Brooke and Connor Make A Podcast - One Touch Really Is All It Takes

Episode Date: March 2, 2023

MERCH: http://bncmerch.com Ad Free & Bonus Episodes: https://bit.ly/tmgstudiosTV_bnc58_audio  This week, Brooke and Connor are diving into the celebrity feud of the century: Hailey Bieber vs Selena Gomez. From the laminated eyebrows to salty Instagram posts, the only solution for this drama is to throw these two on a Wipeout course. Plus, they get deep and philosophical this episode because at the end of the day…one touch is really all it takes.  Highlights Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/BrookeAndConnorHighlights  Email us at [e-mail] !! If you listen on Apple Podcasts, go to: https://apple.co/bandc B+C IG: https://www.instagram.com/bncmap/ B+C Twitter: https://twitter.com/bncmap TMG Studios YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/tinymeatgang TMG Studios IG: https://www.instagram.com/realtmgstudios/ TMG Studios Twitter: https://twitter.com/realtmgstudios BROOKE https://www.instagram.com/brookeaverick https://twitter.com/ladyefron https://www.tiktok.com/@ladyefron  CONNOR https://www.instagram.com/fibula/ https://twitter.com/fibulaa https://www.tiktok.com/@fibulaa 0:00 Cold Open 0:52 Intro 1:22 TMG Fantasy Stream 2:50 How Connor Beat Brooke In Fantasy 4:14 We Are Old AF 5:20 Happy Women’s Month! 6:22 A Horrifying ID Realization 7:14 Wet vs Dry Food 8:00 Should You Tip At Starbucks? 9:58 The Ethics Of Tipping 11:58 What Is Good With Starbucks Coffee? 13:00 Understanding Starbucks Sizes 15:47 Brooke’s Friends Visit Her 17:05 Tom Brady Needs To Chill 19:57 Cocaine Bear IS A Woman 21:50 Connor Gets Locked Out 26:53 Someone Broke Into Connor’s House?! 30:48 Burglary Exit Survey 31:38 Burglary Mystery Solved  33:18 Pee Break Interlude 35:45 Productivity Philosophy 38:52 Lady Gaga’s Lawsuit 41:04 What Would WE Do? 42:44 Loopholes In The Law 46:05 Selena Gomez vs Hailey Bieber 48:50 Put Selena and Hailey In The Ring 50:04 Our Toxic Traits 51:50 Just The Oil Change Please 52:41 Brooke Completes A New Year's Resolution! 53:53 Connor’s Erewhon Crash 55:17 Brooke’s Jaws Experience 57:19 Modern Day Philosophers  1:00:04 Andrew Garfield Is The Perfect Form 1:04:40 A Special Year For PR 1:06:05 Launching Brooke’s New Podcast 1:07:28 Smooches!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Jay Shetty. Is philosophy still a thing? That would be like a philosopher, right? It's just as relevant today as it was centuries ago. I think it's just influencers that have words to say. You're not, you don't have to, I'm a philosopher. We're philosophers. 100%.

Oh my God, I was philosophizing today when I said. We aren't podcasters. We're philosophers. That's when I was saying about the productivity. That's philosophy. Oh, my God. That is the definition of philosophy. We could sit.

and stare at a wall all day, and that would be the most productive day for a philosopher like ourselves. That's why we're in this library. Oh, my God. Because it's stimulating to the brain. Like, I'm having an out-of-body nirvana experience right now

realizing my calling today with this mic and my cell phone is that I was born to be a philosopher. Hey, Brooke. Hi, Connor. Are you ready to MAP? I'm ready to pee. Ignorance is bliss.

I'm living in a world of my own, and it's awesome. Oh, I thought I was responsible for 9-11 when I was five. Where were you? In Pennsylvania. Touch grass, might I suggest. We're just going to dive right in today. Hey, guys, welcome back to B-N-C-A-P.

What is the thing? B-N-C-M-A-P. B-N-C-M-A-P. We're back at it again with the white fans, and it feels good. It's been seven years since they made it. that damn Daniel video damn Daniel did you know it's been seven years no which means it's been seven years since I interned at fans because

I was there when that happened and we we flew them out we flew Daniel and his friend out and awarded them with one of those giant checks okay put a pin in that because I have two other things that are going to make you feel really old okay so pin considering it in let's do these housekeeping items oh then come back to the pin So housekeeping items at their core would be things that keep the house afloat if it was on a river or some other body of water. So we need to keep the house afloat by announcing that the TMG Fantasy Football Punishment live stream is going to be this Sunday. Well, lead, lost, because he's a big old huge loser.

And he's doing his fantasy football 12-hour live stream this Sunday, March 5th, starting at 8.30 p.m. We're going to join him at around 9 p.m. with a little surprise. a wee surprise. I would tune in if I were you we'll be there we'll be on the live did we ever like

really talk about how the fantasy ended like everybody's place and such no I know that you were second right you came in like second I think the whole thing

with us was like we were just saying you lost no something horrible happened but really quickly it is going to be streaming on Real TMG Studios TikTok and YouTube page separately

go ahead and subscribe to close friends EmG Studios. Dot TV. We'd love to have you. Circling back to fantasy. You beat me. Do you know that?

Oh. I was like about, I was going to win or come in second to Zach probably. But you had randomly come out of Rose from the ashes. Like a Phoenix?

Because of Joe B. Yeah, my guy. Yeah. That's funny. It was like, I was kind of sad for me. Like, Genuinely, because of fantasy and just my hometown pride recently,

I've been feeling the loss of games, which I've never felt. Like, I felt sad about the Super Bowl. Yeah. And I felt sad when I, when you beat me in fantasy, which is new. Those are new feelings. Feeling sad? Yeah. Feelings around sports.

No, no, no. Sad, I feel sad all the time. But feelings to arise from a sporting event, that's new for me. Well, cool. It's so important. to never let your age stop you from trying new things. Speaking of age, are you ready for two things that are going to make you feel really old? Sure.

Okay, the first thing is the new American Girl doll. They're making a new historical, historic, historic era for the new American Girl doll, 1999. Weren't the 90s just yesterday? As if. 90s. Historical era. Yeah, that's freaky. Like that is freaky when you think about these girls compared to, let's say, Samantha. You know what?

I don't remember 1999. That is historical for me. I don't remember now. It's of 1999. I don't remember 2006. Sure. They could say historical and it could be someone what happened to that. See, like I don't even know what happened.

I don't know anything. Right. But the fact that you were born in that era and it's now a historical era should make you feel bad. It's not history as in like, see, like, I don't even know what happened in history. I guess yesterday is history if you think about it. Yeah? And don't look back because you're not going that way.

And the rest is. Her story. Still unwritten, unwritten. Happy women's history, bond. Oh my God, thank you, Connor. I got you something. Did you? Yeah, I did.

You are so kind about these gifts. For women's history. I still haven't gotten you anything. That's okay. That's really sweet. Thanks. in honor of women's history month I got Brooke a pink cake pop

You know what I was gonna get you something At the flea market this weekend But I forget what it was And I talked myself out of it Thank you for sharing that with me But because I was like no he won't like this I get I'm weird about gifts Like I

It's kind of like celebrities where it's like I would rather have like The most life changing interaction with you Or say absolutely nothing It's kind of like gifts Like, I'd rather get you the best thing in the world or nothing. Well, I had some great news for you. I'm not Marie Kondo.

I'm a hoarder, so I'll take anything. Yeah, I wish I could remember what it was. Yeah. Come back to me. Okay. Put a pin in it. Okay. The second thing that's going to make you feel old.

Yeah. Is that if a bouncer is checking IDs for you to get in the bar? Yeah, I know what you're going to say. First of all, if he sees a 19, automatic in. I know. Automatic in. Is that crazy? If he sees a 2000,

automatic in 2001 automatic in 2002 is 2002 automatic at this point yeah yeah really no what's 2023 minus 2002 i mean yeah we don't have to do math on the podcast two is is is what they would really kind of be looking at you know in terms of those dates but 2001 and below automatic in that's disgusting how scary is that scary well guess what there's nothing we can do with the passage of time death taxes and the pursuit of happiness or whatever they say. This is delicious. It's so good. Yeah, it is so good.

It's a girl for women's history. We were just talking about this. This is wet. And they keep it out. Well, it's also covered in like a protective coating of like crossing or whatever that is. We were talking about how cliff bars are wet, which is why I like them, but I don't like. What were you eating? A belvita.

Too dry. This is a perfect example of something that's soaked. And I love it. It is. It's moist. Moist. Yeah. What's the word you don't like?

Discharge. Discharge. You know what's crazy? One touch is literally all it takes. That's a good point. One touch is all it takes. Hold that thought. Oh, I don't know what I was going to say.

So this morning, so I stopped at Starbucks this morning. And they added tipping at Starbucks. Did you see? I don't know how often you go to Starbucks. Oh, there goes the cake pop. Hey, you're going to want to find that. This is a deep chair. Dog it.

they added tips at Starbucks. They've always had that. No, they haven't, I promise. And I've always felt weird because I would tip a really mean barrisse to add a fancy coffee shop that I hate because I'm scared of them. But the Starbucks people, in my experience,

every Starbucks employee has been, they're like rental car people that work at rental car places. So nice. And stoked to be there. And I'm always like, oh, like I can't tip. So I want to know, like, when I'm tipping, am I tipping Starbucks LLC.org?

Or am I tipping, you know, like when you go to... 100%. You know, like when you go to CBS and they say, are you a member? And you say, I don't know. And they go, well, what's your phone number? And I go, here's my phone number. We don't have that in our system.

What's your email? I don't need to be doing. Here's my email. We don't have that in our system. Do you have a backup email? I do. Here's my name. Everyone's behind you in line.

You say 37 cents. Do you want to donate a dollar or a seat? St. Jude's? No, give me my 37 cents. Right. Because this dollar that you donate to St. Jude's, there's something evil afoot about that dollar and I don't remember what it is. But I think that now CVS is able to write that off as a charity

donation from them. Right? Okay. Like something like that so you're actually like again. You're actually benefiting the corporation. The corporation and like St. Jude. But also St. Jude. Like by some trickle down economic situation but not you're not like going to the hospital and giving it to a kid.

Right, might be better to just donate directly rather than via the CDS. That wouldn't really help the kid either if you just gave them a dollar as well in the hospital. Right, but they would use it for. Yeah, I guess whatever. But no, so at Starbucks, I'm curious now. Do they get to keep that money? Because I'd rather give them cash, but I wouldn't, I wouldn't, there's no, I guess there's a tip jar. They've always had tip jars.

Yeah. So you could use. But I don't have cash. That option. I bet if you tip via, is it the thing where they kind of like turn it back to you? It's just sitting there. So if you pay with Apple pay or something, before you pay, you tap dollar, $2, $3, which lost art form. Put a dollar amount, $1, $2, $3.

I don't want a percentage. I agree with you. I was somewhere the other day. I know this is like a big running joke that we do now where it's like, oh, like they flip the iPad around and like you start at 75%. I was at one the other day where it started at 25%. I've been seeing that too. You know what really bothers me. And then they look at you while you're like, custom tip.

You were nice, but I got to pay rent. Right. You know what really bothers me is when you order something on Postmates and it's like a more expensive meal. But it's like the same like, okay, you order Chipotle and you order sugarfish. Oh. The driver is doing the same amount of work. But it's going to ask you to like tip a lot more on your sugarfish because it's a more expensive meal. Yeah.

That shouldn't be the case. That shouldn't be the case. It should be, we should be tipping based off of how far the Uber driver is driving or how heavy the meal is or the condition, the road conditions, not the price of the meal. Does that make sense? Yeah. That's something I've been feeling passionate about recently. Good for you. And to go back to your original question of who's getting the Starbucks tips, I feel confident that they all split them at the end of the day.

I need to ask. Leave it. Let us know in the comments. I bet we have people that... Totally. Are a part of the Snobics family. I'm hoping that they all get to... I'm a big Starbucks.

You know that I'm like... Sorry, Mom and Pop stores. I love Starbucks coffee. I'm convinced that there's something in it. It doesn't make me need to shit my pants and it also just like kind of sends a rocket to my brain. I only really like... I feel smarter when I drink Starbucks coffee.

Black. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. I only really like my specific espresso pods with my very specific creamer. Didn't just, I like coffee in general? Yeah, then like getting at any coffee shop because I just like never know what I'm getting really. Yeah. Like every time I get up to a, the register at a coffee shop, I never know what to say.

Completely blank. I just like order a coffee. Yeah. No, but like that I don't, I don't know, Connor. I don't know. I know. You know? Because it's never going to taste like my espresso pod with the hazelnut creamer.

I'd like to revisit the fact that they named all of the sizing the way they did. Grande, no, Grande Venty tall. Totally. They were in Italy and they only got like two lessons into their duolingo. Totally. So that's tall. Well, it's not. What does Venty even mean translated?

Extra large? Wouldn't know. Here, let's ask Siri. What does Vinty mean? Because Grande must be large. Oh, yeah, good point. 20. Okay.

Oh, see, that's making sense. So why does it say tall? What does tall mean? I think I know. What? Large in height. Large in stature. But it's not.

And maybe they're kind of a riddle masters over there. Let's briefly address Tall. This designation by the coffee company is considered many to be a classic instance of corporate language manipulation. Ooh. deep dive. Tall rhymes with small, but means something close to the opposite. Yeah.

Yeah. The result arguably encourages a consumer to think a little less about the size of herb beverage as well as the size of the bill. Did they say herb beverage? They did. I love that. Yeah, it's Women's History Month after all.

Hell yes. Interestingly, the tall was not always a smallest drink size in customers requested. Oh yeah, that's true because there's a short. There's a shot? Like an espresso shot? I sometimes, if I just need a little... I have a short today.

That's... Oh, if you go to Starbucks, like, if you get like a Cortado, which is a drink that I... Were you just talking about that recently? About six months ago, but like Cortado is just those really small coffees that I like. Grande is Italian for large. Vinti means 20 and Trenta means 30. Okay. So why is in the 16 ounce called Sidiqi, Italian word for 16 instead? Right. Why?

All questions being raised by dictionary.com, by the way, doing God's work. I think this is one of those things. Some intern had a bunch of free time at the end of the semester. It's seeming to me that we don't have the answers. They actually answered all of it. Oh, I thought they were, oh, can you run it back then about the tall? Why is that called tall? Tall is a classic act of corporate manipulation, kind of like how, uh...

Is that confirmed that they were trying to manipulate us corporately? Totally. They'd come out and set it. Dictionary.com, you believe that for 100%. That's why it's called tall. Yeah, I don't have any reason. reason to kind of like second guest dictionary.com. I have nothing against dictionary.

Or it's subsidiary. Okay. Okay. What reason would we have? The dictionary is a dictionary. It's kind of fat. I'm feeling like there must be another reason that it's called tall. Tall rhymes as small.

It doesn't. It makes you think, oh, a little tiny bill. For whatever reason, it's just like not adding up to me. Okay. But that's fine. You're just... It's not something I care enough about to, like, lift my phone up. Yeah.

And look, you know? Well, let's move directly. Just like straight forward. Straight forward. Because you know what they say? The rest is still unwritten. One touch is literally all it takes. I agree.

I do agree. I've always said that. How's the weekend? Or how was like since last week? Since last week. That's a good question, Connor. My friends from home came to visit me this weekend. These are like my best friends since kindergarten.

Yeah. Which is really sweet to see like your friends that were such a big part of your life in one stage come together with like the other. with like the other people that are a big part of your life in the current stage and kind of see them meet. It's like very powerful. I really loved watching you get to meet them. Yeah. I was killing it. Yeah, you really were.

You made an impression. Yeah, for sure. That's for sure. So that was really sweet. What did we do? It was hard because they are living in Chicago, which is kind of like cold in the winter and such. And they came here the one weekend that it was kind of hailing and snow was spotted. the Hollywood sign.

So that sucked. So we were kind of limited. But here are some of the things we did. Go on. A movie. Oh, movie, yeah. We watched Twilight. We watched Super Bad.

We watched, I think that might be all the movies we watched in-home. In theaters, we watched 80 for Brady. How was that? Connor. It was good? Incredible. I got some beef with Tom Brady this morning. I love Tom Brady.

Love Tom Brady Because of that movie Wait I just decided I don't have beef with him anymore I squash it What was the beef? Stand up, his stand-up venture He's doing stand-up now Okay, co-worker king for you

He's a peer among one stuff in the space No, I just one of those things That where I'm just like tired of Celebrities doing so much Right The way that I would retire if I did one thing well I was just gonna say if I have the money You won't be seeing me ever again

I don't need to have six projects. I don't want one. I need one good one and then I'm good. I'll go in and check in. I don't need a underwear line, a food line, a snack line, a production company, a music label, and a family. Well, he scratched that one off the list so he can focus on his stand-up now. Damn, Connor. He's definitely listening to our podcast

So no I just like don't Just relax for a little bit You've just retired from like 400 years of football Just sit on the couch I'm totally with you flip on the TV I'm moving you an island This episode is brought to you by Prime Obsession is in session

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Your next obsession is waiting. Watch only on Prime. Girl, winter is so last season. And now Springs got you looking at pictures of tank tops with hungry eyes. Your algorithm is feeding you cutoffs. You're thirsty for the sun on your shoulders. that perfect hang on the patio sundress, those sandals you can wear all day and all night.

And you've had enough of shopping from your couch. Done hoping it looks anything like the picture when you tear up on that envelope. It's time for a little in-person spring treat. It's time for a trip to Ross. Work your magic. I think that happens to me. I think I would get like, if I was his level of fame,

a little tiny bit of facial reconstruction, and then just live a normal life with my nest egg. Oh, that's an interesting point. Like go live in the Palisades. Uh-huh. What's a nest egg? Just like what you have, all the money you have? Like an egg would be in a nest.

Yeah, just the money you're sitting on. Is that exactly it? I guess so. Yeah. That sounds right. Yeah. I've never really said that. And that makes sense.

But he's got so much going on and maybe he needs therapy. Sure. I'm sure he's in it. I don't think so. I think that's why he's starting stand up. Guys will do litter. Really? The guys will literally announce they're doing a stand-up tour instead of going to therapy.

I could see stand-up being something that his therapist encouraged him to pursue. What? I could see stand-up being something his therapist encouraged him to pursue. He's going to get ripped to shreds because he's been paying people to laugh at his jokes for 30 years. Yeah, but he's going to get so much attention. That's true. Which is, I think. I think.

And I hate to talk about Tom's motivations without knowing him. Yeah. But I think that could be what he's kind of looking. for at this time. It could be. At this time. Oh, you know what? Hmm.

He's gotten a lot of air time on this podcast. Tom B? Tom B. Yeah. Enough. He's gone enough. Yeah. That's for sure.

Bless his heart. Yeah. Anyway, I'm a big fan. I have my 80 for Brady jersey in my car. In my car. Oh my gosh. Okay. You should have won it.

I should have next week. I need to see cocaine bear. I heard it was really bad. Really? That doesn't surprise me. It's not. really about the quality of the movie because it is at the end of the day called cocaine bear right so i'm not i wasn't going into it expecting titanic you know right which also in theaters i really should have watched

that when it was raining all weekend oh sorry no you're good i've been chalking up a storm over here i'm telling you this coffee this starbucks coffee i'm jealous um here dig in if you want to really just right here yeah okay i've got my cortata okay homemade um um I like that you added the A at the end because emphasis on women's history month because it is a cortado. Oh. Yeah. No, mine's femme. Cool.

You actually gendered your small coffee. Yeah. Which is okay because it's women's herstery month. Women's herstery. Well. Cocaine bear seems like something you take your binkie to. Or a bag of cocaine. Oh.

I'd go for binkie in that situation. Yeah. I probably shouldn't be talking about. narcotics on the podcast When you're talking about cocaine bear I think it's fine Within the realm By the way cocaine bear

Is a woman You're fucking lying Now do you want to see it For women's history months Because guys guess what Women's stories matter Cocaine bear's a girl Yeah no cocaine bear's a woman

How do you know It said it in the film Yeah And I also did my view Is the bear that it's based off of a woman? Yeah See to me all bears are men I know.

And that's like your misogyny is showing. You know what? I just found out there are girl. Oh, there was another animal I thought was all men. Was I telling you this? It's hard to say. Come back to me. Okay.

Damn. I have one piece of advice while you sit over that day. Please. I can't remember who said it, but the one touch is just all it takes. Oh, oh, oh, oh, I forgot. So. So I was home alone for the past week. How was that?

That's scary in your new home. Yeah, so I was, the house I'm living is definitely like needs to be lived in with three people. Totally. It's like a large house and it reminds me of the movie Parasite, which now I wish I never would have seen. By the way, I've never seen that movie and I never can because you told me the whole plot. Should have seen it. I told you I didn't see it. And you said, oh my God, great movie.

Let me tell you every single thing that happens in it, including the ending. Well, I never watch anything before anybody else, so sometimes I have to kind of claim. I know. I was really late to that. Yeah. Well, my biggest pet peeve is when I'm telling someone the entire plot of a movie, and they're like, I was just about to watch that. Okay, it's been out for 14 months. Right.

There has to be a time period of, it's your fault. There's a, yeah, there's a statute of limitations. It's like one freaking mind. It's like one freaking touches all it takes. But. You could say that again. And I will. I know.

So I was home alone and like obviously pretty scared the first time I tried to figure out the alarm system made the alarm go off. Actually, I was like during the first day because even during the day, I just moved in a month ago. So like I don't know the ins and outs of this house.

And so like the first day I just tried to figure out the alarm. One of my roommates was in Canada. So like I don't know the time zones up there and how they change. So I didn't want to text him if it was like four in the morning at noon or something. And then Hank was in Miami being in Miami, which my understanding is that Miami is pretty lit. Right. So I just try to figure it out all on my own.

And that was really scary for me. I locked the doors, whatever. And then I was trying to make friends with that squirrel that I was talking about a couple months ago. So I went out, this is my first night there. I went out and I got. get thrown home some walnuts. He eats, hey, we chat. Are squirrels technically rodents?

Mm-hmm. Really? Yeah. That makes sense because I've been, when I look them in the eyes, I see Frankie. It's like the same. Rats, yeah. No, rodent is different than rat.

There's a rat umbrella and I think everything. There's a rodent umbrella. When you think, rodent, what do you think? What do you think rodent? Rat. Sure, rot is one of the species of rodent. I think long tail. The rats are so cute.

The tail is tough. The tail is a full separate entity to me. The tail, 100% it looks like the Alaskan bullworm. You know? It's an appendage, which that's a word I don't like. Right. I need to start. Wrath with no tails.

That's a guinea pig. Yeah. And that's my daughter. So I'm in this house by myself and I like have feeding this squirrel. And I named him Mr. Man. Yeah. Because it's just like what came out. That's her history month.

Oh, I didn't even check to see what he, what's going on under the hood. I don't think you need to. No, I do. Because I'm calling him Mr. Man and I would hate to misgender. Right. So I'm out there and I'm feeding him. And I said, eh, I got my time in. Right.

I'll come back tomorrow. Locked out. Of your house. Out of my house. Yeah. I said, okay, no big deal. I'll call my roommates. No one of my answers because it's probably four in the morning in Canada or something.

And so I call locksmith. scariest person I've ever met. I've ever met, Andre, who was able to get me back in my house for three hundred. Now, how does he get you in exactly? He busted the door frame off of, he busts all over. Yeah.

It's a busting and not so much a universal key. It was a busting motion. I'll show you. I filmed it because I was like, oh, I could have done this. You're breaking into my house. But did he break the door? Like, in a sense, yeah. Because when he told me, he's like,

someone's already done this. but it was in an accent that I could not place. And I was like, okay, thank you for letting me now. Now I'm feeling really unsafe. I'm feeling like locksmiths could be the world's most dangerous predator. Yeah, and this is a man who has now explored every entrance to my house. But he's a locksmith at the end of the day, so I don't have to, I don't have to show him around. He can figure out where he can get in.

There must be a case of locksmith's material. He was small, but he was dense. I totally know the type. Yeah, small dense, but I could see him being, flexible, triple whammy, Andre. And he was wearing, this is going to be hard to explain to you because it's not going to make sense,

but to anyone that went to school anywhere down south, he was dressed as if he was in a fraternity, like rushing. So he had like starched jeans on, cowboy boots, a t-shirt but a vest. I can tell he had a cowboy hat in his car, but he was some Russian or some accent. Anyways, he gets me in.

I'm in my house. I go to bed. I've pushed my dresser up against my door so no one could get in my door. Because I have one of those doors that has a glass on the inside so you can see. It's like frosted glass. You just have to punch it with your hand and you come into my room. Anyways. Surely you're familiar with the 2019 feature film, The Locksmith.

Oh. An aging police chief and a New York City detective hunt down a serial killer in the deep south. He's a locksmith. Don't give anyone any ideas. I would hate to romanticize the idea of becoming a locksmith for... Oh my God, Connor, there are... Wait, I need to see if this serial killer was a locksmith. Born as a seventh, last shot of his parents.

First trained as a locksmith, then as a watchmaker. Serial murders. Serial murderist. Yeah. I could really see Andre stepping up to the plate. I'm surprised there aren't more. Well, let's not... Let's not give anyone any ideas here.

Totally. There's definitely room in the market for someone to kind of step into the spotlight. But I'm sitting there in my room and I'm feeling like, okay, you know what, night one, done, fall asleep. I was actually feeling very cozy because I wash my sheets again with diva wash. Can I just say I have been so inspired to do laundry now that I have diva wash. I said that. When I got it, I go, I wash pretty consistently, but like I'm excited when that smell goes away. It's kind of like, ding, ding, ding, time to wash again.

Can I just say I'm not a consistent washer? And now you're... And now I'm upping the consistency. Well, ever, it seemed like that took off really well. Someone, someone commented when we posted that video, no, let me finish the story. No, no. So, okay. I'm in my house.

It's like three in the morning and I sit straight up. Last time I sat straight up in my bed at three in the morning, my neighbor had offed himself. So I'm via gunshot. So I was like, okay, no, no way this is happening again. I don't even have a neighbor. Right. I'm like, okay, I heard something. glass shatter. We have the windows downstairs. I'm like someone who has broken in and obviously

I'm still thinking about the time zone. I text both my movements. Hey, do we have like an alarm system? Like is the, will the alarm system go off? Someone busts a window. Right. What's the pro, like, how, how intelligent is our like alarm system? It's certainly not smart house from Disney Channel original movie. Incredible. It doesn't really know. It only knows when a door opens shuts, but you break a window. I think it's kind of like, is this my, is this me? I do think there are our alarm systems that recognize. eyes a shattering of a window. Well, they certainly didn't understand this

shattering of a window. I'm sitting up and then I'm like, oh, was it someone in the alley? Are they going through recycling? It was so loud and then I was like, oh, did I imagine it? Huh. Then I'm like, I don't know. But then I started thinking, I'm naked from the waist down. I'm on the second floor. Should I jump out the window onto the ground?

You were honey the pooing? I was hoodie. Hoodie on? Naked. Such an interesting choice. Try that hybrid. Try that hybrid. I've tried it. It's fine. It's not my favorite of the combination. Well, I think it's mine.

Yeah. But except in the moment when you're like, fight or flight, am I going to be running down the street in my hoodie? Right. Winnie the Poohing. I can't even imagine if you had had to flee the scene in your Winnie the Pooh hoodie.

You know, I'm thinking, you know, I'm always thinking. Yeah. So, anyways, the sun starts to come. up. So it starts to come up and I'm like, okay, now I'm kind of safe because if someone's downstairs, like they probably maybe stole the air fryer or something. It's a nice one. But then I'm like, okay, cool, I haven't heard them.

And I can hear when anyone wakes up in my house because it like echoes. Right. So I'm like, if they come up to stairs or something and want to kill me, like I would have heard them by now. Is it true that most burglars are nonviolent or did I make that up? Never heard that stat. Okay. Keep going.

Most, so are they interviewing? I'm feeling like they're doing an exit survey after the burglar. Were you feeling violent when you were breaking and entering? Or were you kind of chill? No, I think it's probably like if they're faced with either the police

or you, they'll run away instead of. Again, I don't know, I don't think they take a burglar census on an annual basis. No, I'm not thinking they're asking. Yeah. They're not asking the burglar. It's they're recording,

okay, did the burglar say, punch you in the face or flee the scene? Right. And also, I'm. I would show them around the house, make sure that they got everything they need. I'm cool with it. So two days go by. I'm feeling pretty safe in the house.

I figured it out. And then I go upstairs, which is where Hank lives, and there's a storage closet up there that I put like winter clothes and stuff because they won't fit in my room. And I go to hanging up and I turn it. I go to walk downstairs. There's like an eight-foot mirror that had fallen off the wall in his room and hit the ground and shattered into a million pieces. And that's the sound I heard.

That must have been like an insane bang. It was one of the thing. It was one of those ones that's like stuck to the way. It wasn't hanging. It wasn't like hanging like this picture. I can't leave you stayed at the house based off of how loud that bang. I gas set to myself into thinking I imagined it. Yeah.

Do you know how at the beginning of the episode I was like, oh, I have to go to the bathroom, but like I can wait at the end. I can't actually. Oh, damn. I should have told that story while you were kind of letting, letting rip. have another sort like long form yeah i could think of one well i kind of want to be here for it pay your pants i'd rather not i was behind this guy at cvs when i was checking out and they were asking me if i wanted to donate st judes and he was buying such an insane amount of adult diapers

yeah and having a conversation like there was no it was such a king move because he he wasn't that old but he was like maybe they weren't for him but he was like not ashamed of his adult diaper wear. No, and I was like, this is it. This is the future. I could see myself buying some of those in the next, in the impending months or so. Yeah, I think that that would have been a good thing for me to have had I been being broken and entered into. Oh, you could kind of just throw it on. But I have a bathroom in my room, so never mind, forget that. But if I wanted to be very silent, I'm going to have a little bit, go pee, go pee. And then, but don't tell your story. I don't know how I could not, unless we just,

didn't film for a little bit. Oh, what is that? What am I? What is this? When I'm at the look? Next time you get locked out, just. Oh, oh my God. I was like, what am I looking at?

Okay, so when the guy came over to let me back in my house, he had something like this. How what? Do you, do you have this on your person? Yeah, keep it with me. Oh, see, I'm alarmed. Well, I've had friends call me to have them, to have me let them in. Actually. Oh my God, dude, I need to just text you next time.

Guess how much he charged me? First of all, I'm going to try to do his accent, and I don't feel like it's bad because I can't place it anyway, so it's not like I'm doing an accent. And he was white, but he was like, okay, this is a sh-h-h-oh, so it's going to be either $40 or $350. I was like, hi, Andre, how'd you get that range?

Based on my... Also, are you talking about... my lock? Because how did he know the brand of that I had? It says it on it, much like brands usually do. Um, so I was like, okay, let me know. It obviously ended up being $300. I hadn't a choice because all I was thinking was like, if I have to get a hotel room tonight, it's going to be $200. I need to go today. This is like a really great call out. I need to just go make a copy of my key and hide one somewhere in my yard, bury it even. Oh, or in my car.

I'll have to bury it in my yard. Oh, yeah. They also make, like, fake rocks, or there's a hide-a-key. It's, like, a magnetic box that you can put under your car that you can hide a key in. Wow, they're getting really creative. Yeah, but my roommates are always like, is anyone around? Can they let me out? And no one's ever around.

So I usually just sit in the front yard. I've made a little area. But I get locked out constantly because the mirrors will fall, and then you'll think that I don't want to hit the camera Okay, there we go. We just kind of all chatted together as one. What are you kind of talking about?

Still my lock and key situation. Since last week, Brooke, I've had the most hectic, like, crazy week and I have nothing to show for it, personally. Oh, yeah, how was your stand-up set? Speaking of nothing to show for it. I killed it, and it was awesome, and it was supposed to be recorded,

but obviously the camera died as I walked onto the stage is what they let me know. But it was great. I did like half of this same set that I have been doing. Yeah. I wrote a second half. That's awesome. Yeah.

It was like the longest one I've done. It was really good. I think it got great feedback. I met a bunch of people and it was really fun. I love that, Connor. Thanks so much. But I have besides that, like I've had every single day has been something, but I have genuinely, it's like performative busyness.

Who am I doing it for? Right. I think that it's like, that would be a good therapy unpacking session. Totally. Because I feel like from having worked in an office where like everyone's calendar was always booked. Right. I like always tried to be busy. But I was never doing shit.

I think an important thing to remember is that productivity doesn't have to do with a product. You can be productive and not have something produced from that moment of productivity. It's so funny because I have stuff I need to do. And I just that came out of my ass. I think it made sense to me. Yeah, it made sense to me too. Say it one more time. Can you remember?

Okay. So yeah, totally. So being productive has nothing to do with a product. You can be productive and not produce. Hang on. You were so close to having an act like ground. Okay. No, check this out.

Okay, check this out. Productivity does not equal. Does not equal. Look at me. I'm doing that sign. Equal sign slash it out. Does not equal a product. I don't think that.

I think that you're projecting an actual saying that's really good. And I think that that's really good. Is it a real saying? Product. ativity. Does not equal product. Look that up. Define your worth now.

We don't give a shit about our worth. We're talking about products. Do you understand what I'm saying? Like, for example, me closing my eyes and just thinking about stuff and comedy and, you know, whatnot, that's productive to me at this moment, maybe. But I'm not producing a product.

You know what I was thinking was busyness does not equal productivity. and then productivity does not equal a final product is what, yeah. Right, you could, or you could, like, produce a product of some sorts and that might not be productive. Come on. Productivity is not about do, there's a guess a lot of sayings.

Productivity is not about doing more work. Productivity is not about doing more. It's about creating more impact with less work. Oh, that would be efficiency. No, mine makes more, mine is better. Okay. just because it like makes more sense and applies to what we're talking about. My whole thing with this, my whole thing with this is.

It's just like one touch is quite frankly all that it takes. And that's that. We could have left it there. We could have. We've got actual stuff that we need to hit on because we sit here every day. So it's Christmas morning for me when I go to bed. Sometimes I go through the podcast in my head and I'm like giddy and I'm so excited to do all this stuff. And then we sit and we brainstorm and we come up with a lot of topics.

And then we get here and we sit here. And then we'll be 40 minutes in and we'll say, we didn't, we didn't touch our docket. 100%. So I'm curious. We get a lot of feedback, which I usually don't look at or acknowledge. And I do. And I do look.

I love looking at feedback more so less love, more so compulsion. But I do look at it. Um, but I'm curious if people like, I get some words that's, some people like are like, nuanced anecdotes. More than current event. And then some people like, yeah, the personal event stuff. I personally like personal anecdotes more. What do you like more?

I think we can have personal anecdotes on current events. Yeah, that's a good point. Such as. And furthermore as well, such as the woman who's involved, was stealing Lady Gaga's dogs at gunpoint from her dog walker is now suing Lady Gaga for not providing her with the reward

that Lady Gaga was offering publicly the half a million dollars. Okay. It makes a question. Hmm. Can I ask some follow-ups? Yeah. The woman that is suing Lady Gaga

is the one that stole the dogs? She's involved in some capacity. Like a conspirator? Like she was involved in some capacity that type of thing. Because, you know, they say one touch is literally all it takes to be involved in some capacity. So, and she's wanting the money despite the fact that she was involved in some capacity.

That's right. And, but Lady Gaga had said, I'll give the money to who returns a dog. Sure, but like that is literally like the new age problem for a philosophy class. Right. This is an ethics problem. It's an ethics problem. So it says, and we talked about it yesterday, I don't know how legally binding like a lost dog reward sign is that's on a telephone pole. But as Lady Gaga.

Yeah. You know what? I don't know what I would do, actually. And that's why it's an ethics question, because you have to think about it. Two days after the 2021 stick-up, McBride, the woman involved, via one touch, so returned to Lady Gaw's dogs, return her dogs with police noting that McBride seemed to be uninvolved and unassociated. But soon after, McBride was charged with receiving stolen property and accessory to attempted murder. Okay. Okay. Attempted murder of the dogs? No, of the man.

or woman holding the dogs. I can't remember who it was. Wait, she was going to murder the person holding the dog? They didn't have a gun. The woman that returned the dog was going to murder the people that sold the dog. We don't know her intentions. She did have a gun. McBride is also seeking no less than 1.5 million in damages, including compensation for legal fees, mental anguish, and pain and suffering. This is the person who tried to seal the dog.

Allegedly. A deputy attorney in Los Angeles noted that any payout from a lawsuit would be restitution for Lady Gaga and other victims of the robbery. it was clear from the evidence presented to the grand jury that Miss McBride knew the dogs had been stolen in a violent robbery in which I don't know someone had been Ryan Fisher which is the dog walker had been previously injured and it was also clear for the evidence

that McBride had known at least two of her co-conspirators for years. Oh Here's what I would do Spill. I would see the trial through. From what? Who are you? I'm Lady Gaga. Good question. Good question.

Connor. I'm always going to be Lady Gaga if given the opportunity. Good to know. Yeah. Just for a future reference. I'll be the person that stole the dogs. Okay. I'm seeing the trial through because I am on the right side of history, and the truth will prevail. That being said, don't always trust

our system. So this would be a really good test of the system. And that's where I'll leave it. So that answered nothing except that your lady got gone in the situation. That's all that matters. Yeah. If you look at the crux of the issue. Crux?

Yeah. Wow, you've thrown in a couple curveball words today. Crux is a good one. Thanks. I'm going to add that to my list. Go ahead. I need the money if I did return the dogs

because there is a loophole in our system of lost flyers for dogs. You got your dogs back. Unless you hadn't asked. From the person that stole them. If she would have, okay, here's what I ask. If she would have kept the dogs,

which was wrong, Mm-hmm. And holding someone at gunpoint is wrong, I would say. She didn't have to give the dogs back. She was not being held at gunpoint. Right, but she did give them back because she wanted the money. I want money as well. Right, but do you want the money enough to steal someone's dogs in a violent robbery?

You know what they say? most burglaries are not violent. This one was as is specified by... They didn't use the gun. They used the term violent robbery. Now we're cutting hairs. Not really. I don't know.

I was just playing devil's advocate. I think that there's some stories. I think it was like series of unfortunate events or something where they were stealing dogs and returning them for cash. And I thought that as a child, I was like, oh. That did not happen in a series of important...

Okay, something like a book like that. Like one of those kind of darker... Tim Robinson, not... Tim Robinson. Tim. Lemony Snicket? Perhaps. Yeah.

Lemony Snickett. Good name. Yeah. That's not his real name. You know that, of course. Penn name. What's his real name? Unwritten.

The rest is still unwritten. It's Natasha. Okay. So, in summary. In summary? I don't think that she should be paid. And if I were Lady Gaga, I would go to court. Yeah.

Well, yeah. You made that clear. Okay. I have to play devil's advocate because that's just in my nature. But I do agree I'd be really bummed if someone held me at gunpoint and took my dog. Yeah, that's a bummer. I would settle this outside of court and be like, you're a piece of shit. Here's 10 grand.

And the lady that held a gunpoint to steal two French bulldogs would probably be stoked on the 10 grand. No, I'm too proud to give that woman money. Ooh, I'm not proud at all, especially if I'm Lady Gaga. Right. I'm not giving her one penny. And the thing is, even if the court was like, okay, you owe this bitch. Sorry, this woman. Whoa.

Sorry. During her stream, I'm? Sorry. Well, okay. She was like, if the judge, if Judge Judy,

say, was like, said, if Judge Judy, if the judge ordered me to pay this woman, I wouldn't.

Does that make sense? Well, then you're going against the court of law. Then I'm going against the court of law. And I'll see you in prison. Okay. I would go to prison

rather than pay that woman at this point. Meeting adjourned. That's all we need to say. Okay. Because it's Herstery Month. Let's do all women's stories. And this one is, I didn't even want to do this one, but I just get so fired up every time we talk about it. Selena Gomez, what's her face,

and Haley? Selena, Kylie, and Haley. Okay. I'm out of the loop enough to where I need like a quick summary on it, and then I have opinions. I keep watching that one really good TikTok that gives all of the information, and then I keep forgetting immediately because it's so stupid, like it's not able to stick in my brain. This, it is so, the whole thing feels like a seventh grade thing where it's like, that's, you're uninvited, I'm going to invite everyone else to my birthday and accept you.

That's what it feels like on both sides. It is the most middle school situation with people who are way too old and way too famous. Yeah, basically, I don't even like really know it that well, but Selena had posted a picture of her eyebrows post having them laminated and they just like looked weird or something

Should I do that? No, you would need eyebrows to have them laminated. Okay, keep going. Okay. And so she posted the picture of her getting her eyebrows laminated and then Haley and Kylie

posted on, or it was Kylie or Haley posted on their story like a picture of them FaceTiming, I think, like captioned eyebrows. And then And there was, like, other stuff like that that I'm forgetting. Just, like, clearly, like, they were making posts targeting Selena without adding her.

And it probably had something to do with the Instagram race, the, my space race. The space race to space race to 350 mil or whatever. Yeah. I can't even. I think that's how it started. Do we have the TikTok that? We have the easiest explanation video link. Okay.

Let's watch that Because I don't remember what happened After the eyebrows I know that there's like this thing Where they all keep using each other's songs For random stuff And they both have makeup brands And they're using like some people are using their

Selena Gomez's makeup brand And then some people are using Kylie Jenner's makeup brand I'm not even on that train I'm on Twitter This is where I'm seeing everything I'm not on TikTok My understanding is that Okay let's watch this

This is fake There's their makeup. That's their makeup. Oh, this isn't the other. Good night. That's fine. I'm not about to keep barking at a bitch wing box. Oh, that's good. Anyway, just mad because you was a stripper that thought she was going to get wiped.

Oh, and Haley Bieber has makeup too. Of course. Okay. More so skincare. Here's my whole thing. I don't know who's beefing more, but I think that like if we're putting Jake Paul and Tommy Fury in the ring, put them in the ring. Put Haley Bieber and Selena Gomez in the ring. I promise you that's going to make more money than Jeter.

Jake Paul. Yeah, of course, but they're not going to get in the ring. They're in the ring, digitally. They're in the emotional ring. That's the thing about women. We're much more emotional. Oh, you know what? No, I changed my mind.

Don't put them in the ring. Put them on. They'll do this. They'll do this. Tell me. Selina Gomez, Haley Bieber, on the wipeout course, where they have to jump across those balls over the mud tarpette. You know what I got asked to be on wipeout?

Did you, actually? Swear. hold that dot, put a pin in it. Okay. We're working on not interrupting each other. That's one piece of feedback that we are taking to heart. That wasn't an interruption. That was a complete derailment.

No, I'm saying the complete derailment's cool with me. I'm cool with derailments. Oh, I love it. I mean, no, I'm not. Yes, I am. Yeah, because as long as you can put a pin in it, what's the harm? And as long as we keep in mind that one touches all takes, then I think that we're all good.

I agree. What I was saying, I forgot. Oh, instead of putting them in the ring, you're going to put them in the wipeout course. Which I was asked to. And then, yeah. That's, I guess I had nothing else to say because I don't remember. That's fine.

I also don't really have anything else to say about the wipeout thing. You were asked to be on it? I don't know why I said no, because that would be really fun. Were you asked to be on with anybody? Because I think you'd go on with a partner. Yeah. Let me see if I still have the DM from them. Wow, I'm gonna go on wipe out.

No, I don't know what I'd search because it wouldn't like wipe out. My most delusional trait besides thinking... You could do it. Well, I was thinking yesterday that I could land the plane in the Hudson. Yeah, I feel the same way.

I also feel like I could, if need be, take down like a terrorist that I needed to. Oh. Like I always... Yeah. I fantasize about that,

which is like that's a bad thing to do. I also feel like if an, like you always say, this too. If an animal was coming at me, I'd be like, hey, no need to eat me. Right. And I'm your friend. Yeah. Oh, 100%. That's called ego. And that's something that we need to get over. Well, it's like coming to terms with your own mortality is at the crux of it too. But we're both so cool with like giving up as well. So like I don't know where that. Right. But on some level, we just like might not be cool with death

you know I'm thinking in terms of the bear attack if a bear is attacking you we're convinced that we could beat it I think that's because we're not willing to face the alternative yet hey I got my oil change in my car yesterday how was it? Did you go to Valvaline? First time in my freaking life

I said no just the oil change today Thank you. Are you sure you don't want that? No. Just the oil change today. Thank you.

I said your brakes are out. Just the oil change and check the brakes as well. Thank you. And then I walked out. I said that's all I'm paying for. If you do anything else, I'll have you by the neck. That's amazing because the exact opposite thing happened to me. Yeah.

Well, did you get you? I move forward with getting everything on the menu. And they did not check my breaks despite the fact that I was, you know, I'm in desperate need of. brakes yeah but i did get an oil change and everything and i'm getting a new car which was on my to do list of 2023 there are two things on my to do list get a new car and go to the eye doctor when did you get it did you get the new car in february or march today's march it's not here yet well did you order in well here's what happened uh february so that's only two months into the new

the year yeah that's good i just like for a goal i believe in working on yourself so that you can do things that you might be afraid of doing. However, in the case of negotiating for a vehicle, that's not something I'm ever, I don't want to do it. I'm never, it's just not aligned with my personality. So I did ask Pop Up to do that for me. Oh, good. So Pop Up called the Toyota dealership and was able to strike up a deal with the Toyota man.

And so I have a new RAV coming to me. me soon. That's awesome. Because I bleed RAV. 100%. I've always said that. Yeah. Live by the RAV. Yeah. So hopefully this time next week I'll have a new RAV. That's awesome. I got to really get my car fix and then sell it. Right. But here's the thing. I'm not getting mine fixed. Like I'm giving it to the dealership absolutely in shambles and they'll just like kind of deduct the amount of money that they'll give back me instead of me paying to get it done. Same thing. I've never got in a car wreck ever and the first one I got in was in the Airwann parking lot. First time I ever, I was like, I'm going to brave the crowds. I'm going to go to Airwane and be like an Airwond guy today. Didn't go. I like didn't ever go back.

Yeah, car to pole. You can't get out of the parking lot. There's like six like giant G-wagon range rover people behind me. I'm like they're probably all A-list celebs watching me do a 17 point turn off of this yellow pole. And you know what I've always. said. Crashing my car, something I prefer to do in private. No one else needs to, it's not benefiting anyone else to see it. Like if someone's parallel parking, out of respect,

I'm not going to look. You know? Yeah. No one should be able to look at anybody else parallel parking. Like, you should be fined. If it takes me more than the one turn to get out, I'm out of there. I'm getting a new, I'm two blocks over. I'm retrying. Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah. Yeah.

You know how I've been on a shark kick? Mm-hmm. I watched Jaws for the first time. Okay. Have you seen Jaws? Yeah. What'd you think? I thought it was a good movie.

Great movie even. Uh-huh. For me, just like now that I know so much about sharks, I was having a hard time watching it because it's so unrealistic. The, what aspect of Jaws? that that shark, you know, when they're on the boat for like three hours of the movie and the shark is just like kind of circling around, I don't think that the shark would really do that. Like the shark is not like actively searching for humans and boats to just like pummel and

eat. Right. Like she's that, you know what? She's going to swim away. I'd say to come back if she wants, but like that's not like sharks aren't like a predator's like that. And I would say that most of the time bears don't do cocaine. But like we can't discredit the fact that.

that maybe that shark got into some blow. I just like didn't like the shark presentation. Well, that was the whole thing with Jaws is that Jaws is like the first ever like catalyst for like coaling sharks and killing sharks and like demonizing sharks. That was like this huge thing that is still being reversed. I'm so anti-demonizing sharks.

I'm just pro putting them in a different ocean. Put them in a lake. Saltwater Lake. Could they live in a lake? Brooke, I don't know. I don't know anything. They have gills. It's water and it's salt.

It seems good to me. That's like saying, could you live in Egypt? There's air. So what? Right, but it might not be the best place for me. So I don't want the sharks to go in the lake, but it's not the best place. You know? But like you're not going to die.

Right. I don't know. I don't know. I don't either. And I do like want to touch on Andrew Garfield at the SAG Awards, but what else? but what else is there to say besides. Did you ever take philosophy class? No.

I'd take it in college. What do you mean in like high school or college? College. No. How do you take a class on philosophy? It's just like philosophy 101. But it's like are you learning about the philosophers? Are you learning about the theories?

You're learning about the theories. And the philosophers. You know what? You know what? Hang on. Wait. Whatever. How come, whatever happened to philosophers?

Why do they just not exist now? How come I can't be Pythagorean? Connor, there are philosophers still. You can major in philosophy. Give me a fucking break. You can. My brother majored in philosophy. And now he works at...

J.P. Morgan? No. He doesn't work at J.B. Morgan. What does he work at? A business. A firm? No. Like fundraising and such.

So if you're a philosophy major... He's a philosopher. He's a philosopher of fundraising. Do you say... Thank you all for coming here. tonight. There's a saying that I wrote myself earlier today. One touch is all it takes when writing this check for us today. Try to spell philosophers in one go. No, don't look. Look at me. No, no. P-H-I-L-O-S-I-P-H-E-R. O-P-H-E-R. Contemporary philosophers are enormously

influential right now. Jay Shetty. Is philosophy still a thing? That would be like a philosopher. It's just as relevant today as it was centuries ago. I think it's just influencers that have words to say. You're not, you don't have to, I'm a philosopher. We're philosophers. 100%. Oh my God, I was philosophizing today when I said, we aren't podcasters.

We're philosophers. That's what I was saying about the productivity. That's philosophy. Oh my God. That is the definition of philosophy. We could sit and stare at a wall all day and that would be the most productive day for a philosopher like ourselves. That's why we're in this library. Oh.

Oh my God. Because it's stimulating to the brain. Like I'm having an out-of-body Nirvana experience right now, realizing my calling today with this mic and my cell phone is that I was born to be a philosopher. You should put in your Instagram bio, like where it's the occupation piece.

Public figure slash comedian X philosopher. That is what we are. Wow. I feel God in this space today. You know how there's like musical comedians? There's also philosophical comedians. I think you're thinking of a slam poetry sash. Oh my God.

We should do that. Yeah. I still know that a whole. Touch is all it takes. Okay, so I'm going to circle back to why we started this conversation in the first place. Yeah. Andrew Garfield. In philosophy class, no, I'm going to completely butcher this.

There's this theory. It's Plato and it's like the theory of like the perfect form. Does that make sense? Let's see if that's it. Plato's theory of forms asserts that the physical realm is only a shadow or image of the true reality of the realm of form. Hold on. Hold that dot. Yep. I'm going to need a visual for all those words.

Okay. And there is one. Perfect. Oh, that's not helping it. There's a highest form and everything is kind of built on that image. Or is that not it at all? Can we go back to the word definition? Let's take it.

Let's take it sentence by sentence. Can I say it? Maybe you'll be better hearing it. Okay. Plato's theory of forms asserts that the physical realm, that's what we're in right now. Yes, exactly. Is only a shadow. Yes.

Or image of the true reality of the realm of forms. So we are a shadow. Of the true reality. Of the true form. The true reality of the realm of forms. Ooh, okay. That's heavy. So what are these forms, according to Plato?

The forms are abstract, perfect. Those are two things, two words that go not hand in hand, abstract and perfect. Unchanging concepts or ideals that transend time and space. They exist in the realm of forms. That is like complete bullshit. No, because here's how it's going to make sense to you. Andrew Garfield is the perfect form, and we are all shadows. of him. Does that make sense?

This is what this, we had the whole conversation because, see, that's literally all I can think about when I look at Andrew. I'm like, we are made in your, all men are made in your image. This is what everyone is striving to be. This, God, God made Andrew hands, her own hands. Okay, God made Andrew with her own hands as the perfect form. She didn't make anyone else with her own two hands. She handmade Andrew.

I have to, we have to move on past this, like, this level of delusion is... It's not delusion, it's philosophy. Sorry, that's what I meant. This level of philosophy is just beyond the realm of forms. Do you get it? No. R.E. Andrew Garfield. I don't even get the main point of the whole theory.

I don't really get the theory, but I get it when it's in terms of Andrew Garfield. So to circle back, you think that... that God made Andrew and then we are all just like... With her own two hands, yes. Yeah, and then we would all just like fall under... So there's an Andrew umbrella and then we would all fall underneath it. Andrew's the perfect form. And we are the images slash shadows.

Is there any... Excuse me, more so men are the images slash shadows created in his image. Okay. Not in a religious way in a philosophical way. And I disagree. Put a pin in that. Can we pull up a video of Andrew from the SAG Awards? and then I want you to help me you disagree.

Then I want to. I watched it. Well, I want to watch it. We don't have to watch it all. No. Like this is... I think that you would love to see this three second clip of him saying he likes going deep and wrong.

Oh, yeah, I've seen this, but this isn't what I'm talking about. I'm afraid of going deep and raw. He's not. Unafraid of going deep and raw. I can disagree. That's not even what I was talking about. I'm talking about his relationship with Sally Fields. Oh, it's sweet.

I saw that too. Yeah. I saw it on your side. sorry twice. Okay. So I think we're good. I get it. Well, I wanted to touch on it because it's important to me.

I like the philosophy piece of that. But the cool thing about philosophers is that they were often at odds. Okay. And they had to be cool with being at odds, or else there wouldn't be a podcast for them to talk about. Yeah. Yeah, totally, totally. They are sweet, though. And Sally, he kept checking in on Sally Fields.

That was really cool. It was just like the most perfect, exquisite night, and I was happy to be a part of it. I think that this is such a special year for people that work in PR. As opposed to any other year? Yeah. Why? Because there's some people that have, just like Andrew Garfield has been like a famous person forever, but like I've not gotten so much Andrew Garfield in front of my face.

As someone who doesn't seek him out, like, think he's a cool dude, fan of him, like wouldn't need to see the same clips that we saw today. It's just that we're online more. No, he's all over my TL. And like, you're a fan of him because you followed all of his work. But I haven't, besides Spider-Man, like I didn't see 30, 60, 90 or whatever.

What was it? Tick, take boom. Tick-tick boom. You've seen so many things with Andrew Garfield in it without realizing, probably. Give me something else. Social network.

I actually didn't see that. Really? No. I don't know if there's anything else that you would have seen, actually. Yeah, that was his, like, first big movie. Fan? Not enamored.

And I don't think I was made in his image because look at me. You're striving to be the perfect form. No, but I'm also a realist at the end of the day. I can't be the Andrew you need. Hey, no one can. So that's just that. And I think we just have to end on that.

What else to say? We could talk in circles of an AG. Yeah. Architectural Guard. Honestly, like I would love to do an AG podcast. Oh my God, I would love to do a podcast. I guess you wouldn't be interested of like, doing a podcast, each episode is a different crush and just really diving in.

Each episode is like a full kind of. You may have found a niche. That may be a good niche for you. Oh my God. I'm going to do that on my own. Do you mind? No. I don't at all.

Actually, that'll be a really great, like, case study for a college class in psychiatrics. In psychiatrics? Yeah. Totally. What's, okay, I'm in. So I kind of bid you a due now and I'll see you in bonus. And I'll be sitting you in. my next podcast called A to Z crushes.

No, no. Through the Looking Glass. Through the Looking Glass. What's that? Celebrity Edition. No, what was that thing on Freaky Friday? Jamie Lee Curtis wrote a book and it was called Through the Looking Glass Seance into. Into something.

It was a word that I never, I can't get out of my head, but I obviously can. I shook it, shook it out of my memory. Well, let's pull that up for you. people texting me in my podcast like I've just been really offended by people texting me recently I wonder if I wish there was a way like to have a email like a generic email go out that's a text to be like I am recording an auto response right now in auto response yeah um okay let me type in through they oh there it is through the looking oh yeah through the looking glass oh can we scroll down a smidge through the looking glass it didn't say it it doesn't have it test Coleman's Oh yeah What was the word Seiance Seonce in retro

In retrograde? Yeah Hang on Through the I got a see it on my Looking It's right there Freaky

Friday Well I just want to see it on my phone So I know that I'm saying you're right Hang on it's No it's not Seance What is it? It's a big huge word Give me that phone

senescence in retrograde it's senescence and we never figured out what senescence means add this to your word I don't think I like this word it doesn't senescence or biological aging is a gradual deterioration of functional characteristics in living organisms so it's senescence in retrograde

so she's actually aging backwards yeah so she's like looking at and that's funny because it's freaky Friday and she switched daughters with her body oh my god there are so many layers to that film that I can't even begin. Speaking of Satan, they're actually coming out,

Jamie Lee Curtis came out and said, we're going to do a second movie, we're going to do a second movie about Freaky Friday. Recently, she didn't give any details. My biggest regret in this life is one time saying I didn't like Jamie Lee Curtis on this podcast, because I have completely changed my attitude. I think she is a national treasure.

Yeah. Perfect form. No. I do miss her in the activity Activia commercials That's when S&L was just That let's end it here That lady can eat some yogurt

I bet she's so regular during that time Which is a good thing to do that Well did you not see the S&L skit where she shits her pants She's shitting her pants nonstop I don't need activity to do that I know you don't Hell no Guys this episode

Was brought to you by Can we legally say that See you guys See you M-Pon if you want to come over and we just are going to be hanging out there and then um if you don't see us there we'll see you next week yeah bye this week on close friends out immediate out no one is sucking their mum's teeth 2023 is the year to learn when to lie i always lie Connor, why didn't you tweet that one?

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