Brooke and Connor Make A Podcast - Break My HIPAA Not My Heart

Episode Date: July 24, 2025

SUBSCRIBE TO THE BNC CHANNEL: https://bit.ly/45Pspyl Ad Free & Bonus Episodes: https://bit.ly/3OZxwpr MERCH: https://shoptmgstudios.com This week, Brooke and Connor talk about dysfunctioning on an executive level, writing a book together, and going to forcing parties. Plus, Brooke passes the bechdel test and Connor reconnects with baby turtles. Join our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/5356639204457124/ Go to https://davidprotein.com/BNC to buy four cartons and get the fifth free! Go to https://hellofresh.com/bandc10fm and get ten free meals with a free item for life. Go to https://Quince.com/bandc for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five day returns. Go to https://Dupe.com today and find similar products for less. It’s 100% free to use. Stop wasting money on brand names and start saving with Dupe.com today. B+C IG: https://www.instagram.com/bncmap/ B+C Twitter: https://twitter.com/bncmap TMG Studios YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/tinymeatgang TMG Studios IG: https://www.instagram.com/realtmgstudios/ TMG Studios Twitter: https://twitter.com/realtmgstudios BROOKE https://www.instagram.com/brookeaverick https://twitter.com/ladyefron https://www.tiktok.com/@ladyefron CONNOR https://www.instagram.com/fibula/ https://twitter.com/fibulaa https://www.tiktok.com/@fibulaa Hosted by Brooke Averick & Connor Wood, Created by TMG Studios, Brooke Averick & Connor Wood, and Produced by TMG Studios, Brooke Averick & Connor Wood. 0:00 Perform for Me 0:14 Intro 0:34 Idaho 1:42 Hard to Hear From Your Therapist (Lover) 4:19 Schoolyard Fanfics 6:10 M.A.S.H.: The Movie 9:34 Is Jesse Eisenberg Even Good 12:24 Connor's Turtle Story (No One Cares) 16:54 David Protein 18:46 Hello Fresh 20:54 This Relates To Turtles 24:41 Dysfunctioning Executively 27:31 School Charity Fundraisers: Scam? 30:46 Sleeping In The Principle's Double-Wide 32:25 Crashing Brooke's Teacher's Recital 35:07 Captain or Crew 36:07 So You Haven't Watched VEEP 37:22 Unlicensed Executive Dysfunction Coach 38:44 Brooke's Bashful Book Baggage 42:42 Aquaman Is Born 43:46 Quince 45:29 Dupe 47:08 Ozzy Osbourne 47:46 Brooke Stands By Her Kindle Color 49:04 YOU Put The Alcohol In The Seltzer! 53:04 WireLESS Charging 54:35 Come to the Forcing Party 56:04 Brooke & Connor's 5-Year Anniversary 57:26 Locks Of Love To Locked Up, Love 1:00:44 Connor Discovers The Bechdel Test 1:02:12 Birthday Hinge Date 1:05:33 Hinge Dates With The Friend Group Only 1:08:24 Brooke Did Not Delete Hinge 1:09:58 Knowing Our Fat Disgusting Asses 1:10:47 See You In Bonus!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Girl, winter is so last season. And now Springs got you looking at pictures of tank tops with hungry eyes. Your algorithm is feeding you cutoffs. You're thirsty for the sun on your shoulders. That perfect hang on the patio sundress. Those sandals you can wear all day and all night. And you've had enough of shopping from your couch. Done hoping it looks anything like the picture when you tear up on that envelope.

It's time for a little in-person spring treat. It's time for a trip to Ross. Work your magic. This episode is brought to you by Prime. Obsession is in session. And this summer, Prime originals have everything you want. Steamy romances, irresistible love stories, and the book to screen favorites you've already read twice. Off campus, L, every year after, the love hypothesis, Sterling Point, and more.

Slow burns, second chances, chemistry you can feel through the screen. Your next obsession is waiting. Watch only on Prime. Feels like every product claims real protein these days. But real doesn't start on a label. It starts at the source. Like real California milk from California farm families, it's real dairy delivering high quality, complete protein,

with all nine essential amino acids to help build muscle, give you energy, and keep you satisfied longer. So keep it real. Look for the seal. Real California milk. Are you any for me to perform for you? Yeah. Okay.

Hey, Brooke. Hey, Connor. Oh. Where do we even go from here? Where do we start, you know? Hey, guys, thank you for coming back to Brooke and Connor make a podcast. What, I'm coming to you from the great state of Idaho. Today, my parents are, they're so close to me, they're near and dear to my heart.

They are so close that every time when we were recording the ad, right before the episode. Every time I'd say, hey, guys, when I take a quick break, they'd be like, oh, are we doing something? So I need them to leave the house. They're on their way out. They kept responding to everything that we were saying. Send them my love as they go. Hate to watch them go.

Love to watch them leave. You can use code B and C. We can where? You guys need to go play pickleball. Where can we use the code? They play pickleball in Idaho? Oh, Lord, yeah. Wow.

it's one of the better places to do pickleball because of the altitude. I've never been. You know, I like, I don't, I don't have a grasp on the states I haven't been to. It's like object permanence vibes for like an older woman, like myself. Yeah, you're getting up there too.

I don't remind me. You're going to be at your deathbed and be like, I never went to North Dakota. I don't. I had a consultation with a new therapist yesterday. Yeah. Really loved her. Really looking forward to start.

our journey together. And, but she did say, I was like talking to her about certain things, like on our six minute consultation call. I just kind of dove right into it. And I was like, you know, and I just turned 29, blah, blah, blah. And she's like, yeah, it can be so hard to age as like a woman. And I was like, ooh. That's not, yeah, you don't.

It's like hard to hear that from someone else, you know? Yeah, don't say that. Like, I know I'm aging, but don't, like, it's hard to hear that from a certified professional. That's not an appropriate response from her. Yeah. And it's a woman. Yes, of course. Of course.

Maybe try men. Maybe try men. Do you like 100% honestly see me with a male therapist? No, because I know that you would have the concept of your second novella and it would be, oops, I fell in love with my caretaker. That was the premise of the fan fiction I wrote about Dr. Spencer Reefi. from criminal minds. Yeah. The premise was basically this girl had a troubled pass and then she went to therapy.

And then her therapist was Dr. Spencer Reed and then their attraction to each other was too strong. So he had to dismiss her as a client. Five years later, they're working a case together. Are we going? Mom, I, mom, you can't, you can't, you can't yell right now. We can't hear her. Oh, I mean, I can't, like, I couldn't hear you.

And I wanted to hear. Wow. Yeah. I was thinking, hmm, let me think of one. Let me think of one. Let me think of one. Of one what? I'm thinking of another title.

I'm thinking of another title. I'm cooking it up. A title for a novella? Yeah. Break my HIPAA, not my heart. Did you just think of that? Oh, I'm on it today. Ooh.

Yeah. Pulling it my HIPAA strings. Oh. we should collab no we really should did i ever tell you about the game i used to play with my the fan fiction game i used to play with my friends no i think i have but i'll tell you again that's something we do a lot always use a refresher listen yeah if you've talked about it and i don't remember then no you would think like other people might not but they do they're like this is the 16th time we're hearing about this sorry it's the first time for us so sorry we talked about

big tooth twice it's a good idea don't think i've explained i've explained this a few times, but we would all like come up with names of people we all mutually knew. So it was just like a lot of people from school. And then we would put them in a like a hat or a bowl or whatever, mix them up and then pick out like two names. And then we'd have to write a fan fiction about the two people that we drew. So it was usually like like a weird ass teacher and like your crush or something. It was very fun. Like mash. Not I mean like. Uh, that's just what fan fiction is. Yeah. Like, it, I mean, that's, like, it's, it's, it's, it's, that's, it's, that's, no, you can go in any direction with these two people. Oh, well, that, I mean, it's like, you, the story is yours to create. It's a pick your own journey. I see. It's total, yeah, use your, use your brain. I just think that it would turn, mine would turn into something mash adjacent. Because it would be like, all right, right. married we live in my car we we have to get creative with it it's like oh like let's say we like i'm just making up names like mr thomas and izzie like mr thomas asked izzie to stay after class like blah blah blah blah blah blah oh yeah i see i see and then like and then like whatever type of shit is he and mr thomas get into that's up to that Only you and them.

That's between them and your pen. That's patient client confidentiality. And then we would read, then we would all go in a circle and read them all. And some of them, like, you just can't really, like, on here. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, you've always been a storyteller at heart. So that makes... Thank you.

I appreciate it. You clock that early with this. They're making a MASH movie, by the way. Like, based on the game, MASH was also a show. Hmm. Wow. I don't think it's based on the game. Wait, can we just double check?

I really truly think it's based on the game. Okay. But like you did Nikki Glazer. Mashed game. Yeah. MASH game. Is the Mashed show based on the MASH game? I think MASH show was a military show.

I feel like it was like a Melrose place. Which I also don't really know what that is either. MASH television shows not based on the game. TV show. itself was based on the novel MASH The novel about the three army doctors Oh military

I mean it was Army Very good job Okay and Nikki Glazer is doing a show About the game MASH Okay fabulous Okay this could be really good I didn't read this but it could be really good If she takes it in the way of Jumanji

And like there's some world where like They're created They're drawing names and they're creating things and then like it's creating their own future. Well, it starts to happen. IRL. And then something along the lines goes awry, as things do. And the rest is herstery.

And then so, no, at the end, someone blinks. He's like, I'm thankful. I'm thankful. I'm thankful. And then they blink. And then it's all normal again. Yes. I love those Disney Channel movies.

But this will be so good because when you play Mashed, you include like horrible options as well. Yeah. You have to. Yeah. Part of it. That's like, oh my God. Like I have a sinking feeling in my. gut thinking about like my most horrible mash coming to life well luckily it doesn't have to what's

the premise of what's the premise of this the feature is built a sliding door style comedy yeah yeah totally whatever that means storytelling game from grade school oh my god that's gonna be good it's gonna be really good everything everything nicky touches turns to gold what's your like go-to like horrible option for yourself for a place you live probably with my roommates when I first moved to L.A. That's good. Just like I'm building from experience if I was to pick something that like I absolutely would not

want to live, I don't want to say because there's people that live everywhere and enjoy it and I don't want to yuck someone's yum. I'm going to yuck someone's yum. Although I don't think that this will be someone's yum, it's the Warren Tower's dorm Tower B at Boston University. Yeah, no, I don't think that that will be someone's yum.

And if it is like, wow, power to. you. I would not want to live underground, like in general. And that's fair to say. I think that living underground is not for me, but I think that there are people that probably live underground. I do love books where it's like, whoa, they were underground the whole time. They didn't know. Like a... You hear the high-speed chase happening outside of our studio? No. Okay. I'm trying not to get distracted by it. It is pretty high speed. Pretty high-speed and intense. You can't even go

Like the speed limit over there's like 35 No I don't understand what's happening It's it's died down But before that there was like an ice cream truck Maybe it's some sort of heist Maybe I hope the ice cream truck is not involved In the high chase

There's Is the season of me watching heist movies That could be something that for me That's something I'm experiencing There's nothing quite like a heist I never got into that type of stuff I mean, I think some of them are the dumbest things in the world. There's one with who's the guy from the Facebook movie, Jesse Eisenberg?

Jesse Eisenberg. Okay, so. The Facebook. Like, say whatever you will about Jesse Eisenberg. Like, I'm never going to be able to watch a movie and be like, this is like phenomenal. Why? I can't. I don't know what it is.

Were you not having that thought when you watch the social network? No. Like, I literally am. I just want to like leave the room when he's there. It feels like I'm in, I'm doing like a survey for money. And like he's just like one of the people that's there. And like I am like, oh, this is someone I need to get away from. Oh, wow.

I feel pretty much the opposite. That's, I mean, that tracks, honestly with you and I. But the funniest thing ever is when he's, he's in a card game movie when he has to like throw these cards and like toss these these cards around. And I'm just like. Now you see me? Yeah. It's like one of the, like it's one of the, I have to reenact this. for a TikTok with people.

Like this is, it's one of the biggest, funniest things that ever makes me laugh. And it's supposed to be like this really sick, incredible, like action-packed movie. I'm like, they're tossing like a card

and it's going into Jesse Eisenberg's sleeve and it's going across his back and then out his other sleeve. And he grabs it with his two fingers. And he's like, looking for this. Like, what are you doing?

Put that car back where it came from. You like the classic, like, Delaney Row, POV. No, I want to. Oh, I need, I need the texture. That would be a good one for her too.

Yeah, that's funny. Oh my God, it makes me queef. That's like one of the funniest scenes in any movie. And it's supposed to be so serious, but it's so funny. Oh, Jesse. It's hysterical. He had a shirt tucked in. Because I don't like these kinds of movies.

But maybe I'll try it. I think you should. You might come out of that movie being like, this is my new card game heist. We're stealing from a bank. We're stealing from the bank. We're stealing from the casino. Have I seen Jesse Eisenberg in anything but the social network? That's a good question.

Juno. Nope. Yeah, he's in Juno. It's Michael Sarah. I haven't seen real pain. I have not seen Jesse Eisenberg in anything besides the social network. And the social network. Like one of my favorites.

Social Network did it for you, is what you're saying. Yeah. Oh, he was in the village. I haven't seen that, but that's good to know. No, I don't think I've seen Jesse Eisenberg. working anything. Thank you, though. I love the guy. You do. You always have. Yeah, one of my tops. Do you want to hear the craziest thing ever? Yeah. Okay, this is a long story and no one's really cared so far. That's like the most amazing way to preface it. I'm so excited. Please get

started. I hope you're sitting down. This is a horrible story. And let's start. from the top. Don't be afraid to tell us all the details. I'm going to tell you all the details. They're long. They're unnecessary. I'm going to say it. I can't. I've had, by the way, four separate

people, all blood-related. They've opened their phones. Then I'm going to chomp on my David Protein bar. Chomp on your David protein bar. While you tell us. If you feel the need to jump in and ask any details or maybe you have some insight on any

part, let me know. Let's get started on it. Okay. I'm looking at the clock to see how long it is just out of curiosity. Okay. Okay. That's fair. Hold on.

Start in 10 seconds. Okay. And it's going to be 10. And then you know what happens after 8, 7, you know. And then there is. Okay. Just go and I can round. Okay.

So basically. Perfect. It's been 10 seconds. It's perfect. Monday night. I got in bed and I was tossing and turning. I probably got, like, went to bed at 10. probably got two full hours of sleep. In those two full hours of sleep, I had one long dream

where I signed a really horrible lease and I, the apartment was crap. I don't know where this location was. I thought it was New York, but like it wasn't unclear. And it was infested with baby turtles. And they were crawling outside of my walls and I was just like, okay, I'm just going to go to sleep. I'm so tired. I can't deal with these baby turtles right now. Whatever. I wake up in the morning. They're nowhere to be found. I'm like, oh my gosh. Like why, like how stupid. Are you still in the dream? Yeah. Okay. I'm so stupid. Like, how could I, why would I not just take them out while I was up and I was able-bodied? Like, I should have just taken them out. Anyways, the next night. So I go, like, I end up just being like, oh my gosh, they're dead and like, it's my fault that all

these baby turtles done. The next night. I can't sleep tossing. turning, you name it. Wait, sorry, you're still in the dream? No, this is my next day physically. Okay. It's hard when you're talking about dreams. That's why Inception was such a long movie. Yeah.

So I go back to bed. This is in real life. I go back to bed. I sign a lease. I sign, I sign a lease. What's in this building? Open the door. 400 baby turtles.

You're so back. You were so back. You're so back. This is my second chance to get them to a pond. And I go to pick one up. Huh? Are you lucid at all? No. Like, no, no. I wish I was. But in the dream where you like, I, this has, you were aware of your past dream as if you were experiencing that in the same life. It was like I jumped back into it. And I was like, oh my gosh. Hey, let's jump right back into it. let's get back to where we left it. So I'm here. It is a different apartment this time. And I'm like, okay, this layout I like better. But I still don't like all of these turtles in my house.

Like this is like a strange thing. That's like one of those things where it's like two times for that to happen is like not that many. But it is weird that it happened twice. Right. And so then I pick up one of these. If I did a nickel. I pick up one of these turtles. And it was like not a turtle.

It was like it was cute. It was cute from far. far from cute. And I pick it up and I get a closer look. It has like the face of like a snake. And then it had like the tail of a scorpion. And I go, ooh, I am going to help you guys just because that's, I have a pure heart. So I go and I collect them and I have a bag of these baby turtles now. And I'm walking around my new neighborhood. It was unclear to me. It had, it had, it had, it had, it had, it had, essence is of being back in Austin, but it wasn't Austin. It was weird. But I'm looking for a body of water and I'm looking, I'm looking, I'm looking. And then I look and I'm like completely inland

for no, like I've never been so inland and there's no bodies of water. Then I wake up. Ready to soundtrack your summer? With Red Bull Summer All Day Play, you choose a playlist that fits your summer vibe the best. Are you a festival fanatic, a deep end DJ, a road dog, or a trail mixer? Just add a song to your chosen playlist and put your summer on track. Red Bull Summer All Day Play. Red Bull gives you wings. Visit red bull.com slash bright summer ahead to learn more. See you this summer.

Plan B is a backup birth control option that's there for you when things don't go according to plan. It specifically works after unprotected sex and before pregnancy occurs by temporarily delaying ovulation. Plan B is available nationwide at all major retailers and through delivery apps like DoorDash. No ID, prescription, or age requirement. It's the number of...

one OBGYN-YN recommended brand of emergency contraception, and it won't impact your future fertility. That's Freedom to Be. Use us directed. The next day, and this is yesterday, wait, day before yesterday, I go on a run. I've never run in Central Park in my life. This is in my real life. I go run Central Park. I'm killing it, to be frank. I'm just really crushing. Now, I did realize at the end of my run that I was running on a one-way running path. And I thought it was really cool. I was like, oh, I'm the only one going this way. Worst looks I've ever gotten in my life. Like, I'm humiliated. I, like, don't know if I can go back to Central Park. But I found a lake at Central Park, which, like, everyone's going to laugh at me because they're like, yeah, that is like probably what it was built around or something. I don't know my facts. Okay. I don't know what it's even called,

probably Central Park Lake. But I was like, oh my God, how weird I had those two dreams where I was looking for a place to, like, re-home these turtles. And look, I found it. And now that's going to be my new place where I run. So last night was my third restless night of sleeping. Okay, now I'm in Idaho. It's cold out. I have my window open. Like, there's no reason I shouldn't be sleeping bad. I go to sleep. I lay down. I begin to hear noises. I start to think, like, Max is is sleeping downstairs. I start to think, like, okay, if someone came in, at least there's a dog downstairs. Now someone has come in when Max's, when Max has lived with me. Let's remember how he greeted the first person that broke into my house while I was in Venice Beach. Went up, tail lagging,

guy pets him, allows the man into my house. Like, I didn't even know there was ever a guy in the house. And Max, like, it was no help at all. Didn't bark made no noise. So then I'm like, oh, that actually makes me feel worse that he's down there because, like, he will lead. He'll be like, oh, like, let me show you where everyone is. Where we keep this to everything. Yeah. So, finally, like I keep thinking I hear footsteps throughout the night. I go to, again, I was in bed at 10. At 12.30, I get up because I was like, I might as well just pee. Like I'm still wide away. Get up to pee. I go back to bed. I hear footsteps when I got in bed. I go, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no. All of a sudden, boom, Max jumps on my bed and lays with me. And I go, okay, this is like cute.

He never sleeps in the same bed. I fall asleep soundly, finally, okay? I wake up to the loudest firework bang of my life like a bag bang bang bang and I go oh shit I sat up straight in my bed and I go Max Max where are you Max? Silence Silence

He started No He rolled off the bed Upside down wedged in between the wall and the bed And he's just laying upside down I go oh my God he died Max is dead and he's laying like a turrets

on its shell. I'm like, oh my God, I had to pick him up by his wrist. Plop him up. He's fine. Is that the connection to the turtles? I don't know what the connection is. I'm seeking a connection. I'm out here.

There's no way that this isn't ending with like a turtle popping up in your room in Idaho. Well, listen, like, I'm just letting you guys know, like, watch this space. There's, I wouldn't, I don't think there's a non-zero chance that like there could be a turtle that I come across today. Okay. We will keep our eyes peeled. Thank you so much. Do you think that that...

Max, okay? He was 100% fine. I was like, why didn't you move or cry off for help or anything? He was upside down wedged in between the bed and the wall. Can I give you honest feedback on your story? Yeah.

I really enjoyed the parts about the turtles and your dreams. Okay. I'm just struggling with some of the connections. Well, I'm just... The connection was that they're all related to me sleeping. So. Okay.

Thank you. And I've been having trouble sleeping. Which brings me to my next point. Okay. So I was talking about my therapist last week and you were like, you were saying like, oh, that's, that's what therapist. Do they just tell you like, do it. So someone has come into the chat. And this is how life has worked for you and I for since we started this podcast is like normalize changing your course of action as you learn new information.

Completely. And I think that's true for. Everyone, I have now, I think I've learned something. Someone said, I don't think, actually several people said this. I'm receptive. I don't think you need a therapist. What I think you need is, I wrote this down, you need an ADHD-specific executive dysfunction coach.

Honestly, that sounds great. Hi, I'm dysfunctioning executively. Like from a very high level, dysfunction. Hello. Hi, all. Hello. Hello. So good to see you. Hello. It stresses me out to get up to brush my teeth. How are you? I love that idea.

Yeah. I think you could do it in tandem with therapy, though, and deal with, like, maybe just, like, different stuff in therapy. Yeah. Maybe. But let's get started with the executive functioning coach. Yeah, I think so, too. I just, like, I just feel like now I'm like, I just found a therapist. And it's like, okay, let me get started. Let me start flipping over rocks, try to find a, coach like where are they yeah the coaches do executive dysfunction coaches walk among us have you tried google no we could start there high level ADHD coaching wow am i four years old

i feel like i'm again being put in like a little class and they're like this is for gifted and talented which really truly meant like you guys are dysfunctioning at an executive level more of like the executive level you're actually going to take your test in with all of the teachers during their lunch break. And that's a huge wit. Not many people get to do that. Not a lot of people get to take their tests in the closet by the cafeteria, but you do. You're kidding.

And I get double the time. That's cool. Wow. What a treat. Yeah. That's like being brought into the VIP bottle section at a club now. It's like, oh, yeah, I'll be in the janitor closet taking my test. You guys enjoy.

It really was as cool as like having crutches, though. Yeah, it was like, I do get an extra hour. So suck on my. nuts. Yeah, it was great. Have I ever told you about the guy that screamed suck my dick to our teacher after he got a math problem right? Oh. That's the end of the story. That was me.

He just got so excited. It was tough because she was like, I mean, like, I have to send you to the principal. And he was just like, yeah. Yeah, you should. It slipped out. She was like, totally get it. I went on Grace Writers podcast recently. We were talking about this.

It was the day that. I was like, I'm so sick and I took every test under the man, under my brother, and everything like that. I rolled this huge guy over and I took every test that was underneath him. Yeah. And one of them was, I had COVID no, like all these things now. So I was like, okay, I guess I can go do, like, if I'm not, if I just have a cold, like, I'll just let them know and I'll go do this podcast so that she doesn't have to panic day of and like, cancel.

I don't know, you know. So I go, I can barely. I sound like chocolate. I was selling chocolate. Still have remnants of it. We were talking about when we used to do, did you do fundraisers in like grade school? Like what?

Like a lemonade sand? No. Like we would do for the school. This was like a school sanctioned fundraiser that would be like during Christmas, we'd sell Christmas wreaths. And then during a, like offseason, we'd sell buckets, tubs of cookie dough.

And then similarly like how Girl Scouts sell cookies. I remember something with pies. Yeah, there was probably a pie, I think. There was like one more. Cinnamon rolls, I think were one. And people did buy like the cookie dough cinnamon rolls. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Reeds, it was like, all right, like we could grab one.

We don't, but I can't remember like, we were talking about this. And I was like, oh, yeah, we all did that. And the prize would be. A frisbee. You know, you'd till $250 and you'd get like one of those big as seen on TV frisbees or like a jump rope. I can't remember what you would get. And then she brought up a good point. That was not ever for charity. Like where did the money? Who were raising money for? Because the school wasn't manufacturing the cookie dough or the Christmas race. Was there like a third party that was involved that we were like raising money? I'm sure they just donated it to whatever charity they were raising money for. I don't remember there being a charitable aspect. You think they were just like buying re, is it reefs or wreaths? T.H. You just know, you know, I can't say my T.H. You know, it's not you. It's me. Reiths.

They were just buying wreaths and then upselling them and then just maybe like, I don't know. Maybe they were like putting it towards the PTA or something. I don't. Who the hell knows? I wasn't there. So I just, I want to, oh yeah, I know you, you weren't doing this, but you want to hear what the prize from my. Sorry, that same came out like so harsh. I didn't mean. like that at all. No, I mean, if anyone has any answers to this, this was a Texas thing, and everyone in Texas did do this. It's like, I can't figure out, like, I was like, where was the, who were we raising money for? It's because it, it reminded me of like when you go to CVS or something and it's like, do you want to donate, round up to donate to St. Jude? And it's like, that's,

when you donate via the little machine right there, CVS gets a tax write off for that. I know, you told me that. Yeah. Now I always always. always feel bad clicking no. I mean, they've started to just click no for people because it's just like, we know. Like people have caught on that this is like a corporate greed situation. But anyways, do you want to hear what my little sister's prize for winning her fundraiser was? Yeah. She won hers and the grand prize was she got to spend the night, her and two friends at her principal's house.

in her in her I think sleepover yep I believe it was like a like a double wide and she had it it was like that was the prize and my sister I remember she was really stoked on this and I'm thinking about that I think I think about that often it comes up it comes across my mind that everyone was like that is really epic and sweet that that principle like I was able to offer her space and her time to host three eight year olds it was a woman it was it was it was like a woman I almost called her a women like plural it was a woman she was tall it was like a woman but um yeah so it wasn't like crazy weird but it is like do you think maybe we could do a gift card no I look back at so many things from growing up and I'm like that was weird it's it's like it makes sense that I didn't

clock it because I was a kid, where were everyone's parents? Like, it's almost, it's almost going to fall back on that thing that people always say that I'm like, well, no, but it like might have been a different time to where it was like, oh yeah, like, it's saving the school money. That's great, because like the kids are stoked to go spend the night at the principal's house. Like, but like now it's like, no, you're not, we're not doing that. We're not doing all that right now at the principal's house. You know about my teacher's dance recital? I can't, I can't. I can't. can't say like off the top of my head. I definitely told this on obsessed. I don't know if I ever told you. But in fifth grade, we had a teacher that we were like so obsessed with because she

was just like the coolest person we thought. I don't really remember her. I love the subtle foreshadowing of we thought. Well, I don't actually remember her pretty well. She may have been. But I just remember being obsessed with her. And you know, we would I am and stuff like that, which like it's already like probably shouldn't be doing that. Hello? Like that. And we were able to find out that she had a dance recital somewhere in Jersey. So we got our parents to take us in three minivans full of kids to surprise our teacher at her dance recital. And it was a pole dancing recital.

And we were 10. And did you sat through it? You know, parents found out. And they were like, oh. Thanks. Oh. Literally. And like it wasn't like that's a great way to express yourself.

It was like a little bit racy for sure in like a pretty big way. Uh, how? And like not a lot of like clothing or anything like that, which is awesome and fine and good. We were like pretty young. And that was our teacher. But at the end we were just like, hell yeah. And she was like, thank you guys so much for coming. And we were like, hey, we would not freaking miss it.

How did you find out like where it was and stuff? Like, I mean, we just like, Googled her obsessively. How old were you? Ten? Yeah, wow. I can't believe it wasn't. That's the thing I look back and I'm like, why were our parents like, yeah, let's go ambush her. Well, and the venue is not 18 plus also.

Like, I just want to fly. No, it was at like a high school and like some sort of auditorium. Wow. I don't know what's going on in Philly. Well, this was across the river in Jersey. So, oh, well, never mind. Like, that makes sense.

Anything goes. Anything goes in Jersey. But yeah, I'm wondering how she is. I'm sure she's in great shape. She was hot. She was hot, but it takes so much core to do, to be on the pole in a, I know that.

In a, like, long-form way. Yeah. If you're creating content collaborating in a long-form type of way vertically on the pole, oh, not even to mention horizontally. I mean, her core strength. Yeah, the core strength is out of its otherworldly.

Yeah, now I bet she's in great shape. Okay. If you were a pirate, would you want to be the captain or would you be happy being part of the crew? More than happy being part of the crew. I knew that you would say that. I never. There's nothing that I can think of that I will need to lead. Yeah.

See, the thing about me is I don't want to be the captain because, if I'm wrong about something, I don't want the accountability to fall on me. I'm like, oh, I feel like there's land this way. And we get there and it was like, it was actually to the right. Yeah. And like everyone finds out. And it's like, I would like to be close in the captain's circle. Do you want to be his right hand?

Not so much his right hand, but I want to be like someone that the captain would come to and be like, what do you think about this? Like, you know, and I'd be like, I think that, I think that the, I think that the, I think that the, I think that you could be completely right or you couldn't be wrong, you know, like, I think that there's two things, like that advisor to, um, VEP. I was like, there's many things to consider all the time. Remember her in the show? No, I never watched VEP. Brooke, what are you doing? Like, there's so many things that I have, I've, I've put on your desk as like, like an offering to you. That's like a tied up, so neat. This show is. What else have you put on my desk with as an offering to me?

I can't, I can't, nothing's coming to mind right now, but there are things and they will come back up, I'm sure. But FEEP is just like, no. I can't watch TV anymore. I'm really serious. Oh, I mean, it's, it's such a gift. Like, I can't. Like, it is, it's, and it's, it's, it's honestly, you're leaving a lot on the table, not having watched FEP. Like, you're missing a lot of really important cultural moments. I believe it. I believe it. Especially in the current climate. Yeah, I believe it. Maybe once I'm done writing, I can get back in a TV. Yeah, it's good background noise too. Like it's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's a plot, but it's like, like, not have on for the plot. I can't. Sorry, I yawned. I can't do, um, shows that I haven't seen as background noise. Oh. Well, my executive dysfunction. That's why it's always the same show that's on.

My executive dysfunction show or coach will be delighted to know that I'm able to have not only a new show on, but a podcast on while I'm on my laptop. Oh my God, I can't wait to have your executive dysfunction coach on the pod. That's going to be fun. I wonder if they have to sign HIPAA because it really doesn't sound like someone who has a medical degree. No, I don't think it is. Is it going to be, is it going to- Why would they need a medical degree? Is it going to end up being like?

I don't think it's going to be like psychiatryologist. I'm going to get an executive dysfunction coach and they're going to be like, just do it. No, it's going to be like Mel Robbins probably where it's like, you think she's like, you know, a doctor. And it's like, wait, you just made this up. Wait, why are you popping my back? Yeah. Anyway, no, I'm thinking against Mel Robbins at all. No, love her to death.

I actually, my grandma's reading her book right now. Mimi's downstairs reading Let Them. Oh, my God, is she loving it? I should ask, I'll ask. Does Mimi read a lot? Yeah, oh, God, yeah. Oh, my God, yeah. I wish she would get a good reads.

I'll tell her to. your book. She's like, oh, I cannot wait. Like, I'm kind of at a book. That's stressing me out due to I was telling you yesterday. Yeah, but. Just considering. Well, don't worry. And also my mom was right there. I was like, I cannot wait. Like, this is going to be so fun. I was telling Connor yesterday, um, I've gotten to the point of the book, which I'm really loving where it's like a, a romance now, like a full romance. And I'm having to write scenes that like I really am like, who like just kind of like, it's very steamy almost even. And it's like a romance. And I'm not having to write scenes that like, like, almost even, not even like smutty, but like more like steamy. And I just like as I'm writing

them, just like can't stop thinking about like my uncle reading them or like pop up or now me and just like the teachers that I've had. Well, it's so important when you're in and when you're in situations like that to think about some of the greatest artists of all time, Sidney Sweeney, always has her boobs out and she said her grandma said that I have the nicest

rack in Hollywood right now and like that's going to be what your family members your old peers are going to say about you that Brooke

Brooks fiction in Brooks fiction book like geez that girl can lay some pipe but here's like Sydney's rack is out because there's a director

saying take your rack out I think that sometimes she calls that shot you think she's calling the shots I don't know. But like whatever she's doing that requires her rack to be out, like that's written, that's coming from somebody else's brain usually. This is coming straight from the dome of my viewing, which I'm not like, I just, I feel very conscious of that. Yeah.

No, you're valid. The first time my parents came to my show and I said the word pussy and I made contact with my mom. That was something like. And what did your mom, did your mom have anything to say about? No, they were, they were like, no, like, there's so much else that sandwiches these moments and that like, those things don't stick with them. They're just like, oh, that was such a great piece altogether. Like, that was such a fun for thinking of it in terms of like, they go see a comedy show, that evening was so fun. They're going to say, this book was so good.

They're not going to say that excerpt, wow. Like. I don't, I know, but it's just like. thinking, I can, I just see it in my mind's eye, them digesting those words. And it makes me physically ill. And I don't know how like people that write real smut do it. They probably don't have any living family. No, Sarah J. Mass gave this interview that was like her mother-in-law was like, wow, so how much of this is based off of you and my son? Why don't you ask her? I know she's in your rolodex somewhere. Sarah?

Yeah, she has to be. Yeah, I don't have a line of communication with her. If I do, that would be dangerous. She's one click away, I'm sure, one degree away. Yeah, let me know if you guys, like, write, like, smud or sex scenes or whatever, and, like, let me know how you navigate, like, people in your life, like, reading those. Yeah, that'll be, I'm sure you'll get some very normal, healthy endbounds from offering that line of calm. I'm sure I will.

Oh, my gosh. Very excited about it. and that's just where I am right now. It's something that I'm going through and everything like that. Even just like people who watch the podcast and like, I don't know. I don't know about that. Why do you listen to this?

There are people that listen to the podcast where I'm like, you do. No, not that. I'm thinking about them reading it. I'm just like, you know like who I am. And it's just like, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter, Connor. It doesn't matter.

You got to think of it as a whole I mean think of it Just separate the art from the artist Yep It don't matter It's all good It's not stressing me out No I would never stress you out with that

Did you hear Trisha Bates named her Newborn baby Aquaman? Yeah I did What are your immediate thoughts? My immediate thoughts are like yeah My second immediate thought is Nickname would be You said Aqua

I say it's Manny. She said that the nurse, I thought it was going to be Aqua, and I was like, that's fine. And then she said that the nurse, like, said something Aqua. And Trish was like, I very proudly corrected her and said, it's Aquaman. I'm just like thinking about her third grade teacher doing a roll call. Aquaman Hackman Patis. Present. I mean, it's just like, what can you do?

Also, she- Aquaman Moses, Patis Hackman, excuse me. Yeah. Excuse me. She proudly corrected. Yeah. He makes cute kids. She does. They're really cute.

She's three for three. She had the queen. And then she had who died after the, oh, the Pope. And now Ozzy Osbourne passed away yesterday. It's really bizarre. Experience a membership that backs your business journey with American Express Business Platinum. When you pay with membership rewards points for all are part of an eligible flight, booked with a qualifying airline through Amex travel, you can get 35% of those points back,

up to 1 million points back per calendar year. American Express Business Platinum. There's nothing like it. Terms apply. Learn more at Americanexpress.com slash business dash platinum. Pool days call for cookouts and lots of laundry. This Memorial Day at Lowe's, save $80 on a Charbroil Performance Series 4-burner gas grill.

Now just $199. Plus, get up to 45% off Select major appliances to keep dishes, clothes, and food fresh. Having fun in the sun is easy with us in your corner. Our best lineup is here at Lowe's. Valifu 527.

While supplies last, selection varies by location. See Associate at Lowe's.com for details. Enjoy more ways to save at RELF's like low prices in every aisle. And when you download the Ralph's app, you can clip and save more with digital coupons every week.

Plus, you can earn fuel points to save up to one. $1 per gallon at the pump. At Ralph's, you can enjoy more ways to save and more rewards every time you shop. So it's always easy to save big every day with savings and rewards. Ralph's SoCal for over 150 years, savings may vary by state. Fuel restrictions apply. Seasite for details.

Truly. And those are like, sushi looks good. Those are genuinely like historical figure. Like Ozzy Osborne is like at a different level. But he's also a prince of darkness. I don't know much about the Osbournes. I get confused between Ozzy Osbourne and Marilyn Manson. I think they're very different people.

I agree. I agree. I think my favorite thing about Ozzy Osbourne, which is also like sad now that he is no longer with us. But he would always talk about he's like, oh yeah, there's like 10 years of my life. I do not remember. I go, okay. Me. Yeah. That's sad. I know. It's so scary. I have to tell you something. Yeah. I have to tell you a few things.

Hit me where it hurts. Let me start with the smallest. Okay. I bit the freaking bullet, Connor. And I got the Kindle Color Soft. I saw that on Prime Day because it was just, I couldn't, it was too good of a deal. You know I've been thinking about it even before the Color Soft came out. I said, why aren't they making a color, Kindle?

Why would you need a color Gendal? you don't unless you're reading graphic novels where the color enhances the reading experience you don't need a color kindle by any like there's by no means the only difference is that the covers like on the opening page are in color instead of black and white but when you're reading the book they're the same thing unless you're a highlighter and you want to highlight in pink or yellow as opposed to just like gray i've never highlighted it. damn thing. This is the same thing as the Kindle that I already own my Macha Color paper white, except for I prefer the color of my Macha Color paper white to the sleek or black of the color soft.

They're the exact same thing. Except for the, I do like the color. I like the color. I like it a lot. This kind of reminds me exactly of the fact that White Claw just came out with alcohol-free white Claw celtzers, which is, you guessed it, a seltzer. And I go, yeah. You guys put the alcohol in the seltzer to start with. Seltzers already exist.

And people are buying White Claw Seltzers. Zero percent alcohol. I kind of get that. That's just like you're a seltzer brand. Just like pump every, like make your seltzer. No, yeah. If you're a company, it makes sense. I just, I just think like as a consumer like, I'm, I woke up.

I was a sheep. I was like, that's kind of funny. They did that. And I was like, hang on! The only reason that Seltres had alcohol in them is because you put it there. I, not so fast. Not so fast. Not on my watch.

Put it back in and take your seat. Well, they still sell the ones with alcohol. I know. I just like, I'm not cool with it. Yeah, piss me off as like a, as like a whatever anti-capitalist. guy that still buys a lot of stuff, but sometimes I catch myself and I'm like, hang on. I'm not pissed, Connor, because I see the merit in the color soft, of course, for those of us like me who like seeing the color in the titles, and also those of us who might read graphic novels, not my,

I don't do that, but now, now maybe I might. What is what is it? Also, does charge wirelessly, which could be exciting. Wireless charger sold separately. Oh, have you ever charged anything wirelessly? Not yet. that's an experience that like that's another one where I'm like you come on here's what I'm saying here's what I'm trying to say if I had the choice to just buy the color soft or the paper white right now and I didn't own either I guess I'd get the color soft because why not get things in color did I need to order the color softs after already having the paper white which is pretty much exact same thing no am I going to keep both 100% do I read both do I read by holding them both of my my hands and just reading whichever one ends up on top 100%.

That's it. They're the same thing. One has color. I would not, I don't see a point in buying the color soft if you already have the paper white unless you're like dying to get into graphic novels. I'm going to keep both. Thank you. You could put one in your car for reading.

I did think about doing a mobile experience for one of them. You could put one in your car for when you're driving and you need to read while you're driving. Hold on a damn minute, Connor. Yeah. Izzy. Would you mind Googling is the Kindle ColorSoft waterproof? Because guess what? The paper white is.

Guess how I know that. Dropped it in the bath. And okay, I was about to say maybe the water, maybe the color soft isn't waterproof. It sure is. So, all right, I'll take them both in the bath. Maybe I'll just leave one in my hands free setup and the other one will be for on the go. Maybe leave one at the bottom of the top.

Ooh, I'll leave one at the bath. You fill it up with bubble. So I'll get it. Let me raise you one. I'll get the scribe. I'll get the Kindle scribe, which is the one you can take notes on.

I don't do notes in my books or anything like that. I will get the Kindle scribe. I'll keep that one on my purse. I'll keep one in the bath and one in my bed. That way. It's just easier. It's just easier. It's just easier like that.

I do. I actually genuinely might need the scribe though. You've lost me. I don't know. I can't tell the difference in any of them. The scribe is totally isn't. totally different. Well, you have an iPad.

Like, I do want to, like, flag that as well. I want to tell you, there's no similarities between a Kindle and an iPad. The Kindle Scribe is looking to me like an iPad. The Kindle Scribe is matte and meant for, like, reading. iPad, you get that glare. Oh, God, the glare. And it's bulky.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, the glare. Kindles are paper thin, Connor. Paper thin. I will also say on wireless charging. Wireless charging can't ever be a thing because we all need to be on our, phones while they're charging.

Wireless charging can't ever be a thing because we all need to be. I agree. Like wireless charging is it so perfect for my father because he doesn't, he's never on his phone. So he just sets it down. And by the time he like remembers he has a phone three hours, he's like, oh, it's fully charged. But it's fine for like a Kindle if you're like leaving the house.

Yeah. Oh, that's true. Unless you're doing your portable Kindle and you need it on the go. That's why you have two. It's never going to work for me because I'm someone who like takes my AirPods out and set them right next to the airport holder and then when I need my AirPods again, I'm like, why the fuck are they dead? I do that too. Why didn't you guys use some support from your executive functioning? Yeah, well, why didn't, why didn't you guys get into your bed last night when

I did it? You guys couldn't have crawled three inches over into your case? Yeah. Now look at both of us. Now look at where this left up. Who does this benefit? Who does this benefit? We both have our dick in our hands and I'm sitting here. I'm not going to go on a run now. Now I'm, now I'm not going on a run because you guys didn't charge yourselves. That would be a good wireless charging use case. Sorry, AirPods. Yeah. Like put them in a bowl. No, it really makes sense for everything that's on a phone.

In a big way. Wow, we're like really getting somewhere today kind of in a way. Not in like a substantial way where people are like where we'll gain a new audience, but like in a way where people are like, hmm, they got there, a proud of them. Yeah. Hey, agreed. Wait, I actually heard something cool recently and this is on the topic of executive functioning.

Okay. So I saw on Twitter that people were having a forcing party and I go, I'm not even going to click that because that sounds. A forcing party? A forcing party. I go. Like when you force yourself to do stuff you don't want to? Yes. With a smile on, with a frown on your face?

Well, I was thinking, what the hell could a forcing part? Like they can work on the name. Maybe an executive functioning party would be great. But forcing party is everyone comes. And each person comes with a list of things and someone, you say right now you're applying to your new passport. That's awesome. And right now you're going to put all your clothes on your hangers. Like, just like.

How do I go to the forcing party if I need to be folding my clothes at my house? You invite people, you have them over to your house. You become the host of the forcing party. Awesome. I love it. Yeah, that was a bad example. But like, I know that's what I need to do. but how will you come to my forcing party?

I'll have to just make a trip out and we'll have a forcing party. Yeah. Maybe in August we do that. We could FaceTime too. Oh, we got a forcing party remote. A forcing face time. Okay, 2020.

Yeah. A 2020 verbar happy hour featuring forcing. Oh my God. I just got... It is the time. Brooke, we almost met five years ago today. Wait, when's our anniversary? I can't remember, but it's close.

Let me look it up. Our anniversary is on August 19th. Yeah, okay. So I was like a couple weeks away. But we passed our like having spoken for the first time anniversary. Yes. Our five year. But that's sick and twisted.

That's sick and twisted. Oh my gosh. Oh, I'm looking at pictures. You know what's funny is I want to say that so much has happened. Nothing happened for the first three years. Like, for the last two years, a lot has happened. Which is fine. We got to know ourselves and each other for the first three.

Yeah, the first three was very stagnant in a way and confusing. I look back on the first three, though, and I'm like, that's when I like developed socially, you know, even if nothing happened, like professionally. Nice. I think I regressed. Which is fine. Gave you material for everything you need now and shit like that. That's too damn true. Okay, I have a question for you.

Yeah. If you donate your hair to locks of love. I've done that a few times. Okay. Say the recipient of your hair, your locks, commits a crime and that DNA is left there. Are you a suspect? Yeah, I would assume you're a suspect, but that you could get off being like the I locks of loved.

I locks have loved, but do you, you don't know like anything else. You don't know where your locks are going, right? No. So like, so like any person out there could be like, oh, like I have this receipt from locks of love. Like I'm, that's my alibi. You're saying if I did commit the crime, I could blame it on my locks of love recipient. Correct. It's not a bad premise for an episode of Criminal Minds conference.

It's not a bad premise and also my mind is going a little bit because it's like when you donate sperm, it's like you don't know. That's why like Vince Vaughn in that one movie ends up having like 500 kids because like the sperm for some reason I think they just go. What movie? He ends up being well he actually was donating a lot of sperm. I don't know, Vince Vaughn's sperm movie. I'm not sure if that will help. You might find a. I like other videos, but it is

Delivery man. Delivery man. I'd like to watch it. I love Vince. It's really good. It's really good. He donated so many times. Couples retreat is all time.

So fabulous. Four Christuses. Unbelievable. I've only seen that once like a while ago. Yeah, bring that one out of the vault and watch it. You know that him and Reese Witherspoon hated each other? I read that in a Snapchat article. That's interesting.

Well, that's... So it must be true That's fact If it was in the Snapchat article But like I don't know if locks of love It's like hey you get all this hair Or if it's like hey There's like a hair bucket

And like everyone gets to pick a few strands Right are we doing Are we mixing it matching? I don't know if that's the case Could you imagine if you got like a hair from every color And like it was your full head of hair And it was just like I don't think that's what they're doing

It's like Neapolitan ice cream And it's just like every I don't think that's what they're doing Okay so you do get like someone's hair. You get someone's hair. I'm just saying, and I probably shouldn't have put that out there, and they probably have ways around it. But like, hey, sorry, no, I actually donated the locks of love so many times. Here's a receipt that matches. I mean, it's, I really, I like where your head is going in terms of creative storytelling. I know. What's the Beck? That could be such a good

fan fiction that you write about two people that you pick out of a hat. One, gives lots of love to the other. And then they both become implicated in a crime. Who's the real murderer? It doesn't matter. They end up together in the end. And then at the end, the murderer murders them too. Nice.

Look at us. We just wrote a story together. I like rom-com murder mystery. I read one of those. That's kind of hot. The most wonderful crime of the year. Is it a Christmas movie? It is a Christmas rom-com mystery novel.

It was pretty tough read. I enjoy. Do you know, what's the Bechdale test? Can you tell me what that is? Yeah. Because that's come up twice. That's the one where it's like if you fail the Bechdel test, you like didn't mention a woman. Right.

You didn't include like a certain amount of women in your project or the women have to interact with each other. Yeah. The women have to, there's some qualifications that they have to meet. Like they need to not be just like a supporting character. Let's see. there needs to be two female characters The work must feature at least two female characters Who are not just background figures

But have some significance of this story They need to talk to each other The conversation is not about a man I'm very happy to report that my book has passed Good With flying colors That's good Which is great because sometimes I worry I'm bad at that

Which because I am I'm wondering if can a person fail to Beckdale test. I would say in general overall, I fail. I'm a failure. Oh, bro. Don't say that. Flying colors.

Oh, bro, don't say that. Yes, a movie can fail. Thank you so much, Google AI. Thank you so much. Oh, my God. That was so incredible. Speaking of the backtale test, are you, can I tell you something? Yeah.

This doesn't have much to do with it, the backtale test. I figured because. Yeah. It was Megan's birthday over the weekend. Yeah. And she had just like a very intimate gathering of our closest friends at our friend Brett's pool. And she invited a hinge match. Yeah.

Because my God, yeah. It's her birthday. We were like, are you sure that you want to do that? It literally is going to be like 10 of your best friends and this person that you're going to have to entertain. And she was like, oh, my God. Yeah. 10 minutes before he said to arrive, she's like, what the, like, why? And meanwhile, like, I can't go on my own hinge date. I'm panicking, like, for her, like the thought of going on

somebody else's and having to experience that, especially if that person is like, why. I was like, this is not like something that I can take part of, like, by any means. And unfortunately, like, I would love to be able to, like, be somebody who is like, hey, welcome. Like, it's just like my anxiety like doesn't allow that. I'm not good in like social situations like that. So what I did was Chugs like a whole thing of nowadays. So at least like I'm not going to be able to talk to this man. Let me be able to blame it on just like sorry.

I'm on off that nowadays. What you don't want is to end up in a conversation and not be able to get away. Because in like that person is locked on. That's why I said I'm going to take this nowadays. And so I'm going to say I took the nowadays. That's why I'm not able to. communicate right now. It's an out. You know, it's like, here's an excuse. I'm not a bad person. I'm off that. Good. Good. Good. So, hintshade came. Okay. Okay. What happened? I just opened a drawer and a moth

that was in there. Sorry. Go ahead. Holy mo. I was like, this is a drawer. What could be in here? Moth. Moth attack. Go ahead. Oh my God. It was mad that I was in. his drawer. Why did you need to open a drawer during my story? Um, I am listening still. It's just right in front of me. How was I not supposed to open it? So you had, you've had 58 minutes to open it. Anyway, hinge date comes, whatever. I am in an inner tube completely by myself. Everyone's been pretty good, like helping out, um, with the hinge day. I feel horrible. I couldn't. But if you, like, look at Megan's like Instagram dump, like her like birthday dump. There's these two pictures of her like smiling with her cake.

And everybody is on the other side of the camera so you can't like see them. But in the background, you can just see me alone in the inner tube. As I did spend the majority of the party unable to be on Megan's Day. Thank you. Couldn't be on land in case. I couldn't. I literally like I was so strapped. stressed out. I was more stressed out than her. Thank you. That was me for the,

for her, for the duration of the afternoon. It is nice. You're in the sun. I'm, I was fine. But how did the young man fare? You know what? Like, it's just not something that I would have done. I, like, I have experience with these sorts of things because I had a close, I have a close friend who exclusively invites hinge dates with us on things. And it's become a running joke. And when she started actively dating this young man, he brought up to her, hey, I've never, we've never done anything one on one. And she goes, I don't, I don't really want to hang out with you one on one. I want to hang out of my friends.

I get that. I really do. I don't think that's a bad idea. It was just the birthday element that was tough because I think it got to the point where she was like, I just want to spend my birthday with my friends. And I have to spend it with this young man I've never met who's not a match. Well, what you're going to want to do is like. That's not a match right now. Yeah. You're going to need an outs. Outs are so important to set very early on. And you don't have an out at your own birthday party. You do. You should say birthday dinner. Hey, everyone, go get ready. And we're doing a birthday dinner. And we're doing a birthday dinner. Everyone go get ready and leave, please. For like a 12 p.m. pool party? Birthday lunch, birthday lunch. Everyone go get ready for birthday lunch.

Birthday lunch is happening and it's happening soon. She needed it out like really early. That's something she should have planned if she was having someone that she wasn't 100% like gain on. I just wanted to let you know that I went on another hint state this past weekend. It wasn't my own and it was really tough. It wasn't your own? What do you mean it wasn't your own? It was Megan's.

Oh. Does that make sense? Yeah. Also, my cleaning lady told me yesterday that I lost 10 to 15 pounds in my face since the last time she saw me last month. Oh, nice. Yeah. 10 to 15 in the face. Your bowling ball that weighs 100 pounds.

She does this thing at the end of, like, when she's done, she'll like talk to me for like 45 minutes and put it on the company card. Yeah. And by company card, I just mean I will pay for that time. And she was just like in the middle of a sentence and like cocks her head and looks at me. He goes, you lost about 10 to 15 in the face since I last saw you. 10 to 15 right there. I can't imagine what you were seeing

the last time you saw me. Woo. She's trying to get a little extra tippy in there. I also want to say about my friend who exclusively invites hinge dates to hang out with her group of friends. What she used to do was get on hand and start swiping at bars.

and then match with someone and say, hey, can you drive me home? And then she would get out of the car and say, thank you so much. And she would unmatch once she was home safely. She is smart, that one, in some ways. She's a little Uber ride. She is.

I told everyone that I deleted Hinge. Yeah. I didn't. I deleted the app for like six hours. Now I match with someone who's wearing a fedora unironically. Cool. They could, like I'm not interested at all. I don't foresee this, but it has been long enough that, see, now I just want to say like they passed the Bechdel test, that they could come back.

Like they could. There's a chance. They're selling them at Nordstrom right now, unironically. This one's like pretty, like a more of like a fedora beret fusion, which I think you would find extremely difficult. as to I, but at this point, it's like, what am I supposed to do? But I'm taking a break from like sex and dating and I'm loving being single. Good. Yeah.

You're glowing. You've lost about 10 to 15 in the face. That's because I haven't been like worrying about shit like that. That doesn't matter. It's like it'll come. And if it doesn't, I don't care. Right. My God.

It's like not a priority for me. 100%. And by the way, I want to thank you for the happiest days of my happiest year. Oh my God. I had forgotten to thank you for the happiest years of my life. Happy years of my life. I'll be sure to thank you for the happy years of my life and the bonus, which we do. Oh, it is a bonus.

But it was, thank you for the happiest 63 minutes and 31 seconds of my life. Such a pleasure catching up with you. And wow. And wow. And thank you for. And thanks. Yeah, that whole, the whole experience. And maybe like praying a turtle happens today that I can update everyone with.

I kind of think it will. Knowing our fat asses, knowing our very, very fat asses and very fat faces with an extra 10 to 15 on them, it will. Our robust, disgusting asses, they're so gross. So disgusting. So disgusting. Take a seat. Turn your camera off.

We're doing audio only. You're making me gag. There's going to be a turtle hands on. We'll keep our eyes on this very fat and very disgusting space. And we will see you in the bonus.