Brooke and Connor Make A Podcast - If It’s Wet, Stay Home

Episode Date: March 28, 2024

SUBSCRIBE TO THE NEW BNC CHANNEL: https://bit.ly/45Pspyl   Ad Free & Bonus Episodes: https://bit.ly/3OZxwpr NEW MERCH: https://shoptmgstudios.com  This week, Brooke and Connor have a buttload to go over. Connor recaps his time in New York and his experience ordaining a wedding, while Brooke mourns Zayn leaving One Direction and reminisces on childhood memories.  Plus, they take a minute to salute the brave Geek Squad heroes.  Join our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/5356639204457124/  Start the Good Habit at https://tryfum.com/BANDC to save 10% off the Journey Pack today. Go to https://SKIMS.com/bnc to get free shipping on orders over seventy five dollars! State Farm is there with the coverage you need for your car, your home, and even boats, motorcycles, RVs, and other things that matter to you. Go to https://AloMoves.com now and use code BNC for an exclusive 30-day free trial and enjoy twenty percent off an annual membership B+C IG: https://www.instagram.com/bncmap/ B+C Twitter: https://twitter.com/bncmap TMG Studios YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/tinymeatgang TMG Studios IG: https://www.instagram.com/realtmgstudios/ TMG Studios Twitter: https://twitter.com/realtmgstudios BROOKE https://www.instagram.com/brookeaverick https://twitter.com/ladyefron https://www.tiktok.com/@ladyefron  CONNOR https://www.instagram.com/fibula/ https://twitter.com/fibulaa https://www.tiktok.com/@fibulaa Hosted by Brooke Averick & Connor Wood, Created by TMG Studios, Brooke Averick & Connor Wood, and Produced by TMG Studios, Brooke Averick & Connor Wood. 0:00 A Buttload Origin 1:16 Intro 1:36 Getting Ahead Of Things… 8:06 Old Family Dogs 11:12 FUM 12:52 Feeling Forgetful 15:50 New Fear of Planes 19:20 The Best Flying Experience 22:06 SKIMS  23:23 Socks On Planes 27:36 Changing BO Smells 29:16 A Day of Mourning 31:08 Blowing Nose Etiquette  35:00 Connor’s NY Celebrity Encounters 36:26 State Farm 38:18 Bruno Mars’ Real Name 41:41 Connor W. Meeting Connor M. 42:28 Connor On Watch What Happens Live 44:55 Connor Ordains A Wedding 47:32 Losing A Phone In The Uber 49:25 AloMoves 50:45 Apple Trial and Tribulations 54:03 Clinically Addicted To Our Phones 56:18 Disconnecting To Technology  59:46 Connor’s Paintings 1:01:30 Saluting The Geek Squad  1:06:44 Biting Flip Flops and Pool Floaties 1:09:13 Uncovering The Turd Criminal  1:15:18 Entering TV Corner 1:17:06 See You In Bonus!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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No ID, prescription, or age requirement. It's the number one OBGYN recommended brand of emergency contraception, and it won't impact your future fertility. That's Freedom to Be. Use as directed. thought of the phrase of butload and like what does that mean? Uh, great question. I'm assuming the phrase buttload came from Arnold butload in the 1930s and he actually brought over a lot of the current, the current um like the kind of paper that we use and it was a buttload, it was a professor but load. He came over on a boat with a bunch of paper and that's kind of the paper we know today.

Yeah, are my frozen? No, but do you have questions? Can you hear me? Do you have questions about, yeah, I can hear you. Oh, okay. Do you have any questions about Arthur butthole, buttful, butt load? No, I'm just saying it's stupid because if you were, like, wanting to imply that something's a lot, you'd be like, oh, a truckload or like a, something that has a lot. Like, what is a butt load?

Like, butth aren't like, like, mass and quantities. Well, like, I think because everything is all about perspectives, it's like, oh, like you can fit a, I personally for me, I have a lot on my plate right now. There's a lot in my butt. I have got a lot of my butt right now. The load in my butt is massive. When you're saying butt load, that implies that everyone would be having a lot in their butt right now, which I don't think we can assume like that. It's important to break down language. I think language is, um, So nuanced. And when you break down language... Why are you talking like you're on the call map? I don't know. I feel... I'm feeling a lot of clarity on my end right now.

I don't know if it's a Zoom or truly like... I don't know if it's a Zoom or you, like you're talking completely differently. People change. Is there a way you could go back to... Is there a way you could go back to the way you spoke in the other podcasts? Our previous podcast. Is that what you're referring to? Yeah, you're freaking me out.

Oh, okay. Well, yeah, we can. Hello, everybody. Welcome back to Brooke and Connor make a podcast. I just want to get ahead of it. I want to get ahead of the buttload of allegations that are going to come our way. We are remote again this week. I apologize for that. I know last week was probably, like, I was a struggle for all involved. I don't think there was one person in my personal life that wasn't affected by the struggle of our Zoom recording last week. We've adapted. We've overcome. We've changed. We evolved. Rattle them off. But now we are using, we're doing a new format, and I think this is going to be better. I'm excited about this. I feel better. I don't think it was that bad last week. I think I had a lot of technical because I was on speakerphone with Brooke. I explained this last week. I was on speakerphone. So I was hearing you and me twice.

so for me personally like it was hard to get stuff out got it yeah and I'm excited for where we've ended up this week I'm at home in Texas at my parents' house because my dog selfishly decided that my family dog decided that now he's gonna he's gonna move on he's gonna move forward with passing on it's okay sorry you just laugh

no you're being funny but I'm So sorry. That is like truly the worst thing in the world. Oh, it's so yesterday I texted you, but yesterday I just like my parents left and then my dog was just like wobbling around. And he's just like so old. I like sat on the ground and like cried with him. And it was just crazy. And then I just like and then he's just like totally like kind of completely fine. He's just old. Now and now I'm like, damn, I was kind of like cried too early. Now I'm like embarrassed. So he has some time left? I think he does.

So full transparency on Friday, I went to a wedding. My parents were coming to the wedding, and it was in Austin, and just my mom came. And she was like, oh, your dad's going to stay home. Like, well, first of all, I was taking a bath. And I don't take bath so often. So when my mom started calling me. You were doing a bath at the wedding? Before the wedding.

So this was like, I got in on Friday morning I was taking a bath. Okay. Splish, splash. and my mom's calling me it's Epson Salt Bath I was really like in the zone like okay

a lot of travel I'm gonna take this back my mom calls me five times so I text her obviously what do you say to your mom when she calls you five times you know get a hint and then obviously

of course my dog like it's tragic she's like he is like fully paralyzed like can't move and he like we don't know what we're gonna do dad's gonna stay home

I'm gonna come to the wedding I was like oh my God I got to like go ordain my friend's wedding and this is also like show exactly what happened my last time my family dog died except i thought your last one got hit by a bus yes i was yeah so it's actually not the same at all in any way but it was kind of the same sort of like vague we had some somewhere to be and it was so like the last time this when my when my family dog died i was like starting on varsity soccer for the

first time ever and it was like freshman or sophomore year of high school and then my cousin texts me i heard your dog got hit by an 18 wheeler as i'm putting in my shin guards in the bathroom before i went out to play and i was truly this was Logan oh it was Logan cousin Logan and i was like and i like locked my phone i put it away and i go out in the field and my mom comes to the game no makeup and i was like oh my god she's always you know right full glam decked out to the nines and i was like oh There must be some truth to that. Obviously, I could not perform, and I got moved back down to junior varsity. Oh, no.

Yeah. So then I'm like, oh, crap, I got to shake this before I go ordained my friend's wedding because I'm going to be out of the game a little bit. I'm going to get moved back down to JV, but I was like, perhaps their wedding, so whatever. And then my dog ended up like, also he was at the vet. They gave him he wasn't pooping. Okay, what time stand for poop this week? I can't tell him in a minute.

I don't have the timer, but probably less than five. Less than five. We've six. Six. Hey, that's good first. I think the voice of Izzy from beyond. It's hard. I think the tricky thing about Zoom is I can't, like we talk at the same time more because I don't know if you can hear me speaking.

I can't. Can you? But you're just choosing to talk. The second I start speaking, one of us starts speaking at the same time. Does that make sense? Is there a delay? I don't know. Sorry.

I'll just, I'm going to pause longer when I talk. But anyways, we'll do long pauses. Yeah. So that's what he went in for. And then they were like, we're going to give him this shot

that's going to make him poop immediately like he's paralyzed. Just like couldn't move his whole body. But he's like crying, freaky. And then he like made a full recovery. I think that whatever, it was just like a temporary side effect of the shot.

But I am home at my parents' house because of his aim. and I don't know when the next time I'll be able to see him is if ever not to start the time on this note I think it'll be I think we'll have fun today because there's only up or down from here whatever one's the easiest and more fun whatever direction is it's weird like all of my friends have really old family dogs myself included and like half of them at this point I would say have have left us yeah a small bit are about to leave and then the other there's a few that are still kicking it so yep it's so weird if it'll be in my prayers yeah it's it's like not me having an

old dog i'm not supposed to have an old dog old lumpy dog i'm not that's not he's not old it's the last time i was home he was like a like still ashing like a puppy and then it just it actually makes sense because i got our old family dog when we were in high school like when i was like junior or senior in high school. So I bet subconsciously our parents were like, oh, we have a child leaving. We better get another one. And that's why everybody is currently dealing with the old dog epidemic. It is an old dog epidemic.

And it's not looking like sake is going to be Bobby at this point. But we don't know how old Bobby really was. Now I'm really- Fraudulent claims and such. No, I'm really on like the side of Guinness World Record Book being like, like yeah, strip that title because that's not, that did not happen. That should be Sakis. That should be my dog Sokis.

Who is like completely blind as well as death. And like, oh. Yeah. But he's only, he's 14. Yeah. I feel like, yes, he's old. But I feel like 16 is when you're like, wow, wow, they're still kicking it, huh? I mean, I don't know.

Now I'm like looking at him. I'm like, he's not, he's not on hat. I mean, I can't tell he's unhappy, but he doesn't seem like he's still kind of a dick. And he's always been a dick. Really? You know, yeah, he's kind of like, he's like, sees when we go in the kitchen still kind of at some capacity. And like, it like makes noise for food, like begs still. And like, I don't know.

He just kind of does his own thing. He doesn't, he never like cuddled or anything. So it's not like, I'm like, oh, now he can no longer get on the couch. He kind of doesn't. And wants to be in the same room as you, but not on you. Like, like Max wants to be like. on you touching you while you're in the room and anyone he's more of a frankie he's more of a frankie he keeps his distance he's a little he's a little aloof by design yeah yeah maybe he's not

a dick maybe he's just an introvert that's true i was quick to judge no worries but anyhow that's why we're remote um we obviously just hit a full hour of technical difficulties Yes. After I said, I feel like this is going to be smooth handling. Mm-hmm. But it feels like now we've got no delay, I feel like, because we're not. No. And it's one of those things like when you leave your backpack on the train and then you get it back, that's what I feel right now.

I feel like we've just found the backpack back. So nothing could get worse. No. I mean, that was tough. You're right. It's just put things in perspective completely. Yeah. Sometimes you need to leave your backpack on the train.

Sometimes you need to leave your backpack on the train. leave your backpack on the train and take the boat to work. Yep. Amen, brother. That phrase didn't catch on as much as I thought I was going to online over the past week. I really thought that that was going to be a... Which one? Take the boat to work.

Oh, I didn't have high hopes for that one. Oh, okay. I really was like, oh, like I couldn't stop saying it after the first time. Take the boat to work? Oh, we talked about... We've talked about this for 10 minutes. No, I know we talked about that, but I don't remember you. like making a saying of it. It was just a conversation. Oh, no, it's a saying. It's like,

it's like putting in a lot of effort to get to work when it's like not a high return for me. Like, I don't want to work hard to get somewhere to work. You know, like it should be, you know, working from home makes so much sense because like I, I hate work, you know, like I'm not a hard worker. So like I certainly don't want to go to work. But when you throw in a the whole thing was like a boat seems glorious. But if you're a boat is your commute. to work? No. Okay, either I had completely missed the message or forget the conversation.

Okay. I do remember talking about the boat to work. Because people ferry from like Brooklyn and Manhattan. Yeah, yeah. I do, yeah. I guess I just, I'm not, I wasn't thinking about the implications. I know. I just think, you know, because it sounds cool in practice. Like, yeah, I take a boat

every day to work. You thought that was going to be the next I have pursed? Not I have purse, but just kind of like a new outlook. Like maybe I was the, maybe I was like Jay Shetty, you know, with that, like taking the boat to work. Oh, my God, I had no idea. Yeah. It's, it's, like, it's embarrassing to say that I really thought that I did something and no one else remembers it.

So. Now, I don't remember shit, Connor. It's actually, that's horrifying. Oh, you and me both. That's actually my new nightmare. Izzy was in it, actually. You know how my usual stress stream is like I'm driving and the brakes don't work? But this time it was I went on a trip.

And I was like in London and Italy. And then all of a sudden I was on the plane in Korea. And I was going Korea to LAX. And I was next to I see. And I was like, wait, like, why am I not remembering any of the Korea trip? And she was showing me pictures of me and her in Korea on her phone. And she was like, we did this. We did this.

And I was like, holy shit. Like the last thing I remember was us in Italy. So like I literally like, like I didn't have a huge chunk of my memory was missing. That's scary. us in Korea. So that's my new strategy, which is sweet. Oh, no. You're really taken about to work when you were in Korea. You could say that again. That must have been really hard. That's actually, no, that's genuinely horrible and scary. Yeah. It's so weird. My dad's downstairs. Like, ever since, and this is, like, you talked about a flight. Ever since I talked about, like, being scared on planes, a lot of people have been like, I just got that, too. and now it seems like, I know I'm like hyper aware of it. Now it seems like every freaking thing on the news is like Boeing 787.

Did you hear about the guy? There was a, I'm scared to even say it. I don't know if we talked about it. I'm flying tomorrow. No, no, no, no, no. It's fine. It's fine. I'm also flying potentially tomorrow.

But there was a whistleblower. I mean, mark my words, there's going to be about 18 different Boeing documentaries on every single streaming platform by the end of the year. A lot of people are going to, a lot of people are going to be mad. A lot of people are going to die. Are there any, are we always on a Boeing? No, sometimes we're on an airbus, like 3.30s. An airbus, that's the plane you want to take.

I think there's a lot of regulatory practices. Let me tell you what I'm taking tomorrow. You can look up and see like what kind of plane it is. Yeah. 737. Yeah. Let me tell you right now. Actually, how do you do side?

I think when you click on your boarding pass, I should say, flight number. and type of aircraft. Boarding pass? Maybe it's on there. If not, it would be on. I wouldn't say it's on my boarding. Oh, where's my plane? It should tell you type of plane, I think.

Hey, I'll let you know when I get there. Yeah, man, please. How was ordaining? Yeah. Wait, when did we talk last? I think last time we talked, if I could start back then, I would love to do. Because I had a couple things happen on the rest of my New York trip that I want to touch on. Oh, yeah.

Because we recorded early last week. I'll just talk while you find your aircraft type. No, I'm not going to be able to find it. I don't think. Well, I think it's either a Boeing or an Airbus. And the Airbus is, I think, are like, they run a tight ship. Right. Well, let's pray them on an Airbus.

I'm sure you are. I think that they're kind of swapping out the planes right now because of how much commotion is happening in the Boeing space. I'm on flight B6. Do you think it's B for Boeing? I think that's your terminal, right? or your date? No.

It's a B6. Oh, maybe B6 is like a G6. 2010 is my flight number. Oh, that's your flight number. Don't tell me the flight number. I'll be there by the time this comes out. Oh, yeah. B6.

Your flight number is not your aircraft type, though. Right. What are you flying? I know, but that's what I'm saying. Like, maybe it is. Well, you know what? I'm going to look this out. Let's move on.

Really? No, no, it's going to bug me. What? B6. 2010. Yeah. I mean, I'm praying. It's an Airbus.

Three-six. What time of flying? Or a Boeing 6, Boeing. I keep thinking of Boeing Yang. No. Wait. What airline are you flying? JetBlue.

Jet blue. It's an airbus. You're having an Airbus. Yes. That's so exciting. Oh, my God. I'll send you pictures. I'll send you pictures.

Oh, I love Jet Blue. Jet Blue. Really stepping on. That's my favorite airline. Yeah, I think so, too. I think so too. I've never flown mint. I flew mint once.

I'll never, ever forget it. Good or bad. Awesome. Like beyond belief. I'm going to go back to the non-mint seats, coach. Truly like, I would recommend. I would recommend, what did you say? Did your AC just turn on?

No. Did it? Like it sounds like there's a large, it sounds like there's an air bus, but you sticks in your apartment right now. I don't know. No, my AC is not on. It could have been me, I guess. What happened on Mint?

What happened on your Mint flight? It was just like beyond exceptional. It's just like truly being able to lie down flat makes the world of difference because I fall asleep on planes. But I'm also waking up every six seconds due to X, Y, Z, neck pain, back pain, turbulence, this, that. You don't have any of that when you're lying flat. You could fully sleep from the second you recline to the second the plane lands. uninterrupted. I slept in better than I've ever slept in my own bed.

Oh, yeah. And I wake up and there's a meal in front of me. There's, oh, my God. You're giving me. Did you hear something? No. Okay. There might have been an earthquake or something.

That gives me FBCs. No, that is, that's how life is meant to be lived. It's horizontal with a plate of food already there when you wake up. Wait. Oh, why don't I slightly lift? slightly lift my body and turn on a movie and eat my hot meal. I would recommend never doing a lie down experience if you ever again have to go back to coach because it's like. Yeah.

Knowing I would rather have never have loved than to have lost, but I've lost. I've only done that, I think, like twice. And it is, you're right. It's better than you're bad. I don't know for what reason that's better. I guess because there's someone serving you food. and when you open up that little, when you open up that little,

um, it and there's like socks, I'm putting on these socks. I already have socks on. I'm putting on these new socks. So they're done. A face mask. I'm doing all of it.

I don't even, you know, some people are like, oh, cool. I'm like, I'm using every part of this kit. I'm milking them for every,

every penny I spent. I'm shaving in the bathroom in the plane. I'm, I'm brushing my teeth. Oh, I have those little socks on. One thing that frees me out that I really just can't get on board with is people that put those socks on. Because they have grip on, they're grippy socks as well.

And I think like you can put, you know, and then I think the idea is that you throw them away, like after the flight because you can walk for, you don't have to have your shoes on. But I see people go on a bathroom with them on. And there's still socks. I don't feel good about that. Once they're out of the space of like their home, they're putting on these socks on a plane, which. which were made out of standard sock material. And then they're going into like a restroom that I may have missed in, you know? I don't feel good about it.

Yeah. And you don't want to, you don't want peace sock. And if you're going to miss in any bathroom, it's going to be that one. It's easy. It's easy to. I'll say it. I also have an OCD. It's hard not to.

It's hard not to. And that's one where I don't sit to pee. I do stand to pee in the airplane about it. But crap. I lost it. Oh, my. OCD thing is when I was a child like it freaks me out to push the button when they go

it sucks it sucks the contents of the toilet just wherever they go I don't know and I have to close my both my ears as soon as I push the button until it goes away I've been I've done that for my entire life yes same thing with hair air air hand dryers

yeah I can understand that they are really strong yeah they'll suck that boat butt load right out of you they'll suck it out and through. What's the protocol on taking your shoes off on the plane, but you have socks on? That's fine, right? Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. I wanted to make sure. Because I've always been to take my shoes off when I have socks on the plane kind of person. And then I'll put my shoes

on if I do the bathroom. Yeah. But I've seen on TikTok some people like shitting on people for taking off their shoes, period, even when they're socks. I think if you're the kind of person, obviously, like, if you medically have stank foot, it's kind of like, oh, this is going to be bad. I think if it, if it doesn't hurt anybody else, take your shoes up, if it is, you know, affecting other people, you got got to leave your shoes on. You know, my feet don't smell. That's nice.

That's great. No matter what I do. That's like the one, like, really pretty quality I have. That's very lady. like. The one lady like dainty, petite quality I have is that my feet never smell. Yeah, that's pretty. I don't really either. I have had a situation. That's not true. Someone has, no, when I, my shoes will smell. Yeah. My feet do not smell unless I'm wearing shoes. What do you think made the shoes smell? I know. I know, but the feet themselves, if you put your nose to the sole of my foot, you're not

no, but what do you think made the shoes smell? The sweat from my feet. I, I know. I know. I know. I know. sweat from my feet. I agree. But like my feet aren't holding any sweat on their person. I don't believe you. If I was in the studio, I'd have my foot in your fitness right now. I've smelled your feet before. Well, I get well, we'll see. Because you told me to. I wish I could send you a smell from here. I know. They should be able to do that. I would send a little litmus test of my foot to you via via via. I believe that they smell. I believe that they smell. I believe that they smell good now. I don't believe that you're on the same level of me is not having that that. I would. I never claimed to be on your same level. Never claim. I just said they don't really stay.

Like I think I could take my sock off on a plane too and no one would know. I believe it. Unless you saw it. Right. I do believe that. I'm just saying if you go on a run. I'm saying if I literally ran 15 miles, my feet wouldn't smell. We need to test this.

Okay. We really for real need to test this. I don't know what it is. I would love it. Let's do this. Let's test it. I want to put a bookmark in. I want to put a pin in this and I want to test this.

foot smell theory because I want to believe you. I want to believe you so bad, but I really got to just see it in action. Yeah. I'm fully confident in my abilities. Okay. Yeah. So we'll circle back. If you, if not you, then who?

Mm-hmm. I had a girl, I had actually a couple of people I went to high school with that got their sweat glands removed from their armpits so that they wouldn't ever smell under their armpits. I didn't know you could do that. Oh, yeah. You could do that. One of your something weird about, yeah. B.O. Yeah. Maybe this is TMI, but it's like at this point, who gives?

Yeah. After I had COVID, my BO started smelling completely different. And I don't know if it's my BO that changed or my smell. Oh, I can't answer that. But isn't that interesting? That is interesting. I feel like it's really the only thing that's changed. In your Facebook group that talks all about your results of having COVID, has anyone talked about their BO? Maybe type that in on if you haven't visited it in a while. I thought about the long COVID group. Yeah. No, I don't know. But it's interesting. Because I did lose my taste and smell.

I did not, which is crazy. I think I did for like 20 minutes. Well, you didn't have like the first wave of COVID. I feel like that's the one where people really lost their taste and smell. No, I guess you're right. That's when I got mono. And look at it. I'm like, was it mono or was it COVID?

But I don't know. But yeah. No, that's true. I didn't get it that first time. not until the end of 2020 I was like one of the last people that got on you really? Oh my I thought I wasn't going to get it. I know that's crazy.

Oh, by the way, this is the four year like almost to the day mark of COVID. That's freaky. Really, yeah, really sweeping the globe. Oh my God, to the day. Is it March 25th? It is. Oh my God.

Yeah. No, it is today. It was today. No, you know what else. What's happened on March 25th? You know what March 25th is, don't you? No. A very sad day for a lot of people.

You don't know? No, I know. Zane had left one direction. Oh, I didn't know that nine years ago today. I didn't know that. Sorry. So a lot of people are in mourning today. A lot of people are in mourning today.

Myself included. Yeah. I'm sorry. It's all right. But look at how much we got from, oh, not Zane. From all of them, kind of, except some. we got a lot of hairy because of we sure did we sure did get a lot of hairy and some of the aisle too

that faithful day actually led us one door closes yeah and another one opens for a buttload like so and I've been dealing with this a lot recently so hard to find out that like people who you like thought were best friends paid each other there's just like nothing worse that would be like if someone Like if we like hated each other. Yeah. Yeah, that would be.

It's just like. I get it. I'm trying to. I feel like I just had this happen with somebody. And I was like, oh, I don't even move. I wish I didn't know that. Josh? No.

Great thing you brought up though. Because I watched like four episodes to that docu series today. Yeah. We need to talk about it. We can put that in the TV part. Okay. Perfect. Of today.

Can I have a lot to talk about? Okay. Pick one thing and start talking. Well, I really quickly want to circle back to like the manners of like taking the protocol of taking your shoes off on a plane. I had something happened to me last week. I posted it on my Instagram story and I was getting a lot of feedback and I didn't have time to really review it. So I'm going to talk about it here today. And I really feel like we're not going to be in the same page place here.

I was sitting in a restaurant. I was by myself. And this woman sitting next to me right next to me, very close to me, keeps blowing her nose like six. or seven times. I wasn't even there for that long. Every 10th, like, big wet blows. And I'm, I, I, I was like, I was like, and if that's not enough for you, you know, it was into a cloth napkin that she then at the end of her meal just put on the table. And it's not like people, your servers aren't wearing hazmat gear, you know, you shouldn't do that. I think. And so my rule of thumb, I came up with. the sitting there is you get twice take twice you can blow your nose twice at a restaurant sitting at the table that's kind of seems to me like a situation where

it's not hard to get up and go to the bath like that's that's another thing where you're it's involving a lot of people very close to you and eating particles i couldn't agree more i think you're not being strict enough thank god and then the cloth napkin i think it should be twice but only if it's dry and not in the cloth napkin oh my god wow i did not expect this to be on the same age I was over explaining myself. 100% agree. If it's wet, stay home.

If it's wet, stay home. Mm-hmm. I think that's a great rule of them. But if you really need to go be at lunch, which I totally understand, I need to be at lunch, you know, at a restaurant at lunch. Just get up. Get up and go to the bathroom or head over to Cafe Zyrtec. You know, don't eat at a lunch at a brunch. spot. I was having oatmeal. Do you think I want to hear that? Right. Oatmeal's a horrible thing to be eating and listening to someone blow their nose. It's like a bowl of boogers. I hadn't had oatmeal in a long time. I was at a spot that I could tell it makes a mean bowl of oatmeal. And I was not disappointed until the Mucenex monsters had that next to me. It was crazy. It was crazy. I almost said something. I didn't almost say something. I'm sorry, Connor. It's okay. I'm just shocked that we're on the same page there. I was expecting like a kind of a

long back and forth. No, I think it's honestly like crazy that people do it. The cloth napkin thing blows my nose. Because it's like, who do you? It's like out of sight out of mind,

you know, for them. There's something inherently wrong. If you were at your nose into a cloth napkin at a restaurant, surrounded by patrons and waiters who will have to handle the cloth napkin. If you were at your home, would you blow your freaking load into a cloth napkin?

No. Well, I never understood handkerchiefs ever in the first place. Oh. Oh, my God. Like, why do you have a piece of fabric to hawk lugies into and blow your nose into? Ew. And then putting it back? Oh, you're right.

And then offering it to others? Oh, my gosh. I'm getting actually PTSD. This is a gross episode. This is a gross episode. But my grandma, Mimi, actually, like, has tissues in all her sleeves, all of her long sleeve. And she'll use it and then put it back in her sleep. Yay.

I'm airing out all of my family's dirty laundry today. Literally. Okay, well, that's what I had. I also just want to circle back to last week really quick because I had, like, a celebrity filled one night. Actually, two days. Last two days. Oh, yeah. You need to fill us in.

So I think right after we finished our episode, I went and got ready to say I was going to the roadhouse movie with Jake Jillen Hall. And there was a lot of our friends there too. It was really fun. And I had seen him like the day before. I think I had seen him that day whenever we got on the phone, right? On the horn. You saw Jake Jeline? Yeah, getting into his car, like leaving because I had a meeting at his hotel.

Oh, I think I missed that part. And I went while I was in the cafe and I and I saw him walk. I saw who I thought I was him. But I was like, why is he still? Jake John Hall isn't buff. I forgot about the movie he's in. That where he had to get buff. He is huge.

Oh, he kept the buffness. Usually they let it go. He maintained the buffness. Yeah, no, it was remarkable. And he gets in his car and leaves. But and then I saw him at the movie. I was like the head of this movie. We didn't meet him.

But we met. all the rest of the cast almost and it was a great movie met all the rest of the cast I met Keenan Thompson who was so nice that's awesome I did lie to Keenan Thompson

and said that I read his biography and it was amazing I have not I haven't gotten to it but I'm sure it's I haven't gotten to it and then I met Jaime from Broad City

the guy who plays Jaime from Broad City Arturo he was there he was so for He's like, we look alike. And then we have a little, we took a little. Oh my God, yeah. Kind of.

Twins. Kind of we do. It's like the Bruno Mars family. Yeah. That's like the genre of look alike. Phenotype. Phenotype. Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. And then. Like the Bruno Mars phenotype of it all. Yes. In the animal. Was it this podcast where I discovered Bruno Mars real name? No. What is it?

Oh. It was obsessed. Oh, this is freakish, Connor. This would stick with me. Gird your loins and buckle up. They're girded. I'm buckled. Peter Jean Hernandez.

Take all the time you need. Mm-hmm. I really like he's changing his entire discography for him. That his name is Peter. My dad's name is Peter. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. that man is not a Peter.

And I guess he knew that. He knew that too. He had the foresight. No. No, no, no, no, no, no. I'd love to know why he chose Bruno Mars. Uptown Funk is not written by someone named Peter. It is written by Peter Hernandez.

Oh, no. Oh, God. Oh, fuck. No. Why was I talking about Bruno Mars unobsessed? I think you were talking about a. cover on glee. And that's literally the only way it would ever come up.

So that makes sense. Well, I am a huge Bruno Mars fan. I don't know if I've talked about it on here. But I think he's one of, like the next Michael Jackson to me, to me. I think he's a great performer. I think I don't know much about his character, but I assume he's fun to hang out with. And I really think we are about to be in a Bruno Mars Renaissance. and I can't wait personally.

That's a guy that makes hits. When was his last hit? I don't know. I know that he's like touring around with the Anderson Pack doing the DJ thing. Did you just hear? I swear I just heard a monkey.

I didn't hear that. Something evil is at foot. Maybe it was Frankie. Is she chirping? I can't hear anything with my AirPods in. I'm deaf with my AirPods in. Like I almost get hit by cars every five seconds

if I'm walking with my AirPods. and bikers from behind me too. What? Yeah. Wow. Wow. Oh, and then I met Connor McGregor, who was also just like the nicest person I've ever met. You know my opening line to Connor McGregor?

Hmm. My name is Connor, too. I mean, what else could you say? Brooke, I go, I'm also Connor. And he was like, literally like, make a witch kid vibes. I was like, I'm also Connor. No, he needed to know. He needed to know that.

I was like, but I have two ends and you have one. And he was like, okay. Okay. He was so, so nice. And like we get to walk up to Connor McGregor, I guess he had security, but like he's brought the most dangerous man in the room. He didn't need security. He's a huge fighter. Right.

And then I need that. Yeah. They let me just like walk right out to him. Anyways, that was really cool. And then the next day, to a shock to most, including like some of my friends, my parents. I was on, watch what happens live with Andy Cohen. I don't think I talked about here. Walk us through that.

It was an opportunity that knocked very, like, kind of last minute. And I was the bartender, obviously. What does it mean to be the bartender? So to be the bartender, you're kind of just like a young man. who is standing behind the bar. And is it usually like a familiar face? Yeah, yeah. And you get like a couple moments on the show.

I don't know what the origin story of the bartenders were. But like Lucas Gage has been a bartender. I feel like it's a good omen and it's like a really good opportunity. It was cool. And I was on it. I didn't know who was going to be on it until last minute of two. and Andy came up to me and was the nicest person I've ever met. Like, genuinely, you know, when you can tell, someone asked you a question and then, like, it's not just to like,

he'd genuinely ask you to ask you the question. He was like, oh, like, follow up question. Like, oh, really? Like, well, like, it was so nice. He came up to me a couple times. Talk to me. He promoted Brooklyn Carter make a podcast on what you're lying. Live.

No. He said every Thursday. Brooklyn Conner make a podcast. And he made some jokes. It was so good. He's so good. And then so that was cool. Is there a way we can watch it?

Yeah, I think it's on YouTube. But it was on Bravo. So I think Bravo might post it. It was a great episode. There was Josh Lucas from Sweet Home Alabama and Palm Royal. Right. Now the new show. with Kristen Wigg was one of the guests.

And then there was like a very famous chef that I'm spacing on his name, but he was, he stole the show. Oh, it was so funny. And that was it. That was a blast. I was stoked. That was an unbelievable experience. Wow.

Connor, kiss your brain. You're doing so many cool things. That was like one of my, even though like, I guess I kind of didn't do anything. Yeah, you did. I mean, just being there is crazy. It was cool. It was cool to be there. That's like being asked to be the bartender.

Yeah. Not just everyone gets to be the bar chender. But that was really cool. And then I went to Austin and I ordained the wedding, which was an experience too. Can you tell us about it? Yeah, I got like this is the one week without any comedy shows, but I didn't realize that I was kind of have to write like kind of a low key set for this, for dating this wedding. I was wondering if you were going to go like comedy or like more serious.

It was it almost even split. Perfect. And a lot of people deemed me after the close friends episode last week when I talked about it. they were like, here's a template. You just swap out the personal story part for stories with them. And it eventually ended up being completely mine. After I looked at everybody's,

I got the vibe of what the speech looks like. I was just worried about, like, is this too long? Is this too? It felt short. And also this sucks. Right when I went out there, I was supposed to get miced up,

but like the guy with the mic to put the mic, and I certainly never showed up. And obviously, I didn't memorize the speech. So I've got my little book. There's no podium. And the mic, the game me was like a handheld mic. So I'm reading this book.

Oh, gosh. I'm holding a mic. And then I'm grabbing the notebook with the other hand, turning the page. And like halfway through the wedding planner, ran up, like, so angry and like put the mic stand in front of me. And I was like, hey, lady, I'm a comedian. I was so used to holding the mic at my shows. I didn't even think, oh, use the mic stand. I took the mic off the stand.

So like in between when I turn the page, everybody heard like that's the sad. Right. Right. Comedy in itself. It was funny. But all the dead air when I was turning the page. I'm like, jean, I'm like a, I'm like a carpal tunnel all here. Can you guys cut this?

I'm being broke. I was being like, oh, I'm going to get tennis elbow from turning. Shut up. Shut up. You were annoying yourself? I was annoying myself. Everybody was like, that was awesome. That was like really heartfelt.

But I would, in my head, I was like, oh my God. And I almost started crying like right away, right when I got up there. So then I was embarrassed. No, I was like, get a damn grip, bro. Get through this because the minister can cry at the end, maybe a little bit. Like, you two are so much of my restaurant, but I started with crying. Oh, that's sweet, Connor. Oh, my gosh.

I've been fragile this week. I've been really fragile. But it was great. The wedding was the most fun ever. I posted 25 times on my Instagram story. We were just like having so much fun. It was just such a, such a fun wedding. Oh, that's great.

I didn't leave my phone in an Uber. Right. Like, it was one of those things. I think I told you about it the other day. Like, I've done this before where you get out of the Uber and you're by yourself and immediately you're like, my phone is in that car. And I'm like, let me just call. Let me just call.

But it's not let me just call. It was like, okay, now I don't have a phone. Right. That was the irony of that. I can't contact him. And then like when I went to log into Uber on other people's phones, it's like, let me send you two-factor authentication to your other device. I don't have that device. I don't have that device. How did you get around that? The next morning, I had to go to the Apple store at the mall, the day of the wedding. I had to go to the Apple store at the mall. And they're like, okay, cool. We just need your other, your phone. your other phone. I am at the Apple store

because I don't have a phone actually. It was like everything needed the phone. I'm like, what do people do when they lose their phone? They gave me a Nokia like Rick phone.

I had a call 1-800 T-Mobile and they said, you've got to be an authorized user. So I had to call my dad. My dad had to make me an author as user on a T-Mobile account. Then I had to call T-Mobile back. They put me on like an hour and a half old.

I don't have a phone. I'm literally just like sitting around with my dick in my hand for like two hours in the Apple store and just like, looking around. I don't look around at stuff anymore. Like, we don't have to do that. We have phones. I don't want to look around at stuff. And I'm just sitting there, like, I tried the new VR set. It was cool. I, like, played with photo booth for a while. That's always fun. Did you leave any photos of yourself there?

On every computer. That's good. Yeah. I said it is the screentiver for a bunch, too. Yeah, you had to. Oh, but finally I got in. And then, and then I contacted the Uber driver. And he's like, oh, yeah, I have your phone. I hear I'm at this address. And I was like, I can. can't get it today. I got to get it after the wedding. So I got it on yesterday. I drove out to like pretty a place I've never been in Austin. And he was in the back room of a gas station office and was not even the guy that was on my Uber profile. I don't know like what the deal was here. Here is $25 crisp cash. Don't spend it all at once and I picked up my phone and I had it out and now I'm going to so at the Apple's right to buy a new phone and I got this new phone and I'm going to go return it. Oh so you did get a new

phone. I had to get a new phone to transfer my info over so I could log back into all of my accounts so that I could access my Uber account. You did get a new phone just to sign in your Uber account? I had to get a new phone to get my old phone back. I took the boat to work. It has to be a better way. Yeah. Like I know that it's dangerous not to set up two-factor authentication, but I'm, fuck it. I'm never doing it again. I hate that. It was so, so, so horrible. And like, there's, I have my ID. I have my ID on me. Can you just check my ID and see that I am me? How can I be more me than my ID? I just need to log into my stuff. So I'm, I don't, like, I just cannot let that ever happen again. I don't think that I'm strong enough to take. I guess it's a little comforting knowing that it's hard to break into our stuff. That's true. No, it is. And like, I am going to do it again. But sheesh, I wish. I like, that was such a, well, the reason I had to go get a new phone, Brooke, sorry, I should have explained this is that my wedding speech was on my phone in my I cloud thing. And to log into your I cloud, you need to be able to log into your Gmail as your backup email. To log into your email, you need to log into your other backup email. They need to send it to your phone. I couldn't access any, any additional thing that I needed to do needed some other thing that needed an additional thing to do. Surely your computer could have helped. Did you not have it? No, I don't have it.

Horrible. Yeah, I left it in my house. So here we are. I have my new phone and I have my old phone. And your old phone. My new phone is getting returned because, you know what? I had AppleCare too for the first time in my life. I went to the Apple store with AppleCare.

And they said, we just need to log your I cloud account to use your AppleCare. I am going to kill myself in front of you. This is horrible. We have to move on and stressing me out about it. Oh, sorry, I'm done. I'm done. No, that's okay. That's an insane story.

You have the highest tolerance for stress. Yes, you do. I was about to cry. I was like, please just be. I wouldn't have gotten. I wouldn't have, I would have had no phone. I would have kept the Nokia. Well, no, no, no.

It was about the wedding speech that was on that phone. I couldn't, I didn't have it memorized it. I would have rewritten it rather than not through any of that. Oh, like, I don't know why, what, right, right? Mm-hmm. writing the wedding speech was harder than anything. I think because the pressure of like it's there one day and their parents are there and their families there. My parents were there.

I was like, it's got to be good. It was fun. But anyways, how was, how have you been since the last time? I saw you. I feel like I could go on and out and on. I really, Connor, nothing doing whatsoever. I don't like, I can't think of one thing that I've done. Just like sit and be on my phone.

I love that. It's sick. It's sickening. And when I'm like, do something else, I told you my addiction. My phone is so bad. It's like I'm actively thinking in my head like, stand up. Open the window. Can't.

And if I do end up standing up and opening the window, I'm looking at my phone. There's nothing on my phone. I can't stress that enough. No one's texting me. No one's calling me. I've already done the word. I've already done the connections. I've already done strands.

Okay, I've done it all. There's nothing there for me. I can't look. I need the UV frequency of the light rays soaking into my eyes or I'll die. I know. When I look at my parents while I'm at home, I'm like, whoa, I've been in the same spot. And they've like been like doing stuff. And what are you guys doing?

Why are you on your phone? It's mind blowing. I don't like it's it. We broke. We need to like on a serious. And on like a very serious note, it's getting bad. Like, this is like a medical addiction. No, I'm telling you, I've been trying to convey like how bad it is.

It feels, it feels very medical. It feels chemical. I'm in the same boat. I was downstairs. My dad's talking to me. And when I'm looking on him, I'm like, oh my gosh, when is this sentence going to end? I need to get on it, like, look at Instagram. I'll literally like be with my friends and they'll be talking to me.

And I'm like thinking in my head, someone's talking to you. Look them in the eye and get off your phone. And I can't. I can't either. I was actually, that was kind of something that was crazy about me losing my phone this weekend. It was like, oh my God. Yes. Finally, like all of those unopened texts are going to be out of my.

I felt like broke the shackles of my phone. Oh, my God. You go through genuine withdraws. I was like, no, but I need it back. No, I'll shake. I'll literally shake. I bite the inside of my lip. Mm-hmm.

I think my goal, because I'm going to Florida tomorrow, and so now I'll be playing backgammon with pop up a lot, my goal is going to be to put my phone on the other side of the room during backgammon. That is so, that is a really, really sensational goal that you've just said. And I'm, I'm going to do the same when I go play pickleball. Yeah, phone. Leave it in the car. Leave it at home. Leave it at home. I've been doing that.

So when I wake up in the morning, when I go downstairs, I do not take my phone downstairs. The only issue is that, like, people actually, I owe people responses on, like, work stuff. So, and then I'm like, no, but I'm disconnecting. It's like, there's some of the stuff you need to connect. You need to respond to those emails. You know, so it's like, it's so weird. Like, when I'm, like, so down to disconnect, it's when I owe people signatures and stuff like that. And it's like, no, actually, no, I'm actually disconnecting right now.

So Shirley you understand. Here's the thing, Connor. Yeah. Sometimes I want to go in a walk to clear my head with and completely unplug, but I need my music. You need your music. Bring back iPods. So I can listen to my music without the temptation of social media and what have you. You know where, you know how sick in the head I am?

I always think, well, what if I see something that is like a great piece of content and like it could change my career? it'd be irresponsible for me not to take my phone on his walk. What possibly could change your life on your walk? If I saw somebody or like one time I was halfway through my walk and I heard some sea lions and I was like, what if there's

a sea line like out doing... Bring a digital camera. No, we need, Brooke, we need an iPod touch. Like that would solve a lot of stuff. No, but I'll figure out how to... Jail break it. You'll jail break it. And also it's the just scrolling. on my phone that gives me the serotonin or whatever,

dopamine or whatever. So I'd be able to just scroll back and forth on the iPod touch. I need a nano. I need a nano. This is two people talking about needing to go to rehab, by the way. This is like literally what we're saying. No, we need to go to the wilderness. We need to go to the wilderness and be able to fend for ourselves fully be able to,

we need a fish for our food and. Oh, yeah. Gavent for berries and build our hands. sounds really awesome would need to make a TikTok would need to make a TikTok Brooke if you're if you're fishing I'm gonna have to I'm gonna have to post Domaintergram sorry like that's hilarious

I would have to You're gonna have to just take it in with your eyes That would be irresponsible A pencil picture of me fishing If it means that much to you It would be irresponsible Hey do a sketch Do a sketch of me fishing

Brooke I'm not gonna do a sketch of you I'm gonna film you I could bring I guess I could bring a digital camera literally that's where it all began. We're not doing tech. No tech. We're not doing tech right now.

No. Okay. I actually, I want to talk. What is this new face? Are you doing? Huh? You're doing a new impression. I'm not doing it.

Okay. You're doing a weird voice and then you're going, okay. I don't know. I don't know. Like every now and then my body reinvents itself. It's like puberty. I've never seen you do this before. It's like personality puberty.

It changes. Okay. I have to talk about something really quick because I just realized. You see the other painting behind me? Very pretty. Painted them. Painted them in high school. That's a perfect,

this is a perfect opportunity for you to get back into painting when we go into the wilderness. Oh my gosh. You're right. Wait, I want to show you as one of this girl on on deserted beach. This is you fishing for your food. Hang on. Let's see.

Wow, you really did love like a good water landscape. Oh my God. Is she naked? Yeah, she's topless. I didn't realize I painted a topless. She's wearing a very tasteful.

lay. Yeah, and her hair is covering, oh no, it's the lay. You made that? Yeah. It's fantastic. I'm looking at it now. You can get back into painting, Connor. That's really good. It's really good. Wow, you really, like, kind of, she is curvy. Yeah.

You really put some detail into that. I really did. That is something that will be really eye-opening for a lot of people on when they see it. My painting of of a naked woman. Of a beautiful gorgeous. A beautiful gorgeous.

A beautiful gorgeous. A woman in nature, not a phone in sight, just having good time fishing for her food. Yeah. This is someone who's taking the boat to work and is really enjoying it. Yeah. Damn. Thank you for sharing. Happy to.

Happy to. The rest are just kind of globs. You're really good. I'm serious. You should start painting again. I would like to. I know. I want to on my patio.

I was just about to say your patio would be the perfect. place. Yeah, it would be really. So, okay, wait, I was going to say this really quick. I'm at home and with like with my parents and I had like a next level frustrating experience today resigning them into all of their streaming services. Oh my God, I can't even imagine. You need a drink. What's our password for Hulu? Why? Why would I know your password for Hulu? We, went through all of the passwords for Hulu. Oh, you know what?

I was thinking of HBO Max. They don't have Hulu. I said, okay, I'm going to go upstairs for a little bit. I need to go upstairs. You don't want to get mad about something. You don't want to get mad. It's so dealing with people of a different generation and technology is truly nothing worse. Truly.

There's not. I mean, it was, it was mind blowing that experience. It was like, it took like two full hours. And it felt like, oh, like, imagine, imagine being a member of the geek squad and having to roll up to houses all day and all day. You are like met with the, like, the patients of an insane asylum, that level of signing them into their, oh, what's my password? Do you write it down anywhere? Do you remember where you wrote it down? Because then I can help you, but I can't, I cannot.

The geek squad members. They shouldn't have to pay taxes. No, they should really, you know, they should, we should do. something for the members of the we should have a day for the geek squad for the geek squad for the let's reclaim March 25th

let's reclaim March 25th the day of for Geek Squad appreciation Day Geek Squad Appreciation Day Geek Squad Service members day I think they should get to eat free

somewhere a place for them to get I hop I think they should get a free stack all geek squad members get a free stack I'm gonna take them let's take a moment

let's take a moment to think of those the members of the geek squad in their service and how many fallen Geeks Squad members we've had in years to come. Thank you, Geekswad. Thank you.

Beautiful. I'm glad I love them we take moments to honor. I think that there's a lot of really special people that put a lot. Like, you would have to, you would genuinely have to be like a level of a patient. Like, they're kind of teachers in a way because they do have to show up somewhere, troubleshoot, walk people through things. that's that's that is someone that I really really there's something for it there's a lid for every pot I could not do that job I don't have it in no it's me neither that seems really really really challenging and I have I have no patients in general for anything but that I can't even

imagine like whenever I'm face-timing with my mom and she'll like close out of the face time and not be able to figure out how to get back in I'm doing deep I'm deep breathing until she comes back Or when you, yeah, when they call you and you call them right back and then it goes to voicemail and then you call again and it rings and just goes to voicemail. Did you, as soon as we hung up, chunk your phone and like across the room? I know that you're holding it still. It's like they go, oh, they're gone. And then they just move on with their day. Just there's nothing.

What's scary is that it'll be us one day. And then people are going to lose patience with us and that's what's scary. I do wonder with technology and stuff, like now they're putting the neural links in people's brains and I'm like, no, I would never do that. Like, I wonder if there's a generation of people that are going to be like, we're gin alpha. Of course we microchipped our brains.

You know, like that's going to be. There will be. I know, and I'm not going to do that. I don't see that in my future at all. Right. So we'll be the ones that are old. I'm really like sick to my stomach that I even said.

Well, no. Like that, that template of stuff, I think we talked about. It's still happening. I don't know how it's still. That is the worst trend that's ever been born. You don't even have to say the words. Like, that's how it comes. That's how, that's what I hear.

And you know what? There hasn't even been one funny parody of it either. Like, it's that bad that you can't even parody it because the parodies are annoying. No, the parodies that are like, we're a mom and daughter and we hang out. Of course we borrow each other's clothes. The next one was like, we're a mom, the mom. We're a mom and daughter. You need to move out.

And it's like, no, mom, you're supposed to say something nice. Shut up. That one, like those ones are like, oh, no, you're supposed to be something nice. Almost worse than the originals, if I may. I know, because it's like they're actually putting an effort to be parodot or parodicizing. What do you call it? Like in the past tense, the parodic. What?

Oh, parodying. Yeah. Is that it? Parodying. Yeah, I guess. You know what I'm thinking about? We said something in an ad that is, I have not been able to stop thinking about.

What? We said something about like walking in flip-flops or something. And one of the ads, do you remember those like squishy flip-flops? Yeah, that could float. Yeah, squishy, floaty flip-flops. Hold on. Yeah, I know exactly what you're saying.

You know exactly what I'm talking about? They're like shiny and you want to take a bite out of that. Floodies. You remember these? Yep. I have been having. Ever since Sweet talked about the flip-lops in that ad. I can't stop thinking about putting these on after getting out of the pool because for whatever reason they were always like the swimming shoes.

And then like walking back to the bunk at camp with these shoes on and having that sound. The sound. And also you can't walk straight. You're slipping and sliding everywhere. And having to walk up the hill in the floaties. Oh my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

So that's been a sensation that's been sticking with me for the last 45 minutes as I just keep thinking about. me in those floaties bring them back i want to take a those those are something that i want to chew on you know when people are like remember those pool noodles and they always had a bite taken out of them right now in this moment i'm going to admit that was me if you saw a pool floody did not even have to tell us that if you saw a pool floaty with a big chunk out of it i that was me i came to your pool and i did that every across the nation i came out and i chewed on it for hours the way that i'm not scared of microplastics in my body at all because I was intentionally chewing and swallowing them.

I'm not seeing some microplastics. I'm scared of what else is on them. Like what do you mean? Just like from kids handling them and the pool noodles. The pee water and such. I just like don't feel like eating a pool noodle. Microplastics aside

is like the good kind of bacteria. Yeah. I guess DSDF of course. But I was never scared of things in a pool because chlorine is like killing everything. I feel like. Well, you think that and then you work at a pool and a kid poop's in the pool and the chlorine doesn't kill it. Like the length that you have to go through, you have to shock the pool.

Yeah. Okay. Okay. That's a different. Yeah. That's a different way to look at. I guess, yeah, I hadn't considered. So who's to say that there hasn't been poop that someone didn't clock?

Speaking of. We as a college, all my college friends were at this thing this weekend, at this wedding. and we were talking because there was an event that we had at my college house at some point. There was a small, it was like a pregame or something. We had a lot of, we had a couple people there somewhere or a close friend somewhere. At some point I went into the bathroom and I smelled something and there was a turd on the ground. And I came out, I got my other room and I was like, no way, right? No way.

And he was, no, that's a, you know, that's a tear. a human third. We didn't have a dog. It was a human third. And we had only had a handful of people at this pregame. And I had to get my other roommate to go pick it up and put it, you know, flush it, flush it third. And we this weekend piece together who it was. And I like, obviously I'm not going to say it, but it was groundbreaking. It was a groundbreaking discovery. And the person it was, I never ever ever. You've never in a million years? No, no, no, no. A million guesses. I never would the guest that she left the turd. She, her, hers.

She, her, hers. Oh my gosh. It was crazy. Was there a reason for it? Was it on purpose? No, this girl who did this, like, is the most proper, like, buttoned up, well-dressed, mom of the friend group, so happy, overjoyed it all the time, does not poop. Like, if there was ever a girl that did not poop, it was this girl.

And yet she poops on the floor, no less. So my thought is that she snuck in during the pregame. It's not a party, so there were not that many people there. And I think she was like, oh, I'm stinking up this joint. I need to go quick. And I think, like, she really didn't pinch all the way. And there was still a straggler in there. And it must have dropped to the floor.

She must have like, she must have like shaking it out of her pants. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know her story. I didn't talk to her. I don't know the story, but I was able to lock in a culprit. And that is bun.

I couldn't be happier to know who it is. Like I was, no one was mad because no one, it wasn't an act of malice. It wasn't an act of malice. It was definitely like an act of necessity. So I, I wasn't ever mad.

I was able to crack the case because she, many years later, mentioned it to someone that was at this wedding. Oh, I thought this happened at the wedding. No, no,

no, this happened in college. I had forgotten about it. Sorry, I thought it happened this weekend. No, no, no. It was, I know, it was in college. I'm in college house.

I was saying, and we were having a pregame. That's what, oh, sorry if I wasn't clear, but yeah. No, no,

it was something that, like, had happened and was so crazy that I actually had blocked it out of my memory because it was the bathroom right next to my room. And when someone else

brought it up, I was like, I want to do it. I forgot about that. Wow. Were you ever able to look at her the same? Well, I just learned that new information. So TBD.

I'm so confused. You just learned it this weekend? We found out who it was this weekend. Okay. Okay. Now I'm starting to put the visas together. We didn't know who it was up in, like no one knew except the person that she had told. And that person told us at breakfast on Sunday morning.

Understood. Understood. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. We had something similar to that. In my high school, there was the Shalcrash shitter. We had a building at our school called Shalcross Hall,

which was where the auditorium and cafeteria and stuff was. And so every day at 3 o'clock, somebody would find a poop, like on the toilet, not in it. So like clockwork, the Shillcross Shitter would shit. I love when you, I love when people name like a, like, repeat criminal. The Shalcrash shitter. Okay, keep going. But no one knew who the Shatter

was. It was like, it was like, every time. It was like A and gossip girl. It was literally A and pretty little liars. Pretty little lies. Until Connor,

the seniors, every year, there's a senior meeting for worship where only the seniors get the opportunity to stand up and share. And the Shell Crish Shitter stood up at meaning for worship,

which by the way, is supposed to be like a, oh, like if you're moved by the of God stand up and he confessed to being the shell crush shitter. He was moved by the, he was moved to the light of God. He was moved by the light and saw him at my birthday party in L.A. a few years ago.

Mm-hmm. Oh my God. He is, by the way, super like, like, super normal guy. It's always the ones you least expect. No, but I would, I maybe would have expected it from him because he's always, he's like a merry prankster of sorts.

I don't know too well, but. I have to, I have to say, one more shitting story. Yeah, oh, please. There was a guy not at my high school that would, this girl and this guy broke up and it was like one of his best friends and so every party they would go to

this girl would drive to and he would poop on her windshield of her car. And I think it was like a six, seven time situation. That's just like I wouldn't want to do that to someone that I was romantically involved with. Like I would never want them to see that. No, I, no, no, no. This is,

or I guess to anyone. This was the, this is a friend of the people that were romantically involved. Oh my God. I don't know why I can't follow anything. I really feel like I'm not connecting the dots well. But we should wrap up on that. Okay.

I do want to say we need to get better at including the TV recaps because I want people to join us in our TV recaps as we talk about them. So join close friends, I think, because I think we're going to do a lot of TV talk. I need to talk about the Nickelodeon doc. Yeah. Our recapulations are coming up in close friends.

But things we're watching right now, I'm personally watching Palm Royal, the gentleman, and the Nickelodeon docus series. So if you want to chime in, I post a lot of my Snapchat story. Brooke, what are you watching? I only have watched the Nickelodeon documentary because I can't seem to get into television as a form of media recently, but I did love and want to discuss. Wow. I was about to go on a run today and the Drake one came up. When he, his episode came up. Wow.

Whoa. Wow. Let's talk about it in the bonus. I couldn't leave my house. Okay. I know. I know. Okay.

All right. Okay. All right. Okay. Okay. There it is again. Okay. All right.

We'll see you in the bonus. Bye everyone. Bye everybody. This week on close friends. Oh. Oh, wow. Oh, oh, oh, oh. It was a nice place he picked, and then I had two drinks.

Somehow I was kind of drunk for some reason, and I feel embarrassed. And I was like, but a lot of killing, kind of. I'm used to violence. With Dan Schneider, it's like... It's so sadistic. He is so disgusting. Sign up on TMG Studios.combe, to watch a full bonus episode.