Brown Girls Do It Too - Hot Boy Summer

Episode Date: April 26, 2024

Poppy & Rubina are joined by Nas Majeed & Dev Bajwa to discussing dating, love & sex - from the perspectives of straight, brown boys.Nas & Dev are both recently single. How should they approach today's dating scene?Poppy & Rubina ask them: is there too much pressure on boys? Do they prefer to pay on the first date? Are they worried about giving someone the ick? And how do they know when to make a move?Have a message for Poppy and Rubina? If you’re over 16, you can message the BGDIT team via WhatsApp for free on 07968100822. Or email us at [e-mail] you're in the UK, for more BBC podcasts listen on BBC Sounds: bbc.in/3UjecF5

In the words of Britney, baby, can't you see I'm calling? A guy like you should wear a warning. Which is funny, because so should this podcast. We're not toxic, but we do use lots of strong language. And this episode will contain content of an adult nature. It's in the air and it's all around. Can you feel me now? Can you feel me now?

Can you feel me now? It's really high. Too high. I can't, I can't. I'm scared to sing it because she hits. You know, she sampled that on an Indian song. Do you know that? Oh, really?

Yeah. This is a podcast about sex. At least it started off like that. Now we talk about everything. Everything is sex. And sex is everything. And that includes our mistakes. Our heartbreaks.

And our hard, hard, hard, hard shakes. I'm Rubina. And what I love about brown boys is... Is... Nothing. I'm Poppy, and what I love about brown boys is... Is... Tumbleweed. Ball jokes aside, We do know a lot

Of amazing brown boys Who are incredible Family members of ours Friends And brothers Like brothers in arms But let's be honest They don't need us

Bigging them up Because they've got Their mum doing that for them They've got their mothers And their nunnies And their daddies And every single Other person around

Khala, Fufu Aunties Who's not big in the mob? Uncles. So we actually just exist to take them down a peg. Avid listeners of this podcast will know that we recently did an episode mourning the death of dating apps and dating etiquette itself. And today we want to know what it's like out there for single men. So to help us try to understand the inner workings

of the male brain are two very handsome brown boys. Oh, stop. I'll take that. I'll take that. Yeah, two men here with many, many, many followers.

Sex cult leaders in the making. And that's Dev Bajra who our producers tell us is funny on TikTok and Naz Majeed a presenter

and a former Love Islander. Welcome. Thank you for having us oh gosh yeah I'm nervous I'm actually quite nervous

I've only seen PG clips there's a few and far between but I've seen PG clips you haven't seen the real

like yeah the uncut raw version of us is on the podcast welcome you're on Uncensored now these girls go wild you better take off the tops

so the first thing we do is just oh should you both take off your trousers okay yeah good shoot good shoot we'll play a really intense

game of strip poker with you that's actually how it goes no so welcome to I was watching Love Island I was like you're the you're the second pair of brown boys

that we've had sorry you don't have the accolade of the first pair. That's all right. We're letting brown boys in now. First the worst, second the best. Yeah, there you go. Third the one with the hair in the chest. There you go.

So you're glad we were all teenagers at the same time. So easy question to start with. Are you good at dating? Why don't we start with you, Dev? Do you know what? I came out of a long-term relationship about two months ago oh my god are you actually are you actually me bro figuring it out like yeah say no you are not actually like two months ago now how long is the relationship

mine was six years wow I wish I'd have gone first now wait just edit it so I went first my one was

three and a half years but they're still long term and you both broke up two months ago so you guys are fresh

really new to dating how are you finding it I got dumped so it's easy for me to kind of move on and other stuff but like it's a whole new

it's a whole new world did you meet your ex on a dating app or are you now new to dating apps yeah or are you even using dating apps

I met her that's very presumptuous I know what about Jack nah I met her on Insta and then sorry that is the same thing

you know when people are like no I don't then sorry that is the same thing you know when people are like no I don't think it's the same thing that's not the same thing Instagram Rubina is a dating app Rubina is a dating app Rubina is not a dating app

I get recipes I get exactly my news exactly my mum watches my Instagram she's on tins how did you slide in

yeah it was a good one you know do you know what it wasn't yeah it wasn't a slide I call it a hop. Cause basically she put. Tested the water.

Yeah. Because. Let me take notes. Cause basically we follow each other for a while. We follow each other for a while. And then like, I waited for a story to pop up that I could just respond to. That was a good story.

And she was drawing something. And then I just so happened to be drawing. So I was like, Oh, artistic brain. I was like, oh, artistic brain skill. I just happened. And I was like, oh, I draw too

and then I sent her a picture of my drawing. Was it good? It sounds like an innuendo a little bit. It sounds like something that happens at primary school, man. What, you draw in love?

It was a freaking good drawing. Oh, was it? Yeah, no, very cute. Very cute. Yeah. No, I think what you've done is you've done two things. You've done two birds, one stone.

Yeah. You've flexed your artistic skills which she will appreciate because you're like sick he fucking draws and she did and she did so clearly it got you

six years so it worked that's really good innings man congratulations what did you draw though what did you draw what was the drawing was it your dick

because that's like that's what I mean that would be like next level dick pic you know you know what You know what? Now that I'm back in the game as a new one. Just get a 2D pencil out, draw your dick.

2D. Oh my God, 3D. Get those 3D. These 3D printers are amazing. You can do guns and everything. It's amazing. Oh my God. Anyway, so what did you draw?

I got criminal over there. You went straight to guns. Well, I'm a violent person. What are you going to do? Dick, guns, they kind of have. What did you draw? I drew, I think I drew like Iron Man or something

oh my god that is the dweebiest shit ever it was like seven years ago I was a young boy yeah no no but she liked it she liked it anyway

what did she draw she was drawing some like I don't remember I actually don't remember it was like a it was a landscape of something okay whatever

you liked your you liked each other's drawing. And then when did you ask her out? Oh, I think we went out like the next month or so. And then we went to Pizza Hut, Bullring. And the aunties were there. Her auntie popped in on the date. And then we bought.

So this was back when money wasn't a thing. So I didn't. So we ordered a... What? The stonage? Two for green! Oh, no, opposite. this was back when like money wasn't a thing so i didn't so we ordered up so i ordered so i had nothing to spare so i was like oh i'm not hungry and we just shared like one of the big ones and then um yeah then we just had like that cheesy fries and waters oh it was like oh my god i love this because she was like asking you what happened on the day you're just telling us what you ate.

It's like you budgeted and she... Did she appreciate that? Yeah. Yeah. Well, I guess it led to another six years, didn't it? Exactly. So if you don't mind me asking, why did you guys break up? Also, you can definitely not answer that. Oh no, I can answer that.

It was actually a deep one. So she wanted kids and I wasn't ready. How old are you, if you don't mind me asking? I'm 27. Okay. Yeah, and she kind of wanted them like now. Is she wanted kids and I wasn't ready. How old are you, if you don't mind me asking? I'm 27. Okay. Yeah. And she kind of wanted them like now. Is she the same age as you?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And is that something you had discussed at the start? We discussed it like five, six months before and it was okay. And then I think she'd gone, like spoke to her parents a bit more. Parents are a bit older and then kind of get in all of that in the air. And then all of a sudden she, well not really

all of a sudden it probably was brew in a while but she just came out and said like you know this is important to me we need to have a serious conversation

we actually ended on really nice terms we're still in school now literally I won't say a bad thing about her are you on the dating apps now? I was on yeah

I was on two months after a six year relationship sorry don't judge the guy I'm just saying because I feel like I'm in a similar situation but I feel like it's a little bit too soon for me no do you know Yeah. Well, I was on... Two months after a six-year relationship. Sorry. Don't judge the guy. I'm just saying, because I feel like I'm in a similar situation,

but I feel like it's a little bit too soon for me. No, do you know what? I was on Bumble for like a few hours. I didn't like it. Bumble shit. Yeah, I didn't like it. Why didn't you like it? It was just like... You've got to wait for the girl to switch it.

Yeah, it's really like... I don't know. Yeah, because you have to wait for them to say something. And then if they don't, I'm just kind of like, oh, what's wrong with me and it was after a few hours I was just like

I've swiped a lot now and no one's swiped I know it's only a few hours but I was like I don't know but there is data that supports that South Asian men

actually don't do that well on dating apps not as well as obviously white guys Asian girls don't do as well on dating apps as white girls yeah

but can I get back to what you were saying like I wouldn't be put off by the fact that girls are not saying hello to you it's just that honestly welcome welcome you are now in the jungle my friend I'm back to what you were saying? Like, I wouldn't be put off by the fact that girls are not saying hello to you. It's just that, honestly, welcome. Welcome. You are now in the jungle, my friend.

I'm about to tell you. Like, it is, it is, it is hell out there. Here's a cougar. Have you met her? It's like, if women don't respond, don't lose hope and don't take it personally. You have to have a very fucking thick skin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, like, and don't just go on Bumble.

Go on the other apps and, like, be ready for rejection. Be okay with rejection. Also, the algorithm will serve you the more you're on them. I mean, I was also on the other apps and be ready for rejection. Be okay with rejection. Also, the algorithm will serve you the more you're on them. I mean, I was also on the dating apps for quite a long time. And it does. The more you're on it,

the more it feeds you. And the more you get good at it. It's like a game. It's like PlayStation. It's like PlayStation. It's like James Bond with the goddamn... Would you prefer to meet someone in real life or...

I'd like to. Social media slash dating. Yeah, you know what I'm like? How I met your mother stories. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? I want one. It's like, oh, how'd you meet your mother? Oh, Inst dating. Yeah, you know what I'm like? How I met your mother stories. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? I want one. It's like, oh, how did you meet your mother?

Oh, Insta. But do you not meet, would you not, like I, when I speak, when I date young guys, they're like, when we go out with our mates,

we're not going out for the pool. We're not going out on the pool. We're just out with our boy mates having fun. Yeah. I don't know, I don't know anyone who meets people in real life anymore. Really?

Yeah, I don't. Do you guys? I feel life anymore. Really? Yeah, I don't. Do you guys? I feel like I'd rather meet someone in real life. I would rather too. I would rather. But like you said, I feel like what I've tried to do is just actually enjoy my life itself. Obviously, I've been in a three-year relationship, so I'm kind of getting my life back and what I used to love doing back. Getting you back.

Yeah, get myself back to a certain extent. But then within that, it's like having a good time with my mates. And that kind of attracts the people that you want to be around. So that's generally how I'd... These guys are nice. Who found me? I know, I know. They're nice.

Like PG. No, I really liked it. So for you, you're on the dating apps kind of half in, half out. No. But you're not really... I was on them for like an hour. A few hours. But you're massive on...

Maybe over two days you're massive on the internet so like I know you're not saying that we mutually agree that Instagram is not a dating app although I think differently you know you're online

you're like really visibly online and that's a really good shop window for you so like you know you might be responding to someone's story is it not a bit of a catch 22 because you've got such a big

social media presence do you think that like oh are they only in it for the clout? Or like, if I slide into their DMs, is it going to be like a whole story about it type thing? Shit, because you two are well famous, so that's going to be a problem, isn't it? Yeah.

I didn't even think about that. For you especially, because like your relationship stuff is public. Yeah. People think they know what you're like in a relationship. How does that make you feel? How do you trust someone well that's what I mean

that's up until this point I haven't really tested the waters I've just tried to be sociable and kind of see what comes of it but earlier you said two months was too soon

so you just kind of like as in too like too soon to go back to be like actively going out and like be like rah like let me

yeah yeah yeah what rah let me what rah let me what rah since 2022 rah let me like I don't let me what let me what 2022 right let me like I don't

actively go out like to try and meet girls I just have a good time with my mates and then I think that's like actually like super attractive

don't you think like the people you know when you you know when you go out you know when you go out and you see like a group of guys or girls

depending on what gender you're attracted to and they are having like the best time there's nothing more attractive than that because you're just like they're just happy

with who they are. Yeah. Speaking of that so someone told me or a few people have told me that I've got golden retriever energy.

Now I don't know I got the same. I don't know. What does that mean? I don't know what that means. I'm like a happy dog that just goes wild and is so approachable

and friendly. I'm coming to you you guys are supposed to be the experts here. Like I'm going to be a happy dog that just goes wild and is so approachable and friendly. I'm coming to you. You guys are supposed to be the experts here. Like, is it attractive to be a golden retriever? So let's set the scene. We're in a bar, you're in a bar. Both of you are giving us golden retriever energy, which I think from the meaning just is...

Poppy actually hates dogs, so I don't know how that will go down. I'm actually more of a cat person myself. Basically, you're high energy, kind, affectionate. Yeah, I really, I would like that. I would absolutely like that. I don't like that. It's too much.

I like kind of a bit of a mystery. It's too much. I don't need to know that you're nice to everyone. There's no mystery, is there? I'll just be in the middle of the dance floor. Come on, everyone, jump in, jump in. I wish I was like Miss T. I don't believe that about you

you I think I've had a long term relationship with a very nice wonderful guy but the reason I liked him was because I couldn't figure him out

at the start and I was like what's going on what's going on what's going on who are you but do you not like the person that's like

centre of attention kind of like the golden retriever my guy my guy the golden retriever person is the one that I friend zoned.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Constantly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you get friends? Constantly, yeah, yeah, yeah. See, it depends on the context, right? So say, for instance, I'm out and I'm with a group of girls and there's a guy giving me Golden Retriever energy.

It makes me leave my, like, I would want to engage in a conversation. But if they're being mysterious and I'm with my girls or my boys i'm just gonna be like oh fuck you then i'm not gonna bother so you have to really come out of your comfort zone energy level to kind of hook me in yeah for me to just go the energy is good for in real life dating though yeah yeah because you need that like a bit of mystery is quite good on apps because you can do that yeah yeah yeah let's meet i don't know you and then you're like you still don't know me what's the other one cat

is it cat energy what was it black cat energy is it cat energy my name is Bore I don't know is it cat or dog

or whatever okay so my thing is I think I accidentally give black cat energy because you don't do that no I do it's on purpose I do you flirt with literally every single person you... No, you don't do that. No, I do.

It's on purpose. I do. You flirt with literally every single person I met. You say that and I don't flirt with them. She's like, can I actually have some more sauce? So here's the thing. You're like, here's the thing. We had an entire episode about this.

I can't flirt in real life, but on apps, I'm fucking fire. I can't flirt. I can't flirt. That's dead though. I can't flirt. Do you know what? For me, I need the energy in real life. Yeah apps i'm fucking fire i can't i can't flirt though i need that do you know what for me i need the energy in real life yeah no i've got energy for days but i can't like basically when i'm trying to give someone fuck you wise my friends are like please don't you look like you're having a stroke i you freeze up a little bit i freeze up yeah what's both of yours like flirting techniques what's kind of your when you like somebody when you've met somebody and you know

that you like in real life do you know? I'll actually just zero in on it and I'll just eye contact, having a laugh. Yeah, I can't do eye contact. Yeah, man, you've got those golden retriever eyes as well. I don't know. We might have the same eyes.

Do you know what? I feel like he does actually have golden eyes. He does, definitely. You both look like golden retrievers now. No, but if I zero in on it, then it's a bit different. Yeah. Do you have a different,

look. Yeah, you give, I can't give fuck you eyes. Also, I'm so obsessed with my friends i just want to hang out with them so you yeah your golden retriever energy has to excel no i'll get everyone involved what do you mean all my mates all your mates yeah see i see i like that i feel like you're the guy but then i'll hone in on it you're like you're the guy at the wedding who's the front of the conga line i was mc for my cousin's wedding.

I was like, yes, you were. What about you? What's your style? I don't flirt. I think you're like me. I don't get riffs. I don't get saying cute, funny things. I am myself. I might say something stupid.

I'll say something that's a bit like weird a little bit clumsy you flirt how you talk to your mate it's just banter it's just chat no I just don't flirt I'll just literally

just like I've not done it in person a lot in my history of dating ever like before the relationship either but even now

I wouldn't message someone and say something like outrageous yeah yeah yeah so how does a girl know you like ugh no so how does a girl know you fancy her and not

how does a girl know you like her as a potential girlfriend and not a sorry not a friend Iron Man picture comes out

yeah yeah you want to see you want to see my drawings hey hey we bonded in there don't you try and do this shit to me now

he's always more united yeah yeah he's the Liverpool fan coming out areas now yep 4-3 but no I think there's

I don't wow that was our first football band's drop on this fucking podcast guys listeners don't worry we're gonna flush that shit out of here

we brought these brown guys on but they're not in charge do you know what I reckon like it's gonna be a free it's a free horse race oh no one gives a shit shut the fuck up

talk to us about your dicks that's why we're here should I just pick up where I left off yeah please nah so so genuinely bend to the right

so genuinely I don't like yeah so I can't like typical kind of film flirting when you have like I can compliment someone and I'll compliment them but i can't like typical kind of film flirting when you have to like i can compliment someone and i'll compliment them but i can't say anything that's like really smooth or anything i just yeah i am a naturally kind of not well i guess kind of awkward person but i don't really

care how i come across can i can i take it really deep for a second i think with dating apps there's a lot of rejection and with flirting and meeting a partner you got've got to kiss a few frogs but you've also got to find out that lots of people that you like don't like you back do you guys I've just never heard a guy talk about

rejection or feeling hurt or really fancying somebody and knowing that they don't fancy you back have you had that happen to you? yeah

yeah all the time they've got a squeaky clear record 100% I think it happens to guys more than it happens to girls they just don't talk about it they just don't talk about it record 100% I think it happens to guys more than it happens to girls they just don't talk about it

they just don't talk about it oh 100% girls get matched all the time my guy mates but they just don't talk about it I'd love to hear you both talk about it

I get rejected constantly do you know that I feel like I don't let it get to a point where I felt rejected I like to because I'm not over the top with the play

probably quite similar to you I kind of have to wait for something back I have that normal conversation with you when I get something back then I'm kind over the top with the play probably quite similar to you I kind of have to wait for something back like I have like normal conversation with you when I get something back then I'm kind of like oh like what are we doing here

oh right you wait for a signal to be back yeah yeah so as in there probably have been like loads of girls in the past that I've liked but it's never really gone anywhere

but I've never allowed myself to I think oh that I'm going to marry her we're going to have kids blah blah blah it's always just been like you're reading the signals to try and figure it out

yeah yeah but maybe that is because it's like I'm not 100% confident in, you know, that she likes me or I like her or whatever it is. So what you're saying,

which I think is really interesting and important is like, you have some levels of insecurity around this stuff, like all of us. I feel like that's just human nature though, isn't it? Yeah, I think they do.

If they say they don't, they're lying. Yeah. But like, it's often quite male to be like bravado about that shit. So it's really nice that you guys aren't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Modern day men are like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Golden retrievers, but like it's often quite male to be like bravado about that shit so it's really nice that you guys aren't yeah

modern day men are like that golden retrievers yeah we're all hot on our sleeves yeah that's oh that's that's me

do you feel like you fall in love easy yeah I fall not in love but I fall for people like I fall in love like that

yeah like the thing is with me in person if the energy is like electric then I'm like wow like this is insane how do you know when you're in love like that yeah yeah like the thing is with me in person if the energy is like electric then I'm like wow like this is insane how do you know

when you're in love oh jeez love is like the best thing in the world it's so funny that you said this I was talking to my friend to my friend

Inas about this this morning like falling in love being in love is like one of the best feelings have either of you been in love yeah

yeah 100% yeah yeah yeah well I assume to be in love 100% can I ask when you told the person that you were both of you been in love? Yeah. Yeah. 100%. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I assume to be in love. 100%. Can I ask, when you told the person

that you were, both of you were in love with independently, I love you, did you go fast? Yeah. God, do I? You didn't have to share it, obviously. But you did.

It sounds like from your hesitancy, you didn't. Well, do you know what it was? Yeah, long day. Do you know what it was? Long day. Again, similar to what? I'm dying to know where this is going. You know when any brown boy's like, do you know what it was yeah long day long day again I'm dying to know where this is going

any brown boy's like do you know what it is yet you know the biggest cap trust me I'm just about to cap so hard do you know what it is yet I should have known

I should have known I really like it we said like I'm infatuated by you I'm obsessed with you but then I think one day she just let it slip

and I thought let me just let it slide in it. Because I thought, she said it now, so I know that she's feeling that type of way. So eventually, but for me, if I say I'm serious, I'm honing in on it. Well, if you say it, you obviously mean it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I wouldn't lead you down the garden path and actually mean it. I want to get onto the subject of Ix. A team member here who will not be mentioned, Sana, over there. She has the weirdest fucking ics on the planet. She doesn't like guys

who use the zebra crossing. Sana, what do you want us to do so you want us to get knocked over by cars? And that was the only one, wasn't it? And she also does the quarter zips, the fence. Only one of us is in the coffee shop

so Zanna has the weirdest another colleague of mine he's a gay guy and he's like I hate it when you go on a date with a guy

and you're in a you're in a coffee shop and he gets a hot chocolate and I'm like what the fuck so we just can't have that that is literally my go to drink

so we can't be safe that is literally am I just a walking it I'm out of the issue but is that why I'm single That is literally my go-to drink. So we can't be safe. That is literally. Am I just a walking it? Am I the issue? Is that why I'm single? This is actually an intervention for me. That's why we even invited you to come.

I literally saw you on a zebra crossing outside. She's the weirdest fucking thing. No, that. Okay, can we? Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. The zebra crossing thing is actually pissing me off. That's too far. That's too far. That's too far. That's actually angry.

So my mum has raised a good boy to the point where, okay, I know... And she wants to kill you. Yeah, and you just want to X me off and think, oh, I wanted to get hit over by a car. if we psychoanalyse her, is she likes the Asian rude boy, yeah?

She likes a tough rude boy. A bit of danger. A bit of illegality. So what are your top three icks for women? Oh, God. Oh. Yeah. That is... And don't give me shit like that's a bit of illegality so what are your top three icks for women oh god oh yeah that is and don't give me shit

like she's got to be nice to service staff because we already had that and it's so obvious oh it's so true though yeah one big major ick

so I'll start you guys off mine is smell a man has to smell like a fucking god that's not really an ick though that's just more being a human being yeah that's absolutely right

like shower yeah like hygiene yeah you're hygiene you're absolutely right okay let me come back to that what's your ick while that's just yeah that's not being a human being yeah that's right you're absolutely right yeah like hygiene yeah you're hygiene you're absolutely right okay let me come back to that what's your ick while they think no they go

okay you go but they're thinking they're thinking they've got to come back to Santa and her fucking my ick is when women have the most ridiculous icks

in the world right oh my god you're in my ick there's no way I'm jeopardising my life to impress you to impress you to impress you

to impress you you know that came from the ventricles yeah that actually hit me deep in my head from the dill you know what it was

I would have let the zebra cross and slide but it was a quarter zip for me that's what really riled me up watch me get hit by the car on my way home

and then Sadha walks out like it was a fucking there's my mate there he goes let me nurse you back to health bloody hell but I do think

like there are some like crazy expectations girls have of men and I say that as a woman like I have this thing which I find

I find it really hard to grapple with when girls tell me that they expect a man to pay for their dinner on the first date like they have this expectation

and if the man doesn't offer to pay or doesn't cover the meal they bin him off really and I'm always like I'm sorry that's not how I feel

that actually upsets me because I'm like you don't know how much he's earning you don't know where he's at with his life and also if you want him to treat you like an equal

pay your way so what do you what's your thought we do pay on the first date paying on the first date yeah yeah I feel obligated

to say that now I kind of yeah and you do you do no but I like I don't like someone who just expects like certain things so it's not like so don't go on a date with me and don't bring your wallet i'm not i'm not gonna

bring it out and ask you to like pay but it'd be nice yeah that's another red flag there perfect the perfect oh sick i can't wait to get hit by the zebra crossing but if i so it was like you're to get hit by the zebra crossing don't say that oh yeah my fault see you got me all out of whack but no I think if we go on a date and there's more than just the meal

it would be nice if like let's say I paid for the meal and then we go out for a drink and she just got one I'd be like that's sick I'm not expecting it but that's just really nice how would you feel

when you were out your wallet at the end of the meal to say yeah I want to cover this and she was like no I'd really like to pay my way and she kind of was like I would like that. Would you be into that?

That's so cute. Yeah, that's very, very cute. It's more like you're saying it and I'll just be like, you know what? I'll get this one. I saw that so Asian. We just all fight over the bill anyway,

don't we? Like me, that's me. And like, even if, how do you feel about paying for the date when you definitely know there's going to be no second date? Like you're in it. I would pay for it personally

because I know that's just a sign deal delivered done close that chapter never see you again and just we'll go our separate ways I don't want this like up and yeah oh like you paid half and then blah blah blah yeah I can't add any more to that to be fair I'd probably be the same can I ask you another question do you think it's okay to have sex on the first date well not with each other I have no idea what they look like I was really surprised that you guys

are looking at each other because I thought you'd both be like no why what are you thinking about there I'd like to know

no judgement here I fuck on the first date all the time if I like them so what's the I don't think it's a problem but would you would you have sex

on the first date I personally wouldn't you wouldn't I personally wouldn't. You wouldn't? I personally wouldn't. What about you? Wow, I'm so surprised that you're thinking about it and you wouldn't have sex

on a first date. What are you thinking about it? Well, hang on. Let him come to his... We also need to go back to the it question that neither of you have answered by the way.

Oh, I had my one. Okay, what are you saying? Why would you not... Sorry, I'm pointing. I don't know. I feel like that's quite an intimate thing for me personally. Maybe because I'm a I don't know I feel like that's quite an intimate thing for me personally

maybe because I'm Pisces a little bit emotional but how cute yeah I'm Capricorn I'm supposed to be the opposite someone in the comments

we like that guy I feel like I'm saying all the right things so you want to have a meaning you want to have some meaning of a connection with someone

before you I feel like yeah I think at this moment in time where I am in my you I feel like yeah I think at this moment in time where I am in my life I feel like I just want to get

everything about my life back and enjoy my life and then bring someone into that and that would kind of involve like dating and then

kind of feeling someone out a little bit but what if you're not looking for a relationship and you just want to have fun would you still not have sex on the first date which is what I mean

why are you looking at him I'm asking you because it's his time to talk now because he's had enough time to think about it I'm so surprised but just on that

is this like uncomfortable territory for you and it's totally fine to say that no it's not really uncomfortable territory I feel like

you know what it's difficult to say it's difficult for me to say oh yeah if our dream woman was there then I'd be like yeah let's

run it up yeah but until i see it and feel it in the flesh yeah you just wouldn't then but also can i because like we talk about we always talk about having sex in the first date and we talk about having casual sex but i think we have a certain um privilege we're we're women so people think of that as different differently do you feel like you talking about sex could ever be misconstrued because you're a man? Not really. No, not at all. I feel like everyone's in this day and age quite open and honest about sex and relationships.

I feel like dating and relationships is a really exciting topic. I feel like looking forward, what I look in the head is actually something that I'm actually looking forward to doing at some point. Do you know what I mean? It is weird, though. So you would have sex on the first date? You actually looking forward to doing at some point. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? It is weird though. So you would have sex

on the first date you wouldn't tend to? It just depends. Yeah. That's basically yes. Yeah. That's basically yes. I would, but my mum's going to watch this.

So I'm actually going to watch Rangles. She's going to listen to this. She will now. Really? But like, I would. My mum isn't. I'll tell you that for free. It wouldn't be just, because I'm kind of like you, like I would have to have an emotional'll tell you that for free but it wouldn't be just because I'm kind of like you

like I would have to have an emotional connection before doing that so it's like and then I was just saying that to lit goods wow we really are slags aren't we I was just saying that to lit goods

I don't know you don't have to copy me no because I've never been that sort of serial dater so I wouldn't date multiple people at one time I would kind of focus on my energy

on the one person that I like I'll be honest I can't do that before I went on Love a there was a point where I just graduated from uni I thought like because it is quite exciting it's quite fun not even a sense like oh I'm dating I'm doing this blah blah blah it's just meeting new people and like spending time with different types of people and I feel like even within your friends group there's different friends for yeah

different things yeah I mean like great friends club friends dinner friends exactly yeah but would you would you judge a girl if she did that kind of thing you have to say that well if she was a serial dater or if she did

sleep with people on her first date and that was totally fine do you have any judgment really genuinely not no I've been with people who've had

that sort of history and would you bring those types of girls home to your mum absolutely not sorry I should let you guys answer are you saying like if you're gonna bring them home after like the third date no but if it's Do you bring those types of girls home to your mum? Absolutely not. Sorry, I should let you guys answer.

Are you saying like, if you're going to bring them home after like the third date, no. But if it's like you develop a relationship and then things sort of change or like... How long do you wait? Do you bring a girl home to mum? They're Asian, so at least a couple of years. At least.

My last girlfriend was about three years. There you go. Really? It was because of COVID. Three years into the six-year-old? Into the relationship, yeah. Was she Asian Asian by the way yeah yeah she was

yeah I think Asians we take longer with that yeah white people man they should their parents have to date too yeah yeah you know like

oh like keep the door open we ain't allowed in keep the door open you lost your mind you're not allowed to date until you get married and you make it halal keep the door open

yeah I dream one day of keeping the door open yeah yeah so true mum Richard's here slap in the fucking face is Richard converting

are you married are you getting married fucking hell anyway have you ever have either of you ever ghosted someone you've been hooking up with

or dating no never ghosted someone that's cap bro really that's cap so you're telling me you've constantly

followed through with every single text every single phone call can a brother speak I'm cutting you off and you've got to know what next this bromance

is so short lived don't die on the set I'm team I'm team Sanana no but like so I just said

before like I don't I'm not a serial dater so it's not as if I'd have so many on the go that I just ghost before I don't I'm not a serial dater so it's not as if I'd have so many on the go that I just ghost ones I would actually have sort of a connection with them and then it kind of leads me to

if it has to end to end it in the proper way and you would you would need to because you've developed such a connection what man so you're telling me

100% of the time you've had that closure oh sorry this isn't going to work out you've been lovely I actually believe you I actually believe you genuinely yeah yeah me too

yeah yeah yeah how do you like like to be like let down on a message like what can I actually need advice on with yeah with boys do you know what

do you want the truth or do you want to I'd rather you actually just ghost me to be honest just ghost me man I'm not having this borderline like

oh you know it was going great but I just feel like we're better can I say something bro do I care you obviously do just ghost me

bro give me I sound like I'm really hurt about that don't I yeah innit one of my boys got ghosted I feel the empathy for him

I can kind of see the value in that like being ghosted means you don't have to like be told what was wrong I think it's so rude

to ghost. Really? Fucking, yeah. Your thing about being so surprised, I actually have many on the go. And I mean, I eventually, like an Ashanti song, I get back to them eventually.

So it does feel like I'm ghosting them, but I do give it. And I always, I'm never honest. I always say, sorry, the vibe wasn't right, whatever. One of them, his beard was smelly and I was like, you need to put some fucking ood

on that shit, man. But anyway, I always do because I think it's the polite thing to be like it was like you about your email this morning I'm like how like it's I just I know it's the language I know people goes I just think it's so rude to do that to someone to not even give them a response and say hey it's really hard though I remember when I was online dating I messaged this guy and was like I don't think it was really it wasn't really anything, but it was really nice to meet you. You know, good luck. And then he messaged me back and said, do you think you can give me some feedback?

Like as to why? You know, I respect that. He's trying to better himself. He's trying to better himself. And then I just have to be honest because like sometimes it just doesn't feel like there's any chemistry. Yeah. And it's like, I'm maybe trying to like pull something in. That's what I said.

Chemistry was a good way to get out of it. Yeah. I think kind of what you touched on earlier, like if it's one sided where someone's feeling it and someone really isn't, then I get it. But you'd be able to suss that out. Like if I could tell that you were quite into me, but I wasn't into it, then I'd probably.

What are the signals that someone's giving you that you know that they're into you? I don't know. This is what I feel like I'm struggling with. I feel like that stuff's really mysterious. You know that street song, like when she's touching her hair, she's obviously really into you. And I remember like I'm struggling with I feel like that stuff's really mysterious you know that street song like when she's touching her hair she's obviously really into you

and I remember like listening to that as a teenager and being like okay that's the sign like when I like a guy I'm going to do the thing because he must have listened to a song

from the same generation but it's like sometimes giving somebody the signal that you like them the eye contact thing's good when you talked about zoning in I was like oh yeah

when somebody likes you they're zoning in I've seen my friend in action I can say it from a female point of view. I'm just learning. David Attenborough in the Serengeti, she will touch their elbow. Elbow?

No, she'll touch their arm. Oh yeah. She'll go in and then come out and it's all eyes. That's very obvious. That is very obvious. That's very obvious. I mean, I can't even do that, bro.

Would you touch a girl to signal that you like her? God forbid. Oh my God. Catching a case for no one. I mean, I can't even do that. Would you touch a girl to signal that you like her? God forbid. Absolutely not. Catching a case for no one. So what do you do then? My hands behind my back 24-7. I need like...

I'm like that. Social situation. Yeah, I sit on my hands. So I don't understand what you're saying. Because you think it's like too much. You didn't need too much for that consent.

If I'm being completely honest... That's very respectful. If I'm being completely honest, I feel like... It is. Yeah, we are. This sounds like I'm just trying to just pander respectful If I'm being completely honest I feel like It is Yeah we are I'm not This sounds like I'm just trying to Trying to just pander to the comments

And what not But I feel like It's such a war zone Like the dating scene Do you know what I mean Even on like a night out I feel like girls get A lot of like hassle and what not

And I feel like I just don't want to Can I say something On the flip side of that I wish guys were more forward Really I wish they were touching My fucking elbow

The buff ones obviously But that's what I mean how do I know that I'm the buff one let's move it away from creepy shit because creepy shit happens all the time

let's learn from each other so you have two people and you're absolutely right we could be I could have met you in a bar either of you and it could be

just like mates two mates talking but there is always a line and you know where you go that much closer so you're in each other's space in a way that you wouldn't

if it was just a mate. And there are signs, like I'm fucking black cat fucking loser. Like I'm just terrible with this shit. But when you know, you know.

When someone likes you and it's eyes and it's lingering eyes. You're so right about the personal space thing. It's the personal space and the other person doesn't step back.

And the other person doesn't step back. It's those cues. Let me take notes. It's those social cues. And men, and understandably, and a lot of my guy mates say this, it's like, I don't want to be accused of shit, and me too, and Harvey Weinstein, and girls get hassled all the time.

And I want to respect it. And I'm screaming, I'm like, someone I fancy who I like, please fucking step to me and be brave and own that space. And I just don't see that. I don't, it's not. Yeah. It's a bit of a catch-22, though, isn't it? Yeah, it is a catch-22. for me personally I kind of need a bit of a green light to to act on it but then it needs to

be either like verbal like oh yeah I like you yeah do you know what I mean I think that's probably the easiest one I'm the same oh you know I'm the same you're so right about the getting close thing though I'm just really remembering all of those times where like I knew that I liked them and I knew we were gonna kiss I. I could see it was going in that direction and just like sitting next to someone and like edging closer and making it very clear

that my arm was fully touching their arm. Yeah. And that's like giving them the green light. But were you like kind of instigating that a little bit more? Yes.

I gave them the like you can go for this. You give them the green light. If you were going to make a move I would not pull back. If we're having a conversation and I'm thinking, wow, like she's attractive, I wouldn't act on that like, boom.

You'd wait for like a signal. I think that is actually how it all works. I just like have like a little child science moment. For those of our listeners who don't go on social media and see the clips of this and are just listening, they won't know what you look like. How do you guys rate yourself

like in the scale of one to ten on attractiveness say ten is the one and one is not the one should we go

at the same time I feel like oh like say a number at the same time okay I'll count you in I'll count you in so I'm saying that about myself

you're saying that about yourself so you're judging yourselves on attractiveness wait wait wait so just physical appearance just physical appearance get Just physical appearance. Get your personality, all right?

So I'm going to count you in. Three, two, one. Six. Oh. What did you say? You said six. I said 0.8. 0.8.

No, he said eight. Guys, you're wrong. You're both 10s. You're both 10s. And your energy and your attitudes are 11. You get a 10 because you ghost people. You're both 10s. You're both 10s. You're both 10s. And your energy and your attitudes are 11. You go 10 because you ghost people. Oh.

Oh, right. Wow. So he's 11 and he's a 10. Wow. I mean, ultimately, they're really good schools. So to end our show, we do this feature called the Shaggy Aunties. And at the end of each episode, we ask someone to send in a dilemma. And we'd really appreciate if you could help us with our listener dilemma this week.

You've reached the Shaggy Auntie's call centre. Want advice you can't ask your real aunties for? Like, how do you ask for what you want in bed? Not sure which hole is a goal? Where do anal beads really go? Have you been faking orgasms your whole adult life? Accidentally called your boss daddy? Is your long-time love not going down south?

For more than just the tip, we're here for you. Yes, you. And you. And you. Today's listener dilemma is, firstly, love, love, love the podcast. I'm 53, a black girl, single and two teens, and I love listening to your podcast

and find myself nodding and agreeing thank you what do you do about a man who discusses past women slash relationships

and talks about other people slash men slash women he's currently sleeping with are they going are they going out

with this person or is it a mate because if it's a mate it's totally fine no I think this person is dating somebody oh yeah so dating other people

and talks a lot about other people and they're shagging listener do you know what I feel like talking about exes is

ick ick it's an ick it's bragging it sounds like they're just bragging about I got an ex on the go

or not over them you should I'm I just think you should give your energies to one person at a time I do think you should give your energies to one person at a time I do think

so in my my thing to that is like he shouldn't be talking about who he's dating or like any of this he shouldn't really be dating anyone else if you

it depends on no he's talking about his exes to her but again it's just like it depends how you're bringing it up are you talking about an experience that you've learned from that you've grown from

it depends who the exes are though it does because if it was like Dua Lipa I would be like what it's a date Dua Lipa you know I'd be like yeah

if it was like your sister was amazing then there that's a bad one it does depend but even if you were dating Dua Lipa no current girlfriend

wants to hear it they want to hear it once but it's not like a broken record I think you no I was joking yeah I think you give it's okay

I don't think you will I think I genuinely think you give you're supposed to give your energy to one person I think so for me it's maybe old fashioned I don't know but I wouldn't be dating other people so I don't expect other people to well I can't expect them to do

what I do but in that scenario not only should you not really be dating other people but if you're going to date someone and it depends how long it is and how deep they are obviously but you should be spending your time trying to connect on a deeper level with that person than using other reasons

almost not to connect with them, which I think is what he's doing. Well, actually, he's talking about his ex-partners and he's talking about other people. He's currently dating. No, no, no, no. He's dating.

He's talking about other people that other men and women are dating. No, and talks about other men and women he's currently sleeping with. He's currently sleeping with. Oh, God. So he's in an open relationship with her. No, but he's just dating her.

He's on a marathon. He's like, hi, I want to date with you. We're having a good chat. By the way, I went out with Dua Lipa. And by the way, yesterday I shagged this other girl. It's weird, though. Basically, this guy has no other chat. I'm sorry.

I read that as they're in a relationship. But even if he was dating other people, he shouldn't be saying it to her. Well, no, I think in terms of exes, I think he should leave that one behind. But I think it's important to be open and honest and communicate if you are dating other people because I don't want to be all in for someone and then find out through the grapevine

that they're dating other people. So what's your advice to this woman? I mean, tell him to just cut out maybe talking about the exes. But I mean, you can't have a go at talking about the exes. Yeah. But I mean, you can't have a go at him for being open and honest about who else

he's currently dating. So that's what I would personally say. Because as long as you're open and honest about everything, then you can't really bash him. Yeah.

But maybe cut out talking about the exes. Yeah. I don't think I don't think he's just saying, by the way, I'm seeing other people. I think he's giving detail

about the current. Yeah. Yeah. That's a bit mad though. That's the sense I'm seeing other people. I think he's giving detail about the current. Yeah. Yeah, that's a bit mad though. That's the sense I'm getting. What would you say to this listener? I mean, it's really hard because there's not much context, but whatever's happening is you're not comfortable with this because you've written him to be like,

I'm not really comfortable with him. He keeps on going on about these past things. You just need to tell him, like, are you in it for me? Or are you like, are you thinking about other people? I think that's the main thing as well obviously you've got kids as well so just protect your peace you don't need someone to pick up

I forgot about the kids to pick up the buck as well if it's affecting your life and then having a knock on effect as well in your family good to know someone's history good to know someone's

you know STD certificates yeah search his level tell me about it give us a LinkedIn review everyone talks about the X-Files but current partners

you want to hear look I'm seeing other people but you don't want to be like last week I went out on a date yeah unless he's like trying to vie for

some sort of open relationship with you but then have that conversation yeah just be like let's just talk about that like do you want to do that because it doesn't sound

like you do it's one side it's one side so yeah talk to him more talk to him more but not about that great

thank you so much thank you guys thanks for coming on Brown Girls Day 2 it was really fun we appreciate your opinions eye opening experience yeah

and like Brown Girls Day 2 fans if you're listening and single there's two golden retrievers waiting single there's two golden retrievers waiting here golden retrievers waiting waiting to lap that shit up

oh my god what about you any like honestly the women that listen to this will slide in you got any you want to make a little

public service announcement here right here on Brown Girls Do It 2 yeah what's your what's your like no no no I don't want to I got someone in mind for him I'm doing classic

auntie thing here what about me what about me what about me no but I know someone in Birmingham you're in your youth phase you want to find yourself

you know yeah yeah yeah I think I found myself now if you've got I think after this conversation I found myself yeah yeah I found my peace

I was at the BBC sound studio the whole time what were you going to ask were you going to ask? Were you going to ask him something? I was going to say, what is your ideal? Maybe the ideal is a bit heavy,

but like, what would you look for? Yeah. What's your ideal time? I don't know if this would be great to the listeners, but I'm kind of dating someone at the minute.

You're just, you're bringing that in now? I'm kind of dating someone. You fucking lie. Literally, we've been talking, you're like, I've just done the dating apps

and I was on Bumble for an hour for an hour oh my god she's the reason I'm off but like no so it's very soon and that's why

I haven't spoke about it that much but like so I'm not do you want that in or off I don't mind don't worry ladies

just draw a picture of Iron Man and be out so yeah so that whole when I was saying before about yeah energy to one person

all this that's kind of where I'm at were you just doing this whole thing for her this is all a lie this is all a fucking lie you might as well

shout her out then while you're eating hey hey hey you might as well shout her out propose to her but um so your

your PC one down one to go ladies one to go your ideal type is the woman that you're seeing right now. Is that the right answer?

Right. Guys, I think that was a great note to end it on. Thank you so much for coming. Thank you. Thank you so much for listening to this riveting episode. If you had any thoughts, questions, or just want to find out if you can hook up with those two guys, you can email us at browngirlsdoit2 at bbc.co.uk.

Or you can send us a WhatsApp or a voice note to 0796810822. That's 07968100822. Because I feel like some of them must just be like, I can't fucking understand what they're saying no it's a sing song of course you understand it's a sing song is it it's a song

that is the most Asian thing ever it's a sing song it's a sing song you know you remember Rupertira Mastana you remember songs of things or songs of adverts

oh like it's a jingle a jingle sorry it's a sing song it's a sing song we got it thanks for listening guys see. It's a sing song. It's a sing song. We got it. Thanks for listening, guys. See you at the next sing song. Hi, I'm Poppy.

And I'm Rubina. Do you want to see Brown Girls Do It Too live? We're taking our show to the glorious city of Sheffield for one night only. Come and hear us talk about sex, love and heartbreak at the podcast festival, Crosswise, on Saturday, June 1st. Tickets on sale now.