Brooke and Connor Make A Podcast - Best of BNCMAP 2024

Episode Date: December 26, 2024

SUBSCRIBE TO THE BNC CHANNEL: https://bit.ly/45Pspyl   Ad Free & Bonus Episodes: https://bit.ly/3OZxwpr NEW MERCH: https://shoptmgstudios.com  The Kelly Clarkson collection chairs have seen it all, from Voldemort's Megan knees to Brooke’s DOMs diagnosis and beyond. We even studied abroad in Philly with Aunt Suesue! We’ve had an incredible year thanks to you and we can’t wait for more adventures in 2025!   Join our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/5356639204457124/  Check out https://rocketrx.com and use code BANDC40 for 40% off your first order.  Give the gift of Good Wipes this holiday season! Grab them at Target, Walmart, Kroger, and your local grocery store.  Stay hydrated through the holidays and get 20% off your first order of Liquid I.V. at https://liquidiv.com with code BANDC at checkout. B+C IG: https://www.instagram.com/bncmap/ B+C Twitter: https://twitter.com/bncmap TMG Studios YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/tinymeatgang TMG Studios IG: https://www.instagram.com/realtmgstudios/ TMG Studios Twitter: https://twitter.com/realtmgstudios BROOKE https://www.instagram.com/brookeaverick https://twitter.com/ladyefron https://www.tiktok.com/@ladyefron  CONNOR https://www.instagram.com/fibula/ https://twitter.com/fibulaa https://www.tiktok.com/@fibulaa Hosted by Brooke Averick & Connor Wood, Created by TMG Studios, Brooke Averick & Connor Wood, and Produced by TMG Studios, Brooke Averick & Connor Wood. 0:00 Thanks you guys!!! 0:50 Intro 1:08 Sweaty pits (Ep 102) 2:15 Brookes scares Connor (Ep 104) 2:59 New AI scams (Ep 105) 4:57 Who farted? (Ep 106) 8:50 Puhh— (Ep 109) 10:38 rocketRx 11:38 FMK (Ep 110) 12:13 Underground railroad simulation (Ep 111) 13:33 Aunt Suesue! (Ep 112) 15:45 Connor leaving the Zoom (Ep 114) 1647 No? (Ep 116) 17:20 Dood (Ep 119) 18:00 But Officer… (Ep 120) 19:47 Brooke’s DOMs (Ep 123) 22:47 goodwipes 24:16 Fibula’s feminist takes (Ep 124) 26:36 Redownloading Hinge (Ep 124) 28:51 Kat and Connor get pulled over (Ep 125) 37:12 Brooke’s bottle smash (Ep 125) 39:12 Liquid IV 41:04 Just say his name (Ep 126) 41:39 Cuck queen (Ep 126) 44:39 Brooke’s DMs (Ep 128) 46:47 Connor’s spider propaganda (Ep 129) 52:21 Hi my love! (Ep 130) 53:45 Chinese ribs (Ep 132) 54:53 Tristan’s language (Ep 134) 57:36 Lying vs Laying in bars (Ep 137) 59:01 Brooke’s DOMs pt 2 (Ep 138) 1:02:25 George Pitt (Ep 142)  1:04:18 Brooke’s stress dream (Ep 143) 1:06:03 Connor’s mesh shorts (Ep 143) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by Prime. Obsession is in session. And this summer, Prime originals have everything you want. Steamy romances, irresistible love stories, and the book-to-screen favorites you've already read twice. Off-campus, L, every year after, the love hypothesis, Sterling Point, and more. Slow burns, second chances, chemistry you can feel through the screen.

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keep it real. Look for the seal. Real California milk by real California farm families. Girl, winter is so last season. And now spring's got you looking at pictures of tank tops with hungry eyes. Your algorithm is feeding you cutoffs. You're thirsty for the sun on your shoulders. That perfect hang on the patio sundress.

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podcasting. Me too. It kind of finally feels like we have grown into our... Into the Kelly Clarkson collection. Yeah. Yeah. We're kind of sitting here and these are in our own right, you know? Yeah. I feel like I'm finally fit into my clothes. It feels like And it feels like everybody's in them with us too. And it feels like no one's against us. Which is awesome. There's a couple people that are actively against us. Well, maybe this episode will change their mind.

Let's hit it, boys. Welcome to the best of 2024. Buckle up. Oh. Really? Ho, ho. Ho. Oh.

Ho. Can you look at my pit stains in the shirt? Oh, I can see them every time you stretch. I never get pit stains. Um, your shirt, like, I like it, but. I think February is my least favorite month. Can I ask what that has to do with the shirt? It's like hearts and pink.

Oh, okay. This is my new favorite shirt, but there's something wrong with the manufacturing. That's not my fault. This is the manufacturing error. I think it's just low thread count. Yeah, it's low thread count. Yeah. That's not my.

Have I been lifting my arms the whole episode? Sorry. It's fine. I've also got a full... Yay! Yay, yay! Yay! I've got a full jacket on. I'm drenched under there. Why didn't you tell me?

What am I going to say? You have horrible pit stains? Everybody has pit stains. I know. I just don't usually get them. I feel like... I think it's my wet deodorant because I got that wet old spice. Well, I'll never switch from the wet old spice. Yeah, I'm doing wet old spice.

Like the clear. So that's what it is. I don't sweat. No, me neither. Okay. We're going upstairs. She'll be down in a second. Really?

Yay. That's not funny at all. No. No, it's not. We're in your lingua franca? Yeah. What is it? Linguifranca?

Linguifranca. Yeah, I am. That's good, not great. Oh, sorry. Nice of you to show up. What was happening? Tell us. Got my ass.

I've noticed a new scam. And buyer be aware. Because you know how it used to be. Scams used to be like, oh my God, I have to show you this. You're going to pee. Scams used to be like, I am a prince. I'm going to send you a million dollars. My grandma called one time.

There's a Nigerian prince that wants to send me money, but I like don't have Wi-Fi. How did he contact her? How do you think, like on the phone, which was crazy? and I was like grandma like really lets the thing about this and she was able to come to terms with that but now I got this the other day how in the world is my grandma supposed to survive modern day

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That's like, that's AI, right? Yeah, it's AI. Or did they like mix together clips of Jennifer Anderson? No, it's AI. So that has to be illegal. It is, but like it's, I think it's so hard to regulate. I guess scams are illegal anyway. You're one of the 10,000 lucky people who will get MacBook Pro for just.

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Justin dollar. You may know me from friend. You Gunther. Smelly cat. Friend. Oh, that's really good, Connor. Honestly, like I am a very honest person. I'll fucking lie.

to get out of a fart in a certain situation. Like in what way? Like if people are like, what is that? I'll be like, that's crazy. Whoa. I don't even know what was that, you guys. Did I ever tell you? I don't smell it.

That's a good. It hasn't come to me yet. It hasn't reached me. It hasn't reached me so it couldn't have been from me. Did I tell the story of what happened to me in third grade computers class? Oh. Oh, this sounds like a good. It's actually, this is going to be one of those things where it's like, why did I say that?

It's a horrible story, but I'll tell you anyway. But if it affected you, it did affect me pretty deeply. I was answering a question about. about something about the computer game Zumbini's if you guys are for what did you fart did you fart my Kelly Clarkson Waiver Collection chair was just kind of going ham in the mic just now but like I just need to reshift because my my camo slacks were going up my ass crack like a G string yeah okay I was trying to pull them out of my ass crack and in doing so I made this sound hey man no worries for like six seconds too long no worries let me know when I can

can go on with my story. She's talking about her childhood trauma. Take your time. Computer class. Moving and grieving. She's not to cry. Let's make a mental note. We need some WD40 for the leather.

Please. Computer class. How many words for you? I don't know off the top of my head. Probably like, yeah, I was going to say eight. Could not spell. On a good day. One finger.

But anyway, I was answering some sort of question in computers class and in the middle of answering the question I farted. like pretty loudly. And I could have just like kept talking, but I stopped what I was doing. I said, who did that? You just gas lit the whole room. Everyone knew it was me.

It was so clear. I was at the front of the class speaking. Loud, like bubbly fart came out of me. No one said anything. And my computer teacher was like, it's okay, just go on. I said, no. I cannot go on right now.

Who did that? Who did that? This is disgusting. Who did that? The lights turn off. It's like a murder mystery party. If you get a flashlight, why would you do it? And the computer teacher was like, Brooke, like it's okay.

You sick fuck. It happens. No worries. Just keep going. I would not. You go my enemies. They're trying to sabotage my performance right now. She's in a Nancy Drew, like, hat and magnifying glass.

Wait, I love I was third of yours with third grader. Who did that? Who did that? I would not continue my train of thought. I sat back down. Could not have continued not knowing who did that. Oh, my gosh. Not one person didn't know.

me by the way like wait the story's really killing me this is really funny and then a similar thing happened actually now that you mentioned it thank you for asking in geometry class we were taking a test and I was sitting next my friend Jen and she farted loudly and then before the fart was even out she goes Brooke no okay that's all into friendship because of that that is fucked up because we were sitting it was me her and the boy she liked at oh so she wanted to sacrifice So I had to think in that moment, am I going to fall on the sword for Jen at this time? I couldn't. Who's name is Janet in third grade?

Jen. This is nice gray geometry. You know your lactose intolerant. Why do you eat that cup of ice cream. I will never smell a fart and start playing the investor-gator game. I think that's like fucked up. Like if you smell it, it's good karma to just like let that person live. That person who's like, who did it?

Right. Who did it? Like, why are you going to arrest someone? The scariest thing in the world is the sentence, you smelt it, you dealt it. Oh yeah, that fucked me up. That was the beginning of gaslighting. That was the origin story of gas lighting. That's why I always go, I can't smell anything.

I have a sinus infection. I have COVID. That's what? It's always the person that didn't smell in the deltick. I just said this weekend and it reminded me that this weekend I was walked into the bathroom on twice. Would you rather walk in on someone in the bathroom or be walked in on? When I walk in on someone,

in the bathroom, I leave the premises completely. That's the only thing that you can do to be a decent human being. The fact that somebody would walk in on you and then still continue to wait outside of the restroom is sadistic. Yeah, I agree. It's sadistic. They are a psychopath, they are a sociopath. They are no better than Legion.

Okay. Of that Part 59 series, the husband in that. Legion, yeah. I was going to say, what I didn't say about that is I was walked in. twice twice by the same person. What were you doing? Need I say it more? Got it? Yeah, the latch

was broken and I shut it and he knocked the first time and I said I said hello. Dude stop coming in on I'm pop. I said hello. I said hello. See him. Hey, man can't you see him over here?

You stay down, trying to... Come on, man. Hoo! Fuck, Mary, kill, live, laugh, love. Kill, live. Yeah. Mary laugh. No.

You're fucking love. No, I'll fuck laugh, marry love. And yourself? I'm marrying live. Um, why? Because I'd like, I would like to continue living alongside live. Um, I'm fucking laugh and I'm killing love. Damn.

Yeah. That's my Valentine's Day mood. Happy VA. Mine would probably be the underground railroad simulation that we had to do. Yeah. What did you guys do? The underground railroad, Rurr-Rour.

Underground railroad simulation. Rock us hear that again? We always went on like an overnight trip. and we were at some overnight camp and then all of a sudden the teachers just turned off all the life and said get down get down what we had to completely move through the underground railroad that makes sense to do mm-hmm oh god yeah also this is absolutely like not okay nowadays like completely not PC um but this was just like the reality of the situation when I was in third grade we were learning about Native American and we had to go on a spirit quest to find our spirit animal. They let 20 third graders loose in the forest.

There's also... You were in one of probably the most progressive school in America. There's a way to be so progressive that you're actually pretty racist. Connor, that's exactly what it was. Yeah. But we had no idea at the time. Yeah, that is crazy. Now looking back like some of the most racist, offensive activity.

Underground Railroad Simulation, Spirit Quest. Yeah. Oh my God. Guys, we have someone so special here today. I'm going to hand it to Brooke to announce because this is my new best friend that I met yesterday in person for the first time, but I've known for my entire life probably before I was born. We met crossing paths in the before life in some other realm. And we felt that yesterday. There is a soul connection, but you guys know my aunt Susu.

We talk about her all the time. She's the greatest. Come on over, Suce. You can hear, wait, Izzy, should she take my microphone? Okay, we can, Susu, how are you feeling right now? I'm a wreck. Why? I'm just so nervous, but I'm so, like, honored to be with these two very special people sitting beside me.

I just love Connor. he is my new number one. Sorry. What's his name? Robert Patterson. Patterson and Gosling, although I still love Ryan. But this one

is my number one now. I love you to death. There we go. My favorite thing is that like sushi yesterday said that I kind of look like Ryan Gosling, which I've never gotten ever.

Said what? That I kind of look like Ryan Gosling. Oh my God. I don't even, I think you might be a better looking. I don't know if there's a, a gas leak or something. I don't look like it. I'm so flattered.

Don't be flattered. It's true. It's just real. That's the nicest thing. Genuinely, anything is it? So that's why I, like, I went into my set yesterday, so freaking pumped to my shows because Suu said it looked like Ryan Gosling and I carried that with me for six hours yesterday. Well, that's good.

It was a little upbeat. It was an oomph. A little, yeah, a boost. But it's, I'm just so proud of my Brookie, my first love. Brookie. So amazing what they're doing. And that's it.

Great intro, so you really are natural. 100%. 150%. Right now, it's just us. Wow. Wow. Let's talk about it in the bonus. I couldn't leave my house.

I know. I know. Okay. All right. Okay. All right. Okay. Okay.

Okay. there it is again. Okay, all right. We'll see you in the bonus. Bye, everyone. Bye, everybody. Why did he leave the show? That's so funny.

Did we, was it still recording? Yep. 100%. That's so funny. That was good. I'm surprised there's not more tsunamis. There, I said it. Yeah, there should be as many tsunamis as there are earthquakes.

No? No, I'm not saying there should like I want that. I'm saying, I know your heart. I'm saying like wouldn't any earthquake start a tsunami off? I meant like European no. Like, this is a gorgeous day, no? Like that's what I meant. Wait, what did, where are we talking about?

You said shouldn't there be as many tsunamis? I said, no. Like I was agreeing with you. Oh, sorry. My bad for not knowing no means I'm agreeing with you. It's a gorgeous day, no. We've got to move on from science today because it's not a good luck. Okay.

Dude. No, dude. Dude, come on, dude. No, dude. You come on, dude. Dude, please, dude. Dude. Dude, hear me out.

Dude, come on. Dude, no. Dude, I don't ask you for much. Dude. Come on. Hear me out, dude. Just hear me out for one second, dude. Now I'm back to being like, nobody can fucking drive.

I've, like, switched back to that team. Because there's a bunch of morons on the road. Yeah, but it's just a matter. I get what you're saying about how there should be more wrecks. Yeah. It's just like sometimes I'm driving when I was driving here. I'm like, I'm going 72 miles per hour. On a residential street.

I'm just flying and I'm like... Like fully just like thinking about French fries and like, oh my gosh, where is like I should, you know, just random stuff. Totally. Like when's the last time I need to be able to touch my toes, you know, like certain stuff like that. And I'm thinking about while I'm going 70 in the 70 mile per hour range. Yeah. And I'm behind a thousands and thousands of pound piece of metal. I also some people

myself like at the top of the list should not have access to their music while they're driving oh I just know if I got pulled over but officer it was it was the four piece but officer it was the glee version

but officer it was and the bee keep running running running and running and running and running and running but officer the beat just dropped and boom boom pow but officer what's that one song that I say I could I could fight a

wild animal to by the four peas. I can't stop calling them that after I read that one tweet. This is like intellectual. It's not let's get it started. No, it's a, pal I've got a feeling. Pump it. Parentheses louder.

Yeah. They were onto something when they put that extra part in parentheses. I know you're pumping it right now. I need you to pump it. Come on. So, Connor. Italy. Italy might be. Italy is, anyways. It doesn't matter.

thing is they can't drop you with your suitcases at your at the Airbnb yeah you have to drag them not only down the steps to your Airbnb but back up yeah so um we were like at the bottom yeah like on the beach so that was definitely something that took a lot of time and energy and my part especially because you know my suitcase is 27 pounds and for a little girl what are you crossfit queen yeah right Connor it was the next day I was diagnosed with Dom's why are you laughing

what does it mean D OMS D OMS is it something this is okay country of origin English D OMS

okay can you use it in a sentence I was diagnosed with Dom's the second day in Positano okay is it Is this is how you say. I came down with a bad case of the doms.

You're shitting your pants, but like via dominoes? Is that what it is? Doms. Doms. Doms. Doms. Do you know what it is? Delayed onset muscle soreness?

Yes. Delayed onset. Muscles. No, but I've had it before. You've had doms? Here I am thinking you made up a new word. No. Because I've had like that kind of thing before like with F-45 when I couldn't move.

this was a to this was it actually this had me Googling like what's what's wrong and and that's how I was diagnosed with the late onset muscle soreness isn't that just like I'm sure from yesterday Connor but yes but in a way that it's actually needing a term to be diagnosed because it was so I was literally had to go down the stairs on my butt the next day because I couldn't bend my legs straight and I'm not being dramatic doms should be taken very seriously Well, I mean, I like calling to work because I worked out yesterday. Literally, Connor, I'm telling you it was that bad. If I was someone's boss and they called me and said, I have doms, I can't come in.

I would say, oh my God, please take all the time that you need to get well and stay home and recover. It was really. You couldn't get a break out there. Connor couldn't get a damn break. Are you okay? I don't know what that was. Ready to soundtrack your summer? With Red Bull Summer All Day Play, you choose a playlist that fits your summer vibe the best.

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I dropped a whole carton of eggs on the floor this morning. Speaking of eggs. So you're kind of getting back. I'm getting out of eggs right now. You're getting out of eggs and the way the universe works is I'm getting into eggs. Let's get you slipped into something a little bit more comfortable. Yeah. For every...

Slip into your shell. For every one egg closed, another egg opens. Yeah. Vice versa as well. Yeah. Why are you discontinuing watermelon ice breakers? Why don't you discontinue hate? Never thought of that?

Why don't you discontinue misogyny? Why don't you discontinue homophobic? Yeah. Exactly. I'm glad someone said it. Someone had to, Brooke. I'm happy to... Some man had to take his stand. Yeah. I'm glad it was you. That's why they gave us our platform. They got to put you on the quarter.

Speak out. On the quarter. On the quarter? Yeah. That's good, bro. Put your face on the quarter. They got to get my face on a quarter if they know what's good for. I have a lot of things like that that I could say. Like feminism? Yeah. Okay. Give me your top five teminist fakes. Right now.

Timmin is fakes. Okay. One. Yep. Tampons should be free. Very good. That one. No one can say anything.

Bad about that. Two. Women? Women can do it. Three. These boots were made for walking. Girls love boots. Maybe boots should be free too.

Maybe boots should be free too. Maybe boots should be free from women. That could be nice. You, your first access president, free booths for all women. Drop my mic. Walk up stage. I, no, I don't even want to open this kind of words. I literally like have to take a brain fog.

Hey guys, I just finished. What do you guys do for your brain fog? Let us know. Hey guys, I just finished my can Grapefruit Rosemary. I'm sub-leasing this empty can. I guess it could be the can. But no, I had started with these words before the can.

Anyway. What? I didn't say anything, but let's do some... But I was saying something. Oh, yeah, the Bachelorette trip to the Barnes & Noble. Oh, I redownloaded Hinge last night. Okay. Just because I have like new pretty pictures

of myself. Yeah. Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew. Be sweet. Ew. Ew. Be sweet. Ew.

Ew. Yeah. Damn, you got me. I got you. It's like so fucking scary. That's the real, that's the real, L.A. horror nights. The real, L.A. Murphy. Yeah.

Yeah. It's not, it's like not, I just don't, I don't get it. And then I put myself, I went to New York. Last night, I, time traveled on Hinge, or I, I, you visited the portal. I visited, I went through the portal. And it's so much better in New York. I really think it's, there's something wrong with L.A. I think there are very few, like normal.

I'm not, I'm actually not even looking for normal. Like, very few, how you say. Genesee quaff. There's like, there's a little bit too much genusay quaff going on. Yeah, let's just say these guys got a little bit too much genesee quaff. And like, I don't want to be mean. So I'm not using like any words. You said EU nine times.

I really don't want to be mean, so I'm not going to say anything, but... Hi, Bestie. You said it you nine times. It's disgusting. Like, it's revolting. It's putrid. Like, it's literally like a hell on earth. Brooke, you know what you should do? You should go onto the side of that one really busy intersection and weho. And you should have like a little sign that says... You dropped your can. Whoa! Oh, my God. Oh, you scared me. I didn't know it was full. Damn, I cannot... I cannot get out of... this studio without a wet ass. I'll tell you what. It's either

I'm sweating. Oh, you dropped your paper towels. Shut up, girl. Girl, please. Well, the guy can't have hobbies. Having a wet ass. Have you told the story about your almost arrest on the way to Mammoth?

Not in depth. Obviously, Burke has heard it. Yeah. But basically, while we're talking about driving I guess we could just um I we were drop me and cat were driving to mammoth and get all the way there for some reason like it's a four hour driving it took us eight yeah double down we doubled down on our time and we're almost there like we're like 16 minutes out six oh okay the first okay go ahead we get pulled over like 14 yeah Jesus I'll shut up I know the story

we're like 15 minutes out whatever and get pulled over and this guy rolls up by this guy do you mean a police officer this dude this man rolls up walks up I can't remember I've been pulled over in

ages so I can't remember Domit's on What Dom lights on Oh that felt like a different language Sorry I thought you were doing like you

No Domitism Dom lesone, legume and papa, sibertan. Don Lebaxie. You're dom lesone today. Wait, legume and papa. E dom lesone. Megapie.

So, dom lezone. And then. I don't even know what you're trying to say still. Dome light. Dome lights. What's a dome light? This one's here. Domlights are the one.

that your parents always said, like, we can't, you can't have those on full crash. Oh, I heard you get pulled over if you have one. Or pulled over. Yeah, okay. What is so illegal about having a light on in a car at night? I think it's supposed to be distracting to other drivers maybe. But like, what are you, have you never seen a light before? But is that true?

It's not illegal, right? There's lights all over the road. Yeah. You should have your high beams on if you need to see further, but your low beams if you're in fog. Yep. Oh. Thank you. You're all good.

Keep going. So I have my domla zone. And then I was like, do I have to do ten and two? Do I hold my hands on the wheel? Ten and two is good. He rolls up. I'm already doing this smile. And me too as well.

Hello, sir. He's like, hey, King. So your car is not even registered in any state. And your license plate does not. It's a fake license plate. And I was like, what? At that point, I was like, what are you talking about? and he's like, well, you have a,

you have, my license plate used to say fibs. That one's gone? Because my dad got it for me for my birthday or something. It's illegal. It's not registered. It was like not even a real plate. Yeah, just like, it was like I didn't know. Like you go to a gift shop and buy it.

No, I unscrew my license plate and I put that on my car. Completely not registered. It wasn't even real. Like, it wasn't even a real license plate. No, but you had a real one. In my glove compartment. Yeah. Love.

And so he's like, Oh, so it was doing Hidden Mickey in the glove compartment. It wasn't. So the car was like literally like you may as well have been in like a Walmart buggy. I also could not find the insurance. Could not, didn't have it. You couldn't find it because I didn't have it in the same boat. He was also like your headlight is out and you were speeding.

Break light. Okay. You were thinking of a brake light. Yep. One of my brake lights was out and I was speeding. And he rolls up and he's like, you know what? Literally don't even worry about it. Like, I can tell you're stressed.

I need you to stop stressing. And he said, I want you guys to have fun. I want you to have a good weekend. He also thought Connor was 16. Thought I was 16. Was worried about him having his license at all, like due to age. Let us go. Let us go.

So the natural next step, let this, let them go. Obviously. And so he did let us roll away. We felt so good too. We turned the music back on. Music is up. I am out. Ow!

Cat, let's party. We are six minutes away now. We drove a total of one mile. Whip, whoop. We're going to go ahead and pull right over. I said, there's no way that's the same guy. Not at all. It's two guys.

Two police officers. Mean guys. One on both side. Brooke, I thought they were going to drag our limp bodies into the woods and beat the shit out of us. Oh, my God. That's horrid. Terrifying. Not charmed by him at really?

I was charming my lower back off. I was charming my hidden Mickey off. I was trying so hard and they were not buying what I was selling. And they were like, first of all, fuck you. All the same stuff. Your car's not registered at all. It hasn't been registered in any state since 2022. And I was like, okay, honest mistake.

Denually. Honest mistake. License is from Texas. My fake license plate is from Texas. My real license plate is in my glove compartment. Do not have insurance. Case of 30 beers in the backseat. They were like, to us, they were like,

which one you's been drinking the 30 beers? I go, sir, as you can see, it's an unopened box of beers. We are going to drink them in six minutes if you let us be. God forbid you live and let live. I mean, flashlights in the car. They're like, a lot of beer back here. I'm like, we're going skiing. What do you think we're going to go to skiing sober?

So he was able to say, tell him what he said, not a single thing legal about this vehicle. Not a single thing legal about this vehicle. And then what do you respond to something like that? He said, I feel horrible. I literally think I said, what did you say to him? What did you say to him? I think I said, I feel horrible.

No, you said like a joke. You said like a joke that you were doing a saying that weekend and you said it. I don't. Yay. Oh. Oh, I said yay. He's a not a single thing is legal about this car. And cat goes, yay.

In the passage, I was like, Yay. What are you supposed to say to that? Sorry. I said sorry, and he's like, don't apologize to me. I was like, do I apologize to the other guy? Right. Who should I apologize to you?

I don't get the shit personally. Like, this is obviously something that upset you. Right. Right. So who do I? I'm sorry that it hurt your feeling. I'm sorry that it hurt your feeling. I'm sorry that it hurt your feeling.

I'm sorry that. me not having an illegal car hurt your feelings. Yeah. I'm not sorry I did it. I'm sorry it hurt you. So then what did they instruct you to do? And did you get a ticket? I got,

the first one was a warning. And second one was like, kind of like a soft launch of a ticket. Yeah. Because I did have a fine. It was a fixed ticket. Yep, everything's good now. They gave him like the least,

the least amount of ticket possible. That's crazy. It is basically like you got to pay a couple dollars but just fix it, which is still crazy for the situation. That is truly remarkable. They also asked for our Airbnb address and said if you don't change the plate, like the second that you park and change it like at your Airbnb, we will come to your car and ticket it or tow it. Did you change it when you got to the Airbnb? No, we had to go because our friends were at the bar. Yeah.

We weren't going to miss Happy Hour. Right. Yeah. Did you change it when you got back from Happy Hour? Cat made me change it. Before we left. Yeah. We left her there for the week.

That's smart. And if cat wasn't there, you wouldn't have changed it. A whole weekend, no, I wouldn't, I forgot. Yeah. When I,

when we were safe in the Airbnb, safe. We were on base. We were driving, like, we were like shaking, trying to get there to six minutes. It was so scary because it was snowing too,

and it was like icy. And I was like, I know for a fact, like, the wolf huff and puffed at the first house and blew that house down. The second house, that wolf huffed and puffed and blew that house down.

Third house was me absolutely skid marking across this icy road and running into someone's body. Like I was like, I know that I'm going to do this. I'm going to do one more. And then we'll finish it this one. Okay. My cousin married a man whose wife died last summer. She got divorced this year. Lots of kids.

Let me step back because I don't really understand what I read. Yeah, I'm going to need one more run through. My cousin married a man whose wife died last summer. Did that hurt? Yeah. Did it really? Did it actually? Kind of.

You're fine, babe. Shit, man. Oh, my God. You said it wouldn't hurt. Did it hurt? No, it's okay. Well, now I feel horrible. Did she like...

Did she conk me over the head with that bottle? Uh-uh, no, I didn't. No. Brooke, you did it unprompted. Look, I never said, I said, I did not want to do that. They paused the podcast, they said, Brooke, you really need to do that. And I was like, I don't really want to. And now you're giving me shit.

I thought it was great. It hurt like a lot more. Like, I didn't have this hat on. Can you genuinely, after I smack him over the head, insert the roll of tapes of me saying, I don't really want to do that? But you didn't say that. I said, I said I'm like a little scared. Can I like, and then just get, just make sure you include Connor saying,

make sure you include Connor saying do it, do it, do it. I don't keep getting scared. No, hit me over the head with that shit. It's not sugar. No, it's not sugar. Why would you put that in your mouth? Why would you put that in your mouth?

Sugar. Oh, damn. Hang on. Don't swallow. I'm not. Ew. Oh, be sweet. Okay, you guys.

Connor, I'm so, I'm sorry. I hit you. with a glass bottle. Knock, knock. Who's there? Glass bottle. Glass bottle who? I'm going to hit you over the head with a glass bottle.

I'm going to say something that I'm going to take the person's name out of it. Okay. Because this happened yesterday. Let's bleep it. I got a phone. I want to know the name. I got a phone call. It doesn't matter.

Like, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter to me. I got a phone call from someone yesterday. Did not answer because I didn't have the number saved. Just tell me who. I got to, I got it. Just say his name. No, I'm going to tell you.

Say his name. I'm going to tell you his name. But. Say it now. No, no, it's a part of the story. I'm going to tell you. He tells me who he is. What, who is he?

Fuck you. Fuck you. Shut up. Really? Chair would probably look better. For what? To look better. I'm just like, you have a living room cuck chair?

It's crazy. Cuck chair? Do you know what a cuck chair is? Yeah, I know what a cuck is. What is a cuck? Like someone who gets cheated on, a husband who gets cheated on. No, someone who finds sexual pleasure in being in someone else engaging with their significant other.

No, I don't think they have to find pleasure in it. That's the whole thing. It's a kink. Well, no, there can be a kuck kink, but saying kuck doesn't imply kink. Yeah. I mean, I think the actual, like, originated there. I don't agree with you. Okay, well, that's what Google's for.

Yep. I have my, I have my fingers dangling above the bottom. Urban Dictionary, a man who lets his wife or girlfriend have sex with other men. Okay, well, that's urban dictionary. wants and treat him like shit. That's urban dictionary. John watches wife get fucked by another man. What a cuck.

Okay, I'm saying there is a cuck kink, but just the definition of cuck doesn't imply kink. Okay. Okay. We're both right. Make a cuck hold by having a sexual relationship with his wife or being a man whose wife is sexually unfaithful. I think we're both right. Okay. But I think I'm more right.

What were you saying it is? It's just like a man whose wife cheats on him. But he knows. is what I'm saying. I don't think, like, I could just say, oh, he's a cuck, but like he doesn't have to know. It feels really derogatory coming out of my mouth. It feels bad to say, but no. It feels really bad.

Look, we can go on the right. That's, that's, I mean, obviously, there's different means. A cuck hold is the husband of an adulterous wife. The wife of an adulterous husband is a cuck queen. But that's what I'm saying. Like, the definition is just like a man that's being cheated on. But to have a cuck kink would be if he liked it. Like the definition itself doesn't imply that there's already a kink there.

Oh my gosh, she's actually crazy. In biology, a cuckold is a male who unwittingly invests parental effort in juveniles who are not genetically his offspring. Aw. That's pathetic. It's sweet. But it is sweet. He's the father that a cuckold, biologically, it could be the father that stepped up. Yeah.

What is... What is wrong with a male pigeon who steps up to raise some little bit of a little bit of, baby pigeons. Nothing. Nothing. In fact, admirable. We're reclaiming cuck queen. She's my cut queen. Let her hit the bando. Yeah. Okay. Now I'm like very, um, what's the word? Confused? No. No, it's like a very simple word that's escaping me. Hungry. It's not subconscious, self-conscious. I'm very self-conscious about not matching your free. right now. I want to hear a funny, funny comment that someone DM'd me. I don't know. It was on my close friends. You probably saw it. I didn't see it. I don't know. I wasn't really on my phone

this weekend. Okay. I'm going to infeed it because I went to Catalina Island yesterday. Yeah. And, you know, I was in a bathing suit, so all the pictures are of me in a bathing suit. Yeah. And I have decided that I just don't care. Good. About my body. But someone in response to a story of my body. Yay. Which, yay, of course. This is the DM I got. Give me one second while I load the DM, okay?

You hit me whenever you're ready. I just got a Matt King tagged you in a post and it scared me half to death. Oh, it's just a horrible drunk photo of me. Okay. Imagine being a woman and just being like, you know what, fuck it. Like a body's a body, body neutrality. Okay. Here's a picture of me and my baby.

bathing suit. I'm not thinking anything of it. Like, whatever. Like, insert this DM. Hi, so I've never tried something like this before, and I know it will sound weird, but you popped on my explore page, and I finally felt good about myself. I've been on social media forever, and like, I've always been idolizing the perfect hourglass, flat stomach bodies, and, like, you have the same body as me, and it finally made me feel pretty from once. I know this might be a very weird message for you to get. I know you're not a body influencer, but you've helped me. to make me feel more confident in my own body and I thank you. I can't express how happy I am to have scrolled upon your content.

Also, your podcast thingy is really cool. What do you think is the most offensive part of that? Podcast thingy? No. Hourglass figure? Flat stomach. Finally pretty for once? I think that was the kicker for me.

I like finally pretty for me. That's my Instagram caption, by the way. Finally feeling pretty for once. Yeah, that's what I'm going to make the caption. I'm going to dump all those bathing suit pictures in this at the end. Caption, Finally Pretty, Check, for once, check. It's already drafted. Finally pretty for once, check.

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us in your corner. Our best lineup is here at Lowe's. Val-Fa-Five-2527. While Supplies last, selection varies by location. See associate or Lowe's.com for details. Walk me through the spider propaganda that you wanted to talk about today. I have been affected by Big Spider. Uh-huh. In a way that makes me full-blown emotional, Brooke.

Yeah. Oh my God, I'm going to get choked up. I see that. I saw this TikTok of this spider. Oh, my God. Cute little bubbly walking up spider, like, but not like a spider that I've ever known. Cute. Cute as a button that one. Personal, personal bull. Like my best friend, my right hand man.

And the quote on the video of the spider walking up on the table, oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't know being seen would cost me my life. I'm gonna cry. That is like really, really powerful when you put it back. Oh my God. I'm like actually going to think like how many times you've done that.

You're part of the problem. Oh my God. I'm going to read some of the, I'm going to read some of the comments on it. Please do. That is powerful. Oh my God. Brooke.

Literally there's tears in my eyes. I see. I know. I do not blame you. I mean, given the circumstances. of today. I don't blame you. And all that has come before me and given the fact that I did fall out of a coconut tree last night,

it's no surprise that I'm crying about the spider. I know. I know. Oh my God. It's making me. I can see you're emotional. Oh my God. I found it.

Let's see. Oh, that's not a cute spider by the way at all. That is scary. Let it get closer to you. It's coming to say hello. It's the music that's making you think it's cute. Read us in some of the comments Oh and I'm sorry for scaring you

And I'm sorry for scaring you but I didn't know that being seen would cost me my life I know I heard you the first time yeah Oh you're killing me Okay I'm gonna read some of this And I'm gonna say paragraph after each one so you know that one comment ends in the actual I appreciate it thank you Did the spider tell you that paragraph? that's a cute spider no that's not even funny not my problem flip-flop emoji oh do you know why they put the flip-flop emoji

I think that's the murder weapon I know oh my god there's so many flip-flop emojis this is like people are not reading the room hate speech like for me that is heinous the spiders can live but not in my house you have always said that which is scary to think of where you've come from live life but not in my bedroom paragraph okay but don't come in my room paragraph. Girl, the spiders I see are not like that paragraph. That's exactly what I'm talking about. Like, I don't see spiders like this, but it literally feels like I am a racist talking about spiders.

Like, oh, that's not the spiders that I see. Do you know what I'm talking about? Like, my eyes are opened. My eyes are a gape. Yeah. After learning this new information. I feel like I went on an eat, pray love trip, but I'm coming back with like a full new view because of this TikTok.

Yeah. Can we find like I know that there has been a few moments in this podcast where Connor has spoken negatively about spiders. If we could find those and then kind of juxtapose that with how far you've come. I think that would be a beautiful montage with that music set set to it. I just like this broke my heart. Like I feel like it's in a million pieces. Oh my God. Thank you for sharing that.

Of course, like, this is the only space I would share my newfound, like, empathy, I guess, for arachnids. But that is what it is. That is what it is. And I don't know how else to say it. And I'm embarrassed. I like, I do want to set my apartment on fire. Yeah. When I move out.

But, like, now knowing this, it's like, how different is the scary, disgusting one that was in my bed from this little. jumping spider. But that's a bad way of thinking. Like one is scary and disgusting because of the way it looks. That's what I'm saying. Yeah.

So. And if you are racist and you're listening to this, just kidding. Stop listening. One. What's two? One.

I wasn't going to go on. Oh, okay. Stop listening. Or just like, keep listening and be changed. Yeah, that's, that's even better. Yeah. You can change. If I can do it, you can do it.

Okay. Wow, that was powerful. I mean, hate speech can be transformed into love speech. Hi, my love. You look disgusting. That's rude. That is so rude. Hey, you look great. Thank you.

And so do you. I love the glasses. How do you feel? I feel great. Shana, killed as usual. Whoa. Wait, so.

Yes. What part of your face is still your skin? And, uh-uh. Keep that tongue in your mouth. So I guess it's CGI. I show badly need to stop you right now and do something that I've been wanting to do since I put on my cloak. Okay. I think I kind of have to move the table to.

Okay. Is it, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I had to, I had to, I had to, I had to, what were you saying about CGI? It's not important at all after that. Yeah. Thank you. Do what did that look good? Like, very hot. I got Megan knees. Megan knees. Megan knees. Megine's. I can't enunciate any further than that. Oh my God. I'm having a, my heartbeat is a little bit delayed also people aren't just like shooting them and then they were just rot on the field like they eat the no I know okay anyways which is why I'm like I can't even talk because I literally had ribs last night

how were they like I don't even want to say pork or beef like the Chinese kind like barbecue spare ribs like pork pork okay so good I was like pork or beef and she was like Chinese

okay That should answer it. They have cows in China. I'm sure they do, but I'm saying the kind of ribs that you get at a Chinese restaurant are a pork base. You can get beef ribs. Do you know that my mom wanted me to keep kosher when I was in middle school? And so I used to get to school really, really early and get bacon and eat it behind a trash can. We have been shaped by all that is.

before us. Yeah. And now we have to unburden ourselves by what, what has been. Yeah. 100%. It was the last day of the fair last night, so that's why we went. Really? Yeah.

Yeah. Did you go on to the abduction zone? I went on the abduction zone. Did you get sucked off? It doesn't have the same, jean-se-cois, when you're not blackout drunk, I have to say. Oh, I didn't realize when you had been sucked off the last time you were blackout. I got sucked off on the abductors. He had gotten sucked off by the abduction zone.

Yeah. Okay. Last year. So there's a difference. Okay. Yeah. Um, I went on and I was like, oh, my head hurts like that. It smelled like vomit in there.

Really? It was hot. It's random. It smelled like vomit. That's the one that sucks you too. It was weird like being suck like, it's me like, all right, I'm over it. Like I couldn't. I couldn't do anything.

I couldn't move and my face is getting peeled back like this. I'm like, oh my God. What? What longer do we have? But I did go on it. So. I didn't get to go on it. I know we had talked about it

but I didn't end up getting to go on the gravvary. I don't even get a gravitron and there's an abduction zone. The abduction zone is further away it's over by the zipper. We were there. That's where the ship was.

Are they like sisters? Um, their chosen family, I would say. They're not twins. You get sucked off on both? I'd say it's sucking off is pretty exclusive to the abduction zone. Were you sucked off at all last night? Not really.

No, I was blue-bold. Sorry to hear that. You okay? Yeah. The craziest thing. I played this one game. Shut on. Sorry, I sound like the aliens in the adoption zone.

Move forward. Go ahead. Thank you. I've just spit, go ahead. No, like, what I'm going to say next is so stupid. I'm stupid now that all that has got. down down what happened go ahead no i i'm just just shocked that so many people like i'm out of can does this what you sound like off the can

no i'm not even saying no i really it's so it's so not important i'm ready for it okay what i was going to say yeah we're going to get canceled like this episode we're going to get canceled for being alien abductions they're going to cut that part and they're going to say This is why we stopped giving white men microphones. I agree. Okay, so I asked people for like niche interests and hobbies. Lying in bars. That's fun, yeah.

Yeah, because I think that they should invent a place that you can lay flat, like a flat lay. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you meant telling lies. How was it spelled, Connor? It's totally making up false truths. In a pub. You're right. Oh, I was thinking, like, I would love to lay down and have a cocktail. It's awesome to see where your brain went, because I'm aligned with that.

Look at me right now. I'm almost horizontal. Yeah. I think they should put beds everywhere. I think they should put pods on the street that's just like, can't make it home due to exhaustion. No worries. Swipe your car. Do you have a membership? Head on into the bedchamber. I'm sure that nothing would go wrong in L.A. with the bedchambers on the street. No, it wouldn't. Like, just like an offshoot of a Starbucks, the bedchamber?

What the fucking talking? Like how people use the bathrooms in Starbucks? Oh. Use the bed chamber. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Hop into my bedchamber. Yeah.

And there also should just be more like public restrooms. Yeah. We have this conversation too much, like for two people. I have to tell you something. Yeah, tell me something. I went to a workout class. this morning. Oh, good for you. Is that not the most shocking thing? At seven. What? I know. Huh? I know. It's very confusing. What kind of workout class?

Core power. Why did you start with that? That's like the big, that's the most breaking news that we've. I meant to. Like, I, that is so admirable of you to go. I'm never going again. And I know I, I know I picked up a case of Dom's. Like, I feel it starting. I feel the beginning. stages of just like being sore after a workout it's not even it's just off like something's off and I know that come tomorrow and you because you know it's delayed onset I know come tomorrow when I wake up I'm doing work from home tomorrow and Izzy can we do obsessed are we doing obsessed from the cuck chair on Thursday I'm going to have to just due to a pre-existent condition yeah yeah so at least you're able to get ahead of it because you've totally ahead of it I know what to do

I'm prepared I'm not going to think I have tumors on all of my bones. I'm honestly excited to brave the doms knowing what I know. You should get in like a hot tub or something or like a cold plunge. I don't know how you would access either of those at this time. Honestly, like having doms knowing you have doms, it's almost like there's something about it that's good. It's scary when you don't know what it is, but then when you know like, oh, this is my body's muscles being sore because I worked so. Yes.

You're saying that we got there. I'm going to be sore after a workout. That's okay. That's like normal. No, Connor. No, no, no. You're talking about workout soreness. I'm talking about doms.

You've never, this is coming from someone who's clearly never had doms. You're right. You don't, you can't speak about doms unless you've been sore after workout, but I've never had delayed onset muscle sadness. I'm trying to put it,

I'm trying to put a positive spin on it. Like I'm not scared. Good for you. This is a person facing a disease head on and I'm not scared. scared. Good for you. Okay, like I was last time.

I'm embracing it because what else can you do? Going in head on to the doms. Yeah, you're right. It's not, it's not, I'm sore after a workout. That's what people, that's, that's the problem with doms is that's what people think, and that's why people don't take it seriously. Right. So when I work out today, I'm going to, I'm going to do chess and then, and then Thursday

when I'm sore, that's not delayed onset muscle, That's being sort of from a workout a day later. Cosplaying is one of those male doctors that tells women like, oh, like, it's normal to throw up and bleed out and faint every time you have a period. What? That's you right now. No, I'm not. You're literally delegitimizing my health issues. No, I said, I'm saying, you said I absolutely can't experience Dom's.

You said that. You said that's unique to you. It's unique to the population of people who experience doms, which you've clearly never had based off of the way that your lack of understanding is neon. Oh, I have clearly never had it. No. You kind of sound like one of those doctors, actually. No, I can't because I'm a woman. Oh, shit.

Yeah, I always forget about that. Okay, he almost came out, came out and was like, he came out as bisexual and he was like, no, no, no, he did. Oh. Wait, what? I almost watched that on the airplane yesterday, but I watched Burn After Reading instead, which... What's that? Okay, so that's one of those movies.

It's called Burn After Reading. First of all, is there anything better in the world than sitting down and seeing a movie that, like, you're like, oh, I've actually been wanting to watch this, and you're on a plane, and you look in the timing is perfect because our Wi-Fi went out. Oh, no, that's nice. So it was like, yeah, it was kind of forced to be off my phone

the whole time, which was nice, but I was just looking at another similar size screen, which was also nice, because I was getting my, Papa was getting his blue light prescription. Did you know what you were getting into? No, I had no idea. I've heard Burn after reading. I've heard that name.

Listen to the people in this movie. Brad Pitt, George Clooney. I thought you hated when there was a stacked cast. But the thing about this particular stacked cast is that it was a different time. So I think that they weren't all competing to like get a bigger page. I don't really understand what the deal was back then. But like, they didn't overpower each other. They weren't competing for screen.

time. George Pitt. I love George Pitt. Gorge Clooney. What is it? Oh my God. Gorge Clooney is one of my favorite. Gorge Clooney, George Pitt.

George, what is it? Blad Pitt? What's their names? As you were saying, Blad Plit. Grand Geldon. What is it? What are you?

Whoa, I'm having a stroke, actually. Brand Geldon. Borgie. I don't know. Who's Fran Geldon? Who's Fran Geldon? Borge? Hang on.

I'll just read it. Thank you. I'm sweating. Oh, my God. You sound like you went down the drain. Sorry. I don't know if this is a stress dream or just a dream, but I had a dream that I got picked up from Chipotle in an Uber. And my Uber driver was pregnant and then started going the wrong way.

She was a woman. Started going the wrong way. Oh, well, that explains it. started going the wrong way and I was like oh that's the wrong way and then she was like you're my baby now oh go on you're my baby now and turned out she went full Terry Schuster and the pregnancy bump was fake and she took me home to my childhood home and started treating me like a baby and then thank God I watched so much criminal minds I knew to feed into the delusion yeah yeah so I was like go go go go let her treat me like a little baby and then i said i just have to go grab some stuff at my home

and then i'll come right back and she was like oh god yeah and then i got out it's so great but then i had to crawl to your home oh my gosh that's like a good that's like a great that's like a great play it's crazy how me and you immediately will go like what's that syndrome and uh stockholm syndrome i'm like I feel like me and you would be really good at faking. No, I did not get Stockholm syndrome. No, I know, but faking it. Yes. Yes.

You have to feed into the delusion. 90% of the time. Sometimes the unsub will catch on to that and that will really aggravate them. So you just have to keep a finger on the pulse of the unsub. Okay, I'll try. You know I probably have E. coli. No, I didn't. Yeah.

Because that's the only explanation. From the bade. Was that a dream too? No, that was a Twitter thing. I saw that yesterday. No, I don't. But I got food poisoning on last Thursday. What were your symptoms?

The most, I still have it right now. The most unimaginable bloating constantly. And then visitation rights, visitation rights to any restroom space 60 times a day. Do you need to make right now? No. But I just, like, I've never had food poisoning in my life. And I know what it was. I feel like food poisoning is usually like puking, no?

I don't know. But it wasn't, it's never, no puking involved. Not to talk about puking. But I've never experienced food poisoning before. I got into Austin late at night. And so I did one of those like, I'm at the airport. I'm door dashing right now. So it's at my hotel when I get there.

Wait, sorry. What was the food? Did you say? Why is like street shwerma always open? 12.30 a.m. You know? I should know. I should just drink water and pray and act like I'm fasting because it's 1230. I could just go to sleep. Right. Or I could get two chicken chwamas. Yeah. You know, and eat both of them. That's your right. They were so delicious. I was like, I'm going to get

these and get in tomorrow. I wake up. I'm not even going to say it because I would probably ask to cut what I was about to say. Just say it. And we could always cut it. Just say it. No, I don't even want you guys to know. I'm going to tell you guys, but I want you guys not to look at me differently. I'm like, I'm gonna fart in my bed. I sharded it in my bed. Oh, that's fine. No, like I pooped in my bed. I pooped the bed. Obviously, that's the best place to do it besides the toilet. Aziz has to leave the serious way because she spilled everywhere from her from her mouth. Oh, she spilled from her mouth. I, from then on, have not been okay. This morning, not okay. I'm about, like, I might have to go to urging care and like have some somebody a professional look at my stomach it's not okay and I

narrowed it down to either that or my smoothie I had on Friday morning something tells me it was the shworma yeah I'm leaning towards the street swarma made probably with someone's bare hands that's really like just really disappointing anyways sorry to hear anyways I would have been right beside you and you're I'm a baby dream just shitting my little crib shitting in my crib I need a Dipey change Yeah We all could you say

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