Brooke and Connor Make A Podcast - BNCMAP’s Best of 2023

Episode Date: December 28, 2023

SUBSCRIBE TO THE NEW BNC CHANNEL: https://bit.ly/45Pspyl  Ad Free & Bonus Episodes: https://bit.ly/3OEBbbj What a year it has been! As an end of the year treat, we’ve compiled the best moments from this year all into one space for your viewing pleasure. Thank you for an incredible 2023, here’s to many more memories in 2024!  BNCMAP Merch: https://shoptmgstudios.com  Join our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/5356639204457124/  If you listen on Apple Podcasts, go to: https://apple.co/bandc  B+C IG: https://www.instagram.com/bncmap/ B+C Twitter: https://twitter.com/bncmap TMG Studios YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/tinymeatgang TMG Studios IG: https://www.instagram.com/realtmgstudios/ TMG Studios Twitter: https://twitter.com/realtmgstudios BROOKE https://www.instagram.com/brookeaverick https://twitter.com/ladyefron https://www.tiktok.com/@ladyefron  CONNOR https://www.instagram.com/fibula/ https://twitter.com/fibulaa https://www.tiktok.com/@fibulaa Hosted by Brooke Averick & Connor Wood, Created by TMG Studios, Brooke Averick & Connor Wood, and Produced by TMG Studios, Brooke Averick & Connor Wood. 0:00 Happy New Year! 0:37 Intro 1:00 WE GOT INTO HARVARD! (Ep 54) 3:09 Office Crushes (Ep 56) 4:23 The Shrimp Debate (Ep 57) 6:45 The Hangover Rank (Ep 59) 12:45 Brooke’s Short King Service (Ep 61) 15:57 Getting Sweaty W/ Alex D (Ep 65) 18:37 Esophagus The Philosopher (Ep 66) 20:38 Connor’s Cool Shell (Ep 67) 22:01 The Toe Sucker Roleplay (Ep 69) 25:50 What’s A Nugget Game? (Ep 70) 31:59 Lewis Capaldi’s Statue Reveal (Ep 72) 34:39 I Have Purse (Ep 74) 36:47 Begging For The Seed (Ep 76) 39:13 Getting Sucked Off By The Obduction Zone (Ep 79) 43:24 Where’s My Dad? (Ep 79) 44:55 Andrew Garfield Is Ick-Proof (Ep 81) 46:39 B&C’s Little Kid Encounters (Ep 84) 55:00 NATO Deep Dive (Ep 84) 59:40 Hunter Biden’s Haircut (Ep 88) 1:04:49 Meeting Luke Bryant (Ep 89) 1:07:35 Life As The Counts (Ep 92) 1:12:16 B&C Forever! (Ep 54) 1:12:44 See You In Bonus!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, you guys. It's that time of year again where we all start to reflect on the things we did in the last year, everything we've done in the last year. What an incredible year we've had in the past as well. What an incredible year we've had from our old person kiss to the sweaty Alex D episode to becoming full-blown NATO stand. It's safe to say that we've done it all this year and there's still more to come. We're so thankful for you guys in the year that we had together. So here's to many more. together with B and C. Enjoy our best moments from 2023, and we'll see you guys in the new year.

O-M-G. Harvard, we're here. You've truly done yourself this time around. We made it. Wow, and they kind of set us up with everything that we might need. Should we explore a bit? Okay, let's go. Now, this is kind of a surprise piece.

I've never been here before, but I've especially never seen that. They said they were going to leave something in here for us. Okay, are you ready? Yeah, grab that. Okay, ready? I think so. I don't know if... Pull on it. Are you having trouble with your height?

A little. It's one of those. Okay, got it. Ready? Yeah. Be very careful because we have precious materials. Let me knick, knacks. Oh. Oh, my God, I look gorgeous.

Holy. Wow. I can't look away. Oh, way. You look cool, but I literally have never. Holy shh. Are you seeing that? I'm about to start crying for some reason.

I don't know. Yeah, I'm seeing it. Wow, Brooke. Lady Brooke in the flesh. Wow, Harvard. You had outdone yourselves. Oh. Oh, my God.

I need to put that on my mirror. I can't hop on Instagram fast enough. That is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life. Hey, do you mind? Can you just get next to that? I need to send this to my mom. Oh my gosh. Look at her.

How can I... What in the world? About the tomato sweater where I was really hot, that's kind of what I was picturing. Oh, my goodness. Wow. Oh, I've got to get that outfit as well. This shouldn't have made me think of this,

but there was a study that just came out. that like office really sorry to bring this up but like office crushes and like relationships are down by like 25% in like the last 10 years because we work from home oh probably yeah but this was that that'll do it yeah that could be it but they were going down before too why do you think probably like sexual harassment but like they're saying like you couldn't do a Jim and Pam type thing anymore because you get fired from ABC. They probably just not reporting it. They probably still exist, but they're not being recorded.

People do it in secret. Well, I guess like that, that lady cop and those that like had sex with every single one of her co-workers. Who? Did you not hear that whole story? Lady cop. Lady cop. Lady cop. I think just cop.

Lady what? Cop. Lady cop. Police officer. Okay. Hang on. No. Connor.

No. do not tell the story of the police officer that had sex with all her co-workers. Talk about the Super Bowl. Like what we came here to do. Know what else you're not supposed to eat? Microplastics. Cold cuts. Like, yeah.

Like deli meat. Oh. But I will, I am like I'm like interested in finding a way that I could get around that. Well, I'm sure modern medicine can provide you an out. Right. Why can't you eat that? Like, that makes no sense. I don't know.

But I know that the fish thing, it's, I think it's mercury. Right. You should avoid all raw or undercoat fish when you're pregnant, though many types of fish are safe to eat when fully cooked. Raw fish, including sushi and sashimi, are more likely to contain parasites or bacteria than fully. So it's just a risk that you have to be willing to take. Okay. I'll have a shrimp tempura roll. It's still raw in there, though.

No, that's cooked. But it's the shrimp tempera and then there's raw fish in it. No, there's not. Oh. The shrimp is cooked. But that's the shrimp tempera. Tempora. Tempora. Tempora.

Tempora. But then there's fish in there too. No, I know. There's fish in the shrimp temporal roll. Yeah, but it's cooked. The fish is cooked. No, it's not. Yes, it is.

Is shrimp? Can you Google, can you have shrimp when you're pregnant? I don't think you can. But the thing about the whole microplastic seems when they're like, you can't eat fish. Most experts agree that sushi without raw fish is safe during pregnancy. As long as it's prepared in a sanitary environment, that means veggie rules, California rolls, and shrimp to pro. Oh. Finish the sentence.

Shrimp to rolls, get the green line. Green light, babe. Well, I wouldn't need a shrimp. without child. I know that's crazy to me that you don't like. There is no difference between a shrimp and a cockroach except the shrimp lives underwater.

I think the taste is the difference. Have you eaten a cockroach? Have you? No, nor have I eaten a shrimp. You haven't tasted a shrimp? I have and I didn't like it. Because anything that it's like, hey, remember to remove the poop sack.

I'm actually so good. I'll have a peanut butter and jelly. There's no poop sack in those. That's really funny, Connor. I get it. For your stand-up tonight. Oh. Connor, that's so good.

Let me see if I can weave in shrimp to my Valentine's Day stand-up set. And while we're at it, shrimp. What's up with these poop sex? Yeah, that's like a very Larry David bit. What's up with these poopsets? I'm trying to be more intentional. about the intro. The intro.

Welcome back to Brigh-Connor Make a podcast. We are happy to have you here. Welcome to it. Where do we even begin? Let's get into it. I keep trying to bite my mic like an apple. Damn, Conner.

Are you hungry? I don't know. No, I'm not. Because if a kid in preschool was biting something that they shouldn't be biting. You asked if they're hungry? I would look for something

that is okay to bite. Are you hungry? Thirsty? What? Interesting route. Yeah, Redirection. No, I am,

just to get ahead of it. Get ahead of it. Please get ahead of it. I'm a Republican. I'm just kidding. I'm so hungover. And I'm at a level of hangover right now

that like, I haven't had in so many, so many years of doing what I do, which is being a dumb, dumb ass. Right. And I'm like at a level right now

where I would have called in sick to my. office job. Walk us through your symptoms. Um, like about to cry, like, just like moving. Mm-hmm. Every time I move, I get this feeling and every time we touch, I reach for the sky. Can't you see my heart beat fast? Well, you're being really funny, which is good. So like, every time I'm funny, I'm like, oh, maybe I'm still drunk. Right. I do think you might be, which is perfect. But what's going to suck is when that goes away, probably for bonus.

I think it's going to be about 40 minutes into the podcast. My Uber driver, hated me on the way here too. Why? Couldn't even get in my car to drive. I can drive you home by the way. I'd love to. Oh, thank you. Yeah. Oh, new car? Yeah, in my new car. I want to drive you home. I mean, that's just said. That's like, I have nothing else to say. Yeah. Just like, I'm in, I mean, I'm here. And I'm only here because it's this.

Right. I would have called in sick to all my other jobs that gave me health insurance. Right. I'm here today. You don't have that. Right. Raw dogging. Right. I really appreciate it. Raw dogging health. I really appreciate it.

Because if it were me, I would have called out in one second. I know. But also if it were me, I would have gone home at 10. Right. But hindsight. 50-50. That's what we've always said. Well, thanks for being here.

I'm just going to be going ham on these waters. Right. On these liquid deaf waters. Because liquid death. Liquid death? I'm about talking. to go liquid death. I feel like one of my senses

is going to go away soon. And that's fine. You don't need all. That's why you have five. There's some buffer. I hope it's hearing. Which sense would you rather, would you,

okay, in order of one to five, one being the one that you would be most okay losing. Rank the fences from what you'd be most okay losing to what you'd be leaving. No other podcast is rating the five senses, by the way. Okay.

That's good. We are the only ones. We're, um, trailblazers. Yeah. I'm not obsessed with smell. I don't need it.

Okay. I'm actually, like, am I rating worst first? Smell is the one you'd be most okay losing? Yeah. Okay. I love like Adele, so I feel like I need to hear. Okay. So here is God?

No, I think seeing is first. No, Connor, number one is the one you'd be most okay losing. Oh, hearing. Okay. I'm so sorry, smell. Okay. Okay. Because I hate bad smells more than I.

I love good smells. Agree. Yeah. A bad smell makes me... Agree. I need to have a gun. Agree. Agree.

Okay. Who has that smell? I'm with you. Smell? Yeah. I would do smell, feel, feeling. You would lose feeling? I guess I'd rather...

Oh, I guess I'd rather... I'd lose taste. Smell taste, feeling. Is that sense called feeling? Touch. Touch. Walk me through what our number one is. Hearing in sight.

Hearing? No, no, no. Connor, one is the one is the worst. Okay. Well, you ranked it.

Yeah, that's a stupid way to rank it, but I've already committed to it. My number one of what I hate. My number one that I hate. Okay, smell, taste, touch, hearing, seeing.

Seeing I would need most. Do you agree with that? It's cough. What is coughing? Oh, I have a cough drop too. Does that fit into the mess? Take a cough. drop.

I smoked a cigarette last night. Uh-huh. And when I smoke a cigarette when I'm drinking, it stays with me for seven days. Right. Perfect. Do you want a cough drop? I would love a cough drop. Perfect. Thank you so much.

I feel like you should take the meds like in the morning when you wake up. Like, because you just took Advil now. Now you're just having a cough drop. Take it when you wake up. So get ahead of it It's kind of just like Trying to put my hugs on This morning

Oh you mean you couldn't possibly get further than that No it was like a one track thing I was like Just get to your Uber Right Uber hated me Okay back to our ranking system Okay So you said

I think ours are probably the same Say it one more time I'll reverse it for you Sight most important to me Followed by hearing Followed by touch Followed by taste followed by smell Yeah

Yeah, I feel like... I mean, there's really no other answer. Right. Let us know in the comments what yours would be. They're all going to rank hearing pretty high because they're hearing us talk to them. Yeah, they would probably rather not. So...

Oh. We don't know where they would put here. Leave a comment if you'd love to go deaf so that you would never have to hear one of our podcasts again. Awesome. How was your weekend? What were you talking about?

Courage of Cowardly Dog. I just was... There was an episode with Viking. Oh, can we see if Fleet Ferrickson was a real? Yeah, he was a Viking. Okay, don't look at that verse second. Just look at me. And tell me, what are the Vikings?

How would you define Viking? A Viking is an individual who's passionate about their craft. Which is? The craft is. Pillaging and kind of being a pillager as they pillaged through New Lands fighting on behalf of Land and Sea LLC. Very good.

And what time period? He's generally, but Lee Farrexen is believed to be the first European to reach the North American continent. Huh? So he's not a Viking? Oh. Oh. Hold on. He's the OG Christopher Columbus. He arrived four

centuries before. We need to put some respect on Lee Ferris's name. I don't know if he's a good guy. No, because on behalf of. half of the pillaging. Yeah, I don't think we do want to do that. Okay. Like at all. Well, I'm just saying from like an O.G perspective. Right. Well, we're not putting respects on Christopher Columbus either. No. But I think like both of them are not respected at this time. I guess if he was four centuries before. Right. Imagine 400 times maybe worse than Christopher Columbus is hard to wrap your head around on behalf of the pillaging.

Damn. Well, you wouldn't want to be pillaged. I don't think I would. I wouldn't want to be around for that. So how did I get to courage? Well, he was banished from Iceland as well. When Eric himself, Eric, who I'm thinking must be Leif, so he, I guess his nickname was Leif, pretty cool. When Eric himself was exiled. I think his nickname's Eric. His name is Leif. Oh, I'm so sorry.

His last name is Erickson, so they just, that was a nickname. Yeah. His name is Leif and Erickson. So when he found himself exiled from Iceland for killing, I Laf the Fowl, we need to back these kind of Connor the what Wood Connor the tall

that's what I would go by oh cool so when I was on my way somewhere by boat they'd say I hear you six four I really was actually thinking like how lucky you and the other TMG boys are to have me just in terms of like a comparison of height

because it's like you guys you are tall and I've always said that Connor the tall Connor the tall but everyone really like if I look at stills like Cody and Noel both look like they could be six foot next to me which is like it doesn't matter like being six foot isn't better than being I don't know what they are 511 but like it is like I think that they not they should be grateful to me but keep going it's something to think about it's just something to think about that maybe that's why I was asked to be on a pod yeah I think you know you know

I reached out to you. Yeah? Yeah, and what did you say? I can't. I'm not going to actually read the message because it brings me actual. I don't remember what it's like that. Okay, good. Do you get anxiety?

I can pull it up right now, actually. It makes me want to. I have it on my phone. Should I pull it up? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Summary. I'll summarize. I had been drinking a little bit.

Oh, drinking. I talked a little bit. I don't remember a weird. No, no, no. I said every now and then I checked a seek. At that point, I think my name was in your. bio and I was a little bit

like taking a back at that difficult time and then you have I just like had a little bit of a warm Shurpa take the Shirpa I'll tell you what the Shirpa under the light

it's like a rough combo for body temperature but I I DM you and I said every now and then I check to see if my name is still in your bio like my grandpa has a memorial bench on a golf course that we got for him when he passed and this is my bench on the Of course is your bio.

You did not write that? No, I... You did? I believe I did. I don't think I read it. Oh, good. Or maybe I just... Locked it out.

How about it? What were you worried about? Oh, you were a long sleeve? It was cold this morning. Is this the food poisoning setting in? Oh, yeah. The sausage was a gray that I had not seen in a meat. It was like...

It was like... Also, the place had like such a smell. Oh. Oh, it was fishback. Was there nowhere else for you guys to go? No, the thing is, like, if it's me and Connor, like, it's gonna, we're gonna have to end up somewhere like that and it makes sense. We constantly get it. I get it. I actually understand that, yeah.

We constantly get waiters that, like, she just came up over her table and was standing. And I was like, can I help you? I was actually, I thought she was mad at me for a second, but she's just an internal processor, I think. Yeah. So, um Should we do our Oh my god, You're scaring this shit out of me

With your food poisoning I'm starting to, um Show Well, we haven't really There's a bit of boozy happening The more I talk about it, the worse it gets So

Yeah Let's move forward You want like a cold Compress No, I'm good A wash cloth We want the rest of this coffee That'll help

That should be good Yeah Move it along Morgan Is it showing? Can you guys see how much I'm sweating? Yeah Yeah

Is it clear? Is it picking up on the on the cam? No. It's charming. It's endearing. You think the sweat? It's earnest. Good word.

Good word of sleep. Sunday of the wedding, which was after two days of, like literally drinking, eating. The wedding was essentially like a three-day event. It was like you couldn't have experience a better wedding. On the third day, it was like brunch. and then we day drank. And it was like the best way to like end. I day drank like a maniac, which was obviously.

You get like so, so, so drunk like on the verge of blacking out in front of your parents. And what's that like? My dad told me. For those audio listeners, Connor did shake his head in the affirmative. Yeah. My dad said on Monday morning, you are not in college anymore. Which is a great reminder to get from your dad while you're abroad. So I'll be

Taking it easy for the next couple weeks Because I feel like I get embarrassed If I'm like tipsy plus in front of my I mean I was there I was not saying you each other I was in Italy with a bunch of people That were also drinking a lot And it was so much fun

I guess I feel embarrassed because it's just me alone Did not need to cry giving my speech But Oh what did you what do you say I won't go into it Because it is like as if I looked up It's as if I asked someone at home goods to print me off a speech from one of those signs that like a white woman would

hang in her kitchen. Oh, I love those. Yeah. So I teared up giving that the most generic speech ever, which I thought was brilliant at the time. Did anyone else cry? And then I went and smoked a cigarette like I was just like this as if I was esophagate or not sophagus. Asophagus. Like a philosopher. What's his name? Aristotle. Sophortese, whatever. What I call him? Asophagus. Okay. Anyways, on on the Sunday after the brunch, We went to this bar that overlooked all of like Homo and we... Sorry, I can't get over you thinking a philosopher's name was esophagus. He looks like an esophagus.

Do you know what an esophagus is? Yeah. Look what I have today. Like a couple days, no, a couple days ago, I found this. I've been going to the beach because the sun's coming out finally. Shells? No, I found this piece of coral that's shaped like a chicken wing. How would you know that's coral?

I mean, what else would it be? I don't know what that, a rock, sea rock? No, a sea rock would be coral. Oh. Do you want to touch it? Yeah, I do. It's a warm. I've kept it with me.

That is a chicken wing. I know. And you think I don't know that? This is more chicken wing shape than a chicken wing. I know. So it's been in kind of just like my presence for a long time and I never understood people that like have crystals. But I do understand them now. Because this is my kind of crystal situation.

It's kind of brought me a bit of peace. I never would have thought this is coral because when I think of coral, I think of orange. Yeah, it's white. But Carl can come in on shapes and sizes. Oh, don't do that because you're your team. It's showing off my chicken wang. Thank you for sharing. Of course.

That is like the perfect show and tell. I know. No, I know. We should have show and tell as adults. I know. We should do that next week. Okay. I show people and tell them everything.

about me every time I talk to anyone so I don't really like don't need a designated time for that. But yeah, I do like where your head's at. Was it you that said that hotel owners have too much power? It was. And because, and here's our first headline today, great job passing me that baton. Wait, can we pull up this link? I just saw it over the weekend. Someone else talked about it on their podcast, but I want everyone to know I had it bookmarked before they talked about it. I can't remember who it was. Oh, I know who it was. It was. We Might Be Drunk podcast with Samarrell, and Noel just went on this podcast, and Mark Norman.

Tennessee Hotel guests wakes up to night manager sucking on his toes from a report from the place. I don't know. Do we have audio from him? I don't know if that video is going to be good. I can just read through it. An evening manager at Tennessee Hotel was arrested after he snuck into someone's room and sucked on this person's toes. David Neal, a 52-year-old manager at 4th Avenue, South Hilton in Nashville, allegedly crept into a male guest's room while he was sleeping on March 30th and got intimate with his feet. So the guy made a key card to get into the room and entered it around 5 a.m. The guest told police he woke up to Neil's mouth around his toes and immediately confronted him.

So let's roleplay this, Brooke. I'd rather not. Do you want to be the night manager or do you want to be the man getting his toes taken care of? I'll be serviced. I'll be the toe sucker. You're going to be the night manager? Oh, no, I want to be the one who is. You're having your toes suck.

Yeah. Okay, so you'll... You should walk through the door. Oh, yeah. You'll need to confront me. But I'm asleep? With my mouth around your toes. I'm not actually...

Thank God I'm wearing flip flog. I'm not going to do it, but... Okay. You're passed out. Okay. You're sleeping soundly. Okay. Audio-only listeners, we're doing a little bit of a physical situation here.

Okay. My eyes are close because I'm asleep. The clock strikes five a year. Hell, stop sucking on my toes. Toes sucker. Hey, man. Hey, chill. You're a guest at my hotel.

This is standard. Don't act like you've, don't act like you've never been to Tennessee, Nashville before. This is what we do here. I didn't sign up for this, and this is inappropriate behavior. Okay, I respect you setting boundaries. Thank you.

Better help. I'll head out. all right man stop sucking on my toes okay okay just making sure you didn't want to eat in your car all right I'll see you to

just making sure you didn't want one more slur that's probably what happened I mean it was probably that quick it sounds like he confronted him like hey hey man stop sucking on my toes and he's like oh that's all you had to say

that's all you had to say yeah you get an attitude with me all of a sudden, you think you're better than me because you don't want your toes sucked in my hotel? Yeah. No, it sounds like they were able to figure it out through problem solving. I've been to so many weddings recently that I feel like I could plan a wedding start to finish. I'm okay. Thank you. My appendix is making me not want to eat so you can have my applesauce. And you can have the cap to chew one. You're welcome. But it's great. We danced the night away.

It's really fun. And then it was just mellow. That being said, it was so mellow that, like, I got home, and I was like, oh, nice. Like, it was great. We had a fun time. Everyone drank and drank, drunk and be merry. What's it called? Drink and be merry. Drink and be merry.

And then I got home, and I, like, go up to go to bed, and I'm all tucked in and brush my teeth, floss. And then I'm like, oh, I forgot my phone charging downstairs. Can't make that. I'm a shaking because I was leaving the next day. So I go to walk down the stairs, miss a step. And I tumble down a full flight of stairs. That's a good. Ick.

Girls, if you're liking a guy too much right now, go ahead and think of them in the situation that Connor just described. And you'll be cured. No, and it was so bad because, no, that's why I looked like. I'm not kidding. So I didn't want to turn on any lights because I was saying my friend's house and they were all asleep. And I'm like, I'm just going to sneak down. I kind of know their house.

There's pitch black. And yeah, so I miss this. step and I fall and I I hit and then I roll forward and then I my legs fall over top of me I fell down the entire flight of stairs and then I was just sitting there like if you ever stub your toe or anything when you're by yourself it's like what the it's so it's almost worse than if someone saw I'm like what's the point of me hurting myself right now you can't even say out and then I was like you know you say out when you're alone I wanted to scream at top of my lungs because it hurt so bad.

Uh-huh. And I didn't have any proof the next day, so it was like there was nothing there, but I'm going to show everybody, if you're watching a video, this bruise on my thigh. And I wore underwear today, so I could show you. Okay. Are you disrobing? I'm just, yeah. I'm taking my pants up.

Oh, okay. Okay. No problem. Yeah, I know. Oh, my gosh. Connor, that's the worst. Does it still hurt? Did you see it?

Yeah? Yeah, it hurts. I'm sorry. No, it's okay. And what's funny about that is I have that same bruise on my ass because I hit every angle of myself going down. So it's that bruise all the way to my ass and then down here and on my ankle too.

Oh my God. Do you want to come to the butt ward of urgent care with me after this? You're going to have to get the iron lung on your ass. Like that mom and robots. I told you about the iron lung, right? Yeah, we had a segment on it last week. Okay. Was that in the bonus?

or? I think it was. Yeah, because we watch stuff. Well, if I could just tell everybody in the Maine to go watch the movie, breathe about the polio epidemic in the 1950s, featuring the iron lungs as well as respirators, you guys will not be disappointed. It is the most uplifting and tragic story.

Continue. Okay, I'll just roll through this all the way. So, whatever. I get on my flight on the way home. I miss my connection. because my flight was delayed out of Dallas, I had to stay in Denver. And then the next flight getting home

was overlapping with a call that I had. And so I had to wait three hours to take that call at the Denver airport before I could go into the next flight because it just didn't work. Like I wouldn't land in time to take the call if I took the later flight. Oh, so you wouldn't reschedule a call?

No, because it had been scheduled so far in advance. It was an important one. So I was like, I'll tell you offline. So anyways, I have to, I take the call. call and then the next flight was in 45 minutes after the call. Canceled. Just straight up.

Just canceled. No explanation. Great. Next flight is at 7.45 p.m. So I had like a 20-hour travel day for a two and a half hour flight. And then I get on this flight, it is perfectly coincided with the LAX Nuggets game, or the LACS Nuggets game. The Lakers Nuggets game. What's a Nugget game?

It's like when, um, I don't even have anything to say. I literally, like, have no idea what you could... Basketball. Oh, it's a team? Yeah. Who the hell are the Nuggets? I love that they're called the Nuggets. Yeah.

What state are they from? What country? Denver. Oh, my God. Imagine me on a flight from Denver to L.A. During this game. Anyways. Do they mean Nuggets as in, like, chicken nuggets?

No, gold nuggets, I think. Did you ever have those toys go-goes when you were a kid? No. They were like these little just like pieces of plastic that were also like somehow like monsters and creatures and you would set them up in some sort of formation and the person that you were playing across from what set their go-go's up in a formation and you would flick at each other and try to knock each other. Oh wait.

They were like green beans. Those go-goes. And there was a golden bone of a go-go and I think there were only like 10 golden go-goes. ever and this one guy in my school got the golden bone and it was like the most insane thing that's ever happened in the history of pennsylvania that's crazy including gettysburg the battle of gettysburg can you look up the golden gogo bone this thing is gorgeous i bet you could buy it on ebay for thousands uh did i make it up oh my god i get it crazy bones yeah i can picture it you can picture it when you were describing it.

I wish that it was socially acceptable for me to collect something like that nowadays. A lot of people are doing Legos. That doesn't, I don't feel like I want to collect Legos. I'm really curious before we wrap up here. I would need to see what Louis Capaldi was honored with as a statue at his former. No. Actually, that is an art. That is a kind of art.

No, I'm being that serious. That is what I think it's really cool. No, that is a specific style. That's like, crazy. Wait, I think that, I think it's cool,

but it's like, like, but I really love it. Like, I'm being genuine, but it's so ridiculous. Yeah.

I would kill myself. That's like, I actually one time got a DM from someone who like does drawing similar to that. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Wait, hang on, you got to pull your drawing up. Okay, because no, This girl was like, I drew this photo of you. It's like one half. It's like one half of the face.

I don't know. It was like two years ago. I don't know if I could find. I need to know if it was this same person. Okay, tell me the profile of yours. I think we'll be able to tell from like a style perspective if it was or if it wasn't the same person. It really scared me. It says here, I drew you.

Oh my God. Is it the same person? Is it? It's not, but it's so similar. You have three mouths. That's a biblically accurate fibula. I'm going to find mine. Mine is a charcoal drawing.

Oh. It might take me. That's just the style. I'll find it and I'll send it to you guys. I'm not going to be able to find it today. But it was really dry. If I was on shrooms, it would make me cry. Same with Lewis's statue.

I know. Do we have a reaction from him? Has he said anything? He just announced today that he's taking it. an extreme break from tour so I wonder if that has something to do with it oh there's pain yeah there's pain in his eyes two thumbs up I didn't I thought it was just a space this whole body I don't know if I've ever confidently gone like yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah but you know he kind of does seem like a thumbs up guy oh oh people have really not let him get away from damn himself damn well sad

yeah and he's one day that'll be a guys at our high school is so true my high school will never acknowledge that I am alive no I had friends the other day asked me if I was going to our 10 year high school reunion and I said how would I have known it was happening right and they said your email I don't have any email if I remember correctly I was yeah that's another one that blows my mind of physical bank like yeah it was crazy that you were walking the bank like is this New York I'm heading to the bank yeah it was really Like for what were you doing here? Well, you didn't see the gun in the huge sack in my back pocket.

You wondering how I can afford my new house? It was the stick up, babe. That's why I was going so early. Yeah, that makes sense. No, I was trying to open a new account and get a checkbook. It's also crazy because that bank, like, is terrifying. It is home of the loveliest group of employees and Bank of Employees, of Bank of America.

Really? I've never been inside because to me it feels like it says Bank of America outside but inside like it's just an empty room. I wanted them to put, I was like, you guys should really put a bar in here

because it was, they playing great music. I was like, this is so much better than any other bar on the street and they're like, this is a bank. And I was like,

well, you guys were fun. Like, you guys would probably make a mean margarita. I don't know. It was a good time. I actually ended up having to go like three or four times because there you have no necessary documentation.

And I was like, well, that's why I'm here because I'm trying to get a second credit card. You did seem to be showing up quite empty-handed. It was, yeah, I brought not even an ID. Oh my God. Yeah. Okay. What were you thinking?

I don't know. Okay. I mean, that's also like I probably, I mean, like, luckily I have a purse, and so I feel like things are just in there. Luckily, I have purse. I said a purse. Oh, hey purse. I have a purse, I said.

I have purse. Luckily I have a purse. I have purse. I have shoe. I have hat on head. What do you, what you have, Kels?

I'm just saying my shit's just happens to be there. You have no ring. You leave home. My ring home. You know what I've been doing with my seed probiotic? What? I write, I have an expo marker that I write seed and then I keep track of,

like, with tally marks. That's the seed. Yeah, I'm obsessed with seed. Yeah. Jack Martine is so obsessed with seed. That doesn't surprise me. He ran out of his seed and he keeps, I have an extra bottle. And he keeps texting me like, can I come get your seed?

Like I need your seed like over and over and over and over again. And I'm just like, yeah, come get it. And he's, there's some sort of disconnect because he's just like begging and then not coming. Does that make sense? I hope that helps clear it out. Whoa. Okay, so let me see if I get this straight. Yeah.

Jack Martine is begging for your seed, but he doesn't come. Yeah, let me read you. Yeah, I'm going to read you our text about the seed. So I'm, I think I get it. Jack M. That is. Anyways, seed is a probiotic. Okay, he said at Saturday at 4.15 p.m.

He said, what time would work best for me to come over and swallow your seed? I said, I'm not sure when I'll be home, but I'll text you when I am. And I said, okay, I'm home. I never answered. Okay, the next day at 2.49 p.m. What do I have to do to get my hands on some of your seed today? And then I said, come sit by my pool with everyone and sent a picture of everyone just hanging out by the pool. He said, you own a pool?

I said, at my apartment. Then he said, hard eyes, hard eyes, hard ice. Never came and got the seed. Okay? The next day. Name one thing that's stopping me from showing up at your doorstep right now and stealing your seed. I said, babe, I literally told you to come whenever we were out at the pool all day. And he said, I was busy, question mark.

I forgot you how to pool. Okay? Like, oh my God, that's funny. The seat is still not in his possession. That's crazy. It's bizarre. Oh, my God. My oh, my, how the roles have shifted in 2020.

Yeah, yeah. Nothing like a man begging for your seat and just like not coming. I know. Bizarre. I'll keep y'all updated on the seed. The tables have turned. The seed saga. Yeah.

Holy moly. It's really interesting. People may or may not have seen, I went on some rides and I filmed and I posted a TikTok. Really, anything goes at the fair. Totally. You know, and we can roll the clip of me on one of my favorite all time. That's Cousin Logan, by the way.

One of my favorite all-time rides, The Zipper. Come on tonight, but my hits don't lie, you know, y'all. I couldn't stop saying that. What's the zipper look like from the outside? I'm trying to picture what you're in. They didn't lock me in. Yeah, exactly. I wish I knew which ride this was.

We can pull up a picture of the zipper. Yeah. It's that one. It looks like a zipper. Oh, okay. It's the one that looks like a zipper. You know, and it's pretty crazy. We, as a nation, just look at a carney with the tattoo of a lizard on their neck and go,

yeah, I'll get on this ride. Why are you holding a screwdriver, by the way? So this man did not buckle me yet. Yeah. I have a bruise from that ride. But it looks like you had a blast. I have. You cannot put a price on that.

So much damn fun. And then I hit abduction zone next. Oh, let's the abduction zone. The abduction zone is basically a flying saucer, which is a pertinent shape for today. because of what we'll talk about after we do, we can check it. Oh, I'd be hurling. It looks like a UFO.

Yeah. It spins in this circle so fast that the centrifugal force pushes you up. The what? The centrifugal. Is that different than centripetal? Yeah, totally. It's completely different.

Different force altogether. So they play awesome music here, so it was hard for me not to groove, but it started spinning, and we can just, we can just look at it. Oh, yeah. So it's fully spinning in this clip. Wow, but that's not stopping you.

It was too strong for me. It was too strong. And if you slow that clip down, you'll see that I did lose my glasses. You'll see them be sucked into the back of the abduction zone. They were abducted right here. Wow. They fly back behind the wall. I've never been on that ride, and I just...

That's... Can we... Is there a picture? way to zoom in on my face, I was being sucked off by the abduction zone. I went splat. Did you feel sick at all? No. I felt safe.

That's a superpower. But I actually... You felt, you're telling me, I'm looking at this, at this image, you felt safe. In that moment, you felt safe. There's... Being slammed back, your cheeks being sucked off your face, you're feeling safe. I'm feeling safe. There's something about...

There's something about... You feel like a baby wrapped in a blanket right there. Yeah, Brooke, I did. That's a super power. Yeah, Brooke, I did. That's a superpower. I feel safe. I feel safe on the abduction zone ride.

Being manned by an 11-year-old. And I'm proud to say it. For you. I was sucked off by the abduction zone ride at the OC Fair and I'm proud. I'm ugly and I'm proud. Yep. Yep. I love it, Connor.

I love it. If anyone finds my glasses. You do look like a blobfish right there. I was being sucked and fucked, man. Yeah. I love it. Yeah, it's giving blobfish. I was, Brooke.

And I love that you're just like completely like, just letting it take you. Complete surrender, arms up. Brooke, at that point, what was I to do? Someone else commented that on that. Legs spread open. On that TikTok, they go, you went split. You went dough. And I go, and what was I supposed to do?

What other rocket did I have? You would do it too for a check. You really look like you are just like open to anything that may come your way right now. Like that is the most vulnerable position anyone can be in. You're star fishing. You're star fishing. Where's my dad? I'm all alone.

I do think I would be a good actress because like I, in that moment I'm like, where's my dad? Where the hell's my dad? I literally like method that's so hard, that song. And any other song, really, I can put myself in their shoes. Well, yeah, because how often day to day do you think, I'm way too small to be here alone? That's every other thought. When I'm in a parking garage, I can't find my car.

I'm on my hands and knees, fists on the ground. Where's my dad? I'm all alone. Can a... Can you like that, that little boy? Can a car get towed from a parking garage? Yes, it can. No, it can.

can. There's an eight foot limit when you drive in. There's got to be tow trucks for that specifically. No, there's not. There's just one really strong man. You're going to take this with me as a duet.

Where's my dad? I'm all alone. I'm too small to be here on my own. I swam away. Because I got mad. Very good, Connor. I'm...

I can't hit it. Let's leave that to the experts. Yes. Wow. Wow. Do we have his name? God, I'm sweating. Did we have any information?

Did you see the pictures of Andrew Garfield diving off of that yacht? Yeah, I can't get enough of them. Can we pull that up? I'm so upset. Like, people. are DMing me constantly asking me if this finally gave me the ick. I feel like you guys asking that question, I don't think you know me to my, to my core, because the level of love, the depth of the love that I have for all of my celebrity crushes, and this man especially, like, I'm not getting the

ick. Like, I am in it for the long haul. I look at, wow, I look at that photo. I look at him diving, go back one. I look at that and I think beauty. The thing about that, is like that's swan lake i'm seeing like look at that like perfect parabola like he's perfect and the goggles like awesome i have thoughts on this as well because that's like the way that he was able to get from there to there i don't even get it he's magical it's incredible form he's incredible and also it takes bravery to jump into

any body of water with goggles on because that's a that's a situation you're dealing with in about three seconds when you hit the water those goggles aren't tears in my eyes thinking about him getting water his state on his state on He is magic. He's Spider-Man. Look at him. Look at his backflow. Look at his back-float.

Get you a guy that can back-float like that in the ocean with goggles on his forehead that's not getting water in his goggles when he dives. That's the man that I want. And that's the man that I encourage all of you to want. And I don't know why you would ever think that I got the ick. You guys clearly have underestimated the level of love that I feel for Andrew Garfield. Happy 40th, by the way. Happy 40th, Andrew. and I'm about middle of the plane.

I'm like row 22. And I get to my row and there's a wife, a husband, and like their baby, like their toddler. And I go, oh, sorry, this is my seat. Which seat? The aisle. The aisle. And they go, oh, well, they said this seat was open. And I go, here's my ticket with the seat number on it.

And they were like, oh, well, I mean, they told us it was open. I'm like, it's not. It's not now. So move your kid. Right. And someone behind them goes, oh, I heard that seat in the back is open if you want to leave the family together. No. And I go, and the flight's in and it goes, let me check, let me check.

Yes, it's open. And now there's nine people looking at me. And there's a toddler in my seat. And I'm like, middle of the plane, you know what seat they were pointing at? Back middle. The one touching the bathroom. in the middle in between like a six foot four guy. No, unacceptable.

And a child with an iPad. Unacceptable. I did it. No. Yeah. It's a four hour, 30 minute flight. Connor, that's. And I had woken up at 4.45 that day too to get to the Traverse City airport to get to Chicago.

You need to practice. You need to do exposure therapy for those kinds of situations. Put the toddler in the back seat that doesn't recline. Yeah, you should have said that. Yeah. I took a sleeping pill. But I sit next to this kid, okay? First we're delayed 45 minutes.

No AC, by the way. No, I would there be. And then finally, the kid taps me and goes, in an adult man voice, not deep, but like, not deep, but like, well-spoken. He was... I love a well-spoken child. It's really sweet.

He asked me how old I was. I lied. I couldn't even tell him. And he's like, I am... 17 years, I don't know. I think he was 11. I'm 13 years or anything else. And I'm like, cool.

Oh, so he's brilliant. And yeah, he's like, do you know why we're delayed? And I go, I don't know, man. He's like, do you know how much we're delayed? I have a soccer game. Was he alone? Yeah. Oh, King.

Alone on his iPad. Oh, wow. So I'm going to walk through everything he said to me on this flight. Okay. I love it. I kept a note. This is a four and a half hour flight. Oh, I'm excited.

First of all, after the conversation about delaying the flight, when I grasped what I was dealing with, couldn't get my arm on the right side because the man was so tall and, like, needed the space. I said, he does. And there's a child on my left. I'm common during this side. I'm going to lean this way. And, you know, then the kid is talking about year off, no AC. I'm like, so tired. I'm sweating.

When I grasp the situation at hand, which is this kid is going to talk to me the entire flight and he is alone. I go, okay, I need to tell him I have to listen to an audio book because I'm going, I have school tomorrow. So I told him I'm listening to Catcher in the Rye. For the first 10 minutes of me putting my AirPod in, he kept asking me what the book was about. Yeah. To which you responded. I said, I made stuff up, Brooke, Catcher in the Rye. I was like, well, it's a man, he owns a farm.

He lost something in it. He's trying to catch it. Have you never read Catcher in the Rye? Don't know anything about it. I don't know. Why is that the book that popped into my head that I need to tell a 10-year-old that I'm reading. Oh, Connor. That's a class.

I should have just said the Bible. You might really like Catcher on the Rye. I need to read it. I know. Anyway, so I'm listening to Catcher in the Rye. AirPods had died. Right. I'm not listening to shit.

Uh-huh. And people are listening to me tell the 10-year-old what Catcher in the Rye is about, and I'm making it all up. Right. Okay, so we're moving on. Now we're in flight. If you were a pet, what would you be? Good question. If you were, what kind of animal would you be?

How many languages do you know the word hello in? Another good question. He knew 11. He needs to like coach me on how to start conversations. What sports do you play? Do you think will land in time for me to get to my soccer game? Right. Yeah.

Have you tried this beef jerky from Trader Joe's? The chomps? Oh my God. Me and this kid would have had a field day. You should have, I would have switched you, switch bodies with you for this. I said no. He said, do you want to? Oh.

Oh, he's precious. Do you want one of my headphones to watch Captain Underpants with me? Yes! I would love that. My sleeping bill is hitting at this point. Which airport do you think is better? Burbank or LAX. Good question.

How much longer do we have? Showing me how fast he could stop the timer on the clock app on iPad. Oh, that's a fun skill. He was running and he was tap, tap, tap, tap. He was like, I got his fastest was 0.005 seconds. Cool. Do you know what Y, C, C, Y, C, B means? Y, Y, C, Y, C, Y, B, how, have, have your, have yourself, have you, have you, have you, have you, H.C.

Mm-hmm. Have you chosen? So close, but no. Chose? No. Called? Mm-mm. Checked?

Yeah. Have you checked your, but? Yeah. Have you checked your butt hole? He barely got that sentence out. He was laughing so hard. I was like, no, I didn't know what that stands for. He didn't tell me.

Do you remember spell I cup? I see a B. Yeah. That was good. That was so, it was too good. This one really got me. Did you know that when I was younger, I used to call hand sanitizer, sand sanitizer? I was like, no, I didn't know that.

I'm addicted to this young man. I know. Do you recognize those mountains? Middle of nowhere. I hadn't, we were in the middle of the flight. I didn't even know what state or end. I was like, no, he's like, I don't either. Oh, I love him.

Do you want to know the worst mistake my teacher ever made? Yeah. Asking him what his favorite sports store was. Because he has so many. He just didn't know. Okay. Oh. Then we played chess.

Aw. On the iPad? Yeah. I have a picture of it. That is really sweet. That's really sweet. Yeah. Oh, well, did you?

And then I was just like, good luck with your soccer game and I got off the plane. Oh, you didn't exchange information? No, with the 11-year-old boy. No, I didn't. I opted out of that feature. Oh. why um the flight attendant was already like we're the last two people off the plane i was like i need to get oh out of here uh-huh um yeah the being around children in 2023 is like a scary thing even if

you're just you're just like i'm like get the get the kids away from like you know no one wants to be alone with like someone random kid i kind of love sitting next to kids on an airplane but like school kids like that kid he was cool it was the situation at hand where I was so tired sweating um back of the plane pissed off at that family fuck that baby by the way um that and excuse me i've got a hair in my throat yeah I when I student taught in college I student taught second grade so they were like eight yeah and they were definitely like the oldest group of kids I've ever had and I thought I was gonna hate it but I actually like they were my favorite kids in the world and one day we were having a silent lunch and I was sitting next to my my dear friend Peter.

And Peter had a difficult time with silence, which is fair because he's eight. And it was so quiet. He had been completely quiet for like a minute and then turned to me and whispered, Have you ever had breast cancer? Again, like all valid question. Oh my God. Brooke, that would have been a good reminder to check. Yeah.

No, kids are really ahead of the game. Peter, let me step away and let you know. He was ahead of his time. Peter, go save your damn life. Truly. Missing him. horribly. I don't know.

The NATO phonetic alphabet. NATO is what? Your sister does it? Yeah. I mean, we could talk about this all day. I could talk about the NATO phonetic alphabet all day. NATO is the, isn't that a treaty? Sure.

I'm sure there's tons of treaties out there. I bet NATO is one of them. NATO at present, by the way, Brooke is 31. member countries. Yeah. That's what I thought. They're allies. Some kind of, yeah. Wow, you, just when you start to think we're stupid, we describe NATO. NATO comes along. We read the definition of NATO. Does there a knock at the door? Yeah, that's intelligence. Just knocked. And we answered. By the way, what the hell is NATO? I didn't really give. Victor, V as in Victor, I always, that, I always do that on for Africa. Well, you know, there's this bar in Austin called WTF bar. And I was always like,

no it's called oh shoot I just buried the lead it's called whiskey tango fox trot and it's it sounds for what the fuck bar it's kind of funny do you remember the thing with bury the lead couldn't that that's not how you use it at all let's lay it to rest okay let's let's let's bury it let's bury that lead that sounds good oh my god anyways roger that treaty treaty oh see in nato treaty North Atlantic Treaty Organization. Okay. Well, it is an organization at the end of the day, the NATO situation. Uh-huh. We should have a NATO-esque situation here where we can call upon our treaty. Wait, before we go any further, is NATO good or bad? Awesome.

Cool. Oh, I adore it. Fan of NATO. Fan of NATO here. Yep. Hi. NATO Merge. NATO expert over here.

Good. They're good. Huge. We're NATO stands. Brook and Con. I adore NATO. That's a good dog name. One of our bullet points in our description is NATO stands.

BNC and ATO. That's really good, Connor. Who's all in NATO? Yeah, what other podcasts are doing NATO like this? These are all our allies? It doesn't see it. 31 countries. Isn't there like a million countries?

This is not enough. How many countries are there? I think it's in the... Oh, NATO. I bet everyone else is like, oh no, NATO's coming. It's 3,1 countries? Let's see. There's 50 states.

I had no idea. Belarus wasn't in it. There's more states. Belarus? That's Bella Hadid. No, Belarus is a country. Oh. Okay, so it's Canada.

What are those little tiny ones above Italy? Oh, okay. Good thing. Iceland is a member of NATO. Iceland is just minding their own business as an island. So this is, for example, if we were to go to war, they would be on our side. Let's look at who's in it. Let me see who is really strong.

Canada, United States. Oh, I didn't know Mexico. Iceland, the UK, France. We're weak as shit. Is that Switzerland that's not in it? Germany, Italy. Oh, no, I just went there. Switzerland isn't really doing...

Oh, because they're neutral. They're neutral to everything. Which is just like, how come no one gets on Switzerland ever? That's like a friend in a fight that's like two best friends are fighting and they're like, I'm not taking a side. You're a bad person. You just like don't, like you just can't say anything about Switzerland. It's just like an unspoken rule.

It's just like... I'm sorry, wouldn't it be a bad thing to not fight for what's right? Yeah, except if it's Switzerland. But like... It's just, we just have come to accept it. That's one of those things. Oh, well, if you're complicit, you're part of the problem. I don't know what...

Right. I don't know what wars are happening right now, so I'm also Switzerlanding over here in my chair, but I, if I knew, I would stand... If you don't stand for something, you fall for everything, Switzerland. Okay. That's my message to Switzerland today. Do we have any Swiss listeners? If you stand for nothing, what do you fall for?

Everything. Yeah. If you don't stand for something. Guess where that quotes from. What? Hamilton. Oh. Gorge.

Well, it's not from that. Yeah, it is. If you don't stand. No, no, no, in these exact words. If you stand for nothing, comma, burr, what do you fall for? That's from Hamilton. What, was he shivering? Was it cold?

No, Aaron Burr. Oh. B-U-R-R-R. Get this man a jacket. Yeah. So he can stand for something longer. Because Connor, Aaron Burr was taking more of that hands off political stance to kind of appease people around him, kind of like Switzerland.

And it was an issue. It was an issue. Oh, it's a problem when I do it. Well, he was kind of just flip-flopping on his views. Okay. Yeah, you should really see Hamilton. You'd like it. I will go see it.

Before I forget, Cody, your hair looks really good. And I got a haircut from Jamie. Okay. The one that I was so telling you about. I texted Cody. recently and I was like, I already told him this story, but I texted him recently and I was like, where'd you use your haircut? Because I like honestly want to get that with like less of the, like I look bad with your current haircut. I've tried it before. I look like a lesbian.

Okay. Nothing wrong with that, but I was trying to move forward with my own brand of haircut. And so I was like, I need to go in and I found Jamie. I was well received by Jamie, gave me such should get a haircut. How'd she receive you? No. Open arms. You're talking about Jessica. I went to Jessica and you went to Jamie. Yes. I got their names mixed up when I called and made the reservation. No, so he went to, like, so I asked me, where did you get your haircut? I said

Jamie, but she's in New York right now. So you should go to my other girl, Jessica. Oh. And so you went to Jessica and said so I heard you were in New York. And she said, I was in Newport. And so he came to me. It was like, yeah, by the way, Jessica was not in New York. And I was like, what are you talking about? All right. Little game of telephone.

Anyways, I really like my new haircut. It's like one of the best I've gotten in a long time. And it was also way more affordable than the haircuts I've been getting that I reverse gaslight myself into being like, they're expensive. So maybe it's good and it's the worst haircut ever. And who sits down next to me? Oh, you haven't told the story yet? No. Oh, my God.

This guy walks into the haircut venue. What's it called? Hair dress. Yeah, you nailed it. Haircut venue. Haircut venue. Yeah. What is it called?

The saloon. The salon. Is it a salon? Yeah. Well, I guess they're different types. Like, boogey one. For men and woman would be a salon. It's not a barber.

I didn't get my hair washed. The hair shop. It's a barber shop, yeah. Anyways, I sit down. This person comes in, and he gets dropped off by, like, another dude and, like, work like, like, construction site wear. And his buddy, like, drops him off and is like, you good? And the dude, like, sits down and is like, I'm good.

Dude's wearing sunglasses, but like a hat. He looks like, he looks like a retired country artist. And then someone else walks up, like a woman. And they're like, nothing of stature. I was thinking, like, does he have like an entourage with him? Is this like a famous person? He's wearing a sunglasses inside. And then he sits down and I close out my haircut.

And I walk out and I walk past these people. And I noticed like one of them has an earpiece in. I was like, oh, he was a famous person. I wonder who it was. And then I get on Instagram. and see that the paparazzi had caught this person leaving the barbershop later. It was Hunter Biden getting his haircut next to me.

Cody, great, great location. All the major celebs are getting their haircut there. Me, you, Hunter Biden. Is he a local? He lives in Malibu on an estate. Does he? I guess he's staying in one of his father's estates. I think he used.

used to live in Venice, like on the canals. Oh. There was a big ass house that actually was on Washington. It's like, you know, it's like kind of in, I mean, I don't know. It was a nice house. But I think like the Secret Service used to like stand outside and shit like that. That's like a really weird, densely populated area. That's what I mean.

Like, yeah, I know. But I think he's on. Maybe I'm just being like ignorant, but would anyone really recognize him if you didn't? I mean, someone that needed to kill him would recognize. Everyone would recognize. Oh, sorry. Biden. Sorry. Sorry. He kind of looks like every other pitch.

I don't know what he's like. I have no idea what he looks like. What? I don't ever pay attention. You haven't seen him naked? No, have you? The world has. Yes. Everyone in the fucking United States has seen him naked. I don't think I know about Hunter Biden

in the way that you do. This is kind of what really? The whole laptop thing? I have no idea. He's like a crackhead. He actually smokes crack. Oh, I had no idea. He has like many, many videos. with sex workers where they're like smoking crack and really not that doesn't ring a bell at all right have a good time yeah no but it's like public information yeah so these are all the pictures of him naked and we got a haircut together oh that's so fun yeah it was crazy it was a movie

oh you should have showed him around venice no he king of venice beach he kind of he kind of looks like every other bitch to me he looks like like i could see him at whole foods picking up like a six pack of IPAs and which he probably did drinking them right outside the dollar store like that's exactly his energy but I wouldn't recognize him but anyways that's that okay so yeah I kind of get my haircut at the fucking spot yeah Cody would you have said hi since you know him they run in the same they run in the same circles be very scared um yeah he's he's a lot what did you do like

comedically during the show. Hold stories. They had stories like set me up for stories, but then they also had people come in and do like embarrassing stories. So they like asked me before and they were like, get like some ready to go. What was,

what were your stories? One of my stories was the time when I was in Colorado and I was on a wine kick because I was like, I'm an adult now. Like I want to start drinking wine. Turns out wine is just as dangerous as every other alcohol, if not more. If not more.

You can black out from wine and Also, it's not very inconspicuous. It looks like you've been feeding on a deer carcass. Like, you've got your mouth is red, your teeth are gray, you're smiling. You're droopy-eyed kind of. It's like a, kind of like a nasty gross drunk. Yeah. Anyways, so I'm nasty, gross drunk, and I'm talking to this guy for like 45 minutes.

And I'm telling him my life story, I'm not letting him talk. I'm like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And he keeps calling me berries because I'm drinking so much wine. Uh-huh. I'm berries, berries, berries, berries, berries, this, berries, that. and talking to Zia off he knows my middle name he knows my birthday

he knows everything about my mom and then he's like it's my wife's birthday and I was like happy birthday mama all this stuff and then at the end he's like oh I was like what do you do

and he's like I do country singing I'm gonna I'm trying to like do country something like that I was like you have to stick with it you have to stick with it and stick at it and keep going because everybody's trying to do country man got in the car

driver says what were you talking to Luke Brian for for 45 minutes I was like you have to let me out of the car so I can tell him I know who he is

he's like I can't like let's just go and I was like damn damn but that's kind of like playing it cool in a way well now I'm thinking about like now I'm like

oh that he carries himself so like a famous person he said he's trying to do country music oh he was like I'm a country artist and I think I took that as like okay you live in college Colorado and you're in country, like, you just have a lot of money and like you're like in the right places, right scenes and like you're doing, we're all, we're all doing country in that sense.

But I mean, he talks like, he talks like this and he's like, hey, listen, Barry's, we're going to get you, we're going to get you your, oh, yeah, he almost talks like Bill Clinton. Like he has like a deep country rich person. I don't know how I didn't clock it. Probably the 16 glasses of wine. Anyways, that was my story. That's a good one. I can't believe you've never told that on this pod. Why are you saving all your good stories for other pod?

Well, now I wish I would have saved that for a TikTok because that's probably, oh, clip it. For some reason that really wore me out coming in. I took six steps. Yeah, but exhausted. You're in a different form. So it's like getting used to your new body. Completely exhausted. I'm not like one that, sorry, full list.

I guess for the audio listeners, we have fangs in our mouth on our incisors. Insizers. I just got it. I just need to talk with my tongue in between the two incisors. So it is going to take a minute to like learn how to navigate our new bodies. This is just another reason if you're listening on audio only to jump over to YouTube and check us out there right now. And while you're there, while you're there. Subscribe.

Like literally will not hurt you. In fact, we'll count you down. Okay, ready? Yeah. One, but count like the count. One, two, three. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Oh, I love him.

Yeah, he's really something. He's so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so cute. Huh. And hot. I'm stoked to be here. We got here this morning early so we could kind of slip into something more comfortable. Yeah, you got here earlier than me, warrior. Warrior God.

you a little yeah i'm exhausted um yeah no i'm stuck to be here i was thinking about it when we were putting the teeth on specifically um i kind of kept biting my lip and i i don't know why my head immediately went to breastfeeding like i feel like a really you don't look anything like Connor who's Connor yeah like there isn't even a resemblance to who you used to be right now really yeah cool well then I'll jump right into the breastfeeding conversation because i don't think Connor wants anything to do with that What like I think a really good ad for pro breastfeeding. I don't know if there's any, I mean probably would be like, think about vampires. Like think about how hard that would be on the mother when the baby decides to latch on with his fangs.

I bet like evolution would have given vampire mothers like a steel nipple. Like a steel-toed boot but in the chest. Yeah. Like God wouldn't have let her be harmed by her. Also, baby vampire would drink teeth. They would also. They probably grow their fangs the same way we would grow teeth. Really?

I wish that we could Google that, but it's not real. Also, there are different breeds of vampire. So, like, Muppet vampire, sure, thanks, but, like, Twilight Vampire, just, like, a little bit of a sharper tooth. Right. Who's to say? Yeah. But I just think, like, imagine being a mama vampire, and you're, like, my baby's having

trouble. Or, no, another mom was like, my baby's not latching on to my nipple right now. That happened in something. I know, and then the vampire mom being like, that's not what I'm dealing with over here, bitch. She's, you know, is latching on really hard. It's like it's kind of more But then again It's like this is a vampire we're talking about

Like would a mama vampire not feed her Her baby blood? So maybe it does need to latch on It's like hard to say Because there's no supporting evidence Except for if you go Really dive into Breaking Dawn Which I don't feel like you're gonna do

I don't I don't know I don't know that my can't Breaking Dawn mode right now If you're gonna have trouble looking at me You don't have to look right at Okay, I think I need to look like somewhere else, like completely. You can look towards the camera.

Okay, yeah, that'll be good because I never look towards the camera. So people will really be able to see how the purple brings out my green eyes. I want to just highlight the fact that Brooke just looks like an enhanced kind of mythical version of herself. And I look like someone that would attack you behind a 7-Eleven. I do think like you in this form showing up in my room in the middle of the night. Like I could be the worst thing that I could imagine. at this time. Yeah.

Right now. It's not like, it doesn't feel good to know that I look like that for other people from their perspective because I feel fine. Well, yeah. I'm going to keep this on for a while today. I think that's fine. They don't talk enough about, like, if you had a conversation with a vampire, like, I always like, I want to, but like they would have a list because it's impossible

not to. Well, they'd kind of be like, okay, you're going to, you're going to suck my blood. either like the LISP either in vampire society like that would be normal and to them to hear a non-lisp would be a Lisp. You know like if they heard a person with not a list they'd be like oh we need to put you in early intervention speech therapy. Right. Because your voice sounds off or they would just learn how to like they would know how to speak without it because they're so easy. I'm kind of already learning how to speak. Yeah, me too.

I'm completely good. I think my teeth are closer together. Mine hurt. Mine don't hurt. They actually feel pretty good. Really? Yeah. It actually feels kind of like I have a weighted blanket on my case on my on my on my insubly.

Okay, that's cool. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what got us here. Yeah. It just matters that we're here and that we're together. That's so true, which reminds me I do need to be, I do need to be going now. I got to get this mole checked. I'm finally going to go get it. This week on Close Friends.

Do we want to talk about how randomly the internet wants to fuck the mucin' ex guy now? Fuck him. Yeah. Ew. Also, Harry and Ron really just like, that would not be healthy for them to engage with threesome. The day of the wedding, you catch him breastfeeding from his mom. As he's getting ready for the wedding, you walk into that. Give me some nucks, horn dog.

Give me some nuts? Nuck. Oh, knuckles. Horn dog. Sign up on TMG Studios. Dot TV to watch a full bonus episode.