Brown Girls Do It Too - Everything But

Episode Date: June 23, 2023

What's better than sex? This series finale is an ode to everything but. Kissing! Eye contact! Dancing with a stranger! Everything but sex. Have a message for Poppy and Rubina? If you’re over 16, you can message the BGDIT team via WhatsApp for free on 07968100822. Or email us at [e-mail] you're in the UK, for more BBC podcasts listen on BBC Sounds: bbc.in/3UjecF5

BBC Sounds Music, Radio, Podcasts Swearing and adult content Sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G First comes the swarming Then comes the swearing And adult content

Then comes the podcast In the BBC Sounds carriage We sound like we're about to Sweep someone's chimney. This is Brown Girls Do It Too. A podcast about the sex lives of British Asian women. The fantasies, the failures. And every F word in between.

I'm Robina and I think the only thing better than sex is milkshakes. Love a milkshake. sex is milkshakes. Love a milkshake. I love milkshakes. I really fucking fantasise about them, but they're so calorific and I can't. But like a Shake Shack milkshake. Other brands are available. I'm on Oreo milkshake. Oh my God.

Nutella. Again, other brands are available. Peanut butter and banana milkshake. Peanut butter and banana. Peanut butter and banana milkshake is like my thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm Poppy. And the only thing better than sex is ordering your second takeout after a massive night out.

Honestly, it's the best. No, really, the second takeout. Second takeout of the day. I've never done that before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's what happens when you have no life and a disposable income. A disposable income. I knew you were going to say that. You get three takeouts in a day.

But after, I almost love the day after the night before. Just so you can enjoy the like doing nothing. Doing nothing and watching. Poppy and I had a big night out on Saturday. Big night out. Let me tell you this. We had a big night out on Saturday night

because we'd finished our Soho Theatre show. Yeah. And we went and had like the biggest night we could possibly have because we wanted to celebrate everything and this is our last episode so it feels like a good time to talk about that night out

we went crazy we went crazy and I decided that it was totally acceptable for me as a mother of a one and a half year old to stay out until 5.30am

rate you walk into my house rate you put my head on the pillow for 25 minutes then hear my child cry and know that I had to get up you know what you are?

you're like that's living legend status. I mean, I'm going to die. Really? That was one of those moments where I was like, my body cannot handle this.

Brain hemorrhage. Yeah. And then I was like, I was like hung over hanging out with my child and making him play games like Sleeping Lions. I was just like,

let's see if you can lie around and stay still for the longest. And he just sat on my head and would throw books at me. So, you know, parents, obviously to all listeners and judgy listeners, you don't do this. You've never done this. You're an amazing mother.

This is the one time you've done this. But I watch parents. They have this like one coupon, this one night out, they go crazy. And I don't know how they manage to take care of their children on a hangover because you couldn't pay me. I would give up my child for adoption if someone said after a massive night, you have to take care of your child.

I'd be like, you can take him. It's really hard, but you just have to drive through. So you kind of have to pretend you're still on the night out, but with your child. Nice. This series finale is an ode to everything but. The underappreciated alternatives to full on sex. A kiss.

Hands touching across a restaurant table. Making eye contact with a handsome stranger. A frisson of excitement as you feel each other up on a sweaty dance floor. Everything. But. The but. The but. Or in the but.

Or the but. No buts. Everything. Like touching the buts but not inside the butt. So I don't know if you've ever done this. You know, it's like, is it called edging? I don't know. I think it's called edging.

But I am incapable. I am absolutely incapable of doing everything but with someone. I go fucking crazy. I'm like a raging bull in a china shop. If someone's got me all like hot and sweaty, I'm not giving it to you. I go mental i mean everybody knows that is like the key to anyone's heart to anyone's pants is to keep teasing them and not giving them what they want a cock tease remember that was a very no no no i remember but i hate i

hate a i hate those cock teases and b i will just not want to see you again i go so far the other way i'm like i mean i'm not saying I'm like smashing plates or anything. That's well violent. You sound like you've got anger issues. You said you were a bull in a china shop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no.

It's anger. I can't, I'm not satiated. It's like being marooned on an island and then you're so hungry and then someone gives you a plate of burgers and chips

and they take it away from you. And they show it to you. And they show it to you and they're like, and you you're just well they show it to you and they're like how about they show it to you and they eat it in front of you well that's different that could be part of the foreplay because if they're touching themselves

in front of you yeah but you're still not getting any that's the point okay well then it's like get the fuck out of my house yeah yeah yeah interesting how do you feel about everything but

oh I love everything but yeah you're such an everything but like all the time yeah yeah every time like I love all that stuff like I think foreplay is just amazing just foreplay yeah just for so you're just gonna have a starter and you're not gonna go to the main yeah I'm all about starter all the way to dessert I don't yeah what if you have a starter on a Monday start on a Tuesday start on a Wednesday

start on a Thursday start on a Friday you know how excessive and indulgent I am I want to start a main and a dessert every day, bitch. Every day. Every day. Every day. Yeah. What about like, like kind of if someone is like teasing you

across a long period of time before they have sex with you? Like what if you go on a date with a guy and he's like, sorry, hot Poppy J, I'm not going to sleep with you tonight and I only sleep with girls on the fifth date. Okay.

Well, you'd be like, okay. No, okay. This is good. And I don't want any men like, okay. No, okay, this is good. And I don't want any men to be listening who are into me to get fucking ideas. So they'd have to be like 10-10 for me to like, okay, fine, I'll fucking wait for you. They'd have to have something going for them beyond.

But right now in the phase that I'm in, I just want sex. So you're not giving me sex. I'm like, all right, bye, see you later. But maybe ask me this question when I'm ready to be in a relationship and I'm really like someone no no no it's not even about relationship it's about

holding off on sex because the longer you hold off on it the better the sex is you don't believe that no it's not that I don't believe in it it's more I want sex right now but the anticipation of sex is what will make sex good when you're on the tube and waiting for the central line and it says 10 minutes how do you feel

pissed off but I'm not riding the central line thinking yeah says 10 minutes how do you feel pissed off exactly but I'm not riding the central line thinking yeah I'm riding the guy same fucking thing I'm not riding

I want it in a minute or two minutes wait the central line is loud and sweaty and I can't even hear my podcast you're describing the way I have sex

right so it's the same thing it's like I can't like so what no no okay let me explain it to you okay fine

it's like a milkshake right it's like what's your favourite milkshake? Oreo, right? A peanut butter. It's a peanut butter. Let's go with that. It's a really good milkshake.

And you know that it's calorific and that you shouldn't just be indulging any time of any day. This is something that you need to like lead up to. So Monday, someone starts talking to you about it. You're just like, oh, it's got that, it's satiated that idea in my head.

Tuesday, you walk past and someone's having one. You're like, oh yeah, I fancy that. That build up is slowly putting things into your brain that the time that it comes to you be like, God, I'm building up to this moment and it's so exciting.

I do that already on a Sunday. You're sweating for it. Yeah, on Sundays, on the days you have milkshakes. But on Sundays, Sunday's the holy day. So when I'm not getting two takeouts, this is a bit lame

because I've got body dysmorphia and weight issues. I think about, if I'm going on a night out and it's cheaper now, obviously because I can't always get two takeouts a day on a Sunday, is I think about what I'm going to cook on the Sunday. And it's like, it's exactly what you said. On Monday, I look at the recipe book.

On Tuesday, I look at a YouTube video. On Wednesday, I might go into Instagram and look for other cooks who've made something similar. On Thursday, I'll go to the supermarket and buy the ingredients. Friday, Saturday, obviously I'm out. But have you never had that? And Sunday I make it and I'm like, ah, and it's so special. Have you never had that thing with somebody that you fancy and you're doing that thing where you know that something might happen,

but both of you are just a bit nervous or you're in different places in your life where it's like not going to happen or whatever. And you're just kind of, it's taking a bit of time to get to the nervous or you're in different places in your life or it's like not gonna happen or whatever and you're just kind of it's take like it's taking a bit of time to get to the point where you're gonna fuck and so you're doing other things you're like hanging out with friends in a group but still like making eye contact and like really only listening to what they say yeah but i think that only works in rom-coms where you're both mates and you both fancy each other but you haven't told each other that you like each other so if i'm ever in a situation where i've with a friend who likes me and i've discovered i like them and then it's like oh god do we do we not then yeah that makes sense but generally no i want to have sex

now sex is not calorific in fact it's actually the opposite yeah yeah so it's like it's a very it's a very instant like my ex-partner but don't you like a bit of like slow chemistry i love chemistry and i love a spark and i love the looking and the touching i mean i love all that shit but i also want to have sex. Sure, yes, I get it. You want sex. You're sounding like a sex maniac. Give me an example of an everything but situation.

Dry humping. So you want to have sex, but you dry hump? Yeah. When would you have sex then? Sundays in the daytime. That's when I get into sex. But then when you're dry humping, would you cum? Would you orgasm?

No, but I'd get like horny enough to think that we could. I think this is blasphemous. I don't think, you know like between 40 Days and 40 Nights where he like blows petals onto her vagina and then she comes and you're like, come on, that can't be right. No, no, no, that is true. That does work. As in I've not had someone do that to me.

I can imagine. So how do you know it works? Because I had a guy do the whole, you know, putting beads on your vagina. Beads? Yeah, beads on your, like. It's just beads. No, oh God. It's just what's happening to the honeybees.

No, no, no, no, no. Is this why there's a dearth of honeybees? No, because they're all in my vagina. They're stinging my vagina to death. Absolutely not. What a visual. No, beads, necklaces, things. Oh, yeah.

You know that stroking your vagina with some beads. Stroking and like blowing into it. You think that can make you cum yeah so I'm either sex now sex now sex now

sex now or you are patient and you go slow but you're gonna have to do this for hours because I have to come at the end of that

yeah right how many beads would they need to well actually in the end I couldn't wait that long so I was like just put your dick in now but it really got me

like the blowing but isn't there something really hot about about like the foreplay you have with someone and you're like oh just put your dick in now but it really got me like the blowing but isn't there something really hot about about like the foreplay you have with someone and you're like oh just put it in just put it in

just put it in and then they're like no no yeah that's hot oh my god come on yeah yeah that's hot come on just go for it and then they're like no no yeah that is hot

but the payoff is they eventually have to put it in oh right okay not like okay bye I'm gonna watch fucking you on Netflix you know what I mean see you later

I'm sorry turn the light on this latest series of you which is also coincidentally the fourth series of you has had a lot of time going to watch fucking you on Netflix. You know what I mean? See you later. I'm sorry. Turn the light on. This latest series of you, which is also coincidentally the fourth series of you, has had a lot of time on the fourth series of Brandelstead too. I think Penn Badgley needs to fucking get to know. He needs to fucking fuck you, doesn't he? Yeah, he needs to fucking fuck me. I don't even fancy him, but I weirdly shouldn't say that I fancy the kiss character because

he's a serial killer. But it needs to end. It needs to end in sex. So when have you other okay dry humming give me some other examples of everything but a bit of like like hands passing eye fucking's pretty good as well i fuck yes but when you're like i literally had sex yeah yeah just with my eyes my eyes penetrated your eyes you're describing things to me that i find really really hot i fucking is hot but but I'm talking about you have me aroused

my vagina is tingling my vagina is prepped primed and ready to receive your dick and you've gone away that's what like eye fucking like in a group full of people and you see this hot guy and like you're looking at each other and he's looking at each other and touching and flirting and

breathing into your ear and neck and all that stuff is fucking hot but like my my vagina might be tingling but it's not like prepped you're wet you are wet your body is like your vagina is like it's contracting your your neurons and synapses are just firing because they're like i'm about to get something something is coming in but isn't that really nice and sometimes the sex of that can be like disappointed by disappointing by the ratio of how exciting

the preamble was you know I think I've just discovered something about my body which is why this everything but shit won't work with me is because I come from

penetrative sex only I need something physically going in while ideally even when you masturbate no no sex with another person

but you can cum without putting something inside you I can cum yeah I can masturbate? No, no. Sex with another person. But you can cum without putting something inside you? I can cum. Yeah, I can masturbate by myself. But when I'm with someone else, I need the dick. I need a... I don't think you do. They could probably help you cum if you can masturbate and get yourself off.

Right? Because you can. No. The dynamics change. I'm not on my own. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I need to have someone inside me.

Yeah, I'm sometimes like that too. I get that. Like sometimes I'm like, come on, just put it in. Just put it in. Like the teasing can get a bit like, not boring, but just like you just have to speak to that. After a while, you're like, all right, fucking give me the main. See? Haven't you had moments where like the everything about everything leading up to the sex, all

of the foreplay, all of the teasing, the I fucking everything is better than the actual sex like people some people are just really good at flirting really good flirting really good like holding your hand really getting on stuff actually in bed they're like not that great i would not be with them no but you would sleep with them i would sleep with them but like so you know but you had that experience yeah most men i sleep with our shit in bed but great but so i would i would argue to that to your question which is very good which is the everything but is tantalizing and titillating and sweet and then the p and the v is like the cherry on top so it's part of the whole package i don't know like i'm in a i'm in a long-term relationship now and i think some of our snogging is like, yeah, like fucking A. Yeah, but like, I don't think, am I not, I think the snogging is great.

But if my vagina is then tingling and it wants to have sex, it's like, haven't you ever just done the snogging bit and been like, I feel satiated from that? Yeah, sure. Yeah, in that sense, in an isolated siloed moment, yeah. Well, my vagina or like if anyone touches me we need to fuck yeah no no no

but generally I do like if I'm if I'm having sex with someone and I get turned on I'm like oh my god I need to have sex

it's really like it's really zero to a hundred zero to a hundred and really like it's like really basic it kind of suits your personality

I think the way that you operate did you just hold my hand because we're going to need to fuck now yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah have you ever had any amazing like preamble to sex with somebody and then the sex was like actually super average or shit like you're saying and then you just thought i wish i'd left it at this moment where we had like satisfied that so whether it were a good kisser or like they touched you in a

way that was like nice fantastic question and ironically 98% of my dates is that 98% is just good preamble preamble great chat fun everything but what everything but so I'm craving for I'm craving I'm like an anti I'm the antithesis of the everything but but the reality of what I'm seeing and what I'm dating yeah what I'm fucking is everything but in that instance I feel like and what I'm fucking is everything but in that instance. I feel like I've had so much good everything but

actually. Like a lot of my past things have all been really strong preamble. Like actually there was a guy that I never ended up having sex with who I've spoken about before.

We never had sex because he never wanted to use a condom and I was really strict about that. And so we never had sex but we did everything but. And I still think to this day a bit of me is like I wonder what we like to have sex with him but I'm also just like living in the fantasy of the like hand touching like sleeping in bed together not fucking it's like oh that's hot sleeping in bed together with like no

clothes on and not having sex I would go mental I'd go insane have you heard about the people who do everything but for religious reasons oh yeah like anal and I mean anal is sex isn't it but like they do everything but

and I just I'm like how how do you do that the guy I lost my virginity to I remember asking him are you a virgin

he was like yeah yeah yeah and I was like oh really and he was like yeah I mean I had this girlfriend but she was Christian so she didn't let me put it inside her so I just you know gave her like anal sex so I was like you really and he was like yeah I mean I had this girlfriend but she was Christian so she didn't let me put it inside her so I just you know

gave her like anal sex and I was like you're not you're not you're not a virgin you're not a virgin yeah that's anal sex

you've had anal sex you haven't had you haven't had penetrative sex that is a wild way to start your sexual journey but there you go yeah

if you had to choose one sexual activity for the rest of your life what would it be ooh I think you love a kiss don't you i love any mouth stuff i wouldn't want to restrict myself just to kissing can i be broad and say all mouth stuff like i love being licked licked everywhere kissed everywhere just like the tongue anywhere

my body i'm into okay i like wet sloppy yeah yeah yeah tongue Tongue, mouth, action. Okay, yeah, cool. That's like the best stuff for me. What about you? Being pummeled. Yeah. I would take that to my grave. Oh my God. I would just take that to my grave. I was not expecting you to say that. Yeah.

Pummeled. Pummeled Poppy. Yeah, I would just pummeled Poppy. Yeah. I would like a good kiss. Pummeled in the tunnel. That's all you like. Pummeled in my tunnel. In your tunnel. Pummeled in Poppy's tunnel. I do like the hard stuff good kiss pummeled in the tunnel that's all you know pummeled in my tunnel

pummeled in Poppy's tunnel I do like the hard stuff at the moment so yeah I'm getting to that I used to like kind of a bit of like

you know when somebody just like strokes you like with a very light touch oh up and down your back oof that is a hard thing to do see

I'm like barely there barely touching barely touching or you just pummel in the tunnelummel in the tunnel. Pummel in the tunnel. Right. That's my two default settings.

Right. What should you prefer? Both, ideally. But you sleep with men and they have one move and their move isn't even your move. It's not the move you want. Right. And it's just lazy sex, you know. It's just not.

And I get that in order to be great at sex or for two people to enjoy sex, you sort of need to know each other's bodies and rhythm. It's a dance, isn't it? I totally get that. But it's fucking hard. I mean, I honestly think in dating apps and on like CV biodaters when they're getting Asians married, there should be like a sexual proclivity, a preference where you're like, I like getting choked. I like this. I like that. Sometimes I like anal on good days, but we'll save it for Eid. I like like getting choked. I like this. I like that. Sometimes I like anal on good days, but we'll save it for Eid.

I like a bit of this. I like a bit of slapping. I like getting licked everywhere. Like you just note it down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, a bit like dating app profile. Like on Feel, they're very open about what kind of... Exactly what you want.

Exactly what you want. But that isn't to say that you are restrictive. You state what you want. You are with someone else who also states what they want and together, you come up with new shit. And like surprise each other. And surprise each other,

absolutely. I remember once kissing this guy and he like, like we did a little, little kiss and then he kind of pecked back and just kind of like, just held his lips,

just really, really close. that's hot, that's hot. And I was like, just kiss me. Yeah, yeah,

yeah. And he stopped like teasing me and it was, I found it really frustrating but I was also like, just kiss me, just kiss me. You know what I call that

I file that shit under Bollywood and Jane Austen and Bridgerton it's the you know the Darcy and the looking and the oh and he does this thing

with his arm it's all of that shit which I'm like I love but I'm not there's a key difference between the everything but when I'm not expecting sex

and the everything but when I'm fucking buck naked and I need sex does that make sense? What about if it's everything but when I'm fucking buck naked and I need sex. Does that make sense? What about if it's everything but with someone you can never have sex with? But I fancy them. Yeah.

That would fucking drive me insane. But yeah, that's hot. But isn't it great to be driven a little bit insane? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I have been driven insane by someone I can have sex with. It was mental.

It was all-consuming and it was the obsession podcast that we talked about. But it's, oh my God, that is. And also, I would actually recommend that to a lot of people because what happens is you can't have this person, you get obsessed with them and then you have even more fun fantasizing about them and masturbating about them because your imagination goes fucking insane.

So that's great, isn't it? That's like really enjoying the fantasy of somebody. And then I imagine if you ever did have sex with that person, it would be so lacklustre and it would pale in comparison to the amazing beautiful shit

that you concocted because your imagination is great have you ever like gone on a date with somebody that you've been seeing and just been like

why are we even here because we both know what we want to do but you have to kind of like do the ritual of like we're here to have a drink we're here to like

because we both want to have sex yeah oh no with those dates it's like you're like let's go yeah yeah yeah it's the other days where i'm like i'm gonna bore you off after two drinks because it feels it's even stevens then you're paying for one yeah yeah what about you have you have you have you ever met anyone where you're like i want to actively do the everything but with you no because i think i'd always want to have

sex too i think i am actually weirdly similar to you, but I enjoy the everything but. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I think it's actually just as important as sex. Okay. I have a question for you. Someone, you've got two guys. His everything but is fucking... What are their names? Abdullah and Akbar. Where's Anthony?

You're going to say that joke? You're going to say that joke? Are you going to say that joke? Oh, the names are, you know, Richard and Akbar. Make one Asian in it. Okay. So one of their, imagine like a sex CV, some dystopian sci-fi film made up. One of their sex CVs, like he's brilliant.

He's everything but, he's a professor in. First class, HECSE, Duke of Edinburgh. Everything but is amazing. Sex is a C. Okay. Other guy, everything but is tragic. Terrible. He's eye contact, tactile and not very tactile.

You know, all of that flirty, seductive stuff. All the stuff that you lure them in to get you into bed. He's terrible. The fucking sex is like the bomb. Who are you going to go for? Everything but guy.

Wow. Yeah, because I think you can make the sex good with everything but guy. If he's good at tactile, he's good at eye contact, he's good at like

touching parts, the sex, but the penetrative part you can like, I think you can help him out with. But the other guy, you're not going to end up shagging him because he's shit

with all the other stuff you're really clever that was a trick question and you smashed it no but that's it isn't it the everything you pass with flying eyes

the everything but is so important because no girl it's all the non-body what's that called non-body language what's that non-verbal communication

non-verbal communication so important you know human beings they spoke with their eyebrows before they could with their eyes and their mouth before they could

before they formed language but body language is so important he's fucking that up when you go on a date with somebody and they're like tense and you can see that

in their body language it makes you tense it makes you not want to shag them if you turn up to a date and that person is like quite casual in how they hold themselves for me I find that

really attractive casual confident chill body language is huge those are the things I want to have sex with someone who's casual

confident oh my god yeah anyone who's like a bit too hyped or like oh my god you know when you go on a date with somebody and then their like

leg is jiving up and down oh my god and you're like what have you taken oh my god you remind me of this guy god this is early days this is really early days

this is straight after my ex-partner i totally forgot about him he was just like talking a mile a minute you are giving off very vibes right now so like good open body language is really hot as well like somebody who's like sitting like you just climb on to them which is yeah exactly or just be fake chill till you're chill chill. You can ease into chill chill. That's totally how I roll. But everyone comes in a bit nervous, don't they?

I mean, I don't. But people come in nervous. So you just like fake it till you make it. So do you remember when Seema Anand said you could come from just kissing? And I nearly felt that with my ex-partner because he was amazing at kissing. But then me being me, I was like, let's get naked and have sex.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But if someone set us a task, let's see. If he was like, let me see if I can make you come from just kissing. I wish I would have. I wish I'd explored that. Do you think that people can come from just having their erogenous zones fondled, but not do the P and the V? I think all of us are so time strapped in the world that we just need to rush through to the penchant of bit. Because we think that everything needs to start and finish at a certain point.

And actually, I think edging is so important, especially if you're in a long term relationship. Yeah. Because if just you're using the time, the limited time that you have together to have sex, to just do the penetration bit, you're missing out on the edging. And I think what me and my partner do is just like edge a little bit every day onto like different ways. Yeah, that's sexy. Like a little rub here, a little eye contact like edge a little bit every day onto like different ways yeah that's sexy you know like a bit of a little like a little rub here a little eye contact here

a little like a little ass pinch here you know so when we get to that point we're like we've been building up to this yeah exactly

and then you cash it in on the act yeah that's smart that's really smart I love a bit of like you know pass you in the kitchen spank on the bum

type of sitch you know where you're like I'm just cutting courgettes here I've got my child's puke on my t-shirt and you've just smacked my ass it's like great yeah that's the day that that stops happening the day is the day I'll be worried about relationship the day that I don't feel like my partner is leering over me occasionally will make me sad and we should like leer over each other if you're in a relationship with somebody and you're not

regularly groping them yeah and you're not being a bit of a perv but I think this is what happens in it's beautiful that you have that in yours

but I think in so many long term relationships that life and kids it just dies down but it's like trying to rekindle that you don't have the time to have sex all the time

but you do have the time to thwack them on the arse thwack them with a rolling pin thwack them on the arse. Thwack them? With a rolling pin. Thwack them? Yeah, that's a phase that we use quite a lot with my son, actually, when he falls over.

Oh, he's thwacked himself on his face. It's like a thwack whack. It's something that just looks really silly. It's like a merging of the thwacking. But, you know, if you're like cutting some courgettes, right? Baby puke on the left shoulder. Just try and find a local kitchen utensil and just try and spank your partner on the bum with it. Like a spatula?

A ladle. Okay. I was thinking spatula is a flat surface. And anything, just use anything. Cheese grater? Too much. Ooh, I mean, no, that would hurt. That would hurt.

Big frying pan? Yeah, a frying pan's quite sexy. Could hurt, though. Could hurt, yeah. Especially those iron ones. Also, if you feel like you need to be groped more regularly, just grab the hand and put it on your own boob. Yeah.

Take charge. I feel like sometimes we're like, oh, why is he touching it? Sometimes you need to do everything but yourself. With a bit of force. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes I'm just sitting there watching TV and I grab my partner's hand and just like put it down my top.

Yeah. And I'm like, somebody needs to touch it. It's been a while. Take charge. Take charge. Take charge. Ask charge. Take charge. Ask her what you want. Now, normally this is where we head to the Shagney Aunt's inbox

and answer some of the juicy dilemmas or interesting questions you may have. However, as this is the season finale, we're going to be answering the questions which keep us up at night. Thinking, thinking and thinking some more. I'm continuously having shit sex with young people. But there's a power that I get from having sex with young people. And I think it's a phase, right? Do you think I should continue having shit sex with young people to satiate the power?

Or do you think I should just get over myself and just fuck older people i think you should do a mix you should have sex with a young person on a tuesday an older person on a wednesday maybe them on a friday because they need a bit more sleep because they're a bit older yeah and a saturday go back to being someone young again exactly so like reserve tuesday wednesday thursday young people yeah friday old person saturday old person sunday young person sunday young person because they should just know when old people and young people are Friday, old person. Saturday, old person. Sunday, young person. Sunday, young person. Because you should just know when old people and young people are and what their needs are.

Yeah. But I think you should mix it up. I think that is superb advice. Pick and mix it. Pick and mix it. Four young people, one old person. That's the ratio, I think.

Okay, so that's the ratio. Four to one. Four times shit sex versus one times okay sex. Well, you don't know if the old person's going to be good. They might not be able to get up. Erectile dysfunction is a big thing for the older community. Well, we heard what Ishan said. person's going to be good. They might not be able to get up. Erectile dysfunction is a big thing

for the older community. Well, we heard what Ishan said. He's got to pop a Viagra after. So maybe keep a Viagra in your purse at all times. And a condom. Condom for the young guy, Viagra for the old guy. But you know what? You might meet somebody who needs both. Thank you very much, Rubina. And there you have it. Pick and mix

is the spice of life. Go young, go old. It's like Bruce Forsythe's, what's that game he played? House of Cards. Is it House of Cards? Oh, the price is higher or lower. Higher or lower. That's what it's called, I don't know. No, it's not called higher or lower. My dad used to do it with the big giant cards. Is that what you mean? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Higher or lower. He used to take the school fair. But you're saying higher and lower. Higher and lower. With a bit of Viagra. And wider and under.

Okay, so my question to you, Poppy, is how do I get to the point where I love to be pummeled as much as you do? How do I get my tunnel ready for a pummel? How do you get your tunnel ready for a pummeling? What do you do to get your tunnel ready for a pummeling? I think it's just the way I've always had sex. Do you use a lot of lubrication? No, I need to you don't use any lubrication i'm just it's all it's all and i actually quite like it when it hurts and there's a bit of friction you know what i've always admired about you though ever since i've known you you have sex in lots of different types of ways and i actually need to be a bit more like you the everything but

the walk around the park, the long time. I know you've got little bubs now and you juggle so much. And so I know you're a bit strapped for time. But I've actually always admired the way you have sex. You have variety. You try different things. And although I am trying different things since doing this podcast with you and since being single, I only ever come from one type of sex. So I guess I need to be with someone.

I need to be like with the male version of you who is willing to put in the time, as I am. I can't blame it on them. I'm like, Jodie, Jodie, let's go hurry up and go because like you, I have a life and I'm busy and you know what I mean? So I think I need to put some time in. So I would say to you,

don't go for the pummeling. I mean, go for it. Try it. See if, you know, maybe watch some porn beforehand. I don't know. See how you feel doing it. But I think you're all right, babes.

Really? Yeah. I think I'd like to get my tunnel pummeled. I'm off to do it right now. You set me a task, Rubina Pabani, to go on a sober date this series. And I did go on a sober date with someone. off to do it right now. You set me a task Rubina Pabani to go on a sober date this series and I did go on a sober date

with someone. Great. And it was brilliant but it was an anomaly it was a misnomer because he is brilliant. He doesn't drink but his personality

is fantastic. You don't meet many men like that. I think a bit like what do you remember when we had Pooner on and she was like I had to get drunk

blind drunk to continue. I'm not saying I had to get drunk blind drunk to continue I'm not saying I have to get blind drunk but I do need a few glasses so I've done it good did you set well now I'm going to

set you a task for the future well you're going to get a pummeling you're going to get a pummeling my tunnel's going to get pummeled your tunnel's going to get pummeled

it's going to be like the Dartford tunnel ideally not there's a lot of traffic there it's quite smoky in there yeah also you don't you don't want it to be stationary you want it to be in and out so you want it quite a yeah yeah motorway

or start and stop start and stop start and stop have you ever tried the pummeling in the tunneling uh yeah i mean i've had pummel tunnels that yeah but i just i just need to i just not i'm just not into it yeah well this is it so i would need like lube to get pummeled well then get lube i mean yeah that's a get the lube do the l. No one's saying you need to have a dry... You're not going down a Dartford fucking tunnel with that petrol in your tank. Use the...

I'm actually a diesel engine, so that's surely my problem. It's bad for the planet. Do it. Okay. Try it. Let's do it. Happy?

Happy. That's all for Series 4. Thanks for listening. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Have a bit more fucking energy. Fucking hell. What are you doing? I've literally seen you juggle like 4,000 things

and work yourself to the bone. You're like, that's it for Series 4. Everyone can fuck off now. Bye. You can do that shit again, mate. Okay. That's all for Series 4. Thank you so much for listening to this series.

We literally would not do this podcast without all of you. Yeah, we love you. Thank you so much for listening to this series. We literally would not do this podcast without all of you. Yeah, we love you. Thank you so much. Series 4, fucking hell, we've come a long, long way, haven't we? Thanks for all the support and the messages. We were sliding into our DMs. Like, we have loved doing this. We've loved getting to know so many of you this time around as well.

Yes, we really have. Like, learning your stories has given us life. And on that note of life and thoughts and questions and dilemmas and your stories and anything that you want to share with us, you can always email us at browngirlsdoittoo at bbc.co.uk. And one last time, you can send us a WhatsApp or voice note to 07996810822. Bye. When you meet someone online,

can you trust they are who they say they are? I keep thinking so much about you. She's so stunning. It's all well planned. Love Janessa is the true crime podcast from the BBC World Service and CBC Podcasts, investigating the murky world of online romance scams. She was trying to get me to send her money. And it's available now. You win their hearts, you win their wallets. Listen on BBC Sounds.