Broad Ideas with Rachel Bilson & Olivia Allen - Rainey Qualley on Pregnancy, Soulmates, and Old Wives Tales

Episode Date: November 11, 2024

Rainey Qualley (Booksmart, Ocean's Eight) joins Rachel and Olivia today where they discuss her pregnancy, growing up with a famous family, soul mates and her upcoming film, Pig Hill that also stars Olivia! Broad Ideas is sponsored by Blissy is offering 60-nights risk-free PLUS an additional 30% off when you shop atBlissy.com/RACHELBroad Ideas is sponsored by Posh Peanut. Go to postpeanut.com/broad and use promo code BROAD for 20% off your first order.Broad Ideas is sponsored by Quince, Go to quince.com/ideas  for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.Broad Ideas is sponsored by J-L-O Beauty.  Go to jlobeauty.com/broadideas  for 20%off and THREE FREE GIFTS-a one hundred and seventy-five dollar valueSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hax is back for its fifth and final season, and so is The Hacks podcast. Join the Hacks creators and showrunners, Lucia and Yellow, Paul W. Downs, and Jen Statsky as they unpack the Emmy-winning comedy series. On each episode, hear stories from the set, what goes on in the writer's room, and how these beloved characters close out their final season. Watch Hax streaming exclusively on HBO Max and listen to The Hacks podcast on HBO Max or, wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Broad Ideas. It's just us again. I know.

I know. I know. But this week we have someone very dear to your heart, Olivia. So dear to my heart. I know. Yes. And now dear to yours. So let's let's have Rainy Qualley join us.

Sometimes when the inside of Rachel's little brain, all these thoughts are swirling round and round inside to join us on this journey as we take a little ride we'll talk about dogs and kids and things we'll talk about chicks and tampon strings we'll talk about boys better make you because people die hi rainy welcome thank you oh my god you guys Don't stress. It's all good. Yeah, it's all good. Let's go. Rainy is here with us, Angel from Heaven. She's been here with us.

She's been here with us for an hour. We've been talking for the past 40 minutes, and I did not press record on the soundboard. So there's that. But it's fine. We had a dress rehearsal. We're all going to be. Now we know what we can talk about. Are the numbers like counting up on there? Yes. Great. Rainy is here with us.

So good. Yeah, we got her all warmed out. Oh, my God. You know what we did. We greased the wheel. Please explain because no one knows what we're talking about. Oh, they know what we're talking about. People have different interpretations of what that means.

Oh, my God. Well, Rainey is pregnant. Yes, I am. Okay, so we'll do a quick recap. Quick recap. Yeah. Rainy's pregnant with her first baby, which is a girl. Her and her fiancé happened very fast.

Yes, we did. And Rainie had just finished freezing her eggs and then got pregnant. Yeah. And Olivia's kids watched The Simpsons while they're getting ready for school in the morning. And I used to not eat pork. And now I do because I had a pig that was a bitch. Covered it all. This is how we should usually do the podcast.

The bullet points. Bullet points. Yeah. Okay. Expand. Expand. Okay, so where did we leave off? We left off on freezing the eggs.

And you went through that process. Recap us really quick. Sure. Basically, I, so whenever I turned 30, one of my friends that had also just turned 30 had gone to her gynecologist and got freaked out because essentially she was told that if she didn't freeze her eggs right then, she was going to run out of eggs and that she just wouldn't be able to have kids. Then I panicked, rushed to the other.

the gynecologist, you said, like, you have lots of eggs. It's okay. But, like, you should still do this because who knows what the future holds. And sort of kept putting it off for the next, like, four years. Because I just like, I think you're going to say like four months. Yeah. Well, every time when I go back, she'd be like, did you freeze me? I'm like, no, not yet. But I'm going to. But I was like in a relationship at the time that I thought was going to like be my person. And I was like, we'll have kids and I just won't have to worry about it. But then we broke up. and I was like, I'm this like old lady now. I'm never going to fall in love.

I'm never going to find a partner. Like, I should just freeze eggs and, like, find a sperm donor or something. But froze my eggs. It was all pretty much fine. Like, you just have to give yourself shots a couple times a day and you get used to it. And then after I finished doing that, I met the person who's now my fiance and we got pregnant in like three or four months. but yeah it's like it's good to have the eggs just like on reserve I guess and know that that's like

not something that I have to you don't have to think about it yeah um and it's just something that men never have to worry about even though they it's kind of fucked up because men that are like older like there's like this perspective that there's nothing wrong with having children if you're like 60 or 70 when you're like an old dude but there's the sperm does deteriorate just like the same way that eggs do and like it leads to like much more much higher chances of like all kinds of all kinds of developmental issues so it's actually yeah yeah with old sperm yeah so it's like they're are you looking at me like it was jeff's old sperm no oh my god i was looking at like how do you know and what do you know i want to know more no but it's true that sperm gets old just like the eggs

too i didn't know that i thought like a 90 year old could like i mean you he can so there's just not the same like psychological and social pressure but like there should be totally how fucked up is that that like we carry the child and like do childbirth like all the things but we have to worry and have the pressure and men fucking don't have to do any of that yeah they don't but there is and it all gets a lot of times same with like fertility issues they look at the women and they don't look as much at the men, like society isn't like, oh, what's up with your sperm? Yeah, like, you know what I mean? If you're not getting pregnant, it's like something's wrong with you. They're not like checking the sperm counter. Yeah. I mean, I'm sure it's not that's stereotypical, but there are men who like have zero sperm or zero. There's some, whatever. They like can still ejaculate stuff, but like there's no. There's no sperm. Spirm. Yeah. So what's it called? And also like the majority of miscarriages that happen within the first like 12 weeks. Yeah. It's because there was a problem with the sperm and it would have. Really? Really. Really. Really?

Would have led to, like, a, you know, like a baby that wasn't viable. Viable. Yeah. It's because of the sperm. Yeah. I love being able to blame things on men. Yeah. But it's like the women carry all the weight of, like, feeling there's something wrong with you. Yeah.

Maybe. Yeah. I've talked openly, like, I've had miscarriages. And you do wonder, like, what it is. And mine were fortunately, you know, early. So, but it's like you do wonder. Like, is there something? say if you've had more than one miscarriage, like you could be prone to more. And it's, but why?

Like, what is that? There's so many interesting questions behind it and like, it's, it's tough because you do put a lot of pressure on yourself. I know even with having a special needs child, I'm like, oh my God, where my eggs are right? You immediately turned to me. You're like, are you blaming Jeff's sperm? Oh, yeah. And the doctor kept saying, no, it was just like a freak thing of like when your sperm and egg met, something happened and a chromosome was deleted. But there was. so much like blame I put on myself in that. Like what did I do wrong? Did I eat something wrong? Did I, you know, and it's like, it could have been Jeff Spurn. You're like, I like thinking it like that way. Yeah. But that's why I love the idea of freezing the eggs because like to be 100% honest,

like I would have more kids if you could tell me you're good. And you're having a girl. And you're having a girl. Yeah. Like, I couldn't do it if it was more kids with special needs just because there's no capacity for that. But if you could, if I would have frozen my eggs at your age, we have friends. I would have more kids right now. Don't we have friends in their 40s like kind of going through it? Oh, yeah. But egg freezing?

No. No, they can't freeze the eggs now. Okay. That was my question because they're not healthy. Or what's the word? I don't want to speak out of turn. I don't know the term. It's my turn.

Yeah. I think it's also just like really dependent. It's like such an individualized process. Like some people like, like my friend may run out of eggs when they're like 30 years old. There's some people like just for whatever reason, have a lot more. Yep. Can do it when they're much, much older. So I don't know.

It just like depends on the person in their body. Right. That makes sense. Did she get any? Yeah. She got to my ex. Oh, good. And she's chilling.

It's so weird that we're born with all our eggs because I think about that in like my darkest hours at the club. And I'm like, I was like, chain smoking and drinking with those little eggs inside of me. Like, they're having a good time. Are they? They're like, they're partying. They went to the club a lot, you guys. They went to the club. They were partying.

You know? I know. I just, I never really thought about it, like, looking at my daughter. And she's got her eggs. She's got her eggs. So weird. They're there. Totally.

You're belly. in your belly, your little baby. We were talking about that in front of Elliot, and we walked away in because we were like, oh, our friend Deanna, we're like, my husband was like, is she going to have babies or whatever? And we were talking about her eggs. And Elliot's like, I'm sorry, excuse me, is Deanna a reptile? And I was like, wait, that does to a kid. Like, that sounds so trippy.

Right. That we've got all these eggs. Yeah. Or like, are you a chicken? Yeah. Well, there's also, like I saw this person doing, like interviewing guys about like sort of basic female anatomy. Yeah.

And like one of the questions this person, the interviewer asked like some dude on the street was like, and how big do you think that female eggs are just like, like, niche, like cut together, bunch of your answers. And like some guys would be like, uh, like me like that. You know. They'd be like, uh, probably like the size of your pinky. No. Oh my God. Just like the.

That's hilarious. Yeah. Yeah. How big are they? They're microscopic. They're like the size of like the tip of your piece of that. Yeah. Oh, that makes sense because you have.

You have like what is like the normal count of eggs that you have at birth. I don't know if there is. I think it. I'm getting real. I mean, I have so many questions. I know. They're all for Rainey. I know.

If you think about. Reini is answering everything for us today. Too bad. We weren't recording. But she really was solving it all. If you think about like how many periods you have, I guess. And you drop an egg every period. Yeah.

Or most, most periods. Yeah. Or most periods. Yeah. Oh, right, if you ovulate and some people don't ovulate every cycle. Oh, really? Yeah. You don't ovulate if they did I just know something?

Yeah. No, I think it's possible not to, but most people do. Like some women that have a hard time getting pregnant, maybe because they're not ovulating. Not ovulating. Yes, there are those cases. I think I definitely ovulate every month. I thought the ovulation is what sparks the shedding of the inner lining, which is the period.

Yeah. I mean, I think... But they can ovulate and not draw it away. I'm not a gynecologist. I'm just... We're literally like... I froze my eggs once, but... She's like, why?

You definitely know. Rainey, please explain to us. Middle school, like, biology. Yeah, we're prepping you because you're going to have a daughter. So clearly, we're just... We're in an actress. Can we talk about that? Oh, my God.

I have access to Google. No, you're really, though. I know it's good. Okay, more questions. We do, I do, and I'm like trying to stop myself because I don't keep asking you. No, do it. No, you were asking about the ovulating. Yeah, the egg drops.

Yeah, the egg drops. But don't you have like hundreds of eggs? I guess you have hundreds of periods. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Oh, I thought you meant the dropped. What? Like at once.

No, you, one. Right? Is it just, well, sometimes it's true if you got twins, right? So you can. Yeah. I mean, if you drop one or something. But like, potentially, potentially two. And then I know there's like some weird eggs that like, even if you do drop them, like,

there's not the capacity to get implanted, like wrinkly weird ones. Oh, they're like empty. Yeah. Like, have you heard about ovarian cysts that can like grow teeth and show hair? I had a cyst. Like that? Well, I. I mean, I don't know.

They're called something. Yeah. It had a name. I mean, I didn't, not like a person. It was hilarious. But like I had, I, like, did all kinds of, like, woman bullshit, like, in the past year because I had the cyst thing. Well, it's going to go freeze my eggs. And they were like, oh, you have a cyst.

You would get that removed for you and freeze your eggs. And he said that. And he was like, it's that kind that, like, can grow hair and teeth. And then for, like, a month, I had to be like, oh, my God. I have, like, a hairy tooth thing in my body. So I know, you're like, what? And then I didn't even get to see it when he took it out. No.

Like I was asleep, but by the time I was awake, it was like, you didn't save Fred for me? We've been bonded. I need an eye contact. I know. I've had like a big cyst where they're like, don't do anything crazy active or it could burst or there were other things that could happen. It wasn't the one that had hair or teeth, but it was just very large. And it's interesting because like your body can just absorb.

them and they can just go away and that's what happened with me so I didn't have to have it removed. This is just a match course in female. All female ovarian everything. That's what this episode is. We do quote through a lot. We do. Here's the trippiest part about being pregnant, in my opinion. You're pregnant.

Are you watching it on like an app, you know, where like this week it'll be, this size. This size, it'll have. What is she this week? 30 weeks. Yeah. I have like two different apps. Yeah. There's whenever I've gone to like get ultrasound and stuff, she's always measuring on the larger side. So one of them skews larger. So that's the one I've been referencing more.

Yeah. But now they only, they're like in the first like 28 weeks, it was week by week, a week, a new object to relate it to. But now they're just doing like clumps of weeks. So like 28 to 30. Got it. I'm like, which is slightly less exciting. but it's or she's the size of a winter squash. Winter squash. To be specific. Which is like a piglet.

A piglet. That seems to be it. That's very pig. That's very pig hill. Totally. Oh my God. Or like a foam roller, which I was like, I don't think that would even fit it. A foam roller?

And then also it's very large. Or a beat with the leaves on. Like they're all incongruous. None of them like those are not the relative. You're like they're not the same at all. Yeah. A really quick pig hill. Oh, you need to tell everybody.

Yes. How you guys met. We did a movie called Pig Hill. Yes, we did. And remember the baby picklet? Or am I not supposed to say that? I don't know. I mean, sure, probably.

Yeah. Do you remember it? The baby piglet? Oh, oh, yes. In the, yeah. Yes. Mm-hmm. That wasn't, like, that wasn't the worst part to me.

The worst part of the whole thing, like the saddest part was when we were filming on that farm. Yeah. There was this one pig that was like in the saddest pig pen that was like, it was so cold out. It was just like dirty and disgusting and like the size of like this couch. And I was like, that's so heartbreaking that this pig is just spending its entire life in this horrible term of just just like shitting and like eating all like all in the same place and just like so heartbreaking. Like that's all I could focus on. Literally. I know. I get it. And feeding the

animals. That wasn't in there. Which we talked about is Rainey would like be like, I'm leaving early. If you want to come with me. I'm going to go feed the kittens on the farm. Like before she had to be there. Oh yeah. Yeah. That's. Yeah. That's. Yeah. Yes. I love you. You know, we got stuck in the mud and the rain in the car and we couldn't get out? We were like trying to drive home. It was like a storm.

It was like four in the morning. It was so cold. We got home eventually. But yeah, it was like everyone was parking in this mud lot that just like as it rained became more and more difficult to leave. But we got out of there eventually. We did. Think hard.

Because the crazy part about Pig Hill, do you know, it's based on like, true folklore. Old wives tale? Yes. Yes, it is. It's an old wives tale that there was like people on the hill. Like this was like a real thing that they said like people on the hill were being abducted and maybe abducted by like actual calf pig people. Yes. Like this was something that you go into the town and they're like... You shot where this wife's girl originated. Yeah. And there's like. And there's like, beers in the town named after the Pig Hill thing. Yeah. Wow.

That's actually cool that you shot in the place. Yeah. Yeah, no, it was super cool. And I dig all those like based on a true story kind of thing. Yeah, for sure. So we'll see. We will see you all on Pig Hill. Or not.

Or not. Maybe not. Yeah, when we were like getting stuck, I'm like, is this like a movie? Are we dead? Are we dying? Well, you know, when you're in the actual text, town, it's like a little spooky. It's totally spooky.

Yeah. I get scared easy, though. And then I get scared that, like, people are going to, like, because people were a little excited and it's a small town. Totally. You know, like, you come into a small town and it's, like, based on this, like, old story and I'm like, is there going to be, like, someone that wants to, like, recreate it and, like, kill us?

You know what I mean? That's where her mind goes, though. Like, she does this all the time. It goes to, like, worst case a lot of the time. With stuff? Mm-hmm. Well, it definitely was not hard to find us. Like, there was this guy who was, like, pursuing me at the time.

I didn't tell him where I was staying or whatever. And he just, like, called two different hotels and was like, hey, is rainy staying the hotel and, like, sent me flowers, which is very sweet. But also, like, he was pursuing you to date you, not like stop her vikes. Yeah, okay. They're like, yeah, she's upstairs. Yeah, but they're like, yep, she's here. This is a room number.

I'm like, great. Great. Yeah. You're like, so much for that. It was very small town vines where they're like, yep, I'll knock on your door right now. Didn't you like go to like boot barn and stuff? Yes. That was like, did you go to boot barn?

I drove past it for sure. It was very fun. I just remember saying like, I'm going with everybody to boot barn. I mean, I get down in a boot barn. I went with the guys like multiple times to boot barn. They'd be like, we're going to boot barn. Yeah. I'd be like, I'll be down to five, you know?

Oh, my God. I love it. So you grew up around movie. Well, I don't know if you would. Would you go to set with your mom ever? Yeah, yeah. I would go. I mean, I grew up in first Montana and then North Carolina, so I wouldn't.

She was like shooting on location on the time. So we'd go visit her for like a week or two. And that was always fun, you know, just like especially like we loved when she'd be shooting in Prague or wherever else. Yeah, how cool. Yeah. A trip out of it and have some cultural experiences as a kid. Yeah. Andy McDowell, for everyone who doesn't know.

I thought you were telling me. Is your mother. Is your mother. And she also played my mother in a pilot that didn't go, which was just a funny connection. And I just loved her. We had such a great time. And what a sweet, amazing woman. Thank you.

Yeah. I love her too. Yeah. And your family is so close. You were telling us already. We're all really close, like, emotionally, not so close, like. Physically. Yeah.

We're all spread out. Just a bunch of. different states. But yeah, love my fam. And they're all coming. They're all coming for the baby. Yeah. I'm just really forward to that. My sister and her husband are so busy, but they're both like taking some time. I don't know if it's going to be time off, but they're taking time in L.A. They're going to be here like in starting, I'm due December 5th. So we're going to come in sometime in November. Like Thanksgiving or something. Yeah. Just paying until the baby gets here. So that'll be awesome. I love that. It's so supportive. And like what a nice sisterhood.

You know? Like you've got. You guys obviously are really close. Like how is it, I would imagine having two sisters acting. Is that really helpful? Is it supportive? Do you guys help each other? Or is it, does it ever get weird? No, not enough.

No, I mean, I'm like, she's my favorite person in the whole world. She's your person, like, but I'd be more proud. Are you older or younger? I'm older. Yeah. And, yeah, I mean, just helping each other with self-tapes and, you know. Aw. Yeah.

It's great. You guys are not, it's interesting. You guys read very different as sisters. So I feel like that's helpful because it's not like, okay, we have the same face and we're the same but different. Like you guys have very different like aesthetics and energies and like you just seem like two individuals versus being, you know, how some sisters are like. Could be twins. Yeah. And it's like they're who they are because they're sisters. Like not a separate identity? Yeah. Like I feel like you guys stand out in your own ways very uniquely. Well, thank you. But it's cool.

But like the fact that you're best friends. Totally. Yeah. And I love my brother too. Every time I say she's my best friend, I feel bad that I'm like, I'm not leaving about. I love him too. But I think there's just like a special bond. Is he the oldest?

He's the oldest. Okay. So it's him than you then. Okay. Got it. Support for broad ideas comes from Blissie. I've been sleeping on this blissy pill. for a very long time now. Let me tell you, my hair has never looked better. It really, really

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I just love hearing when siblings, because it seems like you guys were all raised very tighten it and together and not in the LA of it all and kind of removed and your parents were they together most of your childhood? They divorced when I was nine so like when I was nine yeah I was like I was nine once yeah when your parents were like no no no I was just nine my daughter's nine sorry but yeah they like we moved to North Carolina from London Santa and they were separated and it was like like such a traumatic time in my life because like so so much change but yeah ultimately I think definitely for the best like I can't imagine that they don't even I mean they don't get along now I can't imagine oh right right but yeah they should not

have been together happily happy that they were for like my existence and everything but like yeah yeah yeah what's weird when it comes to divorce and parents separating that I didn't learn until much later on. And I don't know if this happened to either of you, but when another parent, a lot of times obviously parents do a really good job of guarding the child from how negative they feel about the other parent, a lot of times they don't.

And as a kid, I think that we're smarter than people realize. And I remember as a kid, I would take things personally about both parents. Right? Like if my mom was upset about something my dad did or my dad was, and later on I had to unpack that that actually fucked up my self-esteem because it's like on a subconscious level, you're kind of telling me something's wrong with me because I am that person too. Right. Like you're half both of those people. It's interesting because like my mom, you know, my parents divorced when I was

young and I guess it's not in my adult life my mom has kind of revealed some things to me that even as an adult I'm like I did not need that information you know like I'm fine with my relationships or whatever but you're telling me this and I don't see any benefit for me having this information but I think it gets a little jaded because my mom and I're so close like best friends so she thinks she can just talk to me like that but I'm like I don't need to tell that like yeah it's not that's That's what I'm saying. It still goes in somewhere. And it's like, even though you're an individual, your DNA, like what you are made of is those two people.

Totally. Right. Did you have any of that? I mean, I remember when my parents were good, they had like a, they're both, I love them both so much. They're both nuts. And they're in very different ways. Yeah. But like, I remember them both always telling me like, this is not true fault.

And I like, I never thought it was my fault. You're like, I didn't think it was my fault, guys. But like, they kept like trying to like, I guess some therapist must have told them like, sure the kids don't think it's their fault. I was like, I don't think this is my fault. I just think y'all are not strong. But yeah, I mean, they would like fight a lot. And like I remember them like, I had like little secret hiding places in my room where I would like sit and like listen to them fight like a little cycle.

Yeah. But yeah, I think you, of course, and like they both would like talk. shit about each other and you definitely like internalize that and like sort of feel like I felt like I could difficult to defend the parent that's like receiving whatever like negative thing because I was like afraid to upset the parent that I was with at the time and like totally right end up like just trying to like people please your parents and I don't know yeah everybody learns do you know yeah yeah we sure do I used to be okay if my dad would talk bad about my mom. But I wasn't okay if my mom talked bad about my dad.

Isn't that weird? I get that because even though my mom was really the hurt one in the relationship, I would still feel like anger or whatever towards my mom rather than my dad. Same. What does that mean? Rainy? I don't know. Well, I think also there's like.

Like the thing where whoever you feel safest with is like who you're comfortable sharing the like the like bad emotions with whether that's like you know fear or so we knew we can come to you. So it's like if you feel like if you're not you know that like your mom's want to love you and you can express whatever negative things and she'll still be there whereas like if you don't feel in any relationship like with friendships or whatever like if you're if there's a fear of like expressing something that may ultimately lead to lead to losing that relationship. then you're just not going to feel comfortable, like, being angry or whatever. I think that I feel like, yeah, if you, like, whenever I fight with friends or partners or whatever, I'm like, this is actually a good sign because it means that I feel comfortable, like, with knowing that like this relationship is not going to disappear just because we're having a disagreement or whatever. So I think it's good to be able to fight with someone. I do too. No, that makes a lot of sense. Yeah. I think that it is a sign of safety and

taking things out on your safe space. Yeah. Yeah. I talk to Elliot about that all the time. He literally, he'll be such a dick to me. And I'm like, Elliot. I witness it. I'm like, I live for you. I do everything for you. What is that? And he gets it.

He's just like, I just, I just know how much you love me. And I just, I don't know what it is. I want to do better. But I guess I just feel comfortable with you doing that. He'll say that. Oh, yeah. That's so great. Yeah.

Like you have a kid that feels comfortable of getting, like, mad at you whatever. That's great. Yeah, he feels safe. And I've explained that to him too. I'm like, I get it. You feel safe. However, I want you to know you're allowed to feel safe and be kind at the same time. You're like, please. Yeah. But he always says sorry and he'll always say sorry. And he's not like that to his dad. Even though I know he feels safe with him. I feel like that's kind of a pattern more than not with kids and like mom and dad. Yeah. But I'm like, why?

I know. I think they have, and this is what I came to after unpacking it all in therapy with the divorce and all of that. I think I had more faith that my mom was going to be okay. You know, so I'm like, she can take it. Right. Isn't that weird? That is weird. That's really, like, deep stuff.

It turned out I was right. Yeah. But, like, that's, that's, I think kids are so intuitive. So intuitive. And they come with their own, like, curriculum. Like, I don't know. What are your thoughts on this? This is a little out there, but, like, what are your thoughts on, like, the soul choosing the parents and all that?

I'm starting down with it. Like, I was like, I went through a big Brian Weiss phase. Yes, love. Many Lives, Many Masters and all that. So, I don't know. And I get more like entrenched with certain ideologies. Like obviously like when I'm reading, I'm like, yeah, reincarnation is for sure real. And then I'll take some space from it.

I'm like, I don't know. Who knows? But yeah. I mean, I think for sure there's, I mean, not for sure. But I'd like to believe that there's, I like the idea of the thing where it's like like soulmates, but it's not necessarily just like your partner. Like I feel like my sister is a soulmate and my brother. And like, yes.

we've had many lifetimes together, whatever, you know, and that like when you feel like an instant connection with someone, maybe it's because like they were important to you previously. Who knows? It could all just be like woo-woo, whatever, but I, um, sometimes, like I can get down with that sometimes more than others, but I think I believe that. Yeah, yeah, I definitely do. Yeah. Like when I read that book, Many Lives, Many Masters, it just felt true.

Yeah. Like it just felt true. Yeah. You know, like I do think that we have these like clusters. Like I don't think it's like, oh, you have a twin flame and that's your person and you have to be with them forever. I think we have like multiple groups that were like there's that soul recognition that you can't put your finger on and sometimes it's to learn these lessons in life together. But when it comes to having a child with someone, it's like such a written in the stars thing. where it's like, if you think about it,

you're going to have your baby. Had you not gone through the breakup you went through in the time you went, gotten the cysts removed, for gone to freeze your eggs, because you may not have gotten pregnant that easy, had you not done those things. Right.

All to the minute. Yeah. That sperm hits that egg that's going to create this human that you're going to be like, I've known you for a fucking, eternity. I know. I think about that all the time. And like sometimes when I'll be like laying in bed, I'll be like regretting certain decisions that I made or like wishing what I've made different choices.

I'm like, well, at all it to now, I'm pregnant. I'm this baby. Like. Yeah. Yeah. There's so much of that. Totally. Because I think it's so normal for people to be like, if I just did this or like where would I be or like, and it's it's so interesting. Yeah. Yeah. I always want to like follow the other past. Just out of curiosity, you know? super happy like where I'm at everything that's happened but it is like very curious yeah and then there's like the multiple dimensions maybe there's like other ewes living out other freaking lifetimes who knows hers are at the club yeah mine is still at the club she's like the lady at the jukebox and the bar's over you know yeah i do think about that i always think about that with sobriety i'm If I hadn't have quit drinking, where would I be?

Where would you be? I don't know. I don't think we'd be sitting here. We would not be sitting here. No. There's not a chance in the world we'd be sitting here. No. And Olivia and I had like, no, I don't even know if you call it a disconnect.

I mean, I was like spending a lot of time in Canada and like, and you were going through getting sober and school and everything. And then you got pregnant with Elliot. And I had had Breyer and she was like three months old. I remember I was in Atlanta because her dad. was shooting there at the time and you called me and I'm like, you're pregnant. Like, I just knew. Yeah, you did. Wow. Did. Yeah. And it like got us back. Yeah, we were a little distant. Well, the drinking, I think. Yeah. All of it. Like choices. And then you're like one choice leads to another. And then you have this. That's what I was saying. The part about being pregnant that's so nuts is like,

to me, it's such a metaphor of life. You don't have to tell. You don't have to tell your body. Okay, now it's time for you to make her eyes. Right. Now it's time for you to make her finger and nails. That's all fucking happening without you dictating what needs to happen. How much more of that can we let into our lives of like it's unfolding? It's all about surrender, right?

Yeah. You're growing a human being without all you're doing is eating and sleeping and breathing. Yeah. It's being done for you. Totally. That's psychotic. I feel like we are high. No, but like it's kind of like to me, I'm like the insane nature of surrender.

Like how much more of that could we be letting happen in our lives that we think we have to control? Yeah. Surrender. Totally. Do you, does that like resonate with you as far as, are there things in your life where you're, more controlling, less controlling. What's your relationship with that? Yeah, for sure.

I mean, I think it's also like finding the balance between like not like being in control but also like not being lazy. Like there's action. Yeah. And like give like surrendering to something doesn't mean like not working towards something. Right. So I don't know. Yeah. I think it's like trying to find a balance and just not stressing out about the things that you can't control.

Right. Well, you had to take the actions. Yeah. Totally. You had to have sex. Do you know what I mean? Like there was actions. Were you trying for a baby or you were just like open to whatever?

Well, so I had this perspective that I was going to like, my gynaecologist really freaked me out. Yeah. You thought I was going to take a long time. Yeah. I was like, this is going to, I'm 34. It's going to take, like, a year to get pregnant. And my periods had been, like, not completely irregular, but, like, sometimes it'd be, like, five days earlier, five days later. She was, like, maybe I've PCOS, but I didn't have any other signs.

And so I was just, like, completely freaked out, which was, like, part of the reason why I... I don't know how I feel about your gynecologist. I know. I just switched gynecologist button on. But I was just, like, yeah, I was, like, very worried and, like, anyway. So we weren't like exactly trying. Right. But like the first month when we made, we weren't making an effort not to.

Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. You're like, okay. So. Yeah. That was really easy.

Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Like I was stressing out for nothing. Right. And you went through the whole thing. The eggs and all of them. Yeah.

Exactly. But yeah. But it does speak to what you always say, like the actions that lead to. Spirit meets your point of action. Do you know how much time? times she told me that and I still cannot quote it back. It's true. But it's true.

Right? It's like you take the step, whatever you want to call it takes the next. Yeah. Like there's a sequence of events, but you have to take the step. Totally. And then spirit, universe, whatever you want to call it, meets you and takes the next step. Right. Right.

And ready. Well, you have to step. Oh, right. So that's what you're talking about. Like the difference between surrender and laziness, I think that that's why certain people get caught up in the like, I'm just going to breathe all day and meditate and envision it and it's going to come to me. It's like, no, you still have to step.

Yeah. And do the things, right? So speaking of your steps and your things, like, what is your biggest love? Is it music? Is it acting? Is it both? Like, what would be your number one? Yeah.

I don't know. I mean, I think, like, creative expression in all forms is something that I've always been really drawn to. And also animals, which we also had already spoken about a lot of bit about. But, like, I really, like, I get so much joy out of, like, helping animals. And I foster kittens all the time. I have foster kitten at home right now. And, yeah, just, like, getting to take care of. like little creatures that otherwise wouldn't be able to survive or and also just like feeling

like I'm helping so many animals are in terrible conditions because of humans and because of circumstances that they have been put in and just getting to like help care for animals is really important to me but and then also music and acting and and I think people ask me all the time like what do you like more music or acting and I love being able to do both things and like if I'm not shooting I can always like music is much more self-motivated and like I have much more control over writing music

so like I can do that whenever I want to and whereas like acting somebody basically has to like give you permission to go like cast you and unless I guess you're like that sucks yeah I mean I guess I could be like doing plays with my friends in my living room or something but like that's not whatever

I've got too many cats yeah in the space No, I don't know But I mean, I just mean You can do whatever you want all the time Nobody has to give you permission But in like you As an actor

In general you have to be like cast to do it Right So but yeah That's the long-winded way of saying I really love doing both That's nice though And you get to do both And you know

Your dad is music Your mom is acting Right So you're pulling from both of those And then you're the one in your family That's a musician another than your dad, but now you have adopted. Adopted. Jack. You've gained Jack,

your brother-in-law, who's also into music. So I just, it just sounds like such a cool creative family. Broad Ideas is supported by Quince. Oh, I love Quince. Love it so much. I'm really looking forward to the weather as it turns cooler. You know, pumpkin, football games. Coziness. Such coziness. And slipping into a very cozy sweater from Quince. Quince is known for their Mongolian cashmere sweaters from $50. And it's not just that. All Quince

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He is like, not in the biz. Yeah. He lives in Montana with his wife and his daughter, and we used to live in Montana. We were kids, and he just always really loved it. So he went back in college and then just stayed. We still have some land out there in a house that my dad built. So he lives there with his family and takes care of the land and they have cows. And he's always just like doing stuff on the ranch.

And then he also sells real estate. And then he also, he played basketball in college. Oh, cool. So he has, like, worked his way up in refereeing. So I guess like you sort of start with like little kids, which is cute. and I was like doing high school and stuff. Oh my gosh. I don't know.

That's so cute. He's, yeah, he does a bunch of stuff. Yeah. And also what we said before, which has not been on it, your dad,

list his profile things. Well, I was saying the way they paint your dad, just his, his description on Wikipedia is like the most stellar description. It's like, former model, rancher,

contractor, musician, we're like, yeah, I'm like, yes, that should be every man's profile. That is a hard. That is a slammed up. It's just so, it's such like a multifaceted yes.

Yeah, he's a great dad. And he also, he had like a brief stint as like an Italian pop star. Wait, what? I know. Is he Italian? No. But he was just modeling. It was like this young and hot guy.

Italy was like somehow like ended up like recording a couple songs. Can I look up a picture of your dad? For sure. Yeah. No, he's very attractive. Okay. But there's like these funny, like a VHS tape that I used to always want to see when I was a kid was like him just like performing, which watching it as an adult is different than when I was a kid like. Oh, he is very handsome of your dad.

Thank you. Wait, let me see what picture. Well, it's, I mean like all of the picture. Oh. He's very handsome on. Yes. Okay. Go on.

Go on. The VHS. Anyway, yeah. So there's like these videos of him, like, which I've like, I've like, well, I mean. posted someone on my Instagram, but it's like performing in terms of like hundreds of thousands of like screaming fans and stuff and he like walks out there in this jacket and performs this song, which like I loved it. I love it now, but as a kid loved it too. But now watching it, I'm like, there's no mic. There's like no instruments. He's just out there lip syncing to like all these fans.

That's so funny. To his own music? Yeah, to his song. He's just out there like, yeah, all this bravado just like, do like. That's incredible. He's like, and I, like. And I can build a house. Yeah, like no shirt. Like, yeah. And I can build a house. Exactly. So funny.

Oh, my God. That is. And what does the fiancé do? He's a director and photographer. Oh, dope. Cool. He's great. How did you guys meet?

Yeah. Well, we met initially like two years ago,ish or something, but I don't remember it. He was like, he was doing video on this shoot that I was on. I was seeing someone else at the time. I don't remember eating him. But I'm sorry. But you already had half the equation in you, right? Yeah.

Isn't that weird? Totally. But he, I guess, like, had a bit crush on me in the shoot and then, like, saw me out. Like, two years later, I was like, oh, my God, that's that girl. And then. No way. Yeah. And it just happened to be at the same place at the same time.

Yeah. Did he go up to you and be like, hi, we met? Well, so I was walking. This is the way he tells the story because I also, I mean, I was not privy to this part of it either, but now I know. He was like sitting outside and I was inside with some of my girlfriends and we were leaving and he was like, oh my God, that's that girl. And his friends were like, cool, talk to her. And then he went to like, it was like splash water on his face apparently. And I'm like, I was already getting in the car and then he didn't want to like chase half the car. Just seems like a delay

tactic. So he ended up DMing me and was like, hi, we met. And also his his profile. He's so sweet. He's so sweet. I know. And his like Instagram profile is like just, all of his work. So it's like photos of other people. So I was like, what the hell does this guy even look like? Right. His tagged photos, he had like two tagged photos and I was like, I think it's cute. I think it's that guy that was like maybe sitting outside through the window. I was like, if it is that guy, like he was cute, but hopefully it's him. Yeah. But anyway, like went on a date with this guy and I was like, thank God when it was him. Yeah. Isn't that funny like what we do? You're like, oh, there's no photos. Tagged photos. Yeah. This person and you go down a rabbit hole. Yeah.

Oh, it's such a rabbit hole. But it worked out. Yeah. Yeah. We're having a baby. And you're having his baby. And you're engaged. Yeah.

Are there wedding plans? Or is that, like, way just not? We, I mean, we have, like, an idea that we would want to get married on Halloween, 25 and have, like, a spooky thing wedding. I love it. I love it. My daughter's October 29th, so we're, like, Halloween. Yeah. Yeah.

Love it. But that's like, who knows. We're going to, like, have the baby and see how we feel. Yeah. For sure. Seems fun. That does seem fun. That sounds really fun.

I love that he, I can't get over the fact that he splashed water on his face. That's such a movie moment. You know? It is a movie moment. And he like went for it. Yeah. Love that. She said he like started like chasing out to the car and then was like, I don't want to be a weirdo and like knock on the window.

But did you guys never. You guys had never spoke or anything. No. Or maybe, but you don't remember. Well, so at the shoot that I like don't remember him from, he like helped me. me park and he said that I like rolled down the window and he was like ooh oh and you're like oblivious you're like how do I'm at my party yeah I was like late I was like where do I go he was probably intimidated too yeah I know you're so striking and this is not on here either when I first met you

she was she told me yeah I was intimidated like I don't know I don't know I don't know I was like I don't know I was like I don't know if she likes me yeah you know but then once I got to know you I was like oh she's not intimidating at all, like so warm and cozy. Yeah, we're asking you every question that's ever existed. But at first, it's like certain people are just drawn a certain way where you're like, oh, they're really cool or really pretty, like they're going to be a certain way. And that's what we were talking about yesterday. It's my favorite. When something reads a certain way and then you get to know them and you're like, oh my God, it's totally opposite. Yeah. Like, you're so warm and, like, cozy.

Yeah. Yes, too. Thank you. Oh, and that's what I think was the first thing I said to you because you had worked with Charlotte Lawrence. Yeah. And I was like, I know Charlotte. They wrote music together. You did?

Yeah, we wrote a song called Brutal Together that I put out a couple years ago. But, yeah, she's so sweet. She's talented. I mean. Yeah. And you guys are both doing it, like the singing and the acting, which I love. I wish I could sing. That is her thing.

I sing all the time, but it doesn't sound good. She's always wanted to sing so every birthday, her husband gets her singing lessons. Yeah. That's really sweet. But he didn't actually get them. No, he says I'm giving him you singing lessons for your birthday. I've taken singing lessons, but it doesn't work. So you're really lucky.

Well, thank you. But also, I think, like, what is a good voice is so subjective, you know, like? But what about, like, pitch and tune? Yeah, those things Those are play a factor for sure But like you know Bob Dylan isn't like Famous because he has a gorgeous voice

True That's a good good point I'm gonna fucking come at this world Like Bob Dylan Yeah I'm so curious to see Timothy Shalame Play him Me too

Side note right I feel like someone was Or not someone Instagram was saying That he like really went there What does that mean? Like he really like Was channeling Bob Dylan

I mean imagine I think he's close Great. Timothy? Yeah. Yeah. Not like I know him. Timothy?

Timmy. Timmy? You know, Timmy? Yeah. Yeah. I'm excited for that. Wait, who are your favorite artists? It's a hard question.

Yeah. I mean, I feel like I like different people all the time. But, I mean, I love, like, Prince and King Bush and, like, Otis Redding and Neda James and, like, Cocktail Twins and, I don't know, just, like, all different. Was music like a big part of your childhood? Was it always playing? Were there certain artists? Was that? I mean, my dad definitely like, was it just his music?

He played guitar a lot. He tells the story like when he would be tucking me and sometimes he'd be tuning up his guitar. And I'd go, this is my favorite song. Which was just like, just like, don't ding, bing. But like the thought of that is so cozy to me. Like just hearing like a guitar strumming as you're falling to sleep. Yeah. Yeah.

I need that now. Yeah. Well, you know, they're Spotify. She's like, you're like, you can have that. Like, have you guys heard of Google and Spotify? I'm not the owner of facts. Yeah. I dated a guy once that, like, we would sit in the living room and there'd be like a fire

and he would just have his guitar and just be strumming. It was the most soothing. See, I hated it. I still deal with it now. Jeff plays the guitar. He's always doing that. I think it totally depends. Someone who was doing it.

Someone who was doing it. And sometimes it's great. And I think like some people you can tell they're doing it because they want you to be like, wow, you're so good. And they want praise. And some people are just like doing it because they like to do it. I will say it was like a genuine thing. Like they were just like in their head like, you know, strumming away. It had nothing to do with like her guy at the party like playing the oasis or whatever.

Like the oasis. You're all like That's amazing Jeff does it not to get attention at all But my first boyfriend The reason I didn't like it It felt to me like it took his attention away from me So it felt like reading

Like strum me like guitar Yeah It felt like reading a book with someone It's like you're so in that Right That like we can't talk We can't kick it We can't like you're

Almost like I have had like a jealousy about it, I'd be like, you have to play the guitar in the other room. Which is so childish, but I was child. You were a child. But I used to get like kind of jealous of the guitar. You were jealous of the guitar. Yeah. Interesting.

Because it took so much of him. Right. You know, that I was like, I want to talk. He didn't want to talk to me. Wasn't it just providing like a background soundtrack for your conversations? It's distracting, though. Maybe he couldn't multitask. Yeah.

That's me also. No, he. Yeah. The dude. I can't. Can you multitask? I think it depends on the task. That's fair.

Can you have a conversation while strumming the guitar? I'm like not great at guitar. I'm like I can play well enough to just like write songs in my living room, but I don't like play guitar while I perform or anything. So theoretically, I like have a conversation, but it was like I wouldn't be having either thing very well. Right. Right.

Speaking of songwriting, do you write all your own lyrics? I do. It's amazing. That is amazing. Yeah. Did someone teach you? Did you just start doing it? Like how?

I mean, my dad taught me to play guitar when I was a kid. And then I studied music in college for a year and then ended up like dropping out. And then just sort of started like, writing songs with different people and um actually i like i lived in national for two years and like worked on music there which i was like so unhappy and like hated the music that i was writing but it was great like as far as like a learning experience because um something i really like about the way that they approach songwriting and music in general in national as it's like okay every day you show up at 10 and you write a song with a new person and then you're done by like four and these people have been

it's like very like a normal job just to go write a song but I did that like every single day with a bunch of different songwriters so I learned so much doing that and then moved back to L.A. and started writing music that I actually wanted to make and just sort of had an understanding of how to do it by that point. Right. That's actually so cool though. It's almost like you know, clock in, write your song. To lock out. It's Asheville. They're like, you know, you come in and write a song and leave. Exactly. Right. Which is. training. Do you ever write songs for other people or is it just for your own? I have a little bit. I was just talking to my manager saying like that's something I

am interested in doing. I'm sure. And like I actually just finished or like pretty much finished with my first like full length album. Oh my gosh. I'm like saying. Does it have a title? Like don't have a title yet but we have all the songs just like you get them mixed and stuff and like figure out the release plan essentially. But that's so cool. Yeah. But like talking about sort of like next steps and like I'm down to write for other people. Like I would do it in Nashville more than here.

But I really like songwriting. So yeah. Yeah. I'm open to it for sure. What a talent. It's almost like the same timing as the baby. It's like you got the names, but you don't know yet. Yeah.

Yeah. You got the titles. But are they going to come out at the same time? I don't know. Well, I also sort of ended up taking a lot. completing the album was the longer process than I was anticipating and I had big plans to like get it all out there where the baby comes and now it's like well it's probably not going to happen but that's okay at least it's written yeah you're like it's done it's there it's recorded but

yeah so hopefully we'll get like a single out or something before she's here but if not whatever if not they might have the same name we don't know yeah maybe how cool is it when you could start her move. It's so fun. Oh my God. Yeah. Is she busy? Yeah. She's super active, especially like at night now, like I'll be eyeing on my side and I can feel her like kicking into the mattress and everything. Oh, it's going on. I know the feeling. It's right? When they start like turning and you're like, whoa. Totally. Like sometimes I'll be on a walk, which is a little bit problematic. Like I go on hikes with my dog a lot. I'll be in the middle of like sort of like this long loop, which will get into a weird position. I'm like, oh my God, I'm going to piss my hands.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. The peeing is no joke. It gets so next, by the time you're done, we both had a catheter, right? It's the best thing. It's the best thing. Aside from an epidural, which I went for. Yeah. The catheter was like heaven. Heaven. You laid like, I don't have to get up. You don't have to get up. They're like, no. Nope. Just comes right out. Just pee freely. That's the best ever. If you can opt in on a catheter, are you doing homebirth or hospital?

I'm going to this birthing center in Pasadena, actually. Oh. This place called Moxie Birth. It's like they, it's cool. It's like sort of like a middle ground between hospital and birth. They have, it's like three different midwives and an OBGYN. Amazing. Like I go there for all my openings and everything.

And then whenever labor happens, like, whichever midwife is working, I guess, like, well, deliver, yeah. Yeah. But my sister is going to be in town, so she's going to, like, be there. She's going to be there with you. And Tony's going to be there. Yeah. And that's so cool.

But you, like, it's, I guess, more home birthday than hospital-y because. Is it, are you in a tub or are you just regular, like, the bed? It's really cool. They have, like, two different suites that have, like, these big nice beds, but there's also, like, a bathtub and a shower and like a bouncy ball and like a swing and whatever kind of like hippie bullshit you would want. Yeah. Yeah.

But like you can't get an epidural there. You can't. They cannot. Laughing gas is like the like that sounds fun. Yeah. That sounds great. I definitely would have taken life. That's so weird.

I've never heard of that. So you can't get an epidural. But you can. But you're yeah, because you want to like have the natural experience. Yeah. But laughing gas in case. Yeah. Yeah.

If you like need it, you can do that. I mean, that's. Yes. Yeah. Yes, please. Yeah. Wow. I mean, I did 46 hours in labor without an epit.

Oh! It's a long time. That's a long time. Yeah, that's like two days. I tried, like, I was my plan. I didn't like have a plan plan because I was like, I'm just open and surrendering, but I definitely wanted to see how long I could go without. But I was having back-to-back contractions like the entire time until she was born.

So that's why I opted for that, but I was getting no relief. It was. Need a narzy. No. No. No, I mean, I'm sure you... No, it's actually good. A friend of mine, Paula, had this thing.

I think they still do it, which I don't know if they do it in person still. I feel like you can handle anything. I'm like, you've got this. They have this thing. She created a call. It's birth stories where they go in with a bunch of pregnant women and then women that have had their babies share their birth stories. So it's really cool because.

it takes you out of this is my plan this is how it's going to go it's like we all have a plan right and some of us get to execute it and some of us don't some of us it goes a different way right but it's cool to hear the other women's stories because when you're like oh okay I'm more open to like whatever's going to have you know totally yeah I'm really like looking forward to it um see I can tell You're just like, yeah. Bring whatever. I'm down. I like, I went to a pelvic floor therapist like last month. Yeah.

And she was like, I'm doing some exercises, whatever. And she like did this thing where she was like, well, first of all, she was talking about like the different diaphragms in your body and how like your jaw is a diaphragm. Obviously we all know like the breathing diaphragm. But then also like that your pelvic floor is a diaphragm. Like they're all connected. Very informative. And then sort of like at the end was like put some gloves on and was like, you know, putting her finger in. Yeah, it's like stretching it out, whatever, and like saying, like, oh, it's like more attention on this side, which is like maybe related to your jaw, whatever. And then she was like doing some like stretching things. Yeah.

That what she was like, okay, this is like 95%. And like there's just like the wave of like, holy shit. Like this feels insane. Right. And I was like, stab of birth is going to be like it's just like, yeah, but like 360 like the whole thing. So I'm like, okay. Buckle up. Yeah.

Wow. And then also like trying to like teach Tony like some like exercises we can do at home. which was so funny. Like him putting his finger up and like doing the gloves on to like finger me. Oh yeah. We did that. Yeah. You're like, cool.

Which is what we do at home now. Which is hot. Yeah. Only with gloves. Like you with the contacts. Yeah, exactly. Oh my God. I've never heard of that before.

Oh, Jeff used to do that. Well, because he's a doctor. He's a doctor. So he would check my cervix and be like your. With gloves on? Yeah. I would think he like, no, he doesn't need gloves at home. But yeah.

I think he would. I think he would do it with gloves on for that portion of the evening's events. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the gloves come up. And then the gloves come up. Yeah. That's right. When you're ready to go into labor, there is a salad. Have you heard of the salad? Something spicy probably. No, it's called the salad. The salad. Yeah, it's in studio city. At Coyote. And it's a restaurant puts you into labor. What's in it? I think it's the dress.

It's definitely the dressing. I don't know. We don't know, but they have a book where people write their stories. I did too. So I went in on my due date and I went to labor that night. That's cool. I went in that night too. You did?

Yeah, I was eating the carrots with the dressing. I got extra dressing to go. Oh, I didn't know you did that. And I ate the hair. The dressing and that night I went into labor. I went into labor. There's a whole wall. I wonder if it's like a CPSB.

I think it's like maybe castro. It's a thing. for sure. I'm like, yeah. It could be. I don't know what they're putting, they're putting in some sort of oil or something. Yeah. So when you're ready to go? Tons of, I went into labor watching the office and all I could hear was Michael Scott as I was like screaming in pain and that was my soundtrack, not a strumming guitar. Yeah. That's not good. That's like a good distraction. You're like, okay. But at one point I was like, shut that fuck out. Yeah. Well, there's the labor episode to like put that one on. Oh my God. There is the labor episode. Yeah. I walk guys. I walk guys.

the hospital the other day and I said to my husband, I was like, is this weird? But like, I miss being in the hospital. No, we talk about this all the time. Yeah. Because like having someone take care of you. Yeah. And you have a break. Yeah. You know, you lay there. Just like them bringing you the drinks and like nurturing you, making you feel better. And like you're, it's just you, you, you, your guy, the baby, maybe if you let other people in. But like, I kicked everyone out. I thought I wanted my mom there and my sister there. And something animal took over me.

And I was like, I want everyone fucking out. And I just wanted him. And, like, you're there with your baby. And, like, there's just something so. The best feeling I've ever had was, like, the sun coming up and laying in the bed. And I think her dad was asleep or something. And she wasn't born yet. But, like, it was the most magical moment.

And I think about it all the time. And I can do this every day. That's so special. Yeah. It really is. Because you're never going to get that time back again. Even if you have another kid, it's going to be another experience. But that first.

Yeah. I'm so excited for you. Thank you. I know. I'm like, it's the most. Yeah. Like, there's nothing like it. I remember you sent me the sunset.

You sent me a picture of the sunset. on the day Elliot was being born. Yeah. You're like, just so you know, this is the sunset right now on. That's so special. You did that. You did that.

And it's his birthday tomorrow. Tomorrow. What are you all going to do for the birthday? We have so many soccer games. Like, literally so many soccer games and he's been dying to see the wild robot. What's the wild robot? It's like some...

It's a children's book series that they made a movie out of. And we went Dustin. you know, the casting director from Pig Hill, he took us to go see what's it called? Beetlejuice? Beetlejuice in 4D. Oh, sweet. Wow. And it was so much fun because if you ever done 4D, don't do it right now, pregnant.

I mean, I think maybe like at Disneyland or something. You're like, I feel like there's a ride. Yeah. It's not glasses. And stuff like that too. Yeah. It like moves. It like, it's like a whole thing.

So we went and saw Beetlejuice like that. And I was like, this is so much fun. So we're going to go see the wild. robot like that. Oh, you are tomorrow? Yeah. Who's going? Just the family.

And Caitlin's flying in. Our old nanny's flying in to surprise him. That's so sweet. She's not a nanny anymore. She's like my old grown-up child. That's really cute. Well, that's what they're doing. Yeah.

Yeah. We should probably let her go. Yeah, I know. We kept you so long. I know. So sorry. You probably have to pee or something. I do have to pee.

Yeah, you have to pee. All right. Let's let you go. Thank you. And you guys so much for putting up with that. How was Halloween? It was great. How was yours?

What did you guys dress up as? Well, I was a skeleton. Jeff was a skeleton. Shepard was Optimus Prime. Sure. Elliot was some sort of anime character. Sure. What were you guys?

Briar was a clown. Is sure the new? Correct. Correct. Breyer was a clown. It was really cute at school. They do like a group. costume contest and her and her friends were all a circus.

Cute. And she was a clown and she was such a cute clown. She was very committed. What were the rest of them? There were acrobatts, ringmaster, fire thrower. Cute. Lion tamer, you know. What did you wear?

Well, at night, I was a scarecrow. That's cute too. Yeah. Did you go with a bunch of parents? We had a crew, yeah. Okay. Like a school crew. And do you all meet at someone's house?

Yes. Like what does it take me through it? Yes. We met at a house. There was pizza and salad and things before we went. Then we went trick-or-treating and it was so much fun. So do you go trick-or-treating in the actual neighborhood of the people's house? Yes. Yeah? Here's the thing.

I love a thing. A lot of kids. Mm-hmm. A lot of darkness. It is so hard to keep track of them all. Oh, my God. Right? Where we were was like Mardi Gras.

It was insane. Yeah. Yeah. It's so sketchy. I was so happy Jeff had Shepard separate. Oh, he had Shepard separate? Because Shepard and Shepard wanted to trick or treat with his friend. With his friend.

And so Jeff was like, I'll just take him around here until we're done and then we'll meet you. So it's so much easier. That's so much tracking. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. And then it was also Breyer's birthday. Right. It's so much. Yeah, and I just got back from Morocco.

Have you ever heard of the Switch Witch? Yes. You have. They do it in Canada. Well, I don't know if they do it in Canada, but like I learned it from Breyer's dad's. There's a spider. Family. Is that that spider? There's a spider. Turn around. What? Is it hanging? Do you see it by the window? No. Okay, well, it's coming down. There it is, jumping. Oh, yeah. Cool. How do you feel about that? I'm not scared of it. spiders. Yeah, but it's a really big spider. Just because it's big doesn't mean it's dangerous. But imagine it crawling on your skin. That doesn't freak you out? I mean, it's not the best feeling

if you don't know what's on you and something's crawling on you, but I'm not, there are a lot of scared spider people. I am not one of them. I'm not like, oh my God, there's a spider. Hit me out of the room, but I am like, that's a ginormous spider. Very fast moving. All right, switch, which. I'd never heard of that. Did you do it? No. No. Do you? No. What are your rules around how many pieces they can eat? Like that night? That night, all night's life to follow. She got like a piece after dinner last night. A singular piece? Yeah, but she also had a piece when she got home from school too. Okay. She doesn't really go overboard, you know? I mean, I'm sure she would if she could, but what's your rule?

Well, we kind of make it disappear after a while and then we just sort of like, yeah, disappear into your belly. No, I've been really good. Oh. I've been really good. I've been really trying hard with the sugar, although I ate a lot of donuts this weekend. Yeah. But outside of the donuts, I think I've probably in total had like three pieces of Halloween candy. Good for you.

I know. I had an almond joy last night. Breyer's favorite thing is she also got mounds. So she took them both out and we did the jingle. Almond joys got nuts. Mounds don't be caused. Sometimes. Sometimes you feel like a nut.

Sometimes you don't. And so we did it and she goes, okay, mom, I'm going to do mounds first. You do almond joy and then we'll switch. And we are in the kitchen singing the jingle. Is mounds the ones that don't have nuts? Almond joys have nuts. Mounds don't. Oh, boy.

It's tiring. 11-11 make a wish. There was something else I was going to ask you about Halloween. Oh, so you do a couple pieces a night and then do you throw the candy away or do you No, it's in a bowl. Okay. In the kitchen? I'm thinking of throwing it away.

Okay. Maybe like give it to somebody? Because who needs that, though? Right. You know? Yes. Because it creates cavities. It really does.

And my kids just got all their teeth removed because of cavities. So I feel really evil giving them candy at all. Hmm. How do you feel about making them brush after they eat it? I feel like it's a pain in the ass. Well, for sure. It's hard enough getting them to brush normally. Yeah.

Hmm. How do you feel about brushing the teeth? It's a pain in the ass. Isn't it a pain in the ass? Truly. Like, is it one of your least favorite things to do? Least. Do you go in after her?

No, it's like we've gotten to the point where she's older, so it's fine. But it's a pain. Night, morning, night, it's really. Getting out of the house in the morning as it is is so hard and adding all of that other stuff on top of it. It's harder. Here's a question. How do you feel about group dynamics with children? Do you feel the obligation to include everyone?

So like if Breyer's at school and all her friends see that her and her friends are one group costume and they're not part of it, does that make you feel guilty? Do you feel like, oh? We already had a talk and I said, anybody wants to join the circus? Well, first I ask her and I talk to her about it. And she's like, yeah, anybody could join the circus. There's so many things they could be, you know. And so she's good about that. And I say if there's ever an example of a friend who's like, you can't join the circus.

I'm going to say, well, Briar, you tell her that's not true and anyone can join the circus. Or you can remove yourself and do your own thing or whatever. I give her all the tools. How do you feel? I'm having a hard time right now. I'm having a hard time. I struggle with this in my own life of like if one person's included, I want to invite everyone. Yeah. And so now I'm seeing it play out with my kids and feeling like if there's two kids

playing, I feel like the other two should be invited to or. I know. And I feel like I'm hard. stressing myself out a little bit. You're just tapping into this and I've been dealing with it for a couple years now. It is very hard and you never want to be exclusive, right? And like, you always want to be inclusive. But there are time. where sometimes kids do need one-on-one time, you know? But I never think the way to do it is from a group setting. So if there's a birthday party, you don't want to have a plan with just one friend, so the two just leave together.

Oh, I see. You know what I mean? Oh, I see. So that helps because then it's like, well, what do you do if they come up and say, so-and-so wants a play date? You mean at the party? Yeah. Well, there's a couple ways to go about it.

And you could say, you know, okay, I hear you. We're not going to talk about it right now, but we can, you know, talk about it later. And then you can separately speak with the parent and say, what are you doing? I don't think it's right for them to leave together. But if you guys are free, we can meet up, you know, after the party. Or you can come drop them off later or whatever. I feel like I already have a hard enough time managing other people's feelings in real life. And now I feel like I just took on five more kids.

Yeah. You did. But then Jeff's like, no, if you're taking one friend somewhere, that's fine. Like, you don't need to invite everyone. And I'm like, but if they see it and they're alone, like they're going to feel left out. And to me, I'm like, the more the merrier, you can all come. Right. You know?

I'm like you. But like I said, because I think it is important for kids to have one-on-one time too. So. Yeah, it is. But as long as it's done in a way where other kids don't feel left out. Yeah, it's tricky. Yeah. But you just can't, like if you're picking up from school, I mean, I, we, but we do that from school.

It'll be like, oh, so-and-so is coming home with us or whatever. I think I'm being over sensitive because we had such a hard time before. Yeah. Where now it's interesting with this new group. They're not as like, precious about it. You know, they're kind of like, okay. So it's interesting. And it may have just been like the people we were with.

You know what I mean? I don't know. Right. Because that's good to neutralize it, too. Like, it's normal. one day you're going to go with so-and-so and another day you're going to be left out. Exactly. Like sometimes they're going to play.

Sometimes you're going to play. All is okay. Everyone's friends. It doesn't mean one more than the other. So that's also a good lesson. But I personally don't like doing that in like other kids' faces, but I'm just over-hyper-sensitive to it. Yeah.

And Jeff thinks I'm too sensitive to it. You probably are. And I am too. And I was telling one of the moms that. And he goes, yeah, go ahead. Olivia, tell her how many bridesmaids you had. How many was it again? I don't know, 17 or something like that.

Yeah. He's like, not everybody needs to be a bridesmaid. Not everybody needs to come home with you. But I also kind of like having that. Yeah. Energetic of like, of course. Yes. But there are times.

It is nice to be that. Yeah. Yeah, but there's times. It's tricky. I just keep saying to Olivia, for everyone listening, I'm like, welcome to the dark side because I've been dealing with it for years in the group of friends and it's so friend-head. And Elliot's kind of just found his group the past year or so.

Yeah. And so now she's in it. And it's really funny. And it makes me laugh. Because she's always like, how do you hang out so much with like other moms and the kids and they're always together and da-da-da-da-da. Well, I thought it was like. Yeah.

An absurd amount of friend group. Yeah. But now you understand. But now I'm like, oh. This is what it is. This is what it is. But I thought I wasn't going to have to have it because I was a boy being sex. Yeah.

And I thought, oh, it's boys are different. They're not. No. And they're little dynamics and their little things. Feelings and like the things. Oh, welcome. I don't know. But you did it a lot during weekdays where I'm like, yeah, that has changed.

I'm glad because that's a lot. Uh-oh. We got honked at. Oh, what? Who's honking? Let me see. No. No?

No? Sorry for that interruption. Yeah. No, I like to keep weekdays more chill. I have a question. Yeah. Again, not to be sexist, but quite recently when the Dodgers won. Yeah.

Why is it that people then like riot and burn buses and like do things that are like crazy? Were there riots after? They won the World Series? It wasn't riots, but, like, Eric sent me a video of, like, someone. They, like, lit a bus on fire and, like, did all this crazy stuff. And he's like, you should talk about that on the podcast. Big feelings? He was like, what is it?

Because I said, why do we do that? Like, when we're excited, why, as a society would be done? Do we destroy property? Yeah. It is rather odd. And he pointed out, you never see females doing that. And I was like, that's true. You've never once seen females just being like,

the Dodgers won. Let's light a bus on fire. What is that? Do we know that for a fact, though? That it wasn't females? Yeah. I think this will be a to be continued conversation for next week. Everyone, think about it.

We're going to study videos and see if there are females involved. Yeah, we want to be wrong. Or I want to be wrong. Yeah. Thanks for listening. Bye. That was a HeadGum podcast.