Bros & Shows - Hi, my name is Steel. I'm an alcoholic. Today I am 7 years sober. (8/18/25)

Episode Date: August 19, 2025

Steel is 7 years sober! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hi, my name is Steele. You may know me from my podcast, Bros and Shows. You may know me as the Recession Chef, but I am also an alcoholic. And today is my seven-year sobriety date. And on these days, I like to do something to commemorate the occasion. And it's usually make a video either sharing my story or we're talking about something I've learned in the past year. But recently, thanks to all of you, I have this new audience with The Recession Chef. And a lot of people that don't know my story. So I thought this would be a good time to refresh some of those that know my story and to tell the new people who I am, where I came from, and what I've been through. And for those you that don't know, I played professional baseball. I played for the Orioles for parts of six seasons, and then I ended up coaching for them for three seasons. And that was who I was. I was a baseball player my entire life. My dad was in professional baseball when I was a kid, so I grew up in a clubhouse, and it's all I knew. It was my idea. It was my idea. identity. So fast forward, I get into professional baseball as a player. You know, my lifelong dream

had been achieved and now I was working my way to hopefully play in the major leagues one day. And when it came time to make a decision whether to retire and start coaching or keep playing, I decided to start coaching. And I got married to my ex-wife when we were very young. I didn't know a lot about the world thought I did. But in about 2016, it started to, my drinking started to pick up a little bit. Things at home weren't great. I was extremely stressed at my job. And I started to realize that if I was drunk, I didn't care as much.

And my whole life, I had been the person that fixes things. If you have a problem, you come to me. My family has a problem. They come to me. I loved helping other people, but I hated addressing my own problems. So if I had shit going on, I would just push it to the side and not address it. it. And now suddenly, I had an issue that I couldn't push to the side. I had an issue that I couldn't just forget about. I was becoming a full-blown functioning alcoholic. And my ex and I

separated in early 2018, and for the first time in a long time, I found myself with no responsibility to anybody but myself. It was me and my dog living in this apartment. My ex and my daughter had moved back to Texas for the remainder of the season. And that's when things got really bad. I closed the door to my daughter's bedroom because I couldn't bear to look at the fact that she wasn't there anymore. And my day went like this. I would wake up at probably 6 a.m. And I would throw up, usually blood, and then I would choke down whatever vodka I had left from the night before. And that got me to neutral. That got me able to start my day. I would go to the field and coach all day long coaching professional athletes. And when I got done at the field,

I would pick up another bottle on my way home, and then I would repeat this process. And I was putting away one to two-fifths of vodka every single night, which equates to about two or three handles a week, if not more. And my health started to decline. You know, I was starting to carry fluid on my body. My eyes were beginning to turn yellow. And people at the field at my job where they were starting to recognize that something was going on. It was getting really hard to hide the fact that I was hammered every single day. And it all came crashing down one day in August of 2018. I was in the dugout during a professional baseball game. Then I coached third base. So I got up off the bench to run out and coach third and I fell down. I was so drunk in

the dugout that I fell down. And me being an idiot, like I grabbed my knee and I was like, oh, and obviously nobody bought that. My manager sat me down, and he said, you can't go out there. It was, you're a mess. He was like, sit down. And as soon as the game ended, I tried to hide tail it out. Like, that would have made it better. But our head trainer grabbed me by the shirt and said, you need to come in here.

And you brought me into the training room, and he strapped me to an EKG machine. And my resting heart rate was 149 beats per minute, which is really bad. It's borderline stroke, borderline heart attack. But they ran a few tests on me at the hospital. They didn't go that in depth. And they had a trainer drive me back to my apartment. And when I got back to my apartment, the first thing that I did was get an Uber to the liquor store and buy more booze. Because I recognized that the jig was up, that people were going to find out about this.

There was no more hiding it. And call it your last hurrah, if you will. And anybody in addiction will tell you that once you realize that it's the end of the line, The next 48 hours are really, really dangerous. And I don't remember a whole lot from those last two days. I drank probably two or three handles worth of vodka. It was bad. It was really bad.

But my uncle flew to Florida and packed me and my dog up in my truck, and he drove me north to Philadelphia. And while we're driving through D.C., I went through withdrawal for the first time in my life. and that's enough to make you never want to drink again. That was horrible. Like lights were so bright, the sounds around me. I remember him crinkling a water bottle and it sounded like it was inside of my head. I started hallucinating.

My heart rate was through the roof. You know, I was getting tunnel vision. And a little public service announcement to anybody that's dealing with this, going through this, or have somebody in your life going through this, if you're trying to detox from alcohol, you can die from the, withdrawal. So make sure if you are going to try to get clean from alcohol that you go to a medical center or a hospital so they can detox you properly and monitor you so that you don't die. Okay, please. But we didn't know that. So we thought we had to just muscle through and get to

Philly. So we ended up making it and we pull up to my parents' house and my mom came out and I walked up to my mom. And this is the first time I think that I, I saw some of the pain that I'd caused. Because I remember looking at her in her eyes and she just, just, there was fear, uncertainty, and just pain. I just remember that feeling of fuck. Like, I hadn't had to see that yet. I hadn't seen what my drinking was doing to people until that moment. But I looked at her in the face and I said, hey, I'm going through withdrawal. And she told me to go lie down. And And my other uncle, who has been sober for over 25 years, called my mom and said, hey, you need to get him to the hospital because this can get really bad, really fast.

So she drove me to the hospital as Jefferson Abington, which is cool, because that's actually where my daughter was just born. So it's almost like this amazing full circle moment. But she drove me there, and I'll never forget checking in because, whoever was checking me in was awful they were like slamming things around me they were being very inconsiderate as to what I was going through and I was the first time that I felt like I was treated like I should be treated like this is what I deserve I don't deserve empathy I don't deserve anything else like that because of who I am now and what I've done to myself and I

remember sitting there thinking that but they checked me in and started running tests and the prognosis was not good. They weren't sure I was going to make it out of the hospital. I had the most liver damage they'd ever seen for anybody under the age of 65 before. Like I said, my eyes were yellow. My stomach was like out to here because of all the fluid. And my dad, who was in professional baseball at the time as well, was coaching in the major leagues.

And they told my mom to call my dad and say, hey, you should probably get here because we don't know if he's going to get out of here. But five days in the hospital, they came and they said, hey, we think you're going to be okay. We're not going to drain the fluid because we want to see if your liver kicks back on and does it for us because that'll be an indicator that it will regenerate. What do you think about rehab? And at that point, I had lost everything. You know, my daughter was living in Texas. I was homeless.

I didn't have a job. I had my truck and my dog. It's like a bad country song. but I went to Karen, which is up in Wormonster, just out there, sorry, Wormonser, Warnersville. It's up in Warnersville, just outside of Reading, and it's an amazing place to save my life. But I just remember getting there, and the first thing I did was look around and just compare, compare myself to every person there. I'm not as bad as that guy.

He did heroin. I'm not as bad as that guy. He does crystal meth and dumpsters. I'm not as bad as that guy. He ran into a family. with his car and i had this this weird air about me that i was better then that i didn't belong here and anybody will tell you that's going through addiction or recovery that comparison is one of the worst things you can do um and for the first three weeks of being in rehab i didn't really

buy into the process i i knew i should probably be there but i didn't think i was as bad as the other people around me that maybe i could drink again i said to get a handle on it And I went to all the classes. I went to all the meetings, everything I was supposed to do. But I was very surface level. I was just kind of going to the motions. And I'll never forget about three weeks exactly. We went to a meeting of just dads.

And we went around the room. Each guy went and said, hi, I'm so-and-so. My kids are 10, 15, whatever. I want to get this right for them, blah, blah, blah. So it gets to me, and I just give a very surface-level answer. Hi, my name is Steele, my daughters, too. I want to get this right for her. And in meetings, it's known that you don't cross-talk.

So if you're talking, I don't talk. If I'm talking, you don't talk. It's my story to share. It's my thing to share. It's not yours to comment on. But about halfway through my sentence, this older gentleman cuts me off. And he just says, you don't know how lucky you are. I was like, what are he talking about?

How is this lucky? And he's like, you have no idea how lucky you are. My kids are 25, 21, like 16 and 14. They remember every single thing that I did. If you get this right, your daughter never has to know that side of you. And it was like somebody hit me in the forehead with a hammer. It was like bang and everything opened up. Everything made sense.

I knew I could never drink again. I knew I had to get my shit right. I knew I had to pick myself up. And it brought me back to this night when I was in Florida. And I remember waking up the next morning. And it was the most lucid that I'd been in a while. It was like the most aware, probably the least drunk I'd been in, in months. And I went to the bathroom and I wasn't wearing any clothes.

And I remember looking at myself in the mirror and this stranger looking back at me. I didn't recognize the man that was in the mirror. My eyes were yellow. Like I said, my stomach was all distended in disproportion. There was things protruding out. I looked awful. My hair was falling out. And I just remember looking at myself in the eye.

eyes and saying, what did you do? How did you do this? This is it. We're not coming back from this. And from that night on, when I would go to sleep or pass out, I would just hope and pray that I wouldn't wake up the next day, that I would go to sleep and die so that I didn't have to hurt like this anymore. And so I could stop letting the people down around me. And fast forward to this moment sitting in this meeting with that guy that snapped me out of everything. It's like, how could you have ever gotten to that point? How could you ever be that person? Fix it.

Fix this shit. And the next day, I hit the ground running. I was a completely different person. Everything opened up for me. I became more vulnerable. I became more open to the experience. I started talking. I started sharing.

And all of a sudden, I started to feel this. this want and need to be sober, that not just for the people around me, but for the first time for myself, that I deserved that, that I deserved another chance at life. And when I got out, I had no idea what I was doing. I, like I said, I lost everything. I had no money, no job. My daughter was in Texas. And I moved back into my parents' house. And I moved out in my parents' house when I was 18 years old. And now I'm moving back in for the first time, 28 with a kid, getting divorced, no job, nothing. And my mom worked out at a gym near the house, and they needed another male trainer.

And thanks to baseball, I'd lifted since I was a teenager and I knew a lot about it. So I figured I could probably pass the test. And there was a test the next day. And so it was in the middle of nowhere. It was like a YMCA and bumfuck PA. So I drove out and I took this test. test and I passed. So I started working at the gym like the next week and it was that for like two years. I just kept my head down and didn't really know what this path was going to be where it

was going to take me. But I was happy and I was starting to put things together and build a life that I was proud of. And then one day I was in the gym and this woman that worked out there was a concierge in the area and she came up to me and said, hey, when you cook your food, because at the time, I had an Instagram account called Steals Meals, and I would literally cook, take a picture, and then I would eat it. And she said, when you cook your food, do you drop it off for people or do you cook at their house? And I was like, oh, I don't do either of those things. I just eat it. And she said, well, how would you like to because I need a private chef this evening or that week downtown for this lovely couple? And I was like, sure, why not? What's the worst

that could happen? You know, so I went and cooked for them and it went amazing. They really enjoyed it, which was a lot of fun. And she referred me to another client of hers. And that's the day that I became a private chef and have been doing it now for about five years. Fast forward a little bit more. I'm watching Bravo with my wife. We love Bravo. We share that.

And it's a lot of fun. And my buddy, Shooter, he also watched Bravo. Similar situation. And so one night we were at a party and there was a group talking about Real Housewives. or something and we were walking by shooter and I and we both chimed in like joking around but we knew what we were talking about and they mockingly were like oh you guys know bravo and we're like yeah actually we do know bravo and we just shot the shit with them and the next day my wife jokingly I think it's probably a joke but I take things seriously I was like you guys

should start a podcast and I was like you're right and so that day I went to guitar center and bought two microphones a shitty little soundboard and I used my wife wife's, like, 10-year-old MacBook to try to get this thing off the ground. And it worked. You know, we have this amazing platform now, these amazing listeners, an amazing audience. And we've gotten to experience some incredible things over the past few years, thanks to this podcast. We got to go on Bravo and be the bartenders. We've had live shows in front of sold-out crowds. We've hung out with the Bravo Lebs, like all these amazing things that I get to share with my best friend because my wife was the one that thought it'd be a good idea. So all of these

little pieces that came together are a product of this new life or a product of keeping your head down and working, surround yourself with good people, and just moving forward. And even more recently with this recession chef thing, which has been insane and I'm loving it, but never expected this in a million years. And here I have another large audience that I get to address and tell you who I am and tell you that all of this came because I drank. I'm not saying drink and good things happen. What I'm saying to you is the first week in rehab, this woman gave a speech,

and she was talking about being a grateful alcoholic. I just remember sitting there livid. How on earth could you be grateful for this? what the hell is the matter with you when i got to the end of my 30 days in rehab i stood in front of my unit adkins unit what's up but i stood in front of my unit and said the same thing said i stand before you as a grateful alcoholic and i sit before you today recording this as a grateful alcoholic because nothing i have now i would have without going through what i went through i could never do it again i don't have the strength to do it again but i am so grateful for everything that happened

And I don't regret anything because it got me to where I am today. And so much of that is attributed to the people around me. My family, they picked me up and got me through the hardest time in my life. My wife has been my absolute rock. Like, she has been so incredible through this whole process and such an amazing support system for me. And I can't thank her enough. Like, it really, she's what keeps me going. My two beautiful girls, Poppy and Scotty, like I, this life brought me.

my wife and this amazing life that we live together. I'm married to my best friend. We have two incredible kids. I just look around now at this life that I have and it's just I never thought I could have any of this. And it's important for me and like what I've learned this year is making sure that you're taking time to step back and look around. Make sure you take time to really, really appreciate everything you have because I found myself recently looking what's next, what's next, what's next? I got so focused on the podcast, so focused on my cooking thing that I'm looking forward to what's after this, what's after this. When I get here, things will get easier. When I get here, things will be easier. When I get here, things will be easier. I didn't recognize

that in this race of trying to get to the next thing, I'm not soaking in what I have now. And I'll be damned if I take a day of my life for granted. I am too lucky. I'm too fortunate. And I have too many amazing people around me to take anything for granted. And I'll, Again, I thank my wife for reminding me of that, because that's the most important thing to me in the world is moments. And I say a lot to take stock in your moments, really appreciate your moments for what they are. And I just want to make sure that I take every chance that I have to be grateful for everything I have. Remember how I got here and never take a day for granted because, and I've said this a lot, but life is really hard. It's really fucking hard.

We live in a crazy time right now. It's even harder than it's ever been. But life does not suck. It doesn't suck. Getting to this point, you know, this audience that I'm speaking to now, you know, thank you all of you for all of your support and all of your amazing. messages over the years. I don't know if you know how big those are and how important that stuff is to me when I when I hear somebody share what they've been through or if a podcast episode helped them

get through something. This is, it's not an easy road. Some days are harder than others, but it's not easy. I'm just so happy to be here, to be alive, to be able to talk to you like this. And for all the opportunities that you presented me with, thank you. And I will keep going and I'll keep learning. It's a lifelong thing. It's not, I'm not going to wake up tomorrow and it's going to be gone.

And I need to remember that so that I don't lose focus. So I don't lose focus for the people around me and I don't lose focus for myself. Because I know what happens when I do. And I'm never going to go back to that place again. I refuse to go back to that place. But thank you for listening. Thank you for supporting me through all this. Seven years down, a life.

time to go and I'm so excited for what's next I can't wait and I'll never take a day for granted again um sorry um so thank you I love all of you and if you're going through something if you're struggling with addiction or alcoholism feel free to reach out I will respond to every one of you that reaches out if you have something that you're going through and you need help with because i know how hard it is and um all i can say is that there is a better life on the other side and you got to fight your ass off to get it but it's there so thank you again i love you guys