Brooke and Connor Make A Podcast - Never Trust A Fart

Episode Date: December 22, 2022

MERCH: http://bncmerch.com  Ad Free & Bonus Episodes: https://tmgstudios.tv  This week, Brooke and Connor are spilling all of your secrets. From catfishing nightmares to sexting famous twins, you guys have some crazy confessions. They also have an important PSA: never, ever trust a fart… Highlights Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/BrookeAndConnorHighlights  Email us at [e-mail] !! If you listen on Apple Podcasts, go to: https://apple.co/bandc This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://betterhelp.com/bandc  and get on your way to being your best self.  Go to https://TakeCareOf.com and enter code bandc50 for 50% off your first Care/of order.  Use code BANDC for $20 off your first SeatGeek order: https://seatgeek.onelink.me/RrnK/BANDC  B+C IG: https://www.instagram.com/bncmap/ B+C Twitter: https://twitter.com/bncmap TMG Studios YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/tinymeatgang TMG Studios IG: https://www.instagram.com/realtmgstudios/ TMG Studios Twitter: https://twitter.com/realtmgstudios BROOKE https://www.instagram.com/brookeaverick https://twitter.com/ladyefron https://www.tiktok.com/@ladyefron  CONNOR https://www.instagram.com/fibula/ https://twitter.com/fibulaa https://www.tiktok.com/@fibulaa Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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No ID, prescription, or age requirement. It's the number one OBGYN recommended brand of emergency contraception, and it won't impact your future fertility. That's Freedom to Be. Use us directed. Hey guys, welcome back to BNCMAP. This is the first time we've started with an intro. And it's appropriate because this is our last recorded episode of the year of 2022. And just like that, the 2022 season has come to an end.

And guess what? And you already know this because we already talked about it. But the rest of the community is as the rest of the community doesn't know this. A year ago today, according to our Snapchat memories, is when we first stepped foot. in this studio to kind of meet right here right in this exact space and we sat here and we concocted ideas on how to promo it without being cringy or wait is that when we made the no that's when we made the intro video yeah yeah it was a year ago yeah we had just met the whole team and we were like I was like oh this I feel like I'm being such a loser I didn't know what to do with my hands

or my body and I was having a horrible hair day I remember that and I was so greasy well I was too. Really? And we were kind of just a conglomerate of grease. They could have probably started a new natural resource, like a power supply based on our grease. Speaking of natural resource, guess what CNN posted this morning? I don't know.

Okay, I'll tell you. No, I want to tell you and then we can get into it. Get into it then. Yeah, no, I just want to tell you this really quickly. CNN posted, do you really need deodorant? Experts weigh in. They posted that this morning at 7.44. I am. Very appropriate. Do I think that CNN

was watching B&CMAP? Yes. I think that we are... I don't have my headphones in by the way so I haven't been able to hear you. Oh, that's okay. Just the time is now. The best new time is present. Oh, they're not even like remotely plugged in. Okay. That's the problem. So this is our last recorded episode of the year. I was going to read the article to see if you do need to wear deodorant. Can we circle back

to that after we do our house evening? Yeah, Connor, that's fine. I've just, by the way, you guys have been with us the whole year. You've watched us as we fully traded places in the like distraction versus keeping on track roles. That is bizarre. It is crazy. This is our last recorded episode of the year. Thanks for coming along in 2022.

Next week, we're going to be releasing our best of episode where we compiled all of our favorite moments over the past year into one video for everybody. It's going to be really, I think it's going to be fun. I think so too. It's going to make me probably cry. I think I'm really excited to watch. I usually can't watch myself. Yeah. But I think this one I will watch and enjoy watching.

I think I will too. And if you want to see our best of moments from the close friends content, plus some never before seen moments. That's from our pilot episode, which. That I, that I will. It's either really good or really bad. I don't know. It's a 50-50.

And hindsight is always 50-50. You can go to TMG Studios.TV and subscribe to either the Brooke and Connor tier or the whole TMG Studios tier to get access to that, which is something to think about. Maybe include that in your budgeting in the new year would be our subscription.

I think ours is, what, $6? And you get four episodes a month plus like Instagram stories. That sounds like a great deal. Yeah, to me it does. I would be $6 for you to tell me one secret. The Instagram stories are fun. They are pretty fun.

Yeah. So today, we'll do you want to read the- I do want to tell you about deodorant before you kind of- Yeah, dig into the deodorant, sorry. Okay, ready? This is going to give us the answers. Sure. Like brushing your teeth or washing your face,

putting deodorant on every day might seem like one of those rituals crucial for basic hygiene. But your decision is most likely based more on personal and cultural preferences than any potential medical. necessity. That's what we were kind of sending. Is that the end of the article?

That's the end of the article. We did they play. We said that. CNN. I wonder who did their research for them. Us. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Yeah.

I wonder, there's no bibliography, there's no footnotes. No. There's no credit. Because it's direct plagiarism. There's no credit where credits do and that's disappointing. But that's the world we live in today. Six. And that's the reality. Happy New Year, everybody. We have a fun episode today.

Yes. We are going to be, we asked for confessions last week, aka yesterday, because we're recording this in advance. And I don't know if I can say that. No, you can. It's going to be transparent. Yeah, transparency is key. So we're going to be reading through some of those today.

It's my favorite thing when people do that. And I feel like when people tell us, when people tell people secrets. And I feel like this is kind of like a fun anonymous thing that we're going to be going there. That were, yeah. Yeah. And full transparency,

last week's episode, we recorded in the afternoon. Around 3 p.m. We thought, like, maybe we're just not, we thought maybe we were dumb because it was morning, and maybe we weren't able to complete a sentence because it was morning.

Ooh, I'm not dialing someone. Look at my camera open with my balls. Oh, I wish it was on the other side so you could actually take a picture. Wait, let's see if I can do it. Come on. No. When you need it most.

Connor, this is like, I... Not appropriate? Yeah. Okay. I mean, it's part of the human body. If you're doing that with your tits, I'd be like, cool. Right, but I wouldn't. Women power.

Right. Yeah. Okay. It's just interesting that it's a one-way street, but... It is interesting. Anyways. Anyway, it's important to be transparent. Yeah, so last week we're recorded in the afternoon,

and I don't think we're just, we're just not afternoon people. Yeah. Or morning. I think morning we do better because... I think morning is better. I just wonder if there even would be an hour. Or I'm like, I'm laser focused. Maybe if we recorded it like...

Four in the morning. 9 p.m. Oh, is that what you... Yeah, I guess four in the morning when I... She's Snapchatting me this morning, four in the morning. I've been up since then. I don't know why. Let me actually see what you said

because I think I saved it. Really? Yeah. And you were kind of, let me see what you said here. You said, oh, I guess I didn't say it. I guess you didn't. Shoot. Oh, no, I might have screenshoted it.

Let me just double check. Okay. You said, no, I didn't screenshot it. Damn. So we'll never know why I was up at four. But maybe that would be a good time to record the podcast. Four in the morning. Midnights.

It'll be our own Midnight's. Yeah, it'll be our four in the morning. Yeah. Because maybe our, maybe their midnight's, maybe our midnights will be there for, what's the fault in our stars quote? Maybe they're, Midnights could be our.

Maybe okay could be our forever. Maybe midnight could be our 4 a.m. Yeah, anyway. Things are different. Things can be different. Perspective, we said everything's all about. Everything's relative. Yes.

The theory of relativity is not about first cousins or second cousins. It's about, and that could also be relative actually too. It's not about your relative. It's not about perspective. Why are you wearing a suit, by the way?

Because it's New Year. Yeah, I didn't think that through, and so I wore my pajamas. This is the true dichotomy of man. Yeah, and women. I'm pretty comfy in this. I'm pretty comfy in this, so I guess it did work out. We're in our confies. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. We're going to be doing confessions today. Let's get into the confessions. Let's get into it. Do you want to kick it off? Yeah, I'm really excited. I screenshotted a lot of good ones.

Thanks for submitting stuff. These are so fun, and we will keep them anon. I also want to say if you don't follow our Instagram, it's BNCMAP on Instagram, and we post a lot of times when we do these more evergreen in advance episodes, that's where we ask for stuff. So if you wanted to submit your secret to kind of get it off your chest

and then have two experts kind of talk you through next steps and things, that's where you can do that. And we provide a free service there. So get to it, get to it. B and CMAP on Instagram. Okay, I'm going to get right into it. Okay, get into it.

Okay, one time I caught my boyfriend playing with my used tampon I put in the trash. Playing with it? Mm-hmm. That was the phrasing that was used. I'm curious to... Playing. What does playing with the tampon look like? Maybe kind of...

I've played with the tampon that was not used. And could you walk us through what you did with it? Yeah, you just kind of like pop it out. It looks like a squid. Yeah. You swing it around. Uh-huh. I tied one to my head.

hat one year at ACL because it's really good for dabbing up forehead sweat. Oh, good thinking. Yep. And if you tie it, it's almost like a little, those things you, like air freshener in your car. And it just kind of dangles here. It kind of moves with the wind. And when you bob your head at a festival. So it's a nice little ornament for your hat.

And then sweat getting in your eyes? No worries. I got a heavy flow tampax right here. I bet you could, like, soak a tamp in like some perfume, put that on your hat, walk around all smelling amazing. So maybe don't judge your boyfriend so much for playing with your use tampon.

Well, hers wasn't in perfume, I would imagine. Oh, yeah, because of the blood and discharge. Yeah. So I would go ahead, I mean, I don't know

how you recover from that. Does he know that you caught him? I think there's a lot of, it sucks at those answer boxes on Instagram. I wish I could ask so many questions. Yeah, it's like, did he see you catch him? Did, have you talked? about it to him? Are you creeped out?

That might be one of those things where like you kind of can't move past. Right. You know? But I guess you kind of have to frame it like okay, he's a 10 but you caught him playing with your bloody used tampon. There's some things that like you have seen someone do something? Does he become a zero? I wouldn't be able to trust him.

I'd be like you're that guy that pulled my tampon out of the trash. Bloody? What is playing with it mean? Was he painting? I don't know but what matters is intention. So I think that's the question I would ask right off the bat. What's your intention with this? Yeah. Yeah. So

I guess it's hard to respond to confessions because it's just like, okay, thank you for sharing. I think we just thank them for sharing. Yeah. Thank you for sharing your truth. Well, we can also, like that one I'd like a bit more info or maybe a breakdown. Right. We need to provide like a bigger space for people to ride in so they can provide a fair amount

of details. Right. But I think if I were you, I think that would be the end for me. Connor? I think people deserve second chances. Maybe he is a biology major. Okay. And needed a sample.

Okay. Or maybe. Good point. He's going to kill you. Honestly, like, he could have just been curious because guys don't learn about periods. Keep asking questions. Keep being curious. He honestly, I'm actually completely changing my mind, which we love doing on this pod.

And I'm encouraging his curiosity because I would never want to stifle that in someone. Yeah. He's a 10. It's actually, he broke the scale with that curiosity. Loving him. Loving it. Okay.

Thank you for sharing. Do you have one? I have one. Can I, I'm so close on this necklace. Yeah, you want me to do another one? Do you mind doing another one? No, I don't mind at all. Okay, this was interesting just because I was theorizing.

I sexted two famous twins at the same time. So my mind immediately goes Sprouse. Was this a man or a woman? Oh, I guess it doesn't matter. I think woman. Yeah, a woman. I don't know many female adult twins besides the Olson twins. Well, we don't know her sexuality.

I know. I'm thinking of female twins, though. Like, I can't think of any adult. Like, enough that the celebrities would be, sorry, enough that the celebrities would be, like, known as adult celebrity twins. Right, I guess there are a lot. Property brothers? Oppenheimer twins? To the Sprouses.

I can see that. I don't and then I don't know who else there is the thing is it seems as an adult twin you need to either absorb your twin as like a like post womb absorption and you turn into one unit one twin unit or you need to go into real estate like the property brothers or the Oppenheimer twins I'm sure that the Olson twins have real estate can you think of any other adult twins that don't work in real estate uh the Sprouse brothers oh the Sprouse brothers Yeah. Although I wouldn't be surprised if Cole got into real estate exam. One of them is taking photos now. Cole? Professionally for Vogue. He's good.

That's one of those things, like the David Dilbrick thing where he started a film camera company and like, you're doing enough. Like that college, that art major college student get into photography, maybe hire them. He's pretty good though. I guess when you're around a lot of famous people and you're taking photos of them,

it's pretty hard to mess that up. Can I say something really controversial? I just would have no clue what's a good photo versus what's a bad photo. And you know who else doesn't know? Cole Sprauss. Brooklyn Beckham. I haven't seen any of his work. Really look into it because he released a photography book and it looks like an accident.

And the thing is, I would not be able to tell the difference between that and insert famous photographer here. That's why art is so much the human experience. That's how art is valued. Yeah. If they tell you, if they tell you, here's... a gorgeous work. And you say, oh my God, it's 20 grand?

They're like, yeah. You're like, wow, that's a really incredible piece of work. Versus, if they walked in, they were like, oh, we found this outside by the dumpster. You'd be like, yeah, I can tell. I think like the worst. Hey, it's all relative, Brooke. No.

The worst part about me is that I would prefer the art and urban outfitters to the MoMA. And that's just my cross to bear. You know what? That's the human experience. It's a human experience. Yeah. Give me an Etsy, an Etsy Monet print. Or give me death.

That's fine because it's less pressure too. How did we get there? If you were to spill something on it, then it's like, okay, no harm, no foul. Okay, let me pull up. I guess I'm just not a visual arts person. Dixie DM'd me at like. Dixie D? Yeah.

What'd she say? It's someone's Instagram. It's just their app. Can I see? Yeah. What's for what person? I don't know. I messaged a message back. Okay, let me pull up a DM that someone sent us because they said it was too long to put in...

Oh, I didn't look at the DMs. That's smart runner. You are always kind of one step ahead. Okay. Oh, my God. No, I can't read that one. Why? I can't read that one because it kind of gives someone away a little bit. Where is this person that said that the thing was too long To put so they DM'd it to us Did you not take a screenshot?

No, because I was like, I'll just read it from the DMs Where did you go? Tell me where you went I wonder if they unsent it because it was bad That's why you always have to screenshot Oh, crap, come on Did you screenshot any? Connor

No Really? What could you have possibly been doing this morning. Packing for my trip that's in two hours. Oh. Well, I have some.

Okay, go ahead. I'm sorry. No problem. Oh, I have one. Okay. Okay, so two guys in front of me during a screening of it got kicked out for being the most

disruptively drunk I've ever seen in a theater. When the lights turned on, an hour later, I found $800 at my feet that slipped out of their back pocket between the chair. It was all in 20s. I shoved it in my pockets and bought a group of pals dinner afterwards, kept what was left. Sometimes I feel bad for taking it, but when I remember how much everyone in the theater clapped, but then I remember how much everyone in the theater clapped when they got out.

Don't feel bad at all. In fact, pat yourself on the back because I would have not treated my friends of dinner. I would have pocketed every cent. Do you think? Yes, 100%. Okay. Oh, what are you thinking? No, all respect, all due respect.

Yeah. I found $40 sophomore year of college in like a big lecture hall. Uh-huh. and it was after everybody was leaving, and I, like, didn't know anyone in the class, and I didn't want to go up to each person individually and ask, like, because it was, like, a 200-person lecture. I was like, so I kept it, and I still think about that $40.

Really? Yeah. So I guess you would still be thinking about the $800. I would be, well, $800 all in 20s. I think I would have convinced myself these are drug dealers. I would have convinced myself it's dirty money and it's better in my hands. Yeah. In my pocket.

Also, if they are being obnoxious, like, karma yeah yeah I wouldn't feel bad and I would feel glad because you're a great person for treating your friends I think that was the solution

yeah yeah I guess thank you for sharing you're not gonna give it back to them it's not like you can ever find them also if you don't take it someone else is gonna good for you for treating your friends

yeah yeah yeah I'm not gonna be like oh you should have donated it to charity oh didn't even cross my mind unfortunately but I will be doing that if I find $800 mark my worst. $800 is like,

for now. I wouldn't have in the past because I needed it. We really need to. Not that I don't need it now, but. We really need to provide a larger space for people to type

because my screenshots actually don't even make sense. Really? Yeah. Instagram maybe needs to make that a feature. A lot of people talking about peeing and pooping their pants.

That's fine. Yeah, I agree. I agree. I don't feel like you need to unload that on to us. I have only shit my pants in my 20s. Never before. Never,

never under the influence of anything, all sober. I think that goes back to a good rule of them and just never trust a fart. Never trust a fart. Chances are, it's going to be a little bit more

than what you bargained for. Yeah. Yeah. I wonder if I should tell any of those stories. I've actually, it's happened. twice to me on jet skis, separate events months apart.

Jet ski enema type. The jet ski enema was one. One was trusting a fart. Uh-huh. It was a bumpy. It was a choppy day. I kind of, I was like, I don't want to go in for this.

Right. And then I said, I should have gone in for this. Well, the great thing about being on the jet ski is that you can just take a dip and kind of rinse. Sure. Yeah. Nature's back.

But you just don't know, because there's no mirrors out there, so you can't be like. You just have to kind of trust. Okay. Okay. Well, a lot of people say, are telling us things that are very harmless. But it makes me think that I don't have a conscience so much. You had a conscience with the $40. Because I have personal experience with that. But like one time when I was 14, I put Windex. I put a little bit of Windex on my sister's toothbrush. Okay. Should have put more. Yeah. I would do that today.

Yeah. I, no, this isn't my confession corner, but I think that's fine as well. Okay. Okay. Go ahead. I caused my family's house to burn down when I was 11. Parantheses, accident, and parentheses. Now we're talking. And they don't know it was me.

Now we're talking. Fire emoji. Now we're cooking with gas. Yeah. A gas stone that's house on fire. Okay. Good, great. Good and great.

I love that. Yeah. That sucks. Hopefully insurance got to chime in. If they never found out, that means that insurance probably covered the whole thing and your family probably came out on top besides your memories that will never be able to be recovered.

I don't think I would be able to keep a secret like that in. Yeah, I think by now I would have convinced myself that I had nothing to do with it. I do that sometimes. It's like I'll tell myself something over and over again and I'll believe that it happened or didn't happen. Yeah. I'm not a liar.

I'm just creating your own reality. Creating a different reality than what others might have experienced. That's fine. Yeah, I agree. Yeah. I try to say, set my house on fire with a magnifying glass so I could go on home improvement with Ty Pennington.

Yeah. Yeah. Ty Pennington. What is he doing? Oh my God. The rooms that he made those kids out of this world. My thing with the rooms that he made those kids is like that reminds me of those like Instagrams of people who buy their kids incredible fits and they're like growing at an insane rate. So it's like in three months. That's why they sell the clothes that fit by amount of months old. The kid is. You're not going to want that T. bed in a few months. It makes me feel bad because it's like these,

they obviously don't have the means to fix their house and you're doing this all for free, but then they're going to have a race car bet at 14, 15, 16, 16, 17. Yeah, that's just their cross. They have to bear. I guess I enjoy it last, yeah. Okay, wait, I had one. Okay, I, mail 22, don't lift the seat to pee because lazy,

but if I pee on the seat, I'll lift it so no one knows it was me. You won't relate to this one, I don't think. Wait, read it again? He doesn't lift the seat to pee because he's lazy, but if he pees on it, he lifts it up. No one knows it was him. So I guess he's too lazy to wipe it as well. But then you're lifting regardless,

whether you lift it before or after. So I would tell yourself, I'm going to lift regardless. Might as well be before I get it. With a frown on. I'm not going to be happy doing it, but you're going to do it unhappy. That I saw the most motivational TikTok. That's why I brought it up. Is that what you're quoting?

I love Dutch. His name's Dutch and he was saying, you don't have to be happy about it. You don't have to smile. You just have to do it. And for whatever reason, that hit such a nerve. And I want to encourage you

to not be happy about lifting the toilet seat. You don't even have to smile while you're lifting the toilet seat. Just lift the toilet seat. Okay. I think that the world would be a much better place if everybody sat to pee. I wonder how it started that guys sat up.

Or rather stood up. up. Yeah. Or was everyone standing up at first? Or was it just like whatever I feel like in the moment for both sexes? The thing is like... I wish I could go back in time to just like see how things developed. I'll sit to pee when I'm in the middle of the night, you know?

I won't do it in public for some reason. Even though like obviously like when people pee on seats, it's dirty, I don't know. But butt cheeks seem like a really not dirty part of your body to me. Right. You know? Because they don't touch any. They're covered. Seems like butt cheeks would be cleaner than my fingernails that I bite all day.

100%. I don't know. I just think that sitting down to be, would solve a lot of the world's issues. I also can't think of a scenario in which I'd rather be standing than sitting. Well, I bought one year in sophomore year of college, I bought all of the girls in our friend group, Shiwis,

which are silicone. A funnel thing. Silicon things that are fitted to your nether regions and their machine, are their dishwasher safe? You put them in your purse. Awesome. If you're in a little bit of a bind, pull them out of your purse, silicone. You just be right into it.

It cups your... You can say it's actually vulva. Volva. The outside is vulva. Yeah. It cups your vulva and a comforting... Wasn't prepared for you to say cup your vulva. Yeah, so the Shiwi will cup your vulva in like a really comforting hug, like a rubber hug.

And it will say, let loose, let it rip. And it actually directs... Can we type in Shiwi? on on Google. Sorry to change everyone's targeted ads for the next week. No, worries. So this is what it kind of looks like, that purple thing.

That first one there. Honestly, really recommend it. Have you tried the shewee? No, I haven't. It wouldn't work for it. But if you see here, if you look top right, oh, actually, look at that girl out in the field.

Really just, why slow down? Why slow down? Enjoy the shewi. Yeah. And she can have her, there's no there's no she's exposing no part of her body by using the shewee the thing about the shooey for me

is that I would say all of the times that I probably need a shewee I'm not going to have the space to be carrying the shiwi what do you mean in what space could you not fit this small silica when I need to pee outside is when I'm like a little bit of tipsy after like a party or an event

and I don't have my shiwi in my clutch you could fit it It folds up. I can't fit it in my clutch. It's not hard plastic. It folds. It's silicone. It's like rubbed.

I mean, I'll order one and see if it can fit in my clutch. Can you imagine, like, the bouncer checking your bags? That's just my shiwi. I wouldn't worry about it. I think that we need to normalize shiwees. I'm so serious. That's fine with me. I'm pro-normalizing shiwees.

That reminds me, though, that conversation of, I don't think I screenshotted this confession, but someone said that they had to poop really bad in the car, which is like my worst nightmare is like having to poop in traffic. And they pooped in an umbrella. Umbrella. Upside down umbrella. I saw that. Genius. And folded it up.

And then tossed it up. And then tossed it up. Genius. Good job. Yeah, good job. Kiss your brain. I've never been in a bind like that. Really?

Wow. Consider yourself one of the luckiest people on planet Earth. It's really crazy how we've created a community of people that are all telling us about pooping. I'm so happy to be here. It's not my. My fault. You talk about poop.

I do talk about shitty myself. No, I'm saying congrats to us. We have created that. I have an interesting one that we could chat about. Yeah, please. I dream about my high school girlfriend more than my college girlfriend that I had last year. And this person is a senior. That's normal.

Those are your formative years. See, like, I know girls. This is a guy telling us. I know girls that would say that would be like subconscious cheating. Sure, but it's still normal. Yeah, completely. Yeah. Yeah.

I think that's normal. I always think about my number one, like, middle school, high school crush. For sure. Like, could not care less about him, but he's always, like, popping up. Well, because you still think about that person in the frame of mind of when you were 14, 15. Right, exactly. Which is, like, the horniest you'll ever be in the entire life. Right.

And you're figuring. If you go to the airport or Trader Joe. Right. And you're figuring a lot of stuff out about your mind and your body. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's right. And normal. Can't control dreams.

No. Got them. Actually, yeah, you can. Someone had a dream that me and you and them had a threesome. Ooh. But you didn't have any genitals, like Kendall. I wonder what that means. Well, there are people, like, to me that I look at them and I'm like, I don't, I can't see a world in which you have anything under your pants.

Like, it's just flat. What do you, what do you say? Like, there are some people I look at, I'm like, you're flat. Like there can't be anything there. Do you never look at someone and you're like, okay, Kendall? I've never had that. Really? No.

It's just like there's no sort of like, it's just like you, like it doesn't make sense in my brain that you would have genitals. Huh. I've never had that. That's somebody to think about. I think about that with some people. Maybe I will. You're not one of them because you're always kind of like nuts out on the pod and in general. If that helps.

Thanks. Yeah, no problem. So next time you dream about me, Y'all person. Picture me not dialing you. Not dialing you. Like I did earlier in the pod. Yeah.

I think it's you. Oh, that was one. Yeah. About threesome, but I can give you another one. Oh, here's a good one. I catfished my fourth grade best friend over email and kept it going for five years. I catfished my fourth grade best friend over email and kept it going for five years. I'd like to know the age at which you.

That's pretty evil. Yeah, I need to know the age. One of my, That's an evil thing to do. One of my closest friends had like a compulsion of catfishing, our friends. And she did a really bad thing once. And I think it's okay that I say it because I don't think that they listen.

Go ahead. Tell me. And if you girls are listening, I'm so sorry and I hope this doesn't bring up any wounds that you are still recovering from. But my one. One friend, let's call her, let's call her, let's call her Marie. Okay, Marie had this boyfriend and let's call the compulsive catfisher friend Laura. So Laura catfished Marie's boyfriend.

Without her knowing, pretending to be like a really hot model girl, just like she had Googled like hot model pretending to be her like sending him full nudes of this woman to see if he would cheat on her because she was trying to prove that he sucked and he didn't cheat and then she confessed and then Marie was like that's really not cool that's weird yeah it has nothing to do with you yeah but she like always did stuff like that like what do you think about people that do that I'm not talking about like Dateline NBC where like Chris Hanson is catfishing

pedophiles. I'm talking about like there are people online that will like DM people's like the girls will be like can you DM my boyfriend and pretend to like and then send me all the screenshots. Right. And they end up all breaking up. Is that? I think it's toxic but understandable. Yeah, it's weird. Like I think it's a double

entendre. Yeah. What is it double on tonne? Double meaning. What can we look up double entendre? Double meaning. It's double entendre. Yeah. Yeah. Can I look up what an entendre?

Well, I just want to know what. Yeah. No problem. I'm letting you know. Double entendre. A word or phrase that is open to two interpretations of which is usually risque. That's what I was, that was, that was, entendre would be. You could say double meaning.

But that doesn't imply any risque. You could say double meaning connotation. I prefer intangue. Thank you. It's fine to use the word entendre. Yeah, I know. That's why I used it. Oh, I know that.

I was just telling you what it meant. Oh, well. Well, it doesn't mean that. It means something usually riskier. No, it does. It does. Connotation risque, but it means double meaning. Well, we wouldn't have a podcast if we agreed on everything, would we? Hell yeah.

Okay. I'll get one out. Another thing that that compulsive catfisher friend did is she downloaded this software so that every time one of us logged into her computer, it would, like, all the text would save on another document so she could see our passwords. And then she would log into our stuff and just like, look at it. Not good. Not good. I think she needs to be in that.

NSA. Oh yeah, that too. Okay. I got one. This is from a... It's important that I say woman here because I think that's part of the conversation. Okay. My oldest love was 94 years old when I met him. And he was fabulous. Okay. Awesome. Can I ask for her age range? Just from a visual... It's hard to tell. Young looking?

Yes. And also no. Oh. So that... That is, let me see. It's hard to tell. I mean, this person is not 19. Right. Maybe like late 20s or like 30. Love is love is love is love.

And age is but a number. And I hope when I'm 94, I'm still interacting with people that say I'm fabulous. You know what's weird? Her dating a 94-year-old is less weird. to me than her dating like a 45 year old. Say that one more time. I would say a 30 year old woman dating a 94 year old is less weird to me than her dating

like, let's say like 55. I don't agree. I figured. Yeah. I think it's bizarre but awesome. And that's great. Because I would say to the 55 year old, you still have the opportunity to find someone closer to your age.

And the 94 year old, it's just like free for all, just like, you last hurrah. Like Final Raw, and I think that you provided maybe if you had gone there, an awesome service, almost charity work. Would you? That's like adopting a dog that's 12. Would you be a sugar baby? I have guilt complex. I think I have like a... What do you mean?

I would feel bad taking money. You're providing a service of being a baby. Yeah. Maybe I would do it. I don't know. Like nothing would make this person who has hired you. happier than to take you out spend money on you

have to like go out with this person you yeah yeah like to a nice dinner you don't even have to kiss some sugar baby is just like text text people oh no you have to go out to dinner and they have to like buy you nice stuff and dress you up but like you get to pick the clothes

but I'm just a baby how would I pick my clothes you're not like an actual baby in this scenario I'm just being you're just younger. I'm so goddamn close on this necklace. It sucks. Did you get it?

So you would or not? Yeah, I would. Would you? Yeah, but I'd be spooked. You're not supposed to? That same friend that catfish everyone is a sugar baby. Oh, of course.

Yeah. Okay. Once I got a massage and they started doing the happy ending and I didn't know what to do so I just let it happen and I felt really weird and gross but I didn't pay for it. But like I did,

didn't pay for it should I feel bad. That's a shitty situation. That is so inappropriate. Is that a... I guess it doesn't matter, but... It's a guy. It's a guy.

That, I mean... That sucks. Personally? I wish you had said something. But I guess that's not on you. No, you're in a really weird situation because you're... I can't be both relaxed and relaxed. and I want to be asleep during my massage.

Yeah. I just like, what would you have, you would have said, no, thank you? Well, here's the thing. No, I would have. Can you put this microphone by now? Oh, sorry. I'm just going to stop doing this because I'm really close, as you can see here, but I think it's actually providing a disservice for the pod, unfortunately.

You can do it in the bonus. Yeah. Yeah, I, I, the thing is, like, obviously, there was a sign given to the masseuse. Right. Via Boner. Really? Yeah.

I don't think boners implied. I think maybe he just went to a happy ending place. Oh, and it was like an unspoken thing. Yeah, an unspoken rule. I don't think Missoucauses just see you have a boner. Like, okay, I know what I need to do now. Connor. Duty calls.

I think he went to a special place, unintentionally. No, you can, there are a lot. of places. Yeah, I know. I'm sure he went to one unbeknownst to him. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Should he feel bad? No, you shouldn't feel guilty or anything. Yeah.

I don't, I don't know, honestly. It's hard for me to put myself in that position. Because I know I would have been like, oh, stop. Now. You would have stopped them? Yeah.

Wow. You wouldn't have? it's hard to say but you didn't sign up for it yeah okay and I didn't pay for it either you would go through with it I don't know you would if you're hesitating you would

huh you're up learning so much about you today I said it's hard to say I didn't even answer it no I know but hesitation is confirmation my friend's dad has sent me dickpicks on Snapchat horrible horrible

um jail wait but that's that's all the person said didn't say uh I asked for dick pics no I don't know if this is relevant but this is a guy it's not

yeah I guess you're right but uh I think that uh it's just like this is when I wish I had more information crap we need contact like did you respond was unsolicited you know what we should do

next time say give us the topic of what give us the ending the conclusion and then give us your number so we can ask questions I would say no like give us this confession like give us the hook give us the hook this is the hook my friend's dad sent me dick picks on Snapchat and then elaborate in the DMs what why are you laughing what did you just see what I found it what I couldn't remember exactly the terminology that they used no I want to talk about this one first I don't have anything to say because I don't know how you feel yeah it's it's hard to say You could want those for all I know. If you're going to hook up with your friend's dad,

and it seems like you've now crossed a line, and if it's consensual, go ahead and let your friend know. Really? And then go ahead and write them off on your... Yeah, what are you not going to tell your friend? Whoa, that's crazy. I'm telling my friend.

But you're hooking up with their dad? If their dad is single... Oh, I would kind of keep it a secret until I knew it was something serious. Well, I would take it to the grave if the parents are not together and depending on how close I am with his friend. I mean, the other way. The microphone out of your mouth.

It's like other people use that. Lucky them. I hope it's a lead. Okay, I have one. Okay. Well, how sitting for a family I hated, I put my butt hole on every doorknob in the house. Ew.

that's bioterrorism that's really gross that's funny though yeah but it's like really gross also like this came from an actual anonymous account

like I think that they like were really like like really I guess things like that it's like it will never affect them because they will unless they get dysentery or pink eyes

I don't think they will maybe they will Kristen might not wash their ass yeah I mean That's really gross. Also, that wouldn't have been, like, my first thought. If I was like, I hate this family, what can I do? Oh, I'll rub my butthole on the doorknobs.

Like, that's not a natural thought train for me. I'd be like, ooh, well, like, spit in something? I don't know. Here's the thing. I don't know why you hate this family. I need more context. I think that's the answer at the end of the day. Does the crime fit the punishment?

Yep. That's exactly right. We need context. Yeah. Okay, I have one. This one is good for you. Okay. I predicted my aunt's death and I'm actually so scared.

I haven't told a soul, but it keeps me up. Uh-huh. I get that. Yeah. I don't know. That would keep me up too. Does. That's 9-11 all over again.

Does something causation? Correlation. Does correlation cause causation? It's corollahis. And it's hard to say. Do you know what that's reminding me of? 9-11? No.

What? Alexander Diderio's new show. Yep. Because she thinks things. It's not a spoiler. It's the plot of the show. She thinks things and then they happen. You could be a witch of Mayfair.

Yeah. Here's the thing. Go test it somewhere else. Yeah. But not on anyone that you know. Tested on someone that. Tested on someone evil. Tested on that guy that just got released on our Russian prison.

Okay. Oh, yeah. The merchant of death. That's a good test. Test it on him. Unless you need to be close to someone, then test it on the guy that gives parking. tickets. Good thinking. Test it and if it

works, know that you are responsible for your aunt's death. And if it doesn't work, you're off the hook. Yeah. Yeah. Awesome. That was nice because we gave constructive instruction. And we gave both, get a second opinion basically. Yeah. Awesome. Yeah. Um, you're up.

I'm up. Uh, this made me laugh out loud. I feel motivated and strong after watching an action movie. Awesome. Thank you for sharing. That's awesome. That's the best thing. Awesome.

In the episode. Oh my gosh. Like, that made me want to watch an action. I feel motivated and strong. Those are two awesome ways to feel. Hell yeah. Oh, my God. Wait, like what kind of action movie?

This person watched Top Gunning was like, I'm going to go on a run. Yeah. That's awesome. If you sent this in, go ahead and email us. Your top action movies that make you feel the most motivated and the most strong. And we'll go ahead and watch those. Because what a way to live. That's awesome.

Yeah. Can you have another one? Yeah, I could get that for you. Okay, I used to eavesdrop on my boyfriend's Zoom therapy session. I saw that one. Tough because really hard not to do. I am putting myself in your shoes. And I'm seeing myself being very tempted to do that.

And I also see myself, maybe even listening for just a second. And then I see myself walking away. But know that I understand that temptation. It is wrong. And we all know that, though. We can do something and know what's wrong. But self-awareness doesn't absolve us. You know what?

I think we have a big lesson to take from White Lotus. you can love someone and not know everything about them and just accept that. I don't think I ever would be able to do that. I think it's a really healthy thing. Look at Daphne. I wouldn't call the relationship healthy, though. I saw this whole Tick-Sock where it was like,

it's actually so sad. What? Daphne having to, like, dissociate that way. I don't know it's so sad. What? That's so sad. Did you not think it was sad when you were watching? No, I was like Girl Power.

I literally, I will believe. leave whatever TikToks tell me. Okay. So when they were like, oh my God, Girl Power, Daphne, I was like, hell yes, girl boss. And then when they were like, this is sad, I was like, that is devastating.

You know? Yeah. So like, what do you think about her listening? I think it's open to interpretation. Wait, listening to her boyfriend. Yeah. I think it's wrong. But I think that because she wrote it in,

she does feel a bit of guilt about it and that's okay. I think like sometimes it's like reading someone's diaries. which is like a big no to me. Right. Because you've crossed like a boundary that should never be crossed. And your boyfriend's in therapy, so that's a huge win for you. So I think maybe just accept that. Have you ever read anyone's diary?

Hell no. Someone read mine once. That sucks. And how do you feel about that? I felt bad. Yeah. Yeah. I felt really, really bad.

So in that context with that framework, what it put that into the situation. It's kind of. I know. It's bad. It's yucky. And another thing is it's easy to fall into the motion of like once I start. doing something bad. It's like I might as well keep doing it because I already did it.

Do you have an addictive personality? Yeah. Oh, wow. A little. Yeah. Well, I have a very all or nothing personality. That's interesting. I don't have it at all.

So it's like when I go through my weed errors, it's like I'll just like either like smoke no weed or smoke a lot of weed. It's never like, what if I just like moderated? Do you think that's the O and OCD, the obsessive piece? Uh-huh. It's the, I think it's the C. Compulsive? Yeah.

Or I think it's more the obsessive. Oh, meeting the C. It's a, yeah. And not to mention the D of it all. Big D girl. I think at the end of the day, it's the D. It's the D. Here's one that I just want to say.

This person believes that they are Mary Magdalene. You know Mary Magdalene? I definitely know the name. Take a guess on who that is. I think it's like bad. Or she's a queen. She's either a queen or she was in a cult. She's Jesus' mother.

Yes. And she says, I recognize Jesus in Connor. Oh, that's... Because I'm a baby. What is you being a baby have to do with being Jesus? Oh, well, Jesus was a baby. For a period in his life?

Sure. And then he grew up. I choose to still think of him as a baby and an adult at the same time. Yeah. Okay. That's fine. He was a sugar baby of God. Via nepotism.

That is one way to look at it. You think Jesus is a nepotism baby? Jesus is. Yeah, he is. He's the son of God. Jesus is the original. That person, baby, tweet that right now. No. That's so funny.

I'm not getting roasted on Christian talk. Jesus inherited the kingdom of God. Okay. I really think you should tweet that. That's very funny. Let's revisit after this episode. Okay. By the way, clip.

Ooh, I had such a good one just now. I'm really liking the guys that have written in that have stuff that they're talking about really, the girls are writing in, it's really funny, the dichotomy in this, in the DMs are, guys are saying,

I'm really scared that I'm manipulating my girlfriend and I don't know how, and the girls are saying, I shit my pants this morning. Well, also the girls are being like, I straight up, I'm a gaslight or manipulator, listening to my boyfriend's therapy.

And the guys are like, actually trauma dumping about feeling guilty. I think we're having a cultural reset. I'm liking this. I'm liking this. Okay. Did I just do it? I think I have one.

Okay, this I just found out what POTUS means. I'm 23 years old. That's fine. Understandable. No worries. Completely understanding.

Where is Iowa on a map? Yeah. That one got me the other day. Iowa? I have no idea. I learned recently that Idaho is like out west. I thought it was by Ohio.

It's like north by Washington. Yeah. That's out west. Well, compared to Philly. It's all relative. Yeah, I guess. Okay. I use the.

cardboard of the toilet paper if the actual toilet paper is out. I've done that. I always do that. And I didn't know anyone else did. So thank you for making that known that you also do that. What do you do it for? Oh. You put it in your vulva?

No. I will wipe with it. Like my pee, I wouldn't I wouldn't wipe not pee with it. Okay. So, but you would because I don't know what else you would do. If you're in a crunch, you never know what you'll do. So you're in that crunch. Desper times.

Yeah. Your turn. Okay. Give me one second. Okay. My friend, I have two, I have two monetary ones that are from two separate people. Okay. My friend paid $75 for me to flash him my tits and he has a girlfriend's sad face.

I'm broke though. Uh, get your money and then tell the girlfriend. It's her friend. He's, she didn't say she's friends with the girlfriend. She said she's friends with the dude, or person. Yeah. I would. I would get your money and tell the girlfriend.

Get your bag. Get those jugs out and get that bag. I think that's what I would do. That's a quick $75. That's a really easy $75. Unless you're going to feel yucky about it. Yeah. Because that's not worth me.

I would say. Anything? Don't feel bad. It's fine. Because guess what? Someone that's going to pay $75 to see your tits for a second is going to do a lot more whether you're involved or not. so you might as well get a quick 75 out of it.

I agree. Tell his girlfriend and check his only fan subscriptions. I guarantee he's the only fans, dude, or he or she, they're paying. Totally. I had a threesome with my friend for $3,400. Good, good for you. Like that's, yeah. For a couple months?

Who was paying her, them? Probably Lucia. Or Albi? Alby. Aw. I would have a threesome with Lucia and Albi. Yeah. Who wouldn't? Yeah.

To do that. Yeah. Okay, you're up. When I was, this is like, oh, okay. When I was 11 years old, I checked the mailbox every day waiting for a letter for Hogwarts. But of course you did. I'm still waiting for something. Not necessarily Hogwarts, but like, I'm waiting for my powers in a lot.

away. Like I know something is brewing. Okay. Like magic in the, in the magical field. Yeah. Um, it brings me back to that question that we answered about that person that thinks that they killed their. Yeah. One of those things where it's like, okay, I'm going to see if I can make a coincidence happen. It's never happened yet. Yeah. Or it's like, it's almost like a lies of theornberry thing where it's like, I'm going to get this dog to talk to me, you know? Yeah. Type thing. Right. Hasn't happen for me. I think there's a level of God complex there where you're still waiting for your Hogwarts letter, where you think that like, you know what I mean?

Totally. There's like such an interesting juxtaposition of the level of like God mode, I feel, like convincing myself that in some ways I am special, like waiting for my Hogwarts letter. And also just like the other side of the coin, just hating yourself. Yeah. Fine line in between those two. It's an imposter syndrome and God complex having a baby. A baby together.

And we are right here. And this is where we meet. Yeah. At the intersection of the O and the C. and OCD. Totally. I like this one because they asked

for a specific call to action here. Oh, I love those. Stole hundreds of opiates from my friend's parents in high school. Make this one funny, please. Hundreds of opiates

is more than a couple. So that's hard to explain. I think that obviously there was, were you selling them? We need context. Were you taking them? Hopefully, obviously you've made it.

I'm really scared of opioids. Yeah. We should be because there's an opioid epidemic. I don't know how to make that funny, unfortunately. I think... I think what's funny is that you're able to ask to make it funny because you're able to recognize that it was not ideal.

Yeah. Yeah. That means you have a sense of humor, and that's cool. I don't have a joke for opioids besides... I wouldn't even. I don't have one. I can't even think of one. Wouldn't even try to think of one.

I could maybe write one if I had to... I don't think you need to. They asked. I'm a people-pleaser. Yeah, that's true. you don't always have to give the people what they want yeah maybe if you have any left take one and you'll probably be laughing at this episode just regardless of what we say

um what did you say I'm deeply attracted to the black panther from the jungle book cartoon character totally fine totally fine I was my first like number one tier one celebrity crush was the count from Sesame Street followed by Woody Alan from Toy Story oh so totally completely fine yeah that's really good

you got you're up oh who okay this is super interesting my first orgasm was in a youth group van from clenching B.H I think that butthole from clenching BH so hard trying to avoid shitting

pants I like don't get it how was that like a sensation that would lead to orgasm by any means at all. That's the human experience, Rick. That's all I have to say. It's different for everybody.

If I had an orgasm, it's an orgasm, every time I was clenching my blood cheeks to avoid shitting pants, whoa. Life might be a little brighter. Oe ve. Do you have anything to say? I can't relate to that.

No. I don't think most people could. She didn't poop your pants. No, she, the opposite. I know. You won. You came out on top. Yeah.

You came out on top there. Nice, Connor. Let me get one. I feel like we have, we have a couple more in us, I think, today. There's so much peeing and pooping. I know.

In our DMs. I welcome it. Okay, there's you would. Okay, this is interesting. Go ahead. My parents are divorced and they, okay, taking that one from the top. My parents are divorced

and they don't know that I know they still hook up. Love that. I like that a lot. I just read something about a newlywed couple. Or they just moved in. I think they're engaged. And when they moved in together, they got a two-bedroom

and they sleep in different beds. And they said it's the best thing ever. They have different rooms, sleep in different beds. I don't think you heard the question. No, but I'm saying a little bit of distance. They're divorced. A little bit of distance.

They obviously don't live together. yeah but divorce like I don't I'm not seeing really the connection well I can't relate to divorce but all maybe you should talk about it I just like if I was that person I would be like confused

like why aren't you still together it would be bad for me like if my parents were still hooking up I would just like get together then that makes no sense to me whatsoever so that's why I related it back to these people that are not even married yet and they're already giving distance

because and they're like it is the best we're not spending so much time together that we're tired of tired of each other. They're spending enough time apart now that they're like, I want to see this person. Okay, but this is a, divorce is apart in a bad way. I know because, it's not like they're spent taking distance to like save their relationship. They're divorced. You realize what I'm saying. I'm saying the couple that is not living in the same room probably won't have to experience divorce because they're starting your relationship out at like a healthy. Right. You're talking

about the benefits of taking space. Yeah. This is not a benefit of taking space because they're already divorced. I know. I'm saying I'm relating it back to that. Right. Someone will understand. I'm sure. Yeah. No, I get it. But I don't, I think that's low-key awesome.

They just, like, didn't realize until they spent some time apart that they are still attracted to each other. No, I don't think that it's low-key awesome. I don't think that's it at all. Okay.

I think there's, like, like, let it go. Like, move on. You have kids. Like, you need to be clear. How old are the kids? I don't know. One of them DM'd us,

so probably teens, 20s. Yeah. Um, I think that. Either stay together or stay apart. Like, I don't. I don't like any gray area when there are kids involved.

I think it's too confusing. I think it depends on the age of the kids. Because this is their first time. This is your parents' first time being whatever age they're at, too. They're navigating it. If this is their first time, they're doing it all for the first time, too. They're figuring it out. It's not like they've experienced this before.

Then be more careful. I don't think that you can say that so much because they didn't know. It's not like they're like, we're getting divorced and we're still going to hook up on purpose. You know, it's like they didn't know that they were going to break. Divorce is expensive. They wouldn't do that on purpose. and then, I don't know.

I just, like, don't understand. I guess I don't understand if there's... That happens a lot. I feel strongly about, like, kids being involved and taking care of those emotions. You know, as a child of divorce myself. Do you have one? I'm looking.

I just had one, but I think I scrolled. Okay, well, I can get one. Okay. No, I can. I read them all. I had one that I just wanted to bring up. Okay. But I don't remember it anymore.

Okay, well, that was all mine. Oh, no, here's one. I have fantasized about having sex with just about every male co-worker slash classmate slash professor. Completely normal. Wait, say it again? Oh, yeah. No, I saw that one. Yeah, that's normal.

Every single co-worker? Mm-hmm. What is normal? Let's Google it. Yeah, can we get the definition of normal? Standard. Let's see. conforming to standard, usual, typical, or expected.

I guess we'd have to ask. I wouldn't call her atypical. I think that's atypical. Really? To fantasize about every single person you work with? Well, she needs variety. It gets exhausting to fantasize about just one person. You don't think it's exhausting to fantasize about every single person you work with?

Well, she's making it more exciting then. Because it's like having a new, having a crush is so fun. Having a new crush. Having a work crush is so fun and having multiple. so fun. I would imagine I never had a work crush. It's funny, my old boss. My old boss.

I've had bad experiences. Right. So when my old boss said, you should find someone here to have a crush on, it makes work more fun. That gives me such bad anxiety. Oh. Well, I think most people mean it

in a harmless way. I just lost my virginity to a random guy, four years older than me, that I met 30 minutes ago. Okay. If you felt good about it, that's great. Yeah, that's one of those things where it's like, if you're building up pressure for losing your virginity

and you're like, is it better to do it with someone that I don't know? Right. So that you don't have to ever see them again. Or do it with someone that I know and trust. Totally. To each their own, the human experience is so different. Yep. Oh, someone just said, I'm gay.

Nice. Yes. Good for you. Just the amount. of shitting myself, couldn't make it to the restroom. The restroom was too far. I'm like, okay. Guys, no, I want to, you know what, I'll just end it here.

Know that if you feel like your big secret is pooping your pants, you're in good company. Like, you're totally fine. I would say, I genuinely would say 65% of our DMs today, we're about pooping your pants. No need to confess that, because confession implies, that there's some guilt and shame. Don't feel guilt.

Don't feel shame. Guess what? If you have to, you know what? Do it today. If you haven't done it yet, I highly recommend. Shit through your pants? Yeah.

Because if that ever comes up at like a happy hour, you want to be able to contribute. You want to be able to contribute best shitting your pants story. And maybe your best shitting your pants story is I never had shit my pants before, so I just intentionally shit my pants. It is all about intention.

And it's about doing things with intention. Yes. So maybe shit your pants with intention. attention today. Really punch. And with that, happy holidays. We bid you do. Enjoy the holidays in the new year.

And we'll see you in 2020 and the bonus episode. And the bonus episode. Bye. This week on close friends, I remember when I found out Santa wasn't real and then was able to piece together that wait a minute, if Santa's not real, the tooth fairy is not real. And the Easter bunny and God. I figured out when I went into my mom's closet because I knew where she would hide

presents. And I would go in and I would look and they all said from Santa. I was like, weird. Is my mom? Fucking Santa. Did you know that engagement rings didn't exist until like the 60s? I was just about to ask you what kind of ring you want. Sign up on TMG Studios.tv to watch the full bonus episode.