Broad Ideas with Rachel Bilson & Olivia Allen - Tiffany Haddish on Pubic Hair, Male OBGYNs, and the Ideal Murder Scene

Episode Date: July 17, 2023

Tiffany Haddish talks with Olivia and Rachel about pubic hair, finding safety in comedy, and growing up with a parent struggling with mental illness. They also discuss confidence vs. courage, male OBGYNs, and testicles.Broad Ideas is supported by SpiiderGriip. Go to SpiiderGriip.com and use discount code IDEAS at checkout and receive 30% off and Free Shipping.Broad Ideas is supported by Lume. Control Body Odor anywhere with Lume Deodorant, and get $5 off your Starter Pack (that’s over 40% off) with promo code IDEAS at lumedeodorant.com/IDEAS.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hax is back for its fifth and final season, and so is The Hacks podcast. Join the Hacks creators and showrunners, Lucia and Yellow, Paul W. Downs, and Jen Statsky as they unpack the Emmy-winning comedy series. On each episode, hear stories from the set, what goes on in the writer's room, and how these beloved characters close out their final season. Watch Hax streaming exclusively on HBO Max and listen to The Hacks podcast on HBO Max, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to broad ideas.

Hello. Hello. Hi. You guys, guys, I've had a lot of caffeine. This is very exciting. And no sleep. And no sleep, no sleep and caffeine. The winning combination.

It is a winning combination. You know what else is a winning combination? Tiffany Haddish. Tiffany Haddish for, Y'all that don't know. She's a stand-up comedian. She's hilarious. And an actor.

Season two of Tiffany's show, The After Party, is out now on Apple TV Plus. She's just so talented, such an amazing human. We had so much fun talking to her. And we'd like to let you all in on it. So, here's Tiffany. Sometimes when the... All these thoughts are swirling. around inside

to join us on this journey as we take a little ride. We'll talk about dogs and kids and things. We'll talk about chicks and tampon strings. We'll talk about boys that are neat. Because people die. Thank you for coming and we're so excited to talk to you and get to know you more. And like we said, just, you know, locals, which is always such a cool thing.

Yeah. There's so few of us. Right? Yeah. Yeah. But you still live where you grew up. I still live where I grew up. Well, I'm like adjacent.

Yeah. Because I grew up kind of like everywhere in Southern California area. Yeah. You know, all the way from Colton to Inglewood to, you know, being bused out to school in Woodland Hills, living on the east side for a little bit. So, you know, kind of everywhere. But my grandma's house is I consider my base. Yeah. So 54th and Western.

South Central Los Angeles. I live about three or four miles from there. Yeah, and is she still there? No, she's dead. Oh, sorry. She's dead. She's dead. Oh, my grandma.

She's at Forest Lawn. She's at Forest Lawn. That's the place to be, though. Yeah. That's the place to be. It is. Oh, your grandma. Yeah.

Okay. So, yeah, you lived with your grandma. Yeah, I lived with her and, yeah, but a variety of people. Oh, okay. There was a cast of characters, huh? There's a cast of people that raised this hatish. Dude. That contributed well and did not contribute so well.

You know? Yeah. So it is what it is. It is. Mm-hmm. But it makes you, right? Yeah, it gives you the personality. I'm able to move in any kind of group setting.

Yep. Oh, you can code switch. I don't even code switch anymore. You just, I'm just move. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just be me. I might be more quiet, more loud. Just depends on the environment.

Right. Yeah. But that's crazy. It gives you so much exposure and everything, you know, growing up, and you just kind of fit in everywhere. And I know you leaned on comedy a lot. right? And like, what gave you that idea? Funny? Where to get that idea from? It's a universal language, dance and laughter.

But it's true, you know, and I know a lot of people say it can be a coping mechanism, but not everybody's funny. You know, I feel like some people would like to cope with comedy, but they just can't do it because they're not funny. I feel like everybody is funny to somebody. Even people that are, I think that I think every human being is funny to some. Somebody. I hear that. Think about it. Like, the first person to make you laugh in your whole life, if you really think about it, is your mom.

Every mother is hilarious. They're hilarious. They are hilarious. Oh, my God. To a newborn. To somebody brand new to this planet, you could be the funniest thing on earth. Okay? You are God.

You can scare them. You can make them laugh. They can love you. They can hate. It's all about how you treat them. Right? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, I'm trying to think of like a hysterically laughing newborn and that in itself it's pretty funny. It is funny. But it's true. That's your first exposure, you know? And we're moms. So we're funny.

Yeah. We're fucking hilarious, obviously. But it changes. It flips because then you're the mom and you're like, oh, I am everything to this person. You are God. Until you teach them about God. Yeah. Right.

Yeah. Or until they see you take a doubt. Yeah. You're like, oh. They're like, wait a minute. What's wrong with you? You're not as perfect as I thought you were. I try and remind my kids I am.

I'm like, you didn't see that. You know? Yeah. But also, like, I find that as I get older, my mom gets funnier, but she doesn't know. Mm-hmm. Exactly. You think she's being serious. Yeah.

Right. And you're like, why do you keep getting funnier? Yeah. That's what I'm saying, though. Every human being. It's funny to somebody. I agree. They might not be funny to a room full of people that came for a comedy show.

But somebody in their life thinks they're hilarious. But that, so what you do, like stand up, I think has to be the scariest. Like, I think about that. And I feel like that's the most vulnerable, you know, putting yourself out there. And the intention is to make people laugh. You know, do you feel pressure doing that? Or it's just something natural to you and it's just who you are. Like you said, you bring yourself everywhere.

Yeah. At first, I'm going to say the first couple of times I ever did it, I was scared. Right? But then I felt so safe in that fear. And I don't know if that's healthy or not. But I felt super safe in it. I felt seen. Even if no one laughed, at least they were listening. Even if they weren't listening and they were talking amongst themselves, if something happens to me, I got a room full of witnesses. Even when there's three people in the room and I'm doing comedy for three people that showed up to the show. Like, I got three witnesses here and there's three other comedians over there. So I know that I'm. safe.

Right. You know, every human wants to be seen. Yep. And if you for sure want people to see you, get on stage. Right. They're going to see you. And especially make them pay you. Uh-huh.

They can pay you to see you. That's even better. That's even better. Now in the beginning of my comedy career was very hard to get paid sometimes. And I was, I felt so in love with the process of getting on stage and sharing. I basically was sharing my thoughts and my feelings that I thought people wanted to hear. And I wasn't that good at first, but it was what I thought people wanted to hear. When I started talking about what I wanted to hear, what felt good for me, then the evolution,

you know, the growth was like tremendous because people, there's always somebody that wants to hear what you think. Yes. Right. You just don't know where they're at. Right. You don't know where they at. But when you start saying how you really feel about things and what you really believe, And your true experiences, your tribe, your people will find you. They will come. Right. Yeah. But you've got to speak your truth, though.

I love that. Right. When you're doing it to get them to like you or to get them to laugh, you're missing the mark, right? When you're doing it as your truth, then people respond. Exactly. And when you operate in the, I want everybody to like me, just like me. I'm going to make everybody laugh in this room. It's like, ah, you're going to miss it.

You're going to miss because you're pushing too hard. Right. And everybody could tell. How do you feel, though, when, I mean, I've done a lot of theater and I know I'm always listening for the laugh, right? And if one night you've got shit tons of laugh and it feels so good and then the next night you don't, how do you deal with that? Do you take it personally or do you learn from it? What do you do? I do not take it personal.

I think to myself, oh, either my energy was off or they don't understand. And they'll laugh later. Right. They'll get it later. it's going to be in their subconscious. I said it out loud. It amplified off the walls. It's in their brain.

They might not understand it. I might be talking about something they can't relate to at all. But they'll see a movie one day. They'll see a commercial. They'll be hearing a sound. They'll look and see something and go, yo, Tiffany was talking about it. Yeah.

And they'll laugh at them. Right. It's not always about the, it is instant gratification for me because that is my drug. The laughter is my drug. But, you know, it might come later. The energy's going to show up at some point, though. Yeah.

I love what you said, though, that, you know, it's what you want to talk about and you can't worry if it's what they want to hear, you know, because it's so true. And, like, I've been thinking about that lately. I've been trying to, like, write stuff. And I'm like, oh, what do they want from me? And I'm like, that's not what it's about. It's about what? Yeah, she's like, fuck what they want. Fuck all of you.

Yeah. But it's true. It's like you really have to just, someone's going to want to hear it. Somebody's going to want to hear it. You're like tapping into your. When you tap into your higher thoughts, I believe you have like three brains. Okay? You got the brain between your ears.

You got the brain in your rib cage. That's your heart. And you got the brain in your gut. That's the one that make you want to create and get horny and all this other stuff that just kind of sometimes get you in trouble. Okay. And you got to think, okay, when I'm writing these jokes, like when I'm writing or whatever, jokes or script or whatever, I always operate from my root first. I operate from my gut first. What does it feel like in my gut to talk about this?

How does that feel? Like, does that make me uncomfortable? Does it make me uncomfortable to talk about it? If it makes me uncomfortable, it's probably going to make the room uncomfortable. Because I'm the leader of the room. Yeah. You're the leader when you get on stage. So whatever you're feeling, just know that they're going to feel it, and it's going to amplify.

And people came to be on a journey with you. Right. So are you ready to amplify that garbage-ass feeling? And if you're going to amplify that garbage-ass feeling, can you make it humorous? Huberous? Humorous. Can you make that garbage feeling funny? Mm-hmm.

I want to ask you about this because this just came up and it speaks to that. I've been talking a lot with people about the difference between confidence and courage, right? And someone's like, well, I want to feel confident. And I personally am like, fuck confidence. If you're constantly confident, you're not uncomfortable. Mm-hmm. Which means you're not growing. You're not stretching.

I think it's an outdated, overrated quality. But what you're talking about when you say you feel it in your gut, and you know that they're going to. To me, I hear courage. That means, ooh, can I allow myself to get that uncomfortable and make other people feel things, right? So I want to hear your relationship to courage and confidence in relationship to what you're talking about.

Okay, so here's my issue. My issue is not an issue, no. My point of view on that. So people always ask me to, Tiffany, how do you stay so confident? You're so confident. And I'm thinking to myself when I said, I'm not confident at all.

I am not confident. When I put on an outfit, I look at it three or four times and go, how do you feel about wearing this? Do you feel like you can defend this outfit? Okay, you got some lint on it. There's some dog fur. Do you feel like talking about the dogs? Do you feel like talking about these things?

How do you feel about this thing that you're doing? If I feel good about it, I feel like, yeah, I can have a conversation about this. I can talk about whatever. Then I go. And that's courage. that's not necessarily confidence. Confidence is just like knowing, like, I know I'm black. I'm confident in that.

I know I'm Jewish. I'm confident in that. I can go head to head with you on the tour any day. I'm confident in my knowledge in these things, right? Right. But how I feel about those things that takes courage for me to share that with you. That's right. Right?

It takes courage to share anything. I think when you share, even if it's a STD, you are very correct. Very courageous. You're very courageous of you to decide that I wanted that. And I didn't want that at all. Like, very courageous you not to tell me that you got the hurts and you want to give me the hurts too. Like, if I wouldn't have asked, you wouldn't have told. I see how that goes.

You're going military tactics. Okay. I see what you doing. So, sorry, that's the conversation I had yesterday. It doesn't matter. It does matter. It does matter. It does matter.

But, like, it's like those conversations that people are, afraid to have. Right. It takes courage to have them. To have that conversation. And the dude had the conversation with me. I'm like, yo, the fact that you was willing to talk to me about this lets me know how much you really care about me.

Right. And that you want to give me a choice and an option. And I'm with that. Your mouth looks healthy today. Put it right here. And let me get this saran wrap. How you feel about saran wrap? You can use a fruit roll-up.

Yeah, but the fruit roll-up is poorest. It's just. It's not enough protection. I'll put the fruit roll up on top of the ceramic. Matter of fact, we'll use the fruit roll up plastic. Protect their layer. But it's so, and honestly, though, just stand alone the STD conversation, like, in itself. Because we have friends that have to have this conversation, right?

And we're always like, I feel like it's the thing to do if you care about someone, you have to put it on the table, right? It's just a conversation to have. I think they should put it on the table of first date. Yeah. That's what we're saying. Open with it. Just so you know, I got herpes. Is that okay with you?

I'm crazy. I got herpes so cool. We herbby together. Then it's out of the way. I agree. Right? Because it's always like this constant thing that is just whatever, festering. And you have to bring it up at some point.

And we have friends that do and we have friends that don't. And so it's kind of a debate, right? And the friends that don't, they're like, that's kind of evil. Don't you think that's kind of evil? I think we tell them. We're like, you have to say something. Yeah. It's just not right.

Right. Swiping or swapping. You're swiping. You're doing both. Yeah, both really. No, but if you're swapping saliva and stuff, DNA, you really should share that information. Yeah. I agree.

For sure. Your DNA. Yeah. But I love what you said about confidence and courage because it's so true. You know. I would call myself courageous. I wouldn't call myself confident. Right.

I'm glad you say that because anyone would read you as confident. And to me, I feel like that's just not as admirable. I'm more inspired by people with courage than confidence. Yeah. It's like, yeah. Yeah. Cool. You feel good about what you're doing.

Great. But what about? I mean, how does that help anybody and how does that move the needle forward for yourself and for others in your environment? Like, that's my whole thing. Like, I talk about things sometimes that you probably shouldn't talk about this is taboo, don't talk about this. And it's like, but this is going to help the people that hear it. Even if they don't like it, they're going to have a conversation about it and they're going to learn more about it. That's why I like talking about my period.

Yeah, so do we. Oh, we do all the time. That's why you're in the right place. I just learned that I have endometriosis. I'm 43 years old and just learning about endometriosis. I thought it was normal for your period to hurt. I thought it was normal to have like severe cramps and want to sleep all day long. I thought that was normal. I thought it was normal to give super bloated and like swollen everywhere and all that. Like I thought that was normal. Maybe I have it.

Are your flows heavy? Yeah, flow heavy. Thought that was normal clotting. Thought that was normal. Yeah. I thought that was all normal. Not normal. Oh, fun.

It's not even supposed to hurt. It's supposed to just feel like what my doctor told me is, no, your period is supposed to just feel like, you know, like a little wetness. There's this wetness happening and that's it. No. No cramping. though? You're not supposed to cramp at all, really. What? Cramping is just bad diet.

Oh, well, that means. What do you mean? You're not supposed to cramp. You're not supposed to cramp. Maybe a little discomfort, like, oh, okay, you can feel like your eggs dropping or whatever, but it shouldn't be like, oh, my bad. Oh, this hurt, oh. Like, I need to put a heating pad on, like little midgets. Can you say mitchets anymore? Little people, munchkins inside of your uterus scratching at your walls, ripping away. You're not supposed to feel that. I always say I feel like Freddie Kruger's inside of me scratching. Oh my God.

Yeah. Maybe you need to get that. Maybe you need to get that. I do. I know. I need to go. She leaks through like everything. Yeah, you probably have it.

I know. I'm probably having her. That's what I say. I keep saying to my husband. I'm like, I have a fibroid. I've got something. I know. I got it.

Well, I got to go guys. I'm out of here. There's this really great doctor in Beverly Hills. Yeah. She specializes in like, she's an OBGYN. Yeah. And she specializes.

and this stuff, and she's really, really great. Really? I'll slide you her number. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm curious, too. I'm not going to say her name because she's still going to charge me $1,700 regardless. Yeah. She doesn't take insurance, but she's connected to Cedar Side Night, but she won't take insurance.

Oh, now I want to know. Well, you'll tell me. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. She's super dope, actually. She helps foster kids and all that, too. Are you serious? I'm, like, willing to pay the cash for her to tell me what's wrong with this ass.

Oh, my God. What's wrong with this ass is? And don't meet trials. Oh, my God, but just learning. at 43 years old. Like, that's crazy to me that it took, you know, this long to figure it out. Yeah. Well, what kind of doctors am I going to? Right.

And what kind of doctors actually care, you know? And what doctors are actually informed about the female body? Right. And I'm like, I'm not going to lie to you. I used to go to all male doctors because I like the way they handle my stuff. Same. She is the same. Like all male doctors.

They're more gentle usually when they do that PAPS men. They have better conversation when you're not. Their legs is wide open like that. You know, they crack cute jokes. And then I laugh. And then sometimes it looks, speckulum shoots out and hits them in the chest. I don't even know if it's called a speckleum.

The duck bill platypus thing, whatever's called. Oh, my God. And it makes me feel strong. And they crack a little joke. I was like, well, you're so strong, Tiffany. I can't. I can get anything out of there. Oh, my God.

You go to the mitt. Just for the compliments. Just for the compliments. Literally. Oh, you're keeping it up good, Tiffany. I should have you to a couple of my friends. Like, yeah, it does me. You're like, listen, no, that's the real opener.

Like, I know what she's working with. You're good. She's healthy. She's my patient, but she's healthy. Very strong, very strong vovers. Oh, my God, I'm saying. She does trick. She does tricks.

She picks up the paper with her lips and not the lips on her face. I cannot. Oh, my God. I was always more comfortable guys. I was always scared. Like I never wanted a guy. I never had a guy, I don't think. But it's interesting, though, that you say.

And you were the same way. But it all depends. You know, I had a very gentle woman since I was 13 years old. I was in good hands. But I always felt like self-conscious. But I still did that. When I was going to give birth, I was like, I need to be waxed before I give birth. Because people are all going to be down there.

They are. And that was my thought. Like, but I don't know that that's normal. But that's just what I was thinking. Like, I was concerned. I was concerned. I was present for my cousin giving birth to her baby, and she gave birth to a 10-pound girl. And they had to do, like, the, where they snip, snip, the enthusiasm.

And we were there for 20-something hours, and I'll never forget, I just kept trying to make her laugh. And how it was like seven different nurses coming in there checking her, checking. I said, girl, you've been finger-bang tonight by more strangers and females than I've ever seen. Like, you are basically gay. She's like, no, I'm not. You can't feel good. I'm just trying to make her laugh so it's easier for. I want you and my delivery.

If I ever have another baby. Call me. I'm very good at it. Now, if I look down there, I might throw up a little bit or cry because I did cry and I did throw up just a little bit because I could not believe the transformation. Wow. You got to remember, this is my cousin since we were like little girls. And the last time I saw her cuckoo, we was both little girls in a bathtub. Like mine looks different than yours.

Yours looks like this, mine looks like that. Right. Like in the baptism, we were like probably seven, six or seven. Yeah. And cut to we're 21, and now she's like pushing this baby out. And she didn't shave anything. Yeah. And so it's looking like a karate movie.

Oh. She had the two-man fool. Oh, my God. I don't even know what you call that with a different. A full man shoe. A fool man shoe. She had a full man shoe, and it looked like a monster was coming out the food man shrews mouth. That's what it looked like.

And I was like, you could have trimmed the sides a little bit. But the doctor was saying that it was good, that it's like keeping bacteria away from the baby. So that it's good. I've heard that the hair is good for bacteria. Yeah, I asked Dr. Oz, why do we even have hair down there? He said it's for lubricants. For lubricants, really? Yeah, it's for lubricants.

And I said, oh, my grandma told me it was to keep the ants out. He said both. Really? Both. It helps protect you from STDs. Like, let's say somebody does have herpes, but it's just on their pelvic area, right? And you have hair there that's blocking it. You need to hurry up and wash your body.

Right. But it's a way to protect. I've never heard that before. So we're killing ourselves one bare vagina at a time. I mean, God gave you underwear for a reason. Yeah. That's my grandma called them God's panties. That's God's panties.

God's panties. Yeah, so you could trim them, you know, if you want to change the style of the panties, but you need it there for, it's there for a reason. Oh, it's God. It's God's Pity. Yeah. Think about it. We was born perfect, right? We were. We were.

We were. Born perfect in the Garden of Eden, there might have been ants and spiders. Keep them out of there. So do you keep it? I keep mine. I mean, it's not like full on, like, you know, I can't braid it right now. It's not in the wintertime. In the wintertime, we fool man chew it.

We put barrettes and beads down there in the winter. I'm always click clacking through security. But during this time, springtime, I trim it down, you know, cut the sides. I could wear a bikini or whatever. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I still keep the hair there. No, I mean, I'd never ever heard that.

And it makes so much sense. And if you think about it, if you think about when you do got hair there, you dry up, it takes a longer time to dry up during sex or whatever. You have more moisture there holding the moisture. So it does. It does. It does. You know what I'm saying? Maybe if you let your hairs grow long enough,

it could tickle your clip more than he did. I'm just saying, I don't even like dealing with me and I ain't got no pubic hair. If you ain't got no pubic hair, sir, get it away. I don't even want to. Wait, have you slept with guys with no pubic hair? I have. You mean like they shave it?

I've been shaved all their stuff off and I'm like, oh, no, we're not doing it to, like, grow back. Do they, like, wax it? Is it, like, bad? What? It's wax, but it's, like, super low, like, nothing there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I don't know if they just freshly shaved or are they waxed it off.

I don't know, but I like a little hair on my balls. Not my balls, but you know, the man's balls. I like a little hair there, a little hair on the top part of the peat. I want to know that's a man. You don't know it's a man. Yeah, you want to know it's a man. His hairs be feeling good. Because sometimes when we talk about it, it's like, well, is it showing that they're being considerate, you know, if it is trimmed because you don't want to floss with their pubs or whatever it is.

No, the trim is good. A trim is fine. But you're saying, like, shitball. When there's nothing in? No, that's, that's. That's not sexy to me. I agree. I agree.

I agree too. A man. Yeah. Yeah. I like it clean. Right. Yeah. Like a little fade.

Maybe to put my initials in it or something. So that's cute. That's not for how much. I know. I want someone to put my initials. Yeah. That'd be hot. I mean, I've had a guy to do that.

I've had a guy put my initials in his goatee. Are you serious? Yeah. That's cute. That's cute. That is cute. How do you feel about tattoos? Would you want someone to tattoo your name or would you be afraid?

No. No, no, no, don't tattoo my name on you. Never. Don't tattoo my name. Don't tattoo my face. Don't nothing. I love you. You're like, no, but my face is fine.

No, no, not my face. Don't tattoo nothing. If you want to prove your love to me, you want to make it eternal. Buy me a building. Oh. Buy me a building. Dude, you're so quick with it. Oh, no, it's right.

No, right. Generational income. You want to prove your love. Buy a building. Buy a building. my name on the building. You ain't even got to give it to me. Put my name on the damn building. Yeah. That to me is, that's more solid than putting it on your flesh. Yeah, I hear that. I do too. Buy me a building. That should just be a new saying. It really should.

I mean, these engagement rings and all that, that's bullshit. You want to marry me, get down on one knee and show me a deed with my name on it and your name on it. We together. Broad Ideas is supported by Spider Grip. Oh no. Did you drop your phone again? You need to get a spider grip. Spider-grip keeps your phone in your hand right where it belongs. It's the phone grip that won't slip. Spider-grip props up as a stand, rotates 360 degrees, and it lays flat, locked in place, easily fitting into your pockets or purse. Spider-grip is comfortable, durable, and functional, and appeals to anyone who has a phone.

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Not the traditional way, no more. Not with the going down to the courthouse and getting the license and all that. I'd rather we buy a building together. We have a great party. We get power of attorney over each other. We put our stuff in a trust, everything that we buy together, a thing that we do together, in a trust. That's ours.

Okay? Our kids, if we have kids, the kids are in the trust. Everything is in the trust. Now we got trust. There you go. And now no matter what happens. to either one of us, it's all controlled from the grave. We could separate and that trust could still sit there and we could still be feeding each other

and not even be together. There you go. We just counsel our powerful attorney. And now we don't got to be going to court 100 years. Wow. That's true. Or wasting a whole bunch of money on bullshit. And if we got kids, the child support money can come from the trust.

Right. Do you want kids? That is a deep question, you ask. There's a, my flesh wants it. My heart and soul is like, let's just help these kids that's already here. But my flesh wants to do some. My flesh wants to make some humans. But my heart and my soul wants to just help the humans that's here already that's suffering.

Yeah. And besides, I don't know if I could do both. I don't know if my body's capable of doing both. I don't have a lot of miscarriages. So I don't know, but that has a lot to do with the endometriosis. I was going to say, yeah. If you didn't know. But, you know, it's, I don't know.

Those miscarriages is painful than a motherfucker. I don't know. I feel like a piece of my soul died every time. Every time. Every time. Yeah. So it's like, I don't know if I'm capable. It's rough.

Yeah. Well. And I feel like that was guys birth control. Like, he's not the one. That's not who you're supposed to be having a baby by. Like, but damn. How many? Four.

Yeah. And you didn't know. you had endometriosis. Like that's, that's a big deal. But the one doctor told me that my uterus was shaped like a heart in that if the egg comes and attaches to that dip in my heart part of my uterus, then it's going to fall out when it gets to a certain size. But another doctor, and like four different doctors told me that.

This new doctor's like, no, you got endometriosis. That's not a dip in your uterus. That is endo. Oh, fuck. And that's what it's like connecting. into the endo and dropping. Oh, my God. That is just so mind-blowing your whole life and not knowing that and going through all

of that and thinking, what's wrong with me? Like, I can't, you know. I'm not even thinking what's wrong with me. I'm just thinking, well, that's, you know, this is normal for my periods to hurt. That's what they always tell you. It's supposed to hurt. I'll take a mite. I'll take a motre.

Take a whatever, you know. And, yeah, when it's falling out, I'm just like, well, that's God. That ain't supposed to be. It's not my time. Right. Not my time. Right. But my soul is like, my hormonally, you fucked off.

Your mind is a little bit crazy. You want to fight everybody. Yeah. And you feel like I just, maybe I'm just not built for it. I can't hold on to it or it's not for me. Yeah. But now I know there's other things that can be done. Change a diet.

Change it is. Change it at. Find the right penis. Bada-bap, bang, dang. I can do it. Right. Got to find the right one. What about your diet? What do you have to change?

I'm very, I eat. Like, I eat pretty good. I mean, especially in the last, like, six, seven months, I've lost, like, all this way because I've been eating the food out of my garden. And the pain has lessened, but I do got to change, like, I like to drink alcohol. That's very, that's not good. I don't drink it every day, but I need to maybe taper that down to, like, once a month. And not get drunk. Right. Which I haven't been drunk since last year. I mean, I've been intoxicated, but I ain't been fucked up since last year. But to like, you know, get that out of my regimen kind of completely or just for celebratory situations. And like, yeah, I got to take some vitamins and I'm deficient in certain things. Right.

I think there's so many women, though, that do have it. And I know there's been lots of more open conversations about it, which I think is super help. especially for younger girls who discover it. And, you know, I don't know a ton about it to talk about it. But I just love that you can have the conversation and, you know, explain because like you said, and then being diagnosed finally. And it's just so interesting because, and I know a lot of women who have had, you know, healthy pregnancies with it, you know. Yeah. The younger you are, the better the chances are. But that's in any case. Yeah. I know, right? Yeah. Yeah. Because I've, I definitely, I have. I have. I definitely, I had a couple miscarriages.

And I'm with you. Like, every time and you lose, you lose it. It's just what you go through as a woman, and it's hard to articulate if you haven't. Yeah. And I've been feeling like, I don't know how you feel with your cycles, but I feel like ever since I started having cycles, every month I should have like a little funeral. Because somebody didn't make it into this planet this month. Yes.

Like it's like a little death. And every month. Every single month. Every single month. And you bleed out and you don't. die, but somebody didn't make it. Somebody didn't get fertilized. And so I remember back like when I was like, I'm not sleeping with anyone for 11 months, 12 months, I'm going to keep my legs close. And then every month I'm like, somebody does it. But I didn't even want kids. Like, I don't even want that,

but it was just this little part of me because I think we're a program to do that, to make that, to kind of want it. The flesh wants to do it. But my mind is like, I'm not in a, it's not a full body, yes. Yeah, right. But it is written in our DNA. I told Rachel that recently I'm like, do you get depressed every time you get your period? She's like, and I don't mean because you're cramping or moody or whatever. It's like there is this morning I go through each time I get my period, even though I'm not trying to have kids.

It doesn't want my body tells me it does. Right. Every month. Every month because that's how the body's programmed. The body wants to do this. Yeah. But hey body, we're not doing this this time. The body's like, oh, dang it.

We didn't get to do it this time. Damn. And then like your hormones are a little off. And then like after about three days, four days. And it's like, okay. Yeah. I'm back to normal. Your hormones, man.

The hormones is horrible. Ooh, really. It's like trying to get that right. I'm like taking primrose, the primrose oil and stuff. Like just like trying to find the balance in that. Like I think every single woman is a sign. Regardless if you want to be a night, the science of keeping your hygiene together, your hormones, right?

Your hormones are point and not turn into an evil, dirty bitch. I know. I tell her, like, I feel like I'm on fire, like inside. But now for me, it's more like when I'm ovulating, I get insane. And that's different since I had a kid. Like, before it's period, whatever, your hormones, but, like, now that I'm older and I'm ovulating, it's like I'm hot constantly, not hot flashes, but inside, like, I want to you want to do it.

Yeah. Yeah. You, like, feel like kind of like a raper. I mean, I don't even know if that's a proper word, but like you could like, if you look at your man, you like, I could take you down now. You can't wash dishes. You walk and take off your pants, right? Oh my God.

Yeah. Is that what you mean? Like, you want to do it really bad? Well, I mean, I wasn't really meaning that, but that is true. Like, that is when you want to do it the most for sure. But I also get like hot and like angry. angry and insane. Yeah.

You know? Yeah. But either. Because that is when you want to, you definitely want to have sex when you're ovulating because your body's like, now is the time. It's hot.

Yeah. I can take it. Right? We're not going to kill off all the sperm right now. Come on for it. It's just so interesting being a woman in your body and everything. It was so funny last night. We were talking to my husband was saying he had a surgery on his balls when he was

a little boy because one of them like got twisted. Twisted from wrestling. and he had to have surgery and they had to go in there and fix it. And he was like, if I would have lost that ball and our son, who's seven was it on the bed, he goes, if I would have lost that ball, Elliot might not be here. And Elliot's like, what do you mean? And I was like, well, and then Jeff looks at me, goes, exactly. Like, is that a conversation we want to have right now?

You should. Yeah. Yeah. So he's on his phone seeing things. Right. So we're like, well, he doesn't have a phone. But we're like, well, did you? Well, we've explained to him that there's sperm that live in the balls.

And like if daddy would have lost his balls, one of those sperms may not have made it to mommy and may not have made you. And so we, you know, he's very scientific. But it was just hilarious him being like, how would you losing a ball make it? so I'm not here. Like, it was just one of those. Oh, my God. When I think about balls and ovaries, I just think they're so awesome. They are.

They're my favorite. But balls are my favorite. Overees, whatever. I can't really see those. But the balls, they're my favorites. They're so interesting. They're fun to watch. They never stop moving.

They always in rotation. Always moving. Even when the guy's like super dead sleep, not soaring nothing, his balls are constantly doing like, this. You can even get close to them. They feel you. They'd be like, hi. All the wrinkles, come out. You're looking at me? They're so interesting. I don't think I've ever paid that much attention. You've got to look at them. Now I'm going to have to. It's a uterus that's on the outside. Yeah. It's a uterus that's on the outside. That's what it is. It's outside.

And it's like a purse holding the ovaries. Yeah. It's like a little purse. It's a little purse. Oh my God. It's a wrinkly little purse. It's very, oh. Yeah, I think it's cute. You think it's cute? Yeah, when they're all full, too. Full balls. But how do you feel when they, like, they hang low?

I love them hanging low. You do? I love that. Yeah, especially doggy style. That's like hitting up against your clit and stuff. They can get a little swing. A little smack. Smacking your ass and shit.

The other white missionary, they smacking. It's nice. Yeah. A little air conditioner. A little pickleball, if you would. A little pickle ball. Can we keep you? Can we keep you?

Sure. Just explain all life at all time. They're my favorites, though. And he still would have been here. If he had one nut, he still would have been here. But we don't know which nut it came from. It doesn't matter. It doesn't?

No, they all go into, it's all going to like a little sack and then chump. Okay. They shoots out of there. They skip. Maybe they jump ball to ball. They probably do. Yeah. I don't know, to be honest.

I don't know the particulars of that. I don't either. But I know they make millions of them every day. Right. And like we come in with all of our eggs. Isn't that nuts? That's so crazy. As soon as you're born, you are carrying generations and generations.

Insane. Right. Yeah, we are really the carriers. Right. And they're constantly just making a little bit of fertilizer, the shit you need to make it go. Yeah. I always think about that because men make the sperm. Right.

Every day. Yeah. And we are born with it. That's it. I always think like my eggs were at the club. club. My eggs were, you know, with me while I was drinking and smoking too much and doing crazy ass shit. They were there. They know everything. They were there. They have been there the whole time. And every time it's some leave up out of your ovaries, they're like, all right, y'all,

maybe I'll see you later. We're going to see if this is it. It's just me. Nobody else want to go. Okay, you coming with me, Keisha. All right, what about you, Ted? Let's roll up out of here. Let's see what happens. But we're not even mail or for you. Yeah, but that's my name. I know what my name is. I already know who I am. I just need the right sperm to come along. Let me see which one. Hey, she ain't doing that. Is that a vibrator? What is the way? Oh, my God. But the picture of your painting is so true. They've all been there. The whole time. The whole time. I'm going to make her happy. I'm going to, well, I don't like her.

She keeps talking shit about people, so I'm going to make her life hell. Well, I want to make her happy. She deserves to be happy. You see how hard she works. I'm going to be her best helper. Well, I ain't going to help with nothing. And it'd be the one that ain't going to help with nothing is the one that catch the damn spunk. Y'all want the helper one.

Not the one that's not helpful. Like, it's just whatever. Your kids know you better than you, though. That's why they love their mom. with so much because they've been with you since you was born. Oh my God. That's going to make me cry. It's going to get emotional.

Like my daughter is just like... You know, they've been there since she was born. They just needed to drop that solely and that's it. Think, ding. The activation program. Oh, my God. Activate the program. That's it.

So how about this? So this is even crazier is, you know, obviously you probably have a heart for adoption, fostering because of what you've been through in your life. Some other chick could have your eggs right now. Do you know what I mean? Like if you adopt or foster, like there's some other girl carrying around in her your eggs. Well, I did donate a bunch of them when I was 21. Did you?

Yeah, so there could be kids right here on the planet right now that's related to me. How cool would that be to find out? That's like a great film. I would be so cool with that. But at the same time, I would sue to fuck out their parents. because they're supposed to give me $5,000 more dollars. Oh. Because I didn't really donate.

I donated, but I didn't donate. What do you mean? You know, they gave me $10,000 to take my eggs. And they said for every person that gets your eggs, you get $5,000. You get $5,000. But I never got nothing. And then I had just recently drove out there probably about like three years ago.

It was in Orange County. I drove out there. And they were shut down. It was a mental facility. I said, now, ain't that some shit. Oh. Ain't that a sign from God. Wow.

Like, their babies is crazy. I don't know. Or it's crazy to even think that those still exist or. Right. I don't know. I don't know if those eggs are still in existence or if they have become people. I don't know. The company shut down.

I don't know where they went. I don't know what they did with all the specimens they collected. Because you do like 23 and me? I did do 23 and me. Yeah. I got a brother in Sweden. What? Yeah.

I got a brother too. She got a brother out of it too. Some people get brothers. Yeah, some people get brothers. That's what I got. That's what I got so far. Okay. But imagine like, imagine like growing up and, you know, you're adopted and then you find out your mom is Tiffany Haddish.

Like, you know, your biological mother. Like that would be a fucking trip. Yeah. Right? Wouldn't it? Wouldn't it you always kind of secretly hope? I'd always be like, I hope one day my mom was actually Marilyn Monroe. I always wish my mom was actually Whoopi Goldberg.

She has basically become a mother figure in my life, but she is genetically not my mother. It's for sure my mom is my mom. Damn. Yeah. Sometimes we got to pick them, right? Yeah, but I definitely picked her. Right. I feel like I picked her.

I feel like I believe, and I dream about this often, so I don't know if it's just my imagination or I'm pretty sure it's not because it feels like a memory. But I believe I was like sitting there with, you know, like the court. and they're like, okay, which life do you want to live? Well, I want to be effective in this. I want to bring joy. I want to bring this. Okay, if you do that, then you get this mom, and this mom has mental illness and she'll have this and she'll have that,

but this will make you strong enough to handle this and be in any situation and when you can go all over the world or you can have this mom and you won't be able to bring as much joy. You won't be as effective as you want to be, but you'll have this issue and this issue and this issue. Nicer mom, but you won't be as effective. You'll be more effective over here. I want to be effective, so let's go this way.

And then I get there and I'm like, what the fuck was I thinking? I could have just kept it on a lower level. And been a lot happier. But don't you feel like you never would have picked that or you feel like you would? I feel like I would have went with my first thought and picked them more complicated. And that's what I feel like I do in all my life. Right. It's so freaking complicated.

And I really wanted to be easy. and but it's not always about what you want. It's about what you need to grow. Exactly. And it all makes you stronger, you know? And it's like, oh, well, there's nothing I can't handle. It feels that way, you know? And as you go through life and you get older and it's like,

and that's the truth. And even when you feeling like you can't handle it and you buckle down on the floor and you crying and like, I don't know why this has happened to me. And once you finish crying and everything, you go, okay, I think I have an idea to resolve this. But it's okay to cry it out. Right.

Which took me a long. It's important to. It's important to. Like you felt like you couldn't cry. Yeah, I'm not allowed to. Like I wasn't allowed. Like, no, you're a black woman. You're not allowed to cry.

Especially in front of other people. But once I learned that, you know, you're holding that in. It's horrible. And crying is a removal of old beliefs and a replacement of new ones. Beautiful. And if you do not remove those old beliefs, you will become crazy. You will have a super hormonal imbalance. body, everything will be out of whack. Your relationships, your world will crumble. So you have to

cry. You were born crying. That's the first thing you do. If you don't come out crying, the doctor hits you. They say, don't be violent. But the first thing they do to you is violent. They smack your ass and wondering why you like getting smacked on the ass as an adult. Well, they smacked my ass when I first got to this, my son. And it made you cry. And crying is a way to communicate. Also, it's a cleansing. You got to get all that amniotic fluid out your body, all that stuff that was in there. You got to get all that out. Yeah. And did you know that amniotic fluid is really your own pee and poop? Yeah. I'm getting me started. I did. What? Yeah. I just learned that. I didn't know that. Yeah. Baby, you're swimming around in your own shit. Broad Ideas is sponsored by Loomie.

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As a special offer for listeners, new customers get $5 off a Loomie starter pack with code ideas at Loomidotorant.com. That equates to over 40% off your starter pack when you visit Loomidotrient.com and use code ideas. But also, I feel like people that have tougher journeys when they first come in, whether it's hard life, hard parents, whatever it is, the messaging is always like, oh, but you'll be stronger. You'll be stronger. And I don't know if you're like me, I'd be like, for what? Right? Like, how strong am I going to be? And what is it going to be used for? But I feel like, as I got older, I realized, oh, the strength is in the crying. The strength is being able to cry

through something and feel it. Like, that's what it takes strength for. Yeah. To sit in it, don't run away from it. Like, okay, I'm going to exercise and suit it. But while I'm exercising, there will be tears rolling. I will take a shower and cry in that shower for five minutes straight and then come out and sing and dance. Yeah. To change the vibe. Well, because you can do both. You can do both.

And laughter is the same. It has the same effects as crying, but it's less painful. Yeah. And it's actually better for you in your organs and all that, massaging and releasing those oxytocin and all that stuff that you need to, like, boost you up to do great things. Right. Right. So it's just depending on how you You got to know how to use your instrument

And your body is an instrument And you got to know When it release that valve on it And let that, you know What's that? That spit tank on the horn You got to know when to drain it You got to drain it.

Right. You got to know when to drain the shit. You got to drain it And you got to poop every day too That's important too. Yeah, you can't be retentive in any way. No, you got to release all the juices. It's true.

They got to come out. They got to come out. When you wake up, blow your damn nose, take a piss and a poop and a good little Okay, you're good to go for the day. Now you can do anything, okay? Yeah.

I mean, it's so many times when we've been sitting in it, and it's like you want to be like, some people want to be like, okay, what's the quickest solution, quickest thing to make you feel better, whatever. And like, we're always holding the space to be like, no, no, you feel that. You know, and when you're ready, we can talk about the good things, but like, let's be in this now. Yeah, feel it. Feel it. Because it's happening for a reason.

And it's a compass. It's guiding you somewhere. I used to be so mad. I used to be like complaining a guy, why would you give me this mom that has this mental illness? She's so violent towards me. She's always moody. I don't know who I'm dealing with.

I'm scared. Like, why are you giving me this mom? Cut to many years later, I'm on a set, working with a man that got the same kind of injuries my mom had. And he's displaying the same behavior that my mom was displaying when I was a little girl. And I could handle it. I could handle it. I could handle it. It wasn't a problem. Was I irritated by it? Hell yeah. Right.

But I could handle the work day. I could make it work because I grew up with somebody just like him. Wow. But it's also like the soul, like what you were saying, I too believe that the soul chooses the curriculum. And when your soul decides what it wants to learn, it's going to keep recreating that, right? Until you learn it. Yes. And that's the universe providing you like, oh, look, have you healed? Yeah. Did you learn from that experience? Or have you learned from it enough where you can help others heal?

Right. Now you're back in a situation. There's younger people involved. There's this, how are you going to protect them? How are you going to be an instrument from what you learned from back in the day? How are you going to be able to use that today and use it and protect? Right. And I did do that many times.

How do you think you've got that way, though? Because, like, look, you could take someone with the exact same life as you and they would be dead. They'd be dead or they'd be telling me that I stole their life. Like, this lady is telling me in Chicago. What? Like, you stole my life. You stole my whole life. I'm like, I don't know you.

But your life is my life. I'm like, well, is it? Is it? Is it? What are you? Are you a comedian too? No, but you stole everything I wanted to do. How could I steal it?

If I didn't even know you existed. Maybe you had the same kind of scenarios happen in your world. You're handling it a lot different than the way I handled it. Right. I didn't steal your life, though. But she was trying to figure out how to sue me. Take me down. What?

She's still in her life. So just a mentally ill person. Yeah, there's a lot of mentally ill people. And I track them. Of course you do. Because that's like like a moth to a flame. I attract the crazies. And I want to help them.

I wouldn't even call them crazies. They're just emotionally challenged, hurt. All their brains aren't firing the way they should be. And they're hurt and they want what I have. And I want to give it to them too. But I don't think they'd be able to handle it. They might fall apart. I'll give you everything I got.

Here, take it. And you will still be unhappy. because it's not yours and you're not dealing with your shit. But did anyone give it to you? Fuck no. That's right. Fuck no.

I had to earn it. They gave me a lot of hurt, a lot of pain. I got hugs all along the way from certain people. People did give me love. And I appreciate those people and I've given them everything I got. Yeah. And a lot of them are gone and I miss them terribly because I don't get those hugs the way I used to.

But I remember them. And I cherish them and I hold on to those memories. And I, like, operate out of joy for them and for that love that they did give. And that's all I could do, right? Yeah. And I shared a tear. Every now and then when I miss my tear up. I'm not afraid to tear up.

Well, up. I got feelings. I'm a human. Yeah. I'm a fucking human. Right. It does metriosis. My back hurts.

So my period is starting to fire that. So I'm emotional, but I'm here, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it's, you mean it, you know? That's the thing. It's a, like, what is more compelling than the truth? Like, of course you miss them. It has, it's only been, what, a year since your grandma's gone?

My grandma, my dog died. Oh, Bob Saggett died. Oh, fuck. Like the two of my other mentors died. I lost some friends. Like, you know, pandemic was, like, I lost a lot of people during pandemic or whatever. But it ain't good. And what everybody lost somebody.

So it's like, I'm not alone in this grief. But how do you handle it? Yep. How do you deal with grief? Grief is like, and everybody gets it. It's like, you know, everybody might not get a period. But everybody going to get grief. Yeah.

And grief will stop you in your tracks. And you got to re-you got to recalibrate. You got to honor. You have to honor yourself. Honor your feelings. Mourn the way you need to mourn. I hate the word mourning because it's like, what am I, what am I morning now? Like, good morning.

I'm like, grand rising. Welcome back to Earth. Like, I'm like, rise and shine on these holes. I don't want to mourn anymore, but it's a part of the journey. It is. It is. And from my mourning, though, like, well, I'd be like, remember my grandma saying things or whatever, and mourning her and missing her hugs and missing her, sucking her teeth. I used to hate that now.

Now when I hear it, I'm like, Grandma. But, like, I realize, man, what an awesome opportunity I had. to get to know these people or know these animals. The dog, really, I don't know why that dog, you know, I'm a black woman. We don't really care about animals. I mean, we care about animals. But it's like, when you're as a black woman, you're like, oh, my dog died. Other black people are like, go get another one.

What are you talking about? Like, what's the problem? Go get another dog. You got money. It's like, no, but that dog got for 14 years. And she was like, and then it's like, I don't know, my white girlfriend's like, girl, I know how you feel. My dog died out of her for three years.

So I'm like, no, this was 14 years. I actually let the bitch in the house. Like, you don't let dogs in the house. You don't let her in. I let her sleep on the foot of my bed. She watched me have sex. Like, this is my dog. She was an STD detector.

Like, she knew who was sick, who wasn't sick. Like, that was my bitch. She protected me so much. And it's like, oh, man, that was my spirit. A little piece of me gone. She gone. Now I got another dog. I hate this dog.

I fucking hate this bitch This bitch is so disrespectful And I think she knows that I miss the other dog So she tried to take my mind off of it So she'll shit In my living room Shit like purposely poop And I'm like

We go on a two hour walk You ain't poop to pee at all I'm like we'll walk another hour Till you drop something She won't drop nothing Till we get in the house And then she look at me Why she's doing it

I'm like get out of my house So now she lives in the backyard And I feel bad. How old is she? She's one and a half. I don't spend so much money on trainers and all that. I don't understand. I'm to the point now where I want to get a pet psychic.

Oh, yeah. But I don't know if that's real. I would do it anyway. I want to do it too for my dog. Really? Yeah. Because she'd be looking at my eyes and I feel like she's like, I know you still love that other bitch.

And I don't like it. That's what I'd be seeing when she look at me. And that's the message I pick up. Did you have her while the other dog was alive? So you got, okay. Yeah, but the dog I have now, Slumber is her name. Slumber, I actually got for my mother. And my mother, my sister's like, Tiffany, get this dog out of here because she's abusing it.

Just like she abused us. She's treating the dog the way she treated us. You got to get the dog out of here. So then I brought that dog over in Dreamer is the one who passed away. Dreamer passed away. And they used to run together. I used to have them together all the time. And so I thought that she was learning from Dreamer.

And Dreamer didn't really like her that much anyway. And maybe that was the issue. Maybe she's like, yeah, you mine now. Fuck Dreamer. Like, that's how I feel. I feel like she's evil. She probably not. She probably just.

Maybe she got a little fucked up by your mom. I think she did. She traumatized. She got the same kind of trauma I got, probably. Now you guys both have each other. Yeah, we have each other. But she's not funny. She's not funny.

She is funny. She is funny. She is funny. She really smart. She knows how to open doors. Uh-huh. Which I kind of hate. I think she's learned a pass code to the lock.

You know, I think she's like pushing them in with her pop because I don't know how she's opening these doors. But she is. And I know she's purposely. And sometimes, sometimes I don't know what. why she do this, but like if I leave my bedroom door open, she will come into my bedroom while I'm asleep and jump in the bed and pee on my feet. Peat on your feet? On your body.

Not on my body, but on the comfort. Where my feet are, like she pissing on my soul. That's how I felt like. Yeah. Because you know, it's just solely your feet. And so she pees right there and then leaves. And like I start feeling some kind of warm and wet on my feet. I'm like, what's going on my dreams?

and I wake up and I can smell to pee. Yeah. And I'm like, did I pee in a bed? Has it gotten to that? Am I that fucked up in life? Why I'm being in a bed? And how did I just pee out of my feet? And then I play back the camera.

And there she is. Coming in, quietly, leaps up, pauses, wait to see if I move. And then pees on my feet. Oh, my God. And then leaves the room. See, we need to know what this is because my dog pee's on my bed too. Peas on your bed too? All the fucking time.

Does your dog pee in its kennel? Like in its bed? Because I have like a nice plush bed for her. She let her pee in her bed. She'll pee in her bed. Yeah, my dog does. My dog will pee on my bed. They're not supposed to.

I'm like mine does. What is up with that? I don't know. We got to get seasoned alive. We do. We need the psychic. No, I would love to hear it. Yeah.

Yeah. I had talked to. somebody that I know that says they're psychic. And they said that, and I didn't pay them, but maybe I should have paid them. Maybe they would have told me something real. I don't know. But they told me that the dog is picking up on your energy. And so it's copying you.

And I said, I don't pee in the bed. I don't shit in the living room. No. I go to the toilet. And the dog will follow me into the bathroom, too, and sit there and watch me. And I'm like, if you're going to pee in my house, sometimes I look at I said, if you're going to pee and shit in my house. do it in the bathroom like me.

Yeah, I'd be fine with that. I will pick your shit and piss up in the bathroom. I'm going to leave the door open to the bathroom all the time for you, bitch. Is it a mutt or what kind of dog, do you know? She is a American bulldog. Okay. And she is a bully. Yeah.

Yeah. But my other dog sleeper, she's 16 now. Yeah, she's 16 now. I don't know how much longer she's going to last. But she's so good. She's a Maltese, Yorkie mix. Very good. And she'll pee on the carpet only when it takes too long for me to come home.

Right. Well, that's reasonable. Yeah. She'll pee on the carpet. Oh, man. But she, oh, I expect her to be the one pissing and shit in everywhere. But I put the cameras up to watch. I was going to say, you have a camera in your bedroom.

Yeah, that's a move. Well, you know, just in case I'm going down. And I need to put it up my auntie on my. Social. If I want a billion followers like a Kardashian. Yeah. Drop a little sex tape. It's going to be weird.

It's going to be weird. But I get it. Because the animals kind of surround the bed and watch. I know. What do you think? I've always wondered because, you know, animals are always present. I kick them out. You don't kick them out.

You do? I do. I want her out because they'll try and get in. Yeah, they try to get in it. Yeah. She tries to get into it. And I do kick her out sometimes. or I close the door, but then they'll scratch at the door the whole time and cry outside the door.

Like something's happening to you. I'm like, something is happening. You jealous bitch, and it's my turn. Have you ever felt weird with a guy? Like, I felt weird before in that situation where I'm like, my dog's going to watch. Like, are you cool with that? I felt weird if it's his animal. If I'm like at his place and his animal's watching and I'll be like, can you take the collar off the dog?

And then I look all around the room and try to see if I see any cameras or anything. Have you ever been? Oh, yeah. Have you ever found? No, I never found nothing. And my ex-husband had a, I found someone, he had an alarm clock that was a camera. What? That you didn't know about?

I didn't know. I found that. Your own husband? That's zero chill. A little spy cam. Whoa. Did he use it on you? He definitely used it.

Oh. And that's why he's an ex-husband. Yeah. Exactly. Wow. You should have told me I would have got dressed up for this situation. I know, right? It's like have a little respect.

I would have worn a cuter outfit to get out of. I would have performed a little better. Oh. Right? Right. You're like, I know. Oh. Yeah.

I know my angles. Yeah. I'd have the lighting right in the room. Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's a thing, man.

I tell you. I also, well, we have some questions that we like to have fun with. Okay, let's have some fun. Yeah. Because it hasn't been any fun yet at all. Yeah, no fun at all. We talk about 100 things. I know.

Things men can't relate to but should listen to. Right? You'll learn something. You will. Men actually, I feel like really like to hear what women actually talk about. Do you think so? I do. I don't know about all men.

Not all men. The single ones. Yeah. Yeah, I think so. I think they do want to know what we're talking about so they know what to do to like conquer us. Yeah. Capture. I don't know.

They gossip way more than we do, though. Do you think that? Yeah, I mean, they must, right? They definitely do. You think? I think we're the worst. No, no. They are.

They are the worst at gossip. Think about who owns all the gossip columns. Ooh. It's usually me. Yeah. Yeah. You ever been to a barbershop? No.

No. One day you've got to go to a barbershop. Just sit in the corner quietly. Bring a couple of kids and bring one kid. Oh, yeah. You got a son or something. Or maybe you said, I want my daughter here cut today, cut her hair off, whatever. Just sit.

And listen. And listen. Damn. I don't want to be any of the women that sleep with these men. Oh. Because they are talking about it. Wow. And here I just thought women just talk about like, oh.

they'd be like, my girl was smelling like this. I don't know what that mean. What is this? I think she got an infection. She did a da-da-da-da. She did it. Do you know her refrigerator looked like? This girl did it.

I had her in her the same time and da-da-da-da-da. Like, oh, they gossip. What? Gossipers. Yeah. Okay. I'm going to barbershop. You're big.

You know, I do believe that. I believe there's different like qualities of men, too. Some that do some that don't. My brother said something to me the other day. day that made me so sick. And I was like, is this how guys talk? What did he say? Oh, my God.

He pointed out someone, like, and he was like, she looks like the kind of girl, like when she sits down or when she opens her legs, it all unfolds and pours out. And I was like, what the fuck does that mean? I'm like, what does that mean? He's talking about a dick. Oh, he is? Whose vagina? No, he was talking about a vagina.

Poor is out. What do you mean? out of a vagina. And I said, what does that mean? And he's like, well, it looks like she's had it a lot. Oh, he's trying to say she got roast beef curtains on the inside. Yeah. Yeah. Like her inner lips are bigger than her outer lips. I was like, that's so mean that you would look at someone and think that and say that. And he's like, well, you got to think of that. Oh, my God. And I was like, guys. That's what guys think, though. They do look at you and decide what your vagina looks like. They look at your mouth. That's what one dude is like, I can

look at your mouth and kind of tell what your vagina looked like. What? And then that's when I told him, I look at your fingers and I can tell what your penis looks like. That's actually true. Is it? Yes. Yes. Yes.

Dirty nails, dirty D. Keep that thing away from me. And those like stubbies. Dirty D. Keep that thing away from me. Mm-hmm. And the stubbies, like when they have stubby hand. Like I can look at a guy's fingers and tell what their penis would look like a hundred

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You can see how vainy it might be. How thick it may be. How long it possibly could be. That's right. But the fingernail beds.

is really where it's at. You can tell if you got a mushroom head. If he chew his nails a lot, if his nails are chew down, he jacks off a lot. He touches himself a lot. Got a lot of nervous energy and he's touching himself.

Wow. That's my grandma taught me that. And it's true. There's been so many mind-blowing, like, just all this information. I believe it's true. And anybody want to talk shit, I chew my nails and I never touch my dick.

Well, I beg to differ. you must put it in a pie then. You got a flashlight. You got something going on. You got a sex doll or something. You got a lot of nervous energy. And I believe that for women, too. I believe that for, like, anybody,

dirty nails, dirty D. Oh. Dirty nails, dirty V. Keep that thing away from me. Because you're scratching this stuff all day. You touching yourself. Okay. I feel good about my nails.

I'm like, oh my God, I don't look at my nails. Yeah. No, we're good. Like, I got a little mustard under there because I had. But what about a dude that's like working, you know, with his hands? He's a mechanic. Like, you know. Yeah, okay.

That's fine. You can still tell about the hands. Okay. You can still tell what that dick looks like. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Got it. And it might not be as dirty as we think it might be. Right.

But. But if he got dirt under his nails, though. Yeah. And it's like dirty all around the nail bed and all that stuff. Yeah. I bet you them balls is funky. Yeah. Bet you a little yeasty.

Must be. Bet you he scratch yourself at least three times during the day. He scratches crunch. Yeah, men are yeasty too. They get yeast infections. They call it jock edge. Right, right. No, that's a yeasty.

It's a yeasty, beastie. Yeah, because even if a man's a mechanic and he's getting dirty, that's one thing by the time he, if you see his hands dirty, his balls are sweaty and musty. So if he takes a shower and cleans out his nails, but there's some people that take a shower and they're just, they're not even getting in there and, you know. under there. Yeah. And they got grease breakup stuff for that.

I know a lot of mechanics. Beautiful, beautiful hands. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. We go out. They go out, their hands are clean. Right. Oh, my God. I'm just going to be inspecting hands

and nails from here on out. I will. And if that fingernail bed is wide at the tip, that dick is white. Oh. Wide at the teeth. And you can look at your fingers and tell what kind of like, I would have a fat, short penis.

I'd have such a long, I'd have the longest, skinniest penis of all time. My hands are so little. You have a small. But your fingernail beds, look how long your fingernail beds are. You probably wouldn't have the biggest tip, but you would have a nice penis. Yeah. Oh, I feel so much better.

And see. Yeah. Oh, my God. Mine would be like short and fat. Someone's like, do you want a picture of my dick? You're like, no, send your hands please. Yeah, send me your fingers. I want to use my imagination.

Look, so my grandma had told me the dirty nails, dirty things. thing, right? When I was like 21, I started going on all these dates and every date I would go on, I would bring a disposable camera and I would be like, can I take a picture of your dicks? I could think about you later. And everybody would like, what? No, that's crazy. Okay, sure. And then they would hold their penis. Like, they would be like, it's not even hard. Yeah, wait, let me, let me get a little hard or whatever. I don't like, I got to give them a kiss on the cheek or something and they would get hard and they would hold their penis and you would see their nails and you would see their penis and you could see how it matched. What?

You still have all these pictures? Yes. I wanted to make it a coffee table book and I had like 26 Dixen there. And I probably only actually like dealt with five or four of them actually penetrated. But my ex-husband made me throw away all my pictures. No. Because he said that was disrespectful to him. I kind of get that.

I get that, but I would have hit him or I would have done something. I tried to keep it. But he, yeah, he did it himself. Yeah. Unbelievable. If my husband had a bunch of girls holding their vagina. as I'd be like, we might want to get rid of that now. I mean, I can see that. I get it. Yeah, for sure.

Yeah. But we can always, we can always ask people send in their pictures and make the coffee table book anyways. Well, there's so many in my DMs as it is. Oh, so. Do you just get like unsolicited? Just here's a dick. Yeah, and then I reply back, this will be in my coffee table book. Thanks.

And I didn't ask for this, but I will use it. Right. Thank you. Yeah. And you should have sent your credit score. really wanted to fuck with me. Because I want a building. I go on dates with guys that send their credit score. Do you really? So that's the opener you're looking for.

You're like, how are you? How are responsible are you? Right. I'm going out with you. Are you responsible? Right. Will you take care of me? Yeah.

If you can take care of your financial stuff, you might get to take care of me. Let's see how you treat your heart. Let's see, that's my first, like, I mean, if a bank won't give you a house because your credit score bad, why would I give you my body? audience. Damn. I mean, it goes back to when you were saying I don't want a traditional wedding. I thought you were going to be like, I want a beautiful party celebrating love.

You're like, no, I want a trust fund. And I want us supposed to be putting in it. And I don't want that. Yeah. But that's, I mean, it's so, I mean, I like the way your mind works. I'm just saying it. The whole point of marriage is to build a whole other community. You're building a community.

You're having these kids. You're making people. you're building business. You're bringing two families together to create a bigger family, more help for each other. The more of us, the stronger we are, it's not an individual sport. Right. And I need to know I can trust you. Right.

And I need to know you got something to lose. And it ain't just me. Right. That's why we need to get a building together. Right. And how do we take care of this building together? How do we manage this together? And, you know, if you give me a 20-unit building, I don't need no carrots

because I'll get the carrots out of one of the units. Right, right. Can buy, I for one month's rent, we could buy a ring. And I want a nice ring, so off a six-month rent, we can buy that ring. But then our kids will always have. We can be putting money in college fund. We can be putting money here. Like, we'll always have.

Even if we lose the house we live in, we can go move into one of the units. We'll never be homeless. Fuck, I need a building. I need a building. We all need a building. Just one apartment building or a duplex? Something. Yeah, something.

Even a shopping center. Something. Sure. Nail salon. Something. Yeah. Something. That owning the land, though, we need the deed.

Yeah. Because then we could put whatever we want on there. We could tear it down, put something else if we want. But it'll always be feeding our kids. I love it. I love it. Oh, man. What's up with the questions?

Yeah, all right. Because I will talk your head off about everything. We want it all. That's what we want. Oh, you're stranded on an island with three people, Oprah, Amy Schumer, and Channing Tatum. You can only save one. Who would it be?

I love Oprah, but me and her can't make no baby, so I'm going to save Shannon Tatum so we can make more people. Great. Smart. Yeah, we had to. I love all three of them people, though. Yeah. I don't even know Channing like that.

just love him because look he danced good that's what we thought but yeah I'm gonna have to save him because we can make more people yeah I got I got I got I made I got eggs left so I got eggs left who would you save oh and don't ask me all of us have to save shenning yeah I know to repopulate and do the Blue Lagoon again that's right remake blue lagoon if you had to date one of these which would you choose a hoarder Elvis Presley impersonator or only speaks in a fake British accent Definitely not the Elvis

Impersonator unless he's impersonating Elvis is young Elvis Not dead Elvis But I would go with the fake British accent But I would be comfortable with the hoarder because I am a hoarder of emotions and clothing and papers sometimes. I love to keep receipts. But I've got the neat jet thing now and like I'm very good at scanning and throwing away.

I'm getting better at that. I think I need that. Yeah, I need that. All right. You're going down for a murder you didn't commit. You have the chance to frame someone to get out of it. Who do you frame? My ex-husband.

Anyone who's hated on me on social. media. Liars. Anyone who's lied on me. Yes, I would frame someone who's lied on me already and tried to destroy me. I would take back my ex-husband. I wouldn't even, even though he's lied to. But I would take that back.

And, yes, the liars. I would frame the liars. Yes, the liars. They did it. And the lawyers are the liars. Because they're liars. Because they're liars too. Oh, my God.

I love it. Okay, should we do one more? I mean, what is your, okay, so I guess I might need to explain. What is your ideal murder scene? If you had to be murdered, okay? Mm-hmm. How do you want to get murdered? If I had to be murdered, I would want to be slightly poisoned.

And the poison would not activate until I had an orgasm. And I die Just as the orgasm is finished And I'm tingling all over And I just fucking die I mean Oh my God But that's a perfect way to die

Yeah It's like Oh my god Let me ask for more Okay Okay I know it's so good I'm like Oh my God

dead. Got it been a fart, it's a queque. Wake up, wake up. Oh my God. And I don't wake up. And that's it. Yeah. And then it's my liar.

It's the liar that I don't work out. No, it's my ex-husband and he goes to jail. Wait, how great with that date like? I don't want him to go to jail. It would be one of the liars. The lawyers took the liar. The lawyers to the liar. Could you imagine that date line?

She was slightly poisoned while orgasming. But she was poisoned with a very rare poison that only takes effect once you orgasm. So in the midst of her orgasm, she dies. Everybody's like, what the fuck is that poison? I need that shit. Start selling on a black market. Oh, my God. Give me the Tiffany.

I want the Tiffany. Oh, my God. You got to die. That would be the way to go, I think. Oh, my God. If you had to adopt a celebrity to be your kid, like they're going to live with you, you have to take care of them. They don't have to be a kid. Who would you adopt?

I would adopt who's the most sufficient, so sufficient. But I would have fun with. I would probably adopt Sharon Stone. Oh. I would adopt Sharon Stone or Taylor Swift or Jada Pinky Smith. What are your reasons? I enjoy all of them. They're all really smart.

They know how to take care of themselves. But at the same time, I know that there's things that I can teach them and things that they can teach me. That's amazing. What can you say at the dinner table that you can also say in bed? Yes, please. More gravy Hand me that napkin Please

Can you get me some water Oh I'm so thirsty Amen Amen I see another one These are fun We should have started with this All right

Who would you cast opposite you In the odd couple cast opposite me in the odd couple Melissa McCarthy I love it I would watch it yeah Melissa McCarthy she's funny or Angela Bassett

okay only because she is funny but nobody knows it yet I didn't know she was funny she is funny or Viola Davis Viola Davis is hilarious Merrill Street Okay, I would have a, it would be a multi-cast. I love it.

The odds couples. The odds couples. If you had to pick a song to play every time you walked into a room, what would it be? This what success looked like. This what money looked like. This what fame looked like. It's what it looked like. It's what it looked like.

Yeah, I get the money, get the money, get the money. Yeah, I get the money, get the money. Yeah, I get the money, get the money. You know what? Let me play that shit right now. It's my song that I made. First off, bitch, this not a costume. You can't afford it, so don't ask what it, cost, boo.

Go viral. Every time I walk through, talk to me nicer. I'm not the bitch to talk to. Whole other status, call me Miss Haddish, unless you talk a paper nick. Nothing else matters. I'm going down as great as above time. Hold up your glasses.

Let's touch like. This little fame look like. This what's his ass look like. This what money looks like. It's what it looked like. It's what it looked like. Yeah, yeah. That's what I would play.

Oh, my God. You want to hear it for real? Yeah. I want that to play every time I walk in a room. Yeah. Every time. That's what I say to all my hosts. Let me do it again.

It's what it looked like. It's what it looked like. Hey, hey, it's what it looks like. It's what it looks like. It's what it looks like. What it looks like. What it looks like. What it looks like.

That it looks like. Yeah, I get the money So Lil Wayne is on this song And slew dogs I'm dropping it this summer Yeah, it's a she-ready summer Oh First off it is not a costume

Go viral Every fuck to walk through Talk to me nice Or I'm not the bitch you talk to Hold on stuff Call me Miss Haddish Unless you talk to paper nick Nothing else matters

I'm going to be on this greatest A ball time Oh my God That's true on amazing Oh my God I got another one with Little John, you want to hear that? Yeah.

Let me play a little sample of that for you, wait. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. This is amazing. Yes, exclusive. Exclusive. Get the finger. Get the finger.

Like honey and I'm feeling like money. Let the time tell on sunset till it's sunny. Pull up to the club valet or to the door. Treat me like a scorn. You took through the back door. standing on a pot. When all the world knows who you are. Up on my drinking.

No sweet. I don't even have a Lamborghini gene. I don't even have a Lamborghini gym. But she has all her eggs in her. Like my dad. Okay. That's what that's amazing. Oh, my God.

I fucking love it. You want to hear another one? This one's some baby making music. Oh, yeah. Let me give you a little sample of this baby making. Because I want people to make more babies. because I think it's necessary. We need more babies.

They're trying to wipe us out. We need more babies, more babies. More humans. Oh? There's baby making music. Don't pull out. Don't pull out. Can't get without you.

I'm tossing and turning. Got me so hot that my body is burning. They're all in my bed when I'm burning. I block out the cars because that I'm concerned. Pull over right now. Put the Lambo in park. Wait till it's dark. Make love in the park.

Call you a thief because you're still in my heart from the bottom. I went to the top. child. And maybe I won't go back tonight do all of the things that you like. From the sun up to sun and rise

won't you to let me stay inside. Baby don't pull out. Stay. Oh. That's Alex Bond singing. God, and the people on, you know. You ain't got to leave now. But you'll love with me.

Oh. Okay. That's not. Oh, my God. I don't want you all pull out. I don't want you to get pregnant up in here. Yeah.

I'm pregnant now. Yeah. It's my baby. Give me my baby. So good. That is legit baby making music. Oh my God. Yeah, that's a baby making music.

I got like two baby making music songs and then the rest is all like dance, good times. Oh my God. I fucking love it. That's so awesome. Can't wait. Yeah. All right. We're going to ask you this last one. Yeah.

What's the last one? That one. Oh. Are you asking? What would you do if you found a dead body in a hotel room? If I found a dead body in a hotel room, I would take pictures on my phone. Then I would turn around and walk out of the room, go down to the front desk and be like, y'all gave me a room that is occupied by a dead body. I'm going to need y'all to go in there.

handle that. And y'all need to give me another room and get my bags and shit up out of there. If my bags was already there, like if I had already checked in and then went and did a show and came back and it was a dead body in there, or if I had just showed up and it was a dead body, I would have left my bags and came down and made them take my bags up out of there and get the handle up out of there. You'd stay in the same hotel, though? Probably. Probably because it's a five-star hotel. If I'm there, it's four to five stars. So probably. Or if it was just like the hotel seemed very raggedy, then I would demand that they pay for me to stay at another hotel.

Yeah. And then if there was a dead body in that hotel room, I'd be like, okay, somebody stalking me. Right. It might be me. It might be me. I doubt it's me, though. I doubt that. I'm not a murderer type person.

I don't think I could kill another human being. I could definitely kill your soul. I could say some mean things hurt you. I could break your spirit. But your body, I wouldn't want to, I want you to live. I want all my enemies to live. Painfully. Live, live a long life.

Full, full, full of an itchy crotch. That's what sometimes I pray for my enemies to get chronic crotch itch. Like an itch in a cross that never is satisfied, no matter how much they scratch, no matter what. Oh, year straight. I pray for that for some people. We're going to hold in that prayer with you right now. We're going to hold that vision for you. Yes.

Oh, my God. The crotch itch. Oh, my God. Chronic crotch. That is amazing. We had some like sex ones. Anyway, that was amazing. You fucking, you're so incredible.

Like, you know, your soul, everything. You're fucking hilarious, obviously. We know this. And so much fun. You guys are incredible, though. You're so easy to talk to. I love your eyeballs. Your eyes are saying the truth.

the truth. Like you're really here, genuine present, and I love that about you guys. Yeah. So, thanks for saying you. That goes a long way. That's so sweet. And so if you need me for anything, I'll show up. I might be, I might be 20 minutes late because that's just how I wrote. I was born two weeks late. So I was born two weeks late. So, somebody lied to somebody. Yeah. I don't know. But I will always show up for you. I just will probably be 20 minutes. We will take it. We'll take it. We'll take it. Just know that about me. And I'm sorry, but that's just who I am. If you want me somewhere on time, live to me by 20 minutes. Tiffany, we need you here at 1140.

Right, right. I'll be there at 12. Yep. But you'll be there. I will show up. I will show up. I just, yeah, I want you every day just to, you know, narrate life. I got you.

If you want, I'll just say you give me your phone number. I'll send you random messages. I'm good for that. Get up. Rise and shine. It's time to be successful. You made it. You was able to push the button to hear this shit.

Now it's time to do something amazing. Go use the restroom and wipe your own ass. You win! You win because you could wipe your own ass. Go out and take the day. We're keeping you. Yeah, we're keeping you. That's the kind of messages I leave from my friends.

We're exchanging numbers right now. Yeah, yeah. And I'll just randomly send you that. Oh, thank you so much. You're welcome so much. See y'all later. That's right. Hi, guys.

Hey. Hello. Tell me. Tell you what? I don't know. What's been going on? Someone's fucking chipper. Am I? I didn't sleep. I couldn't fall asleep to like two in the morning. You're just so excited to come record with us? Did you get laid last night or something?

In my mind. No, I could not fall asleep to like two. And then I was up at like seven. So we're not home right now. And Briar and I are in sharing. a bed that's like it's either a full or a queen. I feel like it's a full, but she still refuses to be on any other side of the bed. She is on me and I have, you know, Olivia, you know how it goes. So anyway, I just constantly am being woken up by limbs. But I wouldn't have it

any other way. So. You wouldn't have it any other way? Well, no, I love sleeping with my little kid and cuddly and it's the best ever. What? Why are you looking at me like that, Olivia? I don't know. like your mood is suss. What do you mean? My mood is suss. I didn't fly. So I'm like, Rob, do you feel an extra oomph in her or is it just me? Yeah, doesn't feel believable. Right? And I don't trust when she's like this. Right? It's suss. What the hell are you talking about? And quite cringe. Speaking of cringe, okay. So I keep seeing these things that are like people's like biggest icks. Yeah.

You know, in like a romantic partner or person. Like, for example, there was like a video and this girl was like, oh, my newest ick is watching my boyfriend ride a horse because he was like, he like didn't know how to ride a horse. And it was really funny. So there's an example. I have an ick. I knew you would.

And here's the thing is that. So if Jeff's eating like a sandwich or something or eating anything, if he gets any sort of food in his scruffle, that's an ick. That's an ick? And I'll be like, yeah. Just specifically Jeff though, or is this like any intimate partner? Yeah, it's anyone, food on the face. Like if you have a little mustard there. Really?

That's an ick. It's an ick. Hmm. Also, bad shoes are an ick. Oh, bad jeans or an ick. Yeah. One time I broke up with a guy because he was wearing a bandana, that's an ick. A bandana is an ick?

Was it Halloween? Wait, no. How was it being worn? Well, this is what I heard, okay? And I was in my 20s. Obviously, this is different. You didn't even witness it? You just heard he wore a bandana?

Didn't even witness it. My friend came over and he was like, hey, I saw that guy you're dating. And he was in a convertible wearing a bandana on his head, with three other guys wearing bandanas on their heads. Oh, and I was like, that's it. We're done here. Oh, my God.

I think for me, it's more the, like, uniform bandana wearing in a convertible. Yeah, that was an ick. Yeah. That's, okay. I can feel you on that. They're, like, protecting their flocks from throwing in uniform bandanas. I don't know. It just felt wrong.

It does feel a little wrong. Not to be judgmental, but that does feel a little ick. Rob, do you have an ick? No. I can't think of any, I can't think of any icks. You can't think of any icks? I'm like, Olivia probably knows mine better than I do or that I could think of. Things ick you that are explainable.

Like what? Like people, like, you'll be just be like, I don't like his face. What? What? Other icks. I don't love if someone has a whitehead they haven't attended to on their face when you're talking to them. Like I feel like you probably know it's there. Although I kind of respect people that just like let it go and want it naturally to take care of itself.

But like let's say you're on a date and there's like a whitehead staring at you. I feel like it's a little ick. It's a little bit of an ick. I mean, I could get past it. but you're definitely like oh like um oh no this is an episode of friends this isn't my brain where like you talks about like the gunk or sleep in the person's eye that there's like so much gunk in their eye and it's an ick for chandler that's not my ick that's chandler's but it's an i'll take that as an ick yeah um i'd say uh them getting like too drunk oh yeah yeah

that's not a good luck or i mean or even like Smoking cigarettes. Yeah. So, Olivia and I are like, Yeah. Not for us. No. I love it.

How about if someone eats their boogers as an adult? Ew. What the heck? What dates are you going on? The biggest ick. I'm just saying I've seen it done. I've seen it done. I've seen it done.

I have. I have. From someone you know? Human? I mean, no, like in passing. But still, that's an ick. That's a super ick. That's a super ick.

This is a super obvious one, but like guys that drive really extravagant cars for no reason. Like if there's a reason for it, like you really are into race car driving or cars or whatever. But like trying to like just spend all your money just to flash a car, you know? I don't like flashy guys in general, to be honest. No, you don't like the guy that walks in with like, you rolled up your sleeve to show your rollie, please. Yeah. I feel like there's a lot more icks than we realize. There are.

Weren't there some? Like, I know we read some and we were like dying laughing because they were so accurate. But now I can't think there's so many. I think they were overheard L.A. Oh, was it? Yeah, look it up. You know, we talk about this a lot. Like if the guy asks you out on a date but like doesn't offer to pay, I mean, that's an egg, I think.

You know, just like a gentlemanly courtesy. You don't have to accept it, but like just the courtesy of it, right? Yeah. What about when guys wear sunglasses on the opposite? That's an ick for me. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. So good.

That's so good. That is a bit of an ink. It's the opposite of a panty dropper. It's the opposite of a panty dropper. It's a chastity belt. Yeah. Yeah, that's a nick. Oh, this sounds mean.

No, we're bullying people for their creative expressions. Yeah, for their creative expressions. Yeah, you're not bullying anyone. You're just saying your preference. Poor people. You're just trying to judge people before you know them at all. Yeah, but if someone hears that and they're the guy that wears their sunglasses on the back of their head, they might hear that and be like, oh, I always thought that was a panty dropper.

Maybe I put them on my eyes. Maybe they belong on my eyes. Here's the biggest question. Can you get past it? Yes. Yeah. Yes. What I mean?

It depends on what the ick is, but yes. Well, yeah. I mean, like a complete... Is there an ick you can't get past? Yeah, like a complete abusive asshole. That would be a hard one to get past. But I think that's beyond an it. I know.

I'm just kidding. I think, yes, absolutely you can. You're an example of that, Olivia. We've talked about this with Jeff. Jeff's definitely worn sunglasses in the back of his head like that. Probably. No, he hasn't, Rob. What do you have against Jeff?

I like Jeff, but he's definitely done that. You were talking about his true religion jeans. Rob right now has glasses on the back of his baseball cap. Not true. Have you ever worn glasses like that, Rob? No. Are you sure? Absolutely sure.

You know who I would forgive if Dax wore his glasses on the back of his head? I would forgive that. See, there's certain people that can get away with certain things. Yeah, that's different. Right? You agree, right? There's some extra swag that it comes off as confident and not... Like, they don't give a fuck.

Yeah. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I don't think either of you could pull it off, but if, like... I could fucking pull it off. Tiffany Haddish did it, I wouldn't care.

Absolutely. She is someone that could pull off anything. I agree with that. What about sunglasses inside? That's Nicole our friend Nicole can do it Yeah there's certain people that can do it like Anna Wintour obviously that's her thing She can do it Nicole can do it I just can't not think about how it's affecting their visibility

That's where your mind goes yeah I wouldn't be able to move around in here if I was wearing my sunglasses That's really funny I like that your practical brain's like well how are they seeing anything Yes, this makes sense. Take them off. Guys, we got a lot of questions from our audience. Would you like to answer them? All of them, yes. Let's do a couple.

Let's do a couple. Yeah. All right. How do you feel about a partner liking their ex's posts? That's totally circumstantial and situational. Yeah, it depends on the context. Yeah. It's like a thirsty beach selfie.

That's one thing. Well, let's use actual people. Do you care if Natalie stays in contact with exes? Like if she's liking all her exes post or vice versa, do you think she would care if you liked your ex's post? No, we've been together long enough that I think that's far enough removed, that it doesn't really, wouldn't really bother either of us. What about you, Lou?

Yeah, you'd be jealous. It depends on the ex, right? It depends on the ex. Yep. And I wouldn't be jealous as much as I would be, like, questioning what's up with that? Like, why? What's the point of that? But I like all my ex-boyfriends posts.

And I have good relationships with them all. You know what I mean? I think that's where the context comes in. If you're, like, an over-liker. So, if Olivia's liking something, then Jeff's not going to care because she likes everything. He doesn't care at all. Yeah. I do think.

And he is not jealous of anyone I've been with in the past because it's the past. That's very healthy. I also think once you have kids with someone too, it's like not even really worth being jealous. I think it's not a bad sign because to me, I'm like, it's not really shady. Everyone's going to know you liked their post. It's not like you're DMing them like, ooh, that was hot. That would be annoying. But if you like their posts, it's like everyone can see that.

It's out for the public. There's nothing really shady about that. Right. Right. Right. Yeah, I do think it's so tricky. You know, and Instagram can put so many things in your head, right? Like they liked this post.

What does this mean? Or like this model or whatever. And Lou's like, Jeff started following M. Rada. They were like dying. I think that if they're liking an ex's post, it depends on the context. It depends on the picture. If it's like, like, Rob said, like if it's like. thirst traps and they're liking it.

I guess that could be a little bit annoying. Well, okay, you're a relatively jealous person, admittedly, right, Olivia? No. With Jeff? Not at all. I've been jealous in maybe two circumstances in our 10-year relationship. What were they? Which were?

One, I could tell. Someone was talking about this girl and I looked at his face and I could tell he found her attractive. And for some reason, it weirded me out because he's so particular. Like, I'll, I'll show him like the hottest girl in the world. Like, I love playing that game with him. I'll be like, do you think this person's hot? You know, like, I actually like playing that game. You do that a lot. You're like, who of my friends? Like, she's just always grilling him. Yeah, like, I get annoyed if he doesn't find people attractive. But one time I could tell by his face that he found someone attractive in a way that made me uncomfortable.

I only get jealous of the thought like when I say I wouldn't let him sleep with other people. Right. Got it. Yeah. You know. Was this like a coworker? Is that why it was also a, uh, yeah.

It was. Touchier subject? It was a coworker in the past. Okay. Yeah. I get that. And that made me feel weird. Yeah.

And not just someone at the coffee shop. Right. No, if it's someone in the coffee shop, I want to know who he finds attractive and I actually like to know. But I'm always surprised. Just like she has to know what people order to eat at a restaurant. It's the same brain maneuvering. All right. Let's do another one.

Okay. Any advice or tips on how to introduce someone I'm dating a new man after a Devoice. Devoice. Devoice. After a Devoice. Divorce. Thank you. To teenage kids, it seems terrifying to mention going out on a date with a new guy

or eventually introducing someone you may be slightly serious about. I think we'll let Rachel take this one. What's the actual question? Like any tips or advice on introducing a new man you're dating to a teenage child? Teenage. We have a friend who has a new boyfriend who has a new boyfriend who has. teenage children. I don't think she's met them yet, but that's tough, you know, because the older they get, they're more, you know, they're, what's the word I'm looking for? The personality there,

they're more personable and what, what did you, what word did you say, Olivia? Asholes. No. Acustomed to, you know, their surroundings, how life is, blah, blah, blah. So I, I think it could be trickier because of that. Um, But it also depends on the kid. Like, is it an asshole teenager or is it, you know, a good teenager? But I don't know that there's any right way to go about it. I would say not forcing too much of the new person into their daily routine too quickly, not, you know, having the partner sleep over for probably a long time.

Like little things like that. but slowly, you know, incorporating when you're all going to go do something, but not super intimate settings. Yeah. I would think that's like a more gentler way. It's like when you introduce new dogs and you meet at a park in the open with like, you don't just bring them into a house. I feel like maybe the same rule applies.

Could I go to a dog park? Just go to a dog park. Let them meet in a field and then. Must love dogs. Back away. Yeah. That's my two cents. I think that's really solid advice.

Thanks. It doesn't happen often. I'm shocked. I know. That's usually your wheelhouse. See, I'm telling you guys, no sleep. Here's one thing that comes to me is this, I feel, as a parent, would be tricky and hard to do. But as an outsider, I think it would be beneficial, is don't worry about whether the teenager likes the dude. Like, don't try and push that on them. Allow them to have their feelings. Allow them to be annoyed or upset or whatever. whatever it is and just give it time and give it space and don't try and like push them to feel any way other than the way they're feeling and kind of just allow the space for that. Like, yeah, it's okay if you like them. It's okay if you don't. That's very healthy.

Yeah. And supportive. I need time. How many times do we do that? What do you do if you see yourself married with the person you're with, but they don't believe in marriage. Huh? You dump them.

Wait, you're married to the person that doesn't believe in marriage? No, no, no. You see yourself marrying this significant other. You're with someone, and you see that as a person that you want to marry, but they don't believe in marriage.

So this falls under the whole, can you change someone? You can't, but can people change, right? I mean, I feel like this falls more under that umbrella. That's tough though, because I feel like believe who they are when they show you the first time. I know I'm getting that my answer the quote like not absolutely correct, but I do believe in that. I think the question is more it's not can you change that person's perspective on marriage. It's can you change yours? Right. So I think it's a lot easier to change your own

perspective than someone else's and you have to get right with what your value system is. And if that's a non-negotiable, then you walk. Like what's more important, right? Exactly. I think it also depends of why they don't want to get married. Is it just because they don't believe in marriage as a construct and they're fine being in a committed relationship long term? Like that's more important than the actual technical side of being married for tax purposes or whatever it is. Right. Right. And, And is there a medium? Like maybe it's not a legal marriage, but maybe there is a ceremony of love. Maybe there is a commitment.

Maybe there is those things that, you know, someone would value in a marriage. I think it's really about your value system and deciding what is it that you really want to experience in marriage and asking yourself, is it possible to experience that without the legal paper? And if it's not, then... Yeah, well, yeah. When you actually get married, not a lot changes. At least for us, it was, everything was still the same. We were living together before or we're living together after.

It's not like that marriage certificate changed anything even mentally or physically. I think it's more. For me. Except we finally did. We finally had sex for the first time. Oh, that's good. It did change things for me. In what way?

It felt safer in a weird way. Like it just felt like, okay, well, that's done. Like, there's this commitment that we're in. I don't know. It just felt like I could relax almost more into the relationship. I think that for me, energetically, it felt safer. I don't know why. Yeah.

Maybe it's because I'll get half of his money, if anything. You're like, I feel real safe. I'm feeling safe. I think it's more of like a commitment question. Like, is it they don't believe in marriage because of the commitment aspect? Because I feel like that is a whole other thing. Yeah, I just want to keep my options open. I'm not going to get married.

Right. But if it's literally just the marriage certificate, but they're willing to commit, then I feel like if that person is your person, you know, you probably could be more willing to compromise. that, I don't know. Yeah, I agree. If they're coming from like a household that their parents got divorced six times and they just think that it's a, right. It's a useless thing. Then like that context is fine versus it's just some guy that's like, I, I just feel too clusterphobic and I need my options open. So I'm never going to get married. Right. Personally, I would love just like, if I was with someone that I wanted a commitment, whatever, I'd be super excited just to,

to have like a party in a white dress and none of the legalities. That sounds great. You know what I mean? So it's just like, I don't know. Yeah, and no pre-nup. There's needed at that point, right? Well, yeah, because that's also an awkward conversation in some situations, you know? I think in most situations.

Most situations. How was it for you, Lou? Did you guys talk about it? Yeah. We have an ironclad pre-nut. You can't take any of your money. No, we don't. did talk about it, but...

Was it awkward or fine? I mean, it was fine because neither of us wanted a pre-up. Right. You know, but I think to be 100% honest, like, I think every conversation I've heard of people that do want pre-ups, it's an awkward conversation. It was awkward when I brought it up with Natalie. She signed a pre-nup?

Post-nup. After we were married, I was like, we need to get something. We need to get something in writing. You're a liar. I know people that had a pre-nup, but then there was a post-nup once they had kids that the pre-up was out the window. Yeah, people do that. I think it's awkward. It is awkward.

It's an acknowledgement that there's not a trust there that you're willing to gamble your money on. And that's the part that feels weird. But if I was in a situation where I had a ton to protect, I would probably feel different. Yeah, yeah. It's different if it's Leonardo DiCaprio trying to protect hundreds of millions of dollars. I think he should get a pre-knap. Right. Yeah. No matter how he feels about this person. Yeah, right.

Anyone with that kind of wild success, I would be like, protect it. Right. I think, too, for children's sake. Like, I think that when someone has a child, they definitely should get a pre-up. Because then you don't want some dude coming in. Imagine Rachel. You mean if they have an existing child with another, okay. Wait, explain?

Like if you met someone today and married them and didn't get a pre-nup and then they walk away with half of your money that could have gone to Briar, I feel like that's. That's what I mean. I think when people have children, they're better served to have a pre-knap. All right. Well, that's a good question then. If you were entering a new relationship, Rachel, getting married. Yeah. Would you get a pre-up?

Well, who am I marrying? Someone that doesn't have more money than you. Oh, someone who doesn't have more money than me? Correct. So everybody. This is to protect your wealth? I'm just making a joke. Would I get a pre-up if they didn't?

Yeah, if they didn't have, for sure, I would protect whatever I have to make sure it goes to Briar if I was marrying someone that maybe had less means than I did, for sure. And what if it was the opposite, would you be offended if you were marrying someone with more means if they then came to you and said they wanted a pre-knit? Absolutely. Their money. I'd be like, listen, motherfucker. It is a touchy subject, though, you know, because I am a romantic. I love fucking romance. Like, I do.

Like, a romantic comedy, I want to live in one, you know? That is my heart and soul. So there is that aspect of, like, oh, that doesn't feel good. You know what I mean? It's a weird thing. So that's why I think I'm just going to declare this. You know, I think that if I ever go down that road of wanting to commit more fully with someone, it'll be like a commitment ceremony and none of the legal shit, so none of this applies.

I think that's what I'm going to go with. I think I just, I think, I say I think as I declare it. Depends on the partner, though. It does. Circumstantial. But anyway, we really went off on a tangent and went into. to pre-ups with that person's question. Here's another question.

Okay. So when this person sends a long text to their boyfriend, he just responds with a slight mistake that she made in the text message. That's my favorite go-to if it's like a hostile text from someone. That is my move. I know. I was thinking that. I was like, well, I know how Rachel feels about this.

Oh, my God. That's really funny. You guys answer first. He won't address any of the things in the text. He'll just respond with the mistake. How do you feel about that? Well, what's the text? What's the context of the text, though?

I think that's an important thing we're missing. I think that all of our answers are it depends on the context. Here's a scenario where it's okay and here's a scenario where it's not. So basically, guys, just be a little more detailed and specific in the questions. You'll get specific answers. What do you do in that situation? I will answer after. Sounds like a funny bit to me.

But I could also see how it's very annoying on the other end. Yeah. I would just send them a bunch of like egg plan emojis back or something. My favorite is though, I only use this move when it's a unpleasant text from like someone. Let's say you're in argument or it's hostile or whatever. My favorite is just addressing either the grammatical error or the spelling error and doing an asterisk with the correction. That only is making them matter Maybe this is someone writing in about you

That I've done it I would just What I would do? I would just resend the text with the correction And just send the paragraph back That's a good move No I think that if it's not I think that if it's not a hostile text And it's just someone talking to you

I think that's rude to do Right? Yeah Oh yeah I mean it's definitely rude either way Yeah it's rude Well, yes. It's kind of funny.

It's kind of funny. It depends on the text, like we said. But if it's just a normal text and they're writing you, writing you and asking you things or whatever, and you just respond with that, I think that's messed up. Let's get another question. Okay. Oh, interesting. My mother-in-law's new husband doesn't treat my kids the way we want. He talks down to them, snaps at them, and has physically pulled them away.

How do we handle this so that our kids have a relationship? with their grandma, but we make sure that they're comfortable and safe. Ooh, yikes. Well, first and foremost, like, I would think that they would maybe try to talk to them on, but I know all situations you never know what that's like. But I think you really have to talk to the kids and prepare them and give them the tools and how to handle someone like that. No?

I think you need to talk to the grandpa. Yeah, I was going to say you need to set some boundaries. And set boundaries. What if he's, but what if, what if, you know how some people can be super irrational and you can't talk to them and difficult or whatever? Then you don't let your child around your child. So you tell, you tell the grandma like you can't see your grandkids. Like, you can come visit us here. Right.

I think it's, I mean, I think it's a progression too. It's like, talk to the grandma, see if she can get through to him and not have it be an embarrassing confrontation for some masculine guy that's going to take it the wrong way. But if that doesn't work, talk to him about it. see if needs to escalate further. And if that doesn't work, it's just, all right, my kids aren't going to be around them. Agreed. And tell grandma, like, hey, we've tried to mediate this with these two steps, and that's not working.

So now you can only come without him. If you want to see your grandkids, then you're coming by yourself. And I think it's really an opportunity to talk to him about your reasons why. So it's not just don't talk to my kids like that. Explain to him. Like, here's the way we talk to our children and this is why. And these are the things that we're comfortable with and here's why. And instead of just saying like, don't do this and don't do that, like have an actual conversation with him of how that affects your children. He's not going to agree. But, you know. I mean, it depends on, yeah, what kind of person this is. Well, I think it's hard because I think people really don't all agree on parenting, you know? But there's no arguing when you say this is how we parent our kids and we don't do this. It goes back to what you were saying with like the marriage stuff and values and talking about that beforehand because it is true.

Everyone has different ways, man. And they don't agree. Right. Like even if my brother's watching my kids. Oh yeah, we talked about this. And he's swearing at them, cursing up a storm. Yeah. Then make sure that you yell at him in front of them and put him in his place.

That's right. Snap. All right. Thoughts on this. Okay. Do you think that people that were 40 years old in 2005 had a different outlook on life compared to us who are 40 years old right now? I feel like they saw things differently or at the very least, acted older than we do. Is 40 really the new 20? Yeah, I mean, from 2005 to now, like,

a lot has changed. There wasn't, like, cell phones were, and internet was like not in social media. We had cell phones, no social media. Yeah, but you were, it was like sidekicks and like it was early, early cell phone days. And like, you had internet a little bit, but we were not as connected as we are today and is tethered to phones and social media and those dopamine hits. Yeah, that's better. What does that have to do with the question? Yeah. I don't know.

I just think that that was a totally different time. Well, here's the thing is that there's these, it actually kills me is there's these things going around on TikTok where they take women that are the same age as the golden girls were. Oh, yeah. And they put those hairstyles on them. And they look like old ladies. But they, you know, they'll do it to like Jennifer Lopez and Sandra Bullock and like all these women that look incredible. I love that you're on TikTok and no TikTok trends.

She does. I do. She sends like randomly like late at night. I'll get this like really random TikTok thing from her. But so what 40 used to look like then absolutely looks different to. I do think 40 is the new 20 in the sense of like a 40 year old woman isn't an old lady anymore. Mm-hmm. Right?

Mm-hmm. Considering that we're 41 and 43, I definitely agree. It's true, though. Yeah. It's true. What do you think that's about? What do you attribute that to? Is that what you meant, Rob?

It's because we're on TikTok. Yeah, I just, I think everyone is. like drastically different from a cultural standpoint that is connected in the way we are today in good ways and bad ways. So I think a 40-year-old today is very different from a 40-year-old then. But I think a 30-year-old is different and a 20-year-old and a 50-year-old. Do you think it's because Botox is so much more popular? I mean, what it? You know what I mean? Exactly. That's exactly it. But do you think that it's dependent on your environment? I think as a society, we're very different now than we were then.

So do you think it's longevity? Do you think it's that we're living longer so that we're staying young longer? Do you think it's just specific to America? Do you think it's cultural? Do you think it's, what do you think it is? I think it's cultural. I think we're connected to each other in a much larger way than we were then. So you're also doing this comparison of other people.

and I think that definitely has its negatives, but it also is pushing people to be more active and care more about their health and things like that, and that there are some positives, I guess, to that, and understanding people that they don't necessarily interact with within their bubble on a day-to-day level. I think that connectiveness has allowed for more empathy and a deeper understanding of people that you wouldn't otherwise know because we are so connected now.

But do you find, like, for me, when I go out of town where I go to different places and I meet someone that is in their 40s, I'm like, oh, they seem like they're in their 40s. Really? You're asking of, like, a regional thing? Yeah. I think city-to-city-wise, it's probably, like, Chicago doesn't feel that different to me. LA is kind of its own thing. Even my mom, though, at 80. She's 80.

And I look at her, and I'm like, that's not what an 80-year-old used to seem like to me. Right. You also have goggles on because it's your mom. No. No. Have you met Patricia? I mean, yes and no. Yeah, yeah, I have.

I'm not saying I think she looks like an 80-year-old. I just think that that is also part of it because I feel the same way about my mom. Your mom is so sweet, Rob. So sweet. She's so cute. Cute as ever. She liked the episode last week. I saw it.

She did. What did she say? Yeah, she liked it. She's a great episode. So cute. So cute. We love our number one fan. Okay, well.

Someone really quick before we leave. Someone did post yesterday a meme that I thought was really funny. I don't know if it's a meme, whatever. It was like, I'm 40 years old. I feel like I'm 20, but then I hang out with 20-year-olds and I'm like, oh, no, I'm 40. True. Right? Yep.

We've come to the end of the road, everybody. Can you sing the boister men song? Yeah. We belong together. Okay, that's all I can do. Keep going. And you know that off. I'm kidding.

Keep going. How about just the chorus? Never been there before in its only. Rob, do you know this song? Not based on how you're singing it. Maybe. All right. All right, guys.

Next week, come on back. That was a hate gum podcast.