Broad Ideas with Rachel Bilson & Olivia Allen - Whitney Cummings on Freezing her Eggs, One Year of Celibacy, and Addiction

Episode Date: March 13, 2023

Stand-up comedian, actress, writer, director, and podcaster Whitney Cummings is this week’s broad. Whitney, Rachel and Olivia talk about Whitney’s parents being in nursing homes, freezing her eggs, and having her first orgasm from sex at 40 years old. They also discuss trusting your instincts in men, addiction, and self-exploration. Broad Ideas is supported by Hiya Health. Receive 50% off your first order by going to hiyahealth.com/IDEAS. Broad Ideas is supported by Blissy. Get better sleep now with Blissy and use code RACHEL to get an additional 30% off at blissy.com/RACHEL.Broad Ideas is supported by Talkspace. Get $100 off your first month at Talkspace.com/IDEAS.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hax is back for its fifth and final season, and so is The Hacks podcast. Join the Hacks creators and showrunners, Lucia and Yellow, Paul W. Downs, and Jen Statsky as they unpack the Emmy-winning comedy series. On each episode, hear stories from the set, what goes on in the writer's room, and how these beloved characters close out their final season. Watch Hax streaming exclusively on HBO Max and listen to The Hacks podcast on HBO Max, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to broad ideas.

Hi, guys. Hey. Hi. She said hi. Rob has joined me recently, and now Olivia finally is talking. You guys, today, we have Whitney Cummings, who needs no introduction, stand-up comedian, actress, writer, director, producer, and podcaster. she honestly is the shit.

You may know her from Whitney or one of her many amazing, hilarious stand-up specials. Her podcast, Good for You. Which you've been a guest on. I have been a guest on Good for You and had so much fun. I could just talk to Whitney for days and days without ever stopping. Which you kind of did.

We had a very, very, very, very fun conversation. Her new stand-up tour, an evening with Whitney Cummings, you can find tickets on Whitneycom. Without further ado, let's talk to Whitney. Sometimes when the wind inside of Rachel's little brain, all these thoughts are swirling, round and round inside to join us on this journey as we take a little ride. We'll talk about dogs and kids. And things we'll talk about chicks and tampon strings. We'll talk about boys that are neat. Because people die.

I know. I was so happy we could talk more. Thank you. I'm so sorry. I was scheduled. Are you kidding? I'm so happy. You made the trek, which I know your horses are, it's kind of in between, but still. It's perfect.

It's kind of far. What is that thing where we're like, thank you for coming out. Right. Right. It's like, to me, driving 30 minutes, it's like, I just, it's the best. because I'm driving and I can't talk on the phone. I can't text. I can't like because we used to have planes.

Remember it used to be that was our only time to be like, I'm on a plane. Sorry. Now there's Boingo wireless and now there's wireless. I never sign on when I'm on a plane. Good. Wait. What do you mean you can't talk on the phone when you drive? Well, I just say like I'm focusing on driving guys.

If I talk to you. Oh, it's like your time to just shut off. Yeah, I'm not going to answer the phone and drive because no one in, for the most part, I haven't gotten a text in, I don't know, maybe like 15 years that felt worse driving off the road for. Smart. So, I mean. It's like, yeah. I just am like, I'm going to drive and listen to a podcast.

And it's the only time I can do one thing and not like, you know, multitask. What do you listen to? Podcast, why? I listen to Sam Harris sometimes, but I'll listen to kind of like bold ones. Rich Roll. I'll listen to every now and then. I love your wrong about. It's this incredible podcast where they, like, really.

visit things that happen like in the 90s. Like you're wrong about Paraseltin. You're wrong about Tara Reid. You're wrong about Dr. Oz. You're wrong about and they just like dig in. Wrong about Anna Nicole Smith. All the people that we publicly shamed. Yeah. Like the digital, I guess it wasn't at the time it was tabloid, like the tabloid witch trials. Yeah. Like we did it. Right. Tabloids. Right. And then we did it with public shaming. You know, it's like you're wrong about like all the people. people that we kind of destroyed. I mean, it was like when Pereseltin was, you know, like a kid. Yeah. And the late night talk shows were just doing jokes about her being like a slut. On the sex tape. Yeah. So what are doing? So it's like we were, we all participated in that on some

level, not you necessarily, but you look back and you're like, oh yeah, that was really. No, it was. It's really shitty. Someone brought that tape over to our house. I feel like we then showed it to us for the first time. It was like a thing, you know? I'm, I, I, I'm, I, I never saw it. I never saw the Kim one. Not because I didn't want to. I think I just didn't like have Wi-Fi at the time. I had like dialogue. I definitely tried. Yeah. But I, what was, I watched the sex tape recently. Oh, the Pam and Tommy one. Oh, the real one like the actual. Well, the one that was because her documentary came out. And it was so good. Did you watch the text tape was? It was so much. Oh, the sex tape was. Oh, no. I haven't seen

the documentary. But the sex tape is incredible. I've learned a lot. But yes, it's incredible. And, you know, for me, I'm a little bit on like a shame release tour because of the state of comedian. I started doing the roasts. And I did a roast of it was David Hasselhoff. And Pam Anderson was on the dais. She was, you know, a bunch of comedians and then Pam Anderson. And I, we all just, that's what you do at roast.

You just tear people apart, you know? And I started as a writer on the roast. I was like 25 or six, I think, when I did hers. And it kind of broke my heart. You know, like I did what I had to do. And then I kind of like went backstage and was like sobbing because I could tell that it upset her. But it should have. But it was like I was probably getting paid $5,000. She was probably getting paid $300,000. And I'd be like this kid who I had a deal to do the roast after I did Joan Rivers. And then, you know, I wrote about in my book about how I did another one with Carmen Electra. And it was like kind of a big apology of like, you know, I think when you're a female comic or I'm not even female when you're a comic. Like the only way to really, you know, money in the beginning is, you know, any job that's offered to you. And I started doing the roasts. And, you know, conversely, I was also on the roast getting called an anorexicore and a producer

cum guzzler, whatever. Oh, like, whatever. Marilyn Manson's here. Oh, no, it's just Whitney Cummings. Like, whatever. So it was kind of like in my head, it was like, we're all just jabbing. But in comedy, and this isn't, you know, I'm not trying to be pejorative or I'm going to say this the best way I can, which is like, you know, roast.

are like verbal MMA. MMA, but it's like verbal. And MMA and boxing, it's only funny when it's, you know, or fun, I'm sorry, when it's the weight classes are matched, right? So heavy weight. You don't do heavy weight versus featherweight. It's not fun to watch, you know? And, you know, because I'm doing, uh, bringing the roast back on only fans TV, like when we're doing the roast. I'm going to ask you about that. I'll talk about it because there is a way to do it that is not, you know, saying 40-year-old women are old and men are rapists if they're not rapists and saying men have small dicks because that's why they kill us. So we're not going to say stuff like that in this new iteration, but I was a part of the iteration that was just kind of, it was comedic heavyweights

pounding on like celebrities and, you know, women that had already been really slut-shamed in society and, you know, and so I really just kind of want to like make amends for that. Even though, you know, I was doing the best I could with the tools I had and it was like the job I was asked to do at the time. Right. So I did watch her document. And I just was like, look, I would have put a gun to my head, but we don't have them in California. So I'm glad. Right. Right.

What did you think of that documentary? Loved it. Right. I loved it. Me too. I mean, you know, I didn't love it. I mean, I think I loved it for selfish reasons because I think I want so badly for her to be okay. And I think I was like, okay, she's okay.

Yeah. Right. But I don't know what happens when the cameras. We don't know. Yeah. Like I recently had this, you know, people show up at my house and they did like a, intervention for me, a bunch of comedians, friends of mine, they like showed up. And, um, so funny, I looked at my window. A bunch of comedians were climbing over my fence. Like,

I was like, you guys, you know, that's a doorbell. Like, this isn't how interventions happened. You're like, it's apocalyptic zombies. Like, none of you have health insurance. Maybe don't jump over the gate. Just like press the call button. I'll come get you. Like, I have, I have three pit bulls that are going to kill you. Just like bring the bed. Because they were so worried about me because, you know, my mom crossed over in December. And, you know, And I had a social media team posting for me. So they thought I was on social media like, hey guys, here we're making it. We're doing.

Hey guys. Like, they thought that's what I was doing the two weeks after my mom talking while you're grieving. Well, I was grieving until we're just really worried about you. And I'm like, no, I've been home. I'm taking care of myself. I'm really, and they're like, and then I figured it out. I was like, oh, you guys are watching my social media.

And you think I'm a psychopath. have. Correct. Right. Right. And so, I mean, the jury is still out. But whereas I find myself going, just because people seem like they're okay on social media, doesn't mean they're okay. Or, you know, because I know, I think I like to go like, oh, look, my friend is like having a great time making her oatmeal latte. So she's good. Don't need to check on her, even though I know she's going through a breakup. She's good. Right. It's like, I'm looking for the evidence I need. Yeah. To not worry about someone. Right. Or something.

No, yeah. So I want to make sure with the Pam Anderson documentary, I was like, oh, she's fine. I'm off the hook. Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, right, right. But you bring up a good point about social media and smoke and mirrors and all of that because there's times where I have to go off social media and take a break because you're

seeing all these things and you're like, everybody else is so happy and their life is so great. And then you're just like, I feel like shit, you know? Like, why can't I have that? Yeah. You know? Yeah, I think we're kind of, I feel like we're kind of turning a corner on that. Like, I feel like when I see. see someone with their engagement photo, like on the side of a mountain and they're like smiling.

I'm like, uh, that's not going to last long. You know what I mean? Like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm the opposite now. The happier someone looks on social media, the more I'm like, we need a, you're like, Sarah is struggling. Yeah, we. And that's what happened, like, with the comedians that, you know, my dear friends who saw me on social media being all happy, they're like, we need to go to her house.

Right. You know, so I'm like that kind of now, too. Like what happened when they got there were you like, hey guys? Yeah, they were like, hey, we're just really worried about you. And I was like, okay, well, walk me through this, you know? And here's something I will say, which we were kind of touching on earlier, is that after my mom passed or concurrently with, my sister came back into my life. We had been estranged for, separated for a couple wild reasons. And I went off birth control for the first time in 20 years. I had been on Prozac for a while, went down. And so all of a sudden I did have a lot of energy.

And also with losing my mom, I think, you know, the reason I talk about it so much is not to get pity because that's my nightmare. It's actually that she was in a bed had had a stroke 12 years ago and was like hanging out of a bed. And my dad had a stroke as well. And so six years and 12 years, respectively, they were both in beds. And it was actually a relief when they die. Yeah. Not so much my dad. My mom was too soon, I think, for my heart. But my mom, 12 years, I mean, three years ago, she was saying like, please come. Yeah. You know what I mean? So it was like, it was a relief. in a lot of ways. And I think a lot of people have, you know, Jeanette McCurdy wrote the book. I'm glad my mom died. Yes. Yeah. That was a different situation. But I think that and then unspeakable is an amazing book as well about someone. It's like weird to say. Like people think you're a psychopath. But it is, you know, I'm 40 years old. And I spent most of my 20s and 30s when I wasn't working in hospitals in nursing homes in home hospice, which is like the theme of your accused episode. Yes. Yes. Yes. I was just, by the way, I just was able to. to watch it like two days ago because I was like, what if this is going to kick up some stuff? Sure. Oh, God. I'm obsessed.

Please, Howard Norton, do the second season just based on that character. Oh, my God. She was fun. I mean, well, you say fun to play. But it really, like, shown a light on the people that do that for a living, which I can't even, you know, for a second rap. We did home hospice. We did 11 days home hospice. Not in my home.

Right. Because someone warned me, they're like, you cannot have your mom dying. your house, she will haunt you forever like you can't. And I was like, oh, that's a good point. Because, you know, I think that when it comes to a parent, like we're so entrenched with our parents. And, you know, I had so much guilt. That was our family system. Guilt, shame. And, you know, I've been not making amends to a lot of the people in my life for over the last 12 years going, I would like to apologize to you for my behavior under the influence of grief and under the influence of shame and under the influence of secondhand embarrassment because I didn't even realize how much

it was affecting me. I didn't realize how much of my bandwidth was being taken up by just worrying and perseverating about knowing that my parents were in nursing homes. And I'm nursing homes. I have yet to find one that isn't literally a criminal enterprise. I know. The amount of elder abuse that goes on there. You were telling me about this and asking how long the people that work there have worked there. If you are so fortunate to be able to afford a nursing facility, for your parents. Most people have to do it in their homes, right? The best thing, because I've been through,

she was in 14, I think, of them by the end of the day. Well, because she would get kicked out of a lot of them because she would write on the wall, like she couldn't communicate well. So she would, you know, she had left side neglect so she could only use one. So sometimes she would write stuff on the walls

because she couldn't communicate properly or she would be so heavily medicated. I mean, it's just like, it's just such a shit show. And, you know, you're, you're, don't want them to be on too many men's and painkillers or antidepressants because you want her to be able to work on the neuroplasticity to work up, you know, getting the facilities back, you know, but also you don't want them to be in pain. It's just like it's a real nightmare. And then, of course, all of the people at work, they're underpaid, right? So it's not necessarily their fault that they,

you know, aren't trying too hard. And the people that they're helping, you know, are like, get away from me. Don't touch me. I, you know, it's just, it's rough. It's just, it's rough. You have to kind of just move through them. But, yeah, so she got. kicked out of a couple of them. She would have these, like, episodes because who wouldn't if you had a stroke at 63 at the top of your game? Like, who wouldn't, you know? So, yes, but a really good thing to do is ask the people that work there how long they've worked at that facility. And if it's six months or a year, rethink it. You want somebody who's been like, I've been here for six years. I love it. That's, you know, so I sort of have, like, I was almost

thinking about, I definitely don't want to write a book about it, but putting just sort of like, for my friends, a document of like the checklist of things to ask, here are the things to, you know, that help. Right. Because she was getting infections in her teeth because no one was, she was getting UTIs because she wasn't drinking water. You know, it was just like a nightmare. So I would have to go over there kind of like every night after I did stand up and, you know, make sure she had her men's and, you know, brushing her teeth and, you know, having her go to the bath. I mean, I will say, like nothing in my life has made me stronger. and then literally once you're carrying one of your parents, like, to the toilet.

Like, that's when you, like, become, like, I feel like I was like, I'm an adult now. I'm an adult. Yeah, I've arrived. Yeah. I'm an adult. I don't pay full price for purses anymore. I don't go on hikes with guys. Like, the first time you carry your mom to the toilet to poop and wipe her butthole, like, you

will never date a guy with a chain wallet again. You will never. There's no man bun. There's no, like, it's over, dude. Unless if my mom just went through a surgery and the urologist walked in, fully tatted with a man bun, I'm married. But if I wasn't, I'm telling you, I was like, that didn't worry. I like it.

What were the tattoos, though? What hospital is this? I know what hospital is this. Were they swastikas? I have a couple boundaries. No, he was Indian, very good-looking. Let's go. Man Bond tattoo. Like, I was like, hello. Yeah. Yeah. So just, that's just throwing that out there. Yeah. That what, all right, you'll text me. I'll text me. I'm banned from a couple of ones around LA, so I'm not sure I'll be able to go to him. But, uh, but yeah, so I think, um, this is a circuitous way to get back to whatever your question was, which I forgot already. I do have a question now. Who cares? So your mom was 63 when she had the stroke. Yeah. She was super young. So, but here's what I'll say. I don't, I don't, I

You know, I know that the more specific we are, the more universal we are. But also, by the way, I am, after listening to Margaret Cho's episode on this podcast, I'm so like, oh, what? I just am like, why would anyone listen to this episode? Go listen to hers again. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed with her so listening to her. She's, I don't even liked it.

I was dying. She's the best. She was willing to go there. We were like, we didn't know how to, like, tackle it really, you know, and get into the conversation with her and a little intimidating too. She was awesome and like willing to talk about some really off the wall shit. Oh yeah, that's her. That's like that's she's the O. She's the OG like she's one of my heroes

suit. I loved it so much. So now I'm feeling like I need to really bring it. Like talk about something really. I know. I'm like I wipe my mom's shit. Yeah. I got that. I got that I got that. I put a suppository of my mom's pussy while she was dying. Yeah. Yeah. But I'm sorry, the question you had, ma'am. I don't know if anyone's ever called me, ma'am. That felt I feel like an adult now.

I did the guy that called me ma'am and I felt like it made me feel like old. No, no. It's hot and he's a gentleman. And I like it. Okay. I'm from the south. Ma'am and sir. Respect.

If I didn't say it, I got, it was called being hit upside the head. What if they're not from the South? Well, I mean, but the person that says yes, sir and yes, ma'am, if they didn't say it, they would get like pushed into a ravine. Yeah, and it's like, miss, whatever. Totally. Yeah, yeah. So it's like, I know because whenever I say to people, they're like, oh, am I that old?

And I'm like, oh, I don't think you understand. If I didn't say yes sir and yes, ma'am when I was a child, they'd pull my ear or like pinch me. Like, they pinch you. Yeah. Your aunt or parents, you know what I'm saying? So, and then I come to, I'm in L.A. And I'm like, yes, sir, yes, ma'am. And I'm like, am I that, am I that, okay, what do you want me to call you?

Chief, we're not allowed to say that. What's our boss? We can't say that. I'm the boss, so I can't call you. I don't know what to call you. You know what? Also this. Yes, sir, yes, ma'am.

Don't be offended by the fact I'm calling you. Yes, sir, yes, ma'am. Get me on the fact that I don't know your name. Right. Olivia. No, I do know your name, Olivia. But I'm just saying like people, and then people are like, that's misgendering. You don't know someone's gender.

And I'm like, you know what? What? Oh my God. Yes, sir, yes, ma'am. You know what I mean. You're going out of your way to try to misunderstand, intentionally to justify being offended. You're a dork.

I love that. I can't with the dorks, dude. The dorks are out, full force. Out. Citizens arrest, dorks. But I'm with you. When someone does call me ma'am, I'm like. Well, he was a lot younger than I was.

Hence why I was like, is this like an, you know, an age thing? But was it, was he working for you? Yeah. Working on my vagina, yes. What? Wait, don't you. You were dating? Called you mean?

Yes. That's hot. I like it. I'm in a way. We, dude, we call guys daddy in bed. Oh, yeah. And it's not make you. How do you feel about that when a guy like makes you call them daddy? I've never had that experience. By the way, my daddy didn't even want me to call him daddy. He didn't even want to be associated with me. I've no one's ever made me call them daddy in bed.

I feel like that's a good thing there. The guy, I mean, in my experience when they want to like feel very, you know, don't want a question. How do they make you? They're like, bitch, call me daddy. Who's your daddy? You're like, Danny Berndman. He died six years ago. What if you did that during sex? You're like, actually, his name is. That's my whole thing. Who's your daddy? Like, I don't think, I think I'm adopted.

It's unclear. Like, imagine saying that to an adopted girl. Yeah. Imagine saying it to me. I don't know. I've been looking for everything. It opens up a whole body. I don't do that.

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They have a ton of different prints and colors, and they make great gifts because there's an option for literally anyone. Men love them too. They have over 1.5 million raving fans and you could be next. Try now, risk free for 60 nights at blissy.com slash Rachel and get an additional 30% off. That's B-L-I-S-S-Y dot com slash Rachel. But yeah, I don't, in bad, I think what happened to me is like when I was in my early 20s, I got a lot of like that. Like you're my little girl, good girl, all that. And then as soon as I started creating television shows, and an article came out that I had a syndicated TV show, um,

that went away and I started getting choked, spit on, fish hooked, you name it. Uh, I took, like, it just,

wow, the power dynamic, it got weird. Really? We wanted to talk about that. Yeah, we wanted to talk about power dynamics in relationship. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And I'm also now dating, uh, uh, we'll get to that in a second. But, but,

but this person that said, yes, ma'am, was it in bed? No. It was just like, Hey, ma'am. Like, what? Yeah, I don't know. I'm trying to think of what context. Like, calling, like, did he, had you met before? This is after you met? It's why we were dating. But see, I like a, like going to the car, getting your shit together to go somewhere. You got the thing? Yes, ma'am.

You have the thing, yes, sir. Sure. In the right context. I like a Navy SEAL communication. Yeah, I get that. I move very fast and I need a man that moves or a woman who can keep up. You can keep up. And I like clear communication. I don't like, yep, uh-huh. I'm like, what? You know, like when you Direct stuff. You want directness. You want someone, yeah. So you got it? Yes, sir.

Yes, ma'am. It's almost like copy copy copy copy copy. Oh, yeah. Roger. Roger. Love it. Yep. Love it was Roger.

Yeah. Ma'am, it's a tricky. I like, yes, sir, is hot. I'll say yes, sir, to a guy because I know that I'm emasculate people, amend my accident. So I'll say yes, sir a lot just to kind of like. To even the, how do you emasculate them by accident? You mean just like casually amassioned. by being yourself.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, because look at you and all your cheat and everything. But I also don't. I mean, I think also if you've seen my stand-up, you know, I've done five specials where I, you know, kind of have talked a little bit about this about how like how, you know, you know, so there's that. Being a female comic, I guess it's like, you know, you're holding a basically a black dick in your hand.

Right. So these are white. White guys feel weird about that, you know. And then I'm like yelling. about, you know, how guys can't fuck me, right? I mean, it's a little bit, you know, I get where they are coming from. You're like, the stakes are, like, you're like, it's not a far leap. You have to bring it. Yeah. And that was like, I mean, for me, like, I get a lot of my needs met internally. I think it's our jobs number one to heal ourselves and it's our jobs to get our own internal needs

met internally. And then relationships get to be an awesome added bonus, right? Right. Like, you have to add value. You can't subtract value. So to me, as soon as someone starts, if someone's less competent than me, I just can't. Yeah. Right. And it's like, it's hard. It's like growing up horse girl on a farm, um, alcoholic home. Like, you just develop all these superpowers. And I don't call them character defects. I don't call the weaknesses, not being pitied. And then having two parents have strokes. Like I was just like in nursing homes and hospitals. And then, uh, you just get really competent. And I didn't meet. I'm, I'm, the things I'm good at, I'm excellent at. The things I'm bad at I'm, I mean, like, dangerously bad at. What are you bad at? Like, uh, talking, uh,

podcast. Shutting my whore mouth, biting my tongue. But guys do that now, too. There's a lot of tongue biting. What? I know. Like, you know when you'll make out with a guy or whatever

and they'll suck your tongue and bite it? Yeah. The sucking, sure. The biting. Just like grab it. I'm like, what the fuck? Like, I'm going to camera tomorrow. Like, you can do this.

I need my tongue. Yeah. Like, what's happening? And so, yeah, good. That means I can't suck your dick for a week. Ouch. Oops. And so, yeah, that's like having the vagina dentata.

Like, you can't, like, you know that, remember that movie about the girl that had teeth in her vagina? What? It was, like, at Sundance, like, I don't know, like 18 years ago. There's a thing called vagina dentata. It's this, like, mythical thing that, the lore that used to be perpetuated to just the fact that women are evil and they're monsters. And if you put your dick and, you know, there'll be teeth or whatever. And I think it was partly for, I meant of been the Greeks to get men to stop. fucking women and getting them pregnant or something.

That would be nice. Yeah. Well, there's also a, there was two specials ago I was working on all the self-defense items that women have available to them. And they're all like our mace, like we have like pink mace. Like I can like, you know, bedazzled mace. Like everything has to be like cute. Like Etsy, Etsy, maybe.

Yeah. And there is a thing that is you put in your vagina that has spikes in it in case you get raped. It's like the dog coyote coat. It's not today, coyote. Called not today, coyote. That's the name of it. The best name of any business ever. It's called not today.

Coyote. It's a best with a bunch of spikes on it that you put on small dog. Oh my God. I thought you meant the actual vagina thing. The vagina thing is called not today. I was like, that's fucking genius. No, this is. Yeah.

No, this is a. Not today. Not today. Guy from Raya. Yeah. Not today. Inge guy. Oh, my God.

Not today. Annie Masterson. No. Not today. But it's actually a thing you put inside your vagina has spikes. So like if someone entered. I feel like that didn't get past the first round of Shark Tank. Like I don't think it hit market.

I don't think it. I don't think it wore. I think too many. I think the person that invented it tested it once, got tetanus and that was in. Wait, but what about now? You know, they're testing all the birth control for men. Have you seen this? That like there's like, I don't know if it's a pill.

I don't know enough. about it. Imagine. But yeah, that they're testing that men can take birth control and whatever does makes their sperm, you know, not, what's the word? What's the word? Birth control for men is just called one shot of whiskey. They're dick. Propetia's birth control for men. It just makes their dick not work. That's true. I feel like there's a lot of, yeah. You're so right. Like, you're giving them really high dose of any. There's already lip them up. Preciousia. Any, um, fucking, uh, anti-depressant, Lexapro, like all, like, there's a lot of birth control for men out there. Oh, my God.

I did date someone that was on, maybe it was Lexapro, something high dose and they literally couldn't come. Like, they would come, but nothing would come out. So they wouldn't be coming or they internally come? You have to date a trans man. I hit you break his. What do you mean? They didn't come if they didn't come.

Well, they would like come, but like not. There was no fluid, no ejaculation. And that's not coming. Hold on, home. My last name is coming. I'll handle this. No, but, but, but. Did he do it inside you or did he do it like, you were like, come on my face?

And it was like, am I supposed to pretend? You're like, I'm an actress. I can pretend and it's like mouths open. Yeah. Like, oh, crazy. Like what? How did you know nothing was coming out? Because you would be like, oh, like coming and nothing would happen.

In your inside. That was only like maybe once when we like thought we weren't scared to do that. Right? Because I wasn't on birth control. Uh-huh. So mainly outside. So I would literally physically see that nothing was coming out. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. But he'd be like, oh, yeah. He was faking it. No. But then where's the come? Please. Well, I think this is coming. You're like, you're like, please.

I don't know. But, you know, look, Rachel, I really, I think we're going to get closer and closer. Maybe. And I do think that man was, had cancer. And I'm sorry. Like, there's something else going on here? Wait, because I know someone else that had slept with him and said the same thing. Oh, really?

The guy does not, not always. There were times where I did see. Like, I'm not ever. You know, sometimes sex addicts, they jerk off so much. Yeah, that could be. There's a lot of that, like, seraptitious, like, they jerk off 14 times a day or some shit. And then by the time they fuck you, there's just like nothing left. It's like, that's a lot of my friends.

The rock star wives, their whole thing is like, as soon as they come home from tour, they got to fuck them and they got to see the cum come out. It's got to be a lot. That's how they test. Yeah, I mean, I don't think that's like, that's like Louis C.K. used to have this joke about one of his friends who was like, yeah, I'm going to hook up this girl tonight. So I'm going to drink a lot of milk. So I'd come a lot. And Louis's joke was like, wait, do you think it's just your body just goes white? What? Like you think it's just white. Come. Yeah. I was going to ask, is that a thing? Is that true? But I do know, like, I've been dating a guy who I just am like after, now that I'm not in birth control, I have such a high sex drive. Like, I, by the way, I'm going to say this. This is a wild thing to say. I have not had an orgasm from sex until I went off birth control. I've never had it in my life. In your life?

Until I was 40. I had mine first. Let's take a moment. No, that's amazing. By the way, till I also got the clock. So yeah. Random blood. But I could use, do it with my hands.

Wait, of course. Yeah. Yourself, but not from like dick inside. Yeah. I thought I was like Margaret Cho. I didn't. I'm collecting. Right.

Yeah. I was the same as you. It didn't happen for me until I was about 38, however old. That's, yeah. Wild. Isn't that crazy? But I do hear a lot of women say they don't have it until after they have a kit. I don't know why. Maybe, I mean, that could have been. Four months. Four months. It's all formal, right? Well, it's also like how... The size of the dick? Maybe a couple things. So I'm friends with a lot of comedians who think they're scientists. So I have learned a couple things. Number one, the dick, if a dick is more curved, it's someone, it's, it's, it's curved like that to scoop out semen from the competitor, right? So that's sort of why, yeah. But women, we used to get raped a lot. Okay. I mean, since consensual sex just started around like 1988. This is a very new thing. So the dicks are, but I, I, we used to get raped a lot. I mean, but I, I think that consensual sex just started around like 1988. I mean, this is a very new thing. So the dicks are, but I, but I, was sleeping with a guy that had a very like straight, like just straight day. Right. And that I think and I had been told that my uterus was a little bit tilted. You know what I mean? And so that was like kind of a perfect combination. But also I don't know that it's necessarily going off birth control because when you're on birth control, it tells your body you're pregnant. Right. So you don't have a high

sex drive anyway. You're already pregnant. Right. Right. And then also to me, sex always feels the best when you're on your period. Yeah. Right. So that. And then because you're more sensitive, something. I don't know, or you know you're probably not going to get pregnant so you can enjoy more. Or you know you're like ruining his sheets and you know like, it's dangerous. If you have the girlfriend, she's going to find out. I don't know what makes so hot about it. And which, by the way, Rich Boss, really funny comedian has this joke. He goes, because a lot of guys do not want to have sex with girls on their period. I know. We talk about this a lot. Biggest red flag, dude. Biggest red flag. Agreed. DJ Collet was like, I don't need pussy. I was like, cool. You eat everything else. Look at your body.

And then What it? Oh yeah. Well, not any post you. Oh, which boss? He goes, I don't mind having sex With a girl on her period. I just pretend like I'm killing her. Oh, my God. Pretend you're murdering us. You're destroying it.

Yeah. You guys say, you know, I'm going to smash it. I'm going to destroy that shit. But then you won't actually, the blood is a turn off. Right. You want to kill us. You're so right, though, as a red flag. Like, if they want you.

It's such a red flag. Yeah. It is like such a bummer. So you only like should sleep the guy for the first time when you're on your period. I like it. I like it. I'm a fan. I mean, we've talked about that so many times, like how you feel if a guy's like, no. I feel like I'm a no on him. I just go, you're gay. You're gay. You're gay. Right. Like, you have to understand in California. We live in Los Angeles. I'm so sorry, everybody. I know.

Like, please don't tune out. We don't want, we have to live here. And we live in a, a, criminal state, it's failed. We know all this, just so you know. But I have a couple friends that I'm waiting to come out of the closet as straight. I'm like, you guys, there's a lot of people that think they're gay and they're not, and there's a lot of people that think they're straight and they're not. And like, it's like, it's kind of like backwards. So I've dated a lot of gay guys and I'm not, and that thought they were straight. And I don't mind it. I actually think I had like sexual anorexia for a while. And I had, being on the birth control, I didn't have a sex drive. I really didn't, to avoid intimacy for quite a while, I dated people, not only in my own tour all the time,

like I figured out the perfect life to be able to not have to engage in any kind of emotional intimacy, where I would only date guys that were really, like, because I could disassociate during sex because I had sexual abuse as a child, so I would kind of only date guys that would sort of turn me into a, like a, you know the guys that just put their hand on your face, like just to hold their balance during sex? Like those guys. You know what I mean? And so the guys that put the pillow over your head like with, you know, take it off just in time. And like those guys, because then I could disassociate and then they could treat me like an object. And it was like I didn't see it as a bad thing. You know, it wasn't traumatizing to me. I had had, you know, so much trauma that it was actually kind of, I think it would have more traumatic to have intimacy. Eye contact. Yeah. Right. You know what I'm saying? I had never made eye contact during. sex until like three months ago. And it is so hot. Yeah. I would just be like, really connecting. I literally, you know, like you're having sex and you open and you see their eyes and you're like,

yeah. You're like, oh, God. You're like, oh, God. Okay. If your eyes are open, just tell me, you know what I mean, because then I won't open time. Right. Have you ever been like making out with someone and you want to like just like open your eyes and see what they're doing? Their eyes are like, like, looking at you like to look. They're visual. It's weird. You know what I mean? I feel like women like to we're going. Yeah, they like to look. Yeah. But I'm good. I think it's hot when a guy looks down at his, like, at the action. But why do my face? Like, I'm like not. I feel you. You know what I mean? I don't, I can't, I cannot do this. But you're doing it now. So you're making eye contact now. It during sex with this one person. I don't know if I could do. I don't think I could do it with just anyone, but this one person is like, like, has made me feel like really safe. Yeah. And because I think that having orgasms like for, I think it's a couple things. Number one, it's like the orgasm is like it's so hard to have because the idea is only the fittest man can give you one. And it's not just emotional. Like he has to

make you feel safe and he has to be in physical shape because when you have an orgasm, you're more likely to get pregnant. So it's like our body's way of only getting impregnated by the most, you know, emotionally sensitive and the most physically in shape. Because giving a woman an orgasm is like impossible. Interesting. You know? Yeah. So it's that. It's like a test. And then as soon as they're like, are you going to come? Why don't ever you come? And then all of a sudden you're like, well, now I can't. Now you can't. Right. You just rushed me. I'm sort of just really obsessed with the biological basis of things because to me it's very soothing. I guess it's like more my religion. Same. So it's like the vagina is so far back. Like I love when, you know, like dating guys that, you know, haven't trying to think of a good example. I just wrote a joke about this. But I'm dating guy that hasn't. I'm dating guy that hasn't. been in a lot of relationships. And he is, like, shocked at how far back the visual, every time. Like, a lot of guys think the vagina starts, like, at where your zipper is. Right. Like, they think it's just like, you know what I mean? Like, physically how far back it is. And they're

always, like, they all, you know what I'm saying? But that is by design, you know, because it's like, to get a woman pregnant 2,000 years ago, you'd have to be the one that could rape them, you know, and it's the hard furthest back. And it's also something of like, you know, Like, I'm just, that's like a fascinating, really dark thing, but it's helpful, you know? It's like, I just learned that I'm, you know, because I'm working on like a red flags list for like employees and people. But also, you know that we can tell how, based on how deep set someone's eyes are, you can tell how much their ancestors have been punched in the face, like how pugnacious their ancestors were. So it's like, you make sense, you know, what people are afraid of, their phobias, stuff like that. Right. But red flags, do you have a list going? Well, we've been talking about it so much. It's our favorite thing. to talk about. Oh, let's go. I think I can add some for you. But please do because we want to know what red flags are that, one, that you think are like obvious. And then two, what are the things that you don't tell your friends? Yeah, because you realize you're telling, you're, you know,

you're keeping a secret. You know, you're lying to yourself. You're not even admitting it to your best friends. That he has AIDS. I wouldn't tell. Right. Yeah. Like, that's a thing. That is a thing. Things I don't tell my friends. I'll try to, let me, I don't tell my friends. I just talk about it on my podcast. So does that count? So they find out that way. If they don't wish my world. I know. I'm like, my brain was like, like, I overshare chronically to the point to work. What happened I? My business manager is like literally calls me every week. He's like, um, can you cut the part where you call Woody Allen a rapist, please? This is an issue. So I have umbrella insurance though. So I got it finally because like I do like to come out like after become.

companies and stuff, like Purdue and, like all the people that, DuPont, like, just the corporations that poison my family and that, I don't give a shit. Okay, so red flags. Well, what are, yeah, what are like to some common ones for you that you can? Good friends with Army Hammer. Red flags. But seriously, though, didn't play team sports is a huge red flag for me personally. Oh, really? That's a good one. Team sports. It just like teaches people to collaborate, teach people to, like, you know, not be a sore loser and not be a sore winner. It probably, usually depends on the type of team sport. If it's soccer, I just, I don't respect you. But like, you know what I mean? LaCross, basketball, football probably not. I mean, it's just, it's a lot of CTE. I've dated some football players.

And I am the only one that gets to burst out crying sporadically in traffic. You don't get to, you know, because the football players, dating athletes, like they, and it's not just LA people. It's like, you know, women that are dating, you know, their college boyfriend who played. football, at Texas, whatever it is. Like, they have gotten a lot of concussions. It's really scary, but kind of this thing that, um, uh, uh, talk shit about their exes to me number one, number one, one, one. Thank you. You are the common denominator and all of your exes. And if you're talking shit like that about her, I'm next. Yeah. It's just gross. Yeah, I agree. It's gross. And also, every story you're telling me, I'm kind of on her side. Same. You know what I'm saying? You're like,

she was like stalking me. She started up at my house. And she's, and she's, was like, and I was like, why did she show up your house? She's like, I need my luggage to get out of here. And you're like, I know, I was, well, let her have her luggage so she can leave. I don't, she's talking to get her luggage. Right. I think she needed her shit back. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? So it's like, as they tell the story, it's just like, it's shocking to me the guys still think. A lot of those times though when you're in it, you don't see it as clearly until you like get out of it and you're like, oh, wait, those were all red flags and oh, wait, he was doing this and that's really fucked up or whatever, you know. Red flag. Has a podcast.

A man with a podcast that is a red flag for me. What about that? It's just you can talk all day for three hours about nothing. Just hear yourself talk. But then you can talk to be about my day. You know what I mean? It's just a little bit like, self-involved stuff. Like, it's like, I don't know, I have trouble with communication.

Really? Because you have a podcast. You know what I mean? Right. No, you can do it. Right. When there's a microphone and when it's brought to you by Bluetooth. Right.

But not when it's my family. Right. You know what I mean? So it's like when people do things for a living and are very good at it, like the guy I'm dating is a computer programmer and like computer genius. But then sometimes I'll call him and the phone, he's like, oh, the phone didn't ring. I'm like, yeah. If you did anything else for a living, this excuse would work. Right.

Do you what I'm saying? Yeah. So just make sure before you like make an excuse for yourself, it's not the thing you're the expert at. Right. Right. Right, right, right. So you're like, there's no chance that the phone's not already. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. So this doesn't add up. How'd you need a computer programmer? It is such a wild story. Yeah. He saw me on the Joe Rogan Show, started listening to my podcast over the pandemic. And it's kind of fascinating because I think for the most part we go like, you know, anyone that's fans of us, like, that are men, we immediately decide their like stalkers or

creeps or weirdos, which is a really odd. I mean, if everyone hasn't read the gift of fear by Gavin De Becker, I could not recommend it more because it's sort of like we are so disconnected from our intuition as women and men, by the way. Like, we are, because we were told growing up, calm down, relax. When you're like, something's wrong, something's wrong. And people went, calm down, relax. Like, that was it. You're crazy. You're overreacting.

Right. You're dramatic. People told you so much you were dramatic. You became one of the best dramatic actresses working. You know what I mean? Because then you're like, I guess I am dramatic. Like, I win awards for how traumatic I am. You know, so it's like we're so brain.

And like, you know, in Gavin DeBekker's The Gift of Fear, he talks about how it's something like 99% of women that are assaulted, attacked in public, raped. The 1% that don't say this or too, like, comatose to even be able to, like, weigh in. Say that in their exit interview, that's not what it's called, but after they're, you know, raped or assaulted, they say, I knew something was off about that guy. That's, I knew something was off about that guy. Right. But he carried my groceries and he opened the door and I was like, stop being such an asshole.

Just let a man be chivalrous. Why can't you just accept help? Like what? Right. Oh, you think he's going to kill you, you narcissist. Like, you think you're so special that, you know what I mean? Yeah. So it's like, I do it too where I'm like, oh, but he gave me a gift and he was so nice to me.

And he's my neighbor and, et cetera. So, but my intuition told me there was something off. Yeah. And then my default was I'm overreacting because I'm off. That's what everybody told me. I do. I'm hormonal. I have PMS.

I'm mercurial. I'm whatever. And so, you know, for the most part, you know, I've really worked on realigning my intuition because what I do for a living, I'm in front of, you know, thousands of people that are like 10 feet away from me. They could, and I, anyone can find me at any time. So we just saw what happened to Chris Rock. We saw what happened to Dave Chappelle. Like many female comedians are being assaulted that are not, you know, necessarily

famous yet and they don't have security. You know, so I have to have this like superpower because fights break out at the shows now after the pandemic because everyone's like, why are you wearing a mask? Why are you wearing a mask? Right. I saw someone get beat up that was wearing a mask. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. You know, so I have to have my, you know, people storm the stage. Like, there's like active shooter drills now at shows, you know, it's fine. But, but I'm not scared until I'm scared. Right. I don't get scared until I'm scared. And I think working with horses as really, you know, at point therapy and working with animals and stuff, you learn to not be scared unless there's a threat.

Right. Right. The rest is, you know, so it's like, there's a lot of scary things out there. But you, and also knowing, like, you know, when your security is like, there's a big guy with, you know, like, tattoos and like, it was like, Whitney, I want to talk to you, you know. And they're like, oh, this guy's a problem. Like, this guy's not a problem. I'm not scared.

Yeah. That girl over there that's blonde in the corner that hasn't said anything, that's my problem. You know what I mean? because it's like that's, sorry, that's what my intuition is saying is weird. Broad Ideas is supported by TalkSpace. Do you think seeing a therapist or psychiatrist would be helpful, but you don't have the time to actually find one and meet with them or afford them? Try Talkspace.

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Also growing up with an alcoholic family, I feel like I relate to that being one of the biggest things that comes from that is that people are told when they're growing up with alcoholics or anyone with addiction that what you're feeling isn't true. Right? And so I think that what you're talking about is the exact thing I'm obsessed with always learning was what's the difference between instinct and intuition? Because instinct is your fear. That's your fear animal body. That is not the same as your intuition, which will only speak through clarity. It doesn't speak through fierce voice. Sure. Yes, that is, sorry, I'm so dyslexic that I'm just trying to figure out. Yes, yes, it's yes. May I ask real about your, I always feel the need to say when we talk

about alcoholism to people that are just resonated so much with what you said is like, in order for alcoholism to be present, alcohol doesn't always have to be present. So for people that go like, well, I didn't see any drinking growing up. And there was no beer. There was no whiskey or wine. Alcoholism can manifest in a lot of different ways. Love addiction. Perfectionism.

You know, micromanaging, the 3Ms, mothering, micromanaging, martyring, like smothering with love is another form of addiction. Like parents that got their emotional needs met from their children, incredibly addictive. And, yes, and kids, like, you know, also like growing up an alcoholic home as well, you just get this, I call it just like you're, emotionally dyslexic or it's just like always opposite day. So I feel very alive in a time of crisis

and I feel very anxious when things are calm. Exactly. A hundred percent. So it's like for me, danger is my comfort zone. So it's like not that I stop, you know, it's like you grow up with so much danger and then you also go like, well, this I can do. You know what I mean? Yeah, let me rise to the case. In really dangerous relationships in my 20s, I dated exclusively, you know, drug addicts, alcoholics, violent people, or people that are just like a mess, you know, because I was also born. I don't know if I have the epigenetic imprinting of from my, we all do. So in utero, my mom was under a tremendous amount of stress, alcoholic home saga. I was not planned. I was conceived three months after my sister was born, obviously not wanted. And, you know, the same way that if you are

pregnant and you're doing crack or, you know, or drinking, you're going to have a baby that's addicted to those things, right? So it's like crack babies, right? So, but if you're producing a lot of adrenaline when a baby's in utero, you're going to yield offspring that is addicted to adrenaline. And they'll subconsciously find ways to get adrenaline, whether it's like, I'm going to go push over this vase because I know someone's going to yell at me. I'm going to go, like, eat this thing on the floor, you know, like, I ate a quaylude when I was a year old off of the floor and almost died. Because I was just like a little adrenaline junk, you just crawling around, like, blah. And whatever, the situation of how it happened is like, I'll never know, you know?

And I think that it's really important. Like, if you're in an alcoholic family system, look at the things your family jokes about. And it's not funny. It's not. No, that's why I laughed. It's because it is. But we used to laugh about Whitney almost died when she was a year old. Right. And then she had the charcoal and then she came back to life. And remember when your sister Ashley fell off a horse and no one was there, those are all trying to make it funny, even though someone was on drugs, someone was drinking, and they almost killed their kid. And the way that they cope with their shame is to, in the family system, is to make jokes about it. So we're all like laughing and then you become an adult and you're like, wait a minute, that wasn't fucking funny. Right.

Like a way loo. How could that not have been your rock bottom, right, in your drinking is that your baby almost died or something horrible happened to, you know, when you hear like, and I'm seeing it now. I got to be honest with you, like, sorry, this is going to get funny. I swear in a second. We, no, no, nothing. You're fucking funny enough. Well, not the dead babies isn't hilarious, you know. But, uh, but yes, a quailute. I don't know, you know. You're like, and I fucking love quailude. And I've never happened. Oh, yeah, I've never had fun. It's, well, I did what I was one. Right. And then I got sober. And so yeah. But also, I don't know if it's a, we don't know. Right. Anything our alcoholic parents told us, they were either. And I think my like 20, 20, 23 thing is because I'm really big on like, I only fuck with people that are on. And honest and like you're only as sick as the secrets you keep and I can't fuck with anyone that doesn't tell the truth. But there's a lot of people out there that they are telling you the truth, but they're lying to themselves. They don't even know they're lying to you. Right. You know what I'm

saying? Yes. So how do you get mad at someone who believes what they're saying is true, but it's a sociopath. You just cut the fuck was off. That's all you can do. So I've been told it was a quailude. I've been told it was a horse tranquilizer. I've been told it's a da-da-da. And I guess I'll, you know, I'll never know. Because I think that what happens when you, you get older and you want to do forensics on your past just so that you, because what we're doing is we're breaking ancestral cycles. That's what these podcasts are. That's what you're doing. Like you're stopping ancestral site. You're stepping in front of a train that left the station 2,000 years ago. It is going 5,000 miles an hour. And you're just like, fuck, no, I'm not letting

my kids. Like, I'm not going to repeat what I saw. Like, it stops here. Right. The bullshit stops now. It wasn't your fault. We forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness because we deserve piece. You did the best you code with the tools you had. And also when people are so mad at their parents, I'm like, like, it's just like the whole point of the next generation, or the iPhone 13 after the iPhone 12, the whole point is that the next generation approves upon the previous. Correct. They have to be worse than us. That's the whole point. If we're the lucky ones that choose to stop the train at the station. Or, yeah, have the ability to, you know, have the awareness. And it's like, if you're able to engage your front of low.

I mean, I'm not going to say there's no excuse anymore to heal yourself, but I just did. And I mean, because there's so many tools available. Like, our parents didn't have the tools. So stop beating up on your parents, not having the tools,

and go read Getting the Love You Run. Go read Harville Hendricks. Go read Gentle Path through the 12 steps. Go do Alanon, Coda, ACA, ACA, big book, codependent, no more. Like, there's a general theory of love, attached, attachment disorder. But, like, there's just no, it's out,

listen to this podcast. It's all out there. There's, by the way, there's 12-step program meetings on Spotify. Like, there's, don't you agree, though, that they should be for everyone? Like, anyone can go. It is one of the most, I mean, free medicine. It's free. Free medicine.

And I think a lot of people, when they're, like, 12-step programs, like, I don't know, like, but I didn't do anything wrong. Okay. Okay. Okay. Like, it's just, okay. You're right. You came from a. family of dysfunctional people that abuse you and you are just unscate. Like there's,

there's no way that you mirrored any, it's something called para alcoholism, which is like if you're around alcoholism, like you absorb, you know, the alcoholic tendencies, but it's just going to show up other ways. Like, are you deading? Are you, you know, dating toxic people? Are you chronically masturbating? Are you getting too much Botox? Are you, like, it's going to come out. Are you eating? I mean, I had such wild eating disorder shit for. so long. And I was just like, starting it maybe, you know, I don't know how to say it. I mean, I don't think I'll ever know exactly. I think we, a lot, there's a lot of ancestral shit with this, you know, I grew up a lot of religion and you do like fasting, is that thing. And then,

you know, my mom was anorexic. It's very weird to say that. In my dad, I think, had an eating disorder also. He would like, like inhale food. Like he'd never chew it. We just, He would inhale and it was like it was like he would have the Elvis sandwiches. It was like the peanut butter, mayonnaise banana. And just inhale. I mean like what? Yeah. He would, you know, and like that's heartbreaking because he didn't take care of himself.

I'm like, how much do you hate yourself that this is what you're going to eat? And then, you know, he obviously got sick and they wouldn't go to doctors. They wouldn't, you know, stuff like that. So alcoholism also, it's like you want to go out. They're drinking. They're bad. Usually there's Alananism present too. So the root of alcoholism is like, you know, we say like, whatever you were using to self-soothe, right, you're anesthesia. So if it was, let's say, when you're 15, 16, you start drinking, you start using drugs, you start having sex, you start inserved addictive behavior here, gambling, shopping, you know, whatever it is. What were you doing? That's AAN, N, they cover 15 to now, right? But, CODA ACA covers like zero to 15. What were you doing to self-soothe before you had drugs, alcohol? Was it food? Was it masturbating? Was it fantasy? Was it intrigue? Mine was fantasy. So my primary addiction was fantasy. I would check out into fantasy. This is the most embarrassing thing I'll ever say,

but we are only as sick as the secrets we keep. By five or six, I was already pretending I was a famous person. And my self-esteem was so low that I had cast myself as the Oscar Meyer baloney girl. I like that. And I would roll up baloney and like eat it. Like it was it's psycho. I didn't because I didn't really have friends. I didn't have toys. I didn't have, you know, in alcoholic homes, like there's just not, it's very adult in a way. Like because their inner children were never loved. Yeah. either. So they don't have like the toys and the dollhouse and stuff like that. It's expensive. And, you know, one person, you know, mother that's had three glasses of wine and steps on a Lego,

they're like, fuck these Legos. No more Legos. You know, it's a lot of that. So it's like because the parents don't have a tolerance for discomfort, they can't allow puzzles and shit like that, you know, and stuff that's hard to clean up. Or the attention to do it. And the supervision. And because if you have kids with Legos and puzzles, they're just going to put it in their mouth. You have to watch them. So they do not provide the things that children necessarily need to learn because it's too overwhelming for them, right? Because they're already a capacity because they're drinking and they're behind on the bills and they can't find their keys and et cetera, et cetera. You know, however, I did find out after my mom passed that I did have a little bit of a miracle happened to me, which is that I went to Montessori school,

which I didn't know about. And I wish it was more of a, I guess it's an elite. thing. We were kicked out for not paying the bill, but I did get to go for like a couple, like four or five months. In Montessori is when you just, you know about it? Yeah. Yeah, it's different form of play and how you learn and it's all like wood. Like natural. All I see is wood everywhere. They're like churn their own butter and like everything is natural, right? Oh, yeah. I mean, I think from what, yes, I'm sure. I maybe didn't get to the butter. The butter turning journey part. But from what I understand, and I think that it's something that you don't even need to be able to have to go to the school. I feel like it's something people can do in their homes with their

kids, like, you know, but it's you put out stations. Right. And it's basically it's like you gravitate, you know, it's like paint with paper blocks with numbers on it. You know, it's stuff that it's just like what does the kid instinctively go to? You know, like animal blocks. And then they get to go to that. And then the next day. It's individualized. Child let. The child see what the child gravitates. and then the next day you have another activity for them that's based on what they already gravitated toward. So it's like they kind of chose what. But then they still have to, because the kids also have to learn, you have to do shit that you don't want to do sometimes. Right.

Yeah. Like that's what math class is like, we never use this. Well, yeah. But you use the fact that you stuck the landing and you had a lot of jobs. You have to do stuff that you don't think is. I mean, algebra, have I ever used it again? No. But there's the basics.

But you learned how to memorize a use of. a useless skill in order to succeed, which is a lot of work sometimes. Well, I think that's the muscle that needs to be sharpened is you stay and you do this, whether you like it or not, in order to build that muscle inside of you. And also, you learn a lot of lines for scripts, and then you get to set and they go, we change it all. Right. And you have to re- Learn it.

I just learned a bunch of stuff that I'm never going to use. The memory thing for sure, but they've changed it. So now they have a whole new system and, like, you're not memorizing multiplication charts. you're actually learning the process to get to the answer thinking it through or whatever. Like I'm just watching this with my daughter now. It's like some new and I'm like, well, that. And the guy that I'm with, the guy that I'm with, here's what I said. Oh yeah, you didn't finish saying how you met it. Oh yeah. We'll get to that in a second. It's such a ridiculous story.

But math, I think my story was for the longest time, I'm bad at math. Women are bad at math. It's all we do is math. It's not true. It doesn't overwhelm you. It's not true. You're telling me, do you think, you're good at math? No, I'm terrible. Okay, so you're telling me that you get your daughter to school, you get her into the freaking whatever thing, you get her to the doctor's appointment, you schedule out a week, everything you do is math. You're constantly going, if I leave now, I'm going to be there in 20 minutes, and then I'm going to be able to drop her off at the thing, where to get her thing, and then I'm going to do this, then I have to get my prescription. Organizing. It's all you do is math.

All you do is math. It's just time and scheduling, and that's also what acting is. You're going, okay, and then I'm going to pick this up at this word, and then I'm going to step on this mark. I don't mean to ruin your day, but you're great a math. I don't know what to tell you. What a fucking buzzkill. I know. Like I don't, like, I just think that we have these self-limiting beliefs that were like, you know, if we weren't able to, you know, pass calculus seven because it was taught to us boring. Right. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. It was, they were boring. And I started getting obsessed with how numbers originated. So for me, anytime I'm bored with something, I just go to what's the, like, how did this originate, right? So, uh, I recently got

super into math because I also'm like, that's all what Santa Fe's. I'm going, here's the joke. If I move this word here and if I say this faster, like it's all math, right? That's physics, velocity. If I do this joke and, uh, hit the ground on this, I'm going to get a bigger laugh. It's all that, you know? Yeah. I mean, you have to drive back to near where I live. That's just freeway after freeway. If you can, a woman that can drive in L.A. from Pasadena to Cal Alabasis, you're great at math. Yeah. Okay?

But like this kind of fascinating me recently. So it's like, think about like when numbers were invented. Yeah. Like how was one invented? That they were, how do they decide one thing equals one? Or like should be a one. Right. They just looked at it and went one.

Well, look to what? Looked at a rock. A rock. Yeah. You sure? No. So I'm like, they probably put a stick down. Yeah.

And we're like, okay. Oh. It looks like. That looks like a one. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? You're like, you started at zero with a rock. Yeah, the rock is zero.

Yeah. That's perfect. Okay. This is one. I mean, the rock might have been for 10 or something. One and then the rock. You know what I'm saying? So that helps me be like, oh, shit.

Like, like, and then for a three, my new obsession is, okay, so let's say you have two rocks, right? That looked like this. And they probably were like, that's, uh, uh, uh, three. Like how did they come up with it? Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. So I think that those are ways that we can just go like, wait a second. This is very creative. Yeah. Math is very creative. Right. Totally. It's art. It is art because it's like, you know, for you, when you're on the accused and, yeah, the show the accused and you have this line. So then you have to go as an actress. You have to go, okay, I just said this line like this. And then I just said this line like this. And so now this character, I can't say this line. So that cancels out being able to say the next line like the this and this and this. Right. So that cancels out. So, It's all math. It's all like how am I going to get, you know, from because the beginning of the scene has to arc to the end of the scene. So at the end of the scene escalates to this. By nature, the beginning of the scene, I have to do that. So that's always like, it's the, it's like the power of reduction. I'm going to the end of the scene, I have to say, you know, screw you. I'm never going to talk to you again. But at the beginning of the scene, I come in and I'm like, hey, honey. So I'm like, okay, so by, you know, halfway through the scene, I need to be here. But, you know, and like, it's like, save the cat with writing scripts. Right. When you're able to just like break it down and take, on page 50, you have to meet a new person, on page 25, you have to state the problem. Like, all we do is math. Right. Yeah. But you're changing the perspective on it. So then that that's all, you know. It just drives me not. Like, all you're doing is going like, you can, with your kid, you can have this much broccoli and this much this and this much this and then you can't have too much sugar. It's all math. It's all math, you know. But I think this thing where women are like, we're bad at math. We don't get it. It's like all we do. We meet a guy. We're like, how big of your hands, how deep is your voice? How long is your. How long is your. How many ex-girlfriends have you had? Okay, that's four ex-girlfriends.

You talk shit about three of them. This is a no. This is a bad equation. No. No. No. Uh-uh. Yeah.

It's so true. You do not get to Pasco and collect $200. And then you call me ma'am. So that's next. We're constantly adding and subtracting points. It's true. For people. It's true.

It's one big mathematical word equation. That's like life. Yeah. You know? So it's like, I think that I just, for me, it really set me free to stop leaning on my self-limiting beliefs of like because they were like you know and i had to write them out when i was doing my uh aces step work which is like what are my self limiting beliefs i'm bad at math i'm bad at relationships i only date assholes i only attract jerks i don't uh i'd be a bad mom because i had a bad mom you know like

i'm too tall to ever be the star of a tv show because all the actors are five one men you know what i'm saying like you know et cetera et cetera yeah all your limiting beliefs Do you have self-limiting beliefs? Fuck, yeah. I mean, I've done a lot of work on that. Like, I went to school for two years, and we focused every day on limiting beliefs. Whoa. Yeah.

Have you heard of USM? No. It's spiritual psychology. Cool. But basically, because real psychology is a criminal. Right. I'm sorry, but what are we doing? Like, what are we doing?

Yeah. Are you insane? Do you? The fact that psychiatry has started, which I can't believe I agree with Scientology about something. Some psychiatry, although Scientology is way worse, I have umbrella insurance, I don't care. I'm not scared of those motherfuckers. Fuck you. I fucking hate you Scientologists.

Come for me. I will fight you in the streets. Most of my family is dead. You can't kill anyone I love anymore. I have looked into the maritime law. You are having children and abusing them. boats. I'm coming for you, bitch. Also, everyone stop trying to wonder where Shelley Miscavich is. Who gives a fuck? She helped build a thing. I hope she drowned. So,

any who? Curtis, like, this podcast is now being 20 minutes. Psychiatry, do you realize that men that invented psychiatry, it was basically for husbands to send their wives there to go, like, she's acting up and yelling it, right? Oh, yeah. Why? Fix her. Why is she laying down? on a couch and you're behind her. Yes. Looking down at her tip. Like, what are we doing?

I think you can do psychiatry sitting up. The men aren't lying down. The men are talking to each other, you know. That's what it was there for was to fix the broken wives. Because their brains were broken and then they'd just be like, oh, you don't have energy to get through the day. Let's just give you a little Adderall. Right. But it wasn't a little, a lot.

I mean, also, by the way, everyone's on fucking drugs in L.A. We'll get to that in another time. Red flags, it's like tricky because we're like, here are the red flags. Also, it's like, make sure someone's not microdosing mushrooms every 20 minutes during the day. Right? You know what I'm saying? Right. Everyone's on.

That's the other thing. The new alcoholism, I see a lot of people that, like, grew up in alcoholic homes and they're like, oh, I'm not going to repeat the cycle. And then I see them with their kids and they're, you know, stuck on their phones. Yeah. They're on edibles around their kids. They're doing the weed tincture drinks. And I'm like, y'all, same shit, guys. Right.

Same shit just looks different substance. Do you drink? I sometimes, but like not really. You're not. I do, it's just like not my thing. Yeah. I just don't feel great. Like I have a history of migraines.

I, my addiction is control. And, you know, I just, I, I sometimes pretend to drink. Like, I'll order, like, a jalapeno margarita. Yeah. And I'll just, like, have it. That's Rachel. That's me. Because I don't want to be the person that's, like, not drinking, but it's just, it's

not my kink. And also, I work at night and I, like, really like to have deep sleep. Like, I'm in a place where I'm really trying to, like, work the muscle of, like dreaming because I took sleeping pills for a long time and I didn't dream. Like I was like on the road taking the nestage just because I do like 80 cities a year or did for a while. So I just, I don't want to drink because sometimes it messes with your sleep. Yeah. And you said you see your sleep has changed since you want to have birth control. I am. So I believe that I, some people that are either call it nocturnal, call it, you know, you sort of get more energy at night. I think a lot of us

like creatives do because that's when you can actually focus on stuff and not have people calling you and texting you and people aren't, you know, at night. Like, um, so I come alive at night. Um, I think it's part of the reason I'm a comic. I, uh, you know, I descend from night watcher DNA. So there were people in the tribes that were the night watchers who would stay up all night to protect the tribe at night, super hypervigilant. Um, I have misophonia. Like I can hear things really far away like synesthesia. I can like see things in color. And it really helped me to unlock a lot of my, I was diagnosed with autism a bunch as a kid. I was diagnosed with asthma. Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, I beat it, let's be honest. But like, you know, so it's like, I mean, I think every kid that I've met,

because we do at point therapy with kids that have been diagnosed with autism and horses. As soon as they're around animals, they have a lot to say. But, you know, and they have these just superpowers, psychic, they can communicate with animals in ways that we can't. They understand, like, how to communicate with body language. You know, words are, words fail most of the time. Most of our problems are words mean different things to different people, right? So when I say, I'm your boyfriend and I say, I love you, and you go, I love you too, we haven't agreed on what the definition of love is. Like, we have different ideas of what that word is, right? You know what I mean? So it's like most of the conflicts I have in my life is like, I mean, they're trying to set a boundary or say something

and the person is not able to, is not, which is why I think a Mago therapy has been so helpful to. Harville Hendricks have ended it, which is like, okay, so I'm sure you know, so let's say we're in an argument and we're in love, we're in relationship, we're in relationship. I'm going to repeat back to you what you said to me to make sure I understood what you said before I even respond. Right. So say something that you're mad at me about. Anything? You didn't flush the toilet. What I'm hearing is that I didn't flush the toilet and you're frustrated. Is that right? Right. Right. I got it. Yes. Then I can say, I'm sorry, I flushed the toilet. I didn't flush the toilet. I know there's a water shortage in L.A.

and I think I was just like trying to be sensitive and I didn't realize you would be home. And then you have to repeat back to me what I said. That there's a water shortage and you're... You go like what I'm hearing is... What I'm hearing. Okay. So you do that.

Yeah. And then you can respond to that. Okay. Well, that makes... It's kind of like improv. But wait, let me... No, it's reflection. It's making sure you're receiving what the person is saying before.

Because when you say it and flush the toilet, I just go, my brain goes, you're criticizing me, you're attacking me. I failed you. You hate me. You're going to leave me. Right. And I'm bad. And I'm dirty and I'm a pick.

That's what I'm hearing. So I'm going to go, well, if you didn't fucking, you didn't pick up the dog shit. Right. And then it's a now we're just compete or now we're just at odds. So I've been in a relationship before where let's say I do that. And I'm like, yeah, but this is the reason why, which is essentially what you're doing. It's like, no, but why this happened is because X, XYZ. Then they turn it like, you're just making excuses and you can't apologize.

apologize. Well, because that's not an... Here's the difference, though. That's not an apology. Right? Like, one of the, I think, in my opinion, one of the most powerful ways to make an amends is to only say you're sorry and not give an excuse. Right. So they're different things. They're different. But you also have to know what you're apologizing for before you do it. Right. Yeah. The worst thing you can do, I literally a relationship ended of mine that was like a two-year relationship. because his love language is a very, it's a vague, you know, but words of affirmation are, we're big for him. I think words are meaningless. I grew up on, I love you, someone that abused me, went, I'm sorry I did that because I love you so much. Like, I'm sorry I did that and then it happened again. So words just like kind of like mean not that much to me. I just want to see it in

action. Like, I'll know when you're sorry. I'll feel it. And also we're actors. We're highly sensitive people. Someone's like, all right, sorry, I'm sorry. like so don't right so then you're gonna yeah then you're gonna get an apology that's not a real apology so it's like say what you mean mean what you say don't say it mean but it's also like you know if the way they're saying it is not congress with what they're saying then you have to accept the apology even though you know they're not sorry right because they said it so at my ex something happened where I was sending a boundary and he got very upset and he was like I just want you to apologize and I was like but I'm not sorry

So I can apologize. I've done my 10th step. I've talked through this. I've owned my part. I've looked through all my character defects. You know, I was protecting my inner child with this boundary. And I cannot apologize for protecting her because then now I'm going to set a precedent that I can't do this moving forward. So I can apologize for my tone.

That's right. I am sorry for my tone. I could have said it better. I apologize for being maybe... hungry and lonely tired. I maybe didn't halt before I set it. Right now. I should have waited to set the boundary until I was well rested, fed, hydrated, you know, et cetera. But I can't apologize for asking for it. Yeah, but that's the goal. Because then, but I can, I can sell it. I can apologize right now. But you and I will both know that I didn't mean it and you accepted it in this relationship as bullshit.

Right. And I, like, I just can't operate like that anymore. Because when we do that, when we apologize or say, I love you just to make an argument go away, it corrods the integrity of the relationship. And it's just like, it's not about if it's about when it's going to end. Yeah. We have a rule in my house. No apologies unless you're willing to change our behavior. Ooh, love it. Yeah. And also I like no threats unless you're going to carry it out. Oh, big time. If someone threatens me and says, well, that I'm just going to leave. I'm like, goodbye forever. That's right. threats like that is a like bottom lines are good like because like you can have red flags but then

you know some a red flag when you first meet someone is different than okay now we're in a relationship sorry and I'm seeing things that I never could have seen in the beginning right so it's like there are a lot of things where people like I should have seen the red flags I'm like no dude there's no way you cannot blame yourself for being in that relationship because that behavior didn't appear until you had been together for a year and the person started to have their default software come up? Are they started getting triggered because you were cohabitating? Like, I see women beating themselves up. Like, I should have seen the red flags. I'm like, nah, there's no way, you know, sometimes the disappointing behavior doesn't come in for a year or two

years. George Haas says you can't truly know someone until you've known them for two years and have gone through the four things, gone on a trip together, gone through a tragedy together, like a death together, like and seeing them in all these different scenarios. So I'm the best girlfriend on the planet until we live together. And then what happens? Because I cohabitated with people that sexually abuse me, like, footsteps at night, someone coming in late. I'm just like what the fuck?

Like, noises, sounds. Like, I have dogs. If you leave a fucking door open, like, in a house of dogs because I rescue, you know, very dangerous animals that I'm rehabilitating. And if one door, the number of, I almost lost this finger. I lost my ear, my right ear got bitten off, right? So by a dog that, you know, so I take in dogs that, uh, pipples and I don't like to say pipples, but staffies that are dog fighting rings and exotic dogs that are trafficked in animals. And so

if you don't close the door behind you, like that could mean I like lose my face. Right. You am saying? So it's like I'm the most fun girlfriend in the world until you don't, until you want to move in and can't close the door behind you. Why would you lose your face if they don't close the door? The dog, because if I know, but I want to know how. Yeah. So if I have a dog. If I have two female pits that are both so highly abused and I have, you know, one in one room and one in another room, got it. She's going to go to how to break it up. You leave a door open.

I don't know what's open. I'm going to come out of the other room, open the door to take one of them for a walk on a leash, and the other one's running at me because you didn't close the door. Yeah. You know, it's happened to me many times. So you're just saying certain rules or boundaries or whatever in the household. If you went in the room and the door was closed, when you leave the room, leave the door as you found it. You know, it's like when you grow up in farms, I mean, you grow, like, you got to close doors behind.

You've got to close stable doors. You've got to close stable doors. You've got to close gates behind. Like, it's just like, to me, the way you do anything is the way you do everything. Right. I say that all the time. Every fucking day. So when the person you're with, it's like, well, it's just a toothbrush. Who cares?

You're like, because next time it's going to be my baby on the roof of the car. Right. Do you want to live with someone? No. Okay. I did, um, ever. I, I, I would like to do a, because I have like 12. acres and I'm building out like a barn outside and I do have a house that I've sort of found a way to

break up into like it's beautiful and you definitely have it like working well like you have a workspace yeah I have the space for my work I have my podcast studio which for anyone that owns uh whatever work you do in a lot of states you can write off your you know is a business expense your mortgage if you work from your house etc etc so there's a lot of reasons to do that but for me I am I am I'm an introvert by nature. I love social. Introvert though, I know that sounds. No, I know. It's how you recharge. But it's all. I just learned this, which is the definition of introvert isn't that you're like shy. It's that when you socialize, it depletes you. Not because the people are depleting. You're depleting yourself because I, when I'm around people, I want to give them so much and I want to be so focused, whereas extroverts derive energy from socializing. That's me. Really? I get higher from it. Yeah. Does it have to be.

can you do it from someone you're not enjoying socializing with, or does it have to be certain people? I try my best to not ever do that. That's like, right. You know what I mean? By the way, don't even get me started on that. Yeah. I was on Prozac and I was talking to my psychiatrist. It was only 10 milligrams or something because I would walk away from conversations.

And I never, I don't really have the, um, anything on the depression checklist. And, uh, and I said, but the one thing is, like, I do, when I have a conversation with stuff on, it's really hard for me to close the loop of, uh, self-flagellation. It's like, I've done, been, you know, ACA Al-A Al-Anon for 12 years. Like, I'm able to. to, you know, forgive myself and talk my inner child down because, you know, when I, you know, as a child, when you're raised by alcoholics, like, sometimes you like have one shot to make your case for I need something to eat or I need you to sign this permission slip or, do you know what I'm saying?

Like, I have this thing where macaroni and cheese. Yeah. You're just like, and then they're like, you know, you're hungry. Oh, well, why don't you get another mother? Like, you know what I mean? like that kind of you just ate two days ago you're like that was two days ago you know what I mean like so um and then it's like well we don't have any food because you ruined my body and I like you're just like okay never I shouldn't have asked it's like you basically learn like and I learn with women it is just not worth I couldn't have female friendships until like very recently because of growing up with an alcoholic an alcoholic home like you don't really know as a kid you go oh this this this thing she's drinking makes her go away, right? And after one glass, like, I only have like 30 minutes

before I lose her, right? Or whatever. And then, uh, when she's not drinking, she's overwhelmed and she can never find her keys. And it's, you know, the whole, you get, where'd you put my keys? And you're like, you put him somewhere when you were drunk. So like, everything's your fault. You know, uh, it's a guilt system. Like, you know, but I have this theory that, uh, the first time I, like, when I was like, I don't know, four or five, like, went out to, like, say hi to my dad. And he was, like, doing something. And I went out to be like, hey, like, could I maybe get some dinner and or whatever I said. And then I walked away and I went, that didn't go well.

Oh. But that's what we do. We go, that didn't go well. Okay, next time I'm going to be like, hey, daddy. Oh, like you practice different things. Because you're rethinking everything you've just said or how it was taken. Okay, that didn't go well. Okay.

Next time I'm going to say, hey, dad, daddy. that's what my sister did. That work last time. And as a child, you just start, again, math, doing all kinds of mental gymnastics and math to go, okay, this is how I get my mom's attention. This is how I get her to stop crying. This is how I get my dad to stop yelling.

This is how I get my dad to stop being me to my sister. This is how I get the permission. It's just exhausting the amount. And then we do that sometimes. It was a, you know, it's a tool that works really well when we were kids. And then we do it as adults where it's like, I'm hanging out with Rachel. And I'm like, okay, she just had a margarita.

So next time I'm going to get her margarita mix because she's like, no, no. Right. I don't need to do anything like that, you know? And sometimes you feel people doing it to you. And I'm like, stop it. Don't do that. Don't do that. Go heal yourself.

Yeah. Like when someone, I'm like, hey, I love to go to dinner. You want to go to dinner of 7 o'clock Friday? And they're like, yeah, are you sure? No, we're not. It tries me. Stop getting nuts, too. When someone's like, I'll give them something and I'll be like, oh, you can have my coffee and

like, are you sure? I'm like, you know what? No. I'm not, give it bad. Like, you just called me a lying asshole. Right. You did that. But obviously, your parents would give you, or someone gave you stuff and then got mad at you for taking it or something.

There's something there. Or, or, there kept score. So, or here's a candle. And then three months later, I got you a fucking candle and you didn't come to my birthday. And you're like, I didn't realize that came with strings that's half. Yeah. Yeah, you know, so that, but also, oh, yeah, so I was having this problem where I would talk to people that I didn't even like, frankly, and I'd leave and I'd like, why'd you say that? 40 minutes, like, you should have said this. Like, why would you bring up the fact that you're doing that TV show? Like, where are you bragging to this person? They must think you're such an asshole. Why did you ask them out there? They're doing whatever. And like, I don't, these are people that I don't want, you don't even actually care about them.

Any kind of relationship with. Not even caring. It's just I'm a capacity. Right. And I'm at. And I'm at. at myself for not making them fall in love with me. Right. That is a very classic adult child of an alcoholic thing. Everyone has to be in love with me. And then I make them fall in love with me. And then we're like, do you want to hang out? I'm like, I don't have time to hang out with the sports. So I always, I said to a friend of mine, I was like, we were talking about the other day, like stop putting your spell on people. Yeah. Because it'll work. Yeah. Yeah. Stop. Right. Stop intoxicating them. Stop entertaining them. Stop making them laugh. Just like quit it. But I think I do. That even applies with like dating too with guys. Like you're not interested, yet you still need them to like you and want to hang out with you.

My new thing is the first three months of relationship, show them your worst. And then if you get past that, now you'll do, now you'll get the tap dancing and the dazzling and the kegles and the tushy. Yeah. And like, it's not, you know, I just, and then with guys or and girls with relationships, it's, uh, we're always splitting the bill until we're exclusive. Oh. That's your rule. That's a bottom line for me and my love addiction recovery. Why?

Explain that. Yeah. Because I think that most people, it's not their fault. Um, and men in general, I did a special where, uh, I was, uh, had a sex robot built about myself. I, uh, of myself. Yeah. But it was really, I, uh, was on sex robot owner.

and sex doll owners like chat rooms for like six or seven months. And I think most people would think like, oh, they're creeps, they're weirdos. Like, I got to be honest with you, the men that have sex dolls are such better. And that's how you met the guy you're dating now. That is a way to round out the story. He bought myself. Well, we're not dating. He's with my sexual about now. They are doing great. She has much more emotional bandwidth than I do. But, um, and a lot of them, they're on there and the reason they get sex robots is like they're like, you know, they just got out of a relationship, they're brokenhearted, they don't want to fall in love of the new woman, they're afraid of getting hurt, or they can't afford to have a girlfriend. Like, they can't.

Okay. Can't take a girl out. A lot of them are handicapped. They're in wheelchairs, their vets, their truck drivers, you know, stuff like that. Right. Sure, there's some that get them and just immediately throw them off of a roof for fun. I'm sure that happens. But I think that I just never want, especially given the fact that I think I'm known as maybe being financially solvent, I just never want anyone to, money to play. I just, money is. So you split it, but do you, would you let them just pay? I'd rather not. Okay. And I think there's something really hot about being like, you know, it'd be really hot if we split it and that you didn't need to show me you have money because you think you don't, you want to prove to me that you're not going to take mine.

Like, I trust you. Like, let's do this trust fall together. Like, but would you be fine? You only want to split. I won't be on top during sex. But I will, like, it is hot to me to be like, let's like split this. And if just as like a weird little experiment, I'm uncomfortable asking, you're uncomfortable saying yes. Like, let's just do this.

This is so much weirder than butt sex, too. This is like gnarly intimacy. Like that's, you see how they react. That's like kinky. Yeah. It's like, have you ever really broken up with someone and the way they handled it made you want to stay with them? For sure. Absolutely.

Perfect. Yeah. Yeah. You're like, wait a minute. So I think this. So it's also like I'm just going to see if we can split it just to see if I feel safe enough to ask for that and to see your reaction. Because money's going to be weird with us. Right.

It's got to be weird. Well, that brings up the power dynamic thing too. I think in you, in your relationship. So we started to talk about like, how is that for you? and like, you know, yeah. Does it create like a weird space or is it just you date people that can handle it? I just think everyone's got it. I don't, like, everyone's got a power date of my thing.

I mean, it's also like, I don't know the metrics and I'm not one of those people that pretends they know, like statistics, you know, like guys now or just podcasters, they're like, you look like 98% of people have never been to Italy and you're like, where does you get that statistic? You know what I mean? But I think now women have more colleges. degrees in men now. Women are primary breadwinners, I think, now over men, I think, in general. I mean, after the pandemic, who fucking knows, I don't think anyone's making any money and everyone's

in a nightmare. But, you know, I think a lot of people, you know, we are very, we're like at a bubble over how people are in relationships, you know, all my friends back home, like, they're in bad marriages and stuff. I'm like, why don't you leave? And they're like, because we can't afford to, we own the house together and this is our only asset. Like, we can't afford to break up. we can't afford to get divorced. Like I can't, like, we have kids. Like, what's going to, you know, so I think a lot of people have to stay in relationships that they don't want to be in or they get in relationships they don't want to be in because, like, what choice do they have? They need a roommate. They need someone to split the rent. You know what I'm saying? Like, I know so many people that like after dating someone for three months, so like we're going to move in together. And I'm like, I think that's a bad idea. And it's like, well, I don't have any money. So it's like we all have been there. You know, so I think that everyone kind of goes through this, even though it might not look the way ours does. And it's like, Maybe it's not like, this girl got a syndicated TV shows and she's a stand-up comedian and she's emasculating the guy that's the, you know, segment producer on Fallon that she's dating or whatever. It could be, you know, she's the manager of H&R Block, Pensacola, and she's dating the guy that, uh, charges for extra guacamole at Chpola. Like, they're going to have the same weird sex shit and power imbalances that we have, you know, with male actors.

Uh, hey, male actors. How about act like we didn't amassixt? like we didn't emasculate you. It's so funny to me that famous actors don't know how to, like, act like men when they're not on camera or, like, act like you know how monogamy works. I don't know. I just, like, act. Like, you win prizes for your acting.

Like, maybe just don't only do it for money. But, yeah. So, yeah, so I think the power dynamic stuff, it's like, for me, it's just like, I'm not going to make myself small. I did it for a long time. It just, I would do it if it worked. It just doesn't work. So my thing is like the more like the bigger and louder and more authentic.

I'm just going to attract the person that is into that. You know, and I think I've done that. I'm also seeing a girl at the moment, which is new. First time. For not the first time I've got a. And guy? Yeah. Okay.

A mamenessor. A man minister. She is, yeah. And it's also it's like, I'm not like, look at me. I'm polyamorous. I don't. That's no. I don't do that. That's not real.

You're just dating casually. I'm just like my mom's died. I'm on birth control. I'm in my rum springa. And I had such, you know, I think when your mom is alive, I mean, it's like if it's not one thing, it's your mother. It's just like you're always someone's child until your parents pass. And I can't even comprehend. Like I don't even know how to express the number. of things I never did and didn't even realize I was too scared to do them because I didn't want to have to tell my parents about it or or let them know about it. The jokes I didn't tell on stage. The people I didn't date. The things I didn't wear. The trips I never went on. Like, I didn't even know this like invisible prison I was in with the codependence of my mom. And I was in 12 years of ACA Alon. And I mean, this is also a woman that I went to make my amends. I made amends to her, and she added things. I'm sorry, I lost my temper.

And she's like, well, what about the time? And I was like, okay. You know, so you just, that's funny. You don't, it's like what you say when you say, you don't know when you're in a relationship. Like, you can't see it until you're out of it. I think sometimes if our parents, our primary caretakers were, you know, under the influence of, you know, their frontal lobe not working because of their addictions. You know, it's also addicts, no one wants to be an addict. No one wants to be a bad mother. No one wants to be a bad father. And like no one wants to

not be able to get their kid to school because they're drunk. Like no one wants that for themselves, you know? And then we get mad at these people that, you know, like, shame is what drove our parents to drink and anesthetize. And then we're like, fuck you, you were a bad father. It's like, well, that's not going to do much. Well, it does a little bit of enforcing the habit and pattern. It's all it does. Right. Yeah. And it's also, it's just like, you know, and then they're going to go, well, I need to go drink because I need to deal with the fact that my daughter just told me I'm a bad father. You know, so it's like one of those things where it's like when can we, you know, it's funny. So many, I don't know if you guys have noticed this, but in L.A., a lot of guys have started to go to therapy and they're using it to justify why they can't be monogamous.

Oh, shut up. What? When they're like, so I went to therapy and like exes and they're like, so I went to therapy and I'm like, okay, where is this going? Normally people that are in therapy, they don't like tell everyone, like just, that's their opener. Be about it. Yeah. It's just like part of life. Yeah. Like, okay. Like, did you go to the gym today? I'd love to hear about that too. Like, but just like out of nowhere, exes feel like they can call you if they've started going to therapy to tell you all the things they just realized they did right. Or that the things they did do you weren't their fault. Like they just learned about blaming their dads. Yeah. And they want to be like, hey, so that time I cheated on you with that stripper. Like, well, what I realized was that my dad never threw the baseball with me. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And I then it resulted in me not being able to be intimate with you and monogamous. I'm like, okay, so you're telling me when you were 38 years old and you had sex with that stripper, it had nothing to do with her being hot or beautiful or you, it was just your dad didn't play a baseball.

So you had to make her the catcher and you're the pitcher? She's the mitt. Right. You know, that wasn't your dad's fault. Yeah, that was your dick. He did a lot of things wrong, but that was not. That was your fault. Yeah.

That wasn't it. The therapist that you just pretended you went to go by. You know, so it's like, I think therapy can also make people sick her sometimes. I know. I do too. I've seen it like where someone is addicted and they're going, or if they're doing all the different meetings and whatever, that's. another addiction.

Yeah. It's like, well. Holding the bottom part and fight club. Oh, yeah. Best movie ever. But also,

that's okay because I believe that when you are suffering from an addiction, the best next step, if you would like to heal is to at least get a healthy addiction. So a lot of people

when they get sober, they go to CrossFit, they go to, they're running, they're marathon runners, like better than driving drunk with your children. Like better.

Still an addiction, yes, because then it's like, well, now I'm addicted to running. It's like, better than addicted to drunk drive. You know what I'm saying? So then it's like for me, now I believe that my primary addiction is probably my workaholic is probably my workaholic. And it's a tricky one because you get so rewarded for it. It's the addiction where people give you like money and price. You know what I mean? So it's a hard one to kick.

I did, by the way, go to a workaholic's adonymous meeting once in L.A. And it started at six. Everyone showed up at 7.30. We have been rolled. We're like, oh, sorry. And we're like on our laptops. Stop to one. Stop. I'm going to one second. And there's a lot of very successful people there, you know, in our business. And ones that we hadn't all met each other and literally, oh my God, hi, I'm waiting. I love your work. They were like, you're not allowed to say that at a workaholicodomous meeting. It's like saying like, I love your personality on cocaine. It's my favorite. You know, so then we're doing, and there was like, there was a bottom line that

someone had, and I really related to this of a woman said, I will get up to pee when I have to pee when I'm working. I will, if I'm writing it in a zone, I will not pee. I'll feel it. And I kind of am like, yeah, I haven't gotten it. Like, I get sick. Like, this is how hard. I'm not even going to take two minutes to pee. And then my brain goes, this is so dark. I'm getting ahead. Because other people, I just gained Do you know what I say? Like 30 seconds on the Yeah

Because they're fucking pissing Yeah They're pissing So on my head Same thing with holidays When everyone's That's what I work Because I'm like

Ah hey I'll donate to the Martin Luther King thing later But this is my fucking day You know Everyone else is out there You know Barbecue

And I'm getting ahead Like there's And then when I do Nap or pee Not as much anymore My brain would go Like I'm falling behind Guilt

I'm falling behind Guilt You know And so But the workholics and anonymous meeting, it was a fascinating hearing. There were people saying that, you know, one woman had like a boutique and she would leave it after her husband went to sleep. She would go back to work, like to whatever and then come back in the morning. Instead of going to the casino to gamble or going to cheat, she would go back to work secretly.

Yeah, she was like sneaking it. The crafting, there was a woman who was addicted to crafting. I know. I did sniff. I did laugh. It was a bummer. She was like, so I'm doing pretty well. I haven't crafted in two weeks.

And I was like, wow. Like, it was bad. That would be you, Rachel. She was like, I haven't scrapbooked in two months. And everyone's like, I was like, ah, like, it was bad. You guys were just like, the idea of just being like, they have to scrapbook. But that's how it's like, you know, it's, you know, environment, whatever,

genetic slows the gun, environment pulls a trigger. It's all the same. Yeah. Our dopamine receptors can't hold dopamine the same way. That's all an addiction is. And it's like, it's kind of a crapshoot. Who gets sex? Who gets intrigued?

who gets, I mean, you can't tell by birth order, by nurture, by whatever, but it's just like, it's just as harmful. This woman crafting from scrapbooking was just as damaging to her life as someone who was doing ketamine, street ketamine, you know? She lost her husband. She's consumed by it. She lost her apartment because she was spending all her money at my old school. I know. It's just so cute. I know. It's, you picture, I picture the cutest human. How old was she? You're like she was...

She's probably. Okay. And then... I just seen the visual. Another thing we do is workaholics is that we don't have hobbies and we turn our hobbies into businesses or jobs. Like we can't join... Not a bad thing, though.

Not always, but we also have to, like something I'm finding that is really damaging to the comedy community is that the way that comedians used to kind of stay sane as we would attune to each other and have conversations in the hallway being like, oh yeah, I just went to this club and did that grab your ass and did this guy do that? You know, it's just like, it's such a weird ecosystem. And then we started monetizing those conversations in podcasts, which has been great. But we also stopped having them off camera. So, like, we'll see each other and be like, oh, dude, man, yeah, I'm like really depressed

about this thing. And we'll be like, save it to the pop. Save it. Right. Yeah. You know, but on the pod, we're not really taught. You know what I mean? You're not doing the present moment.

Totally. But I'm like, you know, I just rescued two more horses. And then I'm, for me, just in my sister. And then I'm like, you know what, this horse would be perfect for the equine. therapy program. Okay, so I'm going to, okay, guys, here's what we're going to do. We're going to buy four. And I'm just like, no, no, no, no. Like, and then I was one time in an ACA meeting and this girl was like, so, um, I just got a new hobby and everyone started dying laughing because we know, we know what that means. What is ACA? ACA, adult child of alcoholic. It just basically means that

all of the character defects slash superpowers that you developed to survive an alcoholic home, you're still using them as an adult and they're no longer helpful, they're a liability. You know, so it's like the 3Ms, mothering, micromanaging, martyring. That really worked as a kid because you had to be like, hey, mom, we got to get to school. Hey, here's the theater. Mom, here's your drink. And now you're doing it with your boyfriend at 30 going, hey, here's your jet. Let's go.

And he's like, why the fuck are you yelling at me? You know what I mean? And you're like just so used to doing that, you know? What's on your shirt? What's this? Like whatever iteration sort of it looked like. Right. And you would get that.

So I was magnetically attracted to people that I had to rescue. I defined my self-esteem through my productivity and usefulness. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror of my eyes. Like I had so disassociated. Like just kind of it's a lot. Don't take care of yourself. Like you take care of people that you don't even like, but you haven't been to the dentist in four years. You know, like you're making meals for everybody, but you're not eating yourself, all that shit.

We eat in the car. We eat yogurts with no spoon on the run. All that shit. Yeah. You know? Yeah. But the hobby thing you're saying is like, oh, well, more horses. And then like.

She went, I got to do a hobby. And we were all like, oh, there we go. She went, so I started knitting. I now have an Etsy store. And I don't know how to stop because I got all these orders. And I just realized I don't even really like knitting. You know, so that's like we as women, it's so cool that we can turn anything into a business. But I think that that we actually have so much.

I think that women, I'll say that and other, like, you know, everyone right now, we have so, such boundless potential and so many opportunities. now with like Etsy and YouTube and podcasts that like, you know, it's cool that we can turn our awesome super powered to, you know, making these coasters for people's, of people's kids, you know, into a business. But we also sometimes have to go like, I have four jobs. And I'm just, the thing that was, I was using to calm me down is now stressing me. Right. You know. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And we just take on an impossible amount. And, um, and, because we were able to handle an impossible about when we were kids.

Yeah. Well, also because it's more comfortable. It's also a way to check out and not have to socialize and be around people. I'm so busy. I'm so busy. Well, so I know you, and you talked about this when I was on your show and you talked about this openly

that you froze your eggs when you were younger. 33. Great time. That's just such a good number. It is. 33. Yeah. I had my kid at 33.

I think maybe I was a true. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Got pregnant 32. she was born 33. But so you know you want to add that to your life. I think so. I think I did it like, you know, and this is why I think it's so, I really talk about a lot more or not because I'm like, guys, I freds my eggs. Let's talk about my uterus and my future. I think it's also like I try to talk about it a lot because there's no other way that we're going to get corporations to cover it for their employees. I think Google maybe does it now. Facebook apparently does it. Because it's really expensive. So it's not like anyone can. Yeah, I'm not like Facebook freezing my eggs though. Give me the cash. And I'll go. I'll go. myself. Like, you're not setting

out, we're not doing it in-house. Right. With these, you know, Google. So it's more, yeah, it's very expensive. Not only financially, but also emotionally and time-wise. So I wrote about in my book, my egg freezing experience, because it made me so angry that, you know, you have to,

it's a three-month process. Like, you've got to go and get sonograms. You're putting needles in your body. Like, I was on tour. You have to, I had to carry the needles in a refrigerated bag through TSA and convince them it wasn't fucking, you know, heroin. I mean, they probably looked at me and assumed it was Botox, but I had to given myself shots and, you know, like fucking Cincinnati. Like, it was just, and then I had to drive

to his office every other day because you have to make sure that they're growing at a certain rate. And I'm like in three hours of traffic. And I'm like, I was promised I could have it all. Like, because we talked about sexism and Hollywood, like, nothing's more sexist than biology, dude. Like, it's biology. Like, men didn't build our bodies to rot. slowly rocked. That they didn't do, we're the one thing they didn't build. You know what I'm saying?

This is how we evolved. Like be mad at evolution, I don't know. So I just did it to take the pressure off because I think we all have this internal timeline where it's like the older we get, the more we lower our bar for people, right? So at 30, you're like, I know who I am.

And like, I'm not going to date a man whose credit score is seven, you know. And then by like 36, you're like, okay, you know, like, I've got good credit. You know, you start to just lower your bar. And I found myself doing that. And Natasha Legerro and I were on the set of a movie called This Means War. I was a Reese Weatherspin movie.

And Dana Fox was the writer on it. And she was like, you know, she's gone through some fertility stuff. And she was just like, you need to freeze your eggs. And we were just like, okay. And she was like showing me pictures of like, like, she is why I did it. like another woman like yelled at me to do it. I have a time in the world. Like, what do you mean?

It's like, and I was very much like, I rescue dogs. So like having my own baby would be like having a dog from a breeder. Like I was just like in my own shit. And I didn't think I wanted to be a parent at all because I was like, I'm too fucked up. And this is what I come from. And there's no way I won't repeat what I saw. And if I have a kid with a man that is like five minutes late, one day I will take the kid. and he will never see the way. Like, I am just so black and white about that shit. Like,

I didn't have an ability to be flexible or forgiving yet. Like, I was so rigid in my belief systems. And then I didn't want to pass that rigidity on to my kid because that's what I had. And I didn't trust myself to not produce a bunch of adrenaline when pregnant. I didn't want to produce an adrenaline addict the way that, you know, like stressing out over being pregnant can actually be the worst thing you can do for your kid. I'm going to stress out about how calm my pregnancy is kind of peeing or whatever. Yeah. And so I just did it kind of more because I was like, okay, I'm going to get some jokes out of it. I'm a comedian. You know, a lot of times, you know, I'm not going to lie. I'll do things just to like get a joke out of it. I go on dates just to get a joke. Like, guys, I go on a date with a guy and we're like, I just, you know, I don't think this is a match. I'm like, I only wanted to date with you for a joke. Like, just whatever. Like I was on Rye. I was on Tinder. Just didn't get a joke. So I did it. And I instantly felt like this weight taken off that was like, okay, I thought I had five more, or like, Even two more years have kids, now I've 10. Yeah.

That's it. Now I'm not dating, you know, guys with, you know, v necks and tattoos that say breathe. Like, I can just kind of. And then I took a year off from dating and a year off from sex. I just, like, did a full year off. How'd that feel? No dating, no sex. It was amazing.

It was amazing. Like, I just went to, like, doctors and dentists. And then that's when I realized I really had a pretty hardcore, like, love addiction thing. Where I just didn't know how to not be in a relationship. Like, I was just, if so. someone wanted to date me, I was like, okay, I guess I'm going to be with this guy for two. I, like, I did not know how to say no to someone that wanted to date me. Like, it didn't occur to me that I, like, had a choice in the matter.

But then I also felt very comfortable being in bad relationships because that meant it would never work out. Yeah. And I never had to, like, worry. There was no pressure. No pressure. Yeah. Completely. And then I kind of had this saying that it was like, adversity is good for me.

And I'm going to get jokes out of this and like, whatever. So I just had to, like, deal with my own toxic shit and take responsibility for, like, my part in all of my failed relationships. Not that any relationships should have succeeded by that point, even if they were amazing people. But for me, I just kind of like really wanted to take time to, like, heal myself. And I think my story was that I was very healed because I was successful, you know? Two different things. Not even close. I actually think I was like further wounded by it, you know?

And then I started getting really paranoid, you know, and then I did have people use me. There are male gold diggers out there, you guys. This is called equality. It happened. Take the win. Yeah. I was like, so I was like, you know, the guy's a star fucker. I'm like, does that mean I'm a star? I'm like, thank you. You know, so went through like a lot of that. I got like really paranoid, a lot of like, you know, halfway through the relationship. Like, can you read my script? Can you produce this show? I want to be a standup. Blah, the whole thing. Like got engaged. That didn't, you know, pan. But I think for me, I feel a very strong pull to adopt from Appalachia, which is where I'm from from from. where the opioid crisis is, there's like 7,500 kids that have been born addicted to opioids,

and they're in foster care, and it, like, it's like drives me bonkers. I can't handle it. You shouldn't have told me that today. Sorry, yeah. I mean, it's like, I'll go get one. But it's a nightmare. No, it's absolutely heart-ranging. It's, like, actual night.

So it's like adoption was sort of, you know, I also don't need to have kids. Like, I am so happy with my animals. I am such a good auntie. I'm such a good godmother. Like, I have a goddaughter. Except for the crib. Okay, the crib. I, in my house, because I think a lot of work spaces and I'm really also trying to figure out how to move forward with something I like to call like Humane Hollywood. And, you know, instead of at the end of every production, it's saying no animals were harmed in the production of this, which I don't think any animals should mean in production. It's a different conversation. But no humans were harmed. How about no humans were harmed at the making of this production? So it's like we're not making productions so that women that have kids can actually work on them. And the only productions I want to work on is moms because they get shit done faster. They can manage time totally differently. They can diffuse any conflict on set.

If people are arguing, there's like, do you need water? You need a snack. You need a snack. Do you want to go lay down for 20 minutes? Like, they handle it and everyone's home by five. So it's like, if moms aren't on set, we're there still two in the morning. So it's like, so I'm also trying to build in my house because I had people working in my house on the OnlyFans roast, a room that has a crib,

a babysitter, two bunk beds, like toys, a camera so that they're not for me. I don't look at it. It's connected to their phone. I'm not filming babies in my house that aren't mine. And like just figuring it out. So I have a bunch of friends, like moms that I work with that are like helping me like figure out how to do it.

And my crib was amiss. The vintage crib covered in leprosy, that I got off Etsy was a miss. What is the only fans thing? Only fans rose. So to me, it's taken me a long time. You showed me a clip when you did a Lauren Michael's joke. Was that from the only fans' rose?

Yeah, yeah, right? Yeah. I don't know. I might cut it. I'm scared. I'm scared. I mean, look, these roasts are, you know, I'll try to be concise as possible.

You know, I would participate in the Comedy Central Rose. I think everybody misses the roasts. I think everybody is kind of sick of this bullshit, like a safe comedy. Like, we're all going to walk on eggshells because of 2,000 people on Twitter that weren't comedy fans in the first place. Cancel culture is not real. It's never been real.

It's actually the best thing to happen to comedy. There's eggshells on the floor again. There's tension again. Three or four years ago, there was no way to shock or surprise anyway. True. There was a peat tape from our president where we were looking at, you know, inside the anus of Stormy Daniels on CNN. I mean, there was no way to shock anyone is a comic.

And actually the only way to, you know, shock anyone was to be. be sort of like clean at that point, you know? So, you know, comedians, it's always our job to surprise people, you know, and there's this infantilization of just consumers at the moment of like, we can't say this and we can't say this. Like, what the fuck are you talking about? It's like, no more rape jokes. No, no more rape jokes. If you're a rapist, you can't make a rape joke. You're saying? It's like, you can't tell women that have been raped. They can't cope the way that they cope because there's a huge mass healing. Like, I don't really do rape jokes or anything now, but, you know, but I don't really do rape jokes or anything now, But when I first started, it was like, you know, I was like, didn't really, I was kind of like trying to find my bearings.

I was trying to neuter myself. And, you know, I didn't, and I would do rape jokes a lot. And, like, stupid ones. I was doing, like, one-liners. Like, I've never been raped because I just don't say no. Right. I'm unrapeable. Like, stupid shit like that.

You know, I did abortion jokes that were just more like, I really love my abortion doctor. He really, like, brings out my inner child. Like, he really brings out the kid in me. Like, stupid shit like that. And then people come up to me and be like, this is a. first time I've ever laughed about my assault. First time I've ever laughed about it. Like, if people get upset, that's fine, too. Comedians, it's our job to polarize. Right. Yeah. We've always been polarizing. Like, it's our job to be, like, loved and hated. And the people

that hate us are just looking in a mirror and they'll figure it up what you laugh, what we show you what you laugh at and what you get angry about, because then you get to learn about yourself. You know, it's like, just the magic trick that we do. You know, so it's like, I'll be on still. On stage, I'll be talking about something totally benign. I was doing jokes about, like, the dangerous, everyone's complaining about phones with kids. like they're so dangerous. Like, we used to play with fucking, like, matches. Yeah.

We used to put our fingers in light sockets. We used to play on something called a seesaw where you would, like, catapult the other child, like, into the air. And then when it was just, we used to play on fucking monkey bar. We would just hang. Remember, what were the things? It was scaffolding. What was it?

What was it when you would climb, like, those things that were built? Double gym. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, we would climb to the top of, it was scaffolding. It was just metal bars hanging upside down in the air. Like 20 feet up. No ab strength, no plan to get up.

And then our playgrounds were asphalt. I mean, they were little pieces of gravel. I mean, we saw injuries that kids never walked straight. We had casts. Like, when is the last time you saw a kid in a cast? It doesn't. We used to have half the kids in my grade would have a cast from the foot to the dick. Like a whole cast.

Is you know what I'm saying? kids had metal bars. Oh my God, yes. You know what I'm saying? Like, we spend the first 45 minutes of school signing. Signing. You know, I mean, the kids are safer than they've ever been, you know, so comedians, we kind of like say shit like that. And everyone's like, I don't know, that's challenging the paradigm. We don't like this. But it's like, the truth is probably somewhere in between. I'm not right. You're not right. The truth is probably somewhere in between, you know, but I think that perspective makes us all go like, okay, maybe I can worry a little less about the phones because my kid is not getting, you know, severed in half by a merry-go-round.

Right. The way the kids used to, you know, so it's like, I think that, you know, and like the privacy obsession with privacy, like the privacy and Alexa's talking and we can't have our data, like someone's going to say, like, we used to have a, we used to have a book full of everyone's phone numbers and home addresses, and they would just throw it at your house. Okay, like, this is what comedians do best is just going like, you don't have to worry as much is your word. It's our job to go, don't panic. We're actually doing better than we've ever done. Like, don't drink the cooling, you know? So it's like, that's what, but then people sometimes go,

have such a vested interest. The phones are dangerous because my son got in an accident on his phone. And you're like, that's, that's you. That's you, man. That's your parenting. But you kind of have to, I mean, I'm not going to lie, that's happened to me when I've gone to comedy shows and I've had to check myself and be like, ooh, okay, that, that hit me. Right? And then what I have to think is... I got defensive. Yeah. Or it triggered something in me that's my shit. Sure. Right? But then you have to sit and look around and be like, well, everyone else is laughing, right? And whatever they say next is going to trigger it. Like, it's hot potato.

You cannot control thousands and thousands of people and what they're going to be reactive to. Also, you might not need to laugh as much as them because you're more healed. Right. You know what I'm saying. So it's like comedy and entertainment is not for people who have had the resources and the time to necessarily heal themselves. These are people that are coming to be like, my life is such a nightmare. I just need to feel good. Well, it's actually my favorite thing to do. Watch. Comedy. By the way, for smart people, it's like really smart people. And really people like, I just, my wife and I are, we are this far from a divorce. And this night is like, we need. need to laugh. You know what I'm saying? So not everyone needs to laugh. Right. You know what I mean?

Some people get to laugh all day from the jobs that we do and then we go see comedy and we're like, okay, I've already laughed today with like, this is not what I wanted to hear. Now you're just making me think about, you know, the war in Russia and I'm bummed out. You know what I mean? So people that have good lives and fun lives where they get to laugh a lot, they come to see comedy and they're like, my life is so good. Like, it's good. I don't want to hear about this show. I don't want to hear about you cheating on your wife. That's, I don't like that. You're like, that's depressing.

You're like, this is toxic. And no, no, I mean. But then people who were just cheated on love it. Yes. Oh, yeah. You know what I'm saying? So it's like everyone's laughing for different reasons all the time. Yeah, it's all at different times.

It's hot potato. It's like you're getting someone at each beat in each moment is hitting something different in someone. It's like 12 step meetings. Yeah. Because when you hear someone say something or is someone sharing like their story and And they're like, and you're like, oh, so this does not apply to me at all. Like, why did I even come to this meeting? And then you're like, wait a second, other people are benefiting from this.

Last meeting, it was like, banger, banger, got it. Same thing. My story, my story. You know, and people share. Yeah. And I start tuning out when it doesn't apply to me. Right. But I think that, too, what I've learned is things used to not apply to me when I first started

going to meetings. And I'd be like, I can't identify with that. I wasn't like a prostitute selling my children. And then now I'll sit there. I was sleeping with the guy without charging. Right. Exactly. I was, I didn't have the self-respect to charge him. But now someone shares that and on my head is bobbing the whole time. I'm like, me too, me too. And then I'm like, all a minute. All of it. It's like all of it. You are going there. Like I also go to meetings a lot now to be of service. Like a very famous person that I saw in like the private, I started go to like the private meetings for a while because it's like there are some, you know,

things you cannot share. You cannot go to a public meeting and go, hey, my boss just sexually assaulted me and I don't know what to do. Everyone's going to know who my boss is. You know what I mean? So it's like, so we do some of them's private meetings to talk about like money stuff and like just gross, icky, you know, fame related stuff. Am I being overly hypervigilant? I just got five death threats from someone, you know, and whatever. But also just so you guys know death threats, don't panic. Gavin DeBacker always says the person that's going to kill you. He's not going to give you a heads up. better. Thank you. Yeah, me too. When someone, because when someone says I'm going to kill you, I'm like, great. I felt like, never felt safer. Right. And so I go to meetings just because this

famous person told me, I was like, I had my phone sold a meeting once. Like, you know, not everyone in meetings are healed. That's the other thing. It took my spot to remind me because I'd be like, this person at the meeting was like eating a salad and didda-da-da-da. And then afterwards, asked me to help them with a script or whatever just to get Whitney. Not all people in those, they're sick. They're bullying a sick person. You know? And then when someone is, you know, being mean to you or annoying at a meeting or whatever. And then he said this. And then he followed me to my car. And then he wanted me to sponsor his daughter. And she'll just go, it sounds like he's in a lot of pain. And you're like, I am bullying someone in pain.

Got it. And it's like, why are he as healed as me? That's what we're doing when we get mad at people that can't do what we can do. Right. Yeah. And we're at the bullies, period. And like, sorry. So, oh, so I go to meetings because there's this famous guy who said, I go to meetings, sex and love Alex Anonymous, because I'm famous, and all the people that are new, they're going, I don't need to be here, I don't have time. I don't have time to be here. That's the number one way that we keep ourselves sick. I don't have time to heal. I'm too busy to heal, even though healing is what, that's what's going to free up all your time. Of course. You're going to have shit tons of time. You're going to have three more hours in your day if you heal your wound because you're not going to be wasting it, you know, basically, you know,

apologize. You'll say, you'll save. an hour a day of just apologizing for things that you didn't do wrong. Or obsessing. Or not apologizing for the things you should be apologizing for. Obsessing, buying gifts from people, responding to text messages that don't warrant a response, writing emails that I don't, we do no emails longer than two sentences, redrafting emails to try to control other people's perception of us, mothering, marty, micromanaging, perfectionism, like reorganizing or making your bookshelf rainbow, umbrella, like whatever fucking thing.

And so I go so that the people go, well, she's here. What's my excuse? Yeah. Well, my sponsor says something I love to. She's like, there's only two times to go to a meeting when you need a meeting and the meeting meet. Need you. Yeah, that's right. So also when someone is sharing bravely, because it's like, again, it's like we go to these meetings to release shame.

It's a shame release party. That's all it is because we care. We're only as sick as the secrets we keep. So we go to these meetings to go, hi, I'm Whitney today. I posted an Instagram trying to get my ex-boyfriend to call me. I posted a bikini photo in my stories, hoping my ex would see it and get jealous and apologize. And everyone's like, been there.

Or if you haven't been there, it's like, we don't hate you. We're not going to say, ooh, get out of your leave. Right. You're able to say the most disgusting things about yourself to someone. and they'll laugh, they'll say me too, or they'll just be like, they clap. That's why you clap at the end. Yeah.

Because you shared, you know, he said, today I wanted to cheat on my husband and I almost did and I still might. We go, yay. Rock star, dude. Now I feel inspired to, oh my God, now I do that. Let's play it. Like, it's the most fun game ever.

Yeah. It really is the most, I've been telling Rachel for years. I'm like, I want her to go. To me. Yeah. To me and Ellen on. Yeah.

Yeah. And that's a, you know, I think there's a way to do it that is, you know, I think a lot of people see it as this like, like, I'm a, I failed at life. Now I have to be punished by going to these meetings. Like, it's like, and I think that it's just about making it sexy or something. Like, I think that's why I like to talk about it. It's like truly the greatest people on the planet. The people that's, it's like school. It's reparenting. That's all it is. That's what it is. It's school for life. It's just free life school. It's like camp, people going around doing a mental trust fall or just. going like, hey, I don't know how to solve this problem. Does anyone here? Like, does anyone have experience with being pregnant and going through a divorce? Right. Because I don't, I don't, I need some wisdom and experience around that. Yeah? Or like, I can't stop trying to get my brother sober. I don't know what to do. And then a lot of them realize, wait, I'm the one that needs to get sober. Fuck, I'm projecting. You know, my new thing is everything I'm mad at people about. Is it projection? I'm doing. I know. It's a tough pill to swallow.

I didn't close the door behind me the other day. Oh. Oh. Busted. Busted. That's the new thing. It's like I point one finger at you. I point three at myself.

Right. You know? So like that's also, I think, like, 2023 radical self-awareness. Like, like, all you'll try to cancel comedians and come after actors and come after whoever the fuck. Like, we see. you, dude, when you're like, that's racist. We're like, yeah, why did you just admit that you're

racist? That was weird. You know what I mean? Even the Belensiaga campaign, dude, like, that is, I didn't see, I didn't think of sex when I saw that. I, I know, I didn't. I saw, I could look at a child on a couch next to a bear and handcuffs and not think of sex. Right. You did that. I think Valenciaaga did that on purpose. Because I think that a lot of like... Well, when it came out, I think I showed it to you guys. And I was like, I don't... Because it wasn't my first reaction.

There was a... There was a Supreme Court... A picture of a Supreme Court child pornography suit saying this is illegal. I think what happened... My guess, look, I'm a comedian. We make, like, ridiculous theories. And then we say something that's not true and then defend it until it's true. But, you know, they're pretty genius for a lot of reasons.

And I think that a lot, you know, remember when Duny and Burke paid Snoky to stop wearing her bags? Holy God. I didn't know that happened. Your brand is the most valuable thing on the planet, you know? So it's like probably a bunch of pedophiles and sex traffickers and weirdos and Epstein's friends were wearing Valencia. And they're like, we don't, we need to maybe make sure certain people aren't wearing our brand and let's do this ad campaign, you know. Or it just, I think it like revealed people that kind of sexualized kids. Right. I'm like, why did you see sex there? Right. Yeah, I didn't see it until after you explained it to me, though. So I don't know what I would have saw. Like, I get it. I mean, to me, I get it once it was explained to me. I don't think any children should model. Right. That's kind of I was a child model. I don't, I think the biggest problem is like, no children should model for anything. Like, Anne Gettys, why were you putting kids in boots? Why were you putting kids in flowers? Like, yeah, like, there's a lot of things. I just, like, it is weird to me. It's like, child labor is illegal. It's interesting. Like, like, what,

we allow it. It's like pageants and acting. We're like, but that's fun. They can't work in factories, but they can wear makeup and bikinis and television shows. Like, what the fuck? You know what I mean? So there's like lots of, you know, so I think that like, I think it's just time to start throwing out just the exact opposite of what the narrative is saying on Twitter and just going, or you, or you just saw sex. Right. You did that. Like, I've made the stroke about this and you saw racism. Right. Okay, ready? Work association. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. Ready? Yeah. Is it just Rachel or you're going to do it too? Rachel. Just Rachel. Okay.

Child. Love. To take care. Nurture. Lead pencil. Tazardous. Sad. Good.

Plum. Juicy. To marry. Le. House. House. House. The home.

Deer. Headlight. Glass. full to chlor. I don't know. It's not my natural go-to. I think it is. I think it is.

It is. It is. That's actually the natural go-to. I think you're not lying. I don't think you're lying. I think that's a maybe self-limiting beliefs. That's right. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, sure. Because you know what? I think that we self-deprecate. I've learned to self-deprecate so that I don't make people feel bad about themselves or something, but it makes me feel bad about myself. And I don't think we're surrounded by people anymore that want us to be small and unhappy. That's right. Yeah, you downplay to make other people feel comfortable. I do it. It's the piece of shit in the center of the universe thing, of the insecure narcissist. I'm going to be like, yeah, just because I'm this mess and da-da-da-da-da.

Like, I'm like, why do I do that? And I'm like, because I don't want that person to feel bad or be jealous of me. He's like, don't worry. They're not. Why do I make me? I'm going to making my sense, no one wants us to be small. No one healthy wants us to be small. This is why it's so great to work with horses because horses want you to be regal. But I do that too where I'm like, you know, because the glasses have to empty. That's my thing. And then I'm like, wait a second, I'm actually really hopeful. I'm actually when you look at it. You're like, I'm like a radically hopeful person. I, I am doing stand-up comedy at a time when people are trying to kill us. Yeah. That's like what's more hopeful than that than what we're all doing. We still live in

California. There's no water. I know. But literally, the state is half empty. And we're still here. So I think that's like a story we might have about ourselves. But I do think you're maybe more optimistic than you might. I think she's very naturally optimistic. And maybe sometimes downplace. Yeah. At least your God reaction. Yeah. If you know, but if you think about something, see, that's me too. I'm like, yes, I want to do this thing. But if I really spend too much time, I'll go, it was a bad idea. Yeah. What's this? same thing is like when you're talking to people and then you take it take it with you and you're like wait what did i say what did i do it's all the second guessing of what you actually that's what i

oh and i never asked uh stuck the landing on that which i did go on prozac for that to close the loop and then i just was talking to my uh psychiatrist and i was like or why don't i just not talk to people why don't i just talk to cooler people yeah because it's like the people that i did that perseverating with were just why don't i just talk to people that i like that i like that I don't have that emotional hangover with or that aftermath with. So it's not about taking a drug to be able to be able to be able to tolerate people. Just avoid them. Yeah. Is that? You mean? Yeah. And I also think maybe I feel I relate to if this is I relate to having my ass kicked for thinking the glass was half full. Do you know what I mean? I've gotten hurt a lot by being like,

this person is like this. But it's only because they were breastfed and like. Because I make excuses for people. I will like, you know, so I think that it probably helps us protect our heart to have glass half empty. You know what I mean? Even though it's our default to have it full, but that's hurt us before. Yeah. I think that's totally accurate.

Or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is like nice because it just gets your like subcont. I love it instead of our conscience, you know? For sure. Fur. Oh, here, you take a few. Oh, do you want to go?

She went fur. in my closet right now, many of them. On malware. Fur. Not on my vagina. Yeah. Not since the laser. Do you want to do some? Sure.

Flower. Garden. To beat. Oh, I got the problem. Box. Men. Sorry? Like, I thought boxing.

Oh. I thought like men put you in a box. And I was like that. Oh, Jesus. No. I was like, coughing? Yeah. Box. Oh, like boxing. Yeah, that's where my brain went. She's like, wow. Like, you're trying to go down the road.

You think men like pugnacious. You think men physical fighting. I guess. Yeah, I just thought box, like men. That's just what happened. We're just talking. Or do you think it's that's what you were just talking to find a man as? Because I do believe the man in my life should be able to defend me physically. I believe that too. I'm into that. Yeah, I'm not mad at that. I'm always like, I need him to be able to like swing. an axe, you know, like, that's always been, like, in my mind, and maybe that has to do with protection. Yeah, most men that swing axes is to kill their wives. But, yes, you want to make sure they get it on the first try. Yeah, no. We're talking like a clean shop. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, going through the trial. Yeah, Ted Bundney couldn't do it. Like, he did it. Ted could not fucking swing an axe. He could not, they, they crawled away for days. That stays. He could not kill these bitches. Like, he was too weak to even stick the landing. Um, Ted Bunny, totally. other thing. But that's kind of interesting. We can go there for a while. Do you think men are like,

I'm not a psychiatrist. I don't know. You'll know what that means. Um, 74. Uh, wild. Olivia. Oh, okay. That's interesting. People tell you look like her, right? They do. And we have the same name. But people have sex. I didn't even go to her. I just went like, oh, yeah, you are. I'm like, oh, you're wild. But I, I, I met Olivia Wild. Yeah. No, but then. And second later, I was like, oh, duh. I like that, though. I like that one. I like that better. I'm like that better. too. But also, when I first met you, I did think, oh, wow, her eyes are exactly like Olivia Wilde. Oh, interesting.

And then can I tell you something else? Yeah. People told you that? People used to say that a lot. And also, just so you know, when I got my sex robot made, I went to the factory and to see, and the most popular eyes requested for sex dolls are Olivia Wilds. Wow. Apparently, your eyes are over a lot of people's sex robot. Most popular eyebrow.

Yeah. This guy. You guys. They went just to know that people do actually ask for what your features. I was like, oh, my God, what was it? This is my smile. You do have great eyebrows. Thank you so much.

I just didn't, I shaved them when I was younger. Oh, yeah. And I just like, I'm bushy. I think, what's your name? Shield. I love big eyebrows. Me too. Okay.

Family. But why can't it be your family? Right. I went to your little intermediate year. Oh, my little precious family. See, that's not what I think that. But interesting. Isn't it?

Like literally you say family and I just like kind of laugh. Because a lot of times we say my family, I think this is a fly. I think we kind of need to like redo a lot of like language stuff. Like update words. Not like you can't say this because this. Like yeah, master bedroom, I'm sure it should go. But like there's also, but there's also a lot of evidence that that was from fucking boats and mast like half math.

It just don't say like whatever. Like that can change like whatever. But like, you know, yeah, one from secretary to assistant. I actually think assistants weird now because assistants aren't assisting you in things you can do yourself. Yeah, if you look at a lot of the labeling awards, it can be, yeah. So like stuff like that, but where am I? Oh, family, we go my family. But you have two. You have your family and then your family you made and the family you came from. I feel like they should be, they're obviously all one, but there's. But they're separate. But yeah, but they're just going to be disappointed by your family, but the family you chose. And then there's chosen family. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You know, because I associate the people. that raised me, like, I don't, I don't know. I don't fuck with those people. Like, they're not family.

Those were, you know, enemies at best. Okay, so, to wash. Clean. Oh, because by the way, a really powerful exercise we do actually in ACA was when you talk about your parents, you don't refer to them as mom and dad. You refer to them as their names. So, because the word mom and dad, you start going, but she also, you know, when you just go, Leslie did this and this and this. If you say, mom did it, you're like, well, she did it for a good reason. If you say Leslie did it, you're like, Leslie did it. You're like, Leslie left her kid at school for two days. But if it's my mom did, all of a sudden, it's like, well, she was, you know, she forgot, poor thing. Yeah.

It helps us look at their behavior objectively without being codependent. Sorry. Cow. Milk. Friend. Rachel. Luck. Oh, Vegas.

Why? Truth. Deportment. Unfortunate. Narrow. Minded. Brother. jail.

Stop. Yes. I think we talked about my brother on the podcast, and now people are requesting that my father's on the show. But he's dead. They're like they should have Olympia's dad on the show. Ready? Yeah. To kiss.

No thanks. Bride. Nope. Oh, a bride. Grand wizard. Pure. Blood. Move. Door. Close it after you.

To choose. Not Texas. Hey. Is horses. Contented. Wine. Ridicule. Reddit. To sleep.

Ambien. Munt. September Nice Tits Woman I don't see gender Ma'am

To abuse Power Interesting Yeah Okay we do one more exercise And then I'm because these are I think then since you guys love red flags But once you

But once you meet someone that has sort of activated the negative qualities of our primary caretaker, and we call them Christmas trees, once you've met someone that is, you know, because, by the way, biggest red flag, charisma. Oh. Char. Oh. What? Usually equates to. It gets you. Funny.

Love it. Too funny. So charisma charm. Yeah. Usually people got that because they were abused. And you did it because I have to charm my parents to get to that. I got to get my mom to stop yelling. I got to get my dad to stop hitting me.

Charmed. Yeah. That's a rush one. And I had that rough. Yeah. But what I think something that really helped me was nice, kind, available men were very boring to me. Boring, just.

Of course. Oh, God. You, like, are here. and you, like, show up when you say you're going to show up, and you, like, text me. Like, you're just, like, bored out of my mind because it's not giving me the adrenaline, because adrenaline turns into dopamine. Yeah. So it's true.

This is making so much sense, like, the whole thing. The internal drug cabinet. So it's like, you could be doing drugs, even though you're not doing, you know, cocaine or whatever the fuck. It's like the internal drug cabinet. You can get dopamine. Our brains make DMT. Yeah. Like, you know, when we get hurt or when we're dying, whatever.

So it's like human beings can be giving us adrenaline and then we get dopamine. And then the oxytocin is just like, you know, Like, that is the most addictive shit ever. So if you're, like, kissing someone, making out with someone, fucking someone, having orgasms with someone before you really know them, red flags do not matter. Nope. It's game over. You can't. You know you shouldn't, but your brain is overriding and your frontal lobe shuts down because you're inactive addiction, basically, you know, to that chemical.

Like, it's just like, it's too addictive. But this is a great way. This is the Carl Young. I don't want you get a million questions. Oh, yeah. Carl Young word association. I got to be honest with you, one of my favorite things to do is to write your own. Like on a day, it'd be like just write your own words. These are all Carl Young's like, you know. That's from a bit back. This is like head, green water to sing dead, long ship, to play,

window. You can do your own. Right. You can do. And that's like a fun thing to play with someone because the words they pick already interesting. And then they do theirs to you and you do theirs to that. You should be like before we come. Yeah, I want you to write a list and I'm going to write a list of words and then that. And then on your list, put things you want to know they're subconscious about. Like how big. And I've said this a million times and I'll say it a million times because I think it's the most interesting thing in life. That from zero to seven, you're under a state of hypnosis. Rational thinking does not come in until seven years old.

So from zero to seven, you're under a state of hypnosis, right? 90% of your adult life is lived from your subconscious that's built from zero to seven when you're under hypnosis. And then we're just fucking with people being like, hey, you're just dancing with their subconscious. Period. We're all doing what we're programmed to do unless we actively have deprogrammed. Actively. And it takes a lot of effort to actively deprogram. And then as soon as you start being conscious at seven, uh, uh, uh, doctors, give you drugs. Ritalin and Adderall.

So you don't have a chance in hell. I think you're drinking poisoned water and inhaling smog and chemicals. But this is something that really helped me protect myself from a lot of dangerous possible relationships that would have aged me and sucked a lot of my life. Because ultimately it's like just about, you know, when I'm engaging with someone, I'm like, is this person worth, you know, let's say two years of me losing my ability to have biological children? is this person worth me not seeing, you know, my new friends, my old friends, da-da-da.

Like, you really have to go like, like, I look at it as a business deal because the person that you are with is a business decision. It's a big business. It's a huge business decision. Is this worth losing the $10,000 I'm going to lose because I'm not going to work overtime? Because I'm not going to do this because I'm going to be sprinting to this person's house. Like, is this somebody that, you know, I can introduce to this person, this person.

Like, I don't even fucking go past date one unless I can see all that stuff anymore, you know, because this is our new. And you do which she probably knows. And then you do. But these are like, I'm not trying to be sneaky, but it's a playful way for you guys to get to know each other and yourself. So it's like, so if we're on a date and I go like, okay, I'm going to write myself. This is Rachel Bilsen. You know, I know that she has a kid. I know that she's famous. And I don't know. I know that she's a kid. And there's a couple of things I want to know that we've like rude to ask. Like I, like, I'm sure, I'm sure she has money. I don't know what a relationship. I have less of it than her. I probably. And then she has a kid. You know, so then you want to go like, blue, wolf. can spray money blah blah blah just pepper it in you know and then you're gonna go blah blah blah and then it's go of money and you're like ooh or you're gonna go like uh like something i'm gonna go there's something with money there and then i go like and then i have i'm not being nose of your asshole then i can go like the money thing was weird is there anything i should like i'm sorry if i

pride and then all of a sudden you can like have a con and then you can go yeah no i just I went through a thing and I had to split money with my whatever it is. And then you can share it without overshare. Right. Because it was an earned. This is actually brilliant. It's just, I just think that it's so hard for us to get the answers we want because if we're awkward like, yeah.

Asking them is number one alpha. It's unattractive. It's also no one wants to be interrogated on a first date. Yeah. I have to interrogate you because I don't have any more time to waste. And I need to know I can't rely on the person you're pretending to be. I have to figure out the person you are. Yeah, let me get through that.

I don't have six months for you to get conscious or for me to. And then you go, I didn't know that he did this and this. Well, I also didn't ask. And I also didn't, because I think a lot of times we avoid asking questions, we don't want to know the answer to, to justify staying in the relationship. Last one, it's my favorite game. I just need a pen and a piece of paper or I can do it on a computer. That doesn't know of people.

And then I will leave you guys to your lives. Oh, my God. No. But I do think since you love red flags, this is very. Okay. So I talk about this in my book too. I want both of you guys to tell me just your favorite animal. And don't, don't say it yet. Just think about it. By favorite an animal, if it's like you have a dog, don't say dog unless you really think it through. My favorite animal, I mean the animal you admire. So for me, the first thing I was a horse, obviously. I have horses. Dog. I have dogs. And then,

so at first I said horse and then I thought through it. And my final answer when I did this quiz for the first time was honey badger. I'm obsessed with honey badgers. They fight long. They're fearless. And they've seen that video, Honey Badgers don't give a shit. Like, I'm obsessed with Honey Badgers. Hyenas now probably would be my top because they are incredibly, the way that they run their herd is incredibly fair. They're very fair animals. And I really value fairness.

And I'll shut up. But if you guys want to see, I need to know your favorite animal and the three adjectives that describe the animal. Okay. Elephant. Great. They are loving, loyal, and caring. Loving and caring are kind of similar. I know.

Okay. I mean, they have fucking funos. Their memory. I know. They're their emotional maturity. Emotional maturity. And then they have great memories. Yeah, they do.

That's a part of emotional maturity. Right. I made the effort to remember the argument we have. So then later. They do. They remember and they remember where someone died when they crossed the same place. Like just the complexity to the animal. And, by the way, this is just what we know.

Right. Right. What we can guess or gather from being on the outside. Sure. Yeah. And in captivity, elephants killed their babies so that they don't have to live like that. Oh. Oof.

Oof. Okay. Favorite animal? Owl? Love it. Yeah. Oh, good. Wise, independent, and consistent.

That's what came to me when I think. They're protectors. Yeah. They are. They protect everyone. Just curious. Barn owl, white owl, like, what comes to mind? Because my favorite movie's Labyrinth and the White Owl and Labrace.

I was thinking of a white... Fucking Labyrinth. By the way, all of the answers are in Labyrinth. We sing the song. We did the Dave. It's yeah. You remind me. What babe?

Babe with the power. What do? Who do you do? You remind me of the babe. But also, I saw my baby. babe. Yes. But the whole point of it at the end is you have no power over me.

Right. When you realize all the people you've been giving your power, you gave it to them. Yeah, you did. You gave it to them. Offered it up. No one has power over you if you didn't give it to them besides the government and shit like that. Okay, that's a wild one. Okay, this is going to sound weird.

Just think about it. Your favorite article of clothing. It can be your favorite pair of booty socks, your favorite pair of booty socks, your favorite. favorite pair of jeans. It can be your wedding dress, your grandmother's main coat. For me, at first, I wanted to say cowboy boots. But then I went with hoodie because hoodies are, they're like classic, they're timeless, they're cozy, they're functional. So at first I want to do something really dazzly. And then I was like, this is actually my favorite thing, because cowboy boots, I can't do it. So that's what I did. But some people pick like the favorite pair of socks, their favorite,

Clippers jersey. I don't know. Yeah. Favorite article of clothing. Purple sweatpants. Oh. Three adjectives to describe purple sweatpants. Love it.

Do you have a brand or is it just in general? No, these are like my most generic old break them out when I'm getting my period. And when I do, my husband's always like, oh, the perps came out. Like, it's time to really relax. So three adjectives to describe them. look at them. Old, cozy, and... How old, how old are they? Probably like a good 25 years.

Okay. Yeah. Old, comfy and sentimental. Do you wear them in front of other people? Or just him? I mean, I would. They're not like private, but they're like for special occasions when it's serious relaxing time. I don't wear them all the time. like my sentimental purple sweats.

It's a weird thing. You have like this magical pair of, like, your technicolor dream coat thing. It's like your, it fills an emotional need somehow. Yeah, it's like a binky. Yeah. Love it.

Yeah. Okay. You're looking at me like, we all have ritual. These rituals are important. Yeah. Yours? Oh, you know,

oh, I don't have them on. I love, okay, so everything cozy. I think like the, you know, the really soft, like cozy socks They're like, you know, that soft. Like you get it, right aid. Yeah. Yeah.

What? No. I don't. Yeah. Like the super soft, like they're so soft. That you slip and fall when you walk through your home? Yes. Yes.

Got it. Yeah, got, got it. Super cozy and dangerous. Yeah. So cozy socks, the ones that are like, they're, they're like nubby, but like something. It's like not, what's, it's like skims does it. Yeah. Teddy, Teddy.

Yeah. Like the, the, the, I don't even know what the fuck to call it. Yeah. Okay. The softest thing you've ever touched. Sox. That's what they're called. That's the name of them. Okay. Well, adjectives. Softest thing ever touch. Okay. What else? Comfort. Safe. Safety. But not literally. Yeah, but like safe. Yeah. Warm. Warm.

Yeah. My feet are always cold. Okay, good. Okay. Your favorite body of water. You can say everything from a glass of water to a lake. I spent a lot of time in West Virginia growing up my grandfather's from there. So I said the new river. And the reason I said it is like sometimes it's like really, really rough and sometimes it's like really, really placid. And I was going to do like a lake, but that I grew up, spent Mountain Lake, but I ended up doing that one. Fair body of water. But now I'd probably say like my pool or like my bathtub. But that's what I said when I first took it. Body water. Body water. Well, I would go like a like a white water rafting river.

Or my bathtub so it's totally opposite. Yeah. Oh, interesting. But like white water rafting, like I would just love to do. Okay. And then, so like the new river is an example or like a river that does that, right? So what are three adjectives that would describe your ideal river to raft on? Like, you get a rush.

So, like, I don't know, decent rapid. Like flowing. Oh, like a. Turbulant. Yeah, that's a good word. turbulent, rough, like rough waters, but not... Rough, but not like you're going to die. Okay.

Ideally. And then, like... Is the water cold? Is it like... Fuck, I hate being cold, but, like, you can't really find a river that's not cold, which is the only problem with this. You know what? Yeah.

We're going to go, like, crystal clear. What about, like, um... Like, what's the feeling you get when you're on? Like, it's thrilling. Thrilling. Um... A thrill. It's a thrill.

Thrilling? Thrill. What's the fucking word that we keep using? Adrenaline. Adrenaline-ducing. Adrenaline inducing. Okay, that's good. Because you like a word?

Yeah. Like it's, yeah. But like some, but you also might want to just like take a warm ass. Absolutely. Okay. Total opposites. Got it? What's yours?

Mine is hot with the hot springs. Oh. Whoa. Yeah. That sounds nice. Yeah, sounds. I've never even heard that one. Warm, relaxing, and nostalgic. Hot Springs are nostalgic because you used to go there?

Camping. Yeah. With my dad. So what is, can you tell me, like, an adjective about it, about the springs itself? Yeah. Serene. Serene. That's it. Okay. Perfect. And then, okay, this is kind of like a, like a, just a, what's the word? emotional, visceral one that just like close your eyes and just like think about, okay, so it's like, let's say it's April, it's a beautiful warm day, you open your window, a very warm spring breeze, you know, blows over your face. What are the three things you feel? Mine, by the way,

were nostalgia. I think there was something about death, like I thought about death and life. Like it just, there's somebody so like rebirth, like feeling like wind. of, you know, the season's changing. I think I said edification. Like, I felt mature, like, mature. Because, you know, it's like when you feel a spring breeze and then you were like, I felt this in high school once and was like, you know, it gives you a second of like peace. I felt peaceful.

That's for us. Yeah. Okay. I optimistic love. I'm thinking like rebirth. Yep. And excited. Nice.

Yeah, because I think I felt hopeful too. There's something about a breeze. It's just like, you're like, nature's working. Something good's going to happen. It means the leaves are going to go off the tree. Like, wind is good. It blows the seeds. Like our primordial thing is like wind is good.

But sometimes if I were to do it now, I might, because of my new experience, when sometimes in LA means Santa Ana, and that's fires. And I have fire trauma. So it's like, you know, you're wind. Yeah. Breeze over your face. It's like, same thing, like new. Renewing maybe.

Yeah. Childhood, it makes me think of childhood. Hmm. Yeah. Just like, whether it's spring or fall, but that first, like, breeze of whichever, it was like a really good time in childhood. Like, oh, this is nice to be here now. It's like, I don't have to wear my snow shoes any soon. Yeah, whatever. It's like when the spring comes and you just, like, wear different clothes. Yeah. It's like being present, like kind of puts you there.

Yeah. Oh, that's a really good one. Okay. So this is a test that was put together. It's kind of like, you know, oh, men. history have stolen all of women's ideas. So I'm sure Freud thought of it. I'm sure there were, none of his ministers contributed to it at all. I'm sure that no one else had any of these ideas, but it just thought of it. It's a test that helps get into like people's subconscious, and they used to give this at rehabs to hire people to work at rehabs because, you know, to get into their subconscious, because no one's going to tell you their psychopaths. No one's going to tell you their limitations. Right. So it's the way to kind of like secretly,

just find out the way they see the world, you know, know, how to view them, et cetera, how they see themselves. So favorite animal is how you view yourself. Oh, what they say. So, and take it or leave it. It's just, um, Rachel's favorite animal is elephant. Loving, loyal, emotional, and good at remembering. No.

I have the worst memory ever. Do you? I do. Well, in certain things. But photographic memory, like directions, like elephants, I'm excellent. So I'm going to take that. Because it's also we go, like we sometimes have stories about ourselves. but then it's sort of like, I don't know.

There's like short-term, there's certain memory area. You remember things worth remembering and forget things worth forgetting? I'll remember anything like bad that a boyfriend did. Have no problem with that. Yes, because that's your brain protecting yourself in the future and going, don't make that mistake again. But also EMDR can help you. I want to get into that. Get that out of there.

Yeah. I movement reprograming, desensitization for any trauma is just like really worth it, you know? Yeah. But also, and also just like when you get your heart, my best friend from college, Nikki said this when I was going through a bad breakup and I just couldn't not get up. Like, I couldn't get up because it was just like negative qualities. I was just like, it was my like love addiction bottom. I couldn't fucking get up. And she said, she said, okay, if your heart gets broken, just make sure it breaks open. Oh, I love. And it like changed everything. It was just like, make sure it doesn't break clothes, you know? I love that. Because now you're

closer to being able to love, pick the right person and don't close it up. You know, don't close the door. I'm all over the place. But that's interesting. I don't think you, I don't know, I don't know you that well. But I think that we, I think we over pathologize ourselves and I think our bodies know what we should and shouldn't remember. Our brains know for the most part. You think?

Like it's like, they always say with, where they always say like, people always say to me, they're like, how do you remember all those jokes? Like, because if they're funny, you'll remember them. Right. If I have to write it down and it's just not funny. Right.

You know, so for me, I stop pathologizing myself that I have a bad memory. I'm sorry I didn't remember your name. I don't, why would I remember your name? I have no bandwidth. We met one time. Right. My brain is like, we don't have any more space for that.

You know? Yeah. So anyway, I think, yeah, I think that, like, it'd be a fun exercise to just, like, ask you things that you remember and don't remember and just see if the things you don't remember are important. Right. Yeah, I wouldn't say that they are important, the ones I don't. No. That's probably a good thing. If you remembered everything, you would never leave your house.

Right? Yeah. Owl. This is great. Why is independent consistent? Why is independent? I don't know how independent I am, but maybe I'm doing that thing. Yeah.

You don't see yourself as independent. I feel like I'm very interdependent. That's healthy. Like, I feel like I have like really strong relationships. But I think only independent people can be interdependent. Maybe. Because dependent people would be codependent. Correct.

Right? I no longer feel codependent. I used to be in the past. Because interdependent implies you're two different people. Correct. Right? Because it's like when you're codependent, you don't know where they end and you begin. Yeah. Yeah. So you're independently. So I am independently. Independent doesn't mean alone all the time. Right. It just means you don't get your internal needs

meant by external things. Yeah, then I'm independent. Yeah. Right? Yep. Yep. Cool. Cool. That's cool. Learn something new. That was cool. Yeah. Um, sometimes it just takes a really dumb person to point something out to a really smart person. Um, clothing. Okay. This is your favorite article of is how other people see you. Okay. Okay. Oh. Oh, old. I went old. Well, you're like, what do you mean by old? That's why I said, you see 25 as old. Let's hold on. Like, so that is something. That I have circled to talk about. But so, Rachel, cozy socks, safe, warm, soft to the touch. Well, like we said, no hair. We're good. I think people would agree. Don't know what to call it.

That's not really a safe, warm, and softest thing you've ever touched. People are like, I just thought of Rachel, she's the softest thing. I never taught. Stop. Stop at first. That is amazing. Oh, my God. Which I don't, like, that's probably good.

Like, for me, mine was hoodie. It was like a classic timeless and gender neutral or something, like gender neutral. And it was sort of like, and then I was like, wait a second. Why is that a good, why do I want people to see me like that? Because like as a comedian, I always neutered myself because I didn't want to be too fat. And so then I was like, wait a second, that is how I want people to see me. And maybe I should change that. You know what I mean? Like I was able to go. Like people think of you of soft and stuff. Do you want them to think of you as soft? Or could you come off a little harder so that people don't fuck with you. Right. You know what I mean? Because I'm very,

very soft, which means I know I have to have some armor. And then I have to like, I can't soften myself even more for people because then they'll walk all over me, right? So I sometimes have to be harder than I normally would be just so people don't think of me as soft. I can relate to that. You know? Yeah. Okay. The purple sweatpants, this one might, I don't know, cozy, comfy, like a binky, which I would agree with that. You come up like very cozy to be around. You're very comfy, you're very easy to be around. But I don't think you're old. I don't think anyone else thinks you're old. But I do think you think 25 is old. Right. Basically dead.

Because you're like, they're old. And I was like, how old? You're like, 25 years old. I just mean for sweatpants. For pants, it's old. Yeah. For pants. It's like, I'm worried.

The fact that you've kept them. I have. You know, it's pretty wise and consistent. Yeah. There we go. Favorite body of water. This is how you view sex. Oh.

Oh. Oh. You want it to be thrilling, adrenaline-inducing, like white water. Turbulent. rough but not gonna kill you but every until then I kind of wanted to be like a warm calm bath I'm so fucking accurate

much I remember well it's like say to a guy like I just want you to like break you to the break of death and back I don't know but then other times I just want you to like cradle me while playing madby star

it's right on To you to know when. Right. Okay. Hot spring, sex, warm, relaxing, serene. I'm going to leave out the like camping with dad part. I'm going to leave that part out. Please do.

And then the some people in the test do if you're in a white room, like a 10 feet by 10 foot white room. Like what do you feel? Like that's one iteration of this, but I prefer the window one. How you view death. Oh, Rachel, renewing, present childhood, which, yeah, I think I didn't ask the, I should have said, describe it and you said childhood. So maybe that's sentimental. Yeah. Renewing, present, sentimental, and then yours, optimistic rebirth excited. I want to die. Mine, sure. But I think I don't look at death as, I'm not scared of it. Because it's just, it also just doesn't help.

No, I'm not scared. Again, I would be scared of it if it helped. I'm scared of other people. But also being scared of death is causes stress and that is what kills them. Right. I'm not into it. Yeah, I'm not into that either. Yeah. Because it's also going to happen.

Just don't think of it. Yeah, you just don't think about it. There's a book called The Warm at the Corps by Ernest Becker. It's about terror management theory. Terror management theory really helped me like crack a couple things that like program and, you know, EMDR and everything couldn't help me with, which is like humans, we're the only species of animal that knows we're going to die. Right. We like, yeah, like you can say squirrels, they bury their nuts. And no, they don't. They know the winter is coming and that they need to bury the nuts. I mean, the wolves, you can argue that they do because they start training the, the next alpha starts training the beta, like very early in life. So they know they're going to get killed at some point or get weaker, but it's like humans, like, we know we're going to die at like 10. And then we have to like think about it for seven years. So it's part of like why we, you know, get so obsessed with like trophies and imprinting things, getting, like, winning awards, being put, like, it's like about making, leaving, leaving, you. Leaving,

indelible mark for posterity and being, what is it, not eternal. But yeah, having a legacy. Permanence, I don't know. Read the book. I'm not at a point where I can co-gently explain terror management theory, but I think it's really like when people, you know, self-flagellate over like, I have an anxiety disorder. We're all animals that every day we cheat death. Right. And I also think highly anxious people are usually the fittest, survival of the fittest, survival of the most anxious. The most anxious people are the ones that stayed alive. What's that? What's that? Don't eat that beer. Don't do this. Don't do that. And now we're just like, I'm anxious. Of course you're anxious. We're out of war. So we're trying to stay alive. Yeah. So I do sometimes for anxiety, do proplanol, beta blockers are a miracle.

Okay. Great. You can you talk about those? Yep. Nice. Yeah. Because they're not a drug. They're not a benzodiazepan. They're not SSRIs. All they do is stop adrenaline. She's always telling me to try and have They're a miracle. I only do, also just knowing you have them is half the battle. Right. You know, placebo effect is in fact. Mentally,

what's the same thing is. It's really just if you get nervous from people that, and you don't have to take them all the time. Have, if you give four, if you have like a big thing you got to do. If you give four speeches a year for your company or have to give a pitch to your, look at me trying to pretend.

I know about how real jobs work. I'm like, so you have to pitch you a debt. You have to. You have a PowerPoint. Yeah. When you're trying to pick the background from working from home. Like I have no.

But yes, your PowerPoint. We can give me your PowerPoint presentation. So it's like I do them for like if I have like a big audition that I feel like I should have got the offer and I'm nervous because I'm losing a job that you guys should be so lucky to have me. Right. Or whatever.

Or I'm, you know, a curveball of ran into my ex of this thing. And now all of a sudden I have adrenaline and I just got it because I got it because I was getting migraines from adrenaline cortisol. Lactic acid imbalances. So I just had it more to combat migraines. as well. It's just like a great tool to have. Yeah. Yep. You know, in your back pocket.

Yeah. But it doesn't make you tired. Like, I like the only drugs, I guess is what I'm going to say, are ones that don't add. They see trapped. Right. So many drugs go, it's going to do this and it's going to make you sleep and add this and this. I don't want that. I just want one that's going to remove adrenaline, not add serotonin.

Right. That's going to start messing with my ability to produce my own serotonin. Right. And your own thoughts and all that fun stuff. Yeah. And then the side effects are, by the way, I used to do focus groups, like for drugs, like when I moved here and I was broke. And I would do focus groups for, like, if you have no money and you see an ad that's like depressed, want to make $50 to be in a depression study? You're like, yeah, I'm very depressed.

I would love to. You know, so I would go do these focus groups. And I would see how it was all done. That's another conversation for another day. But just know that a lot of the side effects, like some of them are real. a lot on the placebo. Right. You know, on both sides.

I used to lie. I lied. I lied so they keep asking me back. That's what we did. We all did. We all did, dude. It was like, yeah, I, this is making, I just feel bloated.

They be like, you need to come back tomorrow. And I'm like, okay. And now I'm starting to have a headache, you guys. Oh, God, I don't know. You might want to get on that. And they're like, okay, we need to talk to you more. Like you're having side effects. It was acting class.

I really am. Can I get that $50? Okay, so also I am, my foot hurts. Is that you know what I mean? And then if you talk a lot in focus groups, they call you back to another one. Right. You know? And then you start seeing the same people at the same focus groups.

There was like eight of us. It's like fight club. Like 100. We're like the seven dwarves. It's like sleepy, dopey. Like all the side effects are like, I'm sleepy. I'm dope. You know.

And then it's just kind of funny because then I see this stuff on, you know, side effects on things. And I'm like, no, dude. Jocelyn's always sleepy, dude. Like she was sleepy. She ain't sleepy. She's always sleepy. I've seen her outside the study. Like, she's not, like, she's always fucking anxious, man. Like, Jim is always anxious. Like, so it's just like a funny thing to just like think. Like, it's not about what's true. It's about what's true for you. Right. Right. And I think that's my biggest thing now is going like, no doctor knows more about me than me. And it's my responsibility to like be my own scientist of my own body. That's right. And something that's a miracle for someone just might not work for me. Right. Yep. Yeah. Like, I just got it. Like, we have to be reliable narrator. and like take notes and ask questions before I go to doctors now, I have a fucking list of questions. And they're not leaving until my questions are answered. It's so smart. Like just advocate for yourself. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, because I'll rely on like everybody else's

information. I'll be like, okay, well, that's going to, you know. Oh, that works for you? Then I'll start it. Yeah, then it's going to, yeah, it's going to, yeah, it's going to be the same for me. How did that? Like, I didn't, you know what I mean? I didn't just, and also looking at your ancestry where you're from, what your body was designed to digest, like, just getting like super simple, of stuff like that, you know, like standing in the dirt, looking at like Native American medicine. Like I'm collecting all these Native American like medicine books and just like awesome. You know, just trying to go like the people that figured shit out before Epstein was funding science studies. I kind of want to know what they came up, what they were doing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because they survived barefoot in the woods. Right. Right. And we can't survive with clothes in houses that are heated. So I feel like they knew some shit. that we did it. Yeah.

Okay. Because we're falling off cliffs taking selfie. Oh my God. And they climbed up cliffs barefoot. I mean, I feel like the answers are probably... Feel like the medicine started making us sicker. Right. Like 200 years ago.

Yeah. For sure. Oh, my goodness. Well, we could just go on and on for days. And you were at my house, I feel like I held you captive for four hours. Listen, I would have been a willing prisoner for ever. It was just I love. You're such a gift.

Y'all doing this podcast, it's such a gift to people. You are. I really do. Just love you so much and look up to you. And you're so fucking awesome. Rob. Favorite animal and three adjectives to describe it. Favorite animal and three adjectives to describe it.

And go fox. And go sly. Cunning. Quick. Sly. Did you say cunning or funny? Cunning. I need to write it now.

Here, I got it. Sly. Faw. Sly. Cunning. And quick. Okay. Okay.

And then what was the next one? I don't know. I was very impressed that you remembered any of it. I know it's that one. And then one more and then your favorite body of water in three. I can never say the word adjectives. Wasn't it like the window breeze thing? Was it part of this one?

Oh, that was the last one. What was the second one though? All right. Body of water, your favorite body of water and three adjectives. Describe it. My favorite body of water? Can I say like a bathtub? Yeah, anything. I will say a hot tub then.

And I'm going to say hot tub. steamy and bubbly and what bubbly bubbly bubbly okay or foamy you want to go foamy sure let's go phone foamy okay okay so now you're going to close your eyes and you're going to imagine that you're at a window on a spring day you open the window and you feel a nice gust of wind. What are the three things that come to mind? Calm. Say calm.

I'm just thinking of all adjectives for calm. Peaceful. Yes, yes. And arrested. Nice. Okay. So we're missing one. You don't remember what it was, Rachel? It's the one where... Me?

What? Like, do I remember something? You think she remembers anything? Sorry, it's one where what? Maybe it'll trigger my memory. What? One is how you perceive yourself and the other one is how people perceive you. No, no.

Your favorite clothing or something, remember? Oh, okay. Your favorite clothing and three adjectives to describe it. My favorite piece of clothing? Yep. It could be absolutely anything. All right, I've got like Schwartzley button down. Okay.

That I like. Okay. It's like tidy and clean. Tidy? Tidy? Clean. I guess cool. Okay.

All right. So here it is. Do you have it, Rachel? Do you know what it is? Yes. I don't know what's what, so you have to do it. So the first one is how you see yourself. and that is sly, cunning, and quick.

That's how you see yourself. Is that accurate? I suppose. And then the clothing was how people see you, tidy, clean, and cool. And you know what? That's true. I do see you as very tidy, clean, and cool.

Rachel? Yep, agreed. Okay? The body of water is your relationship to sex. That's how you are with sex. You, foamy, my dear,

are hot, steamy and foamy. Nailed it. Slam dunk. And then the fourth one is the window one is your relationship to death. Calm, relaxed, peaceful.

Peaceful and rested. Calm, relax, and peaceful is your relationship with death. Wow. Are you sure those were all the right ones to the right thing?

Oh. I mean, that sounds right. Yeah. It sounds right. I was so impressed with you right there. These are the kind of things that'll stick with me

and I'll use them over and over. This I will do it at a party. She's going to go home and masturbate to these questions. She gave us really good games to play. I'm going to use the word association on a first date.

Beware. All you single man out there, watch out. Beware. Yeah. I love Whitney so much. And so Whitney told her Etsy, she bought this crib off Etsy that is not usable. Like a baby cannot be in this crib.

Mm-hmm. So it brought us to the topic of Etsy and buying things on there. Well, also before, I don't even think we talked about this on the podcast, but when Whitney first got here, we were talking about accidentally buying many things on Etsy. Like you think you're buying something big, and then it shows up and it's really little. That happens to you a lot? Well, it happens. I mean, it's happened to me, and Jeff bought an urn for his mother who passed away recently, and it showed up, and it was like the size of a TikTok.

It was a time, and he got it engraved. How much did he pay for it? Was it like $6? I don't know. He must have been like, this is a banging deal, but he got it engraved. Dave, it said, like, to the, I love you to the moon and back and all the sweet sentimental things. And then it got there and it was like the size of a thumbtack. I buy the thing that's see often enough, but I'd always check the size of things.

Yeah, well, we sure don't think of that around here. No. We've got a whole dollhouse worth of the stuff. There's been times where I've wanted to buy something and then I saw how small it was and I'd say, oh, fuck that. It's not worth it. That happens often. Does that happen to you, Rachel, where you see something that's really small and you say, oh, fuck that it's not worth it? All right, guys, time to go.

Love you. Thanks for listening. Love you. Check your sizes on Etsy. That was a hit gum podcast.