Brooke and Connor Make A Podcast - Alone Together w/ Jake Shane

Episode Date: May 16, 2024

SUBSCRIBE TO THE NEW BNC CHANNEL: https://bit.ly/45Pspyl   Ad Free & Bonus Episodes: https://bit.ly/3OZxwpr NEW MERCH: https://shoptmgstudios.com  This week, while Brooke is jet setting in Europe, Connor calls in the big puss: Jake Shane! Jake and Connor discuss their favorite dystopian movies, how technology is hacking into our brains, and debate when SSB is allowed. Plus, Jake breaks down why Planet of the Apes is the best movie franchise to exist.  Join our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/5356639204457124/  Get the dog DNA test that is trusted by millions. Go to http://Embarkvet.com to get free shipping and save $50 with promo code BANDC. Head to http://acorns.com/bandc or download the Acorns app to start saving and investing for your future today! Client testimonial. May not be representative of all clients. Tier I compensation provided. Compensation provides an incentive to positively promote Acorns. View important disclosures at Acorns.com/bandc. Investing involves risk, including the loss of principal. Please consider your objectives, risk tolerance, and Acorns’ fees before investing. Acorns Advisers, LLC (“Acorns”) is an SEC-registered investment adviser. Brokerage services are provided to clients of Acorns by Acorns Securities, LLC. Member FINRA/SIPC. For more information visit Acorns.com. Whether it’s in-person, or on the phone with your local agent, or on http://statefarm.com, you know someone is there to help you choose the coverage you need. B+C IG: https://www.instagram.com/bncmap/ B+C Twitter: https://twitter.com/bncmap TMG Studios YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/tinymeatgang TMG Studios IG: https://www.instagram.com/realtmgstudios/ TMG Studios Twitter: https://twitter.com/realtmgstudios BROOKE https://www.instagram.com/brookeaverick https://twitter.com/ladyefron https://www.tiktok.com/@ladyefron  CONNOR https://www.instagram.com/fibula/ https://twitter.com/fibulaa https://www.tiktok.com/@fibulaa Hosted by Brooke Averick & Connor Wood, Created by TMG Studios, Brooke Averick & Connor Wood, and Produced by TMG Studios, Brooke Averick & Connor Wood. 0:00 HAWTJNCMAP! 0:34 Intro 0:55 Jake Shane Is Here!!!  4:20 Crashing Weddings 7:15 Just Virgo Things 8:00 The Driving Rule of Thumb 10:53 Embark 12:49 Cruising On A City Bike 13:50 Responding To Insta Stories Drunk 15:45 Jake Is The Best Podcaster 16:38 Technology Is Listening To Us 19:45 Scary Middle School Books 22:15 What Would YOU Do? 24:02 Acorns  25:52 Reality TV Drama 28:13 Locking Phones At Comedy Shows 32:49 Connor's Fear of Sharks 35:10 Connor's Shark Diving Trip 38:23 State Farm 39:56 Jake's First Live Show 41:29 Performing at Colleges 43:07 Quitting Your Job For Social Media 45:09 Getting Words Stuck In Your Head 45:45 Ducks Getting Wet For Food 47:25 The Blue/Gold Dress Divide 48:35 Spending The Weekend Together 50:16 Hangover Cures 51:23 Eating Is Like Your Birthday 52:56 Jake's Weed Origins  53:49 State Farm 55:43 The House Plant Event 57:43 Drinking Canns 58:57 Breaking Down Planet of the Apes 1:07:50 James Cameron's Timeline 1:10:57 Debating SSBs 1:13:47 The Nudist Cruise 1:17:01 The New York/Dublin Portal 1:18:37 Reclaiming Puss 1:20:20 Thank You Jake!!! 1:21:54 See You In Bonus!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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No ID, prescription, or age requirement. It's the number one OBGYN recommended brand of emergency contraception, and it won't impact your future fertility. That's Freedom to Be. Use us directed. Hi, Jake. I'm going to intro today. I'm going to intro it. Hello, hello all.

No, hang on. We're going to scrap that. I'm going to not do an um. Okay. Okay. J and C. I'm going to see what makes... He's trying to name.

Is what he's trying to do. Yes. H-A-W-T. J-N-C-M-A-P, y'all we're here today with jake shane yay welcome in jake thanks connor thanks for having me i almost had we almost had to call off the show i could feel my neurons trying to fire to figure out the nimming and that was really hard for me that took a lot i know but you did it and i'm really proud of you thank you of course jake beat me to the studio

today after i i feel like i kind of tricked you into coming on to the show well no i said i heard i might be doing the co-host thing with you. It was unclear. Yeah. And Connor was like, if you don't do it, like, I will kill myself. And I was like, okay, we're going to tell them exactly what I said verbatim. I was like, oh, okay, then I'll definitely do it. Like, I'm not going to. I didn't say I was going to myself. I said, I'm thinking about it. Yes, you did. You said you didn't want to do it alone. And Brooke is in Europe. So here I am. Yes. I'm so glad too. Because I was, I was thinking about it. And I was kind of like when you go do a live show, which you're doing live shows right now.

And you're like, it's going to be fine. It's going to be fine. But leading up, you're so not okay. And it's not fine until you actually sit down. Except I don't think it would have gotten better if it was just me by myself. I've never done a podcast entirely by myself. So I understood your anxiety and I empathized with it. And I said, if I can have a hand and making him less anxious, I'll do that.

No, it's like completely. It feels like we're just hanging out. It does. It feels like Brooks here. She's in Florence Love that for her Yeah I just text her She's like

Florence is a bust Wait no why We hate Florence Wait is Tuscany in Florence This is not a geography Podcast Okay but is it Leah you're Italian

And she's not her Okay You look you could be Italian She is Oh but she is Like extremely Italian You're not a practicing Italian No she's practicing

Like converted to Italian No she's practicing Like Sunday dinners and stuff Like I had like my first hero Italian sandwich with her. And we've just touched on heroes recently. We're talking GYR-O? No, no, no, no. I was joking. I would have said Gairo. You would have said Gairo? Yes. For specifics. Why is Florence a bus? Hot? I don't know. I don't know. I don't think I've ever been to, I haven't been to Florence.

Wow. Oh my God. It's almost like I was right. It is also the most populated city in Tuscany. Beautiful. That's so good. You guys. Did your mom's, my mom did this. My mom is the type of person that growing up, she redecorated her vibe of the house. No, my mom never. Several times.

We had a Tuscany vibe house in Texas. And I feel like everyone, like you have those bottles over the oven that had like random peppers in them and water. Totally. We never used the peppers. Oh, your mom sounds awesome. She's fun. She's fun. You would love her.

I know. I know. I saw a video of her on your thing the other day and I was like yeah I would definitely get along with it Oh she's fun She and she loves being in videos Okay really

Yeah she gets so excited But then she You know what's funny You know when you first started doing videos Did you did your voice change? No When I film my voice changes Even yesterday I was filming

A video of my dog And I listened back and I was like What the fuck are you doing? No I don't think your voice is changing I just don't think you're used to hearing Your voice on camera You're like performing it I'm like performing on my Instagram

Okay I see what you mean Yes I take back my immediate now I see what you're mean. I'm going to Tuscany this weekend though and I've been waiting to say that ever since you guys brought it up. Sorry I changed the subject. You should. I'm sorry. And like I do need to revert back to why Brooke hates Florence so much because I have not shut up about Tuscany. You really like it? I've never been. Oh, maybe you should reroute. But why doesn't she? I'm going to a wedding.

I'm going to a wedding. I'm going to a wedding. Um, you're going to a wedding. God bless. That's going to be so much fun. I'm so excited. That's going to be great. Who's wedding? Um, It's my old coworkers and I invited myself. That's great. Yeah, I texted him. I said, why am I not invited? I'll pay for my plate. Do I know this person?

And they said, oh, of course you can come. And then I said, okay. And I booked my flight. It was horrible. But they were so down for me to come. That's great. I mean, who wouldn't be down? I don't know.

Probably some people. I did the same thing, but it was for a wedding, like one of my good friend's weddings. And it was like my best friend in high school. This is really bad. I haven't told this story on. It's funny. Like, I'm sure they have a group text that they're all talking about me doing this in. Oh, no.

What'd you do? We were at another one of my good friends' weddings from high school. And we're all there and we're hanging out. And my best friends from high school had gotten engaged. And I'm friends with his fiancee, or at the time, fiancé. They're married now. We all grew up together. We went to grade school together.

Went to high school together. They started dating in high school. They're both graduated college now. And they, like, we're engaged at this wedding. And I was like, I can't wait for the wedding. Blah, blah, blah. I'm like, I wonder who, I wonder who is groomed are? And then I was like kind of talking to other people and I was like, oh, is he just not doing a bachelor's up party?

And he's like, oh, no, he did a bachelor's apartment. And I was like, and I turned really slowly and he said, hey, um, I'm not mad. I'm confused. Like, yeah, no, that's hurtful. No, it wasn't. He was like, I honestly genuinely thought you'd be busy. And I was like, no. And he's like, do you want to be one? I was like, yeah. I want to be one of your. Grimmondon. And so I sat down drunk at this wedding, got my tucks, rented my tux, got all the stuff. And then like the next day hit where I was like, oh, now I got to fly back in two weeks and I got to come back three days early to do like all the stuff, which I'm happy to do. It was fun. But you invited yourself to be in groups men. Yeah, which like that's different. That's like my bad. But if good rule of them and I'm a big rule of them guy. Yeah. It's way more fun to just like be at a wedding than like be a part of the wedding. Now, I think I would have felt a little bit of FOMO if I was at that wedding and all my friends from high school were up there and I wasn't up there. That's a good thing you were a part of that.

Yeah. But I forced my way in, which is- You didn't, though. It's humiliating. You didn't force your way in. It was the situation was brought up. You asked and he was like, well, do you want to do it? He wasn't like, I'm sorry. And you were like, what the fuck? You were just kind of confused. And he threw out the offer and that's on him. I'm such a big, like, I just want to be invited. Yeah, me too. What's your star stuff? Virgo. I knew it.

Because I told you this before. Oh. Okay. Like recently. Whatever. What's yours? Scorpio. Knew it?

Yeah. Well, because I told you too recently. Yeah. I don't know what any of them mean. I know that Virgos are bad. No, they're not. She's a Virgo. Oh, Leah.

I knew we had something when I came in. There was a conversion. Virgo's love control. Do you like controlling things? Yeah, but I also, I think I like the illusion of control. Like, I want to know that if we go on a trip, I want to do the things I want to do, but I don't want to plan it.

Interesting. Yeah. How very unvergo if you. But if I do plan it, I want everyone to know that I planned it. Yep. And I want them to feel indebted to me. Yeah, I get that. There I said it.

Yeah. I understand that. I had to get that off my chest. My friend Julia is like that. Is she? Yeah. She seems like the principal. Yeah.

Like she, we were driving to Coachella and she was driving. you'll know she's driving because she would have told you I'm driving I'm driving you guys I'm driving yeah like reminder I'm driving I'm and Julia got into a fight so bad on the way to Coachella while she was driving she started hysterically sobbing and we were at in and out and she was trying to order a milkshake and she couldn't because we were screaming and crying so that was my noise no like just because of the principal it was like overwhelming it was the rule of them it was the rule of them you know

You have to make, if you're riding in a car and someone else is driving, you are indebted to that person. I agree. You shouldn't be having fun that they can't participate in. So true. Like don't, oh, like we're an hour out, we're going to start drinking. Not fair. Not fair. Not fair.

No. I could not agree with you more. That's not fair. What would be fair is a game? Or maybe call someone but hook it up to the phone that you all know and like catch up with someone. I'm trying to think of other things you can do that include the driver that isn't distracting. Music's fun. Music's so fun.

Don't fall asleep. I've made that mistake before. Oh, you are not allowed to sleep. Yeah. Oh, my God, you're not allowed to sleep. I've made, do you drive? A drive, yeah. Oh, I don't, so.

Right, so you are like way more familiar with being a passenger than I am. Yeah, I'm the passenger princess, I would say. It's so scary when I pick my parents up from the airport or something. I'm like, oh, shit, I haven't been in my back seat ever. so I don't know what's back there. I'm sure like if I drive people do a pregame or something, they bring beer and then they crushed up cans are in the back. I'm like, I can't because my parents would be like,

have you been drinking beers and then crushing them and throwing them in your back? That's where my mom would get. Oh, and you just keep them there? You're such a boy. I just don't go in my back seat. Like I literally, if my car was the size of just my front seat, that would be awesome. And my dog. Yeah.

If I had like a side car, a little side car for my dog. I did get a smart car. What type of car do you have? Bronco. Love. I'm getting rid of it. No, why? Yeah, it's been recalled like four times.

I got like it, I got it right when it came out. Oh, okay. And it got recalled. Yeah. I got recalled. Why? Because when, you know, sometimes they say when you make a turn, a sharp turn on like a Bronco, it flips over. Yes.

They make that very, there's like graphics all over the inside of my car that say like, you're going to flip. Yeah. And I'm taking some turns. I'm sure. Yeah. I'm sure. I'm not a good driver. I've been very clear about that, but my friends from New York and Jersey, they all say you would do really well in the city. You'd be a great taxi driver. Really? I'm going to break some laws. Yeah, but I'm going to get you there. You're going to get there safe and quickly.

I think driving in the city is simply outrageous. I think I could do it. It's just unnecessary, though. Yeah, I know. You know what? There's nothing quite like the way that you feel like your body could explode. when you need to get somewhere in New York traffic, it's like, I need to be on a city bike like I need water. You know, I've never been on a city bike. People from New York don't go on city bikes. Yes, they do. That are from, are you from New York? Yes.

I feel like, you know too much. You can't go on a city bike. I guess. But like, I remember when city bites came out and it was like the hot topic. Everyone was on a fucking city bike drunk. Yeah. Which felt horrible. That's not good.

It's crazy that they don't have breathalizers on all these rentable vehicles. vehicles that go 30 miles an hour. That is so smart. But like it'd be a shared breathalyzer, so you'd be just like kissing. Yeah, that's disgusting. I don't think it's actually possible. I think it's kind of just like. I need a breathalyzer on my phone.

You do? Yeah, because I'll, I have a couple drinks. And it's that image that's like a Lisa Frank image of the dolphins and the sea turtles in the sky. Yeah. And I'm like responding to a picture of like someone's sandwich. And I'm like, you, this is fucking awesome. Yeah.

I'm so stoked. You have it. I'm so happy for you. We should get lunch. We should get this sandwich together. Oh, you're a good job. No, but then I regret it. The next day, I'm like, I don't ever want to talk to you even on DMs.

I know, but it's still nice that you said that. Yeah. I just like, I regret it. And then I always think, I think my story is the one that everyone tunes into. And then when it's not well curated, I'm like everyone's, this is what everyone's talking about on Slack right now at all of their jobs. I was like, did you see Connor's story? I'm so uncurated.

Yeah. How do you curate your story? I mean, it's not like... You beat yourself up too much. Yeah. Oh my God, I know. You need to stop that. You're amazing.

Do you not do that? I do it. But seeing you do it makes me sad. On the outside looking in, that's pathetic. No, it's not pathetic. It makes me sad. Oh, so much to offer, Connor. I'm fine.

I'm sorry. I wasn't actually going to kill myself. I just say that. Well, I knew that. Yeah. Connor. You may, you can put that, you can check the box that you saved a life this week.

Yeah. How to Save a Life. Yeah. That's a good song, too. It's an amazing song. For the fray. Bangor after banger. Over my head.

How to Save a Life. You found me? I get them confused with... The script. The script and chasing cars or whatever. Yeah, Chasing Cars only really has one song. What's that one? It was on Grey's Anatomy.

I think it was called Chasing Cars. Snow Patrol. Snow Patrol. Yeah. Snow Patrol. Chasing cars, right? Man, I wish we could play music on a main podcast. You can't.

How much that sucked? It sucks. Yeah. It sucks. You are a good podcaster. Really? Yeah. Like, when we started, we were so ass that I cannot believe everyone in this room stuck with it because it was bad.

And you like, right at your first episode, I was like, oh, what the fuck? That's not fair. Connor, stop. I've asked to take our beginning episodes down. Wait, why are they so bad? Is he being dramatic? No. You can be honest.

I think you guys were a little not focused. We like, we're very much talking to the camera like, hey guys, today we're going to be talking instead of just having. Right. You know, oh, it makes me want to pull my eyelashes out. But you know what? You shouldn't take them down because it shows you how far you've come. It's true. I'll never revisit, though.

Okay. I got that. That I understand. I would never revisit. I have to talk about something really quick so I don't forget about it because it's something that happened today that it's not going to be groundbreaking. I just want to get ahead of this story. It's nothing that's going to shake it up. It might actually encourage people to unsubscribe from our YouTube channel.

Oh, no. But because of how not groundbreaking this is. But I just need to talk about it, you know? So I had not spoken a word out loud besides to my dog today. So I want to also put that out there. I noticed on the way out of the house, I was going to the grocery store this morning, that, oh, my hand soap is empty. I have a refillable container, and then I have these refills under my thing. They're in a container, an aluminum can't.

Costco? They're the grove. Okay. It's, yeah, it's like the shopping center? They're grove. They're grove themed. They're grove themed because they're like scented as if you're in a grove, washing your hands. But the company is called Grove.

Oh, okay. I thought you'd like, okay. My bad. The company is called growth. So I'm filling it up and then I put the cap on. I wash my hands of the situation. Forgive me for the pun. Okay.

And I walk away. I go, I go about my business. I take Max out my dog. And on the walk, I'm on Instagram. And the first ad I get in between stories is an ad for refillable soap things. Oh, cool. I haven't spoke out loud though. I didn't make an Instagram story.

I didn't say out loud in my house by myself. Oh, my soap's empty. Let me get my... Are you sure? I promise. That's weird. As fuck. What do you think?

Do you think that... Please, please, please be honest with me. I'm okay saying this out loud. Do you think that our phones can hear our thoughts? I have like really bad anxiety with this story right now. I can't lie. That's the scariest thing I've ever heard. What?

Because I've had this... situation more than once, but I've never been verifiably alone. And you were bugged out. I have not seen a person. I have not, I didn't have one meeting, one phone call. I had spoke nothing out loud. You didn't speak.

I have not spoken to it. This is my first time talking today. That's why I was so rusty when I came in. But I don't understand. And my phone's somewhere else in my house when I'm feeling on my, I don't have my phone. That's creepy. You have like Alexa devices in your house?

I have an Alexa device. With a camera? I don't know if it has a camera Because let me tell you a story about one time I was talking heavy shit with my girls Like heavy shit Like really like we were just You know

It was a session of talking shit And my Alexa Or it was her Alexa Repeated a minute of our conversation back to us Just out of nowhere And we looked around And we were like What?

Yeah So they're listening at all times And if you have an Alexa with a camera they're also watching. So that makes sense. And they're probably connected to your phone, not to stress you out at all. But that's probably what happened. George Orwell would come if you could hear this conversation. What did he write again? Animal Farm? Welcome to 1984, y'all. What did he write again, Animal Farm? 1984. Cool. And Animal Farm. Yeah. And Animal Farm didn't stick with me as much. I do

love animals, but that didn't, the actual themes. Oh, I loved Animal Farm because my English teacher Shelly was like my favorite person ever and she taught it. Me and Brooke talked. That's good. Yeah, I loved Shelley. I liked my English teacher too. Really? I think. My English teacher thought I was really troubled. Why?

I was. Yeah. She had a good read on things? Yes, Connor. Right here. Come on. Oh, but you were troubled. I was.

Yeah. I was unmedicated and now medicated. Oh! That's always good. Yeah. You got to the root of it. We talk about books all the time and about every book we read was just like, talk about it. anxiety. Every book was like, this is the future. If you're not aware of history, history repeats itself, of course. But the things are like flowers for Algernon, which I can't remember what that was about. I know it was sad, though. There's, they were all sad. All the books were so depressing.

Fahrenheit 451. Fahrenheit 451. That was scary. There was one about- The giver. The giver was frightening. The giver is what I was going to say. Killing babies, right? Yeah, it was frightening. Okay, so, and that one, actually, some, parents wrote in and tried to get that book banned. They tried to get the giver band? The giver. The Taylor Swift is in the movie. Whoa. How would you try to get that band? I don't know.

I think it was because they hear like, they're reading books about killing babies. Be so for real. Do you think that our English teacher is trying to be like, we should kill some babies? Also, the givers about like, isn't the world like so black and white and like the, oh my God, what a beautiful book that is. I love that book. I'm not going to revisit, but I do remember it being kind of. utopian, you know, like everything's beautiful. But they didn't say, I love you.

And it was a whole to do. Was there some things about people's tongues being cut out or did it? Yes, you did not make that up. See, that might have been the Hunger Games. It's impossible. You know, in the capital, like when they speak and like they cut up the tongues. Maybe. But that's the same sort of thing.

It's like a utopian, dystopian thing. Right. Yes. A lot of the utopian things where it's like they try to make the perfect thing are actually dystopian. I think that's the point. Wow. Okay. Like me finally understanding Hunger Games on set right now.

Very cool. Very cool. I love dystopian novels and TV shows and movies. I specifically love shows about like or movies about like the world ending and stuff. Like anything with Gerald Butler like Geostorm or Greenland or any of the fallen movie. I just watched London has fallen. It was pretty outrageous actually. All of those give me scaries too.

No, because I like to play What Would You Do with my friends Okay So what are you doing? We would sit down We would be watching it And I'd be like Oh my God, what would you do?

What would you do? Say we get confirmation Hey, like how much time Do we know how much time You know, I haven't seen any of those movies It actually sounded like you're making them up Okay So two days

You only got four minutes to save the world What are you doing to prepare? I feel like I always say on this podcast Because Brooke always backs me up I'm gonna give up I'm gonna go to sleep and then I'm out like a light. I would give up.

But I would have too much anxiety. Like I would be like, oh no, maybe we can figure this out. I think I would try to get back to like my family. I would for sure get back to my family. And then I would take, I would take a Xanax before. I would take a Xanax. I would take a Xanax so I can add a van of sorts. I'm like just kind of roll with punches.

I think the first day you take a half of Xanax and then the second day, depending on how you did with that one. Because you might just be like, I kind of want to just like sit and watch a movie right now. And then the second day, when you get your dosage right, then you attack your to-do list. My issue is though, like if we know the world's ending and we have two days left, like, you can't go to grocery shopping and you can't order in any food.

Postmates is definitely shut down. Everything's shut down. I don't know. I feel like there's still be some hustlers on DoorDash. Like I want to make a couple bucks. Yeah, I got that for the end of the world. But you know, I think Netflix would still be there. Oh, they're not going to.

I mean, there's not going to be anyone running the servers, probably. What? The server. I don't know. I feel like there's probably someone running the servers. It sounds like the right thing. Wow, I've never even thought about that. And you're so right.

Because when things crash, like how Netflix's live streaming never works. Like someone's hacking the mainframe to try to fix it. Netflix live streams? Yeah. All of the Tom Brady roast was like live streamed. Wow. I feel like they're gearing up to go into like TV. Sports and stuff.

Yeah. Or like, yeah, like Bravo stuff. when there's like reunions and you watch them live. Do you watch Bravo? I started a little bit with the Vanderpump drama. Scandival. Scandival.

And then I'm so glad I did because I randomly got put on a comedy panel with our animatics. Like right. I love her. Yeah, that was, and I'm so glad I was like, hey, how's Tom?

Not good. And she was like, bad. And I got his name right. And you know what? You know what I love about that cast and then? Like, they'll talk about it. They will talk. Open book.

Yeah, open book. I love it. Yeah. And that's what reality TV is for. That's what it's for. Yeah. Yeah, they were great. I'm sure they're like Loki really stoked about that whole thing that happened.

Yeah, I mean, you're on reality TV because you want people to watch it. Something like that happens. Yeah. I'm sure Ariana wasn't too pleased when she found out. But she actually seemed quite devastated. But when it, you know, when push comes to shove, she's the host of the New Love Island, USA. She was on Dancing with the Stars. Yeah.

She's fucking killing. net. That's great. One door opens another door, I'm sorry, backwards. No, I... I mean, I could say it that way, too. One door opens, guess what, there's probably one shut over there. Yeah. Well? It's weird that right now, there's probably a door opening

and shutting simultaneously. Does that give you anxiety? Yes. Me too. Okay, I have some notes that I wanted to go over, and they're fucking all over the place. Okay, well, I love your watch, Connor. Thank you. It's Evora. It's a good company. I have like six of them. Oh, they're really cute. Thank you. Um, okay, hang on, guys, we can cut all this.

This is actually the dumbest shit I've ever seen in my life. Well, can you guys hear me okay? Okay, good. Just making sure. Because I keep like fucking with this and like, oh, well, let's ask, I want to, I want to hear about how your live shows are going because we're both doing. We are both doing live shows. We're both touring low key. Low key. And I asked you for a second, this weekend. Oh, me and Jake went and saw Chelsea. Handler this weekend and Sam J that did the roast of Tom Brady and Fortune Femester and

Mateo. Mateo Lane and I don't remember the first person's name but she was really fucking funny. She was so funny. Okay. So when you go, when you guys go to a comedy show in today's day and age, they do this thing where they lock your phone away. I'm just going to say it, that wasn't cool with me. They put it in a bag and lock it.

Like legitimately lock it. So all my, my phone was buzzing and I was like oh my god oh my god I was like nine at the bit to get like I was like literally like ripping it open like and it's like tight and I remember I couldn't get a hold of Connor and I lost him halfway through the show and I was like where is he like what's happened oh my god I lost all sense of space in time I was with Julia we hadn't eaten dinner we were like what's happening like we were like so hungry we were so scared like and then we got we ran outside after to unlock our phone and all these people were like oh everyone's so

decide to be on their phones. I'm like, I'm sorry no one is trying to fucking reach you. Like, it's true. I've talked about those neoprene bags. They're made out of like what like a wetsuit is made out of. Yes. Which is like a wetsuit, by the way, if you hit like a sharp ass grape barrier reef, it's not going to rip. You're going to roll right over. I don't think.

Like a shark can bite through it. Now, I've got this tooth, Jake. You do have a fang. I do have a fang. Thank you for noticing. This tooth can do all things through Christ which strengthens him I've gotten through one of those neaphrine bags with this too I have at John Malini I ripped it out did you out this week no

last one year ago and it works were you pumped I was stoked but then I was looking around and it feels like in inception when he's in the dream and then people start becoming aware you know and they're all trying to kill him I really felt like

everyone in because first of all I wanted to tell people like I'm at John Mullaney I don't don't video anything of course as as people that do live shows I have respect for the no video thing let me post that I'm here yeah 100% I you have you have to log it up so that people don't video because these people are filming specials and if you release it then you're bad obviously like a horrible person is that why yeah if I do a joke typically like when people do these shows they hone in on jokes and then they film their special or they'll film a special live you know at this thing so if you post it and then they like everyone sees these punch lines and then it comes out on enough place it's like I don't need to watch that I saw the joke already

huh I don't know if people respond in that way that's what I think it's for but for me on tour if someone were to film my set which they do sometimes and post it I'm like I'm doing that joke in an hour by the way at the same venue right and then tomorrow night at the same venue twice and then the next night at a different venue and if anyone follows each other or if someone were to actual like static posted on TikTok and it did well God forbid

But it's kind of like a double-edged sword Because you want people to see it I do but I want to post it Yeah I got that I don't get any accolades when someone else posts my set Really? No one's like oh my god yay look at Connor Nope they only do that when I'm wasted at a bar Okay yeah that's they it's like piranhas

Oh Like you're They smell blood Yeah. They don't smell, they smell blood. It's just my B.O. Because I'm sweating so much and I'm drunk. Oh, great.

What Would You Do situation? There's this movie where these people get stuck in a pool of piranhas. And like, that's a type of movie I would watch and be like, what would you do? I hate to death the movie. The movies about like, I'm stuck on this island. We just have to swim to there and there's a shark or like when Blake Lively was stuck in that cage and it sunk to the bottom. The shallows. The shallows.

Yeah. The worst. And what would you do? What would you do? What would you do? The question is, I don't know. The answer is I don't know. But my favorite one is this one, these girls are swimming and the pool cover goes above them.

And then they're stuck under the pool cover for the long weekend. And they're starving and scared. It's horrible. That's when you need this tooth. Yeah, if they had that tooth, they would be able to gnaw their way out. Sharks scare the fuck out of me. Do they? Yeah.

I mean, they don't scare me when I know they're. There. It's more like, so in finding Nemo, okay. When Dory or what's the dad's name, Alan? Marlon. I was close. I couldn't, if you got into my head, I would have gotten there. It's confusing and it throws you off because he's a clownfish and his name's Marlon and that's a type of fish. That's like me being called Russian as my name.

Oh, I'm not. I was just saying that as like a, a, I love the example. Whatever. That's why this podcast, I wasn't even worried about planning. So I was like, it doesn't matter what we have planned because me and Jake, by the time we get to the plan, we're going to, it's going to be a buzzer beater for one of our things on the docket that we plan. But when Marlon has his head above water and he's looking for the boat, I get scared when he has his head above the water. That view, when you're like, what's underneath? When he goes underwater, I'm like, oh, peaceful.

You know, when he's looking around underwater, nothing there. I don't want to say I'm not scared of sharks because then I feel. like they're going to come, like, come for me. But like, I am scared of sharks. The shark should have to fall from this. They would. Yeah. And I am scared of sharks.

I just feel like I never, hopefully would never be put in a situation where there isn't someone on Shark Watch. Like, you know what I mean? Like, when you go to a beach here, if there's a fucking shark by the shore, there's lifeguard's like, hey, there's a shark. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Except in Soul Surfer, but she went night swim in.

Right. I know. SoulServer is always the exception to the rules. Have you seen SoulSurfer? I haven't. It doesn't. You know the gist. I know the gist. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, there's some things that you can do to avoid it. I have been in a couple situations where I know for a fact there's a shark in the water and I don't see it. How do you know, though? I just know.

Your connor senses? I just know. Like, I just know. Some people watching this will be like, I know what he's talking about. Sometimes the water feels sharky. Both times I was right. And they're attracted to blood as well, right? They're attracted to blood. They're attracted to shiny stuff. I don't know if it's bright stuff,

but I know that if you have like a GoPro or something, it reflects lights. Because I went on this shark diving thing on the North Shore in Hawaii. Okay. You said you're scared of sharks. Why would you go on a shark day? Well, my sister knows I'm scared of sharks, but I've always wanted, this is like three years ago. I'd always wanted to do this thing for the pictures.

Yeah, I get that. I respect that. And it's like the coolest thing to do. It's a, I think Island View, Hawaii is the name of the company. And it's like a boat. And it's like a, it holds eight passengers and then three captains. The captains are our age and they're just island coolest dude you've ever seen. They're like people that work in a skate shop and you're scared to even be in the skate shop because these guys are so cool looking.

You know, you're like, I don't even, I'll buy these. You don't even know what you're holding. It's like it's a pack of. Fens. Do you skate? No. No, no. Neither do I. Just making sure. I can ride on a board. It's pointless, though. If I need to get somewhere. Yeah. If I was in a what would you do situation, there was a shark on the street and I needed to skate to get away from it. Like, I could probably pull that up. But these dudes take you out and go past like the first, the break, the waves. And then they take you like a mile offshore and then you just stop and you're just on this little boat

and you just jump off. And you're in the middle of the, you can see the shore. But you jump off and then from below and now it makes me sick talking about it low-key Nauseous. Woo! It's kind of making me like vomit. But you're sitting there and then from below you kind of see the sharks like start to come up and then they just kind of like hang out with you. They don't throw any food in the water or anything.

They just like are curious and they come like hang out. What the fuck? I'll show you the pictures. Is this legal? I'll show you the pictures. Yeah, they've never had anything happen. That's not true. They've never had anything happen.

That's not true. That can't, there's no cage around you. You're just swimming with sharks. No. Do you want to see the pictures? Yes, I would love to see the photos. I'm going to show. I'll put them up on the screen.

Oh, I'm so excited. Oh, it's something that would you ever shark, or not shark dive, skydive? I think about this all the time. I don't think my dad would ever speak to me again. Right. So, no. Well, I have no interest or desire except for the fact of like, it's just like why it's not on my bucket list you know so i don't i don't want to push myself so here's

that's what it looked like what the fuck you're just like swimming cool photos edited on v scio yeah oh wow that's a great photo it's really fun so that oh i would have loved that if i got that photo of my oh yeah except these are amazing i just need to face tune my my stomach and stuff no you don't um i'm joking i'm joking but that was scary. The skydiving thing, I think about this all the time. I think about where my head would go when inevitably my plane goes down or my parachute doesn't open and it's like, why did you put yourself in the situation? You could have been at home. Home, you could have been ordering Dan Dan noodles and on your, and like with your blanket and you could be eating soup. Yeah. And you're on a

plane jumping out of it for what? For what? No point. I just don't see the point. Honestly, indoor skydiving is more my speed personally. I would love to do that. We should do it. I would love to do that with you. We should do it, Jake. Do you want to do it this weekend? I would love to.

Oh, I'm in Texas. Oh, I'm in Texas. Oh, sorry. When I'm back. Yeah, we're like, we're both traveling this weekend. Where are you going? Italy. I'm going to Houston.

Well, you go, you travel quite a bit. Well, it's just a tour thing. You haven't told me how the live shows are going. It was great. It was amazing. I had a great time. Wait, you've done more than one, right? I've done three college shows.

And then that was my first paid, ticketed live show. And then come. How many people? 500. Woo. That'll do it. Yeah, it was. But at the colleges, I think the most I've done in a college is 1,200.

And then, I don't know. I'm excited to tour. I'm decided to see how it plays out. Because the college shows always bring more people because it's free tickets. It's free. And everyone's like looking for shit to do on a college campus. and you know I was I honestly think I was more nervous for the college shows than I was for that just because I had kind of like a game plan of what I was going to do like I had graphics made because it was like a live podcast kind of like behind and I shit I was going to talk about and you know how is it going for you like it gives me anxiety to think about well I said this on our podcast too I think yeah no I didn't talk about it when I did my most recent college show the town that it was in it was in Ohio it was in Miami of Ohio. Miami of Ohio.

Miami, Ohio. What is it? Miami of Ohio. Okay, I was right. But it's in Oxford. It's like the most confusing. And Oxford, Ohio. So when you go, I drove from the airport and I got there and it was like nothing, nothing, nothing. Cool little town. But it's just the college. The towns that are because the college is there. Those are my favorite towns.

Yeah, it's really fun. It was so intimidating for some reason. Yeah, it's scary. felt like the kid that has his lunch looking for a place to sit at the lunch table, you know? And I go and it was a great show. It was so much fun. Everyone was really nice. But I was like, oh, geez, I'm scared.

I'm more scared. You're right of doing it at colleges than doing it in just like a place where people chose to buy tickets and come. Did you go by yourself? Yeah. You traveled alone. Did you go out after? I did.

I went to one bar. And then I asked the bouncer. I was like, is there somewhere I could go? where there's just like really old people. And he was like, no. And he's like, it's no, not really. But you tried that one. And I went over there and these two nice girls were like,

come with us. Like, we're going to show you this bar over here. Yeah, and it was really fun. And then they had like a group of friends and we had a couple drinks and whatever. Then I flew out of Ohio immediately next morning. Yeah. I love traveling to do like a show like that. It's fun.

It's very rewarding. It's so rewarding. I like making people laugh in real time. You learn so much. Yeah. The feedback you get being. immediate is awesome. I feel like that's what social media used to be for me. And now I'm like, I read into it too much. Like when I used to post this guy, I'm like, ooh, this is nice.

I still post, but can I tell you I remember your first viral video? What? I don't even know. Tell me if I'm wrong. You were in Newport. And it was, I just remember seeing this and then seeing you all the time. It was a bunch of people on the beach in the middle of COVID. Oh, yeah. Was that your first one? It wasn't my first one. I didn't have any video that. It was like, oh, this is the first viral. I do remember the first one because Emma Chamberlain liked it. And I remember like, oh, like a blue check person liked my video. And that was the first one because it used to be just us like dancing and stuff and doing whatever during COVID.

But that one was just me talking and it did really. Like I think it had 40,000 views. And I was like, woohoo. I'm going to quit my job. I was unemployed already. I actually was already done with the quitting. Where were you working before all this? Bird, the scooter company.

Yes. I knew this. I knew this But yeah I don't know if I would have quit my job Like if I had a job at the time I don't know if I would have had the nuts to quit I didn't quit my job

Until I like it was like Everyone was like you should probably quit You should focus you should home in And hone in and strike all the irons hot And like build this thing I really loved my job Yeah so I didn't want to quit Which was part of that

But yeah I loved what I did Yeah. Damn. I don't think I would, I don't know if I could have because I would have had to tell my mom. That what? You're quitting to do social media? I'm quitting to become. You can silence. Yeah, no, I still wouldn't. I still will never say that. No offense to any influencers out there. No, it's okay. There are some people that I know that are influences on like, I could never. I couldn't do it because it's hard. It's scary when like I feel like everything, I feel like the job of an influencer, it's like based in public perception, which is just intrinsically, inherently scary. Interantic is a good word too

We can figure out a way to use that in the next Sometimes I just try to use big words you guys Oh yeah no we do too We have a whole list of words that I'm like If I hear this word I get words stuck in my head the same way I get songs sick in my head Me too

Do you really? Sometimes yes I couldn't stop saying Fernando What? That's not even a word That's someone's name Fernando When? I don't know Yesterday it was suspense Suspense Suspense

I actually don't think I relate to this anymore. I think maybe I like do like kind of like there are words sometimes that all like yeah, no, I do. I just I can't think of an example, but Fernando was crazy. Fernando caught me off guard too. Imagine how I felt. I, my thoughts and prayers.

I wanted to like, like you have water stuck in your ear. I wanted to like dump it out. Talk about the worst feeling in the world. Am I going deaf? No, it's just like bouncing around in your ear horrible. I hate that so much. Yeah. I have more stuff.

Hang on, guys. I'm doing a, I feel like I'm doing a bad job. Wait, you're, Connor, you need to stop being so hard on yourself. You're doing amazing. No, like, you'd see my notes. What, can I see your note? No, no, you can't. But I'll just tell you one of the things that I just needed to talk to Jake about today.

Okay. Are you ready? A big bullet point that I really thought would hook everybody. Yeah. The fact that ducks have to put their head under the water to have a meal, no, could never be me. What? Imagine, imagine, they have to bobbed. on top of the water and then go and eat and then they come up for air. No. Why would they, what is

their diet? Algae? Ew. No, but imagine being like, oh, I'm kind of hungry. Let me get soaking wet. Let me get wet. Whoa. Could not. Whoa. No, you know, that was your big bullet point. You know what I would say if I was a duck? What? Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. I'm not getting wet. Let me just say that two people have told me I look skinny this week, like organically. Yeah, wait, you're on Ozimpec, right? I can't. Everybody's saying it. I can't confirm nor deny, so. Ooh.

Yeah. Is this the exclusive? Did I get the exclusive? I don't know, because I'm not confirming nor denying. That's always confirmation. Yeah. Me? Oh, okay. God, I suck at this.

No, you don't. So, so the man behind the black and blue dress went to jail for strangling his wife. I saw that. When I first read the headline, when it was. I was like, man, that came up with the blue and gold dress. And I was like, oh, he's going to tell us what it was. Strangles his wife. Oh, okay, perfect.

No, that makes sense because what he did with that fucking dress was sick. Sick in the head. It divided a country in ways that I have never seen. Well, first of all, what did you see? Maybe his wife knew the secret. What did you see? What colors? Blue and black.

As any normal person would. Yeah, but the white and golders were really fighting for it. And then there was like the Yankee and Laurel, but that didn't hit the same as the dress. The dress was a cultural phenomenon. You had to be there. It was, I'll never forget it. I came to high school that day and everyone was like, do you see this fucking dress?

And I was like, no. No, show it to me. Show it to me, Rachel. Send it to me, Rachel. I can't get that out of my head now. Okay, but that's a TikTok sound. So that makes sense. Oh, yeah.

Fernando is out just as simply outrageous. Okay, well. Why? Did you meet a Fernando? No, I've never met a Fernando. Can we talk about, I think I'm autistic. Connor did the other day.

Oh, yeah. We can totally cut this out if you want. Leave it in. So I'm like, hey, Connor. Like, do you know my friend, Blank? And he was like, not sure. And I was like, hey, he's gay, tall, and really hairy. And Connor was like, got it.

Didn't think anything else of it. And then Connor ended up going to this party that my friend was at. And my friend called me the next morning and was like, Jake, the weirdest thing happened last night. Connor came up to me last night and was like, are you Jake's gay and hairy friend? And I was like, that is so weird that he would say that. Well, I couldn't find anyone gay or hair. I should have assumed. But it was dark.

I couldn't see his neck or how much hair was coming off of it. Yeah. So that was something that happened with that. We honestly spent the weekend together. We did. We did. We really did. We spent a lot of time together recently.

I know. Last weekend was random because I was going somewhere near you, nearby you. And you were like, no, get dropped off here. And I was with two of our other mutual friends losing time in. And we got dropped off there. And then we were, it's so funny, you call, you've called off both nights when I should call off my night. I'm very good about that these days. I used to be very bad.

I'm very good at like cutting it off when I feel it's right. But at the same time that night, like I had been to be fair to make yourself feel better. I had been drinking all day into the night. Things were getting dark. I had to go home. Like it was like really bad. That hangover the next morning wasn't even like enjoyable, honestly. Like it was like it was because like I spend I won't be hung over alone and I really wanted to be alone.

Whoa. Yeah. I wanted to be alone. I couldn't talk to anyone. I was just really upset. I like being alone together. Yes. I don't want to be involved.

Green ages. Yeah. The only interaction I want to have and I do. I'm like you guys can all sleep in my house. I would actually love to wake up and know that you're here. But like I'm going to be in my bed. you guys enjoy the couch put on TV, make yourself at home

the only interaction I want to have with you by 1 p.m. is I'm getting grab hub what do you guys want? I'm going to get it from here just tell me what you want. What's your favorite meal like that? Hungover? Yeah. Mediterranean.

Or pizza. You agree? You know I don't really like pizza. That's weird. How could you not like pizza? I think it's my self-diagnosed eating disorder honestly, but I don't really know what it is. I'm just more of a pasta person. Like, the cheese never did it for me. Like, I don't really, I don't know.

But I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I like to have, I, I get really sad when I'm almost done eating. Oh, me too. So I'm like, oh, I was so excited for this. And then it's like a birthday. It's over. It's over. It's over. Getting a, getting a, getting a, getting a, a, getting a grub hub. Like, the act of ordering it is, like, planning your birthday.

And then you add all your menu items. like inviting all your friends to your birthday. And then your driver has picked up your order. It's out. Oh, you're booking flights. Like, you're making dinner reservations and then he's here. And then your birthday has arrived. Like your door dash has been delivered.

And you get it and you unwrap your gifts. And it's all there and you eat a little bit of this. A little bit of that. But then slowly you're like, oh, like the night's almost over. And I'm feeling full question mark? In a bad way. In a bad way. Oh, and I was looking forward to this for so long.

And then as fast as it came, it's gone. Yeah. And you're left with, you are full, but you're also so empty. Yeah, you're empty because you have nothing else to look forward to. Yes. That's why you have to smoke weed, you guys. Thank you. Thank you.

I am the biggest proponent of that, honestly. The other day I was at dinner and we ordered too much. And I said, okay, everyone, I need five seconds. And I walked outside before our main courses came and I hit the pen about six times. And then I walked back in and I said, I'm ready. Six times, did you say? Yeah. I think I need it.

Whoa, I'd be leaving that restaurant in a body bag. You would? Yeah, man. Oh, my God. Like, I would. Do you know who got me into weed, actually? Who? Oh, Leah.

You want to know why? I'll never forget it. We were having a slumber party. Do you care if I tell this story? We were having a slumber party, and I hadn't taken edibles since the first time I took edibles, which was 10th grade of high school, and I saw the Angry Birds movie. And I left and my friend was like, I think that was about communism. And I was like, I'm never doing this again. And I.

That was actually George Orwell's animal farm in the movie. I was like, the Angry Birds was it. Anywho. And Leah was like, you know what? Like, just try a little bit. And like, there is no one. I feel. I feel very, very.

with Leah and her family. I'm very close with her family. I'm very close with Leah. I've known her forever. So I'm like, you know what? Let's do it. And I had the best night of my life. And I was like, this shit is awesome. Leah, give me more. Go Leah. That was a start of something. It was the start of my weed journey. And I remember what did I do? I cut a sandwich. Do you remember this? I cut a sandwich only halfway and I thought it was the funniest thing in the entire world. And like Everyone was laughing at me and I just remember being like, I love weed. This is amazing. Oh my God. I get Mac Miller. I get Seth Rogen. I have to say something about Seth Rogen. Yeah. Didn't I see you at his like weed thingy? Yeah. Okay. What?

It was like the worst day in my life. Why? Why? I just really like fumbled the bag with Seth and I'm a fan of Seth. I remember that you were nervous to go up to him and you want it. And then I did and it was, I was right to me. nervous. It was exactly on point. Okay, so say what we, what do you have to say about? We get it. You smoke weed. I really feel like him talking about how much he smokes weed like is Hollywood bowling. Seth smokes the bowl. I'm like, yeah, we know. Yeah.

We get it. I feel like it's like, it's like, I feel like he's a dude that's already graduated high school and he's coming back for these parties. Right. I understand that. He, did you, I get that. I think maybe it's because of his business. It's become a brand almost. Yeah. he has like those little ashtrays that like they're nice they're really they're really cool looking but they weren't giving them out at this event they weren't and I was like are you guys selling them like I'll buy one right

fucking now and they were like no and I was like what do you mean no like please please sell me one house plant that's the name of the company yeah very cool company it's really cool no I thought the same thing they gave his coffee though that was nice and a tote bag and I love my tote bag it says house plant yes yeah that one looks cool because it looks like oh he He smokes house plant weed. Like he is not only rich. He has his life together because he's rich.

He's also good at smoking weed because he's made his way all the way to house plant. I'm none of those things. I'm a poser. Do you know that Mad Men closed down? What? Yep. They went bankrupt or something. I totally just lied about the bankruptcy part.

But they did close down. Which is like, concerning. That's disappointing because that's where I get my cans. Oh, you love these cans. Yeah, my bad. I meant to pick some up for this. It's okay. Don't worry about it. That would have been so fun. It would have been. Damn. Cans are people who I don't know. C-A-N-N. Good company. Great amount of weed for me. He loves them. It's like a, it's like an edible drink. It's a it's a it's a drinkable. Yeah, it's a drink. It's a lunchable for weed. It's a lunchable for weed. They taste so good. It's actually scary. I was talking to someone that like if you drink more like obviously you get more high. I did not think of that. I was thinking of them like poppies. I love poppies.

Oh my God. I was watching a TV show for like 15 minutes in Spanish. And I was like, oh, like I, whoa, like, where did I not pay attention? Like, I do not know what they're talking about. Right. No, I just didn't understand what language they were speaking. I thought they were speaking English the whole time. But I was like, oh, I must have missed something because I don't get it.

Right. No, I don't get it because I don't speak Spanish. Speaking of TV and watching, I totally feel like you would watch this. series. Planet of the Apes? What? I don't know. That's what I've been on lately. Do you want to hear about it? Yeah, I would love to. Why do you think that I would watch that?

I don't know. I feel like you're a boy and they all watch Planet of the Apes. But I... I don't know anyone watch that. It's a multi-million movie franchise. For what? We're on the fourth one right now. Oh my God. I feel like it's like an industry series. Okay, well, so the first one is called Rise of the Planet of the Apes.

Right, yeah. It has James Franco. Is he one of the monkeys? No, he's the guy that he's the scientist. It's actually like, oh my God, like it's a really intricate story. Like it's about this ape named Caesar. Right. And he, oh my God, it's amazing.

It's amazing. They're at war with humans right now because, well, I don't want to spoil anything, but I'm going to. Basically, at the end of the first movie. I'm sure everyone's really gearing up to watch Planet of the Apes. So skip ahead. I think a lot of people are. There's probably another sequel in the works. there's a flu that wipes out the entire population besides the apes and a few select humans.

So that's where the movie takes off from at the end of that. Okay, so this is like, this is just falling into the category of like a what would you do? That's why you... But the thing is, this is the thing. At first you're like, oh, my fucking God, these apes need to stop. They need to stop because like, this is ridiculous. This is ridiculous. Like, this is crazy.

Like, we need to stop, but they need to stop too. And then throughout the second movie, you're like, wait, the humans need to stop. Like, this is ridiculous. Like, you know what I mean? And like, by the third movie, you're like, fuck the humans. Like, they are outlandish creatures. Like, this is ridiculous. Team Caesar till I die.

Like, who's that? Louis. Oh, hey Lou. Oh, my God. Like, dead ass, though. Like, these humans are ridiculous. The apes are living in fucking peace. Okay.

These humans are hunting them out for no reason. The flu has killed your entire society. Woody Harrison is like in it or some shit He's like the main like military guy He's evil he kills that Caesar's son It's horrible This feels like drunk history But it's the planet of the apes

So now you're on the Apes side at this point in this newest movie Yes okay Maurice Is that an ape? Okay I love pets Okay cool

I'm looking I mean I'll watch I'm gonna watch do I have to start for the beginning Yes Yes I'm like actually gonna cry because I know Like, spoiler alert, Caesar dies. And like, I know he's going to die. And like, I just am waiting for it to come. And I'm really, really upset about it.

You're telling Jake, like, okay, I'm going to actually watch this weekend. Also, here's the end. Well, no, it's not the end. There's a fourth one out right now that no one has seen yet. It's rise of the planet of the apes, dawn of the planet of the apes, war of the planet of the apes. And what's the one that's coming out this weekend? Kingdom.

Kingdom. Can we read the description? Oh my God, it's Maurice. He lived. Okay, what's the description? Many years, can you use the men? Many years after the reign of Caesar, well, I'd already read it, so I knew that.

A young ape goes on a journey that will lead him to question everything he's been taught about the past. And make choices that will define a future for apes and humans alike. Yeah, the budget is 160 million. You best believe people are seeing it. Wow. Okay. Who's the director? West Bell.

What else has he done? I seriously feel like this escaped me completely. Well, look at that. He did the maze runner. Oh, my God. And he did The Legend of Zelda. Well, that hasn't come out yet. It says, though, untitled. I don't know any of this. This is so not in my wheelhouse. This is crazy. Oh, what's ruin about? That looks amazing.

Okay. Zoom. Gizum. Oh, thank you. You're a godsend. Oh, I know. Is this a show on it? In a future where cities have crumbled and been reclaimed by nature. Okay. We join a lone man exploring the ruins of the company. I can't pronounce that. Haven nanosystems. Recovering a locked container. I'm already bored. Okay. So West Bell is really into dystopia. Nature reclaiming what was once hers. Yeah. So anyway, the Planet of the Apes movies are simply outstanding. Maurice and who else should I look out for?

Maurice is like the fan favorite, but like Caesar is like really the one that's like obviously like, Caesar Okay No you don't understand how good of a person he is Like or he's an he's an ape He's just a young ape You don't understand like the apes They don't want war

There's this one ape Really looks like he wants war No he doesn't He only wants war because he wants vengeance Because these humans are fucking evil But there's this one ape named Koba And Koba's just The worst

And Koba pulls some really Wack shit In dawn of the planet of the apes and it really sets up for war of the planet of the apes and yeah they're all on Hulu by the way Did you know in Venice Beach the other day They had three fucking apes on horses Look that's Caesar's kid

Look how cute Oh that's actually really super cute He looks like my grandma Oh no no no that's baby Caesar That looks identical to my grandma Petit What? On the left Like it looks like her in her robe

You know what bugs me out about these movies as I start actually like treating these apes like humans and I'm like, like, what's happening? Like, because they, because they, they, they talk. It's like, like, they, they can like, Caesar can speak like English. And the whole, like, premise of the movie is that like this, okay, like, do you want me to just tell you the premise of like how the apes get to where they are? Let's just do it. Okay. So James Franco's dad has Alzheimer's. It's very, this is, this is, I saw this in Venice Beach and I was really freaked out. Oh, what a cool activation. That they rode horses. through Venice Beach, I was honestly like, this is the end, so it worked. Yeah.

I was scared. Wow, this is amazing. You should have seen my dog when he saw this. I literally would have gone up and been like, which one sees her? Oh, but it probably is none of them because he's dead in the new movie. Anyway, so James Franco's dad has Alzheimer. So James Franco is looking for the cure. In the movie?

Looking for the cure of Alzheimer. So he's testing it on apes. On apes. And it basically makes them more advanced. And they all these apes, they make him kill all the apes, but he can't bring himself to kill this one ape, a baby, from this ape named Blue Eyes. And Blue Eyes was obviously advanced because I think it was a girl.

She had taken this medicine that like remade brain cells or whatever for Alzheimer's, but it actually made the ape smarter. So he's like, oh, God, I can't get all Caesar. Like, I love Caesar. And so, like, he brings Caesar home. Caesar was the baby. Yes. And he brings Caesar home and raises him.

And then, like, long story short, like, Caesar like basically gets sent away. for like mauling someone that tries to touch the grandma grandpa and the medicine works by the way the medicine works for Alzheimer's but from this research comes this this this um flu like the ape flu and kills all the population and all these apes run off and caesar becomes really resentful Caesar's now in the wild okay I'm confused when they started like having beef with the monkeys because Caesar gets sent to like an ape sanctuary sanctuary

we should fucking check up on those by the way after watching this movie if that's how they run that's not right and Caesar basically steals the medicine it's like a gas and gives it to all the apes and they all become smart

and they all escape wow and then they live in peace until humans want to come up and cause a ruckus I feel like every movie is almost just Avatar. You know what? I love Avatar.

Yeah, that would make sense that you would. It seems like the same movie, kind of. Okay, how? Because, like, everything is fine until humans get involved. I think that's a, that's a trope. That's a movie trope. But isn't Avatar, like, those are humans. And they're all, like, fine.

They're all just, like, different kingdoms. What isn't a human in Avatar? Oh, I guess that giant floating thingy. the drag. I don't know. I don't know what anything's called. They're aliens, though, right? No.

They're humans. It's hard. Oh, you mean Avatar, not Avatar the last airbender? Oh, you meant actually Avatar. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, you're right. Can we talk about Avatar too? Talk about a fucking flop.

I, like, no one saw that. Thank God. Oh, thank God. What did I say about Avatar? What was my standing? I don't have, like, resentment towards Avatar. I just think... Why did it take so long, you know?

Totally. To make. I think the third one's going to do really well. I think the second one would probably just set up in the story for the third. 2084. Yeah, when is the third one coming out? Do we know? Oh.

Avatar. What is the third trimester? That's really far away. That's really... Avatar 4 is 2029. I mean, why bother? Avatar 5! This is ridiculous.

That's also... I think signed on for all of these. Ooh, they are set for life. They probably got paid such a pretty penny. Well, it's what's his face? And you know what the budget? Budget's not too far off from Planet of the Apes. How, how net, $250 million.

How nice to beat James Cameron? How many movies is he done for? You know what's so nice about James Cameron? Is he beat his own record. So the Titanic was the highest grossy movie of all time. Yeah. And then he released Avatar and was like, never mind. Titanic's my favorite movie, by the way.

Never seen it. do you have six hours i would love if you watched it i'm just like so in love with leonard decaprio that like i don't know if i can do it it is so so groundbreaking from the beginning to the end every single detail it makes you nostalgic it makes you want to be on that chip i also feel like i would have survived i think i would have been like move out the fucking way i know let me get on a robot. It's crazy to take all of these things in in an age before TikTok because we would all be watching the Titanic. So badly, I want to be like, oh my God, there's a ship going down. Like, let me type in on TikTok. Titanic syncing. Titanic sinking. Yeah. I want to see like all of the different

POVs. Do you think people would have posted? Oh my God. People would have posted out. But I, yeah. God, the Titanic, what a horrifying story. I mean, talk about a fucking flop. That ship was supposed to be the strongest ship in the entire world. James Cameron did The Terminator? Yeah, he's made, I think he's made like 10 movies and they are all hit. And he did A-A-A-A-Hat after hit after hit. Oh, he's just outstanding, huh? What else has he done?

Oh, he has a, he's a big sequel guy, huh? Yeah, well, because he's like printing money. Oh, he's done more than 10. I apologize for... He's done like maybe 30? For shit-talking James. Oh, James, you've done a lot. Oh, wow.

Ooh, he... Is that Cirque de Soleil? Can you click that one? Oh, that just simply looks amazing. Cirque de Soule worlds away. Is it a documentary? Oh, it has a 45% on Rotten Tomatoes. See, one thing about me is I'm very susceptible to public opinion.

So, like, if everyone hates it, I hate it. Jake, you and me both. I'm so, that's, I was talking about that with Brooke. Can we show that a little bit more? Director. See, he's not even the director for that. That's what I'm talking about. I think he was the director.

He's probably involved or like, yeah, executive producer, which means nothing, by the way. I know. that that means nothing. Yeah. It means money. It means money. Like, let me throw you some cash. Yeah,

was spending my summer with Leah when Euphoria came out. Do you remember when Euphoria came out? Yeah. That's another show we're not getting until James Cameron timelines. Yeah. It's going to be. It's just awkward because everyone's, like, grown up. So it's like, what's happening now, you know?

It sucks. I don't think, I really, there is nothing that unites our country more than Euphoria, though, and I mean it wholeheartedly. I've never watched the show on time with people sat down, turned it on popcorn. Commercial's over. it's back on that kind of vibe. I'm running. I'm jumping under the couch.

Unless it's euphoria. Pipe down. I'm texting people, what the fuck? You know, as stuff happens. So good. Such a good show. Um,

good show. We have like low key hit time, right? Really quickly. Yeah. I have to ask your opinion on something really quickly. We actually didn't even do the headlines. Okay. So why don't we do some of the headlines?

Okay. I'm fine to go over. Okay. As long as you are, as long as everyone else is. I want to ask you really quickly what you think about SSBs. SSB?

Just guess what it is and then I'll tell you. Social Security banter? Same side boothers. People that sit on the same side at the booth at a restaurant. No, no. I don't like it. No.

But you know what? And I know that there was a photo that was of Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey sitting on the same side of the booth. Let me defend that really quickly. They went to Medea in West Hollywood. When you go to Medea,

you do have to sit that way. So there's some restaurants where you have to sit like that. I'm not saying there's no exceptions to the rule. This isn't a hard and fast rule. I think in general, if you're not Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey, sit across from each other. Also, if the table's an open-faced table, like if it's facing a street.

Open-faced table. It's if there's people watching to be done, or if there's a view on this side, or if you're watching something on the TV, you can SSB. I think SSB is just not. I couldn't. I would be like, wait, can you scooch?

like no Jake like uncomfortable right I'm gonna get a crick in my neck yeah why would you I don't I can't think of a reason that you would like someone like this and eating like slurping and like chewing that's oh my god no thank you you're also leaving yourself just there's so much table real estate on that side now that's just open awkward

but there's a lot of room for the food to go I mean I understand the arguments I just I would never personally I kind of like don't even understand understand any pros until you said it would be kind of nice to accept the food as if you're on a food panel then like imagine having to reach over to grab and you both have to reach because it's also on the other side it's just not I don't like that and then you both are scooting and you're both like huffing and puffing and eating together it's just not right I do I do need to fight for the booth side if it's a booth and then a chair on the other side though I'm gonna get

the booth I'm very confused about this one headline can I question me with a headline Jake nude cruise is setting sale in February that's the only one I want to to do. Here's the catch. You're not allowed to sit down nude on the cruise. What does that mean? So that's like a... I'm sorry, I just am so uncomfortable with my own naked body that I personally can never

but if that's your speed, do what makes you happy. But like why aren't they allowed to sit down? That's like a nudist rule. That's a nudist rule. You can't sit down. Why? Because your ass. Because of your ass. I don't understand though. Like everyone's nude. No, there's no crack.

to crack a chair. I just, I can't. I'm so proud of these people that like really do this and go for it. Have you ever been to like a nude beach or anything? No, never. I've been to several.

Oh, okay. I've been to two. Okay, and what's it like? Really like. Were you new? Yes. Yes. Yes.

It is, there's nothing that makes you feel. Don't look at me. No one's looking at you by the way. But they're all nude. They're all nude. They look at you when you show up and you're covering up. The more you cover up, the more people are like, what the fuck is that freak doing?

Like you really think that you're the center of attention. There's a lot of things to look at besides your body. Is there just like nudist rules and understandings? Because I feel like in today's day and age, it's hard to do nudist stuff. Everyone has a fucking cell phone with a camera. You're right. Can we look up nude rules of them? Bring a towel, period.

Everywhere, period. Put the camera away. It is not a sexual environment. It's not, Jake. At its courts, it's not. Really? No, it's not. You may have to get dressed, is one of the rules.

Right, if you have to sit down. Nudas have a word for non-nudus. What is that word? Whoa, they don't tell us what it is. Unclothed. The unclothed. That sounds like a word from the giver. I was literally about to say Hunger Games.

We're literally on the same page. We are. What are the other. headlines you know I do want to say one of the nudist beaches I went it wasn't a nudist speech it was a nude beach uh-huh um everyone's damn nude and like obviously like I go with a big group group of my friends and we're like all laughing and stuff and it's funny you know and everyone else there is just like this is just another day at the office right and and is no one's sitting down you can sit in like the sand we it was like a beach in the woods you know it was like

it was in Hawaii beautiful And you're jumping in and you're swimming as a guy with like a Vienna sausage floating around in the water. Like I felt like I was fishing and I was just like had this bait. Like I thought a fish was going to come just like take a bite. Yeah, I'm sorry. I couldn't get, I can't get behind the nudist stuff. But you know what? If that is your speed, do it.

Okay, talk about a word that's stuck in my head, speed. Why do I keep saying that? Nothing tastes as good as naked feels in the water. I'll tell you that much. Getting in all your nicks and crannies. New portal that connects New York to Dublin. Have you seen that? Did you see this?

Yeah, I don't understand it. Okay. What a fun idea. And you're from New York. Does that say Rip Popsmo? Yeah. And then look at the next person. Holy shit.

This is why. I'm sorry, this is amazing. It's absolutely hilarious. So the next thing that happened and why it got. shut down. It got shut down? Yeah. Oh, why? They just had to shut down the portal. There's a lot of funnier two places to do by the way than New York and Dublin. I feel like that was kind of random. But can you hear? I feel like you can't even hear it. It's just like hi. Yeah, it's just a camera. Are there any more funny videos from it?

This is kind of amazing. Yeah, one girl ran out and flashed it and then it got shut down because she was showing off her chest. But there's children there, you know? Oh yeah, only fan model flashes. Yeah, and then I look at her. Bro showed a photo of a potato. Oh, was that because of the famine? The famine. Yeah. So we're kind of like beefing with Dublin now, I think, because of this portal. Oh, God, we don't need that. Yeah, like we need a beef with Dublin.

Oh, and I feel like people in Ireland are so nice. I mean, we hit them. Do you know people use TikTok to search things more than Google now? I do. I maybe just lied, but I think someone told me that once. It's crazy. We hit them with a potato and they hit us with 9-11. Yeah. I feel like that wasn't bar for bar on their part.

But then we showed them some boobs, too. So I feel like Dublin might need to send us like a care package or something. That's really funny. I'm about to get a UTI. I'm serious from peeing. Okay. Or from not peeing. Okay.

Did you have fun? I had so much fun with you. I feel like you just taught like a 101 masterclass in how to podcast. Are you serious? Yeah. No, seriously. I was sitting here like, um, did you, ever think about how ducks have to like eat underwater? I'm sick and tired of this. You need to

give yourself more credit. And also, dare I say, I think he should call his fans the fibbers. Oh yeah, we were talking about that on Saturday. The fibers. He was like, oh, I don't, like, we don't have a name. And I was like, it's glaring in front of you. The fibbers. What are yours? The pussies. The pussies, though. And like, those are my people. It's also funny that you took like the word pussy and we're like it's actually mine now well no no it's it's everyone's no no no in a good way you reclaim the word pussy we're like I no longer see the word pussy online and I go sorry I didn't mean like you took the word pussy from women I was like Connor I admit like you reclaimed the word and I don't see the word pussy in writing now and I'm like oh

you think oh hello friends yes yeah well I think you should call them the fibbers because like it really like has this connection. Like the pussies are my people. Yeah, I think that. Pam, Pussies are my people. Pamp. Like they really know me better than I know myself. That's so special.

Yeah, it's amazing. And that's why I think you should call your followers the fibbers. We'll work on fibbers. What do you guys think, honestly? Yeah, sound off. Do you like the fibbers? Or do you not like the fibbers? Sound off in the comments.

Sound off. All right. Well, thank you so much, Jake. I love you. I love you. Thank you so much for saving me. in time of need. I'll always do this for you.

You just let me know if you need anything from me. We can go tit for tat. Okay. I'm sorry that I drank. Let's see how much I drank on. I drank 19 plus 19. You're so hydrated. I haven't had a sip in my water.

Look at that. 18, 38. I drink 38 ounces of water in front of you. Okay. And so no brainer. Weirdly, I randomly have to pee and call off the podcast. But thank you for doing an extra long episode with us today.

I love you to death. I love you more. Can't thank you enough. And thank you guys for listening. Where can the people find you? You can find me on TikTok at Octopus Lover 8. That's Octopus with two S's Lover 8. You can find me on Instagram at Pass That Puss.

And you can hear me speak once a week at Therapus with Jake Shane on all platforms you listen or watch podcasts at. I think you need to do another line of work or another medium. But I think you need to do something with like TV film and just like I guess you kind of are with like Billboard. But I think you need to do something because I just learned. about the entire Planet of the Apes franchise in like 30 seconds. I'd become very intense over things. Yeah, no, I was like this.

Enamored. Almost started drooling. Yeah, I'll get into it more with you after this. Like, there's a lot more lore to the Planet of the Apes shit. Like, people have no idea about because you would never think, hey, let me sit down and watch Planet of the Apes.

Oh my gosh, justice for Planet of the Apes. Yeah, I think they're doing fine, though. I mean, this is like the fourth movie. They must be making a shit ton of money. I have to be so bad. Okay. Love you guys. Bye.

This week, I'm listening by. Close friends. What was your first date like as a teenager? Oh, this is a fun one. This is perfect close friends content. I'm loving saying it doesn't matter today. It's just like, why would I go further? Let me just leave it alone.

I'm going to. I'm just a man. I have needs. I'm going to want to say, let's take a tequila shot like before. Leave everything you thought about me getting blackout drunk on my graduation at the dough. Because what had happened was, sign up on TMG Studios. TV to watch the full bonus episode.