Broad Ideas with Rachel Bilson & Olivia Allen - Vanessa Morgan on Riverdale, Divorce, and Full Moon-Birth

Episode Date: March 11, 2024

Vanessa Morgan [Riverdale, Wild Cards, My Babysitter’s a Vampire] talks with Rachel and Olivia about her divorce, faith, and postpartum depression. They also discuss full moon births, body odor, and how birth control can make you fall in love with the wrong person. Broad Ideas is supported by Vegamour. For a limited time get 20% off your first subscription order by going to vegamour.com/ideas and using code IDEAS at check out.Broad Ideas is supported by Thrive Market. Go to ThriveMarket.com/ideas for 30% off your first order, plus a free $60 gift.You can catch Vanessa leading the CW hit series “Wild Cards” every Wednesday at 8/7 C.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hax is back for its fifth and final season, and so is The Hacks podcast. Join the Hacks creators and showrunners, Lucia and Yellow, Paul W. Downs, and Jen Statsky as they unpack the Emmy-winning comedy series. On each episode, here's stories from the set, what goes on in the writer's room, and how these beloved characters close out their final season. Watch Hax streaming exclusively on HBO Max and listen to The Hacks podcast on HBO Max, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi.

Hi. Hello. You guys, welcome to broad ideas. Welcome. When I'm a little over tired, a little fun. I'm a little good time. Good times.

Vanessa Morgan is on with us today. You may know her from Riverdale. I do. Her new show. Wild Cards is on the C-Dub, C-W. Big fan. Been there. Done that.

I told you I'm really on one. Yeah, super fun premise. She is awesome. Lovely. Great conversation. Stick around and give it a whirl. Sometimes when the wind inside of Rachel's little brain, all these thoughts are swirling round and round inside.

To join us on this journey as we take a little ride. We'll talk about dogs and kids and things. We'll talk about chicks and tampon strings. We'll talk about boys that a need. Because people die. Oh, hi. Hi. Sorry about that, guys.

Oh, please. We know nothing about the tech stuff, so. Yeah, at all. We're always like, um, cast one time I was in charge, the footage wasn't usable. It was completely out of focus. That would be me. Yeah, could not use it. But hi.

So nice to meet you. Hi. So nice to meet you. Where are you right now? I'm in Vancouver. I was going to guess Vancouver. Yeah, and I actually did a little staycation. My son was saying to me he really wants, he loves going to hotels.

So he was like, can we go to a hotel? And I was like, I don't want to bring him on a plane. It's just, I've done it so much recently and it's exhausting. So I drove an hour away to downtown. We've been staying at the Fairmont, and it's so cute. Oh, my gosh. That's amazing. That's really sweet.

Wait, an hour away. Where are you guys shooting up there? Oh, well, we actually shoot in Langley, but I'm not shooting right now. I just live an hour outside of the city. Oh, you live, because you're Canadian. Yeah. But from Ottawa, right? Yeah, from Ottawa.

Yeah, I lived in L.A. for like 10 years, but after Riverdale, decided to move. Well, yeah, because it was there. Yeah. That's nice. Yeah, exactly, yeah. Oh, and how old is your son? He's three. Oh, that's such a fun age.

That's a best age. Do you guys have kids? Yes. Oh, you do? Yeah, I have a nice. year old daughter, actually who was three, I had to move to Vancouver for a while. And when she was three, that's when we lived there, ironically. I love that. I got pregnant with my second there. And Vancouver. In New York. Visiting her. Yes. Yeah. I love that. That's so nice. Yeah. Yeah. Fellow moms. You guys know

the drill. Do we ever? Do we ever? And you, I mean, your schedule and a three-year-old, how's that going? When you're working, when you're shooting. I mean, it's pretty crazy. of course I have a lot of help, which is amazing. And, yeah, you know, there's a lot of mom guilt because my son and being a single mom for so long, now I'm not anymore. I do have an amazing partner at the moment. But for the first two years of his life, you know, I was a single mom and, you know, feeling that guilt of him not having that male presence when I'm or like another parent around when I'm at work. That's not just, you know, hired help. was a lot of mom guilt for me. But, you know, now I have like a really good system and he comes to

work with me all the time. Oh, he does? Yeah, he does. That's sweet. That's sweet. He does. And he has so many activities in the day that I feel like he loves going to his like little classes that that fills up the time while I'm at work, you know? Yeah. Yeah. I know. I remember I put my daughter in like the cutest gymnastics class and like a hip-hop class. I could walk there where we were living. It was just Vancouver's such a really amazing city for kids. Yeah. Yeah. It's so great.

And I feel so safe. Yeah. I feel like with everything going on in the States right now, I'm like, I feel so blessed that I'm in Canada. She's like, I'm sorry. You guys are stuck there. No. Yeah.

She's like, I feel so safe and cozy. How are you? You guys get the nice weather, though. Okay. Yeah. It is pretty gray. It is pretty gray there. But once like July comes around, it's just.

It's heaven. Yeah. So what was that like? You had your son, you're a single mom, and then I'd love to hear about that experience of introducing someone to him. Oh. What is that like free? Yeah. I'm like, we're just going to go there. Yeah. I've never been asked that. That's actually a very good question. I did wait a while because, you know, you want to make sure that, you know, because now he's at the point of remembering like, oh, who's that person? I never want him to ask like, where did that guy go? You know, where's you? friend go, you know. So it took, you know, several months, like maybe like six months. And then, and then he started just like hanging out with us. And now it's like they're together every single day. And, you know, I think he looks at him like a father figure. And he's just, yeah, it's so nice for him to have that. Oh, wow. That's incredible. And does he have other kids? No. So he was thrown into the ringer.

He's younger than me. So he, yeah, so he was kind of thrown into the ringer, but he's, like, amazing at it. And he has that, like, playful energy. So it's kind of, like, great, like, the stuff that maybe I don't love doing. He's just, like, wrestling with him and, like, you know, doing all, like, the boys stuff. Yeah. They need that. They do.

It's interesting because I have a daughter and I'm a single mom. So for me, you know, she's a girl. It's a little, I don't want to say easier, but, like, you know, just more. attuned to like the girl stuff or like whatever and like if I had a son I feel like I would need someone to wrestle. They need someone every single night. My husband has to wrestle both boys. They line up for it every night and they will cry. If they're not wrestled, they're not okay. Yeah. They love it. Well, I just want to say proud of you for being a single mom. I know firsthand. Give yourself a pat on the back that it's very, very hard. So you're doing you're doing both jobs.

Oh, thank you. I appreciate that. And you too. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. Yeah. My daughter was pretty young when her dad and I separated.

So. Yeah. You know, but I do think that when they're younger and they don't know any different, it's not like they remember the parents together. Together. Yeah. So it's not. I actually, you know, I was pregnant when it happened.

And I actually. When you guys separated? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, wow. So I'm actually very, I feel very blessed that River actually never got to see the relationship together because it's kind of like it's like this is his normal.

Right. Right. So I would actually prefer it. And then my partner now, it's like he's only going to remember him in his life. Right. So is he not in his life? The birth father? His father is in his life.

His father is in his life. He doesn't get to see him very often. But yeah. Yeah. But at least he'll always know that my partner. now has like is like has been there from what he will remember is the beginning. Right. You know.

Yes. Of course. Yeah. I have a question on that because I think there's so many things in life that happened to us that we didn't see coming. Yeah. Right. Like when you were younger and you had the fantasy of like what your career would look

like, what your family would look like. Most people aren't like and then I'm going to X, Y, and Z. It usually ends up a little bit different, right? Yeah. And so what was that experience like for you coming to terms with like, I'm going to have a child on my own? Like did you go through any sort of mourning process of like what it was supposed to look like? Oh, 100%. And I think part of the biggest thing is that embarrassment too. It's like, you know, not wanting to, you know, face that, you know, you have a broken family.

You get married. You want to kind of have that fantasy. And I think it's almost like, you know, you feel disappointed to tell people that, oh, it didn't work out. I'm not, I'm going to be a single mom. And I think, you know, that's the beauty of life is that it doesn't always go as planned. And it's the journey. It ended up being the biggest blessing of my life. But in the moment, it's, it's, you know, it's so painful that it's almost like we idolize what, you know, our dream reality from a kid, I'm going to get married, I'm going to get married, and we're going to be together forever. And you mourn the future that never happened. That's exactly right.

You mourn the fantasy that you created. And that wasn't the reality that, you know, was the best alignment for me. And God saved me. And I only saw the bigger picture now, you know, you go through those two years of pain. I went through two years of pain. But I don't let myself go into victim mentality. Good for you. That's the hardest part.

Like when people with my friends would be like, girl, what you went through? Like, how are you okay? I'm like, I just kind of like, it's like fake it till you make it. And like honestly, I don't want to be a victim because, you know, like otherwise I'm just going to feel bad for myself all the time. And I didn't want to feel bad for myself. I have a beautiful son. That was my blessing.

Yeah. Yeah. I know. But going through all that pregnant because. Pregnant was hard. I mean, yeah, pregnancy alone, right? Like your body, your hormones, like emotions, everything. Yeah.

I would imagine that was pretty challenging to navigate. Yeah, I was challenging navigate. And then you see trolls online making up whatever realities they want to make up. And, you know, for me, I chose to stay silent because for my peace, I didn't want to have a miscarriage. And I believe when you feed into the gossip, then it just makes things worse. I chose to stay silent. I chose for my son's peace to stay silent. And I thought that that was, you know, the best choice for me and my family.

And I don't want my son to grow up seeing the truth. You know what I mean? So for me, I think I thought that that was the best way to go. Yeah. But it takes a look. I'm really impressed with you, first of all, just because, you know, if you were to just look at you, right, aesthetics, your career, the amount of success you've had for, you're young. You know, like you've got it going on.

And it takes people like you where the world would look at and be like, she's got it all figured out and everything's perfect to bring the part that's really human and say, no, I was in pain. And it was hard. And you have a strong faith in your life, don't you? Yeah, I do. And that's what got me through. And actually, it was going through my pregnancy alone that I found my faith really, you know, got stronger. I had to seek a higher power. I, you know, going into prayer, going into meditation and just like going to bed crying every night, praying to God to be like, please, like, you know, like help give me clarity, make this pain go away.

I was on Instagram seeing husbands helping out their like their wives. So, you know, like, you know, they're pregnant and their husbands are there being for them where I'm going home to my apartment alone, you know, just wishing someone would rub my feet. So the only thing I had was, you know, praying to God. And I had a girlfriend come over. She stayed with me for a few months. And she would bake me cookies after work when I was pregnant. And like, so I felt like I always called like her, my husband. And, you know, and I was alone in my apartment after I gave birth for a month as well.

Just like putting my baby outside the shower, showering. And like, because I was in a deep depression. Like I actually didn't want people to see me that way. Yeah. I just made me start crying. I got emotional. No, yeah. No, it makes me want to cry thinking about it because it was a bad, and it's almost like a tears now.

It's like, I'm so happy. I have such a good partner, and it all makes sense. But that pain, I don't wish it on anybody. Oh, my God. I don't wish me. I don't wish me. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's just we know how, yeah, how hard it is and how much you give to these little beings.

Yeah. And I know. Don't make it me. You're like, oh, that's crying. Oh, my goodness. But, you know, the babies and we can tell, like, what an incredible mother you are. Oh, thank you. Yeah. Everything that you've done for your son and, like, doing that alone.

Like, it's just making me really. And you're honestly about it. It's like, there's so many women that go through postpartum, even when they have a partner, but especially to do it without a partner. And it's so interesting. Like, this word has been coming up all week. shame and like the shame of being depressed or alone or any of these things and I've done some reflection on that recently like what is the fucking point of shame like why is it there like is it

there as a tool to teach us something like what do you have to learn from shame because most of the time the things that people express their shame over are really just tender and like if you were to say, I'm depressed and I'm alone, we don't even know you. And we would be like, I'm going to bake you cookies and rub your fucking meat. But yet, as a woman, you go through shame about that. Like, what is that? Yeah. Yeah, I know. Social media really doesn't help, I think, you know. And I feel like it's when people are honest and they come out and be honest. For me, I haven't been honest as much on social media about what I went through when I was pregnant and, you know, after giving birth and all that. But mostly with my friends, like I've been able to motivate so many women in my life because of my story and to have boundaries

and to choose self-love. And, you know, I feel like the shame, I feel like that's what kind of healed my shame was seeing how my story motivated so many of my friends and like motivated them. So, yeah, but I think it's just the way of the world in social media because no one's living this reality of this perfect life that people are putting out. The couples I'm seeing that are like my posting or the ones that I know behind the scenes are going through the most pain. Right. It's the fake Instagram world. It is.

We always say that, right, when like people are going so overly so. Yeah, we're like about their like partners and whatever. We're like, what's going on there? I'll find out somebody cheated on somebody the week before. And then literally it's like I'm so, they'll do a major. It's like almost like they feel like, oh no, do they know. Overcompensating. They're like, we don't want, I don't want anybody to know my life's not perfect.

Right. It's so toxic. It's exhausting. Yeah. It is. It is. Yeah. It is. It is. Yeah. It is exhausting. But then it's like, but it's your currency. So you actually need to like, you know, as an actress, it's like part of your job. You have to have that kind of exposure, right? As far as social media goes, I know there's few that don't do it. But like, I would imagine in your situation with your fans and the shows that you're on, it's part of the gig, right? Yeah. And, yeah. And, I do mostly now work stuff for my social media, not as much personal, but if there's something really nice I want to share, you know, with my son or my partner, I will. But it's not like it was before. I do, I want to keep that as my safe space. I don't want people's evil eye on me. I try to keep it for work. Yeah. Yeah. I want that for me. Yeah. All the comments. Yeah. Yeah. The comments. People get trolls. Nasty. Oh, my God. I have like a few consistent where they're so good.

Oh my God, they're so good. Now we just are entertained by them because they're so, so far-fetched, like, crazy comments. Yeah. That we just get a kick out of it because it's just like, who has a time? It's so insane. I saw one comment yesterday of, like, I posted it like with my son and I'm reading this book called Raising Kids to Love Jesus. And it's just, they're really good stories and just really, it doesn't even really go into faith as much in it as it does is just like how to raise your kid to be a good person. Cool.

And the one person commented on it being like, oh, this is child abuse. Like, this is like, you know, indoctrination, child abuse. And I'm just like, I'm like, the world is constantly conditioning our kids. They're constantly in movies, television, school, you know, learning false history. And like, the fact that you would say child abuse is still, like, you know, raising your kid in your faith. I was just like, people are nuts. People are very judgment. What?

They're bananas. Oh, yeah. Bananas. Yeah. And there's so much judgment. It's also like, bro, that's abuse. Yeah. Do you know what I mean?

Like, that is actually abusive. Like your behavior thinking you can comment on how someone parents their children. Yeah. And call it abuse while abusing the person verbally. Abus verbally, I know. Yeah. Yeah. It all is. I know.

It's insane. But the thing is, is that like, You know what sucks is that I feel like you have a strong message and it sucks that the people that are doing that are taking that away from the other ones that could probably use more of you than less of you. For sure. I don't let it bother me. You see that, you know, it sucks that you even bring it, I even brought attention to it. But it just goes to show like there are just so sometimes those nasty comments can defer you from wanting to post sweet little moments. A thousand. It shouldn't because for one negative, there's a thousand positive. positive. That's right. But it's, it's, you have to train yourself because you like, to not get affected. Or just like you hone in on the negative and that's what stays with you

instead of like the million positives and you're just like, why does my brain do that? I know. I know. We're wired that way. It's so annoying. It's so annoying. It's so annoying. But you seem to be doing such a beautiful job with all of it. Thank you so much. Yeah. Thanks guys. I mean, I'm like, I'm here to pump you up. Yeah. That's what we do. I love that. Like, you've had, like, you've had. Like, you've had. such an amazing career. You're still so young and like going strong and you have your new show, which you're not filming right now. That's what you said. Not filming right now. Hopefully season two starts in July. Okay. But yeah, it's been going really great. The ratings have been really well.

Well, good. I've been going really well. So yeah. It looks like such a fun show. Like I've, I've seen a little bit. I wish I had time to watch more. No worries. But it's such a sweet show. Like I love the concept. It just looks like so much fun. Oh, it's so good. And my character plays this like con woman who's like hilarious. I like how there's a little bit of my personality in her with like the jokes I'm constantly saying. And I like how it's like feel good content. I'm super into content right now that's like not going to lower my vibration and like make me feel like, you know, sad. Awful and dark. Like awful or dark. You know? So it's just like you watch it and you like feel good. You feel happy after watching an episode.

And that's what I'm the most proud of. Yeah. I feel like people crave that so much, especially right now. They're like, just give me something where I can feel okay. Yeah. Like a little slice of comfort, something. What was the difference for you between doing Riverdale and now doing this show? I think the biggest difference was like, honestly, Riverdale was on the darker edge,

but it was still like a teen. It's like a teen show. So I guess I'm finally playing a, you know, my age. I played a teenager for like 17 years. I've literally played a teenager for 17 years. Wow. So I think that that's been the biggest change was like not being in high school anymore. And I feel like it was just the time and, you know, doing content now with like the writing that I just really, really love. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Was it hard to graduate high school? Was it hard to move on from that?

Riverdale is an amazing show. Yeah. Like that, I remember someone recommending it to me. I was like, that's for teenagers. And then, like, day four, my husband's like, what are you doing? I'm like, I'm still watching Riverdale. And you need to leave me. I like, I went so deep on it.

It's such a great show. No, I know. And a lot of, like, parents were watching it with their kids, too, which was really great. Yeah. But it was hard to leave high school. I honestly feel like it kept me young. Like, because I, you know, when you're like feeling like you're in high school every day, I honestly feel like it kept me young, like feeling like I'm in high school.

So I kind of had to mourn like, like, oh, damn, I'm like, I'm getting older. You know, like, oh, I'm not playing high school. So it was hard to let go of. You're like playing a woman now. I'm playing a woman now. And I kind of, now when I see like high schoolers on acting on TV, I'm just kind of like, oh, I wonder if I could still pull it off, you know. I know.

I still go through that. And I'm in my 40s. So I feel like you could. I feel like you're quick because you're tiny too, huh? Yeah, you're like, you're five too, right? Yeah, I looked you up. Yeah, me too. Yeah.

So I'm finding fellows. Fellow five, too. I know. Yeah. Yeah. No, I don't know. But it is interesting because I remember like my first series, we were in high school and like a lot of the other cast members were like,

I don't want to be in high school and like stop holding us back in high school. Like I'm ready to be an adult. But like I think I'm like, yeah, I know. Yeah, I know. in high school for as long as you want me to. It sounds so fun. Yeah, I know. Like, just to do that. It is fun. And then you get to- High school was a fun time of life, so to get to extend that by 10 years. By 10 years. Yeah, it's pretty fun.

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by going to vagamore.com slash ideas and use code ideas at checkout. That's V-E-G-A-M-O-U-R dot com slash ideas. Code ideas to save 20% on your first order. V-E-G-A-M-O-U-R dot com slash ideas. Code Ideas. Broad Ideas is supported by Thrive Market. I've been trying to cut down the sugar, especially this new year. And Thrive Market is helping me do that because they have options of old favorites, but I feel a little bit better giving them to my child. Thrive Market is my go-to

for all my grocery and household essentials and the convenience of getting everything online, then quickly shipped to my doorstep is a huge time saver. I love that Thrive Market carries brands with the highest quality ingredients and sourcing methods. Whether you're looking for organic kids snacks, low sugar alternatives, or gluten-free pantry essentials, you can curate your own shopping experience with a few clicks. I really have noticed such a difference because I feel like I pay so much more when I buy all of my favorites at other places, but with Thrive Market, I see the savings. And they carry all of my favorite brands. When you join Thrive Market, you are also helping a family in need with their one-for-one membership matching program.

You join, they give. Join in on the savings with Thrive Market today and get 30% off your first order, plus a free $60 gift. Go to Thrivemarket.com slash ideas for 30% off your first order plus a free $60 gift. That's T-H-R-I-V-E Market.com slash ideas. Thrivemarket.com slash ideas. What was school like for you growing up? Because when did you start acting young? Yeah, I was always in and out of school. So I was kind of like my school, my high school I went to, Colonel By, was really great. They like let me, you know, submit things late. You know, I had tutors on set. So I was always just in and out. That's kind of what school was for me.

You're like, that's why it was great because I didn't have to be there that. Be there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you ever crave that normal experience, though? Or were you cool with it? Not really. No, I was good being, I love, I love traveling. Like, I'm one of those nomads that live out of a suitcase. So when I had my kid, I was like, oh, whoa, I guess I have to like get a home. Right. You know, and bunker down. So I kind of love that, that traveling and not being in one place.

Yeah. Yeah, I know. I mean, I'm with you. But yeah, with kids and then you have to do that. But it seems like you would take a staycation if you feel like you need to get it. Yeah, that's why I'm in a whole. Yeah, that's why. I'm in a hotel and he loves it. He was swimming and bouncing on the bed. Yeah. That's the best. My son calls it a homestell. A home hotel.

Really? A home tell. He first learned it and we never corrected it because we thought it was so cute. He'd be like, I want to go to a hometown. Aw, that's so cute. You guys, the wrong words. Okay, so my daughter's getting older and I'm like, please do not lose. So she calls, well, she now knows the difference, but she always called it a rest or not for a restaurant.

And she literally thought it meant like rest or not. That's so cute. I know. But now she's like, Mom, I always thought it was this. She's like, I kind of still want to call it that. I'm like, you absolutely should. Please do. I know.

Please do. Yeah. I know. They start growing up and you're like hold on to like the little. I mean, you're still in it. Elliot says mover cycle instead of motorcycle. Motor cycle. He'd call it a mover cycle.

And I'm like, yeah, it moves you from one place to another. Makes sense. Like these are all such like, yeah. And he called it a hoppedicopter, not a helicopter, because it like hops. You know, I'm like, yes. It's so cute. These moments are like, I'm sure like you guys, every age is like so great. But like, yeah, him speaking right now and just making up like his little stories he tells are just so funny.

So funny. So funny. So funny to me. Do you want more? Yeah. I think one or two more would be good. One or two. I know.

One preferably. but two maybe. But two maybe. Yeah. And so tell us what was it like, how did you get into acting? What was that like for you? I started singing and yeah. And then an agent saw me singing.

I was like, you should try acting. And I was like, oh, okay. I just loved being, I have an older brother and sister. So they would always get me like performing for their friends and stuff like singing. So it was kind of like the little like the little, like the little, uh, sister syndrome, I guess, where I was just wanting to, like, get attention from my siblings, which then translated into, you know, wanting to be on camera. And then, yeah, I just kind of, you know, really lucked out and had supportive parents and

just booked like a series when I was like 13 and kind of just went from show to show after that. Wow. So young. Like if you think of it now being a mom, you're like, 13 is young. Yeah. 13 is young. But I had a really good experience. I know if some people, People, when they're child actors, they might not have had the same experience as me and wish that they had more of their childhood and they were working young. I actually had a very good experience. So it's hard for me to say, you know, when I see 13 now, I'm like, that's too young to be working and doing all that.

But for me, I was just having such a good time. Yeah. You know? Everyone we've talked to, I'm telling you, I'm keeping track. Because everyone we've talked to that has had success as a child. as an actor that's been on our show has had a good experience. Oh, that's good to hear. It's surprising.

Because you hear so much of the negative out there, but everyone we actually talked to is like, I've enjoyed it. I had a good time. Right. We were super impressed. So Dylan Spouse was on our show. Yeah.

Cole's brother. And like, we were so impressed with his whole perspective on it, like, child actor, whatever, you know? And it's like, especially like, them who have been doing it since they were infants. Yeah. It was just, just been so reassuring to hear all of these stories. For sure.

No, I love hearing that. And they even then took some time off and then went to school for a bit. And then came back into it and popping off again. So. Yeah. To shows like good upbringing, whatever it is. Yeah. You know, whatever the formula is. Yeah.

What do you attribute it to? Why do you think you had a good experience compared? Like, were your parents cool about it? Like, what was the formula? I think my mom was always with me. That was me personally. I know for the spruces, it was their father that was with them. But for me, just having my mom there and making sure there was no creeps around, making sure everything was done properly and that I was taking care of was the biggest thing that I think made my experience. So good. Yeah, for sure. It's huge, you know.

And I even think, like, no matter what you do in life, having that support. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. And then are you, is your family on the West Coast or are they still in Ottawa? No, they're all in Ottawa. They come to visit sometimes. I know.

So I don't have that, like, a family here, which I, my sister comes and stays with me sometimes. But, you know, now that she's in a relationship, she's my older sister. So whenever she's single, you get her. Whenever she's single, I get her. And whatever, she's in a relationship, I don't. So she's in a relationship now, and she's back in Ottawa with her boyfriend. But I do miss that.

And I've lost, like, all my Riverdale castmates. So I've lost, like, my friends here, which is, which, you know, that's kind of hard. But, you know, I'm hoping to make some more mom friends. Oh, you will. You will. Because is he in preschool now? Not yet. Not yet.

But once that starts, that's where that starts. That's when you start meeting. Yeah, for sure. For sure. and the playdates and... Yeah, we just... I just went to like a mom's night the other night and we were talking about...

There was this woman who moved to Los Angeles when her baby was like going into preschool and we talked about... Not a lot of people talk about how lonely being a mom is. Oh, yeah. And how sometimes when you're with your child, you're actually more lonely than if you were alone. Like, it brings up this like kind of deep loneliness

that people are like, but you're with someone. But for some reason, have you experienced that? Do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah. Well, maybe it's like, it's like letting out your feelings too, because I can't like talk to my son about like my emotions and how I'm feeling. You know what I mean? It's like having that friend to like talk to.

You know what I mean? You're not doing that with your kid. You're being a mom. Right. You know. Right. Right. So I think it puts you more in your head.

Yeah. That's what I think. That makes so much sense. That's why you're in your head. Yeah, because like there's something about it that it's like, it's exactly what you said. You're not externalizing. So whatever it is, you're not like, I'm in a bad fucking mood, kid. You know, like, you don't want to project onto your child.

So you're like trying to, even if you're having a really bad day, you're trying to be like, oh, mommy's good. Or like even when my son has seen me cry if it's been like a hard work day. Like, Mommy, what's wrong? I'm like, no, no, no, I'm good. You don't want to, like, have them carry that, right? Yeah. Oh, my God. It's so, I have, this is like a major epiphany.

Oh, why? No, I'm serious. Oh, good. This is what we're here for. Yeah. No, but why? Because you can't really let it all out when you're just with your kid all the time. I do let them watch me cry.

And if they see me cry, I'm always honest. I'll say something's really hurting inside of mommy. And it's okay. I'm just letting it out. Oh, I love. I love that. I love that. Because letting them witness us in pain and let them see that, like, to me, I'm like,

happiness is one emotion you might feel today, you know, but you might also feel sad. You might feel blue. You might feel lonely. And instead of pretending, I try to let them see it. And sometimes my eight-year-olds would be like, okay. And, like, walk away. That's a lot, you know. But I do try and let those things out in front of them so that they can see when it's their turn, like, it's okay.

I'm going to be here and you can cry. Oh, I love that. It's teaching them to like regulate their emotions because that's what they're doing, especially with the toddler that I have. It's like one day he's like one moment he's happy. One day he's crying over something. So I think that's really good that you do that. Yeah. I mean, someone offered that to me.

They're like, you don't need to, you know, hold that back from them. Let them see it's normal to feel. Yeah. I'm going to do that more. I know. It is good, I think. And my daughter's super sensitive, you know, so I'm always a little more, I don't know what the word is for it, but a little more gentle with things, you know. And I know there's, like, some of my friends, like you or whatever are so hardcore honest that, like, sometimes I still find myself, like protecting her from some of the things.

I get that. Yeah, I'm the opposite end of the spectrum. I know. I'm like, this is like. I know. It's hard, though, you know? I think it's also because I grew up, I don't know what your upbringing was, but I grew up in a home where people didn't know how to regulate their feelings. And I had to learn how to do it as an adult through therapy and 12-step programs and all that fun shit that I'm like, I want to spare them that. And I want to help them learn feeling is safe, you know, because I wasn't taught feeling. safe. Right. Right. No, I love that. I'm like, were you? I'm like, what was it like for you? Tell me everything. Yeah. I feel like maybe I was, but the same time, I don't think we were honest. Like, I feel like I would do that. I was so lucky I had my sister or my brother because I would talk about

that stuff with my sister and brother. But like my parents, I kept more like they're my parents. And I would tell them how I was feeling. So I got it out in a different way. But I do think that is saving your kids from a lot of, like, you know, teaching them now that how you're feeling is normal and how to release it so that, you know, we don't have to uncondition all these things in therapy, you know, as we get older and try to figure out, you know, our issues, basically. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I think as long as you have an outlet, whatever it is. Yeah. But the fact that you did, yeah, is huge. Yeah. And I think I was probably the opposite. My mom's always, like, talking about everything, feelings and everything. Not inappropriate. Yeah, but it does create that space.

And I do think I do have that with my daughter. It's just I still have the protective mechanism, you know? For sure. For sure. She's just sensitive. Sensitive, I know. But sensitive is good. Yeah.

That's a good thing. That's beautiful. It is beautiful. Yeah, she's going to be sensitive to her friends. Yeah, no, she's good. She's really kind, you know, and that's like all you can wish for. I love that. I know.

It's just, you know, all the kids' things and just life and raising them and just hoping that every day that you're doing something right or at least one thing right. So, but sort of trouble, but does it get easier then as you get now that you guys, you know, are past the toddler phase, right? Both your kids are past, you have two? I do, but one of them's delayed. So he's still a toddler. Okay. Even though he's five, he's like two, kind of. Well, five, five is still, though, five is still very, very...

They're little. They're little. Yeah. But does it get easier? Like, what I'm dealing with is, like, the anxiety of, like, when I'm not with them or, like, just constantly worrying about them. Does that anxiety go, like, lesson? Or no, is it...

Are you constantly thinking about it? Well... I think it does. I really do. I really think it does because I think that everything is experienced. right? And so the more experiences that you get to have with them, the more faith you have in them, and you start to go, they start to surprise you where you first take them to preschool and it's you hiding behind the tree, crying, not wanting to leave, right? And then they go and then you pick

them up and they made it through and you went, oh, wow, like they did it. And then they keep surprising you and teaching you things and you start getting more and more and more. faith in them. So you start to feel more comfortable like they got this. Right. That makes sense. Yeah. So it's like you can only get there through the experience of going through those things

with them. Yeah. Yeah. I think you'll always have that though. Like I think it's just having kids just there's this everlasting fear inside you like something can happen to them. It just comes along with it. Yeah.

Never goes away. But it does get easier as you see them form into people and they're navigating and handling and, you know, and you do see like, okay, they're fine. And they did do that. So I think that's a good example. Or at school, you're like, I don't want them to get bullied. Like, those thoughts go through my mind. Like, oh my gosh, I hope that kids are nice to him because my son is so loving. He goes up and hugs people all the time and sometimes kids don't want to be hugged. And then he'll come up to me and he'll be like, Mama, why didn't they like want to say hi or talk to me? And it just breaks my heart. It's that kills. No. Destroys our hearts. Yeah. Yeah. So many times you're like, I'm going to go beat a child. To the school.

Well, because you're like, you feel the pain so much. So you want to be like, why didn't you want to talk to him? You know, but you have to let them be humans and have the experience. Yeah. It's really in figuring out, though, when it is right to step in and talk to them and help them with tools or whatever. And then when to step back and let them just figure it out. But it's so hard.

I mean, I think the whole point of this whole conversation is like, parenting is really hard. Well, it's also just hard to have your heart outside of your chest and know that, like, yes, yes. They're going to feel things that you don't like and people are going to treat them in ways. And a lot of times it's harder for us as the parent than it actually is for them. Because, like, if a kid is mean to them and rejects their hug, right? Yeah.

That hurts our heart so bad as a mom. Right. Like, it hurts my heart for your kid. I'm like, I'll kill them. kid. Like, why won't you hug him? You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you say, oh, he didn't feel like it. And then they're over it. Yeah, they snap back. Yeah. It's almost like we get affected more. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Like, they're more resilient. That's what I mean by it gets easier as far as, like, I think that their strength

surprises us and teaches us all the time. And so it's not that they become resilient. We become resilient. Right. Yeah. No, it's so true. You know, because they're more. capable than we are in a lot of ways. Yeah. Like they're more, like, rational thinking doesn't come in until seven. Period. Period. There's no rational thinking.

So you say the kid didn't want to hug. You know what they do? They accept that. Oh, yeah. Right? They don't have that part of the brain that goes, well, why? Like, they don't have that come in yet. So whatever you're saying to them, they're typically going to accept if they're a typical

learner, right? No, for sure. We're the ones. I'm just like sitting here. We're just the ones that have to like feel it. Yeah. Yes. Oh, it's too much.

I know. I was thinking like what about I was thinking because I was like listening to a song the other day that was so good and it was just like captured heart heartbreak in such a way. And I looked back in the rear of you mirror and I saw my son and I was like, oh my God, he's going to feel that one day. He's going to have his heart broken. No. She's going to lose sleep. He's not going to eat. He's going to love her.

When you've been through like pain in your life, right? Yeah, yeah. When you actually know what that feels like, and then to think that they could go through that. Oh, it's awful. Not could. They will. No, I don't. I can't think that way. Like, it's too much to take on. Yeah, you're torturing yourself by going there. But I'm not at the level of thinking about that stuff.

I'm more so just thinking about like. She's over here listening to like country songs about it. I'm like, I was like, Zach Bryan. That was like you. I was like, I was like,

I'm going to feel that. That girl. Because we, none of us get out on escape. Yeah. I think everybody has to go through. Unless you're like, Mary,

you're like high school sweetheart and it lasts, I feel like most people do go through a big heartbreak. Yeah. I would think so. Like, I would be curious what the statistics are. Like people who have made it and not,

you know what I mean? Like, and what that's like? My husband's like. He claims he's never had his heartbroken. I was like, that's a lot of pressure because I'm going to have to do it then. Like, what? I don't understand. Wait, your husband says he's never, he's never had his heartbroken?

Claims he's never had his heartbroken. So he's always left his previous, like before you. Wow. Can you imagine? Can you imagine? No. My mind just went. No.

That's so interesting. But I wonder how that like forms you as a person. Well, I think his first girlfriend, like in like grade school. That does him. And he just. decided to never let another. You know, guys, yeah, but guys, that's a tendency with guys. If they don't want to ever want to feel something like that again, they will just avoid it,

like end things before they even remotely feel it. They don't want to feel that pain. Right. It's chicken shit is what it is. Yeah. Because we're stronger. When guys go through heartbreak, they crumble. They can't handle it.

No. And why do you think we push the babies out of our vaginas? Like, we're just, you know, I mean, it's everyone knows. Yeah. Right. But that is why as a mom, I'm like it's kind of our duty to help them learn how to feel feelings. Yeah. Because so many men were not taught that it's even okay to have a feeling, let alone to feel it.

So that's why they destroy people and worlds and wars and all of that is because they don't know what to do with it. Whereas women, we have been a little bit more nurtured. So, there are so many epiphanies today. Like, I don't know what's going on. I'm with her every day and we're talking every day, but like I am taking away so much from this conversation. I love how it happened during, like, the podcast with me. That makes me feel so good. Yeah.

No. Because it's right. It's part. It's what we're all bringing. Yeah. And your openness and willingness is beautiful. Oh, thank you. You guys, too.

That's so nice. I wish I was like, I feel like I'd be friends with you regardless of this. But like, if we were in L.A., I'd be like, let's go grab a coffee. You know? Absolutely. Let's take our kids to the park. Yeah. Bring your kid over.

We got it all. Trampoline, swing, whatever. And when you are in LA, you should come. Yeah. And we hang really hard with kids. Like, we're all kids all day. By the way, this is like so, you know, like, well, it's about birth, but kind of off topic. Did any of you have a C-section?

I did. Two. Two. Oh, my gosh. Were you a C-section? Were you? I mean, did you have one? I had a C-section, but just when you were saying, you know, pushing out of the vagina,

I just like, I was like, oh, wow, I wish I had that experience. But I... Would you try a V-back? I would love to have a V-back. That's like my dream because my C-section was just the worst thing I've ever experienced

in my entire life. Why what? Can you tell us? Yeah, tell us. Yeah. It was an emergency C-section. My water broke... It was a full moon.

Did you know that hospitals are full on full moons? Yes, I sure did. I did not know that. Always. You guys. Yes. It's a thing.

Oh, it's a thing. I talked to the nurse. I was like, I came every time I was having contractions and wanting to be induced, they were like, nope, you have to wait, you have to wait, a few more days. And then when my water broke, it was a full moon. And she said, oh, yeah, this happens every full moon. The hospitals are overcrowded.

I love it. So I had to wait for a room for four hours to get in. By that time, his heart rate went up, so I had to have an emergency C-section. But it was just the surgery for me, the pain, I couldn't even sit up afterwards. They do like the catheter. Like, everything was so disturbing for me. That, like, the pain didn't go away for a month of, like, like, severe pain I'm talking about, like severe pain. Like, so you're having to take care of your baby. You're alone recovering from a C-section and a baby, like, all by yourself? Yeah, my parents came down for, my parents came down for two weeks.

Yeah. And then his father came down for the birth and then left afterwards. And then... Right after the birth? Yeah, after the birth. He was there for a few days. And then he, you know, met him. And he's a professional baseball player, so he's traveling all the time.

Yeah. Yeah. So, so then it was just, so then he met him. And then after that, it was just, I'm on my own. And then my parents came for a couple weeks. They were able to come. And then after that, I was, I did two months. I actually did two months on my own before I had to go back to work.

And then my mom, and then River would come with me, River would come with me to set. And then my mom came when I went back to set after the two months to watch him in the trailer. But my mom has a disability. So she couldn't even really change diapers or anything. Really? She could only really just watch him in the trailer. And then I would be running back and forth because she has her arms. She's paralyzed on this arm and then has a shorter arm, like two shorter arms.

So, yeah. So for me, that was like a really hard time. But yeah. Whoa. Couldn't even sit up for like a week. Like, it was bad. It's like going to war. That's what I say.

It's like that beginning plate time, especially, I'm not kidding. Especially when you're recovering from a C-section, it's such an intense surgery. Yeah. I mean, they cut you open, Rachel. They take all of your organs out of your body. Okay? Like, and then they take the baby out and then they stuff you back. up like a turkey.

And they either sew or staple you, right? Yep. I don't know about you. For me, the numbing agent didn't work. Oh. Yeah. Oh, that's so, honestly. It was like a medical nightmare.

It was so disturbing. They had to start pumping morphine in me. That is, yeah. Yeah. I don't even know how you did that. That is so disturbing to me. Like, it's so fucked up and disturbing. It turned out I'm immune to Novakene, like the numbing agent.

So, right? That, it's not okay. Well, she had an emergency C-section, too. So you were in labor for 32 hours, how many? 48 hours. Oh, 48, sorry. 48 hours. But then same with the heart thing.

They were like, we got to get them out. Yeah. Because it's bad even with the numbing. So I can only imagine what you went through. Even with the numbing, you feel severe pressure on your stomach while they're cutting you open. That's the truth. So regardless, I was already, it's already so painful without it. So I don't even know how.

Did you have the birthquakes? What's that? Oh, they had to put a mouth guard in me because my teeth were slamming down against each other. My whole body was like shaking. They got the birthquakes. And they had to put mouth guard to me because my teeth were going to break from. Oh, that's crazy. It was not okay.

Wow. Yours actually could have been worse than mine. Like, I don't hear about people, like, worse. Like, my friends who had C-sections, I always feel like mine is the worst one. But yours, that's worse. Some people are like, yeah, it wasn't bad. I'm like, fuck off. I mean, it wasn't bad.

It wasn't bad. Look, I, even people who have vaginal birth who are just like, yeah, just slip right out, no tearing, no nothing. Like, it was easy, five minutes, da-da-da-da-da. And I'm like, how? How? How? Even when they're like, no epidural.

I'm like, that's amazing. How? How? You know? Once you start getting, I want to know epidural, but once you start getting the contractions, it gets so severe. The only thing that got me through is the laughing gas. Oh, lucky.

Yeah. Oh, it was good. Laughing gas is great. It's great. But I have a video of me actually right when I decided the moment I decided to give up and get the epidural. Like, I was like, this was, I was in labor before my like water broke. So they had me in like a side with the laughing gas.

And I literally was like, all right, guys, like, I am, I tried my best. Yeah. But I'm doing the epidural and blah, blah, blah. Meanwhile, end up having to have a C-section. So is what it is. But, you know, that moment of the give up is like. Oh, yeah. Oh, I was like, I had no plan.

And I'm like, I'm just going to go for it. I'll try, you know, natural if I need it, whatever. I was having such severe back-to-back contractions. Like I was getting no breaks. Yeah. I was throwing up all of it. It was horrible. And I did that for three and a half hours before we went to the hospital, like no breaks at all, just constant.

Yeah. So as soon as I got to the hospital, I was like, give me the fucking episode. No, give it. I know. Yeah. And then the heaven's open and you're like, oh. I kicked my doula out. I made her leave.

I did too. Because I knew she wanted me to do it natural and I got to the point where, and it, It was like a substitute dula because mine was because it was a full fucking moon. It was a full moon. It was a full moon. And my dula had told me the only night I can't do it is this date, this full moon, because I'm leading some sort of circle. And we're like, oh, it's not going to be that date. Of course it was that date.

Full moon. And I had a substitute dula and I could tell she wanted me to do it natural. And I did. I was like, that girl's got to go. I need her out. Yeah. I did the same. I did the same.

Because when you're in, especially when you're in that like animalistic state, you need your comfort around you. Privacy. You know? So I asked her to leave as well. I was just like, I don't. Yeah. I didn't want anybody seeing me like this. I needed my space and then I went to the C-section.

But yeah. Yeah. I've never heard anyone else asking them to leave before. They're always like, my doula saved me. It was amazing. I'm like, I told mine to leave. No, I had, yeah. Yeah, no, I had the same experience.

You almost get annoyed with them. Like, you almost look at them, like, get out of me. Like, you know what I mean? That's it. It's like that primal animal, like, I need to be alone. It's also that feeling of when you're going to puke and you don't want anyone around you. That's right. You know what I mean?

That feeling. It's the same. I mean, not the same, but the same. No, I had it last week. My husband came in and wanted to hold my hair back when I was puking. Don't want anybody. Leave the country. Near me when I'm throwing up.

Don't hold my hair. No. No. Like you'll have some guttural growls coming out like you're giving birth sometimes and you don't need any witnesses. Privacy, please. Privacy please. It's so funny. Oh, my God.

Privacy peas. Puking, pooping and pushing. And peeing. Or pregnancy. Or. I'm going to start using that. I'm going to use that to my partner, the privacy peas. The privacy peas.

There are a lot of peas that fall under that. Yeah. We just call it. gas station. What? I need to go to the gas station. Didn't I tell you that? No.

So my mom when she was like first dating this guy, she was young, she wouldn't go number two at the house with him. So she'd be like, I got to go to the gas station and get a like a soda or whatever. So she would leave, go poop at the gas station, right? That's so funny. Right? She told this story to her then or later to her husband. So I'd come over to the house.

I'd be like, where's my mom? he'd be like, in the gas station. So the second bathroom for privacy is the gas station. Yeah. Always need two bathrooms. Right? Yeah. How do you feel about that?

I mean, two bathrooms for sure. I don't want. I mean, yeah, no. And some people say they poop in front of their partner. No. I still feel like that should be separate. I'm not. No.

No. I'm with you. I'm always like that. Don't, none of those bodily things need to happen. No. in front of someone you're sleeping with. No, 100%. I just read something the other day that this guy was like writing in for help.

He was like, I don't know what to do. Like, I love my girlfriend. She's beautiful. She's amazing. She farts so much. And she farts so bad when she's sleeping that it's almost intolerable. And I was like, oh, what do you do in that situation? What do you do?

What would you do? What if you're dude right now that you absolutely? Absolutely love, I'm sure. I can tell. What if when he went to sleep? Woo. I feel like it's like the love is already there. It's like I used to have a French bulldog that was like farting constantly, like constantly.

And you just live with it. Same. Oh, you do too? Yeah. So the love is there. So it was just, I guess you just have to live with it. Maybe separate bedrooms. Right.

But if it was while we were dating, I don't think I could have done it. Because you would start getting like gay. You'd get the egg. Right, right. The love is what protects you. from throwing up and gagging. Yeah. Well.

Yeah, but like, no, but it's like my sister. She really liked this one guy. She was like, she went on a few dates with him. And his breath was so bad. Oh. And she was like, Vanessa's like the one thing. Like, like, do I end it? Like, I don't think I can live with the smell.

It's like even when we get in the car, he just speaking. And it could just smell. She's like, I think it's like a gut thing, right? Yeah. Yeah. And so she had to end it. And she was like, do I tell him? because I feel so bad because we're so great.

Like, you know, we have great conversations, but I feel she never told him about the breath. But he almost wanted to so that he could maybe fix it. I think that you have to in a way, not have to, but like, I guess it depends on how close you are to the person. Right. But it is an indication of something being wrong. Wrong.

Yeah. But same with her with the gas. So that's what I was going to say. Like, if I was in that situation, I think I would say like, hey, I think maybe you're lactose intolerant. Or something's going on because you're really tootin-up storm. And it's not just my nose. It's something's wrong.

Something's wrong. That's what I would help them find a solution if I love them. Exactly. Right. But if you don't, you're like, I'm out. Like, yeah, you're. I do think, too, like certain smells, like certain people can tolerate of, like, partners and certain people can't.

Yeah. Like, if a dude I love, has like B-O or whatever, but like I like it. It's weird. Yeah. Yeah. You know, because you love them. But that's what they say. They say when you actually like love somebody that you like their sweat. They're their pheromones. They're their pheromones. You know, you like that smell. Yeah. And there's other people that you're like, oh, this isn't my smell. Yeah. Right. I've had that too. I've had that. I've had that. This reminds me my grandpa. Oh. Yeah. Who? I'm just kidding. I know you're not going to say. But you know what's really interesting to my partner now who, you know,

know, he's great, but he's the only partner I've been with that I wasn't on birth control when I first met them. And they say that, yeah, they say that birth control changes who you are attracted to. I've heard that. Yeah, like the fairmoans. It changes what you smell and find attractive. So a lot of girls, they say, pick their partners, you know, the wrong partners that they would choose if they weren't on birth control. And he was the only one that I wasn't because I got off birth control when I was married. But yeah, and then after I had my son, I haven't gone back on birth control. And yeah.

So it changes your attraction changes. That's so interesting. And can you look back and see that? Like, you're like, yeah, they were all the wrong choices. Well, I mean, obviously. Obviously. Yeah. I mean, I think so. Obviously, my birth control made me attracted to like cheating partners, I guess. Yeah. Oh, my God. But, you know, I don't know. But I guess, yeah, it really made a difference because this is the first time I've had peace. Like, it's like that feeling of peace. Yeah, totally. What is that? I know. I was on birth control my whole youth. Same. For regulating my period, like started really young on birth control. just stayed. Yeah. On it. And now I'm like, that makes so much. It makes so much. My husband, I met off birth control. Interesting. Off birth control. So now, yeah, now after this podcast, like, think back on your

partners and think who you maybe were on birth control with and who you weren't. And then, yeah, see if there was a difference. It's so fascinating. I have many questions. Yeah. Well, it's like you can, you're supposed to be able to smell someone that you're a match for that's supposed to be. your chemical match, yeah. Yeah. Because that's how animals do it, right? So it's like the smell. Everything changes.

You're like, let me smell your butt. Yeah. Well, animals. She's like, wait, I'm not on birth control. Can I get a sniff? Turn around. Let me get a sniff. Could you imagine?

How do you, do you feel better, though, not on birth control? You know, maybe it got to the point where I started taking birth control, like the pill. And I wanted to, like, I felt like I started. of feeling sick. Like it was always nauseous. Yeah. Like almost like nauseous. Like I don't want to take this anymore.

So I feel like my body was like, I was on it for 15 years. That's a long time. Yeah. Yeah. So I feel like my body just knew it was time that this wasn't good for me anymore. Yeah. It made my skin great like when I was on it. So that was a perk that I liked.

But other than that, I do feel better off it, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know. That's actually weird. My skin got better when I got off it. Really?

Oh, really? I used to have, like, atrocious acne. I wouldn't say it. Oh, and then off it. Yeah, off of it, I don't really get pimples anymore. Yeah, your skin's great. I don't either anymore now, but, like, I had to go through the transition period. Yeah.

Yes. Well, yeah, other factors, too. Yeah. Having a kid changes your whole thing, too. Oh, and having a kid made my hair grow, which was great. Mine did it first. And then it falls. And then it falls out.

And then it falls out. Yeah. My hair had never been like longer, thicker, prettier. Skin, right when I had her. Yeah. I think it was the breastfeeding, which was also. Oh, breastfeeding is great. Did you do the breastfeeding?

Yeah, I did it for two years, which was longer than some of my friends. But like, it just really like, it helped me shed the baby weight. I love it. Oh, we breasted until three. Oh, you did. Oh, yes. That would have been River's dream. Like, he still tries.

Oh, yeah. Every day, people still try. Yeah. Yeah. That's not an easy one. Don't you miss it? Like, I feel like people think they're crazy when I say it. Like, I miss it so much.

Like, it was such an easy, like, it's been bonding. Yeah. Everything. Yeah. They got them to sleep. Yeah. Planes. Yeah.

Oh, on planes, the planes were so peaceful because they fall asleep right on the boob. Yeah. Oh, it's the best. It was the best. Oh, I need a baby on the boot. That's like, I'm literally. I literally missed that. I'm like, to think of never experiencing that again, I'm like, oh.

Are you guys both done? You think you're both 100% done? I'm done. I mean, I'm old. You're not old. You don't look old. You're not. But my body is.

No, you're still. I don't know. My daughter's like, mom, no. Like, she is not down. Oh, okay. Because it's been us her whole life. It's been one of, anyone else in the mix. Yeah.

It's also tiring. It's pretty exhausting. It's so tiring. Thinking about going back to like that newborn phase, you're like, oh, wait, isn't that like, that's like being a mom, that's like being a mom to a T. We talk about how exhausting and it's like, oh, it's so exhausting. But then we're like, oh, my God, it's so cute. I love it.

It's like that's just like that back and forth, back and forth. Always flip-flopping. Yeah. But we can tell you're cut from the same cloth as us, like, which is so diehard, like. Yes. Down. Yeah. We're like cut them out of us and put them in our boots.

And just, all the things. It's so wild. It is. It is. But it's been so nice talking to you and getting to know you. And you'll have to come over with River when you're in L.A. For sure. I definitely am going to take you guys up on that.

Yes. A hundred percent. All right. Well, good luck. And we are hoping for a season two. Yes. It's such a fun show. And I hope everyone watches Wild Cards.

Wild Cards Wednesdays at 8 p.m. on the CW. And yeah. Yay, C-Db. We love it. Oh, we love it. Thank you so much for being with us. Thank you so much.

Thanks, guys. Why are you so tired? Good morning, Rob. You brought Olivia a macho today. Yeah, you did. He's been so loving. Yeah, what's up? He got a sidecar donuts.

Are you cheating on it? Like, what is happening? He's always cheating on us. Yeah. I feel loved. No, what am I talking? bring me anything today. Well, you never want anything.

Yeah, you never, you wouldn't have taken it. I would have brought it for you and it would have been wasted. You've got two full drinks right there. One from yesterday and this is from this morning and it's cold. It's so weird. You just let things sit there. I devour them. It's kind of wasteful.

It depends on the time. If I'm like hungry, I will devour a coffee type drink, tea latte, whatever it may be. If I'm not, then. It's not as much. Hmm. Can I ask you something serious? No, boy. No, I'm serious.

Is it serious? Is it serious? I'm serious and I want a serious answer. I have a blanket on. That's serious. Rob, you're a really good person to ask this question to because I think that you would give a very thoughtful answer. I have a problem.

I don't want my dog. Okay? I love her. She's sweet. So sweet. So cuddly. So wonderful. She has food aggression.

She bit my brother. She bit my husband. She bit my mom's husband. I feel that if I... Has you ever bit a girl? There's only men that live in the house besides you. There's no girls at my house. Yeah, but I was just curious.

Has she bit you? No. No. Okay. Continue. Good point, Rachel. Thank you. She gets food aggression and acts like a psychopath.

Like if there's food on the table, like she's like, and it starts going crazy, right? She's like you. Outside of that, I love her. Outside of that, I love her. I don't think it's safe to keep her because I have children and they have friends. And I feel like she's going to bite someone. And then I also don't want to just get rid of her because then I'm like, oh, they're just going to like kill her.

And that's horrendous. She's not. Yeah. So you're not considering putting her down. No. No. I'm making sure that she's not an animal. No.

No, strawberry is an animal. But here's the problem. She's not really trainable. She's a French bulldog. She's really stubborn. I had her in training. I had her with a trainer. My brother's been training her.

she's not trainable. There's something that happens around food. So then we try creating her, but then it's like you have to create her all the time. I don't think it's safe to keep her. What do I do? I think you find someone that is equipped. Probably doesn't have kids.

It seems like she does better with women than men as far as the aggression goes. I don't think it's a gendered thing. She's very sweet, so sweet. And so she's a French bulldog. She's adorable. She's lovable. She's cuddly.

It's going to break my one son's heart. But I feel like she's a liability. So Olivia wants everyone listening to see if they would be interesting and adopting strawberry. Does anyone want a French bulldog that is a little aggressive around food? Food aggression. Maybe someone that doesn't have kids. But that's something that I feel like is manageable. But your concern is just that there's kids around.

And I understand that. Small kids. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And she's never hurt the kids. to be fair. Oh.

Has she ever gone after their food? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, our dog nips at Calvin and Vincent. These aren't nips. Yeah. She straight bit my brother's hand and Jeff's hand.

And it bled? Yeah. She broke skin. Oh. I actually bit Calvin last night. He gets... What? I mean...

Just like little baby bites. Like leave me alone. She hates Calvin. Oh, my God. Why? She was little when we had Calvin. So she never got over that. She's like, who's his dude?

She's better with Vincent. Interesting. That's older. She'll nip Vincent and Vincent doesn't care at all. He's just like, all right. So it's Vincent that's better with her. I don't know if I would say that because Calvin's good. Like she sleeps with Calvin in his bed.

And we'll hear her just like barking growl in the middle of the night. What? What's like me? I bark and growl in the middle of the night. No, you'd sleep with someone you hate. I'm kidding. I'm joking. That's funny.

But when I brought this up, Casper said that, oh, no, you can't say that because you're going to get hate for that. Why would I get hate for that? I think you're trying to be responsible and you're showing you care enough about the dog that you want a solution that is considering the dog. I want her to have a great life. Yeah. I also don't want her to have to be created every time the kids bring someone over. You need to send her off to a farm to live outer days. Well, how do I find one of those?

That sounds like you're sending a dog to die. Yeah. Oh. That was kind of the joke. Yeah. I don't want to send her to die. No, I know. She doesn't deserve to die.

She just needs to be with someone who doesn't have small children. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe people can comment. Yeah, please. Solutions for Olivia and how to get rid of her. evil dog. She's not evil. No, she's really sweet.

She's really sweet. She just needs, like, I don't know. Anyways. All right. Okay. So that answered that? We're going to get answers from my... What would you do besides give it to your mom? That's the only thing I do.

Yeah, you've done that twice? No, more than that. More than that. One, two, three. Yeah, yeah. Is it three? But what would you do if that wasn't an option and you were in my situation? I had a biting dog with young kids.

Yeah. I know some people's answer, and I know people have done this that have kept their dogs that have even bitten children. Like, you know what I mean? Like, not anyways, that they would make it a point that the dog is always either in another room like door closed or crated when there are people over. Yeah, I mean, my best... It doesn't sound like a good life. My best friend growing up had a dog like that. That everyone hated and bit everyone.

You know that a dog bit my face. Yeah. The beagle ate my face. Yeah. That's why you have no face. That's why I really don't like beagles. That's what that scar is? I don't even like beagles because of that.

I have so many scars from the fucking Teddy, that motherfucker. Who waited for me at the bottom of the slide and I was in my purple and blue striped sweatsuit. Thank you. No memory, but I remember what I was wearing when a dog ate my face. I don't know because that's an instance where my mom was like, they know this dog isn't good with kids, but they like let the dog be out with kids.

Right, you shouldn't do that. My face was eaten. So it's like, yeah, I agree with that. The dog should be put away. Yeah, this is an actual responsibility that you're going to take on. When you're already dealing with quite a bit, It's a lot. You have a full household of full things, so I do understand that.

And I do understand people that are like, I'm just going to make that happen. Like, it's just, you know. If you get rid of strawberry, are you going to get another dog? I am not allowed to get any more dogs. Ever. Especially French bulldogs. This will be the second French bulldog that she's giving away because of temperamental issues. Because it's aggressive.

But that's the thing is I didn't know. Second time. I thought the first one was a fluke. So what did you do the first time? She gave it away. I got her adopted. He. I got her that dog.

I didn't personally buy it. Do the same thing. What? You've done it before. Do it again. But I don't remember how I did it. I made a bet with someone. I really don't remember how I did it.

I made a bet with someone to get her. She wanted a French bulldog and we had a mutual friend. I made the bet. Oh, you made the bet. I made the bet. Oh. You just went and signed the papers. The bet was on me.

She had, so we would be. Come again. This guy was like, I bet Rachel won't sign these papers. And I said, how much do you want to bet? And he was like, what do you want? And I was like, a French bulldog. And he was like, done, get her to sign the papers. And you get your French bulldog.

And I called Rachel. I said, you got to go sign some papers. What were the papers for? My will. Was it autographs? No, it wasn't really signing papers. It was like for me to do something. It was like, get her to do something.

It was like to get her to do something. So she did it and I got a psychotic dog. And then I got another psychotic dog. Same kind. I'm not allowed dogs anymore. Yeah, you didn't learn your lesson. Maybe you just don't get another French bulldog. Yeah.

A dog that's not an asshole. I don't think I should be in charge of a dog. You don't have the bandwidth to handle a dog. I don't. I have one kid and handling a dog is a lot. It's so much. Because it's a lot. No, you want to know why?

We were sitting in the kitchen right now. I have a gated household and no coyotes. Right by the window. That's why my dog is not here. My dog is eight pounds. Do you know how traumatic that would be for Breyer? You're not going to let the dog outside. Your dog has to go to the bathroom and have to go with a leash.

A couple nights ago, Natalie, went to take Huxley out to pee in front of her house. Yeah. And she's trained well enough. We don't usually use a leash at night just because she listens. And there was... It's not a matter of listening. Well, I know. But there were two coyotes

that just walked across the middle of the street past her. Natalie scared them off. Yeah. And then Huxley ran after them. Of course. Rowing and barking. And so she would have been gone her so easily. How did Natalie scare them off?

She just made noises at him. Ooh. Yeah. She didn't get nervous that Huxley was like just there. She ran after Huxley and had to grab her out of the street. Right. That's why she needs to be on a leash. She doesn't matter if she's trained.

See? Point. Case and point. Jeff wants a, what you want to call it, German Shepherd? I'm like, I cannot train a German Shepherd. I can't train a dog, period. Like, I can't do it. I don't even want to do it anymore, you know?

Is you get a pit bull? Yeah. I've had one of those a bit through my brother's face. That was fun. My dog did. Pities are sweet. I had a sweet ball. This dog was sweet.

made the mistake of he the dog went to go bark and kind of attack another dog which is like a normal dog thing to do and he put his head down to stop it and the dog like why was you your head down that's what I'm saying like I didn't blame the dog no that makes sense yeah you're not supposed to get in the middle my mom did once with two of our dogs and she was bit when I was a kid yeah lesson learned guys never interfere You got to get water and throw water on them. You don't always have accessible. Water handy.

Well, if it is, that's a good way. Yeah. I'm serious. Have you not heard that before? I've heard that. David was telling me that the other day when Strawberry was stuck in a panic mode. Yeah. Because she wanted food.

He was like, throw water at her. Yeah. And I was like, I was so scared. I was like, I'm scared she's going to like. Was that when you were in bed? Yeah. Yeah. In a Hewell house.

She was texting me that she was having a panic attack because strawberry was going to attack. Okay. Guys, I had people write commentary telling me, instead of the weed sleep gummies, I should try the melatonin gummies. You shouldn't because it's a hormone and you don't want to change your hormone balance. I was going to say that I think I have, and it doesn't do anything.

Oh, no, it's the magnesium ones. You should take the magnesium. That I should do. Yeah. Okay. Or just read the dosage. No, I don't want to, I'm not doing that again. Well, THC can make you feel a little sketchy.

No shit. Yeah. But there's CBD sleep gummies that are like CBD with, what's the word magnesium and all that. I think you just need to like be more aware of what you're taking. Not like, there's just some weed gummies and I don't know the amount and I don't know what the dosage is supposed to be. I'm not aware of most things. Being a little more aware of that. And I think it would maybe work too.

You guys? Yeah. These are the most comfortable socks. Freaking effort. Did you get these socks? No. Yeah, you did. I'm rubbing it in my face.

You didn't get these socks when we went. Camping? No. Why did I not get those? I don't know. She just loves rubbing it in our face. I'm going to rub my foot on your face. They're the great.

They're really? They're great. Rob, we were talking with Vanessa about, like, people who cannot control their bowels. Like, if you had someone in bed with you that you were dating, let's say, it's not, you know, Natal, you're not married forever. And they have, like, uncontrollable gas. It's, like, really bad. Gas and not shit. Yeah.

No, but, like, when they. Sorry. Well, whatever. Maybe a deal breaker if they're uncontrollably shitting themselves in bed. Ooh. Jeez. Yeah, not so much that. No, I read a thing on like whatever that was like this guy was like, I love my girlfriend.

I think she's amazing. She's great, all the things. But when she goes to sleep, she has a little worst gas. It's like almost intolerable. What do I do? I don't know. Yeah, I don't know what you do in that case. You get a separate bedroom.

That's what Vanessa said. I think dietary changes. Well, dietary changes, but that's also like bringing that up is also going to be sensitive. You'd rather move bedrooms than bring up the fact that you must have. maybe shouldn't eat cheese? No. No. I just thought of something. You're like, that's why he moved to bedrooms. No. I wrote a children's book when I was little. It was the mouse that couldn't eat cheese. Because every time he would eat it, it would make him sneeze. It's cute. Wait, my mom still has the book and I want to find it now. I think you should publish it. I do too. That's really

Maybe it's a lactose intolerant mouth. Yeah. That's your new cause of lactose intolerance. Okay, sorry. My brain did its thing. I apologize. Yeah, you can suggest dietary changes, but it depends on how receptive your partner is to that. Well, you'd expect them to be receptive enough to change rooms.

Yeah. I would guess you would have explained yourself if you're doing that. well. Right. So yeah, that would be step one. Okay. See if you can help them with that. I help Natalie figure out she was lactose intolerant. Oh, was it the same situation? No, not that exact situation, but. How did you know? Her stomach was always upset. And I was like, maybe you're lactose intolerant. And she was like, no, never thought about that. She's like, well, every time I eat it hurts. Yeah.

Yeah. That's the thing. Way to go. We'd go, Rob. All right. You guys want him to do a question? Yeah. I am.

This is coming from a 28-year-old female. I think I just watched my husband cheat on me during a threesome. Is that what just happened? What? I don't actually know what to make of this. I'm so confused and honestly hurt. I'm not sure that anyone will have any advice, but please, if you do, I need someone's help. My husband and I,

for the majority of a relationship have been very open for non-monogamous sex. Never by ourselves, but with each other and another person. Over the years, we've had many threesomes with other girls, and we've both very much enjoyed it. For the past two-ish years, we've had one standard other girl who we would see a lot. We stopped seeing her because she wanted to explore more serious relationships, and that was totally fine. Since then, my husband has been interested in trying it with another specific girl. I was open to it, obviously, so we met with her several. times. She was very attractive, kind and confident with this whole thing, which is important

because I hate the shy persona some girls have. It makes me feel weird. I thought she was a great match. Yet when we had our first encounter, I quickly realized I was more of a bystander than an active participant. I literally felt like a scene from friends where Ross says he was just there with Carol and Susan. She was all over my husband, which is a, which okay, we're literally having sex, so fine, but it was just entirely too much. Every time my husband tried to to make her include me. If you know what I mean, she simply wouldn't. Even though we said prior that all of this is fine,

and when we're having sex, I could have thrown up. It was so intimate when it never is like that. The way they were looking at each other brought tears of my eyes. I was literally sitting there on the bed completely naked watching my husband make love to another woman. Not fuck another woman because that doesn't bother me, but make love to her. That's gross. I asked my husband afterwards what that was about,

and he admitted she was a little too into him. And not enough into me, which is his entire turn on anyway. We both said probably not a good match, and that sucks. But he said it's not that big of a deal. To me, it's a big deal. I feel horrible. I mean, I know we have an unusual situation, but you would feel horrible too, right? He apologized, but I can't get the image out of my head.

Well, I mean... I don't think she can blame him too much. No, because she invited that situation in... Yeah, comes to the territory. But they can't see her again. Right. And it's just going to take time for her to get over it. But it's an open relationship, you know?

Mm-hmm. But that's fucked up. I wouldn't want to see that. I wouldn't want to see that. I wouldn't want to see that. Mm-mm. You're watching your dude, like, she said make love. Yeah.

I think that you take that gamble when you let another person into your bed. Yeah, it comes to the territory. You can't really control, like, unless you're paying for it. these services. Maybe you have a little bit more control. But if you're not, and it's just like, hey, let's try this thing. And they happen to be more into the husband. Like, you can't really control that. Yeah. And if it was a situation that happened before, like, they could have ground rules if that's going to happen, that he knows, like, we need to stop this. But it seems like it kind of just happened. Would you rather it be, let's say hypothetically, you guys were going

to have a rendezvous. A threesome. A threesome with another woman. Would you rather it be somewhere like, you go to Vegas and you just pick up a chick for the night and it's like we do that, that's that? Or would you rather it be someone that's like someone that you know or like came into the picture where you're like, she's attractive?

No, it would have to be a like one-off. Yeah. I think. Yeah, I agree. Yes. Well, I mean, I think the circumstance of these people was a more reoccurring thing in a relationship they're building with this third partner. Yes.

So we know, like, I know someone somehow that it's like they have a girlfriend. It's like the people are married. They're married. They're married, but they have a girlfriend that comes in. The couple has a girlfriend, not the husband. The girl comes and stay at a weekend is both of their girlfriend, but then goes home and they're a married. couple.

Well, I think that's, yeah, that's like a fully different circumstance. There's, like, having a three-way and then there's having a girlfriend. Right. Or just having an open relationship. Like, it's all a spectrum. Yeah. Could you? No.

You get too jealous. I could not do it. Not a chance. No. Like, a girlfriend? Or, like, inviting someone into bed? Oh, a girlfriend? Could you do a one-off?

You're talking about a one-off? one-off. Not a, yeah, sorry, I didn't mean a girlfriend. I think, like, I would do definitely be more open to a one-off than a thing, but, like, I don't, like, the daughter is a no to me. It would have to be in, like, a long time. If, like, they just, nah, da-da, you know, and she's like, okay, we're going to do this, just be cut, blah, blah, blah, and it would be a one-off would be the only version,

and even that, I don't think she's super down. Yeah. But it's like, it's our 30th wedding anniversary, and I'm going to give you this gift. even though it makes me uncomfortable. I mean, he's never even asked for it, so that'd be so weird. You know what I mean? If I'm like, I know you've never brought this up. Like, he's never been like, hey, would you be open to, which I'm sure if I said, like,

hi, would you like this for your birthday? He'd be like, that's dope. I was like I said, I think it's safe to assume he would be on board, but he knows you well enough to know that it's probably not something you would be into. So do you think that's a standard for? for most men? Do you think most men would be into it? Probably. Really? Yeah, that's...

Because I know guys that have done it and don't like it. And they're like, I thought I would like it, but I actually don't like it. Like, it weirded me out to see their woman actually with another woman that made them feel weird. And we're also assuming this is always, like, if you're a married couple, you're just bringing another female in. because I think if it's a male, that's like a whole other... I mean, I think there's guys that would like to be down and see their wife, like, sleeping another guy. To answer your question, I would do that. Most guys...

You're like, I'm down. I think most guys would be willing to explore an additional female partner. I think less would be wanting that to be a male partner. Yeah. I know that I'm sure Jeff would be a hard note on bringing another man in. But I think he'd be like, okay, if you want to like... She's asleep. How do you feel about your partner giving people the wrong message?

Like, they're flirty? Yeah. Or charismatic. Or you can tell, like, oh, that person thinks they have it with my spouse. I have to take it to, like, situation to person. Okay, well, think of a person. Like, if you're asking me right now in my life, I don't think I'd be like, that's just them.

Like, whatever. It doesn't make you feel any which way. No. Okay. Currently? No. At 42? No.

Younger? Yes. Right. So you think that comes with age, like maturity? I think it comes with age, but I also think it comes with the experience in the relationship, too. Because, like, this point for me, like, I don't care as much as I would have two years in. to being with Natalie. Because you trust her and you know.

Trust her, yeah. And like, we have a whole life together. And this doesn't mean, it's not as threatening to me as it would have been earlier on in the relationship. Got it. What about you? It sounds like maybe not for you. No, no, no. I think the same.

Because I remember when I first started dating him, a lot of girls. thought they had something going on with him. And then I realized a couple guys did too. And then I saw the way he was acting towards these people. And I was like, oh, my God. I totally see why these people think there's something going on between them. And then I realized, like, there's nothing going on. Like, that's just how he interacts with certain people.

And so I learned, like, if they think that that's on them. Does it make you jealous of her? It used to No, not now I haven't felt jealous Since I was like first with him I like that she's asleep She's like a dead asleep

She's laying down I'm participating Kind of I think I need to be stopped Someone else needs to take over Well that was Vanessa Yeah Love her

Love her Love her Just a real one Thanks everybody That was a headgum podcast I don't know.