Broad Ideas with Rachel Bilson & Olivia Allen - Sasha Pieterse on PCOS, toxic comparison, and gatekeeping among women

Episode Date: June 3, 2024

Sasha Pieterse [Pretty Little Liars] talks with Olivia and Rachel about how her relationship with sexuality on camera has shifted with motherhood and her new film The Image of You, her experience with PCOS, and the toxicity of comparing yourself with other women. They also discuss the effect of Sasha’s massive social following, gatekeeping among women, and key qualities in a partner.THE IMAGE OF YOU in Digital nowBroad Ideas is supported by Talkspace. Get $80 off of your first month with Talkspace when you go to Talkspace.com/IDEAS and enter promo code SPACE80.Broad Ideas is supported by Posh Peanut. Go to PoshPeanut.com/BROAD, and use promo code BROAD for 20% off your first order.Broad Ideas is supported by Seed. Go to Seed.com/BROAD and use code 25BROAD to get 25% off your first month.Broad Ideas is supported by Tropical Smoothie Café. Visit one of Tropical Smoothie Cafe’s 1400+ locations or order online or through their app.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hax is back for its fifth and final season, and so is The Hacks podcast. Join the Hacks creators and showrunners, Lucia and Yellow, Paul W. Downs, and Jen Statsky as they unpack the Emmy-winning comedy series. On each episode, hear stories from the set, what goes on in the writer's room, and how these beloved characters close out their final season. Watch Hax streaming exclusively on HBO Max and listen to The Hacks podcast on HBO Max, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to broad ideas.

Today, you guys, we have Sasha Peterson. Who is a pretty little liar. She was on pretty little liars. She also has a movie out, The Image of You. Out now. Out now. She was very sweet and very beautiful. Her hair.

Yeah. I was really envious of her hair. Her hair was very memorable to you both. Well, it was really beautiful. A long, full, luscious locks. It's like a commercial. It is like a commercial. Do you remember Pantin ProVie commercials?

Yes. Yeah. Do you remember Tresema? Of course. Ool-la. Here we go again with jingles. U-l-l-l-l-la. How does it go?

E, Daniel. Yeah, it's U-L-L-L-A. All right, guys. Let's get into it and out of this. Sometimes when no one's sick inside of Rachel's little brain, all these thoughts are swirling round and round inside to join us on this journey as we take a little ride we'll talk about dogs and kids and things we'll talk about chicks and tampon strings we'll talk about boys because people die oh hi you're so beautiful you're so beautiful oh my gosh oh thanks I wouldn't normally do this for apocchio

It's just because somebody else did it for me. So that's a bless today. Well, it's a beautiful. It's good. Are you, are you, where are you? I mean, you don't have to say, but like, I know. I'm, I'm in New York. Yeah. I'm in, I'm in Manhattan. I just had a little bit of a press tour for the image of you, which is fun. But yeah, I'm in my hotel room. And right after our, our podcast, I run to the airport. So I'm just, and I'm moving to L.A. tomorrow. So I'm just, I'm, thanks, I'm literally all over the place. Wait, moving from where? From Nashville. That's where, that's where I am. Why are you going to guys to L.A.? Work?

I ask myself that every day while I'm asking. I lived in L.A. for, I mean, like we all did, for a long time, like 19 years. And we moved all around. I had my son. And it's just now, it kind of just makes sense for me to be back, just meetings, being at things. I just fly in so often that it's just one of those things. We're running our place out. We're just, yeah, we're figuring it out for a little bit. But all of our- Opposite. Everyone's moving to Nashville. I know. Well, yeah. I mean, during COVID, we moved to

Nashville. We followed friends and they have kids the same age as my son. And it just, I didn't picture us moving this soon, but. You're coming back. How old are you? Coming back. He's three and a half. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's, oh my gosh, he's the best thing ever. The best. Ever. Yeah. Yeah, I knew that age so much.

My daughter's nine and I just. Oh, my gosh. You have a nine-year-old? I do. I mean, like, I knew you had a daughter, but like, I didn't think that she was nine already. That is wild. I know.

I think so, too. Oh, my gosh. It's crazy. It goes so fast. And, like, even my screensaver is her when she's, three because it's just like, oh. I still have a newborn photo as my screen saver. I'm like, I should probably.

No, it's exactly it. You're always like a little. Yeah, mine's an ultrissoned. No, I'm kidding. I wouldn't blame you if it was. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Okay, so being a mom, work, everything,

how has that been for you? It's been, I mean, it's crazy. I mean, I feel like a lot of people feel this way where it's like the fact that COVID was four, almost five years ago just doesn't seem right. It doesn't seem real. And I remember going from Colorado to L.A. for pilot season again in 2019 or end of 2019, early 2020, deciding that this might be the time that we start having kids. And I found out I was pregnant and got pregnant way sooner than we thought we would. And two weeks later, the world shut down. And we went. And we went. And we went. And we went. And we went. And we went. And we went. And we went. And we went. And we went. And we went. And we went. And we went. And we went. And we went. And we went. And we went right into quarantine. And so it was a really funky time. I mean, we quarantine with two friends, actually a couple of friends, four friends, thinking that like, oh, just going to be a couple weeks. Yeah. And then when it wasn't, we went back to Colorado and I kind of feel like we just hibernated while I was pregnant. And I mean, in a way, you know, it was great. It was terrible to say. It worked out for us. but still so weird.

And so I did a couple things after that. And now I filmed this. And it's so rewarding to be back in it. And I just, I mean, I love my job so much. But it's been a whirlwind and it's been funky mentally. But I mean, having that time with my son, I'm very thankful for that because not, most people don't get that opportunity to have concentrated time like that. Yeah.

So I would never take that back. but man, has it been a weird few years. What? I'm like, I want to know about that. Like, what do you mean by funky? You said mentally it's been funky. Yeah, and I think, I mean, you know, not to be dramatic or anything like that,

but I think it's just there is so much uncertainty. And I didn't have bad postpartum depression by any means, but I still had it. And I didn't realize until I was, really around four months post-partum when I felt like I was coming out of a cloud and I realized, wow, I was not myself the last couple months.

And I think it's about not being able to see a lot of people not having as much of your community around you that you do normally. I really struggled with breastfeeding and that really sucked because I didn't have anybody to connect to with it. I mean, my husband is extremely supportive

and the best dad, But he doesn't know what it's like to have things coming out of your boobs. You know, it's like, or not. We're not getting that. Yeah, exactly. He's like, I'll never breastfeed. Right. Yeah.

You're learning so much about yourself and about this new little human. And then trying to figure out, I feel like just where you want to be, what you want for the future. Wow, there's just so much going on in the world. It's just, it's interesting. And I think a lot of positives came from it. I started my podcast. I started writing. I started really exploring other avenues, like things that I was passionate about that I don't know if it would have, you know, come about as quickly as it did if it wasn't for that time. I feel like that happened to a lot of people too. You're just kind of

like, okay, well, what do I do with all of this time and this space? In a way, I think a lot of creativity came out of it. Yeah. It usually comes from that, like the little, little sliver of darkness, right? Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. I mean, the lessons are there, I find, more than the bright days. How was it for you guys? I mean, did you feel that way? I think, you know, well, first, going back to like you, first just having the time, having a baby and like having the time and just being in it and there were struggles, of course, like, you know. Yeah, like everyone. Like everyone. but how valuable that is, you know, even in the in the dark part of it or whatever.

And I think for me, I struggle mostly juggling mom and work, right? Because mom is first for me no matter what. And I think that it's such a unique business. And I don't think it's cared for in, um, a fair way in the business, like, with moms and stuff. And for me, I didn't go back to work until, like, full time. I mean, I did work a little, but, like, full time until she was three. But anyways, I'm, like, sidetracking on all of this.

No, not at all. It's a weird thing. It's a weird thing. This is a great example. I had, I don't think I've ever been as revealing or as intimate with anything on camera as I was. with this movie and that's significant because I, you know, my son is three. And I feel like I'm in a completely different body, different time in my life, different everything. And one of these characters is so sexual and so confident and powerful and takes control of scenes. And if, if I didn't do that or I didn't believe that or if I couldn't be that myself, it wouldn't work on

camera. And so it was a really interesting project forcing me to do that in a way, forcing to accept a lot of things about who I am as a person now. I love that. I do too. It's funny because just hearing you say that, I used to always be like in my youth, absolutely not. Never do nudity. Never do this. Blah, blah, blah. And then after having a kid, I'm like, what, whatever. Everyone in the world seen my boob. I had to whip it out. out, like, you know, on command. And it just takes on this whole other meaning and purpose. And you're like, who the fuck cares?

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I have never cared less about other people until I had a child. Right. Right. It's so true. Oh, absolutely. And in that way, to be honest, that's, it's empowering in its own way.

It's like a relief. I don't care anymore about really what somebody thinks about me. Right. And that's nice. That is nice. A little cynical. Yeah. It's a little cynical, but it's kind of like you earn your stripes.

And I feel like that's the difference between being confident and just being fake confidence. Because I think that once you become a woman and however someone gets there, it could be through having a child. It could be through their career. It could be through any circumstances they go through. There is that shift where you kind of reside in your body in a different way. and I have a question going back to the postpartum. Yeah. So for me, I had postpartum anxiety,

but one of the biggest things that caused, I think, depression, and I want to know if you relate to this, especially you, because you've been revered as like, you're absolutely stunning. You're gorgeous. You're hot. Like, you're in the public eye, all of these things, right? Was there a process you went through

where you had to mourn a version of yourself that no longer exists? It's a great question. I feel like I feel like yes and no. I mean, I've grown up on camera. I've struggled with lots of health issues, which is shown on camera. I have PCOS. And because of that, my body fluctuated like crazy. I, you know, one year I gained 70 pounds.

And I was filming a television show. And I'm playing a character that is supposed to be this hot queen bee sort of character. And it's confident character. And it's such a weird place to be in mentally. And I at the time had no idea what it was. I didn't have a name for it. And so I couldn't explain it to people. I couldn't defend anything other than like the basics because I didn't

know what was happening to myself. And so, you know, I finally got a diagnosis, a proper one. And that was the start of an acceptance journey. And that, I think, really helped because I had a name for it. I had, you know, I was trying my best. I knew how to start getting better. I knew, okay, everything that I was doing before was not working. And now I've got somebody. helping me with giving me resources to to get better. And that was a, that was a slow process. But by the time I got pregnant, I think I was in a better spot mentally. I was more mentally prepared for that. And I think because afterwards, yes, my body looked totally different. I had to accept other things. Like I had, I mean, I have, you know, very intense stretch marks. Some women get

them. Some women don't. Someone, you know, get a couple. Those were the things that was like, okay, those are things that will never go away now. I've seen my body fluctuate and I've seen myself look like, you know, 10 different people, but these are the things that I have to accept now and things that like will change. You know, there's just certain things that if I'm playing a character that isn't a mom, I, sorry, we're going to have to work around that. Not because I don't want to show them off or that I'm embarrassed about them, it just simply doesn't work for a character. Doesn't make sense. Right. Yeah. Right. And there's, so there's those things where it's like, okay, there's hurdles there. And I think accepting that, it's like mourning certain things that I just,

I won't be able to do. Right. And that's just, you know, a little part of my career. But yeah, it's just, there's things that you just, that are just different. But I love. But I love that. how open you are about talking about the things. And like, you know, I think everyone has, whatever it is, if it's like body image and what comes with childbirth and mothering and whatever, but like someone as beautiful and stunning and successful and all these things, but like it's relatable because women deal with this, you know, and it's obviously a different scale. You're like, well, I have to be in front of everybody, like on camera. And like, and not to be a dick. And not to be a dick. and want that for you. But like it, when someone says, like, I've got stretch marks, I've got

cellulate, I've got mental health issue, whatever it is, you just feel a little bit better. And I know, right? It's like comforting. You're like, I feel a little bit better. Yeah. And yeah. So, I mean, first of all, I'm terrible taking compliments. So if I make weird faces when you say something nice about me, it's not because it's not at you. It's just that I like, I don't know what to do with my face. Let's try it again. We're just going to show. straight give them to you and see how you do. See how uncomfortable we can make you. Yeah. It'll be, you'll see it. Don't worry. But yeah, you're right. I think ultimately it's about representation, right? And I don't think if I had spent so many years trying to accept it,

if like at this point, I'm like, same thing with like whipping out your boob after breastfeeding. You know, it's like everybody's seen. Most things about me, you know, almost everything is out there. So, you know, I might as well talk about it because if I can make one person feel the same way that you felt about maybe hearing about stretch marks or mental health or whatever it is, then that's a win. Because ultimately, I'm going to go through these circumstances no matter what. So hopefully I get something good out of it. And yeah, I want to hear people talk about it. I want to know that other people, you know, had crazy stretch marks that just, you know, like,

was it just me? I mean, that's a silly example. But, like, yeah, mental health after a baby. Those kind of things, though, it's not silly. Like, those kind of things really do a number on the psyche, especially when you've been in the public eye and showing yourself in those ways. And for some people, they might think that's ridiculous, but for others that have, you have them, they don't. They're like, no, it hurts. Like, I know I had acne. And so someone else would be

like, who cares? It's not a big deal. But to the person that has acne, it's a huge deal. Because when we look in the mirror, this is why it's important. It's not important because of the stretch marks. It's important about how you look in the mirror, what do you say to yourself when you see them? And that's the programming that you're going to go by. Right. And what do you do you do? do about those kind of things. Like, how do you get into acceptance, surrender? And not just about stretch marks. I mean, in general, especially with the PCOS. Yeah. I mean, I have good days and bad days. Like, it's not like, oh, I've reached this, you know, whatever level and now I'm fine. It's, I think it's just constantly reminding myself that, like, first of all,

that comparison is stupid. It's the easiest thing to do. It's natural. That's what we do. We look at other people, like what we want or what we don't want. We just naturally do it, but it's like,

it's the most destructive, like self-destructive thing. And it's anywhere from, you know, the way that somebody looks to what they're achieving, to whatever it is. I feel like it's a human thing,

but I try and check myself with that. Because even down, to like, again, this sounds silly, but you're right, it's not. It's like fashion. Okay, great. Look how jeans are back. Well, I can't do that. So it's like little things like that that you just, sometimes it's a daily reminder. Sometimes you're like, yeah, I'm going to rock this swimsuit. Who cares? And it just, it differs. And I think ultimately it's also about the people that you have around you. Yeah. My husband is so supportive. So, supportive. I've got really close girlfriends that are so supportive that have literally been there

from the time I was like nine. I've seen me go through all of these different phases of life. And I feel like if I was constantly questioning the people around me, it would make it so much more difficult, so much more difficult. And so I think it's like conscious, trying to be conscious of where your thoughts are coming from, where they're stemming from. And then you need to stand alone apart from everybody else, but like positive reinforcement from the right people, it's needed. That support is definitely needed.

It's worth seeking those people out and leading out the people that shouldn't be there. Right. Yeah. I remember like dating a guy really young and loved to point out anything on my body, you know. Oof. I know.

And like at a young age, that's really damaging to your mind, you know, and then you hyper-focused on these things. Like, oh. Yeah, like if it's cellulate, like on a thigh and like it's whatever it is, you know, like, oh, there's a temple there, whatever, you know, and it's all external, but still at such a young age and like things being pointed. You're like, what the, like, it's, but it just goes to show like who you surround yourself with. Broad Ideas is supported by TalkSpace. Do you think seeing a therapist or psychiatrist would be helpful, but you don't have the time to actually find one and meet with them or afford them? Try TalkSpace by doing everything online. Talkspace has made getting the help you want easy, accessible, and affordable. At Talkspace.com, you can sign up online and get a personalized match with a provider that's right for you, typically within 48 hours. It's incredibly convenient to have virtual sessions with your licensed therapist from the comfort of your home.

There's no need to commute to appointments, miss time at work, or line up child care in order to attend sessions. It's mental health care made easy. Talkspace can help with any specific challenge. you might be facing. It's the number one online therapy platform with licensed therapists and over 40 specialties, including anxiety, depression, substance abuse, relationship issues, and much more. As a listener of this podcast, you'll get $80 off your first month with Talkspace when you go to Talkspace.com slash ideas and enter promo code space 80. To match with a licensed therapist today, go to talkspace.com slash ideas and enter promo code S-P-A-C-E-80 to get $80 off of your first month and show your support for the show.

That's talkspace.com slash ideas promo code space 80. Support for broad ideas comes from posh peanut. Your kids grow fast. That doesn't mean they have to outgrow their favorite items after only a few months. Posh Peanut gets it, which is why they make super stretchy and colorful clothes that seem to grow with your child. So you'll get longer wear out of those adorable styles. Posh Peanut makes thoughtfully crafted, beautiful, and stylish clothing for kids and families designed in-house from beautiful florals to your favorite brands such as Hot Wheels, Disney, Hello Kitty, and Barbie. Their pieces are made with ridiculously soft viscose from bamboo that stays soft even after you wash them over and over again. And their high-quality fabric is four-time stretchier than cotton. So it grows

with your child. It's also breathable and chemical-free, which means they are delicate on your baby's sensitive skin. And Posh Peanut is loved by over one million parents and also adored by all your favorite celebrities and influencers. We can't say their names, but if you know, you know. Right now, posh peanut is offering our listeners 20% off your first order with promo code broad. Go to poshpeonat.com slash broad and use promo code broad for 20% off your first order. That's poshpeanat.com slash broad. promo code broad. When you were saying acne, the immediate thing that I thought of, because, you know, yes, visual, I think both mental health and the way that you look like on the outside, obviously they go together just based on it. It's a feeling. But there's so many challenges that come

from like living internal battles. But when something is physically out there for other people to see, it feels like you can't hide. It's vulnerable. It is. It's like it makes you not want to go to things. It makes you not want to like, you know, live your life the way that you should or that you want to live. And it doesn't make it better or worse than anybody else's issues. It's just like that part of it is a fact where it's like it's so visual.

Like PCOS is such a hard disease and it looks different on every single woman. It's like people used to just think it was like weight and connected to diabetes. Most people don't know a ton about it, but someone can be like have a normal metabolism and a normal weight and a normal, you know, as normal as normal as, you know, what we call it, but have like incredibly painful gastro issues or cysts on their ovaries that just randomly explode or like crazy things. And it looks different on everybody. And it's so, it's such an interesting disease because of the way that it affects most women's mental health. You can't get away from it. It messes with like so many different things in your life.

It's pretty common. I myself have a few friends with it. And we're told they would never have babies. One of them, thank God, just had a baby because she really wanted one. But a lot of times people can't even get pregnant. Right. Yeah. which is a big thing too.

I never had a regular period until after Hendricks. Wow. It started getting more irregular as my hormones were balancing, but still was not. It would be like six months, a month, a year. It was so unpredictable. And so that's part of the reason that women struggle to get pregnant on PCUS is because there's no guarantee that you're ovulating. And thankfully, I was ovulating.

And that is just something that you don't know until you really start trying. But I just expected to, I expected intervention. I expected it to take like a year and a half. I was like trying to mentally prepare for that. We were blown away, but that wasn't the case. Yeah. Wow. Yeah.

And then after having him, it was the first time, once I got my period again, I was the first time. I get it normally now every month. First time it's ever happened. That's amazing. And it's made an incredible difference. Yeah, it is. It's like, you know, and who knows?

Like, knock on anything. That could change, you know. But for now, that's like, that's so valuable. It's like such a relief. Sometimes that can happen, though. Speaking of acne, like once I had my babies, I never got pimples again. So it's like sometimes having a kid can do something to your hormones that really. It really can fuck you up, too.

I get so crazy motion sick ever since I had my daughter. Like, I didn't have it before. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like in a car, I'll get car sick. And I didn't have it before her. It's just so interesting to actually look at the things that change in your body from creating a human. Somebody said this the other day.

And I was like, wow, I never thought about it that way. Because you are literally making a human inside you, you're using a lot of your own cells. And like literally when that baby exits your brain, body, you have this weird connection to them. Where it's more than just like, you know, the mom and the dad and the whatever. It's, um, it's this weird like extension of you, um, from a cellular level. Yeah. Yeah.

And it's, yeah, it's, it's a fascinating process, even with women. So like you, you had a daughter. You, she, she was growing, you were growing her. eggs. Yep. I know. They're all in there. The thought of like, I don't know, it's weird. It's, it's, you can go, like, silly and deep into it, but like, it's a weird thing. It's a very, very weird thing. Did you do, like, the cord bud? Yeah, I did. banking. Okay. We did that too. No, we didn't. We had it all planned, but then we went in and yeah, it was like emergency. We forgot. Yeah. We literally forgot.

Because we were like a little occupied. I was going to say the more important things happening. I want to go back to something you said because I think this is important to note when you talked about comparison. Because I think this is a very huge problem in our society right now, especially because of social media. And one of the things I don't think people are aware of is they know it's toxic when they're comparing themselves to people that have. more, right? Because it doesn't feel good, right? You look and you're like, oh, why not me? Blot-Biddy-blah. But it's just as equally toxic to compare yourself to those that have less. So to compare is to despair, whether it's in the positive or in the negative. Right? And I found myself doing that the other day,

like, oh, I'll be comfortable with this person because they have less in regards to something. And I was like, oh, that is the most toxic. It's just as toxic is thinking I won't be comfortable with them because they have more. Right. And I just wanted to point that out because I think it's important. And I want to ask you your relationship to that in regards to social media. You have a bananas amount of followers. Like, what, 18 million or something?

I mean, it's laughable. It's a lot of high pulse. Yeah. Right? There's a few things I want to hear about that. I want to hear what your relationship to the compare and despair is when it comes to that world. And I would also love to hear what does that do for your life? Right?

Because we have a lot of people that we've come in contact that like, well, on all the followers. And we're like, okay, well, what is that going to do for you? So I'd like to hear from someone. one that has 18 million, what that does for you? Yeah, I mean, it's wild to think about because for the most part, like, I never sought it out. It just kind of happened because of PLL. We were also in a way, in the beginning, forced to do it. So with pre-loir's, like, Twitter was just getting popular. And we were like the first ones to put hashtags on the screen, like tweet live with us. And, like, you know, they really lent us. into it, which it was, you know, incredible marketing. It obviously worked. And so at that stage,

it was like, wow, this is so cool. I get to connect with people all over the world. And in so many ways, it was positive. We had a lot of things on our show that, you know, a lot of topics that weren't on TV yet. And I know it helped a lot of people. It was a lot of representation, even though it was this heightened reality. It was like, no, I'm seeing characters being developed that, you know, that I relate to in ways that people had it on TV yet. And so that was great. But of course, what comes with that is the negative as well. It's all of a sudden a plethora of people all over the world inspecting you.

And because that felt so brand new, nobody knew how to handle it, really. And you like, you know, you do the best you can. But it's both rewarding. and violating at the same time. I mean, I don't know if you feel like this, but like in the industry, you get hired now most of the time based on your following,

not necessarily your talent, right? There's a small category of people of, you know, like incredibly famous people, like who cares how many Instagram followers Meryl Streep had if she had an Instagram. But like... They don't even have the Instagram. That's what I mean.

She doesn't even have any. She doesn't have it. She doesn't need to. So there's a certain amount of people that don't need it. But then there's a certain amount of people there's like a really big middle pocket where it's a necessity. And so that craving for following, it's like not only is it this like, I think satisfaction reward. It's also like a livelihood thing.

Right. You know, and I think that's really toxic is the, this constantly, constantly striving for people's attention and being so incredibly stuck on like, well, that one didn't get as many likes as this one did. And so you're constantly trying to figure out what works. And I get it. And I've always gotten it. I understand why people want to hire people with lots of followers. You know, it's not a, it's not hard to understand that. You know, it's free marketing. Right. And, you know, they feel like if there's more eyeballs on it, who cares if the acting isn't as good. Right. Right. I mean, a lot of people care. We should care. We should. But most of the time, we don't. And it's this weird balance. It's like this weird, like, walking that line.

Yeah, I mean, I wish I had a better answer for the comparison thing. I think I just... I think it's a perfect answer. Yeah. I mean, I know when I feel yucky, because you're right. It, like, makes you not feel good. I know, like, oh, yeah, you like feel weird about it. But I do know what you're saying when it comes to, like, the less or more thing. And it doesn't come from a good place, but I've totally been there because it's like, it should seem like a good thing, but it's not. It's like, oh, I can be myself around these people, but not these people. Like, oh, I feel comfortable doing whatever with those.

But why? Yeah, it's because you're in judgment. Right, constantly. Yeah. Judging them, them feeling like you're feeling like they're going to judge you. I mean, it's a combination of things. we have dear friends that like truly feel like we can't keep up with. And I love them as humans, but it's like I don't, I can't relate to that life.

Yeah. And that's okay. And they're, you know, they're amazing and they're happy and they live a cool life. But I'm like, it's not a comparison thing. I just realized like I just, that's not us. And I don't want to pretend that that's us. Right. Right.

But that's the part too. It's like, I love that you bring that up. Like, it's not us. But how can you remove the judgment, right? Like when people are around people where you're like, okay, it's not us. But what do I make that mean about me? Right. Yeah. I mean, it's a very fair question that I don't even necessarily know. I'm like, I don't even know how if I could answer that. But yeah. I know. Well, it's a very fair question that I don't even know. I know. Well, these are, to me, I'm like they're important because especially when you have an audience of 18 million, I'm like, you've got 18 million, probably a majority women, they're going to listen to what you put out there and listen to what you say. And it's like if we all kind of take a look at these things, we're going to have more community. Because I think it keeps community away when we're in judgment and when we're in comparison. Because it's like, you can't really connect. I've seen this recently, again, in business from like this CEO side where I'm like, you know, having investment meetings and talking with lots of people. And I hate that part of it, to be honest, fundraising sucks.

But what's fascinating to me, not only with women in powerful positions that I've talked to, but other women who are not in powerful positions, just sharing, the fact that the hand is never extended, meaning a woman achieves an incredible position in a platform or success or business or whatever it is and then doesn't share that with other women. Like literally closing the door. It's gatekeeping. Right. And it's like, okay, well, that's a massive part of the problem.

Gargantuous. Like, it's not, it's at that point, like, let's, okay, it's more like, it's not just men shaming anymore. It's also women shaming. Like, you play a massive part in this. Why? Why not? Like, is it fear-based? Is it comparison-based? Is it six? You know, it's like, you know, if you extend the hand, if you tell people what not to do, what to do, what, like, that's so important. That is so important in every aspect, not just business, but I thought it was just so interesting how many women had this mentality of like, I can't believe that. person ignored my call or told me no or, you know, it fired me or or whatever it is based on like,

like you're saying, that gatekeeping or that, like not feeling like there's a place for everybody. Because that's, I think, the other thing, right? There's room for everybody. We don't need, right? We don't need to keep it exclusive or. And I also wonder if that's the thing. Is it, is it like, okay, I've achieved this crazy achievement, this powerful position, and I don't want to share it with anybody. And I think there's also, I think there's a huge part of that is like, I don't want a challenger,

which is sad. But that is also, and we've talked about this recently, about, I think it's outdated. I think it does have to do a lot with the patriarchy. I think that the way things were structured or women were pit against each other, right? And for someone to break through and create success as a woman,

the rest of society went, well, there's definitely not enough space for all of us. And so when a woman achieves that sort of success, they would tether to it and hold tight because they knew it's not going to go around. Right? Right. And I think that we are bit by bit breaking that down and looking like, also how do you want to spend your life? Do you want to spend it stingy or do you want to spend it in collaboration, in creation, in having fun with each other because nobody has more fun than

women together. So it's true. Right? So like instead of being like these are my, this is my lot in life. It's like this is our lot in life. And the more we bring each other in, the more we share, the more fun we have. Right. Absolutely. Absolutely. It's actually sad. Just women need to just run everything. But here's the thing women do need to run everything, but women need to be the ones pulling the other women in. Right.

Yeah. I talked to this other, this guy recently, and he also in a powerful position has a female, like, co-founder. And he said, what's so depressing in so many ways is, will go into rooms and I have to introduce her. Otherwise, they think that she's my assistant or my, you know, someone lower than me. I have to say, hi, here's so-and-so my partner, my co-founder, before they can say, oh, hi, you know, or whatever and just talk to me. He's like, I still have to do that.

So gross. And yeah, it's gross. It is gross. Yeah. And obviously it's it's generalizing. You know, he's, he's one of the few that, like, think it's gross. But, you know, there are a lot of people out there that don't act that way. A lot of men out there that don't act that way.

A lot of women that are open to help and are excited about that. It's just, it's unfortunate that that's still something that, like, we have to think about. And so that's part of my podcast is like, it's not just mental health. It's not just motherhood. It's not just, you know, or not motherhood. It's not just those. It's, like, business is a huge part of it. I love that.

I think a lot of women don't even think that they can get into business because it's like, why would I even try and do something like that? Like, I'm not going to bother. And I think that's the thing. It's just like, just plain representation is necessary. Totally. Totally. Support for broad ideas comes from seed. Summertime, I put myself care into high drive and taking care of myself.

And what I mean is lots of sunscreen. I try to eat healthier. Let's be honest, you're in a bathing suit. I just want to feel my best. So I do all of these things. Whether you're off to the pool, hiking, or traveling this summer, you're bringing your microbiome with you too. The 38 trillion bacteria that live in and on you, especially your gut, are essential to whole body health. Seeds DS01 daily symbiotic benefits your gut, skin, and heart health in just two capsules a day. I love this company so much. I love using their symbiotic because I feel like I'm getting everything I need. And honestly, I have more energy every day, which is hard for me because I'm a mom. And it's so easy just with two capsules I'm taken care of instantly. Support your gut this summer with seeds DSO-1 daily symbiotic. Go to seed.com slash broad and use 25 broad to get 25% off your first month. That's 25% off your first month of Seeds, DS01. Daily Symbiotic at seed.com

slash broad. Code 25 Broad. Broad Ideas is supported by Tropical Smoothie Cafe. Tropical smoothie cafe believes you deserve a little vacay every day, not just once a year. Get on tropic time with bright and refreshing smoothies. Tropic bowls, wraps, and flat breads from tropical smoothie cafe. Summer mocktail smoothies are back and more refreshing than ever and only here for a limited time. Head in and try the fan favorite Island Punch, Mango Berry Cosmo or watermelon mohito smoothies today. I am telling you, I love anything with guava in it. The Island Punch smoothie is a personal fave.

It has peach, guava, passion fruit, mango, and pineapple. I love all of those flavor combos. it literally transports me to an island every time I drink it. Enjoy sunshine by The Spoonful with the Asaibol from Tropical Smoothie Cafe. One bite of the Tropical Bowls from Tropical Smoothie Cafe, and you'll instantly feel like your Caban side. Join Tropical Smoothie Cafe for a pineapple, mango, and watermelon sororay all summer long. Grab a refreshing island punch, mangoberry Cosmo and watermelon mojito,

mocktail smoothie, and meet us, bullside. Visit one of Tropical. smoothie cafes 1,400 plus locations or order online or through their app. I have a question. What is something you can say at the dinner table that you can also say in bed? Is that right? In the bedroom. In the bedroom.

In the bedroom. Pineapple. Or more. Safe word. That is really good. Pineapple. I know. Pineapple. Okay. You think, you go.

Well, then let's just go with that. What's one thing you can say at the drive-thru that you can say in the bedroom? Yeah, I just want to know. She's going to say pineapple. Extra napkins. Oh, I like that one. We haven't heard that one. I love people's minds.

I know. Because nobody's ever said the same thing. Ever. Isn't that cool? That is cool. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

If there was one song that played every time you walked into a room, what would it be? Staying alive. The BGs. I like it. You're like this. I'm trying to stay alive. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

Stay alive. What's the first quality you look for in a partner? Oh. Communication. Yeah. That's a big one for me. That's actually really important. And I'm like, oh, wow.

Notice. No, because it's so important, but like you don't always think that first. Or I don't, I guess. She's like, I like really, really, really good looking. Really vague, like good looking in the face, doesn't talk. Tall. I do like tall. To be fair, like, I feel like I've known my husband for so long.

And it's a little unfair because. I did look for that in every relationship before him, but it's also because I knew his family so well. It was like, if this was going to work, I need a couple of things. And communication was one of them. I love it. So a question on that, would you rather someone that fully understands you emotionally and is like very supportive emotionally, fully gets you or hilarious? Hmm. Oh, like one or the other? You want one or the other. Oh, I mean

I know That's tough I think probably that gets you Because You can find other things in life That are funny True You can watch funny things with them

You can watch funny things You can do funny things Like humor and a relationship Humor and a relationship Is so important Like if you can laugh at each other And laugh at yourself And like it is actually such a huge aspect of it

But As long as they get the funny Like I can be the funny one and I'm okay with that. As long as they get the funny. Yeah. Because I'm funny. You are funny. I need them to be funny too though.

I know. I do like to laugh. I do like to laugh. I just, it's just the wit. They don't have to be like ha ha ha funny. Right. They have to have that. It's that different intellect.

Like they just, they're quick with it. You have to connect with it. Everybody has a different like flavor of wit. And if they get that, then. Yeah. Yeah. I think it depends on what you grow up with. too. Yeah. I would say. I would say. Would you say? And I think it's like situational too. It's like the

inside jokes that you have and like those things that you build. I think, yeah. But if someone's just like straight, like I've dated before, very good looking, very whatever. And I'm like, if you're just not funny. Yeah. Well, anything too serious. That's, that's the thing. Like if you, if you go through your life, always serious. Ah, it's exhausting. Yeah. Who wrote this? What? Would you fuck someone who hasn't bought you dinner? Let's throw it at you, would you?

Oh, yeah. Okay, good. That's our girl. Dying. Oh, my God. How do you keep things exciting in a long-term relationship? I'm like so monogamous by heart. Like, I couldn't, I could never not be.

I think new experiences. Because I think that that's so important is like bonding together on things. I think it's important to like have your own self, you know, apart from your partner. But I feel like it's like the memory building of like doing something different or traveling or like I think it's less about like keeping something spicy and more about like constantly pursuing things that you like together. I love that. That's true. I do too. I think that's a great answer. Yeah. It's very true. Very. And it's spicy. And you're like also a cock ring. Also. Yeah. Try new things. That applies. I think Hudson and I like, we're together all of the time. You guys are fight. We're together all of the time. Like, we spend pretty much 24 hours a day together. And so we're

just the couple that can do that so many people can't. Yeah. And so, yeah, I mean, I think that for us, it's like, it's probably why we move so much too. We're just like, our lifestyle is constantly nomadic. Love it. And if he was not the person that he was and if I was not the person that I was, I don't think that it would work.

I don't think that we would be capable of that, especially with a kid. But yeah. Yeah. But yeah, and also cop breaks. And Cockings. How would you feel if your partner wanted to do an only fan? I honestly

I love that question I would support it you would I would support I would support it because like it's like okay well what are we going to do with that money

because technically you're not like really it's not like very personalized to anyone I guess it can be I guess some people do that you can do that or not do that right you can kind of do anything

on Only fans right you really can So should we ask him if he's into it? The funny thing is, like, I feel like if I said I wanted an only fan, he'd be like, yeah. He'd fully support it. He's like, bring in the money. Yeah, do it. Same.

Her husband's already like, suggested it. Yeah. Well, her feet. Well, my feet. He's like, I think you're doing our family a disservice by not. So if I could just not, and this is. like very hypocritical of me because I'm like very sex positive and all of those things. But like if I could just not like show my name or show my face, I'd be happy with that.

With the feet or the whole thing? Anything. The feet. I just don't want to like put my name on it. I be like, yeah, I'll sell my feet. I just like don't want to promote it. I fully thought you were like your whole body. You're like, yeah, I'll do my whole body.

Just not my face or my name. Just not my feet. Like, yes. I'm like fully agree. All power to anybody that that wants that. I'm not saying that that's not a good thing. I just, I couldn't. I don't know.

Which is weird because we kind of do it for a living. So I don't know. I don't know what that's about. I think it's a difference between like you yourself and like a character you're playing. I think that that has to be like this. It's more vulnerable. It's you. Yeah.

It's like I had a body double. So for this last movie, I had a body double for just like literally. It's not even like three. seconds on screen. And it was because it was like a certain angle and it was like boobs. And I was like, again, like, I have breastfeeding boobs. Like I've got stretch marks on my boobs. And like I just, again, it's just, it would be fine of it. It's like not the character. And that was so weird because I was like helping choose women. Because they just like send you. I got to pick my boobs.

Oh, that is fun. And she was hot. And I was like, yeah, she can rep. present me. Hell yeah. People can think that those are my boobs. Oh my God. I love that so much. That is fun. Tell us quickly about the movie.

Yes, before you have to go. Oh, yeah, so it's a psychological thriller. But it's also kind of a rom-com. I play twins, which is super fun. So fun. And yeah, it's a little bit of a love triangle. But there's a crazy twist at the end that I didn't see coming when I read the script, which is really what made me want to do it.

I think so many of those are just very predictable. Yeah, it's about Anna and Zoe, two twins. One is constantly trying to find love. She's a hopeless romantic. And Zoe is very cynical. It's had a damage, damaging past and wants to protect her sister, but instead ends up falling for this guy. So there's like a little bit of a deadly love triangle that happens in this movie.

And it's very fun. It's a fun, right? Yeah. It's amazing. So fun. And always so fun to play two characters. So fun. Right?

That's goals. Yeah. Yeah. And it's difficult, but it's super cool. The Twin Tech and everything. Like we had special cameras for certain scenes and treadmills for walking the same speed and all sorts of stuff. Oh, wow. That's fun. Yeah.

That's really fun. Well, we're very excited about it. And very excited that you were here with us today. I loved this. I love this. I love it so much. You're so awesome. And I'd love to have you on mine.

Yeah, for sure. That would be so cool. But yeah, it was lovely talking to you guys. Oh, I have notes. Oh, you got notes. We love when you bring notes to the post. I was with Olivia. Oh, yeah.

There's just two. I write notes. I do, too. This is mine for this week. What does it say? It says broad ideas. And it's fully empty. Well,

That about sums it up. That was our post. Our brains don't work. So if anything happens, especially when we're together, and I just put it in my phone. What did you come up with? There's two things written. One thing says parking spot.

And the other thing says fake laughing. Would you like to hear more? Would you care to know what we are talking about? I'd love to. I would love to hear more. I don't really know if the first one's a story. Well, it kind of is. We're going to go to the Elliott one.

first? You've kind of dug in. I was going to the parking story. Parking story. Yeah, you've kind of dug in. I think you need to... We have to commit to the parking spot. Go ahead, Lou. Me? Yeah. Well, we wanted a parking spot. And there was this car with, like, kind of like, blocking it, but not in it. Not actually parked. Like, if the curb

is here, the car was at least like three feet... Feats? Three feet out from the curb, wouldn't you say? Yeah, and we waited a while. We're, like, waiting. We're like, what's you going to do? You know? Yeah. So finally she gives it. Did you honk?

No. I don't honk. Oh, you didn't honk? Unless absolutely necessary, I am not a honker. Unless they're about to hit you. Oh yeah, that's right. Because I was like, pull up. I'll just ask them if they're leaving.

Yeah. And so we waited a long time. There are any parked in the spot? They weren't. They weren't in the spot. They weren't in the spot. They were three feet from the curb and the car wasn't off and they were sitting in it. Yeah.

So wouldn't you agree if the people are in the car, the car is on and they're three feet. feet from the curb and not actually in the parking spot, you would think, it doesn't seem like they're really parking. He wasn't parking. He wasn't parking. He was not anywhere near the

curb. I didn't want to honk. Like I said, I'm not a hunker. So we waited. So you're waiting for him to either take the spot or to leave. Yes. Correct. We're just like... We're behind him. There was nowhere for us to go. No. I would have done a little beep. I don't even beep. I'll pull up and just be like, are you leaving?

You just said there's nowhere to go. If you had space to pull around, you should have just pull around. We did have space to pull around. We did, but I was still waiting to see. Okay, well. So we waited. We waited. How long did you wait?

A few minutes. 22 minutes? No, I'm just kidding. Few minutes or like 15 seconds? No. We waited a couple minutes. A beat. Like, he knew we were there waiting.

Yeah. Okay. Because we had already circled to the area. There was no spots. Okay. We were hungry. We needed to eat. So finally, he pulled.

pulls out. We pull in, we park, we get out. He drives around and he's like, hey, he yells at us. And he's like, hey, miss. And Rachel's like standing in the street and she's like, yeah. And he's like, me. Yeah, she's like, who me? And he's like, you know, I can't, I thought you needed something. Like, I left that spot. No, he said, I thought you couldn't get around me. Yeah. So needed me to move. How are you going to come up and just take my parking spot. And I was like, what? Like, for you, I was like, what do you mean? I would never do that.

Like, I was like, profusely apologizing. She went so hard on the apology. She was like, I'll get in my car and move it right now. Like, I will give you your spot. I am so sorry. Like, I didn't hunk, because I'm not a hunker. But I will right now move my car so you can park in that spot. She really did.

She was like, I'll give you my house. Like, what do you need? To move in. And then he's like, Well, fine. How about a date? Or how did he say it? He's like, or go out with me. Let me take you out. Yeah. And then it's all good. And as he's saying this, the girl who had gotten out of the car to walk in the bank was coming back to get in the car.

And I just started laughing. I just laughed and like just walked away. And she got in the car. And she had a great date. Yeah. And then now my new. I am betrayed. troathed. Now Breyer has a stepdaddy. Yay. That was our story. It was funny, though. It was funny. That was a funny enough story to tell.

It was? Well, when we get the checkmark from Rob? So it was noteworthy. Yeah, it was notes worthy. Notesworthy. Hmm. Okay. Next on the list. Now let's see if Olivia's is. Oh, it's good. I just told Rachel

I asked Elliot about one of his friends. I'm like, do you like so-and-so, and he was like, I do. He's like, but I find myself fake laughing a lot. This is a girl or a boy? A boy. Okay. And I was like, oh, my God, I get that.

And so then we talked about it, and we went through people. Like, I went through people with Elliot. I'm like, who do you fake laugh with? Who do you not? And he was like, I love my friend so-and-so because there's never any fake laughing. And I was like, that is such a good barometer. It's the perfect, like, barometer. for who you want to actually be like

your friend. You know what I mean? I fake laugh so much. With us. With you guys. I knew that was coming. I need to pretend like this is funny. You actually don't?

You really don't. Because you just white hard. Laugh. Yeah, you just don't laugh. You don't fake laugh with us. You literally are like stone cold like Steve Harvey, Steve Austin. What is it?

Stone cold Steve Harvey. Steve Harvey. That's his nickname. same. That's what they call him on the feud. Oh my God. No, yeah, you just won't. But it's true, like, to actually laugh. And I just thought, like, this eight-year-old has the perfect way. And it runs in the family, okay? Like, Olivia, no, I can't say that. Never mind. But the way they describe or think, just how their minds work. It was good. I was like, I'm glad you're paying attention to that. Because that's actually a thing. And I felt that so many times. I'm like, what is it? I felt that.

I felt that, that I don't love about being with this person. And it's that. When you're like, ha, ha, ha. But what does that mean? It means, one, they're not funny. And two. I've dated people where, like, it's not like a real laugh. Are you trying to get approval at that point?

I feel like... Or there's like some codependency. I think it's like comforting them. And that's what Elliot said. I said, well, why do you feel the need to fake laugh? And he's like, well, because I feel bad that they're making the effort to, like, tell the joke and it's not funny. So I feel like I want to give them something. And I was like, I totally get that.

You totally feel that? I feel that. Like, it's kind of rude when someone's, like, efforting and you just sit there stone cold in the face. Stone cold Steve Harvey in it? Yeah. Jeff does that. Like, he will not fade laughing. He will not give it up.

Natalie will be that too. Or like, I'll tell her something and she'll just say okay. And I'm like, all right. That's, I think Natalie and Jeff might be a little similar. Yeah, it seems like it. Yeah. Where I'm like, cool, I didn't want just okay from this as a response. Yeah, that's good.

Okay. Yeah, but I, see, I'd rather that than a fake laugh. This isn't normally like a fake laugh. It's like I'm telling her a story or something that happened. And there's just no reaction and she'll just be like, okay. That's great. I support it. I support that.

Okay. I'm going to try it on you. I'll try to find a scenario in which it would happen. Jeff does the same thing all the time. Yeah. I'll say a whole thing and he'll be like, okay. Yeah, I can hear him. You're looking for more than just okay.

Like some sort of reaction or thoughts on it. Yeah, like when someone's eating food, she really wants people to eat, you need a lot of information. Do you understand how frustrating it is to be me in a relationship with someone that doesn't give you? I watch it go in his mouth, the food. I'm like, do you like it? And he's like, it's fine. Yeah, it's fine. I'm like, dude, someone just cooked you a lasagna.

Do you know how much effort that takes? Was it you? Or, like, someone at a restaurant. No. And you're like, a cook back there, it just made you this lasagna. And you're just saying it's fine? No, like if my brother cooks something or when I cook something,

even if Rachel cooks, if anyone cooks something, I'm like. He compliments my cooking. He does. But you cook like he likes. Like a lot of butter and cheese. Very Midwestern. Yeah. I do.

I think I might be a little Midwestern at heart. You are. Yeah. Hello, Cracker Barrel. Like Paula Dean. Or Midwestern Southern, like, country. It just feels like, and I have no connection to it other than just what feels right inside me. Well, actually, my family's in Tennessee, but I feel it's the butter.

I think it's a Tennessee thing then because I have family. My grandparents were in Tennessee too, and they cook. But you don't like Cracker Barrow? No. I mean, I did as a kid before I learned. what good food was. We went to the LA County Fair. Well, yeah.

Where was it? It was in Pomona. So I was just wondering, since we were heading east, the one thought of my mind was, how far are we from Cracker Barrel? Because there is one. Burrell. Because there is one. East.

It's like an hour east, so I contemplated. I mean, we might end up at one on our road trip. You're absolutely. Has Cal ever been? No. Oh, it's such an experience. Okay, so county fair, you know, Well, what first comes to mind?

Is it the food, the rides? Fonel cake. Of course. Funnel cake. Ride Snickers. You guys, I was actually impressed because the amount of food, all the different, like, there was a sourdough truck with like toasts. Yeah, that's an L.A. County Fair. Yeah.

Okay. Fine. But it was like garlic cheese bread with jalapinos, you know. I think I'm hungry. I didn't get it. I didn't wind up getting it. But anyway. I did have the most amazing.

Shit. Am I going to get this right? Okay, so they have all kind of candy and caramel apples, right? But this was like, is it chomoi? What is it? You know what I'm talking about? Nope. It was like spicy.

You know chamoi. You guys, I hate when I have to look this up. What's chamoi? You know, like, um. Like the chili lime stuff? Like chili. Chimoi. It's a variety of savory sauces.

It's made from pickled fruit. It's like Mexican cuisine. Like it's in from, derives from... Salsa. That's interesting. I thought I knew. Salsa is anything about? No.

Chimoi, like, Chimoy sauce. Oh, it's on an apple. So it had that and then it had spicy, was it tahine? It had something spicy, like on top of it too with the Chimoy covered apple. Like the yummy...

Like the yummy, pasty, brownie pasty stuff? Okay, yes. You know? Chimoi. And it was over this apple. It was amazing. Was it? Yeah, it was so good.

Whole apple or sliced? It was a caramel apple with a stick in it, but they sliced it for us. You know, so you can peel off the wedges, which I find very helpful. Carmel apple with peanuts is actually one of my favorite things in the world. But this was incredible. And I don't know if I'll have it again until I go to another fair. Okay, what else did you get? That was the most exciting thing.

Did you get funneling? I did have a little bit. funnel cake. I did do that. Did I go on any rides? The kids were all going on rides. The last, when I went to the OC Fair, I went on the craziest ride. The OC Fair. Did I say it like that? I went to the old Seafar. We're like the bigger kids wanted to go on the crazy one that's like all the way up and you go upside down and it's like that big arm and you did that? Yeah. Oof. Why would you do that? Because the kids wanted to go.

I took Calvin to the little street fair in those Pulas a couple weeks ago. What was that? Like a farmer's market? Nope. It was like the church parking lot. Okay. They had brought a bunch of carnival rides.

Like a little carnival. And they were not really though. It was like four rides and not great ones. And he wanted to go on the one that just kept spinning. Yeah. I hate that. And he wanted to go with him and I was like, I'm not going with you on this. So he just went by himself.

He wrote it three times and then the third time got off and just puked. Oh. He did. He gets motion sick. Yeah. I was like, are you sure you want to keep going? He's like, yeah, I want to go one more time. After he threw up?

No, after he threw up, he was done. Oh, he was done. Okay. I thought you were like, yep, threw up and go back for more. And then we went to Maru, and we were just like in line at Maro, and he's like, I feel sick again. Oh, no. Did he puke again? And we started walking, and he just peoped all over the sidewalk.

That poor kid. Oh, I also had lemonade and the rim of the cup had sour apple, like candy sugar. You went very apple vibe. I didn't mean to. I didn't have a choice, though. Those were the only cups available, and you could pick, like, strawberry or apple. I don't know, whatever. Literally the only cups you could get lemonade in.

Okay, sorry. I just wanted to add that. Have you tried the, like, fried Snickers and Twinkies and all that stuff? No, but I would. I've tried it. And? I don't like it. No.

No. I don't. Mm-mm. I get that. You know what they did have, you guys? Huh. You know, like, kids? They win all the stuffies, you know, at the games.

They had carrying bags. You know, because you're always like, what am I going to do with all these stuffies? Oh, yeah. They had, like, backpack big statue things for free, like at the games. Smart. To carry your animals in. I went to Universal Studios once in Florida, Florida. We were on tour.

And we had, like, a whole day to go there. It was with one of the bands that I was out with. They went to go do some rides, and I was like, I want to go play some carnival games. I played games for like 15 minutes and won, I won like an electric guitar and like a basketball and some like giant stuffy. And then like I couldn't carry anything. What'd you do with them? I ended up just like giving them to some kids because I was like, now I have too much stuff. I have to just sit here for six hours without this crap.

Yikes. I actually worked at a booth this weekend. She sure did. doing carnival games, ish. And it was like one of those ones where you throw the thing in to get the fish. Were there a real fish? Yes, you get a real fish. Was this a like preschool fundraiser?

You get a goldfish. No, it was like a school fair. But they, you get like a goldfish. Yeah, but I didn't actually give away fish. You give like a certificate and then they go to the fish store. But there was kids that were winning like 10 fish at a time. I would not be, I would not be happy. as their parent?

Yeah, that would be too. I know I felt bad. I'd be like, hmm, your kid just won another fish. I suppose it on the school of Fair weekend because we had one as well. Oh, you did? For Ginny's preschool.

Did you work at a booth, Rob? No, because he's not technically, he just doesn't start to the fall. It was when Calvin went to, and we went, and our friend was working the bouncy house at, like, the top because there was like three levels of the school.

Yeah. There was just this, like, little baby that was left up there. Her and I were, like, talking, and it had, like, just opened. And I had Vinny. I had Vinny with me. And then there was, like, one other woman with her kid. And then this, like, this baby.

So this baby, like, finally our friend, she's like, do you know whose kid this is? Like, this is. And no one knew whose kid it was. And the dad was, like, down, like, the level down, just left his kid up there. How old? Younger than Vincent. Like a year and a half. Like one and a half or something?

Yeah. Just like. That's crazy. Hanging out. And then our friend picked him up and he started doing the like mouth thing. Like he wanted milk. What a mouth thing? Yeah, what's the mouth thing?

Oh like, oh suckling? Yeah, they're doing the like suckling. Do it, Rob. No. He like. Oh, oh. What is it called? Ruding.

Rooting, yes. Started rooting for her and like trying. Did she do it? No, she didn't breastfeed the random baby that she didn't know where it came from. She doesn't care about kids. Apparently not. Selma Hayek picked up a random kid and breastfed it. Was it a random kid? I believe she breastfed someone else's kid. But I think the parent was probably there and consented. I don't think she found a kid and was like, let's go.

I feel like we have to look up the story because I don't know that we do. know the facts. I mean. No, but I know. Yeah, it was, yeah. Yeah. For that, yeah. I know.

I was me. We found the dad and he's still just like, it's like, oh, he's cool up there. I guess we're watching this kid. Independence. I got some questions. Cool. Can I give you, I'm going to give you some headlines and you pick which ones you guys want to read. Okay.

Got three. Okay. My husband calls my cat fat all the time and it hurts me. How do I explain it to him? It's option one. What cat? Is that code word for something? Let's find out.

Two, my husband kept having sex with me while I was unresponsive. What? Three, is it time for me to leave my husband. Which one of those three would you like to hear more about? All of them. Not the fat cat. Because that I'm just like, get over it. Sorry.

Mm-hmm. Maybe your cat's fat. Could have a fat cat. You know? But I don't know if that's a bad thing. You pick out of the other two, Rob. My husband and I have been married for two years and dated live together for five before getting married. We've been having the same arguments over and over the last three years, but it seems to have gotten worse over the last year or so.

He's yelling more and admits to saying things to hurt my feelings or tear me down because I don't treat him with respect, constantly dismiss his reality, and don't respect his boundaries. So why should he respect mine? He dreads being alone with me. I'm just a tool and a means to an end at this point. Make my food, clean my dishes, do my laundry, and I'll make sure I give you the money to pay my half of the bills.

All I ask you to do are the basics, and you can't even do that. We got another fight last week, and I tend to shut down during our fights and can't speak because I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing. dismiss me one more time. I really see the ugly side of me. You never ask yourself while I treat you like shit. It's because of how you make me feel.

Don't get me wrong. He does a lot. He worries about our financial future. Though I make sure all bills are paid on time, takes care of car maintenance, knows how to decorate the house and fixes things around the house, etc.

I feel like this is borderline abuse and it's not like he has hit me or anything like that. I feel lost. And like I can make this work I really listen and make him feel important in the ways that matter to him. He won't go to counseling with me because he doesn't understand why I need to talk to someone else when the problems would be solved if I just learn to communicate with him better and don't shut down.

This sounds like a narcissist. I'm the problem and I've asked him to stop name-calling and the insults, but he won't because of how I treat him. Guys, narcissism, borderline. I mean, it's all very obvious according to my brain. don't you think? Yeah, but also the scary part is is that she's believing it. Yeah, because she's in it. She's being gueslet.

Yes, she is. It's all of the things. It's all of the things. It's like textbook, I think. I mean, yeah, it sounds like a really bad relationship, but there's really no advice other than going, here's the thing.

If someone won't go to counseling and you can't get help, what is there to do? Right. Peace. Would you go to counseling if Natalie was like, we should go to counseling. Yeah.

Would she go to counseling if you were like, we should go to counseling? Yeah. Right. Do either if you go to therapy? No? Have you ever been to therapy? Has she? I don't think she has.

Wow. There's time. We don't have time for it. I thought you're going to be like, we don't have problems. Yeah. We don't have problems. What are you talking about? We don't fight.

How do you feel about that when couples are like, we don't fight? I mean, they're probably using the term fight in a different way then. Because communicating, you're going to have disagreements. Right. You can be good at communicating, but there can still be a fight, or there can still be tension, or there probably still will be, unless you're exactly the same. You don't fight, right, Jeff?

Right. We fight. But we, you know, we're not like, gross. gross in our fights. There's no name calling or cursing, none of that kind of stuff. So they're disagreements. I think that most couples fight, but the thing is we do have boundaries around like, wrong.

We got boundaries around. We have boundaries around. Well, you know what's going to trigger him and what you're not going to call him, yeah, a name. Never. Yeah. Like, I've never been like, you're an asshole. What does I mean? You guys know how to communicate and you know how to disagree and have a conversation about it without it.

Escalating to that point. Yeah. There's no name calling. There's no, like, cussing and any of that kind of stuff. Because then it just takes it to levels that you can't really come back from. But we fight. Yeah. I mean, I'm sure we've said, what the fuck?

I want to stop talking. Why? I don't know. Are you in relationships where you just don't fight? Are you one of those people that says that? No. You start shit with everyone. I do not start shit with everyone.

You kind of a little shit starter. Rob. Not in relationships. Not in relationships. Only with you. She's not a shit starter in relationships. No way. So then you don't fight.

She fights. Oh, no. I can fight. But she's not like a, she's not like a, hear me roar. I'm going to start shit and you're going to listen. No. No.

No. Not. I haven't even had a boyfriend that was emotionally abusive. It's me. You're always told. It's me. Hi. So I'm going to continue taking notes because I feel like it's really rewarding

in our posts. Okay. It is. I don't remember anything. No. I think the more mundane your notes are the better, too. Like, just so we can get

what it's like to be inside your head. In my brain. Yeah. Like our theme song. Okay, guys. Thanks. See you. Bye. That was a hate gum podcast.