Bros & Shows - A Poo Poo Head Reunion (Vandepump Reunion Part One)
Episode Date: May 26, 2023It's the reunion we've all been waiting for. On this weeks episode we dive deep into Part One of the Vanderpump Reunion. We touch ever so briefly on Teresa's wedding before going all in on the reunion.... Lala and James come in very hot as we all expected. But did their enthusiasm take away from questioning Sandoval? Schwartz is put on the hot seat for his involvement in Scandoval, and are we seeing the kids of Sur outgrow LVP? Lala questions the queen of VPR and more in one of the most heated reunions we've ever seen. -This episode is brought to you by Factor Meals. Skip the meal prep this summer and have delicious, healthy, fresh never frozen meals delivered directly to your door. Go to factormeals.com/bravbros50 and use code bravbros50 to get 50% off your first box. Seriously, 50% off. Go get your Factor Meals today! Time Stamps: Teresa's Wedding (16:58) VPR Reunion (23:28) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
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As there's a drive in a deep left field by Castellanos, it will be...
Oh man, it's 8 o'clock.
And so that'll make it a...
I don't need the spotlight.
I shine just fine.
Hi, I'm Karma.
And yes, I am a bitch.
Brov Bros.
Good evening, everybody, and welcome back to another episode of Brav Bros, your favorite podcast
from the Bros for everybody, for whoever wants to listen.
and I am your co-host, Steele Russell, joined as always by the one and only Bootskoot McGee.
What's up, dude?
I like that one.
There was a lot of good ones.
Yeah, I saw a lot of good ones.
There were a couple on YouTube.
We're on day two of doing two shows a week.
I feel like I haven't left your house.
That's fine.
Yeah.
Well, I was also here to watch Vanderpump last night, but yeah, we're in this.
We are in this.
We got the first episode of the VPR reunion, which is obviously the main focus of this.
We're going to do a quick little recap of Teresa's wedding, because I guess we kind of have to.
But I just got back from like a little family dinner.
I had a little pizza, so I'm like all swollen right now from sodium.
But, you know, it was a lovely day.
Naturally, that's what everybody thinks about after eating pizza.
That's what I think about.
You just enjoy it.
No, because then I'm going to wake up tomorrow.
My face is going to be all puffy and, like, you know, it's just, I don't like that feeling.
You're going to get you one of those things you, like a metal thing you put in the freezer and then you press it against her face.
Who has the face roller when she gets anxious?
Sutton.
Sutton.
Oh, Sutton, if you're listening.
I don't know if she listens.
She's just a friend of the show.
That's presumptuous.
Well, if she is listening.
If you are.
A couple face roller.
Yeah, we could use a face roller.
I think it's good for stress as well.
And to get the sodium out of my face because I'm going to be all puffy tomorrow.
Now, how's that work?
Does it just squeeze right out of your pores?
No, I wake up and I'll do a couple of those guys.
If you're not a YouTuber, you're not seeing it.
But, you know, you rub like under the eyes, trying to flush it out of the system a little bit.
You know, it's self-care.
It's self-care because I care.
Wow.
Let's get a T-shirt made.
Self-care because I care.
But let's start out with some plugs.
We have our live show coming up July 26th in New York City at the City Winery.
So if you haven't gotten your tickets yet, we are out selling Philly already, and we've only been selling tickets for two weeks.
So we are on pace to sell out rather quickly.
So if you don't have a ticket, I urge you to get one now.
I got three messages today when I posted the ticket link that multiple people bought tickets.
They bought multiple tickets each.
Fuck yeah.
So, yeah, it's amazing.
But if you don't have a ticket, please buy one.
Get to the show.
It's going to be a great time.
Our guests are piling up.
We've got some really, really good ones.
We can't announce that.
And we're going to have to make some cuts, honestly.
There's too many guests.
We have too many guests that want to come out and hang out with us.
And it is really funny to think that Steele and I are going to sit down in a room and cross off names from
Bravo Leopardy.
Yeah, we don't have time for this one.
Maybe this, nah, we don't have that time for that one.
I don't know why we're mobsters in this scenario.
Oh, yeah, that's why.
Okay, cool, cool, cool.
But our other plug is if you are in the Philly area, next Wednesday, we will be at
Barstool Sansom for a little watch party.
We're going to be hanging out all night watching the show with you guys.
If you want to see me throw my notebook live, if you want to see me yell at Shooter,
we will be there.
I don't know why you're going to yell me.
Probably because you're going to tell me to calm down.
I'm going to tell you shut the fuck up or something.
Yeah, probably.
Isn't the yus?
Yeah.
And if everybody who is going, just keep it down.
Let's watch the show.
Yeah, you know, let's watch the show.
I don't think that's going to.
I saw a...
You could talk during commercials.
How about that?
Same a law.
Yeah, I like that.
But I did see a reel of last week's, or I guess last night's reunion.
Oh, last night.
At the watch party at Sanchez.
George Nyang there?
I didn't see the minivan, but I did see somebody show their Apple Watch.
and it had the decibel warning because it got too high,
it got too loud in there.
Like, have you ever seen that?
Yeah.
If you're in a place, like at the-
I get at, like, football stadiums.
Exactly.
So that happened at the bar.
So I don't know if it's going to be quiet,
but I'm excited.
I think it's going to be a really fun environment to watch the show.
So put the subtitles on.
Yeah, you need to reserve a seat.
So make sure you do that.
And come and hang out with the bros.
Hell yeah.
But let's move on to our Rose and Thorne.
We skipped that for our first episode this week.
saved him for now. So I'm going to let you go first. You kick us off here, pal.
Well, my rose, we already touched on it. All of you who listened last week and reached out
with your name considerations for me, they were all really good.
Boot McGee is one of my favorite. I did amend that. It was Boot Scoot. They didn't add a
Magoot at the end, which was a missed opportunity. That's fine. I mean, you had a good platform
to work with and you just expanded on it. You know, creative minds work, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. Anyway, no, I saw Boot Scoot scoot.
Boogie machine.
Oh, I like that.
Yeah.
I saw what, fuck, what was the one?
It was really good.
It was, it was Italian.
It was like, oh, man.
Oh, wow, that sounds awesome.
It was so good, and now I can't remember it.
I have to look at my thought.
I'll find it, but it was a really, really, really good one.
Keep those coming every week.
I need more and more scooter names, shooter names, because I run out.
I've been doing this for over 15 years.
I've been making up names for him.
So as you notice, I start to repeat.
I don't want to repeat.
So give me a new one every week.
So far.
it's going to be tough to beat boot scoot magoot but i think you guys can do it you guys are a smart
bunch you don't get to do it i'm just trying to think of the italian one you don't get to play the game
no it was some variation of pasta no dude i can fuck i can find you find it i'll get into my
uh thorn over here uh thorn comes from this was on our actually i guess it was on the full
episode it wasn't just the clip but you guys are naive fully believing joe gorga the angel of god
quotations, who never uses hyperbole, right?
That Gia called and said to leave Melissa or that Louis Melissa cheated with multiple men?
That last part's wrong.
Unless Louis cheated with some men, who knows?
Come on.
I don't, I don't get it.
I don't know who this person is a fan of, I guess, Teresa.
I don't know.
It's hard to say.
I had some people comment certain things about being pro-Teresa, but then they shit on
Teresa and shit on us in the same sentence. Also, when did Louis say that Melissa cheated on Joe with
a couple of men? I don't know. Like, he was the one who, quote unquote, broke the news and had
Joe come over. He broke that news. I think they're referring to. There's been a multiple
Melissa Gorga cheating rumors over the past few years. Yeah. I mean, which housewife doesn't
have that. That's what I'm saying. If you dig far enough, every single housewife on TV has
allegedly cheated in some way, shape, or form over the past five years. So all of those rumors should be taken
with a grain of salt.
If there's not evidence, we need evidentiary support.
We're the paparazzi.
That's what I'm saying.
If there is evidence of this, bring it forward.
We will rescind any statement made if there's evidence to the contrary.
That's actually a fact.
Yeah, we stand by that always.
Promise.
The brav bro's promise.
That's the brav bro salute, maybe.
But you rose.
I already did my rose.
All the people that reached out with my nickname.
Oh, right, right, right.
I did find it.
I found it.
Skugazi.
That's a good one too
Fuck, what did I do?
That makes you sound fake.
No, man, I should have saved that for next.
Damn.
That's a rookie.
I got excited because people actually
understood the assignment and sent them in.
We're now talking about it again
so you don't think that more are going to roll in?
That's the goal is that every week I have a slew,
if you will, of Magout's names.
Sloot's Magoutes.
Ooh, that's a dirty one.
Save that one for the weekend, buddy.
Save that one for Fire Island.
Oh, yeah.
We're going on a friend trip this weekend.
So me and Magout, maybe we'll do a live from Fire Island,
a little Memorial Day check-in with you idiots.
Yeah, I have to replace some spike ball.
My turn.
All right, so my thorn.
You know, I like to start out with a thorn
and then bring it up with a little rosy action.
My thorn is two different reviews said,
wow, these guys are boring.
And then one of them, somebody actually came to our defense
and was like, well, here's a novel idea.
Don't listen to them and move on,
which I really appreciate.
the support but I do think it's a really funny prospect that like if I don't enjoy a video
I simply move on from it to take the time to comment like you're boring it's like well you're
like I have a short attention span so even things that I really enjoy if I watch too many
videos of that I tend to move on pretty quickly unless there's something like right there yeah
like a little snap but I never really feel compelled to just tell them that they're boring
You guys are boring.
They're taking time out of their hard-earned day.
You give you some content.
Yeah.
Well, you know what?
I just thought it was funny.
But my rose...
I'm hurt.
Are you...
It's going to be okay.
Yeah.
It's going to be okay.
My rose is a really funny one because it's a four-star review.
And I appreciate the four-star review because they were honest.
I listen to podcasts all the time.
And this is from Wiggy Baby.
I listen to the podcast all the time.
and my biggest pet peeve is sound issues.
I love this podcast because I love Bravo,
but the sound on this podcast is low.
Well, at least lower than other shows I listen to.
I have to turn this literally all the way up when I listen,
fix that, and the show is perfection.
Look, this is a constructive review.
We have been working on sound since we started this whole thing a year ago.
We are not sound technicians.
We are not computer guys.
We are not any of the technological side of things.
We're not technologically stupid,
but we're by no means like genius is here.
So we're learning as we go.
I think tonight, because of this review,
we did crank the volume on this bad boy.
So if it's a little too loud,
turn it down a little bit.
But also some feedback would be nice.
Like, hey, you guys finally got it.
It only took a year a few dumbasses to figure out that, like, volume works.
That would be very welcome.
You can call us dumbasses too.
Please do.
Please, please do.
If I see a DA in the comments,
I know what you're referring to and I appreciate you.
But that's my rose.
Love it.
Yeah.
So let's move on to the news so we can get to what all you came here for.
We know why you're here.
And it rhymes with Shmi Shmi-Shmi-Mar.
Wasn't Teresa's wedding?
No. Teresa's wedding did almost a million views.
I saw that.
I, whatever, we'll get into it.
We'll talk about it.
But let's start with the first one.
We have a new show coming from some O.Gs of Rony.
Sonia and Luan go to Crappy Lake or some shit.
It's a Sonia and Luan standalone in which...
Which we knew about in the...
we talked about and we were wondering how it was going to be able to hold its own when
it's just two people.
Right.
But I didn't know the premise until this week.
The premise is pretty much simple life, like Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton, where they go
to like podong towns and do quote-unquote like American shit.
Yeah, like milking cows and stuff.
Yeah.
That's what they're doing in this place.
I think it's in Illinois.
And it's like in the middle of nowhere, it's a town of like 6,500 people and they're going
around doing like country shit.
I always feel so bad for the people that actually live there
Because it turns their little area into a circus
Now we're gonna watch this
And I hope it's really funny
Because if I remember correctly
The clips from Simple Life were hilarious
They were good
But I always feel really bad for the people
That live there and they're like
Who the fuck are these people? Why are they here?
What's up with these cameras?
And they're scaring the fish away
And why are you making a mockery of my profession
Because you are like grossed out
By milking a cow or something of that nature
You're making a mockery of what I do for a living and feed the United States with my dairy, with my cows, but it's yucky.
Yeah.
That's a whole different thing.
We'll get into that.
I don't think they're going to go to a slaughterhouse.
No, that would be interesting.
I meant dairy cows.
I wasn't going to drop that on here, but we will watch it.
I hope it's good.
We go into every show hoping for the best because we want these shows to do well, because we want the podcast to do well, and it's synonymous.
And we also enjoy Bravo TV.
That's why we started this shit to begin with.
So we want good shows.
hopefully it catches, hopefully it's captivating.
I'll be honest, I'm not super hopeful,
but I will give it an honest, honest take.
I think the summer is going to be interesting
because we're going to have the new Roney popping off.
I assume Ultimate Girl's Trip 4 is going to come up at some point.
Oh, yeah.
Like, we're still waiting on that one.
They're probably still figuring out the whole Caroline Manzo thing.
But yeah, I mean, the summer's going to be pretty interesting.
we're going to watch it all
because there's not going to be a lot of things
to keep our attention.
Philly's Eagles preseason
and Bravo.
I was talking about like Bravo aspects, but yeah.
Oh, I was just talking about what we have to do overall.
It's still not a big list of to-does.
That's my point.
No, we might have to dig up an old relic.
We may have to dive back into the vault
and start rewatching something
to kind of make up for some lost air time.
So if you guys have suggestions,
below deck was always present.
to us but below deck is it's so all over the place it's really hard to dive back into that one so
maybe top chef i would love to do top chef i don't know if there's enough top chef listeners
we've had a couple of comments we've had a couple of comments but look if you have like a favorite
maybe we'll put a poll up like which show we should go back to season one on i'll do it like multiple
times we'll take the average and then we'll watch that one works that's a good plan yep um moving on
we got a cryptic tweet from Jacks saying big news coming like with the timing of it he's clearly alluding to a return to the show or he's doing a podcast or any any out wow any other outcome but i will say i heard from two extraordinarily reputable sources in our dms and i mean very reputable when it comes to this that he is not coming back to the show jacks is lying again
It is potentially something in the capacity of Vanderpump.
Maybe it's an only fans.
Oh my God, that would be fucking hysterical.
Jacks Taylor only fans?
I don't, so the problem is, and I could see Bravo doing this,
because I feel like there's a lot of times they're a little behind the eight ball.
Only fans?
No.
I think that they realize how much people were watching the Jackson Brittany VPR stuff.
Yeah.
That maybe they're going to announce that Jackson and Brittany will do.
VPR again, a little rewatch, but people aren't going to watch it next year. Yeah, they missed
the boat of it. They're watching it now because they want to hear their take on Scandible.
Just on Scandible. That's it. I didn't look at the ratings, but I imagine that the ratings
were pretty high to start off with and then kind of fell apart. That's what I would do.
So I, again, I can see Bravo just throwing it back out there, especially with Peacock, but
that's got to be something like that. There's no way he's coming back to the show. I don't think you
can bring him back. I don't know. I mean, as Doty said in our interview with her, she has no intention
of coming back ever.
I think if Jack's is smart, he'll stay off the show.
I think for the sake of his marriage and relationship and life overall,
he probably does much better not on this show.
What if they brought him in for the second part of the reunion?
And that was going to be the big surprise.
I actually wouldn't mind that.
That would be fine.
I take that back because we'll get to what my issues were with reunion.
And the last thing, we got a Jersey trailer for the reunion.
It looks explosive.
Oh, yeah.
More so than in the past, only be.
because we do know that after this reunion,
we have not had a reconnection in any way, shape, or form of Teresa and Melissa.
They are actually on the outs to the point that the show is put on pause
until they can figure out what to do next with the two of them.
So this genuinely might be a reunion for the ages.
And I will say, Bravo, they've got to be thrilled with their ratings of their shows
over the past two months.
And I'd wonder if it's Scandival-centric, if that's just, like, trickle down from that?
if this show is just maybe the Melissa Teresa thing is like finally coming to a head.
Yeah, that could definitely be it too.
I think the Scandival thing is a lot of it because I'm sure some people kind of stopped watching or were like watching haphazardly.
And then the Scandival thing dropped and they started watching again.
And that brought them into other shows.
But yeah, the one line that Teresa gives Melissa while she's walking off saying that I can't wait to not see your fucking face ever again.
And then says, where are you going somewhere?
And Teresa says, I'm not leaving the show.
you are.
Yeah.
So we'll see.
Potentially damning, potentially Theresa talks and shit.
Does Teresa have the power to do that?
I would have said, I would have argued like two years ago, absolutely.
Two years ago, yes.
Now, probably not.
I don't think so, but here's the thing.
And this was wild to me.
And we're going to talk about the wedding real quick for a little bit.
The wedding almost pulled a million viewers.
It did better than every other episode in Jersey except for the finale and maybe one other
episode. Probably one of them in Ireland. That's nuts, because I thought it was awful. I didn't
enjoy that episode. I thought... We didn't need it. We really didn't need it because... Like, they didn't,
I don't know, they made it a special. So it's like, okay, like, watch it if you want to,
essentially, is how I read specials. But, I mean, it's in the same time slot. It's the week after
the finale, in between that and the reunion, you're going to tease little things. And when they
did the trailer last week, they teased Marge Talk.
about like why is Melissa not here and they teased Teresa crying and all this shit and it's like
it ends up just being a fucking wedding and the only real thing that happened the entire time was
Louis wanted to have sex with Teresa during the cocktail hour and I'm like oh my god but that
it was one of those things that like I could not stay keeping attention to it like I was that was
on my phone a lot and off and like all right whatever like nothing's happening we're just gearing
up for the wedding gearing up for the wedding the wedding the wedding happened cool oh wow familiar faces
from bravo shows cool done yeah and I think that they
did themselves a disservice.
We talked about it last week by over-promoting it when it actually happened.
Well, clearly not, because there's a million viewers.
That's true.
That is a very good point.
And, like, here's the thing.
When the other women of Jersey get there and, like, Jen brings up Joe when she's
getting ready, and there's other moments where people bring up uncomfortable situations,
it's like, look, regardless of how anybody feels about Teresa or Louis, on this day of all
days, leave them the fuck alone.
Let them get married.
Don't bring drama.
On this the day of my daughter's wedding.
On this the day of my daughter's wedding.
Don't bring your drama.
No, but seriously, like, I don't care what your feelings are towards them.
It's not the time or place.
Let her have the day.
She's been looking for this a long time.
So just, like, let her have it.
Keep the drama out of it.
Let it be a nice night.
Joe and Melissa, they had no reason to post shit that night.
I thought that was a catty move.
But they're not.
Like, they've had every opportunity to be the bigger person.
Both sides have, really.
And this past season, they could have, when we talked about it before,
they could have easily come out of this season looking great if they just didn't do things
and they shoot themselves in the foot all the time.
But the problem is they never realize that they're shooting themselves in the foot
because no one around them is telling them.
It's like everybody's afraid to bring it up.
And the other women in the group don't talk about it specifically,
except for the newbies.
The newbies show up and they're like, oh, yeah, I want to ask some questions.
And then they kind of fall in line.
So like nobody ever talks to either of them about what their actions are and how they're doing it.
and how potentially they could make it all go away or come up as the winner of this whole thing.
No one's giving them any guidance and they just continuously disappoint us and disappoint each other.
And it's just stupid at this point.
So hopefully the reunion is what it's billed to be, which is, I mean, again, three parts.
Everything's three parts now.
But three parts of reunion, hopefully we can get over it and they'll get it figured the fuck out.
Because otherwise, I don't know what they're going to do.
I agree.
My one question to you is, with the.
success of the wedding show special whatever you want to call it does that springboard a potential
spinoff for louis and teresa you've been pining for the love bubble you think that they've been
dropping that name because you think that that might be the name of the show yeah and don't get me
wrong i probably won't enjoy the show but i think it's going to happen yeah and i think that this is
confirmation that something's going to happen now she could do both where they do the love bubble
type of thing and it's like a six episode like winter house type of bullshit oh god yeah i know i thought
about that the other day i was afraid to bring it up but i know and i think they might do it no no no if
you're gonna do it go all in peacock special just throw it out for six episodes oh you know what i
think they'll do that i think it'll be a peacock run a short run if it does well it might
springboard into a moving miami from peacock to bravo so maybe i don't know what they're gonna do
with Luann and
That's Bravo.
That's straight Bravo.
Yeah.
I went straight to...
So, Peacock's not getting
a lot thrown to them these days.
So maybe they're gearing up for...
Because that would help their ratings.
That would help Peacock in general.
Or I guess downloads.
All right.
So let's make here...
Here's some advice, though, for Peacock.
Just set it up so that it's like Netflix.
Drop them all at one time.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yes.
Just drop every episode right then and there.
Do not make us wait week to week
because we will go crazy
because we have to wait another week
to talk about it.
talking about Steele and I at this point.
Yes.
It's so dumb.
Just let us watch it all in one fell swoop.
We'll decide how we want to talk about it, how we want to watch it, whatever.
Same thing with reunions in the future.
If you have a Peacock exclusive, like say Miami State on Peacock,
drop every episode of the reunion that day.
At least the reunions because you can just watch or just drop the reunion episode
and make it two and a half hours long.
We'll watch the whole thing in one sitting.
It's a movie.
Exactly.
So I think, you know, obviously they should bring us into these conversations.
You know, we've been talking about it.
Send us to cities to scout it out.
I still want to be the housewife scout.
So do I.
I think we'd be great.
We'd be great.
We'll start out in Delco.
We'll move up to the, where are we got, Cleveland.
Yeah, and we're going to Cleveland.
Then Scott's still.
So we've got our seats.
I can't believe that that was an actual rumor last year.
Remember that?
Everybody was talking about it.
I forgot about that.
And they haven't announced shit.
Well, I guess they did announce New Orleans.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
That was a while ago.
That was a while back.
They talked about New Orleans.
I haven't heard anything since.
Roe no.
Roe no.
Ro no.
When the ratings plummet.
But, yeah, I don't know.
They need to bring us in consultants.
Yeah, but that's all we're going to talk about for the wedding.
I will say credit to them.
It looked like a beautiful wedding.
I love when people lean into the extravagant, actually.
I actually put it into it.
I liked all the crazy fire dancers and the,
sword guy and it's fun if you're going to be in the bubble this time though nobody caught in a bubble
we were happy that there's no people stuck in a bubble we are still concerned about the woman that was
in the bubble in her love bubble party we have not yet gotten confirmation that she has been
released from said bubble she could still be floating there i didn't see a skeleton on the uh
pool or anything just a skeleton floating in a ball oh no i forgot
But that takes us to the main event.
That's why we're all here.
That's why you're all listening.
It is the Vanderpump reunion.
Finally, we had ourselves a watch party last night.
Once again, me, Dev, Shoots, and Louie.
Yep.
The only people you need for a party.
But overall, before we get into it, rate it.
One out of ten, how did this episode do, in your eyes?
Solid 7.1.
I think I'm probably a 6.9, not funny.
But I do hope that they use more of the one-on-one interviews.
I think I even said to you last night, we would get more done if Andy sat down with just
Ariana and Tom and then threw Rakele in for half of it.
Yeah.
I would really like that.
Maybe just leave LVP out there too.
Maybe she can mediate.
I don't care.
But the rest of them, it's just too much.
And I'm hoping, and I think this is what's going to happen, that they calm down a little bit.
Obviously, we knew tensions were going to be high.
Absolutely.
We knew people were going to be shouting and screaming every time that Sandoval even spoke or looked in a certain direction.
We expected that.
I'm just afraid that it's going to last all three episodes and we're not going to get enough out of it.
And we did get a lot out of the one-on-ones.
I was expecting them to come out of the gate like that.
I didn't think it was going to be a calm affair.
I thought everybody was going to be yelling, screaming, trying to get their licks in on Sandoval, trying to talk that shit, which I appreciate.
Like, yeah, of course, it's the first time you're really seeing them.
It's a reunion episode, so you know you want to bring the heat.
So I knew the first five to ten minutes were going to be just hollering and screaming and yelling and insults.
My issue was that it carried on for the entirety of it.
And nothing really got accomplished.
Like, I mean, there was things that were said, and I'm glad I wrote stuff down because honestly, looking through my notes,
I was like, all right, like, more came out than I thought.
Because watching it, I'm like, Jesus, like, I can't understand what anybody's saying.
Like, I don't know what point we're talking about now.
Every time someone starts to talk, somebody else starts to yell, I don't think that's the way to go about it.
And we're going to get into it much more.
So let's just start.
We do get out of the gate the one-on-ones.
And it starts out with Sandoval and Andy and kind of juxtaposed to Ariana and Andy.
And he's like, when did you catch the feelings?
Like, when did it start?
And he says he had inklings, I guess, or at least started to be attracted to her in some way the year prior.
Yeah.
He's like, I really started to get close to her.
then, like I started to feel some things, but it all kind of took shape after seeing you next
Tuesday and the Mondrian.
So they went to the Mondrian the following night was see you next Tuesday.
That's when they went to the Abbey.
That's when they boinked.
I thought it was really, really interesting that the one time that Allie caught them, the only
time they were seen together away from the main group was also the same night they fucked.
Like, that was surprising to me.
You would think...
Too good to be true.
Right?
Yeah.
That lines up too well for me.
I think that we know that Sandoval for everything that he is, and obviously he's been caught into a huge lie right now.
But overall, he's probably a really good liar.
And this indicates to me, okay, let's lay out all of the hard evidence that everybody has.
Right.
The only real hard evidence that they can put the two of us together is that night in August or early September, whatever it was.
Let's just lean into that.
That was our first night.
Even if their first night happened a week before, six months before, a year before, who the fuck knows?
You can kind of let your imagination run wild with that.
I thought that was interesting, too.
And I do kind of looking at Sandoval as being like a manipulator and obviously trying to control every narrative as possible.
There are certain things that he can kind of lean into to try to soften the blow, if you will.
Well, I think that you're completely right because we get him caught in a lie mid-episode.
Schwartz
Spilled the beans
He actually didn't hold back
Finally
And he's like
I found out
What did you say August
And he said August
Which is weird
Because when he was on Watch
What Happens Live
He said January
Yeah so
But he went back on it
Which I'm glad
And maybe
Oh wait
Watch it happens live
Was post reunion
No no no it wasn't
No it wasn't
I don't think it was
I don't think it was
I think it was close to reunion
But I don't think it was
We need to check our flow charts
But I don't think so
But I will say
He caught him in a lie
And Sanneville was like
What?
I didn't
say, did I tell you that? I didn't tell you that. Like, you can see him just trying to backpedal.
It's like, okay, that gives much more evidence to the fact that, like you just said, he's going
to lean into the hard evidence because it's going to give him some kind of passageway through
this. You know what I mean? It's something that he can at least lean on to say, this was the
starting point. You know it was because you saw us, right? But I think that this goes way, way,
like, this is a long thing. Well, we know that. And if you kind of juxtapose that to
the quick little conversation
that Andy and Schwartz had
because Schwartz was the first one out there
the first thing that Andy said to Schwartz
was were you silent
or were you silenced?
Both.
And Schwartz said both.
Both.
So that means that he was silent for a while
and silenced potentially for longer than that.
That's how I read into it.
So I'm thinking, okay, yeah, you were silent
until just recently and you're willing to go back
as far as August.
Schwartz being Sanofal's best friend,
there have to have been different
overlaps where sandoval said oh i'm just hanging out with schwartz or i'm going to schwartz's
house or whatever and then the next day or two days later ariana probably mentioned something like
oh yeah he was just over your house the other night schwartz must have known
and it's been like a month before that two months however long yeah he must if anybody's going to be
on the trail early it's going to be sandoval if not ariana and we'll get into the whole did aryana
and kind of like turn a blind eye because she didn't want to know type of thing a little bit
later, but Schwartz definitely is the
person that would have known the longest.
I don't know. The whole thing
just reeks to be like it's been way longer
than what they're letting on. And I think that people
realize that too. I think that they're not digging
into it. I'm surprised that somebody like
Lala and James aren't
suggesting that it's been going on for longer yet.
I don't think that they can because they can't get
out of their own way. We're going to get to
them. I want to finish up with the pre-interview
is because it goes to
Raquel and she says, I'm
prepping for the worst, but hoping for
the best. What's the best? What's the best possible outcome here? What could possibly happen
in your eye, like in your mind? Probably that somebody like actually assault her and she can
Is that? That would honestly probably be the best case scenario. Somebody tries to like attack her so
she can like file a suit against them. Other than that, what do you mean the best? Do you think
they're going to go out there and be like, look, we know you messed up, but hey, forgive and forget.
Like what the fuck? I have no idea, dude. Whatever. The one interesting thing is Andy's talking
Ariana. And he's like, did you have any suspicions? And she says, no. Flat out, no, I didn't. I
really didn't have any suspicions, especially about Raquel. He said, looking back, can you see
moments that you, and she's like, absolutely. I think that you just go back to what she said
herself, it's like regardless of the intimacy, regardless of anything, any issues we were
having behind closed doors, that doesn't justify any of the behavior.
I don't think he tried to break up with her at all.
No, I don't either.
I think that he had some, she did say there were some conversations about him and her
and their relationship issues, but I do not think that he ever broached the topic.
I think he might have said something like off color and passing, and that's what he's using.
I was like, yeah, I said I wanted to break up.
And it was probably like, you know what?
You don't even like me.
You always make me feel stupid.
I'm like, this isn't working.
And that's-
Never use any of the pens that I buy.
I haven't seen you use one battery and I stocked that bitch for six months.
ready for an apocalypse and yet you haven't thanked me for the double a's i put in your bedside like
i don't think that there was ever a conversation of look i think this needs to end this needs to be over
and that's purely judging off of his reactions to things how he's discussing things how he's lying
about things and getting caught in these lies so of course i'm going to lean into ariana has evidence
ariana has proof eriana has friends that have seen the same shit so yeah we go where the
evidence is we finally get to the actual reunion i thought that tom was going to come in first
and I thought that Ariana was going to walk in last
for like a little revenge walk
because she looks fantastic
I thought that they were going to give her the moment
of like walking out there
and Sandoval being like fuck
like I wish that had happened
but I also did enjoy
in like a walk of shame
yeah and like that's the thing
I kind of feel gross watching this
and I've told you that before
because you're just like
you gotta just buy into the depravity of it really
like okay like we're all kind of
the whole entire US right now
is just in this great
gross affair, and you just got to accept it and, like, play in the dirt for a while.
But, yeah, there was really no other way, like you said, like, you could have had Ariana come in
last in her red dress, revenge dress, would have been great.
Sandoval coming in last, also great.
Really, you can't go wrong with her.
Can't go wrong.
Well, you can't do anything wrong here, really, other than, like, give Sandoval a platform
to, like, speak on his own behalf, Howie Mandel.
But I did, why did, why does this poor shit?
Sheena gets stuck on the side of the Tom's.
Balance.
I know.
And maybe she just bit the bull.
I was like, yeah, I'll sit there.
I don't care.
But, like, that sucks.
And maybe she's cooler with Schwartz, I guess, might be the thing.
Maybe she's not holding things over his head.
But I don't think she's cool with them.
So she, you know, sometimes you got to tip your cap.
Sheena, tip your cap for stepping on that landmine and taking one for the team.
Yeah, for sure.
We find out that Regal can't be in the room because of the restraining order.
So she's 100 yards away in a trailer.
watching this thing, and we'll talk about her reactions.
Literal trailer trash.
Wow.
I wish I'd have a burn thing.
That'd be cool.
That's the soundboard.
I haven't added anything to the soundboard.
I miss the Aerohorn, though.
I can't wait for Miami to come back.
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box.
Before we dive into the actual affair of it all, I thought this moment was actually pretty
funny because Sheena's talking about Brock and Andy asked about Brock and Lala and their
relationship and everything and how they've gotten closer because of the children and
it's all really beautiful.
It's all nice.
Like we're glad to see people come together.
But she's like, yeah, and Brock chopped off all his.
hair and Sandoval, like, smiles. He goes, what? I'm like, Sandoval, stay the fuck out of it, dude.
You don't get to react like your buddy, buddy with Sheena, okay? Brock chopped his hair off. You
still stare at the floor. You don't look up. I don't know what he's trying to do, honestly.
I mean, the rest of the time he was staring at the floor. That's all he should do. That's all you
should do. You shouldn't react. You're not, this is not a reunion. This is the burning of Tom Sandbal.
It is really funny because there are a couple of other things that you need to talk about.
No, there's not. Hey, Sheena, congratulations on your wedding.
how's everything going okay cool
Tom and Katie you guys broke up
what's that like
but then they just pepper in the
sandoval shit in between and then everybody just pops off
and starts screaming at each other so it was
actually a really funny reunion because
you do get that and then someone
sandoval has any reaction and somebody
just tells them to shut the fuck up it's great that's when
so andy says to sandoval
it's like you got anything to say whatever
and tom
immediately starts crying and
James instantly first of
Well, everyone starts yelling at him, but James is the loudness.
He was like, pull yourself together, man, a crocodile tears, like, you fucking pussy.
Like, it just goes in.
And that's honestly, between him and Lala in that moment, I was like, hey, this is what this episode's going to be.
I was okay with it to start off.
No, no, totally fine with it.
Yeah.
But I got nervous that that was going to be the tone for the entirety of it.
And we'll talk about it.
I know I need to keep waiting.
I want to talk about it now, but let's get back to this.
and he just says, you know, nobody should have to go through that to Ariana.
And if I'm Sandoval, I am choosing my words so carefully.
I'm being so pointed.
And no, she didn't go through it, Tom.
You put her through it, Tom.
You did this shit to her.
You don't get to now play this card.
And I agree.
Wipe the crocodile tears.
You can't be a bitch in this situation because you're the one that caused the situation.
You sit there and take your beating like a man because you fucking deserve every
punch you're about to get. You need to sit there, shut the hell up and stare at the floor.
The big tears, like the welling up, all of that, if that's what you're going to do, then don't
talk. Don't talk. Yeah, I think his, I mean, obviously his pride's going to get in the way.
He's going to defend himself and he's always going to think that what he's doing is the correct
way to approach it. And it's obviously not. I mean, there is no correct way to approach this
except for keep your eyes down, stare at the floor the entire time, answer when spoken to and don't
interject ever. No, that's really it. I mean, that's, I guess,
Chat JPT let him down.
Chat GPT, definitely let him down.
His publicist.
Yeah, you're right.
I mean, am I surprised that his apology on air during the reunion was fucking terrible?
No.
No.
No, standard.
His apologies when he had hours and hours to write them online were terrible.
Well, no, Jat Chipt was what I was going to say.
Jack, GPT.
Chat GPT did it for a minute in 30 seconds.
That would actually make more sense because it's probably a knockoff chat.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He found it on.
on Ask Jeeves, Jee, P.T.
But no, I mean, Ariana approves her point immediately
because as soon as he's crying, welling up,
asking like a bitch, she immediately says
all he did the whole time was victim blame me,
put it on me, he made me feel like I was the problem
with the intimacy thing,
with all of the reasons that they were having problems at home.
And I can't stress this enough.
Problems at home don't mean you get to go lay
with somebody else in bed.
Problems at home don't mean you go,
fuck your girl's best friend.
Like, that is just disgusting behavior, but he...
That's what I'm talking about, the pride thing.
How is a prideful, though?
He is prideful, so he won't take any blame.
But he needs to just...
I know, but that's part of it.
Like, if he was actually willing to take the blame,
if he actually felt, like, the reason for all of this happening was purely on his
shoulders, as he should, then he wouldn't be doing all of this.
He would have apologized directly to her, took full blame, and apologized to everybody
else took full blame again and then sat the corner look maybe then because sheena said something during
the finale about you know let us go pick up the pieces then if you want to try to test the waters and
thank them for being there for her which you don't really have deserved to do you don't have
any standing to do so but if you want to try that out then you can do that but you can't try to
deflect blame at all and explain your side of the story one because everybody's just going to jump
down your throat it's a dumb fucking move you don't even have to look at it like this is the right thing
to do. It's just not the smart thing to do.
Nope. So do one or two, but don't do whatever the fuck you were doing.
Then we get calls to other cheating rumors, and we get the clip of Tom saying to Sheena,
like there was one other time. Now, I'm under the impression there was at least five.
I'm going to say there was five other times. Yeah. I think five is a good number.
It was five years that he's been unhappy, so one new chick each year. So five.
It's not like Oliver and Maya where it was 11.
11. Oh, God, yeah. I know, 11. I couldn't believe when she said that at the reunion. It was 11. I was like, whoa, Ollie's out there doing work. But the other cheating rumors come up. And this is when Lala gets amped up and starts going in. And here's my issue. And this has been my issue for the entire season. It doesn't just have to do with her. It's with James as well. Let me preface this. I think that Tom deserves the smoke. I think that Lala deserves the chance to say it. I think it.
It's interesting that in the one-on-one interview with Andy,
Arianna does allude to the fact that, you know,
her and Sheena are really tight.
Her, Lala, and Katie, aren't like besties.
They're close.
This has definitely brought them closer.
But Lala's been arguably the most outspoken on the matter.
Here's my thing.
And this is important because I think this adds to the argument as a whole overall
as a group going against Sandoval.
Because you do, in fact, have a past.
Okay.
and I know everyone in the group has a pass, but because you do have a past, you should be really
careful with how you're presenting your argument because she throws a lot of insults out there
that could easily be turned around on her. It's the same situation. It's the same kind of
setup. Is it same, like, is it the same exact? No. But could you spin it? Yes, absolutely. And
when you do that, it somewhat invalidates the argument that you're presenting, especially when it's
being presented and just screaming at him. I don't think that ever lands the point. I think that if
she's able to calmly say, I know I was in this position before.
This is a different situation because of these reasons.
This is why you're disgusting.
This is why you're like Randall and you disgust me get out of my fucking face.
That's much more productive and we'll do much more damage, I guess, if you will.
And just screaming and cussing and yelling at him.
Because to me, that just it belittles the argument a little bit.
Yeah, I fully understand that.
And you're totally right.
I will say, I give both her.
and Tom, or both her and James, a little bit of a pass because, again, we expected emotions
running high. So I'm going to say, I'm not going to make that projection right now. We'll see how
the second and third part go. When things start to die down a little bit, I personally think that
things will die down a little bit, and then Raquel will come out and they'll get jacked the way up,
and we won't come back down. So I'm looking forward to that lull in between when everybody gets a little
tired, because it is a long fucking day. And then they kind of like settle in. And we actually
get some information. Now, my
real sticking point with Lala specifically, and
again, it kind of goes into the same boat
of what I said without Ariana. Tom
is the only one who's wrong in this entire situation.
So, yes, we can nitpick and say
you're doing it the wrong way because you're not getting the most
out of the insults that you could do.
I'm going to keep nitpick. That's my biggest thing.
Of course, we're going to nitpick. But my thing
with Lala specifically is
you alluded to it. She's not as close to
Ariana. And during that whole
really just the chastising
of Tom from Lala
I didn't get the vibe
that she was defending her friends
standing up for Ariana at all
I got the vibe that she was so
fucking excited
that she was so right
and she knows
there's no repercussions
for anything that she's gonna say
and she was chomping at the bit
to get after it
because she could finally let loose
and not have to worry
about a thing
I think that's a good point
except for us making fun of that
yeah now that we will
that's kind of the vibe
that I got
now James on the other hand
and this is sort of what happens next anyway.
Why, did you just read my notes?
No, I can't read your fucking chicken scratch.
James, on the other hand, I felt so bad for it.
James hits harder, yeah, definitely,
because James was scorned in this as well.
And I think somebody says to him,
while he starts to get a little emotional,
like, this isn't about you right now.
It's like, no, no, no, time out.
And I think Lisa steps in.
And to all those people that were to address the Lisa part of it right now,
I understand why she chimed in once.
She should have taken a step back, I think.
After first saying, like, this is why I'm going to stick by him,
he is my partner, does that make us cool, Ariana?
Like, address that part of it.
Sure.
That is an important part.
After that, dude, settle back into the background.
Do you think that she was not necessarily defending, Tom,
but do you think that she was trying to mitigate a little bit
because she's like this motherly figure to all of them?
That's exactly what I think it is, yes.
Or I thought it was purely business, honestly.
I thought it was, I am actually financially invested with this person over here.
Well, see, that's interesting because I've, it's different stances because you are newer to the show.
You've been in it for, what, two or three years now?
I've always watched Madder Park.
I've seen season one.
So to me, she is always the motherly figure.
But to you, someone that came in later, that's interesting because the dynamic, I think you see it in this episode.
I think you see in this episode the dynamic has shifted.
Lala would never say that shit to LVP in the last.
Not that I reject your opinion.
And by telling LVP pretty much to shut up, sit down, and like, you're not in this one.
I did see kind of a shift in dynamic there.
Well, maybe she's kind of lost control of the kids.
Maybe the kids are growing up a little bit.
Or maybe the kids think they've grown up.
I don't know.
But it was definitely a dynamic shift.
But to your point, yeah, James broke my heart because the good thing about a guy like him,
he can't fake his emotions.
So what you're seeing is real.
It's raw.
It's true.
This is why he's upset.
We were brothers.
And fuck you, Sandoval, by the way, for negating that immediately.
Brothers, I talked to you once a month.
Fuck you.
Because I know your relationship was deeper than that.
You meant something to this man.
And that is such an important bond for a guy that doesn't have family in L.A.
He's kind of been there since he was 21.
He kind of found his roots in this bar.
And he kind of leaned on Sandoval for the entire time.
We see that during the season because James says to Allie defends Tom about the Abbey situation.
He's like, no, no, no.
Like, nothing's going on.
Like, there's no way.
He cares about his relationship so much.
That means a lot to James.
Like, imagine somebody who look up to as a big brother,
fucking your life up like that,
fucking your ex-fiancee and burning down everything you know
and then saying that you weren't that close
when you're confronted with it.
Yeah, the downplaying of the friendship was brutal.
And I think Sandoval even threw in there,
like, you fucked Kristen to get on the show.
He did.
Like, why?
And it's like, I don't understand.
Like, this goes back to the same thing.
Sandoval can just be apologetic.
That's really.
the only thing that he should do. That's the only thing he deserves to do if talking at all is an
option. He doesn't deserve anything. I know, but the only thing you can do in that position is
just be apologetic. And if you really, like, you hurt James. You did. You could apologize in this
situation. James probably, you know, he's going to keep yelling, but he's not going to get to the
point where he runs over there and wants to beat your fucking ass, which let him go. You know what?
Springer. Let him go. Springer. In honor of Jerry Springer, let them fight. Yeah. But I will say,
Liberty Death, Matt.
Look, credit where credits do, there was an episode in which we called Andy a pussy,
like a long time ago.
Andy Cohen had no issue getting in between those guys.
He was ready to push.
He goes, hey, knock it off, gets in James' face, tries to back him off.
He wasn't scared.
So, Andy, you are not a pussy.
I like that move.
I don't think we called.
We said that he was soft on his questions.
No, you actually legitimately called him a pussy because somebody commented,
hey, maybe Andy hasn't asked you to be bartenders
because she would have called him a pussy.
I was like, oh, yeah.
I don't remember that.
Yeah, it's okay, but it's rescinded.
It's rescinded right now.
He's earned not being called out.
Yeah, because I appreciated that he jumped in between him,
but it's so funny because James, you know,
he gets really amped up.
He needs some time to settle down.
But when he gets up and Sanibald,
I love, oh, you know I love tough guy moments.
They're my favorite.
I love the fake tough guy moment.
After it settles down, now it's kind of, it's mellowed out, and Sandoval sits down.
And he doesn't even make eye contact with James, but he kind of does like the shoulder
show.
He goes, get in my face, again, I'll, I'm going to beat your fucking, I'm going to beat your ass.
No, you're not.
James's reaction was even funny.
I'm way more ripped than you.
I'm way more ripped.
What are you talking about?
And he gets, but he gets back up, which, you know what?
In my mind, that's a challenge from Sandoval.
Him getting back up is warranted us.
Don't ask for the smoke, because he's going to come bring it to you.
And by the way, James isn't afraid to come and do it.
No.
Don't challenge a guy that's going to fuck you up.
And by the way, I think James wins that fight.
But that is, that's like the raw emotion that I like.
So I do feel like the beginning of this reunion and the majority of it got derailed because
there is, there's a lot of emotion there, but there's also a lot of projecting going on.
And that kind of steers us away from the main topic that we want to discuss.
James' emotion was raw and real.
That is different.
I like seeing that because that means that he gives a fuck.
He does.
He cares.
He cares about losing this friendship.
Yes, and he doesn't care about just being right.
He doesn't care about just being mean to somebody
for the sake of being mean to them
because it makes him feel better, a la la la.
Al-a.
But that's like, it's just...
But you know what I took from it?
And this is what broke my heart.
He wants to understand.
That's only what he's...
You can feel the pain in this poor man's voice.
That's why I said, like, if he just apologized to him,
he might actually be able to move forward with James
at some point in time, obviously no time soon.
No, you ruined it.
But eventually, you might...
And now you just completely fucked it.
Because you embarrassed him also.
By saying the things you said right there and invalidating how he was feeling, you've embarrassed
him on TV when you're the one in the hot seat, dude, don't flip it around to try.
Like, that's what I don't get.
You need to go into this shit, understanding that there is nothing you can do or say
to flip the script.
You can't point fingers at anybody else.
Definitely don't try to drag somebody that defended you in the midst of your affair.
Do you think Sanneville even rewatch the season?
Yeah, he probably watched it and jerked off because he's weird.
But let's keep going.
Andy asks him, he finally gets people to settle down, and he does want to get some responses out of Sandoval.
And he says, why not come clean?
And Sandoval says he was scared to and didn't want to add to it because of how bad of a year Ariana was having.
He just had a lot going on.
Dude.
Then don't fuck the kill.
I know.
It's just wild.
We don't even have to break it down.
Just saying it out loud is funny.
And you didn't want to add to it.
You don't think that Raquel would add to that, you dick?
Like, what do you mean?
Her dog died, her grandmother died.
Everyone's died.
And then you fucked her.
That just brings you back to the whole fucking issue.
He's not upset for what he did.
He's just upset.
They got caught.
Absolutely.
But keep going, keep going.
They're going to have to keep churning this shit out.
I think truly that we heard Schwartz answer for more of his shit than we did out of
Sandoval because of the people yelling.
And this is what pissed me off with yelling.
And I get it.
I do agree with you that they have a pass here.
They're allowed to say what they want to say.
I think it's a little hypocritical and I think that Lala needs to change her approach
because I don't think that it's productive the way she's going about it.
Just specifically how she's stating things.
I think it's doing her a disservice.
But we get Schwartz, but we get the questioning of Schwartz and that's when he tells that,
you know, I heard it started around July.
That was the post Mondrian.
It was C&Nex Tuesday.
They were at the Abbey together.
that's when Sandoval's like, what, no, I told you it was January or whatever.
And Sandoval keeps trying to die on the hill of, after the one-night stand,
we were not doing anything for a really long time.
That doesn't matter.
Yeah, also, supposedly, big grain of salt there.
And just because Schwartz is saying also like, no, no, no, after that, it was totally cool.
Everything got back to normal.
Irrelevant.
But that's not a hill to die on dipshit.
Like, you cheated.
You waited.
You continued to cheat.
You didn't apologize for the cheating after the first time and then go back and cheat again.
You cheated.
Pause.
Cheated.
Yeah, there's just no way that they actually paused.
And for somebody, I get it.
Like, if you don't live in the same area and you don't see each other all the time,
like, you can't just do it.
And then, like, there's no fucking chance that they stopped.
I really, I just view January as when they stopped being so secretive.
I think that's when they got a little more brash about it.
Yeah, I think that they really,
they realized like, oh shit, Ali
saw us at the Abbey dancing together.
Let's try to spin this.
All right.
Schwartz, go make out with her.
Let's just lay low.
We'll lay low for a little while.
You know, obviously, we can still talk
and we can still FaceTime and do our sexy FaceTime.
But.
Gross.
And then they got tired of it.
I bet you they took like three or four months.
And that's when Sandoval probably started turning it on about
wanting to break up with Ariana.
And I don't fucking know.
You see that cut scene of him from September 2022 laying the groundwork?
Like, I just don't think it's fair that everyone
else airs out the dirty lounge, but we don't.
Nothing you say is valid because you're currently having an affair.
So it doesn't mean shit to me because it wasn't addressed beforehand.
But now we kind of get to see into the weird Schwartz of it all where, you know, when they
were in Mexico, Schwartz knew and then still made out with Raquel.
That's gross.
And then when they're standing at the food truck, and I even wrote this down during that
episode, I was like Schwartz was talking about Tom when he goes, I think she's got to
a crush on somebody else because he knew they were hooking up like that was gross and to see tom's
reaction in that moment he kind of smirks so tom knows but they both know who they're talking about so
however you want to look at this tom was proud of this for a very long time and that's why andy
asked him like did this get you off like seeing those two in like the same crowd together knowing he did
like that's the whole excitement of the whole thing that's probably why they're not dating anymore
it's not because they had to go through hell after being revealed and losing everything and have to go on
your fucking retreat and go hide away or
whatever, I think that there was no rush
anymore. That's part of the problem. Tom
needed that midlife crisis rush
to get a boner. He was cheating on, yeah, literally
to get a boner. I think that honestly,
I'm going to put this out there into the world.
I'm probably to put this on TikTok and I'm going to point at you
YouTube. Tom Sandival can't get a boner
unless he's cheating because he's got erectile
dysfunction because he's a big pussy. Not that
everyone with Ed is a big pussy, but this guy, huge
pussy. The good thing is Seales or
Viagra's not going to touch him. No, no, no,
he's not going to get any sponsors for boner pills.
And he's going to have to continue to cheat on women to get an erection.
I don't know what's worse in my mind.
The fact that Schwartz hooked up with Raquel is a smokescreen
or the fact that Schwartz hooked up with Raquel knowing that Santa Valle had just fucked her the week before.
What's worse?
Both.
All encompassing.
It's fucking gross.
But this could also take it to a whole different level if maybe Tom and Tom just want to fuck.
Yeah.
Just drop the go between.
Drop the go between and do work, boys.
Go to Schwartz and Sandy's.
That's all Schwartz's sad apartment needs.
Yeah, just those two having sex all over it.
Anyway, we get confirmation of Miami Girl.
We knew that was coming.
That is somewhat news, but we got a hints of that in the past couple of weeks that, in fact, Miami Girl happened.
And look, people can say Ariana turned a blind eye.
People can say whatever they want.
And I don't think it was a blind eye.
I think that she's just a ride or die girl, dude.
I think she's the kind of person that when she's in a relationship, that person is number one in her life.
she's going to do and say what she needs to say to make sure they're taking care of.
She took a hit for Tom because she realized I think that this is it.
This is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.
I don't want him to look like shit.
So I'm going to eat this one.
He never fucked Miami girl in my mind.
Yeah, no, I get that.
And I think that this all goes to show you, like the fact that Sandoval is so open about it now,
he's doing the same thing that he's been doing the whole time, which is, okay,
so there's slightly hard evidence about this.
I'm just going to admit that.
and that'll be a truth
and then everybody's going to think
I'm telling the truth about everything.
I know what he's fucking doing.
He's trying to offer up these things
that we already know.
Right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And trying to be truthful about them
so that people might look at it like,
okay, he's telling the truth about that,
so he must be telling the truth about everything else.
Or at least we can kind of try to figure it out.
Instead of pointing to the fact that it's probably been going on
way longer than August 2022.
That's the whole thing.
And I need that.
And I do want to ask you,
what the fuck do you think the big reveal is next week?
It's been driving me crazy.
I know it's going to be something stupid.
It's going to be small.
It's going to be small.
Anybody that thinks Raquel's pregnant, that's not going to happen.
You don't even know what the context is either.
Like, it might just be Sheena's daughter showing up and like, hey, Summer's hair.
Summers here.
Oh, everybody.
Brock, he cut his hair.
Summer's here.
All right.
See you guys later.
I would actually kind of appreciate it if it's all a bit and it's just a big reveal of
Brock's hair.
I would actually appreciate that kind of level of a bit.
You know what?
I respect.
That's like a good dad joke.
But let's,
keep going. We're almost through it. Let's bring in Sandoval's
mom. How did this make you feel? You lost her whole life
savings because of this douchebag over here with a mustache.
Well, I'm really sad now, and I'm
poor. I'm poor and sad,
and my son's gross, but he won't accept
that he's still on tour with his quote-unquote
band in Bum-Fuck, Texas.
Oh, man, what if they make Sandoval get up
and start singing? Oh, my God.
And coming to you live, you have a
performance from Tom Sandoval and the most
extras. No thanks.
We get a quick check-in with Schwartz and
Katie and he thinks that there's a double standard here because she was hooking up with
dudes in their house and he made out with Raquel and he doesn't see how they're that
different in my mind they are different obviously because Raquel's in the friend group and
she did her business outside of the group do you think he has some ground to stand on where
he might have felt slighted by her bringing dudes back to their house um so i want to point out
first you're doing the thing that confused me last night which was talking
about something other than Tom and Ariana.
Oh, yeah.
All right.
So we're on Katie and Schwartz.
Just really quick.
Look, we got to cover all of it.
No, I know, I know.
I'm kidding.
I don't know, because we didn't get confirmation
that Katie brought them back to the house.
Katie said no, and Schwartz said, I think he did.
But if we're just leaving it with what we know,
which is that Katie was still going on dates while they were living there,
they own the house together.
It's the same thing as fucking Tom and Ariana.
Yeah, I don't think that's...
I don't think that's wrong.
Schwartz shouldn't have asked.
Don't ask, don't tell.
Then also when he asked, he didn't seem that torn up about it.
He's like, oh, gross, I shouldn't have asked.
It's like, yeah, then don't.
Yeah.
He's just a big sad oaf, though.
So, like, he doesn't get torn up about things.
He just looks really depressed.
It looks really depressed.
But, like, in Katie's defense, and again, like, I've defended her all season,
even though I'm not her biggest fan, she did do a good job of keeping a veil over what she was doing.
Even after when Schwartz was, like, gallivanting around and talking about hooking up with Raquel with Sheena and all this shit.
You still didn't hear shit from Katie.
You didn't see the dude that looked like Weird Al Yankovic show up.
That's exactly.
Oh, my God.
That's fucking perfect.
How did I not think of that before?
That's literally young, weird out.
No, Satchel.
Satchel.
That's close.
Weird Satch Yankovic.
Yeah, there you go.
I agree.
Like, again, I am also not really the biggest Katie fan.
I think that she did a good job, kind of keeping things behind closed doors and not, obviously, not hooking up with anybody in the friend group.
I mean, Sandoval was open for the friend group.
business but who the fuck knows i mean it's nobody's looking good at this point when it comes down
to everybody else schwartz least of all he doesn't deserve any sympathy like i know that
we're talking about how sad his life is but we were laughing about it was a mocking thing like yeah
i feel kind of bad because it's so fucking because it's so fucking funny yeah like pressing like that's
why we're like maybe like you know you got to feel bad it's like literally everything's crumbling and
the one thing he had that
he lost everything else for the bar, and now that's crumbling because his friend is the
worst person on earth.
I think overall for Schwartz's psyche, I mean, he was so depressed and in his head that
I really do think that he talked himself into hooking up with Raquel was like a turning point
for him, and he's not going to let go of that.
No, I think.
So now he's just spitballing and rationalizing it how he needs to, so that he can hold on to
because if that goes away, he has nothing left, then he has nothing left.
All he has left is to lean on that because that was the final nail in the
He still was split custody with the dogs, which is so...
But, like, that's a good point.
That was the final nail in the coffin of his relationship with Katie, and that was a
real relationship.
Did I think it was weird that they tried to continue this friendship post-divorce?
Yeah.
Yeah, I did.
Did I think it was going to work out?
No, I didn't.
But that doesn't mean I was rooting for it to be a disaster.
But that was the last nail on the coffin.
So, yeah, I think you nailed it with...
By him hooking up with Raquel or making out with Raquel that one night, that's...
that was the last straw.
So if he chocks that moment up to he was in the wrong,
now he really, everything's gone.
Yeah, then everything's completely gone.
He needs that.
That's a good point.
But we're almost done.
But we do find out that something about her pulled in a cool 250K on merchandise,
which is enough to fund the restaurant, open the restaurant.
Well, LVP said, oh, so you can open the doors now.
And both Katie and Ariana just like, yeah.
Well, maybe they just want to do it.
I just want to spend their fucking money.
I think they also just want investors.
I don't think they want to put all of their coin into this place.
They should not.
Correct.
You should not dump all your money.
You should get investors.
That's the smart thing to do.
I did, like, slightly think it was a little funny, though, that they're not open.
I did, too, but I also, there's no way that they're not open because of the same reasons the Tom's aren't.
I would imagine they're not open because Ariane has been on a world tour since all of this, and rightfully so, go do your thing, girl.
But I don't think that it's reasons because of that.
I would imagine Scandival and the post, the aftermath.
Makes sense, yeah.
And I mean, if they're okay with it, then who cares?
Yeah.
They're walking around making nothing but money right now.
They're doing Uber commercials.
They're doing world tours.
She's in 15 different commercials that we watched air just last night.
Like, all of these people are making so much fucking money off of this that I don't think
they care about the sandwich shop opening for another couple of months.
They're cool if it opens, like, towards the end of the year.
Like, it doesn't matter.
They're rolling in dough, no pun intended.
Greg's involved at all?
I don't.
I hope not.
Although, we've gotten conflicting reports about Greg.
I've heard that he's actually a really good guy.
I heard from another source that he wasn't.
So that's what I'm saying, conflicting reports.
But let's finish it up.
He's a man of mystery.
Another Austin Powers joke.
Two weeks in a row.
Hey.
Oh, I wish I had the sound more like a fat bastard.
More like a fat bastard quote.
but we already talked about the Lala, Sheena, and Brock,
and them, like, coming back, getting closer because of the kids.
And Sanneval made a good point.
I hate to say it.
Which, what did he say?
He said that Lala was using Katie to stay away from Sheena's wedding.
Oh, yeah.
She was.
She was.
I hated that it came from him.
I wish it came from Schwartz or somebody else, but.
But we knew what was happening when we were watching it.
We said the same thing in the episode.
So, yeah, like, fuck you, Sandoval.
but that was true.
But look, they have, here's what I don't like,
and this is one point I'll get to Lala.
My point for Lala here.
Sandoval keeps trying to use all this stuff from the past.
Now, I have said that because of people's past,
maybe they should be careful with how they phrase certain things.
That doesn't mean that you can use past mistakes
to justify any of the current behavior,
especially for you, Sandoval,
trying to spin this narrative and shift the focus,
even briefly by bringing up indiscretions of anybody else in that cast is a terrible idea.
It doesn't matter.
They could have killed somebody and you're still going to be in the hot seat.
So this is when you need to shut the fuck up.
But I will say this.
When Lala finishes it with, can we stop using the word bully like we're in kindergarten?
I didn't appreciate that.
I'm not going to get on a soapbox here.
But I will say, look, bullying is across the board, whether you're 50 or 15.
It doesn't fucking matter.
If you're a bully, you're a bully.
We watch people get bullied on these shows all the time.
We watched Sutton go through it in Beverly Hills in that awful moment with Diana Jenkins,
and nobody came to her defense.
That was terrible to watch.
That was bullying.
There are moments of bullying, and you shouldn't, one, be a little bullying.
And two, this is why, and here's where I'm going to get into, like, I've been kind of saving it and saving it.
But what I've been alluding to with Lala, by going at it like this, by James going at it like this, I understand there's emotions involved.
I understand you're not going to be fucking perfect.
I get that.
and I will give you a pass to a certain extent.
But by becoming the bully in the situation, it draws negative attention on you because now
you're not giving him a chance to speak.
Not that he deserves it, but if you want him to bury himself, if you want him to fucking
lose and light himself on fire, make him answer the questions, make him talk, defend himself,
ask him why, and give him five minutes of silence to rattle off some stupid story and spin a dumb web
and dig this whole deeper by talking over him you're taking the attention off of him by you yelling
when he starts to talk now we're not hearing anything now we're not getting to watch him like squirm
and defend himself with lie after lie after lie and that's not productive you're not coming out
on top just because you call them names for 30 minutes you know what i'm saying yeah no i i actually
fully agree and that's why i think this the first part was hard to watch and i again i i think that
it'll get better. I think they'll calm down a little bit
before the Raquel thing. But
it's just tough because
we've been rooting for this the whole time
knowing fully that he's
just going to spin this stupid web of lies
and get caught up and he's
going to say something wrong. We already saw it.
You gave Schwartz a couple of minutes
to talk and spot on
the timelines off.
Like let him talk and then
analyze it with the things that you already know.
Let Ariana flip out. This is
her moment. She was smiling one of the
people were doing it. I know and she does love
the support and I get it and obviously she needs
the support but to a certain
extent because we as the viewer
need to see this little sniveling
piece of shit squirm. Yes.
I want to see him squirm for 10 hours.
I don't want to see him just get screamed at
because you know what? After the third
hour of getting screamed at, he's going
to become numb. Yep. And he's not
going to say anything. He's going to keep everything
short. But if you gave him just
a little bit of yarn there in the beginning
He will hang him. He will hang him
himself with a little bit of yarn.
You just have to let him go.
All I'm saying, I get it.
I get the emotions are high.
You're trying to defend your girl.
You all feel slighted by this man.
It's disgusting.
It's gross.
Let him do the dirty work.
Just present a question.
Let him talk and then tell him why he's wrong with evidence.
And he's going to fucking dig the biggest hole ever.
I think that he still does.
Honestly, I think that eventually he's going to, whether it's, and this is why,
I think that those one-on-ones are so important
because if we truly don't get any information out of this
and it's really just a screaming match the entire time
and people keep popping out of their chairs and walking away,
we're not going to get anything out of it,
but the one-on-ones are going to be very, very important.
Yeah.
Because that's the only time that we're going to actually be able to hear him say things
and hear Ariana say things and kind of line them up
and call him a little piece of shit to his face, essentially,
while he's just talking to Andy.
I think that it does get better, and this is my theory on it.
he did the Howie Mandel thing
right after the reunion.
Yes.
In that,
he was spinning all of these little things
and talking about how he's the victim
in all of this.
I think he was trying to paint a picture after that
so that people had something to point to
after the reunion.
I think that he knows that the reunion
went so poorly
and he said some terrible dumb shit,
which he already started doing.
I think that he's going to have a moment
where he has to lay things out
and it's so fucked up and so wrong
and there's lies everywhere
that are just easily uncovered.
I think that that was like a glorified piece for himself afterwards.
Yeah, that makes sense.
Try to save himself from the reunion because that's how he felt.
So I hope that I'm right about that.
We'll see.
I hope that we sit in these chairs next week and we get to talk about how we actually learn something.
Right.
I want to hear his, I want to hear his defense.
I'm not going to believe a lick of it, but I want to hear it.
Yeah.
I want to hear his more than Raquel's.
Like, honestly, if they tire out and then Sandoval can talk for a little bit and just hang
himself. And then Raquel comes out and you guys get new energy and you just scream at her. I don't
give a shit what she has to be. That's fine. She's a sociopath. So anything she says is going to be
wrong anyway. Right. I mean, you see her smirking in the trailer. Like, you shouldn't be showing any
emotion. You already know how to do that. So just continue to do that. Did you see her face when
Ariana was talking about how they actually did have an intimate relationship and they were having a
good month sexually? Yeah. And Raquel was like, ugh. Like, oh, my God. My boyfriend had sex
with his girlfriend. Oh, no. What a sentence. Oh, well,
Yeah, I'm excited for next week.
I think it's going to be just more revealing, you know?
I, again, you can't fault them for coming in hot.
I will, like, just for the 15th time, say it's not going as well as you think it is.
Let him do the dirty work.
Let him talk himself into the grave.
That's what we want to see.
Well, pro tip, watch the recap on Peacock the next day because the uncensored version is so much better.
Yeah, with constant bleeping.
The beliefs throw it off.
It was just really distracting me.
And I know, again, I have a short attention span,
but it was tough to follow.
And I didn't know who was talking.
And I know what they really said.
Honestly, there were some things.
But the next day, when I watched it this morning,
it was just so much better.
But that takes us to the question portion of the show.
From Emma Charles.
That's not a weird one.
It's just a lot of, there's two R's.
So I had to roll the RR rolls.
What would be the best moves for Sandy and Raquel right now?
Oh, sorry, she said, Rachel.
Best moves for Sandy and Rachel right now, in your opinion?
Right now is in the reunion or right now is in real life?
Let's say right now in real life.
Probably distance themselves entirely,
which it sounds like they're already doing
because Sanneval's dating some fucking lunatic in Texas.
And Raquel's hiding somewhere.
I'm going to answer the reunion aspect.
I think we do get to see a clip where Sanneville's like,
I'm just tired of getting yelled at.
I can't do this anymore.
Don't put a camera on my face.
It came out of my face, man.
And then he calls TMZ and TMZ shows up.
But I don't know.
I guess they clearly have to get their fucking story straight
if they're going to try to figure out something here.
I think they should get married.
I think the only way you have any saving grace here
in any way, shape, or form is if this is forever,
if you burned your lives to the ground for a seven-month fling,
you guys are dumber than I thought.
And I already think you're really fucking dumb.
So I'll get married, sail off into the sunset, and sink the boat in the Bermuda Triangle and get lost in the Bermuda Triangle.
What they should do is because I think they're both from the Midwest, right?
Go back to the Midwest and buy a farm.
Go back to the Midwest and enter in this thing.
It's called the lottery, right?
So you get in a lottery and then you get your name picked.
Then you have to go to the middle of the cornfield and they need good crops for the season, so they stone them.
Did you read that one?
We read that in high school.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
That was Mr. Stevens class.
Wow.
Sacrificial lambs for good crop.
That was a good short story.
I remember that short story.
Good twist.
I didn't see a comic.
I didn't either.
Oh, wow.
Or I was going to say, I thought you were going more to like a hunger game scenario.
Go to Crappy Lake, Illinois.
Go to crap.
Don't wait.
If we had Sonia, Luann.
They're just walking around trying to fish and then you see Raquel and Tom just somewhere off in the distance looking at each other.
Oh, there they are.
Man, we're both wearing a lightning bolt.
But that's the thing.
Like, if they moved somewhere like rural, if they try.
truly don't want cameras in their face.
I don't think cameras are going to follow them somewhere in Iowa.
They definitely will to go see.
Oh, who gives a shit?
Oh, interesting.
From Destiny Mitchell.
Do you think attraction between Sandoval and Rachel caused the engagement breakup between Rachel and James?
Yes.
Yeah, me too.
Absolutely.
Yep.
I think that was 100% the caveat for it.
I think that that was probably...
I think the whole paying for the engagement was the start of it, honestly.
I think that's so fucking glossed over.
They did have clips of it last night
But I do think that that was the start of it
Like we don't
We know Raquel in this doughy-eyed idiot
She was absolutely enamored
Like look at this guy
He's just throwing cash around
And he really loves his friend James
I like him a lot
He threw that cash at it for that reason
He was flexing on Rachel to show
That was like look how big my dick is
Without a doubt
Like yeah
That was 150%
And I don't think we talk about it enough
from Max Jun 3 or Max June.
Sorry if I'm pronouncing that wrong.
Will Tom Schwartz detach from Tom Sandoval?
I don't think so.
No, probably not.
He doesn't have the balls and he also doesn't have the friends.
I do think it's funny that Katie said that he's like a serial killer's wet dream
because he has so many friend groups,
but honestly right now he has one friend.
Yeah, no, I don't think.
I think that he might distance himself for even potentially an extended period of time,
but I don't think that it will be forever, no.
Yeah.
One more, one more.
From Katie Welsh, I need to know your take on Lisa defending the Tom's foolery because
barf.
We touched on it already.
Yeah, we touched on it already.
I don't really, I'm a little conflicted about it because part of me thinks that it's a really bad move for her to do that.
And it didn't look right, like it didn't sit right with me.
No, but.
And part of me understands.
why she did it, whether it's, one, to just try to be like a voice of reason to keep them calm
because clearly they're just losing their fucking heads over all of this.
Two, there's the business aspect of it.
And that would be a selfish reason.
I honestly, I think that she did it just to be a voice of reason where there is none.
And honestly, I think it's trying to help Andy in the reunion and the show more than anything.
Yeah.
That's where I'm going to land on it.
I think there's a lot of reasons that she could have done it.
I think for her own sake, she probably should not have done it.
How about that?
I like that.
I do want to read one more because this person pointed out,
sorry for all the cues.
Just love you all and can't wait to hear the next pod.
And I feel bad not reading one of her questions because she did put in the effort.
So Liz Carbs, Liz's Carbs.
Which one do I want to pick?
How many did she ask?
um i see four love it need more of liz yeah liz's carbs there i'll say your name a bunch so that
we appreciate the effort liz if you live in the york or around there actually i don't know
a live show wait a minute liz i got a bone to pick here because you say sorry for all the cues
just love y'all and coming for your next pod but out of your four cues that you submitted two
of them are not questions the first one is not a cue but the number of times rachel rolled her
during part one awful that's a statement two sorry for all the cues just love y'all
wait to hear the next pod that's also a statement so you didn't ask that many cues two is
actually pretty standard most people ask two questions liz so i'm i'm conflicted now i don't want to
read your question did you see what you see what you did this is what you did you give me an inch
you give me an inch i'm going to take a mile liz okay liz's carbs come on liz you feel better now
you be happy now liz i'll leave liz alone lizzie's carbs asked
James and Lala went too hard, too fast early.
I only read that one because I feel bad not reading your question.
We already talked about it.
Yeah, they did, but we understand why.
I don't think they're capable of burning themselves out.
No, I don't think so either.
But too hard, too fast early.
Yes, they did, but do we understand why?
Yeah, we do.
Or at least I do.
I mean, I get it.
Yeah. But, wow, I'm tired.
I feel like I just like, I didn't know we had that much content for this.
Neither did I.
I was like, once you opened your notebook and started reading, I was like,
Oh, yeah.
That's what I said.
There was a lot more there than I previously thought.
It's just tough to, like, sift through all the bleeps.
The bleeps and the violence.
Do we have a bleep on the sound?
Oh, my God.
We do.
You stupid mother.
Oh, wait, I think I hit the heartbeat.
I did.
You guys are.
You all loves me.
Wait.
What?
A heartbeat.
No, no, no, ready?
Go.
Yourself.
I can't wait to listen while I'm editing tonight.
You stupid piece of that.
You stupid piece of that.
it holds it we're losing it we're losing it see I feel emotionally we were recording for a second I was going to tell them to hit the other ones but the point is we got through episode one I'm looking forward to episode two I think it's going to be a little more divulging although like you said we got a lot more out of this episode than I thought we just had to kind of sift through the bleeps and the bullshit but uh but a quick plug at the end remember we are going to be at barstool sandsom next Wednesday
day for the watch party so make sure that you get your spot reserve your spot now come
hang out with us it's going to be a really good time um you can get mad together we can
we can eat goat cheese balls together goat cheese balls there's pump tiniies the sand of all
trash can what else was there yeah whatever but come on out we i bitch oh that was one of the drinks
and be i bitch um come on out seriously it's going to be a good time make sure you get your
tickets also for the live show july 26 they're flying off the shelves the virtual
Elves.
We're super duper excited for that.
Yeah.
You got anything else?
I'm becoming delirious, I think.
I have to go pack.
We got a trip this weekend.
You get to leave tomorrow.
Friends trip.
Damn, I have to leave Saturday morning.
There's friendship and then there's friends trip.
Friends trip.
Don't break the ship on a friend's trip.
That's what they say.
So we will see you next Wednesday.
We'll see you next Friday.
We already forgot about the two episode things.
So we'll see you next Friday.
Thanks, Wednesday. See you next Friday.
Jesus Christ, DeBropros are out of here before we make fools out of ourselves.
Bye.
and early fall releases.
We have Leonardo DiCaprio leading a revolution in one battle after another,
Timothy Salome playing power ping pong in Marty Supreme.
Let's not forget Emma Stone and Jorgos Lanthamos' Bougonia.
Dwayne Johnson, he's coming for that Oscar in The Smashing Machine, Spike Lee and Denzel
teaming up again, plus Daniel DeLuis's return from retirement.
There will be plenty of blockbusters to chat about, too.
Tron Aries looks exceptional, plus Mortal Kombat 2, and Edgar writes,
The Running Man starring Glenn Powell.
Search for Raiders of the Lost Podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and YouTube.
Hey, Michael.
Hey, Tom.
You want to tell him?
Or you want me to tell him?
No, no, no, I got this.
People out there.
People, lean in.
Get close.
Get close.
Listen, here's the deal.
We have big news.
We got monumental news.
We got snack-tacular news.
After a brief hiatus, my good friend, Michael Liam Black, and I are coming back.
My good friend.
Tom Kavanaugh and I are coming back to do what we do best.
What we were put on this earth to do.
To pick a snack.
To eat a snack.
And to rate a snack.
Nemptively?
Emotionally.
Spiritually.
Mates is back.
Mike and Tom eat snacks.
Is back.
A podcast for anyone with a mouth.
With a mouth.
Available wherever you get your podcasts.