Brooke and Connor Make A Podcast - Brooke Ambushes Her Celebrity Crush (ft. Brittany Broski)

Episode Date: March 24, 2022

This week Brooke and Connor are joined by Brittany Broski to discuss their deepest fears, joke about mean TikTok comments, and recount the incredible story of Brooke meeting her celebrity crush. Email us at [e-mail] !! Go to https://birddogs.com, enter promo code BandC and they’ll throw in a free Birddogs Whistle Tip Football That’s https://HelloFresh.com/bandc16 and use code bandc16 for up to 16 free meals AND 3 free gifts! To find a retailer who delivers right to your door head to https://budlight.com/NEXT. Enjoy responsibly, messaging for 21+ Apple Podcasts: https://apple.co/bandc  B+C IG: https://www.instagram.com/bncmap/ B+C Twitter: https://twitter.com/bncmap TMG Studios YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/tinymeatgang TMG Studios IG: https://www.instagram.com/realtmgstudios/ TMG Studios Twitter: https://twitter.com/realtmgstudios BROOKE https://www.instagram.com/brookeaverick https://twitter.com/ladyefron https://www.tiktok.com/@ladyefron  CONNOR https://www.instagram.com/fibula/ https://twitter.com/fibulaa https://www.tiktok.com/@fibulaa Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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That's Freedom to Be. Use us directed. grandparents who I'm really close with, they got married when they were 17, 18, had my parents really like then or my mom. And then my mom had me when she was 27. And I mean, my mom had met my dad

by this point and I'm writing Matthew Greg Goepler fan fiction. So that's goddamn terrifying. Man, yeah, I was thinking about that the other day. You just bought the premium of Wapax. And I am subscribed for life, babe. I was thinking about that the other day. Like, I was at

my parents' house and my grandpa's purple heart is on display and a picture of him jumping out of a plane to kill Nazis and he was my age and I cried on the phone with Spectrum trying to reset the router

We are moving at a different pace I know that I'm gonna just get ripped to shreds for my pants Engagement babe It's true I have things to save it I'll save it Oh please yay

I was like oh we're gonna we're gonna clash being nice to each other No. Because I'm tasteful and yours is just painting. You were painting. Not a fan of the arts. Famously, no. I'm not. I'm wearing a Rascal Flats teaser. I'm not a fan of the arts. Michelangelo Twitter is ripping you to... Michael Angela would have Rascal Flats. Do you think? I think so.

Is now I'm going to say anything about my outfit? I love your outfit. I've complimented you three times. Simple yet collaborative. Yeah. I made the sweater. Yeah. No, good job making a sweater. Oh, there's a sweater that you were making.

Yes. It's done. Yes, it's done. Do you remember me asking about Lady Fron lore? Do you remember when you made the TikTok series of you knitting that scarf? Like in the pool? Was it a scarf? Or what were you knitting?

Oh, I was knitting. So, you know, Tom Daly, the Olympic diver and now famous knitter? Famously. He came out with a knitting line. And I was like, I need to support him in his knitting because there's nothing. I care about more in the world than pro-diver become pro-nitter. Classic pipeline. Classic pipeline.

So I purchased a sweater that he had made and it came just the yarn, just balls of yarn and needles. And I was like, oh, not what I was expecting, but I can, I'm up for the challenge, have not touched it since I, I did knit via the pool. Okay, yeah. I'm referring to. I think I posted that on Instagram. I was knitting in the hot tub just like the back of the cardigan that I thought I was getting as a full cardigan. But I have not touched it since.

Okay, and that makes sense. But yeah, I was just really excited to show you on my sweater. And I am, I'm going to stand up just to give you full body. Yeah. Yeah. Audio listeners, it says flop. It says flop era. Tight it.

Well, I have to hold the microphone. Oh, well, you can put it down in all, me and Bertie will describe. So what we're hearing here, we're seeing here is a cross stitch. Really great presentation. It says flop era and a nice beige color and the lettering. is in white. And all caps. All caps. Nice ballooning of the sleeves. Fits very well. You can steal things with those sleeves. Shoplifting will become a breeze in this flop era handmade knit. Order now for 1995 plus shipping and handling.

Yeah, for sure. That's really great. Thank you guys. And all credit to our friend Sally who wrote up the pattern for this. I simply just followed it. How did she learn how to do it? YouTube. I could never in a million years watch a YouTube tutorial and figure out how to do something. seconds in, I'm sobbing. I was about to say, frustration crying. Yeah, frustration crying. And I am,

this is more of just like meant to be an art piece, not so much, meant to be worn due to the fact that I think I'm getting chicken pox from it. And you are uncomfortable. And I'm uncomfortable.

So give me just, give me just one second to remove this from my body. And then I'll be right back with you in no time at all. Talks amongst yourself, please. We'll be over here. Well, speaking of clothing,

I do want to address your fit, fib. You just came, you just came from the construction site. What the hell is this? Where were you working? Your mom's house actually. See, that's a great response. Your mom's house was broken into

and I was there just making her feel safe. The mom's house was broken into. He confronted the burglar. And that I could not think of a better response. And for the audio only listeners, we have several homemade pieces on set today. One being my pants. Yeah, Khan.

I owe a big apology to my mom. You think you're invincible. You think you can wash your colors with your whites. And then you, all of a sudden find yourself trying to DIY some pants that look like their painter's pants. So that's what happened. You fucked them up in the washer. Yeah, I mean. And they took matters into your own hands. It's just crazy that like I have not figured out how to do laundry yet. Yeah. 25 years under the belt. Do you guys know what I mean? Like there's no like right way to do

laundry. No. There is. It is so easy to fuck it up. Like something happens every single time I do laundry and I'm like I don't know what even is that like my whites will get like whiter in some parts and I'm not using bleach because I've been told not to use bleach but don't we use bleach together I just throw everything in together and just hope for the best and I think that my washer doesn't even work like I so it's just like completely fine they don't yeah yeah they just they don't it's just like dirty water washing it's like bathtub it's a mental it's a mental yeah yeah yeah clearing out the laundry chair is a mental health thing it totally You cure your depression when you hit start on that laundry.

How often are you supposed to wash like jeans? You know my rule is after I piss in them. That is a good rule. That's what I've been doing to date. A couple wears? A few months. I was actually like I don't. I'm not trying to have a podcast conversation.

I'm genuinely like taking notes. Yeah, I'm leveling with you. I pee a lot. Cool. I've got funny friends. I pee. Oh. You've made both of you.

individually have made me peeve my pants. Really, Brittany. Yeah, yeah. That is the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me in my life. I feed you in your Instagram DMs. You are the, you are truly my biggest fan. I hope you know I'm yours. I just am more of a like, oh, I'm obsessed with her. It means so much. I need to get better about telling people how much I love that. No, it still, it means so much. I am such a fan of you. And kind of like, we are just trying not to fangirl like really hard. We just love you more than anything in the whole world. It's a, it's a good transition into saying, welcome back to Brooklyn. can Connor make a podcast. I don't know. I'm losing. We're trying to figure out what episode this is. I think eight. It's more, it's a couple. We're a couple in. And we have one of our good friends and colleagues and peers, family members and spiritual activist. Cousins. Cousins. Lovers, friends.

I could go on and on about this Southern Bell. But we have Brittany Brooski in the studio today. Brittany, thank you so much for coming. We just, I've said it before and I'll say it again until the day I die. I love you. Love more than anything. Seriously, thank you for coming. You know what? And this will go out before you guys come on my pod. Yes.

But we are, that is happening. We're pod swapping. We're pod swaps. And Brittany just has the most amazing podcast in the whole goddamn world violating community guidelines with Sarah Shower. And they just hit 100,000 YouTube subscribers. Oh my God.

Yes, Brittany. You guys. Black. Yeah, so make sure to please tune into that. it is so fucking good. How heavy are those plaques? Solid? Just asking you someone...

Just kind of wanting to know what it would be like. You're like, could I hold it? Do I need to hit CrossFit before I receive one in the next... No. I just do like an anchor in the wall. Cool. It's pretty, you know, straight. I often equated to that Post Malone song where he says,

when he's sitting on the toilet and he's looking at all of his plaques, he hangs in the bathroom. That's when I want to get to. You know what? Would be a really cute, me cute? calling in a task rabbit that's really into YouTube and being like, I'm just a girl, I can't hang all of these YouTube 100,000 million subscribers.

And that is a fan fiction waiting to be written and hopefully by next Wednesday we will have that fully fleshed out. And I will start that. Yes. And I will start it right now. I was just listening to your episode about fan fiction. Me too. Love it, guys. You writing a fan fiction about Cole Sprouse

to the theme, to the theme Was it saving private Ryan? Yes. Yeah. I mean, what else would it be? But this is in a post saving Private Ryan world. D. He was back for more.

Yes. I want to pull up my Snapchat memories from today. Please. So just so you know, I'm clicking on it right here. I'm nervous. And I'm clicking and I'm clicking and I'm clicking. Is that clearly Saddle Ranch? That's Dylan.

Oh, shoot. You're kidding. Show the camera. Oh, his hair looks kind of bad. That's Dylan. I mean, I don't know. Yeah, he doesn't have the coal. No, he doesn't.

Cole, they look similar, but they are, they look nothing alike. Cole is like raw sex appeal. You know what? He's Jughead. He's different. He is so fucking different. Was Cole Jughead in Riverside? Yes, in Riverside, yes.

Riverside, California. He's from Riverside, and that's where I go to see NASCAR. And he was Zach in Sweet Life, Zach and Cody, and Cole was Cody. And there is a fundamental difference between the girls and girls and guys and everyone who stand Cody versus Zach. There is. You're either, you're the sensitive one who Cody,

famously, if you remember, wore the dress. Don't I know it? For all those Zach's Cody lore. Oh my God. And were you a Cody or a Zach girl? Of course I was a Cody girl because it's something about, there you go, look at that. There is nothing. I'm not seeing, when I look

at those two, I see no resemblance. Those are strangers. I see you're Dylan like oh all the respect can you tell the difference yeah Dylan's on the left oh sorry I feel horrible well one of them one of them has dark black hair and the other one just has which one do you know which one is which one is in your Snapchat memories um which one's your best friend up in girl girl call on the left I'm sorry Dylan on the left the dirty blonde I was thinking it was like not my orientation so we are actually just like describing photos of Dylan and Cole Spross who are identical twins is one taller than the other

I think Cole is taller. That's pretty crazy. Dylan's looking a little emaciated in this photo, too. Really into that. Yeah, I love a good emaciated boy. Gaunt. Victorian child. Whether it's emaciated, dad bod, anything, I'll take it all.

Poles. Yes. Preferably male. Yes, whatever. But that, you writing a fan fiction about. I did. I wrote a fan fiction about Cole Spouse in the setting of saving private Ryan.

That's humiliating. And he had PTSD. And were you his nurse? I was. I was his wife. He was wife? That he came home to. Let's go.

This wasn't like, this wasn't like, oh, I was 14. Right, right, right, right. Like, I was fully at Texana when I wrote this. Well, there's a lot of crossover here. And I just want to say, we've talked about fan fiction before, and Brooke actually made a public. I have to say something, but I have been holding in for the past 10 minutes and 47 seconds. I feel like I'm going to explode.

Say what you're going to say. I just want to say after listening, the reason I brought up that episode is because you guys had a bit about how inappropriate it is to make fan fiction about real people. And Brooke made a very public request, which I feel the need to now

it was really entertaining while it was, but I think that maybe the fan... Oh, I wasn't even going to say anything about what you're saying. The WAPAD community, should we hold off on writing fan fiction about real people, even if it's consensual? No. You know, the jury's not on that one.

No. No. No. No. We've got two nos. I'd like it. I mean, I was personally really into it as well. You're talking about the Logan fan fiction, which is the fan fiction about me and my trainer at the gym, which, by the way, I feel like I want to preface. I've never seen this man. I've just seen a photo reference of him and the wall of all the trainers. I don't know him. So that's completely fine. Well, I just also want to say that I did find Logan, the trainer on Instagram. That's fine. So did I. And he does, he does, so did I. He does.

He's a POV king. Is he a comedy king? He's, I think he identifies maybe in that way. Or is he like a larping king. He's like POV. He's more, I think he's an actor. And like, so he'll, like, perform scenes. He's reading.

He's good. He's reading roles, like line by line for like Wolf of Wall Street. I mean, it's a type cast. Like, he's like this big beefcake, like country club guy. I'll offline with you about that, Brittany and sent you photos and videos and videos and Well sidebar. Yeah. Yeah.

But I mean, it was fascinating to put a face to the name post podcast. And then I was like, Brooke, I don't want to ruin your fantasy for you. You didn't. It made it better. But this man is doing bits online, which. Hot. My understanding is that like it is a Nick for some people. Not when you look like Logan.

Hey. Logan is, has the Ted Bundy effect. Like could get it. Could do anything. And I'm like, oh, no, that's scary. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. It's scary that.

Oh, I forget not everyone's kind of right there. I forget this isn't a safe space. Okay, I feel horrible. I felt a little safe now I don't. But, Connor, when you mentioned the fan fiction, I thought you were going to say something else, which I've been exploding about and needing to talk about. Matthew.

I have mentioned, and I recently, on a podcast, an episode or two ago, I have written one fan fiction in my life. I have read millions and millions of pages longer than Harry Potter in the Goblet of Five. Curt and Blaine from Glee, Blaine having an ankle monitor. Yes. I've read counts.

I've written one. And the one I wrote was about Dr. Spencer Reed from Criminal Minds, played by Matthew Gagubler, who was like one of my all-time celebrity crushes. And we will not ever be in a place where I will read that fan fiction to you or you

will find it. But I will give you the basic summary of the fan fiction, which is that he, the main character was not my name, but of course I am, I identified with her. Y slash N. It wasn't a Y slash and I didn't name her. Yeah, but it was based on

based on, yeah. So basically the loose plot is that he was my therapist after I went through something really traumatic. And then we fell in love because he really got to know me. That's gonna go ahead and go down in the HIPAA book. That's a violation. He fell in love. His license

is stripped. And then we were not able to see. each other anymore on a professional level due to falling in love with each other in that setting. So we stopped seeing each other for five years. Fast forward for five years. We're both in the FBI. Okay, trying to navigate how to be

co-workers on the same murder case while being in love. Okay, that's the basic premise of the fan fiction. You wrote this. 19. 27. 35. Too old.

Too old. I actually haven't actually. I actually haven't even written it yet. And that, and I don't. it's not even something that I want to talk about openly because it's like not funny. Like I was not, there was no humor behind that fan fiction. There was just me being alone. Lust.

And I did write it, I co-author. I wrote it with my friend over, over, this is before Zoom, over FaceTime. We're talking about, okay, what would Dr. Spencer Reed do in this situation? Anyway, and I, that's how much, like, I need you guys to understand the extent of how much I was in love with this man. And I've also developed a three-tiered kind of level of having a celebrity crush that I think will help you also understand how much I care about. Yeah, I'd like to know about this tier system. Sure. And I hope I get it right because I was thinking about in the shower and I was like, this is so genius.

Like someone's going to write about it in a textbook, but I fear I'm not going to be able to translate it. So please bear with me. There's three tiers to this approach. Tier number three, which is the least intense tier of having a celebrity crush, is someone you, and I'm thinking mostly about actors and even, singers when I think about this, but there's tons of other celebrities. Tier 3 is when you consume their content, so when you're watching a movie

or something with them or watching the perform, you're in love with them, but just kind of while you're consuming the content. You're in love with the character that they're playing? No, you love them and you think they're hot and you'll maybe even do a little Wikipedia deep dive while consuming the content, but it kind of stops

there. You don't think about them too much after consuming the content. That's Tier 3. And for me, that's kind of like a Sebastian Stan, Jacob Allorty, like you're watching, they're gorgeous, you'll Google, you'll Wikipedia, where are they from, how old are they, what's their height, are they married? I'd like to know more, but it stops at a certain point.

And right, and just like, that's like the lowest tier of celebrity crush. So we moved it to tier two where... So tier two is a step further where you are consuming their kind of, you're in love with them, you need to consume more. Okay? Fan edit. Fan edits, you're watching all of their late night interviews, you're on a deep YouTube spiral, you're entering Reddit,

you're on the dark web. You're thinking about them more. I can't even imagine how... I don't think you've ever passed tier three. No, I mean, I can't even imagine getting to tier two. I can't imagine how it gets more intense than going to the dark web. Let me explain it to you. And even in tier two, I would say tier two, you could consume fan fiction.

You might not... Then what the fuck is tier one? Tier one is this is where I... stalking. No. This is tier one you reserve for a select few people. It is the most intimate level of celebrity crush where it's like, the thought that you will not spend your life with this person,

it is landing you almost in a psych ward. It is, it is scary. And that is how I felt about Matthew. Matthew, I'm consuming content left and right. I'm writing fan fiction. I thought about him. When you wake up, when you go to bed. He is all consuming, you know everything about him.

Maladaptive daydreaming at its finest. What is that? Like you are, you've fully disassociated and in your, people are in the comments are going to be like, she like what's it called when you like call like this a citizen's arrest yeah it's like i'm about to make my move but i'm just trying i'm just i have just created this three-tiered approach just so you can understand okay how much i was obsessed with matthew riguehuber still am not tier one necessarily but was because you can only tier one with one person at a time now see that's that's a

hot take as well that you can tear one with one person at a time mine mine back up to each other. Like I'll literally, the thought, exactly what you're describing, the thought of like, I will never find another person that I'm this attracted to. Terrifying. And then six weeks later, you have MG. Who is your

Tier 1? Do you have a Tier 1? Of course I do. I've got Harry Stiles tattooed on my body. So you think Harry Styles, it makes you sick to your stomach every day when you go to bed. But no, here's the thing, and here's different because it's not a crush for me. It's more like... Something I don't know if I understand. Harry Styles to me is more like he's my

idol. Right. Which is... You don't know if you want to be him or be in him? No, if you don't even want to be in him. No, it's just like I, the thought of being in a room with him makes me sick to my stomach. I can never meet him because I love him so much. And then I had felt that way about Matthew. Yes. And guess what? It happened.

And you made it out on the other side. Well, that's where we're going. I met Matthew. So, wait, I want to... I met Matthew two nights ago. I want to rewind a little bit because the way that it happened is an act of God. Yeah, I don't even know this story. I am scared. I, because I had just, like I haven't talked about him until recently. One, he was the voice of Simon and Alvin and the Chitmunks.

I've been talking about Alvin and the Chitmunks not stop. Yeah, I've been talking about out of the Chimmunks on top. Two, I brought up the fan fiction recently, which I had never talked about because I've been too embarrassed. I read it to a friend for the first time ever. I read it to Matt King. And you manifested it in that moment. Like a month ago. And I was like, I will never read this to anyone again.

I've never read this to someone for whatever reason I feel safe reading this fan fiction to you, Matt King. Then tucked it away. I have been talking about it recently and then tuna I don't you take it away I have to I just have to give background on this because it is absurd like how it happened so we get invited to this premiere

like I don't get invited to things like that like for good reason and this premiere is for Lost City it just came out the Channing Tatum and Sandra Bullock movie I didn't know like Daniel Radcliffe and Brad Pitt and Oscar from the office isn't it?

It's like a star study Bowen Yang. I mean, like, good movie because I like rom-com adventures, but very cheesy, but like it makes you feel good. So anyways, we get invited, and I have nothing to wear to a carpet. So I go shop and I get pants. I get home, try them on, they're like a little bit too big and you can't wear a belt to a red carpet. You just have to be a hairy styles guy and like tuck your shirt in and call it a day.

And my pants were falling off, so I call Brooke, doesn't answer. I call Patricia, our friend. I was like, you need to bring me a safety pin, please, and some thumbs because something's happening. Yeah. because I knew she had a huge like basically trough of tombs in her kitchen because I eat them every time I'm like weger going to a pregame

oh candy I'm like it's literally chalk but I'm just like eating chalk at pregame so she brings me the safety pin we're on the red carpet she hands me safety pin and then Brooke I started to take pictures of Brooke and she's like Matthew Greg Gooplin

and like starts to like you can't breathe Matt had texted me Matt wasn't there yet Matt had texted me Matthew Greg Goopler's and I responded, I was like, you're fucking with me because I had just read him that fan fiction and he was the one person I had read that fan.

You thought he was taking a piss out with you both. Absolutely taken a piss out with me. Yeah. I, well, hang on. So Brooke is grabbing me like, Connor, Matthew Gray Group. I'm like, I don't, who is this? I know his face and I know his name. I know his face too.

I don't know what he's been in. It's hard to, he's like Dr. Spencer Reed in criminal minds as well as Simon and Avin and the Chipmunk. He's in tons of other stuff. Well, Brooke extends to me that like I'm obsessed with him and I can see it in her face because she is shaking and We're on the carpet and there's like Sandra Bullitts in front of us.

I'm having an episode. She's having a conno. And I'm like, how am I going to get Brooke over to him in like a natural way? And I see that his button has fallen off his, his blazer. And I'm like, guess who has an extra safety pin? This guy. And it's a toe. I walk out to him.

And a pocket full of tons. I go, uh, hey, Matthew, like I have a safety pin. Do you want me to like get your button on? And he's like, dude, you just saved my life. like and we're talking and he's like you don't know like that you just like I couldn't have gone out there on the carpet like take my picture and I'm like oh of course of course I need you meet my friend Brock no that is you didn't get because I'm looking at Connor and I am so sorry I want to apologize in advance I had the worst I was not judging you favorably in that moment I thought I love you to goddamn death but Connor does have some what's the word ethical social clout chasing climbing tendencies I'm a networker he's a networker it's his What is this? What can he say? I thought at this point I'm seeing red. I'm in a blind rage. I thought Connor was making a video with Matthew and was not and was not going to introduce

me because there have been times in the past. No offense. Connor love you to goddamn death. Where Connor has talked to people that I really want to meet. No, no introduction. I would go as far as say gatekeeping girl boss will not let me hear them. Well, I'm also, I'm also meeting these people for the first time. Right. Right. Right. So I, but that's where immediately that's where my head went is he is not going to introduce me. He is making a video. I didn't know what they were doing. I didn't know about the safety pin. He's touching Matt. He's like all over Matthew. And I'm going

Connor. No, no, no, no, no. You're going, Connor? And I can hear you. We're on a red, well, it was green, but it was a red carpet event. There's fans yelling, Sandra, Matthew. And Brooks going, Connor!

But from the red carpet, not from the audience and I'm like I'm fucking working my thing right now I'm doing my thing and then I'm finally like oh Brooke Brooke Brooke come over here like meet Matthew and then it just I blacked I think you blacked out but I did I did walk away because you guys were having a moment

but I did get a bunch of I was firing off photos we have videos of me and Matthew that we can insert in post but I feel like she's hands on her knees like I watched the videos back and I I thought I was being a little shy. Like, oh my God, I'm such a big fan. Screaming, I love you.

Like, so scary. Like, I'm watching back, and I'm like, he wants me dead. Gripping on to his fucking, ugh. And then he's yelling, he's telling Connor, you saved me. I had no idea about the safety pin. He's telling Connor, you save me. You saved me, Matthew. Wait, is that on video?

Yeah, I remember that happening. You saved me. And then you go, like, oh, that wasn't to me. You, like, turn. And then Connor gave him a hug, and I was like, I'm sorry. I know I didn't give you a safety, but I've just got to kind of squeeze in here.

And I'm holding on to dear. I, and I, he was, they say never meet your idols. He was just like, I knew he was going to be nice. And you know what? I saw the video and I was blown away by how charismatic and personable he was.

He is the nicest guy in the, and this is my phone background, which is not surprising to anybody in the slightest probably. That's me and Matthew. It was really, really funny. It was the, I can't think of like a better meet your idol.

I just, I can't stop thinking about it or talking about it. It's just the best thing it's ever happened. It's the best night of my life. Best thing it's ever happened to me. I don't even, I can't even, I hope you guys understand how much that meant to me. I hope the three-tiered celebrity crush system that I created helps. I hope the fan fiction helped. Do you now check that off of, are you like, okay, I've.

I was literally like, if I get hit by a bus right now on this green carpet, completely so like so is that like when a ghost is stuck on the in between and it's like I just have been able to pass on at that moment you would have been on okay if I was a ghost I would be passing okay I don't like it was the I am just so like beside myself have you had anything like that happen like anybody you've met where you're just like recently yes um Rosalia is my favorite artist probably like top three of all time so it was one of those things where I think like you spoke it into existence you're talking to Matt King about like like you're talking to Matt King about like. Like, oh, here's this funny. No, bitch, it's real. Spiritual activism. I was talking to my management and I was like, man, if there's a way, like, because she's interacted with me before on TikTok and all that. And yeah, a little turd came out, okay?

A little turdlet. No, no, no, no. I saw you move and I was like, oh. Yeah, I didn't even go to the bed. Yeah, one. Okay. And I get an email invite from her team that's like, Rosalie is premiering her album on TikTok, and she wants TikTokers to interview her, are you down?

Who? What the fuck are you talking about? Is this spam? Literally, I was like, this is like some cruel joke that someone was trying to play on me. No, it was real. And I ended up interviewing her.

Oh, wow. How do you keep that together? I didn't. I literally had to have a moment with myself before and I cried for an hour afterward. Oh, on the actual interview, though, I'm like, so tell me more about,

oh, I was so cool. Afterward, I had a full, like, one of these, like, right. It was, and you do know what I mean. And I could not relate to you more if I tried. Have you ever?

No, see, it's different. Yeah, what's up with you? It's different for me. Do you even have any tier ones? No, like, I can't even relate to that at all. Wow. Yeah. What about tier two?

So I've never, I don't get really starstruck. Like, I see it from... I think that's probably why he can ethical clout chase so well. Maybe that's his fucking... I think that, because he's just able to be his charming self. I can ethically clout chase where it's not, like, transactional. Like, I'm not like, I want to be your friend because I need to post this on TikTok. I'm like, I think that.

we would be friends. Like I'm not, I wouldn't go like hang out with someone to post a picture if they sucked, you know, like, it would just, it's like a funny, like we're friends now. But the one person I've, I think I told, I talked about this before, but Will Ferrell was the only person that I, that I've seen and been like, right, I didn't even know you were real. Like, it feels like something that you read about in a book and you see in movies like, you're in stepbrothers. That's like the Bible. And then you see him in person, you're like, I'm gonna, yeah. When he's just like a dad. When he's just like an old dude with like a baseball cap and he dress is like Adam Sandler, very similar.

Fuck. Do you remember that one award show that he came on with his, he brought his kids on stage to them? And he was like, get the next nominee is, get your ass over here. Get back to the stage. Next nominee is, he's in flip flops. Yeah. It's so fucking good. It's so refreshing. So, no, I've never had a tier one.

I can't even think of, I feel like you love, what's her name, Kate Hudson. Is she not even tier one? I do like Kate Hudson a lot. I remember, tier one is so simple. It's like you're watching and you're like, okay, I have a crush. That's tier three, you said. Oh, God, I feel, yeah, you're right. Tier three is, tier three.

I can't stop saying, oh, God, I feel horrible. Tier three is, yeah, tier three is the least. Yeah. No, I think I've had, I mean, like, Kate Hudson and Fools Gold is my number one. Right. Fair. That's the Matthew McConaughey movie. And that's Matthew McConaughey movie.

Now, see, I'm surprised Matthew isn't your number one. Well, see, we went to the same college. We both went to UT Austin. At the same time? No, yeah, we're the same age. and I still see him all over campus and it's giving me the vibe of like the high schooler that keeps coming back to high school parties.

He's a professor though. He wasn't until like last year and I saw him at every game and he'd come out and come to the edge of his box and he'd go, big chest, throw the horns out and people are like, he's so sick. I'll die for you.

Like, you know, like I'm just like, what? Like, I would do it in a heartbeat if I ever end up. Like, I'm going, I would die for him. And I would love to be that. If I ever in a Lincoln commercial one time, I'm heading my ass right back to Austin and I'm getting a box. Man, that's what I'm saying. At DKR.

Number one place you'd spend your money. That Texas alum. Oh my God. I'm booking my shit immediately. I'm getting season tickets to the games. I'm going to every like, I'm going to have an orange blazer thing. It's a level of white man we have yet to see from Fibula. And I am looking forward to the day.

He has explored most levels of white. white man except for that one. Publicly. Yeah, publicly. Yeah. I'm curious.

What do you mean by that? What do you mean by that? I just feel... Yeah, sure. I'm ready to elaborate. I just feel like you fit... You check a lot of different boxes. Yeah.

Like, I think you can be... You're like artsy-e boy sometimes. And she was pointing to his fucked up pants. I think you can be... You're so... You're really artsy. You know, you kind of paint on your pants. You also fit like the kind of like

California. surfing you're also Southern techs like you have so many different genres I don't know I'm finding myself I'm just a boy yeah and then sometimes you wear rings and necklaces and you were wearing to the premiere the other day you had a complete Tom Holland thing going

you just have a lot of different areas of white boy you're exploring and do you know what else is I was talking about this with Sarah Sarah yesterday of there's a white man effect where white men funny white men just fucking love each other like I've always been curious as to how um you met Cody and how all of this started I know we've never talked about it question and I think it's because you both respect each

other yeah and I that's the white man effect they do bros will be bros am I right I mean think about it Sean Mendez who else have you met fucking Sean and you Sean and then also Sean Mendez as well and you did meet Sean Mendes Sean Cody Dylan Dylan of the the Sprouse at Sprouse Industries. Now, oh, can I just show you guys something? Conner had no idea who Matthew was, by the way. I think I've made that pretty clear. Please zoom in on what Connor moved forward with Instagramming. Let me see. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. They've never known each other for years. Just for tips, if you guys ever meet a celebrity, I've always done this, like, since I was, like, a child, I always go, it's his, they like this. I swear, I've never had someone be like, no. I'm like, can

we act like we've been friends for a long time for this photo. And they're like, yes. I don't want to pose to you. I want to like move around and if you have a friend that's got a fiery thumb like a trigger, trigger finger trigger happy finger with the pictures. You just tell them click click and talk and you look at each other and you do

that thing. And then you're like, thank you. And there's no posing. He is writing the manual on ethical clout chasing as we see. That is. That is like, that's the illusion of, because that's always when it comes on my feet, I say, how the fuck did Connor meet? Insert That picture of you and Sean

Mendez and King Princess who you met once It's like you guys look like you're having the time of your life Like it's blurry you're like If we broke that picture down like I was We were all hanging out except Sean For like for like an hour Just like chatting cracking up taking shots

whatever and then at the last minute Sean ran into the photo because he saw us taking a group photo But anyways Ethical Clout chasing Sean goes to Equinox I saw him a few times I don't even care because I've got Logan I've got you know I'm so I'm so set.

Troy Savon goes to you. And Connor has did not come to Equinox with me this week. I did bet. Even though he said he would. You're scared. Well, I had a friend in town from college and I was kind of busy. And I do, I do cardio outside of the gym too. So I don't need to go into a gym to run on a treadmill.

I like to be outside. I like to run next to the beach. Is he talking about heaven's saying? I don't know what he's talking about. No, no, no. I'm so sorry. You were like, you're hot in my cardio. I'm fucking.

and sucking outside, baby. No, I am not doing that so much anymore after my ticket. But you did say this. You did say, and I do want to say that I coined the term ethical cloud chasing. Yes, you did, okay. Yeah. And I respect you a lot for it. I don't want it to come off as a negative thing.

You said ethical very specifically. I said this to me yesterday. I said, please don't take this the wrong way. Yeah. And you did it, and I appreciate that. I don't get offended by much. That being said, my MGG pick that I'd posted on Instagram last night had me blocking 34 people.

Why? Why? Because the amount of just, like, ruthless comments about my forehead. He didn't wear a hat. He didn't wear a hat. Listen, my hairline hasn't moved because I looked at old pictures. It's the same. People are just used to me in a hat. Right. But you can't, I mean, Jesus Christ. It's a little too much, Connor. I opened up the floodgates. I want you to know. And here's what I'll say. I think you guys will find some solace in this too. I'm sure. when you're talking about a sibling and you're like, I hate my little sister. And then someone says, yeah, she sucks.

You're like, I'm gonna fucking kill you. Whoa, whoa, whoa. So I can be like, my forehead's pretty big. And someone's like, one girl commented, could your forehead be any bigger? And I said, Sarah. Be any more blocked? Laura, you're getting blocked and reported, bitch.

Enjoy jail. And you just tapped into my whole brand, by the way. It is so fucking. frustrated. It really is. Especially all of our brands are self-deprecating a bit. That does not give you an invitation to self-deprecate me. Exactly. Or to deprecate me, rather.

You know what else? Someone commented on my spam the other day. I posted some video with just ass lighting. Just god-awful lighting. It was like that elevator lighting that's from straight down. And I do have thinning hair. Okay. Me too. And it was this awful. It was this awful like greasy, like the librarian

from Harry Potter, like filch, like nasty. Someone commented A girl, a rogain ain't that expensive. People are... I was like, now, how the... It's just meant to me the rationale of you commenting that, like, thinking I'm gonna laugh. And that used to be my thing, was responding

to those comments in video form. And that's enabling them, because they want a video response. It's enabling them, and then I would get... Like, I got myself into this really tricky situation of people just leaving nasty comments just to get responses. Same. And for you, it's different because I feel like girls want your attention.

yeah but I have feelings like I said I'm just a boy finding himself and I'm also like yeah like I can I do this this this I'm just telling you my comment section is not a safe place I will literally I'm so happy to block you and your whole family

it brings me great pleasure I would lose 10,000 followers if it just me if it hurts someone's feeling that left a bad comment I'd be like it is so worth it I will trade off 10K the rest of the year they're going to be thinking about how you made one of your favorite people online sad. To the point where they blocked you.

I've had people, I've had friends text someone. We have like a mutual friend and I didn't know this person and they left a comment. Text their friend to text me and say, hey, can you have fibula unblock me? And I'm like, holy shit. I don't block you for no reason. You did something. I'm like, no, you lost privileges. Exactly.

Sorry. It is really like, I can't imagine like they must have to be in like the darkest place because I, even in my darkest depths, like the worst thing I ever did was. send a hate death tweet to Matthew Morrison, Mr. Schuster from Glee. And he, come on. That is one of the funniest trends online

where the internet just decides they hate people. That, it really, I do. I feel horrible, but him especially, it's like, I signed the send Mr. Schuster to Guantanamo Bay petition. It's like it is so deserved. I signed the one for them to not let Elon reenter the.

Enter those. Or Bezos. I can't remember who I signed that one for. But I also signed the one to cancel American Girl Doll store because they're using real human babies for their dolls. Right. Which I just got, I've never been so canceled in my life.

Really? The American Girl Doll stands came from my jug. My Jugger. Is that the biggest time you've been canceled? No. Army Hamer. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

What he loves to eat humans, huh? Yeah. Huh. What did you say about him? about how that girl Wendy's found a thumb in her chili and he was like, no, no, no, it's okay. I just want to leave you a tip.

You got canceled for that? It was like, he's eating people. I was like, okay, well, my bad. You're missing the joke. The joke is that Wendy's chili is questionable. We're standing Sebastian Stan for eating some ass cheeks. Hey, we are.

Brittany, I have a question for you. Yes. Have you ever seen a dead body? That reminds me. how I got canceled. Let her answer. Oh, you just said no? Sorry.

I have been to. There was not even a pause. I was hoping there would be like a little bit of dramatic pause. No. You've seen me like you're hiding something. Me? No, no, no. I've never seen all those dead bodies.

There's never been any around me. I've been to a funeral one time and it was my step great grandma. Oh, crap. And it was a closed casket. And I was like, oh, she died. Because I wasn't close to her. I was like, oh, that sucks. She was also like 97 years old.

Oh, yeah. If I were ever to be in a room with a dead, but I actually think that's my number one fear. So why would you ask me that is really what I'm asking? I don't know. It came up this morning when I was like, what should I ask, Brittany today? Have you ever seen a corpse? Like, because one of my things are, I mean, not a dream. I just like love those movies in the beginning when the kids and it's their summer break and they find the dead body and it is the summer of their lives.

Oh, yeah, I do know what he's talking about. In one movie like that. I, some, suddenly in all, suddenly in all at once, can't think of a single one. It, right? It? No. No. I'm thinking of like, uh...

Paper towns? I'm thinking of something like the goonies. I've never seen paper. Do you want me to answer that? Is that that John Green book? Very niche reference there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, damn.

I guess that ends that. I thought that was going to be a longer... Well, hold on. Have you seen a dead body? No. but no have you you have seen a couple

but i've only i've been a one funeral i think and that was closed casket yeah death actually like i'm not kidding is like it is it freaks me out to think of like just not existing anymore well then i don't want to trigger anybody else let's you've kind of stand by me stand by me thank you oh my god i forgot we have

that that is the movie where they find a dead body um and that's as far as i can elaborate they find a dead body and then they walk in a train track and then the credits roll. Got it. Hold on, I'm not done. Oh, I'm sorry. To our guest. I'm here, talk, Connor. Sorry. Gee. Where, um, where have you seen a dead body? Is this like a, like, a rubber

neck and road thing? Um, there was one of those, sure. Uh, yeah. There was. That makes the most sense, like a traffic accident to be like, oh. And I don't want to, I, I'm going to tell a story about like, it not being attached to any actual human life, so that it's not scary. But someone, you know, on, on a lake, that I grew up on had been like fully murdered and it was like a drug situation

so it's I feel like fine talking about it it was like a it was like I don't know if it was gang related or what but like they tied like cinder blocks to the person's body and like sunk them in the lake and there's like a national forest around that side of the lake

so like it took so long to find him but it like decroated and floated up to the top decroated is not a word damn I keep making up words every episode decroated is the opposite of a real word but you know what I mean I bully was about to

I was, uh-huh, he decroated. And he was decroated. Familiar with the act of decroating. Man's was decroated. Me, when I'm decroated, I'd be like. Decrowsion vibes. All right, I'm finna decrode. Enough.

I mean, anyways, that's, again, I'm talking about, like, stand-by-me vibes. What is your number one fear? Space, probably. And then, uh, um, lucid dreaming and like being awake when I'm like physically I'm asleep but like like being stuck there yeah that freaks me out I think probably just like never finding love dying alone etc and I relate to that yeah which is yeah yeah yeah that's it do you feel the same way mine is uh death yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that is really scary there's nothing we can do about all

these ones I guess we'll move on it is so scary to have a worse fear that you just have no control over like I wish it was like sharks I would just never go in the ocean no yeah that's you What it is is like space, that's like the unknown. Death is my own mortality. Right. Like the fact that all this could just go away. One second. And one second.

Yours is loneliness. Yeah. I'm like, well, there you go. You know what? I have a good one. That's kind of fun. Okay. When you see a spider or a cockroach in your house and then you quietly move away to, to

erect, to boner the situation. What word am I trying to think of? Rectify. Rectify. Shit, man. To, what's the word he used? To errant boner. To derog the situation.

So I'm trying to decrow this, this erachnid. And that was a big one. That was. And then it's gone. And you no longer feel like you live in your home. And you know they're in your space and there's nothing you can go out. That is. You've got a roommate, babe.

I'm not talking about the spider that we all have that kind of just makes its way into your shower. Right. The hairy one. And it just kind of, it's kind of sitting there and it's there for weeks. I haven't had one in my new apartment, but I didn't call it. We had a spider, and it kind of just minded its own business. I didn't want to really step in because I value karma. So I said, if you stay in your space, I'll stay in mine, and it did.

Wow. In our little shitty college apartment, we were on the third floor, which is also like, shouldn't have bugs on the third floor. What are you doing? They climb and they fly. They do. And we had a flying cockroach the size of a fucking baseball. And it came out, crawled across the ceiling and on the wall.

And I threw a shoe up there. killed it, we got charged for leaving a mark on the wall. You're kidding. When we moved out, they said, what is that? You're charged. I said, oh, so the fact that there was a large cockroach doesn't decrode you in any way? That's scary. So we had one time

in college, so I learned a lot about science with this situation. So we all had gone to on a trip to Hawaii, and we were saying with one of our friends, and they were also in college, and there was a cockroach, and we were all eating dinner. And we're sitting there, and I

take matters in my own hands, I kill the cockroach. What I didn't know is that when you kill a female cockroach, it releases pheromones into the air that attract that attract male cockroaches. Oh. And all of a sudden, we killed

27 cockroaches that came out of nowhere and they're flying around the house. A living nightmare. Just imagine something worse. Because the guy cockroaches got so horny. It was fucking D-Day in there. I thought, literally. I was like, it was like, I could have been a...

Wait, I'm sorry. were you like the masculine urge to make machine gun noise do IR 5 on 5. You know what?

I also because it's going to be old news next week, I want to show you guys my new tattoo I got. Oh, do you want to

see that? And I was thinking of the male urge and I was like, okay, yeah. The male urge to show off your tattoo. Yeah, the male

to show off your ink. Yeah. The male urge to get yatted. So we meet this guy randomly. Like one of my friends met this guy

out and about in Venice and he's like, hey I just moved into a new studio do you guys want to come get a tattoo and of course we're like let's go let's absolutely go I'm assuming it's free 250 bucks oh god it was in one of those apartment studios so he he takes us no it's like a backhouse and it was totally redone it was really nice

very clean and I'm like oh nice he drives a Tesla and we get back there and he's like yeah I just moved in three hours ago okay um cool so I guess I'll lay down and let you rip into my flesh that makes sense Sebastian Stan. And I like didn't know what to get yet, blah, blah, blah. And finally I'm like, you know what?

Back to my roots. I'm going to get a fibula on my fibula. Oh my God. You're kidding. I can't believe you even shared this. I know. Well, I was keeping it a secret because after completion I did get tapped on the shoulder by my friend who was there that said, that's the tibia that you just got tattooed on you.

and they didn't want to intervene before they looked it up after to compare the book Oh okay So I did go ahead and for some reason To get the tibula on your fibula I got the tibia tattooed on my I don't even know if it's my fucking The leg bones connected to the knee bone

Knee bones connected to the You know what that song's reminding me of I should have studied this song before I went into this random dude's apartment But I will show you now Yeah please That honestly makes it funnier I love a good tat with a story

Oh. Oh, that's great. I love it. Oh, I love it, Connor. It looks like a chicken wing. Well, gee, thanks, Brooke. I love B-dubs. You know I like wings. Yeah, of course. I know you love wings. You know who else those wings? Matthew?

Marin Matthews. Yeah. Yeah. Anyways, that happened. Do you have any other touches? Yeah, I have a couple. Wait, you have a bunch on your arm. Yeah, the Rolling Stone statue is so sick. Which one is your hairy one?

True people with kindness. Got my little SpongeBob jellyfish? You know I love SpongeBob. Got my Mickey Mouse. La la la la la. Yeah. That Coca-Cola is so detailed. Shout out Arbell.

Arbell, local L.A. tattoo artist does this incredible realistic shading. I had to get one. Wow. And then really amazing. Got a cowboy boot for Texas on the back of my bicep, if you can see. Oh, wow. I love that one. Do you have a favorite?

Look at these little ones. What are, what are these? Oh, these are my little tiny people. I love little tiny people. Brooke is one of, Brooke is one of those. Yeah, Brooke, you're on here actually, if you can find yourself. Oh my God. The whole mortality thing had this whole freak out. Went to the, the Lachma. The Ligma. Sure. I did go to the Ligma Museum. Spicy. And there was this exhibit. There was like this pop art exhibit and it was a mirror. And the artist had superimposed himself into the piece. And so it looked like he was looking over his shoulder looking at you looking at the piece.

It was like, it was cool. That is really cool. And as I was looking at it and I walked away and then this little mom, this mom came up with her little baby with one of those chest straps. And I would like to be carried around in one of those chest straps one day. The baby Bjorn. Yeah. Yes. And they're standing in the mirror and I'm kind of off to the side just watching them.

And she starts playing with her little baby's arms and they're giggling and laughing. And I was like, off to the side, like, just watching them. And I was like, what a beautiful little human moment that. that I happened to walk up. There is nothing like those human moments that are just like, and they're just like the most random obscure moments that all of a sudden make you have some sort of...

Epiphany. I had a fucking freak out. Yeah, I started tearing up a little bit. Just crying at this random mother and baby. And I was like, life is so fragile. So fragile. It is so complex. Every Sunday I have one of those.

Yeah? Like, they're not even rare to me anymore because it's like they're sent to me on Sundays when I've had a long weekend. Is that your equivalent of the Sunday scurries? Because we don't have real jobs. I know. No, I have...

I have actual Sunday scaries about talking too much all weekend and going over everything I have ever sat. Oh, so it's post, not pre-anxiety. It's posting. Oh, I think, I spit on to you just now. I caught it. Oh, it's right there. It's okay. Let me just get that off the chair. It's pre-inpo.

It's like looking forward to the weekend, it feels like when I've done like Friday, Saturday, gone out, done whatever, I feel like unproductive. And then I feel like everyone else was working all weekend to get ahead. And in reality, no one has. But I feel like I just wasted two days when it's like you're supposed to have fun. Yeah, that's crazy. Isn't that a weird side effect of kind of this job? Because so much of it is fibula ethical, social networking. But that is working.

It is working to a certain extent. But it doesn't feel like it, which I guess is good. And I do need to get something off my chest. Get it off. Get it off. Some of the drunkest moments in my life I have ever been is with the two of you. Really? Yes.

Like black out. Yes. Unfortunately. Sadly Sadly. And I wouldn't take it back for anything. No.

I have so much fucking Never. Never. You know, Brittany and I met like four and a half years ago for the first time? I was kombucha girl. Take it away.

Take it away. Tell the story. I was just like, oh, I need to ethically clout chase Britney Brosky in the VIP section at ACL in Austin. Which is it, it's a music festival for those of you were sorry to interrupt

you were kombucha girl at this point. I was kombucha girl. This was, when is it? October? It was October. It was October. The meme went,

viral in August of 2019. This was October of 2019. I was kombucha girl who was slightly becoming Britney Roski at this point. We're in the VIP section because ACL reached out to me, gave me tickets. The first time ever I was like, and I am somewhat important. Yeah. Which is, I was

lied to. What a feeling. What a feeling. By one direction. Anyway. Beside you now holding you in my arms. And I do love. Wow. So anyway, we're in the VIP section. This little white kid comes up to me and he's like, yeah, Comboch girl. I'm gonna take a picture.

We'd do the face, that is how you thought. Can we pretend like we've been friends our whole lives? And guess what? And you want to have a good, and her happy finger? She was seriously like, please don't make me do this.

And I was like, just, I mean, do it. He was like, can you do the face? And I was like, I'd actually rather not. And he was like, no, but it'll be so funny. And I'm glad that you insisted. Because now you have that. Little did we know, but we reenacted it this past year at ACL. And it was cute.

Yeah, because we look like legit children. And then we aged like president. Just from being online. Our job is just as hard as Joe Biden's. The lines in my face are as deep as any. Oh, my God. Same. It was a very cute thing because you were like,

we should recreate the thing. And I was like, you know what? I'm glad that you took that because it's a benchmark. We didn't know. We didn't know. But, guys, I have a segment that we've never done before that I really wanted to do. I wanted to have, I mean, it's special because you're here. And I think that so we have horrible first dates is what we asked for last week.

And I want to say really quick, we did get a bunch of emails. I read through all of them. I don't, bless you. I don't think that you guys, I mean, like, they're bad dates, but they're not horrible. I'm like, I was expecting, like, really, really bad. But we have some of these. You know that viral date on TikTok where that girl, like, was at the guy's apartment and had to shit her pants so bad? And then it was, like, explosively shitting.

And it turns out that the guy had given her laxatives. Yes. Do you know that? Because he like he had like a literal diarrhea fetish. Like a scat fetish. Like a genuine. I forget what he did something like even worse than what I'm describing.

I'm pretty sure he did it. He picked it up. He broke his toilet on purpose so that she would go to the back. Oh. So that she would have. Yes. So that she would go to the bathroom and use it and then it would be there and he'd be like, no worries,

I'll fix it later. And he kept it. Well, he's playing with it like fucking slime. Yeah. And no, she found it in like a plastic. bag or something it's something along those lines there was also like I was expecting something like that or like the one where the girl the girl poops and um it wouldn't flush and then she puts it in the cat litter box yeah yeah and he's like my cat my cat died last I just was like my soul

would just depart my physical form never talk to them ever again I would literally like when I do things like that I just convinced myself that they did not happen like I lie to myself so much that I believe them. I was like, oh my god, your cat died that's got awful. I feel hard. Like, no connection. Yeah. Truly. And I would believe that. I don't know who fisted that turd and put in your cat litter box. I don't know who did that. It truly was not me. Yeah. And I'm so sorry that did happen to you. Yeah, it's okay. Hi, B and C. Love you guys. I unfortunately have a horrible date sorry to tell. For some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to go on a date with my ex-boyfriend's best friend. For reference, both of these men are five-seven, five-foot-seven white

boys obsessed with Supreme and crypto. Slate. Right, that's a sweet spot. Are they single? You're talking about two of my best friends here. I will call this guy Tom because that's his real name and I don't give a fuck. That's good. That's when I flagged this email which was like, I will call this guy Tom because that's his real night.

Why did I say it? Why have I said nine? That's his real name and I don't give a fuck. Tom and I went to the same community of college and we kind of flirted and he seemed totally normal so I agreed to go on a date with him. if anything, it would piss my ex off, which was a win in my book. Right. I knew Time was a hype beast.

Time. What the fuck is going on with this? I knew time was a hype beast. Ooh, that was good, Connor. But when he joked that he owned a diamond grill, as in the teeth thing, no ounce of my brain actually registered that that was a real fact. He took me out to dinner and showed up in the diamond grill. Now, at this point, pause, would you leave? A diamond George Foreman.

I did too. I almost stopped reading because I was like... Diamond-studded, blinged out, yeah. At this point, pause, if you go on a date with someone and they show up with a diamond grill in their mouth and they're Caucasian, what are you doing? Gone. Gone.

Unless it's riff-raft. A brook-shaped hole in that door. I'm trying to get so famous that I can act like I don't know nobody. He took me out to dinner and showed up in the diamond grill. He also proceeded to tell me that this glorified retainer costed him $1,000. Immediate ick. Yeah. Yeah.

But the worst part is when the food comes, him. He had to take it out and wrap it in a napkin like an actual retainer. Oh my. In that moment, I decided I never wanted to see this man again. But he drove me there, so I had to play along for the rest of the night. No, you don't. Uber. Unfortunately, it gets worse. After dinner, we went to get ice cream. So after putting the dried out, Diamond Grill back in, he had to take it back out and wrap it in a napkin again. Oh, my God. We started to walk out of the ice cream shop and he realized that he threw it away by accident. He ran over to the garbage to start to dig through it. Could you imagine like,

I imagine like a girl seeing a guy there on a date would dig through the trash. Right. This girl's also really funny. No, so funny. Like the way she is telling them. Both of these. Comedical. Yeah. Yeah. She didn't. I remember him saying something like, this is so embarrassing, but this thing was a thousand dollars. I can't leave it behind. That's what's embarrassing is that you spend a thousand dollars on it. Right. Right. Right. Not digging. Rifling through the trash for your diamond grill on a date. that is... I kind of stood there for a second

and when he asked me to help I bluntly said no. No. I went to the bathroom and stood there for like 15 minutes texting everyone I knew about what was happening. He did find his grill,

hallelujah, and drove me home. I never talked to Tom again. I hope he and his grill are doing well. Taryn. Taryn, my deepest condolence is you are a goddamn

war hero after that experience. I'm just picturing... I'm picturing Tom like this. Can you fucking help? Like in a trash can. And for those audio listening, Connor is... Taryn, can you get over here?

I can't even describe what Connor is here. Obviously, a diamond grill is going to sink to the bottom of the trash can. Yeah. No, the audacity to ask for help. No, but they got ice cream. Have you guys seen an ice cream shop trash can? It's on par with like the ground at a movie theater in terms of stickiness. Yeah, that is really...

And this is why I don't date. One of the thousands of reasons that I don't date. Yeah. Guys with grills are just in general. Just like, what if something like this happens? No one is normal. No one is normal. You know what?

If there was a person that something like this would happen to, it's you. Yeah, it's just like, why bother? Can we? I'm waiting until I meet someone naturally, like on a green carpet, etc. Brooke, do you take that one? Yeah, I got to put my glasses off for this baby. We have one more. Yeah, one more per se.

This one's from Becca. Okay. Dear Brooke and Connor. please read this whole thing the end is worth it got it yep so he was a Marine that's how every bad date starts right kidding kind of

little little anti-pacism sprinkle it in he drove an hour to meet me and stay the night at my house okay he walked into the front door immediate ick yeah guys walking through front doors barf guys is it

is it Lusorito come in the front door walks through oh Jesus Christ he came in and immediately busted in my window and jumped into my bedroom. I didn't even know what to do. I didn't even know what to do. Like, I physically was grossed out by him.

So I just tried my best to mask the ick, which if you've ever had to do, you know what's hard as well. It is nearly goddamn impossible. By the way, when I read this this morning for the first time, I was like, re-reading that line where he comes in through the front door, and I'm like, I cannot figure out, like,

what's wrong? Also, what's a good way to walk through? Like, I do think that's an ick. Like, when I think about a guy, I walking through a door, ew. Another reason I can't. Like,

there's just, everything to me. I'm just like, why? Yeah. I'm just thinking, like, the alternatives of coming, he came and through the back door. That was awesome.

Like, once she saw him. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. It's not so much that the act of walking through the door was an ick, even though now it's a new ick for me. Yeah.

It's more of just his existence. All right, fellas. Avoid the front door. Always hit the back door. Alternative. I decided, and he's already. staying the night because he drove an hour.

Right. So that's scary. She gets to that. Okay. I decided to cook him dinner, made this bomb garlic chicken Brussels with bacon. That is not something I'd be making on a first date. First date? Wait. Garlic brussels. I'd be. First date at home? At your house? That is sketch and she should not have done that. That, yeah, that is, I would need a medical attention. Along with first of potatoes went all off this man, then traded my neighbor one of my COVID tests for a bottle of wine. and drank the whole thing during dinner

to make my night go by easier. Yeah, that's the only thing you could have done. He never once told me that dinner was good. He ate the whole thing, and then he told me two hours later he was hungry and wanted to order pizza. So my drunk ass orders pizza for him, which he never says, Thank you for and doesn't offer to Venmo.

Which, yeah, he drove, so fucking what, but I was still annoyed. Yeah, of course you're annoyed. That's horrible. Either way, oh, he drove. He's still putting you out. Yeah, that is really horrible. I'm so sorry.

Oh, also, after I made dinner. dinner, ended all the dishes by myself. He went and sat on the couch to watch a new girl with me, which he didn't like. Who doesn't like new girl? Connor, you need to watch it. You'd love it. I do watch it now.

I do like it. Okay, good. Sure. Then we went to bed and I laid as far as possible away from him. had to wake up early. I wonder if he even tried to make a move. He had to wake up early. Brussels sprouts and garlic. No, and pizza.

He's giving me, like, I need a place to sleep and eat tonight. Yeah. It's going to make you have an extra blanket. I just. Like, and take with me. I saw this tweet the other day. This is a off topic, obviously, but it was like, this guy's getting me drunk thinking he's going to hit, but jokes on him because I'm going to cry.

Yeah, yeah. But it's not over yet. This man, all in uniform, walks in my room and says, oh, hey, my bike won't start. He wrote a motorcycle. Do you have jumper cables? I forgot this dude is in a military uniform. Yeah.

I also forgot that's key detail. Right. I was pissed, dude. It wasn't even 7 a.m. So I go out to the garage. We do not have cables. He then asks me to text my neighbors for that for him. No?

And then he's like, okay, I have an idea. We can push start it. We are not doing anything. I don't know if you have ever pushed started a motorcycle. I have not. But it's not the most flattering experience. I'm in my pajamas on the street. Again, it's not even 7 a.m. yet.

I live in a very residential neighborhood. This man asks me to push him on his motorcycle while he revs the engine. Y'all, I am sprinting in my Birkensox and XL T-shirt. I am legit pushing so hard on this motorcycle up and down the street and this man's yelling, you have to run faster. I don't run ever.

I'm dying at this point. I'm hung over from the bottle of wine. I'm sweating alcohol. Why am I pushing a arena on a motorcycle? After running up and down my entire street multiple times he finally gets it started. I'm pissed. As soon as that shit started running,

turn around, walk back into my house, and lock the door and got back in my bed. Imagine the amount of ring cameras that got that footage. Haven't heard from him since. Thank God. L. L.O.L. Becca. Oh, my God. Becca.

Holy shit. What are our takeaways here? My takeaways are, like, unfortunately I'm not surprised by the audacity of these men. Like, I wonder how he felt. Probably like he did nothing wrong. Literally. He was probably like, uh. He just used someone to sleep in their bed,

ate their food, ate their food, watch their Netflix. And then said, let me use your manpower. Yeah. To get my bike started. Took everything from. Took everything and left nothing. Everything and left.

You know what situation I like imagining? If the rules were reversed and some girl is like, you need to get out here in military. You need to get out here and push start my bike. I love that. I'd be like, yes, girl, you tell them. You need to text your neighbors. Didn't hook up, ate two meal.

and then dipped on her bike. Now see, the difference there, and I do acknowledge as a double standard, is that that's a power move. If a woman went and just took everything from man, it was like,

also you need to push me down the street like we're fucking kids at the playground. I would cheer her on. Yes. Interestingly enough, we got zero bad date stories from men. There you go.

That is a really, really interesting point, Connor. I love that you're in touch with that kind of analytic side. Yeah, it's interesting. A feminist theory there. And we can do one hot take before we wrap up.

Yeah, let's see that. What's B&CMAP without a hot take? Yeah. Do you want to read it, Brittany? Yeah. Sure. My hot take is that having children is a waste of money and time and honestly so terrifying. I'm curious if this is like a Gen Z thing that we're just not as interested in having kids anymore, but I have literally no intention of ever having kids and do not see that changing in the future. What are your thoughts? Are you kids or anti-kids? Love you guys.

I do feel like I want to have kids. Like I've always wanted to be a mom and that is like, what do you want to be when you grew up? And I always said, mom and also comedians. slash ice cream truck driver. It was those two things. Yeah, cool. Again, my ability to manifest is a little scary. Scary. You are just like living in a mash game.

I am a Wattpad fan fiction. I am my own. No, like I just did M.A. Sometimes I get scared that I, like the real me is locked up in a mental institution or something. And I am my fantasy, my Watt Pad fantasy living my life. You know what? You are the Lizzie McGuire animation. Yeah, Brittany. That's a good point.

I'm the little B and C.B character. Yeah, you're the little B. I'm little B. The animated from Yel's police. My dad always says he's scared that he, his real self is 90-something years old looking at a picture on a fireplace mantle of him when he was young

and his whole life is a memory that has inspired. We have had far too many morality chats today than needed. I feel a little dissociated in this moment. Like just imagine if real you is just like in a hospital. I don't want to because I like, I like imagining like. like frogs like tap dancing. Sometimes I feel like I'm fake me.

Oh, sometimes I feel like I'm fake me. Anyway. Anyway, yeah, I do want kids. And I've always wanted kids. And I feel like most of my friends want kids. But I think it's more normal to say now I don't want kids. And people are just like, yeah, that's fucking fine. Whereas I feel like in our parents generation,

if a woman was like, I don't want kids, it would be like, huh. What's your friend? Pennsylvania. Yeah. that's a pretty y'all got the Amish huh? Yeah but I'm also from Philly so it's like I don't really know that part

you're more Meek Mill than Amish yeah exactly okay so me and meek are yeah you go way back and I know that so is it pretty family centric though still at where you grew up

no I feel like it's like a very like mostly like it could yeah but also it's like a liberal city like lots of that's more what I'm tabbed with you because I don't know how you feel but I felt the pressure

so hard all through high school and college of the ring by spring thing of if I wasn't engaged by the time I was 21 years old graduating college I never had that like engaged and pregnant I'm a failure Oh I never it's definitely a Texas thing and you were at A&M

and I was at UT and UT to A&M and Bailor I feel like I'm more ringed by spring UT is like not at all like UT's like yeah Well I mean there's groups of people that that are like that but like I think and they're just now getting engaged there was no like college engagements that I was seeing and I have no friends that are engaged or even close wild yeah that's almost well I wouldn't

say almost all but like a good portion of my college close college friends are engaged or married wow point in my life we're 20 I'm about to turn 25 it's like I can't imagine like this I don't want children I can't feel now or ever in the future wow I value my independence I'm a selfish, nasty little goblin gremlin girl. Oh, she's goblin mode. I value never being alone and needing. This will be a good clip to use in your Hallmark movie. You're just a city girl.

You're too career-centric. I don't want kids. I don't want kids. And you don't either, right, Connor? I do. Oh, you do? I've never said that. Yeah, I do.

I can't imagine any time soon, but. Sure. Accidents happen. Uh-huh. So, who knows? I think it's just like more, I'm sure, I think it's just more normalized now to be like, I don't want kids. And everyone's like, okay, that's fine. Whereas before, like, in our parents generation, if you were like, I don't want kids, there would have been a lot of backlash.

I mean, my parents are always like, when are we going to get grandkids? And I'm like, adopt some. I don't know. Do what does it have to do with me? Yeah. Get a dog. I will say my grandparents, who I'm really close with, they got married when they were 17, 18, had my parents really like then or my mom. and then my mom had me when she was 27.

And I mean, my mom had met my dad by this point, and I'm writing Matthew Gray Goebler fan fiction. So that's goddamn terrifying. Man, yeah, I was thinking about that the other day. You just bought the premium Wapax. And I am subscribed for life, babe. I was thinking about that the other day. Like, I was at my parents' house,

and my grandpa's purple heart is on display and a picture of him jumping out of a plane to kill Nazi. and he was my age and I cried on the phone with Spectrum trying to reset the router. We are moving at a different pace this generation. Is your grandfather 98?

He's passed on. But yes. I think he would have been 98, yeah. Jesus. Actually, because my grandma's 92. Jesus. Yeah. She's an old broad.

She loves gambling. I think it keeps her young. We everyone got their vices. Whatever oxygen they're pumping into those casino is keeping her fresh. Sebastian Stan would have loved my grandma. Feasting on her ass. Got her.

Gross. Okay. Well, I think... Okay, and not to wrap. We probably wrap up. Brittany, it's been so fun. So easy because Brittany, like, has the best laugh. Best laugh, best stories, like, just best...

I mean, I just can't wait to go on your podcast and also just be with you in general. It was proper benta. Please listen to violating community guidelines with Brittany and Sarah. so fucking good. Really, really. And for, I think what we're going to explore on, on our, my podcast is, um, the power of duos. Have a lot of solid questions for these two.

Yeah. These internet dubers. Yeah. And we can't wait to answer that. I'm sure we'll touch on some more ethical cloud chasing too because that was fascinating. That really is. Yeah.

I've got way more questions. And I'm sure we'll touch on more fan fiction and so. Yeah. Um, well, thank you guys. Feel free to move forward with pressing that subscribe button. That would be really helpful. What? button.

The button the button that says subscribe. The motherfucker and subscribe button. Yeah. And email us. Email us.

Dear B and C, that's Dear B and C at gmail.com. And you can find us as B and C MAP on all social platforms. So thank you again. Thanks for listening.

Thank you, Brittany. And we just love you guys. Thank you. Smooches.