Broad Ideas with Rachel Bilson & Olivia Allen - Shailene Woodley on being a Child Actor, Self-Love and Three Women

Episode Date: October 7, 2024

Shailene Woodley (Big Little Lies, Divergent) talks to Rachel and Olivia today about her new Starz series, Three Women, what it was like growing up as an actor and being on The OC!  They also discuss relationships with others and yourself and The Goonies!Broad Ideas is sponsored by Posh Peanut. Go to postpeanut.com/broad and use promo code BROAD for 20% off your first order. Broad Ideas is sponsored by IQBAR is offering our special podcast listeners twenty percent off all IQBAR products, plus get FREE shipping. To get your twenty percent off, just text IDEAS to sixty-four thousand.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hax is back for its fifth and final season, and so is The Hacks podcast. Join the Hacks creators and showrunners, Lucia and Yellow, Paul W. Downs, and Jen Statsky as they unpack the Emmy-winning comedy series. On each episode, here's stories from the set, what goes on in the writer's room, and how these beloved characters close out their final season. Watch Hax streaming exclusively on HBO Max and listen to The Hacks podcast on HBO Max, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Broad Ideas.

Are we recording? We're recording. Shailene Woodley, you guys, is here today. I have like, you know, she was 11 during the pilot of the OC. And if she wasn't on it, we just wanted you. Yeah, what's the relevancy? She was, she was 11. That was good.

Anyway, I just I have admired her career in watching her grow up essentially in what? Was she on the O.C.? Yes, Rob. Who did she play? She played Caitlin Cooper. Her horse said, Alopecia. Marissa's younger sister.

Yes. And it's just cool to see everything that's happened with her. And she's here to talk to us. So let's have Shailene join us. Sometimes when the ones say inside of Rachel's little brain. All these thoughts are swirling round and round inside To join us on this journey as we take a little ride We'll talk about dogs and kids and things

We'll talk about chicks and tampon strings We'll talk about boys better me Because people die You guys look cozy I'm no, I'm a little embarrassed at how cozy I look right now. I'm about to take off my shoes. It's actually impressive that I have jeans on

because normally on Zoom's, it's always like underwear or sweats. Of course. Yeah, you can't see the bottom. So you're just like party on top. You know what I mean? Yeah, when you lifted the leg, I was like, oh, she means it. She got dressed today. It had to. It's a hard thing.

It's like if I don't get dressed in the morning, I just don't get dressed on the days that. A hundred percent. No. Why would you? Don't you find that like, The second you get home, the jeans come off. The second. Yeah, immediately.

Shoes, shoes, and then all clothes. Shoes first would be, yes. Raw jeans, everything. No. Shalene, it's so, I mean, we have something in common with the OC, which is so crazy. Like, just to think back. How old were you when we shot the pilot? 11.

It's so fun to be talking to you right now because I just worked with Ben, like two weeks. three weeks ago in New Jersey. And we just had this trip down memory lane of knowing each other when I was 11 years old. 11 years old. I mean, that is, that's so crazy because, you know, 21 years and you put it in, like, I was 21 and now in your 40, like, that's not as big of a difference as 11 and in your 30s. Like, it's just, that's mind-blowing.

I mean, it's funny, too, because the OC, my memory of it was, I distinctly remember meeting you and you're so lovely and Ben. And then, but my core memory because of the content of the show, I don't think I really knew much about it, was staying at like a beautiful little bed and breakfast in Manhattan Beach. Like that's with my mom. Oh, my gosh. That's so cute.

I mean, yeah, you in the, like your pony had alopecia. Like, it was just like so just poignant. Like, I just remember vividly all of that. And it's just so cool that you were a part of that, you know, and everything. And what a crazy ride it's been. And for you and your career and everything, which is incredible. And just so cool that we shared that. It is cool.

Yeah, I feel like I can't really. I can't. It's a fun mark to be able to say to people like, yeah, I was on the O.C. But no one knows my kid. I mean, I was the child for one season. And then they replaced me with like a post-cubescent, beautiful young woman. And I was like, flat boobs, no hip, like had gone through puberty and they were like, we really need this character to be more developed. But I'm curious how an 11-year-old deals with that.

Like, how was that for you at 11? Because like, I hear that. And when actors get replaced, I'm always like, we have a dear friend that got replaced actually with Rachel. And now they're friends. And we talk about it. And I'm like, I'm always so curious, like, what you go through. being replaced, but at 11? Like, were you just like, oh, cool, it is what it is.

They needed big boobs or... I mean, I started acting when I was five and both, like, neither of my parents are in the industry at all. It was just really this strange thing that I asked them to do. And they said no until I wouldn't shut up. And then they were kind of like, I guess, like, we can try it out. And I fell in love with it. So then they were sort of forced to stick it out too.

And I have this, like, growing up, I had three rules to be an actor. I had to say the person they knew I was, have fun and stay good in school. And if I broke any of those, then I couldn't audition anymore. Oh my God, I love that. Yeah, so sweet. And I remember it was like the movie I Am Sam. Do you remember that movie? Yes.

My memory was that it was between me and Dakota Fanning. Whether that's true or not, that's what I thought. And Dakota got it. And I remember being in the back of a car with my dad just bitching about the fact that she got this role and I didn't and he turned around and he looked at me and he's like, that's it. Like, I'm done with this. You're going to be happy for this little girl because one day you're going to get nothing and you're going to want all the other little girls out there to celebrate you. You're not going to want them to be shitting on you because you got it and they didn't.

So celebrate her. Send her love. Send her joy. And one day, you know, your time will come. I can't like, that is amazing parenting. That's great parenting. Yeah, I'm very lucky. He's very, very wise. But that kind of that same ethos played into the Caitlin Cooper OC of it all. Right. It was like, you know, she really was this promiscuous young girl. And I was four, nine, four, eight and a half. I was tiny.

Yeah. I'd not all through puberty. I looked like a child that plays with dolls, not like a, you know, girl in high school. So it was not, it was not a shock to me. And I also, I completely understood. Right. Right. I mean, like the reasoning behind it.

obviously would make it easier and all of that. But I just have to go back to like, what a beautiful thing that your dad taught you. Like, because I on it, I have a nine, almost 10 year old daughter and she's like doing a musical right now in the audition. It's Annie and they audition. And she doesn't know what part yet. And she's like going through all these feelings of like, but if my friend gets the bigger part or like whatever. And I just keep, you know, just reinforcing her. Like, two things can exist at the same time. Like you can feel disappointed, but you also can feel very supportive and happy for your friend if that happens, you know? But it's just like hearing this, like, and that's how you were guided. It's so cool. And what an amazing foundation. But I love it too.

It's not just like, it's not just like, oh, don't worry, you'll get the next one. It's not about getting it. Like the message in that, it's like everything goes back to our programming. And it starts at that age and the fact that they programmed you to be happy for other people and to celebrate other people's success has that played into because your career, and I don't say this lightly, you're fucking outstanding. You really are such a gifted actress to the point where a lot of time I get, I'll feel jealousy about people, but I never feel it towards the people I feel deserve it and that's a weird psychology of mine. I'm the same, I'm the same way. And I don't know if if it's jealousy for me, but when people I feel deserve something, I'm like,

right. Rob, I'll fucking go. Smash it. Right. It's so interesting. But then when you feel like they don't, you're not as celebratory. But watching you, I watched, you know, your show, three women. And obviously, you're amazing and everything. You're amazing. And everything. you do, but I feel like to start that young and continue on such a career, if you didn't have the programming or the backbone or the kind of constitution it takes, that you wouldn't be able to show up the way you do. Oh, 100%. I mean, I'm just, I just feel so lucky.

As a kid, it was never, like, I'd show to auditions with grass stains and sticks in my hair and all the other little girls looked perfect. and my family never, they supported me, but they never put importance on it that was bigger than the importance of just being a good human and, you know, getting in trouble and doing chores and all the things that are normal in childhood were not replaced or lessened because of the whole acting thing. And in school, like I went to a public school in the Valley of L.A. and I got made fun of for being an actor.

They'd be like, you, we saw you on my name is Earl last night, or they'd be like, oh, you're on the O.C. Like, it was like a, it was not cool to the kids that I went to school with. And so it was something that in a strange way, I was always actually embarrassed by being an actor. It took until my late 20s to, when people would ask me what I did,

I'd always say, like, I'm an herbalist because I did do school for that, so I could technically say that. But I never felt like I could own being an actor because I've had guilt and all of these things that all came with it that were not, that had nothing to do with the actual craft of being on a film set and playing and having fun. But the excess of this industry was such a turnoff to me at a young age because I just felt like, why is everyone pretending? This is fun. Like being on a film set is fun. You get to eat free snack.

Yeah. And because I was raised with adults in a way, like, I think I just have to show you a lurker. It was just... Wait, I love you're just sitting on the floor of your bedroom. Is that what happening right now? I love it. I'm in a rental home and I just... Yeah, I like the floor.

I'm weird like that. Yeah, I don't know. It just the excess of it was really... It still is. It's not my favorite thing in the world. Right. I'm glad it's not. I'm really glad you're not like, you know what I like about it most? The excess. Some people do. Some people do. Yeah. And that's interesting. That's where I get frustrated. Is the minute somebody complains on a film set, I'm like, go home. Right. So many other people would rather be here. So don't join the circus if you don't want to be a part of the circus. Right.

It really is. But I hear gratitude in that, you know, which is like a huge thing too and just comes along with it. And yeah, like I feel the same way. And I'm sure you've worked with people, you know, when you're like, why are you here? Right. Right? Not easy. No.

It's like you're away from your family. You're away from your friends. You're working long hours, strange hours. So if it's not worth it, if it doesn't fuel you and fill you and make you a better, more alive, fulfilled person, I don't understand. It's difficult for me to understand. I used to be a little bit more jaded and now I just ask questions. I'm like, so, so why are you here? Why do you want to do this? Right. You just are curious. Ted Danson told Kristen Bell, do you remember what he said? What? She said on set, he would always be like, no whining on the yacht. Yeah. No whining on the yacht. I say that to my kids. If we're on vacation and they start, I'm like, no whining on the yacht. I love that. Like, you are experiencing a level of privilege that a lot of people would want to experience. Like, let's be present. Yeah. Right. Get perspective. What I want to ask like, because you, you know, and this just made me think of it because you're like, you know, the long hours, the weird hours, like, whatever. And you yourself, like, obviously you've dated publicly.

whatever. How did you find? You're like, let's say it again. Look at her face when you say it. Oh, I know. I didn't see her face. I was looking up. I know. That's why I was like, say it again. I'm not saying anybody. I'm not saying, I'm not going there. My question is like, because of the hours and because of what you do, did you find it? How did you find it if you are with someone who isn't in the same profession who might not understand those things? I've been pretty lucky to have busy people. As a kid, I don't know if you had this experience because you're so young as well, but as a kid, having going to work and then coming home and immediately just having to be

the big sister again and go straight into homework again and soccer practice or whatever it was never gave me the perspective of like, I'm an actor. I live for acting. And as I'm now single, very single, and thinking about like what a healthy relationship dynamic might look like, that is something that I would want to manifest is just a little bit of curiosity and understanding towards actually what we do, not even the long absence at all, but just like all day long we're telling our bodies that were something else. And maybe it's okay to actually just like need to lay down for a minute when we get home. Right.

Right. I think that's with, I really do think, I mean, that's an interesting thing, the psychology of what you're telling your body. Mm-hmm. Right? Yeah. Because your body doesn't know if it's real or fake. Yeah. Exactly.

It doesn't. Your nervous system doesn't. Not your nervous system. Absolutely. So whatever you're carrying as the character, you're carrying. Right. Right. And so even in like what I do, if I like coach and.

work with people in psychology. If I walk out of the room and then the husband wants to, like, have sex, it's like, I'm still carrying, right? There needs to be an adjustment to what you're holding, no matter what you do, what you're holding, can I put this down and can I shift? And I don't think a lot of people understand that in general. Right. Right.

Right. Like as a mom, like you're doing this, you're doing that. And then your kids come and you're supposed to dysregulate everything you've been doing all day and be there for them. It's the same with a partner. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I, you know, it's funny because people will be like, you know, because I have dated a co-star or two in my day.

You know, and they're like, oh, well, how do you find that? Like, dating someone who understand. And I'm always like, yes. Like, they do understand. And look, there's pros and cons to everything. every thing and every person as far as I'm concerned. But there was always that understanding of like, yes, aside from the hours and like what you go through and the decompressing and the all of the other things, which I always did find nice because people are like, oh my God, don't date an actor.

And it's like, well, yes and no, right? Like it's like all of those things. But it's just interesting, the people that can understand. And like you're saying like, yeah, if you want to just come home after your day. It's like not a, not a thing. I'm curious in three women what you picked up. Three women, when we were filming, I remember I'd come to work and the costumer would be crying and like smoking a cigarette and then I'd look over and our hair and makeup person would be like kind of having a panic attack in the corner. Like it was such an extreme, everything that it deals with and talks about are, it's so truthful. And it brought up a lot. It brought up a lot of. It brought up a lot of, lot for everyone and would have to confront things like, oh my God, everything from rape to miscarriage,

to body dysmorphia, to eating disorder. It was just like there was zero time to breathe and go, wow, everything is okay. And yet through the process, it opened up conversations that I would have never had with crew members or other actors about these really quite normal experiences that we all go through it or if you don't, I mean, yeah, I think we do. But it just brings up, like you say, these conversations and it is raw and like they are considered taboo and all of that. But like, it's such a cool thing to do projects like this or like on our podcast, like we talk about stuff a lot and things that should be discussed and talked about. And like a lot of people feel alone in a lot of those things. You know, so having that experience and like you said, you're like talking to a crew member.

I'm like, I had them, whatever, like, you know, the other day, but I just think it's so important. It's what else are we going to talk about? This is like, people are always like, I get this comment often that I'm a very open person. And I agree, like, I am open and then there is a vault that only, no, you know, and that's, but I look at these people who tell me that I'm open and I'm like, what? Do you talk about? Oh, yeah. Talking about with your wife or your husband or your best friend or your or acquaintances, like, I'm confused. If we're not going to talk about the real shit, then I'm just so not interested. That's all we care about. We're like, I'm sorry, if we went too deep, we don't care about your long. We just like we're like, we don't

care. We don't care. You know, like it's about being human first. Right. And I think, especially in this industry, that gets confused because people get on pedestals, people get put on pedestals, there's all this kind of like hierarchy, all this like garbage, really. Illusion. It's complete delusion because at the end of the day, you're still going to face yourself. You're still going to go through the same things. We're all going through the same things. And when you bring up self-love, like that is my, I'm on the crusade for that, you know, I want to, like, first of all, why isn't it taught in school? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I

Two things that I'm like, we need to teach kids how to not be offendable because if you're offended, then you're basically putting everyone else's opinion, thoughts, beliefs above your own, which is like the antithesis of self-love. Love it. So how to not be offendable and how to love yourself, but not just like, oh, I love my body, you know, not the spiritual. No. Like, why, whatever, the true value and worth is going like, I. I deserve to be alive and I deserve to have fun in my life. Also, I think people get confused on what self-love is. I think you hear it so much in the spiritual woo-woo way of like self-care.

Self-love people are like, oh, well, I get massages and I do yoga. And it's like, that's loving. But self-love to me personally is knowing what your internal integrity is. Yeah. having lines that you don't move because you have respect for yourself. And if you don't know what those lines are and you don't know what your personal integrity is, you can't be in love. If I'm going to love a friend, the first thing a friend's going to want from me is to be respected.

Right? So it's like there's all these things that I'm like, what is self-love to people? I'd like to hear how you were out of line with it and how you got in line with it. Oh my God. How much time do we have? We have five hours. Broad ideas is supported by Posh Peanut. Your kids, they grow fast. I know mine sure does.

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IQ mix, hydration, with three times as many electrolytes as sports drinks. also boosts mood and mental clarity because it includes magnesium and lions mate. Great for pre-workout, AM hydration, hangovers, etc. I love using it before I go to Pilates, which I love. Start each day right with IQ bars, brain and body boosting bars, hydration mixes, and mushroom coffees. They're offering our podcast listeners an exclusive deal. 20% off all IQ bar products. Plus, get free shipping.

The ultimate sampler pack is a great way. way to try all IQ bar products and flavors. You get seven IQ bars, four IQ mixed sticks and four IQ Joe sticks. Right now, IQ bar is offering our special podcast listeners 20% off all IQ bar products, plus get free shipping. To get your 20% off, just text ideas to 64,000. Text ideas to 64,000. That's ideas to 64,000. Message and data rates may apply, see terms for details. I completely agree with you on the integrity front. my therapist, who I adore so much, introduced this concept to me. And it was really what started shifting my ability to understand self-love in a real way for me. And she was like, we all have, there's kind of two archetypes in the world. There's the victim and there's the guilty.

And you're one of the other most of the time. And until you can figure out how to be in the middle, you're always going to sort of be bouncing. And I'm not going to say, why did this happen to me? I'm going to start saying, why is this happening for me? That was the beginning of my journey into really just finding peace and calm within myself, which for me is the definition of self-love. Like, I don't need and I have want and I have desire, but I don't need anything anymore because I feel really fulfilled with me. And I got my own back.

And that was the biggest shift. Yeah. There's a lot of value, right? It's like such a big word with all of that stuff and knowing all of that, but for yourself and not getting that validated from other people or men or whatever, you know, and all the experiences where I know I'm guilty of it, you know, in my past, like always searching for it from like especially partners or men and really getting to the point of like, it all has to come from in here, you know.

And it's kindness. Yeah. Yeah. Like you would never tell a friend if they fucked up. You wouldn't be like, you're such a fucking idiot. You're so fucking stupid. That's what I would say when I would do something slightly wrong. And one of the things I was taught is get right sized with it. Can you get to the size of what it really is? Like you may have made a mistake, but is the mistake really worth that kind of treatment? It's such a relief to be like. You may have made a mistake. But is the mistake really worth that kind of treatment? it's such a relief to be like I only need to focus on my side. Yeah. Like truly, even in partnership. My husband reminds me that all the time too because I'll want to get in there and fix him, obviously. Women, we're always looking for like, how do we make this more efficient?

How do we make this more efficient? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And he'll have to remind me, he'll be like, if I'm upset about something or there's something going on with me, like, you have to, give enough grace to know, like, that's my shit. Right. You don't have to pick it up, right? But we're like, oh, you drop that. Let me grab it and help you rearrange it and give it back to you all done. Right. It's a relief to not have to do that. Yeah. I mean, I think it's all like habit too. And you're constantly trying to people please at all times and like put everything before yourself. And

And that's something I had to, like, definitely re-teach myself how to put myself first. Because, I mean, I still do it with her husband. I'll be like, literally. I'll be like, wait, but Jeff, you know. Oh, yeah, she does it for my husband. Yeah, like, I can't help it sometimes. You should probably stop and get him a piece of cheesecake before you get home because I'm like, it's okay. Like, I can't not people please in any.

But I think it's, there's something, like, I am a. overgiver and I remember one time like somebody like a mentor or whatever was like you have to learn how to not over give and I just so disagree with that because it gives it brings me so much joy to bring the cheesecake. Right. It's for me more than even for my thing. Like I get joy out of other people's joy. It's it fills my heart. I remember I asked somebody once. I was like, what's your definition of self-love? And they were like, when you disconnect, from yourself in order to connect with someone else, that's when you, like, that's when a boundary needs to come in. And that's when you stop loving yourself. But if you can still love yourself

and connect with other people, that's a healthy dynamic. And I think about that with giving a lot. I'm like, am I disconnecting from me to give to you? Or is that just how it is? I think that's a great question to ask yourself, though, always. Like, where is this coming from? Right. That happens with me with like helping people. Yeah. I really want to help them. And people, you don't have to help them and I'll be like, no, I actually really want to. Yeah. Just like the sharing, the overgiving. But then there's a part that sometimes it is to be valuable. Yeah. I just like I much rather give gifts than get gifts. And I think that is part of it. And that's not manipulate. That's just like the joy you get for like getting something.

for someone that you know that they'll love and like the thoughtfulness behind it. I mean, sure, it feels good to like get a really good gift for someone. And they're like, oh, you really know me. You know what's interesting, watching three women, I thought it's funny because there's three characters, everybody's going to know this, right? And you tell me if I'm spoiling anything. But one of the characters, they have more of an open relationship. And part of that, it's almost like there's a part of me that wishes I could be that generous.

be in an open relationship? Like be that generous to a partner. I think there's this interesting thing too with sexual dynamics and I'm fascinated by sort of the younger generation and how polyamory and open relationships are working right now and so prevalent.

And I guess like I wonder is the connection, is the emotional connection as grounded and centered in an open relationship or polyamorous situation as it is in a monogamous one. And I think it's just all about the individuals and the two people. Like it's, there's kind of no right or wrong way. Yeah. Watching that, I was curious, which character you relate to. In the show? Yeah.

I mean, all of them. I've never been in a relationship with a high school teacher. Then Gia, my character, I relate to a lot. Like, lived in an RV for many months at a time and have lived a very kind of open life of being a curious searcher and that's all of them I don't and that's what I love so much about the book and the show is that even if our circumstances look different it's impossible not for like for us to not relate to at least one thing and it's just refreshing it felt refreshing to make it and I'm I'm so excited for people to see it because like you, one of you said that the whole point is to make other people and ourselves feel less alone. Yeah. Right. I think what it encapsulated for me,

the one thing that I saw in all of your, all four of you, it's the longing that we can identify, change it to whatever you will. There's a deep longing in each one of us that we're all searching to figure out what's going to fill that. So yours was curiosity. Hers was, you know, to be touched. Hers was, it's just like that deep longing that human beings experience, like, was so nailed in that. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. Sorry to bring up your longing. It's pining. It's like the pine. I googled the etymology of pining once. To pine literally means like to suffer. Like to encourage pain upon ourselves. Yeah.

The worst feeling. And there is something romantic about longing for something, but it can feel so awful. Yeah. And addicting. Addict, yeah. She says to me, like, that for some reason, I probably in the past have gotten so,

you know, I find comfort in the discomfort. Yeah. You know, I'm like, this is, yeah, it's what you know. I'm like, this is safer. I can be here. I know what this is. Wait, something completely different. Like, you know, I don't know what that is. That's really scary. But the discomfort. Yeah, is what I know. You guys, when you get uncomfortable, do you run, like if something or a circumstance or a person, you know what's going to be uncomfortable, but you know it probably will be great in the end.

After you get through the discomfort, do you run towards that or do you feel like you're more hesitant to let those opportunities find their way. I think I run towards it. I was going to say, I think I'm more hesitant. What about you? I definitely run towards it. But I'm learning to be a little more hesitant. I think I was too excited in the unknown.

Show me. Show me what this is all about and then I'll run in. Right. I do think that goes back to ProCode. programming too. It's like whatever your natural state is, I see people that really, really, really strive to be content. And I'm like, wow, that must be nice. Like, that must be a nice feeling to feel content. I think the minute I feel content, I'm like, what should I run after? So here's a question because I feel I love feeling content to me. That's like when I feel content, I'm like I love myself. So internal content where I fall asleep peaceful and I wake up peaceful, not like longing or anything. Yeah. Externally, like this, the stability of a, like a content life where everything has its place and it all looks the same. And like that to me is so uninteresting.

Like what do you mean by content? I mean that. Like let's say everything like I love the feeling of feeling content. But there's something about settling in a way, like for whatever it is that doesn't feel like, I think I am a little bit addicted to pushing outside of my comfort zone. You're a searcher. I'm a seeker. I need to know more. Like, to me, there's always a quest for more. And if I feel like I'm complacent, that feels like death. Like, I really don't like it.

Yeah. I'm exactly the same. Yeah, you guys seem very similar. I don't really know. Like, I don't even know. I don't know that I can tell you guys. I know what completely content feels like. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Like, I don't know. I mean, because sometimes I think like those two things can go hand in hand with like settling and content. Like, is it truthfully that or is it this other thing that just feels okay? Does that make sense? Am I making sense? Yeah.

To me, it's when I feel 100% content, which I do feel often, the feeling is if I died in this, not to go there, but if I died in this moment, I would feel at peace with that. Not that I want to. Right. I'd be here for a long ass time, but just that feeling of like, I know I've done my best. Like, feeling fulfilled in the choices that I make on like a moment by me. moment basis that go that are in alignment with my integrity core values whatever like yeah that makes me feel content because like I've not the best I could everything else is up to the magic

of the universe um but externally like content and and feeling kind of the what was the other word you just use Rachel settling settling yeah like I can't it's impossible for me to settle which is why I think things have been challenging because when most of my friends would go, just re-through it, you know, you compromise, it's all going to be fine. I'm like, I don't know. Why are we not holding ourselves to the highest standards

and trying our best? Because I'm ready to meet someone or a life choice or whatever it might be there. But a lot of people, I think, feel okay with not having like a, we're not trying so hard because it is hard. It's hard by settling. And I always question, I'm like, am I holding a bar that's way too high? Because people tell me that. But I don't think so. No. I don't think so. No, I don't think so.

No, I think I said that. And like, as I'm like thinking and reflecting and looking back, like, I haven't actually settled. But I think there is comfort and entertaining that idea because you don't have to go further to achieve these things. Like you're saying, you know, like the higher standard or whatever. But I think ultimately that's where I go. And I remember, so my therapist would say to me, um, when you lay your pillow down, when you lay your pillow, when you lay your pillow,

when you lay your head on your pillow at night, are you proud of, you know, the person that you are, that day or whatever. Like you think about the person you are. When you lay your, are you like happy with that woman?

Yeah. You know, from that laser head down that night. And it's like, yeah, you think about that and your choices and how you even go about your day or how you, you know, treat people you come. Like there's all, there's all the things. And it's like aside from relationships or whatever else. It's just everything in life. And also two things can be true at what.

Right. Right. Like you can feel contentment and want more. Right. And I think that's the fear sometimes with feeling content is that. that you're like blocking your supply from coming. Yeah. Do you get what I mean?

Really? Yeah. You're like, okay, I'm good. You're not like the message to the universe isn't deliver me more, but you can be content and still grow at the same time. One thing that you always say that I love is, what is it, at the point of action? What's the whole thing? Spirit meets you at your point of action.

Which, yeah. when you get examples of that, you're like, oh, that's what that means. Yeah. Yeah. Do you believe in all that, like, spirit, signs, synchronicities, all that? Oh, yeah. I mean, I believe you didn't it so much that I'd be like, I'm definitely supposed to be with this person because of this sign, this sign, this sign, this sign. I'm definitely supposed to do that film because of all these.

And now I'm a little bit more like if my internal signs of home regulation, Like, I feel myself. I still love my body. I still love my, all the things. Like, the minute those things start getting dysregulated in the past, I would still put external value on, like, spiritual signs. And now I don't. I'm like, if I feel good and then the universe is conspiring in my favor, this is the right. Right.

Right. I was just going to ask if you wanted kids. Like yesterday. But I'm glad that I have it. I don't have them yet because I feel like I, for my family, I'm the oldest woman in my entire family lineage to not have a child yet. And at 32. And it's exciting that I, the things that the other women in my family weren't given the opportunity to do,

I have been able to do, like learn self-love and learn how to take care of myself and attract things that are kind and soft and generous instead of, kind of bullish and difficult and and I just feel grateful for that. And the cool thing is that you get to hand, you literally get to hand that epigenetics down to your child. You changed your DNA.

Totally. You're changing the way that child is going to come into the world as a result of it. And also their lineage breaks, like they will come into the world witnessing self-love. Yeah. Which is nuts. So cool.

The way that we pass things down, like I look at my dad and the way he was raised, which was just like no electricity, no running water, like very, very much a very different childhood than what I had. And what he was able to do in his lifetime for my brother and I, like drops. You know? And now what I'm going to be able to do for my children and what you guys have done for your, it's just, it's so cool. Women are so cool. Women are so cool. I think we solved the mysteries of the world. What a great conversation.

I know. No, like, I feel like we, this is like the deepest. Like we went there and we love it because we're just like, thank you for being so open. And I just think it's so cool to any time, you know, you can get, yes, three women together. Three women. And like have these. conversations. We're going to ask you a couple just like fun quick questions. If you could live in a movie, which would it be? I could live in a movie. Yeah. Oh, God, the Goonies. For sure.

I knew I loved you so much. Oh, my God. Chunk is my obsession for life. Everything about the Goonies. Everything. I just saw that they said they were. Yes. Like the original cast or supposedly. I don't know, but that they're coming back 40 years later and doing another movie. Yeah, and Spielberg is doing it. I legitimately, the other day when I saw that, I was like, do I reach out and just ask if I can be a background, like an extra? Yeah, you do. You do.

I know, but then the other piece of me is I'm such a fan, like that I kind of don't want to touch it. You don't want to peek behind the curtains. I actually can feel you on that. It is my all-time everything. Like, I can't. I mean, it's, I am with you. That was my favorite answer of all time. Okay. One last question. The most important question you're going to answer all day. What is your favorite junk food? Oh, I mean ice cream, but I don't consider it a junk food.

I consider it just a normal food. Same thing. You guys are the same. Yep. What is, but what ice cream I need to know? And Lewins, the brands. Yes, I love it. they can do no wrong in my eyes and I can't. Did you try their mac and cheese? No, that mac and cheese ice cream? Didn't they do a mac and cheese ice cream? Is that Van Lewin or salt and straw? No, it was Van Lewin.

They did something. Okay, whatever was it was weird. Clearly you. I'm not in L.A. often, but when I do get to go to L.A., there's one Van Luhin's location that I'll go to. And I went a few months ago and he was like, oh, I haven't seen you in a while. Oh, I'm like. Oh my God, that's so cute.

I'm addicted. I go a lot to the point where my kids will be like, we don't need to go tonight, Mom. They're like, we don't need. They're like, it's too late. I'm like, you put your shoes on. We are going. I am. I love it.

I love it. I live for ice cream. Can you have like, I really respect people who can take the pint out of the freezer and have a few bites? Never. Or like, I eat the whole thing. cannot not eat the pint. There was a night, I swear, on my life, when I was pregnant in nursing, I took a pint down every single night, like no matter what.

You did the extra protein from the dairy. The milk, the fat. I was like, this is all good. Yeah, like I see no problem here. No. Now I can do a half pint because I share it and we just go back and forth. But there's no bowls. No.

There's no take a bite, put it back. And then, no, no, no. Take the bowls out and the spoons. I'm like, oh, we're different. We're a different breed. I have to have the paper towel around it to hold it. Oh. You guys, there's a whole system going on here.

It's a system. You can't just raw dog the thing. It's cold. You put the paper towel so you can really sit down there and have comfort while you. Oh, my God. You, you know what? You are comfort. It was so, so nice to see you.

again and just everything. I mean, what a beautiful person and career. And it's so funny because I feel like, oh, because you know, you were a kid and I'm like, I'm so proud of you. You know, because like the adult at the time, but I really am. And I just think it's so awesome. And you're amazing. So thank you for sharing with us today. Thank you so much. Guys, I'm, you're just so real. It's so so much. Oh. As are you. Yeah, completely. Completely. That's why we got. Yeah. Well, everyone, we'll see three women.

Super inspiring. Everything and everything else you do, of course. Very sexy. That's so much. Very sexy. Thank you so much. Thank you, guys. Have a beautiful thing.

You too. Can we please talk about Jeff's birthday dinner? What's that? Oh, you had a birthday dinner for Jeff? That's birthday dinner? Jeff's birthday dinner? Oh. Please.

Oh, Rob's not going to like this. That's what we need to tell it. It needs to happen. Let me look at my pod notes. No. I don't think Rob's ready for this. You guys had a birthday dinner for Jeff? We didn't have a birthday dinner.

You just had a party. But he wanted to go to OBSH. Yeah, because nobody does. OBSH. Nobody you know. A lot of people out there want to go. But nobody you know would be like, yeah, let's get some OBSH. I didn't even know what the acronym was for myself, and I'm actually a little embarrassed.

But you know what it is? In restaurants? Yeah, for sure. OBSH. Yes. Leave it up to you. Me? Yeah.

Outback steakhouse. Cute. Add extra abbreviations on count down words. Because they're just Outback is one word Steakhouses O.S. So it's OS. Correct.

Gramatically correct that way. I should tell him that because it was a bunch of college kids that used to say it. That's all he wanted. They went to Burbank. To OBSA. And that's what he chose

for his birthday dinner. I said, do you want to go to Ruth's Chris? You want to go to steak? Like just offering a bunch of different ones. And then he was like, now that you said out back steakhouse, I was like, I don't think I said I out back. He couldn't get it out of his head. And that's where they went.

He really likes the ranch on the salad. It is a good, like, you know, like the cold ranch. It's a good ranch. Ranch is very particular. You need a good ranch. It's a good ranch. Every time we talk about good food, I do. claw with me hand.

Me too. You know what this claw means? What? Business. You've been pretty about the claw hands. You guys, how do you feel about intense huggers? Oh, I had one the other day. Did you?

Oh, yeah. And? It was intense. Like, do you know when to, like, break away? Like, how do you handle an intense hugger? I had to push off. I don't love a... intense hug. Do you even like a hug? Yeah, I don't think Rob even likes hugs. I'm like the like half

hugged usually. I'm not a hugger myself. Like people go in for a hug when you're not a huger. And you're like, why? We don't hug. No, we see each other every day. Way too much to hug. That would be so weird if we hugged. I feel like we hugged once and I'm like, that was weird. Yeah, but we did. But it was on accident because you thought I was going in to hug you and I was like, no, I was putting down my back. And I was like, why are you going into a hug me right now? I'm like, I'm not a creep. Why are you going in for the hug? I hug people.

Yeah, you seem like a huger. Yeah, you're good at hugging. But it's different, like, what situation calls for a hug? So I think, like, we've hugged, like, when... Have we hugged? Yeah. He's like, it was December 15th. I'll hug you sometimes.

If we see each other outside of the norm, I think, is when a hug. happens. Hmm. Interesting. Like, I think Breyer's birthday party, we probably hugged. He knows that we did. He pulls out his fucking terrible. I've only seen you outside of here like three times because you don't leave the house.

Oh my God. That's funny. I've seen you out and I'll be like, I'm going to hug you, Rob. Yeah. Because it's like when you're out. You give the warning. I do give the warning. And I think we've done it if it's like we're leaving for the summer.

And it's like the last time. Have a good summer. Or like Christmas break. Yeah. Happy holidays. That sort of thing. Those are appropriate times to hug. I hugged someone the other day that didn't feel appropriate.

Didn't be appropriate? Oh, no. Please explain. No, I was like, I don't know if she was ready for that. It was the waitress at OB. OBSA. OBSA. No, it was like the special education teacher at Shepard's School.

Yeah, that's not an appropriate hug. She told me something really positive, and I just, boom. And did she feel weird? She didn't feel weird She totally embraced it But I don't feel like it happens a lot Yeah Like I think it was like oh oh we're hugging

We're doing that Yeah I was like you just told me positive news A lot of people would be like I'm a hugger And then go in They do Not Olivia Olivia just goes for it She just goes for it with no warning

I mean it's pretty obvious If I'm coming at you with a You can feel who wants to hug though. It's like a dance. Like you go in, I will pull back. Like I can feel if someone's not a hugger

and I won't. I can feel if someone's not even a handshaker and I won't. But if someone comes and they feel like hugger vibes, then you hug. It's so interesting because I'm like a very warm person.

Yeah. But I feel like I give off a cold hug vibe. Interesting. Yeah. Like I don't give off like an inviting like hug me vibe. I agree.

You're too much of a like, You're too much of like a clean freak too. I'm not, though. A little bit. Clean? I would much rather... No, no, no, no. I would much rather hug than shake a hand.

Sure. Do not shake my hand. Well, I know, but... Yeah. I don't like it. If you were backed away from a hug? That's kind of amazing. There was a hug recently.

Was it me? No. We were recording at someone's house. and leaving. And I had stuff in my hands and both of my hands. And we were saying by and he went for a hug and, like, hugged me. And I just kind of stood there. Because I had stuff.

I couldn't, like, use my arms. It's a great visual of Rob just being like, oh. And then he was like, well, that was awkward. Yeah. I feel like I just crossed a line with you. Yeah, sometimes it's weird. Yeah, hugs are weird. Yeah.

What? No, I was just thinking of the entire. intense hugger? You? No, I'm not an intense hugger. I'm a quick hugger. I'm not going to, like, hold someone longer than feels appropriate. Like, that's not my jam.

Yeah, the extra long not letting go. So you never initiate it. I'm not the initiator. Do you hug Jeff when you see him? Yeah. That's like family. That's just like normal. Family's different.

Kids are different, you know? Do you hug your mom when you see her? Yeah. Yeah. Every time? She hugs me, though. She hugs me. holds on.

My mom is like... She's a hangar on. Get off me, Mom. Okay, Mom. Yeah. My mom's always trying to, like, really hug me. And I'm always like... Oh, yeah, she...

Sometimes I feel like... You're a teenage girl again. ...irritated with you. Yeah. She's like, give me a real hug. Yeah. I'm like, Mom. I'm putting my friends, Mom.

Yeah. Yeah, that definitely happens. That does happen. Mm-hmm. How often do guys hug each other? I have certain guy friends that will hug. I love male huggers. Like guys that hug each other, I love that.

That feels good to me. Most of my guy friends that I see. Like, I had lunch with a guy friend yesterday, and we saw each other. There was a hug. It's so weird to greet someone and not hug them. Like, could you imagine? Yeah.

You do that? Like, what if we're, like, if you're meeting a friend for lunch or coffee or whatever and you meet them and you just sit down, who's the friend? Anyone but me? Like, I'm the only one that I totally get why you wouldn't hug. We see each other far too much to hug, you know? But, like, anyone else? Julian, I don't hug. If there's like a pickup or drop-off situation going on, you don't hug.

Because you're not going to, like, hug over the seat. That gets weird. Over what seat? But we see each other all the time. So I think there is a difference. Like people you see consistently all the time, you don't need to hug greet. Right. You do.

It is weird or someone that you know well enough that you're going to see them to just stand next to them and be like, hey, or handshake them? That's weird. Yeah. I agree. Like I can't imagine going to see someone and meeting them and not hugging. Because there's some sort of greeting that is. going to happen. Yeah. Yeah, if you're meeting someone for lunch, you probably would hug you. You would like a high five? Are you a high-fiver? Like if you met Leah for lunch, would you hug her?

Well, Leah's a hugger. She'd be like, oh, and like getting your little neck. I love her hugs. She's got good hugs. She's got, I'm not uncomfortable hugging Leah. No one is. There's not one person on the planet that's uncomfortable hugging. Totally. She makes you feel like, I like that. Yeah. Wrapped up with a warm hug from home. Her, like, boobies and her smell. She just, like, sniffed. She's like, she gets in there. Yeah.

Huh. Do you hug George? Yes. I guess maybe I do. I think I hug everyone. Except for us. Except for you, too. I don't hug my brother.

You know. I don't hug Nicole every time I see her. Because I see her so much, like, working out. No. We do. You hug her? We do. You do?

Yeah. Nicole and I never hug her. I hug her. I don't hug Nicole either. I don't hug Nicole either. I don't hug Nicole. I do. She walks in and I'm like,

oh, maybe it's me. It's you. Nicole's not a hugger. No, no. She's not a hugger. But she is. But she's not. I can envision her in my mind doing this.

I think it's a frequency thing. Because there's, people you see all, Like, there's people I'm friendly with that, like, Vincent's preschool that I'm seeing every day. I'm not going in for a hug every time I see the other parents. That'd be weird. I'm going to hug six parents as I'm dropping off. No, that's weird.

That's different. Every day thing. But if you saw them out somewhere else, you might. But it doesn't mean. I think it's a frequency thing because I saw another friend's parent at the drop-off. and we did hug. That's what I'm saying. Because I don't see him every day.

Yeah, I don't walk in and hug all the parents. She's kindergarten lead and she's like, bring it in. Bring it in, bitches. Is Natalie a hugger? No. She barely hugs me. Yeah, like rhetorical. Jeff will hug.

Yeah. Yeah. Speaking of preschool, I have to, tomorrow morning. Uh-oh. Reading to the class? Photo day. You're taking a picture? School photos for every

two to three year old in the class. That's really cute. You volunteered to do that? Yeah, it's like a real, they've really pushed the, like, community stuff at the school. That's great. And I was like, I guess this is, they were like, we want to do photos of the kids.

Does anyone do it? And I was like, I guess. I reluctantly raised. My hand. I think that's great. That's really sweet. And it's going to be really cute. A ton of pictures of a ton of kids.

Little babies. And Vinny's got a big fat lip right now. Why? He fell on the cement. Like two days ago. Always right before photos. Yeah. Yeah.

Like when he turned one and we had like rented a space to do his photos. That's when he cut his eyebrow open and almost had stitches. Mm-hmm. Question for you. You, aesthetic man, do you hang those school pictures anywhere in the house? Because I've noticed, like, we have zero, and I mean zero photos, like actual photos of our family and our house. Not one. Because I don't like the aesthetic of those kind of pictures.

I like paintings more. Like the, like, I don't. I like a family photo wall. My family had that growing up. Yeah. My hair is still. It feels nostalgic. It feels cozy.

Like, I want my whole hallway to be like, I mean, I have Briars all her school pictures. They're on that table. We don't have one. We've made an effort. We used to, like, only be artwork and paintings and things. Yeah. And the last, like, few years since we've had the boys, we've made an effort to, we've got photos of them together. But it's not, like, the school photo.

I think I need to, like, cross over. And I don't know how to do it while it's still feeling the way I want it to feel. Get cool, like, vintage frames that are, like, artistic looking and put the pictures in them, and so it'll look more like artie. And you want more candid shots. Like, yeah. Not school portrait photo. But I will say, like, some of their school photos are so cute.

They deserve to be up there. Maybe in the kids' room. Fine, do it there. Yeah. pictures of yourself kids not for us to look at but here you go how do you feel about people putting pictures of themselves yeah no we don't do that you don't me i think we had any pictures of myself we had some wedding photos up at one point but those have all kind of come down gotten replaced got it yeah we never even hung a wedding photo

me either Kill me some. Man. Having kids in two sports. Two kids in two sports? A lot. We're dealing with Calvin of like he's gotten to a point in soccer where he would benefit to doing like the league. Because he's in like the more training centered one that's not games.

Because at that age the games are point. unless it's just a bunch of little kids running around. Even Shepard's doing games. Yeah. But they have like a two nights a week game thing to add if we wanted. And we're like, I don't know. He's already doing so much. And that becomes a lot.

It's so much. It's so much. Too much. Yeah, we're there like, you live there. I live there. Literally live there. I'm there like four to five nights a week. For what sports?

Or for soccer and baseball? At the school? No. It's at the park. The same park? Well, at least that's convenient. Is it close? Like 15 minutes.

Yeah, I think he wants to sign him up like 40 minutes away. No, no. Don't do that. If anything, find one close. He does climbing, though. It's 9.15 soccer and then noon he leaves for climbing. practice. Got it. These kids are so busy nowadays. Sunday's music.

It's insane. Wow. Too much. I think the kids are overloaded. I've tried to keep Breyer's schedule very truncated so far because it's too much. I don't know. I'm on the fence with that though because otherwise he's just like at home, bored. No, I know. She's still doing things or whatever. It's just like last year it was every day and it was too much. It's too much. They need a down day. I really fight for them to have a down day. Yeah. Not fight for them, but like, Like, I really try and make sure they have one day where it's like...

You fight them four down to it. Yeah. Or at least hours. Like, okay, if you're going to get up and go baseball, you get like the rest of the day off to just do your thing. You know? Great guys. Let's all go to soccer. I'm going to go to baseball.

Bye. That was a headgum podcast.