. I've become less and less pro dating app. Have you?

Why? Because I just think they're, I still think people should use them and they need to use them. You have to police yourself. People like. Were you on them prior? There's on Raya, you know, for a minute. Okay. But that's about it.

By the time they were a big deal, I didn't feel very safe to be on them. All right. There are a way to meet people for sure. But, again, you have to please yourself because, you know, I don't think the algorithm there is to set you up for success. You can get very discouraged very easily. It's a kind of more of a validation tool or a discouraging tool. And you shouldn't be like talking to seven people at once. Right.

You know? Right. So, like, that's not how people date, you know? So, but it is a way to get out there and start meeting people and I think just take things slow. You just get your, get your. Get your foot in the game, so to speak. Just get out there and... Local restaurants, what?

Ask people questions. I mean, I think as a single dad who has so custody, like, you know, stereotypes are unfair, but, like, I think it's going to go very well for him. I don't think... Right? It's going to work in his favor. I think it's going to work in his favor. Yeah.

Right? I think there's a double standard between single moms and single fathers. And as a single dad, I don't think he has a lot to worry about. Tell me. you think this is psycho, okay? What if he? I mean, this is what I would do. I'm not saying this is the right thing to do, and you probably shouldn't do this. But if I was a man and I had a baby or a child all to myself, I would sign up for an app to set me up with the best possible nanny there is. And I would interview all the women. And I would find a really good woman that was single.

It's borderline creepy. Okay. Okay. That's a little bit. That's a little bit. move, but I think I don't know what this gentleman looks like. She's pointing at me, like, don't say that. All right. But that's what I would do. Here's what I do. I don't know what this guy. I don't know what he looks like.

He's nice looking man. You know what he looks like. Yeah. Okay. Well, make sure you look your best. So investing your women friends, go out there, have your women friends take you shopping, glam up, whatever it is. Like, trust your, don't.

This is advice for all guys out there. Stop getting advice from your guy friends. have good women in your lives who have dating experience and get all your dating and specifically sex advice from women like why stop asking men what women like and bet um right that's why i think we have so many male listeners like what the fuck are you doing yeah so so have women friends and and ask your women friends what's work for them in dating what are things they like that guys have done. What are things they hated that guys have done? When you're on dates, just ask a lot of questions. It is an interview, whatever. It is an interview. Then follow-up questions. It's not just

the first questions. What do you do for work? Why do this? Great. Like, oh, do you like it? That's interesting. You think you want to do that forever? No? Why not? Oh, yes? Okay, cool. Like, how'd you get into that? You know, like, that should turn into another conversation. Like, just keep asking them questions. That's the most important. If they care about you, they ask for you a question, but people go on dates and they're always like, people get nervous, you know, so you have to have less some grace when it comes to, like, the first couple dates, right? Because, like, that'll happen too. People, when they're nervous, they'll talk about themselves, all right? Well, you know, so, and the other person's, like, thinking, well, they didn't ask me any

questions, so I just kept talking. Right. You know, the other person's being like, well, they don't want shut the fuck up, you know, you know, and so, like, meanwhile, like, both people, people could be well-intentioned thinking the other person didn't give a shit about them or whatever. But like, slow down, take your time, ask a follow-up question. And then if the other person's quiet and you're talking a lot, notice that and say, well, what about you? Right. You know, how about you?

Like, what do you have to say, you know, and just see where it goes? I love that you're battling the first impression theory. What do you mean? What do you mean? Like, people always go off the first impression of someone. I don't think you can. No. People are like everyone's been someone like everyone's been someone's bad date.

And a lot of people listen to like, I haven't. Like, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you have. Yeah, you have. You know, you might not have realized it or known it, but like someone maybe thought, you know, if you're someone who's been on a date and you're less like, I haven't had any good dates in a while, they all suck. Trust me, you've been a, like, they all thought you were terrible. Yeah.

They all thought you didn't ask them questions, that you didn't give a shit about them, that you're a lou for whatever. like you've been a bad date, you know? Right, right. And that's okay. But we've all been someone's bad date. And I think we just have to like, you know, and in a dating app world, who knows what someone's going through when you're on a date with them? Maybe you're their third date in a week because they decided to get back out there and

they, like, overbooked. And now they're just, like, fatigued or whatever. Or maybe it's their first day in a while and they're super nervous. Or maybe they just had a fucking bad day because, like, their ex, like, you know, triggered them right before they showed up for the date. God only knows. But yeah, like we give some people like... Grace.

Yeah. If you're like they weren't bad, go on a second date. You know? I do too. And I love, it seems like you wouldn't need to tell people that they should listen and ask questions and ask follow up questions. But they need to hear that because so many women say, you were like, how was the date? He didn't ask me anything about myself. Just talked about him.

Like, but I feel like... I think men are definitely worse at that. I don't think it's always the case, though. You don't think it's just like, oh, they're self-involved. Do you think it has to do with? Well, again, I think it's... I just think if someone else was observing said date, there might be more inside.

Again, I think... Right. You know, they didn't ask anything about me, you know. Maybe they weren't interested. I don't know. Maybe it says that. You know, sometimes, you know, I've been on dates for... I show up and like...

I want to go. Yeah. So I... So you purposely sabotage it? Not purposely, but it's like I don't ask questions, the answers I don't give a shit about. You know? I mean, like, and that's not necessarily a excuse. You're not putting on a front.

Yeah. Well, I should. But I'm just admitting that I've... Done that. Been there. I've been there. Right. Yeah. Everywhere.

But, yeah, I think everyone can ask more questions. Listen, wouldn't... No one's the... No one's the villain their own story. Correct. And so chances are, whatever your perception of the other person is, maybe just take a moment to think about, like, how you were on that date. Or, you know, what you could have done differently, you know.

Right. Yeah. How do you feel about TMI on a first date? Oh. Oversharing? It can be a thing. Start slow. Yeah, don't.

Try not to do it. They don't need to know your baggage. Yeah. The first day is about, it is about getting to know the other person. So you shouldn't be talking. Like, it's not your job on a first day to explain yourself or have them get to like you. It's your job to figure out whether you like them if they're worth your time. It's your job to figure out whether a second date is an option.

Like you already like, it's not your job to get them to like you. Right. It's their job to figure out whether they want to like you. So they should be asking you questions. You should ask them questions. And hopefully you're both asking each other questions. But yeah, if you go on a date and you're asking someone a lot of questions and they don't ask you any, like help them out. You know, literally ask them.

Do you have any questions for me? Like, you know. Wow. How would you feel if someone asked you that? You can answer their question and then say, well, what about you? Well, what do you like to do? You know, does that interest you? Like, what do you think about that?

You know, like, if you're good at, like, having a conversation and, like, helping out the person you're with, like, unless they're, like, refusing to ask you questions, you know what I'm saying? I think a lot of it is just both people being in their heads or prioritized the wrong thing. I think both people go into dates. The biggest mistake people make on first dates is hoping that person likes them. Right. It's like audition. Yeah. And so they go in and, yeah, literally auditioned. So that's why people who talk, if someone's, if someone's, you know, if someone's, you know, if someone's, you know, it's a lot. I don't. It's just. It's, yeah, it's just one's, it's going on a day talking a lot about themselves. It's not because they're like a jerk or cocky, don't give a shit about you. It's because they're nervous. They're auditing. And they're trying to, like, get you to like them. You know, so, you know, that's actually endearing when you think of it like that, right? You're like, oh, they're just trying to like, they just want you to like. They just want your approval. Oh, man. That's tough. What makes you jealous in a relationship or in your relationship? I'm not a very jealous guy. I guess just feeling disconnected.

Well, I mean, like, because jealousy comes from insecurity. Like, if you're not insecure about something, you're not going to be jealous about something. And any time person, if you see someone jealous, it's because they're triggered by an insecurity. Now, they can see insecurity is either something that they have within themselves that they brought into the relationship, you know, something they haven't resolved. Or maybe it's an insecure that's caused from, like, you know, your person, like, flirting with everyone. You're just like, could you not do that? And like, why are you coming home at 5 in the morning? every night. Like, I'm insecure about that. And that can make you jealous, right? So what makes

me insecure would be, like, I guess I don't have any insecurities. I don't think I have any, I don't, we all have insecurities, but I mean, I think I would have an insecurity of sometimes feeling like enough in my relationships, I mean, because I've had relationships that I haven't worked out. So more than I like to realize, I think I have that that I bring into relationships. But if I'm feeling disconnected with my partner in a sense of like distance, I suppose that I can, I can act out in a jealous way at times. Okay. That makes sense.

Yeah. Yeah. That's fair. Oh, this is relevant. If you could rename, rename, if you could rename yourself, would you? And if so, what would it be? Yeah. My mom has made a name is Parker.

And I think if I were Nick Parker, my life would be very different. So, super. Super hero. Interesting. And I'd be like, hi, I'm Nick Parker. You're like, I'm Nick Parker. I'd always be like Nick Parker. Yeah.

I've thought about this a lot. I can tell. Because my last name's the worst. What? Isn't it the worst? No one can get it right. How do you say? Vial.

Vial. But everyone's like vile. Yeah. Like vile. Oh, and it's vile. I see. Like you're vile. I get it.

And if I say it real fast, so like it's, you know. Vile. Vile. Yeah. It's a whole thing. And then I decided to name my show over it. Which is just, you know. You're like, let's just double down on it.

Let's just double down. Is she going to take your name? I think so. We would have the same initials then. She's a big fan of that. That's cute. That is cute. Envy.

That's very cute. I like it. All right. Well, thank you for correcting your pronunciation. What would you do if you found a dead body in a hotel room? We need to know. Call the front desk. Right?

That's fair. Yeah. I mean like, hey guys, you got a situation. Hey, guys. So what would you do it? I, well, is there blood? It can be whatever you want to be. Whatever dead body comes to mind.

Well, if there's no blood, I'd call the front desk. Okay. And if there's blood, what does? I'd call 911. God on it. My first thing would be like, well, I don't know. If I walked in and, like, there's a body just, like, lying in bed, and it looks like maybe they just, like, didn't wake up,

and it's just like a cold corbs, I'd call the front desk. See, I'd walk in and there's just like a murder scene. I'd call 911. See, you wouldn't run out of the room? You would run? Hell yeah, I'd run. I would run down to the front desk. Like, I would be like, somebody help, there's a dead body.

I wouldn't like casually pick up the phone and be like, hello front desk. And you like walk the step across the body to get to the hotel phone. And you're like, excuse me. First, I had to hang out for a while. It shifts through their things. Oh, God. Who is this person? A mess with evidence.

Try on their clothes. They mean. Moving on. Anyways, what's your biggest panty dropper? What? What's my what? Your biggest panty dropper. What's that?

Like a line? Like what, yeah, like what? No, we do have one of those in here, but no. You don't know what a panty dropper is? Like if some, like, if a guy does something that's like so hot, we're like, That's a panty dropper. We're just using the same expression for you as a dude. Yeah.

What's the biggest, like, turn on, essentially? That a woman can do. Sure. Yes. We're just using whoever you want it to be. Well, I was just like, I tell you about a move I have. Oh, please. No.

No. Yeah. What's your fucking man? I don't have one. Yeah. Also, like, that's a weird question to answer as a guy. Of course it is. All the time.

Yeah. But I know you have something that does. Um, what's a panty dropper? Like, what's like game over you got me? Yeah, we can rephrase it that way. We just thought it was funny to ask you, panty dropper. I love a good, like, just a t-shirt. Oh, yeah.

Okay. Men's t-shirt? Like, they're just in a t-shirt. Just a t-shirt. Yeah. Okay. I respect that. I respect it.

I find it to be an attractive look. Yep. Yeah. Respect. It's cute when you're in a man's. T-shirt too, like the guy, you're wearing the guy's t-shirt. Or like if you're in like a little white t-shirt, but it's cropped, you know? But also like back to the the nudes. I like the idea. I like, um, I like being in public with, with, uh, Natalie, I guess. And thus, like,

teasing each other in anticipation for being home. Yeah. You guys, do you guys do that a lot? I like, no, like, like, like, every day they're at McDonald's, like. Well, I don't know. Yeah. They're like handing us a milkshake and they're like, yeah, no, but like, yeah, Natalie does that. It can be very attractive. For sure.

Well, she knows how to get a man. How do you feel about a partner keeping memorabilia from past relationships? I usually don't care. Okay. But this time you do? No, it's just more like, well, what is it? obviously case by case, but like if someone like bought you a watch, I'm like, I'm going to to make you throw away a watch, you know, or...

Okay. Like if it's, if it's something that you practically, like, get use out of... Mm-hmm. What if it's not? I don't have a... Like, what if it's like a handkerchief or like a... Yeah, if it's like clearly some sort of like memorabilia that is just that, a reminder of a time, but has no functional purpose, then yeah, it's what.

weird. Right, right. You know. Do you have anything that you've kept? Yeah, I guess. Yeah, perfect example. When Vanessa and I were dating, we went to like home goods once and bought this like Buddha. Yeah. Right. And I love it. And it's at our house, mine and Ali's house right now. Right. But it's just because you love the Buddha and not because it. And I bought it with Vanessa. But that's different. That's like a fixture. That's not like tucked in a drawer in a bar. No, you're like, I love this Buddha. But I'm just saying, like, I got it with Vanessa. Right.

Does it bother Natalie? No. Right. Yeah. And like, let's say Vanessa bought it for me or bought it, you know, like, is a gift. Right. It could easily have been a gift, you know, and like a birthday gift. And I'm like, why would we throw this away?

It's a good Buddha. It's a good Buddha. Okay. But, yeah, if it was, you know, it's a little, like for, if Natalie had earrings from someone, I wouldn't care. Okay. Does she have anything from past relationship? I don't even ask.

You don't even ask? Yeah. Okay. Sure. Right. That's good. That's confidence. Yeah.

All right. Lastly, you can speak to either long-distance relationships or situationhips if you care to give your opinion on either of those. Well, you should not be in a situation ship. Okay. We'll define a situation ship. Well, how I would define a situationship is, uh, One person is actively trying not to be in a relationship and the other person hopes that changes. Yeah.

Yeah. Well put. Well put. Nailed it. And so if you're in a situation, there's a hopeful person in a relationship. Yeah. And then there's the other person. If you're the hopeful person in a relationship, you are accepting less than you want and deserve in a relationship.

Yeah. Yeah. Agreed. Yeah. And, you know, like if you're not the hopeful person in a relationship, you don't even call it a situation ship. You're just like, yeah, I'm just seeing this person. I'm doing this thing. I'm just doing this thing, you know, like, we're cool.

Like, I have this friend or this fuck buddy. Right. But if you are your, if you're identifying as a situation ship, you need to get out immediately. Or you just need to define, you know, you need to set your boundaries. Yeah. You need to let them know what you want. Never ask. never asked to define a relationship.

Never ask what are we ever. Never ask what are. You're immediately giving away your power. Why are you asking a question to something you know? You know what you want. That's why you want to define the relationship. So don't ask them what they want. Who gives a shit what they want?

They'll let you know. I agree with that. That's powerful. So you tell them what you want. You're like, hey, I think we should date. Here's why. You're cool. I like you.

We have fun. And then they'll tell you what's a lot. want and do not compromise on the boundary you decide to set, you know. Yeah. You need to walk away. And if they give a shit enough, they'll chase. They'll follow you. You know, they might take a few days or a week or a month, but you do not need, like,

people in situationships make the mistake of showing them what it would be like to be in love. Or showing them how, like, oh, like, we're so good together. See, well, let's go meet my parents. Let's go take a vacation together. They want to make, they want to pretend in a relationship and the idea they're thinking. And it makes sense. It's like, well, you'll see how great we are. Yeah, I'll grow.

All you're doing is, is giving them all the, like, you're giving them everything they could possibly want without the commitment. Right. What makes them want to be in their relationship? You know, they just stop doing all those things. Yeah. Yeah. Disappear, date other people and say if you want, if you want it, if you want this, you

can have it, but you have to give me what I want. Right. And anyone worth your time will do it. And if they're not, they won't. This is all. See? This is church. I told her before, I was like, listen, Nick has.

Yeah, no, but I agree wholeheartedly with every word you just. A thousand percent. You're onto something. Mike drop. How do you feel about people taking sips out of your drink? Do not share my straw. Straw, I feel like straw is very personal. And if it's the rim of a cup, it's a little different because then you can kind of like

I watch where they sip and then I kind of turn it so I don't sip in the same place. I don't love sharing, though, in general. You go. You guys are very unenvironmentally friendly with your straw use. I have paper straws in my house. You don't use? Yeah, we use them. We use the paper straws all the time.

I have a really hard time not using the straw. But, I mean, I think that's a gendered thing a little bit because you've got, like, lip stick and lip gloss to deal with. But also, like, I've noticed my. teeth yellowing from coffee. Does that help if you... I don't use a straw for my coffee. But I'm starting to think,

not only do I use too many straws, but I should probably use more. You gotta just get some of those like metal ones, though. So we've got a lot of those. Because Natalie's the same way with straws, but... That she wants a straw? She likes a straw, yeah. But I think it's a female thing.

I do too. I also drink... I drink the drink too fast if I have a straw. I like to kind of settle into it. Well, it used to be considered like, for lack of a better word, pansy if guys use Robb's. Really? Yeah.

Rob Olivia had her improv show. And I forgot that it was on Sunday. I didn't invite her. You didn't invite me. I didn't invite her either. I didn't invite anybody. It was down the street from my house? Yeah.

I thought of you. And I thought I'm not going to invite him. What time was it? Because I was like right over there right around then. 4.30? Yeah, I was right. I passed it while you were in there. How creepy if you would have ran into me. You're like, what are you doing?

I didn't tell anyone. I brought my brother and my nephew and my husband. I really wanted to be there and I was really upset. I sent her a box for she's candy. You know what's good for audio podcast? Chewing cookies? Chewing cookies? Yeah, yeah.

Eating cookies. Well, it's my lunchtime, guys. Robert, you missed or talked with Nick. I will say, he does give really good relationship advice. He asked me today, Olivia, if you took his advice. In a way. Oh. Well, no.

What was the advice that you were given by him? Two, one, to make love to my husband not have sex with him. That's not what he was referring to. Oh, like the sending the sexy pictures. Uh-huh. No, I haven't done that yet. They asked me and I said, I doubt it. Challenge accepted.

He did give really good advice. I agreed with everything he said. I also, you guys, just so you know, I have Nick's book in front of me. Don't text your ex, happy birthday. Another advice on love, sex, and dating. There's a lot of tips in here as well. So it did. It inspired us to ask the broadians.

And we got some good questions. We got to a few with Nick. but there were lots more. So we thought we'd tackle them right here right now. Let's get into it. Who wants to kick off this party? Olivia. Would you get back with an ex that cheated?

I feel like we've addressed this many times. Well, we can answer it. All right, Rob. I mean, I'm sure there's a circumstance where I could get back with a significant. Well, this is a weird question. Right, because it's X that she did. Because it's already an X? Mm-hmm.

I mean, it depends on the circumstance, but I could have forgive a partner for cheating. So I do think those are two different questions, right? So, like, forgiving a partner for cheating is one thing. Getting back into a relationship with someone that cheated on you in the past is something different. Mm-hmm. I mean, I would kind of lump those in, though. Like, if I'm willing to get back with an X, I'd be willing to be willing to. to get over the chaining part.

I guess the difference for me is like how much went down in that period of time. Like did they get therapy? Did they change their ways? Did they do anything to grow and change in that time versus a current partner goes out and cheat? It's like you've got a lot of work to do to win my trust again. And I think this is for you and I, Olivia, if we're talking about any exes, it's a much different part of our life. that us and them were probably very different. Right.

So if we were ever in a situation where we were getting back together with an ex, it would have been like 20 years later. Shit would have gone weird. Rachel, what about you? I would probably be open to it just because I'm an idiot. No, I'm just kidding. Have you been treated on them? Yeah, of course.

Of course. Well, it's not of course. Well, I mean, I've been in relationships since I was like, you know, 15 years old. old, so. I would just ask the question, is there any stipulations? Because this person wants to know if they should get back with their ex that cheated on them. I'm going to go ahead and say.

I need to know, I need to know details. Like, there can't be a blanket statement. You have, I need details. Yeah, it goes back to our like emotional cheating versus physical cheating. Like, was it a quick one-night stand that they regret or did they cheat on them for six months and have this secret emotional relationship. Okay, so if you wrote this in, whoever wrote that question in, if you can write us again with details, we would be happy to address it and give our opinion because we do have a lot of thoughts on this, but we need a little more information.

So if you wouldn't mind writing us and giving us more background. So DM brought ideas, again, please, with all of your details. Thank you. All right, Rachel, what's the biggest lesson you've learned from a breakup. That I like being alone. I actually really have come to enjoy it, I have to say. I don't want to become some like agoraphobic spinster, but I could. Well, I heard someone recently talk about that, how you are born alone and you will die alone. So basically, you need to figure out that relationship with yourself.

otherwise. Yeah, you're fucked. Yeah. Why? Because you're going to die alone and you're going to have to figure out how to deal with your shit on your own. You're not going to have to figure out anything. You're just going to die. You're likely going to die on your own. So once you get older, your partner is probably going to die and then you're going to have to figure out how to be with and by yourself. So I think it's important for people to figure that out early on. Well, I figured it out. I'm happy. What do you love most about it? Honestly, okay.

Now, surface level, like, I can get any kind of furniture put it wherever I want, any colors, any fabric. I can just do the house however I want. I can watch any show I want when I'm watching TV. I can go to sleep when I want to go to sleep when I want to go. go to sleep. I can't. No, it's a thing. I tell you. Uh-huh. Well, I think knowing yourself to that degree allows you to be a better partner, too, where you're not totally dependent on, where you're not totally dependent on someone else to make you feel good or... Right. I can be codependent in a relationship 100%. So I think this was actually really healthy for me in these very formative years of getting a little

older, but being alone, I feel like if I enter a new relationship more seriously, I have this foundation now where maybe I won't be so codependent. I'm super codependent with my kid, though. That's a whole other story. I have a question, and this is very serious because this was an actual fight this weekend in my house. Okay. How do you feel about someone talking shit about the shows that You choose to watch with your own time. This is a hot topic. No, it's not okay. We've had this fight in our house too.

Really? It's like a real issue. Who is talking shit about it? I bet both Natalie and Olivia, we're watching some not great shows, and both the chap and I have made comments. Yeah, Sunday morning, we switched Saturday and Sunday sleeping in, right? So Sunday he slept in. He came out at 10 a.m. And the kids were in the playroom.

in the other room, it's not like they could hear what I was doing, and they were doing their thing, and I was watching some like southern, it was like murder mysteries in the South or something like that, and he got pissy. He was like, why do you have to watch this? Like, what is wrong with you? He's like, this isn't the backdrop of the Sunday morning,

like murder and then. And I'm like, yo, this is what I was doing before you came out here. Like, it doesn't, you don't need to understand it, but I deserve to be able to watch something that I find pleasure in. Period. Mine's a little less judgment. I mean, it's not, that's a lot of...

Give the example. I guess it's not less judgmental, but I'm less like, you should turn this off and stop watching this. I'll just make comments about a show if you're, she's watching it and it's really bad. Like what show? Like all I don't want to say specifically. Yeah, I can do whatever I want you guys.

It's kind of great. Yeah, well, I'm not, and when I get judgmental, I'm not saying you to turn it off. I'm just. No, you just talk shit. Yeah, I'll talk shit about a show when it's really bad. Don't shame her. Jeff tells me to turn it off.

Yeah, I don't do that. He's like, can you go in the other room? Like, this is so toxic and so bad for your brain and negative. And I think he really passionately feels. Like, I'm damaging myself by watching it. Well, I'll have her turn it off if, like, I'm going to bed and it's on and we're going to go to sleep because I don't want to watch that. So you won't. We'll pick something together that we both can tolerate.

I mean, she's the same way with, like, horror movies. Right. Like, I really want to watch Infinity Pool and she won't watch it with me. I see Natalie in a whole new light now, by the way. My mom texted me that she started watching the OC with my sisters and how good it is. Oh, really? That's so cute. Heart of Dixie, I feel like, is a little more gentle. I love the heart of Dixie vibe.

Like just a nice little trip to Bluebell, Alabama, y'all. All right, do we have any other questions? Oh, yeah. We've got a lot. We've got a lot. How long do you go downtown on a partner till they dot, dot, dot, you know? if this is coming from someone that wants to prove that she's a generous partner. Correct.

Oh, well, how much strength do you have in your neck, girl? I mean, do you really need to be that if this is a female going down in a male? That's what she's asking? She's basically like, how long does it take people? It varies. Yeah, varies. So does it vary between how long it takes with people or different partners? Like, is it, what's your thoughts on that?

Well, if she's going down on a guy, I mean, you usually finish a blowjob if you go down there, right? Yeah. I guess not if you're going to take a half hour. But that's what she's asking. Like, how long should it take before he comes? It varies. It's not, has nothing to do with her. I mean, it could have a little to do with, you know, how they are at it or whatever.

But I will say, all guys are different. I think you can also control it to a degree. You can? As a male. There's times where it's like, all right, where this is going to be quick. And I'm like, all right. Or others where it can be more drawn out. They don't call it a job for nothing.

That's right. Okay, so basically the answer is it varies. Yeah, it depends on your partner entirely. But girl, if you're down there in 20 minutes. It's abort. That's too long. I have long. 20 minutes.

Yeah, I was trying to think of it. Five minutes. What? Five minutes. Five minutes. Five? Why should it take longer than five minutes? It doesn't take longer than five minutes?

I don't think, not in my experience. Okay. I mean, let's time it. It varies. Sit in silence right now for five minutes. and see how long that is. It's a long time. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, it can be done in five, sure. Yeah, it can be done in five. It can go longer than five, though. You got to do the combo. What's the combo? You got to do the combo. Well, you're always using your hands while you're giving a blowjob.

I don't know. Maybe she's not. And maybe that's why it's taking so long. Hmm. I don't know if everyone knows the basket. Weif. Girls are just bobbing with no hands. Yeah.

The basket weave. Look at Olivia. She clasped her hands together. I've never heard that before in my life. Like this, you put your fingers together and groop. All right. Let's go on to our next question. Should people avoid dating someone that they've been friends with?

Friendship was established first. Try dating and ruined friendship. Sexual connection was not there. Aw, that's a bummer. They're saying, should I try, like, do you try it again? Like, what are your thoughts on dating friends? Yeah. But I can see it going, like, great as well.

Because you become friends first, you know, every single answer we're like, it's circumstantial. It depends. I mean, Mila and Ashton, great example of friends first and then lovers. Have I ever dated anyone that I was just friends with and then it turned into more? Like a real just friendship and then it blossomed. You've never made those kind of questions. I haven't. I don't think I have because I feel like you're either attracted or you're not or at least in my experience.

But you hear of that happening all the time where it's like it didn't even occur to me. Right. I personally think it's worth it. Or like you find out that they like you and you're like, huh? Because like you're just like, right? I don't know. I think it's worth trying because it's the best foundation. In my opinion, I don't see why you necessarily have to ruin a friendship if you've had sex with someone. Okay. Are you still friends with people that you have slept with? I know the answer.

Yes. Right. Am I? Yeah. Totally. I just occurred to me as I said it. I was like, oh, yeah. Are you, Rob? Yeah. I'm not like hanging out with them, but friendly enough. Yeah. Yeah.

Like enough time passes. You had a friendship to begin with. Go back to being friends with the person. Rekindle that friendship. Don't let the sex get in the way. And if you fall for another friend, give it a shot, and then rekindle the friendship. Well, I think where the issue comes in is if the other person is on a different page. Oh, yeah, that's rough.

So, like, if they want to keep doing it and you have to tell them no, that's where it could get weird. Well, it will get weird. You have to accept that it's going to get weird. But if you're real true friends, can you find your way back to a friendship is the question. And also, it's like, I don't know. It depends on how bad you want to try it, because if you're really, like, pulled to someone, I would say it's worth it personally. Eh. That sucks.

It didn't work out for her, though. Or him. Was it her or him? They didn't say. Oh, okay. Yeah, bummer, bra. This is a good one. Don't like boyfriend's drinking.

It's mostly on the weekends, but it's in excess. I've told him how I feel. Do I give him an ultimatum? Well, again, I need more information here. Did he hear her? Did he do anything? I don't think ultimatums are essentially healthy. I think it's conversations are super important in communicating and seeing if they hear and listen and do anything about it would be the first step in my opinion.

Yeah, and making sure that he's aware how strongly she feels about it. Or, I mean, trying to find some sort of compromise. If it's problematic, that's one thing, though. Right, right. It could be something that he also can't control. Yeah, but there's a fine line between, speaking of controls, like, also, like, if you're being a controlling partner, it all kind of, like, what is he doing when he's drinking? You know what I mean? She said he changes.

Yeah, that's dark. Here's the thing. To excess, so that's a reddish flag. I don't love the word ultimatum, but what I like is boundaries. And I think that everybody's allowed to draw their line in the sand. And it's not saying, hey, quit drinking or you can't be with me. But it's like placing your line in the sand and letting them know this isn't a movable line for me. So what you choose to do with that is up to you.

But you're allowed to have your lines. And if someone's drinking is really bothering you and disrupting. their life, you're allowed to lay that line down and they can decide whether or not the relationship fits their needs and what they want to do with their life. And if they choose to continue to abuse alcohol at the cost of the relationship, that's another flag. Yeah, I agree. That's really well put. I think that was the best advice. I'm little Nick. Your little Nick? Nick.

Oh. What the fuck is Little Nick? Oh, geez. I was like St. Nick? Like St. Nicholas? You're the little... Oh, my God. Oh, you guys.

All right. How about one more for today? All right. This listener has not had sex with her husband in the past three and a half years out of a 10-year relationship. You won't talk about it. do I leave him? Wait, he won't talk about it? Correct. So, presumably he won't have sex with her.

I would imagine because he won't talk about it. This is all circumstantial of what steps have been taken. Wow. Three and a half years. The biggest flag, though, isn't the fact that he hasn't had sex with her in three and a half years. It's that he won't talk to her about it. Yeah. I agree. That's what needs to be addressed.

I mean, absolutely. Yeah, if they can't have that conversation, then there's something larger broken in the relationship. I mean, it sounds like he's having affairs, but I mean, I can't just put a blanket statement out like that, but I just did. But he could have penis problems. You never know.

There could be something going on with him that's psychological or trauma-based, or there could be a million different reasons he's not. that isn't the biggest problem. The biggest problem is if you can't communicate, there's no intimacy. And what is the point of a relationship if you can't experience intimacy together, whether it's physical or emotional? All right. So, Olivia, you're saying she should leave him.

I'm not saying she should leave him. Definitively, she should leave him. Is what you just said? I'm saying she should draw a line in the sand that if we can't communicate, I'm out. Give him the opportunity to communicate. Or the ultimatum. Basically an ultimatum. I don't like the word ultimatum.

I like boundaries. But isn't that like a healthy boundary? I think it's a hey, are you willing to go to couples therapy with me? Because there's some things that I think we really need to discuss that clearly we aren't having such like success with it on our own. Well, and that's such a large part of a relationship intimacy that if that's completely broken, then that may be something that ends. a relationship. Absolutely. So if you can't figure out a way to talk about it, then, yeah, you either need to, yeah,

set the boundaries to ensure that you can or leave him. Yeah, you have to have a partner that's at least willing to meet you halfway. And if you can't get them in the bedroom, you need them in a therapy room. Are there tips, though, like things that she should do? should try to try to rekindle? Or you're just saying if he's not going to talk about it, don't. Well, take Nick's advice. Send a naked photo from the bathroom and a restaurant.

I do too. I agree. It's deeper. I think that this is like you need a third party, a couple's therapist. Agreed. And some mediation. Yep. And also, sometimes, you know, you never know what the circumstances are.

And I think sometimes people don't want to talk about those things. also because it's possible to lose attraction to people. And I don't think that that's necessarily someone else's fault. Like, if someone loses attraction to you, like it doesn't mean you did anything wrong. You know, it's not about you most of the time. It's about them. It's usually about them.

I think a lot of those conversations are easier, too, if you frame it more on how it makes you feel, versus saying that he's doing something wrong or your partner's doing something wrong. And I've heard a lot of women deal with this after having kids that their husband stops wanting to have sex with them because they see them different

and because their bodies change and all of those factors. Or some men are jealous that the kids are getting the attention. Right. Mm-hmm. There's a lot of things. Yeah.

So I don't say leaving is the answer, I think, doing everything. Yeah, that's not the first step. We don't know if they have kids, right? She didn't say. She didn't say. Regardless, it's an important part of the relationship to figure out and find a way to have open communication about. I know we said one more question, but I have one more, Rachel.

Hmm. We're Ross and Rachel on a break. Well, they weren't on a break to the extent of you can go fuck somebody else. they were in a fight and a break I would say it was a break but not a break up I agree okay

we were on a break I could get into it more but I wanted okay so in Nick's book he has like questions with Nick I was reading someone she's been reading this instead of talking to us no I was just looking over to see if there was any we can like highlight and like in this one section there's like a few on here

this one question from a girl My boyfriend died last year. I'm starting to date again. Do you think that's a turnoff? Nick's reply. I'm sorry for your loss. Not unless you killed him. I liked his response.

I just wanted to share that. That's funny. I know. Okay. Do you think that's a turnoff? If someone's partner passed away? Does that feel a little heavy? It feels heavy, but I don't know that you classified as a turnoff.

Yeah. It depends on the circumstance. You guys are real vague. I don't think it's like a deal breaker. No. It depends on what kind of relationship you're looking for. If you're like someone like Rachel hot out of a relationship trying to have some fun, maybe getting into that emotional of a relationship, just knowing what you're ready for

and able to kind of give as a partner. Do you think women can actually just have fun? I can definitely just have fun. I definitely can have casual interactions without getting attached. Here's the thing. I don't think you can be casual. I think you can go zero to 60 real fast. And 60 to zero.

And then 60 to zero real fast. No, I can do casual too. If you think about some of my experiences, Olivia, I can do casual. I definitely didn't go zero to 60. Here's the thing. Just because you. You can be casual with someone doesn't mean that the relationship is casual. You're asking if I can be casual.

I can definitely be casual. It's never casual, though, because even if you're casual about it, it's not casual for them or they're casual about it and you're not. But I mean casual. But I can be casual. I'm breezy. I can be breezy. I can be like, me, do-to-do. Yeah, but in the beginning, you always be.

buy into it a little bit. Yeah, you tell, you say that it's casual. But they're like meeting the folks. You know what I mean? And then you're like, it's casual. I don't even like them anymore.

I don't like this. But do you agree? I hear what you're saying. But you're a romantic. I am a romantic. Yeah, yeah. I don't think it's a bad. I don't think it's a bad thing.

No, I'm totally a romantic. Like, rom-coms, anything with love in it. Like, I love it. But I do not get, like, whipped or, like, whatever every time. No, you don't get whipped every time. Well, say, for the record, you can be casual if you want to be. You can do whatever you want, Rachel, we believe you. I can be casual if I so choose.

And I can also not if I so choose. So true. But I have the ability to do both. All right. All right. Thanks, Nick, my dear friend Nick, for joining us and giving me his book. It was very helpful. Don't text your ex. Happy birthday, everybody. Bye. That was a headgum podcast.