Brooke and Connor Make A Podcast - Supporting Women In The (F)Arts w/ Hannah Berner

Episode Date: February 1, 2024

SUBSCRIBE TO THE NEW BNC CHANNEL: https://bit.ly/45Pspyl  Ad Free & Bonus Episodes: https://bit.ly/3OEBbbj NEW MERCH: https://shoptmgstudios.com  This week, Brooke and Connor are joined by the legend herself, Hannah Berner! She talks about her brand new Netflix special, why you should never hold back, and how to become a crowd work expert. Plus, Hannah shares her wisdom by answering your advice questions!  Join our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/5356639204457124/  If you listen on Apple Podcasts, go to: https://apple.co/bandc  Go to https://HelloFresh.com/bandcfree and use code bandcfree for FREE breakfast for life! Go to https://Quince.com/bandc for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. B+C IG: https://www.instagram.com/bncmap/ B+C Twitter: https://twitter.com/bncmap TMG Studios YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/tinymeatgang TMG Studios IG: https://www.instagram.com/realtmgstudios/ TMG Studios Twitter: https://twitter.com/realtmgstudios BROOKE https://www.instagram.com/brookeaverick https://twitter.com/ladyefron https://www.tiktok.com/@ladyefron  CONNOR https://www.instagram.com/fibula/ https://twitter.com/fibulaa https://www.tiktok.com/@fibulaa Hosted by Brooke Averick & Connor Wood, Created by TMG Studios, Brooke Averick & Connor Wood, and Produced by TMG Studios, Brooke Averick & Connor Wood. 0:00 Feeling Weird 2:04 Intro 2:23  Hannah Is Here… 5:25 Building Stand Up Character 7:44 Girl Power vs Boss Baby 10:39 HelloFresh 12:58 Our Love Language 15:33 Hollywood’s Girls Girl 17:30 Identifying as Gen Z 19:23 Not Holding Back 25:11 Quince 26:31 Women In The Farts 28:13 Hannah’s New Netflix Special  31:23 Posting Bits Online 34:10 The Crowd Work Expert 38:35 Role Playing Crowd Work 44:18 Flying Ember x Connor Wood 45:27 Just Doing It 47:38 Connor’s Weird Encounter 49:37 Advice With Hannah 58:55 BNCMAP Art Contest! 59:40 More Advice With Hannah 1:09:22 Long Live Subtweeting & AIM 1:14:59 Hannah’s Leo Quote 1:17:41 Thank You Hannah!!! 1:21:54 See You In Bonus!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Really? Yeah. I'm doing Daddy chill right now. Okay, awesome. How are you feeling? I feel like crap. Why? Because we launched Obsessed last night.

It was really fun. Sorry, we're filming this in advance. So this Obsessed has come out. Obsessed is out. But at this moment in time, Obsess is coming out in a few hours. And last night we did a trivia launch party, and you had some cocktails. I had several, like, mocktails spiked with liquor. And then I went out.

Cocktail-infused mocktails? Alcohol-infused mocktails. Alcohol-infused cocktails. And it's so funny how many ways we could say that. Let's get to the point. Sorry. Yes. Because I said mocktails infused with liquor.

And then as I left your party, I heard down the road, I'm walking out with Matt King. and Jack Martine. And I'm walking down the street. And I hear, Baby locked them doors and turn the lives down low. And I was like, if that's coming out of someone's car, I'm getting in to their car,

I'm going wherever they're going. Now, if it's coming out of a venue, that's where I'm spending the rest of my night. And it was coming out of a venue and they were having country night. And there was like a line dancing situation. Yes, yes. So I had like times two your party drinks.

And I actually had to head out of my party a little bit early because I was tired I know you you chat me you said can I leave I go yeah but moral of the story is you're feeling a little bit sick yeah I'm kind of if only you had someone to take care of you if only there was someone was a bathroom sorry oh my god wait what not a caretaker not a caretaker maybe today for just oh my god I can chat I can chat for a bit every Anna, I am so glad. He's like, suddenly I feel more nauseous than Hennessy.

I feel very, very safe around you. For audio only. And that's not typical. Audio only listeners. Hannah Burner randomly just walked into our set. Completely random. Wait, what the hell? No, I like took a wrong turn in New York and I ended up in this beautiful, gorgeous

in our palace. In our palace. Thank you for coming to our palace. It looks haunted in like the best way. Oh my gosh. Like haunted mansion? Yeah. One of the best movies.

Eddie Murphy? Eddie Murphy's version. King. Yeah. Yeah. Eddie Murphy. No, I'm just kidding. How'd you explain?

Thank you for having me. Thank you for coming. I just watched his thing. His thing. Is it a documentary? I don't know. It's like, oh no. Is he just canceled?

Eddie Murphy can't be canceled. No, he's not canceled. Okay. No. It's hard to keep up. He like keeps his head down. Like he's like, I know I'm a legend. I'm not going to stay that way quietly.

I love that. Like, once you know you're on top of him, disappear. Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah, that's why you know we're all not doing that great. We're still here. We're so loud.

The second you don't see me, you know I'm feeling myself somewhere. But that's how I feel with like stand-up comedy too. Like some people do like two hours on stage. Like I want to leave people wanting more. Yes. I'm doing an hour. I'm going to sleep. I'm doing a tight 47 if we're all a little tired.

Oh, I love a tight 47. I love. I'll do a tight 13 if we're feeling. Sometimes I'll walk out and I'll be like, I know all of you are anxious girls. And I'm anxious too. And it took a lot from. me to get here. So we're going to hold hands and get through this.

I'm very anxious, but about weird things. Like, I'm more anxious in, like, a group dinner than, like, a podcast. Really? What about stand there? This is actually the only time I feel comfortable. That's how you know you're meant to be doing this. That's how you know you're mentally. Yeah.

Like, if we were out of group dinner right now, I'd be like, do it let Connor speak? Like, should I laugh at that? Are you a middler? What's that? Where people intentionally put you if it's a lot. larger, longer table. You get sat adjacent to the middle so that you can engage both sides at the table. Wow.

Honestly, I feel like I avoid these situations so much. I haven't even earned a role. Oh, that's not true. You don't realize you have a role because it's been given to you every time that people see you at a table. You're a middler. Wait, this is like my whole new personality. You're totally a midler.

Next time I go somewhere and put me on the end, I go, can I speak to the manager? Oh, my God, yeah. That someone didn't check my rider. This is crazy. No, I definitely, because when I'm out in public, like, we have to bring it, you know? I want to perform. I want everyone to have the greatest time

and be like, that was the best time I ever spent in my life because Hannah was there. Right. But it takes a lot out of you. Then you go home and you're in the dark and you're just drained, just done. You're right. I love how happy you got you go, yes.

No, you're so right. I had a show on Wednesday, and I broke dry January at that show. How was your show? You're scared we're going to flop. Okay. So I hosted it. I'll get there.

I hosted the show and hosting is I'm happy to do. It is so hard. You put your body on the line. So gracious. You basically go up and. Cold open. Yeah. People don't. You know when your friends have a baby.

It's a cold open. Yeah. You know when your friends have a baby and the baby likes to go, even though you've met the baby 12 times, it likes to go like this. Is it a toddler? What babies are you hanging out with? Like, not the grudge.

I'm talking about like, you know, like a kid? Like a kid, like a toddler, you know? And it, like, looks at you from, like, behind something, kind of. That means they like you. Yeah, they like you, but they, like, need to be reminded that they like you and, like, convinced that they like you. That's what hosting is like. Yeah.

Because you can do well, and then you have to come back in 10 minutes and you're like, Do you guys remember you like me? Or do we have to start from the beginning? Exactly. But you know what? It makes you such a better comic. It builds a lot of character. However, my...

That would be my worst nightmare. Dude, building characters what you can say about anything. I know. Get a punch in the face. I just builded my character. Something great happens. Also building my character.

I would love some more of that character building. I can't think of one thing that's not... Horrible? Building character. Oh. Yeah. Well, basically, I bombed, and then I broke... Your character's supposed to be...

right now. Oh my God. Wait, did you break it mid-show? So I went up and did a joke about dry January and then like did not land, but just fine. And then I'm over it. I'm totally fine. And then I was like, I'm actually going to have four beers right now.

Didn't you break it before? Or is that private? Yeah, it was private. Well, like, I show up to this birthday party and Brooke like has a literal glock to my noggin. And it's like, you're going to try. drink tonight because there's a time and a place. Oh, he's blaming you. Because I like, I don't drink that often.

Yeah, me neither. Oh my God. I do when I go out, but I don't go out that often. So if I'm drinking, it's like, I want you guys to get the biggest fight on this spot. I'm drinking it's like. I know, I can feel it. People think we are really mad at each other from last week or two weeks ago. We, because I interrupted Connor and he, um, took a valve silence for the remainder of the episode,

which is about six minutes of dead. How peaceful that must have been? Dead silence, because I interrupted him once. I was actually like 11 times. You don't let women speak? No. Oh, God forbid he let a woman speak. You don't give women space.

Is the wage gap not enough for you that you also have to have all the audio on the whole pod? And if you could count, if you could count the amount of times he's interrupted me, you would have a new number. The world would create a new number. Not saying that I don't interrupt you, sweetheart. Well, you do. I do. Of course. I'm just saying.

We both do it. Can I change perspective on this? Totally. As a loud, obnoxious New Yorker, I say if I don't interrupt you, I'm not listening to what you're saying. If you speak to me and I pause for four seconds, I was thinking about lunch and then I go, that's crazy. But if I'm interrupting you, it means I heard what you said and I'm so fucking excited to

add to this conversation. But sometimes I swear to God, I'll listen. So you know what? You're welcome. You're welcome. Oh, you know what? I go out. Okay. It's not bringing religion into this. Yeah. It's not get political. It's not political. There was one thing she said like two weeks ago. And every time Brooke does it to me,

it's like girl power in the comments. If I do it to her, it's like misogynist. So, yeah. Very quiet on set when I said. Where's the problem? Well, yes. All the girls were like, what is the male version of, of girl power? Is it like? um Alba male boy boss baby boss baby

boss baby boss baby it's called being you are boss baby I'm boss baby you love you are you do have you do have

on Wednesday too when we recorded you are boss baby in a different font you also have the skin of a baby's bottom like he is smooth as a pebble

not one pore on this man he doesn't have one poor and I walked in And he was kind of like big-timing me. He was like, oh, I didn't put moisturizer on, like bragging how good his skin was looking despite being dehydrated and hungover. He always does that. And then, look at us turning on him.

This is fun. He's like, I don't wash my face. Okay, great. Awesome. Then we all sit down. And I'm just staring at his beautiful poor. And he goes, I'm going to go get coffee. After I traveled like 40 minutes to get here.

And I was like, did you know Conner's a monster? Yeah. Yeah. And I did. Love him to literal death. Like a lovable monster? Like a boss baby monster? But like, I didn't think him being the Diva here.

Did he request a fireplace behind him? Yes. He was the one. My writer's fireplace. He needed a fire on. Anyway, how's your hangover? It's good. Like, the thing about a hangover is like if you drink enough, you wake up drunk.

And then that is like the ideal situation. So like right now your words cannot pierce my soul. Good. They should. They should be. Like this would be something that I just like hand. this episode over to my therapist. No, this is how

actually this is how I show affection if I could be mean. Yeah. It means like I really Yeah. You feel comfortable. Yeah, I feel comfortable. If I'm nice to you I think it means like, right. I hate you. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Great. Great. Great. Great perspective. This is what I always tell Brooke. That's what we do and people get upset and think we're fighting. Oh. But people also think you're fucking. We're expressing love. Because it's a thin line. Sure.

Fuck, you fight, and suddenly you have a podcast. Okay. The fuck fight podcast. It's like the pipeline. That's so funny because if you're mean to someone, you break that level of comfort. Right. And then, but being called nice, like if someone had an adjective to describe me and they said, he's nice, I'd be like, they want me to die today. What about coupled with other adjectives?

Like, charming. He's nice and charming. And what did the article say about you that came out today? Charming. Charming. She gets Google alerts for you. She like knows what she's going to say in it. Oh, random that you brought up adjective.

Charming and it wasn't. Oh, don't worry. Charming. I was on this hate forum about you. Charming and handsome, but the way that they said handsome was incredibly round about. He said it's like, boy next door. Well, he wrote up. Some have called this phenomenon.

Handsome young man, parentheses, no offense, Connor. end parentheses. He may not look like the sort of sculpted Hollywood heartthrob. Otherwise, expect women to want, period. Why don't we just stop commenting on men's bodies? I feel like I need to protect him in this moment. That was crazy. People constantly make me this like beefcake.

He's just being sexualized. Did you know the article was going in the direction of Hollywood heartthrope? Yeah, I mean, you guys do articles, right? I can't read but you do no one's ever commented on my beauty in an article same that's a good point someone did call me body positive once and I'm still recovering from that

they called me a will-de-beast no they didn't call you a will-de-beast they said I was body positive okay that is absurd I'll get those too Liana in different words what they called me they called you face positive like he's not what you would expect people

to be attracted to you but for some reason No, but you're dangerous. He's a dangerous man. You know why? Because he's not good-looking enough for you to be like, he'll break my heart. You'll be like, I'm doing him a favor. And then next to you know, he'll get a little cocky. And then he will ruin your heart.

Like, no one ever has. I would never ruin your heart. A lot of guys like Matt have done this to me. Like, they're so... Like, named Matt? Yeah, it's giving Matt. Okay. You're more interesting than a Matt.

Because I have the name Connor. So, like, it's a little bit different in that sense. Besides that. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, but I feel like, and this is, I'm not trying to blow smoke up your ass here. Come on, I'll bend over. But I feel like you're what people are looking for

in this day and age, which is like cute and funny and normal. Well, that was the article was supposed to give, like. I'm confused why people are like he's not what you would expect. He's not cute, funny. Because the 2024 woman. You look like Josh Hutcherson if he was left in the microwave. You're always getting like heat related. Do you just call me a shrinky ding?

Microwy, pottery. Not smaller. Oh, thank God. Yeah. Just melted. Yeah. Like, just not as sharp features. No, like, what we're getting at is that, like, I look like I'm made out of plastic.

No, do you know what it is? You're not creepy. Well, that was kind of where I wanted the article to go. You don't have sharp, like, intense, scary features. Okay. Positive connotation. I love that. You know, like the frogger.

rat thing? I think you're pretty. Thank you. We love you. See, we broke him down. We built him back up. Yeah. I'm down.

Are you okay? No, I'm totally good. Also, don't touch my chair. Ew. Don't be gross. Don't be gross, Connor. So I'm really, really sorry. I had something that I was going to say.

Let me check my notes. He's texting. Go ahead. He's literally texting. Yeah. he's on hinge he's on Ryan I am a girls girl

I'm changing my bio wait can I ask how old you guys are yeah I'm 20 redacted I'm also that age my little baby is yeah yeah I'm I feel like I'm your guys age mentally yeah and like when I look at you I see my peer

thank you I'm also not I am wearing a turtleneck so it ages me today but how old do you think I am I would say 20 I think that too. I'm 32, but like... Really? I feel like 27 and 32 are the same thing.

I do too. Yeah. And I will say, do you mind if I say that you lie about your age? For more respect. I'm not going to say how old you are, but I will say the only reason that I call you out

about lying about your age is because I don't want people to think that I'm older than you. And people know how old I am. Everyone knows my birthday is on September 11th. Right, but your birthday could be September 11th, 2004. And it is.

I mean, I hate when people judge you by your age, and I'm like a big proponent of like experience and age does not necessarily mean that you're qualified for things, especially in this day and age with all technology and stuff. Yeah. I just want to surround myself with like smart Gen Z forward thinking people. And I identify as a Gen Z. Yeah, I think you're. And I'm Gen Z passing. You're there for sure. Yeah, you're total Gen Z passer.

Thank you. But if you go too hard, I'm going to feel like you're overcompensating. Okay. Let me interject you real quick. Are you interrupting? No, actually. No, he's just interjecting. I just needed to interject.

Interject is different than if you say I interject. Go ahead and interject. So we skipped right over comedy because I talked about how I, middle of the show, had to go upstairs and find a private bathroom. To, because you were sharving. Metaphorically or actually?

I literally was stinging it up on and offstage. Okay. On Wednesday. What did you eat? Like, not. Nothing. Do you think you were nervous? Nervous stomach is a thing.

Yeah. It was horrible. I did apologize to the bookers. But I feel like as a girl you can fart on stage and no one will think it's you. Like I'm like obviously it's the guy sitting there. And I literally have said that so many times. No one's going to expect this like horrible, horrible fart coming out of. The tiniest most gorgeous girl.

No one's going to expect it. If I'm not holding it. in because it will affect my performance yeah oh my gosh it's better out than in my my uncle says that i'm your uncle my uncle from michigan says that yes i identify with your uncle you and my uncle from michigan honestly we vibe need to go on to her very not into holding it in yeah and do you announce or just completely i am farting now hold on everyone one second for me now i don't announce um it depends on the mood and who you're around i'll fuck honestly like i am a very honest person I'll fucking lie to get out of a fart in a certain situation.

Like in what way? Like if people are like, what is that? I'll be like, that's crazy. Whoa. I don't even know what was that, you guys. Did I ever tell you that? I don't smell it. That's a good.

It hasn't come to me yet. It hasn't reached me. It hasn't reached me. So it couldn't have been from me. Did I tell the story of what happened to me in third grade computers class? Oh. Oh, this sounds like, it's actually, this is going to be one of those things where it's like, why did I say that?

It's a horrible story, but I'll tell you anyway. But if it affected you, it did affect me pretty deeply. I was answering a question about something about the computer game Zumbini's if you guys are... What? Did you fart? Did you fart? My Kelly Clarkson Waiver Collection chair

was just kind of going ham in the mic just now. But, like, I just need to reship because my camo slacks were going up my ass crack like a G string. Yeah, okay. So I was trying to pull them out of my ass crack and in doing so, I made this sound.

Hey man, no worries? For like six seconds. It's too long. No worries. Let me know when I can go on with my story. She's talking about her childhood trauma. Take your time. Computer class.

Moving and breathing. Let's make a mental note. We need some WD40 for the leather. Please. Computer class. How many words for a minute are you? I don't know off the top of my head. Probably like, yeah, I was going to say eight.

Could not spell. On a good day. One finger. But anyway, I was answering some sort of question in computers class. and in the middle of answering the question, I farted, like, pretty loudly. And I could have just, like, kept talking, but I stopped what I was doing. I said, who did that? You just gas lit the whole room.

Everyone knew it was me. It was so clear. I was at the front of the class speaking. Loud, like, bubbly fart came out of me. No one said anything. And my computer teacher was like, it's okay. Just go on. I said, no.

I cannot go on right now. Who did that? Who did that? This is disgusting. Who did that? The lights turn off. It's like a murder mystery party. You get a flashlight.

Why would you do? And the computer teacher was like, Brooke, like it's okay. You sick fuck. It happens. No worries. Just keep going. I would not. You go my enemies.

They're trying to sabotage my performance right now. She's in a Nancy Drew like hat and magnifying glass. Wait, I love that of yours with third of yours with third grader. Who did that? Who did that? I would not continue my train of thought. I sat back down. Could not have continued.

not knowing who did that. Oh my gosh. Not one person didn't know it was me, by the way. Like, wait, the story's really killing me. This is really funny. And then a similar thing happened, actually, now that you mentioned it, thank you for asking. In geometry class, we were taking a test

and I was sitting next to my friend Jen, and she farted loudly. And then before the fart was even out, she goes, Brooke. No. Okay, that's all into friendship because of that. That is fucked up. Because we were sitting.

It was me, her, and the boy she liked. at the team. So I had to think in that moment, am I going to fall on the sword for Jen at this time? I couldn't. Who's name is Janet in third year? Jen.

And this is nice gray geometry. You know your lactose intolerant. Why do you eat that cup of ice cream. I will never smell a fart and start playing the investor Gator game. I think that's like fucked up. Like if you smell it, it's good karma to just like let that person live. That person was like, who did it?

Who did it? Like, why are you going to arrest someone? The scariest thing in the world is the sentence, you smelt it, you dealt it. Oh, yeah, that fucked me up. That was the beginning of gaslighting. You're right. That was the origin story of gas lighting. That's why I always go, I can't smell anything.

I have a sinus infection. I have COVID. Guess what? It's always the person that didn't smell in the belt. No. Taste that fart yet. So I must have COVID. I do have to say the people that will start, like, being like, who did it?

It's like, why are we trying to, like, throw someone under the bus? Like, we all have tummy problems sometimes. I'm lucky, though, I am a quiet, stealth, sulfuric farder, which some would argue is worse. But I don't have an accidental, like, crazy loud fart. But then when guys do it, it's hilarious. Have you seen that girl Grace on TikTok? Yeah. Who I love her.

And she did this bit about, like, oh, this guy farted and it was so cute and funny. But then when she did it and pooped in her pants, All of a sudden it's not so funny anymore. There's, you know Chelsea Lynn? Yes. No, but I love her. Hysterical. That's the one that I always say, like,

that'll make a pusset throb. Yeah, Tammy is her character. So she has this best friend named Paige, and I stalk them. Page is like this, like, hot girl who, like, loves pretend falling in front of people and, like, getting fake crazy attention. So she was making fun of baby announcements, gender reveals.

Yeah. And she was laying on a table. but naked and farted out a pink fart. Like she must have, I don't know how they did it. Yeah, pink powder into her butt. And she fart and everyone was like, yay, it's a girl! That's crazy. That shit blew my mind.

Because she can fart on command. Take away. I think she can, which I can't. And now I feel a little like. That could be really dangerous. That could have been a gender reveal gone so wrong. They could have been like, ooh. Like, imagine if she pooped like, what?

Okay, so what are you having? That was a baby. What is that? I think you're just full. Yeah. She has a period fart. You're like, what is red? New gender unlocked.

Like a weirdly sassy girl. Farts can be an art form. Yeah. And I support women in the arts. Women in the Farts. And that's the title of the podcast. Fuck yeah, bro. Really, really good, you guys.

But I'm glad we got to this point. We can always move on, though. We could even end it now. So that's a tight 24. Tight 24. It's been 24. It's amazing how that happens before we really even introduce Hannah. Well, I said Hannah Burner has joined us.

Okay. But Hannah Burner has joined us in like a big way. I did come in kind of hot. Thank God. There's no other way to come in. Like my farts. Like the farts come on hot and so does Hannah burner. Thank you.

That should be your tagline. tagline, yeah. Yes. So you, congrats on your freaking Netflix special. That's crazy. That's crazy. No, it's crazy. How are you feeling? It's honestly crazy. You know when you feel like out of body?

But I do have to, oh yeah, what do you have to say? I'm, like, it's a crazy thing. Here's what I have to say. Yeah. About your accomplishment. If I can speak on it before you do. Do you mind? Timmy speaks on it before you. No. If I can interject quickly.

Please mansplain my If I can interject quickly in for three and a half minutes, I would say, I think it's crazy with Netflix specials, like you haven't filmed it yet. So like, you got this deal. Like, it's out that Hannah Burner has a Netflix special.

Uh-huh. But it's not even filmed. It's not created yet. This is the crazy thing about it. I'm like, it potentially is not even coming out until September. Because I film it in March, and then you have to edit it,

and then I think they don't love coming on the summer because we're all drunk in a pool somewhere. Yeah, Okay. Interesting. So I might have to wait until the fall. So that's when everyone got like so excited with the response, I was like, okay,

also I'm like, maybe I end on top and I don't put one out because that was a pretty good. Get all your likes on your announcement. I got the likes and I'm good. No, actually, it's one of those things where I could have filmed it earlier, but when you film a Netflix special and you put it out, the materials like burned. I wish I was a singer that just had a three-minute song that went off. and then I could perform it all over just you know I'm in Tokyo I'm whatever I'm doing covers if I need time you can't really perform it again once it's out you have to start your hour from zero and then I also it is an art form where like it's never really done yeah so I kind of was like I'm not I love touring this and I'd like to just one day you just go okay put it out you can literally keep cutting the fat and adding more bits nonstop and one day you just have to be like it's out so I'm like was very patient with putting out the first special I do think sometimes people rush you be like, I got a Netflix special. And actually,

my husband, who's older and wiser, was like, I know your ego wants to be like, let's put out a special tomorrow. And he's like, just wait until it's like the best it could possibly be. So that's, I'm in my like patient era. I love that. That's exactly what, like,

I posted one clip of like my standup on YouTube shorts. And someone commented, like a random, like user 1-1, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 commented and was like, you posted this clip of an uncooked bit that you might use at a later show. So like if I am fan X,

I'm gonna see this and it's not done yet. Like keep it to yourself until it's done or else they don't do this one. And you agree with him? That one kind of changed my perspective and that was kind of in the same thing. I have a lot of opinions. I do love meeting you and you,

a comedy queen. But no, but that. One of you has B. I really love seeing comics come out of, like, different ways now because before it was very traditional. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm definitely one of those people that wasn't, like, I've done a lot of different forms of entertainment. And TikTok was a huge reason I think I got the Netflix thing.

But I would argue back then, no one would post anything. And I like to post sometimes a bit is best when you're excited about it. And it's fresh. Yeah. So I'll post it very early because by the time it's on Netflix, it will have evolved and changed so much. But sometimes bits are not about like necessarily how like perfectly they're done.

It's like people don't remember what you say. They remember how you made them feel. So like I think if you like the clip, you post that shit because... That'll make a pussy throw up. Yeah, the worst way to deal with social media is like being a perfectionist about it. Yeah.

And so I do like your mindset of like, because so many comics don't want to post their stuff and then they get mad when other comics are selling more tickets. And I'm like, because they just, they're throwing, they're putting themselves out there. On God, Hannah. Oh my God.

Are you going to start posting more stuff then? You have to. I am such a pussy. Like, it is unreal. Like, I can't even... Your girl, your guy's girl. First of all, one thing about me is I'm a girl's girl.

Your girl's girl. Yeah, and I'm not what you would expect you to be attracted to. Right. Well, you're charming. Yeah, well, I look like a lesbian. I think it's the whole thing. Yeah.

They should have just said that. Also, your eyebrows like started growing. Lesbians are hot. Yeah. But, you know, I ask my barber not to give me a lesbian. Where it looks like a lesbian area. I'm so like branch out. You should fire your barber.

I love her. It would be a girl. But what I was going to say, my barber's a girl. The layers? You're Barbara. The curtain bangs. I like,

I got me. I love when you laugh at me. It's really sweet. She got the smoker's laugh. He just pukes a little. Oh my gosh What was I going to say about the clips About my pussy

And I looked like a lesbian And then Oh you're a pussy Oh my gosh yeah No so I can't post clips Because you're a pussy Why? Well like I can't even rewatch

Because they film you When you do your standout I don't watch my shit And it's like okay I think I did That was a good show You know you get off And it's either a good show

Or you have to walk into traffic For me That's the two sides of the coin And like the good shows I'm like I will watch that in two weeks and I'll get drunk before so it'll be like watching game tape or something

and I still can't do it do you hate yourself I guess but I get why like a Matt Rife would post like crowdwork I don't why do you think he does that because it changes every show so like well yeah so you're posting crowdwork so you're not burning material

and then people do think it's like magician when you like I would argue I have more fun with crowdwork and I think it's you're so good I think it's way easier than a really well developed joke because crowdwork I'm in control I have the mic I've also done like talk to so many people you get like weirdly psychic where I'll see how people are sitting and I'm like you've been together for eight months and it's like because you you do it so often you'll be like that guy's a lawyer I could just tell and it becomes and also I'm nosy uh-huh like a lot of my crowd work it doesn't stem from like where's the punchline here it's like I earnestly care about

why this couple looks like that and you connect you have to connect with them they know when you're just being like bringing something up just to like bash them I have a joke that I'm gonna put into this yeah and I also say crowd work too is patience like sometimes when you sit in the awkwardness and the tension builds enough

and you finally get the hit it's like the best feeling but yeah that's why Matt Rafe does that do you like prepare your crowdwork or is it just like it's literally did you get better at it that is such a good question because I actually like a year and a half ago I told my husband I was like I want to do I know it's super weird that I have a husband but anyway

Now I'm like addicted to you saying my husband No it's so off brand for me and like I don't I can't talk about it Oh I love but I was like How do you get good at crowd work? Because he's a comic too And he was like you just have to do it You just have to put yourself in uncomfortable situations and try to get out of it And I was like so there's no like rules There's not like a like one two punch you're doing and he's like

You just have to do it And once you free yourself of that perfectionism and you go like, I want to be messy. I want to build my character by putting myself in weird situations. Then, like, that's where the gold comes. It's like podcasting. You guys never plan your best moments.

Yeah. It's when you're loose and confident and you just make the crowd feel like, like, calm. Like, I'm going to take care of you. Just trust me. And you have to, like, I'm telling you, just do it and you'll get better.

And that's the worst, like, advice. Like, I'm not giving you any strategy. No, it's the best voice. But that's how I got good at crowdwork by someone, just saying go out and mess up. No, that is word for words. That's what you should do in life.

Yeah. Have you ever like frozen up during crowdwork? I feel like there would be like, I would literally be like, oh, you guys have been together for long and they'd be like, okay, and I'd be like, very cool. But that's hilarious. Very cool. That is my crowd work right now. But that's the thing.

Everyone gets, what's your biggest fear? That happening? That was actually funny. So if you always know, like, every now and then I'll get someone, because crowdwork, let's be honest, sometimes you have a talent that's in the. crowd and you're like you have been gifted from God for me. Right. Right. And they're incredible. Like last night there were these people who didn't have sex on their wedding night. Normally it's like because they're too drunk and these people were like we were virgins and I'm like, oh thank you to the

crowdwork gods for giving me this. But sometimes they it's really the worst and that's when you do the right good chat. Okay. Um, well this was fun. Um, you guys fucking hate me. Like even after a bad joke you go, oh that's anal is where you guys cut off. Okay. Like you just keep saying what everyone's thinking and you're fine. It doesn't all have to be a fucking masterpiece. It's about vibes. You've got the vibes down to a science. I'm trying, I mean, I'm trying, but I'm trying to give you confidence.

What you just did for me. Did I just unlock a mat, a mat, right 2.0? You hack the, you hack the mainframe. He's going to start taking his belt and whipping people on stage. You were all thinking it. You were all thinking I just said it. Get your ass up here. But yeah, it's relatable to also have a bad conversation with someone.

Like, it's just a. about being yourself. Yeah, you're right, you're right. Yeah. But, like, I have had what Brooke just talked about where it's like, okay, I don't have a joke for you work in finance. So, actually, that's the easiest joke to make.

But also, sometimes, yeah, like, someone would be like, I work in finance, and it's easy to be like, so you're a horrible person. I don't even know where that goes. You've got your next joke, though, like, that's ready to go. Yeah, but it's not like a genius punchline. It's more about, like, you see,

you let it, you have to let go of control. Should we role play? Oh my god Yeah, how about you to do that? Okay Do you want to try with me? Yeah, I'll be like an audience member. Wait, you're an audience member?

Okay, I'm so bad at being an audience member, but it's okay. I freeze up when I'm an audience member. Really? If a comic talks to me, I'm just like, because I don't know how to act. Anyway, I get horrible stage fright for four. We're two girls sitting. Okay.

Enjoying your show. Oh my God, he's like not Hollywood hot, but he's like cute. It's like so charming, though. He's charming. He's charming. Where's eyebrows? Oh. Where are you to him? Hey, you two.

You two. seem like you hate me why'd you come we like comedy oh yeah we come here often again you just became someone different why are you acting different i don't know it happens no you have to be yourself wait what did i do you went you put this weird voice on you were like do it again do it again okay sorry ma again you're being weird okay oh my god i'm on i'm on a stage in my head okay you guys you seem that did i do it oh my god you do you do it my god you do it you Did it. Oh my God.

You totally did a different voice. It was a little better. But the thing is like, what if you felt like you were on a podcast with Brooke every time you're on stage? You have a microphone. It wasn't a projection issue. Okay. It wasn't a matter of projection. Is it an issue?

No, no. No. She's dialed in. To go again. Because now I'm really, now I'm really into this. We've become his Ukrainian gymnastics coach. We're like, do it again. Again.

I'm turned on. You guys are, you guys both, you guys both look Jewish. Where's your stance? Okay. On bagels. Better. Why do you look Jewish? Yeah, what about me looks Jewish to you?

Tell me in detail. Your zest for life that I can tell you have. And your eyebrows. Can I give you a, yes. You got, you got to start with questions. Oh my gosh, you're right. You don't just start assuming people's culture. Start assuming religion right off the bat.

That's crazy. That was crazy. That was insane. So you're Jewish. Because think about it. Crowdwork is a conversation. If you're on a first day and you just go, hey Jew. Honor, you've been doing this for a while.

But I do think it's, okay, so I did like cold calling sales back in the day. Me too. I think it's a good pipeline because it's a great pipeline. It's a mental terrorism. But they say with sales, you don't just go, let me convince you. you to buy this. You say what do you... You don't go, Jew.

Do you look like you want this? You go, what are you looking for? And they'll be like, oh, I need this in my business. And I go, that's crazy because what I have will give you what you want. So you start with a question. So you start with a question and you keep asking until you get set up

for something. And that's kind of like the basis of it. Whoa. Ask us a question. Are you guys Jewish? That's what that's actually... Because now, Who knows what's going to go. Oh, my gosh.

It actually opened up my... Because I'm about to say, hey, I'm actually half Italian, and I have some Jewish blood in me. I'm kind of... It's like a New Yorker thing. And it's Ashkenazi. But yeah, I get it. I get it. Okay.

Oh my gosh. Yeah. Even when I asked you that question, like my head was like, I could go anywhere with this. So then I responded with like, I'm half Italian half this. Yeah. So then from there, you could go talk about Italian food. You could... So that's why if you're always talking about what job do you do, yeah, you run.

Yeah, you run out of shit. But if you ask a question, you don't know what they're going to give you. And that's how you actually start writing new bits. Because it's hard to write and just sit and be like, what's funny. But if you have a crowd in front of you, you're like, fuck, and you make them laugh. And someone brings up Italian food and you make a silly, like, meatball joke. You're like, oh, that's actually a good bit. So it's all like, it's all just the mess.

It's a very messy, non-perfectionist social experiment for mentally ill people. But for mentally ill, let's emphasize that. I also think that like you just have to, what you said earlier, way earlier, was you have to go out and freaking do it. And also have some confidence in like your personality. Like both you and Brooke are naturally funny people. So like even how I like ask people questions, people will just laugh when I'll just make a face and they'll start laughing. Yeah. But it's like if you're trying to be an AI comedian doing crowd work, that's not funny.

Right. How you, like even how you were like, so you guys Jewish, that was cute. That was funny. You were a little nervous. Even saying something happens in your head like, oh, I get nervous talking to girls sometimes. That's hilarious. Lean into your most honest thoughts.

Because honesty's funny. Have you considered charging people a lot of money? Oh, I'm Ben Moham after this for sure. I'll pay you money. Like, this is a master class. I think I also think a lot of, especially women get really intimidated by stand-up comedy. And a lot of women don't break into it because it's hard to like late at night,

go to these clubs, a bunch of Conner's drunk and you're just like, why am I here? So like if it And women are so fucking funny And the internet has let like meme pages And podcasts women show their comedy and other forms And I really think like There's a lot of stand-up comics

That can come out of the internet worlds That have been like intimidated by it And sometimes I'm lucky in New York I had a lot of like really hardcore stand-ups Like sit me down and be like if you want to do this right way This is it And they make it kind of intimidating What did they say it was it?

Well it's very like you got to get stage time. Yeah. And you got to... You got to go out. You really just got to get stage time. And then I wanted to sell tickets, so I went on the road pretty early, like with 35 minutes and a Q&A.

And then you force yourself to get an hour. Because it's very easy to in your head be like, I'm not ready for an hour. But you put a couple stories together next thing you know. It becomes an hour. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. So there aren't any rules in stand up so you could either like paralyze yourself and not do it or be like completely delusional queen and just like go for it.

Hey guys. This podcast episode is low-key kind of brought to you by Flying Embers. My drink is now available. The spicy lime margarita X-Fibula collab is live in 44 of 50 states. Now, if someone was to ask me, tell me the 44 states. I can't. But go ahead and give it a shot, Flying Inbers. Honor what.

How exciting. Thanks. You've tasted it. Yeah, it's really good. It's really good. That being said, gird your loins. Like, don't tread lightly into this dark night. That's what I'll say, because it is strong.

Is it 8%? 10%. 10%? At this time, we're doing 10. And it is 10%. Like, my drink has hands. It's kind of like square up. So it's available.

Go check it out. I'm going to have a link somewhere. Check more bio if you feel like it. Check under your seat. Everyone's getting a link in bio. Yay. Check it out. Thanks.

Flying Inbers. Love you. As a girl's girl, it was intimidating for me to reach out into the space. Yeah, but you did it. But I'm not there yet. Like, I think an hour is still intimidating to me. What's your longest set been? I think 40 minutes.

That's good. You can tour with that. With crowd work. Yeah. He's like with 35 minutes of crowd work. Yeah, that's an hour. Of me just asking one question and moving on. You're Jewish.

Are you Jewish? Are you Jewish? And that's the whole 40 minutes. No, no. We got one. Ted talk. No. It's cool.

I'm excited for you. You know who told me you need to go out and do it? And he literally said that word for word. Right. In a mean way, was Tim Dillon. Well, that's the only way. Dylan talks and that means he likes you well yeah exactly what do he say i said i think he said like come do this show and i was like i am not ready to do that i'm still writing a bunch of stuff and i'm

reading um jerry seinfeld's book and he came up with 400 excuse me like and my tummy hurts yeah like tom segura's book i'm like he's like stop fucking reading the books go out and get and fucking do if you become a good stand-up just by reading books there'd be so many good stand-up oh my gosh it's like think about tennis. You play tennis a lot. Like, you can't... Read a book or watch a YouTube video. You read a bunch of books about tennis

and then go out and even make a serve. And it's also like... You can't serve looks. You can't serve looks. Just by reading books. Actually, I recently said this quote somewhere, but I have to say it again. Colin Quinn, who's like a very famous comedian,

talked about why comedy is hard compared to, like, music. Where musicians, even if they mess up with like their instrument or singing, you're still like, well, I can't play an instrument, I can't sing. Yeah.

But if someone goes up and is not funny on stage, everyone's like, I could fucking do that. Oh my gosh, yeah. It is like that harder pressure. But like everyone, it's just about like you having that little confidence and a little delusion. And the fact that Tim wanted to put you on stage,

fucking take that. I know, it's cool. Yeah, it's cool. Um, I just felt my nipple. Like, or I was trying to feel my nipple.

And then I realized that this point when I took my dog in a walk, this man stopped me and it was like teach your dog a little something about the universe and he gave me this

I haven't even opened this book yet heading that way it looks like it says time is consciousness this is the most L.A. shit I've ever heard no belief systems no BS why do you always accept that stuff you know you can just say I'm good thank you keep going keep walking it's content I can't at this point it's like thank you

so much Right. Oh my goodness. What's your Ben, man? Wait, is he saying your dog, he can like... I think it's like very, um, Scientology.

Like, it feels that way. Chance favors the ready mind, which is what we've always said. Mm-hmm. Wait, let's unpack that. He has a touch you on his time. He is a touch you on his arm. He is a touch.

Questions? Yeah. That's basically what I've been talking about the whole time. Chance favors the ready mind. I mean, that's crowd work. Yeah, if you're putting yourself out there, the chance will happen for the crowdwork clip to happen,

and then you blow up. Okay, and God at work in the studio right now, I'm going to open another random page. I love who's bragging that he could read. The fact remains. It's best to be flowing with zero time, remembering that timing is in the driver's seat at all times. And I'm stupid?

I didn't pick that one either. I wasn't able to clock that one more time. I wasn't able to clock that one. I actually spaced out. I feel like to. The thing about lunch? The fact none of us interrupted, we did not hear that.

No. It's a long sentence. The fact remains it's best to be flowing with zero time. To be flowing. I'm losing it. To be flowing with zero. It's quite wordy. It's very wordy.

Sometimes things just don't make sense. Yeah. I'm changing the subject. Should we go to some advice? Yeah. Okay. Okay. This guy needs to go to jail.

Okay. Did he think he wrote that? It's hard to say it's by Edmund Cohen. I think you just put a spell on us. Do you think you could have met the Edmund Cohen? I don't feel comfortable anymore. No. Okay, Hannah, we had people write in to ask for advice.

Oh. Because usually we're not like awesome at giving people advice. You are. But we figured because you're wiser, not so much old. but wiser, you would be really good at it. Oh my God. So we asked for like juicy stuff.

Oh, yeah. Because we got a lot of like my roommate left like a dirty dish in the plate. Yeah. Dirty dish in the sink, rather. Just didn't do the dishes. And then we're left doing that every single time. What do I approach?

And it's like, just like fucking move out. It's post-its, obviously. Break up with him. Break up. I'm always done. I'm like divorce, breakup, kidnap. Okay, here's a good one.

I think. Oh, this is good because it's like age gapy. My neighbor, 58 year old male, has confided in me, 22 year old female, that he's cheating on his wife. Oh, wait, this doesn't really have anything to do with an age gap, but stay with me. Yes. And 56 year old female is the wife. Okay?

So the husband and the wife are actually the same age. Yeah. But the girl writing, 22 year old female. They're cute. Why is he talking to her about? Okay. So he's cheating on his wife with the real estate agent who is in her late 30s. Okay.

They're all very close family friends and they're about to sell their current home and buy a new house together where they plan to retire together. Do I tell his wife? No. You don't think? I'm out. I'm staying in my lane. 24 staying in my lane. Because also you don't know if she knows.

Like this might be part of a thing. Also, it's like I don't. I don't yeah what do you think I agree I agree word for word we both were like we know we know like I feel like I would want to know you would want to know but like do you want to hear from your 22 year old

neighbor like why is your husband even talking there yeah that's fucking weird also they've been together for a long time he's probably cheated before these are like people do patterns uh huh and it's one of those things where like you're not necessarily a hero for doing it

yeah what do you get by telling this woman, 56-year-old woman, who has gone through so much more life. Right. By the way, your husband is fucking the realtor. Well, I think it's just like, I don't know if I would feel guilty. Well, is it just about, like, relieving yourself of guilt, or do you think? Well, you know what? Again, that's about you.

Yeah, it is. Like, yeah, you telling them is to be like, is making it about you. And it's, again, like, the whole situation is just not about you. I do think if she confided in you and is like, hey, I'm worried. look, I have to tell you this. But don't go out of your way to like... They might be freaks. They might...

I might want my 22-year-old neighbor to tell me, honestly. That would break your spirit, Brooke. It would. But I'd rather have my spirit be broken and then live a life with a full spirit. Why is he telling people? It's like he wants her to find out almost like... Right. It's very...

I mean, honestly, saucy, spicy. Desired. not much to write home about at this time. But I like, I don't know. I wouldn't say anything only because it's not my place to go to. And also, if the guy is, like, confiding in you and he trusts you, it's only a couple steps away from killing you as well. Interesting.

So, like, oh my gosh. I didn't think it was going in that specific direction. I could bring it that way. Okay. As a man, that's where they go with their head. But I do like that you're protecting women. Yeah, it's just like, that's my whole thing. My whole MO is just like, like,

Being safe. Yeah, making them feel safe. Yeah, as a girl's girl. Yeah. In Hollywood. Okay, this one is just like really something else. Okay, we're in college and a bunch of us went to a music festival in my friend's small town this summer. One of the guys got deliriously drunk, broke the shower off the wall, and then proceeded to take a shit in her garden.

Not the best. He gets really embarrassed if anybody jokes about it, but he hasn't paid her back for the broken shower. Now she isn't sure how to bring it up But also, Heike needs the money back Because her parents are fuming Any advice would be much appreciated How did you break a shower? How strong are you?

Right. What part broke? The thing, the shower. The shower head. I'm assuming he just like ripped it off of the wall. Maybe he was trying to hang on it Because that could have been fun. Wellness check.

I think that's a moment where like, the girl has to be like, Hey, like I love you. You're so fun. My parents, I need the money. I think you don't need to worry about hurting his feelings. No, because he'll probably feel better if he pays you back. Also, sometimes people get weird where they don't know that you want them to pay them back. And he probably isn't wanting to bring it up just due to him not ever wanting to speak about it again.

Yeah, so he's not going to bring it up. Yeah, we've all been there. Was that you last night at the club just breaking people shower? boot scooting buggy last night like I was country mode oh you were shitting in the garden mode shitting the garden is not hurting anyone that sounds romantic

well no she has no issues with the shitting in the garden the secret garden it's just the shower also the fact she has a garden is quite nice pretty yeah okay you have a garden but you can't afford to fix your shower I don't think it means that she's like rich rich if she has a garden in New York that's the same if it's big enough for him

to make himself a almond I feel like Is this one of those things too? Could you just like send a Venmo and be like showerhead? Right. Jolie, shower head. Just request. Jolene.

Jolie. I think you really just need to ask for the money. Ask for the money. For sure. Ask for money. You're not in the wrong. I want to be very clear that Hannah, we asked for juicy stories.

That was the juiciest one, by the way. I got a couple too. But like I wanted someone like, I saw my, neighbor murder or someone and like you guys are so mad there's no murders you're like we don't guys step up your fucking game kill someone pooping in the garden we're gonna get like racketeering like lawsuit against us okay I'm interviewing I didn't read these I'm interviewing for a company and the first email I got is from a guy I made out with approximately four years ago what's the protocol here he follows me on Instagram I unfold him years ago respectfully when he got a girlfriend

Queen, does he remember? Do I say we've met? May I add, he's the founder of the company. Is he the one that he's the one that reached out for an interview? He wanted to interview her? I guess that's unclear. I'm interviewing for a company.

It's all we got. Look, I don't know what the kids are up to, but I feel like making out is like a hug, especially if it's drunk. Like it's not too invasive. Right. I feel like maybe that makeout was for a reason that now you have,

everything's about connections, right? Yeah. And if you're not a NEPO, baby, this might be your connection that you need to get into the industry. I also don't think it's a bad thing to be like, oh, we've met. Also, joke about it. It's so funny to be like, remember that horrible kiss we had for years ago?

Thank God we're so much better in a waiting environment. So she has the power. Oh, that's interesting. In the situation being like, I don't care about that makeout, I need this job, like whatever. If it's a one night stand, that's a little different if the P went in the V, but I feel like a makeup. I don't think if you went in the V in this circumstance. I think it's just

she's interviewing to be this. 58 year old's real estate agent. Yeah. It's all about this 58 year old trying to fuck people. It's like every... It's like, there's this 58 year old that like... But also, it is creepy, like, out of all the people in the world, why is he reaching out to the one girl he made up with four years ago?

Oh. Oh my gosh. These are key pieces of a story that, like, we need if we're going to give you advice. I would say, take the job. Take him for all he has. And then worst case scenario, you can be like, you made out with me four years ago

you can't fire me you made out with me like that puts you in like a powerful position so you think she should bring it up she is not in a position where like nothing like the kiss is not going to come back and bite her ass

right no I just wonder she's like a big time like PR girl or like why was he specifically reaching out to her because you don't want to be in a creepy situation I'm feeling like she's gotten like a second or third interview and this is he's higher up in the company so he's doing the later interviews

have you been single for a while in a city most of the men you've made out with in that city I think you say oh I think we've met with tongue and then see what he says and then it's in God's hands you have to like it let God yeah everything we answer we go piece of God's the God's hands

I don't know Connor tell everyone about the B&C art contest won't you? Hi, all. We're doing something fun on the BNC and me be Instagram. We're having an art contest. Yes. The submission window for the art contest is January 26th through February 9th.

We posted all the rules on our Instagram last week, but here are the logistics. Take a pick of your art. Post. Post it on your IG grid and tag. BNC. M-A-P Art can be any medium Think

Crochet Painting sculpture Whatever Get creative with it This one's kind of good A little I love how judge you guys are of them

You rate them You go this is a six So my son's father Has had a girlfriend for one month And she's already trying to Wait I'm so sorry My son's father Yes

Her baby daddy Her baby dad Yeah My son's father Has had a girlfriend for one month And she's already trying to get him To call her stepmommy Getting in his face saying

Who's your stepmommy? Do you see stepmommy? She even put it in her Instagram bio Oh no Wait for one month? Yeah, oh yeah one month No Is he a 56 year old man?

No Please keep in mind My son is five months old and cannot speak also she's not legally allowed to be alone with him because of her criminal record okay this is more than a six I thought you were talking about the baby for a second I was like what did that baby do oh no step mommy theft any who is there any way I can tell her and my ex that they are insane and need therapy without starting a fight how do I not go insane myself I don't think you have to be worried about hurting their feelings in this moment pop off remove your son from the situation, A's Hab as possible.

I seriously, seriously think that she needs to grab him and leave the country. I don't think it's unreasonable for you to be like, I'm not like in love with my son being around this woman who can't even be alone with him who's insisting that my son who can't speak, call her stepmommy. That's not unmarried, right?

They've been dating for one month. Yeah, yeah. That's not unreasonable for you to be like, let's wait until you've been dating at least like a year. Let's hold off on nicknames right now. This reminds me of like those guys who will like visit one weekend a place and then put it in their Instagram bio.

Yeah. Like New York, Texas. Miami. Miami. Dubai. World traveler. And I'm like, you had a like layover in Dubai once. Right.

So yeah, that's mental illness. And then you don't want to start a fight telling him like, hey, can you tell her not to say that? Because then he'll go to her and be like, she's talking about you. Right. So it's, yeah, it's kind of like take the baby and run. Right. I usually think the most painful, painless thing about this thing is to take him, the son, and leave the country.

I'm serious. So then why? Canada is not that different from the United States. That's a lot of adamant, though. Why should she have to uproot her life? Yeah. For step mommy. Because obviously step mommy has a criminal record and isn't afraid to kill again.

We don't know that she's a killer. You're always going to kill her. I hate this, but like they have to get legal stuff involved. I know it's a lot of papers and emails, which is why I avoid that stuff. Right. But like she sounds like she could legally get the girl to not be able to see her kid.

And like the step-m mommy thing is wild. Like if you DM'd this to a judge, they would no doubt, they would no doubt be on your side. If you Snapchat did a judge. The fact that a judge could have like an awesome podcast. A judge has the tea. The judge would be like, well, legally speaking, queen,

you need to go to Canada with your baby. We should get a judge on. Oh my gosh, we should have a judge. If you got Judge Judy, I die. Judge Judy, Judy Shindland is my everything. Wait, do you know that her net worth is like $46 million? Yeah, we've spoken about this on 18 different occasions.

That's what we'll keep her head down, he says. Yeah. She's not out here on private L.A. planes. She has been in a happy marriage for like 70 years. You don't see Judge Judy on a tart trip. On a what? Tart trip. Oh, but maybe we should.

I would. Like, that's. the content I would watch. Yeah. She starts doing, get ready with me. Get ready with me to separate a family. Oh my god,

Tart, you're welcome. Free PR. Free fucking idea. This is better than Michael Sarah Saravay. I want to see Judge Judy shakes some ass in the Bahamas. Yeah. And then separate a family.

Immediately following. She goes, Hey, my room is like a lot smaller than the other influences room, so I'm kind of annoyed. And I'm actually going to sue everyone. So Tart is fucking a

Just. Okay, last one and here's another one where someone's 31, someone's 19, and someone's 20. Okay. Okay. Wait, we're doing triplets right now? What? Three people. Okay.

Three people does not have triplet made. Trio. Trouble. Thruple. Okay, my co-workers are really in right now, I'm finding. Oh, Yadya. My couple, I mean, my coworker. My coworker is 31.

I'm 19. I turn 20 soon, but still. Okay, so you're 19. All right. He claims he is genuinely in love with me. I lost my virginity to him. I'm so sorry. Can you start from the beginning?

My co-worker is 31. I am 19. I'm almost 20. I am almost 20. And he's a 56-year-old. He is 31. 31. He claims he is genuinely in love with me.

Lost my virginity to him. Don't know how I feel about it. got caught up in the moment. We have been friends and working together for about two years. I need to know this job. For the first year that I knew him, he was married. It was never a good marriage. That's what they always said.

Oh, okay. But he would make slight moves or say risky things when he was married. He's now divorced and anything intimate didn't happen until he got divorced. Half of my friends support it. Dump them, by the way. Half of my friends hate him and want him dead. Oh, yeah. Okay.

I don't know how to feel about it. 12 year age gap is crazy, but he knows me better than most and loves me. But my mom would kill me if I ever brought the idea up. And yeah, so awesome. She hates that man. Also, if you're young enough to be saying, oh, my mom is going to kill me. Yeah. This is probably not a situation that you should be in.

That's so true. Also, she literally said, he said he loves me and I don't know how I feel about it. That's your answer. That's your answer. Period. Also, I'm all for an age gap, but I feel like when you're 18, that's when I'm not for it. So not to make this about me, but I am an age gap relationship. I'm 32.

My husband's 47. And I always say, I tell girls, like, I love an older man. They're tired. They're, like, not going to cheat on you. They're sleep. And, but he, when you're in your early 20s, yeah. But when you're in your early 20s, like, that's like your brain is forming. You're learning about who you are.

Like early 20s, you can actually, there's, like, more of a power. dynamic where like I'm in place where like I'm financially stable I my brain's fully formed to my extent so I don't five she's six years away from a fully formed brain not there yet to be with an like I love when you're like 27 that's when you start getting in the 30s maybe dabble in 40s but when you're too young like they really can like tell they can manipulate you yes yeah that's age gap negative connotation yeah um facts facts on god wait so this is her coworker this is it seeming to be more of like a boss figure hold on let me reread. A co-worker, co-worker.

But this is the thing, where is a 19 year old and a 30-year-old working? Like, that's what I want to know. Is it like a pinkos? Because she's either in college. I'm envisioning Kinkos. So, yeah. It feels Kinkos-esque, yeah. Although they have been working there for a while.

How do you know? A bar? It could be bar, restaurant, subway. Oh, my gosh, it could be a subway. It could be a subway. How smelly would smelly with a sex be in a subway? It would just smell like weird hand. It's making me get a little sick. It just sounds like weird. That shit will make a pussy.

And then she ended this with. Please feel free to call me if you have any more questions. Say what? She ended this with please. Please feel free to call me if you have any more questions. Okay. I don't have any more questions. You've given me enough to tell you.

We're done. I'm not working out. It's not working out. Also, if half your friends hate him, that's way more than enough friends. Right. And I don't care if it's two friends. I'm concerned about the friends that don't hate him to be friends.

You should be, like, going to the mall and, like, making it out at a synobon. Yeah, and he took her virginity so she can kind of think, like, he gets me. I miss that. Yeah, and I don't like, oh, God, yeah. Was that in the original story? And she was like, I don't know. I don't know what I feel about it. I just got caught up in the moment.

If that's what you're saying about losing your virginity. When did you say that he took her second sentence? I was a lunacy. Looning. Yeah. I was after you asked me to me myself. Is a trauma bond. Like, that shit for girls is.

Not fun. Right. So, like, you're just like, he's been through a lot with me. It's like, no, he broke your hymen and it's. Oh, she's obsessed. She needs to get laid again. Yeah, meet a guy with, yeah. Not that I'm giving advice.

He knows me better than most. She said he knows me better than most. That's not even romantic. No, that's actually so true that he knows her better than most people. Everyone. Of all the people in the world, he's one of them that knows me. That's not a. Right. I'm needing you to walk away.

I love his laugh. I need to bring him everywhere. It's so good. It actually helps most of our shows. No, I hate him. Okay. Also, I feel like dating when you're 19 is about research. So it's like even if you like someone, you're like, I'm not going to marry him. Let's do more research. It's research. Yeah, go do some more research. Yeah. Okay, that's all I have.

I had one. Okay, give it to us. It's not anything advice. I just had a thought earlier today. Okay. I was walking around with my damn dog, because he got out again today. Get a fence. Yeah.

Just get offense. Yeah. Like, everybody's saying it. Yeah. Everyone's been saying it. What kind of dog is it? Everyone's talking about me getting a fence. He's a mutt as hell, and I love him to death.

He is. And he can't be managed. And anyway. way at all. Like for me like when he got out I was like oh he's going to work like in my head I was like oh he has like stuff he has to do stuff he has to go do like I'm like I don't want like get in his business you know but like I was like wait no no no you actually can't that's why air tagged his ass but I was like oh my gosh what was he doing did you were you able to track him yeah air tag that's fun every time I leave my house now it's as max has been left behind

it's so sad okay but um I was walking around and I was on TikTok and there was something that like I watched somebody's video and it like seemed a little shady and I was like remember you guys remember sub-tweeting

yeah do you remember sub- tweeting? I'm sure you can see this but I used to sub-tweet every day 16 times a day minimum same person

wait what do you mean what do you mean? Who was it? Just my crush my whole Twitter account was just sub-tweeting him was it

it I wish you could see me. It was kind of like if we were a movie, like you'd be the right guy. Like every, like lyrics. Yeah. And also like can't believe, like can't believe he's treating me this way. Like just heartbreak.

Heartbreak, heartbreak. Follow you? Yeah. Oh. And he would. He would like it? Respond. And say?

Sorry. I was like sick in the head. Well, that's like not. tweeting you're just Right I was more so just texting When you're mad and then he just says sorry And then he responds again Wait do you guys remember AIM aim

Of course That shit you put your away message That was dramatic as fuck People would be like in my darkest hour And they're like fourth grade Remember the songs like when you would log on Or someone would log on and your crush logged on The door?

Like their specific sound played Oh my god The door would mean hit I would get Or like when the door would open like Oh, the door. I get so nervous, I'd be like, this is your time to shine. This is your time to shine.

How long do you wait? That was mental warfare. I think people do not know that feeling. The high. It's so true. Like getting on aim and seeing the green dot. The green dot. I'm going to quit.

And also we all did it. Like you knew like, okay, like John is going to be there. Like after practice. After practice. It's actually so much more fun because nowadays when he's not texting, It's like he has his phone and is decided not to text you. But if you're on aim, you're like, he's clearly busy. He's not on aim.

He can't message me. Oh my gosh. I would do anything to get it back. Yeah. We did that with Facebook messages too a little. Yeah, it was hot. It was hot. Oh my gosh, that is such a good thing.

But I was just thinking today like there is nothing more loser. Sorry that you already had admitted that you did it all the time. But there is, like, because I was going to say this before you said that you were admittedly at sub-tweater. Sure. There's nothing. just like white flag loser behavior is being like but not like I like you.

It's interesting that you're still moving forward deciding to say this. You could have turned my whole thought out. Wait, but it's more like... Since when have you ever done that before? Totally. I don't think he's gonna... I'm not stopping.

Okay, go off. My whole thing, it's not like... Go off girls, girl. We support women in the arts. I do. I love it. That being said, I was more talking about sub-tweeting in the sense of like you're in a fight with someone. Oh.

Not like I have a crush. And like the fighting tweets when you're like, are you like who's is about type thing? That is genuinely like you lost the fight if you're sub-tweeting about it. I feel like people still do that with like Instagram posts where the bottom will be like, I'm a safe focus. Even though my haters are coming for me. And it's like a thirst trap. Who are you off? It's like, who are you?

It's like my enemies are always going to be out to get me. but I'm going to keep my head above it and I'm like, what happened? You're just getting one new enemy by the way, me. Yeah. From seeing this and having to read it. I saw someone write a whole paragraph recently and it's like a celebrity who's definitely like doing incredible.

And I sent to my friend, I'm like, what could possibly have happened to this man that he's like, I got to rise above it in my... And yeah, it's so funny because who was that one person that like skipped you in line at like a Walmart? Yeah. That you're sub-tweeting about.

Yeah, sub-tweets will always be a part of it. What? No, that's fun and cute. Well, I do think you make a good point because I've never, like, read a sub caption and been like, this is cool. People do Instagram stories too. Like, when you're posting Instagram quotes in your Instagram stories, you know someone's going through a dark time. You text your friend, you go, bam. Yep.

Are you good? Mm-hmm. Give me your password. Pinterest quotes. Or the close friends, it's like, ugh, don't hit me up tonight. No one was going to. I think that's probably why you're putting this story. social media breaks.

I'm getting offline for 12 minutes. I just need to announce that I'm online and I'm not going to be online for two minutes, but I'll be back online in two minutes. I actually have a really dramatic background on my phone that I've kept from a long time. Oh my God, tell us about it. I'll be hanging with people and they'll be like,

you good. And I'm like, what? And they're like, the background of your phone is so fucking, I was going through a dark time. And it's also, this is so... Oh, it's a quote. It's a quote. It's literally a Pinterest thing about Leo's because I'm a Leo.

Uh-huh. It goes Leo. So, so embarrassing. This growth may not be easy, but just keep trusting it. Just keep breathing through it. It's guiding you somewhere worth going. Okay.

And I just... First about true. I've kept it for like three years. Yeah. And I just... Then I get superstitious where I'm like, if I cheat, like, I get weird. But like, that's just always what it is.

And people are like, you good. And I'm like, I was not good for a weekend. That's when I... Like, that is one of those quotes where it's like, I can make that fit into, any situation that I needed to. And I was like, it's for me for Leo. Like when I got stopped at a red light, I would have read that.

I would have been like, it's fine. Because the growth is worth every penny. Exactly. It's building character. But it was like one of those things where like when you get dark and if I'm going to look at my phone, it's like a little bit hopeful. You just need a little hope sometime. But it's not towards anyone.

How often do you read that? I was like, hey, gator bitch. Right. Stop being negative. Yeah. Let's be positive. I'm going to have female empowerment. I think sub-tweets.

tweeting yourself is a good thing to do on your own terms and you don't have to put it out like if if I posted that on my Insta story people would be like oh my god because you want people to be like are you looking yeah right right and I don't need that I have gotten like 12 of the like hey Instagram's reaching out because people are saying that we need check on you like recently I've got like when you get reported for like not being okay have you gotten that what are you talking about Instagram will reach out. I'll get a notification. It's like Instagram's reaching out to like.

Is it because you're like scrolling too much? Oh, I haven't gotten resources. Are you watching certain videos that are like shown to me? No, I think it's like when someone said that I was chewing with my mouth open on a video. I was like sorry, should I kill myself? Oh. That'll do it, Connor. Right.

I'm not going to do it. But Instagram doesn't know your heart. Instagram are being sarcastic. Well, no, I guess like you get a certain amount of reports on like, You can only threaten suicide so many times. I love how Instagram's like, this will save them. Yeah, this will do it. This automated response will be there.

That's like literally opening a snapple lid and being like, don't kill yourself. Oh my God. Yay, okay. You know, I listen to my mom. I didn't agree, my friends, but Instagram will do it. Yep. Thank you, Instagrams.

Well, Hannah Burner, I didn't look at the time and it's been, we're holding you hostage. We are. You're about to get Stockholm's syndrome. No, this was so much fun. Thank you guys for having me. Your podcast is so fucking funny. And I've been stalking you guys for a while.

Your great personalities. Oh, you are the great end. And I love your chemistry together. That means the world. No, I really love you guys. True hero. I wish you could see my name is with Hannah. It is a constant.

Hey, like would love blah, blah, blah. And obviously, Hannah Burner has other stuff going on. That's crazy because I actually pride myself. I'm being good at DMs. You know what it is? You respond every time. Okay, good. Whatever.

But not a bad way, whatever. I respond and go, how did you get this number? Yeah. Love Giggly Squad. Thank you. Love page. She needs to come on.

Send our love. I would love that. I would love you guys. And congrats on your freaking Netflix special. That is not out. Seriously. And hasn't even been made.

Thank you. And it's filming and film. It's filming in Philly. It's where I'm from. The Philly girls. Yes, the Philly girls are my shit. The Fillmore is insane, the fact that you're filming there. Because you have to pick a place, and I'm from New York, and I just feel like the East Coast

girls are loud. They're smart. They're like, Kunti. And I hadn't performed there in a while, and I was like, hold Philly for the special. And I, yeah, I'm very excited. I'm really, really excited about that. That's so awesome. On behalf of Philadelphia, we welcome you.

Where are you from? I'm from. This is one of a good question. I'm from. And to end, where are you from? Who are you? I'm from Brooklyn, New York. You're from Brooklyn?

I'm from Park Slope. Wow. Yeah, so I'm from Park Slope Brooklyn. And I don't spend a lot of time in L.A. Because I am a New York City rat, I was saying. But whenever I go, I love it because I feel like I'm in Hollywood. I guess I am. Yeah, I'm just like a movie star.

The lights of cameras. Well, thank you so much for coming on. I'm serious. I can't wait for your crowdware clips to blow up. Tagabitch. I will. Thank you at the end of all of them. Credit,

where credit is you. When you get your Netflix special, put me in the special things. At the end of every crowdwork clip, I'm going to just clip you and being like, you got to fucking get up there and ask your question.

Have a conversation with a great. That would be like a gorgeous montage of like clips interspers of Hannah's advice and then you're doing them. No, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, the way that she has that. We need to do a documentary with your crowdwork journey. And you need to put,

I think I like this little like in the back. It's him just shitting, nervous pooping in the bathroom. Are you Jewish? I think I like this little love. Are you Ashkenazi? Okay, cool, cool. Very cool, very cool. Everyone's dying laughing.

America's hottest, hottest new comedian. Only asked one question. America's most charming new comedian. I actually was thinking someone has to do a TikTok of just like the worst. crowdware clips and it blowing up of you and that could be you also could lean into just your bad it's called bad crowd work to see what goes viral bad at his job that'll be my tour name i'm gonna change it to are you jewish the tour the tour the tour okay and on that note thank you guys so much for listening hannah thank you we love you come back soon and bye you sorry my hands

doing skin on skin right now. It was a little sweaty. I'm clammy. Oh. But it's okay. You're not clammy? We're doing clam back right now. He's dehydrated.

I'm actually like I don't. Yeah, I'm fine. Love you guys. Thanks so much for listening. Oh, wait. We probably don't even need to tell people where to find you because I feel like. Oh yeah. Hannah Burner, Instagram, TikTok, Gigli Squad, and Burner Phone are my podcast.

Burner phones with my husband. Gugly Squads my bestie. And Hannahburn.com for tickets. Oh, burner.com. I love that. Bookmarking it. Anna Burner.com. Love you guys.

See you in the bonus. This week on close friends. Are you horny? Yeah. Do it Leepa could use a pencil. And I would be like... Like, sue me. Hi.

Oh, I'm really, really scared. No, don't be scared. I'm feeling like I'm drunk. I'm... I'm... Sossed. What are those videos that you have locked of us? Do you want to risk it?

Yeah. Risk it. Sign up on TMG Studios.tv to watch a full bonus episode.