Bros & Shows - THE VALLEY IS THE GREATEST SHOW ON TV (The Valley Full Recap)

Episode Date: April 16, 2025

What's up Bros? The Valley is back and my goodness did we miss this show. The chaos picks up right where we left off. Jax and Britany's situation takes on a whole different severity when we learn that during an argument about Britany texting another man (while they were separated and dating other people) Jax flipped a coffee table into Britany's leg causing a bruise. She fears for her safety, the safety of Cruz and doesnt even feel comfortable being in the same room as him alone. Jesse and Michelle are going through their divorce and it is NOT going well. Janet is still on the outs with Doute and Zack but wants to "be cordial". Britany is throwing a party for everyone and Jax isnt invited so we get a sad dudes night featuring Schwartz, the saddest dude of them all. Meanwhile, Michelle's boyfriend has entered the chat, Jesse wants to move to Orange County with his new love interest, Janet and Doute talk it out with zero success, and Zack is worried that Janet is coming between he and Britany's friendship. During all of this chaos, the lovely Danny and Nia are just concerned about where to move, when to have another baby and such normal marriage stuff that the juxtaposition to the craziness just makes for the perfect storm of a show. Bravo to this cast because this show rocks. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

D.C. high volume, Batman. The Dark Nights definitive DC comic stories adapted directly for audio for the very first time. Fear, I have to make them afraid. He's got a motorcycle. Get after him or have you shot. What do you mean blow up the building? From this moment on,

none of you are safe. New episodes every Wednesday, wherever you get your podcasts. I haven't been this excited from a premiere in a very long time. Yeah. Who knew we'd be here? Big Valley guys now. Huge Valley guys.

I was so pumped to get into this. And not to brag, we did have the screeners. We got to watch it early. We're recording us to the day of. Yeah, that's true. We got them like weeks ago. We got it a month ago, I think. And we've been sitting not watching it.

And we finally watched it the day of, but still before you. Mm-hmm. And-a-na-da-da-da. Bros and shows, I got to have me my bros and shows. Bros and shows. Brows and shows. I got to have me my bros and shows. Good afternoon, everybody.

Welcome back to another episode of Bros and Shows. I'm your co-host, Steel Russell, joined as always by the one and only Valley Goots. Welcome back. It feels so good to be back in the chaos with a bunch of terrible people. Awful. and God, they bring me so much joy. They're such a good cast, dude. I forgot about it.

Like, I know that I love season one, and the best part was that we were shitting on this show relentlessly until it premiered, and then we fell in love with it after episode one and have since. I forgot about how captivating this cast is. Like, as soon as it got into, I was like, holy, like the montage in the beginning,

I'm like, this is the greatest show on earth. It's so good. And all of the new people that we didn't know last year, all of the unknowns, perfect. Great. They just fit in so well the dynamics and all the different relationships that we have on the show where you do have one very good married couple that's going through normal married couple stuff.

Kids house, you know. It seems very dramatic, but it's really just every day run on the mill like, hey, we have to figure this out, might need a bigger house, we might want to have another kid, what do you think? And we get to watch that unfold in the midst of a separation that is captivating with Jackson Brittany, which is going to be must-see TV. It's going to be must-see TV and also very depressing to watch in a lot of ways. Like, I want to see it transpire, obviously, but I think that might get rough at times. I didn't realize, like, right out of the gate how serious shit was going to get.

So that's going to be interesting. And then on the flip side of that, you got this catty divorce going on between Michelle and Jesse where they're just trying to rile each other out. I think that's going to be the most entertaining part of the show. probably because they're so fucking petty with each other it's so entertaining then you got the friends who are on the outs not trying to get back in then you got fucking janet who i forgot about who's not pregnant anymore so people can be mean to her now we can be mean we were mean last year let's be real but she stinks you know she really does you need her on the show

she's like uh i was going to make a reference but it make you feel bad because it's like shooter McGavin. Oh, yeah. It's like a good villain. And I think a lot of people last year during this, and I'm sure, you know, some people that are listening right now probably rewatched or at least, you know, kind of dug through and skipped around a little bit just to get the feel back. Janet last year was a villain in denial.

She was trying to move in the beginning of the season. She was trying to move in the shadows, trying to pull a thread here and there, whatever. And then she could always take a step back and be like, hey, look, I'm a little emotional right now. I'm pregnant. Everybody has to walk away from me. by the end of the season, a couple people clocked her. Now, we still agree.

Producer shouldn't have given her that much power for her baby moon to the point that we didn't get Doty at all for the rest of the season. That was a shame. I think they made up for it very much so in the first episode by, hey, we're going to overload you with Doty, which is always great. Good. Give us as much as possible because that's going to be awesome. But Janet, I feel like now she can show her true colors,

and I think she's going to get to that point where she's like, you know what, whatever, this is who I am, like me or not, Most people are not going to like you, but it's going to make for great TV. I think you watched her officially step into the villain role when she made that phone call on speaker with pink boots and his dushy friend. That's when she finally accepted this role. If she leans into it, respect. Yeah. You know, I'm not going to like her.

Will I like the product she's giving? Absolutely. So I like the direction she's trending towards that villain era, which is great. Then you got Jason who's there. he's just simply there. Hopes and dreams for this episode, or for this season rather, for Jason and Janet,

is that Jason, and there's some things along the way in this episode that I'm going to point out, is that Jason realizes, oh, Janet, you might want to stop doing that. I think you're the problem a lot of the time. Stop it. But he could also be part of the problem.

And I'll wait until we get into the episode. I think he's part of the problem because he placates and doesn't say anything. Correct. Yeah. I think there's more going on there with this show that is very funny because it puts so many people in so many different parts of their lives together, and you have to

coexist with people who are having absolute meltdowns and who are absolutely terrible people. And it definitely rubs off on you a little bit. I agree. And I will say this, you know, when I went to the Southern Charm premiere, I talked to Zach for a while because my sister Riley didn't know who he was and brought him over to our table to hang out. He said this season's amazing. And I know people like to toot their own horn for these shows. But I, what I believe them and, too, after watching this, I think this is going to be an absolute banger of a season. I've never seen

an episode start off the way that this one did and also end, and obviously it's a premiere with here's what you get to look forward to this season. Both were so chaotic and insane and so different. So incredibly different. So much stuff going on. The last thing that we saw was just like a trailer for the season. You're like, holy shit, we're getting all of that. I thought the trailer was at the beginning

of the episode. I thought the trailer was at the beginning too. Nope. This is just all the meltdowns are to see. dude it's going to be electric but let's jump into this episode and we start out with jacks and just this montage this run through obviously we know where this trajectory is going he ends up in a treatment center he says it in this scene but you're watching everybody their reactions to it you know brittany going through the divorce and then jacks his confessional sucks so much he's like you know nobody wins in this nobody wins and you get like schwartz saying that he's hit rock bottom everybody's concerned blah blah blah setting up for

What I really truly hope they don't try to do, and that's the first thing. Jack's redemption? Because of the way that they set up that scene, because it ends with him going to a treatment center, right? And let me get this out of the way immediately. Of course, I hope that he gets better as far as addiction goes from a recovery standpoint. Of course, that goes without saying. But we do know that a gentleman on the producing side of things is involved this. season we know that germane has a history of highlighting shitty dudes on shitty redemption arts i'm very

nervous that germane jeremiah whatever you want to call him's going to strike again and try to set up jacks for a redemption arc jacks's redemption arc is off screen if he wants to become a better person it is off the screen don't feed me bullshit when i'm watching what i just watched in this episode i think it's going to be very different and we can run it as parallel as possible to the Sandoval redemption arc. It's not even going to be close to that. It just can't. Just because they're very different people where Sandoval knows and Sandoval was thinking about how can I get into a redemption era for my life. And he was using that to his advantage. He was using production to his advantage. And that's why VPR the last season was awful. So bad. He was leaning into it so

much. And the rest of the cast started to lean into it. I know. I don't see the rest of Lala, Sheena, they're over here, too, and they leaned into it. You know what? And you know what I saw on the trailer at the end of this? What? Lala goes after Jesse, and Jesse's not having it. Oh, Jesse's not going to be a Jesse stand. I'm going to be a huge Jesse stand this season, and it's going to be very fun for me.

A lot of people are there. I know, but, like, something about Jesse just, it scratches an itch in my brain that makes me smile. Is it because he says things in moments that normal people wouldn't say out loud, and you kind of wish you could do that? Yeah, I got you. A thousand percent. Like, he is such an understanding. undeniable asshole, and he also admits, yeah, I was being an asshole in that moment. I really respect that. I really respect that.

Senator Ring is Villanark. I'm going to, I know. And look, here's the other thing. People aren't going to come after me as much. It's not like Jesse's going up. Like last year, he was going up against Doty. Right. So if I was standing Jesse last year, people would be like, what are you doing? He's going against Doty. You can't do that. And then I would get shit for it. Nobody really cares about Michelle. If he's going to be an asshole to her, and we see her be an asshole to him, they're both assholes. There's a potential that she was cheating on him for a year before. Did you see confirmation about fucking Tarantino?

Yeah, we were right. There was a lot going on there. So right now, I could see myself being a very big Jesse Lolley stand. That's really funny. That's really funny. But we're just checking in with everybody. We check in with Jesse. Michelle moved out of the house, which is a strange move.

Co-parenting is going horribly. And Isabella looks and acts exactly like Jesse, which he says must drive Michelle insane. And he says that with a smile. Very funny. It's unbelievable. And then you check in with Janet and Jason. They got the baby life going on. She talks about the nose-sucky thing is called a nose frida.

We have one. Not my favorite thing to do. I do it. It's her favorite thing to do. The way she talked about it, I was like, you know, I don't love doing. I do it. But it was a weird, just a very weird comment. I love it.

It's my favorite thing. I know, like, utilization and efficiency, sure, you can appreciate it. There's something oddly satisfying. when you get, like, a good amount of snot out. Yeah. But then, like, I always think that I can taste it. Yeah. And, like, when she, because there are these little filters, you got to put into them.

And they are easy to forget to put in. And you would just, like, I would have a different reaction if I sucked up snot. Probably. I'll just be like, you know, that's gross. And she's like, you don't even care. I was like, I'd care a little bit. I get what she's saying, but I'd care a little bit. But, yeah, we check in with Kristen and Luke.

They're planning for a baby, trying to get pregnant still. And the Janet situation is still awful. And a confession. She's like, Janet called me crying. Like, I want to be friends. Like, fuck you, Janet. So we're already setting up some great feuds. It's awesome.

They left this, like, whole thing alone. And it was just like, you know what? Like Janet and I kind of figured it out. You know, she came back groveling. Whatever she could have said, if we didn't get the satisfaction of actually getting Doty against Janet, now that Janet, you know, is back in the fold, you can't send Kristen away, you don't have a baby moon to make sure that she's away. If we didn't get this, I would have been so upset.

I would too. I would too. but that's the one good thing one of the good things about Doty She doesn't let it go She's gonna bring the drama Yep And she's not gonna let it go

As you just said But they are planning for a baby So they're trying to Luke's like maybe just don't drink And Dode's like Loser So I think her confessional is so fucking funny Yeah my mom

In the 70s you would just chain smoke And drink all the time You didn't have to worry about getting pregnant You just got pregnant I turned out fine I turned out great It's like Yeah now it took a while to get there

But you seem to be doing well You know We could go into stories about our parents and what they did. But hey, we're all fine. This generation's thriving. But anyway, Jasmine and Melissa, four years of dating. I'm hoping we get some more Jasmine this year than we did last year.

I do like her on the screen. And then we check in with Naya. Danny, they've got three under two last year. And that was hard. Well, three under three is way harder. How many three under threes is going to take for you to get irritated? Last year it was like... Here's the thing.

Uh-oh. I mean, we know that she does get pregnant. Uh-huh. He said in an interview that he says 4 under 4 a lot. Oh, there you go. So the 4004 is really going to piss me on. 4-4 is going to get under your, yeah, there you go. But, like, that I could see being a bit of a roller coaster where I'm going to not really like it, really not like it, and then it's going to make me laugh.

Fair. And then I'm going to go back to hating it. Yeah, that sounds about right. That's the right trajectory. I think more so it was just, I wanted to see more from like, I wanted Danny to like mix it up a little bit more last year. This time he mixed it up, he got drunk and got in trouble. I wanted to see more of that. So we wanted to see a lot more of that.

And he kept going back to like the normal thing. And he's like, three under three, three under three. He's like, all right, yeah, all right. We'll probably, I hope we get one more drunk Danny. Yeah. Because drunk Danny's funny. Yeah. I've got a weird prediction for, for the dudes on this show.

We'll get to in a second very quick. But we get Jacks and Jesse. And talking about the separation from Brit, you know, it's been nine months. we decided to date other people. He's talking about how toxic and broken it is. And I guess they were texting. The way he makes it sound as though like Britney's like, I just want to come home.

I want to be back. I do not think that's out of the text at all, not even kind of. So they're like, yeah, we're going to do this whole thing. And she's going to move back. We're trying to figure it out, figure out our marriage. We agree to see other people. So I check Cruz's iPad.

I happened upon the iPad. Happened upon the iPad. And lo and behold, there's text. message is so what jacks you're separated you agreed to see other people she's hooking up with your friend julian i think if he honed in on just i found out and didn't say i was checking her text messages people could look at that and be like all right well that's a little fucked up if it's your friend it's fucked up for the friend yeah not brittany like i don't think that he gets to dictate a goddamn thing given how he's so difficult with jacks because everything

that you're saying makes so much sense to me. But in a normal situation with very normal people, if there's a separation, and the wife is hooking up with a friend, knowingly it's a friend. It's kind of fucked up on her part too. That's kind of fucked up, unless that guy is Jacks. I know, and that's...

Because in turn, in turn, Jacks fucking deserves it. He's a massive piece of shit. And I've also, I think I figured... He also wouldn't bat an eye if he was hit on by some girl that was... He would fuck all of Brittany's friends. So I don't want to hear it from this guy. I think I figured it him out, by the way. I'm going to save my...

synopsis you have to save yourself from that one oh when I say it I even wrote it out so I made sure I got it right I'm curious what your take is on it okay all right well I'll save it I'll get my pre take mm-hmm you gotta stop trying to figure jacks out no no no no not like to drive yourself crazy I get it I'm not trying to put myself in the mind of jacks because that would be lunacy I don't do that yeah I'm just saying I think I think I'm on to something I want to get your take when we get there yeah because I know you'll be brutally honest with me but during this scene we got a good old juxtaposed haven't said that in a while juxtapose seen with brittany and michel and

they're talking about these texts with julian she's like you know i've been talking for like a year or whatever nine months and i sent him a sexy video so jacks solved that so that was a fucking disaster obviously but we're still podcast this whole thing is like when she runs through it it's so bizarre dude it's like we're still podcasting because that's going really well i don't want to fucked that up. We're still co-parenting. I hope we could work on the marriage. And this floored me. And I didn't see any previews of this, any teasers of this. She's like, you know, I was hoping that we could work on the marriage. I was like, oh, wow, that was actually valid what Jack said earlier. I still think the text went different than he says it did. A thousand percent, yeah.

But she still opened the idea until the text came out. And that changed everything, she said, to the point that he got so enraged, he flipped a coffee table on her and immediately bruised her leg. That's fucking terrifying. This has left the realm of reality TV to like, let's make sure that we're filming a show and she's protected.

And we're not fucking putting her in weird spots because that's scary. Yeah. That's genuinely scary. With somebody like Jacks, who we know can just flip a switch immediately. On drugs, who's drinking. Drinking constantly.

And yeah. I don't think that nobody's really going to feel bad when it comes to you can't be around your kid. For Jack on Jack? Not at all. You don't deserve to be around your kid. We know what happened. You're both admitting that this happened.

Brittany is well within her right to do this. You shouldn't be around her kid. No. Especially if your excuse is, thank God, cruises in the other room, he can fucking hear you, dude. I thought that same thing. He can hear what's going on in the other room. It does not matter that he can't see what's going on. He hears his mom crying.

screaming and you yelling at her. That's going to resonate. Furniture flying through the air. Exactly. Like, you don't get a pass because he's in the other room. And Jesse's like, dude, he's looking to you, by the way. And Jackson's like, well, you know, it was like an out-of-body experience. And he goes to a confessional.

It's like, show me a guy that wouldn't do that. Yeah. Every dude I know, raise your fucking hand. Nobody I know would flip a coffee table at their life. That's fucking awful behavior. Even Jesse put like a little dig in there. Like, yeah, and you can't handle your emotions. Yeah, you can't regulate your emotions.

said and he can't and that's one of jacks's biggest problems especially when you add the booze and the drugs into it it's like dude this is terrifying and i feel so bad for brittany like you know what else this scene showed me too here's the thing about jesse he's a great dad we said that last year we did say that last year that's a very good thing for jesse that is like we gave him props last year for being just trying to get people in your camp that's all this is this is propaganda I don't know what it is. It is a very weird feeling. I watched this whole episode.

I'm like, I fucking love this. I want to hang out with Jesse. I love Jesse so much. Last year, I really, and I think it was the doty of it all. I think it was him going after her that really bothered me. And as soon as they become like, okay.

Oh, so you were salivating at the apology. You're like, he's so changed. Wait until we get there. This is going to be fun. With Amex Platinum, access to exclusive Amex pre-sale tickets can score you a spot track side. So being a fan for life, Turns into the trip of a lifetime.

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Oh, yeah. And both sides are usually valid. Uh-huh. Right? Like, I do think it's a midlife crisis he's going through. I also think that Michelle, you're also a piece of shit. Yeah. So, like, this joint, like, catty breakup.

I love that it's like, he's going through a midlife crisis because, like, he's dating a girl. You're dating a dude named Aaron. You admitted to Brittany that you've known this guy for a while and you used to... You ran into him on hikes and coffee shots. Yeah, all right. You go fuck out of here. The fact that she put that out there. there is crazy, knowing what we know, and then obviously leading into the next scene with

Jesse and Doty talking it out, we know what's going on. We had questions about you last year with Tarantino, go into the chateau, then there's another guy, there's a potential other guy that you've been dating for a whole year. You're going to tell us that you met this guy years ago and used to see him running into him on heights, which you know what? I've watched shrinking. Apparently all the people walk on that same trail in L.A., and they do run into each other. Maybe.

Coffee shops? Coffee shop. lady, especially when you put the two together. Those are two very casual dating activities. Yeah. Coffee and hiking. Very different activities, too. Yes, and it's like, it just doesn't track.

Sometimes, yeah, I would see him doing the same thing. Yeah, sometimes I would have coffee from the same shop on the hike. On the hike, it was wild. And then I would be out to dinner alone, and he would be there at all these restaurants. And then I'd go to my hotel room, and he was in my room. Very weird. It's wacky. Get the fuck.

I don't know what's buying that shit. But Jesse, after the midlife crisis, gets a confessional. He's like, I've been a pretty big whore. Yeah. But I met somebody, his reasoning, too, I agree. Good dad. Yeah. Bad person.

Bad person. Because he's like, I don't know about the bad person. You, I'm going to be on the other side of this. I understand where you're coming from. And I think Jesse's entertaining. Yeah. But I will be on the other side of this. I promise you that because he says things like this.

He's like, I'm dating the strongest woman. I've ever met in my life. And she holds up a mirror to me. Michelle, she didn't do that. She let me do whatever I wanted and then got mad at me. It's like, it's not your wife's job to regulate your behavior? How are you going to blame your behavior in your marriage on your wife? That's stupid.

Don't defend it. No, I'm just saying, like, last season what we saw, and this is all we have. We don't know what their marriage was before this. Oh, boy. But all we saw were the two of them talking. Michelle was completely disinterested. And he was thinking about bittering himself. Why was she disinterested?

Because she was dating Aaron. Because she was going on hikes with Aaron. He checked out of the marriage, admittedly, when Isabella was born. For a year during COVID, he left her at the house. Do you forget that part? He would go out and party and she was alone for like a whole entire year. Is your Jesse blindness? Like, that's a thing.

That happened. You have to acknowledge that. Nope. What about the ayahuasca trip? That doesn't save. That changed him. It didn't because he was the same guy when he got back. I love this vantage point that you have,

but you have to meet me in the middle. I honestly forgot about the whole thing. Yes. There was a reason she got distant from him. I'm not saying that they would have... That wasn't on camera, though, so I don't really know. Oh, boy. You're going to lose a lot of fans.

All the shooter stands are coming over to my side now. Again, this is the whole thing. We can all watch this and say, Michelle and Jesse, they shouldn't have been married to be completely. Absolutely not. Definitely not. And I don't think they're necessary. Either of them are going to,

end up being good people. That's fair. That's fine. So I'm going to pick one. You can pick one. Just don't defend his awful behavior. I'm just going to point out when he makes me laugh. Yeah.

And I know what you're doing there. You're being funny. But that's a stupid thing to say from him. He's an idiot. But Michelle says that she's doing fine. She's like, I have no issues. Aeron is making me happy. Aaron's her man.

And, you know, this is where she drops there. I ran into him randomly, like at a hike or a coffee shop. And watching this whole thing. play out, especially after I see how they act at the party later, it's going to be gold. It's going to be amazing. So I'm excited for this storyline. But we move on from there

and we get Jack, sorry, Janet and Brittany. And I guess they're really tight now, especially we find out more later from Zach, who's a little perturbed by the whole situation. But we get confirmation that Jacks wears lifts in his shoes. Yep. Because

she's like, you need like a six foot plus. And she's like, ha ha. Yeah, without lifts or heels in their shoes. I'm like, I knew it. I fucking knew it. I knew he wore lifts in his shoes. But they're discussing the Jack's situation. And Janet asks her, like, does Jacks know that he needs help? And it's the most Jack's response ever. She's like, well, sometimes, other times he says, I'm Jack's Taylor. I can do whatever I want. And Janet's taken aback. She goes, no, seriously, he says that. And of course he says that. A thousand percent. He says that. I can hear him saying that. But we watched it for years in the VPR reunions. He would come back

every single year and say he was bettering himself somewhere else. He's working on himself here. That leans into my theory later. Leans into my theory later. It leans into it. Nuggets out there. Yeah, but Brittany's throwing a party. It's a white party for the summer or whatever the fuck. And I guess Jacks is like

throwing a temper tantrum as a 45-year-old man is having a competing, I'm going to use party very loosely after I see the attendees of his quote-unquote party because holy shit. PJ? PJ may have been there. PJ and Mikey are the same person.

Mikey Mullets? Yeah. Mikey Mullets with the vest. Yeah. Mikey Mullets is, look, you know I'm an advocate for a mullet. He's setting us back. Yeah. Mikey Mullets is setting us back.

Well, yeah. The only by a, so, if I saw Mikey Mullets walk by me on the street, no context. It's sad, dude. Like, you could have a mullet. You're a dad. You're married. You've got a good life. I do.

Mikey doesn't strike me as somebody that has a good life. He strikes me as like a jacks. Mikey's meeting Jacks at 4 o'clock at a bar wearing a vest and a permed mullin. I'm not going to... What's the other thing about L.A. I really just never understand. There were multiple comments about how hot it was. How the hell, like, Schwartz was wearing a long-sleeved shirt? These people out in L.A.

It's L.A., yeah. But, like, do they just get used to it? It's fashion, dude. Fashion over comfort. But, like, fashion, I get that. But, like, do they get used to it? Does their body regulate... Like, does it temperature regulate at some point?

I know when we went out there, it was hot, and I wore a long-sleeve shirt. and I was miserable for like there was one day that we were there was really oh yeah yeah yeah yeah so I don't know we walked together coffee we took a hike yeah we did ran and Darren he's just always there we met this guy I forgot about that no but we move on to Nia and Zach and they're drinking some margs they're also discussing this Brittany and jack stuff and it's got to sting a little bit for them and I know they had the best intentions at heart but you know they're like from the minute that they got separated. Kristen and I,

I being Nia, was like, oh, you guys can fix this. You can figure it out. Makes me question their judgment a lot. I don't know at what point you see this marriage or this man and say,

get the fuck away from him. Yeah. But regardless, I'm sure they're just trying to be optimistic about the whole thing, but after everything that just happened, clearly that's not a possibility. And then Kristen arrives,

and she's the utmost expert on the top. Because she's been with Jacks since day one on VPR and has seen the ebbs and flows of Jacks Taylor, the freakouts, the scary moments, the crashes, the spirals. She has all of that logged in her database. And even she's like, I have never heard of him doing anything even close to this before. This is a whole different level. And it is because I'm not going to sugarcoat it for him. This is spousal abuse. You hit her with a fucking table.

And I think before that, when both her and Nia were sitting there, like, oh, yeah, we can support. Like, maybe I can get back together. That's something that happens. You've got a kid, but it's also knowing Kristen, knowing Jacks for this long, and knowing Brittany for that long. You did marry the guy. You did get into it. So, like, maybe there is some hope in there. Maybe there is a part of you.

They're trying to just be optimistic. And then once they hear this, they're like, oh, nope. Get the fuck away immediately. This is scary. But it gets lighter because Doty brings up, you know, one of my friends came out to me after, like, yoga or something. shit and she's like i ran into janet you guys are going to be great everything's going to be totally fine and i was like i don't think so nope i don't think it's going to be i don't want it to be and i don't think it's going to be but and as we know last season zach got a little bit loose

in that night at the bar i think they were at jacks is actually when they opened and he made that comment about you know he was going after janet and i think nia or somebody was like hey she's pregnant and he was like i don't give a fuck regarding her having a miscarriage. It was a horrible thing to say. He acknowledges that it was a horrible thing to say. It was, I can't paint that anything differently. There's no other way to, like, turn that.

It sucked. Yeah, but it's a whole year later. He has apologized. Zach's not a bad dude by any means. I think that he just got emotional in the moment. He had been beaten down by Janet the entire season, and he said some off-color shit. The fact that Doty gets lumped into this

because she's simply friends with Zach is the big problem with Doty because she talks about the podcast when she, uh, Jack, Jackie, Jesus Christ. Janet went on Gavin with Gibb, uh, Gibson John's podcast. Go give that a listen.

Great podcast. But when she was on that podcast, she alluded to Doty being involved with that as well, saying that Zach and Doty didn't want me to carry the baby to term, which like, I'm trying to see both sides. I'm sure it sucks to hear somebody that you're, acquaintances with.

The lumping is, and that's what Janet did all last year. Yes. She would lump people together just based off of friendships, which you just can't do on reality TV. It doesn't make sense. You can't do it in real life. Like, I understand. I don't get a shit while you're doing real life. Just don't do it on screen where I can see it.

And it affects the dynamics of what's going on. Now I have to talk about it and deal with it. It's more like we saw Zach get lumped in with Doty. She obviously had beef with Doty. Based off of really not a lot. I mean, it was really just like, here say, you said something in a dinner, alluding to the fact that I made a racist comment which was never really

substantiated and eventually Kristen did say, you know, I did hear something. But that's how it goes. Look, Doty knows shit. Doty's messy. She's dramatic. She's a lot of things. She's not a liar. She's not a liar. She knows a lot of things.

Time and time again. She was labeled a liar for years, years because of Tom Sandoval. Only to be vindicated by by Tom Sandoval when all of this shit came out at the end. Everybody cast Doty aside because they were rooting for Tom and Ariana. Lo and behold, he did cheat on Doty multiple times. So, again, she's a lot of things.

Doty doesn't lie. Nope. So do I believe Janet said some shit? Absolutely. I think she definitely did. Now that we know Janet at this point, we know the things that she says and we know the ways that she works, it makes a lot more sense. But she lumped Zach in with Doty.

didn't invite Zach to the baby moon, didn't invite him to something else, just because he was friends with Doty. Yep. That was before the comment that was before the comment. That's what actually set Zach down that path that eventually ended up with that. Because Pink Boots was their fucking eavesdropping and snitching.

And now we're going to have, what, Doty gets lumped him with Zach now, so we're just going to keep going back and forth and lumping them together because they're friends. No, you can't do it. It's dumb. And, you know, Janet's still trying to work the magic behind the scene. She's calling Brittany being like,

ooh, is Zach there? She's clearly trying to drive a wedge. she's trying to drive a wedge. She wants the show to revolve around her, which with Jacks and Doty on a show, even if they're the worst people that we've ever seen, the show will never revolve around. By the way, those two could be off the show

and it still shouldn't revolve around Janet. You are not the centerpiece. You are a good supporting character. You are not the centerpiece. Oh, my God. But even Zach acknowledges that plain McBoring Pants is clearly getting into Brittany's head a little bit because Brittany has cozyed.

up to her. I won't say exactly what he said, but it alludes to them being very close friends, and Brittany is very tight with her now, and I... I love to the picture that they used of him. I know, right? It was just a scene from last year, just a screenshot. Here he is back here. Yep, exactly. Clearly know who that guy is.

There he is. But it just, it all points to Janet's... She's conniving. She's behind the scenes. She's the same person we saw last year, so she's not pregnant now, so we can go a little bit harder on her, which will be fun. She's doing all the same stuff. Yep. But we at the Jesse and Doty, which I'm sure you're doting over this scene, pal, especially now that I know

you're a big Jesse Stan, but Jesse invited Doty over to his house, which I was surprised as well. Incredible move. Unbelievable. No, like this, I'm not even playing with. Oh, okay. This is the smartest thing that he's done. It was a great move, yeah. This is an incredible move because you know where Doty stands, if you tell her, and this, by the way, it seems like a heartfelt apology when he does get through that.

I will say, I don't trust the guy at all, but it seemed genuine. Do I think it was 100% genuine? No, it was like 50, 50 genuine plus a move. But you would think that he's been on a show like this forever with a move like this. Because he's manipulative. Yes. Having her over and talking about her and like doing all these niceties, making sure that she's okay, and then alluding to all the other things.

You spoke the truth about this. Like, yeah, it really hurt. You were right. You were right about all of this. Who could have seen us sitting here? If she has Jesse on her side and she's going against Janet and Jesse has Doty on his side and he's trying to be petty towards Michelle, it's going to work out really well. But mostly, it's going to make incredible TV. Oh, yeah.

No, I like the move, but I do not think it was 100% genuine. I just can't get on board with her. No, no. I think the move itself, like inviting her over in the first place, was clearly a move. Yeah, definitely. But I do think that the heartfelt apology was. It was one of the better apologies that we've seen on shows like this. I agree.

I agree because he ends up with, you know, you didn't deserve that projection last year. I think that my insecurities that you were talking about. I was subconsciously aware of them. And then that led to resentment, which led to hatred, which led to anger. And that was directed at Michelle. And I projected it onto you. You were right about everything. I take full accountability.

Doty gets validated. Doty's exonerated. She goes to a confessional. And that's my point. That's my point. People are like, she's a liar. It's like, until this shit comes out, it's just, it seems so very untrue, because it's such a bold claim, that when it comes out, you're like, oh, fuck.

But you know how many, oh, fucks we've had with Doty's? A lot. Dotyisms, if you want to call them that, she's usually right. So maybe we should start trusting her, because that's the funniest part. I think we started doing that last year when she brought up all of those things that we did. Well, yeah, anybody who would watch VPR for that long and knows Doty, you're like, oh, She's going about it in a clumsy way because she doesn't have a lot of support.

That's the big issue. That's always her issue. She says something that's very bold and the timing makes zero sense. It's still true, but you can go back at her because she has zero support. She will flound her a bit. And then it'll seem like you're right, but you're really not. Doty's still right. Doty is, yeah, dude, that literally is her career.

She says something bold that somebody else is doing. Nobody believes her. she doesn't have any support she gets battered down cast aside kicked off of shows and then she comes back does it again battered down kicked aside go fuck yourself and it always turns out to be true

so let's just start trusting her out of the gate and Jesse does make a good move here by getting her on his team and she even says it who would have thought team Jesse high five is a good move great move but let's check in with the four under four we get Nia and Danny

24 seven home with the kids but hey too blessed to be stressed, baby. Oh, yeah. I'm sure they have that sign up somewhere in their house. I don't know. She doesn't strike me as a live, laugh, love. She doesn't, but he does.

And he seems like he, like, nudges her along, like, hey, I want to get the sign really bad. He might have the one sign. Yeah. Like, just please, let me get this one sign. No, you know what? It's probably, like, on his desk. There you go.

He just looks at everyone. So it's a picture of his family. He smiles. Beautiful family. Looks at that. Too blessed to be stressed. They are, it is a gorgeous family. Let's be real.

And that's what's funny, dude, because like you said in the beginning, amidst all of this chaos and bad people and horrible things is this lovely little family talking about whether or not they should expand the family. Should we move to Santa Clarita? Remember Santa Clarita? It's just so out of place and yet it fits so well. It really does, honestly. And I like to see these types of scenes because it's two different people that are trying. to live their life, trying to get through to the next chapter of their life. I want to have another kid as soon as possible because I want to be able to have ownership

of my body back. I don't want to have that bounce back five years from now. Fair. Completely valid, completely normal. You've got an idiot husband that doesn't understand how women work. Yeah, true. Hey, why would we do that? We don't want to be stressed out with another kid.

Your body's great. You're listening to what she's saying. It makes a lot of sense. Listen. Yeah, the immediate, your body's great. It's my wonderland. No, listen. That's every husband that's trying to be supportive of all time.

And trying to get laid later. And trying to get laid later. And not understanding what the hell she's saying. Right. Yeah. She appreciates the compliment. She's trying to get into something to tell you, yeah, thanks. But this isn't about-

Which, by the way, if you do want to have a fourth kid, you probably will get late later. Yeah, there you go. That's all that works. Yeah, because she's, like, when he said, you're leg locking me. In my head, I'm just picture. He's like, wait, no, no. And they're like wrestling. That's because I'm an idiot.

Yeah. But, yeah, that's a funny thing to point out because in that moment, she's not talking about your perception of her body. She's talking about how she feels in her body. Listen, Danny. I love you, Danny. Just listen sometimes. She's like, this last pregnancy.

It was tough to bounce back from. Do I want to do this in five years? Probably not. So I'm thinking of a fourth kid. Let's knock it out now. All he's thinking about is getting another house. And he even says in his confessional, this is just how this works.

You make sacrifices of marriage. I can move away from L.A., get a bigger house, get my mansion. We can get pregnant, and everybody's going to be happy. I think that's a fair. Honestly, I think it is fair. I was like, that's fine. Like, if you're like, all right, let's do it.

But, I mean, just logistically, They can't have another kid in there. Are we going to do this again? How are we going to do this again? How are away Santa Claritas? Oh, fuck, no, because we got, we got, we looked it up and then people DM'd us that we were stupid. At one point, I was sitting on, like, Google Maps, and I was trying to set the time that we would be driving from one place together. Yeah, you did. And it didn't change that much.

And then we got skewered because of the L.A. traffic. It's not my fault. And it's not Steele's fault. No. That L.A.'s traffic grid sucks balls. It's the worst in the world. It's the worst fucking thing. It's the worst in the world, probably.

Yeah, nah. New Delhi is probably. You've seen a lot, yeah, like when everyone's zipped around on vespas and shit cutting in and out. Yeah, that's a little different. The worst in the United States. There you go. I'll take that.

That is the worst traffic grid. Atlanta sucks, too. We can't do this. We can't do this. We don't want to do it again. LA traffic sucks. We can agree on that. Yep.

Right. So, look, I think they're going to find a compromise in there somewhere and it's going to work out great. And obviously, as we know, she's pregnant. Yeah. Are they moving to Santa Clarita? It's the big question. I don't think so.

If I had to, yeah, if I was betting on this, no change. Yeah, I don't think they're moving that far out. Nope, but we get back to Jason and Janet, and I couldn't tell if this was a joke because she pulls out the fine china and she goes, I kept this for my first marriage. Yeah. I believe her. I know.

She's telling the truth, and I think here's why. Here's why. Because Jason is so non-confrontational. I know, and he, like, doesn't react. anything. No, that I think... I can't tell when things are jokes. I think also, if she was like, I love this China, Jason, I'm not getting rid of it.

He'd be like, okay, babe. And, like, I really don't have an opinion on Jason. But when Janet's talking to Brittany earlier in the episode and, like, talking about boring pants with... I already forgot his name. Zach. Said that Janet was plain McBoring pants. Don't you call Zach boring?

Oh, yeah, okay. No, then I misunderstood that because I thought they were actually talking about who Brittany was dating. No, no, no, no. Okay. All right. So then I was like, all right. Janet is. Why don't we tone this down a little bit? Janet is plain MacBoring pants. Okay. I agree with that.

That's what he said. I think Jason is actually plain MacBoring pants. I think they're both playing McBorring pants. But the fact that he has no reaction, he's just very robotic. I have no feeling on him. He seems like he's a good husband, good dad, whatever. Nothing else beyond that. No. We saw him get riled up last season once.

And he said something stupid. Yeah. He's trying to get tough. Yeah. Yeah, he did. Oh, man. No, I don't know. It was similar to Justin from Roslick saying, I'm going to pound your ass.

Nothing will ever beat that one. The thing about this is, and in this scene, they talk about the boys group chat. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Being in that boys group chat and hanging out with people like Jacks, it's going to rub off on people like Jason, and it's going to be in a very bad way. Oh, you think that it's going to... I think we're going to see a little bit of a change here. There's going to be some weird shifting going on.

Look, we can attest, too. I would imagine if Jacks is in your group chat as a dude. It's much worse. It sucks. It's probably brutal, but I can't attest to dude group chats being unsavory places. Not for the reasons you're thinking either. Just a lot of shit is said. A lot of shit is talked.

A lot of shit is definitely talked. Just last night. Just last night in our video game group chat, there was a huge blowout with two of our friends that ended with one of them telling the other one to go fuck themselves genuinely. And the other one's saying, I hope it gets better for you, man, in the most condescending way possible. Yeah. And we all just get to sit and listen and watch. It's entertaining as shit.

Yeah. Because then we text on the side and laugh about it. Like, these guys are idiots. Pretty much. Yeah, good times. Here, the most popular fiction podcast of all time, which the New York Times described as what might occur if David Lynch was a producer at your local radio station.

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Well, big news to share it, right? Yes, huge, monumental, earth-shaking. Heartbeat sound effect, big. Maitz is back. That's right. After a brief snack, nap. We're coming back. We're picking snacks.

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Tron Aries looks exceptional, plus Mortal Kombat 2, and Edgar writes, The Running Man starring Glenn Powell. Search for Raiders of the Lost podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and YouTube. And they're all talking about, like you said, the boys chat, and Jacks, I guess, is like me and the boys are going to Jacks's because Jacks feels betrayed by Julian so the fuck what I don't care why do these guys like I think if anybody

if one person showed up to Jacks's thing and not Britney's I would be anti that person for the rest of their career on the show there is no reason that you should go to a temper tantrum party in lieu of going to Britney's exoneration that's why I feel like this is going to be weird because I got the sense from the guy when they were talking about it, that, like, they kind of felt bad.

I think they do. I think that they do because, like, Jacks is weirdly their friends somehow. And I think that you're getting this, like, there's this middle ground that's going to be interesting to watch the dynamic play out where Jacks is clearly going through something serious. It's not an excuse. I don't feel bad for him at all, but he's clearly going through something. These people are close to Jacks.

They recognize that. So it's this weird middle ground of, yeah, he's a piece of shit, but I don't. want somebody that I care about to go down this path if I help it, so I want to be supportive to a certain extent at the same time by supporting him, literally is slapping Brittany in the face saying, I don't care that he's abusing you. So it's an easy choice there. Go to Britney's part. Very easy. Don't feel bad for Jacks. But I do think that that's going to be something. I don't agree with it. I just think it's going to be something we're going to see them try to work through during the season. I get in trouble with their wives. Right. And I think Jacks is going to

start doing more and more things to escalate where it's going to be impossible to defend him and then all the dudes are going to bounce or they should at least definitely but we get to jacks and i wrote in quotations the boys because holy shit and then fucking schwartz yeah like this is the most motley crew ever assembled it's bad when schwartz walks in and i think he looked around and you can see on his face like oh what am i doing here yeah if schwartz isn't down yeah there's a problem because he followed Tom Sandoval into the depths of hell. Yeah. Now he's following, I'm

glad he said some things to Jacks, but like, why do you, why, why? Well, I know for a fact, why is he always associated. One of those other guys and one of them was Jack's brother. What's his name, Brett? No, that was Tom's brother. Brad.

What? Didn't say Jack's his brother. It said Tom's bro. Oh, I, see, this is a little screener thing. Here's the problem. Yeah, they're harder to see. When those fucking name cards come up, I can't see shit. They're harder to see. Can't see a damn thing. I can read better than that.

I thought it was, I was like, who's Jackson's brother? I'm not, now you're making me question. You do this all the time. Then I turn out to be right a lot. And then I, I, I, second guess. I do believe that was Tom's brother Brad. Okay. So you're, I thought it was Jack's his brother, Bert.

Was it Bert? I thought it was Brad. Jesus. Now we've got to look it up. I'm looking it up. First thing that pops up. Is Ryan Bailey in the car with Schwartz, Jacks? Oh, yeah.

Jesse. He drove them to the premier. here. Yeah, he was part of that Bravo thing. That's incredible. I love that. You know what? That decides that we need to have a boys night with Ryan soon so we can talk about that and

recap. Maybe we'll do that for next week's episode. You got my hopes up, too, because I thought you were going to say we could do it, Boys Night with Ryan and Jesse. Would you just stop? I thought I'm blah. Put your bono away. Yeah, I'm not really good anywhere on this one, honestly.

We'll figure it out. Don't worry, guys. We'll figure it. out that means we'll forget about it and one of you will tell us 100% forget about it yeah when you guys watch it maybe i'll just watch it tonight or i'll fast forward on peacock in the morning just try to get to it you're not going to do that either before anybody else can get to it that's not going to happen you're not going to do that i'm not going to do that no but one of our listeners will definitely tell us who it was because we love you guys for that kind of stuff but let's get back to jack shorts and the boys and i wrote a crew he's upset about the white party

and he's like brittany paints me as the worst human alive really worst pretty close especially with this news that we've just learned of you hitting where they're a coffee table you're up there yeah there's worse than you but they're like literally the worst in the world so yeah you're not doing a great job pal but i wrote at the bottom my page who the fuck is mikey mullets giving a bad name to mullets simply by being here this guy could have hit this out of the park just like go walking up and down the street might people take pictures of you don't be associated with jacks because that's the other thing this is the not the A squad, not the B squad, not the C squad, D, E, F, G. This is the Z squad. These are guys that he had to find

at the bottom of his contact list. Thank God that Schwartz was there because otherwise, I don't know what this scene would have been. It would have just been a very sad scene. Oh my God. Like, who the fuck are these guys? Okay. All right. We're doing this, whatever. Creepy. And if we had even one inkling of one of them asking, like, what's going on, and then we got to have this Jack's inner monologue, outer monologue, talking about what he's going through and what's going on with how he's upset about Brittany's white party, whatever may have come up. It would have been the saddest thing ever.

And it would have been... With Mikey Mullets asking him the questions. It also would have been infuriating because he would have just lied his face off. At least for Schwartz, he knows the situation. Schwartz knows the situation, and we even get to know that he talked to Brittany recently. So he did get the other side of a lot of things going on.

So at least he can be somewhat in the middle. Yes, he's a Jackson, but I don't know if he was even invited to Britney's party. I have no idea. But you get Janet, Jason, Danny, and Nia, and Janet hasn't really seen Zach or Kristen. Things are still rocky with the both of them. They're headed to the party. And she contradicts herself in episode one.

I'm not really trying to restart any friendships. I just want to coexist, be cordial. Literally the opposite of what she says later. But that's neither here nor there. And then she takes a shot at Zach's hair. Because they pull up, they don't say anything. They just see hair. They like, oh, do you get a haircut?

No, he says the Lego head. He does not. Okay? He got a haircut and he looks great. And you know what this man said to me when I was at the premiere? Because he came over to the table, like I said. Self-conscious about the hair? He is a very good sport about the hair.

Okay, good. Because, again, I'll set the scene real quick. My sister lives in New York City. She works there. Doesn't know anything about Bravo. So I thought it would be fun to take her to the premiere, which is she was the perfect person to take because she literally doesn't know any of them. So she goes up to the bar to get a drink, runs into Zach, asks him what he's doing there.

He's like, oh, I'm on a show, and Riley's like, oh, that's cool. He's just like, what are you doing here? He's like, oh, my brother has a podcast or whatever. Zach approaches our table 15 minutes later and goes, Riles, this one, and my sister's name is Riley. So they're nicknaming already. Riley and Zach's boyfriend, Benji, who you will meet on this show, probably next episode. They're in the photo booth taking pictures together.

I'm talking to Zach, and the first thing he says to me, literally, because you have a podcast? I was like, yeah, he's like, do you talk shit on my hair? I was like, fuck. Sure did. I was like, I'm not going to lie to you, man, I did. He was like, that's all good. Took it in stride. We hung out for like three hours.

It was a great night. It had a good time. Brittany was there, too. It was a lot of fun. Point being, Zach's a good sport about the hair, but he doesn't have a Lego haircut anymore. Okay? Lego-ish.

I think it's, I don't think he can help it. I just don't think he can help it. Is that the texture? It's the texture of his hair. It's not, look, I mean, it's a good problem to have. Sure. When you're going to have very thick hair. 60 years old, yeah, people are.

People are going to be wanting the Lego hair. Yeah. So, yeah, don't let him get you down. Going from Helmet last year, now she changed it to Lego hair. I'm like, well, it's kind of funny, Janet. Yeah, but Lego hair was out. She picked that one off social media. Oh, did she?

You didn't see that? There was memes of him as a Lego person. I guess I shouldn't have. I'm not giving her credit. You did. I just did. I just rescinded it very quickly. But it's not my fault of Janet.

She's funny, but not. She's funny, and then she gets too mean. Yeah. And then it's like, all right, this is funny. That's a good way to put it. It takes a, it's a quick turn, too. It's a quick shift, and then it's snarky, right? That's my least favorite kind of mean.

Snarky's the worst kind of mean. If you're going to be mean, just be fucking mean. Don't be snarking backhanded. But we get to the party, and I'm sure that you were just swooning because Jesse walks in like he's a fucking runway model. I was like, what is this enter? I am surprised he didn't walk in his suit. I thought he was going to have the way.

After the comment that he made before, which was incredibly funny, now that Michelle's out of here, I can color coordinate my suits in the closet. I feel like I've got it. I feel like I've got my space back. He's going through a divorce with a child, and he's stoked about a closet. Yeah. So I am very surprised that he'd am walking in the suit. You know, he didn't.

He strolls in. He beg Vogue's when he walks in, like he's hitting a GQ runway. But before we get to the rest of the party, we have to check in with Jackson Schwartz for this stupid conversation, and this will lead directly into my theory. And you've actually said multiple talking points from it, which makes me more confident. Because I know it's hard to get you on my side on certain things. but I think I got you on this one because of some things that you've said

so we'll see but Schwartz says that he's worried he's never seen Jack's this high strung before and he's like dude this is bad he's like Brittany told me about what happened she's uncomfortable being in the same room as you and he's like dude I had anger like his the way that he spins things to make it seem like he's a victim or it's like I was

no remorse no not at all and I'm like Schwartz did okay this scene and I'm actually happy with the job he did because he didn't back down. He didn't go after him, but he didn't back down. He's like, dude, I didn't know you were capable of that. Yeah. Like, that's alarming.

And you can tell Schwartz is a little like, meh. He doesn't seem super comfortable with this. This is where Jacks, again, like, spins off. Because his first comment is, I just had anger. Like, what am I supposed to do? His second comment is, another guy infiltrated my marriage. No, you ran your marriage into the fucking ground. Umpteen times because she kept giving you chance.

It's a very different situation, and I'm actually very thankful that we have the, like, Michelle Jesse breakdown because that's a very different situation. 100% where Jesse can feel some type of way about this guy if it is the guy that she was, quote, unquote, dating that Doty was talking about. I hate Aaron, by the way. This is, oh, I can't stand that guy. That guy fucking frees me out. I don't like them. But going over to Jacks, this isn't, you guys separated because of what you did. You did.

You guys separated because of the way that you were living your life. You guys then agreed that you can date separate people. while you're separated. That's how that works. You don't have any right to be mad about this. Nope. This isn't a normal, this guy broke up my marriage,

you broke up your marriage. You fucked your marriage up, and then Julian stepped in. Can you be upset at your friend? Sure. Even there, dude, I'm like, you've done too many things. That's the Jackson thing, yeah.

Like, if it was somebody else. Even if it's like your best friend, even if it's somebody in your family, you don't get the right to be mad at them because of how big of a piece of shit you are. Not to mention, Schwartz is like, yeah, I mean, I get it, man. You guys were like paling around for a year.

I'm like, All right, like, shut up. Like, this isn't the same thing. You're just butt hurt because she's banging somebody else, and the guy's taller than you and handsomer than you, and that's your problem. You have a problem with somebody else stepping into your role because you're a gigantic piece of shit,

but that's neither here nor there. Jacks does what Jacks does, flips it. She flies off the handle on me all the time. Why? Why? Yeah. Why does she have reactions? This is why the redemption arc won't work.

I don't care what the producers are going to try to do. I just hope we don't see it, like, the framework of it. I don't even think we're going to be able to find the framework of a redemption arc because of how he is, because of how he acts. If we do, if we do, I'm going on a full smear campaign against Jermaine. Yeah. Okay, it's going to get ugly. Yeah.

All right, everybody be warned. Yeah. So let's hope we don't see the makings of that because I will not stand for it because this is like, we talk about certain things on this podcast that we see where it starts to trickle into the realm of like, e, this is a little too much. this is one of those things because anybody that has dealt with this or has heard about this or has people that like in your life that has gone through this it's an escalation factor yeah you get more and more escalated you do more and more things next thing you know something even

worse could happen or that coffee table hits her in a different spot and now we're talking about something entirely different so like i want to really address how fucking serious this whole thing is and the fact that he can sit there and say she flies off the handle it's like Does she ever fucking hit you with a coffee table, dumbass? And why is she getting so upset? Because you're such a piece of shit. He's like, she's so hypocritical. And she came over the other night and like, we almost hooked up.

I'm like, no, you fucking didn't do. And if you did, like, one, shut up about it. And two, this is such a weird thing. And Brittany, what I've come to find out about Brittany watching these shows? I think she has a gigantic heart and likes to try to see the bright side of things to the point that she turns a blind eye. to things. And I'm not going to falter for that. I'm just saying in that scenario, I can see her coming to your house to try to keep the peace, find a way forward for Cruz's sake. Cruz, who now, by the way, was just diagnosed autistic. He's not verbal. He was verbal for a very long time.

I don't know how this has played into that whole thing. That's a whole different conversation. But she's doing what adults do. She's trying to find a way forward with the father of her child and still trying to hold on to hope that you can be even a semblance of a good person. On the flip side, you're calling her a hypocrite and saying she wanted to come over and fuck you. That's awful. Here's the other thing with Jacks.

He doesn't want the marriage to work. No. We said that last year and we knew what was going to happen. As soon as they broke up, it's like, okay, it kind of seems like you wanted to get back on this show to break up your marriage so that you could go be single. You could go be Jack's Taylor. You can go be Jack's Taylor.

So when you talk about her wanting to come over and like you guys almost hooked up and she wants to fix the marriage and then you got pissed off because she wants to fix the marriage but she's still talking to a guy. She's single. You don't want to fix the marriage.

She's also single. She's single and you also don't want to fix the marriage. So you shouldn't be mad about that. You're mad because your ego took a hit because she's hooking up with somebody who you know. Correct. That's all it is. That's it because if you really cared about the marriage,

you would say, we're separated. Don't love that it was Julian. That kind of sucks. But at the same time, who am I to say? Uh-huh. That would be the correct response. but Schwartz doesn't fall for any of it, which I was surprised. And he's like, dude, you're headed towards rock bottom.

You need to seek help, go to therapy, counseling, go do something because this is getting, it's going to be bad. Yeah. And here's where Jacks does this thing. And this leads right into my theory, all right? He says, I have a little boy that's looking up to me and he feigns tears. They're not fucking real. And he's like, I have an empty house.

I'm 45 years old. What's wrong with me? Here it is. I told you I think I got him figured out I've seen a lot of Jacks Taylor my my entry to Bravo was Vanderpump rules it's my OG love and I started season one episode one

watched the whole entire series seven seasons before the eighth season dropped in two weeks during golden he is addicted to sympathy he's addicted to being viewed as this mess because it gives him a permanent out he craves these one-on-ones these one-on-ones where somebody comes to him

tries to empathize, tries to sympathize, say, hey, dude, you're crashing out but we're going to get you out of this hole. Don't worry about it. He longs for that kind of attention, and he craves the monologues, the one-on-one with the camera where he can sit there and he can trauma dump on the audience and try to get us on

his team, try to get us to root for him and rally for him, because for some reason, he will always crack a couple of people. A couple of people from the cast will come to his aid and try to get him through things. But you can copy and paste this exact scene over the last 15 to 20 years of Jacks Taylor being on our TV. He did this on Vanderpump

rules when he would get caught cheating with Stasi. He did it later in Vanderpump Rules when he got kicked off of the show from LVP and then he comes back for the transition into the valley and does the same fucking thing on that couch. How he's grown up, he's learned a lot, he's still going through it, sympathy, sympathy, sympathy, growth, growth, growth, blah, blah, blah. Jacks Taylor is is addicted to being Jack's Taylor, but he doesn't even know who the fuck that is and anymore because who he actually is is completely gone. He is this embodiment of the character

Jack's Taylor and it's not manageable so he's spinning off the rails finally. Yeah. So addicted to sympathy is your... He's addicted to sympathy and being Jack's Taylor. I mean, you could have said that he was playing a character for the last like 15 years and just got stuck into it. Yeah. And that

is pretty much, yeah, that's definitely true. A thousand percent true. I don't think that's... We don't even know what the hell he was before VPR. I don't really care. It doesn't matter. There's a Hockey player from Florida or something. Yeah, it's so far gone that it really doesn't matter. Yeah, I can see that. Hell yeah.

Gotcha. But let's keep going. We get to Jesse, Michelle, and A.A. Ron. Woo! I don't like Jesse. I think he's a piece of shit. He's entertaining. I know you're in love with him.

Never have I been more on Jesse's side than this seat. And never have I wanted to smack a man more because Michelle and Jesse are getting into it, as they do. They're talking about, which they should not be, because they're getting divorced. this is the kind of stuff you say for lawyers and court but they're going back and forth about and this is why it's so good because Michelle starts this one and jesse will start one later but they're both so fucking petty because michel's like yeah you know you're buying her like everything she wants he's like well you know she doesn't know about money yet so like yeah like i'm spoiling her a little bit and she's like because you haven't taught her and fucking

aaron goes you keep getting her everything i'm like You, you, sir, fuck off. Yeah. You don't get to chime in here. You're not even a stepdad. You're a boyfriend. Yeah, I think he learned because in the second conversation, he immediately excused himself. As he should have.

Or sit there with your weird beard and shut the fuck up. You can make whatever comment you want later to Michelle. Sure. You guys have that part of your relationship down yet. You don't speak up here. Absolutely not. Nope. You don't comment on parenting with the parents.

Just because you're dating her, that's not a moment where you're like, I got your back, babe. You look like a dick. And now I don't know you, A, A, Ron. And I fucking hate you. Because I put myself in that position. I'm like, oh, no. Jesse was very calm about it.

I would have been like, who are you? Be gone soon. Fuck off. So, yeah, Aaron can suck a butt. But anyway, we get two Doty and Janet. Because Janet, she's not smooth at all either. She just kind of like appears this conversation. Wanderes around.

She just pops in. And Janet takes Doty to the side. She's like, look, last summer was difficult for me in general. I'm ready to move on. The great thing about Doty as well, she's not going to let go of things until they are either resolved or blow up so big that... So she goes...

I don't blame her in this situation either because we didn't get any sort of... Resolution? There was not even a semblance of a resolution because you guys didn't talk about it. is every time that Doty would bring something up and we talked about this last year like Doty has to get a little bit better

she's got to get her feet wet she's got to get better at handling these one-on-one situations because she tends to give a lot more when she starts to get a little emotional she tends to not be as succinct with what she's saying when we see her talking

and she's talking to Zach when she's talking to Jasmine when she's talking to anybody else on the show when she's talking to Jesse earlier she knows what she wants to say she knows all of these things but in these moments she has a tough time yeah she gets like

Yeah, which I think Janet takes that as like, I'm so powerful. Like, I'm making her tremble. No, she's done this for a long time. She's done this for a very long time. But Doty brings up the podcast comments. And Janet's like, well, I apologize for that. And, you know, Zach was saying that he doesn't care if I miss Carey. And Doty's like, dude, I don't condone it.

But my friend made a mistake. I'm not going to bail on Zach because of that. But the fact that you lumped me in is kind of fucked up. And she's like, well, I sorry I roped you in with Zach's demonic behavior. I'm like, That's not an apology. It's not an apology. Not even kind of.

What did Janet think was going to come from this conversation? Like, hey, we're together going to denounce Zach? That's what she wanted. That's what she wanted. And that's what she thought she was, I don't know if she thought she was going to get it. But that's exactly what she wanted. She didn't want to. Kristen's not going to give you that.

She knew that. Yeah. So don't even go into this conversation talking about Zach. Go into it saying, I'm sorry that you got lumped in with all of that. Here's what she was doing. Uh-huh. She was doing this to say. later, I tried. Yeah, I tried. I gave it my best shot. She wouldn't hear me. And that's not

what happened. We watched the fucking scene. The biggest takeaway up until this point, then we'll finish up with Jesse and Michelle at the end. Yep. We got more dody this episode than the last six episodes of last season. And this was a phenomenal episode. I hope that Bravo and the producers and the editors and everybody involved in making the show, it seems that they took the audience comments into account. Because we were all screaming where the fuck is Doty last season. So give us more Doty. I'm glad she stood her ground.

She's like, well, Janet's like, are you sorry for anything? She's like, no. I'm not. And again, this is one of those situations where I wish that she would handle it better because she's fine in this situation. Janet owes her the apology. Yes. Using her name in the situation that Zach started, you don't

have to, I don't care if Janet ever talks to Zach again. After what he said, you're well within your right now. doing you don't go over to Doty and condemn her friend's actions and hope that she's going to turn on her friend but this is Doty and Doty started getting a little bit more emotional

and it looked like she was going to cry and I'm like she held it in. She did hold it in so I guess maybe it's progress I just want her to stand so much stronger. She can she's right in this situation and she needs based on what we've heard this whole conversation this whole episode really Janet's going around talking other people

that Doty knows saying hey everything's going to be okay. It seems like Janet's a place where she's going to have to grovel for your friendship. And for whatever reason, she wants to be in your good graces. No. She keeps talking about these past times where everything was fun, before all of that stuff blew up. She wants to be your friend.

You actually are in a position of power. You do not have to get emotional about this. And instead, she did. I'm like, oh, Kristen, come on. Interesting, take. You might be right. The other way that I could look at this. I just want Janet to get her comeuppance.

I do, too. I think she will the season at some point. But here's what I think. I think that she's going around telling people that she's telling people she's going to talk to everything's going to be fine so again when it doesn't go well as she knows it's going to she can go

hey I tried I told you we were going to be good but she wouldn't have it yeah she's taking Zach side is probably how she's going to come approach right and like the way that she is doing this scene where she's like are you sorry for anything she's alluding to like the comments about she said something racist and she's

a Republican and all these other things that happened last season that will hone in on the racist comment we haven't really gotten to the bottom of that. And again, if we're running track record here, she's usually telling the truth. She doesn't do it in a way that's believable because she's Doty.

But she has been vindicated on multiple accounts. So when she brings this up again, then I think back to last season where we kind of just brushed past that whole thing because everybody flipped on Doty because they're like, what the fuck? Because Zach was pissed because Doty spilled the tea that it was Zach.

So now Zach's mad at Doty. We got so focused. focused on other sides of this that we never got to the bottom of it. After Scandival, after last season of the Valley, after all these things keep being true, I think Janet said some race of shit. And the other thing is, don't bring it up, because all of those things that you just listed are now back. Precedence. Now we're back.

That's fine. And now we're back to the original thing. So do you really want Doty to spill the beans on exactly what happened? Because I think we're going to get there. We're going to get there if you keep push those buttons. You brought it up. You asked for an apology. You should have just been, you should have ended it with your C-A-round before that.

Yeah. Which is also like, all right, tough guy. See you. See you around, pal. Get out of here. Let's get back to Jesse and Michelle. This time Jesse's throwing the jabs because he's like, well, I met someone. Oh, sorry, Michelle brings up the fact that she met someone to get Isabella in school.

And this person is in with the millionaires and the billionaires. Is this Quentin Tarantino? Maybe. Were you boinking him at the chateau? Or is this somebody else at the Chateau Marmont, which is just in your backyard, by the way? Well, it's in Jesse's backyard. Now it's Jesse's backyard. It brings me back, though, dude.

What a wild thing that we all just kind of accepted during the season. I mean, we all knew she was cheating on him. But, like, she would go to the chateau all day long with other men. And Jesse would rationalize and say, she's signing deals, baby. She's selling houses. It's like, oh, no. Just a man trust in his life, you know? It's tough.

It's a tough look. They start to argue about where she's going to school because Jesse, now that he's dating somebody from Orange County, he's like, well, maybe we want to go to Newport. Maybe we want to go to Orange County. Like, you're going to keep her from those schools? And she's like, well, I'll take full custody. I'm like, that's not how that works. Nope. But this is a conversation.

She's also like four or five and Michelle tried to play the card of, well, she goes to school here now. You're going to take her away from all of her friends. It's like, yeah, she's not in high school. Man, like, come on. It's different. You get to move all the time. She's young and how it works. Actually, you could argue if she's going to move, this would be the, this would be the,

be the time to go. So it's a tough part. Jesse has no intention of actually doing this. No. He's just pissed off that she went and met with somebody about Isabelle's school and he wasn't part of it. Yep. Even just like a drop.

Like, hey, I'm meeting somebody. So if you have like a list of schools or anything like that, obviously their marriage isn't going to work how it typically would because of what's going on with all of these things. So he has a little bit of a right to be mad about that. Like, what the fuck? Give me a heads up.

What are we going to do? Clue me in. Yeah, clue me in. So at least we know where she's going to go to school and I can help out or whatever. This was just a jab. Like, oh. Yeah, I'm meeting somebody. Oh, yeah, I was thinking about bringing her to school in, like, OC or something.

It would be work out for me for my job. Yeah, it'd be great. Plus, I can move in with my super hot, powerful woman. He doesn't think he's going to move in with this girl yet. He's just dating somebody and seeing where it goes. She's the strongest woman he's ever met. In his whole life, and she holds mirrors up to him. Hold mirrors.

But, you know, we've got to see how it goes. It's just, it's so funny because in the confessial, like, did you bring that up to get a rise? Oh, 100%. Oh, 1,000%. Yeah. Let the chaos begin. I'm like, fuck, what a great way to end an episode. exceptional work everybody

exceptional work and then you get the run through of the season which I thought that was the beginning of the episode it's like what coming this season on the valley and it's so much shit and it looks so goddamn good and this show I forgot how much I loved it and I knew I loved it but it didn't do it justice because I watched this

episode so fun to watch it's easy to watch it moves quick there's so many things to talk about and you know what the root of it all is once again they had prior relationships with each other. They knew each other. So you get a better show.

Bravo. Stop putting people on shows that don't know each other. Because then it ronies out and we get pissed. The formula's here. This is your formula. The valley is your new formula. Go with that. And it also makes the audience feel so weird

because you get to watch it and you get to yearn for like the rich lifestyle that some of them live. Right. Oh, that's fucking great. And then they're terrible people and you're like, oh, this is really fun to watch because I'm a good person. I like to think.

I have normal relationships and this is awful. I can't believe they talk to each other like this. Give me more of it. But we don't have questions because we're not allowed to drop this episode until after the episode airs. So you're going to be, if you're listening to it, it's dropping literally when the episode ends tonight. And if you're watching or listening tomorrow, good morning or something. Hey, guys. What up?

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