Brooke and Connor Make A Podcast - On The Brink of Discovery

Episode Date: October 30, 2025

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Yeah? One, two, three, four. Mama. Your location on, dummy. No, it's off. Mm-mm. I mean, Mom, it's off. No, it's off.

That's really cute. It's off. Mama, my baby. That was the first thing I did when I woke up was turn my location off. I'm too quick for you. Find me, location, not location.

It was on as hell. Hey, Ryan. Okay, well, now it's off, but I did see you here. You saw me here. I swear. How broken is hard thing. Like, what if I was a government employee? Yeah.

What if I was a guy? That's so adorable. Mama! Wow. Oh, your little beans. Beans. I thought you were going to be really scary when I saw you like peek out. I mean, it's pretty, it's not like,

I thought you were going to be a rare wolf. You saw me do that crab off. Yeah. I thought you were going to be a werewolf. Okay. Yeah. Well, I guess if you're listening on audio, I don't know what to tell you. You should know better.

The three years in, you should be watching the Halloween episode. Jonathan's a boy, but my nipples are showing through my blocks. So are mine. And like, girl, boy cats don't really have nipples in this way. Yes, they do. Just two? Six. Six nipples, huh?

How can we only have two? Did we? I think because we don't, they have some. many kids. They have a litter that they need. Oh, wait, Jonathan's a boy. I guess it doesn't matter because everyone starts as a girl or a boy. So we all start as girls. We all start as girls. Or boys. I don't know. It's impossible to say. This is so really for a science conversation. We all start as girls. Oh, cool. No, humans do not all start as girls. We all start indifferent. We all started in an indifferent state. I thought we all started with vaginas or

something vagina um we all have the same structures for gonads which are neither male or female huh go figure interesting um female is default while sometimes said that female is a default this is because a female developmental pathway occurs without the specific signals from the sri gene okay you know hair roll ooh wait really quickly is the actually I parked right out front. Am I going to get towed? Okay. Oh, you're making me like feel maternal.

Yeah, this is making me feel maternal. Yeah. Oh, your claws. I know. The claws are actually... Your little claws. Fresh set. Fresh set.

Well, I'm Mr. Fantasy. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Look at you. You look great. Yeah, that's an outfit you should wear out and about. I'm going to wear it on actual Halloween. Oh, that's epic.

It's so freaking epic. Happy Halloween, all. Happy Halloween, Halloween. We are a few weeks behind Halloween. So it doesn't feel like Halloween at all, does it? No, because of the temperature. Yeah, it's very hard. It's 80 degrees.

To be honest, it's 80 degrees. And in full transparency, it's 80s. Oh, my gosh. Nothing Mr. Fantasy can't handle in my wife, please, sir. I feel like a girl with Botox. I genuinely, when I laugh, I go, that's funny. I can't smile at all. Are you, like, done up under your fur?

how sure you think my my face painted yeah or just around your eyes just around the part the mask is pretty much just my face it's just thank god because you have like we got to a point where i was like i wish brook's cat was white you know because we're putting a lot of face we're putting a lot of pain on my face that i'm like that sure you might have been uncomfortable with it let's be careful with where we go here on this podcast yeah um but no it's pretty much just this this is a prosthetic that has a lot of fur on it. A lot of people say hair is going to be worse than glitter in terms of how it stays with you.

Okay. Which is great. I have emphysema now. Emphasima. I'm at emphysema. Yes. Thank you. And you can I chat out to Shana. Yet again. Hi, Shana. She's so talented. She's so talented.

She does all our SFX here. We love... Chana did Tristan for the flasher. Yeah, I heard. I heard. Fantastic. And the slasher movie should be out by now. It should. Check it out, TMG Studios. I'm obsessed with Mr. Fantasy's hair.

Honestly, he's a cut that you may be my one at Rick's floor. Well, I told you I'm getting bangs. Yeah. Do you think, does that have anything to do with Mr. Pan? No, it doesn't. My sister got bangs and they look so good. But I can't tell if it's just because she's pretty. But we have the same face shape.

Nothing hurts feelings more than like when you go to, I went to get a haircut one time. And I showed this picture the screenshot of this dude. He's like a rugby player. Right. I'd like this cut and the deal was just like, okay. You want the body. You need to go to the gym. Right.

So I don't know, but her bangs are really like wispy. It's like a few strands. So I wouldn't be doing Mr. Fantasy's Blunt Bob. I would just be doing like a few wisps. There's nothing. A few wisps can't help or hurt or whatever. Agree. I need to actually check my phone really quick.

Why? Because I had notes for us to touch on before we got started here today. Okay. I am watching Love is Blonde. Yeah. And I guess in a few when this comes out, like all will be said and done. But it is a great season. And I think you would actually really get a kick out of this young man, Joe, because he had to leave the function due to alcohol consumption.

Thank you for. And no, he's just like funny. That wasn't related. Yeah. Okay. It was not related. Oh my God. And he was like, I have to go.

And his, um, fiancee. who he's like very clearly like not super interested in. Sure. Who's like why? And he's clearly like trashed and she's like not understanding. Oh, I heard about that. Yes. And he's like, I'm tired.

And she's like, why? Let me, I'll go with you. And he's like, no, like I just need to go. And she's like, I don't get it. Okay, fast forward. She stays. She wakes him up from like a drunk nap, right? He naps.

She wakes him up. And she's like, hi. Hi, sleepy boy. and he's like, oh, what are you doing all dressed up? And she's in her bathing suit still. He's like, you're going out? And she's like, what are you talking about? Like, I just got back from the pool party.

And she's acting like she's like never seen a drunk person in her life. And he's like, oh, okay. And she like, we just have to watch it if we can, maybe in the bonus. She's like, oh, you said the same thing five times. She's like, did you like drink too much or something? And he's like, no, why are you asking that? And he like literally can't get a sentence out. And she's just like not like it was the funniest thing I've ever seen.

A lot of people sober if you wake them up from a nap are worse than. Have you never woken up before? Anyway, I really like him. He's pretty toxic, but he's a good guy. Love that. Yeah. Self-awareness is so key. Does she know he's toxic?

Stop. I would assume so, honestly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I like him a lot. Me too. I love you Joe. Shout out. We should have Joe on. I would. Joe is a podcast. I've obviously been diving pretty deeply, you know Joe. He's a podcast. Yeah. Or he was on a podcast. If you were to start a podcast today and you, it's just the, it's like, you've never had a podcast. Exactly who you are. What would you, what would you, what would you make it about? What is Joe's podcast about? Sorry. Or me or me as Joe? Oh, like as like an average Joe, like, like, he has a following, but like, how do you start a new podcast today?

Everyone's doing it. How. Oh, my God. This hair. I think they're just talking about like themselves and what they like. It's kind of like a new age, like, journal for a lot of people. That's true. I said yesterday, we did this interview and they said, would you rather never post a TikTok again or never podcast again?

I need podcasting. Oh, God, they're going to have to get my stomach pumped. There's so much hair in my mouth. You know, my boys have never coughed up a hairball. They just throw up regularly. I'm going by Jonathan today. Oh, JJ. I love whiskers.

Why don't we have whiskers? Why do they have whiskers? Yeah, what is the function of whiskers? Let's look up the function of whiskers. If you had to guess. Yeah, you know, that was a really good question on one of my tests. I know what it is. And I was like, what's the function of fuggers?

And I was like, that's a great question. To have whiskers is like to have sonar. I think it's like, yeah. So they know spatial awareness. Navigate tight spaces. Yeah. Oh my God, that's a really cute cat. And to communicate their mood.

What's my mood? You used a word the other day when we were doing those like press interviews that to describe yourself and I was like, huh? But now I'm trying to recall the word. You won't be able to hear it. It wasn't horny, but it was adjacent. Oh, I'm a hussy. Hussie.

Yeah. Oh, I guess that's not an adjective. No, that's a... Aftacular. Someone can be a hussy. Yeah. But what's the adjective of hussy? You're being slutty, kind of.

Like, yeah? But like, pause con. Yeah, an amazing con. Holy shit. I think I'm allergic to this. You were allergic to your last few costumes as well. Can you breathe out of your nose? I can not breathe out of my nose.

But that might be a blessing in disguise. Are your lips painted white? Are they turning white? Were they they painted white? Okay. Geez. Scared me. I will go down with this ship.

I like can't stop looking at you. You're adorable. You look like Jonathan. You don't need to be doing that. No, you don't need to be doing that, baby. No, no, my, okay. Well, thank you. No, no, no, no.

You don't. Connor. I don't like that. He's purring. Connor, Connor, Connor, Connor, Connor, Connor. Connor, Connor, no. No, my Jonathan doesn't do this. My Jonathan doesn't do this.

My Jonathan has the most amazing boundaries, as we've discussed. Probably because his whiskers are giving him facial awareness. Mine are too short, so I don't know how close I am to you. Oh, you're shedding all over my wife's father. Oh, damn it. Get off of me. Oh, Jay Marie. Jay Marie.

How do you set boundaries in your house with cats? Well, you know, Jonathan used to suck on my neck and lips, which we're not going to, which we're not going to. Stop! Ow, my knee! Okay, okay. This is what happens. That's why you set boundaries. But I set boundaries with him.

And now he just stays a good, respectable distance away from me in his, in his Kelly Clarkson. You got to get, you got to get Jay Marie of Kelly Clark. Oh my God, Rob and John in their own mini Kelly Clarkson. I think I just broke my knee. You will be so fine. Well, happy Halloween all. Halloween. Do you have any more?

So the issue was outside, I was kind of filming around. You have, you shed it all over my mic. That is like not a life that I chose. How are you going to shed shame me? Oh, that's like breaking my heart because Rob sheds more, sheds more than John. I wonder if any, like, Pets shed shame Shred shame each other.

I wonder if it's embarrassing to shed or if it's like hot. Like look at all this hair that came off to me. Damn, he sheds. Damn, he's a shedder. Did you see how much Rob shed today? That is hot. That is like all the girls talking in school.

Like, damn, he sheds so much. Like every time I breathe, you see a storm of hair that comes out of my mouth. It's coming out from the back of my throat. My wig is also shedding. No, all I had to tell you about was, love is blind because we did speak we did record the podcast yesterday as well yeah um and i didn't even tell that well but i was just i was laughing and i said connor would love this oh i mean i'm not gonna watch it that's the thing about me i tried to look for a clip of it but i couldn't find one so let's

just forget about it forget i ever said anything is that john no joel oh oh no this is um a different This is a different drinking concern With a different guy Yeah It's an amazing season A lot of drinking concerns What else is there to do When you're on love is blind

No truly You shut it into my eyes It's just like it's out of my control You know Well You rubbed up against my face That was in your control No that's something

That my instincts told me to do Your feline instincts Instincts. My feeling? Feline. You said feeling. I didn't. It's recorded on a podcast. I said feline instincts.

I'm feeling instincts right now. Uh-oh. Someone better hold me back. I'm feeling instincts. Coaching through my body. I am. Randy. That's how I would describe you.

Randy. Ferry right now. I was outside. Like filming a TikTok to white flag by Royal Otis. In this piece? Yeah, and I was like filming and this trucker drives up and goes, window down a gate. Because he must have been like, it's 7.45.

Right. That was his first thought. He's filling instincts right now. Remember when we accidentally spread furry propaganda on the podcast? What did we say? We spread that story about, well, because we thought it was real, the litter box. in the classroom, which was actually just furry propaganda. Someone planted that story

to make furries look bad. Oh, no. I mean, I'm not making them look good, but Because there was no litter box in the classrooms. I'm going to do something today that, I don't know. I want to end up on the news. I'm sure you do. I'm feeling instincts. This episode is brought to you by Prime.

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or just grabbing one more spoonful of yogurt. Keep it real. Look for the seal. Real California milk by real California farm families. Okay. What are instincts? Sometimes instincts can blow my mind. Yeah, like hunger is an instinct.

Hunger, I get it. Or is that a feeling? What's the difference between an instinct and a feeling? I think eating is the instinct, but hunger is the feeling. Eating is not an instinct. Eating is an action. You have an instinct to eat. You don't have an instinct to feel hungry.

Feeling hungry is just your body. Instinct is an innate automatic survival-driven reaction. Reaction, which is an action. No, that's the, it's not at all. A reaction is something you do. Right. But it's like... Well, feeling is a broader term.

for emotions. I don't think eating. Eating is, no, I'm getting used. Can we just type in is eating an instinct? I think eating is an instinct.

The instinct would be to eat, but like not the act of eating. You're hungry and your reaction to hunger is eating. Eating is not a single instinct. But a combination of instinctual drives and learned behavior. Like hunger is the, and the need to eat is an instinct.

But like if, if like, oh. Every action has an equal opposite reaction. That's different, I think. But yes. To quote. I think it's Thomas Jefferson. It's one of those boys.

Who cares? But Thomas Jefferson, every action has an equal opposite reaction. No, that's straight up Albert Einstein, I'm pretty sure. Well, Thomas Jefferson dash Albert Einstein. Well, because it's equals MC squared. I think that's every action has an equal opposite feedback. I'm just telling you what Jefferson said to me. via the Hamilton soundtrack.

What do you say? Every action has an equal opposite reaction. Hold on. John Adam shot at the bed. There's a drive for survival happening right now on this podcast. And I'm feeling instinct. Washing. Ooh, I need to stop saying that.

That's like the sixth time. Oh, you're going to get, we're going to get flaggeroned. For one sentence? Will we get flagged for one sentence? If we get flagged and I, like, I swallow enough hair to like end my life, I'm really going to be, it's not going to be an awesome day for. Every action has an equal opposite reaction. Does that make sense? Yeah, it does, but I think it's important to remember that people can repeat each other.

I said, he's quoted, Thomas Jefferson is quoting whoever you're talking about, Edison. I always think about like how lucky these young men were to just be in a time where like no one had seen an apple fall from a tree yet. They had seen it. They just hadn't really thought, given it much thought. I'm such a thinker that I'd be like, you guys, that apple just fell. So you're saying that you would have discovered gravity? You guys, that apple just fell, something's up. You know, I'd be like, wait, we should talk about this.

Brooke, we would completely have a podcast where we'd be like, hey, what is that thing when you're hungry? And you'd be like, I think it's a feeling instinct. I think that's a good point that if we had a podcast back in the day, we would plant the seeds for those smarter than us to really do the deep diving. Imagine if right now, a past episode even, we've planted a seed for someone that's smarter than us. I have an idea.

What? I had an idea for someone smarter than us. You know snow day, remember snow day predictor? No. Where you would put in the website where you would put in your like zip code and your school and it would tell you exactly what the chances of having a snow day was. Well, no, because it didn't snow. Oh, okay.

Well, you would be like, here's where I live. Here's my school. Here's how many snow days we've had already. Oh, that's pretty fun. What are the chances that I won't have school tomorrow? And they'll be like, you have a 50% chance of having a delay. Oh, that's epic. I want that for my flights.

Like, I want you to tell me what the likelihood of my flight being canceled or delayed or whatever is. I'd say about 99% today. I'm not asking you. I'm just saying I want. I'll be your Sunday predictor. No, no, no, no. I want that website to exist. I'm not getting on a plane today or anything, so it's all good.

It's not, I'm not talking about today. I'm saying today's day and. age, every flight is probably delayed. Oh, I'm totally understanding what you're saying now. It wasn't before, and now I am. That would be nice. To have Washington on your side. But you wouldn't be able to predict like, oh, Connor Wood is on this flight and his

dog's about to shit his brains out all over the audit. My website wouldn't have those capabilities. Yeah. But it would be able to tell me if I... Weather, sure. Weather, yeah. Weather delays. Because back when we had that Noreaster a few last weekend, I'm familiar.

I was like, I need to know if my flight's going to be canceled. have no idea. Where is the website? And I was Googling, I was everything like that and shit like that. Binging, binging, were you on Binging? Were you on Binging? I was on Yahoo and AOL. I was saying, is my flight going to get canceled?

Blah, blah, blah, blah. No one could give me a straight answer. Make the app. We're calling on those, we're calling on our future ancestors to make the app. Our future ancestors, descendants. Did I stutter? it means the same thing that's also it's such a year you're like spitting hamilton today like sorry mama the spirit of jonathan is entering you because you know he loves hamilton yeah

he do i i started watching i had a night that i couldn't really sleep last night just because he was one of those nights where you can't really sleep me too connor but i was also dreaming i was dreaming my ass off last night i had a dream so i started watching so i started watching watching The Diplomat, which is an awesome show. What's that? It's like Veepe, but for real. Is that with Theo James? No.

I don't know if you might come in it later, but right now I'm on the episode one. No, I'm thinking of the gentleman. The gentleman's one of my favorite shows on the planet. Theo James. Yeah. Did you watch it yet? No. It's such an amazing show filled with rich British people, which I love.

But this is a great cast and I really... There's nothing Alice and Janie is not in. Who's that? Allison Janie. Oh, I haven't seen her come across my death. Yes yet. I can't think of anything she's not in. She's in I, Tanya. Oof. She's in everything. There's a tweet that came out. What I have favorite tweets. It was like, what should I watch tonight? Someone said, I Tanya. And she said, I don't give a fuck who you are. That's good. I miss Twitter. Twitter's funny. It's not funny anymore.

That's what I like I miss the way things used to be. Yeah. do you know that was the only movie i i was not allowed to watch ever why i guess my parents thought i was going to get pregnant which is historical that is historical they write books about that i can't believe i started spitting so much interesting stuff about like what if we discovered the apple and then you were like i want to know if my flight's delayed i think i was really on the precipice of something just now Sorry, I was just talking about like, I was like following your train of thought in terms of inventions and stuff. I'm not talking about inventions. I'm talking about discoveries. Discovery. Baby. Like, I want to discover something. It's crazy. Like, what about it? We already found all the colors. No. No? I don't think so. Let's get on it, Brooke. Like, why not? Yeah. Many significant questions and phenomena remain undiscovered. You could do like black holes and stuff.

No, too much. Dark matter. I think black holes are a little bit. Quantum gravity. Scientists are still trying to develop a unified theory that explains how gravity works on a quantum level. No, and quantum. If you could define quantum for me, Connor, what would you say?

Oh my God, where do I? I mean, how much time do you have? I thought like 40 minutes. Yeah, quantum to me, and it's subjective. All words are subjective. Quantum to me could be any sort of number and pick a number between one.

and pick a number between 1 and 20 for me right now. 16. Exactly. That's what I was going to say. It can be divided. It can be multiplied. It can be plus minus. You can do anything you want.

And that's quantum. And doing anything you want. Doing anything you want, as long as you don't harm anybody else and not yourself, hopefully either, then it can be quantum. 16. 16 can be quantum. 16 on God. And if you pick a different number between 1 and 20, that could be your quantum baby.

Endometriosis as well, Connor. That's more in my will happen. Yeah, yeah. Because I think I'm going to get endometriosis after I swallow this entire mask. Endometriosis is uterus specific. Okay. I don't really, I don't really, I don't really, I'm not really familiar with the entire uterus right now. But quantum, if we could circle back to quantum.

Let me go back to something I'm more comfortable with. Quantum. Quantum. Now the utero, in utero, if you're, if you were in utero right now, if you were in utero right now, if you in utero right now brook i want you to put yourself in my shoes i'm in utero right now what would you say what are you on whatever chemical was in the airbrush paint that went into my every lung if i was in utero what would i say and put yourself in my shoes for a second hi mama hi mama put yourself in my shoe i'm trying you would i'm trying yeah if i'm in your shoes yeah as jonathan i'm in utero

in utero yeah hi mama sleigh yep Okay, do you want to move on to like irrational fears and shit like that? Yeah, we had everybody send in irrational fears. We actually hopped into the Facebook group, which is a great resource for anything B&C, except any sort of feedback. So I also want to flag that if you're looking to sell tickets or get your hands on Brooks book, great resource for that as well. Hello. So these are my Facebook responses for irrational fears. You think I'm peddling my book in the Facebook group? I mean, if they were trying to find a place to get your book and it was sold out somewhere and they're like, well, I went over.

I'm pedaling my tickets. Yeah, good, good. Yeah. Okay. Okay. It's better than me. No, no, no. As a kid, I had an irrational. I'm going to sell my book on the Facebook group. I'm saying if people were looking, like when they're looking for a place to buy my tickets or whatever, they're reselling.

Exactly. Exactly. So if someone buys 15 of your books and then needs to resell them for a higher price, hop into the Facebook group, book and call. Sure. As a kid, I had an irrational fear that if I didn't do the sign of the cross when I flush the toilet, it would clog and flood. That eventually escalated to my whole family would perish if I didn't do it. Even though I've outgrown the fear, I still do it to this day. I'm not religious in any way, by the way.

No, but you might have obsessive colds disorder. Yeah. Yeah, I get that. I feel like there's a lot of toilet-based irrational fears. I used to think a knife would fly up. The toilet? Yeah. So I would go, that's why I would go in the, I would turn around and go in the front.

So I could watch the hole. You'd straddle, like side saddle to toilet. So I could watch the toilet hole. Because I felt like if a knife was about to come up, there would be signs. That I could keep an eye on. Actually sitting, if you're going to sit and be facing, Facing the bowl It can be great

Because if you had... I did that for... I peed facing the bowl for years. Oh my God, Brooke. You're gonna get a hemorrhoid. There's no difference. It's not pushing harder. You're so right.

But I think I was talking... Why don't we all pee like that? I don't know. I think we would... I think we would find... I think if men and women and everybody sat to pee facing that way... Yes.

I think we might find that we're not so different. you and I. That would be that would make if men wanted to sit while peeing it would make more sense for them to sit facing the back of the toilet. Right because you could eat cereal or read a book and you oh my god you could yeah prop anything up on the tank it's fully like a little desk. It's completely a desk. That's my tiny desk in PR and I feel like I don't know if I'm just like I don't know why I'm feeling this way but I feel like there's more room for the for to not make a mess. You lost me Like

I feel like there's less I feel like you're going to be sitting back farther I can't explain what I'm thinking I feel like there's more toilet for you to pee in There's more real estate There's more surface area If you're sitting Side saddle

Shraddle Does that make sense? Yeah it does I feel like you're like when you sit on the toilet regularly you kind of like sit in the middle, you know. You're not sitting all the way back, leaning back. You know, you're kind of hunched. Oh, wait, the back is there for a backrest.

Right, but no one's really using it that way. I'm not really back. But I feel like if you sit the other way, you are going to intentionally lean back more and give yourself more space. I think that in terms of like the way that things should flow, that does make sense. Like the way you would lean, like,

I want kind of elbow saddle so I could kind of like, yeah, you know. You know, like, you lean forward a little bit. Yeah, I think that makes sense. Yeah. Huh. Thanks. Oh, an interesting dot.

Yeah. I'm going to do it today. I think you should and let us know. Because you sit while peeing sometimes, right? Of course. Yeah. I'm not ashamed to say that. Yeah.

Let's try the other way. I think any man that says that they don't sit down to pee ever look inward. I used to try to stand. I had a little brother. So it was like, that looks so fun. I had a friend who had a little brother. like I guess five years younger than her and she had a little sister in between them

and she would when her little brother was younger she was like she didn't know boys don't wipe after they pee so she was like you need to wipe you don't need to wipe I didn't see anyone react to that at all so he was wiping for a while after he peed and no one has even even made any sort of reaction to that or is everyone wiping after they pee? Boy?

No. They're not, but I think it wouldn't hurt to dab. You don't really need to dab. I'm just saying it wouldn't, would it hurt? That's what I'm asking. No, it certainly wouldn't hurt, except maybe the environment, because everyone would be dabbing the paper.

I don't know. True. I'm just thinking of something. But I'm not going to get into it, but like if you're a guy, you know that there is, I'm not going to go. I'm not going. I'm done.

What? What? It's just like it gets grow. See, sometimes, well, if you, if sometimes, if, um, after you, if you're, like wearing a bathing suit or something, you're not wearing underwear and like, you're, you know, you put your pants back on. There's like, like pee in your, like, you see pee in your pants, kind of. That's what I'm saying.

Yeah. So just wipe. But it's not like, wipeable. It's like, it's like in your body still. Wait, no, I don't get it. I don't know. I don't know how to explain it. I.

like potentially cut. I'm going to leave it in because I feel comfortable. Why would we need to cut that? We just have so many listeners, including people I look up to and admire. And it's just like I, I just said I pee my pants on like a daily basis and like no one really responded. You didn't say you your pants. I don't pee my. You said sometimes we'll be in your pants. Like me being worried about saying I pee my pants. I'm in a full blind cat costume. Hair balls. Hey, I'm trying like this is a place of respect and like I'm trying to. It's crazy that at this point in my life like if if the worst happens. I know like how a dead person. will poop out.

No. No, stop. No, in terms of... Oh, okay. I see you're saying, like how a dead person poops. At this point in my life, I won't be able to get a job. I don't think that's true. Look at me right now.

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I am deeply terrified that all a little of my taste buds will fall off at once and fill my mouth with little taste buds and they will choke me to death. I dream about it. Have we confirmed that the little white things on our tongue are taste buds? I haven't confirmed that yet. No. Have we? Or the little dots. I thought they were like goosebumps.

They remind me of diff and dots. Oh, I don't like that. No, the white things on your tongue are not taste buds themselves, but rather a build-up. Ew. They contain taste buds. You contain multitudes. I'm not talking about the white coating. Ew.

Okay. This is like the nastiest episode for different reasons than usual. I kind of miss poop. Can we? Oh, this is sick. So can you see taste buds? Or are they like? Molecule vibes.

No. Well, they're tiny ass. But you can see the visible bumps on your tongue called papilla. Papillae. Which contain the taste buds. The papier or tiny projections on your tongue's surface. The bumps you see on your tongue are. Okay.

So, baby, your taste buds won't fall out, but your papier might. Yeah. You're rational. Could you, like, could you, like, bite off the papay? I think so, yeah. Nice. So like that those, the papayes, but you would just be able to swallow a papay. What things for you?

Like, how have your taste buds changed? Like, what did you use to not like or like and now have just changed? I used to think mint was spicy. So I couldn't use like minty toothpaste. What were you doing bubble gum? I was doing bubble gum, yeah, which is just, I like that. I don't like that version of myself. I don't even like to think that that's the same person.

that occupied the bodies that I'm in, that I was using bubblegum tooth face and then hopping into bed. That is, she's a 10, but she uses bubble gum toothpaste. That is something you have to sit with. I would find that endearing. Bubble, but like no budge, no budge at all.

Just like, no, I only use bubble gum. Maybe it is endearing. Yeah. Imagine she was like, it's spicy. I don't like it. That's like scary. That's cute I love it I'm gonna put that in my next book

You at the movie's just eating bubblegum toothpaste No just like a sweet boy who can only Do bubblegum toothpaste in his 30s That reminds me of like Norman Bates No It's not normal No it's endearing I'm finding it extremely endearing Okay

What other toothpaste are there besides mint and bubble gum Oh, interesting. Oh my gosh, Brooke, maybe we could discover a toothpaste. We could make a tooth face. You're not interested in inventing. Are you just interested in discovering? No, I would invent. Okay.

I can, I dibble, I dabble. I could wrap my head around inventing. Okay. Well, I guess cinnamon, but that's also spicy. That's in the mint family. Aziz, can we look up just other forms of toothpaste? I bet there's like meat flavored because my dog does poultry. And I always think about like, what is that like?

because he eats meat, you know. And I eat meat too, but like I can't imagine putting chicken-flavored toothpaste into my Gullet. Right. Okay. Bacon? Wait, I think that's just like one of those TikTok things. It's like, which toilet paper do you want?

Nails. Cupcake. Blood cupcake. Blood cupcake. Blood muffin. Okay. These are all like fluoride, but that's mint. Chocolate.

Okay. Lemon. This is not real. Wasabi. I don't think, this is Tom's. I think this is a, but like a BuzzFeed question. No, this is thoms.com coffee.

Can we look up wasabi toothpaste? Can we just see if that is real? Talk about spicy. That was such a like millennial thing to say. What? Talk about spicy. Like I feel like Hoda and Jenna would like say that on the, I don't know. Oh, Jenna and friends.

love them. Jen and friends. Wawa Toothface. It's 49 U.S.D. Made for my boyfriend's bad breath sensitive teeth. Improvement of gun problem made with wasabi. I want to try it. You should, Brooke.

Let the people know. That also felt very millennial. Let the people know. I guess we are cusps. Full blown. Oh my God. I'm trying to think of what I like now. I need a Benadryl really bad.

have. What? Benadryl. Oh. Do you want it? No, I'll pass it out. My current phobia is with uncircumcised penises. Ooh.

I have recently been dabbling in romance with a British man and apparently they don't get circumcised there. And the thought of seeing one of those in the flesh triggers a guttural fear and physical revulsion I've never experienced before. Uh, I would, I would raise you that I think most of the planet's uncircumcised. Yeah. Also, if you're like engaging in. in sexual activity, you won't really be able to tell. So just don't see it.

I don't wanna say flaccid and soft, but I don't know how else to describe it. I think you nailed it. Facts, no foreskin. On God. Ooh, facts with foreskin. I don't like that word. Foreskin.

Let's, force. I don't like any of the words that we've just said. Foreskin and seven years ago. All these irrational fears are very like... That's rational to me. Anatomy focused. I have an irrational fear that I'm actually in some kind of coma and my current reality isn't actually real.

Get in line behind me. Get in line. I am constantly teetering in between I'm God and... Oh, wow. Maybe I'm sucking God. I know this is an alternate. No, I also think I'm dead like completely in every other... Because I think I...

Oh. You know? I know I'm still a teacher In another lifetime Like I know she's still there I think about her a lot I have chicken box right now Underneath the mask

Probably hives For sure Yeah But yeah I think I'm dead and a teacher You probably are in some kind of coma I get well soon I think I'm living my like high

My I'm like at the top of the pyramid this existence. This is the best one I'm going to get, I think. You don't think you'll be like an eagle or a dolphin? No. I'm not counting that as the best one. I think this is the best human life, like, of all my options, which is, I'm very

lucky to be this version of myself. Because the other ones are, like, really tired. And I'm tired, too, but I have a lot of time to nap in this life. Facts. That's so good, Brooke. Any and every conversation I have is being recorded And sent out to everyone I know Hey

The book I just read I was telling you I read that horror book Yeah That's a type of paranoia which is how I'm getting to this next point There's this real syndrome Where you think that everybody is an imposter I think that schizophrenia But it has a specific name Where you think that

Like that's the specific thing that everybody in your life has been replaced by like a deep fake that's really scary yeah are you a deep fake mama well i'm a deep fake jonasin you are like you put your fingers in my mouth no please please you get this big hair out yeah please break get this big hair out can you see it let me turn on my flashlight no you can probably see that the flashlight just get it come on can you can you just can you just give my mouth curtain bangs Oh my God, you got it. I got it.

Yeah, thank you. There's another one. No. Please just get it. It's because I can't continue. I'm doing a full general suite. Oh, my God, you got it. Oh, my God.

That was a hairball. That was a hairball. I've been struggling with that. Friends get each other's hairballs. Okay. So these are, should we move forward or do you want to talk about being recorded and being sent out to everyone, you know? I guess that's schizophrenia, but I'm really interested in, like, the specific, like, everyone is. an imposter syndrome, which is really scary.

Can you imagine? I guess I don't have that. Every time I get in conversations like this, I'm like, oh, I'm actually pretty okay. Not to rub it in. Sorry about your coma. Yeah. I used my government job and access to look up Robert Downey Jr.'s address so I could send him a graduation invitation. This is, we've moved on to unhinged moment.

Yes. The organization, the government secret lookup org that we used, did indeed reach out to my boss and my boss just laughed about it. I think that's totally fine. I think that's great. I think that's a great thing to do. I think I'm not the one to be judging these also because I think I'd probably do every single one. I did something bad over the weekend that I can't speak about.

Oh my gosh. But just know that it was on, it was not. It was not okay. Can you tell us what your friend did though? No, my friend told me I cannot tell anybody. I really can't. It wasn't okay. I know what it is.

But let me just say a lot of people do it. That's what I'll say. It's just something that we girls do and it is what it is and it's not ideal and it's done. Do you want to hear an unhinged one that I just remembered that is like a personal, someone that I know my personal life did this? I don't know, do I? Yeah. Is it at me? No.

Oh, okay. Then yeah. Is it a me? He's a me. Mario. Did you know he's saying, he's not saying it's a me? Something Italian. It's me.

No, he's not saying it's me. It's Sumi, Mario. It's Sumi. What does it mean? What's his Sumi? It's Sumi Mario. In Japanese is a false internal rumor. Sorry.

It's a false internal rumor. Sorry. Oh. Sumio? I think it's a me. I thought it's a me. And then I saw on TikTok, it's Sumi, which I do believe everything I see there. So that's where, that's what allowed to do that. That's fine.

You're allowed to do that. which means yes okay understood it's Sumi means it's super in Japanese

but it actually doesn't thank you it's a deep fake oh okay well thanks for sharing that yeah I

at least we debunked the rumor on this podcast at least we started and debunked a rumor within the span of a minute I wonder if we've started any rumors of people probably

um I have a friend who I know someone who got fired from their job wrongfully this isn't about me by the way because I know we did a friend I was wondering and they got fired from their job

and they posted their boss's number on Craigslist and said free Labradoodle puppies I think that's funny and their boss commented on it said fuck you no this is you oh that's funny If anyone needs to do that, to their boss, that is free reign. I do think it's pretty illegal, but Craigslist, I don't know if it's entirely traceable.

You know what I did that was, I had a lot of guilt about for like 10 years and just remembered and it wasn't good. Ooh, I don't know if I should say. It's okay. I was like 10. I really like wanted to see my, what class I was in in fifth grade. So I went through every single teacher in the school and guessed their passwords. I would put in their emails to log in because they had access to the schedules.

And I just put in their kids' names to guess their passwords. And I got on one of my teachers' accounts via their kid's name. And I saw my schedule and I could get everybody's schedule and I became like a black market dealer for schedules. All right, Nancy Drew. That's actually incredible. Yeah. And I felt really bad about it for a really long time. but I literally I logged into this one teacher's account.

No, that's Mouss Kootools. Hot dog, hot dog, hot dog, digity dog. Thanks. And is it her fault for making her password, her daughter's name a little? 100%. Yeah. Well, you're 10. So I don't know what type of files they have on there.

That would be like government issued. Oh my gosh, you guys, right here's the spot. If anyone wants to. Here's the next one. That's John's spot. Really? Yes. Side of his neck.

Oh, my God. Look up. if he has ringworm because I definitely do right now. Okay. No, he's perfect. I went to Lancaster when I was on a college break. You know who's from there. Max? No, Lancaster,

Pennsylvania. Oh, Lancaster Animal Shelter. Max is from there. Jonathan is from Lancaster, Pennsylvania. Do you not give a shit at all with the Amish? Graw. Graw. Oh. Yeah. I was going to say Max and Jonathan from the same named place. Jonathan's from Petco and Beverly.

I went to Lancaster when I was on a college break to see this mena-minite, Minanite-a-Nanite. It's like a very Amish area, Mennonite guy I was hooking up with. And he took me to the Amish farm for a horse and buggy ride. And I think the Amish people thought we were getting married and took us on the marriage horse and buggy ride and kept insinuating we were bright and groom, so I might be Amish married. And that's fine. That is totally fine. And that's completely fine. Because guess what? What? I don't know. I have something bad. Another thing to admit that I did. Hang on. Let's get through this thing.

Okay. Guess what? What? Make her feel better. I'm trying. You told me to get through it. I was telling her something that I did similarly. I think like if you don't know you're married for sure, like no one else does.

And I kind of more care if anyone is thinking poorly of me versus like what I know about myself, you know? And what I was trying to say is that if she's married, I'm married. Oh. Mm-hmm. Why? There's this episode of Full House. where Uncle Jesse, I don't remember, I think it's some sort of Greek wedding. I don't remember if it was Uncle Jesse or what, but you have to like walk around something

in circles to get married. Yeah, it's Greek Orthodox Catholic. In first grade, I walked around my crush in circles. Brooke, there's more of a ceremony that needs to be put in place. But I didn't know. I was like, we're married. And I, it was private to me and only me. He didn't know.

I mean, I married. It was an unconsensual marriage. He had to say, he had to agree to it. Right, I'm not actually married. I know that I'm not actually married. Like seven? Yeah, so that would be... It was an old.

It was an old, but I'm just saying like, we've all been there. Oh, yeah. Don't worry about it. And unless you want to, then you can be like, I'm... Wear a wedding ring at times that it would benefit you and take it off at times that it wouldn't benefit you. Be married whenever you feel like it. Oh my gosh.

That's kind of brilliant. That's the plot of with someone, Adam Sandler. Yeah, go with it. Just go with it, yeah. Okay, the most unhinged thing I've done was after me and my ex broke up, I made a fake Instagram to catfetch him,

childish, I know, but he cheated on me constantly. It's fine, it's not childish, baby, it's your right. And was talking to him for a few days on this account when he asked to hang out. He seems pretty invested, even sent this account of dick pick. It seems amazing. I told him I lived about an hour and a half away and I sent him a random address

when he told me he was about five minutes away I just went sorry I'm a parent just got home I won't be able to hang out and blocked him I think that's awesome that's totally fine I completely agree like kosher even just kosher like I will do this if I am wronged by somebody

and I look forward to it thank you for the inspo I hope that these are not points of guilt for anybody. You're allowed to marry a Minenite guy on accident. Everyone's allowed to do what they want. I think we've all, yeah, we've all gotten married on accidents

on purpose. I married two people during COVID as an ordained minister and I went through all the steps and they exchanged rings and they are married to two other people now and have kids. So I don't know. I think they would need to get a married certificate. I mean, we had a witness. I looked up everything. I think you need to get a certificate.

Isn't it crazy? certificate is like a piece of paper is the thing that like makes you legally married okay here's a couple more irrational fears okay i hate looking in mirrors for a prolonged amount of time due to the fear that my reflection would not like softs matching oh that just put a shill in my a shill in my shocking i was trying to say i just got chills is what i was trying to say um i can't look in mirrors at night because i'll convince myself that there's things that are moving because i watch one scary movie in seventh grade and that's like my fear every time I'm in a hotel room and it sucks so I have to be about 11 or 8 times a night oh my god I when I watched the ring I watched a ring

with a group of boys in seventh grade and then one of them kept calling me um for like a week after that and saying seven days that's pretty that's really seventh grade vibes it really is and it was I really didn't like it but now I'm looking back did he like like me yeah he's probably hitting Oh my God. That's amazing. Seven days in heaven. Seven days of pure bliss. That's a scary movie. The ring? Yeah.

I think I've only ever watched two scary movies. One is the uninvited and one is strangers. I don't know either of those. Strangers was the one where like the people show up and kill the kill people. Like it's like really we're not really thinking out of the box.

The ones that scare me are the demons ones. Murderers don't really scare me that much. The ring is really, really scary. How could you as an actor act in a scary movie? Brooke, walk us through that. Oh. I mean, you really have to separate, like, the character from yourself. Yeah.

Yeah, so you have to do, the man who played the murderer. Ben, yeah. He definitely took time getting in the character and exiting character. Like, and you could really watch that happen. It was pretty amazing. That's fast. A lot of like, he started, like, before the, uh, no, I yelled the action, he would start grunting. Like, like, before.

I get that. Yeah, it was amazing to watch. I'm always grunting. Yeah, so it was just separate the art and artist. The Strangers was one of those where like, you're watching them and you're looking in the background and they don't care if you notice or not, but you see, even blurred. Like, you see the murderers, like, come in from the back and they're wearing, like, they're wearing, like, pig masks and stuff. I've told you about. my favorite horror movie that every time I recommend it, people are like, why would you recommend this?

And it has like a one on Rotten Tomatoes. But it's, I think it's the best movie in the world. What is it? The boy. What's the boy about it? It's a doll one. Where she goes to babysit this doll. Why is a doll being babysit? Because the parents are like, you need to watch, you need to watch my son. The doll? Yeah, it's Brahms. They need to explode. Well, you have to watch and see what happens to Brahms. I freaking love this movie. I think it's so. I was just like, whoa. Is it all moving? Is it all moving? Is it all moving?

Yes, the doll is moving. Dolls shouldn't move. I'd explode the house. Oh, look at Brahms at the table. Aw. I love Brahms. My favorite scary movie is probably Zonbevers. And you can look that up on your own time. Or now, we can do it. Let's look up zombievers.

That reminds me of the animorphs. Did you ever read those? This is Zonbevers. It actually like is exactly what you think. You'll all be damned. I feel like you might have told us about Zambievers years ago. I haven't known really bit. But like if you're looking for a fun evening with your friends that is horror vibes and like gory,

but like obviously has a budget of about $400. I would maybe watch Zambievers or. if you're feeling fun and probably not for that girl that's that's afraid of uncircised penises you could watch leeches you love leeches can we pull up leeches the movie

and does anyone have any tweezers they could put into back of my throat so that's leeches it's about a it's about a swim team and I don't it's not attack of the giant leeches it's just leeches it's about a swim team don't get a twisted don't get it twisted it's just leeches

it's about basically the swim team starts taking steroids it's a great it's a great plot basically the swim team starts taking stairway is there a swim team basically and essentially ultimately at the end of the day

and to be honest it's a swim team but they start taking steroids and what happens is they go swimming basically same kind of shit that the swim team would do they're swimming and they're in the water but then someone's backpack

or someone's all high and mighty on the swim team and they're like, you know what? No, I'm drawn in into this. We're not cheating anymore. We're dumping. We're dumping the steroids. So they dump the steroids into the ocean or the lake pond or something. Some body of water that's like not

entirely, you know, she could have and there's leeches in the thing and they eat the steroids and they get big and they're coming up the pipes. Yeah. And there you didn't. Up the toilet, I bet. Yeah. With a knife. The leech

with a knife in the toilet. Did you ever see teeth? Was this about... You know, I've had leeches on me before. It's the scariest moment of my life. My mom were sitting, standing in a river for like an hour and we came out and I go, oh my God.

Oh, you're leech, you're leached up. You've leeches on your feet. In the river. We're just like... Where are that? What state? Michigan. I didn't even know leeches were real, honestly. People used leeches. in medicine because it would like get your blood flowing or something yeah no it would like leach out

the bad blood the sick blood what were people thinking brooke you and i like we have never claimed to be doctors we wouldn't even put a leach on your face i don't think so i'd like to think i wouldn't there's not even a part of me that'd be like it was like bloodletting oh did you have to read fever 1974 or whatever no for school yellow about yellow fever no that would suck to have yellow fever Yeah, I agree. I'm afraid of the moon, man. The man on the moon. Like the face that creators create on the surface of the moon, that is very far away.

Not to mention he's not real, but I'm still terrified. Do not know what you mean. I think, I thought that was God when I was little. The man on the moon. God? Yeah, I thought he was God. You thought God was the moon? Oh, well, the face in it.

I thought it was God. You've never seen the man of the moon? No. Oh my God. Honor. That's like a huge like childhood experience. I'm just like, to see the man in the moon for the first time.

I'm just, oh my gosh, it's scary. No, no, no, not this. Oh,

yeah, sorry, Izzy. I'm not talking about Jim Carrey. I'm talking about in it. Oh, I don't like that. Oh,

that looks like, um, yeah, that looks like Hannibal Lecter. That, I've never seen that man. I don't like that man. I saw like more friendly man.

That man. looks scary Brooke. No wonder this girl's afraid of him. Yeah. I like the one on the left right there. He's usually much... That's my man. I don't see him.

He's kind of like, he looks like that ugly fish. I don't like the other man. I like the middle man right there. Yeah. That's my man. Oh yeah, I see him. Because they drew it out specifically. But...

It could be... The man in the moon, maybe I'm thinking... Just thinking of Good Night Moon. Best book ever. That is, I want to jump into that book and live in there. I've been thinking about getting a little tiny cow tattoo to go over my moon. But I don't want any, I want all my tattoos removed also.

So it's one or the other. Maybe you get a picture of it and you could frame it. And you can wear it as a necklace. Cool, yeah. That's a good idea. I can't believe you looked up at the moon. You're like, that's God. Yeah.

And he only comes out at night. Well, the moon's out during the day too. can't see it. I can see it sometimes. So I thought he was just, yeah, exactly. So. I am so scared of white bald men. I can't put it into words.

I used to have nightmares about any and all of them. I get that. Bald is beautiful. It's so interesting how there's like two kinds of bald. Not all men can achieve. Like I had this music teacher that was so bald that his head was so shiny, you know, like a cue ball. Yeah.

But not all. bald men can achieve that. Some bald men are just have a scalp, a regular scalp, but not a shiny scalp. I could, I could fully house a bald man's head with the amount of hair in my mouth right now. Like, do you feel like if I shaved your head right now to completion, you would be able to get that shiny look that I'm talking about? I know I would be a shiny bald man, yeah. Like, I would not be a shiny bald guy or girl. We know you wouldn't be a shiny bald guy. Yeah. I would have a, You know, I've spoken about my scalp before. I would have a terrible scalp.

What's going on with your scalp? I just like, that's no good. No, your scalp's good. No, because every time my hair is parted it in a different way, I'm always like, and what is that? I've never seen that before. Okay. Some of these, like, irrational fears is just like,

I want to be like, you're okay. You're going to be, you're going to be irrevocably fine. You will be so fine. I'm scared of onions. I want you to, Like you will be I want you to eat an onion today Oh my God wait hang on

I did just get like That's disgusting and I want to go home That's fucking fucked up gross I get scared that food can feel Me eating it and I wish they wouldn't make food with faces Like I don't like the gold fit They personify goldfish Because it's like why would you do that if I'm just gonna eat it

It's a snack that's front of that connect me to it It's the sack that smiles back Let me bite it into you. Until you buy its head off. Yeah, it's not right. The sack that smiles back. Brooke, you are out of this world.

Did I say sack? You did. I don't think, something's not right. This girl is out of her gourd right now. Something's not right today. The sack that smiles back. Oh, I have the most insane thing I want to tell you, but it's just time in place. Oh my gosh.

No, I can't. I'll tell you a bonus. Okay. We can go there now if you want. I think we can maybe go there now. I'm going to just double check. on if I need an EpiPen. Okay.

But I do, I feel, I feel fine. Okay. I want to make some TikToks with you. Okay. And that's a dream of mine. It's always been to make a TikTok with you. I'm really bummed about the surprise. I'm sorry.

I was like, should I just pretend to be surprised? And I couldn't. Well, you were talking about nonstop when, before we started recording. I know he's here. I know he's here. I know he's, and I even put that fake head under the table thinking you'd think, I was under there. Oh, I didn't see that. It was just like, for whatever

reason, like I couldn't fake being surprised. You okay? No. You got poked with your whisker? Hair in your eye. Clod in your eye? Something. Okay. We'll see you in bonus. All right. Bye.

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Just let it wrong, and it's great. Over 1 million clients trust Wealthfront. Get started at Wealthfront.com. Client was paid $1,000 for their testimonial, creating a conflict of interest. Outcomes vary. Investment management and advisory services provided by Wealthfront Advisors LLC and SEC registered investment advisor. Investing involves risk to principle regardless of the strategy used. Task performance does not guarantee future results.