Brooke and Connor Make A Podcast - If The Fungus Fits

Episode Date: January 29, 2026

Resources to support Minnesota: Immigrant Rapid Response Fund: www.wfmn.org/funds/immigrant-rapid-response/immigrant-rapid-response-fund-donate/ Immigrant Law Center of Minnesota: www.ilcm.org/donate/ Pre-order Phoebe Berman’s Gonna Lose It: https://sites.prh.com/phoebe-bermans-gonna-lose-it SUBSCRIBE TO THE BNC CHANNEL: https://bit.ly/45Pspyl Ad Free & Bonus Episodes: https://bit.ly/3OZxwpr This week, Brooke and Connor are connecting virtually to talk about Brooke’s experience in Philly this weekend, Connor hosting an award show, and giving men named Courtney a chance. Plus, Connor gushes over his left hand man. Join our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/5356639204457124/ Watch Star Trek. Starfleet Academy, new series, streaming January 15th, on Paramount Plus. Download the app or order now at https://Shipt.com It’s Dry January… but you don’t need a reason to enjoy a Heineken 0.0. Zero Alcohol, Great Taste, Now You Can. Must be 21+. #Heineken00 #DryJanuary #AlcoholFree Must be 21+ For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you go to https://Nutrafol.com and enter the promo code BANDC Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at https://RocketMoney.com/BANDC B+C IG: https://www.instagram.com/bncmap/ B+C Twitter: https://twitter.com/bncmap TMG Studios YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/tinymeatgang TMG Studios IG: https://www.instagram.com/realtmgstudios/ TMG Studios Twitter: https://twitter.com/realtmgstudios BROOKE https://www.instagram.com/brookeaverick https://twitter.com/ladyefron https://www.tiktok.com/@ladyefron CONNOR https://www.instagram.com/fibula/ https://twitter.com/fibulaa https://www.tiktok.com/@fibulaaHosted by Brooke Averick & Connor Wood, Created by TMG Studios, Brooke Averick & Connor Wood, and Produced by TMG Studios, Brooke Averick & Connor Wood. Chapters: 0:00 Resources For Minnesota 1:58 Intro 2:15 Being There For Each Other 4:08 Welcome To The Zoom Episode 6:09 Brooke Survives A Travel Day 7:43 Brooke’s Confession 11:11 Afikomen Lesson! 13:49 Celebrities Who Do Bits 15:20 Disney On Ice Recap 17:19 Hudson & Connor’s Rise To Fame 19:29 Star Trek: Starfleet Academy 20:09 Shipt 21:13 Connor’s Perfect Forehead 21:55 Empty Netters Update 27:04 More Leaked Texts 31:38 Gorgeous Names 34:52 Connor’s Award Show 38:41 Heineken 40:04 Nutrafol 41:34 Rocket Money 43:09 Mass Communication Conspiracy Theories 45:15 Life Pre-Phones 47:42 Sydney Sweeney’s PR Time 48:55 Exploding Trees & Ice Storms 51:48 Brooke’s Medical Emergency 55:18 Going Off Grid 57:30 Aging Is A Gift 1:00:22 Walking Barefoot In Hotels 1:03:22 Connor’s Day With His Left Hand Man 1:07:02 Stay Safe Everyone 1:07:47 See You In Bonus!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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but I want to start out this episode by saying how deeply disturbed Brooke and I are by what happened over the weekend in Minneapolis. No government should be killing its own people. And now, more than ever, so important to watch over each other, watch over our neighbors. And because of this, rather than fill this ad spot with a read from a paying sponsor, we're donating this spot to small businesses and mutual aid efforts in Minneapolis that benefit immigrants, protesters and activists. And today we're saying, spotlighting the Immigrant Rapid Response Fund, which is organized by the Women's Foundation of Minnesota and the Immigrant Law Center of Minnesota. The Women's Foundation of Minnesota invests an

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If you want to help, please visit the websites in our description. Hey, Brooke. Hey, Connor. How are you? Oh, hanging in there. How are you? I know, I would say the same.

What a week. Yeah. Yeah. Like, not to, I feel like every now, like, this is, this comment is going to be like when I always say, like, it's weirdly like colder in the shade than it is in the sun. Yeah. But like, how is it still January? No offense. Oh, okay.

Yeah. No, that's true as well. What were you thinking I was going to? Just like heaviness. Yeah. Heaviness in the air, everything that's going on. And just want to share quickly. You know Dutch, you I love on TikTok.

Yeah. Dutch is the one that said, you don't have to, what did he say? Actually, I'm really bad at quoting. If you can't do it with a smile, do it with a frown. If you can't do it with smiling, do it with the frown. And then he made this video about ICE. And I think like all of us are probably feeling like very like helpless. And obviously completely forget what the guy said.

I love him so much. And this video genuinely helped me. But he said something along the lines of like you do not have to do everything. You just have to do something. but much better said than that. So go watch Dutch's video because it, I think he, he has anxiety and everything like that. And I think he just knows exactly how to speak to a mind that is feeling very overwhelmed. And so whatever he said, I'll have to go watch it again as everything with me is in one ear,

out one other. But it did help. You don't have to do everything, just do something. Yeah. Hopefully we're doing a little something talking about it today. know, be sure to look at all those resources and donate if you can to everything, but, you know, just do something if you can. Yeah.

Yeah, well said. I didn't say anything, but thank you. Well, repeated. Appreciate it. Barely repeated it, but thank you. Yeah. So obviously, like, it's going to be like a weird episode, but we just will transition as best we can into something that hopefully.

people enjoy and it's maybe it's a nice break yes let's give it a go i'm in my PJs i will say oh and i'm in conference room b as well you're in a hotel i'm in a hotel a lot going a lot of moving parts happening right now i do think that this is the first time we've ever i think since like we did like trial runs of recording a podcast that we're both like on our laptops on zoom well speak for yourself i'm on my iMac oh you have a desk Stop. My lady. My lady had conference from B.

Wow. I think we did this like maybe when you moved to New York. Right. Or maybe not. Who knows? I can't remember. Or no, maybe when you started tour. I don't know.

Yeah, zoom up. Those are not ideal, but we'll make the best of it. We always do such positive attitudes, always two rays of light. Such pot. I don't know which cat of yours behind you is going nuts butts to the nuts. To the nuts. Oh, that's Robbie. He's having a heyday on your.

rug. Hi, stinkerbut. Oh. Yeah. Hey, Robert. You see him? I can barely. Just kind of like the tips of his kids.

They're not. I just got home. Yeah. They're always a little weird to me when I just come home after leaving. Yeah. So. Well, you have new bangs too. He just got it.

He just found his tail. Oh, good for him. He's in a box. He's in a box now. He'll be fine. Can you hear him? No. is you making noise?

Yes, quite a bit, quite a bit. Good for him. Yeah, good for him. He found an empty box and... He filled it up with voice. Yes. To the brim. Yeah, so I was traveling and as you all know, we were prepared for some disruptions.

And, you know, man, oh man, did we get some? And, hey, I was prepared. I thought you handled it really well. I will say that Izzy and I were texting on the side instead of to you. That's sweet. The plan this episode. That's very, honestly, very considerate of you.

I'm sure you could tell I was trying to communicate, but I was going down. It was like. I was going down. It was like we, we can sense that a lot like, you know how like geese can sense earthquakes? Like I could, we were both sitting there like gobble, gobble, like it's about to gobble. Well, I guess they don't gobble, geese don't gobble. They make a lot of noise on S&L. Thank you for anticipating my, my, yeah.

I appreciate that. I, I was, I was going down. But all things considered, I did handle it better than I expected. Yeah, you really did. You should kiss your brain. I'm not, I'm actually, I think I'm handling it worse than you because I read your arrival flight as 540 Pacific time. And so I wasn't, you know, it's eight, it's, I don't. know what time it is.

It's 7 p.m. here. Oh. Do you, does this feel like a good time or no? Yeah, it feels awesome. I just like, was it. So, like, when you landed, I was like, pardon. I thought you got your flight got fully canceled. Oh, no.

I also, Connor, I want to be honest and Izzy did catch me in this. I did lie. Oh, that, I mean. I did get in a bit earlier than I said I was going to. It worked out. And I did not think I was going to be able to come. right off the plane into the podcast. And so I took a nap.

And so I scheduled that nap into my lie. And I want to apologize. That's perfectly fine. This will be awesome. I'm glad that you got your nap in. Thank you. I knew the truth was going to come out. But anyway, I got in the 6 a.m. And then I got here at like 1231,

went down for an hour. Met you. Well, what's funny is I'm in Miami right now. I was working on a fun project with one of my favorite people on the planet. I'm so jealous of the connection you have of one of your favorite people on the planet. It's really something special. See, they're one of my favorite people on the planet, too. Yeah.

This is kind of like a fun thing that we're doing right now. But I'm in Miami. So, like, I, there's worst places to be in a hotel. room recording the podcast. Oh, absolutely. And tomorrow, I wake up right and early and I go to, so when you, when everyone's hearing this video, I'm either going to be in North Carolina or no, I'll actually be in North Carolina and there either will or will have not been two shows that have happened.

Because word on the street is that everyone has snowed in. But for somehow, somehow the venue, not snowed in and still taking guests. Are you, what airline are you flying? Because if it's American, I'm sure it'll get canceled. I usually kind of only fly Delta these days. Good. And I do, like, I always am like, y'all don't need to be doing that when influencers or celebrities like shame airlines on their stories. Because it's like, yeah, like, all airlines suck.

Like, we get it. Like, I will say American, like, you need a lot of help. You need, like, a significant amount of help. Yesterday I was at the airport for 10 hours. They kept delaying my flight in 20-minute increments because there was no pilot and no crew. And it's like, you know you're not getting a pilot and a crew. Let me go. But they don't want to cancel the flight because then they have to pay for everyone's accommodations.

So they just kept delaying in 20-minute increments for 10 hours, hoping that we would all cancel, which I did after 8. But then I still lingered a little bit and I was there for a few more. but they waited for everyone to cancel, the majority of people to cancel on their own before they canceled it themselves. I just like- I'll need so much help. If my A team pilot doesn't show up,

like I don't want them to call in the B team. Like I don't want them to call up the bench pilots, you know? Yeah. It's like, why wasn't this pilot already at work? Why wasn't she already flying a plane? I think just because there was so much going on, there were so many delays. They were like, we can't locate them.

I was like, what do you mean you can't locate them? They're missing. I get there being delays and like this pilot being on this flight. But like, shouldn't that be in your system? No. It's like a fun to everyone that's on this flight. Whoever finds the pilot first, it's like sardines. Finding the Afi Komen.

What? That's on Passover. You hide the Afi Komen, which is the fancy word for Mata. And then all the kids have to go find the Afi Komen. You're hiding Mata. around your home? Yes. Is it loose?

No, you hide it. Like some, like I feel like one of the best places my dad hit it when I was young was behind a painting. So if he put dough, like soft dough behind a painter? Mata? Yeah. But Mata ball soup is soft dough? Yeah.

Mata balls are different than Mata. They're both made with Mata meal. You know, Mata is that flat like cracker? No, that's his news to me. I only knew it. in ball form. No, you know Mata, the thing that people eat on Passover. I don't.

It's a big square. It looks like SpongeBob. I don't know what you're talking about. Hold on. I love that you're giving me a benefit of the doubt, but I think that you should give me punishment of the doubt here. I don't know what it is. I would be really shocked.

I've never seen that man. I'm sorry to this man. I've never seen Mata in my life, Dr. Mata. That's crazy. No. Oh, well, that's what people eat on Passover because. I think it's when the Jews were running or escaping rather

Egypt they were being chased and they didn't have time to like let their bread rise so they just had to take it and run with it as a flat entity. This isn't the Bible too. Yeah. I remember this but I didn't know that that's what they were munching on. Yeah. So that you do that for eight days over Passover.

And then you hide it. This is the Seder holiday. You ever been to a Sater? You're going to hate this. No worries. No, I haven't been to one in years. The only thing I know Sater from is the office when they rebranded. Sabre, thank you.

Savers? Sabre. With a B. Yeah. Sabre, yeah. I wasn't like the biggest fan. Of the office? No, just sort of like when it, unfortunately, what's his name?

name um the Gabe what's his like real name if he Elijah would wow I'm really messing up no I think it's Zach Lewis it's Zach. Is it? No it's Gabe Lewis Zach Woods. Zach Woods. Zach Woods. Thank you. I see I got Elijah and I got I got I got wood but he is one of the funniest people he's like one of my best follows on Instagram he follows you no no no I follow him He's one of my favorite people I follow on Instagram. Oh, I love that. He is so funny. Like, genuinely, that part on the office, like, didn't do him any credit.

Like, he is so funny. He needs his own show. Okay. I love that. I don't, I've seen him on a few, like, late night shows, and he is very funny. He's really funny, and he's, like, constantly doing a bit, which you know I love. Yeah. Anyone that's constant, Meg Stalter.

Yeah, I was about to say he's very Meg Salter coded. Yeah. Um, Zach Woods. I'm trying to think of other people that, like, have their just ongoing bit. I don't know if Nathan Fielder is the type of person where I'm like, I don't know if I even want to. I don't know. He's a spectrum. Sometimes he's so on like Nathan and then sometimes you see cracks of like maybe this is who you are.

Even someone, like I'm just going to use me as an example because I don't know if you feel the same way. But like he's someone like I think like when he breaks, care. I'm like, thank God, like you were scaring me. Nate? Nate. I mean, you know, I love the guy. I know. Did I get a little bit of sun today?

Yeah, it looks like. In Miami? Nice. I sat outside and stared into the sun for like 10 minutes. Oh, that sounds so nice. I'm very pale. Yeah. Um...

Should we recap? Do you want to talk a little bit about our Disney on Ice video? Yes. Oh my gosh. So we... We also, we had a YouTube video come out last week. This week, that is, I can't remember what day it is anymore. This week.

We had a video come out on Monday. We did Disney on Ice. If you haven't watched it, it's up on our YouTube. That was so amazing. That genuinely, I left, like, I left the venue feeling like I needed to go to a neurologist. because I was so unable to follow the dancing instructions that I actually started like really thinking there was something wrong with my brain-to-body connection.

I thought you were, I mean, I guess that was a time when I'm really, really kind of just just thinking about myself. Yeah. The video did me like justice. I was like, how did I ever follow like choreography when I was younger? Like I could not do it. And it didn't even have anything to do with the ice. That was, I was horrible at that separately.

But I was really bad on land, which is like following the steps of our routine, which concerned me deeply. Well, those were all professional dancers. Those were, I miss them too. They were fabulous. The young man in the videos, the fun, like, he's so funny. He's had a lasting impression in the back of my brain. I love him. And everyone was commenting like, how was Brooke not talking about heated rivalry?

I was, but it was Disney, so I couldn't really talk about it. Yeah. So, but just know I was thinking about it the whole time. Was that during heated rivalry? It was at the very beginning. Right. I think there had only been two episodes out or something. But I remember feeling like this is so Shane and Ilya.

But like, I didn't even know the guys yet. I can't have they carried the Olympic torch this week. they are the sun and the moon that's a good way to put it yeah i mean our our planet we are dependent on them right now specifically yeah i can't believe they just are in like how like to be a young to be a young man and have just gotten your breakout role and then like two weeks after the finale airs. You're in Milan carrying an Olympic torch. I hope he's journaling. They were, but I just like can't stress this enough. They were both prepared to go back to being waiters. Yeah. That's what I'm talking about. Like to, to have had a dream. And then for it to be fulfilled

and then some in like one month. It's like, I don't think, I think I would probably, hmm, fall off the deep end. Sometimes I think about like what if my present day self was handed my phone, but it's my phone from a year from now. So my Instagram is stuff that I've done in the past year. And so like I like, what if I like get my phone and I have like 50 million followers? And I'm like, what the hell happened? And like I just have to live life like knowing I'm going to get to that amount of followers.

But like what the hell happened? You know? Well, I guess I could. look at the pictures and see what happened. But just like, you know what I'm? Is that making any sense? This is just a thought that I have to do. But I'm thinking, imagine those boys a year ago, you give them their present day phones.

And it's like, here's y'all's phones. You have millions of followers. And like you are Golden Globes, Olympic torch. Like they would be like, whose Instagram is this? Baby, it's yours. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, that's a fun way to put. I mean, you could do that from, like, from last year.

You could be like, oh, my God, look at all these things. Sure. That's another way to. Think about it, like giving your year ago self your present-day phone. Yes. Thanks. Girl, winter is so last season. And now Springs got you looking at pictures of tank tops with hungry eyes.

Your algorithm is feeding you cutoffs. You're thirsty for the sun on your shoulders. That perfect hang on the patio sundress. Those sandals you can wear all day and all night. And you've had enough of shopping from your couch. Done hoping it looks anything like the picture. when you tear up on that envelope, it's time for a little in-person spring treat. It's time for a trip to Ross.

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Keep it real. Look for the seal. Real California milk by Real California Farm Families. Look at when, sorry to change a subject, because I know that we just went, we've been having such fabulous conversations. But this is how I figure out when summer is close or when summer's upon us. When I turn like this and the light catches my forehead in such a way, you can see a perfect penis and balls shape.

Oh, yeah. Directly up on my forehead. I've never seen anyone else with this kind of. marking. I do know that one. Yeah, that's how I know summer's here. Right now, the ACs broken in my hotel room. So is it hot there?

Oh, God. It's so hot. It's January. I know. Summer's approaching in my room on floor five. I have a penis and balls in my head. Wait, back to heated rivalry really quick. Yeah, take it back.

I don't know if I've spoken about them in the main. I know I did in bonus and on the special episode of Obsessed, but Empty Netters, the straight guy hockey podcast. Something bad happened. I think I was on a flight or something and you and Izzy had sent the update and I didn't I wasn't really tuned into them anyways, but I was sensing that something had gone awry. Basically everyone was just like myself included very much so, was like obsessed with them because they were just like two like hockey bros who just like loved heated rivalry.

and Dan's texts leaked, one of the guys. Somebody leaked his text. He was texting someone. These are random podcasts. No. Podcasts like, who is leaking their text? He was texting somebody he thought was his friend. And apparently this guy also has a podcast where they were talking about heated rivalry.

And Dan was like, dude, like, this show is like embarrassing, like pandering to blue hair, Twitter. Oh, wow. It was tough. and then he came out and was like, yes, these texts are real, but like here's the context. Like I had only watched one episode of the show. Like, I didn't like the show yet, really. Like, you guys know that. I was open about that.

And then, like, we had a change of heart. We ended up falling in love with the show, blah, blah, blah, blah. Which I totally get. The blue-haired Twitter and other stuff was tough. But, like, also it's really hard. I'm not defending anything, even though, like, I'm not. But it is hard when you think you're having a private conversation with the friend. Like I know with my, if my texts were leaked, it wouldn't look good.

Like, I definitely have been like the woke left, like joking. Yeah. But it's different. Blue hair Twitter seems a little bit more severe to me. But and also as like a straight guy. But and he did like, he made a statement like contextualizing the text, but he never like apologized for that language. which people are upset about and I get that and that's tough.

And it's all just tough because like everyone loved them so much and it was such a good thing, you know? And now it's tainted. But people feel differently about some people are like, I forgive them completely. Like context was key there. And some people are like, I can't get over blue hair Twitter. And then you can't get over. Then you move forward. Yeah.

I don't know. I'm still, I don't know what to do with my sense. They really meant a lot to me. It's really upsetting. I don't. I didn't know the guys. I know. I'm just explaining what happened. I know. It's hard for me to be like you. I knew them. I knew that. I thought I knew. At least I knew them. I don't know if I still do.

I don't know. Let me know how you all feel in the comments. Would you have rather loved and lost or never loved at all? I think we've talked about this. Never loved at all. Really? 100%. What if you died right after? Like if I lost and then die the next day, I only suffered for a day of losing. Yeah. How long did I love?

I don't know. We'll see. So like, say you loved for, say you loved for 10 years. And then it's like you've lost. 20 minutes goes by. That is, that is a doorknob. Then that's fine. And it's also fine if I've loved like my whole life and then I get old and someone dies.

Like, that's fine. But I don't want to, I would, if I'm like merit to the love of my life for two years, and then he dies, I would have rather never had him. I know. We were talking about a podcast, though, that we knew about for like two weeks. Well, you took it in a different direction. No, there's loved and lost, loved a podcast, and then lost the podcast. It was more than a podcast.

It was a symbol of an evolving culture. That's actually true. Well said. And having like a sensitivity to straight men that, you know, I thought didn't exist. And now I'm back to not knowing if it does. Thanks. I do believe that they came to really love the show. I think I do believe, yeah, I do believe that.

I'm open to, I'm open to seeing where everything goes. I would say they're not dead to me by any means. It's just tough. Yeah. Watch this space. Watch the space. But that was a blow to my guts. Were you listening on a weekly basis?

How much were you listening to? No. Or were you just looking at the clips? I just watched all their heated rivalry episodes and their clips. But I don't watch like their podcast when it's not about heated rivalry. Okay. But I do follow them. Yeah.

So I just feel like they're my family. Were. I don't know. I don't know. Watch the space. We'll see how Thanksgiving is. I don't know. But that was not easy.

Also, speaking of leaked texts, have you been seeing Blake Lively's? text with different celebrities leaking. Doesn't matter. That's not the point. We're still doing that whole Blake lively thing. Wait. How can we make sure our texts don't leak? I don't understand.

How did Taylor Swift's text get leaked? How can we ensure that that just doesn't happen? Well, can I just be like conspiracy theories for like the next 10 minutes? Yeah. Maybe 40. If Taylor Swift's texts aren't protected, is anything in anything at all? I almost said in America in general, is how is anything? Like that, I want to believe Taylor Swift,

anything that happens to or around Taylor Swift is done with intention and strategically. Wait, I don't know if it was her, did anything Taylor said get leaked? No, I know Blake's two Taylor got leaked, but Taylor saying anything get leaked? Yeah, Taylor said Justin Baldone's a bitch. Oh, did she? Yeah. Which I was like, I didn't know that I can't picture Taylor's calling a dude a bitch. I'm like, that's cool.

But, um, I do you have to give consent for that? For your texts to be leaked? No, they were subpoenaed. My God. Well said. I don't know what subpoena means. I don't either. I mean, I, how do you spell that?

C, you B, P, O, N, no, no, no, that's not even remote. I think it's subpoena. Sub. Yeah, here. I see. Okay. Subina. Wait, I want to hear.

it's spelled because I want to see if I was close. S-U-B-P. The way I was exactly right, right? It starts with an S. You said C. Well, I'm an S. And I think I was wrong because I don't think this is what it is. I can't, I don't know.

I honestly don't know. A subpoena or witness summons is a written issue by a government agency, most often a court to compel testimony. And can we talk to me for a second? Google? Like, how does Google not know who's Googling this? I mean, it's just like a written thing to attend court. I think it's like a summons.

So I don't think that you could do a subpoena for text, but it could be used as like evident. Like I think that you might have to submit it for evidence if you're making a claim about somebody so it doesn't count as like libel or defamation. Like if you're saying someone has defamated my name and I'm losing work because of this, then you have to prove, hmm, I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Regardless, I think anything involving Taylor Swift's name would have to be approved by Tree. Right. I don't think that, yeah, I think that there had to be her consent there.

I do. But, that being said, could be wrong. Can, can, can, can, can, can, can, uh, you tell me, tell me the rest of what you think about this before I move forward or something else. I just like, I literally, I don't care. Like, I'm so over this. It just, I'm just, I'm just. being selfish thinking about my texts. Oh.

Like, I just want to ensure that they don't get leaked. Because I, like, I mean, I have, I'm lucky that I'm not like a bad person. So like I,

there's nothing like horrible. But it's like definitely like, like, I've been mean about people that I, I, I don't think anyone, really mean that I would want to, I think anyone's hacking into your phone to see like who you've been talking

you shit about. I think they might. No, there's 40, wait, 400, what was the lawsuit? 400 million dollars at stake for this, for shit talking each other and then, like, sexual, like, this is like serious, serious, serious stuff where like that stuff needed to be released, I think, for this thing. Okay, but then you also have empty netters.

Who's who are also being, like a friend. So if. So I just am like, that is my worst nightmare. Yeah. I mean, just, I guess, I think the, yeah, that would be crazy. If someone, that's just like an end of a friendship type. situation if someone were to like screenshot your close friends story or something which like I know people do that happens that's happened to friends before and it's like there is stuff that

I would say to friends that I would never say into a microphone I'm sure that and that is the case with everyone and it's just it just sucks when that happens which is why I do feel like it like it just blows chunks yeah chunks cute name for a dog now tree Are you tree? Is that her name? Tree, tree is like tree pain or something? Tree pain, like is that?

Was that like a joke because of T-Pain? Like when T-Pain came out, she was like, I want to be like tree-pane. So like adjacent to T. I don't think so. Because she probably, I bet Taylor-Suff calls her T-Pain.

I don't think so. I bet. There's one thing I know about Taylor. She loves the nickname. But I was walking by a car the other day and I saw one, One, like, this is so relevant to us. Two, gorgeous name for a little girl.

So let me find it. I walked by a license plate the other day. It said, smutney. I said, that is a gorgeous name for a little girl who loves to, well, I don't want to say a little girl who loves to read. But it's a gorgeous name. For mama might. Yeah.

Yeah. That's a gorgeous name for a mama bear that loves to read porn. Wow. Smutney. You're sure it wasn't Smut, NY? Like, Smut, New York. No, because I was in California. I was a lot.

Smutney. Smutney. I think that that means like a horny woman who's just like obsessed with smut. Yeah, I like that. Or man. Absolutely. But smutney. I actually have met like several men recently named Courtney.

No, you haven't. I promise. Courtney's a gorgeous name for a man that studies law. I have never met a male, Courtney. You need to go out to place. When I used to go on Hinge, I would like judge like harshly based on people's names. And that would be one that like I don't care like how compatible we might be. I don't think I'd swipe on it.

I wouldn't swipe right on Courtney regardless of our compatibility. But that's the difference between meeting someone online and in person. Like if I met someone named Courtney in person and fell in love with the guy, then like, that's fine. But I don't think I would give him a chance on Hinge. Really? Yeah. Okay. So that's another reason why online dating is bad.

Like, you are just a lot harsher. I can see that. Yeah. Because I'm not giving Courtney's a chance on there. Well, you also need to see if someone, like how they use their hands when they talk. Oh, it's all about in-person energy, pheromones, like the way they move. I mean, I know it works for some people, but I'm in my anti. I need to start wearing my heroines, my pheromones a little bit more.

Because my life is really different when I was wearing those pheromones on a daily basis. Your spray? My spray. What did you notice was different? People were always so nice to me. That's so interesting. Not that anyone's like mean to me that often, but like people, I think that maybe. I was coming off as

like more of an more of an entity to people. They wanted to let me cut it in line. Yeah. And they gave me the nice silverware. I need to get new silverware for my house. I was in L.A. last week because I hosted an award show. Did you see that? Yeah. I did. Tell us

about it. It was my first time doing. Well, I actually didn't see anything about the award show. Did you post anything? Yeah. I didn't. No, you didn't. Oh my. No, I didn't. Because I just got the photos back over the weekend. Okay, yeah. So I didn't see. Just like not the time to post an amazing photo of myself. But pardon me, my nose is back. But, oh, so I hosted this award show. It was my first time hosting an award show. It was for

assistance. It was like for charity for like assistance in the industry and entertainment industry. And I worked with like a writer, like how they do for shows who works with Nikki Glazer. coolest thing. It was for assistants versus agents, if anyone's curious to check it out. It was so much fun. And everyone said it did a really good job. Good job. Thanks. It was a fun change of pace where it was like, let me like memorize something else, mostly someone else had written and went out there and presented a words. Now something bad happened. In the middle of the show, there was a segment that I had scared, I had missed

in the script. So there was about eight minutes, nine minutes. that like they had thrown up a PowerPoint. It was like an award segment. And it was my first time seeing this segment. And I'm looking back and I had to just improv and make up what I assume was happening on. It was like, it was like impractical jokers when they're like, you have to go in there and do a presentation on this PowerPoint. You've never seen it before and you have to like sell it to this group of your peers. You know what I'm talking about?

And I was up there and I was like, oh my gosh. And the awards were like kind of facetious. Like, they did some serious awards for people that, like, impactful voices in your community. You know, like, Best Assistant of the Year Award voted by, like, their bosses. This one was, like, Best Overpriced Salad in L.A., like best. And luckily, Brooke, I recognize a picture of one of the salads as Jones on third. Chinese chicken salad. The Chinese chicken salad.

I'm going to get that for dinner. Oh, you should. I wish I was there with you so I could have it with you. But I was just. Those of you that don't know Jones Chinese chicken salad, it is like chicken fingers almost and these crunchy wontons that just crunch and melt in your mouth. And the dressing, Joan, it's just, you've never had anything like it. Sorry, continue.

Smack your ass like a drum. That's what it does. But I recognize it. And then it ended up winning. So you understand it this goes like, any more of those two. Oh, absolutely. And I was like, thank God. Can I ask what other salads were nominated?

Brooke, I didn't recognize. There's one called badass salads that I hadn't, I didn't know. I know there's one from Airwant, but I didn't get it. The kale one? Yeah, I think so, the famous one. Anyways, that was that was that. And then, like, the rest were like, you know, worst texts to receive from your boss.

And it's like, call me dot dot. And like, is today my wife's birthday question mark? Like, get me a reservation at Max and Helen's. And one was just question mark. And I was like, what do you? But the thing is, I didn't know how many awards were up. So I kept being like, and do you guys think there's another award after this? What do we think?

And I'm like looking at the guy running the show and like I don't know. Like I, and I'm like, oh, there is. Look at that. And then I had to guess again. But it was like eight minutes of this improv thing. And then I got off and I was completely soaked. So it feels very like Joey Tribiani coded. It was, I mean, it was hilarious.

I was getting texts. I was on due not sir, but I was getting text. Like this is so as Maggie was there. Xavier was there. Like my team was there. They were like, they have so much fun. So it worked out. It worked out really well.

I want to do more stuff like that. I think that was a good. Next, Golden Globes. Yeah. Plan B is a backup birth control option that's there for you when things don't go according to plan. It specifically works after unprotected sex

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And no one, they didn't get any up. No one got any updates. They just like assumed, but like everyone in entertainment, like everyone that uses Outlook as like their server, it went out. And so I went out there and I was like, what's up with this industry? Like I didn't get a single email today. And that like got him on my side.

Now, on the serious side, and this is the conspiracy there is carried over from Taylor Swift's text being released. Microsoft went down. I don't know if it was in the whole United States or just California or what. Microsoft went down, right? Yeah. Like a week ago, Verizon went out in New York City, like down to Florida. Oh, Verizon needs to join hands with Americans. and go seek extreme support at the facility.

So that's ever happened as far as I know, like mass communications going out, like, hey, what's going on, you know? Oh, you're being a conspiracy theorist. Yeah, I mean, like, not like necessary conspiracy theorists. I'm just kind of like, like, get your shit together. No, like that is not, it is frightening. Either you get to be this superpower, like this Verizon or this. Microsoft or step aside and let someone else, you know, like, break it back.

Give Sprint a chance. Give Sprint. Oh, Sprint. Is Sprint still, like. Like, give Continental Airlines. Get them back in the game. They never delayed, you know? Yeah. I literally, like, when Verizon is down, like, and I have to go somewhere, it's like, I have to print out MapQuest.

Give me Mint Mobile. Give me Matt Mobile. Give me, I don't even want to say that about R. Ryan Reynolds because he just bugs me but I'm like I yeah I got my next a minute as I mean mobile I think we've done that well then this worked out pretty well fabulous yeah well one time when I left my phone in an Uber I did have to bring my laptop to find this person's home and then when I got there I was like how do I contact them like I don't have Wi-Fi on my laptop I'm yeah do you remember this was I yeah

I really should have taken someone with me yeah I was really scared I remember that I went to this like really, I just had never been to this area of California before and it was not a good idea to go with no communication services available to me. It's scary. It's scary. People did it for so long. You catch me on a horse. I hope the horse knows where we're going. I don't.

I just missed my exit via hoof. Yeah, I don't. I mean, it is like the fact that it was, we were alive in the time of. MapQuest, I can't follow written directions. Let me get that out of the way. Did you? I would never get anywhere. I remember when.

I have to be looking at the road too. I would crash in everyone if I'm looking down at the MapQuest. When we got, when my family got a Tom Tom. What's that? It was like a Garmin. Oh, the Garmin, yeah. That was like the coolest thing that had to happen to our family in a long time. Yeah.

No, those were amazing. You know, it's suction onto the, what's a called dash? It sucked right onto the dash. Yeah. We don't have luxuries like that anymore. Things that suckered that don't do our dash. I learned CPR on my garment, Tom Tom. Really?

It taught you CPR. I didn't know they did that. They were touchscreen and they taught you CPR. Wow. We don't have a device in the world. I guess my iPhone I could look at it. Phone, like beyond. I won't.

No. I won't do the refresher for CPR. It is kind of crazy that we don't all know how to do CPR. I brought this up the other day. Do you know how to do the Heimlich? No. That Heimlich's pretty easy. That's an easy one to learn.

You can do that tonight if you wanted to. Tom Blythe recently needed the Heimlich. And wouldn't you be bummed if Tom Blyfe was choking and you didn't know the Heimlich? You could get right up in that. I know. Thankfully, his waiter knew it. He was on a date with his girlfriend.

Pete Davidson had a baby. Yeah. Are you just Blighter? watching TV. I can't find the remote. So yeah, there's TV playing. It's on mute, of course. But, like, all I'm getting is the highlights from entertainment tonight.

Obviously, Mario Lopez is up on the screen. Oh, and now Sidney, what did Sydney, what did Sydney? Why is it saying could Sydney face legal charges? She has a, like, lingerie line. And she threw bras and shit on the Hollywood sign to promote it. But, like, obviously, you, like, can't go to the Hollywood sign. it's trespassing so

where is her team I don't know I don't know if she has one she must have one or she might have one that's like has a really different strategy than most what are you doing

like she might have one that's like negative press let's just do all negative press um oh I didn't mean to do that while we were talking about Sydney Sweeney. That was genuinely like... Pop your boobs? Yeah, like that was something that I was going to do anyways,

and we were just talking about Sydney, Sweeney. Did you see the housemaid? No, I still haven't seen it. I haven't... I really haven't... I haven't done that much since I saw you last. Like, I really wish that I had something to... I saw you last week.

Yeah. And then I just got back to New York, and I kind of just was... It was the snowstorm, which, like... Everyone keeps saying snowstorm. I think, like, Nashville. Got it. From what I'm seeing, like, Nashville looks like apocalyptic.

I hope everyone's okay in Nashville. Oh, Philly was insane. Was it? Oh, yeah. Oh, my gosh. And I'm glad because, like, obviously, like, four of my flights were canceled, and I would have been so pissed if they were just canceled, like, for Flurries. But no, like, they needed to be canceled.

So in New York, it was snowing, but, like, people are, like, skiing and sledding. Like, it was, like, a... Like, I don't, I guess I don't know what constantly, I'm new to whether that's like that, like cold, cold weather. Well, New York's also being plowed nonstop and they're equipped. Nashville, I don't even, they probably don't even have any sort of like salt. No, but their, their trees and like their power lines were just exploding. Oh, really? They're not equipped.

But, like, trees? I don't know. Trees shouldn't explode. Oh, I saw that on Reese Witherspoon story. Is that what you're referencing? I mean, yeah, there's just like a couple things trees shouldn't do. I think one has explode. I didn't see a tree explode.

They're explode. The trees are exploding. What do you mean exploding? I don't know how to say it like any, any other way. They're exploding. Can you describe? Yeah, they're basically blowing up in like the most literal way. So have you seen, think of like a bomb.

Okay. Imagine if you bombed a tree or you had to put a bomb at a tree. like that's what they're exploding in that way. It doesn't make any sense. It's like final destination five. If I was walking by a tree and it exploded, you truly would have to say it was his time. Did you see that bug?

Did it explode? No, it drove right by me just then. That is, a fly mode of transportation is its wings. Yeah. What kind of fly was it? What kind of fly is in your room? It was very little. What kind of fly?

I don't know. It was very, it was not like the one. It was not like Bethann. Do you have a fruit fly in your, in your office? Yeah. I guess I, yeah. I mean, it was, I don't know what it was. Listen, I don't, I didn't look close at it.

It just something flew by my face. Maybe look into it. Maybe at one point it was a book worm and now it's a, it's a fly. I didn't have an end to that one. Oh, something happened. Something happened to me. Okay. I guess it's kind of gross.

It's like definitely very medical. Okay. I keep getting UTIs for whatever reason. And I took, I was, my friend was like, you need to take, I don't even, I don't remember what it's called, but it's just like something you take when you feel like you might be getting UTI. I like kind of like a supplement. And I took it. It's a cranberry. No, no, no.

It was something I got on go puff. It was like... The concept of go puffing UTI medication. The manos or monos or whatever, but like in a... Like not that. Like just like in a pill. Okay. Yeah, but like go puffed that.

Woke up the next morning. Forgot I had taken that. My pee was feeling still hurting. And I pee. I look down at the toy. I can't even like like brown like almost like blood but like orange so immediately fainted because I thought I was like I had to get on a plane. I was like I'm literally like bleeding out like my kidneys are bleeding out.

I'm dying. It turns out the pill makes your pee a different color. Yeah. They should put that on the box. I mean, I went to the ER when I was doing beet juice every day because it's supposed to like whiten the whites of your eyes. Put it on the box. First day, feed, blood. I go to the ER.

They go, we're not showing any signs. Like, we'll do a pee test. There you go, this is beet juice. So you can go home. I go, oh, my God, I had so much today. They go, okay? That is because you're peeing it out. Like, what is there?

That it was literally like I like put it on the box I'm begging you to put it on the box He might turn orange red brown Put it on the box Anyway I think they're real I had to get antibiotics at the SAG after office

And that's very L that felt very Los Angeles Is there an urgent care at the SAG after office? It was like this boutique like med spa. Like I had to lie. I went on like, you know, good RX?

Yeah. I like, last minute was like, please, like can someone give me antibiotics? And they, they set you up

with the cheapest place for your insurance. And it was just this like office built. It was an office within this hack after a office. And I was like, this is not normal.

Thank you, though. But I got antibiotics. That's really fabulous. Isn't it? Yeah, kind of like getting your UTI treated where like the actors guild. Like that's so cool. Like that is just like very like not a lot of people can say that that's where they get their UTI. No, like Rachel Senate is about to call your phone while you're on the podcast.

That's a very I love L.A. I know. Yeah, that would happen to Rachel Senate. Yeah, I know. A hundred percent. So I guess that's really all I wanted to say. say about my brown pee. I will,

I want to jump in too, because I have a doctor's appointment coming up next week. And it is a blood. It's a blood test. It's a blood work test. It's my time. Like, it's like covered by the insurance because it's the time of the, it's, I, like, it's due. You know, my blood is due.

And so if anything's wrong with me, I'm just warning everybody. Like, like, if they, if finally they're like, oh, we're noticing something. I'm not going to, we're going to take some time. because I'm going to need to, like, get well. I'm serious. Like, I'm not going to be able to, like, record a podcast. If I'm, like, I know my time is up, I'm going to have to go hiking. You're not, your time is not up.

If they get back to me and they said, like, you have an overactive X, Y, Z, or you have you're low in this or this. I'm doing eat, pray, love. What if you're, like, low in iron? I'm doing, eat, I'm going to India. Instead of taking an iron supplement? And then I'm going to go to the other places that she went to, in what, London or something?

I never read that. I'm going to go east or whatever. If it's closer west, I'll go west. But I'm going to go there. And I'm probably going to go on it. I don't know. Like, I'm going to do. I need to find myself.

And maybe, and this is going to be that time. Like, it's going to be, like, manic. I'm out of here. I'm going off the grid, except I'm going to bring my phone. I'm going to be on Instagram a lot, posting. I'm going completely off the grid. I will be on my phone. I'm going to be posting.

I'm going off the grid. I will be vlogging. I will be posting stories. And then if it requires grid, like it will be on grid. And I'm going to be responding to. Indicated. I'll be off the grid. I will be syndicating.

I'm going to be commenting. I'm going to be, if your story is great, I will respond to your story too. But I will not be on the grid. So don't even try. Unless you need to reach out. I'll be there. But make it, I got to, I don't know. You got to put yourself first.

Put yourself first. Phone second. yourself third. Brooke, if you need to check how your bangs look, you can look right into my forehead. It's really not that bad. I need Botox. If you need to see anything that's going to happen in your future,

you can ask the magic eight ball that's located right above my eyes where my eyebrows should be. But I'm going to get Botox, and I want lip filler to fill in the wrinkles in my lips. I went to the front desk of my gate for my flight, and they go, it's delayed an hour. I go, oh, my gosh, nice. I'll go get a beer.

and I'll go to Heineken 0-0 and they go beer, yeah, nice. And I go, what was that? They go, you're not 21. That's, I'm so jealous. I've stopped getting carded. I go, how old do you think I am? They go 19, maybe 20.

That's awesome. Do you know how awesome that is? As, like, it's weird because like if someone was like, your unc, you're chopped and your unk, I'd be like, no, I'm not. but when someone's like you're not old enough to have a beer i'm like i am okay i am old i'm a big boy like it's like so weird like it's like you know it's like grass is always greener yeah being said i i've seen some pictures of myself recently there i haven't i have a new

thing that i'm that's making me self-conscious what i don't want to tell anyone because every time i do people love to chime in i think i in certain angles i have this jowl that like looks kind of like what like a hound would have and like like a cartoon hound this part so your cheeks no it's like it's like it almost feels like somebody's trying to bust through my cheeks like i think those are like smile lines no and it's not when i'm not when i'm not kidding like it's when i'm off duty and i'm kind of looking at one way or the other and then i get these like round part of my cheeks are like an addition to my like a pregnant cheek like my cheek is pregnant I've never seen that also I'll see you I'll see you a picture do you want to see it now

no I'll send a picture I want to start getting work done I'm serious what you said lips and lip I need my forehead I definitely at least want a lip flip so that my lip doesn't stop getting really tiny my top lip doesn't start I want my top lip to stop disappearing when I smile But also, maybe I need filler because Channing and Kat have it and they look very great and natural and I want the wrinkles in my lips to close. Also, when I smile, I get this weird, like, thing in the corner of my nose, like, kind of like a ball. And I don't want that. So I'm going to, I don't know what they can do for that. Whether it's surgery or a needle, I'm good with either.

Aging is a blessing, as always. I think that goes about saying. It's not the aging that I'm worried about. It's I've always had wrinkly lips. And I've always had wrinkles on my forehead. But I'm going to let the rest of my face age naturally. Do you walk around barefoot in hotel rooms? Yeah.

I don't bring slippers with me. And I'm not usually staying places fancy enough to give me slippers. I wear socks, basically, but I did go barefoot the other day. Oh, I forgot about socks. Everyone was like, You're walking around barefoot in your hotel room, and I'm like, I weirdly like, yeah. But I didn't think about it too much. And now I'm really grossed out that I ever did that.

Oh, I never have thought twice about that. I feel like it's definitely like, you know, you go into a carpeted hotel room. That's just like you may be alone, but you are sharing a room with athletes' foot right now. I was in Philly over the weekend, and I stayed at a hotel for the first night. I was doing, I was shooting something there. So, yeah, I got a hotel for the first night. And the walls were so paper thin that the people next to me were making love. Yeah.

And I could, like, hear, like, individual kisses. Does that make sense? Yeah. And so for that reason, I had to say it my brothers. You didn't just ask them to switch your room? I'm assuming all the walls were that thin because I also could hear everyone in the hallway all night. Yeah, but not everyone's banging.

Yeah, but everyone's going to be in the hallway. At some point, like, no one should be in the hallway. Oh, I mean, it was Philly. Yeah, there's probably people in the hallway a lot. No, those people love hallways. One thing about Philly, they love hallways. Yeah. Philly is the city of always.

Oh my gosh, what was it going to say? Hallways. No. Hotels. One thing, this podcast, we're covering hallways. We're covering the ground. Oh, I was thinking about athlete's foot, and I love how they call it that, even though, like, if someone threw a frisbee at me, it would hit my neck. What is athlete's foot?

It's like fungus. What does a frisbee have to do with anything? Well, like, because I don't think I'm very athletic. but like I could get athletes foot pretty easily because I'm always bare foot in hotel rooms you know it's like but I'm flattered that like no it's toe fungus but yeah I guess if you want to call it athlete's foot if the shift if the if the fungus fits oh do you want to hear what my fifth grade PE teacher wrote about me on my report card sure sounds like you don't no I just love that transition it was just P you know oh okay oh I'm not going to be able to find it. Thank you, though. No worries. I'm here. Um, oh, I think Rob is still in that box.

Guess what? What? What? Never mind. I can't find that. Thank you. This is a horrible episode. No offense to anyone involved. No, none taken. We were not like, we did the best we could with what we had. I know. And I'm having a full blown. Like, I'm looking at my phone. Like, it's as soon as we get off this, we might have to like go brainstorm. Yeah, we're going to have a very brief bonus today, just mama, because Papa has to work. Papa has to actually hit the books a little bit tonight, 8 p.m. I'm going to go down to the lobby in Miami, and I'm going to look around at people and I'm going to get some inspiration. It's nice to be amongst the people of Miami. Oh, absolutely, it is.

Some of the worst drivers known to man live and drive in this place. Is it because they're older? I don't know what it is. It is truly remarkable the way people drive in Miami. It is like there are like there are rules, sure, but there, I don't know who's in, like, and there's actually like, like people are driving on the other side of the road and speeding and then they're slamming on their brakes. And then it's just like mind blowing. And the traffic is just like insane like worse than LA. It's like, it's the craziest thing.

I didn't go outside today. How sad is that? Oh, what else did you do? Worked all day. Wow. We were shooting all day. Wow. We went out this morning for breakfast me and one of my closest confidants, my left-hand man, my lucky rabbit.

When you go out with your left-hand man, does he get recognized like every five seconds? No. What? I don't know. Today it didn't happen. Interesting. I think it's just like very clear that we need like a little private moment. But maybe people did.

But obviously we were just, like, being so healthy. We were just two absolute health freaks, you know? What did you eat? Oh, I got a wrap, and then I didn't eat the chips that came with it because we don't eat those. We don't eat the chips that come with it. What did your left hand get? The wrap. We didn't eat the chips, okay?

He didn't need the chips either. We may have totally even wanted to eat the chips. We just don't because it's just not our sign. Did you all discuss not eating the chips? No, one of us just followed the others. really did you want your chips yeah god yeah oh my god that is killing me the left hand doesn't eat the chips they're they were pita and i was having oh no yeah did you get the same wrap as left hand nope i ordered first i kind i got up a little upset would you have a peeve i'm just kidding um i had

um i went we went to pure avita If you're familiar, they just had it some new, you know it, right? Yeah. I got the toasted chicken wrap and they got the KL Caesar. Wow. No biggie. No biggie. When will we see what you and left-hand film?

I don't know. Soon. It's like, it's June right now? January 27th. Oh. No. I'm saying. Oh, no.

I'm saying. Oh, no. I can sit. Oh, I can send it to you. I'll send it to you when we finish. Oh, yeah. I'm excited to see it and I'm excited for everyone else to see it. It's really fun, you guys.

Well, you guys, thank you so much for listening. I hope everyone stays safe and I love you and we love you. And there's going to be a little brief bonus this week. I'm going to hop off and work. I think Bert just said that. Sorry. Okay. I'll show you all of y'all my journal ecosystem up close and personal,

because that's all I have to offer. Who's that? Did you hear that? Yeah. Someone's banging on my damn door. Okay, well, you get to it. I don't really want to answer that. Okay.

But thank you for listening. Love you. Love everyone, sending love and light. And love you, Brooke. Love you, Izzy. I love you, love you. Bye. And we'll see you soon.

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