Brooke and Connor Make A Podcast - Bringing The Boom
Episode Date: September 26, 2024SUBSCRIBE TO THE NEW BNC CHANNEL: https://bit.ly/45Pspyl Ad Free & Bonus Episodes: https://bit.ly/3OZxwpr NEW MERCH: https://shoptmgstudios.com This week, Brooke and Connor are bringing the bo...om to the joybird couch. Brooke talks about her experience meeting Lady Gaga and Connor shares some more stories from tour. Plus, they read a submission from one of you! Join our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/5356639204457124/ Head to https://quince.com/bandc to get free shipping and 365-day returns. Get 20% off your first order of Liquid I.V. at https://liquidiv.com with code BANDC. Grab a refreshing Twisted Tea today and Keep it Twisted. Live your best digital life and get 60% off Webroot at https://webroot.com/brookeandconnor. B+C IG: https://www.instagram.com/bncmap/ B+C Twitter: https://twitter.com/bncmap TMG Studios YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/tinymeatgang TMG Studios IG: https://www.instagram.com/realtmgstudios/ TMG Studios Twitter: https://twitter.com/realtmgstudios BROOKE https://www.instagram.com/brookeaverick https://twitter.com/ladyefron https://www.tiktok.com/@ladyefron CONNOR https://www.instagram.com/fibula/ https://twitter.com/fibulaa https://www.tiktok.com/@fibulaa Hosted by Brooke Averick & Connor Wood, Created by TMG Studios, Brooke Averick & Connor Wood, and Produced by TMG Studios, Brooke Averick & Connor Wood. 0:00 Nicole Kidman Warm Up 0:12 Intro 0:31 Shape Shifting Through The Seasons 1:55 Needing Rain 3:48 Leaving State Lines 6:00 We Are Pushing 7:24 Connor’s Loafers 10:30 Quince 12:23 Airports Are So Fun 13:53 Therapeutic Release 15:00 Brooke’s Flimsy Nails 17:03 Brooke Meets Lady Gaga 23:09 Liquid IV 24:55 Exploring Labels 26:23 The Diva Influencers 30:11 Nick’s Protein Bar 32:10 The Energy At Trader Joe’s 33:50 Finding Love On The Ring Camera 35:44 Twisted Tea 36:47 Addressing Medical Issues 42:42 Brooke’s Concerns 43:50 Making AI Cute 45:00 Helping Old People 47:47 Gay Presenting 49:20 Speak No Evil Review 49:46 WebRoot 51:34 Brain Is DMing Our Hearts 53:40 Followers Don’t Matter 56:35 Playing Hide and Seek 58:10 Splitting Bathrooms 1:01:45 Reading Your Submission! 1:05:17 Connor’s Trip To Florida 1:08:28 It’s A Half Bath Don’t Make It Weird 1:11:04 See You In Bonus!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
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I love Nicole Kidman.
Keith Urban loves Nicole Kidman.
Keith Urban loves Nicole Kidman.
Yeah.
He loves Nicole Kidman.
Set.
I love when jeans are a little
stretchy.
Room to grow.
I...
Are we recording?
You know, I'm a shapeshifter.
I don't have any jeans that fit.
Not one tear of jeans fit me.
You can borrow these if you want to.
They'll fit everybody.
Everyone borrows these jeans.
Yeah, because they're a little stretchy.
I think that it's okay to be a little bit stress if your jeans.
I need to start, like, I'm so dumb.
Like, I've never, for one winter ever been the same size as the winter before.
It's always two sizes up or two sizes down.
I should just keep the pants that don't fit because they will eventually.
Yeah.
I fluctuate too.
I'm in a season right now that I'm not super proud of in terms of my jaw line.
Yeah.
I told you that, you know, my first.
friend on the plane who has had all those
nieces and nephews. Of course.
My shorts were riding up on the plane and so
my thigh stretch marks were poking out and he
asked what happened to me.
What'd you say? I got scratched.
That's a good answer. Yeah.
Yeah. Because like what do you, it's like I don't want to go
into all of that right now.
Well, young man.
On this aircraft? On this Bowen-Yang?
Yeah, Bowen-Yang.
So I had just had to let him know that
injury. But there's nothing wrong.
with that. No, it's completely okay to have injuries. I know that. Hey guys, welcome back to
Brooke and Connor make a podcast. If you're, if you're joining us on video, it's clear, it's very
clear, it's obvious maybe even too, that we're on Brooke's couch at her home. We're cozyed up.
I wish you would get under your blanket. Yeah, I mean, that's something that I can do.
Would you prefer this one? It's cozier. I like this. Okay. Because I have, it's weird that I'm in
jeans. We didn't know that we're going to record here today, but I'm, I'm lounging in jeans.
Do you want, I have a moo-moo.
Would you mind?
No, it's okay.
They both do smell bad because of the way that I was wearing them.
What were you doing in them?
Just like completely rotting for days on it.
Like really, really, really bad.
I need three days of a thunderstorm biblically.
It's insane.
It isn't rained here in 40 days and 40 nights.
40 days and 40 nights.
And it looked like it might this morning.
Yeah.
But it didn't.
It's great to be somewhere where it turned into a gorgeous day and I was pissed.
I was like, seriously?
I know.
I'm over it.
I really am over it.
Oh my God.
You know what?
I'm going to the East Coast in a few weeks.
Let's see what the weather's like there.
It's storming in Philly right now.
Gorgeous.
Oh my God.
Storming in Philly now, tomorrow, the next day and the next day.
But it is still in the high 70s.
All okay?
He's going to.
to sneeze.
It's in a low 70s in New York.
Shoot.
That was kind of really
in my mood.
Oh, I have to sneeze.
Look at the light.
I did.
It went away.
I was about to bust, too.
Oh, shit.
I hate when you're about to bust
and it comes back.
It slurps itself back up.
Well, I haven't seen you in a while.
How has it been?
Wait, did we...
I saw you a few days ago.
Yeah, I saw you...
Four days ago.
But how have you been since then?
I've been good. I went, I left from the podcast
and went to North Carolina. Yes.
Did five sold out shows in North Carolina, which
feels random that it's in North Carolina. The thing about states
is that they're close to other states everywhere else, except
California, I feel, and Texas, the two places I'm from,
there's not like, oh, we drove in from
such a good point. Alabama, these people are like, oh my gosh,
we came in from Virginia and I was like, whoa,
oh my gosh, why'd you do that? It's two hours.
Right.
So it's no big deal.
I'm like, oh, that is like such a foreign concept to me to be able to leave state lines.
That's very true.
Yeah, but a lot of people so doing it in Raleigh, North Carolina, which is a great little town.
I've never been to any of the Carolinas.
I'd really love to.
I was like, I was like talking to this couple and they're like, gorgeous?
It was really hilly, you know, like a lot of woods and greenery.
It was cool and like little small town vibe.
It was, uh, I was talking to this couple and they were like, yeah, we're getting married at the beach.
And I was like, ooh, take this thing south of the border.
And they're like, the beach is like just down the road.
Like you're on the coast right now.
I was like, where that hell is North Carolina?
To me is Nicholas Sparks territory.
It's like outer banks.
Oh, you've never seen that.
But like I'm thinking all very, yeah, like Nicholas Sparks.
And that's all I know about it.
Yeah, it was kind of like that.
But they were all talking to me about North Carolina.
They're like, sorry.
Sorry I died.
Sorry I died.
I almost just started crying for some reason.
Why did I do that?
Why I do that?
So everyone I would talk to about Raleigh, they'd be like, how is it?
Like, I'm like, why are you, I seem like it's Chernobyl, like I'm about to get sick from...
Chernobyl?
Cher Noble?
What is it?
I think it's Chernobyl.
Tomato tomato.
Who, what is it?
Chernobyl?
Okay.
Share.
But honestly, you know, it's good when you can't pronounce.
things because it just means you've read them.
Yeah. And that you're well read.
So, like, why would you know how to pronounce them if you're only reading them?
I need to read a book. Good job.
Thank you.
We should read that Stephen King book. I have a crush on Stephen King now.
I know. I saw that. What do you mean you have a crush on Stephen King?
I'm reading his memoir. Is he alive?
Yes, he's 76. Good.
I'm reading his memoir, which is also like a kind of a how-to on writing.
Oh, nice. And he is so funny. And I think I'd like to start using some of his language when he
was a kid when he or his brother had to poop they would just said i have to push they have to go push
yeah which i think we should start saying so to minimize the amount of times we say poop yeah oh like
when i was pushing yesterday or like oh excuse me for one second i have to go push we're going to take a
quick i think that's a lot like better on the year i like that let's do that okay yeah yeah but what did what did i
just say he's my dream guest what i just say that i i brought the boom oh one or before we started
said I do not want to talk about this on air, so I'm going to talk about it now, and then
proceeded to talk about how he doesn't even have to push. He just has to boom.
I really brought the boom at the venue.
Yeah.
So you were stepping offstage to boom?
No, it was like, I could hear them getting ready to announce to bring me out, and I go, boom!
They're going to think that something happened.
So you were, you were booming in the wings?
I was booming in the what now?
The wings.
Yeah, in the back.
I was booming in the bow.
of the venue.
Here's something that happened
this weekend, so...
Oh my gosh, you're leaving this bar.
Maggie Winters is touring with me.
You need to be Maggie.
I love her.
Yeah, she said she'd message you.
Yeah, I've been talking to her a bit.
She's so sweet and fun, and I love her.
Everyone after the show is, like,
they're, like, calling her mother and, like,
where's the mother?
Like, yeah.
And we went out to a bar after
with one of the other comics, too, Ben.
And...
Oh, my mouse.
slot. Oh my God. Do you like
the sound of my mail slot? Oh my god.
It's old-fashioned.
Scared the crap out of it. It's like there's, I have a
slot in my house where you, the mail
man, he's so sweet, just
shoves the mail in and then it enters my
venue. It's so awesome. Yeah.
Oh my gosh. Maggie Winters his mother.
Yes. Oh my gosh. I just got so depressed for like four seconds and now I'm
back. I hate one that. You know what? I literally
looked out the window and I was like, I'm... No, you just become so aware of your like
finite existence and then it goes away as quickly as it came but it's horrible.
I was looking at that mailman and I was like he has like a full life and he's going to
he's going to he has a mission and he's here delivering the mail on the I know I'm worried about
us having access to open windows right now just like in terms of distraction. Oh my gosh I like
forgot about windows should be closed for pepper home no no no no no it's kind of nice to
to gaze speaking of gays we're outside of the bar and there's these dudes these frat dudes
are wasted.
And one of them just like says the,
says the gay slur, the F slur.
Uh-uh.
And yelled it.
And no one like did anything.
And then this other dude walks up and just start,
they start chanting together,
gay people should die.
No.
Whoa.
And then Maggie obviously is like,
shut the fuck up, bitch, like to their face.
And meanwhile, I'm wearing loafers.
I'm like, Maggie, they're talking about me, I think.
We've got to get in the Uber.
Before this goes south.
But she was,
trying to fight them.
And she was like, thank you for ordering the Uber and getting in there so fast.
Because I was, we were kind of thinking, I was kind of trying to be like, I wish you had led her.
No, no, no.
I was kind of thinking like, there's no way you against people like that that don't care about what they're saying in public.
They will hit you.
They actually said back to her, she's like, shut the fuck up, bitch.
And they go, you, you get hit by a car and die, bitch.
Like, they were like in each other's faces.
That situation where it's like, I'll let you.
you hit me to fast track you to prison.
Yeah.
I mean,
if any of the stuff that they were saying,
it's crazy to me.
Like,
I guess as like an influencer,
like,
it's always scary to be like,
oh,
people are like videoing you.
They were not scared of people videoing at all.
I'm like,
you have no fear at all,
truly of like,
you know,
but that's something where you'd probably never get a job.
You probably,
you might get kicked out of school.
Right.
No,
I think you would.
I would hope you would.
But.
It was very belligerent.
I couldn't help,
but find it a little bit.
funny because I'm in North Carolina wearing
a sweater and loafers.
Like it's like, I'm not safe
for me out there either. Yeah.
But other than that,
I mean, it was great. I could
not believe five sold out shows in North Carolina.
Very good job. Thank you.
And then
yesterday flew back. I got home
so late last night. My flight, there was
no direct flights. The flight that I got
was at 5 a.m. I have a white noise
machine and if you turn on your white noise machine
and your phone isn't on like ring,
your alarm is silenced.
It doesn't go off.
So I missed my 5 a.m. direct flight.
So I just went to the airport
and I said to the airport
all day
then didn't have a flight out
until like 7 p.m.
So I got home at like 1 a.m.
And I like my favorite thing
about being in the airport
is I had a very standard day
besides missing the flight,
which is fully my fault.
But you can,
it's so funny to complain about flying online.
Like the airport is so much,
there's so much comedy in the airport.
And that's why.
I hate is when I talk about airport jokes and airplane jokes, like, they're like, when I talk to
comedians, they're like, you're still doing airplane jokes? Like, I think it's like elementary
school for comedy. But I think the airport is so funny. I think it just supposed to do it.
Did you have an airplane joke you wanted to share? No, I just think it's funny how like I make it
look like hell. I'm like, I'm still at the airport. Damn, it's like very normal standard
operate. Like the flight wasn't even delayed. That's the flight I bought and then I went to the
airport and got on it.
Right.
And connected.
Right.
That's just like a normal.
Complaining is just natural part of the healing process.
It's so true.
It's so true.
I have actually been, you know people that like write letters to people and then
don't send them just so I get things out?
Yeah.
I've been like crafting stories, like Instagram stories and Snapchat stories and
be complaining and then deleting them.
Feels good.
Just to like.
You read it with a new.
Yeah.
To get it out.
And then it's like, well, I don't want to be perceived as someone who complains all
the time, even though that is like my soul and my character.
but you have to just type it out and then delete it.
I flipped it from like,
what am I complaining about?
And then I think about what a blessing it is to have a problem like that.
Yes.
I think today might be a day where I finish like a succinct conscious thought.
Whereas last week I was listening and I was like, what?
I listened to it back.
People, you have to know when I come on this podcast,
a lot of the stuff I say came to me in parcels and in a dream.
And I'm just trying to get it out.
I'm trying to get your Instagram story out, you know, like, and then explain it.
And then when I say it out loud, you know, I live alone.
I don't have anyone to run these things by.
It doesn't always make sense.
So I'm getting behind that.
It's like a completely off topic thing, but I want to just give context of the way that I'm playing with my nails.
Yeah.
I got hard gel.
Oh.
Which is like gel, but harder.
Yeah.
And I picked it all off.
Yeah.
My nails are, I'm not kidding.
what's like pliable, soft, feel like.
Oh, that's making me sick.
There's literally no, there might as well be no nail.
Like, it's, they're mushy.
Ew.
That's like, I can't.
That's like what mole people have.
I have a weird light switch in my room where it's like you have to like push like some
little type of lever to the side.
I can't because my nails are too soft and bendy.
It's like foul.
But I'm not, Izzy, I'm done getting my nails done.
Like I'm letting them grow natural because like this is like actually.
scaring me. It's like I don't even have like there's they're not there's no hardness.
You need to, we need to stop because it's reminded me of like it's burned them off with acetone.
It's reminded me of like some sort of like underground dweller like an animal that you have soft
like premature baby. It's, yes, exactly. It's. Ew. No. Horrible. It's reminded me of like when you
boil a carrot. Yes. That's making me sick. I think you should feel them. No, no, no. Okay. I can't.
It's really yucky. I'm having a, I'm having a, I'm having a, I'm having a, I'm having a, I'm
I'm having a weak stomach day.
Yeah.
I'm having a,
I'm having a pre-push anxiety over here.
I'm about to start to have to push on your pepper, pepper, pepper corn.
This is not pepper home.
Oh.
This is Joy Bird.
Joy Bird.
Okay.
This was Joy Bird full price.
Those were pepper home hashtag gifted.
And those are six pennies.
Hashty gifted.
What?
The chairs.
What?
The chairs that are pepper horn?
No, the chairs are six penny.
The curtains are pepper hon.
Yes, I see.
Yeah.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, I see, I see.
Well, you were gay in your loafers this weekend.
You want to hear how I was gay?
Yeah.
I was hate crime in my loafers.
I was the opposite of hate crime, which I'm thankful for.
I was hate crime adjacent.
Thank you.
I got invited to an early screening of The Joker,
the new Joker with Lady Gaga, Fali Adieu.
Fali Adieu.
Bubba?
And...
And.
All good?
Yeah.
I do want to say really quickly, just the only thing I'll say about the film itself,
because like, just go into it blind, except for I'm about to completely, um, de-blindify you right now really quickly.
They did a full mean girl's the musical.
What do you mean?
It's a musical.
And they didn't market it that way.
Oh, crap.
Y'all, we are working with a musical, not one musical number, not two musical number, not three musical numbers, not three musical numbers, not four musical numbers.
There's not four musical numbers.
There's about five to six musical numbers in this film.
Wow.
Which I think a lot of people are not expecting.
A lot of Joker,
I feel like that's not an audience.
You really want to like throw a musical out without telling.
And it's not just like,
like they're musical numbers.
It's like their performances.
So definitely interesting,
very cool to see that.
Very lucky to have seen that exclusive sneak peek preview of the full feature film.
Excited to hear everyone's thoughts on that.
But what was so cool about the,
screening was that
Lady Gaga
and she came out after the film to do a quick Q&A
and she said
to the audience and it was truly about like
20 people there 20 to 30 people there
so it's a very small group
and it was they were like Lady Gaga picked you
and I was like okay interesting
and she said when she got there
that she like is so honored
to be in the room with us and that she has always felt
like she very close
to identify us with our community.
And...
Oh.
And that, like, she's honored to spend the night with us and thanks for coming.
And I was like, oh, my God.
Like, whoa.
Like, first of all, thank you.
Like, thank you, Gaga.
Yeah.
And I didn't know she identified so closely with the influencer community.
Like, it does not what I was expecting from her.
And then the Q&A starts.
And I'm starting to look around.
And I'm like, I know, like, a lot of these people from the internet.
And I know, carabiners on, no, and I know that, that, um, everyone here is a member of the LGBTQIA plus community.
Yeah.
And so then it started to click together that she, Lady Gaga was not feeling connected to the influencing community.
She was not connected to the LGBT community who was present, who were the invitees of, uh, the, of the screening inside of you.
So I was, yay.
Yeah.
And you don't, you know how I feel about that community.
Right.
And I feel, as Gaga does, honored.
I was honored to be there and be a part of the community for a night.
I do wonder how I was selected and what the thought process was there.
If they were maybe wondering this young woman is the face of the community.
Wait, you got outed by Lady Gaga.
You just take her to court.
No, oh my God, are you kidding?
There's nothing.
In a good way.
You should take her to court for a date.
court date.
Court date.
I mean, you know, you know I'm honored in any way to be a part of that community.
And you met her.
But I did think it was, I did have my, a small chocolate to myself just at the, at how and everything.
When it clicked, I was like, oh, hello.
Yeah.
Yes, yes.
But now, obviously honored.
And I, I do.
I was literally looking at Gaga and I was like, literally me too.
Like, it is an honor to feel this adjacent to the community.
She's really sure.
You were like, of course, shorter than her.
So here's the thing.
Then at the end, Gaga was like, you might if I just call her Gaga?
No, I'm familiar.
Then at the end, Gaga was like, I would love the opportunity to take pictures with all of you,
if that's something that you're okay with.
And it was like, yeah, of course I would be okay with that.
So we lined up to take a photo with Gaga.
And she was the perfect person for me to have an interaction with because, like,
I love her to death.
but it's not like I'm like losing sleep about how obsessed.
Yeah.
I am.
So I was really able to articulate like,
I love you so much.
You're so incredible.
Thank you so much for doing this.
Like I had a blast.
This was awesome.
Yeah.
Just like very eloquently and also as like just normal, which is exciting.
She's literally the most soft spoken demure woman that I have ever met.
To every question, everyone asked you was like, thank you so, like, thank you so much.
Like I really appreciate you asking it.
It's an awesome question.
So gracious and generous.
kind and just like just like soft which I wasn't expecting.
Wow.
Like do not have enough good things to say about that woman.
But yeah, I took a photo with her.
And if you saw the photo, you'll notice that she's about 18 feet taller than me in the photo,
which I think people were confused by because she is 5.1 or 52,
please pay heed to the fact that she's wearing a inch massive platforms.
Like people were not able to erber.
Herber.
People weren't able to figure that out because that photo didn't end up on Popgrave, of course.
And people weren't able to put the pieces together that she was wearing those platforms.
And so obviously there were a lot of comments like, how tall is that person next to her?
Like, is she three feet tall?
First of all, I want to direct you again to that 411 highlight.
And second of all, I want to direct you to the eight-inch platforms.
Right.
Okay.
I mean, it was alarming too because I know that she's tiny.
Yeah, it isn't an alarming.
It is an alarming.
The call her Lady Gagaita, Gita.
It is alarming to see that height disparity.
But yes, she was wearing platforms as is her right.
As she is a queen in her right.
But yeah, I'm 4-11.
Special.
It was awesome.
Yeah.
Like really honored to be to be a part of the community, as always.
Yeah.
How excited.
In my loafer's.
Truly.
Like, I think we all had our loafers on this weekend.
We all had our loafers on this weekend.
Take a walk a mile on my loaves.
Mm-hmm.
Get my loaves and try to walk a mile.
Yeah.
Like give you blisters.
Do you know about demis sexuality?
I just heard that.
Something I'm dabbling with.
Where did I hear that?
Was it me?
Did you tell me that?
I might have been telling everyone about demi.
Levata.
First I was like, oh, maybe I'm fictosexual,
which is attracted to fictional characters.
But then I think I've realized that like I'm also attracted to non-fictional characters too.
So I don't think that that a fictosexual makes.
But demis sexuality, which I'm not, I'm not sure either.
It's just, it's always sometimes labels,
are can like really restrict you, but sometimes they can be freeing and like, oh, maybe this is what
I identify with.
So anyway, I was feeling that with demisexuality.
It's you can only be physically attracted to people that you have developed an emotional
attachment with.
Oh.
And I do think that's the case with me, but I also think I'm able to develop an emotional
attachment on site immediately.
So that's not, I don't know if that really works for the definition.
But it's just nice to explore and be able to to wonder and.
get to know yourself more.
So, LGBTQIA, D.
D.F.
Period.
Yep.
DTF.
DTF.
Dmitifesto.
What is that thing called?
Apso facto.
Absolutely.
Anyways.
They are my hands.
Nice.
What is that?
Wait, can not smell how good?
They smell?
I just don't want your fingernails near my face.
No, okay.
Just still, this is not fingernail adjacent.
It smells like a baby.
Yes, it smells like Johnson and Johnson, doesn't it?
I have a new favorite detergent.
Say goodbye to Diva.
Say hello to the laundress.
I'm okay saying goodbye to Diva because everyone's getting these like massive PR boxes from Diva.
And I think that we put Diva on the map, Loki.
I don't think we put them on the map.
I think they were well, well on the map.
But I do think like we did alert a lot of people of their presence.
Yeah. Well, people literally are like, oh my gosh, you guys are the ones from the diva wash thing. I'm like, we're the what from the what? And they're like, you're the diva wash influencers, right? We've had, we've had, because we started going on podcast and like that would come up at every podcast. Right. We bought that diva wash. We had a lot of audiences via diva.
Well, I'm on the laundress. It's just like lavender. Lavender and Johnson and Johnson smelling like a baby.
Smell your palm if it's your detergent. Because I rubbed my hands with the.
detergent.
Did you wash any of your clothes?
Are you using lichen
as soap? No, I literally
because I thought we were going to the studio this morning and I put it
all over my skin so that it would stick to make sure that you could
smell it.
Also, I could have just brought the pillow spray that they sent
to.
You can do whatever you want.
You could literally do whatever you want. It's a free-in country.
You're a 4-11 Jewess.
Because I'm a 4-foot-11 demi-Jew.
with ficto sexual tendencies and I can do whatever I want
it's this tiny it's this tiny queen's world we're just living in it
it's this laundress's world we're just living in it but I'm not kidding
I don't think you smelled it enough because you were scared of my fingernails
but I really want you to do you just go get it
yeah you can just go get it we're at your house
that's the beauty of being it should I get the detergent or the pillows
get the detergent I want to smell the real thing
okay oh my gosh go get that
go get that stuff okay I don't really like have I don't think I have
anything new to say, except that my dad keeps sex to me, call me, period.
And it's like, I call him and he's like, oh my gosh, Max is sitting looking so cute.
I had to tell you.
I'm like, send me a picture.
Please don't make me think that mom died.
It exploded.
Oh, cool.
Completely exploded.
You don't like it?
No.
Are you kidding?
No, I don't like it.
Oh, my God.
Like, I had a visceral, like, kind of.
I think it's the best thing I've ever seen.
smell of my life. It smells like a Johnson and Johnson
baby. It smells like a, it smells like a
smelling like a baby's like
like, like, it's like
it smells like skin. I don't know how to explain it.
Yeah, like it's just like,
get it's like, it's like fresh.
Like him? I don't know. It smells
great. It's like cologne. Well, I have
COVID so that's, I. Do you?
No. What?
Maybe. I'm like addicted to it.
Um, and that's, I'm, but I do
think that's more of a like washer cozy.
and wash your bedding in it.
Like, it's not like...
I will say about diva wash.
It's too strong to have on your bed every single night.
It's like, because I bury my head.
Well, you have to wash.
People don't understand, like, and all the hate the diva gets for being too strong.
You put, you just put a dollop a diva.
You're supposed to dilute it with unscented.
Dilute it with unscited and put a dollop in.
And that's the way to diva.
You're going to want to do a dollop of daisy.
Like ASAP.
Yeah.
As possible.
Okay, that's the first product I wanted to influence.
Do you mind if I influence a second product?
No, hit me.
Have you had Nix protein bars?
Huh?
It's like the Swedish protein bars.
They're called NICKS.
They're just pro-d protein bars.
Maybe.
It's all my fucking hands.
It's all I can smell.
It's so delicious.
Maybe.
I'm upset by, but you don't like it.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
And not for me.
That's fine.
But there are these protein bars.
is that I'm not kidding. Well, this is actually another DSDF situation. They taste to me like a Snickers
or a Twix. They are so good and I put them in the freezer and then eat them and it's like dessert.
Take a treat. But I'm scared that it's, I'm going like Calteen bar mode. Are you eating a lot of them?
No, I'm, I just am averaging one a day, but like they taste like a chocolate bar and they're from Sweden.
which like I don't know if that's where the OG calcine bars were from but they were they were
Swedish I think Swedish wait I'm worried yeah I'm worried and I can't quite make sense of the ingredients
which but they taste so dang good then let let your hair down a little eat the alty bar
I'm worried I'm bulking up it's going to be a long winter so yeah you're gonna it's
your feet on my knee blankies.
Where would you prefer that I itch my feet?
We should get you a...
Out of frame.
We should get you a roller.
I know.
I need like a device that is like
what you would buff out cars with.
I think that...
Do your feet itch when you're not with me?
Yeah.
Okay.
It sometimes makes me nervous
that I'm making you anxious.
I can't itch my feet when I'm with you.
But I love it.
That would be my worst nightmare
if I made someone anxious.
I'm always anxious.
People don't get it.
I'm like a chihuahua.
I get it.
I'm like a chihuahua.
The energy at Trader Joe's recently is so horrible and vile and foul.
What's going on?
I don't get it.
Like, everyone in there, I don't know how to put it into words.
It's like almost evil.
I've been to Trader Joe's in a long time.
That's why it made me think of it.
Because speaking of anxious, I don't know where anything is anymore.
and I feel like the actual shift in vibes is due to the customer-based changing.
And I don't know what they changed to, but I feel like they all want, like, they're like too
sentient.
They like all are looking at it.
Like no one's looking at me, but I feel like everyone's like staring in competition with each other
at Trader Joe's.
I'm sorry.
It's okay, but grocery shopping used to be like my tin.
I know.
Could you try a new location?
Yeah, I think I might have to just go to a different grocery store altogether.
Sorry, Joe.
but it's just not working for me anymore.
I'm very much like order something in the morning
and have the leftovers for three days.
That's good too.
And a next protein bar.
I just really enjoy.
I've been cooking a little bit too.
I figured out how to use my air fryer,
like the different settings.
You know that I never once changed the settings
on my air fryer?
I never have either.
Since I got it.
I haven't either.
Have you seen my microwave?
No.
It's so interesting.
It has instead of like time,
it asks me what I want to do.
Like popcorn?
No, even more intense.
Like are you, it's like what are you, what is this?
Do you want to de-frost bread?
Do you want to?
That's normal.
Is it?
Yeah.
Okay, I haven't figured out how to put a time.
I think it's like additional set.
A time crunch in.
Not every, but it's like, do you want to, is this chicken?
Is this steak?
Like what are we working with your girl?
And it's like too many.
It's like, it's like a lot.
I also have a new hobby of like finding hot guys that walk past my
front door and screenshoting them on my ring camera.
Is that okay to keep in?
Or not at all.
Yeah, it's fine.
It's not weird.
It's weird, but it's not like, it's so blurry.
They're so blurry that that's why it's funny.
Because you can't, it's like there's no way you could even tell.
You can even go outside and say hi.
Wait, I do want to start sitting outside.
I found this one guy that I like like.
He was.
A regular passerby?
No, I only found.
I found him once, but you want to see a picture of him?
Would love to.
It's really blurry.
I can't find it.
It's fine.
No, you need to see him.
You'll like him a lot.
Okay, I can't wait.
I can't believe you're dating someone and I didn't even know.
I know.
Sorry.
We should have him on the pod.
We should get...
Oh my God, we can just go outside and wait.
We should get the screenshot of his blurry ass body frame and printed out life size so you can...
Where did he go?
Look at it.
Where did he go?
Oh, here he is.
Where did he come from?
like that little look looks like that photo of a Sasquatch
because it's so blurry yeah no it's like you can't even tell it
I would show you guys but you can kind of like seem where I live
but he is oh no this is fine you like him
like he's so pretty and so
what the hell
you can just sometimes you can just tell
I can't I guess I'm not Demi
you have developed an emotional attachment to a pixel
That's what I'm, that's what's confusing.
It's like I do feel emotionally attached.
Like I wouldn't even call that a photograph.
What is going on with me today?
Are you itching?
No, I just keep going in and out of like a literal bout of severe depression and then it's over.
Come back to us.
And then I come back and I'm like, life is beautiful.
Come back to us.
Oh.
Life is beautiful.
I got accepted as shiz.
Oh, I heard.
Congrats.
Thank you.
Well, because you got that Maggie DM them, I was like, I really want this PR box.
Please, please, please.
I don't know.
I guess it was a PR box,
but I was almost wondering
if it was from my application to shiz.
Because a lot of the boxes that show up,
like, you don't know, like, how they got to you,
you know?
I hate that so much.
I get a box of...
What is on the bottom of your toe?
That's just how it's always been.
What is it?
I don't want you doing that.
It's rock.
Don't pull it off onto the couch.
Brooke.
If I can't pull my toe off,
And if I'm onto your joy bird, yeah.
Then I don't know if I don't know if I know you anymore, really.
I don't feel like I ever encouraged you to pull that piece of your piece of skin off on the joy bird.
You've changed a lot and it's sad.
I hope you find yourself.
I really do wish you the best.
You should do that.
Channing a few times at bars has gone up to random people and just gone, you've changed so much.
I'm just like, you should start.
I'm not mad at you at all.
I'm not upset.
I just want to let you know that you have changed.
It makes me fully completely sick.
She always does that to say, Hedjazi.
Zane, you've changed.
That's really funny.
Yeah.
Oh my gosh.
Channing, Channing, Chany.
What the hell?
There's been this number texting me.
Is it Channing?
Or days on end.
We miss you so much last night, for real.
Next message.
Okay, wait, more tea.
Sarah and Jake showed up to the dinner last night and why I didn't tell either of them.
I'm like, I don't know.
Wait, who?
I don't, Sarah and Jake showed up to the dinner last night
And why it didn't tell it
I don't think I even know why
I don't think that that was text was meant for you
Yeah, but they've texted me like several times
I am so worried about your feet
Why?
Like how much they itch
It just comes and goes though
But it's like it's not normal
Like you should get it checked out
I need to go to the doctor
Let me get on Doc Doc Doc
Like that could be a circulation thing
I know and it probably is because I have that back issue
That ended up being nothing
They said it was nothing
But it's not nothing
No, I want someone to take you seriously the way I would want someone to take my dom seriously.
Go to another doctor.
He's got a second, third, and a fourth opinion.
You're right.
Honestly, Connor, go to a female doctor.
Why?
Because they're a lot less likely to brush off your problems.
Right. Thank you. I will.
And they'll listen to you because women are superior.
year.
Allergies, back pain,
probably blood work,
common conditions and services.
I don't.
Echy feet?
I might have diabetes.
That's what people are saying.
You don't have diabetes.
You would know if you had diabetes.
It would come back in the blood work
who you got.
Yeah, my blood work said...
Also, I don't think itchy feet is a diabetes symptom.
Yeah, it is.
Is it?
Yeah.
Let me see.
It also said, like,
like kidney disease.
but I feel good other what are your top five like if you went to a doctor right now and they were like
top five health concerns walk us through my mole where under my right arm that would be a big one that's such an
easy thing they get no I know I know I'm a piece of work I'm a piece of work really to myself I am
you've been talking about that mole since 2021 when we first started this girl or 2022
whenever we started.
Girl, me and my mole go way back.
Should I go to Allison or Gina?
Allison.
I agree.
But she's a physician assistant.
Oof.
Hell no.
Wait, where are you?
You're on Zocto?
I'm on Zogok working away.
You keep talking.
I'll try to be.
No, I asked you about your five main health concerns.
Oh.
I would say itchy feet.
Back pain.
Mall?
Moal.
Two more.
Well, I am like missing and fully missing.
a tooth. So I need to get that. I need to put, they need to put a tooth in for me. And then,
um, I'm good. I don't know. Just four? Just four for now? I would love to just like, like,
there's any tumors. They always are like, they, there's no tumors. We should get that full body.
I'm too scared. I'm too scared to know. No, I saved a lot of people's lives. Okay. What is a physician
assistant? Let's be serious. It's a dermatologist assistant. Is it? Physician. Oh.
What if you're looking at your mole? It's like, I'm, I'm, I just,
I think it's an assistant.
It's a physician.
And is that okay to go see them?
Maybe to the physician.
Well, it's not even giving me,
it's only giving me a rheumatologist.
What's a rheumatologist?
What's a rheumatologist?
That's arthritis.
Autoimmune diseases.
And arthritis.
Should I see a dermatologist?
For your mole?
Yes.
Okay.
Jesus.
I have a great dermatologist.
Do you?
Yeah.
I love her.
Will you give me a refurbologist?
referral and riah.
Yeah, but I don't, I can't go to her anymore because I don't have the right
insurance.
When I was getting my insurance, I only had her.
And I, so I was like, oh, perfect.
I'll just get an insurance that accepts her.
So then I got an insurance.
And then it turned out I had somehow gotten my wires crossed in the one insurance,
insurance that she doesn't accept is mine.
So I've been in $3.30 dollars in a while.
Damn.
No, I did go once, but I had to pay out of pocket.
Okay, I'll tell you about my five million.
Okay.
Well, I'm getting my invisible line on Wednesday, so that's not a concern for me anymore.
And I'm getting, I got a new tattoo removal, an actual doctor, which I'm excited about.
So those two concerns are taking care of.
That's great.
I guess my stomach, but that has been a concern my whole life, so it's less of a concern.
Okay.
Just because I'm still alive.
Yeah.
Oh, I would say my worst, my thing I'm most scared of.
how quickly I forget things the second they come into my brain.
Like I'll be going to Google something and then I'm like, wait, what should I Google?
And then it takes a really long time to get back there, like mental gymnastics to get back.
And then sometimes when I'm falling to sleep, I'll be in the middle of a fantasy and then just forget it as it's going.
Whoa.
Which is really bad.
I think it might be a side effect with my medication.
Oh, how is your medication, by the way?
I'm not good at taking it.
Oh, that's okay.
You seem normal.
Oh
I was on my
Take your meds
I was
If you haven't today
Make sure you take your meds
I was on my way here today
And I saw one of those cocoa
The delivery robots that deliver food
They're not cocoa here
On the side of town
What are they called?
They're just they have their
Each one has their own name
Oh
Yeah
Alicia
Emory
Robert
Oh you're familiar with all of them
I know Latina
Like there's a lot
Not Latina
Latisha
Latina
Like they have really sweet names
Not Latina
It would be a beautiful name for a baby girl
It genuinely would
Well I saw this
The delivery robot
It was full of probably food
And it's on its way to deliver
And it had like a
It was like injured
And it made me so sad
A lot of them make me sad
Because they're alone
They're traveling alone
They're alone and it's scary
It's scary out there
They're crossing the street
I know, and then I started thinking about I was like,
we are so doomed if they make AI cute.
They are cute.
Because I'm like personifying a little box with wheels
because they put eyes on it.
I'm so dumb.
I messed dumb as a baby.
The ones here are cute.
So cute.
I wanted to get out and be like, come on, like, let me help you across the road.
Yeah.
Like an old person.
I helped an old person cross the road the other day.
Oh my God.
They were so slow.
Oh, my gosh.
I was like, no, literally you shouldn't be cross the road.
You shouldn't be allowed to cross the road.
You're holding up.
This literally felt like a protest.
Like, you're not going to work.
We're protesting for shorter walks.
I don't know.
It was crazy.
Like, we were fully, the light was green
and then went red while we were so cross in the street.
I'm glad you were there to help them.
Yeah.
She was really sweet, too.
Because sometimes I'm like, do you want to,
should I offer?
Like, or are they independent, you know?
Should I offer to help them?
That's why I am, my flaw is like worried that I'm going to do or say the wrong thing.
So I just avoid doing the thing that is usually the right thing.
So like I'll see an old woman like literally like probably like just drop something and fell.
And I'm just like, I don't want to offend her.
So I'll just like let her go.
Which is bad and wrong.
But like I don't know what's wrong with me.
I'm so scared of her being like, no, I don't need help.
Which like, okay, that would not be the worst thing the world to happen.
but for whatever reason that petrifies me.
I saw a girl trip going into Target two days ago.
It sucks.
And she's probably telling herself,
it's okay, no one remembers meanwhile.
I smile and I was like,
because I feel like I would rather want someone,
I would want someone like laughing off with me
than like, oh, I'm so humiliated and I'm alone,
like Cocoa Stunner.
I'm so alone.
I hate hurting myself when I'm alone.
You would rather fall like in front of tons of people
you don't know than alone?
both are embarrassing but
Like when you stub your toe or like fall in your apartment
You're by yourself I'm like what was the point of that exactly
I have no audience can't even make a joke out of this because no one's here to hear me
Right
Like if if a man trips in his house and no one's there to see it
Did he even fall at all?
Answers yes but there was no one
There's no one there
I'm so alone
There's no one there who can hear me
What is that from?
I'm all alone
There's no one here
It's a song, but there's
I know what you're thinking
It's not SpongeBob, is it?
No.
Is it track?
Yeah!
Oh, Dunk.
Oh, Dunk.
Very good, Izzy.
Oh, my gosh.
Maggie had the funniest improv joke about
I can't, because it would be her whole joke
but basically someone in the crowd like, you know,
don't get her and she goes, who the fuck said that?
Like, middle of her show.
She goes, if you ever yelled don't get at me again,
I'm going to fucking kick your ass, bitch.
She's so funny.
So funny.
Maybe she could come on the pod.
She asked, she wants to come.
Oh, good.
She wants to come.
You're not coming back to L.A.
for your tour, are you?
No.
Not this time around.
Stupid.
Well, I just...
You don't like performing in L.A.
I don't like performing in L.A.
And I did four shows, and they all sold it out here, so I feel accomplished RELA.
F.A.
In fact, I said, I just don't like it.
What if I thought?
And that was the last thing you said to me.
I'm literally like, something is going on.
I just got a text that Lady Gaga's team wants to send me flowers for going to that screening.
I'm like, what is going on?
Lady Gaga and Brooke Averick seen making out on Fairfax.
Now, I just, I don't even know if I should be like, I probably shouldn't be saying that.
That's okay.
Do you think?
Fine.
Yes.
No, but I'm just like, I feel like I'm missing something.
She's like, I'm not doing you guys any favors.
Like, thank you.
You just talked about it.
We gave it a lot of real estate on the podcast today.
But I'm just like, what is, like, I'm scared.
they think I'm doing some sort of advocacy or something big that I'm not doing.
You're listening to a lot of musicals and falling out in love with a lot of gay men.
You're doing your part.
That's sweet to say.
I appreciate it.
You're doing the work.
You know, you're putting it to work.
But I'm just worried that I'm misrepresenting myself.
Brooke, you're not doing anything intentionally.
You're just gay presented.
Oh, Connor, do you mean it?
You're just gay passing.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I'm going to go to the movies tonight.
What are you going to see?
My old ass.
Oh my God, I want to see that.
I saw, I just saw Speak No Evil.
That's a scary one.
It wasn't that scary.
It's the one with James McAvoy,
who they should really be using as more of like a romantic lead.
He's so cute.
Oh my God.
Guy at your window.
Guy at your window a lot.
He's the male man.
Did you just push?
No, that was my mouth.
Did you just pull?
Push on my joybird.
Did you just push a little on my joybird?
Um,
what was I saying?
I don't know.
What?
Oh,
see no evil.
Oh,
speak no evil.
I honestly think they could have done a lot more with that movie.
Like the bones were there,
but like I wanted them to dig deeper.
What do you need me to do with that?
Oh,
I was just stretching.
Mailman is getting me every damn time.
Yeah, sorry.
That's why I was asking if we should close the peppers.
Mm-mm.
I like the peppers adjacent, a jar.
I had a day at the airport yesterday
where I was just texting so many people
like Miss you love you
You didn't text me that
Sorry I shouldn't have said that
Out loud
It was more like people like I haven't seen in
In years
Okay
You just started up the podcast
With saying I haven't seen you in so long
What is going on
Do you think I'm dying
Do you think I'm dying
And like my brain is sending
Notifications to my heart
That's like
Really appreciate the little things in life
before your time is up.
Your brain's DMing your heart.
My brain is sliding into my heart's DMs
and saying,
hey, sexy,
remember to appreciate the sun set today.
Maybe that would be nice.
I wish my brain would DM my heart
like that more.
It's really tragic that I'm passing away right now.
You've to stop looking out the windows.
Oh my gosh.
I'm like in a state of longing
for whatever reason and nostalgia.
Nostalgia?
You're in a state of longing
for what has yet to come.
Nostal Jia is a gorgeous name for a Slavic baby.
Nostalgia?
Yeah.
That sounds like an IKEA desk.
The Nostalgia.
You're the Nostalgiaia 2.0.
Hey, your Nostal Jia is showing, get your shit together.
Get your act together.
Your Nossil Jia is out.
Ew, girl, your Nostal Jia is out.
That's gross.
Stop saying that.
Stop.
Stop saying a Nostal Jia.
Your Nostalgia is flaring up.
Oh, with that.
That sounds like something you need to go to the rheumatologist for.
Yes.
Your chronic hostel GF.
Oh my God.
Okay, should we talk, should we do?
Should we talk shop?
Talk shop.
Oh, yeah.
Wait.
Should we do?
Did we get any good submissions, Izzy?
I want to do our new submission box.
We got a lot of submissions.
Don't forget that we just added the submission box on the website.
TeamG studios.
That TV forward slash Birken Connor make a podcast.
I did Jeff Lewis live this morning on Sirius XM.
Well, here exactly is Jeff Lewis.
Jeff Lewis is a man.
He's an artist.
He's a podcast host.
He's a part of Bravoverse, the Bravo verse, which for whatever reason I'm very involved in.
Uh-huh.
And he gave us a massive shout out on the Brooklyn Corner Market podcast.
He asked, you know, he said our podcast, and then he's like, episodes are out every Thursday.
He, we told, he asked for the website names.
Wow.
He signed up for bonus.
So this is a little bit
This is not Jeff Lewis specific at all
Because I also
Me and Jeff just aren't as connected in that way
But there are I want to say
And this is not me being ungrateful
Let's get that clear
I checked my privilege at the door
There are a lot of entities
That really make it well known
That they are just here to support Connor
A lot of
No
No I'm telling you that we have a lot of people
that we both mutually know
and we'll both meet these people
and I would say we come out of those interactions
having dealt with those people
the same amount.
Like I talk to them, you talk to them, et cetera.
They follow Connor only.
Well, we've talked about this before
it's because I literally am so annoying
I deem them right away.
I can think of two off the top of my head
that like I literally...
There's one really bad one.
Who?
I can't say, but like it's so bad.
It's genuinely like that is
that's the one individual
who I know for a fact
hates me. That's being 100%
That's intentional. That's intentional. There's one person in the B and C verse
Who I'm not kidding. The interactions have been the same.
Connor speaks this person. I speak with this person. There's literally been nothing negative that's ever happened. They only
follow Connor and they will not. I don't know what I did. But I'm just saying like it is like it is something that it doesn't necessarily hurt my feelings.
But it does like hurt my feelings a lot.
Oh my gosh.
And it's not that I care about, like, followers.
It's just like, what am I doing?
What did you just do?
Almost not your picture frame onto my forehead.
Don't knock the picture frame under the book.
No purpose.
But it's just like, what am I doing?
Maybe what are you not doing?
Right.
I'm being annoying.
But I'm talking about like, especially with like the, that one person or like a few
others in that just like that we've had similar experiences with.
It's like, I don't think there's a bunch of a difference between what me and you
were doing.
Maybe I don't know.
It's interesting. It's something that I could talk about in therapy.
You ever want to get it? Like, I'm looking at your basket that has your blankets in it.
I want to get in there and I want you put the lid on me so bad.
Yeah. Maybe we could do that after the show. Okay.
When's awesome you played hide and go seek?
Connor, a few weekends ago, I put sardines.
That is bone-chillingly awesome.
I was feeling, I didn't know sardines.
Where one person hides and everyone looks?
Lights off. Yeah.
Lights off. One person hides. Everyone looks. And then when you find them, they join.
join them.
When you find them, you join them.
So I played this at the beach.
We didn't find the two people that hid.
It was insane.
You would think that like a group of 20-something-year-olds would be able to find each other.
The hiding spots were, I'm not kidding.
Patrick hid.
I didn't know this was a possibility.
He got, he climbed on top of the fridge and then rolled back, like behind it.
And it's just like, how would you ever have found someone doing that?
Nope.
So no one found him.
You're as good as dead to me.
And then Alexa hid in plain sight.
She hid on the dining room chairs.
So she just like cut herself horizontally on the chairs and then just like talk to the chairs in.
That's funny.
And she was in plain sight, but no one found her.
I would get too.
I kind of get scared.
And it was scary.
The lights were off.
Yeah, that's kind of scary.
And Pink Panther music was playing.
Oh, that's fun.
That part is fun.
Yeah, I was really scared.
Oh, here's what I was going to say.
We talked about this this morning on Jeff's, uh, show.
but don't you think in public bathrooms
they should always be playing loud music?
I wanted to bring this up with you
and I forgot. I'm so glad you said something.
Oh, we're saying.
I don't think bathrooms should be split
by gender.
They should be split by pushing or peeing.
Oh my gosh, Brooke.
Yes, 100%.
There should be a push room.
You could throw up in there too.
I had thought there may be should be a separate one.
I don't know if you need to throw up.
A secret third option for barfers.
A secret third for barfers.
There should be a single stall option for barfers.
There should just be a separate barf room.
Yeah.
There's a barf room.
There's the push room.
And there's the piss room.
Oh, you're going with piss?
Yeah, go piss girl.
Well, of course, go piss girl.
I think we can all agree on that.
I mean, because like every time I have to push in a public restroom,
I'll wait until no one there.
And I'll get, and you know, I'll enter a push off.
With the person next to me, we both clearly have to push.
It's like we're waiting for the other one to leave.
And it's like, you think I'm going to push first.
You're out of your mind.
I am flushing the toilet, pushing while it's flushing.
Oh, yeah, I'm all wait.
We're so, so gross.
Do you think?
Yeah, this podcast should just be called poop and poop make a poop.
That's what it should be.
Push and piss make a puff.
Yeah, it really should be.
I feel like my lemmy de bloats have me fast.
I'm thinking fast today.
Really?
my gosh all they they literally make me fart for eight hours it's crazy you think i'm not farted
under here oh brook stinky you think i'm not puffing push and puff push push make puk puke puke
puke puke puke puff piss and push make this is disgusting is he did you get any good submissions
Wait, wait, wait, you know what's so...
Get the microphone cord out of your toes.
Can I do anything?
I can't floss my toe.
Let me talk...
Not on the doybird.
Let me talk about what I was going to say.
There is nothing worse
than when the chef of the restaurant you're at
comes out of the stall.
What were you doing there?
No.
Chef's, no pooping.
No pooping.
No pooping.
pooping.
Not at work, man.
Do not pooping.
Come out of there and then head back to the kitchen.
I don't bother me that much.
It's not like they're wiping with their hands.
Oh, are you the wipe monitor?
How do you have that much faith in every chef?
There's some evil chefs that wipe with their hands.
I'm sorry.
You have never to be talking with what you've been doing with your feet.
Brooke, I can't do it.
I can't either.
You go find another pusher.
Get socks.
When push comes to piss, girl, you're pissing me right off.
That's what it is.
it's just so it's like
it's just
you know what
I don't I haven't been like
in on the whole demure trend
that is just the least demure thing
you say you haven't been in on the trend
you've said it five times today
shut the fuck up
seriously
oh my gosh
there's definitely a view of my cameltoe
from where the camera is for sure
what's it called when a guy gets a camel to
bull's nickel
what do you say
bull's nickel
um we're gonna do a round
with the bull's nickel for the table
Are you gonna have
Let Izzy Finner.
Are you gonna have any bull's knuckle
Or do you want to split it?
Do you want any of the moose knuckle?
Would you like an order of the moose knuckle?
I don't know if I told her up my iPod cracked.
You did.
Well, you posted it.
Because I already knew it wasn't news to me.
My friend Peter just texted me.
I'm soaking wet.
Let's see what he is to say.
That's a picture of Jonathan Bailey.
Oh, New Fiero.
Oh.
Newfiero just dropped.
Newfiero contest just dropped.
What am I doing on my phone?
Izzy texted us.
Oh.
Okay.
Oh, is it just this little thing, Izzy?
Okay.
My ex just posted an incredibly long,
very poorly written film about me
where she makes up events
that simply didn't happen
to make me look bad.
But because it's so bad,
it's just funny.
She called me a power freak,
which I genuinely couldn't define
if I wanted to do.
I could define power freak.
Define it.
Like, um,
really,
sexy spicy
but like
in an
alpha way
dominant way
powerful freak
or powerful freak
I was getting someone
like who abuses their power
oh
perfect circle much
look at this
wow
life is beautiful
um
yeah I mean I would like my ex
to do that
it feels like that would make you look good
I feel like you won
but it's
there's nothing more embarrassing than someone
posting something that's poorly written.
Especially if it's writing.
That doesn't really do you any favors.
If it's, you just mean your acts is dumb and that means that you have bad taste.
Yeah.
Could you date a dumb person if they were, if you really physically attracted to them?
Yeah.
But like super dumb.
Like, like that kind of dumb.
But I, I, I genuinely think that people, I don't believe that there are like dumb people.
There are definitely dumb people.
I think.
someone that is like truly like
has no brain health?
I know I know we have a mutual friend
that is one of the dumbest people I've ever met.
Can you think of who it is?
I don't think I don't think I could date that
person but I think that I could date someone
who's not conventionally smart
and is intelligent in a different way.
Like I don't need someone to understand
I don't need someone who writes well
I don't need someone to understand basic rhythm
basic arithmetic.
Like it's just so much.
Don't you
They have no room to be talking about anything that's coming out of my body with that,
like a wire in your toes.
I'm saying I think that if I could find something that is smart about them than I could,
even if other people just think they're not.
Can you think of anything smart about the person that we're both thinking of?
Yeah.
Really?
Probably.
Give me some.
I can't.
I would need to sit with it.
This person, I literally, like, when I think of the word bozo, like he comes to mind,
like he is literally has like those those those bluebirds circling around his head to me like at all
times he probably has a concussion honestly someone like that like if they're just like so
sweet because ignorance is bliss and they are just like so sweet and would like die for you like I could
maybe maybe mm-hmm maybe who are you voting for I'm just kidding
that is funny
that's so hysterical
one thing about me
jokes on jokes
I'm going to Florida
on Saturday
I'm so jealous
I wish that you would go to Florida when
mom and pop up over there because they would die to see you
I know dang it I can't believe they're not there
I will be
Miami well I'm doing Orlando first
and me and Maggie you're going to go to Epcot
I was literally just going to say you're going to go to Disney
I'm going to go to Disney
we can't drink or anything which is kind of
I always wanted to do drink around the world.
Are you going?
Are the brand sending you?
No, no, no.
It's before the show.
And I can't.
I'm not going to drink before a show.
It's too dangerous, especially around the world.
God forbid I was around the world and drinking.
Could you do it the next day?
No, we go.
Could you do it after the show?
No, because it'll be nighttime.
Too late.
But we do, we have Orlando, Tampa, Miami, and then Dania Beach.
Dania Beach
Dana?
No, it's not
Dana Beach
It's not at all
Dana Beach
How is it?
What is it?
D-A-N-I-A
Dana Beach?
D-A-N-I-A
D-N-I-A
Denaya
Danya
Danya Beach
Where is that?
Danya Beach
Improv
Danya
Where is it located?
I'm looking right now
Danya Beach
Danya Beach
Dananda Beach
We like to go to
Danya Beach
Let me look, Brooke
How about you look?
I'm looking
It's right outside of Fort Lauderdale
Oh
What?
Oh my God
I should tell my mom to go
You should tell your mom to go
You should tell your mom to go
To tell my mom to bring her
Her special friend
Bring
And would she care if I was like
Brooke's mom is here
That would be like an awesome celebrity guest
I would be awesome
I don't know if I want that
Oh yeah
People to know to make it to be able to make the connection
Yeah, maybe if it just like stays within the room.
Yeah.
It's like what happens at Fight Club stays in Fight Club.
It's totally.
We're going to beat your mom's ass.
Yeah, that's not just kidding.
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas?
Number one rule of Fight Club is that, yeah.
Yeah.
Wait, but when is it?
I'll tell her to go.
I'll tell you when to tell her to go.
Wait, is she in for Lauderdale?
She's around there.
October 3rd.
I'm going to Disney.
Oh, my God.
October 3rd.
I'll tell her.
Come on down.
Come on now.
You should go to Conner's comedy show.
Yeah.
It's October 3rd.
On October 3rd.
I got a basketball game tomorrow.
Isn't it crazy?
There are things like that.
Like the quadratic equation, I can also remember, but I can also remember.
My name's Parker.
I got a basketball game tomorrow.
Harry?
No, Terry is put it in reverse.
Wow, we're having a very riveting conversations
on parking Connor make a podcast today.
I think we actually, it's time to wrap it up.
Is it?
Yes, because when push comes to puff, like.
Do you have to push?
Let's just say.
The awesome thing about my new apartment
is that there's a half bath and a primary bath.
Well, the thing about your half bath,
I did just sit down to be.
What's wrong with the half bath?
You have to like,
you have to like cry,
like you're, I'm under the sink when I sit down on the toilet.
It's piney, yeah.
Like the sink goes over.
Don't have baths shame me.
No, I just like couldn't.
Don't make it weird.
It's a half baths.
bath that was one and I said in Airbnb it said that in the half bath there was like a home goods type of sign don't make things weird it's a half bath what does that mean I don't know I feel like that sign made things weird wait let me look if I can see if I can find the exact sign no it's okay no I think you would really like to see it okay um I'm trying to think if I have any more oop dots um I'm still is Tulsa and
1967.
Pardon?
I don't remember what it was.
It's just something about making it weird and a half bath.
I am still up for people's sexy stick docker if everyone wouldn't mind maybe voting one more time if you can.
Because now I kind of need it because it's gone from being a joke to like now if I lose like that's humiliating.
I just ordered the sign.
Oh good.
Because you have at the end.
Get naked.
Just kidding.
This is a half bath.
Don't make a weird.
Do you like it?
That's a dozy.
You got it?
You would like that in my half bath, wouldn't you?
Yeah, that's great.
Why would anyone need to get naked in your half bath?
Is it like the brown or the black trim?
The black.
Do you think?
I would say, yeah, please do the black.
You care that much that you're going to beg?
I would say so, yeah.
Wow, so many people are in Europe still.
Why? Come home.
Come home.
That's fair.
All right, y'all.
Oh my god, should I get the one day delivery or fastest delivery?
Now we're just, we're genuinely just like on our phones talking about stuff.
So we got to wrap this up.
Okay, bye, guys.
Thank you so much for listening.
Please subscribe to our YouTube.
We have a couple fun things coming out in YouTube coming up.
When is the first thing coming up on YouTube?
First thing is in the end of September.
Which is like almost now.
And then the other thing will be Halloween.
Yay.
A lot of stuff.
happening here. Watch the space. There's another thing?
Part two.
Of the first. Okay, part one and part two and then Halloween.
Part one, Halloween. Oh, whoa. Samwidge. Samuge much? Okay, very exciting stuff.
Yep. See in the bonus. Okay, bye, guys. See in the bonus. Thank you so much. We love you.
Love. This week on Close Friends.
Oh, gosh. If I had a pumpkin spice latte right now, you'd have to get a new joy bird.
Couch, peace. I'm just a small.
Small man.
Got the weight of the world on my penis.
Are you there?
Delete myself.
I would delete myself.
I would delete myself.
I would backspace.
This used to be such a safe space until just now.
I had no idea she hated my shelves to death.
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