Broad Ideas with Rachel Bilson & Olivia Allen - Torrey DeVitto on Pregnancy, Billy Joel, and Acting Career

Episode Date: July 15, 2024

Torrey DeVitto [One Tree Hill, Pretty Little Liars, The Vampire Diaries, Chicago Med] talks to Rachel and Olivia about her new farm-life, growing up around Billy Joel and Stevie Nicks, and her experience with abortion. Torrey also breaks some very exciting personal news. They also discuss IVF, beards, Torrey’s marriage and divorce from acting co-star Paul Wesley, and much more.Broad Ideas is supported by Seed. Go to Seed.com/BROAD and use code 25BROAD to get 25% off your first month.Broad Ideas is supported by Quince. Go to Quince.com/ideas for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.Broad Ideas is supported by IQBAR. Get 20% off all IQBAR products. Text IDEAS to 64000. Message and data rates may apply. See terms for details.Broad Ideas is supported by Tropical Smoothie Café. Visit one of Tropical Smoothie Cafe’s 1400+ locations or order online or through their app.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hax is back for its fifth and final season, and so is The Hacks podcast. Join the Hacks creators and showrunners, Lucia and Yellow, Paul W. Downs, and Jen Statsky as they unpack the Emmy-winning comedy series. On each episode, hear stories from the set, what goes on in the writer's room, and how these beloved characters close out their final season. Watch Hax streaming exclusively on HBO Max and listen to The Hacks podcast on HBO Max, or, wherever you get your podcasts. Sometimes when the way inside of Rachel's little brain, all these thoughts are swirling, round and round inside to join us on this journey as we take a little ride.

We'll talk about dogs and kids and things. We'll talk about chicks and tampon strings. We'll talk about boys. Because people die. I really like how you got the brown socks with the brown shoe. You know what? I did not do that on purpose. You can nail it. It does look very nice. It's spot on too. Yeah. It's not intentional. It goes perfect. But I will take credit.

It was very intuitive. Thanks. We're so happy to have you here. I'm so happy to be here. Thanks for coming all the way. Oh my gosh. No, thanks for having me. I was so stressed this morning. when I was on the, I literally booked everything perfectly. And you know what it did? Why? I put this in my calendar right away and it changed it to East Coast time. I mean, right when I did it. And I did it weeks ago. So I didn't even second guess it. So this whole time I've been like, okay, two o'clock. If I take the 6.15 a.m. I get in at 9.50. Like, I'm good. And then I was sitting on the plane and I looked at the memo for my publicist and I was like, 11. I'm not going to make it in time. Oh, no. Oh, my God. It was so crazy. But I made it. did. You absolutely made it. We're so happy. But that makes sense. I get annoyed when it switches on the calendar. It's so annoying. Because I have that turned off. Yeah. Oh, you do? Yeah, but it still says, like, if you actually clicked on it, it would say Pacific Time 11, but on the calendar it says 2 p.m. because I'm in East Coast. I'm like, that's not nice. It's not nice because you scheduled things in different places.

That's happened to us before. I forget what it was. We were like, oh, yeah, we don't have to be there until. And then we're like. We're like, we're in me. We missed it. Yeah, you know, everything. It's gone and done. Just kidding. That's in L.A. Oh, my God.

It's so hard. I mean, calendar's keeping track of anything. I know. Like, so overwhelming. It really is. Yeah. But you're full-time over there. Yes, full-time Michigan.

Okay. Yeah. Amazing. Yeah. How did you end up there? Yeah. Well, so, oh my gosh, like probably seven, almost eight years ago, I went to go to Chicago, met in Chicago.

Right. And my. my mom lives in Michigan. He lives on this really cute town that's like right on the water and like, you know, you just walk through. It's literally like a hallmark town. You're like, love it. Is this real? And it's so artsy and just I loved the community and it's a two-hour flat drive from Chicago. And so I was like, this is amazing. Like, why don't I live here? So during the pandemic, I was like, oh, great, I'll get like a zombie apocalypse property.

Yeah. Yeah. Everything plays the shit. I love that. So I got that. And I did that. didn't think I would live there full time, but then the pandemic happened, and then I left the show, and I was like, you know, creeping up to 40, and I hadn't had kids yet, and I was single still, and I was like, I need to change things up for a second. I'm just going to park myself at the farm for a bit. I'm going to sell my house in L.A., just sit at the farm and see what happens. And then I stayed. Yeah. And you haven't left. And now you left. You are engaged? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Did he just like come milk the cow? Like how is that? I'm going to sit at the farm and see what happens. I'm like, I want that. I know. He's like, hey, ma'am, do you need some milk? Yeah. Okay.

No, my cousin was, so my mom's side of the family lives in Michigan, so I used to spend summers there. So I had a connection to Michigan. And my cousin, whom I'm really close to, is like, oh, I wish I had somebody to introduce you to. And she was like, actually, this guy. that I knew from college. I always thought he was really cute.

And I was like, okay. That's like so long ago. Who knows? And she's like, no, I think I follow him still on Instagram. He likes to read. He's like, and I was like, ugh. And she hooked us up. She hooked us up.

And, you know, he like had like the old red jeep and the box red lab and like the flannel shirts. And I was like, wait, what? Yeah. And he did like to read. Oh my God. Like that was not a lot. Why?

It's getting more and more hallmark by the minute. Totally. Yeah. Oh, my God. That's so cute. So that was it. And then luckily he and I shared the same views because that, you know, we're in a smaller town in Michigan.

He has the dog. He wears the flannel. Let's get down to talking. What kind of rally are we at? Yeah, we were the same. So I was like, okay, cool. We love the same things. We have the same morals.

And I was like, great. That's great. Yeah. That's outstanding. I crave getting away again. Oh, I thought you were going to say I crave a man in a flannel. No, no. I'll just put Jeff in a flannel.

No, but that sounds ideal just like being away and on a farm. Yeah, that's awesome. I love it. Yeah, and we do, we have a, he works like 45 minutes away from the farm, so we have another place that's, I mean, to call it a city, it's still very small. Yeah, but it's like, it's like, oh, wait, the coffee shop is like five minutes down the road. versus like 15 minutes down the road. So it feels like a city.

I love that so much. I've been craving that. I'm just talking about it yesterday. I'm like, I want a country house or like something, you know? It's nice. Is it a working farm? No, I have two goats and two ducks.

And then we also have two cats and two ducks. But they're fixed males. Like they don't produce milk. They're just there for pets and love. Yeah. And even the ducks, like they just run around. How do you feel about having ducks? Because, hold on.

It's like she's been waiting to ask. My whole life. No. Ryers, aunt, like, they had ducks, and they were, like, very dirty and hard to take care. Like, they wound up rehoming them eventually. Yes. Okay. So my ducks are not like that.

Okay. I heard chickens are very dirty. They have chickens and they kept those. Okay. But for some reason, the ducks. They were unhinged. They were unhinged ducks. Maybe the ducks just did not like cohabitants.

with the chickens. They were like, we're going to make a mess. We don't like it here. The chickens are in our way. Okay. I don't know. My ducks are pretty clean. I mean, as clean as a duck could be. I mean, sure. But, and they're so personable. Like, one of them, I named him Quasi, after Quasimodo. He is the most personable one in the whole barn. Like, he'll, like, come jump on your back. But now that, as he has started laying eggs. Oh. If you come into the pen near her eggs, he will try to like. Yeah. And then you just be like, dude, you're fine.

Yeah. Just you're safe. But yeah, no, they're great. She likes her ducks. I love money. No, I love that. My daughter's always been obsessed with ducks. So that's why I'm like, wait, but you can't have ducks.

But you can have ducks in your pool. I do have ducks in my pool. They come back every year. They love the pool. They do. They just open my pool and my ducks every time I'm cleaning out their pen. They're in the pool. They're in the pool.

Guys, it's Gloria and I don't know if this is good for you. It's probably not. They seem okay. Can I need to tell? I was traumatized. There was one year. The ducks had ducklings, right? Because they have, they put their nests in my yard. Like they usually every year, the same duck. And the pool man came in the ducklings had hatched and they were in the pool. And he like shooed them out of the pool. Right. But like one didn't get out. And it was in the like, you know, where the, I know, this is not, this is not an uplifting story. I laugh when I get nervous. It's really inappropriate. And he didn't get out. And it. No, I'm going to start crying. What is her crying? Basically, like that night, all I heard was the mom in the pool calling for her baby. Stop it. No.

Because we have coyotes here. And I know. I can't. And my daughter obviously never. No. There was the time they got trapped under the net. And your husband had to jump in the pool and get them around. And trying to get them all out.

They were trapped under like the childproof net of the pool. There's a lot of tackling sagas that have gone down in my backyard. You've had some traumatizing ones. True with you. Yeah, that's hard. Oh, God. I'm hearing that call from the moment. Oh, my God, no, I can't. I literally, I was crying all night that night. Sorry. And now I'm laughing. It's really traumatizing. Oh, God. Sorry, this is taking a really weird turn. This is not really, I feel like there's more in there.

There is, but it's like they've worked so hard on ducks. What is this really about? I don't know. But I'm curious, with. When you move away, yes, your family's there, right? But do you have community? Do you have friends? Like, do you miss your friends from before? What is that experience like? So it was interesting because all my friends started leaving L.A.

kind of around the same time. I feel like the pandemic, really, a lot of people to the East Coast or went back home or whatever. Or a lot of friends are still working on things that are far away. So because of that, I didn't really feel. And also, I'd been in Chicago for seven years at this point. I was like, I was already going back and forth. And so most of my, I mean, I still have, like, some of my core friends here. But a lot of my, I was building such a core community in Chicago.

And now I'm only a two-hour drive from that. So it feels like if I really need that or if I really need that, like, that hit with my friends or like a city, it's right there. So I don't feel like. And then when I go somewhere, even if it was for work or I move somewhere, I like to, like immerse myself in the town. Yeah. And so I immediately joined an adult tap class. What? And I did a recital at the town. At the town, where they do like, you know, when like Jersey Boys comes through,

that's where they perform it. That's where we did a recital. It was all three-year-olds to 17-year-olds. And then our adult class and that was it. Oh, my God. It was mortifying. That is amazing. That is so fun.

And a lot of older ladies, you know. And we were just tapping our little hearts out. And this year, they were like, are you, you better be joining again? And I was like, it was one and done for me, ladies. But it was fun. And so they sent me recording of the class. Yeah, I could. I need, what song did you do your recital?

We did. Okay, so we had two classes. One was a little more advanced than the other. And I was in both because I had friends in both. And I was like, just got to be in both. So one song was like a flamenco song. Yeah. The other song was from Napoleon Dynamite, and we wore, I vote for Pedro.

Oh, stop it. Whose idea was that? And my aunt came and brought me flowers. Oh, my God. No, it was, I was like, I don't know if this is a high or a low in my life. But I'm going with it. It was so ridiculous. Oh, my God.

She's like, so now I'm mayor. Yeah. A mayor of song and talk. No, it was, yeah, it was interesting. So I started doing that. And then I also love, like, my favorite, one of my favorite hobbies is playing tennis. So I'm on four tennis teams. Four.

Yeah, four. And so I'd meet a lot of friends. Like, every time we go around Kalamazoo, which is where my fiancee grew up. I'm always like, hey, Amy. Oh, no way. Like I was like, how do you have more friends than me now? I'm like, my tennis girls. Oh, my gosh.

Yeah. So, okay, fiancee, and you said you hadn't had kids yet. Are kids in, like, is that something you want? When is this coming out? Oh, are you pregnant? I'm pregnant. I just got chills all over my. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Thank you. I'm going to cry. We live for it. We live for it. I'm going to cry. Yeah. No, that's the same. I'm fine, you guys.

The ducks really set me off. I love it. Do you know what you're having? A girl. Oh, are you going to say that? Yeah, yeah. Okay. We're pretty sure it's a girl because.

Oh. So we did IVF. Okay. And because my agent stuff, they wanted to do all the genetic testing just on the embryo. So by the time it was a two-week embryo, they knew it was a girl. Yeah. Which is crazy. Science is insane.

Mind-blowing. Mind-blowing. Yeah. But it's only 90% accurate. So we just did the blood testing. Oh, got it. We don't care either way, but we were like, you know. I think it's a girl.

I have a feeling it's a girl. Yeah. I think they probably have a good handle on that. What was that experience? for you going through the IVF and all that. Yeah. It was, it was a lot.

Yeah. It's like you can prepare yourself for it as much as you can. But then it's like the hormones were so outrageous. Yeah. And then also you do gain weight from it and stuff in weird ways. Like your pants don't fit in weird ways. And then it just kind of like, you just feel like, you constantly feel like you're in your worst moment of PMS.

Do you know what I mean? And it's like. That's rough. Like everything is just, oh. Yeah. And then when you're doing the shots, you start to become, you feel like a bit of a lab rat too because you're doing the shots every day. And then at one point, like, you have to go get your blood drawn every other day for like weeks at a time. And so you're like constantly like with bruises.

And it's just, it's such a mind. And then you don't even know if it's going to work. Right. You know, and then you go in. It was, yeah, it was intense. I think the one thing, though, that they don't. don't tell you, I felt like it was such an isolating experience because there's so many people with good intentions that were like, oh, I froze my eggs. I know what you're going through.

And you're like, well, that's because you had an abundance. It's not the same process. It's not, but you don't want to say that. You know, so you're just like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or, you know, friends that maybe are always there weren't reaching out the same way just because they're like, oh, yeah, okay, cool, IVF, great. But it's like you don't know. You don't know. You don't know until you're there. You can't blame people for not knowing either, but I think I love being alone and isolated, and that's why I love the farm. But this was the first time that I was like, I don't like being totally alone right now.

Like it felt super, super isolating. That was hard. That makes sense. Yeah. Because everything is experiential, right? Yeah. So it's like, how can you? I think that two people just always try to offer something.

Yeah. And it'll be like, it. This is the thing that I don't think people understand is that they think they're offering you something of comfort, but it hurts more. Totally. I remember when I had a kid that was in the NICU and they're like, oh, I know a ton of pre-mees. Every ease going to be thought. And it's like you don't know what I'm feeling right now. Like it's not comforting.

It's angering. Totally. Because nobody knows the way you're feeling what you're going through. Yeah. I almost felt that way, like maybe a year before when I'd be talking to my girlfriends who had had kids. And I was like, I don't know. I just have this feeling that it's going to be a little difficult for me. And they're like, no, no, you're going to be fine, blah, blah, blah. And I used to internally get like semi-annoyed because I was like, I know my body. Like, I'm telling you that

I'm having this feeling. I know you're trying to uplift me and be positive right now, but it's actually making me disconnect because I'm feeling like I'm not, you know, what I'm feeling is inaccurate. not accurate. Yeah, exactly. So that was hard. And then, yeah, and then you go in. It's just, I think the whole thing of surrounding fertility and pregnancy and all that, it's just such a every person specific experience, you know.

It's so different for every person. It's so different. Yeah. Even when I started it and I was like looking up things and, you know, I'd see these girls on Instagram that were like, I'm like 14 weeks and my pants are just starting to get tight. And I was like, girl, I was there at six weeks. Like, what the heck?

Yeah. I'm like, okay, I can't, you can't even compare yourself. You can't. In pregnancy, like you just cannot. No. But people do that too. I've noticed I had a lot of different people going through that at the same time. And I think that it would be like, okay, she's got six eggs. She's got 20. She's not getting any. And like, it was hard for them not to compare themselves to other people that were getting 20 eggs at a time. Right. You're like, yeah. You're like, yeah. Yeah. So it's hard on both ends. And then especially if other people are on the upside throwing it out there.

Right. You know what I mean? I had so many healthy follicles. Yeah. Yeah. Really good for you. Well, because, I mean, it's an isolating experience, right? And I know a lot of people that pair up through it. But then that becomes painful. Yeah. Because some are having victories and some aren't. Yeah. It's right. It's really to people to do multiple cycles. Yeah. Luckily, we only did one cycle. We went from December until now, which was, I feel so lucky for that. December until now? Wow, that's great. Yeah. But some people, they do years. And not only that, it's like financially taxing.

Of course. Mentally taxing. It's a lot. Yeah. So it was a long road, I imagine, like, leading up to that decision. Yeah. Yeah. But then I said I didn't want to do it. And then we were on the phone with the doctor and I was like, okay, let's just do it. I had this, like, we have to do this. Right. And I'm like, yeah. You know. know what's weird is when I was looking through your Instagram. I was like, she's a mom. Oh. That's what I felt. I was like, she's like a mom.

Yeah. But I didn't see the kid. I love that. Like it was just like when you were playing the piano, like different things, the farm, like all of it. I was like, she's giving mom vibe. You know. You give mom. Thank you.

You're giving mother. Oh. What an amazing experience, you know. And I think it is beautiful. though there are so many options nowadays. And I know, like you said, like financial, of course. Like that plays into a lot of even freezing your eggs, like all of these methods. And if you have the means, like, it's really incredible what can happen.

Absolutely. Yeah. But pregnancy is such a real thing. Has it been, how is your, has your so sick? Oh. So sick. That's what gross. And finally this week, like, able to not actually.

Wow. I think the last time I did that. was like three days ago. And I'm hoping that like maybe now that I'm on the other, yeah, it's going to stick a little bit because I've been so saying, my, uh, Jared, my fiance, he's like, every time I'll like be in the car and I'm like, mm-mm. And I'm like, oh, like, oh, he's like, oh, oh, are you, like they don't know what to do. No. You look so sad right now. And I'm like, Jared, shut. Yeah. You look so sad. Like, what does that mean? Yeah, like I'm peaking.

Like a helpless puppy? Yeah. Fine, thank you. Oh, they have no idea what we go through. No. No. Even the smells, I don't know if you experience that. Oh.

It's like offensive. Oh, my God. I could not smell chicken. Oh. I don't want to make you throw up. No, I know. I know. Oh, my gosh.

And on the plane this morning. Oh, no. I could smell every single person and every single thing on them and what they, I was like, this is so. this is so hard. It's like, I read somewhere, somebody said it's a superpower I never asked for. Right. It's so true. It's so true. Yeah, you can like smell through walls. Yeah. You're like, they're cooking somewhere. Yeah. Yeah. Somewhere it's happening. I know. And like, poor Jared, like, one of the things I loved about him when I met, I was like, he never smells bad. I was like,

how was that possible? Like, what is wrong with you? And now I'm like, what is that? Oh, no. And if he brushed his teeth, like the mint is too strong. Yeah, all of it. Like, everything is just offensive. Oh, and he shaved his beard? No, don't do that. No. Without telling me.

I'll leave my husband for that. Thank you. Oh, no, it's a thing. Oh, I called it Ellengate because I was like, when did my fiance leave and Ellen came in? Like, no, no, no, do not come home until it's back. I was so pissed. Same. So, that is a huge thing.

Yeah. Oh, it's your. I was like, I'm hormonal? What? Is he a white guy? Yes. This is what? I'm like, you look like a politician. You look like, you're campaigning for something.

Oh my God. It's not okay. He was like, he thought I was joking at first. He was like kind of laughing. And then he's like, you're serious. And I was like, you can't do this to me. I'm hormonal. Why would you do this to me?

No. Can't change things up. And I saw it from the driveway when he was coming home through the window when I was sitting on the couch from work. And I was like, no, he didn't. And he came in and I was already like, no. Oh, no. And he doesn't have like a thick beard.

It's like, you know, it's tough. Yeah, it's got it. Does he get hurt feelings by that? Because my, my husband gets hurt feelings. He's like, you don't like my face. Oh, he did. And I'm like, I love your face with hair on it. Yeah.

You're like, I just like it covered up a little bit. Yeah, yeah. Just a little stuff. You know? It just needs a little. Yeah. It's a thing I think. Well, with a lot of women that I talk to, like I definitely prefer.

Yeah. A little. I bear no. I know. It's a no for me. It's a no for me too. We really just keep getting sidetracked with these really important things. Ducks, birds, you know, all the good things. We cover it all. Support for broad ideas comes from seed. I love taking care of myself, but especially in the summertime, working out, trying to eat healthy, using sunscreen, as always, but a little extra in the summer. So whether you're off to the pool, hiking or traveling the summer, you're bringing your microbiome with you too. The 38 trillion bacteria that live in and on you, especially your gut, are essential to whole body health. Seeds DS-01, daily

symbiotic, benefits your gut, skin, and heart health in just two capsules a day. I love using seed. I love just taking two capsules. I love knowing what's going into my body. And it is all good. It makes me feel, honestly, more awake, more alert, more ready to take on the day. And like I said, it's so easy to fit into your daily routine, just two capsules a day. I don't even have to think about it. Support your gut this summer with Seeds DS01 Daily Symbiotic. Go to seed.com slash broad and use code 25 broad to get 25% off your first month. That's 25% off your first month of Seeds DS01 Daily Symbiotic at seed.com slash broad. Code 25 Broad. Support for broad ideas comes from quince. I love quince. I have bought some of my favorite sweaters, also my favorite bedding. Whenever I'm gearing up for my next trip, deciding what to pack is always so stressful.

The clothes I have either they don't fit, they're worn out, or they just don't match. But then I discovered quince. It's my go-to for high-quality vacation essentials I'll be packing for trips to come. Like premium European linen dresses, blouses and shorts from $30. Washable silk tops, premium luggage options, and so much more. The best part, all quince items are priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. I have a problem. I love buying luggage.

But now I buy premium luggage, but it's so pretty, so reliable, from quince at such a great price. Pack your bags with high-quality essentials with quince. Go to quince.com slash idea for free shipping on your orders and 365 day returns. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash ideas to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash ideas. Okay, so we'll pivot. How about, okay, conscious actress, what does that mean? To you.

I mean, like, I think I can get it. Sure, sure. I always feel like, I feel like from the time I started this industry, it started, it came in different ways. I feel like for me in the beginning, it meant being conscious of myself and how I show up and how I represent myself and not being caught up or sucked into other people's behaviors. I feel like especially, probably you know this too, especially in the teen world, there's so many egos and negative. energies and like I really struggled on some of those shows that I started in because I just was like very anxious going to work because it was just a smashing of like all these egos all the time and I was like I don't like this and so being conscious of kind of like not taking that on and maintaining who I was I felt like was always important and then translate later I feel like into using your platform for things that are important to you really and I feel like that's That's what kind of kept me in this whole thing because I got to a point for a while where I was like, sometimes being on set every day can be kind of depressing. You know, it's like reconditioned air.

And sometimes you're around people that you might not be hanging out with really in real life all the time. And but I realized I was like, oh, but you can use this platform to speak on the things that you like really matter to you. So then it kind of became like an exciting game of like the more I work, the more I can speak on things. Like cool. And then I like that. Me too. I think that's a big deal because I get it. You know, I really do.

And I've questioned like if I even want to touch this industry because of those reasons. And then it's like, but if you don't, then that's all that exists. If the people that actually want to make a difference in any way don't touch it, then there's no differences being made. Totally. Right? Yeah. So I actually really applaud you for that. And congratulations for being able to navigate that and hold true to it.

Yeah. Also, a conscious actress, just you saying, like, people that I might not hang out with that much, like, in real life. Like, it's like a very conscious, nice way to say things. No, but it's true. But just like how you hold yourself. It's just like, I'm a conscious actress because of all the fucking bitches. Yeah. I had to do the opposite.

But you had such an interesting upbringing. Because like learning about, you know, your life, like, you know, your family and the business they were in and the people you were surrounded by. I mean, that must have been so crazy just growing up around all of that. Yeah. Well, it's funny because I actually think that that kind of like led me to what we were just talking about, really. Because I did grow up, you know, always on tour with my dad. And, you know, my mom being best friends with Stevie Nix. and even like as kids, especially like on tour with Billy and my dad and stuff.

Like the way they acted around like Billy has a kid, Alexa and me and my sisters, like the way they acted around us, I always saw nothing bad. Right. I'm sure that I know there was a lot of bad as an adult. But they hid it from us. And like I always would tell my dad, like one of my favorite qualities of his is like, no matter who comes up to my dad, he always treats every single person equally in the same. And he's very inviting to anybody who walks up to him. And he's very, very kind in that way.

And I, I, that was like ingrained. It wasn't something I thought about. It was just there. And then when I started working and I was in those kind of environments and I'd see people coming in late and throwing tantrums and this and that. And I'm like, hmm, we're on the CW. Like, you're not Billy Joel. Like, Billy Joel could be good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

People were like, iconic rock stars. And I didn't see them throwing tantrums. Maybe they did, but not in front of the kids. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even if it was a false representation or not, it was a representation that I went like, no. Come on.

Yeah. This is ridiculous. I'm not going to feed into this at all. Like, this is crazy. Yeah. That's huge, though. You know, because that is who you're looking up to as you grow up. And it is really what forms you, you know, and I mean, I can relate not on that level, but like just my dad always being like, because he, you know, was in the business and working like, you do your job and you do it well and you treat everyone equally. And like he was always fair and loyal and all of that, you know, so you get that kind of experience. So then it translates whether it's the same area with whatever. It could be any form of work or people interact. but I think it's huge.

It's so important. And it's cool to be able as an adult, like really understand that about your parent. And be like, wow, that's really cool that that's the way they were. You know, they were everybody's flawed. But it's like, but to be able to say like, no, my parent like actually was like fair and showed up and treated everybody with kindness. Like, that's such a cool thing to be able to say. Totally. And especially when your, you know, parents are like, you know, you're touring with Billy Joel and like all those things.

Yeah. How fun. especially during that time. Yeah. Right. Like when you were a kid and... Yeah. But you probably didn't even know how cool it was because you were a kid.

No. No, it was just your life. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Because I always would think like, you know, there's so many things. Like you can kind of relate it to being an actor. Like if, you know, I don't know when you started, but like I went straight from high school into like acting and stuff.

And you're like, oh, I wonder what it would have been like to go to college. Like I wonder what... Yeah. You know, like all these things that people were like, just blow off. And so like with my child. I'm like, I wonder what, oh my God, his dad just goes to work from like nine to six and comes home. Right. What is that like?

What is that like? What seems cool? Like, what is this life like, you know? Right. Yeah. Yeah. So it's like, you only know what you know, really. I know.

And so they were cool with you getting into, because you started modeling at 15. Is that right? Yes. So I started modeling. So Billy's wife at the time was Christy Brinkley. And she was like, oh, no, no, I'd have a big deal. I mean, that's such, like. Like.

to an agent in New York, whatever. And I was too short. And so they introduced me to an agent in Miami. And so I started kind of like modeling. And somebody was like, oh, you're too shy in front of the camera. You should put her in an acting class. And so I went an acting class. And I was like, this is what I love to do.

I didn't like modeling. But then, like, I lived in Orlando. So I could do so many like commercially modely things and make money to save up to come to L.A. after high school. Right. But I started when I was like 15, 16, because my parents. parents did not want me to start until I could drive myself. That was like their stipulation, which I appreciate.

I'm so glad they didn't let me start younger. Yeah. For sure. Yeah, I think it was similar. So like after high school, I was the same as you. And my parents are more like, finish high school. If you want to do it after you finish, then fine. But like not, it's like kind of the same thing.

It's like drive yourself or finish school and then figure it out. And I love that because I feel like it's just young enough and just old enough, right? Like it's not like you're like 25 and like, okay. I did call now I want to do what I want to do. It's like, no, okay. I'm old enough, but also I'm so young. Right. So young.

So young. So yeah. You didn't think of it. Did you move out here on your own? Yeah. Oh, wow. And how old were you? It was literally the month they turned 18.

Oh my God. Wow. Wait, by yourself at 18. My mom drove with me. Yeah. Help me set up an apartment and then. You had an apartment alone at 18 in LA. I lived a random girl.

Oh, a random roommate, which is even scary. Did you live in like those? apartments that like oak woods no but I lived in Woodland Hills I started okay because I didn't know what else to do that's that's at least cozier yeah being in like the same one word our urban outfiters on Santa Monica promen oh yeah it's like weird jobs I was like and I remember I was working with this guy do you remember the teen movie called Angus buffoon no no okay anyways look it up you might remember he was the lead he was Angus and he was working at urban outfiters with me and that's when it hit me oh my god you could be

on the cover of a movie and still have to work at Urban Outfitters. Oh my God. Slapping the forehead. I was like, what does that be? You're like, I don't understand this Hollywood thing. Yeah, it was crazy. Whoa. That actually is crazy.

That is crazy. That is crazy. That is the dream. That's what I come out here to do. Yeah. And now I'm working next to Urban Outfitters. Yes. Oh my God.

That's a trick. That is not. I mean, Angus what, buffoon? Angus buffoon. Yeah, it was like, you know when they put out all those 90s teen movies. I know. I need to see the face. Right in the middle of those.

But also, so when you talked about, like, working on all the shows, because you were on all those shows, right? Yeah. It's almost like high school on steroids. Yes. Because you're also picking not just, let me see me? Yeah. No.

It's so 90s. It doesn't ring above. Kathy Bates is in it. I love Kathy Bates. Did she work at urban house? That would have been really cool. You're like, yeah, I did check out Amy Polar though when I worked there. I remember.

Oh, my God. That's so cool. That is funny. I love going to Third Street promul. I know. It was so fun. It was so fun. It was near the Woodland Hills Mall, kind of.

Oh, okay. So it was like a big, like big complex. So I'm sure you've driven by it a million times. Oh, my God. That's so crazy, though. But to do that so young is just, yeah, and just go for it. But you almost have to be that young to do something like that because you don't overthink it. Yeah. The older you get, older you'd be like, this is kind of dumb. Yeah, this is dumb. You're like, this is a lot. I'm going to like OCD every.

Every six. I'm going to do the math on this and it's not going to go well. Totally. Totally. Yeah. That's funny. But I think that's amazing and good for you because then. And how, like, quickly did you start working? So I did like, you know, the little guest star one-liners here and there things. And then I booked my first series regular when I was 20. That's young. That's young. It took you two years for that.

Yeah. That's amazing. But I do remember, though, one of my first guest stars was for Dawson's Creek. Oh, shit. And I was like 18. And I remember sitting up my friend is so much. cringy and embarrassing. I remember sitting on my balcony and be like, oh my God, I made it.

Because Datsonisprite was huge. That's huge. That's a big deal. It for me. I made it. I don't, don't ever have to go home again. You were right, though. You were right. It did work out. Yes, it did work out.

It did. It did. It did. It did. But it still, that was a big moment. That's huge. That was like the biggest show of the time. I was so excited.

Shoot that here? Was it in North Carolina? Yeah, it was in Wilmington. That's what I knew. And then, so what happened, like, you left Chicago. Yes. Right? Like, what happened there?

Nothing, really. I had a great time. You did your seven years. Is that what happened? Yeah, six. Yeah, that's a long time. Yeah, I loved it. They kind of, like, really, I'll just be very blunt.

They really started the last season I was there. They wrote my character in a really weird way and wrote her into a a big hole that she just could not get out of. And it was very bizarre. And I know they wanted to do a change up on the show too. So we kind of had this like mutual conversation where I was like, I was at that time my life where I was really grateful because they didn't ask to renew my contract. Yeah.

And I was so grateful because I think without it being a mutual conversation, I would have never done it on my own because of the consistent paycheck. I was scared. But I also knew I was creeping up to that time where I was like, if I really want to focus on this personal life stuff, I gotta go. I can't do it now. You know, from July to April every single year. It's like. What would you do? Like 22 or 24? Yeah. And so it's like, what are you going to do? Yeah. Yeah. It's so, you know, for a woman and, you know, age stuff and playing into all, like all of those things. It is a thing, you know. But like for you to have done six years. But like for you to have done six years. That's amazing. You know, like that's like to live out your full contract. Like that does not happen often, you know. Yeah. It was really perfect.

I was really happy with it. I loved that show. I loved most everybody I worked with. I love all of these little. We can't love everyone. I try so hard. You really do. I try so hard.

I do too. Because I find most people lovable. Yeah. Me too. But then there's some that I'm just like, Oh, not for me and that's okay. And I used to think it was a me problem if I didn't love somebody. I was like, okay, how can I find a way of finding that connecting force that's within both of us that were all part of one?

So I have to love this person. And then I was speaking to this amazing energy healer that I love. And she was like, you don't have to love everybody. You can love everybody, but you don't have to like everybody. That's right. That's okay. And I was like, great. Well, I don't like her.

I don't like her. I was like, this is freeing. Totally. Because you're forcing yourself to something that's actually not an alignment for you. And a lot of times I find that it's, there's people with different things going on internally that we can't touch or do anything about. And it's like you can love them and then you can have a boundary. Totally. Right.

And I think it's so important to acknowledge that. Like, okay, I can see that they're in this and it's probably not them. but I don't have the time or space right now to dig that out. And that's not somebody I'm willing to invest my time in that way. So you can just say, love and move on. Yeah. A hundred percent. Yeah.

I feel like people need permission for that. Yeah. Always. I do too. Yeah. It's okay. Yeah. It is.

You don't have to like anybody. You don't like anyone you don't like. You're like, fuck everybody. Well, I've only just gotten to the place where I'm okay with other people not liking people. Oh, yeah. Because I like so many people that I want everyone to like these people. Oh, interesting. And then in... It's like how she's with food. Uh. It is. It's the same. You don't like. Yeah. Like, you need to try that right now. So you have to try that. And then she watches you eat it. Yeah. I want to see if you like it. What do you think? Like how... But that's how you are with people too.

Yeah. Because I'm like, here's her. Yeah. Don't you like her? And if people are like not really. Like try her. She's amazing. Yeah. Yeah. So interesting. Yeah. I learned it through marriage. Oh, interesting. Yeah, because you can't like all the same people. Can't like all the same people.

And my husband has zero filter. I was going to say, especially for marriage and Jeff. He's got zero. He doesn't have a people pleasing bone in his body. So he'll just be like, I don't want to hang out with that person. Yeah. I'm like, can you imagine those boundaries? No.

That's amazing. It's amazing. That's amazing. Yeah. I feel like men so easily have those boundaries. It does seem to come to them easier. We do. We do. It's hard work.

We've never been given permission for those boundaries. Right. They've just always had the permission for those boundaries. So sure. Yeah. Yeah. We have to give ourselves permission. We do.

And other people permission to like whoever they want and be like, that's okay. Yeah. It's hard. It is hard. That part was hard for me. Yeah. This episode is brought to you by IQ Bar. I love IQ Bar.

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like you are Cabanicide. Join Tropical Smoothie Cafe for a pineapple, mango, and watermelon sworee all summer long. Grab a refreshing island punch, mangoberry Cosmo and watermelon mojito mocktail smoothie, and meet us poolside. Visit one of Tropical Smoothie Cafe's 1400 plus locations or order online or through their app. I had to go through that through, I had one really bad friend breakup, probably like 10 years ago. And it was really hurtful. And then things kind of like splintered out a little bit, you know, with siblings and things like that. And people that I knew that were close to me and were like kind of my number one still staying in touch with that person, not on the same level that they were in touch with me. And I had to realize like that connection between them has nothing to do with me at all. And I can't get in the way of whatever they need to do in this lifetime. That has nothing to do with me. That would. be so selfish, but that was really hard to learn because you want to be hurt by it and be like, but you're mine.

Yeah. No. No. That is really hard. That's really hard. Yeah, because you're like, but this person's being mean to me or we had this thing and they're like, yeah, that's okay. That's also hard with exes.

Like when you're friends with couples and they break up, that's tough. You know, like whether it's the exes friends or your, like, or if you have two friends that break up, That is rough. Yeah. Or you know what I found really, really hard. If you have an X that's in the industry and then people don't want to let go of that connection because they like what they do. Seeing that side in people you love and then also trying not to be hurt that they're choosing

to kind of have a semblance of a relationship with them because of what that person does. Yep. Oh, no. Because you're like, oh, man, I hate that. Yeah. And also, I hate that. Yeah. That's a hard one.

That is hard. Well, you got married really young, right? I did, yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah, 26. That's really young. That's young as far as I'm concerned. When you were 26, it probably didn't feel young.

But yeah. Yeah. It felt. It felt confusing. Yeah. Yeah. It felt confusing. Yeah.

You just confused about everything in your 20s, I think. Yeah. No, I really feel that way. you just are still learning, like, who you are. 100%. Yeah. It's a learning period for sure. I was so emotional.

Like, cried through my 20s. I was angsty. I was confused. Like, you shouldn't make any big life decisions in your 20s. I agree with that. And was that when you went through a divorce? Was that public and all that at the time? It was.

And it was the first time I did something like that. Yeah, because he was on a really big show. Yeah. That was really popular. So it did draw up. Were you on it? I was, yeah, but I only did like six episode. Yeah.

Six to something maybe more. I don't remember. But, and then once we were splitting up, I was like, not going back there. Like, I'm not that kind of person that's like, well, this is business. I can stay. It's like, no. You're like, I'm, I don't want to come back. Yeah.

Thank you. Yeah. But yeah, no, it was, yeah, that did garner a bit of attention in a way that I don't think I was prepared for. No, it's hard. Yeah. Because that show was so massive. Yeah.

He was so, you know. Yeah. Or is or all of it. Just that would be like really hard. And then it was hard too because for a couple years, anybody I would date afterwards, people would just. He's so disgusting. He'll never be him. How could you do this?

Oh, my God. I hope you. Oh, they were coming after you. After both of us. Like everything. And then they'd go to that person. Then they'd find that person's mom's pain. No.

Oh my. Oh, my God, he's not mortifying. And just because they glamorized him in a role. Of course. Yeah, they don't know him. Indiculous. Yeah, he's an asshole. No, I'm just kidding.

Like, everyone, go away. Yeah. Go away. Yeah. How was that, like, how was that on your mental health? It was hard because that was a really, that was a really dark time for me because I went through the divorce. I went through that same friendship breakup.

I was having some. inter-familial issues too because I kept I I used to have this habit too in my 20s where I would keep everything in and once I processed it and I could say it in a way that I could present it on the platter I wanted to present it to the people closest to me I would so nobody when we got when I got divorced nobody knew anything was going on because I hid everything right so it was like oh my god and then I all of a sudden was like I don't want like I just want to live in a life with like no electronics and like barefoot and this and that. So many people that love you equate success with shoes. Yeah. Yes. Right. And when you say you're like, no, that's not the stuff that makes me

happy. I'm very unhappy right now. Like I want to find happy because they love you so much, it freaks people out. And I like, it just, it created some divide. Luckily those divides we didn't, we got through them. Yeah. But a lot of people didn't understand. stand me in that moment and that was really hard too and then with all the public stuff on top of it and so hard yes yes it was it was an interesting time for sure but you grow from it so you do grow from it's all good well i think that success is one of the quickest ways to find happiness and it's not through this success yeah it's because once you get it you realize oh shit yeah it didn't do the thing i thought it would right totally and now i have to find happiness and what is that

and how. Right. Because you always have this like carrot dangling. Like this will be the thing that comes. Right. And make you happy. Right. And so I feel like most of the people that we've talked to, whenever you achieve success,

it really is a teacher. That really doesn't, yeah, it doesn't bring what you thought it was going to. Yeah. Definitely. So what have you done to find your happiness? Or if you have any. No to Michigan. Yeah.

You're like, who said I was happy? Yeah, I'm miserable. Surround myself with a lot of animals. And, like, I just do simple things now. Like, I love, like, when I play tennis, I'm so stupid because I'm like, I'm not a professional. When I, like, don't think of anything else on this planet. Like, I grew up playing violin, yeah, seriously and competitively. And so even when I do music now, I'm judging myself.

When I'm doing acting or auditions, I'm judging myself. You know, it's like, when I have. conversations sometimes I'll overthink. Like, what did I say? Yeah. When I play tennis, I'm just not thinking at all. When I'm hanging out and when I'm cleaning out the barns, I'm not thinking at all. And so finding those things that just give me like complete, almost blank in my mind and I'm just in the moment, just enjoying myself. So even, you know, some of my friends laugh like, what are you doing in the middle of nowhere? Like we're like, I just, I love it. I won't trade it for anything. Like, I don't have traffic.

I don't have like, you know, nothing that gets me like super angsty in the day, which is amazing. I know. Yeah. I like it. We're moving to a farm? I think we have to. So I get, sometimes it's like, so it's all person dependent, right? Because I was trying to explain this to my husband because he likes solitude.

He likes to be quiet. He likes to do his things alone. That's how he recharges. And so to me, if I were to. to be cleaning the barn or doing, that makes my voices louder. Oh, interesting. My voices go away when I'm doing this, when I'm connecting, when I'm in conversation. That's how I charge.

That's how I charge. And so I hear those things and I'm like, I don't think that would, I think it would bring you. I'm like, I want to be in a barn right now cleaning that stall. No, I think it would actually bring you a tremendous amount of piece. 1,000 percent. Yeah. Yeah. I've actually spent a lot of time on a farm. Like I, it's not like, but we don't have stables to clean out or barn to clean. Right. Yeah. You know? Yeah, but I do you think. Well, there's a

ton of horse stables around here. That's true. You could just go offer to clean them. I'm just going to volunteer at the barn. I do want a horseback ride again, but I'm like, sorry, but I'm not going to be riding. I'm just going to be doing the cleaning. Yeah. I'm going to shovel the shit, clean the hubs and I will find my inner piece. No, it's true though. But it goes to show everybody's different in every way. And I feel like that's like the through line through this conversation, you know? Yes. What works for someone does not necessarily the other person. Yeah. Yeah. And you've been open about having an abortion when you were younger. So it's interesting because you're like, I knew it would be hard for me. But clearly like you got pregnant, I would assume

easily in your youth. And that was a decision or whatever. So where did that come from, like knowing that you had been pregnant before? You know what I mean? Yeah. No. It's, So that happened when I was 21. Yeah. That's very young. So young. Very young. Yes.

And then time had gone by. And I had been in a lot of long-term relationships. And I don't know. I was just getting this feeling that like, hmm, I don't know. This might be hard. And I talked about, you know, the want for kids with people because you get to a certain age and it's important. And then when I was. a little bit older. I ended up getting pregnant again. I had a miscarriage, which I know is very

common. Very. And something I think also hasn't talked about enough because I've had them. I talk about it. Yeah. So many women have miscarriages. Yeah. And then, you know, when you're in a really serious relationship, you're not worried about things that you're not as careful and nothing, you know. Happened. Yeah. I was going to say, I'm going to be blunt. You were in long terms and you didn't get pregnant and you weren't super careful and like the pullout method doesn't always work and like whatever yeah yeah and it didn't happen so yeah yeah and so I was just getting this feeling I was like it was flagging yeah yeah yeah I was like maybe that was my super charge fertile time and maybe you never know you never know it's so like I saw somebody posted today they were like on a four year

journey IVF or eight miscarriage like so many things and then naturally she just got pregnant You hear that all the time. Right? Where they do the IVF, it doesn't work. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't have heard that's kind of a thing. It is. Or like you go and you fill out the paper you're going to adopt finally.

Like that's your decision and then you get pregnant naturally and you have another kid. You know what I mean? Like it just brings on. It seems like you take the stress off your own body. Yes. That's huge. I think that's the biggest motivator is when you're not stressed. Totally.

And everything. And also what what made you. decide to talk about that and be open about that? Well, when I saw everything that was going on with, well, at the time, them trying to overturn Roe and stuff, I just felt like, God, I didn't even realize what a privilege it was to be able to make that choice. Yeah. And I think what really angered me the most was that there wasn't, and I know my story was

a story of choice, right? But then, you know, when I had the miscarriage, I had to take the pills to dispel of everything that was in my body or I would have gotten sick. And that's not, they're trying to make that not even readily available for women. And then I was reading these stories about, you know, a 13-year-old getting raped and not being able to get an abortion. And I was like, this is so. And I just felt like if I could use my story to like help normalize this and talk about

the importance, like I'm so happy to do it because for me it wasn't something. Like I know some people that have gone through that that would, do not want to talk about it. And again, that's totally fine. For whatever reason, it doesn't hold that charge in my body. Like, I felt totally comfortable doing it. And so I was like, great. If we can use this for good, well, let's go.

Yeah. It's such a scary moment as women where we're at. Yeah. That I was like, no, this is bullshit. We've got to do something. Yeah. I feel like everybody should be honest about that. And especially I would love it, too, if other people,

because I mean I have people in my life that were deeply religious. Yeah. And things happened and they had to do what they had to do. And it's like these are things that are really important to all women. And just the fact that you're putting it out there and being honest and taking that kind of stigma or shame or whatever people might assume someone would feel taking it off and opening up the conversation is so important. Did you go through anything with it? Like, was it an emotional... When it came out?

Yeah. Oh, my God. Like, I... People are psycho. Yes. Yeah. There was a lot. And there still is.

I mean, I get messages all the time. You know, baby killer, murderer, like videos of me. And it's like, watch out for her and, like, relating me to a Nazi and, like, playing crazy, like, anti-Christ music. And I was like, this is... insane. Wow. This is insane. Oh, it's just, it's wild. But I've had to just, I don't look at that stuff anymore. I just like, you know, and I can't internalize it. Just have to like, let it go, you know. Anyone who has the time to do that and make those kind of videos? Yes. And then they say negative

things. You're like, you're insane. Yeah. You're like showing us you're insane. And then saying things you want us to believe. And the scariest part is people buy into it. Yeah. I mean, you're not noticing that that person made a video and put music. Right. Right. And is saying all this outlandish stuff, like you're buying into that. Like, that's scary. Yeah. It's actually terrifying. It is. It is. It is. I mean, it's just there's so much. What? She's laughing. What? I'm just, I'm not laughing at that. I'm laughing. She was, though. She's like, that's fucking funny.

Someone wrote Rachel today and was like, I'm so sorry about all the mean comments. Like, don't, or like, don't read into it. Don't read into it. And she was like, wait, I hadn't read them. Like, what is going? It's just like, people are just like, you know, like, I wasn't aware of them. But thank you. But now I'm.

For bringing that to my attention. But it was like such a sweet gesture. Yeah. Like, don't listen to all. those hater comments are like, you look beautiful. Don't listen to what they're saying. And I'm like, what? What are they saying? What are they saying? Well, now I feel weird. Oh, I'm sorry. You can really do a number on you though. Know how or how much you say like, oh, I don't care, this and that. Like some of them really can get to you. Oh my God. I know. Of course. Some of those comments can really,

really get to you. But yeah, if you think about it, though, like somebody making that. They made that. No, not that song. Wait, let me do this one. No, that's that song. It's like, it's ridiculous. Exactly. It's absurd. And then it's like you think you have a message. But yeah, but did you ever regret saying it then? Were you like, why did I do this? No. My mom does. Oh, okay. I mean, my mom definitely agrees with me and, you know, right, right. But because I'm her daughter, She's like, people are so crazy. It makes me so nervous. And I'm like, I know, Mom, it's okay.

Yeah. Like, I live on a farm. Yeah, yeah. She doesn't love that. That makes sense, though. Yeah. I know. I get it.

She's a mom. Yeah. And yeah, that's just how you are. It's like a mom and like just. Yeah. And I'm like, forever. Whether you know it or not, you chose me. Yeah.

She did. You know what you were getting yourself into. That's right. And do you, as far as, as far as, as your consciousness, like being a conscious actress, is that connected to like spirituality, to consciousness, all of that. Are you into all that kind of stuff? Yeah, I'm definitely spiritual for sure. I mean, I pray all the time. I'm constantly talking, I don't know to what, really, but I'm constantly talking to the universe, love God. It took me a long time to be able to say

the word God because I did grow up going to church. So it was so heavily really. religiously charged to me. And so when I heard spiritual people that I really admired using the word God, I was like, what? Yeah. Mean to you. But now I'm more comfortable using it. So I'm definitely very spiritual. I look, I've asked for signs all the time. Oh yeah. I v. I had huge signs. I was like, show me signs. Yeah. And the amount of rabbits I saw everywhere, people were giving me rabbit stickers randomly, bookmarks. I was seeing real rabbits showing up in front of my car, this and that. It was just like, I was like, okay, okay, I hear it, here. What are rabbits? Well, I don't know, but then I looked it up and rabbits are huge signs of fertility.

Oh, no way. And what's crazy is when I... I just like rabbits. I just like rabbits. Nothing. Well, we did our first egg retrieval too. I woke up and Jared told me that I was talking about rabbits. And that was like rabbits. What do you mean? So, and then he started seeing rabbits and stuff. And so I just I love connecting with signs. I love signs. So much. Yeah. It's beautiful.

Yeah. Yeah. And I always say to people like when everyone's like, oh, that's ridiculous. I'm like, I definitely believe that either it's all true or not true. Like I'm not sitting here telling you that 100% my signs were coming from some mystical force. I don't know. But you know what? I have fun with it and it works for me.

So, look it. Absolutely. Yeah. For sure. I feel like you need to go on the Mother Day's podcast. Do you know that podcast? Oh, yeah, you've got to go on it. Sarah and Teresa there.

Do you know them? Sarah Olson and Teresa Palmer? Yeah. You've got to go on their podcast. Because I just feel a synchronity there. Especially with like the pregnancy in this journey, like for sure. It still doesn't feel real. Yeah.

Because I work so hard for it. I'm like, what is this? And then I walk around. I'm like, but Jared, is it, am I just getting a little chubby? It's kind of hard. Yeah. Start to feel them in there. I'll never forget, like, feeling it felt like little bubbles in your tubbies.

It's a big thing. Because it does feel that way until you feel something, you're like, I mean, I'm growing, but I'm not feeling like the actual physical, you know, baby in me. I know. Once you start to feel it, it's like next level. I know. I'm so excited for you. Because I feel like this whole first trimester is just a mind fuck.

It is. It's such a mind fuck. Everything is disgusting to me. So I'm like, am I getting enough protein? I'm not getting enough protein? What am I doing wrong? Oh my God, I'm doing everything wrong. What was that feeling?

Oh, my, it's torture. It gets better. Okay, good. Second trimester. It does. It gets great. I remember even like sex. I was like, ew.

Aversion. I was like, it's like going back to the restaurant you got food poisoning from. I'm not going to say the restaurant you got fucked in. I'm like, what? What? No, it was like, it's like, you know when you get food poisoning? Yes. I will never eat at that restaurant again.

Yes. That's how I. That says she equates sex as her husband when she's pregnant. Yeah. I was like, you're going to make me sick again. Yeah. You know? Oh, that's so interesting.

You're going to make me sick again. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. She's like, not me. I like it. We're going to have a little fun. Let's have fun.

Oh, no. What? I don't remember picking that one. I'm like, did I take the wrong stack? It does get better. Yeah. It gets better. Good.

You're going to stop being so offended by the smells. So good. Yeah. You're going to get yourself. back. It's not forever. But then I read this book and it's like, oh, you must be eating liver and caviar.

It's new pregnancy, super food, and you need it to nourish your body. I'm like, what? I'll never... My baby's not going to grow. I'm not eating it. You know, there's so many. There's so many. Your face are like, you must be doing this. And I'm like, I'm not doing that. No, you're like, I'm not. Shut up.

It does. Yeah. Not me. The only thing, like with Ellen, I ate like bagels. Oh no. I had the whole pregnancy. I just had like... Chocolate chiquette and sparkling lemonade.

I couldn't do sugar. Oh, I've been addicted to lemonade. Lemonade. Yes. It has been everything. Everything. No. Sparkling lemonade.

No. Put some sparkling water in it. It's really good. Yeah, it was really my jam. I liked top ramen. Ooh. Yum. And it was like the in the bag.

Old school. And I would feel so guilty. I'm like I'm just giving my kid poison. Yeah. The only a version I had was... No. that's not true. The only grave, like the craving I had early on was green olives. Oh, I like, see, it makes me want to get pregnant again. I know. See, I'm like, this sounds great.

I'm not even kidding. I'm like, oh my God. If you could go on one reality show, which would it be? Oh. Huh. That's an interesting question. One reality show. Oh. I honestly would love to just, this is so trashy. I would love to just spend one day as a housewife just to understand how they do what they do. Like, how do you get that mad? Like, I want to flip some tables. You know what I mean? I want to scream at some people. I want to like wear that much makeup on a daily basis, wear those outfits. I just want to see what it's like. Yes. I want to do it. Just one day. I want that for you. Yeah. I do. I do. I want to watch it. Me too. I want to be like, what was it that made her so mad? I always want to flip a table. That duck was really messy.

Who would be your ideal cellmate if you had to... Oh, sellmate. She's like a soulmate. Sorry. No, she had sounded really weird the way you said that. Okay. Say it for me. I did.

Okay. Who would be my ideal cellmate besides my husband? Yeah, let's go with not your husband. Yeah. Like someone famous because then people would know. Oh, yeah. Oh, go someone famous. That's fun.

Okay. Um. I would pick Betty Page. Oh. Because I have too many questions for her. But also, she went a little at the end of her life. Yeah. I feel like she'd protect us too.

You know what I mean? Got it. She was a savage. I get all my questions answered and I got me. It's like you came for that question. I mean, like the fact that you just had that ready to go. She's like I've had worked on this prior. So, yeah.

No, I'm just, like, amazed. Because, like, I'm thinking, I'm like, I still don't know who I would say. She was like, this girl will protect me. And I can get all my questions answered. And then if you had to turn gay for her, she's really sexy. Totally bad. You're like, it just covers everything. Yeah, that's a good one.

Wow. Okay. Uh, that one's kind of boring. What's the, well, what's the worst movie you love to watch? Oh. Um. But see, I don't think it's bad. But a lot of people do.

We don't have to say worst, you know. Grace, too. Oh, obsessed. It's so good. Obsessed. Are you kidding me? I will sing every lyric to every song right now. Go for it.

I want a cool rider. Yes. Cool. I mean, Michelle Pfeiffer in that movie. It's so hot. So hot. The most stunning thing I've ever seen in my life. Yeah.

I've wanted to be her my whole life from that movie. I prefer it 100 times more than Greece one. Do you? I like 100 times more. Yeah. I will, people are going to come for us. Yeah.

Totally. I stand by it. I stand by it too. They're going to make videos with music in this. Yeah. I got you. Thank you. We are so many.

Yes. I go grace one. Uh-uh. I do. I do. I do. I do. Obsessed.

What are your thoughts on women making the first move? Oh. I think it's great. Have you done it? Um, I've definitely made the first move in a, like, do you know? Physically? Oh. physically.

You mean, do you want to hang out? Like, you've asked them out. And, like, made the first move, like, in, I like you. Okay. Good for you. But I need the first move physically. No, okay. No, I think we more meant, like, initiating.

Yeah. Yeah. Because sometimes, yeah, I think it's kind of empowering. And then I think you can have that balance because then you can wait for them to make the first move physically maybe. Or then you wait for them to actually take the beat. Yeah. First, I love you.

Yeah. Or whatever. Yeah. Do you wait for an I love you? I actually told my fiancee I loved him first. You did? Did he subricated immediately? Huh? He said immediately? He did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was actually surprised I'd never done that before. Oh, wow. And now when he brings it up, I'm like, oh, so yeah, now he has that forever to hold against you. That would be my issue with it. You loved me before I loved you. Yeah, you said it first. I'm like, no, I could just feel you really loved me so I had to tell you. Yeah, you're like, I can tell you just need it a little. Had you thought about it?

Like, I'm going to tell him. Yeah, I think that's why I came out so much because I felt it so much and then it just like blurted. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. How long did you been dating when it came out? Like a month?

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I love that. When love is that quick like that? Yeah. Yeah. We got engaged so quick. It's quick.

She loves a quick romance. I love a quick I love you. I collect them. She'll love it when it happens. like that. Yeah, when it happens really fast, it's the best. That is funny. That's really sweet. You're sure. Oh, what's your love language? Oh, definitely quality time and acts of service. Oh, nice. Yeah. Okay. I don't need somebody to be with me all day, every day. I prefer not. But if we are going to be together, let's like carve out time and put our phones away and like get a meal and like talk to

each other, you know? Yeah. That's really nice. Yeah. And then if like I like when, you know, if he knows, I'm very tired. And then I wake up and I'm like, the goats dolls are clean. You did that. You know what I mean? Things like that. I'm like, oh, it's so touching because actors don't give you acts of service. And he's not an actor, so I've never had this before.

Yeah, we love you. Yeah. Amen. That is incredibly sexy. Yeah. So sexy. Yeah. I'm trying to think of all the actors.

I've dated them like, have any of them done. You've only dated actors. I've only dated. Only dated actors? Yeah, except for like, well, I do have quite the track record. I can think of someone that was good with acts of service stuff. Yeah. Well, yeah, like I'm not going through my roster.

Yeah. We have a whole. Yeah. What's the most generous thing someone else has done for you? Oh, my gosh. Oh, that's hard because I know there's just so, like, a lot of generous people in my life for sure. But I have to say probably Jared does a lot of generous stuff. Like he, you know, even if my sister needs like help putting up my niece's trampoline or whatever,

he'll go straight there after work. And he just like, he does things for me and my family constantly. Good guy. Yeah. Yeah, really, really good guy. Or if I'm not feeling well, he just like picks up the groceries, does all the things. I don't like him. I know.

He's really, really solid and very, very generous with this time. That's sweet. And that's a big deal. It's a big deal. It's a big deal. It's a big deal. It's incredibly valuable. So people could get, that's the same, like, you people can give you gifts or they can send you things and all of that.

But it's like if they give you their time and they took time out of something they were going to do to give to you, that's really generous. Yeah. Yes. It kind of speaks to like the first quality you look for in a partner. I mean, it sounds like... Yeah. It's, well, I don't even know that I specifically, like, look. Because before, I think what I was attracted to was ego.

Yeah. Really? I was so attracted to guys' egos. And then when a guy's got a big ego and you break it down, it's actually not ego at all. It's just all insecurity. And you're like, what have I done? So I think what opposite of that now in my dating life, prior to Jared, I was, like, trying to look for anti-ego. I was like, okay, how can I go the opposite of what I've been doing?

Yeah, sure. Someone who's kind, you know what I mean? Yeah. Not being, like, rude to a waiter or, you know, an Uber driver or something. It says so much, like, that's an instant. Oh, that's instant. No. Brody.

No, you've got to be kind to people. A hundred percent. Yeah. And be able to laugh at yourself. Oh, my God. Don't take yourself so seriously. No. It's such an ick for me.

Oh, my God. I can see, we could go all day with it. We're like, quality, I mean, yeah. What is your biggest ick? That's funny. Oh, my God, I have so many. You love me as well. My biggest ick, my...

I mean, I don't like when you can, like... I have the physical ick. Like, if you can, like, see, like, when people are eating, like, those, like, spit strings that stick to the top. Oh, no. I like that. That's a Nick for sure. Yeah. So specific.

I don't like when people are like very, like men that I'm like dating like sing-songy with their voice. Like what? What do you mean? Like, oh, I don't know. It's like that. That's definitely an egg. That's an ache. I don't like that.

I'm trying to think. Someone's done it. Someone's done it. Oh, my God. Oh, I don't know. You know what I find weird? Have you ever seen a fake yawner? What?

Oh. You don't think they're a sociopath? No. No, no, no, no. You're like, how are you? And they're like, oh, you know. No. It's a thing.

It's a thing. No. And then you. I got your finger on. It's like an insecure. or like a, it's like a thing. They fake yarn. Wait, what?

I have not noticed that. Oh, no. You'll find it. How are you doing? That makes very strange. Oh, you know, it's just show. What? I want people to like write in and say.

Did you get to think of it? I've never seen that. You're going to see it now. You're going to see it. You're going to see it and you're going to be like, oh. That's a fake yawn. Like, oh. Are you really tired?

Not real. Yeah. Real. It's an ick. Oh, my God. So weird. Oh. I mean, you're engaged, but this was what are your age parameters around dating?

Did you ever date anyone a lot younger than you were a lot older? I did, yeah. In 2019, I went through like, I'm going to stay single summer, which meant like, woo, let's go wild. Yeah. And I did have like a little thing with two guys that summer that were pulled to 26. Nice. Yeah.

And in 2019, how old were the home? I don't know. I was like in my 30. Yeah. How was that? It was fun. It was fun. It was fun until you'd start to see like little literature things and you're like,

okay, that's why this will never go far. But it was so fun. Yeah. It's so interesting because then you see relationships with women that are a lot older and they're like, you know, totally in a committed relationship. Yeah. Like at 27, it's just everyone's different. Everyone's different.

Everyone's different. But the one thing I did like that I noticed about the younger guys, they're so much more progressive in their way of thinking because they come from that generation where it's just like yeah. Right. And I'm not used to that. When you date guys like our age, they didn't grow up thinking that way. Interesting.

You know, that was the most interesting part. I was like, what? Wow. They're more like open and about everything, open about love, who they're going to love, like, whatever. More fluid and likes to women and blah, blah, blah. Yeah, so fluid. Wow. That is interesting.

I feel like the young. Younger guys too will worship a little bit older than a woman. And they really want to like show you. Yes. I liked that. Yes. Yeah. Sure.

Is your fiancé similar in age? No. He's younger. Oh, he's younger. Yes. He's 34. Oh, great. Yes.

We got like five and a half years between us. Yeah. That's great. That's good. Yeah. I like it. Got you a buck. Yeah.

It reminds me the Sex and City episode when she's dating the 20-something. And he has a roommate. and then he just going to use the toilet paper as a coffee filter. Oh, yeah. Sorry. My brain just went to sex in the city as it always does. Oh, well, this is going to be a hard one for being pregnant. What smells turn you on and what smells turn you off?

Smells that turn me off are like most men's deodorant turns me off. It's so strong. I don't like a lot of like fake put-on smells or like fake room sprays. and stuff like that. If it's going to be like a perfume, like I love like Le Labos type of stuff, like things that don't like kind of like meld with your own pheromones and like smell really like kind of woodsy and stuff. But all that like, I hate fake stuff. Yeah.

Makes me nauseous. Always has. Now extra. Oh, yeah. I don't like any cologne or anything on a guy. It makes me sick. I know. I don't like it either.

I used in high school, like I would get the guy's cologne that like I liked or was dating or whatever. Yeah. And, like, spray and, like, smell. He's just, like, on the pillow. Yeah, I would. Yeah, on the pillow, everything. In high school? I still liked, I liked the smell of, like.

His armpits? Yeah. Yeah. But, like, old spice, high endurance. Specifically. That is specific. That's an anti-Ick. That's an anti-Ick.

Yeah. See, I would rather smell somebody not smelling that great than, like, just put out of deodorant. Yeah. Yeah. It's only the old spice high endurance. If I love a guy, like, I love a guy. Like, I love a great. his body odor. Yeah. Yeah. With the pheromones. But some people smell worse than another. Yeah, that's true.

You know what I mean? We heard this on the podcast. I don't remember who we were talking to, but they found it really interesting that because when women are on birth control, it turns off like the scent of pheromones. Yes. So then you end up with the wrong dude. That explains so much. Yeah, because you can't smell them. And they said that you are more likely to have a miscarriage with that guy because your body already thinks you're pregnant. So you're not looking for a mate. You're looking for more of a friend in that sense because your body already thinks you're pregnant. So then you're matching with someone who's more genetically like you because you weren't looking for that mate.

And then you're higher risk of a miscarriage. I read that a book called The Women's Code. It was crazy. That's so crazy. Yeah. Yeah, but that makes my 20s make sense, right? Yeah. I'm like, no, it makes so much sense. Yeah.

Wow. Were you on birth control when you met your fiancé? No. I was on birth control. I couldn't handle it. I get really bad migraines and stuff. They just did bad things to me. So I was on it for a very short period of time in my 20s.

So we can trust your family months. We can trust my family. We can trust them. Yeah. Okay. Last from me is what is the dorkiest thing about you? Oh. Probably the music I listen to.

Oh, please share. It's like, Mara Carrey and Kelly Clarks. That is not darkly. You know what I mean? Like, I just love big ballads and all those things. Do you sing them in your car? All the time. Are you like, since you bang out?

Yeah, yeah. But like the sappy ballads too. Like I will get so much motivation to work out when it's like a sad ballad because I just think of like all the people that did me wrong. And I imagine myself singing it on stage and all the people that did me wrong watching me sing it. And I'm like, and I'll start running. I love it. Like what song?

Or like, yeah. Oh, my God. Anything, Mariah. Like, I can't live if living is with that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you know. That's like a ballad. That's a ballad.

Yeah. And she did, oh, God, against all odds when she did that one. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I love Mariah. I love Mariah. This is a sad Mariah.

This is great. Love Mariah. That is so amazing. Yeah. I love it. Do you have the last one? My last one is, who's your lookalike? Oh.

Oh, definitely my sisters. Oh, really? We all look alike for sure. I have a seven-year-old sister. We look a while alike. You have a seven-year-old sister? Oh, wow. That's so sweet.

A seven-year-old. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Dad's dad. She's going to be a young little aunt. Yeah. Yeah. She already have a niece, two, three years old, so she's been an aunt and she was four.

Four, yeah. Wow, that's wild. My sister. I have sisters. And how old was Rosemary when Breyer was born, like, seven? Yeah. Yeah. Although there is, if you meant celebrity-wise, there's this one girl who I always got told.

Like online, I'd see it all the time. And then I bumped into her at a Golden Gloves party. And I was like, hi. And she's like, I know. I get told I look like you all the time. Natalie Morales. Oh, yeah. All the time.

You actually, I see that. Oh, my gosh. That's so funny. Yeah. You take it. We did. Where does she? How do we?

I don't know what she's from, but I know her name and like face for sure. Yeah. Yeah. That's so funny. Yeah. You do resemble each other. Thank you. And then when I was first moved to L.A., I was down in Beverly, and I got paparazzi

were following me and I hadn't done anything. So I was like, what? And then I found it online randomly. And they thought I was Rosario Dawson. And I don't think I look anything like her. But I was wearing like the newsboy cap. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And maybe in the bone structure a little bit?

I don't know. I don't get it, but that happened. And I also got followed by paparazzi when I was 21. They thought I was Nikki Hilton. That I really didn't get. Okay. They need to get eye glasses. I'm like, what's going on here?

It was in, yeah. You'd look absolutely zero like Nikki Hilton. I didn't think so either, but that is really funny. I want to look up Natalie. What is it, Natalie? Alice. Yeah. Yeah.

No, fully. I can see it. Yeah. Oh, my God. Well, this was so fun. So much fun. Thank you for coming in the crazy morning you had and everything. And congratulations.

Congratulations. Congratulations. That's so exciting. I'm excited. Are you keeping the name to yourself? Um, we're telling our friends and stuff, but I probably won't announce it. You're not going to even give you. Right.

But you are telling your friends and stuff. Yes. Yes. We knew it like while we were doing IVF. Really? Oh, that's so sweet. We didn't even really have boys' names. We were just like, if she's a girl, this is what her name's going to be.

You knew. Just felt right. Yeah. What's your due date? 1124. Is that a? That's somebody's birthday. Well, Thanksgiving.

November. No. No. No. It's after. It's a, um, Shadge. That's when Sadge starts, right?

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So exciting. It's a Thanksgiving, baby. Yes. Around Thanksgiving.

Yeah. I know. So it's such a good time. Yeah. Amazing. We're so happy for you. Thank you. Yeah.

Thank you. Yeah. Thanks for happy. That was a headgum podcast.