Paige DeSorbo on Redefining Your Timeline
00:01This is a Headgum podcast.Hax is back for its fifth and final season,and so is The Hacks podcast.Join the Hacks creators and showrunners,Lucia and Yello, Paul W. Downs,and Jen Statsky as they unpack the Emmy-winning comedy series.On each episode, here's stories from the set,what goes on in the writer's room,
00:23and how these beloved characters close out their final season.Watch Hax streaming exclusively on HBO Maxand listen to The Hax podcast,on HBO Max or wherever you get your podcasts.It's so nice to have you and to meet you.It's so excited.I'm so excited to do this.Oh, good.
01:25Well, we are so excited you're doing it.So thank you.My pleasure.I was saying we were just talking about the New York cold.We started that conversation.Well, it's funny because you look like you're in New York and cold, Olivia, right now.Right.You're Beanie and Pages in Miami.
01:43Yeah.So you're not even there.But we like to talk about the cold.elsewhere.Well, we're both from LA, so we...Yeah, have you ever lived not in, on the West Coast?I spent a lot of time in Toronto or outside Toronto.So I have experienced some real levels of cold.
02:09Yeah, no, that's like a different.They're built different up there.It's not okay.Yeah, no.No.I'm from Albany, too.So, like, I'm...Oh, my God.
02:17even like a little bit colder.Yeah.That's like similar to Toronto, I feel like.It's just a different level of like I'm not going to walk out of my house.No.So how does one reconcile with that?Like my husband's from Pittsburgh.So it's like normal.
02:37They're like, yeah, the wind hits you in the face and it's freezing.And I'm like, but how do you get okay with that?I feel like because I grew up.Like I didn't know that people, one, I didn't know that people like moved away.You know, like I didn't know you could move to another state.I was like, that's for other people.That's not for me.And then like anytime I'm in L.A., you truly do feel like you're on vacation.
03:04And now I'm like, wait, why do I live in New York?But it's also like everything's there.But it's the same with L.A.Like there's only a few places you can really live once you've lived in New York Cityand L.A., you know.True.That's why we always say it's weirdbecause we're from L.A.
03:22Yeah.And we're like,because where do you go?Right?You do.What do you do from here?I used to go down to the South a lotand I would always be like,
03:33okay, but if you're hungry after 9.30,you have to make itbecause you're not ordering from anywhere.And I'm like, I can't live like that.So spoiled, right?Yeah.But it's funny because you make our own food.That'd be insane.
03:50But we all have like this idea of like, oh, my God, I would love to just live in the middle of nowhere, you know, on a farm or whatever.But then you're like, you get to a certain point where you're like how, but how for how long?I do think of people in L.A. I'm like, I would love to go to a farmer's market.You know, just like walk around. Like they have it so nice.Like in New York, it's that's obviously not a thing in the winter.Right. You're like walking around in winter here in a tinktop.Yeah. Sometimes for sure. Yeah. But that's so funny because like my dream, I'm like, I've never lived in New York. And that's like, I feel like at this point in life, maybe it's something that will never be realized because, you know, kid and everything else. But I'm so envious of. I will say it's definitely easier in your, like you don't think about certain things regardless in your 20s.but you certainly don't think like, okay, my feet are going to hurt.
04:50Like, if I walk this many blocks now in my 30s, I'm like, no, I'm not going to a workoutclass when it's four below.Like, that would be insane.Talk to us about your 20s.Oh, my God.I had the best time in my 20s.I feel like really living in New York City was like a character of my 20s.I mean, I'm sure you feel the same way in L.A.
05:15Like I don't think I would have wanted to do my 20s anywhere, but a major city.I mean, we did it.Yeah.Yeah, we definitely did it.But that's so interesting.So, like, if you're not in a major city, you're thinking, like, like, what?Wouldn't you be curious, like, to go to the smallest parts of the country and just talk to people that what it's like growing up and living in your 20s and like, what do you do?Well, even, like, living in New York, I feel like you knew all.
05:44there was like a rotation of people.So I feel like in a small town, I'd be like,well, I've dated everyone.Like, I can't.How am I?Yeah.What do you think dating apps are like in those towns?It's like swiping three times.
05:57I feel like it's probably like a lot of swingers.Oh.That's what you hear.I feel like it would have to be.Is that a thing?Well, I mean, it's small towns.Yeah.Do you watch more than housewives?
06:12No.I have it.I've had it downloaded on my iPadto watch for the past two years.I am good to.Secret Lives of Mormon Wivesbecause that's like howthat show started.
06:24They were all Mormon.And then I don't know if it was because ofCOVID that they were like all togetherall the time.And then they just started being likeswingers.Except they were Mormon.And so it was more like we made out with each other.
06:36And so you're like, okay.Wait, they're actually openly like swingers.Yeah, they said it.Not anymore because they all like actually.ended up like getting divorced. You have to watch it. It's so good. We had one on, Rachel,remember? It was the, um, the sex scandal where they were all hooking up with each other andI mean, I feel like a lot of times in those towns, you do get a little bored. But also,I don't think it's just like being in a small town that makes you bored. I also think the age at
07:08which people get married is maybe not the house.healthiest in the sense.Like there's stuff they still needed to get out of their systems that they didn't.Could be a player in it, you know?What do you think like ideal age for marriage is or should be?Okay.So actually I froze my eggs this year.And I-
07:32I hear about that.But yes.I'm like a big proponent of freezing your eggs.I just feel like it almost even if it doesn't work or something happens,it did give me like a peace of mind immediately when I went and did it.I feel like there's no age for marriage,but I will say I won't, if I have a daughter,I probably won't ever talk about getting married in your 20s to her.
08:02Do you know what I'm?Like I just feel like I changed so much in my 20s that I don't,like if I were to have gotten married in my 20s, I'd be divorced.Like there's just no way.Or swimming.And when I went to freeze my eggs, one of like the whole spiels that they get tell you is they can see exactly when you were the most fertile.And I think it's like you're 21, like 21 to 25 or something.And so I'm like, well, why wouldn't anyone say, hey, freeze your eggs now, then you won't have to think about it for like 15 years.
08:37That's so smart.And I love that you're just talking about it because it's so true.No one wants to, not no one, but like settling down at 21 and that's it and starting a family, it's just isn't realistic.And I have heard of some like companies will pay like a portion or pay for you to do.I just think it should be so, man, like I really so believe in it.Well, because in my opinion, I'm like, you shouldn't get married until you're in your 40s.You know, like live life, experience whatever.I mean, it's supposedly the long haul.
09:12You know, you're going to be with this person for so long.And I will say, I do believe in like where there are some relationships where they're like,we met in second grade.And like, that was it.You know, like that is really nice.I'm just like, I don't know anyone like that.And I certainly wasn't.I think if it does happen that way, that's amazing.
09:32But also your frontal lobe isn't developed.No.Like, it's literally not developed until you're 25.So the choices you're making.And then I also find it fascinating that you're a large portion of people who are on birth control.Yeah.Which also dulls your senses.So you're not smelling into the right barrenomes of your partner.
09:53I just learned about that like a couple years ago.I had no idea.Yeah.No idea.And I was on birth control for so long.It's kind of fascinating.Right?Well, and it makes sense.
10:06You're like, dang, my senses were dull.Yeah, absolutely.You're like, that explains so much.I've never, I've gone on birth control like so many different times in my life, four different stuff.Like, if you're on an acne pill, like, they make you go on it.I was like diagnosed with PCOS at one point.And then another doctor was like, you don't have PCOS.And every time I was like on birth control, I felt it like immediately.
10:34Like I felt like my brain chemistry almost change.And I was like, okay, I can't.do this. Yeah, it's so weird if you really think about what it does to you. I mean, every singlemonth I felt nauseous like I was pregnant. I don't know. Some people get that. Like, it just,it just fucks with your body so much. But like, just the fair moment thing is bizarre to me. Like,how it can actually alter that. How many people are making the wrong choice? Well, it is funny.Like, now if I think back to, like, boyfriends, like, there definitely were a few that like, if they,like, even like high school, college, if they, like, played a sport where I was like,
11:09I really, I don't like your sweat smell.Yeah.And I feel like that was.Yeah, that was my body being like, he's not for you.You hate his smell.But it's so true.Or if I was sick.I also get so many UTIs, like chronic UTIs.
11:26So if I ever slept with someone and got a UTI,I was like, I'm sorry, we can't.We're not compatible.I mean, but what to me, I'm like, that's everyone.Yeah.I was just like that.Because you always get a UTI.I always get.
11:40How often are you getting them like a year?Four times.Okay, same.Yeah.And I've gone to get tested.They've checked my anatomy.It's like a whole thing.Okay.
11:53So my most recent thing that I've been doing is I take a cranberry supplement twice a day.And then I take a oregano supplement.And I'm usually on a pretty like every four months I'll get one.And like February, I should get one, but I haven't yet.So I'm like, I don't want to jinx it, but also like I'm trying this new like regimen out.So if it works, you'll have to do it.I'm going to have to do it.The doctor last told me you may just have to be one of those people that takes an antibiotic every time you have sex.
12:29And I was like, what?Yeah.That's not good for your gut, for your microbiome, like all the things.I'm like, that's not a good option.No, literally.Yeah, they're like, you just have to be on it every day.That's horrible.We need a cure.
12:44Like, I can't.And then I'll have girls DM me that have never had a UTI before in their lives.And they'll be like, is this just a normal thing that you're walking around with during the day?And I'm like, they are so debilitating.Like, in college, I used to be able to, like, go to class, go to, like, do whatever.And then as I got older, it would, they would truly debilitate.Like, I wouldn't be able to.to move off of the toilet, literally.
13:11I'd have to pee every four seconds.It's no freaking worse.And then you can't sleep at night if you wake up with it.And then you just have to sit on the toilet and you're wide awake.And it's nothing.It's actually debilitating and very painful.And I also heard like it could be connected to autoimmune in some way.Like it's like inflammation.
13:37Yeah.it's like it's not necessarilyanything to do with theperson per se. Right.Right. No. It like most likelyisn't. Yeah.That's interesting because I'm like maybe you're justallergic to certain dicks.
13:51Right.Have you seen the thing on TikTokwhere it's like all, it's like Chinese girlsgiving all of the tipsfor like all of like Chinese medicinethat they do just every single day and how it's supposed to be so goodfor your body. Have you seen any of that? No. Okay, so it's all about... I want my phone to listen.No, it feels me. It's all about like how in the morning you should, well, really, that you should never
14:32consume anything cold, like no ice, like drinks, no beverages. Specifically in the morning,you should have hot water with lemon. And then they're having bone broth for breakfast.and it's supposed to be so, and I've been doing it recently, like doing hot water with lemon.And you know how we were talking about earlier?Like you drink so many coffees and you get like anxious.If you do the hot water with lemon, I truly feel like then when you do have coffee,you don't get that anxious feeling.Really?
15:06Yeah.So what's your, you do the hot lemon, but how long do you wait to have your coffee?I mean, everyone on TikTok, like all the girls that have made videos have been like,I'll never give up my ice coffee.I just make sure I drink like three warm liquids before, three or two.Like they didn't give like a time limit,but it's just like the first thing you put in your body should be hot.Well, and it can it be hot.
15:31Mine's hot coffee.No, can't be hot coffee.Can't be hot coffee.I think hot would be better.Like I drink iced and I never drink hot coffee,but hot coffee would be better.Okay.Yeah.
15:45Hot water with lunch.lemon and then hot coffee.This is a health and wellness podcast.This is all it is now.Yeah.We're solving all of it.We're solving one UTI at a time.One UTI.
15:56But it's funny.I feel like either girls are like UTI proneor like yeast infection.Yeah.And I lean yeast, which fucking sucks.Yeah.I don't know what's worse.I rarely get a yeast infection.
16:08I never do either.Yeah.It's your one or the other.That's interesting.Right?It's like people who hate Dr.pepper who don't like cherry-flavored things,like you're on either side of the spectrum.
16:21Yeah, it's people who like cilantro and people who don't.Correct.I like it.Ease infection, UTI.I mean, everything.Do you like cilantro, Rachel?I do.Okay, you do.
16:31So we all like it.So it's not the...No, UTI and cilantro don't go hand in hand.We're uncovering it here.But do you feel like you get one when your, like,immune system is down?A UTI or a yeast infection.Either.
16:49No.I get one all the fucking thing.Yeah.See, I feel like if I'm like run down where like most people will like get a sore throat, I like get a UTI.I mean.You know what we should do?What?Carry on.
17:02No.I'm going to look up.I'm going to look up for shits and giggles.What?You know Esther Hicks.Are you familiar with Esther Hicks?Mm-mm.She's do you know, I'm not Esther Hicks.
17:14Hicks. I'm sorry, Louise Hay.No.So you know Hayhouse, all the self-help books are under Hayhouse.Louise Hay is like the godmother of self-help.She originated the dang thing.And she talks about every body part has a spiritual or a psychological component to itand that there's a specific affirmation for each body part.So if you have chronic anything, that it's something.
17:41I'm going to go ahead and look at UTI for Louise Hale.I'm also yeast because there are two types of people.I'm only going to look up UTI.And also like when there's something wrong with your vagina,you're just like, I'll rip it out.No, like, it's so annoying.It's so annoying.Because you can't like openly say either.
18:07I don't know, like you tend to your girlfriends,but you can't like, like, there's so many timeswhere I've sent emails and I'm just like,I have a UTI.And so I can't get on this Zoom because I'm sitting on the toilet and I'm literally going to off myself.But now I'm like, I just have to.No.Because nothing like, like, literally.
18:29And it'll shut everyone up too, by the way.Well, maybe I found the cure guys.Okay.Ready?We'll do UTI and then we'll do yeast infection.Great.According to Louise Hay's teaching, particularly in her book, you can heal your life.Physical ailments often stem from a.
18:44emotional and mental imbalances.She associates urinary tract infections and bladder issues with emotional root causes pissed off.Feeling anger or resentment often towards the opposite sex or partner.Anxiety and fear, general feelings of anxiety, fear or letting go and holding on to old ideas.Victimization, feeling put upon, criticized or unloved.or lack of control, not trusting the flow and process of life.So then what she does is she offers affirmations for that, which are I comfortably and easilyrelease the old and welcome the new into my life.
19:32I am safe.I release all fear and embrace love.I trust the process of life.Now repeat it back.Me at 4 a.m. on the toilet.Just.Does any of that resonate for you?Honestly, I feel like yeah.
19:49But I feel like does that resonate for everyone?I don't know.But I would say, yeah, maybe.Let's see if yeast infection is any different.Maybe once every four months I am like really pissed off.That like that I feel like could track.Well, also it's it's oftentimes things like manifest in the body that we don'texpress or even allow ourselves to feel, right? So if you're someone who's like not walking around
20:18expressing anger, then it manifests in your body. Yeah. Right? I totally believe in that. Yeah.I do too. You look up everyone and that's the same explanation for every ailment. Did you ever? Interesting.This is different. Oh, wow. Okay, go. According to Louise Hay, yeast infections are associated withfeeling very confused.Huh.She's like, that confuses me.A lot of frustration,anger, and
20:55being very demandingand not trusting a family.Huh? Oh.What?Weird.That's totally different.That's weird.I don't understand.
21:08Well, she didn't give me the affirmation for it.That's okay.Oh, affirmation.to overcome thisallow myself to beI allow myself to be all I can beand I deserve the very best in lifeI love and I value myself
21:25and others. Okay.Okay, screenshot theseand send them around. I'm going to send them aroundbecause I'm going to need that.Have you ever gotten one of thosemassages or likedid you ever watch the likeit was like a documentary on Netflix?
21:42but it was like goopand it was like four episodes.Okay, did you see the one whereI forget who does it, but they do those likemassages and it'ssupposed to be like traumareleasing. I feel likethey're all over in L.A. and I want
21:58to do one. What is it?I mean, Yoni massages? Yeah, like it'ssomething like energy, likehealing, but it's likeit's like how you like store traumain like your hips or something and it wasthis guy and he was likeHe wasn't even like touching the person and they were like moving.
22:17I believe it.It feels like an L.A. thing.It definitely feels like an L.A. shit is real.Yeah, no, I truly believe.What are your guys signs?I'm a Virgo.I'm a Libra.Where are you?
22:31I'm a Scorpio.Oh, my daughter's a Scorpio.When's her birthday?October 29.Oh, okay.I'm November 4th.Oh.So she's like a real, real Scorpio.
22:41because she's like in the beginning.Yeah.Oh, is that all works?Yeah, because my mom is on the 31st and they're like the truest of the Scorpio sign.Wow.Interesting.You're one day away from our other best friend.Oh, no way.
22:57Yeah.She's the third.She's the third.What's Hannah?Hannah's a Leo.Okay.But she's a rising Scorpio if like that means anything.And she married, her husband as a.
23:11Scorpio.Oh.I love Scorpio.Yeah, so she tends to surround herself with them.Have you done your human design?No, what is that?Oh, I can't explain.I was going to say, how are you going to explain that?
23:27Wait, is that the number thing where you like add up all your, no.No, that's your enogram.Okay.You're getting real L.A.No, I love that.I love all of this stuff.I'm like with you, though, in Miami because I'm like, I don't know what.anything that she's okay. Yeah, you do. But the human design, look it up. It's interesting.
23:46It'll, it'll be cool to see what you and Hannah are both. Yeah. Because then if you work together inpartnership, like Rachel and I did it and it actually made a lot of sense. And we're like,that's so wild. That's how we naturally are. Is it like you take a test, like almost like apersonality thing? No, it's like your astrology. So it's when you were born, where you were born.and then it describes like there's like four or five different types of humans and it describeswhat type of human you are and like how you're supposed to interact with the world.Oh, I need to do that.Yeah, Olivia's a penetrator.
24:23So if that gives you any insight, penetrator.What are the options?It's like you're either like a manifesting generator, a manifester, a projector, a projector, or a reflector.Wait, and what's this called?The what's the human design.Okay, I have to do this.You guys are going to go in on it and seebecause it will be fun for you guys to do together
24:48because it's a thing.Yeah. Okay, I'm doing that after.Yeah.You're like, after this.She's like, I'm going now.I'm actually going to write it down.Oh my God. I forget everything.I can't. I have to like write everything down.
25:06So speaking of that, what's the weirdest, like,type thing you've let yourselflikebe into.Oh.Um, honestly,I love,I love a psychic.
25:20I do like psychicat least once a year.I love like an energy healer.Um,I've never done like Reiki,but I'm sure I'd freaking love it.Um,what are some other love a medium?
25:34Absolutely love.Yeah.A medium.Yeah.Um.Have you done Tyler Henry yet?No, I haven't.You have to, yeah.
25:44But I watched all of those episodes.I see every single one.Yeah.I even went to, do you remember, I think, I mean, I'm sure he's still around, like, doing it.I feel like I haven't seen him in a while.Remember John Edwards?He, like, had a TV show, like, in the early 2000s.I'd have to look a lot.
26:02He had, like, a brown hair.He was like a dad.Okay.Anyway, he used, I think he, like, used to have a TV show.show and he was like going around the country like doing a tour and I like made my I was like mom wehave to go and we went and we like sat in an auditorium and it was like by chance if he would likepick up on anything for you he didn't pick up on anything for us but like ever since then I'm likeI'm obsessed with mediums.
26:30I love that you're just sitting in an audience like in my yeah it was like in a hotel likeauditorium I'm like we're going tickets are at seven like I'm in it.And what draws you to that?Do you have someone who's past that you want to connect to it?Yes, I have.Do that right now?Are you a medium?I have like family members who have passed that.
26:56But I also, I feel very intuitive.And anytime I've gone to a psychic,I've always had them say, like,if you really wanted to tap into being psychic,you could do it.And like it scares me a little bit,but I've always had psychic say like when you have children,you'll want to be,
27:18you'll want to tap into it more.I've always just been like drawn to it.I've always just like 100% believed in it.I also feel like I've gone to mediumswhere I've definitely gone to people and you're like,okay, like you could Google that.But then they say one thing and you're like,okay, well, nobody would know that my grandpa.
27:39Papa called me that.Like, you know, like, there's certain things.And then I'm like, I believe everything you say.Right.I know.It's hard to, like, the thing where you like, I feel like just naturally, we just don't believe off the bat.We're like a little, what's the word I'm looking for?Whatever.
27:56Naive or like.Yeah, just not skeptical.Skeptical.Yeah.Thank you.Me and Hannah have even had like a pet psychic.Come on.What?
28:05And we're like, okay, obviously we'll never.never know.But we're like, we choose to believe.And actually, I do think it was real because I had bought my cat a carrying case.Like, she had an original one, like a normal one that I like brought her home in whenshe was a kitten.And then I got a new one.And the pet psychic was like she hates her carrying case.
28:31She likes the old one.The new one smells.And I'm like, oh my God, how would you know I got a new carrying case?and I think it was true.I believe it.See, but then I'm a skeptic,but then I'm the first one to jump on board.Yeah, no, I believe that.
28:45He is breeding your cat's mind.You got to do Tyler.You guys got to do Tyler.Yeah, I have to.You have to.Yeah, he knows stuff that, like,nobody would know.You can also feel it.
28:57It's like you can feel itwhen someone's tapped into somethingthat you're like, that's not of them.Yeah.You know?I also feel like,women in general are very intuitive.You know, like, you know, like how, like, something will happen with your best friend and
29:15you'll just, like, text her and be like, everything okay?And they're like, I was literally crying.Like, so I believe, I really do believe that, like, people have more of a gift.Yeah.I get to.Oh, I believe it.I mean, it's crazy what you can do.And once you do have kids, it is, like, heightened.
29:33Yeah.A hundred.Anyways.I could see that.I feel like it's heightened.a hundred, but I also think for me it causes the opposite because it does kick up more fearhaving kids. Then you're like, is this my instinct or is it my intuition? And they are just like,so that's why as a psychic medium, they're probably like, it'll behoove you to be in touch
29:59with that part. So when those things do come up, you'll have clear hits. No, I feel like I askedmyself that question every day. Like, is this my gut or am I being crazy?Yeah, absolutely. I do it all the time. I think that's a healthy question. Yeah.Because I think that what? Yeah, but how do you really know? Because intuition will only speakthrough clarity's voice. Put it on my tombstone. That was a great, that was a great line. Isn't that good? I know.She reminds all the time. It's that. And then the other one through.years of boys, right?Yeah, your instincts can lie to you and trick you because your instincts are set up to
30:43keep you alive.So they'll be real tricky little bitches.Yeah.Because they're trying to keep you out of harm or even like sometimes put you in harm.Hmm.Hmm.Because it's your, your instincts.Okay.
30:56Like some people, not all, that some people have instincts that make them do harmfulstuff to themselves.Right.Right.Like for instance, if my instinct tells me to.smoke cigarettes because I want something.That's an instinct. That's not my intuition.Right. Do you see what I'm saying?
31:14So the instinct is fear-based and the intuition is clarity.And sometimes you do just need like a drunk sick.That's what I mean a sick for sure.What did someone say the other day, which I was like, they were like, do you know whatclarity is? And I'm going to ask you guys that. Do you know what clarity is?I would say when I don't second guess it.That's a good one.Can I just take hers?
31:45No, you take what's yours?Clarity is, yeah, like when there, well, I mean, it's kind of the same thing, like when there isn't anxiety attached to a decision.Yeah.Well, what is it?The way this woman said it is she was like, clarity is a thought.or a feeling that has zero resistance.Yeah.Like when people are getting married and like the whole like when you know, you know,
32:14like I feel like I've asked every single one of my friends who is married.Like is that a real feeling that you felt?And every single person has like a different answer.That's so interesting.Have you ever?What are their answers?Yeah.Like my one girlfriend said she was like,
32:32it's not like you have this overwhelming feeling.of like, this is the person.She was like, it's more that you don't have any of the bad feelings you used to havein the past about people.Like, it's just, it's almost like the lack of feelings is how you know.And I was like, that's very interesting.That is interesting.And then I've had other friends be like, no, like there was a moment where I was like,
32:56I'm marrying this person and I didn't feel anxious about it.So I feel like it really is up to interpretation.And then I've had like one, like a couple of friends who are like very blunt be like, if you're second guessing it, like it's not no.Right.You know?Which I really is the easiest answer.Have you ever been at one of your friend's wedding where like you're the one that wants to stand up and be like, absolutely not?Yeah.
33:23Probably not.Not a lot.I've been more.It's more.I've been a plus one.I feel like at a couple weddings where I didn't.know the couple very well.And even just listening to their vows,
33:37I've been like, I don't know if you guys should.Take this next step.That seems crazy.But yeah, definitely.Intuition, probably.Like, you know how, like, if you just,you don't really know someone,but you can read them so clearly within the first five minutes.
33:52It's probably the same thing.Like, you're at a wedding and you're like, this isn't know.Yeah.I also feel like COVID,I feel like for whatever reason,a lot of people got nervous and got scaredand we're like, I need to get married and have a baby.Oh, wow.
34:11Just in terms of like, not even close friends,just like I feel like the like outer circle of peoplewhere you're like they're married now.Like I had no idea.It's really funny that you can get those hits within like three secondsand you're like, but they missed it.Yeah.Isn't that interesting?
34:30Like how do they not know?How did they not know?You know?Yeah.I feel like that's just like being scared of like the unknown.Mm-hmm.You know.How do you feel about that?
34:45About what?Oh, no.I was saying about like being alone or the unknown.Yeah.How does that sit with you?I love living alone.It actually doesn't worry me.I don't know though
35:02I mean I knowI've always known thoughlike I wanted to get marriedand have childrenbut I will sayonce I got into my 20slike when I was 25I was like oh I'll be married
35:14and have kids when I'm 30and then when I turned 30 I was likethat's an insanethat's insanethat's why would I ever think thatand now I'm 33and I'm like I don't even carelike I don't think about it
35:28it'll happen when it happens.And if it doesn't happen until like I'm 45, like, okay, amazing.Right.Now I think of it so differently.It goes back to like in the beginning when we were talking about like at the ideal age to get married.I don't think there is one like you have to feel it.But I know for me it definitely wasn't in my 20s.Right.
35:48But do you feel like you feel that way?Yeah, I was going to say because of the egg freezing is it way more relaxed where you're like whenever or because you have that.Definitely.Yeah. Yeah. We're such advocates for it. I'm such an advocate for it. I just think it's like, and also there's one thing that people I feel like don't talk about it. Of course, like you get nervous to like do the shots yourself. I found that to be like the easiest part. One thing I feel like people didn't say is I like felt a little maternal. Like when I was doing it and when I was walking to like my doctor's office to get the.actual procedure and your like stomach is like so bloated. I'm like walking the streets of New YorkCity and I'm like if anyone comes even close to me right now, like I will lose it. Like I feltextremely hormonal and like maternal but in a good way. I also felt amazing and I feel like I havelow estrogen because I loved the way the shots made me feel. Wow. Interesting. Yeah. So interesting.
36:56Like I was happier.Like I really like that week of shots,I was like,I love my life.I love everything that's like around.And so I feel like I actually have a little bit of a hormonal imbalancebecause that's not normal that I like should have loved it as much.I feel like.
37:13Yeah.Feel good.Yeah.So I feel like maybe I naturally have low estrogen.Hmm.There you go.I mean,that could be.
37:22Also,I think that the insurance policy.on that is such a psychic freedomto be like I can live my lifehowever I want and I've got thatwe didn't have that growing uplike nobody was talking about itlike I would have done it
37:43I would have 100% done itand probably had more kids todaybecause I would have been like welllet's just use an egg we have on iceoh I so would have done it in my 20sif I knew.Yeah.Everybody needs to go do it.
38:00And yet, like you said,certain companies will,like, pay for it.Right, right, right.Because there's that part.Right.No, it is,it can be expensive
38:08and it definitely, like,but I will say,I loved the place that I went.It was called Extend fertilityin New York.And I,I really feel like the doctor,like you get on so many zooms
38:22and like you can ask so many questions.Like,I feel like they were just so,so informative while you're doing the process that it was actually making me mad because I waslike I wish more people knew about this when they were in their 20 like they should go to highschools and be like after college don't freak out because then you can do this right I'm afraidI know I think you're a really good PSA for it thank you know that and beta blockers I love abeta blocker let's talk about beta blockers when you never try
39:08them.Oh my God.Are you,do you ever get nervous,like to perform or do anything?I have anxiety like a motherfucker.Okay,so when me and Hannah went on tour,
39:21I was like dating someone and I was just like,I had such bad anxiety.And I really,I never had like stage fright.Like I would have like the normal like butterfliesbefore you're about to go out on stage.But it was never to the point where I was like,I'm going to pass out.
39:40And so we were at a show.We were in Denver.I also think like the altitude had something to do with it because I just never do well in Colorado.That makes sense.And we're like about to go out and I say to Hannah, I'm like, I'm having a panic attack.Like my hands are numb.Like I'm about to start crying.Like I can't breathe.
40:00And luckily my makeup artist who was like a friend of mine who happened to be in Colorado at thetime. She was like, one of my girlfriends takes beta blockers. Like, I'm going to run and get you one.She comes back. She gives it to me. And immediately, the physical symptoms of a panic attack started toleave. I go out. I do the show. I'm like totally fine. I literally, they have changed my life.Like, any social anxiety, like, and it's different from a Xanax, like I've taken a Xanax before.and I personally don't feel likethere is a thing where like Xanaxcan do the opposite effect to you
40:41and I kind of feel like I have thatbecause I've just never likedthe way it made me feel.Where with a beta blocker,it's for people with high blood pressure.So it just takes awaylike the physical symptomsof what like the start of a panic attack is.
40:58And then it almost like tricks your braininto like, I'm not having a panic attack.Like I don't have any of the symptoms.Like anytime I have to do anything live, I pop one.I had to interview Martha Stewart.I popped two.That was great.Oh my God.
41:12I'm like I could never do this without that.Wow.They're also like a little bit of a security blanket.But I don't take them every day.I truly only take them like performance wise.But that's what they're intended to do.And that's the difference between Xanax is like you're not going to get high from a beta blocker.Like you can really actually end up high from.
41:34I'm a Xanax.Yeah.Did you have this sensation, which I thought was really weird?If you're someone that's used to having anxiety and then it's gone, that gave me anxiety.Do you know what I mean?I was like, I don't feel it.Like when you're on like a Xanax type medicine?Yeah, or a beta blocker.
41:54Like there was something, I had taken a beta blocker and I remember feeling like reallystrange about the fact that my anxiety wasn't there.and being able to grab it.And I said, whoa, like, where is it?Like, that's almost going to give me a panic attack.Yeah.Yeah.Well, because it's, like, familiar.
42:16Correct.Where, see, I feel like when I first took a beta blocker,I had never experienced, like, an actual panic attack.Like, I had experienced anxiety and, like, oh, I'm a little more nervous than usual.But I'd never experienced, like, a full-blown two minutes.It's like I'm, I think I'm dying panic attack.And I can't, I don't know how people deal with that so often.I find like just knowing once you pop that, like it all kind of calms down because a lot of it's mental, right?
42:49Yeah.So just knowing that you have the relief coming is also just a relief from the panic attack.And I've never taken a beta blocker because I have anxiety about taking anything, not knowing what it's going to do.Yeah.Which I've always been in the way.I kind of have that a little bit with Xanax.I don't know why.Where I'm always like, okay, but what if I like don't wake up?
43:12Yeah.I was like, okay, that's not going to happen.But no, that's why I like the beta blocker because it's like,I take it.I do whatever I have to do to perform and then like it's over.I'm like done with it.Is it a prescription?Yeah.
43:26Yeah.Have you ever felt it change your performance?Like, does it feel like ever slowed down or,like you're reaching for yourself in any way?No, because I think I've always taken like such a low dose,but I do have girlfriends that have taken it before and they take it almost like rightbefore bed and like my one girlfriend will be like, it really calms me down just to like goto sleep.
43:52And so I'm like, oh, that's so interesting because I take it in the exact opposite way.Yeah.Yeah, that makes sense.we're interesting creatures.Yeah, we really are.Do you know what I mean?We're like, I'm going to go on stage by choice.Yeah.
44:10Freak myself out so bad that I have to take a pill.And then that to me makes sense.But then it's also the same feeling that your friends have me of just straight up going to bed.Yeah.You know what I mean?Like that same kind of panic or anxiety.I probably should be on an anxiety medicine every single day.But to your point.
44:31I'm like a little nervous that it would change my normal personality.And then it's like, okay, well, that's my job.And then all of a sudden, like, my personality is different.And that's like my own anxiety with it, you know, which is like not real.But it's also like I come from like a family who like would have never,if you brought up like taking anxiety medicine like 10 years ago,my mom would have been like suck it up.You know, like that was so not a thing in my.
45:01household. It wasn't until like my 20s and like 30s and I'm like, no, people like go to therapy.Like take medicine. Oh, really? So your family was like this hardcore like. Well, my family was verylike old school is very like old school Italian. And so like when I was growing up like it was like Ididn't have ADHD. It was just like you did you don't listen. It was like stuff like that. Yeah.Yeah. Yeah. Where now I'm like, oh my God, maybe.like autism is involved or maybe like not for me personally but I'm just saying like now I feel liketheir eyes have opened a little bit to it right but I think that probably plays a part in whyit took me so long to take anxiety medicine without like even really knowing it well it's true it's
45:49just there's so much more open dialogue yeah in general about it now but like yeah my mom's side offamily is like east coast Italian yeah and I know like that mentality of like you're fine yeahI feel like I was literally the first one to go to therapy.I was like, guys, I'm going to do this for our family.Okay.Yeah.It ends here.Yeah.
46:11And I love, I mean, I love going to therapy.Do you think the exposure you got?I mean, think about that, though, on the psyche.Like, you have been out there in the public I know in a way most people will never experience.Like, that's a lot on the nervous system.Yeah.Even if it's going well, that's a lot on the nervous system.And you came out, you guys probably didn't know this was going to happen, right?
46:38Yeah.Well, I think a lot of my panic attack, too, was I knew that I was leaving reality TV.People didn't.I knew that I was like about to go through a breakup like other people didn't.And so, and leaving reality TV, I feel like.was such a come down that I didn't know was going to happen.Because you go from like showing so much of your life to then like this summer.I was like, okay, so what do you guys do on a Saturday night like when there's no cameras
47:18around?And my friends are like, we're in bed by nine.Like what are you talking about?But it would, but my body like feeling my body this summer like I was like I don't thinkI've been this relaxed on a Friday night in July since I was 23 years old.Like truly, even now, I feel like it took me like a full year for like my cortisol levelsto like go down.Even if I see like an advertisement for like summer house, I get like, oh shoot, what's the
47:49clip?And then I'm like, I'm not even in it.You're fine.Wow.That is a big thing.And like such a transition.Yeah. And I don't think I realized it when it was like happening.It wasn't until like, probably like the middle of the summer that I was like, oh, my body knew like I was going through a change before like I let my brain be like, yeah, we're going through a big life change.
48:18Yeah.Yeah.It's interesting.It's the same kind of question you were asking your friends about marriage.It's like when you made that choice, what did you feel?that moment. Did you know?Did the questions leave? Like, it's kind of a simpler life choice with as big a state.Yeah. It was almost like there wasn't, it wasn't a choice. Like, it was like I knew,
48:42okay, well, this is like my next part of my life. Yeah. It didn't, there wasn't like anoverwhelming feeling or decision. Like, should I stay? Should I go? It was kind of like a natural,like, yeah, no, I'm not. I'm not going to keep doing this.You know?Which is, yeah, which felt good because I was nervous that when I made the decision, like, would there be a moment like, oh, my God, I made the wrong decision?And I didn't feel that.And so I was like really, I was thankful to my intuition for that, you know?Right.
49:14There was no second guess.Yeah.It always feels right.Yeah.I was asking someone about ayahuasca.They were like talking about ayahuasca and going on a journey and whatever.And I was like, well, what he was explaining.to me is like it's not like I got this
49:30profound downloadof answers. He's likeit was just that the questionsstuff.Yeah. Whoa, that's amazing.I guess that's clarity.And that's how I feel after like I go see a psychic.You're like, oh, I won't ask that question
49:46now for another couple months.Wow.Now, ayahuasca,I'm like, that's a bit too. I don't know if Icould ever do that. See, I can't even do a betablocker. Yeah, I could never do.I would be so nervous that I would stay like that same that is why I would not I could neverwell how do you feel about like other like hallucinence is that the word I get nervous I'm too nervous
50:12although I will say I do have a couple girlfriends who have done um ketamine therapy and theyreally liked it yeah but I don't I don't know if I could do it I feel like I would just likefall asleepThat all sounds scary to me.Like that kind of stuff breaks me out because I'm like,like, what if you do get stuck there or like, I don't know, freaks me out.Yeah, no, I think there's definitely like a lot more.But I feel good with my beta blocker and my sight.
50:47You know, that's all I can manage right now.Yeah.Because the psychic never told you something you didn't want to hear?No.No.No.But there have been.things where she's like
51:01a couple years ago she was likeand you'll be like in a new apartmentand I'm like I love this apartmentI'm never leaving this apartment likethat's crazy like certain thingand then like the year later I was like actuallyI think I'm going to move so there have been thingslike that where I'm like
51:19okay that'll just like not that's not happeningbecause I'm not planning on thatand then I'll think back and I'll be likeoh she told me this was going to happenDo you completely talk about her?I have, yeah, I have talked about her before.There is one thing that she had said, this was years ago, and it had never happened, and Ithink about it all the time.
51:42Oh, no.One time she was like, if you are ever in a situation where you're sitting somewhere, whetherit's like a theater and there's like a stage or you're at like a movie theater and you feellike the ceiling is caving in.What?It is.Get up and leave.What?
52:03And I was like, are you kidding me right now?Fucking kidding me?And I'm not kidding.This has been like probably like five years that every theater or like any type of building like that that I go in.I like look up at the ceiling.And I'm like, okay.Well, like it's not falling.So you're like, you're probably like.
52:25You're like, is it?Is it?is like my instinct telling me or my intuition.Except if I, if I do ever find myself in that situation,I feel like I will be the first person and be like, we have to leave.Like, no, I know that this is about to fall.Like, I feel like I won't guess it.That's such a mind fuck though, what they told you.
52:45Yeah.Anytime you're in a theater.It was the when you went to see the medium when you were a kid.I can't ever go see a play.No.To me, that's still,and this is like, no, my brain is so interesting.But to me, that's even comforting.
53:03Because I'm like, okay, I can deal with like a ceiling caving in over like an active shooter.Like, you know what I mean?Like if someone put that in my head, I'd be done for.Yeah.But caving in ceiling, like, I'd be like, okay, I'm by the exits.I'm going to run.We're good.Well, I always think, like, did she tell me because I'm,
53:25supposed to save the other people that like I've run so many scenarios in my head before.Wait, you think it's falling and you yell to the whole people and you evacuate it?I'm like, should I announce it?Like, what's the protocol?Like, is it just me?Like, you stuck Hamilton and you go on stage and you're like, everybody.And like, guys, we have to exit.Oh, my God.
53:51I love that.I hope one day to hear that you're wild.And you stay.an entire theater.Oh my God.Okay.Should we end with our game with Paige?What do you think?
54:04Oh.We brought it back last week.I guess we brought it back.I like the spin you did on it though.Lou.Oh, fuck Mary watch.Yeah.So instead of Fuck Mary Hill,
54:18we're going to do Fuck Mary and then watch.You'd let them watch.Okay.Okay.She's easy.I love it.I love it.She was like, okay, it's been very good.
54:27There's no.Yeah.It's about time.Wait, let's do a few.Let's do a few.Can we do one, Rachel, that's reality edition?Like three reality stars.Okay.
54:41But you're going to have to help with that because I don't know any.I know Nick Vile.I know.I'm a little dated on it, though.That's okay.Who else?Okay.How about this?
54:53I'm trying to think these are the only male reality.reality stars. Nick PyleScott Dissetandone more reach. See, we'relike, you were really showing our age here.I know. What aboutthe guys? Honestly, I don't watch
55:07any reality TV.But do you know who those two are? Because it like literallygives me anxiety. I do know who those twoare. Okay, so we need one more.What's the third one that you would know? Who's the one that had theaffair? No, she can't do it.The affair.Oh, that, uh, uh,
55:21the, what's his face?Scandibald.Oh, Tom Sanoval?Yeah.Oh, my God, guys.What a crazy lineup you just gave me.Gave me Scott Dissick who literally...You're like literally...
55:38I mean, I guess...I'm...I'm...I guess I'm marrying Scott because...Because I would hang out with, like,Chloe and Courtney.And, like, I would just, like, befriend.I feel like I'd be a great stepmother to Penelope.
55:55That's a good light.Who was the other one?Nick Vile and Tom Sandval.Is that how do you say it?Honestly, I would make both of them watchbecause I wouldn't want to sleep with either.They're watching you and Scott, Mary.Yeah.
56:13Yeah.And they'd have to like pay, you know.Okay, now let's give her one.It's not reality.Okay, three.Oh my God.My brain is so old.Like I can't.
56:26Okay.Let's go young.Let's go Austin Butler.Okay.Harry Stiles.Okay.And Timothy Shaliman.Okay.
56:38Okay. Wow.That's pretty good.That's a good night.Austin Butler, Timothy Shalman.Who is the other one?Harry Styles.Okay.Harry Styles, I'm going to have watch because I can't do a skinny scarf.
56:56It's not for me.It's for other people.totally have at it.I personally, I can't do it.So I'm not having watched.Austin Butler,I have never truly been into a blonde.So I would say,
57:11wait, can we switch him to Jacob Allorty?Okay, well, then Mary.Okay.I don't know.I just feel like I was feeling somethingcoming from the screen.Mary Jacob Allorty because,obviously.
57:23And then,I guess, sleep with Timothy Chalomeybecause I would be interested to know.Yeah.I think everybody is interested to knowbecause he is holding downsome top tier stuff.He definitely has a swag.
57:43Oh, 100%.He very much reminds me of like a different fontof Justin Bieber.Yeah.You're like you're just,you're so swaggy.And now I feel like Genzi doesn't even say that word anymore,but they're really like missing out.
57:57They are.What do they say?Riz.Yeah.But we got,we're going swag because that's just.Yeah.Well, that's just,
58:03yeah.It just makes more sense.It makes more sense.Yeah.Yeah.But I'm with you.Like,I think everyone is a little bit curious.
58:10I'm very curious.You know,and I feel like growing up in New York City,I feel like that's why he has this.Yeah.Mm-hmm.Mm-hmm.I like it.
58:21But would you do the same combos,Rachel?Would you do that Harry Styles watch?I feel like they're a little young for meso I don't know that I can play this round.You know what I mean?They're of age.How old are they?
58:35No, they're all in theirOh, no, they're not all in their 30s,but they're all in their late 20s.Who's not in their 30s?I don't think any of them are in their 30s.Hold on.Harry Styles.He is actually,
58:47I looked him up recently because I thought he wasn'tand he's like 32.And isn't Jacob Ballardy's like 28?Did you see weathering heights?I haven't yet.Me either.No.He's 28.
59:01Okay.And then I say Timothy is probably the same.He is 30.Oh, he is.Okay.He turned 30 December 27th.And how old is Harry Styles?32-ish, because we just looked him up.
59:19All right.They're legal.Did you watch Marty Supreme?32.I didn't expect it to be three hours.It's three hours?Yeah.I didn't see it.
59:30I didn't see it.It was three hours.It was aggressive.Yeah.It was fun.Yeah, it was different.Yeah.No, I liked it.
59:39It was like unique.Very.It is your favorite from there.Okay.You know what I really, really loved that I think got snubbed was Hamnet.That's my favorite.that's my favorite favorite favorite if she doesn't win the Oscar but what is anyone doing he didn't even get nominated for one which I think is insane insane it was so I just think it was great for like that genre and like that type of movie I just think the acting was so incredible half the time I was like I don't know what's going on but I am obsessed with watching her on the screen right I thinkthink it's the best thing I've seen.
01:00:25Yeah.I agree.Wait, was it not nominated for best picture?Yeah.No, it is.It is.It is.It is.
01:00:33You're just saying he didn't get nominated.She did.Yeah, she got nominated.He didn't get nominated for like best supporting actor, which he absolutely shouldhave.It doesn't make any sense.Rachel, you have to see it.Yeah, when you told me about it, I don't want to do, I don't want to go through that.
01:00:49But it's like true.You have to.Like that.It was one of those.movies where you were like, oh, this was like a real art piece of a movie. You know what I mean?The only thing I saw was what did we go see, Lou? The Neil Diamond cover band. Oh.Sun's song. Yeah. Kate Hudson was great. Yeah. I love him. Amazing. I have it. I started thatactually last weekend and I fell asleep. I have to, I have to start that. Yeah. Yeah. It's a lot of Neil Diamond.
01:01:17Yeah. It's a lot. It's heavy on the Neil Diamond.It was great.Yeah.It was great.It was great.Everyone was great.I thought he was great too, but he didn't.Yeah.
01:01:27Right?For anything?I thought he did a good job.I don't think he did, but she did.She did.She's fantastic in it.Yeah.She is.
01:01:35I don't see.But just, I don't see.But just like anything I've seen in a long while.Well, I will maybe watch just for her.Do it.Do it.Child.Wait, who was watching you with?
01:01:50Harry Styles is watching.because of the skinny scar.Yeah.Okay.I just had to revisit for something because I forgot.This was so much fun.Thank you so much.Thank you for having me.
01:01:59You're amazing.So much.I feel like we could talk to you all day for the rest of our life.I know.It's just like we're just...I'll come back.Please.You better come back.
01:02:08Come see us when you're in L.A.I will.Yeah.That was a HeadGum podcast.
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