Bros & Shows - Summer House and The Valley Recap w/ Ryan Bailey LIVE! (Part One)

Episode Date: May 6, 2024

What's up Bros? As promised, here is the audio from our live show! This is part one and part two will be released tomorrow. First and foremost, what a night. Ryan was incredible and so were Candiace a...nd Chris (they'll be on tomorrows episode). But back to business, in this episode we touch on both The Valley and Summer House. In Summer House we focus in on the relationships in the house. From Ciara and West, all the way to Lindsay and Carl as well as the state of the show overall. Then it's off to The Valley. Jesse and Michelle are clearly both not great, but who is in the wrong here? Jax and Brittany are seemingly separated today, but what was the last straw? Is there more to the cheating rumors? All that and more with our fav, Ryan Bailey! #GUYSNIGHT! Time Stamps Intro: (0-4:04) Rose and Thorn: (4:05) Create your own BravBro: (9:26) Summer House: (19:03) The Valley: (43:30) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:01:43 I shine just fine. Hi, I'm Karma. And yes, I am a bitch. Brov bros. Funny, but it's always the same. Way, yeah. Playing you with the... voice
Starting point is 00:02:00 Hello Hello Hello Oh Oh god We do sound check before the show And like set everything up And it's awkward
Starting point is 00:02:26 My mic's awkward So I didn't do it very well even if it was done right it doesn't really matter that's a good point but I got to do one thing and I do it at every show that we have because I still can't believe that people actually come out to watch us
Starting point is 00:02:39 but DC how are we doing tonight I thought you were going to talk about like how you almost died and all this shit yeah no if you want to hear a funny story so our not that funny it's kind of funny so I'm gonna tell you anyway our first ever like solo live show
Starting point is 00:02:57 we were in New York and the show went amazing and there was like this great energy in the room and everyone was vibing and it was the end of the show and everyone knew that so they're all clapping.
Starting point is 00:03:07 I tried to have like a sentimental moment because if you've listened to the podcast for a while you know, I've been through some things so it was like a really cool moment for me I should have prefaced it
Starting point is 00:03:18 I didn't do that so while everyone's like applauding I'm like listen guys I almost died five years ago he didn't even tell me that he just led into it and told the entire audience, hey guys,
Starting point is 00:03:30 I almost died five years ago. I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? You, like, the entire room literally was like, what? And shoot her on the mic goes, what the fuck?
Starting point is 00:03:40 Then I explained, and people were like, oh, okay, well, that's sweet. But yeah, so I'm not going to do that tonight. I'll try not to get emotional tonight. We'll see.
Starting point is 00:03:49 Good luck. Yeah, I'll do my best. Yeah, but we have a great show for you guys tonight. We've got some special guests. They're going to come out in a little while. We're saving the best for last. Don't worry.
Starting point is 00:03:57 but we got Ryan Bailey coming out soon. Yeah. And then the best for last, we got Candice Dillard and Chris Bassett. Yeah, yeah. D.C. native, so we're excited to get into this whole thing. But we figured we would start out the usual way as we do this and talk about something near and dear to our hearts. And the Sixers lost.
Starting point is 00:04:23 Are you going to steal my thorn? Are you going to do a thorn with that? No, I mean, my first. Rose and Thorne are the same thing. Look, if you guys listen to us, you know we care a lot about Philly Sports. Not everybody does. That's a, woo. Thank you. No, we had like two people out here with Philly's jerseys on. We got really excited about that. Yeah, where's my Phillies peeps? Shout it out. There they are right there. Yeah, they dressed accordingly. Everyone else needs to step it up. It's okay. But we'll get there. But yeah, you know, we've been through an
Starting point is 00:04:48 emotional roller coaster. It's been a tough season, you know, and we're moving past it. And this helps. This is almost like therapy for us. We get to come up here and vent about a little Did you watch the regular season? We get to vent about and talk some shit about it. Look, basketball for me doesn't get exciting until the playoffs. There's too many games, okay? But regardless, we are going to start out. That would have been a great time to look at the audience and say, am I right?
Starting point is 00:05:11 Oh, I'll get there. I'll get there. You guys will learn that. I've learned in our time with live shows that if I say, right guys, the right way, everyone will cheer. You'll see it. Don't buy into it. Don't buy into it. Let's just do it right now.
Starting point is 00:05:24 Don't buy into it. No, I'm not going to do that. I'll save it. You guys will know. You know, we have a thing already. I can feel it. I can feel it. You guys get it.
Starting point is 00:05:32 But we're going to do things like we normally do. We're going to start with a little rose and thorn. And we're going to go through my rose and thorn and shooter's rose and thorn. But why don't you start us off there, pal? All right. So I'm not going to read a lot of this one, but my thorn. The title of the review is, Save Us from Mediocre Men. Please.
Starting point is 00:05:50 And I'm not going to read any of this fucking review. Because who gives a shit? You listen to the goddamn thing. and you had a comment on it. So who the hell cares what you have to say? You're listening to us. Exactly. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:03 You're driving them numbers up. Suck to suck, nerd. I will read this one. This one was from Sabrina 925. Passionate boys. Very passionate boys. Ooh. I love, quote, unquote, my boys.
Starting point is 00:06:18 Not sure why that was in quotes, but it is. Dude, I don't fucking know. My boys. I didn't put it in quotes. I'm just asking. Just to let everybody know, I didn't put it in quotes. They put it in quotes. My boys.
Starting point is 00:06:27 My boys. I can appreciate their rap and fandom. And even if I'm not from Philly, they apply that same passion to shows on Bravo. And I love that. That's so nice. And they gave a shout out to Philly. Yeah, you can clap.
Starting point is 00:06:39 It's okay. Yeah. Right, guys? Yeah, we're in the wrong city for that. Yeah. All right, let me get into mine. And you took my thorn. We probably should have gone over this.
Starting point is 00:06:49 But I'll just give a broadthorn because... Ew. Stop it. We're starting already. early for that shit. My broadthorn, if you will, is... Oh, so, ew. Dude, it's going to take a while. How many people here use the word pontificate
Starting point is 00:07:08 regularly? Regularly. Regularly. Like, I'm talking, you got to use it more than once a month. We got two. Security. Security. These people can leave. Get them out of here. No, my point being, not a lot of you raised your hands. It's not a common phrase to use. and occasionally we will get commenters or reviews that out themselves for leaving multiple
Starting point is 00:07:34 negative reviews under different usernames and this one person continues to use the word pontificate within the first sentence and I'm like we're on to you but I guarantee you by next week we'll have another one it's like it's so I'll read the one because it's oh here you go where did it go I totally like oh here it is brought to you by dumb and dumber still listen on occasion to hear them pontificate because I'm amused by it. You know that person like hit the thesaurus button on their phone? It's like, look up a better word for think. Pontificate. Thanks, chat, GPT. That helped. But here's my rose. And this one, this is a nice one because it's like, it tells the journey of us a little bit. Okay. Yeah, you're going to like this. I don't think I'm going to like this at all. Buckle up,
Starting point is 00:08:20 pal. This is from Mary to my TV. And it says, is that anybody here? Well, no, not literally. Is it? Yeah, who's married to their TV? She got hype. Yeah. Is this your review? Okay, then shush. I'm just kidding.
Starting point is 00:08:36 I'm totally kidding. Keep it down. We're trying to get through something. Yeah, we're trying to work through this. We're going to be here all night. Five stars married to my TV, and it's titled Growth. And it goes, since discovering this podcast last year, I've witnessed its remarkable evolution. It consistently offers unique perspectives and divide... diverse points of view,
Starting point is 00:08:57 challenging listeners to expand their thinking and embrace new ideas. That's it. But that's like... That's it. That's it. But I liked that one.
Starting point is 00:09:06 It was deep. It made me feel good about myself that were on a growth journey together. There's something special about that. Sure. What do you mean together? Like us and the viewers or... You and I? Us and the viewers, you can argue that it's...
Starting point is 00:09:19 You think we're growing? You and I? Yeah. No, we've been the same since high school. It's a fucking problem. Growing apart. Look how far away we are. What the hell? Yeah, I know. You're too far.
Starting point is 00:09:28 Let's get a little closer. I don't know. I'm good. I'm good. You want to hold hands? We were actually Ryan Bailey, and we'll get him out here shortly. But he recommended that we do the Howie Mandel thing where we shave Shooter's mustache on stage. Which makes, by the way, makes no sense because Howie Mandel is the biggest, like, germ freak. So being around, like, people being shaved should probably freak them the fuck out, right? That's actually a solid point. I never thought of that.
Starting point is 00:09:53 Yeah, I think he's faking it. You think? Let's do that tonight. Howie Mandel's faking his whole germophobia thing. I don't think that's true. That's where we are. That's where we got to, yeah. This is what we wanted to actually talk about tonight.
Starting point is 00:10:05 So if you came here for Bravo, and let's bring him out, Howie Manth. I'm just kidding. All right, no, no. No. But let's move on from that. We got some Bravo news to discuss, and I'm sure, well, before I do that,
Starting point is 00:10:16 I have to do this every time, too. How many braves do we have here? Who was pulled here by their significant other? We got one, two, three, four, these guys you We already met you and you're faking it You'll be okay Yeah yeah yeah now we only met you
Starting point is 00:10:30 You're faking it you don't count Yeah you've gotten your attention Where are the real brab bro's out here Yeah over here Are you a brav bro or is he a brav bro? You were you brought her into Bravo? Stop it Fuck yeah
Starting point is 00:10:44 Inverse Yeah Wait Oh never mind then shut up I don't think you know how this works Yeah but yeah Almost way cool But no, that's really sweet.
Starting point is 00:10:56 And here's the thing. I'm going to give everybody out here just a little run-through on how to have your own brav, bro. You got to start with the right shows. Did I just get an awe? Was that an awe? Aw, guys, stop it.
Starting point is 00:11:08 Now, here's your blueprint. You got to start with the right show. All right? It's either a Vanderpump, a summer house. What else? Southern Charm, maybe? Southern Charm, yeah. That works.
Starting point is 00:11:18 Yep. Below deck's a good one. Everybody says below deck, yeah. Here's the problem with below deck that we've run into with a lot of our brav bros. If you get sucked into below deck too much, it's hard for them to branch out to other shows. Okay? Are you taking notes?
Starting point is 00:11:35 This is a serious thing. Are you guys talking to your braw bros right now? A lot of conversations going on out there. You guys talk to your brawros right now? What are you guys talking about? You can save that for after the show. You can talk to them afterwards. Just give us like an hour, and then you can talk.
Starting point is 00:11:51 After that, this is very important. Okay. After you start them on their starter show, you got to pick the right housewives for them. So you need to know your man a little bit to get them into the housewives realm. That's a bigger leap. It's a little bit more difficult, but it can be done. Okay? It can be done. It happens. All right? So keep working out there. You'll have your own bro soon. But let's get into the news. And we had some shit pop off this week. And how many people here are Beverly Hills fans? How many people liked this last season? That's what I thought.
Starting point is 00:12:25 So we finally got word. Kyle and Mo apparently are like officially split. Kyle, sorry, Mo moved out of the house. Did we get that from Netflix or, uh, what? Did we get that from Netflix? Yeah, Netflix gave us more about Maricio and Kyle in one episode than the entire season of Beverly Hills gave us, which is bullshit. But that's for a different podcast.
Starting point is 00:12:46 But we also saw that Kyle has removed Umanski from her name on Instagram. So there's big things happening. Yeah, so my question for you, and obviously we felt a certain way about this season, do you think the show does better with Kyle coming back? Or do you think that Kyle needs to take a breather and they can try to revamp the show a different way? I think the entire show is fucked. You just think for it. The entire show is like kaput.
Starting point is 00:13:12 There's no way. There's just no way that it works. We need a new main character. They need to focus it around somebody who nobody on the on the cast right now is a main character. they're all doing their own little side quests there's nobody doing a main quest Kyle could have done that this year she didn't do it already She didn't tell us anything
Starting point is 00:13:29 She didn't tell us anything So she can't do that She'll still be on the show But she's still not going to give us anything So I think we're just going to have another year of disappointment Well we saw like watch what happens live Andy said whoever was on it I think it was last night
Starting point is 00:13:42 It was after Summer House right And she asked about The whole rumor that the only way Kyle's allowed back Is if she opens up about her relationship with Morgan Wade, whatever that may be. I think they're dating, but who the fuck knows? But that was apparently the only way she's back on. His response to that, he said she can come back anytime.
Starting point is 00:14:04 Like, she's always got an invitation. And I think that that's kind of like the flaw of Beverly Hills, which used to be almost the focal point of the housewives world, you could argue. It's just you can't keep bringing people back that bring nothing to the fucking table. Like, that makes a really boring show. And we sat there and watched this entire season. Sutton and Erika were the main character.
Starting point is 00:14:24 Like, Sutton's great. We love Sutton. She's great. Yeah. Yeah. I keep forgetting that this is like our podcast fans. Yeah. So when we say that, usually I'm waiting for a boo or a no or a whatever. But no, that is true.
Starting point is 00:14:37 And like Sutton is the main character this year. Without Sutton, the entire season sucks. And with moving forward, I just don't know what you do. You can plug different people in without Crystal there, without whoever they're like, Anne-Marie, it's just going to be the same product every fucking time. Should we bring Anne-Marie back? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I agree.
Starting point is 00:15:00 Jokes on you guys, we actually turned our stands. Yeah, we're Anne-Marie fans now. No, I'm just kidding. No, I don't know. Like, the state of Beverly Hills as a whole is kind of a bummer. And look, the biggest thing with the Sutton part of it, Sutton is not a main character. Like, she was great, and she carried the show that she did what she could, right?
Starting point is 00:15:19 And we love Sutton. but she's not the center of the show. Erica Jane, you could argue, but then, you know, she says some wacky shit and then, like, immediate... She's so up and down. I don't think that she can... You need somebody that is...
Starting point is 00:15:31 Well, she knows what empathy is right now. She did learn empathy. That's pretty sick. Yeah, she asked her therapist to explain what empathy was to her, so... Yeah, who! Hopefully that worth... Empathy, yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:42 Can you... Can you learn the ability to actually have empathy by somebody explaining to you what it is? Let's put it to a vote. Everybody raise their hand. Raise your hand. Just fucking kidding.
Starting point is 00:15:53 Please don't. Not, no one bit on that, too. That's so funny. I was so, but someone would be like... God damn it. You know? That move. Ha, shit.
Starting point is 00:16:02 That JK. But the next thing I want to talk about is Jersey's coming back. Who's excited for Jersey? Boo. Yeah. Yeah. No. Who's cautiously optimistic about Jersey?
Starting point is 00:16:20 Who doesn't fucking care? Yeah. That's kind of what I thought. Yeah. Look, Jersey... I mean... I wish, in light of recent news, I wish that we were part of the crew
Starting point is 00:16:33 that was getting paid. I know. What the fuck? This is bullshit. Have you guys seen this? There's influencers out there that are getting paid by Teresa or by Melissa?
Starting point is 00:16:40 We're not one of them? No. Could have fooled everybody that has ever listened to our podcast ever. I know. That's the best. We get comments like that a lot where it's like,
Starting point is 00:16:48 these guys are on food his payroll. I'm like, I haven't seen the money yet, but we're not above bribery. Just Amazon gift cards? That would, fine. I would take it. Give me $50 for like an Amazon gift card once a month. I'll say something nice about you. Yeah. Yeah. I don't even know if I can hold it that, though.
Starting point is 00:17:07 Well, look, I don't know if there's a way forward for Jersey. Like, I really don't. Not with this current cast. Like, Teresa and Melissa is so fucking played out and they keep hammering this shit home. And it goes even deeper. And I think our biggest thing, or at least my biggest thing, not to speak for you, my bad. But our biggest thing on like any of these shows is we understand that a lot of it's produced. They're working behind the scenes. They're trying to figure out how to have a great storyline, all that shit.
Starting point is 00:17:33 We get that's part of the game. When you start actually breaching that fourth wall with the social media, the followers, and this and that, where you're actually asking influencers and content creators, hey, we're going to put this out today. Hey, we're going to do this. Hey, we're going to do that. it lose all authenticity for me. And I can't stand shows like that. And we talk about how Salt Lake this past year
Starting point is 00:17:55 is kind of our bar that we've set for these shows recently because it was such a great season. And they kept everything close to, what's the word? Close to the chest. Close to the chest, yeah. Close to the vest. Close to the best. What if you don't wear a vest?
Starting point is 00:18:10 That's a good point. It's a good point. I do wear a vest, but yeah. We all get what I'm trying to say, but it makes for a much better season. Discuss amongst yourself. Yeah, you guys talk about it. You let us know what you think later.
Starting point is 00:18:23 But, no, I just think that for this show to continue on, you've got to make some drastic changes. Is the answer to get rid of Teresa and Melissa? Is it to get rid of one of them? It's got to be one or a new cast. I mean, I don't really know, but I do wish, I hate that it's coming out now that there's potential for somebody on the show
Starting point is 00:18:43 paying influencers to spin things the right way. if it happens on the show, I'm okay with the fourth wall break. Because then at least we get something different. Oh, you mean talk about it on the show? Yeah, talk about it on the show. Like, we're done filming. We're going to, we're airing what, tomorrow or Sunday night. Sunday night.
Starting point is 00:18:57 So we're not going to get any of that in the show. We just know about it and we have to watch the show with the caveat of, oh, all the other influencers are spinning it and like maybe half of them are getting paid. Not us. We haven't seen a fucking dime. I'm fucking broke. I got nothing. Melissa?
Starting point is 00:19:15 Yeah, I'm going to reach out. them right now. Hey, we'd love to be on your payroll. We'll say anything you want. But the last thing that we need to talk about. And that's a little summer house. Who's watching Summerhouse this season? One of the better seasons I've seen on Bravo since we started doing this, it's got everything. We've got all the kinds of different drama on the show. The new additions to the show are arguably the best newbies ever, Jesse and West. Right? Those guys are incredible. But in order to do this effectively. I think we're going to need some help. And why don't we get our hands together and get Ryan Bailey out here?
Starting point is 00:19:49 What do you think? Yeah. Yo, Bailey. The funny thing is, we didn't coordinate any of this, so he might not be here. Goodbye. Summer movies, Hello, Fall. I'm Anthony Devaney. And I'm his twin brother, James. We host Raiders of the Lost Podcast, the Ultimate Movie Podcast, and we are ecstatic to break down late summer and early fall releases.
Starting point is 00:20:12 We have Leonardo DiCaprio leading a revolution in one battle after another, Timothy Shalame playing power ping pong in Marty Supreme. Let's not forget Emma Stone and Jorgos Lanthamos' Bougonia. Dwayne Johnson, he's coming for that Oscar in The Smashing Machine, Spike Lee and Denzel teaming up again,
Starting point is 00:20:29 plus Daniel DeLuis' return from retirement. There will be plenty of blockbusters to chat about two. Tron Aries looks exceptional, plus Mortal Kombat 2, and Edgar writes, The Running Man, starring Glenn Powell. Search for Raiders of the Lost Podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and YouTube. Hi, I'm here to tell you about Good Morning Night Vale. Welcome to Nightvail's official recap show and unofficial best friend food podcast. Join me, Meg Bashwinner and fellow try hosts,
Starting point is 00:20:57 Hal Lublin and Symphony Sanders, as we dissect all of the cool, squishy, and slimy bits of every episode of Welcome to Night Vale. Come for the insightful and hilarious commentary and stay for all of the weird and wild behind-the-scenes stories. Good morning Nightveil, with new episodes every other Thursday. Get it wherever you get your podcasts. Yes, even there. Here, the most popular fiction podcast of all time, which the New York Times described as what might occur if David Lynch was a producer at your local radio station. Welcome to Night Vale is a twice-monthly update from a small desert town, where the paranormal is real. Every conspiracy theory is true. We all have to get on with our lives anyway. Welcome to Night Vale.
Starting point is 00:21:44 is available wherever you get your podcasts. Oh, you left already, Ryan Bailey. Come on out here. Yeah, yeah. Wow. Wow. This is what Tom Sandiball feels like when he performs with the most excellent.
Starting point is 00:22:02 Wow. Oh, my goodness. I was just talking with Candace and Chris backstage. They are amazing. They're great, aren't they? Yeah. Don't worry. You'll get to talk to them.
Starting point is 00:22:14 I love the tease for later, though. Yeah, you guys, get ready. Boy. She is fired up. Well, we brought you out here, and let's give it up for Ryan one more time. Thank you. If you don't listen to his show, so bad it's good with Ryan Bailey. It's one of my favorite podcast.
Starting point is 00:22:33 He's been a friend of the show for a while, and we get to say this live. Guys night! Guys night! DJ James Kennedy! We've agreed that. he's going to do the accent all night. Yeah. I actually,
Starting point is 00:22:47 I have spray paint to spray paint all of our bald spots like Jack's Taylor. Yeah. So we'll do it. We're going to shave his mustache later. And then shave it and then spray over with a little bit of a... Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:58 We're going to spray paint your mustache. Yep, that'll work. We figured that we'd bring you out here because we're going to talk some Summer House relationships. Oh, good. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's right.
Starting point is 00:23:07 I like that. We're going to get into... Because there's a lot of different relationships going on in the house right now. They're all at weird places. seemingly? Yeah. Yeah, to say the least. So why don't we dive right in? We're going to start out with, we're going to kind of build up. You'll see what I'm doing when we get to the last one, because you know who the last one's going to be. But the first one I want to talk about Kyle and
Starting point is 00:23:26 Amanda and sort of their trajectory up until this point and this roadblock they've seen to hit that they continue to seem to hit. So they're really lucky they're on a season with Lindsay and Carl falling apart because when they're not when Lindsay and Carl are out their relationship explodes when Lindsay and Carl are there they're able to point at like oh look how bad this is so I get nervous for future seasons with Carl with Kyle and Amanda because it just does not seem they seem to want two very different things yeah they've had two straight seasons where they get to just live in their own little bubble and everybody's everybody else is looking at Lindsay and Carl and they can just move on and they do everything a little
Starting point is 00:24:09 discreetly while Lindsay and Carl are just blowing everything up. Next year not going to work. And I agree with that, but we also see, like, cracks in the armor a little bit because they're starting to get to a point... Is there armor? What armor are you talking about? The mullet. The mullet? Loverboy?
Starting point is 00:24:25 Oh, I thought Lover Boy was... It's a lover boy mullet armor. Wait, Amanda is going to own 51% of lover boy one day. Oh, my God. She should already, by the way, and she doesn't. By the way, that's what Amanda biding her time of just like another year in, another year in. She's just, she's quietly buying stock and lover boy so that she can get to that principle. She already sees like the, the beach home,
Starting point is 00:24:47 everything. Yeah. If that's the master plan and imagine like that rolls out next year, she's like, ha, got them. And then they get divorced. She's going to eventually own the summer house. That's the summer house. Yeah, the summer house. That would be a great turn of events. But look, how old is Kyle? I mean, how he acts? or how old are you? I think he's like 36, 37? He's not, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Wow, the audience came alive. Wow. Yeah, they'll get on you if you get things wrong.
Starting point is 00:25:18 He acts, he acts 28, he's 42. Kyle's only got five good summers left, so... He's 42. My whole point with that, like, as far as the age thing goes, I don't care how old you are, but you get to a certain point where if you're in a marriage, and I feel like Amanda has given exactly what she needs from him, right? She's been pretty straightforward. I want to move to the suburbs. I want a family. I want to get out of the city. Why the fuck do you have to stay in the city this late in your life? I get it. If you live in New York, fine. Totally. I get it. But if your
Starting point is 00:25:49 wife is saying, let's move to the burbs and start a family and you're holding on to the fact that you're like, but I want to go out with the boys downtown. You don't understand. New York is like the number one connected place in the world. I feel like he's about to cry about how cool New York is. But Amanda's, like, it's all the women in somewhere else, all the women in Bravo. They've been open and honest with what they want. Yes. Like Amanda's never changed. Lindsay even has not changed. She's always been the person she
Starting point is 00:26:15 is. Let's get that. Yeah, can we answer the phone? Hey, can we answer it? No, can we? That's Kyle. Kyle's calling. FaceTime, though. I'll answer it. Hello? I'm not really. I'll call them back. Now coming to the stage, Kyle's mom. Yeah. It's just Sanibald's mom, yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:33 Terry? What happened? That's too far? No. We got to find the line. Wait, there's a line there. Apparently, there's a line there. For our podcast? Allegedly.
Starting point is 00:26:43 How much do you cut out of our podcast? There's a line. No, I'm just kidding. Not a lot. I cut out a lot of ums and butts. All right. Yeah. Rock on.
Starting point is 00:26:54 But look, I just, I think that Kyle and Amanda are an integral part of the house. I think that everyone kind of looks to them as the center of the house. I'm just curious, there needs to be a breaking point. And I feel like we've had this same conversation. with them of what's next, what's next, what's next. Amanda's not happy with certain things. And yet each summer, we see the same shit over and over again. At what point is something going to give?
Starting point is 00:27:17 And do you think that is Kyle actually being like, all right, I hear you. I'm going to actually try and meet you halfway? Or do you think that eventually this is going to lead to a split between the two of them? Well, I hope it doesn't lead to a split. But even in this week's preview, Kyle's like throwing things. He's crying outside. He's like, you don't understand how hard I work. so I do get nervous because Amanda is only going to put up with so much more
Starting point is 00:27:41 and I have a feeling that she's not going to want to split up with him ever on camera because she sees like the ghost of Christmas future with Lindsay and Carl so why would you ever want to put yourself in that position but at the same time you can see that she is exhausted she's exhausted she's like I just asked you not to come home at 4 in the morning he's still doing that no he came over 355 yeah come on But I think that was the funniest part is he actually got home at 305.
Starting point is 00:28:11 He just spent 45 minutes listening to Hans Zimmer, which by the way, which by the way, sick. That's incredible. That sounds like a great night. Eating what the fuck was, what kind of allios? He was like, I'm about to throw up on sour patch kids. No, it was, it was a specific type of Oreo. It was like the vanilla Oreos maybe.
Starting point is 00:28:29 No, whatever he said was wrong. It was wrong. It was definitely wrong. But he was eating Oreos in the kitchen listening to Hans Zimmer fell asleep for a little while, woke up, came upstairs, and then said it was 3.55. You could have walked in and said, I was actually home
Starting point is 00:28:43 at 3. That's better. What do you think it makes Amanda feel good? That's a lot better. When Amanda watches it back and she sees he's listening to Hans Zimmer, like, I think that actually works in his favor. I bet you when she watched that, she's like, you're an idiot. You actually got home an hour before that. Yeah, but you didn't want to be with
Starting point is 00:28:59 me. You got home, but you didn't want to be up with me. I'm sorry, have you ever heard Hans Zimmer? I'd rather be with Hans Zimmer than anybody. Have you seen Dune 2? You don't under Oppenheimer, dude. Yeah, bro. It was amazing.
Starting point is 00:29:12 Yeah. No, I appreciate that, but he's still living under fraternity rules. And he's a married person, you know, and he's also on this show. I don't know, but I get nervous because I love both of them separately. Sometimes I don't see why I should love them together. That's fair. Fair. That's fair.
Starting point is 00:29:30 Let's keep going, because we could probably talk about those two all night. But the next one we need to talk about, and we've been talking about it for a while. Are we going up the chart or down the chart right now? Are we going from, like, strongest relationship to... We're doing a you. Was this planned out? And back up to the top.
Starting point is 00:29:49 Huh? Was this planned out? No. All right, all right. But that's okay. The second one we're going to talk about is Craig and Paige. We feel the same way. They're great.
Starting point is 00:30:02 We want them. to last forever. I'm getting to a point. Craig and Page, they're awesome together. But every single time they broke this topic, and they're doing it too much, like every time we have to watch this, it's the same fucking conversation. They're not moving forward at all. Are they getting to a point now? Because I thought that Craig made some pretty salient points in this most recent episode where they're talking, and he does have somewhat of a timeline in which, you know, I'm 35. I don't want to have a kid at 40. And what I love about Craig is, especially in the past few years, is he's so emotionally in touch with himself now that he's able
Starting point is 00:30:37 to verbalize things better. He's like, at 40 years old, if I have my first kid, it's going to start to develop resentment. And I don't want that with you. So at that point, I think that we need to go our separate ways. He's vocal about things. I feel like every single time that he brings up this topic, he makes decent points, and he's met with, I'm still figuring it out, which is fine. But at what point does it need to be a firm? Like, that's great. You need to figure yourself out page has every right to do so you want to stay in new york you're doing your thing that's awesome good for page and she's killing it that's a great thing but with this relationship there needs to be a step forward it's been three years right right help me yes somewhere in there two three
Starting point is 00:31:18 years what you get somebody has a calendar two years eight months 36 days and six hours no so i just you know i'd love to get your guys opinion is are we getting to the point now where we're close to shit or get off the pot moment, if you will. Well, I feel like they keep their, I feel like, yeah, it's like Elton John playing Rocket Man. It's the greatest hits. It's the same scene again and again. But I do believe that they have a stronger relationship
Starting point is 00:31:43 than most of the relationships on Bravo. I agree. But I just feel like they're almost putting it on now a bit. Like, we get it. She's not going to move yet. You're not going to get married yet. But every time you see them in social media or outside of the show, they seem one of the stronger couples of Bravo.
Starting point is 00:32:00 So I have no doubt they're going to get married. I just sometimes have a doubt of how real those scenes that we see are. Because it seems like they actually have a really... And Craig is so horny for Paige. His hands are... There was one scene. I watched these shows way too much. He was like in the G-string, like on a bed with his hand dipped in.
Starting point is 00:32:18 I was like, sir, please, this is a family show. Is that a family show? don't talk about my family wait also how much how much uncensored nudity have we seen on Summerhouse this year every fucking week
Starting point is 00:32:35 like ladies ladies ladies guys it's like male ass right are we happy for the male ass a lot of male wow we got male ass we've got Danielle ass we've got balloon dick we've got everything balloon go guy Joe ass yeah we call him Joey loons around here
Starting point is 00:32:51 I do actually I do actually think that wherever he shows up he's just like, hey, do you have a condom? He's like, I've got something better than that. And he whips out a balloon. That's your party gift. He makes you a balloon animal after he's done fucking. Daniel's doorknob, there's a big, like, jumbo, you know? There's a giraffe hanging on the door.
Starting point is 00:33:11 Gabby's like, how dare you? I want a bicycle clown. Oh, my God. Well, look, I want them to work out. I'm not sold on the fact that they're going to get married. I'm really not. The more I see of this same conversation, I...
Starting point is 00:33:26 I don't know. Wait, hold on, hold on. The way that I would do it is, it's like Billy Joel at MSJ. Okay. He's there all the time. Everything's a slightly different. Every time we have this fucking conversation,
Starting point is 00:33:38 it's the same conversation all the time. Nobody actually picked up on the reference that he made the rock band thing. I just did Billy Joel and MSJ. Yeah. But he's every single time we hear this conversation, it's the same thing with one slight wrinkle. And the wrinkle is that Craig is losing patience.
Starting point is 00:33:53 Yeah, that's a good point. And it's just because he's tired of having the conversation. I don't think he's actually losing patience with Paige. I think he's just tired of talking about it because they have to talk about it so much. And you don't actually have to do that in this season in the Summer House because there's enough else going on. Like, you can just enjoy yourself. When you go back to Southern Charm, you have to talk about it more. But I think Craig's kink is also a very firm woman.
Starting point is 00:34:15 Like, no, I think he gets, like, think about Naomi was the same way. Yeah. Like Craig likes to be told no. Craig likes to be told wait. Don't kinkshame here, by the way. No, I'm just saying, like, I think he genuinely, that those are the women that he's the most attracted to, because Craig has a dream life.
Starting point is 00:34:32 One of the best-looking dudes on Bravo. Successful business. Way taller in person. He's so tall. Wait. You finish. Just a tall drink of water. Like, I mean, like, best friends with Austin.
Starting point is 00:34:44 You know, that's amazing. Well, that's great. Yeah, that's amazing. No shit. So we went, uh, pillows and beer did a podcast in Philly. and Craig invited us out, so we got to go hang out with them in the green room beforehand.
Starting point is 00:34:57 I'm, you know, I'm like six foot. I'm not a short guy. We actually talked to the meet and greeters about this earlier. You talked to the meeting greeters about how tall you were? No, no, no, no. I was going to say 5-11 on a good day,
Starting point is 00:35:09 but, you know. I'm six foot on the nose. Check my baseball card. Six one in cleats, baby. We all know they inflate. No, no, no. But my point is, like, I didn't realize how tall these guys were
Starting point is 00:35:19 and you stand up. I felt like a child. We're taking pictures. so I'm like, can you fucking sit down? I was tapping steel on the shoulder. I'm like, sit down, sit down, sit down, we can't do that. We got to sit. This is embarrassing, but.
Starting point is 00:35:30 I've tried to get that, but I said, please, will you get Craig to unblock me? Because I've been blocked by Craig for, like, the last couple of years, and I feel like I speak very highly about him. But, like, the whole reason that you were blocked is the funniest thing ever. Well, because I kept doing the meme of, uh, there's only one man that can represent and I would have his lawyer photo. And it would any, any legal case, I would be like, there's only one man. They can, like, rectify Erica Jane, and it would be his...
Starting point is 00:35:55 Because he took these law photos for Conover law firm, like, don't get run over, call Conover. And I did that meme way too many times. He got blocked. And I also did a change.org where I asked for Austin to stop being on Summerhouse. But I did a change.org, and it got 8,000 signatures. And I think that also... I think that also didn't help.
Starting point is 00:36:21 Anything. Wait. Yeah. You got 8,000 signatures? It was a very passionate fan base. Yeah. That's fucking hysterical. Let's keep plugging away.
Starting point is 00:36:34 The next one we got to talk about is one of our favorite newcomers is West. Yeah, he's great. And Sierra. Less claps. Significantly less clas for Sierra. Yeah, a lot of less clas for Sierra. But I want to get y'all's take. on this relationship
Starting point is 00:36:53 or if you can start there what are they a situation ship right but you're also on camera and like I can't imagine ever having your first time be in a summer house house and they have to like put like your like jersey over a camera like that's
Starting point is 00:37:11 Sierra deserves way better than that like I agree I agree this isn't even about as far as like the sex part of it and all that that's a different story what I'm talking about is more so with this news coming out that he's still talking to other girls
Starting point is 00:37:26 and texting other girls, it seems like the house is on the same page where it's like, you know, they're not really exclusive, but you see them in the house together and they are very much like together? I guess my question for you guys is more so, is West in the wrong?
Starting point is 00:37:41 No. I agree. How do you think Sierra's going to take it? Not well. But that's the problem. Those things are like inverse of each other. And if he's, if they're not having the conversation of we're exclusive, we're going to do this, we're going to do whatever we want to do, then he can do that. And no one else can get mad at him about that, especially somebody like Paige who's going to sit down and talk to him and say, if you're talking to other girls, I will literally kill you.
Starting point is 00:38:07 No. But it also feels like their communication must be so poor. Well, their communication is they're just happy to be with each other for what it is. And they never talk about anything else. And it's because West is afraid. and Steele and I talked about this last week, West is afraid to broach that subject because just in case, Sierra says, well, I don't want anything serious. Then he pulls away. And Sierra is not asking about that because she doesn't really want that right now. But wouldn't you risk,
Starting point is 00:38:32 if Sierra was so special, wouldn't you risk the hurt and just say, you know what, I'm going to? Absolutely. I think you definitely would, but I don't know what West's psyche is. Well, counterpoint, counterpoint. You don't understand the nuances. Let the boys, wait, let's the boys talking out here. Shut up. This is the dumbest shit ever. When you start... Oh, I got married to my high school sweetheart.
Starting point is 00:38:55 Fight, fight, fight, fight. I did. Oh, fuck. No, this whole bullshit... I get relationships, all right? You fucking idiot. This is backstage listening to this B-ass right now. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:06 She deserves better. But no, I'm going to make a point here because the whole bullshit of labels and everyone wants to play semantics when it comes to dating and shit, like, we're exclusive, but we're not boyfriend and girlfriend. What the fuck does that mean?
Starting point is 00:39:19 You're dating, your boyfriend and girlfriend. Like, I hate that everyone tries to, like, weasel through it. Yeah. Wrong. False. Wrong. If it makes you feel better to say, we are not this, but we're exclusive. Don't talk to anybody else or we're over, but we're not boyfriend and girlfriend.
Starting point is 00:39:32 If that makes you feel better, great. But it's no different than the actual situation of being boyfriend and girlfriend. I can see the vein in your neck popping. It's popping. It's fun to feel an audience turn. It's fun to feel like, wow. They'll shift. They'll shift.
Starting point is 00:39:47 They'll shift. Tear this place apart. They'll definitely, yeah. You know, it's ebbs and flows. Ebs and flows. I'm not going to take a pole. Ebs and flows. I heard you.
Starting point is 00:39:57 Last one we got to talk about. Oh, God is right. Oh, God is right. Because this is a volatile topic. Lindsay and Carl. Yeah, let's do this first. Let's get this out of the way immediately. Team Lindsay make some noise.
Starting point is 00:40:15 Team Carl makes some noise. Okay, we're going to go down the line. Ryan, where do you stand? Well, I feel like West should actually tell Sierra that, no, this is really hard. It's very difficult. So I just talked to Lindsay yesterday. It's going to be on my show on Sunday. And they're filming the reunion today.
Starting point is 00:40:40 It's already probably over by now. And you can really tell, I mean, listen, those first couple of episodes, and like I told her in this interview, were really hard to watch. And to take sobriety out of it, which is a big thing to take out of it because that's such a big part of Carl's life, which I think he's inspired so many people. But as you go further into the season
Starting point is 00:41:02 and you get to see a little bit more, is that it's just a relationship that shouldn't have been happening to begin with because Lindsay, unfortunately now has to be in a position of watching how many conversations Carl has had with everybody but her. Like everybody, like family.
Starting point is 00:41:18 like family friends and it is so humiliating on top of something that and people are like well she should see it she should see like she really thought this man made a commitment for better or worse it doesn't sometimes excuse her behavior but lindsay also pointed out in the after show was like listen i've always been this person for better or worse carl knew that carl was my best friend i always knew that and she talked about the interview too about carl's parents about watching that She's like, I was like, Carl's mom's phone call when Carl was like fucked up. Like, please watch after my boy.
Starting point is 00:41:51 Please watch out. Like, it was very hard to watch that. And I try to put myself in that spot. And it really changes things. At the end of the day, it's so, I'm so thankful they're not together. What a horrible thing that would have been. I think that's the main thing too. But it's hard because Carl, like, you do want the best for him.
Starting point is 00:42:07 He just not did not go about this. I don't think in the right way. I don't know what that right way is. But it seems like he went to everybody. but the person he was actually engaged to. Yeah. I would agree with that. I think, you know,
Starting point is 00:42:18 I'm more leaning towards the Carl side of the street here. I think that, like, the, thanks. Golf clap? Yeah, I'll take a golf clap. I'll take a golf clap. But I think that we can all agree. We all just agreed. They should not be together.
Starting point is 00:42:32 Shouldn't have been together. Watching her behavior early on, it just that pointed to me, like, how long has this kind of behavior been going on? You know what I mean? Is this just popping up? I don't believe so. No, we've seen Lindsay the same, very similar.
Starting point is 00:42:46 I agree with that, but I think that, you know, it goes to the point of something I don't like on these shows in general is when people start to date somebody or get close to somebody or take the next step with somebody that has a past, right? They have a history of being shady or being erratic or whatever it may be. People love to use the trope of you knew what you were getting into. Yeah, but you expect and assume that during a healthy relationship, you're going to take steps forward to better yourself. So I don't know if it's fair to always use that. Like, obviously, there's extenuating circumstances. If you get married to Jack's Taylor, you know what you're getting into. But...
Starting point is 00:43:21 How dare you? Wraught in hail. No. How dare you? But I just... I think that when you take that step to get engaged, you're assuming that both of you are going to start to grow. And I think it's really difficult, as you pointed out, the sobriety part of it.
Starting point is 00:43:38 Because Carl is 100% looking inward right now. He's trying to figure out his next. next steps in life sober. Meanwhile, Lindsay's not on that same page because she's not on this life journey. So it's really hard to meet in the middle there. So I think that, again, we can sum it up with whatever side of the streets you land on. These two should not be together and thank God they're no longer together. But should Kyle and Amanda be together? That's a good point. I think so. Yeah? I think so. Well, let me start off by saying that neither of you took aside. You're both fucking bipartisan Switzerland-ass fucks. So no. Andy Cohen.
Starting point is 00:44:13 That's not a take. Andy going. Classic podcasting technique. Never take a side. I think it's really funny that we started off by saying Carl has taken a silence. To start the season, he didn't say a word. And Lindsay was out in the press
Starting point is 00:44:27 and she was talking about everything constantly. And we all were, everybody was told we're going to figure out what happens as the season goes on. During the Volvo Fall Experience event, discover exceptional offers and thoughtful design that leaves plenty of room for autumn adventure. and see for yourself how Volvo's legendary safety
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Starting point is 00:45:06 They got my daughter. I need to find her. Willa! From acclaimed director of Paul Thomas Anderson. You can save. that girl. On September 26th, experience what is being called the best movie of the year. This is at the end of the line.
Starting point is 00:45:20 Not for you. Leonardo DiCaprio, Sean Pan, Benicio del Toro, Tiana Taylor, Chase Infinity. Let's go! Here I come! One battle after another. Only in theater, September 26th. Experience it in IMAX. You came back.
Starting point is 00:45:36 I'm Amy Nicholson, the film critic for the L.A. Times. And I'm Paul Shear, an actor, writer, and director. You might know me from the league. Big Veepe or my non-eligible for Academy Award role in Twisters. We come together to host Unspooled, a podcast where we talk about good movies, critical hits. Fan favorites, must-season, and case you missed them. We're talking Parasite the Home Alone. From Greece to the Dark Night.
Starting point is 00:45:57 So if you love movies like we do, come along on our cinematic adventure. Listen to Unschooled wherever you get your podcast. And don't forget to hit the follow button. We saw the first couple episodes and we said, oh, fuck Lindsay. She's blaming his sobriety. accusing him of doing drugs, everything up the, whatever the hell she's doing. And now it's starting to even out. And it's a lot more interesting when you get into how everything's playing out,
Starting point is 00:46:23 where we see Carl just laying these pieces out on the table. And yeah, I get it that it's a reality TV show. But him going to his parents on TV and talking about his relationship with them is a fucking try me move. Like it is a, I need everybody to see where I'm coming from. I went and cried to my parents in Pittsburgh. Like, dude, you're a fucking pussy. Go out and just do it.
Starting point is 00:46:47 Like, go talk to your wife. Go talk to your fiance and figure it out. I mean, by the end, you can tell you can't cry to your parents. You're 38 years old. He's visibly scared of Lindsay. Like, he's visibly... Is there... All right, so, like, what do we actually think that he's afraid of?
Starting point is 00:46:58 Well, the thing is... Her yelling at him? Part of it, yeah. It can just be as simple as that. Like, honestly, that'll... I don't think so... So, knowing look, they gave each other. You can tell one of these guys yells at each other.
Starting point is 00:47:09 No, no, no, no, no. I'm so scared of him. help the rants on the podcast or a cry for help security we need to get seal off the stage no but no i like that's what i'm just saying is like everything that we see from carl is him just trying to talk to other people about his relationship everything we see from lindsay is yeah horrible in the beginning but we're starting to see her try to piece it together oh i still talk shit she's trying to get excited about the wedding and he's just trying to break up with her Well, it's like usual suspects, though.
Starting point is 00:47:43 At the end of this season, she's going to piece it all together of like, this guy's been talking about me to everybody. Well, like, he should be in jail. He's canceled. What the fuck? He's gone, Ryan.
Starting point is 00:47:52 Why would you bring up Kevin Spacey? You go to Barry's bootcap and the Hamptons. They all know about it before Lindsay. That's actually true. That's very true. No, the most telling scene this season, this episode was when they pulled back, Carl, like, motions to the cameras.
Starting point is 00:48:05 And they pull back and we see the two cameras with four people. And that's the insanity is that's going on in Carl's head. So he is not manipulating the storyline, but he is so cognizant of all of this. And that's really hard. Reality TV, baby. How about that? All right. The last thing that we're going to talk about, then we're going to get our special guests out here because you guys came to see them, not us.
Starting point is 00:48:29 Let's be real. We understand. But let's just do a quick walkthrough of this week's Valley. Who's watching The Valley? Yeah. Who the fuck would have thought this show would be so good? I did. One guy.
Starting point is 00:48:42 I was the only person that said don't shit on it before you actually see it. One guy said that. We ripped it to shreds until we saw it. And they were like, fuck, we were wrong. Like, this show is great. We were of the mind of VPR has to be good because of what happens. It's just raw emotion and we're going to see it play out. Instead, we saw a lot of production.
Starting point is 00:49:05 The Valley is just raw emotion with people we don't even know. And that's the best part about reality TV. I've never met these people before. I have no idea who the fuck they are. Their marriage is crumbling. Hell yeah. I'm in. You know three good reality shows in the audience right now.
Starting point is 00:49:22 Like it's just like right place, right time. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. And the fact that you're going to throw either Michael Bay or Quentin Tarantino out there, I'm in. Could you imagine Quentin Tarantino is on season two of the Valley? Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:49:36 Jacks, what's going on, Jacks? You're crazy. All right, now let's get one more of your feet And then we'll just see how it goes Yeah, actually though But let's talk about Jesse and Michelle a little bit And we've seen this out of the gate The instant villain was Jesse
Starting point is 00:49:54 Right? It was pretty clear this guy's a huge asshole As the season starts to play out, there's more to the story And this is why the show is so fucking captivating Because now you've got Michelle Who's moving in the background a little bit Who potentially is hanging out with either Quentin Tarantino Or Michael Bay So, these two are reality TV gold,
Starting point is 00:50:14 but I just, I want to get you guys take on, obviously they got divorced. What are we about to find out? Because there's obviously rumors about the cheating. We got text rumors from Jack's, shocker. Right? The one guy to blow the lid off is the dude that's out there still banging chicks on the side.
Starting point is 00:50:31 Like, that doesn't make a lot of sense. Wait, wait. Very, like, slightly unrelated. Did you see that Jason from VPR was on, like, some sort of talk shell, and they gave him a title, and it said Reality Star. Oh, my God. Tom's drummer, Jason. Not Jason on the show. No, no, not John, not, yeah, yeah. Jason Bader?
Starting point is 00:50:49 Jason Bader, who this man... Is that really his last name? I swear to God. No, fucking funny. His brother's master. Yes. Thank you, Ryan, for taking the low-hanging fruit. I thought Steele was going to take that. You just didn't do it. I thought our audience is intelligent enough to understand. that was a masturbation joke.
Starting point is 00:51:09 You think that we're highbrow? Oh, well, I guess that's lowbrow. Never mind. No, that's low, never mind. Yeah, highbrow jerk off jokes. That's a great, great humor. Pontificate a little bit more, pal. Full circle.
Starting point is 00:51:20 But with the Jesse and Michelle thing, back to the rumors. Do you think that she cheated? Do you... Okay, moving on. Wait, emotional or physical. Emotional or physical? Yeah. Both. I show of hands.
Starting point is 00:51:35 I can't hear everybody. You didn't ask a question. Yeah, I didn't say, which. You guys are all idiots. You all fell for it. You're all morons. All of you fell for it. But I don't even care anymore.
Starting point is 00:51:45 I just wanted to see who was stupid. A lot of you. It's okay. Thanks for buying tickets, guys. Yeah, we love you. But with those two, obviously stuff's going to come out. We're going to figure out what's going on.
Starting point is 00:51:58 I guess my question, do you think that this is a result of Jesse checking out after the kid was born? COVID opened up. He went back out there. He was doing his own thing. Left her with the... the kid and now she's like, fuck this guy. I'm doing my own thing. Or do you think that she was
Starting point is 00:52:14 checked out of this a long time ago? Even when she talks about the origin story, origin of their relationship, it was a booty call that she got wrong. Like, she was like, I didn't even like him. And then I was married to him and had a kid. Kind of. And then the pandemic happened. And it seems like, it just seems like from the get go. And she really does not like him. Yeah. Nor should she. Nor should she. Nor should. but she does not like him at all and I think that doesn't excuse cheating but you can see why it happened
Starting point is 00:52:44 well he's better at hockey than the other guys on the show he's better he's the worst at golf he's ever been and he's still better than everybody yeah cap three oh fuck him seriously but they both they already both have like girlfriends and boyfriends so season two should be great well hold on hold on what did you take of his Instagram story where he's
Starting point is 00:53:04 talking about Lala and he said that like there's a short guy out here By the way, a short guy, an average, an average guy is 56. 5.6.5. Which, no shame to any guys out there if you are 5, 6, or blow. But, like, that's the average? Wait, wait. No.
Starting point is 00:53:20 Hold on. Who here saw that post? So not that many. Oh, my God. People don't want to admit to following Jesse Lally. That's probably true. You don't even have to, you don't even have to follow him. Everybody else reposted it.
Starting point is 00:53:32 Yeah. And it was just weird enough that, one, in the second episode of the Valley, we get him talking to Lala and calling her his wife. Oh, that's right. He called her his mistress. Which usually in VPR land, if Lala is called a mistress, she loses her fucking lid in Valley. She's like, oh, Jesse.
Starting point is 00:53:52 Oh, Lala must have been thrilled to be mentioned in that post. I think it's Lauren on Valley. Sorry, yeah, yeah. The softer side of Lala kids, yes. Yeah, Lauren. And then, yeah, we forget that Jesse pinched Doty's nipple, too. That was fucking wild.
Starting point is 00:54:07 Yeah, the guy, look. That was a whole episode. Like, that's how good this show is. It was just about pinching nipples. And Luke was like, how dare you pinch your nipple? That's my nipple. We slept together outside of a tent. The first night we met, dude, that's mine.
Starting point is 00:54:21 Like, it is fascinating. And so, also, how many weddings have you gone to that there's tents just around? Do you haven't been to a tent wedding? I don't go to, like, pixie weddings. Is that what that is? No, I think a tent, well, hold on. In the funny way, ha-ha, people are in tents camping, ha-ha, no.
Starting point is 00:54:38 But the actual... Wait, who was laughing at that? No, like, tents. Was anybody laughing at that? No, no, I did. It's okay. You know, like the big tent. You put the big tent up outside? No, that's...
Starting point is 00:54:48 I don't think that's what they were talking. They said behind a tent. Yeah, a fucking big tent. Assuming there were more tents. Should I call Doty right now? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Should we try? Weirdly enough, weirdly enough,
Starting point is 00:55:01 I heard a lot of nose. Yeah. No, no. God forbid, we get Doty to call. No. Luke just seems so like Luke did the show just so he could continue to sleep with Kristen Doty. Like he seems like he loves it so much.
Starting point is 00:55:15 Well look, you even said this in the green room. He just got electricity. He's probably never a time. Yeah, they just got running water in Colorado. So he's like blown away. It was just a huge gildo that they pulled from the fucking, yeah. They have to mention sex in the beginning of every scene. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:55:29 Every single scene, it's like, that's our drawer. That's where we keep our sex toys. It's like, we got to have that. We've got a whole other room for sex stuff. I love you so much, especially having sex with you. But the last thing we need to talk about in the Valley, we'll get the real stars out here. But Jackson, Brittany, obviously.
Starting point is 00:55:50 We need to talk about Jackson, Brittany. And you can still feel their energy from the correspondence dinner. They were just, like, right down the road. Dude, what are we doing? That clip was the best thing ever. It was... Where Jackson's talking... First off, do you even know what C-SPAN is?
Starting point is 00:56:06 Never heard of. I have no idea. Did you know that you can find it on cable? I have no idea. What do you think about Joe Biden tonight? What do you think for his next term? I don't get involved in politics. Yeah, I fucking bet.
Starting point is 00:56:17 That's a good move. What do you think about the movie drive? That's the smartest thing that Jacks has ever done. That's the smartest thing that Jacks has ever done. Not getting involved in politics. Great, Jax. I'm happy for you. How about we talk about the Carolina?
Starting point is 00:56:30 Oh, yeah, I know about Carolina games. Yeah, yeah, okay. What do you think about the Stanley Cup? Oh, Carolina's got it, baby. And then you get Brittany. And Brittany has no idea. What were they talking about Harvey Weinstein's getting overturned? And Britney's like, I don't know about, like, how the fuck are these two at the White House
Starting point is 00:56:47 Correspondence Dinner? What are we doing, guys? Like, what the fuck? It went from Ariana last year to this. Yeah. Why? Who's much well read, but I do love the idea that whatever the correspondent is that's asking them these questions, they're honing in on them because they want those clips.
Starting point is 00:57:04 Absolutely. They want those clips more than we want wall. They want to go over and be like, oh, this motherfucker over here has no idea what's going on. He doesn't even know why he's invited. I don't know why he's invited. Why the fuck is Jack's there?
Starting point is 00:57:17 Somebody defended them in our comments and they go, The Daily Mail has a table, so that's why they're there. It's not that hard. Here's the Daily Mail. We have a 10-person table. Let's get the biggest dumbasses
Starting point is 00:57:29 that we've ever met in our entire lives over at this table and we'll ask them very specific questions and get the funniest clips ever. And that's what they do. It works. And you know what? Kudos to them.
Starting point is 00:57:41 Cadoos. But true to form, though. Jack's in his social media. He was like filming Britney, like pulling up her top. And she was like, Jack, don't film me yet. Don't film me. And he still posted it. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:57:55 Because he's a piece of shit. He still posted it. But I think that's the funny thing about the Valley is when we started the season and we heard that they were separated, we're like, oh, it's for the show. they're just trying to drum up some interest. And then the show got really good and their ratings skyrocketed. I'm like, wait, why are they still separated if the ratings are so good?
Starting point is 00:58:15 Oh, fuck, were we wrong? Yeah. Is this real? I think it's real. Like, we thought that everything was fake. Everything that we heard was completely fake. And then we realized, oh, my God, this is actually real. Look, this makes a lot of sense.
Starting point is 00:58:26 I think we can all agree since her time coming on to Vanderpump. Like, Brittany wants to be on TV. Yeah. Okay, she wants to be on TV. It's pretty obvious. However, the shit that she has to put up with from Jacks Taylor is tough to watch. Like, it's not fair. All she wants, desperately,
Starting point is 00:58:42 desperately. She just wants a partner. She just wants somebody to meet her in the middle. Like, hey, help me out a little bit. And Jacks comes up with excuse after excuse. Well, they have a date night. He takes her to a tantric sex counselor. Yes. What about, like, dinner in a movie? Like, you don't even start there? She was like, I thought I was going to a yoga class. Do we have to have sex on a bed? Like, it was. We have to have sex in front of them? It's like the simplest things they can't do. Like, just start small, like an apple bees or something like that.
Starting point is 00:59:10 And he just can't do it. Wait, wait, wait. Applebee's has, wait, is it Chili's, it's Chili's that has the best. Chili's. The best espresso margarita. Chili's.
Starting point is 00:59:18 Yeah. The best espresso margarita. So, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Shina will serve you. Martini. All right, all, all right, everybody chill out.
Starting point is 00:59:25 Especially martini. Sorry. Special martini. I don't indulge. I'm not into drugs. All right. Well, I think we've rambled on long enough. So I think it's time to get the real stars out here.
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