Bros & Shows - Jax Gonna Jax... Brittany Gonna Defend (The Valley Full Recap)

Episode Date: March 28, 2024

What's up Bros? We are back in the Valley, and gotta say... This show is exceeding expectations. On today's episode we get Jax and Doute not seeing eye to eye over the baby situation. For whatever reason, Jax seems to think his opinion matters in regards to Doute having a kid. The group addresses Jesse grabbing Kristens nipple last week. And Jesse's reply? He doesn't remember. Luke ends up confronting him and it looks like our boy Luke is going to be able to handle his own on this show. Jax continues to do Jax things and invites Doute's ex to hang out with the dudes the same night that Luke is hanging out trying to get to know the guys better. Over at girls night Brittany defends Jax acting as though its not crazy that they invited Alex to the party. In fact, Brittany says Alex should be there and Luke should not... This season is actually delivering so far and we are both thoroughly enjoying it! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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none of you are safe. New episodes every Wednesday, wherever you get your podcasts. As there's a drive in a deep left field by Castellanos, it will be a... Oh man, it's 8 o'clock. And so that'll make it a... I don't need the spotlight. I shine just fine.

Hi, I'm Karma. And yes, I am a bitch. Brov Bros. Good evening, everybody, and welcome back to another episode of Brav Bros. Your favorite podcast from The Bros. for everybody. For whoever wants to listen, I am your co-host, St.Rustle Russell, joined as always by the one and only double time grimes.

What's up? Oh, no. Grimes? Grimy fuck. Jesus Christ. Coming in hot, episode two, we're delirious. This is what we're doing here. We're just talking for hours. But it is, I think it's the best time of the year. We got March Madness going on. Baseball's back.

Opening day Friday. Yeah, opening day got pushed a day, but that's okay. You know what? This is a real problem for the Braves. We know how they deal with off days. Yeah. You get to give them too many off days. You know, they make a lot of excuses.

And then they throw beer cans at our players. I don't want to, I don't want them to have any excuses. So we'll see how it goes, but we're excited to get everything back. We've got Bravo. We've got sports. We're happy boys. Yeah, this is like our prime time. This is when we are the happiest boys.

And the tiredest boys. Yeah, we're sleepy boys, but we're like happy, seepy. Like post- Thanksgiving dinner kind of seepy. Yeah, that kind of, yeah. Tent. Yeah, post- Thanksgiving dinner at your own house. so you can go to bed. Yeah, we're content with the content.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. There you go. Like I said, we just recorded our summer house Martha's Vineyard episodes. So when you get us on a bender like this, on a Schwartz podcast bender, this is what you get out of us. It gets a little wacky. So buckle up, bros. Yeah, buckle up and head on down to the valley with us.

Yeah, and before you do that, why don't you head on down to our Instagram bio and click the link and get your tickets for Washington, D.C., May 3rd at Union Stage. That is a Friday night. As we announced, we have Candace Dillard coming out. We have Chris Bassett coming out. And we have Ryan Bailey coming out. So make sure you go get those tickets. It's an awesome venue.

It's going to be a great time. While you're at it, snag some tickets to our Boston show. They're almost sold out. That is June 14th. Also a Friday night. Go get them ticks, bruh. Go get them ticks, bro. But it is our second episode today,

which means we got some roses and thorns to do. So why don't we dive into those? Let's hit them. You want me to start us off? Yeah, leave us off there, pal. All right, so, well, that was a jump scare, actually. I zoomed all the way in on Anne's face last night from that face time for our one picture. And I guess that's the last picture I looked up.

Anyway, I'm going to start off with my thorn here, even though it takes quite the turn towards the end. We got a review about Summerhouse and about you, Steele. So I need to defend you. Oh, yay. The caption was so lame, three stars. Oh, I know this one. She's commented before about, I'll tell you after. Yeah, being a Carl apologist is not it's deal.

You can hate Hubs all you want, which, by the way, if you're calling Lindsay Hubs, you're very clearly a Lindsay fan. Yeah, like just try to mask it a little bit better. But listening to you make excuse after excuse for Carl is awful, awful. A sober bar? What a joke. She was right to shut that idea down. It's idiotic.

We get it that you're sober, too, but you're terrible. two, but your takes are weak. Quote unquote, poor Carl snooze. Thank God for Shooter. He's the voice of reason. Championing the loser mentality is absurd. Man up. I love that line

in there. Thank God for Shooter, the voice of reason. As if I'm not also sitting here defending Carl. I know. Yeah. Thank God for you. I guess it's because I also thought that the sober bar was really stupid and not a good idea. I said that my issue with that was the fact that she was just not

supportive at all. You said that you wanted to invest in it. No. You were like, Carl, stop. Sign me up. The funny thing is I recognized that I wasn't going to, that comment I was not going to read. I wasn't going to give any life because she's commented before. It's Texas lady, right? Yeah, Texas girl, yeah. Yeah, she has made a comment before questioning my masculinity and my manhood,

which I think is so funny that man up because I am like in touch with my feelings. I don't know. think that's such an old stupid trope but hey texas girl i don't know what masculinity means to do like means to you means to means to me means to me i don't know what that means to me i don't know what that means to you but i'll come down there whip your husband's ass and then i'll go cry and talk about bravo like i don't know what you want from me if you're questioning my manhood right now like we've only actually seen steel cry once yeah and it wasn't on the show it was a live show yeah otherwise you don't really see it too often but regardless i thought that's my favorite

When I saw Man Up, I was like, oh, that's so fucking funny. Man up, how dare you defend somebody on the show when I'm going to call his ex-fiancee hubs? Yeah, they grow up. Why don't you grow up? How about that? And my rose, which goes well with the theme of the beginning of the show, is titled, Bravo, brilliance amidst Phil's fans, dot, dot, dot, didn't get to see the rest of it. I'm really sure what she said. It comes from BLS 7188, despite their love for the wrong team. Steele and Shooter are a grand slam for Bravo fans. I love the pun.

I didn't read that. Love the pun. Trash sports opinions, Bravo Brilliants, signed an unapologetic Braves fan. Oh, well, I get it.

No, I give it a rose because I appreciate it. You know what? You can put down your fandom to come and listen to us, even though, you know, we're going to talk about beating your team every year because you can't get over that hump,

losers. Learn how to play in the playoffs. A little scared. Yeah, that's okay. Win that division again, all you want. I don't care. Keep calling us.

gumbags, and you keep throwing beer cans at our players. There's proven our point. But those are good. Those are solid. Let me get to mine. And up first is my thorn, because I like to finish with the rose, make it happy. I just saw this one. This one's really funny.

I didn't think anyone would take such umbrage with this. But regardless, we had a stance yesterday about the dog, Ariana's dog, and getting sick, all that, whatever. So this comes from, it's a convoluted name, but I don't read Thorne names anyway. She locked the door to keep the dog out. I'm confused how that's her fault. Unlike most of us here, she's busy. Maybe she forgot it.

Y'all are so weird for judging that. But better not ever find a piece of food left out at your house until the day you die since you're all so perfect. Do you want to come over to my house? Yeah, are you going to come over? I'm going to invite a crazy person over to my house. You're not allowed in our homes to see if we leave food out. And we didn't say don't leave food out.

We said don't leave food in your bed. Don't leave food in your bedroom at all, especially don't leave food in your bedroom when you have a dog that can access that food very easily. And this is what we know about dogs. They can smell food from a very long way away, and they know where it is. Yeah, and you said that she locked her door. If she locked her door, how did Sandoval get in there? Yep. Look, you're missing the point.

We're very happy that dogs okay. We're just saying that she left the food out. Sandoval didn't. Also, you've seen that room. Like, there's just no way that you're taking this stance. Also, you're not allowed to come over and see if we have food in our house. Let me make that clear. And also, we are far from perfect, and I've never claimed to be.

But thank you for the giggle because it was very funny. Love a good giggle. Yeah, love a good giggle. But my rose comes from Apple Podcasts, and that is from Marissa N.P. And it says, the bros, no. as an avid bravo fan I'm very selective when it comes to

which podcast I listen to I listen to the bros religiously because they provide honest takes and don't feel the need to pander to certain Bravo Lebs

or agree with the majority just so that they stay in people's good graces thanks yeah that's the goal perfect you nailed what we try to do here

it's what we always do yeah but we're not perfect we are there's no food in my house I that's the funny thing like I've left out recently. I haven't left it on my bedside table. No. Okay. That's the difference. That's all.

We don't need to go out of this room. No. But anyway, we watched The Valley, which, what do you think so far? We're two episodes in. So I've taken a new approach. I know that, you know, before the season aired, we talked about potentially having to hate watch it or stop watching it in a couple of episodes, just kind of give it a little run, and then we'd be upset with it. I've decided to just watch it and not take it too seriously. Oh, that's a good approach. And it's much better. Let me tell you, it's goofy, it's funny.

I, honestly, it's sort of like what my advice was to you with watching Southern Charm, specifically with Shep. Yeah. You just have to take him for what he is. You have to do that with Jacks. You have to do that with a couple of these idiots. Now, obviously, somebody like Jesse, that's different, what he does pisses me off. Oh, just wait, just wait. Oh, we're getting a rant?

Not a full-blown rant, because I actually went into this show, and I think that is a credit. to jacks i never went into this show credit jacks but for a not great reason because he's such a joke i went into this show with a much lighter approach like it's a jack centric show it's going to be fucking ridiculous it's going to be ridiculous and he's doing a good job at making it even more ridiculous yeah so like that was my thought process going in and i think that's probably because i have more jacks taylor experience than you yeah because i was much more invested in the early seasons of epr so i knew exactly what i was getting into whereas for you it's it's honestly honestly, the perfect replica of me going into Southern Charm knew,

and you kind of guiding me through it, it's the same idea. Like, I knew what to expect. You might not have. I'm just, yeah, I've just chosen to not take it that seriously. Yeah, that's the, absolutely way to go. Because that's the only way that I get mad about watching a show is when I feel like it's a chore, and I feel like I have to overanalyze and do this and that. Most of the people, well, I don't want to say that, but the main people on this show are pretty dumb,

and they don't really make the best decisions. clearly this is where they are. They're 44 and on the valley. But if you look at it that way, you might have a better time. Yep, I'm enjoying it. I think that there's definitely a show here. And we said that after episode one,

that there's a lot of ways forward for this show. There's also a lot of pitfalls for this show. I think they are self-aware as to what the show is. Yeah. And I think that that's a good thing in this case because we all knew that Jacks was going to overproduce. We all knew that Jacks was going to do the most to try to cause the most drama, all this. In his brain, he doesn't know that it's ironic almost.

Like us watching, we're like, yeah, you're being who we all thought you were. Thank you because it's making for entertaining TV. But he thinks that he's like fucking crushing it. And that makes it even better because you're seeing this false confidence of a moron, like waltzing around TV, like thinking that he is the number one guy on Bravo now. Yep. And he got his own show. He must be. Yeah, dude, it's working, though.

It is absolutely working fine. Just because we're not taking it seriously. And every time that he does something, we're not labeling it immediately as, oh, my God, that's so overproduced. It's like, yeah, it's Jacks. Of course it's overproduced. But at the same time, what I'm doing,

instead of getting mad about it, I'm actually trying to wonder when he does certain things, is he doing it for the show, or is he that big of an idiot? And that's my biggest issue right now. And I'm okay with that. Yes. The answer is yes. The answer is yes.

The answer is yes, because it works. and that's all I'm going to, that's all I'm going to do. Yeah, it's enjoyable TV, but let's dive into this week. And we start out with Jacks and Doty, and they're at a steakhouse, which makes total sense because Doty's a vegan. Yep. Or sorry, vegetarian. But he apologizes her for cornering her,

and we saw it at the party. Everyone seems to take an issue with Kristen wanting to have a baby, and the only people that are taking an issue with it are the dudes, which let me give all the dudes out there a little tip. When it comes to this kind of show, shit. You don't have an opinion. A little DSA? A little dude service announcement. But Jacks' big thing is like, I don't think that you guys are on the same page, which is so funny

because it's like, well, Jacks, you don't know Luke. You don't, you've never taken the time to sit down with the guy and act. You don't even know his fucking last name. And you're going to tell Doty where they stand in their relationship. We have watched Doty on TV for a very long time. We have seen her in relationships with horrible, horrible people. This is genuinely the first good relationship that she's had. We've met Luke in person. He is genuinely a solid dude. These are very nice guy.

We hung out with him all night in L.A. But yeah, I hung out with Luke for an extended period of time that night. And yeah, he's a great dude. Like, he's just a normal guy. And I think that's what our biggest concern was, honestly, with this season, was can he hang? And he showed this episode that he can. We'll get to that later. My biggest issue with Jackson, this is, like, everything.

he says is so matter of fact and he claims like, I know Doty and I know how things work and I'm usually right about this stuff. Dev said it perfectly. If you have an opinion about everything, which you always do, you're going to be

right sometimes. Yeah, of course. Because you always have a fucking opinion. You're not fucking Methuselah. Is that right? That's just an old tree. I don't think so. Methuselah is the oldest tree in the world. It was named after Methuselah. No, I'm thinking of Nostradamus, but is Methusal all-knowing?

I don't know. You might be going into a different, man, mythology. Yeah, well, Nostradamus. Let's go with that. Go with Nostradamus. Yeah, he is Nostradamus because he just throws opinions out there constantly, and then eventually one of them sticks. He's like, see, I always get it right.

I always get it right. And he speaks to Doty so matter of fact and claims to be one of her closest friends. They've known each other for 20 years. They have this brother-sister relationship. I'm just looking out of here. I'm looking out for what's best. if you actually were, you would take the time to get to know the guy that she's dating. Well, this is the thing.

And this is where I feel like Jack's mind is so warped. In his mind, he is doing what's best for her. Agreed. But he's not doing any of the right things. He's just taking matters into his own hands and talking about it behind her back and then telling her what he thinks and assuming that she assumes that it's right. Yes. That's what he's doing.

And yeah, he didn't get to know Luke. He doesn't want to get to know Luke. He doesn't care because of her past boyfriends. meanwhile you're still friends with her latest boyfriend who looks like a fucking train right and we'll get to that too when he walks in a fucking barcade but yeah so nothing really adds up and this is just jacks it's just

his opinion is the only one that really matters he's going to force it down your throat and he's going to use this whole I'm your big brother type of mentality and you need to listen to me because I know better but you're not doing anything that says that you're not sitting down with Chris you should have sat down with Kristen before you blew up

this party telling everybody else and all the guys what's going on and then yelling that her ex-boyfriend was also part of this we're going to have a baby right before they broke up so for him to do that now it's like you're doing everything in back like you're doing everything backwards reverse order you're an idiot you are an idiot again i'm not getting mad about it because it's just funny it's just it's just jacks and it's funny yeah and they move on to the the jesse altercation where Doty pinched his nipple and then he felt like it was appropriate to pinch her nipple back. I'm glad that Jack's had the appropriate response. He's like, that's fucking crazy.

That would be comparable to you grabbing his dick, which, yes, yeah, that is a very similar thing. Like, that can't be said enough about this scenario. Like, that would be the equivalent. Okay, like her reaching out. Like, Jack's being right again. Yeah, he's always right. But seriously, like, it's more of a big deal than it's being let on. And I think that's just, like, Doty doesn't want to cause, like, a huge commotion about it.

But, like, she has every right to if she wants to. But regardless, she flat out says, I need you to start treating Luke like he's my forever. I need you to start treating him at the very least, dude, treat him with some fucking respect. Take the time to get to know this guy before you label him wrong for me. Because all that this is saying to me, his behavior around Doty and how he's talking about her and how he's, like, trying to navigate all of this shit. I think Jack's is in love with Doty. I think he's obsessed with her.

He won't fucking leave it alone. He has a comment about every single thing she's doing, and he's going under the guise of, yeah, she's my little sister or whatever. It's like, nah, bro, I think that you have a thing for her. I don't think he has a thing for her. I do. There's, like, a power complex going on.

Is that what you think it is? Because he's also bringing Brittany into it. Brittany does the same thing when we see it later in the episode. She's doing the same thing to Doty that Jack's like Britney, by the way. Interesting. well if you saw her on banner pump you probably would too I just can't get over the way as she talks it just bothers me but she does the same thing where she's sitting with Doty

and she's completely it's one thing to take your husband's side of things it's another thing to have your own opinions about it and they are much aligned with what Jacks is doing juxtapose to that juxtapose is back juxtapose to that scene so it's weird I honestly I imagine that the two of them are sitting down and all they're doing the entire time their entire conversation

is about other people. They don't sit down and talk about each other. They don't sit down and talk about their family, their life, whatever. They sit down and they talk about what everybody else is doing and how they would change it. And I think that works for them. And that's what they're doing. No, it doesn't.

It doesn't because that's why she's living in an Airbnb and he's living at home. Who the fuck knows what's going on with any of that? I could see them committing to the bit that hard. I could too. Like, you know what? Let's just take a vacation from each other for a little bit, but it'll drum up some interest in the show and we'll get a second season out of it. I could honestly see that.

thousand percent see that with how they're mirroring each other i could definitely see that absolutely so we'll see how that pans out but yeah i i i get that this is what he's doing and it's it's just jacks being like this is my show i'm going to orchestrate everything and at the same time he's very much a kiss my ass like my friends are going to have to kiss my ass and they're going to treat me how they're going to treat me and luke doesn't do that look comes in you know he's a man a few words he's not going to do a whole lot especially in that golf scene that we saw last week but he's also not walking in like, oh, Jacks, man, like what's going on? Because Doty has told him what Jacks has done in the past.

So, yeah, of course he's not going to come in and kiss your ass and be your best friend right away. But that's what you want, so you immediately label him as not somebody that I want to hang out with. Yeah, that's a good point. But moving on from there, we get husband of the year and Michelle, and they're taking their daughter to go ride a bike. And she's like, did you watch the video I sent you on how to ride a bike? He was like, no, I want to watch the video, which not the most damning thing in the world. No, to be fair, I would not watch a YouTube video on how to ride a bike. I would, on how to teach a kid to ride a bike.

I would definitely watch that because they're probably making it a lot easier. I remember when I learned how to ride a bike. Yeah, it was like two weeks ago, but that's irrelevant to this. Fine. Once you learn, you don't forget, Steele, so fuck you, buddy. You're welcome for teaching you. But just the way that they talk about each other in confessional, is alarming because she says,

I didn't know that he didn't have any patience until we had a kid. Like, uh-huh. That's a fucking terrifying sentence. I'm starting to, I still feel bad for Michelle because Jesse's an asshole. I always will feel bad for Michelle.

But when she says stuff like that, it's like, what do you mean? You didn't know that he had any patience? No, I'm not faulting her for that at all, man. I'm faulting her. I mean, she married the guy. You can't do that. People change.

He's even admitted. He hasn't changed. Bro, he says, I don't know if we've, both evolved or if I've changed into somebody that she doesn't want to be with anymore? He acknowledges the change. So what? He's an idiot. How the

fuck are you going to fault her for him being a fucking idiot? I'm not fully faulting her. I'm just saying she married the idiot. This is a dull approach. I'm sorry. It's not. Oh, so you think that this dude just got married? Like he was the best person ever got married and then flip the switch and be an asshole? I don't think that you can like...

I'm not blaming her. It sounds like you're blaming her. I'm saying she married him. So to sit there in the confessional and say, I didn't know that he didn't have this patience before we had kids. People change. I used to be a piece of shit. People could change.

That baby's crying every time I pick them up. Nobody's going to get these references. I hope they get that reference. We've had some people say that they've got the Tim Robinson references. The new BMO, V.I. Porter, MasterCard, is your ticket to more. More perks.

More points. More flights. More of all the things you want. want in a travel rewards card and then some get your ticket to more with the new bemo v i porter mastercard and get up to $2,400 in value in your first 13 months terms and conditions apply visit bemo.com slash viporter to learn more hi i'm here to tell you about good morning night veil welcome to night veil's official recap show and unofficial best friend food podcast join me meg bashwinner and fellow try hosts, Hal Lublin and Symphony Sanders, as we dissect all of the cool,

squishy, and slimy bits of every episode of Welcome to Nightvale. Come for the insightful and hilarious commentary and stay for all of the weird and wild behind-the-scenes stories. Good morning, Night Vale, with new episodes every other Thursday. Get it wherever you get your podcasts. Yes, even there. Cool. So there's a few out there. We get more SpongeBob reference people out there. Yeah, we do. We get those, but there's a couple I think you should leave people. I don't have any SpongeBob references that apply to this. No, but there are a couple, I think you should leave people out there in our, in our flock, if you will. Our flock.

The flock of bros. That's a T-shirt. Back to the list. But we move on to Doty and Luke, and they're recapping the Jack's conversation. And, you know, she mirrors exactly what she said earlier. I don't know why all of you have an opinion on what I want to do in having a kid with Luke. It's none of your fucking business. Your business is to support me as your friend.

and this is what I want to do. I don't need to hear all of this shit. Like, it would be one thing, and then we can move on, because I know I keep going back to it, but it would be one thing if they knew the guy, and then he commented on it, but he's trying to frame it as,

I'm your friend, I'm looking out for you. It's like, if you really were, then you would do your due diligence, get to know Luke, and then you would have some ground to stand on if you're like, hey, I don't think this is right. Right. You're just doing it based on what you said earlier.

You don't want to hang out with the guy. It's you don't want to hang out with the guy, and it's applying this current boyfriend to all of the ex-boyfriends. And you also are not getting to know the guy. So you can't really do that. And I get it like if, and we always struggle with time frames

but if they were dating for like two months and Doty started talking about having a kid with him, yeah, red flag immediately. You're like okay, whatever. But they've been dating for over a year at this point we figured out. So she's been with them. You still haven't gotten the chance to talk to him. If you're that close to Doty and you're still at the point now where you're like, I don't know who Luke is,

then that's your fault. And that makes you the least credible person on commenting on what they should do as far as children go. Just shut up is my point. But they go over the Jesse Nipple Pinch recap. And, you know, she tries to laugh it off again. And I think that's, again, just a defense mechanism to the whole thing. Luke's pissed. And I'm thrilled that he's pissed because that was my biggest question mark with Luke.

And that's probably biased from hanging out with him is I was like, you're really just kind of a soft-spoken nice guy. Like, can you hang in this world? Because it's not like you're just going on any reality show, by the way. You're going up against the likes of Jacks Taylor. Kristen Doty, like some heavy hitters from Prime Vanderpump. Like, you need to be able to hang with this crew. This scene gave me hope. The scenes later gave me confidence.

You like that? I like that. You like that. So his response to this whole thing, he's fucking livid and he should be. He's like, I'm fuming right now. Like, that is the equivalent, again, of like, you grabbing his dick. And also, if he's going to do that, and I thought this is a great point. Like, if you slap them, is he going to slap you back?

Is he going to meet you with the same energy with everything he's doing? Because that's pretty fucking alarming. And I think that that's a valid point. But then we get to Nia, who is a fourth degree black belt in Taekwondo. Very interesting person. Well, she's Miss USA. Yeah. So it makes sense that you, but I wouldn't have thought this.

And I think it's fucking awesome. I think that's really cool. And she tells this Donald Trump story, which was amazing. Yep. That Trump came in with his creepy crew. And I can see the guys in my head, you know, overweight, sweaty, probably wearing suits and, like, giggling to each other. And they go to see the women's taekwondo. I just imagine Rudy Giuliani.

Oh, he's definitely there. Yeah, he's definitely there. A napkin, like wiping off his self-tanner and shit. Mitch McConnell's in the background. Jesus, like mouth breathing. And some creepy fucking guy walks up to her and puts his hand around her way. she fucking like Taekwondo's hand and like goes you're never going to touch me again ever K Pumpkin like go fuck yourself yeah that was a sick story so she has gone up dividends in my

I liked during the first episode but even more so now like that's a great now now it's honestly it's Janet and Jason and Daniel and they are at the top right now and it's just those four hanging out with a bunch of train racks yeah you're like what's going on down here it's great it's good TV dude but but Michelle is with them and you know she's talking about they are considering going to therapy, which you probably should, and that's a good idea. Uh-huh. But we get to Doty and the baby stuff. And Nia voices exactly what we were saying earlier.

It's like, why are the men commenting on what you should do with your body? And that's the biggest thing as well. It's like her biological clock is ticking, and that is in the back of her head. And I'm sure that's very relatable for a lot of people. So she found a guy that she's comfortable with. They have a good, solid relationship. This is the right move because she wants to have a kid. And that's the other thing.

jacks has this weird antiquated idea of what a family should look like it's like oh it's out of wedlock this and that you cheated on your wife what are you talking about you are not the foremost expert you didn't get her pregnant but but you cheated like what the fuck like it's so funny to me that he's taking this moral high ground on trying to guide her on what to do and he's just a massive piece of shit but that's when we find out that they're going to play hockey The boys are going to play some hockey And Jesse started playing hockey when he was a kid That's why he's so aggressive

Yeah, that's yeah Let's blame the hockey Blame the hockey But we get to go see the hockey scene And Jason Not the most coordinated fella Nope, he's in great shape As he points out

But not the best on skates What was the last time he roller skated? I was going to say a long time ago But now I feel like it was within the past few years I think I've rollerbladed with Poppy at some point. Yeah, that makes more sense. I haven't rollerbladed in a long time, but I used to be good at it. I did too, actually.

Backwards, yeah. I used to love playing street hockey. Uh-huh. I was the best. Yeah, I missed those days. I don't think I'd be able to pick it up now. I feel like I'd have the same problem as Jason, where my ankles would feel like they're going to fall off. But, you know.

I could definitely be good for one game, and I wouldn't be able to walk for a month. Yeah. Yeah, I think that that would probably be what would happen. But I cannot stand. And this is, we're going to start to talk about Jesse a little bit. It's going to be a very Jesse forward episode as we get into it more. But I cannot stand when he does this shit where he has to tell you how much better he is than the other guys there. My guy, you're playing fucking roller hockey.

We don't care that you got better handles than the other guys. We don't care that you can skate better. I don't give a shit that Jason's falling over. He's a middle-aged dude that's not middle-aged, or was he 30-something? He's probably late 30s, but still, like, if this was Jason Sportin, you hadn't played it before. You'd be in the same fucking position. It's such a weird move to be like, look how fucking cool I am because I can hit a great slap shot with a roller hockey ball. What are you doing?

Are you playing a men's league in L.A.? Sick, dude. Yeah, like rock on, buddy. It would be like a fun. You know what you're not doing? You're not taking care of your kid. Yeah. No, my God.

Wait till we get to that scene. They start talking about Doty and the nipple twisting thing. And I cannot believe that this is the route he wants to take. I don't remember doing that. That doesn't sound like me. Buddy, there's cameras. There's cameras. There's camp.

I know. that you're new to the reality TV show, but Jesus Christ, are you a moron? Yes, he is. He's a self-centered egotistical. No matter which way you want to break it, either you got trashed at a birthday party where there were children and

don't remember doing anything because you blacked out probably. Your kid's there, your wife's there, or you do remember doing it and you're taking this approach, which is really dumb. No matter how you shake it, it's awful. Just apologize. You could take the root of, you know what, like, I just

got really awkward. She did it. I shouldn't have done it. I should have apologized immediately, and I didn't. I feel bad about it. It was reactionary. And people would be like, okay, like, you know what? Like, go apologize to Doty. Maybe apologize to Luke as well, because obviously he's pissed off about it. But I think if you went directly to Doty and apologized, I think people would understand if you took that approach.

Taking the, I don't remember doing it approach, never works out. So scummy. It's just, it's scummy, and you're just trying to deflect and it never works out on reality TV, because there's cameras everywhere, you fucking moron. Especially when you go with the approach of that doesn't sound like something I would do. I've seen you for a total of an hour and a half on my TV sporadically.

That 1,000% seems like your move. Yeah. That seems like that's not the first time you've done that. Yeah. And was that either directly before or directly after you called Lala your mistress? Yeah, exactly. Like this is your M.O. Yeah, this is what you do.

And we know guys like you. And they're the worst because they think because they have money and they look a certain way, they can do things without any repercussions and it's like that shit catches up to you eventually especially when you're pushing 40 plus it's not a cool look and like you said if your excuse is that you were blacked out you're at a children's party you shithead yeah like fucking grow up it's it's embarrassing he's so embarrassing he's worse than jacks at least jacks is relatively not we know what jacks is that's what i mean yeah like jesse hides under this this frame of like that's not me it's like

all signs point to it is you douche canoe but that's when we find out that Jacks wants to invite Alex to his apology hang out for Daniel which I even Daniel later just the entire sentence is so funny it is a funny sentence I will say and some of our listeners

pointed it out Nia is postpartum and she does have a lot of hormones a lot of things like she's getting recalimated to the world and everything so her reaction is her reaction we shouldn't put too much emphasis on that but to have an apology thing for it like that was funny yeah that's it's a very funny take and then to pile it on with yeah i sat down with christie yesterday and we're just going to

try to integrate luke into the into the friendship you know we're going to hang out with them even though jacks is completely against it what am i supposed to do hang out with all of your boyfriends and then you're going to dump them no i'm not going to do that i don't need to do that no i'm going to talk to the boys about bringing luke in and act like it was my idea and then i'm also going to right, Doty's ex-boyfriend. Because, and this is the wildest thing. What is his exact reasoning?

Is it A, because Luke needs to be able to figure out how to hang out with other people and Alex is part of this group. B, I just want to hang out with Alex and I don't give a shit about Luke. Or C, I want to bring Alex in so that he can talk some sense into Luke so that Doty doesn't get pregnant with it, with Luke.

Yes. Okay. All right. Yes. All of the above them. Because he doesn't know. It doesn't matter. He just, he just wants to bring Alex in there and this is where I battle with the is Jacks doing this for the show because it is really good for the show. It's very funny. It's a wild move. This will play really well on camera or is this just Jacks and he would do this anyway? I think that Jacks wants to force a wedge between Doty and Luke because he doesn't like Luke and I think that by bringing Alex in that's the easiest way to do that. I don't actually think it's all three options. I think it's that and that

alone. And whether that's because he's, quote, unquote, trying to protect Doty or whether that's because he just simply doesn't want to hang out with Luke, which I think is more likely, that's what he's doing here. He's using the other things as an excuse where it's like, I'm trying to warn Luke about Doty. Well, you just claim she's one of your closest friends. You're trying to warn this guy about what she's capable of?

You're trying to warn this guy that you said that you don't care about about this? By the way, they have done Vanderpaw, Vander Pop. Bander Pop. Bander Pop. Bander Pump rewatches on Doty's podcast. He has seen her at her worst. So you're not introducing him to anything he hasn't seen. One, and two, that's not your place to do any of that.

Because you're supposed to be Kristen's friend, quote unquote. Why are you trying to fuck over her new boyfriend, who is the only decent guy that she's ever dated? Yeah. Makes no sense. But regardless, that's where I wrote in my book. Jack's obsessed with Doty. I think that he just has this thing for. whether it's romantic or not, I don't know,

but there is way more here than a brotherly relationship. That I do know. But we move on from there. We get Janet and Jasmine and their baby shopping with Brittany, and it's starting to become real. They're starting to pick out the cribs, all that good shit, and they start talking about Girls' Night. One thing I need to comment here,

because it made me laugh a lot. And I know that she's from Kentucky. But she says that Jesse's the busiest person I've ever met. And he's from Boston. Boston's an extraordinarily wealthy city. Yeah, maybe it's not the Boston that Brittany's familiar with. I don't know, but Janet did have one of the most all-time lines that I've ever seen, walking through, getting overwhelmed by all the things that you can potentially buy for a baby,

all the things that you need. Let me just remind myself, they used to do this in caves. Yeah, that's great. I love Janet. Janet's so fun. She's so real. It's great. It's all it is.

She came in, she's like, yeah, I'm just going to be myself. This is funny. It plays really well. I love it, especially with this cast of characters. That's the, like, honestly, I don't know if they would work on any other show, Janet and Jason, because they seem to be so normal. And there's a lot of season left.

We'll see what happens. But because they are juxtaposed, got it in there again. Nice. Because they are juxtaposed to these people, it's fucking stellar. Yeah. It's so good. Works well.

Yeah, it really does. But we get to another pretty normal couple, honestly, is Nia and Daniel and they're talking. They're just cute as shit. Yeah. You know, they're standing in the kitchen. He's got the baby. She's going on a trip for like three days.

I don't know if it was an engagement party or if she's doing her coaching for the pageants. I think she was doing the coaching for the pageants. Is that what it was? Because she goes all over the world, I guess, training current pageant contestants because she was Miss USA to get ready for the pageants and all that. So he's got the babies for the weekend. I think he's like 27 hours or something. And he's going over the feeding schedules, all of that. And look, I appreciate this kind of shit so much that he's.

He's the dad, and he's like, yep, I got a bike up at three. He's not complaining. He's just going through, like, his to-do list being a solo parent for the weekend and takes it on without any questions, without trying to make her feel bad. He's just, he gives her a smooch. Like, they're just cute. A couple of smooch's in there. A couple of smooches.

It's just cute. I wanted more. Yes, he probably did. But. I didn't need that. What the fuck? Many kept going in for smoochers. All right, all right, totally.

But they're going over Jackson's party in the pants. of it all. And, you know, this is where we get to the cutscene. And as our listeners pointed out to us to be a little bit more sensitive, and you were correct, she just says, you know, I'm going through a whole lot right now. After having the kids, there's a lot of hormones going on. I'm trying to find this center. And I'm concerned at times, like, is this my new normal? Which has to be a very daunting premise, especially because you're trying to take care of as Daniel likes to tell us three under two. It's a lot to handle. So yes. But I love the line. It was so, like, martial artsy. he's like, well, if he does it again, you can just

punch him in the face. You're a fourth degree black belt. She's like, whoa, with that comes some responsibility. Yeah. I was like, that's a big Spider-Man line. That's fucking awesome. Great power. She is so good at fighting that she has to not fight. That's fucking sick. And she's missed USA.

Bruce Lee Lethal Weapons line. I love that line. I thought it was awesome. But moving on from there, we get Michelle and Jesse. And I cannot fathom what is what is katy like to say fathomless instead of unfathomable

it is fathomless to me that jesse walks into the kitchen there is a pile of food because they're having girls night over there and he is like they're coming over in like 30 minutes you probably should have started this earlier she's like yeah dickhead I was taking care of your kid

and he's just sitting there god know he's probably drinking champagne watching some stupid show like scratching his nuts in the back Like smelling Mexican food And then walked in the kitchen Was like, Huh, probably should have gotten ready earlier, hon. I'm going to go hit some balls at the range.

Go fuck yourself. Like, he's literally the worst. He is the worst husband. He's the worst dad. Like, I fucking loathe this guy. I really do. I don't like seeing him on the screen. Like, he's becoming my new focal point of hatred.

It's very funny in a show with Jacks that you're focused on another guy. He's crazy. It's actually perfect. This is exactly how we drew it up. Yeah. Yeah, and in this moment, his biggest, like, concern is that Jason's not going, so I can't rip on him for sucking at roller hockey. You're so cool, dude.

You're the coolest guy in the valley. Like, you are bummed out that a guy's not showing up. That, by the way, went out and hung out with the boys. He tried to skate. He tried to do his thing. He did his best. And you think that it's, like, a big, funny thing that when he gets there, you're going to rip on him for not being able to fucking roller skate. play hockey.

The worst kind of dudes. They are the absolute worst. They need to remind you that they're the best at everything. And those guys are the fucking worst. But we get to Poise Night and it's awkward as shit initially because it's just Jackson Luke sitting there. And poor Luke, his face tells a story. It does.

Because he gets very red in moments of awkwardness, in moments of contention. Like his face, he doesn't have a great poker face. He doesn't. And he doesn't have a good small talk game either. He doesn't. Also, not that like Jack's. is the best person the small talk with

when he already doesn't like you. Right. It's a tall order to sit there and drum up conversation with Jacks, who will vehemently go out of his way to not talk to you. Yeah.

So it's a tall order to begin with. But they're sitting there awkward and that's where you get that side cut where Jacks is like, I don't know why Doty has to invite Luke to everything. You're on a show together, one. Yeah.

Two, she wants this guy to integrate in the group, much like Alex did. And by the way, When she kicked Alex out the door or vice versa, whatever happened there, and they broke up, you probably shouldn't have carried on hanging out with him if you're that close with Doty because that's fucking weird. That's a weird thing to do.

And we're going to talk about that a lot when Brittany's reaction comes in later. But Luke brings up the Jesse part and that he's pretty pissed at him. And I'm glad that he's vocalizing things because I thought that was going to be his biggest kind of faux pa was not being able to confront people. Right. And the minute Jesse gets there, he goes over to get a drink at the bar. And Luke's, like, sitting next to the other guy. He's like, I can't, I can't wait. Like, I can't fucking sit here. Like, I need to get this off my chest.

And I was like, fuck, yeah, go do it. And he does. He goes up to him and he says, we need to have a talk. I can't believe that the response from Jesse, I mean, I guess I can. The more I'm watching him on TV, I can't believe this is a reaction. But his initial reaction is, yeah, I don't remember that. So it's a question for me. And he's like, it's not a fucking question for me.

Doty said you did it, which means you did. There's also a camera. We're going to see what happened. You did it. Stop standing there saying that. And I'm glad, like, Luke was actually... He's leaning into, like, the tough guy aspect where he's like, I'm not going to be bullied by this guy

to apologize to him and his girlfriend for something that I don't remember doing. Right. It's like, no, dude, there's multiple people that are saying that you did it. You need to swallow your pride and just say that you did it. And even when he gets to the point of apologies, he's still putting on this tough guy persona. I know, man. You see him in the goddamn confessional, and that was the worst part.

And I get, like, you know, producers are just trying to egg him on a little bit, but a producer's saying, you know, are you intimidated by Luke at all? That's like asking a panther if he's intimidated by a kitten. Yeah, no, dude. Yeah, you're so tough. By the way, Luke would fuck you up.

Maybe. I don't know. He would. I mean, Nia would fuck him up. Nia would fuck both of them up. But, like, don't sleep on the guy. He owns 60 plus acres in Colorado. He lives, like, off the land.

He's a mountain man. and don't sleep on tall witery dudes because they hit... Say that word again? Widery. Okay. He's way he's wadry. Yeah. Everybody's going to know what that one's from.

Mayery? Oh, I hope they do. That would be good. We're not going to tell them. I won't tell you. But they got that quick whip on that right hand. So I'm saying if that does happen, if they did have to throw it on, I'm on Team Luke. I think that Jesse...

Well, I'm definitely, I'm on Team Luke. No, I know. I just mean, I think that it's funny that... Jesse just challenges them to roller skating. That would be so funny. I'm not going to fight you. Like a me be on the rink. Brink scenario?

Dude. Team Puppins sucks? Yeah. I fucking love that. Yeah. Let's do that. Full brink. Yeah.

Full brink. Let's go full brink in the valley. Hell yeah. How do we push that? It was probably filmed near the valley, right? It was definitely in L.A. Imagine. Yeah.

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But Jesse eventually does say, I will apologize. if I did anything that was unsavory, if I did anything. Not I'll apologize. The best you're going to get. Which, whatever. And Luke doubles down and says, yeah, and then you're going to apologize to Kristen, too. Big move. Big move.

Huge. And that's also very substantial to hear him do that. This moment for me, I'm like, he can do this show. He's going to be okay out here. He needs to, I thought, now, obviously, for this situation, it's okay. But for the next situation, he just gets a little too angry, where it's like, you got to keep your composure a little bit. Now, with the Doty thing, it's like, yeah,

Yeah, you can be as angry as you want because that's fucked up. But when it comes to the Alex thing, you don't have to get as angry. I think he'll learn. It may have served him better in that moment to not get as heated. I agree with that. I think that what you're getting out of Luke, because he hasn't been on reality. That's some emotion, yeah. That's genuine.

Yeah. You're getting exactly how he feels. He's like, why the fuck would I be okay with this dude coming to this party? Like, why would you ask me if I'm okay with that? Yeah. My honest reaction to this was, I thought that Jack's, would have got a little bit of respect for Luke after seeing that he went over to Jesse. That's what I thought.

And pushed that. Yeah, me too. Because that's something that Jacks would normally like. Jacks would be like, yeah, fuck yeah. If somebody did that to Brittany, even though he might not give a shit about Brittany, he's going to go over and defend himself in that situation. Yeah, that's what it is. And I feel like he would have respected that, but maybe in his own weird Jack's way,

he did because this conversation went a little differently than I thought it would. Maybe. So it was a little softer and then he ended it a little differently. But, yeah, I was surprised that Jacks didn't immediately have a little bit of respect for Luke and say something about it. I am too, but I'm glad that he saw that transpire. I do think that Luke went up at least one notch in his book in that

I think that that is why we got at least when they're sitting there we're jumping ahead a little bit, but he does drop to him that, yeah, you know, I invited Alex because I want we all hang out, we're friends and he gives another reason because I want you to know what you're getting into and all this other shit.

He keeps like spinning this convoluted story. Luke's fucking livid. He's like, why would I want to hang out with him? I support Kristen 100%. Why would I want to hang out with her ex-boyfriend after she's told me terrible stories about this guy, which, by the way, after seeing this man walk in the bar, oh, my God,

dude, I'm pretty sure he's not the coolest dude in the world. I'm a fucking schlub. Absolutely, but we're not there yet, right? Girls night real quick, and I just need to point out that Dev has Doty's fit. Yeah, she wore it to the beach in Wildwood. Sick. Yeah, she said that.

She's a microphone. She's the ghostwriting this whole episode. Dev needs a microphone. I know. By the way, I love that a lot of our listeners think that her name is Deb. Deb with a B. Debbie. Like Deborah?

Yeah. It is Dev with a V. Going to start calling her Deb. Yeah. Gonna start calling her Deb. Oh, sorry, Dev. Yeah, you're definitely calling her Deb. No, huh?

No, damn it. That's my bad, Dev, sorry. But I do have to ask one more thing before we talk about the actual scene. Is Zach wearing a helmet? I brought it up last week about the hair. Is he wearing a helmet? No. I think it's just a weird L.A. thing that we just need to. It's a weird L.A. haircut? I can't. I know I do it all the time, but like him.

Like, I think he brings a lot to the shit. Yeah, I think he'd actually, last week I didn't, I wasn't sure if he did. He's good this week. This week he was great and it looks like next week he's going to be good. Yeah, I know I do it all the time, but L.A. culture is just so strange to me. It is, but like there was a picture of him on like a flashback picture and he had like a good haircut. I was like, oh, yeah, that's a handsome haircut. I like that haircut. And then he flashed forward it's like are you wearing a helmet and i'm sorry i'm not trying to be mean no i'm curious other people have asked too just me it he is yeah let's just say he is well it's a good helmet but nia and brittany sit down and immediately and this is going to be brittany's mo and like i

like i said i liked brittany on vanderpump for a long time i thought she was really good on there and she was sensible and i felt bad that she always had to put up with jack's shit i don't like this brittany no i don't like this brittany at all because the minute she sits down with nia she's trying to apologize for him and make excuses for him. And look, we're all watching. Did we think it was that big of a deal? No, we didn't. That was her reaction to it.

And as a mom, especially, like, you should be a little bit more sympathetic to what had transpired. And you're saying you're sorry that Jacks upset you, but you're also saying he would never want to do that. He would never want to do this. Like, oh, bless his heart. Like, he didn't mean it. He did.

He does this shit all the time. Like, none of us were shocked when Jacks pantsed him. There's a reason for that. because that's who Jacks is. And your big argument is he's grown up. He's grown up so much. Y'all just haven't seen it. If you have to say that,

you're giggling at my Southern accent. It's really good. Well, yeah, I know, yeah. I used to have more of a twang than I do now. It's actually been spelled out. Bring that twang back. When I go down, if I'm in Texas for more than a week, I get a little bit, not bad,

but I still say y'all and stuff like that. But regardless, I don't like it, what I'm seeing. I don't like the mouthpiece that Brittany has become, four jacks he does enough of him in his own you don't have to defend his stupid shit and a stupid behavior and if that's what we're going to get out of this relationship one clearly produced two we don't need two jacks on this tv we do not need two jacks on this tv but we jump back to the dudes and it's jacks and luke talking and this is where he's going over the alex stuff under the guise of i'm being a good friend here tells dote hey just so you know i just want to let

you know that alex is going to be there too to not it's not a big deal like everyone hangs out they're all friends, all that good stuff. Doty's pissed. Of course she's pissed. Like, this is a bizarre scenario that you've just described. Especially the way that their relationship ended where she's already talked about it. And yeah, obviously, Jacks painted a different picture where she was trying to have kids with him beforehand. And then they broke up a day later. Probably didn't happen that way. But whatever, Jack's is going to say it, hearing what he did and what he said to her,

after Vanderpump had ended, after, as she said, everything crashed and burned for her. And he sat down there and said, you're just a trash has been reality star. That's a rough line. Mean. That's a really mean line. And then it obviously ended from there. So you don't know the ins and outs. And Brittany taking the stance of, well, Alex is our friend.

Alex is Jackson's friend. So yeah, we expect everybody to hang out together. And if Luke's going to be around, like, no, none of that makes any sense. None. None of it. Like, who are, like, what kind of crazy pills are you guys taken? That you think that this is okay. And that's when I immediately firmly land on, oh, this is for the show.

That's Jackson and Brittany coordinating this because it's for the show. show. I can believe that. If Brittany didn't know that Jacks is doing that or, you know, Jacks just kind of like landed it in there like,

hey, by the way, thinking about inviting Alex out, think that he needs to talk. Brittany would have said whatever in the time. But for her to have this stance and be so ready for it to go to Doty,

that's Jackson, Brittany producing. It's Jackson, Brittany sitting down saying, we're going to handle this. You're going to be with Doty. When they bring up, what are the husband's doing, this is what you're going to do. And Brittany just takes it and runs with it.

And it's very clear to see. And obviously, Doty's going to be pissed off about it because it's ridiculous. It's insane. And she says, like, why does it have to be a bad thing? It's like, what are you talking about? Like, this is crazy. And Doty's like, I don't want him around me. She's like, well, you're not there.

By proxy, bro. Like, that's her fucking boyfriend there. And you just invited this dude to go hang out with him. It makes no fucking sense. And it's even crazier. You see Doty's getting upset. You claim to be her friend. You claim to have her best

interest at heart. Then you double. down with the line, well, they're all friends. So, like, Alex should be there, implying that Luke should not. Uh-huh. That's crazy. Because this one again, again, can't say it enough. You are all on this show together. He has to be there with the dudes.

That aside, let's say you're not on TV. All of you hang out all the time. You are all friends. You need to try to integrate her boyfriend into the group. That's just how it goes. You don't always like the people that get integrated into the group. Sometimes you have to put up with somebody. It is what it is.

But to forcibly put him in an awkward position by inviting Alex to this thing is crazy. And then to defend it is even crazier. And then to downplay it. Like she's acting like it's not crazy. Well, she's just gaslighting Doty in this situation, making it look like Doty's the one who's crazy for being upset that her ex-boyfriend is hanging out with her current boyfriend. Now, the good thing is we just watched Luke rip Jesse apart. We watched him sit down and Jacks told him. he went right back at Jack's, so he's not afraid to go after people.

I don't think he's going to have a conversation with Alex in any way she performed. I don't think that Alex, you know, obviously he wants to be on screen. He wants to be part of the show. He may try to approach Luke, but Luke's not going to have any of it. And I think Doty deep down knows that. And maybe, you know, in the past, she wouldn't have known that with other guys. But either way, she's still going to stand up for herself. Because it's fucked up and she can see the colluding that's going on between Jackson and Brittany with the two groups.

She understands how that's working. She's going to stand up for herself. but at least I think she has some solace in the back of her mind knowing Luke's not going to bite on this shit. He's going to come home. We're going to talk about it. It's going to be a fucking ridiculous conversation.

But in the future, we're going to know how you guys are operating. So I do hope that Doty and Luke can move forward from this, have a better game plan of how we're going to handle Jackson, Brittany, and they can go back at them because that's going to make for good TV if you're going to be able to do that. Because when it comes down to it, this show is Jackson Doty, who we all know very well,

and then obviously Britney's up there a little bit. and then it's really just everybody else. So if Jacks and Doty are going to go after each other the whole season, which I don't think they will. Oh, they will. Because, well, Doty posted a TikTok today where she said, this is for you, Jack's, L.O.L. And it's like kind of playful.

It doesn't matter. This has there been like, yeah, they know what they're doing. They absolutely know what they're doing. I just think, you know, we'll see what happens. And I have high hopes.

Speaking. Maybe not high, high hopes, but you know, I'm enjoying it. Yeah. And speaking from like an OG Vanderpump perspective, they will go back and forth the entire. entire season, and they are also able to rectify the situation shortly thereafter. They don't hold on to it for too long because this has been their relationship for 20

fucking years. Brother and sister. Don't forget, Jacks blocked her for like six months before the show started, right? So, like, they will always find their way back and they always figure it out in the end. But I'm glad Zach was the voice of reason and spoke up. I was like, no, this is really fucked up. This is fucking stupid. This is a crazy thing to do.

You're an idiot, Brittany. And that's when Brittany drops the line about, well, maybe Luke shouldn't be there, but whatever we get back to the dudes and this fucking dildo in a beanie walking in this is your ex this guy looks like he lives under a bridge like what the fuck and then he's talking to jacks the two dumbest people on the show and they're having this conversation about he's talking about how he was a saint for doughty apparently and he's like i let her live in the house rent for i don't know what narrative he's trying to spin for us like are we supposed to empathize with this guy who's wearing a beanie like i i this is my least favorite look in the

world. I'm already like not big on people wearing beanies in warm weather. Yeah. When you wear them on the top of your head like this and it looks like a condom, I want to punch it off your head. I can't. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa. What? You sat in that seat yesterday and you said if anybody touches your hat, you're going to freak out and you're going to punch them in the face. Right. But you're okay touching other people's hats? Those guys? Well, I'm asking for a fight. In that scenario. Like, I know what I'm getting into. All right. Yeah, no. In the other one, like, they're trying to... You could just say that he looks like a condom.

Like, that's mean enough. No, I want to snatch his hat off his head. That's a salt, brother. Bring it on, Alex. Bring it on, LAPD. Bring it on. That dude's going to sue you. Yeah, probably.

That guy definitely. He's the kind of guy that will take the slippery floor sign and hide it and then fall down. Yeah. And then call that... The problem with him falling down is he will, even when he knows he's falling down and he's doing it on purpose, he will get great. I'm bravely injured. Oh, totally.

Because he does not have the coordination to catch himself. 1,000 percent. But the episode ends with, it's a crazy sentence because I don't understand it at all. Because Brittany goes, but the episode ends. And it's such a weird sentence because Doty just says all Jacks is trying to do is stir shit up. He's just stirring shit up. Brittany goes, aren't you doing the same thing? How?

With what? How? Unless we're not privy. That's what I'm saying. Is there something that we're going to find out next week? I guess that's what next week's going to be because... Five minutes later. Well, look, we did get that five minutes later and then we got the two be continued, which I get excited about.

I don't know if we've had a five minutes later and a two be continued? I don't know. They doubled up. Yeah, they did do it. Yeah, double up. Yeah, double up. I'm excited about it, though. It got me going.

Got a little tickle. Yeah, I know. A little bricked up, but I'm just more concerned about, not concerned, curious. What is she stirring up? I hope that Brittany has a follow-up. How about that? I hope that she's not just, like, now throwing everything out there, like, blah, just word bomb. I think she is.

I think she just gets a little flustered. She didn't expect Doty to come back at her so quickly, so, yeah, she got flustered. Yeah, same. But, hey, good fucking show so far. During the Volvo Fall Experience event, discover exceptional offers and thoughtful design that leaves plenty of room for autumn adventures. And see for yourself how Volvo's legendary safety brings. peace of mind to every crisp morning commute.

This September, Lisa 2026 X-E-90 plug-in hybrid from $599 bi-weekly at 3.99% during the Volvo Fall Experience event. Conditions supply, visit your local Volvo retailer or go to explorevolvo.com. All right, first up, we've got Evan Clark asking...

Well, let me do this. He's new to this, guys. I'm so sorry. Let's get to the questions. All right, go ahead. Didn't you already say that? No. No, whatever.

Anyway, Evan wants us to rate the malcast in order of likability. Jason? Are we going first to last or last to first? First to last. Jason one. Daniel, two. Luke three. Jack's four.

Jesse five. Did I get them all? Yep. That's perfect. Yep. Yeah. You want to throw Zach in there? Yeah.

I'll put Zach is. It's Zach ahead of Jesse for now, but that's, well, I mean, he's going to say ahead of Jacks, too. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I would say it's Jason, Daniel, Zach. Hmm. I would say Luke and Zach are three.

They're both three. Actually, no, I take that back. Zach's four, Jack's five, Dickhead six. Okay, that's fair. This is a funny question from Natalie Fleets. Why is there so much talk? of children very boring because they have

what do you mean what are you talking about we did talk about this we're like this is going to bring a different dynamic to the like a vpr-esque show did you say earlier vpr askness eskish eskish eskness yeah whatever it's going to bring a different dynamic but most of them have kids we need to talk about yeah that's it's going to be part of the show

if you don't like it then you may not like this show uh rach underscore goodrich says uh is this worth watching yeah oh it is actually is. It definitely is. Surprisingly. Yep. And we'll do one more here.

A lot of these questions we kind of already addressed in this. And I think this is a pretty straightforward question. From Tom Wittrick, which couple at first impression is not making it to season two? We can't do that. We can't, I mean, obviously, we know that.

All right, let's move what we'll say, maybe Michelle stays in a way. You could have Michelle as a friend. I mean, I know it's all couples, but like. Definitely have Michelle as a friend of because you have to have the aftermath. Yeah, we have to know. And then obviously, Jacks is still going to try to bring Jesse out.

So they might actually stay. But we'll remove them because they are separated. Yeah. I could see Jason and Janet just not feeling like it's worth it anymore. I could see Daniel and Nia only because they have three under two. Maybe it's just too difficult. I think they're already doing it, though, at three under two. You know, that would be my only thing.

The other ones, I don't know. Three under. I mean, fuck, Jackson and Brittany. They're not even living together. That's, dude, 303 is pretty sick. 303 sounds cool than 302. Yeah. You got to hang out and make sure that you get that in that.

I hope they like them. I like them. Jackson Brittany is the obvious answer because, but they have to be back. Their show. Or at least, Jax has to be back because it's quote unquote his show. I don't know. That's tough. Stay tuned.

Stay tuned. But don't forget to get those tickets in the link in our bio. May 3rd, Union Stage, Washington, D.C., Candice Dillard, Chris Bassett, Ryan Bailey, Shoot a Magouter, maybe Steel Russell, we'll see. We'll see. And then Boston, June 14th, also a Friday night cook with those tickets as well. Other than that, do you have anything else, sir?

Do not. See you next week. Rob Broger out of here. Later. Hi, I'm here to tell you about Good Morning Night Vale. Welcome to Night Vale's official recap show and unofficial best friend food podcast. Join me, Meg Bashwinner, and fellow try hosts, Hal Lublin and Symphony Sanders as we dissect all of the cool, squishy, and slimy bits of every episode of Welcome to Nightvale.

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