Brown Girls Do It Too - Chicken Korma, Sex and Mia Weston

Episode Date: February 12, 2021

Curry smells during sex? Keeping the spice alive and loosing your virginity twice are all covered in this episode of Brown Girls Do It Too. How does your sex life change over time and in a long term relationship? Poppy and Rubina, both talk about how they've had to keep the spice alive in a relationship. They are joined by Mia Weston who, as a transgender woman, has had an amazing change in her sex life over time, to the extent that she has lost her her virginity both as a guy and as a girl. Mia also talks about her sex life as a gay man, growing up in a Punjabi family, being treated as an Asian fetish by partners and also talks about her gender re-assignment surgery.

BBC Sounds, music, radio, podcasts. Brown Girls Do It Too. Yeah. From the BBC Asian Network. Hi, I'm Rabina and I love making hot water bottles and putting them in between my legs as a special winter warmer. And I'm Poppy and I love, I just love, putting a pair of warm socks after it's been on the radiator for ages.

It's a bit like an orgasm. I know I have issues and I don't care. And you're listening to season two of Brown Girls Do It Too. If you're intrigued by Asian women talking about sex, then this most definitely is the right podcast for you. If you aren't intrigued by any woman talking about sex and you find this sort of chat an abomination, then you are under zero obligation to download this podcast

and you should check out any of the other podcasts on BBC Sounds. We under zero obligation to download this podcast and you should check out any of the other podcasts on BBC Sounds. We'd like you to stay with us though. In today's episode, we're talking about the evolution of sex in a relationship. From the initial spark, when you just can't get enough of each other, to the regularity of making love in a routine, all the way up to the sex when you know that the relationship is over. From makeup to breakup shanging, when you're with one person or a few people for a long time, there is a lot to explore. We'll be talking to Mia Weston who has undergone gender reassignment surgery later in the podcast. She went on the ultimate transformation from having sex with a penis to having sex with a vagina. Mia is from

the Midlands and is of Punjabi heritage. She's transitioned and has been detailing her gender reassignment journey on YouTube for over a year now. And we would love you, our long-term listeners, to be part of the conversation. Please do slide into our DMs. And remember, photographs of our feet can be purchased at a cool £5.99. It's a bit Asian price there, isn't it? I'd go a bit higher. £10.99? Yours are about £10.99. Yeah, it might be a million. So, million so ravina what are we talking about today

so we're talking about what happens when the relationship it's this phrase that people use the spark um and people are always saying like how do you keep the spark alive the spice it's the spice it's probably like how to keep things spicy that's something asians people would say right you basically start the relationship having all the spice and the chili in the world and then you kind of upgrade to like a watery diluted curry where it's like no spice or you end on a british roast because our stuff's bland guys basically you start with a freaking gel frazy okay like lamb rogan josh like the hottest hot, like with naga, you know, like the Scotch bonnet.

And then you end with like gammon, ham and chips and peas. But I do think there is something really interesting about the starting bits of relationship because when you're really into somebody at the start, the sex is like nothing else around. It's hot and heavy. It everywhere you can do it i remember going on dates in the very start of my relationship where we would turn up to the pub and we'd have half a drink because we were so desperate to go home ah yeah and i was like that is intense we

were like let's just go let's just go now I just what's I've just finished work and I came to see you and I've just been like thinking about it all day and I just want to do it right now I'm pretty sure I've like came close to dry humping in a pub in public like I think I've done it like you know when you're in the first second date and you just can't keep your hands off each other I remember being in a pub in Brixton and um making out with my partner and I could remember seeing the bar staff it was very empty i think it was like a wednesday and uh they were just sort of looking at us and smiling like oh youthful oh to be young young love and now i'm them and looking at people babbling on them being

like young love never gonna get that again am i um but it's like you want to have sex and it's also you want to have sex all the time every time everywhere and i don't know if it's like you want to have sex and it's also you want to have sex all the time every time everywhere and I don't know if it's I mean for me it was a bit performative

in that you were willing to try out more things and be filthy and dirty and because you're trying to ensnare them aren't you

you're trying to capture them oh totally and so you do porn sex you're like oh yeah and you completely change your whole appearance you're like now I just wear short skirts and no knickers that's just what i do that's just who i am and

then like the relationship progresses and you're like actually i i actually wear joggers most of the time welcome to my world my partner's like you fucking tricked me you fucking tricked me you lured me in with like all these like sexy outfits and now if he just ever really sees me in like really dowdy disgusting jumpers and sweats and that's the other thing with sweats once the sweats come off no one's shagging but I don't think you can maintain that kind of intensity in a relationship and I'm not sure I'd want to because I remember when I first started seeing my partner um and sex is really intense it's really lovely and like amazing and you know tearing each other's clothes off doing it on floors and kitchen doors

and cabinets and everything just now I'm like um joining upstairs oh my god I'm in the same I sort of hang out

by the doorway I'm like so do you want to have sex or what and he's just like you really don't know how to flirt

and you don't understand the art of seduction and like in a Donald Trump way totally consensual like the way i seduce my partner is i just go for the dick grab he's like no what about all the kissing i'm like i'm just saving some time like you you know you're gonna like this so i'm just i just go why don't we just

go straight there and i remember like slowly taking clothes off you know like piece by piece now it's just like literally i go from wearing clothes to naked in like five seconds because i'm like we gotta go we gotta go go go that is exactly do you know do you think there's like one of the hallmarks of like sex in a long-term relationship it's like I've actually this is awful but I have actually thought I could I could get two runs of laundry in or I could have sex and I picked the laundry what the fuck what the fuck it's so bad that's so interesting it's another kind of comment on time because in a relationship at the start you spend so much time in bed talking soft nothing so you think that you can have sex all the time because you suddenly

have all this time and there's no concept of time right you don't feel it exactly you're just because you're falling in love with somebody or you're developing a relationship with them or you're connecting to them whatever you want to call it you're suddenly like oh I just want to like be you and get inside you I want to know you and then then you're developing a relationship with them or you're connecting to them whatever you want to call it you're suddenly like oh I just want to like be you and get inside you I want to know you and then then you're like well I know you now so cool what happens there and also the chase the whole like do you like me do you like me enough for me to be your girlfriend is that what's happening here like or do I like you enough to be my partner like is that what's gonna happen and then at the end you're like yeah yeah we like each other cool

then then what you when you know you just know, yeah, we like each other. Cool. Then what? When you know, you just know. You start off with, like, nice lingerie, can't keep your hands off each other. You want to have sex all the time. There's no concept of time. You go to the pub, you have a pint, you're like, let's go home and shag. So that's the beginning bit.

The middle bit, I say, is the kind of, that's the kind of, that's the bit that curses you, because I feel like that's when the laziness creeps in i call that the uh insecure stage where you're like did we not like each other anymore why are we not why are we not having sex like rabbits all the time what has happened to you and you know i think if you're having sex with one person that that can you look at each other's sex drives quite a lot and you're like is it me that wants it less or is it you that wants it less am i always instigating and i think that can be like a really insecure part of your relationship where you're settling into the rhythmic routine that sex becomes if if that is your your flavor

but um yeah I think that that weird phase in the middle where you're like where are we going with this and are we kind of figuring out each other's patterns I call it the two-year crossroad the three-year crossroad the five-year crossroad the seven and the ten clearly odd numbers work here i think the middle years are like the desert years you're sort of wandering around like well you pass the two-year crossroad you know you want to be together you're in love but you're doing like you said do you love me do i love you what's going on and it's like you're at a stalemate. I went from wanting to have sex every day and not being able to sleep. I was like, why aren't you having sex with me?

And my partner was like, I can't have sex with you every day. And I'm like, why? What's wrong with you? And now I'm like, and now I have to book a fucking appointment. I don't have to book an appointment, but you know what it's like?

And I think this is the other thing, like with women, with age, um, other things come in your mind, you know, like. Also,

there's a lot of social pressure to be like, what is like, how much is too much and how much is enough? I think a lot of women have to like get obsessed with like reading magazines and thinking, well, I'm not having sex more than like three times a week. Am I falling into a category of like crap it's so dependent on you and your partner you and your like attitudes to each other you and your drives like whether they match and

what that what that's about but also like healthy relationships aren't about how much sex you have and you should be able to communicate that because I think that's the whole middle bit that changes where you're like does he want it do I want it what's happening and then once you get to the like the peer veering onto the next stage which is like long term you've been together solidly for a while you get to the point where you're just like do you want do you want to have sex with me do you want to make love do you want to do this and you're just asking for the things that you want which I always think is amazing you sort of skip all the niceties and the pleasantries and you're like let's have sex now um you know when those classic scenes in films where they chuck everything off the table and they make love yeah now i'm like i chuck everything off the table

but i'm sort of like tidying at the same time and i'm just like what the fuck i know like so you totally lose the passion you're like oh you know i sort of flung my knickers the other day i'm like i must remember where that where i flung that because I'm going to wear that immediately after I've come. Oh, my God. That is so depressing. I do the thing where I'm like, let's just do it on the bed. Let's not get in the bed. Let's just go.

I don't have to make the bed again. The bed again. The classic. It's like, I've just made it and I've zhuzhed it up and I've plumped the pillows. And we could, or we could just do it over the bed and it's just easier and I've plumped the pillows and we could or we could just do it over the bed and it's just easier and nicer and it's like why why do we suddenly start thinking like that like what is that you do slow down when you're not having to chase somebody not having to seduce somebody all the time like it is it is less hard work maybe maybe the start is really hard

work but you don't know because you're just so excited about it but I don't think my my want and my will or the quality of my sex has changed that much I think I'm really lucky because I'm with somebody who like still makes it work every time which is really I feel like I'm lucky because I have been in long-term relationships you know I was with somebody for like a really long time and oh my god we weren't having any sex that was good it was it was very regular I guess but maybe it was out of obligation it was like and we probably weren't that attracted to each other towards the end of it and it was like

we're just doing this because we feel like you should if you're in a relationship with somebody and we weren't happy and and I think that you know like being with somebody now who there's you know the sex is still good and I think that if you're in a long-term relationship and the sex is bad you know maybe it's coming to the end yeah i uh the quality of my sex has definitely gone down for sure i'm like oh really i'm like a used sofa yeah start really strong and good price and there's the years go on i've sort of worn out a bit lazy a bit like all right cool i know i know i've got it in me this is the other thing and i think this is something you know partner's like, I discover more about you through your podcast. So he's really trying to tell me something.

I'm like, I should talk to him. But I think, I definitely know that I could make more of an effort. Yeah, same. I definitely, and I think that this is true of a lot of women and men in long-term relationships. Like I could definitely make more of an effort,

definitely zhuzh up a bit more. I just, I do need to kind of up my my sex game a bit for sure I really yeah I think we all do I mean there is some truth in having to keep the spice going whatever the phrase wants to be there is some truth in acknowledging that your partner's not just somewhere where you go to come on like you have to use them and kind of figure out what it is that you both like about each other and yeah the seduction element's definitely still there like I mean I don't wear nice underwear all the time I never wear nice underwear ever ever or bra and nothing matches so I need to go back to basics yeah I mean if I just do occasional every year or so do a little

underwear haul and be like it's time to try and make that, that bit feel exciting. Cause the sexier you feel, the more you're going to be like into having sex with somebody. And yeah. And it's hard work. Like no one really tells you that long time relationships, they are hard work because like constant,

you know, temptation, you're like, can't look, can't look, can't look. I mean, obviously you can look,

but you know what I mean? It's like, you've got to keep your current relationship interesting and exciting so then you're not looking elsewhere for that you know um and that comes with I think communication and just talking to each other yeah I think that also there's this expectation that um because you're an Asian woman and maybe this is just my insecurity but I often think that people think that I'm not going to be good in bed. And so I do think that at the start of a relationship, when I first start seeing somebody,

I'm definitely a bit more like, yeah, no, I'm really sexual. I'm really, really into it. Really, I'm actually like putting something really weird on because I was like, you expect me to be at home making raw teas in a sari and not showing you my face. And now look at this nipple clamp.

I didn't go that far but yeah you do have to and I don't know you do have to kind of you do overcompensate and you kind of make yourself

sound kinkier than you are potentially or you are you know you're like oh I'm like a blank canvas or you make yourself sound really experienced

because you're like don't think because I'm brown I'm a virgin I have been around the block and then to your like Asian guy mates you're like no no i haven't seen anyone i didn't talk about um but yeah you do you do have you do have to kind of yeah we gotta add so many sexual strings to your bow you know in the game fuck chuck marry what would you normally what fuck chuck marry you know like snog marry avoid fuck chuck marry nice who'd you fuck who'd you chuck who'd you marry what would you often get i've um i've got a good story when i was at my You know, like snog Mary, avoid, fuck Chuck, marry. Nice. Who do you fuck? Who do you chuck?

Who do you marry? What would you often get? I've got a good story. When I was at my Saturday school once, we all went to like just hang out and have chicken and chips afterwards. And there's three Asian guys and they were looking at our group of five girls and they went around and they were like,

you probably will never get married. And then they went around and said all these things about us and they came to me and they were like, you're probably going to get divorced three times. And I always remember it because I was like, divorced three times? What a weird thing to say. To them, that's probably the biggest cut.

That's like a cuss to them. It's a cuss, yeah, totally a cuss. We're like, well, you know, I've obviously experienced it. I've lived life. I was like, oh my God, three people are going to sleep with me. It's like having my palm read.

I was like, God, I can't wait. Your palm read by a couple of pupillation boys. Pupillation Asian boys. So I would often, I'd often get, depending on the stage of my life, basically when I was skinny, I'd often get fuck. At the time I liked fuck but I'm like you definitely want to chuck me because we're not going to be compatible or you probably want to marry me because I'm probably going to be like good long-term relationship material but like

and I think that's kind of the ideals that they'd place on you without really knowing who you are do you know what I mean I remember when I went once went through a bigger stage when i was quite big there's these two bingoli boys and they were standing next to me and they couldn't figure out if i was bingoli so one of them was like i don't know man she looks a bit like my auntie and i and i couldn't hide my shock i just looked at them i was like ah they were like ah you're bingoli the other thing that happens is at the top of a relationship you're experimenting and you're actually doing quite a lot of stuff

you wouldn't normally do like porn face yeah you can do me from behind yeah like this roll me over it's fine I take it up the arse rip my clothes off

and in the middle you're being much more assertive and being like well this is the stuff that I like and actually no I don't want to do that anymore and please do not

put your hands around my neck and in the last stage you're doing the stuff that is just the same same same you have like three positions that you maybe rotate from you're like is it me on top you on top or are we going to just go on the sides it's the same you're so right it's the same dance what is your what is your sex window by the way is it in the morning because mine is saturday sunday daytimes okay yeah mine is the way? Is it in the morning? Saturday, Sunday, daytimes. Okay, yeah. Mine is in the afternoon, like a two to four window is what I feel the sexiest. I don't feel sexy at night.

I've just, like, I showered 12 hours ago. I'm going to eat so much rice and curry right now. I want to watch Bridgerton. Just leave me alone. And I don't want to kiss your neck or lick you out. Like, I don't do any of that stuff. I would love to do a survey about people who start in relationships because all you do is shag at night night into the night way all the way into the night all night all night all night and then you get into like the middle bit maybe you're having sex like a bit in the

night a bit in the day yeah yeah and then it just turns into this like OAP sex where you're like afternoon. We've both showered. We both have some time. It's basically what it is. I just I don't find nighttime sex sexy, but I did back in the day. But I'm just like, I'm not I'm not about that life now. I think there is some optimism to be had as we like round this off, because I think there is some exciting excitement in spontaneity. And sometimes I'll get caught off guard on a tuesday afternoon and i'll be like what's happening here and it is the best it's the

best best best and i think there is still lots of exciting parts of being in a relationship and i look forward to when i'm not ever having to do any work and we'll both be retired and we'll both just have sex every day again right that's what people do right that's the other thing you never hear about oap sex and you definitely don't hear about brown people OAP sex. Like, is your nanny having sex? Like, is she having sex? Is your daddy having sex? Like, what's going on there?

I mean, yeah, I'd love to know. I'd love to know. So we've been talking about the way our sex lives have changed. But next, we're going to be talking to the amazing Mia Weston. Mia is somebody whose sex life has changed dramatically. She's a podcaster, YouTuber, and also a trans woman. And she's had the unique experience of having sex with a penis and a vagina. And she's up right after this. What happens when you call a friend of a friend

of a friend in search of a celebrity? You get through to Stacey Dooley, Riz Ahmed, and Louis Theroux if you've got my contact book. Oh, well, since I've been on Strictly, buddy, I think you'll find I've got a few more contacts of my own. Let's see about that. Join me, Spencer Matthews. And me, Jamie Lang, for another series of our podcast where we're blatantly blagging our way through everyone's little black book to bag ourselves someone big.

Who will we get next? Six Degrees from Jamie and Spencer. Only on BBC Sounds. Brown girls do it too. Six Degrees from Jamie and Spencer. Only on BBC Sounds. Brown Girls Do It Too. So we are joined by the amazing, incredible Mia Weston. She's a podcaster, a YouTuber and a trans woman. Welcome to Brown Girls Do It Too.

Hi, thanks for having me. How are you? I'm not going to lie. My hair has been an absolute fucking mess this entire time and you know when you're just like constant shush constant shush it's awful because like the narcissism comes in and you're constantly like yeah so i like to take it up the ass mia we have been talking about how our sex lives with a partner can just evolve across a relationship from sparks to uh kind of the middle insecure bit to kind of more routine makeup breakup sex everything um but actually you've had this kind of other amazing sexual transformation and journey do you want to talk to us a little bit

about uh what that was like going and transitioning and having sex pre and post-op um it was wild honestly i was uh i was shameless i was uh hoeing around all sorts um prior to getting surgery and then i got surgery i was like she's a virgin again i can't do that anymore i'll be proper now so you popped your cherry twice then didn't you yes ma'am i loved it i literally was like body count to zero your honus can be deleted like you go from one side of like being really easy to hook up with like guys because they're like oh my god you're like a chick with a dick oh my god so cool it's like you get to experiment but it's also okay because you're trans and then you have the whole like after you transition and like guys are like oh you had the surgery oh I'm not interested by really yeah so they like so they

like you being trans but having a penis but not having the vagina yeah they like it when I'm like full glam full beat face and like rocking out with your with your pee pee out honestly they were so into it and i was like you're ruining my makeup like this is an expensive bottle of foundation please stop i have so many questions we opened series one of bangles do it to you about propping our cherries can you talk to us about you popping your cherry for the first time? Oh, okay. And then the second time. And then the second time.

The first time, girl, there was trauma in a bush, in a nature reserve with a guy who was packing, packing like 10 inches. It was, it was the ordeal. It was lovely. It was some, it was some. It was a good time. But the first time in a bush is not always great. So why was it outside?

Set us the scene. Who was the person? Why did you get there? He was this guy. I was in school. I was like in A, I was doing my A levels and I hooked up with this guy

who I also went to school with. He was like, oh, let's go for a walk. And the walk turned into something else very quickly. And I was like oh let's go for a walk and the walk turned into something else very quickly and I was like you should have told me I would have a picnic blanket or something a little candle yeah sex in a park is really uncomfortable you got the twigs and the leaves it's just like not very sexy I don't think I had splinters in my hands and I had to tell my mum that I fell over and she was like how did you get splinters in your hand then i was like it was a log it was a tree yeah and she had to like take them out with

like tweezers it was a damn mess and the second time the first vaginal time was great um oh it wasn't great it was a it was an experience to say the least it was with this guy from india who was like studying at oxford and he drove up university yeah he was at oxford university i like every mother's dream i know yeah that's what i honed in on i was like university who is that guy he was he was south indian and i like my parents are punjabi they're belat no they have to be punjabi which it wouldn't work but the dick was good so I can't complain presumably when you had sex with a penis in the bush you had to either be the giver or

receiver what do you what do you call it is it top and bottom top and bottom I was more versed so I would give and take you know switch it up yeah yeah but for your first time you were the receiver yeah I was the bottom yeah you were the bottom for the first time and then how is that how did that like feel different to then yeah having vaginal sex it was it was interesting because it was very um it's a different positioning right like it's not like you're bent over and you know it's up your ass it's like or by a tree or up or up on a tree you know um but yeah trying to like lie down do missionary or whatever like it was very interesting and like but isn't that fascinating that the first time you had sex as a as as a male with a penis you you bent over and that was the way that it was done and then when you were a female you were the one like lying down accepting it this is so like that's so relevant of

like the way that we think about gender and the way that we think we should be having sex yeah honestly and then i was like choke me and then it got he wasn't into that and it was got a bit awkward nice indian oxford boy you think he'd be into choking you'd think so but apparently not can i ask a question about self-love because i'm a big advocate of of masturbation yes um and encouraging people to do it especially in in tough times it can it can provide a lot of solace to me anyway um what is it like masturbating with a penis and and what is the difference now with a vagina oh my god it was such a learning curve so i had masturbating with the penis was bloody easy like you can come in a few seconds if you know if you know what you're doing i imagine it's the same for some women but um yeah trying to poppies in and out pretty quickly

i am now so i'm with you on that oh great yeah you found you found the sweet spot i found this but masturbating as a woman was really interesting because it wasn't until like a year and a half after i had surgery that i actually had an orgasm after like months of trying um and i finally got it tutorials honestly i was like on the phone to my friends i'm like what am i doing here like where do i um and luckily i have great friends that like trying to guide me through it and it just it did not work but um mental stimulation is such a big thing as a woman for me yeah whereas as a man i was just like woke up and it was already ready to go and i was like done and now it's like i have to prep for that shit that's the bit i find fascinating my partner wakes up with wood and i'm like i could

hang a tea towel over that and it would just be it's fascinating like imagine like he's like yeah my dick my my erection wakes me up I'm like god sometimes I would really like my vagina to wake me up because I'm often late for work you know and I should get a vagina alarm and also Mia I'd love to talk to you about um like the beautiful vagina which actually to be honest it took me a while to get to a point where I loved my own body where I loved my vagina like I'm still kind of going on a journey with it I don't love it every day but the vagina particularly I think I've always been like you're a little ugly but you have chosen to have one could you talk to us about why you chose the one that you did and how you got to that point

um sis I had a catalog I had I went to my I went to India I went to my vagina catalog a sister had a catalog i had i went to my i went to india i went to my vagina catalog yeah i had a vaginal catalog it was amazing yeah yeah so what did you end up choosing then i went for a good old fat puss um i was like you know go big or go home give me that camel toe i'm ready good old thick fat pussy lips and you have to like move them like hanging they're not hanging they're just like thick going down and you just spread them out a bit then you have some little inner lips and i'm like oh hello and then they're hiding the little little clip think of like like you see this the labia minora labia majora so the majora is the outside and then as you push in you have the inner lips yeah and for some women they stick out um and i was like i didn't have all that much skin to work with in the end and he was

like we'll just give you nice little lips on the inside i was like yeah sure cute it's all good and is this did you have your gender reassignment surgery in india oh yeah in india and my breast augmentation oh and so this is this is an indian doctor like yeah he's a specialist and he only sort of pretty much works with trans patients from across the world yeah he's awesome and what about the clitoris um how does that because i'm just interested in the pleasure element of it so so it's the head of the penis they just trim it down tuck it in pop it back out and you're good to go amazing so like a woman's so every man's penis is actually just a elongated clitoris because everyone starts out as female you start to form the clitoris and then as the testosterone whatever like as you develop into male it just

goes blip and falls out right wow so i i have to ask you that age-old question and i know i think i know what you are the answer is going to be but like sex is better now with a vagina than with a penis oh 100 you get so much satisfaction like when they're like fully submerged and you're like oh i feel full and content it's like self-love i love it it must have taken a journey to get to this point of sexual confidence and and I'd love to hear about what it was like growing up in an Asian community learning about sex and and how you've reached this point because um it's incredible yeah it was um obviously it was very like taboo to talk about sex um but i grew up in the age of like going on msn and your friends

would send you like a a porn hub link like randomly and stuff like that and then you'd be like oh what's this um but i i was a bit of a deviant so i i went through a phase of just hooking up with almost every single day with a new guy after my parents sort of like found out I was gay and when I identified as male I identified as a homosexual and um I just was getting it left right center and you get a lot of fetishists um so the bad thing about fetishists is because you know they're fetishists but the great thing is they boost your ego sometimes you're like okay I'll take it I'll take it so they were fetishizing you because you were Asian or they were fetishizing you because what? Because I was Asian.

And they'll say like, oh, I've never been with a, like, you know, insert Pakistan. Chocolate boy. Like, no, they will say like a slur for like someone who's from Pakistan. And it was always older, cis white men. They would sometimes say things that weren't appropriate like oh you smell like curry and i'd be like i shower i don't we've had so many curry references today on this show and this is

like the 10th one i mean how does that make you feel when they're like oh you smell like a joel fraser you're like does that tell you more no you're like this is fucking gross i'm just like tell me i smell like sog because that's the only thing that smells good to me because I got my face. But I don't know what that is. Oh my God. Ravina, if someone during sex with you said you smell like curry, what would you do?

Like, would you be like, go? I'd freak the fuck out. I'd freak out, I think. If I thought, if anyone told me that my vagina smelled like vindaloo, I'd be really worried. Smelling a little spicy huh i if i was told mid-sex that i smell of like uh a korma or like a jelfrazy or rogan josh it would it would kill my vibe it would kill my vibe because i have a whole hang-up about smelling of curry like when

saying i was about to say the exact same thing when i was a kid i did every day smell like curry i smell like curry because my mum would burn spices in oil in the house and then my school blazer would be in there and i'd go into school and be like you smell like curry yeah and it took me ages to figure out just don't put your blazer near the kitchen my parents always hang shit like on doors and stuff like that like oh it's letting the clothes dry and i'm like yeah but you're doing torka and like it stinks at the house yeah this curry chat could take up a whole episode actually because it's quite good for the whole of the episode we've been talking about being in relationship in a relationship and how the sex changes from start

to finish you're in a relationship why don't you talk to us about what sex was like at the start and where you're at now with it i used to be like initially so coy i'd be like you know drape myself on his shoulder and you know wear some nice perfume and i you have to be sneaky i always wear one perfume that is associated like with sexy time which is like because you know mentally it gets to me like you know he knows what's gonna happen and yes and then like you know slowly engage and like you know the coitus and you know be a bit of foreplay blah blah then i'd then i'd switch it up again and i'm like drag him to the bedroom and get a bit freaky um and it changed to him moving in with me and well we've been

together for a year now and i'm just like i'll lie on the bed and i'm like do me i had a question to him i'm and I'm like do me I had a question do it I'm like you wanna do me because I've got some things I need to be cracking on with

so I'm ready to be done and it's just like well sometimes you're like oh I've got I've got about 10 minutes

you're a you're into you're into what I'm into a year in yeah I'm also a lazy bitch and i ain't got time for like dilly dally i'm like come here either either eat it or leave i ain't got time for this in between eat it or go home bitch yeah and like i'm like eat it and go do

your masters i ain't got time for this just oh my god i love this mia you've just given me a whole new way to think about my vagina smelling like eat eat it or leave it you're hungry you're hungry eat this korma and leave oh korma's the worst because it's so creamy as well a bit more accurate a bit more accurate and you know i got you know you got that fat person to be like pretend it's roti or naan just you know, you got that fat person to be like, pretend it's roti or naan. Just, you know, get to the meat, honey. Oh my God. So good. So good. It's an analogy we could run forever. 100%.

I was really interested in what you said about like, how at the start of the relationship, you were like this demure, leaning over the shoulder thing. Did you get that from Bollywood by any chance? Of course I did. I was trying to be like, Kajal, just like. Kajal. Snap girl. thing did you get that from bollywood by any chance i did i was trying to be like gargoyle like you know i didn't i didn't even sort out my monobrow that day i was like just channeling it

my whole eyebrow look is based on carjo yes gargoyle gives me life and i just want to be like and get like a take me being so'd be so cute. Koi. And then like, you know, it's like, choke me, spank me. Well,

this is it. So we always, Rubina and I were saying, we like to be dominated in the bedroom. And I, for me, that's a hundred percent down to Bollywood. That's that.

Really? Yeah. That's down to Bollywood. Yeah. A little bit. I genuinely think it depends on how you are in your day to day life. I am a manager. I am very demanding.

I'm very not submissive in my day to day life. So I would like someone to pin me up against a wall or tie me to the bed. That's exactly it. That's exactly it. This is why you hear these like CEOs and CFOs of these massive companies who are like into BDSM. Yes, I fucked a lot of them. So trust me, they're into some weird shit. When you were male and you identified as a gay man,

was the sex enjoyable or was there something missing? It was very enjoyable. I mean, I don't think I've had sex that hasn't been enjoyable. It's always a good fun, right? But for me, I guess what's missing is like, you know vagina like i didn't i didn't have the fat puss and it opens up a whole different form of sensuality and sort of a form of interaction it was always a one trick pony with uh sex as male it was either the very sensitive penis or you know uh getting your back door blown out that's about it and that always that that wasn't always that pleasurable like sometimes it hurt you know so you just kind

of like pass through it yeah that's why i stopped doing anal because it fucking hurts do you know what if it's with the right person this is not too bad but when it's with randoms and you're not really sure what their name is it's not always the best you know i mean um so having vaginal sex and being on estrogen up the ante because you know you had a sensitive front back and your nipples like boobs are such a huge thing for me i think you're probably amazing in bed because i am very good with a man and you because you used to be a man you know all the good i have been told by men who have had several affairs with that i give a better head than their wives i'm like thank you winner i'll take that winner so mia in terms of

the evolution of sex and the stages that we've talked about where do you think you are are you having the best sex of your life right now i'm having the best sex of my life right now but that doesn't mean it's the best sex ever it means you know you can have amazing sex with a guy you don't even know their name that you met on grinder and we're chilling which has happened um or you have an amazing emotional connection and there's so much more to that person and to your life together that it turns into the best sex ever because there's so much trust there yes yes that is something that i i definitely you get that package don't you with long-term sex it's like we've shared trials and tribulations

life and a mortgage and that actually makes the sex better which you obviously you wouldn't you wouldn't get in a short-term relationship or one night stands or whatever but the thing is there's always an upward trajectory right it can always get better there's always an upward trajectory, right? It can always get better. There's always things you could do. There's always things. There's always things. So true. So true. Mia, thank you very much for joining us today on Brown Girls Do It Too.

But before we let you go, we would love to play our sex quiz with you. We play it with all our guests. And we ask every single guest to help us with the name. Currently, it's called The Quick Fire Fuck Game. And the other name that you thought of which was not great oh the other name was and now for the next how you like your sex that was terrible no the second one was terrible so well why don't you think about

why don't you give us some options after you play the game because you get a feel for it okay yeah so into the quick fire fuck game doggy or missionary doggy because they come quicker ah okay pubes or no pubes pubes i like a bush well you had sex in a bush didn't you the first time around yes ma'am lights on or lights off oh dimly lit like you know i want to i want to i want to set the scene i don't want pitch black because i can't see what's happening i want some fairy lights and shit or a candle oh a candle that's next level okay um lube it up or natural juices oh lube it up honey i want to slip and slide in this bitch yes i i actually quite like it when i'm dry because it's like i

could it's friction and i can feel it going in and out. She says that, but she does have E45. A tub of E45 cream in my loom. E45? I just like stole it from my mum. It's thermologically tested. Okay. I basically use that as loom.

It's just there. No. I stole it from my mum like 10 years ago. That makes it worse. 10 years old. Someone's about to catch a case, honey. Stop it. I know.

I should really. I bought, you know what? Lube is fucking expensive, man. I bought like something for like 50 mil for like a fiver. I'm like, what is this? Hand job or foot job? Hand job. But I have finger toes, so I probably could do a foot job too.

Oh. Give head or get head both same time 69 nice yeah efficient quickie in the club toilet or quickie in a park in a park been there done there i'm a pro honey and then finally do you miss your penis and would you ever use a strap-on uh i don't miss my penis but i would use a strap-on i will peg a bitch that's i i like the sense of like domineering like let's switch it up like you know let me dominate you for once um rubina have you pegged no never i've never ever used a strap-on would you even bring it up with your partner i have yeah

i have brought it up um not not he's not that interested in it i'm intrigued but i think you need somebody who's consenting to it for me just to be like i've got the strap on now so you ready and he's like i never said that i was interested so make sure it's double ended so you get penetrative action as well oh you could get double ended um like a double ended strap on usually they're a bit smaller for women and then you have the bigger side for the person so it goes like i a smaller side like a cone okay that it's basically Usually they're a bit smaller for women and then you have the bigger side for the person you're pegging. Oh, so it goes like a smaller side, like a cone.

Okay, it's basically like a Siamese dick. Yeah. Yeah, like a Siamese dick. Cool, well that's it. Well, thank you so much for coming on the show, Mia. Really just loved having you on.

You are officially a Brown Girl Do It Too. Thanks for joining us. Yes, thank you so much. I learned so much. This is like an actual, this is the sex education lesson I never got. I loved it. Thank you so much for I learned so much. This is like an actual, this is the sex education lesson I never got. I loved it. Thank you so much for coming on Brown Girls Do It Too. I hope you've had a good time.

Thank you so much. I loved it. What are you going to do for the rest of the day now? Masturbate. Right answer. Right answer. Brown Girls Do It Too. Well, that was Mia and she was absolutely amazing i feel like we i mean especially you as always uh learned a lot from i did i was like honestly at one point i was like i really should be taking notes here um i think because at the three of us i've been uh in a

relationship the longest i think for me i've definitely realized i need to put that spice back in because long-term relationships are hard work you've got to maintain so once you've reached the spark you reach the magic it's fucking hard work to keep it up here man because it can very quickly go down there so i've learned you've got to make more of an effort and definitely invest in a siamese dildo clearly yeah i really love that she said that she was having great sex right now but it wasn't necessarily the best sex of her life because actually the best sex of your life isn't always what it has to be about like really amazing mind-blowing sex isn't what you need to achieve every time

I think that was really nice and the other thing I learned was that it's okay to smell like curry absolutely no it's not okay for your vag to smell like curry no just no thanks for listening we would love for you to join in the conversation by using the hashtag brown girls do it too you can also email us at brown girls do it too at bbc.co.uk and you can also tweet at bbc asian network if you giggled and cackled along to this chat then please do subscribe and download Brown Girls Do It Too. Brown Girls Do It Too. I can't believe I'm going to ask this, but where did Paul Daniels put his sword? That remains to be a secret. Welcome to the Woman's Hour podcast, the place for frank, funny and fearless conversations.

You have created the first Muslim Pakistani superhero. I'm cheering and whooping. I'm Emma Barnett, one of your hosts, challenging views, chasing truths, and talking to those who make us look at the world in a different way. You go naked walking with your husband. We enjoy the feeling of being actually at one with nature. The Woman's Hour podcast from Radio 4.

Join me and my fellow presenter, Anita Rani, and get involved. Subscribe on BBC Sounds.