Brown Girls Do It Too - Brown Girls of the World, Spice Up Your (Sex) Life

Episode Date: March 24, 2023

Poppy & Rubina discuss important issues like frugal dating and the sexiness of recycling

BBC Sounds music, radio, podcasts the podcast you're about to listen to contains strong language and some very adult content this podcast is for people who like to put dirty things in their mouth and maybe have some dirty things coming out of

their mouth. We're not talking about last night's Jalfrezi. We're talking about the words your mother threatened to wash your mouth out with chilli when she caught you using them. We love chilli. The hotter, the better. We're not your regular habanero or jalapeno. This spice is South Asian and may contain themes of an adult nature. The XX extra hot kind of spice. Hungry? Grab a glass of mango lassi and let's get started. I'm Rubina and I like green chilli sauce on everything. Burns going in, burns coming out. Yum. I'm Poppy and I like chilli sauce on everything because if I'm not gagging or crying

as I swallow, life is just not worth living. So good, Pops. That is fucking genius. I forget that you're a comical genius. You're funnier though. If I don't speak teenagers, then I'm like, that was really good. Sometimes they're like, the more distance I have from you, I'm like, don't rate her, don't rate her, don't rate her. And then I meet her and I'm like, oh, actually, rate you. We should never spend too long apart.

I'll never come back. You know, I haven't slept today. I haven't actually. I got a flight yesterday, got in at 10 o'clock this morning and I got this lovely voice note from you being like, da-da-da-da-da-da, I've been admin on it. And I guess I missed you.

Three weeks apart and all I get is, I guess I missed you. So I've got some news for you. Oh right, shit. We're going to start with the news. 68 days later. Pregnant. This is the longest I've gone some news for you oh right shit we're going to start with the news 68 days later it's the longest pregnant

this is the longest I've gone without sex what 68 days it's the longest in my life well I'm not really counting the time

from 0 to 19 because that was just the Muslim years yeah right you couldn't fucking do anything yeah um I'm

I'm I'm gagging I'm a cystitis prone vagina is actually quite grateful to not be flooded with cranberry juice it's been so long

that it's now cleared itself out it's been so long since you've had a UTI and we know we're in trouble yeah basically because last year

last year I saw you with a cranberry juice every time I saw you the whole of last year was basically a UTI and cranberry juice. This year,

it's the opposite. I'm not asexual. Is asexual the one where you purposely decide not to... I think it's when you're no, when you just don't have any sexual feelings.

Oh, yeah, no, no, no. No, I'm very much ready to hump anything. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like hooking up, trying to hook up dates. They keep falling through. One guy just sent me

a voice note right now saying, tomorrow's not going to happen. I'm really sorry. Can we do Saturday or Sunday? And I'm no because I'm out and then before I left for work this work trip I met this Canadian guy oh yeah um and I've got this new rule now for 2020 is it three or four three that if I don't fancy them I'm not going to have sex with them but my bar is so high that I'm not going to have sex with them. But my bar is so high that I'm not going to have sex with anyone. Is your bar high?

Very good question. Last time you were like, as long as they're in their 20s. Exactly. And maybe aren't into using condoms. I'm a new person. And last year I gave consent to everything. But this year I've got to have some standards. So if I don't fancy them, it's not going anywhere.

So this is really interesting because you're like coming out of the hoe phase. I'm coming out of the hoe phase. No, I want to go back into the hoe phase. You don't want to go back into the this is really interesting because you're like coming out of the hoe phase. I'm coming out of the hoe phase. No, I want to go back into the hoe phase. You don't want to go back into the hoe phase. No, I want to go back into the hoe phase. Like a bit more of a strategic hoe. Yeah, a strategic hoe that uses condoms and stuff because I've done quite a few STIs. By the way, I nearly had stage four syphilis.

Did I tell you this? No. I don't have stage four syphilis, so it's all fine. I got checked the other day. You have to do it in two bouts. Sorry, can I just ask, what's stage one to three syphilis? It's pretty bad.

You know, they call it the clap, right? People fucking died in the Victorian times because it would get to your brain and it was really bad. But I'm clean as a whistle. Right. You would think so because I haven't had fucking sex.

Yeah, I wouldn't put that on your profile. I don't know. I mean, I almost had stage four because people would just be like, I just wish you had it. Yeah, I know. It's really bad. I don't want it. No, I don't want you to you to have it either and if you are suffering listener with stage four syphilis we send you solidarity yeah and get yourself checked out and also one good thing about well that's not a good thing one thing people should be mindful of

with syphilis is you have to say you and I had sex and you've got syphilis you have to take a test six weeks after we first had sex. Then three months after. I think I did it the other way around. Whatever. The point is you have to take two tests. Right. So that's my news.

I don't know why I've got sex podcasts. I've just shut up shop right now and go home. What, you just haven't had sex? I haven't had sex. Are you masturbating more than normal? Yeah. Yeah. I'm sort of going back to the old days,

the old poppy wanking days. You know, like bang out six in the morning. Oh God, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. What about you? When was the last time you had sex? As we're catching up? Probably like 10 days ago. Okay.

Yeah, which is pretty good. You know, I have a one year old, so it's got to be quite like, you know, timing, wait for a nap, go, go, go, go, go. Even if we're not up for it, we just know we've got our windows. We just got to go for it. You force yourself to do it yeah I force myself to be like no we have to we have to otherwise it won't happen yeah

it's weird because I think I worry about like long lapses in not having sex when you have a partner yeah and actually even when I was single I think I worried about

kind of big sex ramadans basically I'm having a sex ramadan back to back not eat's gonna be fun no gangbang I mean I'm having a sex Ramadan back to back. Dot E's going to be fun. No gangbang. I mean, I'm struggling.

But like, is that how you have sex now? Just that's your life. You've got to schedule. Yeah, it's scheduled in. It's scheduled in for sure. You know what I haven't done in ages though? Wanked. Yeah. Masturbation's got out the window for me.

You were a masturbation queen. Oh yeah, I loved it. Series one to three, you were like all about the self-love. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Finding the time. I have no time. Zero time. I just about have time

to brush my teeth. Yeah. And sometimes I forget. Do you? Mm-hmm. Because I have to brush someone else's teeth now. And so his teeth

come before my teeth. His clothes come before my clothes. His hair comes before my hair. I may just look like a dishevelled mess and my kid looks like really pretty. At least he's clean.

He's clean. He's clean. He's clean. He's clean and his teeth are brushed. Yeah. So we're doing series four right now. Yeah, I thought about that. Four is a good number. You know, it's my lucky number.

Yeah. East Asians think four is very unlucky because it's she, which is Ichi, Ni, San, Shi, which is Japanese for four. I know that because I did Japanese at university for one year. Wow. And she also means death. Right. So I put that out there. But it's also things like there's four seasons. Earth, wind, fire, air.

Where are you going with this? I'm not really sure. There was something holistic. I'm quite excited that we're at series four. Fucking hell. I feel weird being here. Do you feel weird being here? I mean, I have a bit of a gammy eye. You say that. There's nothing. It's just constantly dripping.

It's always just a bit wet. It's quite moist. It's watering, yeah. I look a bit emotional all the time when you're talking to me. No, no, no. It's really weird, by the way. I know. Whenever I say something, you're like...

I don't think I've ever cried in front of you, have I? Oh, no, I have. Oh, my God, yeah. Sorry, so many times. Yeah. So many times. Daily. So many times, daily. But now you do look like you're having an emotional... It's like a thespian's tear.

So that's basically since last summer, you've just, that's, your sex life is... Scheduled. Yeah, it's pretty regs, it's pretty regs. It's not as regular as I like. I didn't realise, actually, that, like, this, after having the baby, it was, like, the biggest chunks of, like,

no sex, no sex, like, months. And then it'd be, like, sex again, and then it'd be, like, another month or something, and the biggest chunks of like no sex no sex like months and then it'd be like sex again and they'd be like another month or something and it's like sex again and i think we're still working our way into a rhythm yeah yeah and also you have to be like yeah yeah let's go i have had to jump him many times yeah yeah yeah with consent obviously yeah yeah yeah yeah i mean at least you're fucking getting laid i'm not but nothing's happening with me i'm on all the dating apps. It's like a full-time job. I mean, it is a full-time job.

I'm trying. Lord knows I'm trying, but it's fucking wastemans. You know what I mean? They just, just. So basically I reckon what's going to happen across the series of series four is you're going to be like high standards. Every episode your standards will drop an inch. Yeah.

And by the end you'll be having sex with like random people you met on the street. Is that what you're predicting? Yeah, I think let's put a wager on that. I actually think you might be right. Who would you have to sleep with to make you feel like you've dropped your standards?

Oh, anything less than a five. But what does that mean? Exactly, subjective, but I know what my five is. Do you have a thing about like jobs? What do you mean? Because at the start, like last series, you were like like oh like I might not sleep with a barman yeah oh I'd sleep with a barman I'm going through I want I want all the kind of dicks I want rich dick

poor dick acting dick dj dick wow not a small dick sorry you wanted all the dicks you gotta take small dicks for the win I'll take small dicks for the stories sure yeah do you know what I'd kind of be interested in what like aristocratic dick oh posh dick posh dick yeah yeah aristodick

private school boy dick yeah yeah yeah so you can be like banker dick head fund dick your parents paid for you to have sex with me yeah yeah yeah

in a funny way yeah yeah yeah I want to also pay for sex do you yeah you want to pay for sex I'm so ready to go through it all but 68 days later I'm getting fuck all so why don want to pay for sex i'm so ready to go through it all but 68 days later

i'm getting fuck all so why don't you pay for sex i thought i was talking to someone about it and he um him and his mates they often go to uh brothels yeah and i said what is the appeal and he said it's it's paying it's like transactional that you get you and i think i'd quite like you know but i'd want it to be super bougie i want to see his paperwork check out if he's got any sdis because i'm syphilis scare again i thought you were like checking out his paper he was like a legal immigrant you know no no i want to make sure you got a british passport before i'm shocking you well ideally yes ideally i'd like you to have a right to stay in the uk why they could be on holiday sure but you're like you're doing a right to stay in the UK. Why? They could be on holiday. Sure. But then you're doing a transaction.

Yeah, I want a transaction. So if you're paying, you don't want it to be like an illegal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you do want the paperwork. Yeah, I need to make sure they're all like, yeah. And sex, I've got so many things on my list

that I didn't do last year because, you know, I broke up. Then I went into like an intense thing with someone. Yeah. That, and then came out of that.

Mm-hmm. At the, well, last year, August, when we finished our podcast and then came out of that at the, well, last year, August, when we finished our podcast and then it sort of dragged on a bit. And now I'm like a new woman.

Single, ready to mingle. Yeah, someone actually really, they gave me an outstanding A-star report on my hinge. They said it was the most honest hinge profile

they've ever seen. This is after they met you? No, no, this is before. This is on Hinge. They just matched with me and they were like, this is the most honest. In fact, I can just tell you right now.

Oh, right. I thought they had met you in person. No, no, they had met me. You know what? You didn't catfish. You are a total narcissist. No, no, no. It had nothing to do with catfish.

It's my answers on Hinge. Oh, okay, fine. I mean, you talk about how iconic my Hinge profile is on our live show. Yeah. But he basically... Because you said if you're not

into a raging narcissist, you can fuck off. Yeah. Oh, he said, if you're not into a raging narcissist, you can fuck off. Yeah. Oh, he said a voice note. But he said, hi, Poppy, how are you? I think that yours is the most honest profile

on this thing. It's outstanding. And the Asian in me is like, give me an A star. Love it. How's his profile? His profile is... Average.

I dare you to go back and be like, thank you. You need some work on yours. No, it's all right, actually. Oh, is it fine? Yeah. It's all right. I think you to go back and be like, thank you, you need some work on yours. No, it's all right, actually. Oh, is it fine? Yeah. It's all right. I think it's someone famous as well.

I want famous dick too. Yes, famous dick. Famous people dick, yeah. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All of it. I mean, we've been pretty busy since the last series

because we actually did a show. We did a live fucking show. We put on a show. Can you believe if someone said, if Mystic Meg had looked into a crystal ball. Series one, imagine series one. They're like, you're going to go on a national tour

and you're going to get a standing ovation in Leicester. I'd be like, what? We got a few standing ovations in quite a few places. Yeah, I feel like it's cool to say that you got one, but when you say you've got many, like you just did. I just like diluted it. You diluted how cool and calm we are about our success you got a standing ovation

oh my god to be honest every time every time we got a standing ovation not every time we didn't get one every time but every time we did it was like

absolutely amazing yeah it was amazing I can see why people go on stage they're like thrill seekers man oh my god we're like chasing the thrill we're like I mean it's one thing

doing this podcast right because it's not live when we fuck up a line when we fuck it up we fuck it up. We have an amazing producer. We have an amazing producer and a great team and they saw it out and they make us sound amazing. A live show is a different, it's a different beast. And I think I totally get why people do it. They, you know, they're looking for that adrenaline. They're looking for that rush, but it's highs and lows because when we had an audience, we had a few few audience like we had a few people that didn't understand the joke or yeah yeah we had some workouts yeah we had a we saw across the tour

that we did where did we go like 10 cities many dates we saw 25 shows in the front row two people sleeping in the front row a couple of walkouts those drunk asian guys oh my god we had drunk asian guys in the front row they were so annoying yeah they never used the c word and i used the c word live on stage in front of them because i was like just go home like why are you here but they they stopped they loved it right at the end they stopped talking yeah they stopped actually i wrote these girls yeah yeah but they were they were wasted but it is um i mean yeah that whole experience was something else it's pretty magical actually I loved it it was really fun

we did a fucking tour I know if you had said basically like the Rolling Stones yeah we are the Rolling Stones we just there were some highs and lows with some shit hotels

one of them was bad it was a cardboard box it was terrible one of them just had like a toilet that was like two plastic bits together one of them had a toilet

that was near the bedroom it was like you look at that it was like weird spaceship pod thing. But I think if someone had looked into their crystal ball when we were doing series one and said, fast forward

three years, you'll be on stage in Soho and then you'll be touring the whole of the UK I would have laughed in their face. I just wouldn't believe it was going to happen really. I still don't really believe it did happen and that we're about to do it again. Yeah.

That's what's weird. It's like, it's still going. Yeah, it's still going. People came and people liked it. And people afterwards came up to us and were like, we liked it. Yeah. That's enough, man.

That's enough. I'm going to go home now. But what's extraordinary is, I think there's so much that I've learned about me and you and us since doing this podcast that you never really realised at the time because you're being goofy or silly or being, you know, it's like sex stories. But it's, you know, it's on the walk home or I'm like, fuck, I've learned this about myself. I learned this about Rubina. And I think because we're so exposing and because we say so much, it gives license for other people and permission for other people to share their stories that you and I would be walking trying to find a fucking bar and you know these gaggle of women would come up to us and

share their innermost secrets and my favorite was the two middle-aged white guys who came up to us afterwards and they were like we're both married to Asian women and we just like really resonated with a lot of the stuff that you said they weren't even there with their partners oh they were there by themselves I love it my highlight was in that Q&A in Birmingham where these two Asian aunties, you know, in that matinee performance, where they were way more like, they were dressed conservatively,

they were wearing Selva kameez, you know, they weren't like a young crowd. It was a much older crowd. And I said to the two Asian women, I was like, you're the women, because there's a part in our show where we talk about toxic aunties. And I looked at these women,

I didn't call them toxic, but I was like, you're the very aunties I hide from. You're the aunties that I'm scared of. And one of them was like, we have sex, dude! Yeah, yeah, I loved that. That was such a moment. It was so emotional as well. It was really emotional because you realise, like,

everyone has some really, like, long narrative. And it's been cool to, like, talk about our stories, but it's been so fun to do the tour because we met lots of people who are really up for sharing theirs. We're back now, series four. And in previous series, you and I would set each other tasks and I was pretty bad at my homework.

Do you remember you told me to look at my vagina? I just do my homework two series later. So I actually did it in series three. I'm like your Ashanti song. Not even last minute just late just late so my aim my task

that I'm going to set for myself by the end of this season should I just set you a task? well I was just going to be like I want to go to sex I want to do all the things

that I should have done last year no it's too much you've got to just choose one thing that you're going to be able to do you can't be like I'm going to buy sex you always do this man you're all or nothing sometimes you've just got to choose one thing that you're going to be able to do you can't be like I'm going to buy sex you always do this man

you're all or nothing sometimes you've just got to choose one thing that you're going to do right now I just want to get laid do you know what

we should do go to a sex party together that's what we should do I think we have time to do that before the end of the next series look you're going to

have to get an invite because you're much more on the ground than me and you've got the face and I've just got the boobs I'll sit in the back with the boobs

you sit in the back with the boobs, you sit in the front with the face. You should stop doing that to yourself because you're absolutely beautiful and we'll both go together but then what are you going to do in the sex party because you're not going to, you can't.

No, we can go to like one of those watching ones. I want to get involved. Yeah, you can get involved but I'm not watching you. That would be weird. That would be weird. It'd be like my sister watching me.

I think we should try and get an invite to a sex party but I wouldn't mind watching. Yeah, yeah. I wouldn't consider that infidelity. Oh, you can watch me though. Do something else. No, no, no, no. But we go into one room together, we watch, then you go into another room and then But I wouldn't mind watching. Yeah, yeah. I wouldn't consider that infidelity. Oh, you can watch me though. Do something else. No, no, no, no.

But we go into one room together, we watch, then you go into another room and then maybe I get the train home. But that's a task for us both as a duo. Okay. Sex party.

Sex party. But what about a task for you by the end of this season? Do you know what? I'm not into sex toys. I bought that one. You bought that biodegradable wheelie? I bought that biodegradable.

I mean, I didn't really use it. I tried to put it in and then I put it out and I just didn't really use it. Okay, so do you want to... I was going for like a back massage. I think I did use it once to kind of get into my like knots. Okay, here's what I'm going to set for you. There are so many toys that you could get. Fuck the willy and it's biodegradable.

Probably, you know, probably doesn't even work properly. Forget that. Not because it's biodegradable. Probably, you know, probably doesn't even work properly. Forget that. Not because it's biodegradable. Get some shiny plastic shit. That sounds, sorry, Greta, that sounds like I was cussing it out because it was biodegradable. No, but there are so many toys

that you can explore, that you can experiment with. Yeah, and I got like a very generic, like, dildo, didn't I? Yeah, you just got a dildo. I don't think you're a dildo girl. No. I think you're way more complicated and complex actually this is what i've discovered about you well this is where you

need to just you need to open up the aven catalog of fucking sex toys and find out what's good for you i'll send you some links some options maybe i'll bring some options in the next episode there's like bullets there's all sorts of shit so that maybe maybe and then i think that because that's like a kind of handbag one yeah like, like a handbag. There's lipstick. There's just so much. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll send you some links because, you know, you go on one fucking page

and the algorithm is like sex toy central. What about one that's like connected to a book and then I'm reading the book and at a sexy moment in the book it vibrates? That's a new Kindle.

Hmm? Kindling my fire with your Kindle. Hmm? And if no one's invented that, should i've missed this that's your task find one toy but you have to go through a few toys because it can be quite expensive can you rent a toy i don't think you should rent a toy try before you buy no yeah no and we're asian we love a try before we buy there's no try before you buy it with a sex toy that's ridiculous you can't fucking return underwear when you buy it from a shop.

You definitely can't return sex toys. You're stuck with it. So I would... Read some reviews. Yeah, I would read some reviews. There's some excellent reviews, actually. Read reviews. Because you come from just oral, don't you?

Well, not penetration as much. Not penetration as much, no. Hands and oral. I think you've got quite a few toys to get the toy you want. So that's your task. Yeah, yeah.

My task at this stage, 68 days later, is to just get laid. Which I think is not going to be an issue. I think it'll be fine. I mean,

you can get laid by anyone, you're just deciding. Why don't we set you a very specific task? Like, you have to get laid by a boy that went to Eton. Okay.

You think you could do that? Yeah, okay. I feel like that's quite a complicated task. Yeah, all right, fine. I will... Done. Shake on it. Wow.

Good luck. Okay. Godspeed. Godspeed to you too. Now we're back for series four. Let's kick off and look at some dating trends from 2023. So much is happening. I would know because I'm not dating,

but you should be helping us out here. I'm a living, breathing proof of the cost of living dating crisis. So here's what I do now, right? Last year... Stand outside the job centre. I mean, I was close, no, I'm joking. Last year I was like this

with money, dating, I was just like, money, money, money, throwing it out, yeah, yeah, yeah. Indulgence. Yeah, cost of living crisis is real because now when I go to a certain supermarket

that will not be named and I buy four things from the supermarket we mentioned earlier, I literally have to put the soup away because it's so expensive and I've never done that in my life. Oh my God, I'm doing that too. things from the supermarket we mentioned earlier uh i i literally have to put the soup away because it's so expensive and i've never done that in my life i'm doing that too i've never done that in my life i sat down and did a cost benefit analysis last night this happened last night right where i

was like how much money is coming in yeah and how much is coming out yeah because i was suddenly like we're tearing on the edge in this house we need to be checking this i may i'm putting the three pound 40 suit back i'm like i can't afford this so now with dates here's what i do cheap dates cheap dates well you've got to be and and going back to what i was saying about my my new rule my barometer if i don't fancy them and there's nothing and they got no banter i'm not doing it so they get the first round i get the second round and if i'm not interested no no no first round no. First round, second round, bye, see you later. Yep. If I like them,

first round, second round, third round, fourth round, it's got to be equal. Four rounds. Four rounds and then we go. All right. It's got to be four rounds. Yeah, interesting.

Because if you do three rounds and you go, someone's out of pocket. Yeah. Oh, right. So you're like really going for that equality, feminist, dating.

Absolutely. Oh, yeah, yeah. I always pay half. I don't expect them to pay. Unless I'm going out with going on but what if you like genuinely are in a bit of a ticky ticky bit of a tricky spot financially and you're going on a date with somebody and you can't afford to do wasting round money on them because you're like listen i have this budget every week for me and my friends to go out and i want to see my friends one night i don't know if i want to waste a four pound pint sitting here listening to you talk about your mum four pound pint i don't

know where you live for the four pound in london i mean i know exactly where you get a three pound so this is going to sound quite hardcore i just will eat soup i will eat less or eat cheaply to to be able to date. And I don't do coffee dates. I'm not there yet. I'm still new in the sweet shop, by the way. Do you know how there's like warm spaces now for people who can't afford to keep their houses warm?

So lots of like public councils are opening up warm spaces, like libraries or whatever to go. It'd be cool if they opened up like a space for people to date where they could also use a kitchen and kind of self-catering facilities. No, bear with me. They could be like, you could be like, yeah, let's go get a drink. But at this kitchen, you're not going to bring them to your house to eat dinner.

If you want to go on a date, you want to go for dinner and you can't afford it. So you go to a food bank with a kitchen. Is that what you're suggesting? To be honest, I do find thrifty just quite attractive i mean i i i a good when somebody tells me they got a good deal i a bit of me the asian the asian in us loves a fucking bargain but that's for my partner's favorite place to go is home bargains it's his favorite place to go sometimes on a saturday i'll be like what do you want to do today and he's like i just want to go to home bargains so asian well he's not asian but he's

so he's turning that way. So, you know, I was telling you all the different types of dicks that I want to go through. That's Thrifty Dick. When I'm with Thrifty Dick and he wants to take me to a food bank

where he makes me an omelette. Great. Can't wait for that. Thrifty Dick is taking you to the park when it's freezing. Thrifty Dick's like, let's go for a walk.

And here's some sandwiches. These are sandwiches I made earlier earlier and when I'm in my phase I'll be like adorable I love it I love it but I wouldn't want that like everyday real life thrifty picnic dick but I'm fine but food is a love language for me so someone making me something very early doors I'm like whoa do you know what I find really attractive actually is a picnic I have been I have been like met up, two really amazing dates that I had. Both of them were, like, picnic where the person had just bought loads of amazing food to share. Yeah.

And I was like, it's just so nice. It makes you feel so good. When you meet someone online, can you trust they are who they say they are? I keep thinking so much about you. She's so stunning. It's all well planned. Can you trust they are who they say they are? I keep thinking so much about you. She's so stunning. It's all well planned. Love, Janessa is the true crime podcast from the BBC World Service and CBC Podcasts,

investigating the murky world of online romance scams. She was trying to get me to send her money. And it's available now. You win their hearts, you win their wallets. Listen on BBC Sounds. I feel like now everybody is discovering their queerness. Yeah. Like, I think people who thought for ages they were straight,

in any way, are like, actually, no, I wouldn't use that word to define me. I think that's really exciting. And I love all the stuff that you're seeing on social media in terms of loads of people just experimenting. It's great. It's definitely, 10 years ago, can you imagine when we were in school? Hi, I'm Rabina, I'm queer.

Calling someone gay is derogatory. Yeah. Right? Oh my God, do we see this at school all the time? We see it all the time. And now, even 10 years ago, you'd be like, I'm straight. Excuse me, I'm straight. And now, I'm not saying it's cool or or trend to say

you're quick even when i'm on the dating apps like people are very men women are very open with their queerness by curious i've got i'm i'm again a living proof of this i'm by curious on my dating app um hashtag buy before you try buy before you try hashtag still need dick but hashtag will i'm i i will do it i'll experiment i'm i'm open to it yeah yeah so there's definitely social media's helped I think people are kind of it was so rigid it was really

kind of compartmentalised and boxed and you were either this or this but actually I've got to be honest now it does feel lame to be like straight I'm straight

it's so boring yeah and also why do we use the term straight we need to sex up straight like not that I consider myself straight though because I think

if gender and sexuality sexuality is on a spectrum yeah I wouldn't want to be one way yeah or the other to be honest exactly

I'd like to be Monday over here Tuesday over here Wednesday over here yeah Christmas right in the middle right in the middle what's right in the middle

like half and half right you're in boys and girls that's when you're like you fancy them both equally equally yeah yeah um so there's that that's definitely something i've noticed people are and and i feel i feel girls have always been open but boys are more open about it i find it incredibly attractive when i meet a man who tells me that he's like experimented with guys absolutely my

first boyfriend I remember my very first boyfriend when I was 17 right yeah he told me that he'd fooled around with a boy and he was a virgin but he'd like fooled around with a boy um and I at 17 I was like oh no you're not gonna fancy me and like took it like as a like an affront to my to my sexuality and and then it was like only once we we did go out and he was like my boyfriend for a while and afterwards i was like that's so cool it makes you so cool to me yeah yeah that you're like interested and exploring that bit of you because some people just don't bother yeah some people are busy you know driving tractors when did you get i don't know i just feel like that would be like a really hardcore industrial job that would keep you quite

busy and you wouldn't have time to think about your sexuality. I think for men, it's, I think it's, I would, I think it's a lot harder, isn't it? Girls experiment more. Katy Perry did a whole

fucking song on it. Whereas boys, if they were fooling around, you wouldn't fucking say it. Do you know who's been really good for that though, for changing that dynamic for boys?

Yeah. Harry Styles. Harry Styles. What about Lil Nas X? But I do, yeah, yeah, I think,

Harry Styles definitely has mainstream appeal X but I do yeah I think Harry Styles definitely has mainstream appeal and because he's white I feel like he's also been able to experiment with fashion in a way that like men must be looking

at him and thinking sorry you came from a boy band you came from a constructed boy band which is probably the most like mask based

gendered thing you could do and he's doing something really interesting with his like stature he reminds me of like a David Bowie kind of he definitely gets his and he's doing something really interesting with his like stature he reminds me of like a David Bowie kind of

yeah he definitely gets his inspiration he's definitely going into that yeah he's definitely going into that and actually he's coming at a time where you can afford to be a bit more

fluid well he already can he's a white guy he's a white guy but good for him but he wouldn't be able I don't think he'd be able to do that 10, 15, 20 years ago

look how Sam Smith is getting lambasted we're still obsessed with sexuality in people's bodies and yeah that's really interesting so if like a straight guy does it let's say harry styles is straight yeah it can be like experimental he thinks not really interesting and then if like a queer person does it it's like you cross the line oh my god so i had um my girl i had some friends around for dinner and she was talking about this date and she's like, I really fancy him,

but he doesn't recycle. And all of us were like, oh my God, dump him now. Oh my God, tragic. Oh my God, he sounds like a demon. What the fuck is wrong with... We went to town on this guy. And if she had said that again 10 years ago, I would have been like, oh, who does?

Who does? You know what I mean? But all of us we like we like if she had said he doesn't vote we were like oh well you know each to their own he doesn't recycle god get rid of it now like i mean if i met somebody who didn't vote i'd feel that way i would feel very strongly about that but loads of people but i would too but loads of people don't vote and yeah and people have lots of political reasons for not voting. So that, weirdly, that was, but the recycling. I think if it's like somebody driving a diesel car, like a diesel vintage car all the time and not even thinking about their imprint.

And if you brought it up with them and they were like, yeah, it's fine. I mean, what's the big point? Then I'd be like, what? So going through my dick phase, I want an eco dick and I want the opposite of an eco dick. Do you know what an eco dick would be? It would be like a really hippie guy

who recycles, is plant-based, diet, doesn't wash with anything that's got any chemicals in it. So he's using like soap made of lavender oil. Okay, but he's clean though, right?

Well, lavender oil, clean, yeah. He smells like lavender oil. And he just, he's vegan. He's vegan. He's a 100% vegan. My first boyfriend was vegan, actually. So this is something really controversial. I would never marry a vegan.

I would never consider a relationship with a vegan. Why? Because. What if they were like a really. Nope. I make YouTube videos about vegan food. I'm really into food. I make kind of barley and quinoa sandwiches.

No, no. Really? Okay. Just no. Wow. Yeah, it's really. I wouldn't mind vegan. I actually kept into food. I make kind of barley and quinoa sandwiches. No, no, no. No, really? Okay. Just no. Wow. Yeah, it's really... I wouldn't mind vegan. I actually kept that secret.

What about vegetarian? No. Yeah. You wouldn't start a relationship with a vegetarian? Yeah, no. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, you're never getting laid.

They're all out there. They're all out there. They're all queer. They're all fucking vegan. I mean, we're literally saying the world is tanning queer. It's also tanning vegan yeah you're like

you're going to be a relic from the past I am a relic from you know this about me that's probably just like white man van driving anyone anyone need a steak over here

I've killed three cows but having said all of that I would absolutely if someone that their sustainability credentials need to be on point. And if they weren't recycling, and it's not just recycling. Yeah, but I think we're shallow about that though.

Because we're like, we'll take it to a point, but we won't take it all the way. That's my point, right? You'd be like, okay, you don't recycle. You drive your vintage car. You pick and choose. I'm angry at you. But if you're using the same plastic bag

to take all of your food and every work every day, yeah, it's a bag for life, but you're taking it too seriously. This is why you will start to be like, no. Yeah, this is why. I bring my condoms in same plastic bag to take all of your food and every work every day. Yeah, it's a bag for life, but you're taking it too seriously. This is why you will start to be like, no, if I bring my condoms in a plastic bag and actually I don't use condoms because I have to use like recyclable condoms or something.

And, you know, this is why Greta's work is cut out for her because the sustainability climate, that whole world is fucked. I read a really good article the other day about climate. The climate conversation doesn't. My mom doesn't give a fucking shit.

Asian people like people from ethnic communities, they often feel that their voice is marginalized. They're not heard. And they're the ones suffering. People in Bangladesh, Pakistan, floods, all of that shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And no one's listening to them. So I totally understand why we're disengaged. Have you ever had a conversation with your parents about the planet like i mean i wouldn't even know where to start i once

talked to my mom about plastic bags um and i said no plastic uh what does she always use plastic spoons sometimes she's like use plastic and gather them and like recycle them and use them actually and i was like mom that's really good you know you're reusing it and then she was like oh but people just throw them on the floor all the time and like chuck stuff out the window and like she's she's like there's nothing i can do that's gonna help that so why am i bothering well this is it my mom on the other hand she goes to the shop she's already got a plastic bag and the shopkeeper offers her another one she'll take three free shit free shit mentality immigrant mentality my mom's slowly and she's using that plastic thing

over and over no man my mom's a hoarder she's got loads of fucking plastic but i cannot engage how many times can you use a condom i think they say once i think once you wouldn't is that you're really into reusing the sex toys and the condoms what's going on here well that's that's how you make plastic live a life it's like if it's single use plastic that's when it's bad but if you're if your plastic bag is used 50 times, you're giving it life. Well, plastic bag's fine, but then when you look at, you reuse the condom, splits, you have a child, child's big carbon footprint. That's another taboo that no one really talks about. That is true. No one talks about that.

I don't drive a car, I had a baby, but then can you balance it out? I don't know. This is it. I eat steak, don't have a child. And that's what people do. This is why you see these Guardian reading wankers with their four children, with their fucking vegan jukebag,

and it's like, you dickhead. You've got four kids. You had to offset it. You had to offset it. And that is literally what people do now. And it's harder because people are like, well, I'm not going to fly this year. And you're like, that's really sad for you.

And it's sad because that's just upsetting. But I also, I secretly want the dick that flies, that has steak, that doesn't give a shit about the environment because just for the Lord. Oh, so you want like an oil baron? Oh, no, no, no, we're baron. Yeah. Basically under, oil baron, under Eton, above Eton, like a fucking dickhead. Oh, mate, what if you could get an oil baron who went to Eton?

Oh, you know, I don't want to fuck. I'd have a hate fuck with them. Like, fucking are you? Fuck me now. And then I'd be like, fuck off. How could you sleep with someone who worked for a big oil company and then try and kind of ruin their life and the big oil company they work for? That is a great...

You could film them. No, I don't know. I was trying to think bigger picture. Yeah, yeah. You don't want to be doing anything illegal. You don't want to be doing anything illegal. But they're doing illegal stuff all the time. Exactly.

But you don't want to fuck them up. You want to fuck the company up. So how do you do that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. We'll come back to that. We'll come back to that. Our mastermind taking down oil companies

through shagging the people that work. Yep. Sounds like a good plan. MI6 are going to recruit us after hearing this. So I have done 180 dating. Do you know what 180 dating is? 180 dating? 180 dating is when you rebound from a recent breakup,

which is what I did, and you start a relationship with a younger person, which is exactly what I did. Why isn't it called 360 dating? You start from a place you can't be at. Because you end up with the same person that you fucking broke up with. Oh, right, yeah, you're sorry.

It's like 180. It's me and you again. Oh, my God. 180 dating, that're sorry. It's like 180. It's me and you again. Oh my God. 180 days. That's exactly. Basically, all the trends. So somebody who's like completely opposite though to the person you're dating. Yeah, to the person, yeah.

Oh yeah, now I see that. Younger and rebound. And I hate this word rebound, but I suppose that's what it is. Yeah, yeah. So I've done 180 days. I mean, we're all rebounding, I think, all the time, aren't we? We're rebounding from like the last awful situation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To something better. Yeah yeah but i think some rebound relationships are just rebound they're like stagnant they're meant to be a rebound what they are nothing more yeah

flash in the pan flash in the pan yeah yeah i remember my very first tinder date was with a guy who had just come out of a five-year relationship and so had i and i and i was like whoa this is so weird like this is our first date and both of us have come up like very serious relationships so this should just be sex and I was quite clear about like this is smart we're both in the exact same place yeah yeah yeah

this should be what it's gonna be yeah and he was like no he doesn't want something casual he didn't want to start anything casual with me what a loser what's wrong with him

and he missed out because so he didn't I'm good in bed he didn't have sex with you no what a loser. So I ordered him on a plate, third date, pretty much. Okay, I shouldn't say loser, but you know what I mean.

And he said to me, if I come home with you now, I'm sure I'll never see you again. And I was like, yes, bruv, that is the point. We've literally taken all the steps to get to this point, to do the sex, to then not see each other again. Did I not make myself clear? Yeah, this is the other thing. Like, when you tell men, one guy I said, he was like, oh,

I really want to, there was some chat and then I, and the voice note went something along the lines of, if you're really lucky, I won't see you again. And that just like turned him on even more. Oh.

I want to see you. It's like, it's that classic. Oh, they think you're trying to lie or something when you're like, I'm not looking for anything serious. And it's like,

no, I'm just genuinely not. Like, that's okay. Which is why I, and they're like oh i'm gonna like change you yeah you're not gonna change anyone change yourself change yourself just listen listen to me just listen yeah yeah so i i think this is not a relatively new thing women are being very outwardly sexual and talking about it we have a podcast but in the real world when a woman says it

most straight men i'm not talking about the queer, vegan, jute-wearing, clever ones. I'm talking about the basic bitch vodka revolution. I don't want the basic bitch ones, you know, the idiots. They're just like, why do I believe you? Oh, no, really? Yeah, because they think they're the only ones who can do it. Yeah, yeah. I mean, they see a girl that's like a guy.

And they're like, sure. Sure, yeah. Sure you're not looking for it. Sure you don't want for me sure you just want sure you don't want me to call you back and I'm like I literally will delete

your number after this yeah I don't want to see you like again ever again yeah thanks yeah goodnight exactly

it's a new series and we've decided to give you a new weekly feature yes after three years of hosting a sex and relationships podcast

we've been around the block so you don't have to we're here to answer your most burning sex and relationships questions we are've been around the block so you don't have to. We're here to answer your most burning sex and relationships questions. We are your Shaggy Ants. Or it should be

Shaggy Aunties. Shaggy Auntie G's. Shaggy Aunties. Oh, welcome. You've reached the Shaggy Auntie's call centre. Want advice you can't ask your real aunties for?

Like, how do you ask for what you want in bed? Not sure which hole is a goal? Where do anal beads really go? Have you been faking orgasms your whole adult life? Accidentally called your boss daddy? Is your long-time love not going down south? For more than just the tip, we're here for you. Yes, you.

And you. And you. Okay, shall I read it? Me and my long-term boyfriend went on a break three years ago. When we were on a break, I found out he did something with someone he worked with.

Not sure what, the text kept talking about fucking, but he said it was just a kiss. I found this out through reading his text with a close friend of his who I didn't trust, hence why I read the text, because I didn't trust her. I found this out through reading his text with a close friend of his who I didn't trust hence why I read the text because I didn't trust her. I know this is wrong but I knew something didn't feel right but now I can't stop thinking about it and we're still together. Should I keep digging into whether he slept with this person or should I just leave it alone and let us get on

with our own lives? Please help. Well my advice to this lovely listener is very simple. Ditch him. What? Yeah. That was not going to be my advice. He's cheating on her. I don't even know what you're saying. I'm saying leave him. But don't you think? No, he's not cheating on her.

He is cheating on her. They went on a break three years ago, right? And during that break, he did something with somebody. Oh, I read that. I read that so wrong. And now because he said, oh, I just kissed her in this break. And she's like, well, I just kissed her in this break. And she's like, well, I think they might have slept together.

I just wanted to say, babe, in the words of Chanan Le Bon, whoever fucking said it, you were on a fucking break. And on a break, you can do whatever the hell you want. It was Ross Geller. Oh, Ross Geller.

Chanan Le Bon. Oh my God. Friends for our generation is the most famous cultural reference. I'm going to be really honest right now. Chenan Le Bon. Friends was shit. It was shit.

It was so bad. Of course it was so bad, but it was everywhere. How did you get Chenan Le Bon from that? I don't know. They're still doing reruns of Friends now. No, Chenan Le Bon was like a reference to an episode where definitely somebody misnamed him.

It was Ross Geller. No, but somebody misnamed Chandler Bing once calling him Chanad Labong. Right. Oh, they, oh, they, God, my dementia has really kicked in.

Sorry. You know when you, you know when you read something. I'm not sure that's how dementia works. It's early onset probably. Do you know I'm really feeling the dementia sit right now?

No, and I just, I didn't read that properly or I didn't process. Basically, he, he potentially shagged or kissed someone when they were on a break. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. She needs to move on otherwise that will just destroy the relationship I don't spend my nights in bed thinking about who my ex-partner who my partner slept with ever ever I don't waste any time on that do you know why because really early on our relationship I asked him how many people have you slept with and he said I'm eight years older than you and I've been single for a really long time do you want to ask me that question again and I was like no you're good it's clearly a number that I couldn't fathom and actually I think that's fine I don't need to know what if he told you would you have an would you be upset um no but I think then I would think about it sometimes the stuff that you don't know is better for you but I didn't know that about you I didn't know that you didn't want to know

I thought you'd be more like well yeah tell me because he's with you isn't he he chose to have a baby with you he chose to have a house with you and to be fair that was me like

eight years ago we're going to be eight years you know me eight years ago was a bit more like excuse me don't know I'm going to cry

it's not the Gary guy oh god oh god yeah you would so I do have me me eight years ago would have been eight years excuse me yeah yeah yeah why am I not your number one two three four five best fucks oh god no I'm definitely his best fuck okay we've told each other that yeah yeah exactly well there you go I need to be number one in bed bed. Yeah. Don't go through your partner's texts. If you're happy in the moment, you're happy with them now, it's fine.

She clearly hasn't moved on and she's obviously got a level of distrust. Yeah, or it's like something might be wrong in your relationship now that you're still harking on to when you were on a break three years ago.

And that's exactly what it is. This is symbolic of something much deeper rooted and that it's not healthy. Maybe she should ask for a break, go and shag someone and then come back. Yeah, even.

But a lot of people don't like that no so our advice is like we don't know love so to quote you again properly in the words of Ross Geller you were on a break we were on

a break I feel really sorry for her because she's obviously hung up on something that happened three years ago let it go

now I'm really going to town on this message analysing it you've got to let it go and if you and if you don't trust. Now we're really going to town on this message and analysing it. You've got to let it go. And if you don't trust him now, you're never going to trust him. You'll never trust him. And also, like, the level of invasion of privacy,

going through the messages, talking to his, you know, going through the messages with the friend that he doesn't, she doesn't like. I mean, there's just a lot going on and it's not healthy. So, and you carry these bad habits into next relationships.

Because once you've broken the seal, checked his phone, do it again, do it again. Yeah, so true. And there's no getting out of that because when you say like, oh, I saw on your text, he'll be like, sorry, it's over. Did you just read my text? Yeah.

Phone is sacred. I don't want anyone going through my phone. I don't. Actually, my partner and I know each other's passcodes. It's one thing knowing a passcode. It's another thing going through someone's phone. But you know when he's going to start cheating on me is when I can't get into his phone. Yes, and that's it.

I feel like that's very fair. I feel like the day he gives me suspicion is the day that I don't know the finger digits for his phone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's exactly it. What's going on? Yeah, it's exactly it. When I'm with Mike, we knew each other's passcode. And I was completely, he was so respectful. He would never have gone through my phone.

But you're absolutely right. The day I can't, I don't have access to that. I know you're doing something dodgy. Or if my partner suddenly gets face ID, I'd be like, ah. Excuse me? I mean, I would just get a picture of his face. A lot of people have face ID, you know, so. What would you say to this listener?

I would say it's definitely time to move on and you should not be thinking about stuff that happened three years ago. And yeah, he probably slept with someone, but that's all right because he's sleeping with you now. And that's great. Enjoy what you have while you have it because we're all going to die. And he was on a break. He can do whatever the hell he wants. I hope she moves on to greener pastas. Yeah.

Or what you could do is you could get the phone number of the girl and text her yourself. So you don't even have to involve the boyfriend and be like, hey, I had just slept with my boyfriend three years ago and she'll be like, I don't know what you're talking about.

And then you could have some back and forth and you can do a TikTok story. You're crazy. I would watch. You've just done a 180 on your whole advice and you are now enabling her... Craziness. Craziness.

Yeah, you're enabling her. I'm enabling her insecurities. Yeah, you're enabling her insecurities. But that's what girls do sometimes when they're together. They're just like, you need to take him down. Thanks for listening to the first episode of Series 4. Really, thank you. We do appreciate it. If you have any thoughts or questions or dilemmas for the Shagany Andes You can email us at browngirlsdoit2 at bbc.co.uk

Or you can send us a WhatsApp or a voice note on our new number 07968100822 07968100822 07968100822 07968100822 Oh that's nice isn't it I like that you turned it into a bit of a song 07968100822 07968100822

Brown girls do it too too Bye Bye Gammy Eye See you next time where we have a very exciting guest Do you have a very exciting guest And hopefully my conjunctiva I I just want to clean up. The press girls are back. How are you feeling today?

Let me not get into that. The relationship dilemmas are back. If you've got a bad self, we're going to see it. And there's going to be consequences. There's going to be consequences. Your voice notes are back. I just wanted to tell you guys how that made me feel. And don't forget

they've got your back. Trust me guys, when I have a man, you lot will be sick and tired. Mariam Musa. Oh yeah. Adeola Patron. I am that girl. One Extra Presents Press. Listen on BBC Sounds.