Broad Ideas with Rachel Bilson & Olivia Allen - Nicole Byer on Dating Red Flags

Episode Date: May 19, 2025

Rachel and Olivia sit down with comedian and podcaster Nicole Byer (Why Won’t You Date Me?) to talk all things comedy, unforgettable dating stories and navigating life with ADHD. Watch the video of this episode on YouTube here!Like the show? Rate Broad Ideas 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts and SpotifyAdvertise on Broad Ideas via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a Headgum podcast. Hax is back for its fifth and final season, and so is The Hacks podcast. Join the Hacks creators and showrunners, Lucia and Yello, Paul W. Downs, and Jen Statsky as they unpack the Emmy-winning comedy series. On each episode, here's stories from the set, what goes on in the writer's room,

and how these beloved characters close out their final season. Watch Hax streaming exclusively on HBO Max and listen to The Hax podcast, on HBO Max or wherever you get your podcasts. Sometimes we'll talk about dogs and kids and things. We'll talk about chicks and tampon strings. We'll talk about boys. Because people die.

Welcome to broad ideas. Hello. World. Hello, world. Hi, guys. Hi, friends. Thanks, Kevin, for always saying hi back to me. So sweet.

You are in a hole. I'm not in a hole. Brutal honesty. Brutal ideas. Brutal ideas. Why don't you tell us something of your brutal ideas? Eh?

Anyways. I'm confused. As always, we all are. We'll tease it for the outro. I have a story of someone being brutally honest with me. Oh. Yeah. Excited.

First, we get to talk to Nicole Beyer. Woo. Woo. I am so happy you're here. Thank you for inviting me. Nice to meet you. This is fun. We're such fun.

We're such fan. It hasn't even started yet. I'm like, this is fun. I like this. I like the pink chotchke. Are you in that? Where are you in the other studio? Usually in the other studio.

That one's great, too. I like it because it's smaller. It is smaller. I like cozy place. Yeah. Cozy play. like to live in a pocket if I could. See, that's nice, yes.

Like, and I want like a bed. When I sleep by cocoon. You know what I really want. You know that, um, are we going, Kevin? It's like an inset bed. Oh, what bed? An inset bed where it's like in the wall. I save them all the, you should see my phone.

Screenshots. In the wall, like it's your little tank. That's like I want. Just a little nook. A nook. My daughter wants to sleep permanently in a tent. So she's like enclosed and I'm like, that is my kid. Wait, does she sleep in a tent currently?

Only. Outside. outside? I was like, uh-oh, we gotta call child services. She is. How old is your daughter? She's 10. Wow. She's big. I know you're like, you're respecting like three-year-old and a 10. No, I like a 10-year-old and a 10. Yeah. I love it. I like a kid that's like dedicated to the thing they like.

Yeah. But 10 is old. I know. It's a full person. But then I don't know what old is anymore. Nobody does. I don't know. No, I'm 43. I definitely, definitely have a 10-year-old. But. I mean she means I could have a 10 year old what well you're not much older than me so that means I could have a 10 year old

well you could have and that's good or anything you could have a 15 year old I probably could have do you could I'm like 20 year old yeah stop I can't do the math there no math is not it's not happening but yeah I am with you on the unclear I want to figure it out I want to build a wall

in my bedroom so we've had two clips that have gotten the most attention in the past how many years we've been doing this, enclave bed and your Taco Bell order. The biggest... Taco Bell order. That's what people are living for. Do you have a Taco Bell? They're like, I want an

enclave bed. See? Everybody has a Taco Bell order. I love Taco Bell. I do a CrunchRap Supreme I like the ground beef even though people are like, it's mystery meat. I don't care. It's seasoned very well. And then I usually get that to share.

You share a crunch wrap Supreme? Yeah, because I'm going to get more shit. Okay. Then I get a cassidia with grilled chicken. And I get the sour cream in it because it gets a little heated up. And then it's like really gooey and it's delicious. Oh, I'm so happy. It's a tortilla tent.

It is a tortilla tent. Oh, my God, it's a tortilla tent. And then I like a gordita crunch. And then they just came out with the stacker. I guess it's not that new anymore, but I do like a stacker. I like getting a plethora of things. A stacker. What do you mean stacker?

A stacker is a cassidia that they said, it's not good, just flat. We'll just fold it back up. Oh, I like that. And then it's like a book, a book of a cassidia. It's like very, very thick. Yeah. Oh, I love it. And then I like the little, the cinnamon goops.

Oh, yeah. What are the cinnamon goop? Do you know the cinnamon go? Yeah, the little cinnamon. They're like dough. They're... Or are they like more like a crunchy churro? No, not the crunchy churros.

They're like little balls. Yeah. Of cinnamon with goop in the middle. I've never had. That reminds me of the dominoes. Remember domino's pizza had the cinnamon? The little things that you dip in the frying. Instead of dipping, the icing's inside.

Is this new? Mind-blown. I don't think so. Okay. I think they've had them for a while. I think. Do you go mild or hot sauce? Hot.

Oh, hot. Oh, yeah. Okay. It's not that hot. It's Taco Bell. It's Taco Bell. Yeah. This is the best.

We, I forgot to tell you that I made a crunch wrap Supreme after you made a crunch wrap Supreme at home. So good. Yourself. I wish I had the stamina to cook. The stamina? I just can't. I get it. I don't like the dirty dishes.

I don't like standing over a skillet. Oh. The heat? I'm missing. I hate it. You can't cook. Can't do it. You can watch people bake.

I do watch people bake. That's easy. Watching someone cook, watching people bake, I can do all that. Yeah. Because I'm seated. You know? I know. I can relate.

I like to be seated all the time. It's my favorite pastime, sitting. It's sitting. If I'm on a show and we're blocking a scene, I'm like, how about if I'm sitting? Can I sit? Do you mind if I'm laying down? I've been in scenes where I've sat and then everyone's standing and I'm like, oh my, I guess I should stand too. I'm like, just looking up at people.

I'm like, okay, I get it. I'll just, I'll get up. Yeah, it's way better. Life from the ground. I do it all from bed. Do you remember? You need to stand up. Oh, yes.

I don't know if we could talk about that. I don't care. I mean... We were on drugs. Which kind? Yeah, so that's up to you. And our youth. Wait, what kind of drugs?

Like Molly or something like that. Oh, that's fine. We were young. We were young. You don't have to be young to be on drugs. No, you don't. Maybe it's better if you're older, actually. We do whatever you want.

Yeah. We were 12. No, we weren't on drugs. No, we were older and everybody was like sitting and like whatever, laying down and Olivia was standing the entire 12 hours. That's funny. Listening to one song of Dave Matthews on repeat. What song? It was the one where it was like my feet are upside down.

You know, it's like it's a vibe. It's like the song. I don't know if I've ever heard that in the same sentence. That's very funny. What is the most famous Dave Matthews song? Crash into me? Yes. you know it.

You'd have to sing it. Oh wait, no, I do know it. Crash into. You got your ball. You got your chain. Right? Yeah. I stood and just kept playing that over and over.

And then the next day, they were like, that was a hard trip. Like, I was having a really hard time. And I was like, it was really the standing up that did it for me. Wait, was this Molly or was this mushrooms? It was Molly. Really? Yeah, but they were floored. They didn't say a word.

It wasn't fun. On Molly? It was not fun. I don't know. Listen, she's calling it Molly, but this was the days where it was just called ecstasy. And like, who the fuck know was what was in it? You're right. Exocity was a real grab bag.

Yeah, it's true. But like Molly, you kind of know what you're getting with Molly. Right. That's so funny. She was like, you need to stand up. I just kept being like, guys, join me. And they were like this. Couldn't even talk.

Join me. They had pacifiers in their mouth. We went to like the 99. sense store and got pacifiers. Oh my God. Like, why? Oh, my God. Just to suck? Yeah, I guess. We were like 20. That's really funny. 19? 20. Yeah. I don't know.

I did mushrooms once with my friend, and we went to saw Lady Gaga. Which in hindsight, I don't think I could ever do that again. Take drugs with them being a stadium full of people. Oh, my God. When it hit, I was just like, oh. And she was eating something. And I was like, you're eating so loud. And everyone can hear you. And she was like, in this. stadium and I was like you're right but then she like kept

chewing and I was like someone else is going to get mad at her but nobody else did it's so weird it was very strange but that's how it manifested I was like I felt great but then every bite she took I was like you're embarrassing

us so and then we arrived on mushrooms we drank mushroom tea and then we took Molly that I just had loosen my bag and it hit with Just Dance and it was so funny because I leaned over to my friend I was like she's telling us what to do and the song is just called Just Dance. It's like she's not telling us anything. And then my friend was like clutching her pearls and I was like you're actually clutching your pearls. And she was like I know I feel crazy. And then we danced so hard. It was

delightful that I don't think I could ever do it again. I can't I can't get over the crutch Me neither. It's so relatable. Like that's what... It was so wild. I can't. I remember it to this day. I was like,

everyone's gonna be so mad at us in this section. She's looking around. Like, do you guys hear this? Everything I've ever heard. Oh, thinking about any of that just gives me a panic attack. Like the idea of like tripping or whatever. And like you said, in a stadium full of people. Yeah, it was wild.

In hindsight, what? I've also done mushrooms in Mexico. which in hindsight, what? You're in a different country with people who aren't obligated to speak English. You know what I mean? Like most of them where we were dead, but like, you know, you can get in trouble

and then someone will be like, no compromise down. You're like, well, it's Mexico. But it took us like 45 minutes to walk like two blocks because we kept laughing. And I remember being in front of an ATM crying, laughing so hard being like, money comes out of there. And I have no idea what else I thought.

It was just funny that there's money in there. It's relatable. Oh, my God. It is relatable. Like the one thing. I remember when I used to smoke pot and if I liked a guy, but then I could hear the way his mouth sounded. What? When he talked, I was like, I'm done.

Like, I cannot like, I can hear. It amplified the ick. Yes. Oh. Yeah. Okay. Tell us. What are your icks?

My ex, I don't like men who don't ask you questions. Yes. I find that to be very irritating. Or men who think they're like really, really interesting. And you, do you know what I mean? Yes. It's like maybe there's banter, but they're like, oh, get this. And you're like, get what?

And then ill-fitting clothing. Oh. Really bothers me. I need that. Tight or baggie. I need you to exaggerate. Yeah. I mean, elaborate.

You know what you do. Please exaggerate. Please get more interesting. You know what? Please exaggerate. You know when they're wearing costumes? But like tight, too tight. Too tight. I don't like too tight.

Yeah. Two baggie's fine if it's like a lurk. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But too tight. Too tight is never. No. No. I know what you mean.

I feel like. And then a bad haircut. Or someone who. want like let go of their balding. Oh. Like just let it go. You can't look in the mirror and feel good. Right. Let it go. Shave it. Right. Or get a little too bad. Or wear a hat or wear a hat or wear a hat. Something. Right. What about how Walter Goggins brought back the whole like just let it grow.

Let it go. His is a look though. His is a look. Like he's doing a whole bunch of things. But if he looked like sloppy and weird. Is there not so much up here? But it's long? Well, it's receding. It's eating. It's saying goodbye. Yeah. Yeah. But it's also long. Yes, it is long. But it's long. But it's full. Do you know what I mean? It's weird. It's weird. It's strange. Like, if you break it down, it can grow. I know. Hair's weird.

Like, take a second. I just think about it. No, I really do feel like I'm high. But because if you think that I have that effect on people. I like it. I'd like it too. But if you think of the luscious locks in the back. Yeah, it's strange. We have string that grows out of our head. But like it's stop. It can stop up here, but not so much here. But we also deem it as important.

Yes. Weird. Weird. There's no use for it. Right? No. Yeah. Oh, yes.

It keeps your head warm. I was going to say it keeps your head warm. But like, we have hats. You know. It's nature's way of keeping your head. But men lose their hair and they still get by. They're still warm. They are still.

And then we shave it off of our legs. But that's a societal thing. Right. It's weird. I'll shave my legs. You don't? Or you do? No.

No. But you don't have any hair on your legs. I know. I'm lucky. So awkward. I didn't think you'd be able to clock it from there. I can see. You have no hair on your lips.

There's not a single hair on your leg. I have like 18 hairs on my legs. Oh my God. That's incredible. And they're hidden. Yeah. When I was in high school, everyone was.

shaving. I just remember everyone talking about it. Maybe it was middle school. So I went and got a razor and I was just like scraping my skin. Oh my God. Because I didn't have any hair. And then I got to like 18 or so and I was like, I think I could stop. I don't think I have to do this. You literally have zero. Yeah. I'm not a hairy person. Wait, do you shave your armpits? Sometimes. Okay. But it's not like necessity. My armpits are. But sometimes I let them get unruly because like, why not? I have a little fun. In the summer though, I shave. them all the time. Oh, all the time. Just, you know, to have a more pleasant experience? I can't. I know. You shave every day? Yeah. Is it not like feeling your skin? No. I'm not, I'm not shafing. Do you alternate parts or do you shave it all every day? Oh. What? How long are showers? They're good. They're good showers. They're really good. You know how people are like, I'm taking an everything shower. I take an everything shower. I take an everything shower. I take an everything

every day. I'm sorry. I've never heard that phrase. I've never everything shower? It sounds like an everything bagel seasoning. People say that because they're like sometimes I just go and rinse off. I don't wash my hair. I don't but when you do it all. No I can't do it at all. That's an everything every day. You do everything every day. That's not true. I don't wash my hair every day. You do not wash your hair every day. Well you're not supposed to. You're supposed to let the natural oils make it nice. Yeah. I don't know. I don't wash my hair every day for sure. No, me either. No, I've gotten better. But like I'll rinse off, but I do not do it in everything. Rinse. What do you

mean you don't do in everything? Like, shave everything every time. Oh, okay. Oh, no, I definitely wash everything. Like, what's the point of being in there for having to hit all the spots? She guards the spots. She's like, not here today. Not here. No, the shaving. Oh, my God. Okay. But like, I don't know why. Why are we taught? I don't know. But I don't ever, I like to, you shave your privates. Yeah. I wax only. Do you not have to do that either?

No, I do. Okay. And I shave it haphazardly. It's, I've had to say to men, I do shave. It's just chaotic. Is that just like weave some parts? But I can't get waxed. I did that once.

What? It hurts so bad. It does hurt. It's painful. But it's so much nicer. But then you also have. have to wait for it to grow out. I know that's my thing. I don't like that. Oh, you have to wait for it to grow. Oh, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. You can't I could grow out.

No, you care. That would be painful. I was on a show called Girl Code years and years and years ago, and one of the segments was getting wax. The first time I was wax was on camera. Oh, my God. And this woman, she was a nice Russian lady, and she was like, come on, you're a big girl, be strong.

I was like, I don't know how to, I don't know how to take that. What do you mean? Am I old or my fat? What are you saying to me? I'm a big girl. Be strong. And then she'd rip a strip off. And I was like, it hurt so.

Oh my God. So much. I can't believe you do that on camera. Listen. It was early. They said it and I was like, great. Yeah, I'll do it. I'm happy to be here.

Yeah. Oh, God, it hurt. It does. I like remember it. I hate it. It's like Steve Krell and 40-year-old Virgin did it on. They waxed his chest on camera. Yes.

And I believe every scream he does. It hurts so bad. I know. I don't know. I don't like it. Okay. I also don't. like getting in my car to then park my car to then show my pussy to a stranger?

You don't like that? No. Not the vibe. You're like not for waxing. No, I don't want it. Wait, are you like friends with your waxer? I've known her since I was like 14. Really? Yeah. You've been getting wax since you were 14? Listen, that's a whole other story. Wow. That's wild. Did you really start waxing at 14? I mean, yeah. Hold on. I know wait. That's just take a second on that one. That's really bad. That's why. That's wild. Maybe it started with my eyebrows. Maybe. Okay, that makes more sense.

I'm just going to say that. I just started getting my eyebrows waxed on the regular. Yeah. Because my nail lady does it. And she was like, last time I went in, she went, wow. So we haven't waxed those eyebrows in a while. And I was like, okay, you don't have to insult me. I'll get it done.

And then as she was doing it, she was like, this is bad. And I was like, can we not? I'll just get them done every time I get my nails done. Please, like, leave me alone. Oh, my God. Stop bullying me. I'm going to pay you. You.

Bullied into waxing your eyebrows. Mm-hmm. And I need them done right now. I've got little. They look really good. You don't see a single hair there. No. No, it looks great.

And your nails that you said take two hours. Yeah, they're on their last leg. There's the last week of them. So two hours. What do you do? Um, kind of stare out the window. Oh, nice. Because when she, when she starts doing the design,

I have to switch my hands in the, the little the light or whatever to hear it or whatever. So I can't really be on my phone or read a book or anything. So you just stare. Do you listen to a podcast? Yeah. No, I can't. Right? Right. Can't do it. It's weird. It's like a sensory issue that I have. Disembodied voices make me nauseous. So like if this, if that door was open and someone was having a like a loudish conversation there, I would have to get up and like go look at them because it makes me, It makes me nauseous and I don't know why. And listening to people talk coming out of the radio, I don't know.

Like talk radio makes me nauseous. It's very weird. But you can listen to so much of it, which is, so someone asked me yesterday if I listen to a podcast, I was like, no. I feel like we talk so much that on my spare time, I don't want to listen to people talk. And they're like, oh, so you're like a chef who eats cereal when they come home. Oh, that's funny. I'm like, that's right. It's exactly it.

So true. Sometimes I'm a chef that eats cereal, but sometimes I want a meal. Because I do stand-up, but sometimes I'll watch a stand-up special just to be like, let's see what this person's doing. But like I will not go to a comedy show. No. If you invite me to your show, I'm not coming. I've done, I don't know, I've done comedy since I was 20.

Really? Yeah, and I'm 62 now. So it's been a long time of seeing shows. I'm like, I can't. I simply can't leave my home at nightfall. Right. To drive, to park, to be in the dark, to watch you? No.

We'll go to dinner. No, I don't want this. But it's the parking. You just say that. Yeah, parking's bad sometimes. I don't want to go anywhere. I think it's the night. It's the dark.

It's the dark. It's after. It's all of it. It's nightfall. Sometimes I make a deal with myself. I go, if I find parking very, very close, I'll go do it. If not, I'm out. I won't.

And every time I do that, I'll find parking very, very close. The universe is like, bitch, you said it, we're going to do it. I can relate. When you watch other comedians, do you ever feel like... She doesn't watch them. No, she says she'll watch them. Just not go. Go.

Do you ever feel like, God damn what I was going to say that or that was mine or I've said that somewhere or... It truly. has only happened twice. I was writing a joke about how like back in the day it was like, good to be fat, Rubin-esque or whatever. But I hadn't really fleshed it out. And then another comic went on stage and had a very fleshed-out joke. And I had gone first, had done the little bit.

And then she was like, I just didn't know what else to do from my set. So I did it. I'm really sorry. And I was like, actually, you could have it. You have more of a joke than me. I'll just stop working on it. And then all fat women have the same joke of people saying, you're not fat, you're beautiful. And then all fat women are like, I didn't say I wasn't beautiful, but we all have that joke.

And the end of it is different. But we all have the same joke because it's not an anomaly and it happens to all fat women. Same joke. I mean, you just looked at me, same joke. You are the same joke as you. Well, I was just looking at you because you watched so much stand-up. I do. Who's your favorite?

That's a tough question because I feel like I get something from every single one of them. I really do. Do you have a favorite? One of my favorite bits is from Wanda Sykes. It's her detachable pussy joke. And have you seen it? It's very funny. It's just, what if you had a detachable pussy?

And then she blows out that world, and she's like, you're on a jog, and a man comes up to you, and you're like, I don't have it. And it's so funny. And then she goes off to like, if you're on a date with somebody and you're like, girl, can you get my pussy? It's in the closet. And then I don't remember where else it goes, but it's like a solid five-minute bit about having a detachable pussy. And I think it's so funny. Anthony Jusselnick, I think, is such a masterful joke writer. Yeah.

And I just love that, like, all of his specials have something to do with, like, throwing a baby down the stairs. Like, his jokes are so dark. So dark. And they're so funny. And his delivery is just sick. It's so good. It makes you so uncomfortable in the right ways.

Yeah. And he's so confident. And then every clip I've seen of him. him talk about stand-up is so funny because he'll be like crowdwork? No. No. Ten years ago? Sure. I'm not talking to you people now. And I just think it's so funny.

Who else? There's other people. Old Monique is very funny. Oh, yeah. Like old old, old school Monique. Queen's a comedy, super funny. I think her name's Samor. She's really afraid. Adel Givens is so funny. Yeah, there's a lot.

There's a lot of funny people. Oh, Sinbad? Oh, Sinbad is this joke Where Throughout Sinbad I fucking love Sinbad It's been a while since Sinbad is on the scene though I know Where is he?

He, I think he's not doing well He might be sick Oh no But don't quote me Maybe I made that up I feel like I heard it But he's got a joke about how you should date Women your own age and not go for young women

Because you need to date somebody Who can see the signs of heart failure And I think it's such a funny joke Oh my God It's so funny to me. That is funny. Oh, I love Simbet. Okay, he's in this movie called House Guest with Phil Hartman.

I recommend you watch it. Okay. It's a really good movie that nobody's ever heard of. Oh, my God, I almost did a spitzing. It's really funny. The movie's like a big commercial for McDonald's. There's like, there's product placement of McDonald's all. Everyone's a cartoon.

No one's in the same movie. I love it. It's one of my favorite. favorite movies. Oh, my God. I'm definitely going to watch that. It's great. I love those kind of movies.

It's like quintessential 90s. Yeah. Everyone is like a character. Yeah. Or a caricature of a person. Right. Right. Uh, that's great. That's one of my favorites.

I need to check out. I need to check on Sinbad now. Who's your favorite? What? Comenian? Yeah. Oh, that's so hard. I don't know.

It is hard. It is hard. It is hard. I love Nate. Bergotsi. It kills me. I love Nate Burgatsi. He's so funny.

Kills me. like the last thing I watched. Obviously Schumer. Her sense of humor. Mm-hmm. Her sense of humor. She's got a good sense of humor. She's got a great. You know what? Yeah. She should be a comedian. Oh boy. I love that sense of humor. Her delivery though kills me too. You know? Have you ever been around comedians that don't have a good sense of humor? Like offstage, you mean? Like there's joke writing, right? And they can deliver and there's crowd work and there's all that. But like off stage, not that funny. No. Oh, that's good. No. I can't really think of

of anybody that I'm like, oh, no, that's a lie. Yeah. There's a couple that I can think of that I'm like, yikes. You're good on stage, but you suck as a person. That's true. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you make my face hurt. I know. I know. I just, that's why I'm like, I don't even know what to say. I just want to watch you talk. And there's a lot of improvisers. because I do a lot of improv too. There's so many improvisers who suck as people.

And they just do bits. And you're like, these bits aren't even funny. They're not funny. Right. No, let's just talk. I went to an improv class not that long ago, actually. Where? UCB.

Who was your teacher? Just kidding. You don't have to say it. Oh, I can say it. Her name was Monica. Oh, Monica Smith. Yeah. I like Monica.

She was great. She's great. I don't want to, I don't, I doubt anybody who is in that class is listening. I hope they are. And I hope they're waiting for a name shout out. They weren't that funny. It was a 101 class? Yeah.

101. Literally. Monica was. Monica was so funny. She was super funny. I was like, this girl should be, you know. Well, 101 is people who are like, I don't know. People tell me I'm funny.

And then 201, they get, like, weeded out a little. Still a lot of unfunny people. 301. it's weeded out a little bit more. But by the time you've gotten to like 401, you spent over $1,000 on nothing. Truly nothing. Like, this is a basketball.

That's what you're spending money on. By that point, it's dedicated people who are usually funny. Right. Usually. Usually. Here's my question with it. It felt a lot like math. I did ACME, too, like back in the day.

Like, I've done it before. And it's not like, I'm like, oh, I'm so funny. I should do it. this. It's just for the thing, right? But when I was there, I'm like, this is really structured. Like there's so much structure, rules, and math to it in a sense that it's not like you can take someone that's just naturally funny, put them in that and see them thrive. It's so specific, don't you think? It is specific, especially when you learned The Herald, which I think is the worst form in improv because you have to think so much. Okay, I'll tell you what a herald is. Yeah, please.

So in opening, you generate ideas either with like a pattern game or like a sound and movement. It's like five minutes of bullshit to gather ideas. And then you do three scenes, three two person scenes, and then you do a group game, which is like, everyone, get in here. We're astronauts. And then you do second beats of those three scenes and then another group game. And then you're supposed to tie everything together. And a good herald, you don't notice the, structure in a bad herald, who, Lord, it's painful. Oh, Lord. You said, oh, my God, why'd they go there?

Oh, my God. That's not a good second beat. Ooh, ah. Do you see what I mean, Rachel? But even the explanation, you have to like think. It's too much thinking when it's something that's supposed to be no thinking at all, right? Because it's like in the moment, improv, whatever. But it's the opposite.

Yeah. And then there's eight people. So if you don't get in one of those first three scenes, then you're probably responsible for a group game unless you're in a group with someone who's overzealous and then they step out and then you're like, so I never get a moment. Yeah, Harold, I hated Harold's. Oh. And then when you're on a team at UCV, you get notes on a Harold, which- Notes! How much? They put you in your head so much. Yeah, but not really. I'm never doing that show again. We made it up. You're going to note me on something I made up off the dome. Are you kidding? Oh my God. I say that now because I'll, like,

I'm not on Harold Night, but like, it blew me away. I was like, I can't believe I'm getting noted on that. Like, I'm sorry my one-legged doctor didn't hop right and the second beat was weird. I'm never doing it again. Right, right. But I do love improv. I do, too. I love it, but it's harder than people would think.

Yeah. A lot harder. And you have to know something about everything. Because if it's past you and you don't have something to go on, you're kind of... Do you feel like first dates are kind of like improv? They absolutely are.

Yeah. Because you have to listen, you have to like respond, you have to build on things. And you have to like see how they are. And if they're not... Could you date someone that wasn't funny? Yes.

I once date at somebody who would say something that they thought was funny. And then I wouldn't laugh. And then they would go, that was a joke. And I'd go, oh! Ah ha, ha, ha.

Oh, God. Not the announcing. Right. Like whenever you have to say it's a joke, it didn't hit. Yeah. Right. And then I also smile a lot or I'll say that's funny, which I have a couple of friends who hate that. But I don't know.

Sometimes I'm just like, I don't happen to me to laugh. Right. But we did date for a while. But my current partner is funny. So that's nice. How funny? I think he's very funny. But he says things that make me cackle sometimes.

Okay, that's funny. Like, in the beginning of our relationship, I wrote down the funny things he said. Oh, that's cute. What are so? I don't know, this might not be funny to you, but I, like, got in bed and I put my whole body on him, and he was like, oh, why would you come to bed with those snow toes? He just meant my toes were really cold. Snow toes! I don't know why snow toes really gets me good.

I think it's the imagery of like, did I dip my toes in snow? Yeah. And my part like snowman, like what? Your snow toes. But it really made me laugh. And it's making me laugh again. Oh my God, that's funny. Bill Burges, did you see his last special?

I started it. And then I had to leave. So I left it on for my dog and he seemed like happy when I got back. So I think it was good. I need to watch it. He's like, what is wrong with you dating these girls with the cold limbs? Like the hands are always cold The feet are, he's like, don't procreate with them

And I'm like, as I'm watching I've got my cold little feet on my husband Yeah But it's nice to put your cold little toes on somebody Yeah, you gotta warm up the snow toes Warm on my little snow toes please Yeah, my hands sometime They're cold right now actually

My feet are always cold Yeah, my I do like Taped upugs I don't have a pair though but I like the look. I think you should. You don't have one.

You need a pair. Well, I'm Knotnid and I worked with a girl years and years and years ago who was also Knotnade and she had Ugs. And they like, the way she like walked in them, I was like, I can never look like. They just looked wild because they're very malleable shoes. Yes. And I don't want to look like her. Oh, okay.

Which sounds like really awful. No, I like it. I can't really describe what they like turned in. I don't know. I can't really describe it well. It was something you couldn't do. Yeah. Okay.

But they do look comfy. They are and warm. But I want to go back to first dates a little bit because I want to know if you have any stories or experiences of like worst first dates. Of course I do. I was single for a very long time. Let's see. I went on a date with a man who had nails that looked like. Like Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt from interview with the vampire.

They were like long and oval. No. I'm sick. Long and oval. It was gross. He was so gross. And when I tried to like leave, I was like, oh, I have an early flight. He was like, wait, you're not coming home with me?

And I was like, no. And he was like, oh, I bought you two drinks. And I was like, oh my God. I was also like, you have to pay for more things. Two drinks is what? This is like 10 years ago. 15, 30 bucks. Like you think $30 gets you a blowjob?

Buy me more things. I went on a date with a man who still haunts me. So he lives, I live off of a busy road. He sits outside on this busy road and smoke cigarettes and reads books. So I see him all the time. And he's a little guy, which is fine.

I like a little guy. But I also like a big guy. I like men. I like you. Oh, my God. So much. But he, on the date, I asked him if he wanted to share an arugula salad. He said he didn't eat vegetables.

And I was like, okay. And then his, I asked him if he had siblings. And he was like, I had a brother. I was like, oh, you had a brother. I'm sorry. He's like, well, no, he's a they, them now. And I was like, oh, well, they, they, them? I was like, well, they're, they, them?

And he's like, yeah, I guess. I don't know. it's really hard for me to like wrap my head around. And I was like, sir, you're younger than me. What's going on? He was just weird about it. And then when we kissed, he rubbed my stomach. Like I was a treasure troll.

And then. Let's see. Oh, my God. No. There's more. A treasure troll. There's more. Oh, my God.

I went on a date with a man. No, I went home with a man from a man from a, a bar because he did a pretty decent Obama impression. I said, that's funny. And he said, I live across the street from this bar and I was like, that's even better. And then he vomited in his bed because he was too drunk. And I left my favorite bra there and I never got it back. And this was in my mid-20s when I didn't have bra money. So the titties were loose for a minute. Oh my God. Braw money. Let's see. It's a thing. I went on a date. with a DJ who was maybe the dumbest person I've ever met my whole life.

What else? The nails was the grossest. That's gross. That is because like you're thinking of, I. Oh, they were so nasty. Nope. Oh, we went on a date with another little guy who had suspenders. And just he kept asking questions in a way where I was like,

I feel like you just got to Earth and you like don't know humans. I do that to my husband all the time. I'm like, are you new here? Did you just get here? That's so funny. What kind of questions is your husband asked? Like, well, what is that? And I'm like, avocado.

You know what I mean? Like, what is happening? Wait, how long have you been married? I look at her. Eight years. But you've been together. We've been together, like, 12. 12?

Yeah. Oh. But he's new to her. And he doesn't know what avocado is? He does know. Well, that's like the guy I went on a date. with. He had suspenders, didn't know things. And then it was just awful. And then he went to the bathroom and I went to the bar to get drinks. And the bartender was like having a good night. And I was

like, no, I'm on the worst date of my life. And he went, oh, okay, cool. And he like made the drinks and came back and went, oh, did you say you were on a bad date? And I was like, yes. And he was like, I got you. And then he kept bringing drinks over. And then the guy was like, what did you do? What did you do? What did you do? And I was like, I don't know. He's my first. And I was like, I don't know. friend, I guess. I was dating this guy. It was like, I guess we were like two months in. We hadn't had like the talk yet.

And I was out for drinks with a friend. And then he walked in with a different woman. And I was like, okay. Well, you know, we haven't had the talk yet. But then they sat directly behind us. No. And I was like, well, this sucks. But then they ended up leaving.

Okay. And then. Wait, did you guys like talk to each other? Yeah, we talked about it. knowledge. No, in the moment? Oh, no, not in the moment. Okay. Because I was like, well, what would I say? Hey, buddy. Yeah, I know. And then it's like, oh, we're just friends. Yeah. And then it turned out she liked my comedy and she wanted to talk to me and he was like, I think we should leave her alone. Stop. I think we should leave her alone. Oh, but that makes me feel weird. But she was like, oh. No, it felt unhinged. I was like, I'd rather she didn't know me at all. Oh. Right, right, right. Yeah. And then he was like, wow, you're so chill about this. And I was like, this guy I talked to my therapist about it. I'm not chill. Yeah. I'm not a chill person. I'm not a chill person. I talked about this for two weeks. Oh my God. Those are some good, good stories. So for dating, they always, you know, we're always like, oh, what are the red flags? Oh, yeah. But what are your red flags?

My red flags. Not for other people. You. Yeah. When they say questionable things, just like societal things, like, you know, like kind of like red pilly things. We're like, I was listening to Joe Rogan. You're like, oh, goodbye. That red flags. No, I mean, what should they look out for in you? Oh, my red flags.

Yeah. Oh, that's funny. I love Joe Rogan because that's the answer I gave. What? Let's see. My red flags are, I'm late all the time. And if you don't like that, you got to get out. Because I will never be on time.

I talk too much. If you don't like that, you got to get out. This is hard. I don't think I really have red flags. But I know I do. I'm messy. But I'm also like pretty tight. Bay. Like if you move

something in my house, I will get upset. Yeah. I once cried because someone put a pillow in the wrong place. Oh. What? Actual tears? Oh, I cry a lot. I'm very emotional. Okay, that's a red flag. That's a red flag. I'm very emotional over nothing. I like

it. I really like it. I do. That I'm emotional? Yeah. Over nothing. Truly over nothing. I'd rather it be over nothing than over something. Yeah. Do you get what I mean? Things happen. where I should be emotional and I'm not.

You're probably strong as fuck when it comes to the emotion. Like the Russian lady told you. Yes, be a big girl. You've been through some stuff in your life. I'm like, I'm a big girl. But oh boy, if you I've said to several people at establishments

where I've ordered things and like, oh, we're out of that. I'm like, this is the worst day of my life and both my parents are dead. And those people sometimes don't know how to handle that. I do. But I genuinely mean it sometimes. I'm like, you don't have this sandwich? You don't have this ice cream that I wanted?

Oh, day is ruined. My spatulas went missing, okay? I've been through some shit in my life. Who did it? We don't know. Do you have a cleaning person? Yes, but they weren't there during that time frame. Oh.

And so Rachel and I have been trying to get to the bottom of... Detectives. Do you have children? Yeah. How many? Two, but there's no spatulas in their room. Have you checked every... Every nook and granny?

I mean, well, there's questions of, was it the nanny? Was it my sister? Was it my brother? And we were laughing today. We're like, there's been so many things we've been through in life. But this is the hill we will die on. You know what I mean? This is the only thing that's going to get to me is who took the spatula?

She told me Monday and I called her yesterday afternoon. I'm like, did you find the spatula? Like, it's, we'll not leave our brain. This is my kind of content. Right? Yeah. Who took the spatulas? Because now I'm in it.

Right. So your nanny was there when it happened. I asked her, I believe her when she says no. I said, did you throw away the spatulas? Did you put them? Mm-hmm. I asked my brother who also lived with me. Two.

It's not one. Two spatulas. This is a pointed effort. Like I went to make pancakes and there was no. No spatula. Spatula. Huh. Right?

How would you feel? Were they like the black plastic spatulas and did someone think like I need to throw them away? They were not. They were good spatulas. They were the regular old spatulas. And so you're... My brother, I was like, did you get rid of our spatulas? Because he lives there.

Mm-hmm. No, it wasn't me. I think it was a child. I want to search their toy box. But I don't know. We'll let you know. I would really like an update on this. We're going to give a joke.

Well, did you ask your kids? No. Why? Because they don't even go in the kitchen. They don't know their way around the kitchen. How old are they? How old are they? How old are specific?

Nine and six. The nine-year-old's probably tall. The nine-year-old could probably get on the counter. Yeah, but he could care less about anything but his iPad. So why would he go in the kitchen? But do you see, this is the need that women have to, like, be detectives. Yes, I love it. Right?

I love it. I love silly gossip. I love when something goes missing in a house. Yeah. Like the episode of Sex in the City where Carrie's shoes get taken is a great episode. Because the lady is uninterested in Carrie's like, we need to find out who took my shoes. Who took my shoes? If someone took my shoes at a party, are you kidding?

Right. Are you kidding? You have to find out what happened. Yes. You watch a cold case. Mm. cold case. We know we're not going to find out.

We know we're not going to find out. But sometimes you watch that shit and you're like, this is, this is so obvious. Right. That's like Gabby. Petito. Yes. So I just watched that documentary and I was like, but we had all the answers. But we knew.

All the answers. Why did, why was this unsolved? Why did we have to wait for him to die for them to confirm that he killed her? Right. I knew he killed her from the traffic stop. From the traffic stop. It was already like revealed or whatever. But I was like watching.

I was like, what? This is nuts. I know. But don't you get annoyed that he died? I'm like, that sucks. Yeah. I want you to suffer. Yes.

Longer. Harder. I mean. And learning that she was in touch with like her old boyfriend. Yes. And trying to reach out. Yeah, I like that. I know.

I was like, wait. Yes. But it was right there. That's what they tell women in abusive relationships. You have to make a plan for your escape. And I think that's what she was trying to do. She was trying. That's why I was like, oh, she was right there.

Right there. I was distracted the other night at dinner. There was this girl that looked just like her. Oh, really? I couldn't stop staring at her. I was like, this is where. Where were you at dinner? I had a place called Daisy in the valley.

In the valley. Why did you say it like that? I don't know. We're from the valley. The valley's okay. I love it. I live over here. The valley is fine.

I'll drive over that little hill. It was a good restaurant. What kind of food? Mexican. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I don't know why that was my first thoughts. Mmm.

Did they have nachos? I don't know, but we did get like chips. I love nachos. Where are your favorite nachos? But like, what kind of nachos? I can't find my favorite nachos because I like ground beef nachos. Yeah. But nobody seems to do them.

Ground beef? You cannot get a ground beef hard shell taco at like a regular Mexican restaurant. You can't. You have to go to Taco Bell. Yeah. Or Henry's Tacos in the Valley. Henry's Tacos in the Valley. Oh, I've never been to Henry's tacos.

Oh, they're perfect. They have the ground beef hard shell. You cannot get it. No, I haven't been able to find it. No. When I was in Vegas, I really wanted to go to this restaurant called Nacho Daddy. That's good. I didn't make it.

Oh, no. But question. Regular cheese melted or the... Or the movie theater sauce. I prefer regular cheese melted, but I can do goo. Yeah. Goos's fine. With like the pickled jalapenios. Yeah.

Ooh, that's nice. Yeah. That was junior high. You could get those. You could buy them. I know. Like movie theater nachos. I think it's time and place.

If I'm sitting down and I've like worn something cute, I want melted cheese. If I'm at the movies, you can give me the goo. Or bowling. Or bowling. I like bowling. I like bowling too. I'm actually a huge fan.

Love it. Love bowling. It's very fun. It is so fun. I went bowling like four times last year. I was bowling. I had bowling fever. I have not been bowling.

bowling this year. Oh, no. Oh, my God. What's wrong? What month is this? May. Wow. This year is going by pretty fast. Really fast. But you haven't bowled. No. I got to get on it. I get my balls. Is it because you're dating someone and you're like settled and you're like, we don't need to bowl? Does he want a bowl? Let's see. We went bowling. Does he want a nacho bowl? We went bowling on one date. Oh, you did? Uh-huh. And then we went bowling another time. And then I got bowling at my birthday. So you bowl all the time. All the time. I fucking love to bowl, baby.

No, I guess maybe it was like a 2024 thing. 2025. I'll find something new. But I haven't found it yet. The year's almost done. Oh, my God. What about now that you've found a guy that you're, you know, dating and the whole thing was like finding someone and going through all of that. Is there a replacement for that now?

What do you mean? Like, is there something? Because to me, like, I have an addictive personality. Oh, like looking for it. Like replacing that? Yeah, like if I'm into something and doing it and you take that away from me, I'll find something else to do it with. No? She's an addict.

Yeah. I don't think so. I don't think I replaced it with anything. I didn't like looking for somebody. I didn't like dating. I didn't like the apps. Right. So it's nice to not be on it.

Although when we first got together, I would get really drunken for. forget that I was dating somebody. And I'd like scroll and I'd be like, oh, that person. I'm like, wait a minute, I'm dating somebody. So I was like, I gotta delete this. Oh, dating apps. So your take on dating apps are awful. Dating apps are soul-sucking and bad and the worst, although that's how I met my partner.

It is. Wait, you just talk about your partner. You're like, I fucking hate them. No, I just hate apps. The apps are awful Because you like Meet somebody And I

Some people want to talk forever But like go back and forth And that's not me You get two or three chances To go back and forth If you don't ask me out I'll unmatch you Right

And he asked me out pretty quick Which was nice And then he was good in person We had like a three hour a date And then I left and I was like I need to leave now so I could be mysterious But after three hours There is no mystery

Like you know if you like the person Right. Yeah. That's a good first date. That's a good first date story. Yeah. Do you have other good first date stories? Yeah. I agreed to go to dinner with this person. And I usually don't because drinks is easy out. You're like two, three drinks, whatever. But we went to this like Italian restaurant. And then they were like just a very nice, adorable person. I was like, I don't think you're my type. But like, I'm willing to give it a chance. That was a good first date. I know I've had other good first dates, but like nothing memorable. Yeah. It was just like, oh, this is nice. It was fine, but it wasn't it. I can deal with this person.

Yeah. I can deal with this person. I can do it. You know what sucks is when you have a really good first date and then you have a second date and it's a flat tire. Yes. That sucks. Yes. Yeah.

You know, you're like, what happened? It was on. Mm-hmm. And now it's not. Yeah. Well, it's because people are on their best behavior when you first meet them. And then once they get like slightly comfortable, their like real personality comes out.

And you're like, ugh, I don't like that. Yeah. That bad. What about love bombing? I've been love bombed, but not hard. Do you know what I mean? It was a soft love bombing. It's easy to love bombing.

I love talks. This man on our second or third date brought me a singular sunflower, and boy, oh boy, I lost my mind. I said this man loves me. Ooh. A singular. Yes. And I put that thing in a vase

I was so excited for a singular sunflower And then He did something else And I was like, oh my God, he loves me I can't remember what it was But it was also pretty normal Yeah Like not anything of the tower

I mean kind of Everyone you're like everyone Love Bormy I mean yeah If you give me the slightest bit of attention It's kind of love Bommie And I'm like oh my God I'm so happy about this

Yeah Yeah truly If you buy me anything I'm so pleased Except the two drinks Well If you want a blowjob You gotta buy me more

There needs to be four Bring me a Rolex Notches Notches I'm being insane I was like here's a watch What would you do? Take the watch

Honestly I would probably blow that If it was a nice enough watch And I could like Google the resale value Because I don't really wear watches And it's a lot of money. Sure. You paid for it. You're like I was going to do it for free. I mean,

yep, you were nice enough. If you want to throw in a watch, okay. Oh my God. Oh, no, it really, it does. It hurts. Singular sunflop. Remember, I've been given, did we talk about this already? Hmm. The butterball turkey? Mm-hmm. We did? Mm-hmm. Someone brought you a turkey? For Thanksgiving, not Not a cooked turkey. A raw frozen butterball was at my doorstep, like on my dormant for Thanksgiving. And then a Christmas tree was on my doorstep for Christmas. You stayed with him past the turkey? That's funny.

That is a red flag. That is a red flag. It's such a specific red flag. No, it was kind of funny. Well, did you like that person? It was very brief. Well, it is not bad. That brief, well, that's close together.

Yeah, it's pretty close. It's like a month or whatever. It was brief. If I liked them, funny. If I didn't like them, weird. Weird. My aunt once sent me a turkey in the mail. What?

She sent me like a Thanksgiving dinner when I was living in New York and I like couldn't afford to fly to Chicago to go see my family. So she sent me a Thanksgiving meal in the mail. but then the post office was closed for the holiday. Oh no. And then I waited to go get it. And when I finally went to go get it, two ladies who worked at the post office were like,

oh my God, there she is. She's here. And I was like, oh, my God, I'm here. And then they watched me open it because it stunk because it was like rotting food. And I opened it. It felt like the end of seven. And it was like, what's in the box?

And I opened it and I was like, oh, my God, there's just rotted. food. She sent a, like a turkey that was not cooked. Oh my God. Bacon, uncooked bacon. What? A box of cornbread mix. No, there was no dry ice in this thing. Like, there was nothing to keep it fresh. And then she, like, text me. She was like, did you get your Thanksgiving box? And I was like, yes, it was so kind. Thank you so much. Oh, my God. But you don't ever have to send me another one. It was too much. It was too much. And I never told her that it was all rotted and like dripping. No. It was so gross.

Oh, my God. Awful. Have you ever gotten someone a weird gift or sent something weird or done something for a guy in that way? I probably have. I look at you to remember for me. What's the weirdest gift you've given? The weirdest gift I've given. Hmm.

You could say you could also do, received. I bought one man. little tonka trucks because we were talking about it for some reason and I thought it was funny and then he was like oh cool and then he left them at my house and I guess he doesn't want his tonka trucks

he left them yeah which I think is pretty rude if you don't like something take it home and throw it away you still take it um let's see honestly I'm always buying weird stuff like I like going to Michaels so like if I find a trinket that reminds yeah reminds me of you I'm gonna buy it and I'm gonna give it to you

You're like, here's your pom-pom maker. Yeah. Yeah, or like dollhouse furniture. Ooh, I like dollhouse furniture. Wait, that would be. You set up a whole scene. I mean, yeah, you can. My best friend likes chairs, so I find her miniature chairs and buy them for her.

Does she like miniature chairs or she likes real chairs? She likes real chairs. Okay. But I'm not buying her real chairs. I buy her little chairs. You show up with chairs. She just has a thing. She's just like, I fucking dig chairs.

That's it. End of sentence. Listen, we all have, we all have our interest. I like miniature things, so I get it. I like Sonic, so I have a bunch of Sonic stuff in my house. Sonic the headshot. Did you see the last place? Of course I did.

I was at the premiere. Can you even? My children love Sonic. It's such a fun story. And I'm like, that's good. I love him. He just wants a friend and he goes a little too fast. And I feel like it's a,

an analogy for having ADHD, which is what this bitch has. Oh. Can you explain to Rachel what ADHD is? She tells me I have it every day. ADHD is when you have an inability to focus on things. Your brain jumps from one thing to the next. When I was unmedicated in a conversation, I could hit like eight different topics and then forget which topics I'd hit. And then someone would have to remind me.

you start tasks, you have a hard time finishing them, you have little piles around your house because you're like, oh, if I clean to this little pile, I'll put that pile away, and then that pile sits there for weeks at a time. Usually, like, I have an easier time concentrating at night when everyone's sleeping and nobody can disturb me, so I get more stuff done.

But then I go to sleep late, and then I wake up late. But it's just it's a hard life when you're unmedicated. But now I'm medicated. And it's a little easier. Less piles? Yeah. Honestly, yes. There are less piles in my house.

Oh, and I'm chronically late. I have time blindness, which is a thing where you go, I have to leave in 20 minutes. Otherwise, I'll be late. And then cut to 20 minutes later, I'm folding laundry. And then I go, I think I was supposed to leave. but where was I going? Then I have to open my calendar and then go, oh, fuck, I am going to be late. That's how it is.

Yeah. That's fun. I have all those things, except late. No, you're not late. Not late. But what about, like, when Rachel knits, right? So she's doing something with her hands and, like, one would think, oh, she's not paying attention, but really it's actually helping her focus. Yeah, it's like a fidget spinner for a kid.

But, like, doing things with your hands sometimes helps you focus. Would that help you? Mm. Sometimes. Like in school, I used to doodle a lot. Yeah. And I get yelled at for doodling. And I'd be like, well, then you don't want me to listen.

Right. You don't want that. Yeah. Right. But yeah, doing things with your hands helps. I'm a doodler. I love dooderman. I love dooderman.

I know. Well, yeah, you're a dutler. I guess you're a dutler. I'll have to doodle. Uh-huh. We have to wrap up, sadly. Oh. Yeah.

Okay. We're getting booted. Booted. Booted? By who? Oh, yeah. You have, you. Oh, for my podcast?

You have it. Oh, seriously? That's pretty funny. Yeah. I'm doing the boodin. She's texting him on the side. Yeah. She's like, make it fucking stop.

No. All right. Well, we can end on. You've diagnosed me with ADHD. And I feel seen. Get on medication. Yeah. You don't.

What? I don't know. I don't look like an ADHD. No, you don't sound like an unmedicated. unmedicated ADHD person, but maybe it might be more internal. It's all up here. Yeah. I've honed in on it.

Her ex-boyfriend put it best. He's like, I'll be like, oh, and this happened and that happened and da-da-da-da. And Rachel will just look at me and be like, I love puppies. I mean, that's how I am a lot. And I have to like concentrate when people are talking sometimes. Oh, yes. Like late at night or not late at night So I'll take my medication when I wake up

So by the time it like wears off at like five or six I have to be like all right walk in People are fucking talking You gotta pay attention That's me with stand-up I can't just sit and watch it If I'm cleaning or whatever and it's on I can hear it

Interesting Yeah And I think she's so honed in on you Because you're funny Oh yeah Oh yeah that's also I need You need to be funny if you want me to listen I get that

Yeah I get that a lot boring people it's tough I've ever met someone so boring that you're like how do you live with you? Oof when that happens I get so sad I'm like you go home like this

and it doesn't get any better you're just boring oh my god all day I know you said we have to wrap up but I love when you go to a restaurant and you're seated next to I went out with my partner and the couple next to us

this man talked about Star Wars for the duration of their date and she said nothing. And I was like, whoa, whoa, I bet you that man started when he picked her up. In the car, talked about Star Wars, brought it up again when they were at dinner.

And then when he dropped her off or if they went home together, God forbid she's married to this man, he probably talked about it again. And I was like, and that's as good as it's going to get for him. Oh, my God. Until another Star Wars thing comes out.

They get home, he's like, put on the buns. You know, I hope that's what happened. I do too. But I don't think that's what happened. You're like, it's not even. No, like, it wasn't even like spicy. Like, you know, if he was like a little spicy with it, he was like, oh, you're going to put on your Yoda mask and fucking slap me with a titty?

I'd be like, oh my God, what a kinky couple. I'm so sad I've never been asked to do that. Listen, you don't have to get asked. You can just do it. You're married. That's true. And you can't divorce you for that. That would be an insane grounds for divorce.

Even the lawyer would be like, that's funny. So I think, don't wait, do it. Oh, God, I'm obsessed with you. Oh, thank you. This has been fun. Oh, thank you for coming and talking to. Of course. You are.

Amazing. Late. Worth the weight. You are worth the weight. Thank you. Kevin We're back Please share your

Honest story This was I played in a Rage Against the Machine cover band Like seven years ago Yes I played drums in a In a band And we would rehearse all the time

At my friend Kurt's place He was the bass guitar player And His roommate one time Was like You know what You're such a selfish friend and I gasped.

I was like, what are you talking about? And he was like, you come over here, you know, you don't bring anything, you smoke our weed with us. But the thing that he said that I, I tried to be more mindful of, he was like, you're always on your damn phone when someone's talking to you. And I was like, oh, I didn't even realize that I did that. I apologize. And then he apologized because he kind of like came in really hot.

out of nowhere. But I always think that that was one of the most, like, he was like kind of a friend of a friend, but came in so hot with like, you need to be more aware of your surroundings when you're in a place. Wow. And he said this like eight years ago. I think I think about it probably like once a month. Yeah.

Of like, am I in the conversation? Am I checked out? And when I go to things, am I bringing stuff? And, yeah, it was, it was wild. That is. It's interesting how, like, that'll stick with you. Any criticism or any negative, what? What stuck with you?

No, I was going to say, there's an article on why. Please enlighten us. Because as human beings, we focus in and take with us the negative because it used to be that if a tiger was there or something along those lines that was deemed negative, it became a threat, and we would have to remember it for safety. So we're still programmed to hold on to the negatives and take it with us because it's a survival mechanism. Interesting.

Isn't it? Yeah. It doesn't bother you that much. Like, hyper fixating on negative stuff used to really, like, frustrate me and I would talk about it in therapy all the time of like, why am I, if there's 10 compliments and one insult, yeah, I only focus on the insult and was explained all the time. Like, that's normal. Like, it's not, it's like biologically makes sense. You're thinking, you know, you're a little fixated on the negative. But I don't want to say like I embrace it now, but I saw this guy once say that really resonated with me. He's this YouTube music journalist named is Rick Biato, and he did this video where he was like, a lot of people leave me really nice compliments, and thank you, that's really cool. There's also a lot of people that really don't like me, and I just want to say, I treat all of your comments equally.

They don't really affect me either way, because it's all from your point of view and your life experiences. So while I appreciate the engagement, the nicest comment and the meanest comment are equally like neutral to me. And I was like, wow, that's a good way to look at it. I thought it was a good way to look at it. I'm just like, someone says something really nice. I'm just like, okay. Someone says something really mean. I'm like, okay.

You know, just kind of take it. Yeah. I feel like you could use that right now. No, she keeps writing me about people making, like, comments. Well, people will make mean comments based on stuff they don't have the actual context for. It's like they don't know the reasons behind things and they'll be like, and you're like, wait, you don't actually have the information. Yeah. You know?

That you didn't go to the baby shower because you went to Burning Man. Yeah, but like there's so much to that story. There's so much that story. You know what I mean? I don't hold it against her at all. I like to tease her about it, but I understand. You understand what? why you weren't there.

Do you? No. But those type of comments bother me the least because, like, Leah will show me, like, oh, look at this person said to you, screw them, we should respond. And I'm like, they just, they have no idea, you know, who we are or what we're going through and stuff. And so that's always fascinating to me, too, where it's the assumptions and the projecting and stuff. That almost means, like, even less to me when it's about me. because I'm just like, they have, they're just purely guessing.

They're speculating. Yeah, totally. Yeah. Yeah, of course. Always. There's always more to every story and they're speculating and that's what it is. But has there been any harsh criticism that you've gotten that's stuck with you that you've held on to? I'm sure.

For sure, but like having to remember it like in the moment, I don't know that I can. Yeah. But yes, you? I feel like there was like two different things that stuck with me where I was like, one, it was like a little girl, our friend Leah was nannying. Yeah. And I was like auditioning at the time and stuff. And she looked at me and she said, gosh, Olivia, you try so hard, but you fail. And I was like

Like sucker punched And it stayed with me Forever Oh my God You know? Like it just hurt in a way That was like It felt true at the time

You know what I mean And so like That stuck with me That was like a hard one That's not like criticism That was just like Mean Well I think she

She didn't mean to be mean Right She was trying to empathize she was kind of like, how old was she stuck to fail? Like nine? Okay. You know, ten?

She was like a little girl. Yeah. Then there was an instance where I was dating someone. Yeah. And he gave me feedback and he said, and it hurts so bad at the time. Yeah. He was like, I feel like I do all the planning.

I feel like I'm picking what we eat and where we eat. And I'm thinking of you when I'm other places and I do things. And like I don't feel like that's reciprocated. And I remember when that ended, I was like, that sucks. Yeah. And it gave me that information, though. So like on our first, my first date with Jeff, I like brought him tea because he said he liked tea. And I brought him like an assort.

Yeah. I was like, I need to do better. I was not. No, I wasn't. I was not doing well. Yeah. Like, I really wasn't. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Like, and I saw that at the time. I didn't get defensive and be like, oh, will I do this? I was like, he's right. Yeah. You know? And I remember learning from that and being like, I'm never going to be that person again. Yeah.

You know? And so I brought Jeff T. And I picked where we'd go. And I participated in a way. You made an effort that was valuable. But it was from that feedback that changed me. Right. I feel the same way when that guy made the comment that I was like,

it's funny that it's like the comment of like you're being selfish was so embarrassing that like that really stuck with me more than if someone else was like said any other sort of negative thing. It was like, oh, you're not thinking about others. I was like, oh, that sucks. And then that stuck for a while. Yeah. So I do think it's valuable. That's the thing about people who are always like,

don't read the comments. I'm like, to me, sometimes there is value in critique, in a sense. Yeah. Right? Like, you, like, I've had critique where I'm like, I'm just trying to think of an example. She's like, I've never been. I've never been criticized. For sure.

Yeah, it's, it's super interesting. I send gifts before a date. Yeah. You're perfect. I'm perfect. No, but I remember feeling like shit about that. Yeah. I remember when I was dating someone and I wasn't very thoughtful at the time. Like I was thoughtful, I would show up in other ways.

Like that's not my love language. Yeah. Right? Yes. And this person got sick and Rachel's like, you're going to make him homemade chicken soup. And I was like, I said this to you? You made me make him soup. We made I'm not saying it on here

We did it at your house And you taught me Lus Felis you taught me how to make the soup from scratch like full chicken bones and all And we had like four I don't remember this four vats of it It was like so much fucking soup Wow And looking back He didn't deserve the soup of my soup.

I'm like, you are an asshole. Let's make you soup. You don't remember that? No. But like, it didn't merit soup. I vaguely remember this. Yeah.

There's a lot of soup, you guys. We were talking about gifts with Nicole and like bad gifts and it made me think of a similar I think of a similar I think like a common statement is like any effort is good effort or like any sort of like showing up is good and I made a similar lazy attempt on an early my first year dating Leah she has a hedgehog

that you guys have seen yes and respectfully called me out which was like for her birthday I was trying to get or something. I went to probably the same Michaels that Nicole was talking about. And I saw a stuffed animal of a hedgehog and I was like, oh my God, this is perfect. And so I bought it. And it was her birthday, went out to dinner and I gave it her this hedgehog. And she went, huh. And I was like, what? And she said, you've seen my place. I have like a hundred. She's like, this is always the first thing that anyone like family and stuff gives and basically was just like there's a lazy gift oh wow she calls you out yeah and i was like you know what you're 100% right i went into a store it was like basically the first thing i saw and i was like good she has that and then i gave it to her

and she was like you could do better i like that though she was on me too and i and to this day is now you're married yeah now we're married but i i appreciate that it because I fully could not disagree with it. It was like, oh, this is like a unique thing about her and then just got a $5 thing that she was like, come on, buddy. I was like, damn, she's not wrong. Appreciate that. That is a self-advocate for themselves. Yeah.

She's like, I want better. Yeah. She deserves it. I've gotten weird gifts. You have? Like, I know we talked about, but like, or not weird, but like, like, you know. flowers in like a white angel vase. Oh my God.

Those were beautiful. Those were some carnations in a white angel, Cupid vase. Where it's like that meme where it's like the cookie monster and he's opening the gifts and it's crackers. He's like, it's like you don't even know me. It's like we've talked about it when they order food for you. And like I detest mushrooms.

and I will not eat a pork chop. But they got me a pork chop with mushrooms. Weird. Yeah. Jeff once got me a red patent leather wallet. Wow. And I hate, I don't, like, for some reason, I don't love the color red. You don't.

No, it's like a thing. I'm like, mm-mm, just doesn't feel right to me, whatever. And when I opened it, I was like, huh? Mm-hmm. Do you know me? Do you even know me? Do you even know me? Give me cold, hard cash.

I will take that all day, every day over a red wallet. Yeah. And it was like shiny. No. You know? Yeah. And someone once got me platform Nikes. Pork chop with mushrooms.

Platform. Not the platform Nike. But like before platform sneakers were like back. Yes. Because right now they are. Yeah. And they were in high school. But not when he bought me these.

Ooh. Hmm. Platform Nikes. Lee and I watched Notting Hill for the first time last night. You've never seen it? Never seen it. And we got a kick out of when Hugh Grant brings flowers. And he kind of like improvises being a journalist for Horses and Hound magazine.

And the other journalist calls him out and is like, are you bringing her flowers for the interview and then he is like oh these are for my grandma and when he leaves he doesn't have the flowers the journalist is like what happened with the flowers and he went she took them we were really enjoying it i like that movie it's fun i'm just a girl standing in front of a boy right yeah that's what movie i watched recently what house guests no i wish still Magnolias. We were talking about that. Really?

Yeah, because Leah has never seen it. Oh. Because I was like, I think Julia Roberts is a lot better in steel. She's in that as well, right? Mm-hmm. Yeah. I was like, we should watch that next. I was never a big fan of like the real emotional ones, like Steel Magnolias or beaches or mermaid.

What is it? Mermaids. Those are all really good movies. That's the movies that I was like never that down with. Now, big business. I don't know how to go on Now Chevy Chase

I'm crying Do you know what Steel Magnolia's means What Like what it means No Do you Kevin Is that the red Ardvart cake movie Where she gets married

And the Ardvark It's an Ardvark cake And when you cut it it's red like it's bleeding Maybe I don't know That doesn't sound familiar But I don't pay attention No I don't know. I haven't seen the movie in a long time.

Okay. Go on. What is steel magnolias? I forget. But I think it's something having to do with like they're describing the men. Like if a woman gets sick. Like they're steel. But really they're just magnolias. Oh, that makes sense. Got it. They're fragile. It is S-T-E-E-L, not S-T-E-A-L.

You don't see. steal the magnolias. Don't steal the magnolias. No, it's about being like that hard. I'm looking up the cake. Oh, you're looking up the cake. I want to know what steel magnolias means. I think it's about like, no, I'm like, I need to know the cake. Hard bar. Okay. Is it from that? Steel magnolias. Yeah. Sally Field. Oh my God. That's the one thing I remember from that. When she gives that monologue at the, I cannot handle her. She's so good. She's so precious. Yeah.

You like me. Okay. We should do a movie watch along with all these like 90s rom-coms would be fun. I fucking love a rom-com. Me too. Love. That would be really fun. Down.

Let us know, listeners. Let us know. Thanks for listening. Bye. Bye. That was a headgum podcast.