Brown Girls Do It Too - It's Fashion, Darling!

Episode Date: May 10, 2024

Poppy and Rubina are joined by beauty influencer Anchal Seda and founder of sustainable fashion brand By Rotation, Eshita Kabra, to talk about fashion, style, beauty - and attraction.Anchal and Eshita have both carved spaces for themselves in the fashion and beauty industry so bring their many years of living and breathing in this field to Brown Girls Do It Too. They discuss dress codes at weddings (Eshita had four different themes!), who they dress for (men, women or themselves?) and what the most expensive item of clothing is in their wardrobe. Have a message for Poppy and Rubina? If you’re over 16, you can message the BGDIT team via WhatsApp for free on 07968100822. Or email us at [e-mail] you're in the UK, for more BBC podcasts listen on BBC Sounds: bbc.in/3UjecF5

Have you ever seen someone dressed so flamboyantly that all the boring people around them give them disapproving looks? Or someone wearing a skirt so short that it's almost obscene, but not quite. As long as they don't have to pick something up off the ground. That's kind of what this podcast is like. In fact, sometimes we are obscene. Think of Vivienne Westwood and Malcolm McLaren's bondage suit. We shock some people and influence others. Oh, and this episode will

contain strong language and adult content and thongs. Thongs, thongs, thongs. We can talk about thongs right now. Do you wear thongs? No. Okay. I've got like two. I've got about 16. I've worn them like a few times but they're just not my thing. I wear them on dates. I just... Or I'm wearing a crop top. I think all of my knickers

are quite like thongy because I wear quite a lot of like French knickers which are like high cut. Ah. But they're not like thongs. Thong, thong. Yeah. But they're not like thongs. Thongs, yeah.

This is a podcast about sex. At least it started off like that. Now we talk about everything. Everything is sex. And sex is everything. And that includes our mistakes, our heartbreaks, and our hot, hot, hot takes. I'm Poppy, and I describe my style as flamboyant and functional, invisible and attention-seeking. I'm Robina, and I describe my style as charity shop Suze mixed with the dress-up box at nursery. What's charity? What's Suze?

Oh my God, you don't know charity shop Suze? She's like this Instagram phenomenon who wanders around charity shops and has her own. No, she has her own charity shop, and she's a comedy like Instagram phenomenon who like wanders around charity shops and has her own no she has her own charity shop and she's like she's a comedy character okay we usually talk about

activities that involve no clothes usually naked swimming sex are we talking about is that what this is about this is

this whole podcast this whole time I thought we were talking about swimming doggy style that's a swim move right you swim naked in the pool in a public pool you naked. What swimming pool are you swimming in? Jesus.

It's that part of the leisure centre, isn't it? Shout out. No, we usually talk about activities in the boudoir that require no clothes. But today's episode is all about garms, fits, what you wear on your back. Rags. Rags. I'm just thinking about all the fucking clothes. Slang.

Linen. Cotton. Cotton. Silk. Silks. Leg guys. Let me do my silks. Yes, exactly.

True the, saris, silk amides. All of that. I was thinking, I was thinking you could go up. Skirts, trousers. Kulots.

Joggers. Thongs, knickers. Rals. Bridget Jones pants. This is really ridiculous. No, just keep going. That's the whole point of the game anyway. You've ended the game I've won. So is fashion important to you? When I say fashion, by the way, I don't mean fashion.

Fashion. I don't mean fashion. Fashion. I mean clothes and how you express yourself I think it is important to you I think it is important to me I think you're right I think I would never like to admit I'm somebody who's interested in fashion I don't follow the runways I don't know who the designers are I kind of don't really care for that world but I like that it's a real expression of what you're feeling inside and who you are or who you'd like to be and i love

people who experiment like i love watching people when they come in and like they're not in all black yeah they're all black like i'm just like you don't you're not giving me anything you're giving me nothing you're hiding behind those things come and show me maybe show me some soul maybe oh but maybe they've got bucket loads of personality and they just don't need to outshine people with their with the color maybe but your eye is just drawn to something that's not all black or not well sometimes it's all white though eyes are all white yeah eyes eyes eyes eyes or it's a statement statement i think i like people who dress like really simply but like accessorize and make it look like really them yeah i actually

don't think i can pull off a white t-shirt even though I am right now wearing a white t-shirt. But you know, there's something quite classic about a white t-shirt and then like... I think everyone... You know? Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.

You're so Indian when you do that. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? Everyone looks good in white and black. That is a universal truth. That's why we dye in white. Well, muzzos do.

Yeah, my muzzos do too. Yeah. Are you all kind of muzzos do? Yeah, yeah, yeah. My mum's already shown me her like death outfit. White people dye in black and they look good too. Yeah, my Muzo's do too. Yeah, are you a kind of Muzo's do? Yeah, yeah, yeah. My mum's already shown me her like death outfit. White people die in black and they look good too. White and black are the two universal colours in the world.

Do you know like Asian, Asian girls, like the reason I think that I want Asian girls to wear more colour, like I do have this thing about Asian girls. I'm looking at you. For me, it's like we are from really colourful cultures. Yeah. Like if you go back and you go back to like our family roots, if I open my mum's cupboard.

It's like, it's like a fucking Technicolour dream coat. I feel like something about wearing all black is hiding. Ooh, controversial. I'm not judging them.

I'm judging them a little bit. But I think there's something about, because it's exposing when you wear colour because you'll basically be, and because, big up to our skin colour, we are so lucky

to have this amazing complexion. Yeah. And yellow does wonders for it not for me I look like a watsit you do look like a watsit yellow not for you

your undertone's more green but like for a lot of South Asian girls' skin like a yellow a yellow is really good and complimentary and can like make you

look brighter so I think that's what it is I think that's what I'm about because I'm like you've got this amazing skin colour no I do and I think also

because the Asian side of us as well like with the jewellery that we have we've got this amazing skin colour no I do and I think also because the Asian side of us as well like with the jewellery that we have we've got the best outfits man like our Indian garms are just yeah I like colour

I like prints and I love it when someone gets it wrong I love it I love it when they think that they've come in like quite stylishly or they've tried something

because I'm like good for you your style should evolve as you get older and change has your style evolved from your teens to twenties to thirties

oh my god massively yeah I used to have like three years of just wearing polka dots get older and change. Has your style evolved from your teens to 20s to 30s? Oh my God, massively, yeah. I used to have like three years of just wearing polka dots. What's that about? Every photo, back in the day, I was wearing polka dots.

I'm telling one of the producers, you wore bodycon dresses back, I can't imagine you. I can't imagine bodycon Rubina. She must have had a different personality. I had an older cousin

who like basically showed me the world. What was your slaggy cousin telling you? Well, no, he wasn't telling me anything. I just like, you know, I don't have an older sister, I have an older cousin who basically showed me the world. What was your slaggy cousin telling you? Well, no, he wasn't telling me anything. I just like, you know, I don't have an older sister. I have an older brother and I'm not dressing like him, although I did get all his hand-me-downs.

But my older cousin, I just love the way she dressed. And every time she, she was the youngest sister in her family. So when she was finished with those clothes, they came to me. Nice. And so I'd get these like tight, no, these like tight bodycon dresses. Oh my God. And I was always like these like tight bodycon dresses. Oh my God. And I was always like, this is like not my style, but actually there's something nice about dressing up in something like super tight.

And so I'd go like clubbing like with her in these like bodycon dresses. Wow, I can't imagine you doing that. I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'd tie my hair back like. I'd be like 13 pretending I was like 25. Well, I think that's the natural order of things when you're young

you dress up and when you're old you dress down I remember just always thinking god I have massive boobs and when I was like that age

even being like this is too much for me I mean you have big boobs now but I don't ever remember I think when I had puberty tits came first then the height

okay and it's never really levelled out I still think my boobs are disproportionately big to the rest of my body no I think you have some sort of body And it's never really leveled out. I still think my boobs are disproportionately big to the rest of my body. No, I think you have some sort of body. I think it's fine. It's much better.

Yes, really. You are perfect. Joining us today are two brown girls who always get it right. We have content creator, podcaster, and author of What Would the Auntie Say, Aunt Charles Sater. And founder and CEO of fashion rental app by rotation and Forbes 30 under 30 recipient Ishita Kabra. Thanks so much. Welcome. Thank you for having us. Yeah, thanks for coming. Well, we're really excited to talk fashion with you two and beauty. You're both looking absolutely splendid today. Would you say that that that sleeve that this is going to show my limited

capacity of fashion that I know, but your puffy shoulder things, is that like the vampire dress thing? It's not the vampire's wife. No, it is not. There's a style of dress called the vampire's wife, which I've seen on your app. You do rent to the vampire's wives. Yes, exactly. It's a very chic brand by I think Nick Cave's wife, Susie Cave. I think everyone's copied the brand now.

And actually, I had a lot of Indian aunties compliment me on it. Yeah. When I wore it in Asia for my... What is that? What is the Vampire's Wives? It's got like big sleeves, like, you know, the puffy sleeves, kind of like what I'm wearing right now. And like really defined, narrow waistlines. And they've got like this frilled hem at the end. Kind of what Morticia would wear, potentially, from the Addams Family.

Morticia Addams is my style icon. That's what I'm always going for. So I have a uniform. When I'm dating a serial dater, I have a uniform and it's black. I just wear black all the time. The aesthetic and the look that I go for is ho. And it is just black on black. And I never, like when have you ever seen me wear black all the time. The aesthetic and the look that I go for is ho. And it is just black on black. And I never, like, when have you ever seen me wear black?

But in my day-to-day, I wear lots of colour. We were wearing bright yellow at the moment. Yeah, well, and this is me being demure. Usually it's like quite maximalist, loud print. That's usually what I go for. And then when I'm filming, because I'm a director, I go for functional waistcoat, gilet with pockets and cargo.

I actually got to say, as your co-host, I love your style because you're so experimental. Like I find my favourite people are the ones who sometimes get it wrong. Because you do. Because I do too.

Like we sometimes do get it wrong, but like it's because we're just, like we have a lot of play, like a sense of play with what we wear. It's good. I feel like I wear all black, but my focus for me is always the beauty side. Not saying that, I've got that.

But I'm saying that... She's hot, guys, she's hot. But I like to focus on makeup and hair. For me, that's my outfit. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. So what's your go-to look? My go-to look is...

Well, this is my day-to-day go-to look. Yeah. Exceptional. Flawless, by, yeah. So what's your go-to look? My go-to look is, well, this is my day-to-day go-to look. Yeah. Exceptional. Flawless, by the way. It's been on since very early. Wow, and it looks like that. It's a bit crusty right now. Where is the crust, girl?

I'm not a rain sweat at the minute. But thank you. But yeah, then I generally keep my clothes quite simple, I would say. But I'm petite, so I like everything to just fit me well but when I'm dating also I like to wear all black as long as I'm with you I'm with you I just feel like it's sexy but understated and you can wear it in so many different ways like you could do black lace yeah yeah like so many different kind of ways. It's slimming. Yeah. It's just demure.

And I'm not, one guy said I was elegant and I nearly like spat the whiskey in his face. I was like, me? Me too. Ridiculous. But it does. And I feel like sometimes I, and I'm not playing a character,

but when I'm dating, I just feel like a different woman. Yes. I feel like a woman. Yes. Usually I look like a girl or a boy. If you saw us, when we have Gen Z guests come on,

they usually look older. There's something in the age generation where Gen Z guests that we've had. Women in their 30s dress like their toddlers. Yes. Women in their 20s dress like they're 50. Yes. And you're like, why are you dressing so old? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There is something. I've never really noticed it till we started doing the podcast. And then you're like, you know, you must be thinking like in my head when I meet one of these like 20 year olds who dress like they're 50. I'm like, they must be like a banger and they're like, yeah, I'm a TikToker. I'm like, what the fuck?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would actually chuck on like a pair of dungarees and I'm like in my 30s. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's dungarees. Oh my God, dungarees are a classic. They are.

I feel like they're a vibe. I'm like, always. So, Shisha, when you're, have you been, have you dated before? I have dated before, but I'm married. You're married now. Okay, so in your dating stage, when you're, have you been, do you date? Have you dated before? I have dated before, but I'm married. You're married now.

Okay. So in your dating stage, when you were dating, guys, garms, his fit, what he turned up with on the date, how important was it for you? I think if a guy was overdressed, that would be concerning to me. What is overdressed to you? Well, if he's just put in too much effort. And you're a Nando's then it's like where the fuck

are you wearing a suit yeah if you know your brand's too much if your hair's overdone if you've got your perfect nails yeah all of that

for me it's a bit off putting the nails are important for men as well how's the perfect nails oh yeah for a man when you say

okay again no not a manicure just like clean nails just clean and just clean and cut clean and cut hygiene is important you don't need polyester we really need to establish

nails all of us where are your nails clean and short clean and short clean and short clean and short clean and short for a woman as well

but yes women I'm more women can play for but guys we can do whatever we're allowed to do whatever we want

exactly so right so nails we've all established keen in shorts 100% I just think that it shouldn't be his looks that do his talking

that's very important to me do you think that's fair though I want the chat the humour well equally I don't want that for a woman either

not everything should be on show right away don't judge me based on what I'm wearing what I look like wait till I speak

wait till we have a good conversation. So if a guy's trying too hard for me, that reeks of insecurity. Yeah, sorry if that's me. But because fashion is your brand, it's your life, it's something you're clearly passionate about. When you met your partner, was that something that you needed to have in common? Was that something that you were like, you need to have a mild interest in this industry? I used to work in finance before.

So I founded By Rotation while working in finance as a side hustle. So you don't give a shit about fashion? Not at all. It's about the money. Saving the planet. Rent a lot of time. It's more of a tech company, right? Can I ask a really, like, really awful question that maybe we should never talk about?

What's the most expensive clothing item you've ever purchased? Oh. Everyone. I want everyone's answer on that. Well, besides wedding outfits, because Indian wedding outfits are so expensive. Maybe let's, like, get rid of that as, like, a genre. Okay.

Yeah. Mine's probably a bag, because I don't really spend on clothes. How much pee are we talking? How many bags did you spend on the bags? Just pee are we talking? How many bags did you spend on the bags? A couple bags. Just a couple bags.

A couple bags. Hey, no judgment here. Wait. No judgment here. A couple bags is a couple. Wait, wait, what does that mean? A bag is a grand. A bag is a grand.

Spent 2,000 pounds. Spent 2,000 pounds on one bag. Hey, there's no judgment here. No, there's no judgment. I just want to know. So you said a couple of bags on a bag okay

she tell what about you I love it I'm sorry oh how many bags ten bags just tell us how many bags five bags

I actually like bags but I'm not a big handbag kind of gal anymore no we meant money we meant the pee fuck the bag okay the most expensive fashion item that I own,

besides my Indian outfits for my wedding. Indian, I think it's just you're allowed, aren't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mom, this sari's 700 pounds, don't give it to your dad. Yeah, literally. I guess it would probably be a Chanel bag, because they're ridiculous, Lady Dior. And I have a Dolce & Gabbana gown.

But I did buy that on sale, like proper outlet sale. I'm so mind paled in comparison to these two. I think I bought like this coat. I bought this coat for £380 and I needed to return it. The tags are still on. I bought it four years ago and I'm like, I need to get rid of this coat. So that's probably the thing that's the most expensive thing. What about you?

Oh my God, this is going to be embarrassing. I think the most expensive thing I bought was when I was a teenager and I saved up £110 to buy some Nike trainers that's so cute why is it embarrassing that's an embarrassing

yeah that's a good thing I love that and then after that I have a real uncomfortable relationship with money especially spending money on clothes

and I also hate shopping I hate going to the high street I hate trying stuff on I like to go to charity shops vintage trade stuff with my mates like

all of my stuff is foreign that's the beauty of fashion we're going to get on Ren's mission that's the beauty of fashion right like it's so subjective and it is art and I remember growing up

because we're like Y2K millennials reading the magazines and it's like the it bag and this is what you need to look and especially now

it's so unfashionable buy into fashion and trends because it's not good for the environment. And actually, I went through a phase, actually, when I first met my partner, where I was buying stuff on like, I won't say the brand, but like an online brand that's like bulk buy crap. Oh, right.

Because I was like into that. I was just like into like trying new clothes all the time and then like giving the clothes to charity. And when I met my partner, he's so careful about money. He's a teacher and like how he uses money. I had one of those moments where I was god who the fuck am I like did you ever have that kind of do you have a weird relationship with clothes like or do you feel I mean because you must work with them all the time you must feel also the pressure to look a certain way because

of what you both do I do yeah I certainly feel of pressure because you're constantly going to events where everyone is like keeping up with each other and i personally don't like that and i try not to give into that whole pressure of like oh i need the latest shit just because everyone else is and it is very much like oh you've got a new bag i'm like i don't give a shit what you have and what i have i'm happy being me and you should be happy being you and like let's not compare so yeah i definitely feel feel the pressure and it's in the air. But I like to just be like, I'm good. I'm wearing, you know, my high street brand and I'm happy.

And you both look absolutely insane. We've got your dating ick. What's your dating ick in a guy when it comes to fashion? Oh, my God. I actually went on a date a while ago. Are you single? Are you dating? I am.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't know that this was an ick until obviously I turned up. And we were just, it was like a pub. It was a nice pub with a comedy show thing. So, you know,

no need to be too dressed up. He was wearing a white shirt, beige chinos and black shiny shoes. The black shiny shoes killed. I just, I was like, the shirt is a bit much

and the trousers, like, okay. It's giving me like, we're on holiday in the south of France. It's giving where we should have been

at like a nice dinner, but we're not. And I also didn't get fed, so yeah. For the record. Yeah, for the record, you didn't feed me.

I'm hungry. And I look down And the black shiny shoes Was it the shiny shoes That pushed you over the edge Yeah The shiny The black shiny Obviously my

My sibling group I was like guys Did you Did you sit through the date I did I did Were you like Can I just take a picture of you

I didn't even need to I was just like The description was enough Everyone was like run I'm like yeah I'm gone. Rubina, when you were dating, did you get any like,

icks around fashion and what guys wore? I think similar to what you were saying, I don't really like overdressed men or men that take a lot of care in how they look. Well, to be honest, if they're taking more care

looking in the mirror than me, if it feels like they've taken more time to do that. Clothes wise. And that's not a sexist, like I would feel the same for a woman. Yeah. That's how. Just to be clear on that. I take my sweet time. I would feel the same for a woman. Yeah, that's how.

Just to be clear on that. I take my sweet time. But I think the thing that I'm attracted to is something a bit more understated. Like the thing that's interesting to me is always someone who's a bit more like kind of just themselves and whatever themselves is. Actually, that's probably it. It's like if they can be themselves in their clothes and confident in whatever they're wearing, I kind of don't care what they're wearing. The thing is, I, again, a bit like you, didn't know it was a nick till I was met with the ick.

Right. And didn't realise I was not snobby about clothes, but I never thought clothes was that important to me. As long as they're funny, good looking and smell and they're clean, I didn't care. Clearly, I did care. So I met this guy and we were each other's backup. So we weren't, it wasn't even like a planned date.

Yeah. I mean, I still looked great, but he just was, he is like, look, I'm not wearing, I'm not, you know, and he fully owned it and I was fine. But he just had these like massive, chunky eagle rings. He looked like he was dressed for like a rock band kind of aesthetic. And I was like, I'm not into this. Are you, what do you guys think of rings on a man? Actually, that's an interesting one. Depends on the ring. Depends on the ring. It was like a I'm not into this. What do you guys think of rings on a man, actually? That's an interesting one. Depends on the ring.

Depends on the ring. It was like a wedding ring. And it depends how many. One ring, just one simple ring. Nice. Also, I'm going to have another double standard here. Men in Converse. I'm wearing some today.

Oh, you don't like it? Converse. Yeah, because their feet are are bigger it gives me clown vibes oh wow i see i can may you can't have double standards about that no i swear it's just she does i'm gonna wear this this clothing that is literally designed for gender neutral people like yeah i can wear them but you look like a clown so basically what you're saying you know is converse only if you're size 5 and under

I actually like this let's do a double standard I'm glad I didn't wear my converse today because we do have them

yeah we absolutely let's call a spade a spade we do have them like I would be allowed to dress like that

you just like so much jewellery do you know actually I've got one now you've pointed it out

and I was doing my whole like I didn't care what you're wearing feel comfortable I've got one oh go on the vest

under the shirt the wife beater the wife beater the wife beater under the shirt do you know why because it kind of reminds me of like an elderly Indian uncle

yes it does it's giving uncle grandad vibes it's giving uncle or I don't know it's cold because I love a thermal

but no but I do love this is I do love on a fucking hot guy a wife beater tattoos chains and like a beer in his hand and I'm like give me it depends I do love on a fucking hot guy, a wife beater, tattoos, chains,

and like a beer in his hand. And I'm like, give me... It depends on the vibe. Different looks, like different vibes and different looks with the kind of look I go for. Do you know what vibe I also really like, but I've never been with anyone like this, but I find this vibe so attractive,

like that skater. Oh my God, that's literally me. I'm sorry, you cannot be like, I want a skater boy. Are they all wearing Converse? No, they're all wearing Converse.

Just wear the dunks, wear the dunks, but no Converse, please. So this morning when you guys woke up, I'll start with you first. When you woke up,

did you dress for you, did you dress for other women or did you dress for men? I dressed for me today. Okay. Sheeta, what about you? I always dress for myself to be honest. Okay. I don't always dress for myself. No, about you I always dress for myself to be honest okay

I don't always dress for myself no I don't always dress myself I got dressed for me this morning but like you I don't always dress for me I dress um for the attention of other men and other women um but I would say I would say about 50% of the time I dress for me. Yeah, me too. Mine's like, I would say about 75, 80, because I need to be comfortable. My main thing is comfort. I'm always, 90% of the time I'm in trainers. It's like the odd occasion I'll be like, oh, let me put a heel on.

Dates. Dates, weddings, funerals. Yeah, that's when I'm dressing for you. Whoever that is, man, woman, whoever wants to look at me that day. If I've got a heel on, look at me. If I don't, I don't care. I'm dressing for me.

I'm doing my own thing. I think I'm quite functional in my style, so I'm quite straightforward. So I think that's it. It's just practical. I'm quite practical. I have uniforms, though. When I'm filming, I look like an androgynous man.

I look like a fisherman. No, honestly, because when I'm filming, you have to have pockets,gynous man like I look like a fisherman no honestly I have because I when I'm filming you have to have pockets and they don't design enough women's clothing that's pretty practical I can be really practical but I can also be a skanky hoe but I also and I don't know if you guys do this I love to dress I want to be invisible sometimes yes days where I want no one to look at me and not not because I'm in a bad mood. I just don't want any attention. That's when you throw on a big tracksuit. Yeah.

Yeah. That's my favourite. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And really good dark eye bags to match. No one's looking at you. But like, and it's so, it's nice to kind of turn it up and turn it down. Yeah, absolutely. I kind of like that like at work.

I kind of like that formal style sometimes. Like I went into work this week actually. And again, I had no time to choose anything. And I saw my partner's tweed coat. like he just has this like tweed blazer and it's like a really nice tweed I've always liked it and I was like could I pull that off with like a shirt and some black trousers and I was like fuck it let's just do it and in the moment I was just like let's just try it and then got to work and I took it off and I was like oh my god I look like a CEO at a fucking stage and you know when you're like you've nailed it

and people are coming up to me at work being like oh my god you look great I love this coat and I was like this was a last minute style decision and I'm so

it was like a risk I took and I won the lottery I love that when you wing it and it just works and people are looking at you but do you not find there are days right

where I dress where I'm dressing for like the attention of men and it's the women that are looking and I'm like what have I done and there are days

where I'm like no one should be looking at me and I get attention from guys and I'm like why it's always the way when you look the most crusty dusty the worst yeah you should be on your deathbed that day that is when men are like oh my god you're so fine and it's just like but it was the energy but there are some things you know that will just get someone's attention like if you wear a short skirt legs out no tights oh yeah which by the way i once told a family member that like for their wedding on the invite they'd written like long dresses only and i was like oh that's such a shame because i love getting my legs out wedding it was a summer wedding in the south of france like it was formal then and i said that's

such a shame and they were like no as. As in like, because Asian family, it was like, you know, like wearing a hem above your knee is like. Or it might be like someone might take it too far. Like short might be too short for some, you know. At least if you say it's long, it's respectable. Yeah, exactly. So it's like a protected thing.

Yeah, yeah. But I mean, I'm really anti telling your wedding guests what to wear. I get that. Telling anyone what to wear. I had four dress codes at my wedding. Oh my God telling your wedding guests what to wear. I get that. Telling anyone what to wear. I had four dress codes at my wedding. Oh my God. Everyone was told what to wear.

Talk us through the dress codes, please. All ears. Yeah. Well, you know, it was an Indian wedding. Yeah. Like an Anglo-Indian wedding. So we had mehendi. Yeah.

Which is green and pinks, the theme. Oh, yeah, that's nice. My favourite colours. Oh, that's what you said though, wear green and pink. Yeah. oh yeah that's my favorite color oh that's what you said though wear green and pink yeah oh that's fine no but I was quite I was quite like

you know you have to wear these otherwise otherwise I would stare at you and be like oh you you got the invite but not the dress code

remember wow okay did anyone come in not green and pink yes I will not name them oh oh and yeah there was also a dress code about wearing Indian. So like South Asian clothing.

So Mindy was South Asian. And then we had the engagement night, Sangeet. That was black tie. So people were allowed to wear gowns if they wanted to wear Indian, but it had to be celestial. That was the theme, celestial ball. Is this the Met Gala? Your wedding sounds like that bloody billionaire. What's his name? Ambani, thank you. Your wedding sounds like that. That was the theme. Celestial ball. Is this the Met Gala? Your wedding sounds like that bloody billionaire.

What's his name? Ambani, thank you. That's another level. Okay, so that was number two, celestial. Yes, and then the third was Haldi. That was like marigold. Yellow. Marigold sunrise.

Oh, marigold, sorry. But then it was like, you have to wear all those shades or my mom would freak out. Because that's like a pretty Hindu. Yeah, it's like a tradition type. Yeah, it's a purifying ritual so my mum was there to look out if anyone was wearing black

wow okay and then finally it was the fairy which was just traditional Indian what's that? fairy when you go around

oh okay and get married yeah yeah so can anyone wear whatever colour they want to that not red no not red

not red someone did that at my cousin's wedding. Yeah. They wore red. To a South Asian wedding. And the same red as the bride. Wait, wait, wait.

Did she do that? Red is supposed to be an auspicious colour. You did that? I did that. Me and my cousins, we wore red to my... Why? You must not like this cousin. You don't like her.

Yeah, you must not like her. And you know how bad it was? I was the ringleader and all eight of us... Evil! Why did she do that? Because I was young ringleader and all eight of us evil why did you do that because I was young and immature and insecure

and a dickhead clearly and we all rocked up in red saris that's so nasty I know I literally I know it's just like

not my culture though because for us if you wear red it's like an auspicious colour oh no it is auspicious but just don't wear it on the wedding

it's for the bride it's like yes sorry I haven just don't wear it on the wedding it's for the bride it's like yes sorry I haven't accessed that memory in so long and I'm like sorry I did not mean

to bring that up no bring that up name and shame do not do that guys last week summer I was at a wedding and last week summer

last year in the summer I was at a wedding it was like a nice wedding and I wasn't going to wear I was not going to wear white on the wedding day, obviously. But the day after, there was a really cute white dress I wanted to wear. My sister and my friend were like, no, you can't wear it. You've got to just stay away from white.

You are not being invited to any wedding. I didn't. I wore orange. I wore orange. Okay, okay. You went all the way. I really wanted to wear white. And she seemed like a really chilled bride, but I didn't. I think maybe like cream or off-white. No, no, no. It was okay the next day, but not on the day. No, no, no. I wanted to wear white and she seemed like a really chilled bride but I didn't I think maybe like cream or off white might be okay

the next day but not on the day on the day I wanted to wear it was a creamy thing and they were like just some brides are really funny about that

just stay away so I didn't but yeah god that was not cool you could just text the bride there and be like I've got this really nice white dress is that cool

I wouldn't want to be texted on my wedding day no no no before them no I don't have that relationship with them. It would be so lame for me to message them and be like, hey. And then it's awkward because then she has to say. And she will slagging me.

No. Or she has to be like, I texted you. No, I knew him, not her. I'm like, you would not text me. Because I'd be like, where the fuck you at, bro? Text me. I'll be like, no. I'll be like, no, no, no.

Put the dress down. Guys, no one is in the white. No one is texting the bride. We all have friends. Message your friends. what are you doing psycho yeah yeah oh my god that's never wear red again i'm sorry i've never i've never can i ask you a question about makeup just because that's like your forte how do you feel about um someone you're dating wearing makeup? Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. I've never actually been asked this. But yeah, no. But like, because it's getting more and more common

for men to have like a little bit more or like trying some stuff out. And that is great. Love that for you, but not for you with me. Love that for you. Yeah, love that for you. Just not with you with me. Can I, I would have to agree with you.

And I don't know if this is sexist for me to say but a I want a man to wear aftershave and clean and it would do all the coiffing have a beard

that's your makeup I wouldn't mind I wouldn't mind if he what if he draws in with an eyeliner I don't mind really

no no if it's patchy please don't what like your eyebrows you want them to colour in if he's got like a patch if it's patchy, please. Oh, okay. Don't draw the whole thing. What? Like your eyebrows? You want them to colour in? No, no.

If he's got like a patch. If he's got a bald patch. If he's got a patch. Colour it in. You know, the beard needs to connect. Okay, so makeup is... Oh my God, so you're only going for the Craig David. So technically you don't find makeup in the right context.

So I don't mind like nail polish on a guy. Okay. What colour? Oh, it could be any colour. Really? Yeah. You don't mind? No, no, no. Is this a Harry Styles thing? Is that what's What colour? Oh, it could be any colour. Really? Yeah. You don't mind? No, no, no.

Is this a Harry Styles thing? Is that what's going on? No, it's so funny. It's like a David Bowie thing. Yeah, David Bowie. I feel like it's got a lot more common now. Nail polish, I don't mind on a guy. But not foundation.

As far as I would go. To cover pimple? Yeah, I don't mind that. I would do it for him. Like a foundation to cover a spot. He could wear makeup, but if I could tell he wasn't wearing makeup, that's fine. I don't want him to talk about makeup brushes with me.

I don't want him to... But then, if I was in his house and we were fucking and he was like, this is the sponge I use, I'll be out that door. I mean, I'd fuck him and then I'd be out that door. It wouldn't even get that far. Absolute ick like yeah

isn't that sexist it is really sexist I think it's really I actually think I'd be okay with a guy who was wearing makeup because my first teenage boyfriend like he used to wear

black eyeliner because we were like teenagers and I thought he was the sexiest thing well it's more like it was more like grunge but yeah kind of from

I get it from the grunge vibe. Yeah. But not for me again. Edward Scissorhands. Who's hot, right? Who's hot? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely.

Edward Scissorhands. There you go. You don't fancy him or you didn't see the film? No, I've seen the film. Do not fancy him. Not my aesthetic. That's fine. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't like take Edward Scissorhands to meet my mum or anything. You don't want to have sex with Edward Scissorhands. I think it's good. Have you seen that meme where it's a girl and she's ready for the date and the caption says something along the lines of take her swimming on the first date? I hate those ones. Have you seen that?

I don't get it. I have no idea what you're talking about. So she's completely fully made up. Oh, yes, I see. And then she takes a swimming on the first date and the makeup is gone and she looks like a different person. I mean, that does. There was a girl at school who was really into wearing lots of makeup and she did a she looks like a different person I mean that does there was a girl at school

who was really into wearing lots of makeup and she did look really cool with it and then she had like sleepovers at her house

and she would like wake up really early to put on all her makeup so no one could see her because then you can have like a

really troubling relationship with makeup you have that where you're like this is the only time I can have people see me and to be honest

I have a bit of a troubling relationship with makeup I have like dark circles onto my eyes which one time my mother-in-law was like you look tired i was like no this is just what i look like thanks yeah this is just it and so i always try to cover those and

if i don't cover them i do feel less confident going out because i'm like i don't want anyone to think i'm tired all the time even though i am but i i think in relationships where you have girls or women um waking up before the guy to do the makeup, I think it's... I think that's a little bit dangerous. I don't know. I just... So the thing is, I grew up in Singapore, where I think the Indian culture there is even more Indian than the Indians in India. Yeah.

And there was this kind of, I guess, I don't want to say taboo, but like a stigma. Like if you're wearing too much makeup, it was seen as a negative thing. And I've kind of come back to that, where I don't really like to wear too much makeup, because I don't know, I just feel like people might judge me even more. Oh, really? Yeah, that's so interesting. Like, you know, I don't want my like my mom, you know, she was like, don't ever get Botox or anything. And you know, people around me in the industry are all getting Botox. And my mom's like, no, we're natural people. You should never do any of this. So I almost feel judged by my mom.

You know, and I'm like, I don't want to, I don't want her to think I'm changing who I am. The South Asian culture has the binary, doesn't it? Because it has that, definitely, the element of it. But it has the wedding, the dress up, the Asian bride thing. Yeah, it's the complete other end of it. My mom's like literally always been into her like lipstick her concealer everything like she would to drop me to school in the morning full face no i'd be like mom wake me up i'm gonna be wake up i'm gonna be late and then she would drop me with dark circles but red lipstick is on

she's got her pajamas but she's on her face She's like, real quick, if I'm getting that cut. But that's the hack, I think, for Indian women. Yeah, and I'm like, honey, you might want to put some concealer with that. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Concealer, before, in my 20s, eyeliner, classic for an Asian girl, used to be my desert island makeup. Now it's concealer. Oh, concealer, 100%.

And now I'm in my late 30s, I'm going to be 40 next year, I definitely can happily leave the house without makeup. Me too. In a way, in my 20 30s and will be 40 next year. I definitely can happily leave the house without makeup. Me too. In a way, in my 20s, never. Oh, really? Now, I haven't worn... Today's the first day in about weeks I've worn makeup for today. One thing you said that made me think is like,

I think the way that my mum and her style and her dress code, like my mum had me when she was 40. So she like really came to like her British fashion renaissance whatever in the 80s so her outfits were like sick yeah and she had so many clothes in her cupboard and you know I remember like as a teenager wearing all her clothes and it just looked like so cool and everyone'd be like where's that from I'm like vintage mama yeah everything's mama like like weird Marks and Spencer's clothes that just like looked amazing oh yeah and I realized actually my interest in clothes has definitely come from her yeah because. Because she would wear something different every week to mosque.

Yeah. And she would have like a way that she's really like the way that your mom talks to themselves in the mirror. Don't you find that that's quite like an influential way of how you then feel about yourself? Yeah, absolutely. My mom's massively influenced me and how I see beauty just because she's always been into makeup. Not so much as me, but well, I've taken it that one step too far, but she's just, I don't know, just seeing her be into, like, just picking lipsticks and all of that made me feel like I wanted to be glam. I used to do nursing, like, I thought I was going to be a nurse at one point, and one of the things, this sounds really bad,

but one of the things that made me not want to be a nurse, massive respect to all nurses out there, was the fact that you can't be glam. And I'm like, I want to be a nurse massive respect to all nurses out there um was the fact that you can't be glam and I'm like I want to be like my mum when I'm older I'm like I could do this now but later in my life I want my now I want to I want to be like my mum who just always looks put together yeah and yeah it's massively inspiring it's weird how much it affects you yeah do you feel do you feel the same way like, does your mum kind of influenced what you've kind of gone on to do as well? No, because again, you know, my mum was the eldest child out of five.

And she had a weird competitive relationship with her younger sister, who is the more made up, dressed up one. So my mum's whole thing was like, you know, being too interested in makeup and beauty and fashion means you're vain and insecure because that's what she viewed her younger sister to be so it was sort of a weird relationship where I had an interest in fashion and clothes and you know things looking nice together but I felt like my mom didn't quite like that for me she would judge me for it and I don't know it's

probably why I ended up working in finance as well and not kind of just openly saying I'd like to work in fashion or I'd like to I don't know like you know be in front of the camera or whatever but it's really funny now because my mom is so proud of me she's just like she's in the news again she's on TV she's always resharing everything i'm posting and i'm like this is actually what you wanted for me you wanted me to be like a bollywood actor when your mom was critical of her sister yeah um it's a reflection of probably deep down what she's actually thinking in her heart which is maybe she a little bit of her wanted to be like

that or aspire to that but instead she went the other way and said well you know you've wanted to be like that or aspire to that. But instead she went the other way and said, well, you know, you've got to be natural and natural work. Exactly. And partly it could be fear. Yeah. Yeah. Women are, you know, you think about the society that we live in, the pressure to look good and, you know,

the pressure that you put on yourself. My parents are really traditional conservative Muslims. I also found that I was double dressing. You know, you need a double life. You have to hide a lot of your... Oh my God. When I used to go clubbing, I had a different outfit under with my clothes in front of my parents. Exactly. And even now, when I go home to see my parents, I have to dress halal. You know what I mean? Obviously, this would be a no-no.

This is not halal. This is not halal. The interesting thing is is for my dad, short skirts are fine. Short clothes are fine. Yeah. Anything that shows cleavage is no. Yes.

I'm like, but I don't even have boobs. Same for you. Showing you my chest. Yeah. Well, my family, everyone's pretty chill, but I do have boobs and cleavage. So yeah,

just I feel uncomfortable with them and they definitely feel uncomfortable but short skirts like I also have large bosoms and uh it's really sometimes quite hard to dress because I think a lot of fashion that you see out there is designed on bodies that aren't like always proportionate or like feeling like you know actually if you did have that waist you wouldn't have any boobs or whatever and I see so many cool clothes that I'm like I would love to wear that but I have boobs

so where the hell in that outfit are my boobs going to go? Well also with that having boobs although it's a great thing sometimes you it just

certain clothes you just look like a hoe even though you're not trying to look like hoey at all I feel like with girls with big boobs in front of my dad

and actually big boobs do look quite good in a bra when you're like these look great I can never film but you know what I mean it's like the same outfit if I was to wear

what you're wearing today men would be looking this is just rib cage here it would be the cleavage thing is my boobs aren't massive but for my small frame they look big on me

so then and it's like overly sexual when that's what you're going for that's what I look at and I'm not I'm bi-curious but I're going for. That's what I look at. And I'm not, you know, I'm bi-curious, but I'm not bisexual. Can you imagine men?

Yeah, I look at buns and boobs all the time. Your eyes fall on boobs. They're like, good curves are watchable. I saw this video the other day where this girl was like talking to the camera and she was like, so this just happened to me. I was sitting on a bench and a guy came up to me and said, you are a natural beauty. And she turned around to him and she was like, I've had a nose job. I dye my hair. Everything about my hair at this look at this and she was like showing all the work that she's done on her face and it felt like she had like she was like how fucking stupid

is this man that he thinks this is natural yeah like do you think that now because we're so over stimulated with images that look like this that think we, like the whole idea of natural is kind of lost. I think they can tell the difference between natural and not natural now, even with makeup. Like, I really feel like they, they're so much more aware of what there is. They know what concealer is.

They can tell when you're wearing it. Like, I don't know, but they, yeah, they love that whole no makeup, natural. I have so many, yeah. I have so many. Yeah, I have so many. I've got dark circles. You're never going to get me without some. Exactly.

I have so many guys when I go on dates, they're like, we just love it when a girl's natural and she doesn't have any makeup on. I'm like, if I didn't have any makeup on right now, you would not be going out on a date. Yeah, exactly. Fuck off. Yeah, you wouldn't have swiped right. Yeah, exactly. On my big chance. So shut up.

But they do. I've spoken to more guys who prefer, they don't say like no makeup. No. But like less, like the natural look as opposed to like done up. But I don't think they know what natural is. I think they do.

Okay. You do? I think they do, yeah. And I think, I mean, when you're kissing someone, when you're hugging someone, when you're sleeping with someone, the makeup comes off on the sheet. Yeah. Oh, sure. I reckon your long term partner knows what it is because, God, they see that probably more than they see the other thing. I think guys can tell when women are overly done up when it comes to makeup.

And I think they're kind of over the Kim Kardashian type look as well. That's ending. I think that's still really popular. They as well. No, I think they love it. They love it. Yeah, I know what you're going to say. This is what really aggravates me. They love it until you're their girl and then they want you to just sell it down a little bit. So that nobody else knows about you.

And you can look like that, but only when I'm out with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have different love interests, I think. No, that's not my interest. That's what it is. No, but I mean, even the guys. Yeah, to be honest, I don't think my long-term partner

really knows who Kim Kardashian is. He's not on Instagram. He's like, I don't know what your world is. Sometimes I'll come home and talk to him about TikTok and he'll be like, you live on a different planet. And I like it that way.

I really like it that way. Because I think it would be hard to have somebody who was like really social good looking posting loads of pictures of themselves oh I don't like guys

who are too active on Instagram but that's a different conversation that's another podcast but I feel like that is the equivalent of the guy

spending too much time in the bathroom in makeup like I do not want I am not going to end up with a guy by the way who is like has a TikTok following no he needs to have no but he should also not be looking at other girls Instagram

yes interesting I don't mind that no you don't mind it you can come and look but you don't want your man doing that no way I think it's healthy because yeah because you can't hang on a second are we saying let's clarify this you're Yeah, because you can't. Absolutely not. Hang on a second. Are we saying, let's clarify this. You're both saying that you don't want him on Instagram just looking at other women. Lower your gaze, sir. Yeah. How could you?

Really? Unfollowed block. Maybe to friends. Friends is fine. Hang on a second. Now I'm even more confused. He's allowed to curve on your mates? No, no, no.

No, he's just a friend. Yes. I'm so confused. Do you not check the following of the guy that you're dating? Absolutely not. No, no, no. No, he's just a friend. I'm so confused with what is happening. Do you not check the following of the guy that you're dating? Absolutely not. Because, no. No, you should do that.

You should do that. And find out who he really is. I don't want to do that. I don't want to do that. I don't want to do that. You want to find out who he is. What he's consuming. Sure, sure.

I want to find out what he's consuming. Great. But I don't want to actively stop him from following people if he wants to follow them he can follow them I also think

that it can be kind of hot like I remember going to the pub with my current partner really early on in our relationship and there was a really hot woman

serving us drinks right and she turned around and bent over to get something ice whatever and I looked at him and he was looking at her ass and I knew because I was looking at her, and he was looking at her ass.

And I knew because I was looking at her. And she was like, absolutely not. I was looking at her. Wait, wait, wait. I'm sorry for that, but I'm also appreciating. I was looking at her ass, and then I was like, I bet he's looking, and I looked at him, and he was looking at her ass, and he caught my fucking eye. And I think there's a little tingle of that.

Like, the other day, also, we were in a restaurant, so I just want more story on this, because it's been a recent thing. We went to an Indian restaurant, got served by the Indian waitress. She served us the food, and then she she walked back and then I could see her walking behind me my sitting opposite my partner and she winked at my partner and my partner just gave her like a like a gave her a little smile and I was like that's that's so hot yeah I'm

definitely taking you my husband loves okay okay so how would you deal with how would you do with the winking thing well I like it when my man's getting attention. And, you know, he's like, that's great, but I'm already married to this amazing woman. So you've got three against one. I've got something wrong with me. No, no, no, no, no, no. There's nothing wrong with you. This thing is twofold.

I like the idea. I like the idea of my man being wanted. But I know what you're saying. There's a boundary and a line. And I'm sure Rubina would agree. If it went beyond the wink or the woman was giving her phone number in front of Rubina, that I know what you're saying. There's a boundary and a line. And I'm sure Rubina would agree. If it went beyond the wink or the woman was giving her phone number in front of Rubina,

that's like fucked up and wrong. If she did that, but if it's what he does in that situation. If he ignores it. Yeah. If he acknowledges it. No, no. It was like hot as fuck.

He smiled at her, looked at her, and then he looked at me and winked at me. Yeah, yeah. See, that's sexy. That's so sexy. That is how you play it.

That is how you play that. We like your partner. Back to the Instagram thing. There was this guy I was dating that's so sexy that is how you play that back to the Instagram thing there was this guy I was dating and I looked at I was like

oh let me I was bored one afternoon I had time and I went through his followers and it was so so joke

say he had like 732 people that he was following 700 of those were models no I'm following are they bikini babes yeah

exactly what they were they were bikini babes yeah oh my god they were bikini BBL why does he need 700 yeah yeah they were these guys BBLs

he liked them short white and skinny if you're listening you need to get these two on your followers of your man DM us we'll sort you out

with their details you can just do an analysis but okay he was like he wasn't someone he was just someone I was dating but say I was in a

serious relationship with someone I always check their Instagram following because it informs me of their politics, the things they're into. That's the thing I'm more interested in. Like, are you interested in the same stuff as me? If they've got like a few hot women on there. No, but not 700, Alison. If they had 700 hot women on there and if it was like a nice little mixture of like a few hot women and loads of the same stuff that I like,

mostly politics, causes, that kind of shit, I'd be great. But yeah, 700 would be, but I wouldn't be like unfollow, unfollow because they'll watch porn. They're going to look at people. They're going to look at other women. Yeah, but don't publicly humiliate me

with who you're following. But why do you think there's a public humiliation? People do check. When you land a man, you're going to have to be like, right, let's look at your Instagram Do you want me to follow? No, but I check my friend's

husband's followings too because we talk about it with each other. Guys, I'm sorry. Who needs their next app? Kind of innovation idea. It's right here. You don't need it.

You do. You don't need an app because it's my eyes. I'm like, I'll just scroll real quick and be like, no, no, no. So it's when you've wifey'd them

or rather when you're like settling it's in that phase I feel like yeah there's a certain level of respect so they need to do a cull really

yeah and I would do that too because I'm yeah Instagrams are you following no none right now brilliant thank you guys so much for coming on

it was so fun thank you for we've now given you a business idea so you two should in the BBC canteen go clock analysis

which should come to you. What do you think about this guy? You're like, 700 models, he's a twat. Oh no, no, no, no. He's going to cheat. Thank you so much for coming on Brown Girls YouTube. Thank you for having us. Thank you for having us.

You've reached the Shagany Aunties call centre. Want advice you can't ask your real aunties for like how do you ask for what you want in bed not sure which hole is a goal where do anal beads really go have you been faking orgasms your whole adult life accidentally called your boss daddy is your long time love not going down south for more than just the tip, we're here for you. Yes, you. And you. And you. Okay, now it's time for the Shagney Aunties.

Please remember to ask the bill payers permission before calling us. Shagney Aunties are not medical professionals and bear no responsibility for the consequences of your own actions. Okay, I'll read it. Hi, Robina and Poppy. I just want to say how much you've shifted my perspective on sex and intimacy after listening to your podcast. Coming from a relatively strict Asian background, I was told sex was reserved for marriage and it was morally wrong. And I believed that for a while. I'm with my partner and we are just enjoying sex now.

It's so comfortable and fun. Do you recommend any other things in relation to foreplay? Oh, my God. So many. I'm just going to reel off mine really quickly. Going down, dirty talk, role play. Those are my three. Those are good.

Okay. Licking an armpit. Hot. Hotter than you think it is. Tongue kissing. Deep tongue kissing. And... Choking? Too much.

That's me. Not for me. No. Dinner. Lovely dinner. I also think in addition to the ones that I've recommended like teasing each other

tactile touching feathers like a little stroke and looking into someone's eyes have a bit of dinner put the fork down lots of eye contact lots of eye contact

no touching no touching dry humping with jeans jeans no tops jeans no tops or like really or linen trousers ooh yeah or Dry humping with jeans. Jeans, no tops. Jeans, no tops. Or like really, or linen trousers.

Ooh, yeah. Or swimming costumes. Dry humping in swimming costumes. They literally naked then. There's no point. No, because the rubber, the like spandex. Dry humping in your linger.

But that will be very uncomfortable. Scratchy. They're sequins. No, no, no. Thanks so much for your message to the Shaggy Aunties I hope we've helped you on your journey

we really appreciate you writing in thank you and if you have any thoughts, dilemmas questions or conundrums for the Shaggy Aunties you can email us

at browngirlsdoittoo at bbc.co.uk or you can send us a whatsapp or voice note to 07968 108 22

bye note to 07968 10822 Bye