Brown Girls Do It Too - Laugh Me Into Bed

Episode Date: May 17, 2024

Comedian, Henry Rowley, joins Poppy & Rubina to discuss the importance of humour in sex.What's more important for a relationship: sexual chemistry or laughter? And what's harder to get back once lost? Henry is a comedian who rose to fame with viral TikTok characters, like Minty and Hugo. He learns three important things in the episode, including the shape of a duck's penis.Have a message for Poppy and Rubina? If you’re over 16, you can message the BGDIT team via WhatsApp for free on 07968100822. Or email us at [e-mail] you're in the UK, for more BBC podcasts listen on BBC Sounds: bbc.in/3UjecF5

If this podcast was a Sex and the City character, it would obviously be a Samantha. But with the wit of a Miranda or the idealism of a Charlotte and the hyperbole of a Carrie. Except scratch that last one. They'd never let an Asian girl be Carrie. And just like in SATC, you should expect strong language and adult content from us. Dare I say, even more adult content. Have you seen the bit where Samantha says, I'm dating a guy with the funkiest tasting s**t and Charlotte runs out of the restaurant?

If you relate to Charlotte in that scene, turn back now. Or at least listen to us in private and don't talk to anyone about it. This is a podcast about sex. At least it started off like that. Now we talk about everything. Everything is sex. And sex is everything. And that includes our mistakes, our heartbreaks.

And our hot, hot, hot, hot, hot takes. I'm Rubina, and the last time I peed myself laughing was when I asked my two-year-old what time it was. And he looked me dead in the eye, farted, and said, it's farting time. Did you actually just pee? That actually happened. We have this thing in our house

where I always ask for the time because I didn't wear a watch. And I was like, what time is it? My partner hates me because he was like, get a fucking watch. But I, and then we do this thing where we ask our child, we're like, what time is it?

And then we're like, it's cuddle time. And then we have a cuddle with him. And he is a joker. He turned this against child, we're like, what time is it? And then we're like, it's cuddle time. And then we have a cuddle with him. And he is a joker. He turned this against me. I was like, what time is it? Thinking he was going to say cuddle time. And he just went. It's farting time.

See, I have the humor of a five-year-old. So I would absolutely be, my sides would be slitting. I'm Poppy. And the last time I peed myself laughing was probably something Robina said. What did I say? I can't remember. But it was really funny. You and...

Made you wear your knickers, didn't it? Well, yeah. In the good way? Bad way. Well, good way. In the bad way. If you're laughing... You don't want to wee yourself.

You want to cream yourself. No, but I don't want to cream myself. That implies that I've jizzed myself and that means I'm attracted. Then it gets weird. Then you've... No, I think laughing means peeing and sex is creaming attracted then it gets weird then you've no I think laughing means peeing and sex is creaming

have you ever laughed and a little pee came out yes yeah with you yeah yeah yeah oh with me yeah yeah yeah absolutely yeah

you and my friend in us I normally say stop stop because I'm going to pee yeah yeah yeah stop stop have you noticed when something is so funny it's painful

like it's painful guttural it's like not comfortable um but you and my friend and us are the two funniest people i know so you often make me pee myself and she makes me pee myself peeing is of the ultimate accolade though you've like you can relax you've only made me pee myself like maybe once maybe twice no more than two times i actually peed myself the other day when i sneezed but not for many on making you laugh, though. No, but it's a similar kind of thing in your body.

Like all the similar things are kind of connected. Yeah, but not for... Maybe that does say that you're laughing and your vagina is connected. Ooh. Which is a really good way to kick off this episode. I know. Sometimes we just nail it, don't you think? I think so.

We're just naturals. So in today's episode, we're going to talk about attraction and humour. How the ha-ha-hoo-hee might make you come hither to me. That's actually pretty good. Is it good? To discuss the complexities of humour and attraction, we thought we'd cover all bases and invite a funny and attractive white man on the episode

this is our first are you straight by the way yes yeah first straight white man white man on Brando's Do It Too finally we're getting

a platform Henry Henry Rowley yes yeah yeah he's a TikTok star whose impressions have won him

a very exciting comedy career you might know him as some of his characters like Minty or Hugo. Light question to start. Now, do you think people like you because you're good looking or funny? Oh, God.

I mean, that's assuming people like me. Do you know, I don't, I think probably. I mean, the TikTok numbers say it's a yes. Yes. I think with social media, I reckon people probably follow for the humour stuff. I don't necessarily think people would find me good looking. Some people will. Some people think I look like Rumpelstiltskin.

I think you've got a Pound Shop Harry Styles thing going on. I've had that a lot. I've had Harry Styles from Wish or like Harry Styles' slightly neglected brother. It's still Harry Styles, though. I'm reading it like they're' slightly neglected brother. It's still Harry Styles though. I'm reading it like they're trying to insult me. I'm there like, yes. Still Harry Styles is true.

What are you getting? Not Harry Styles. I'm getting something familiar. Like we've met in a past life or something. The sloth. Yeah, maybe we have. Sid the sloth from Ice Age.

Oh, yes, yes. I get that quite a lot. Yeah, it's the eyes maybe. Yeah, I think a little bit. For those of you just listening, he is a young gentleman with piercing blue eyes and like kind of really curly hair

that reminds me of my own bush. That's actually what I style it off. So it's my inspiration, yeah. Is there an Instagram account of just your bush? It's like my bush or Harry Rowley's hair. You have to choose each. Do you find that when you go on dates that you have to choose each do you find that when you go on dates that you have to

what is your is your personality the same personality as what we see on Instagram yeah it seems to be the same personality because we were like theorising

is he going to be the same is he going to be as funny or less funny and actually you've passed the test because you're just you're literally the same but this is the thing isn't it

people's offline personality and online personality is a bit of a disconnect but especially with comedians i mean you probably have met a lot of comedians now you're you know you've got a stand-up show you're kind of going into that circuit a bit more there are comedians that are like fucking hilarious when they do stand-up and then when you sit down with them for a chat they got nada they got nada they're kind of dead behind the eyes actually yeah that so that happens a lot but i think it does depend on mood because obviously like the social media side is like, you're only pushing that aspect when you're energetic,

when you're funny. But then there's the other side when you're a little bit tired. Like, I'll go on like a night out and people are like, oh, what do you do? And I can't say, oh, I'm a TikToker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll say comedian. And then everyone goes, oh.

And if you're just not in the mood, they're like, yeah, that not in the mood they're like yeah that's it and they're like waiting and then your mate will make a joke and they'll be like oh they should be the comedian

you know what you need because you're really setting yourself up you need to be like a state agent and they'll just leave you alone you need to have a

whole fake persona on nights out what's yours fucking legend obviously well when someone's like hi nice to meet you what do

you do you go I'm a legend I do legendary things I'm a legend I do legendary things I'm a professional legend I actually well I mean so when I'm dating I obviously don't talk

about the podcast because it will cock block me to shit but I tend to not talk about work at all if I can avoid it so I just get away

with not talking about work I've got enough of an ego that I have to say it just in case someone recognises me and I accept that I'm there like oh I have to say it just in case someone recognises me. And I accept that. I'm there like, oh, I'm a comedian.

Yeah, but you would have to, but you would have to because you've reached that threshold now where people would absolutely recognise you. So it would be the elephant in the room to not talk about it. Right. So you'd have to say something. Whereas I'm still at that stage where I don't have to say fuck all. Oh, yeah, same. I think it's way cooler for someone like I was in a supermarket and someone like heard me shout at my partner and they were like, I recognise your

voice, are you that girl? And I was like, yeah, that's me. That's me, that's me. And they were like, I need to Rani. I was like, no, no, that's me. I was, we had this, we did this massive ad campaign and I was in the, I still hadn't seen them on the tube by the way, but I was in the gym and I saw

my face and I was like, no one, because I look like I'm doing this stupid thing. So no one recognises me. So it's great. It's like a great level to be at, but I can't. You've surpassed that. Yeah, you've way surpassed that. So you have to now.

Well, because TikTok is just so ubiquitous. Like all of those characters that do really, really well. Like everybody knows. Do you, are you single? No. Recently in a relationship. Recently in a relationship. And does your partner, like, did they recognize you from tiktok how did you meet so she messaged me

on instagram ages ago i love a good relationship that starts like i know but then she's real she thought one of my yeah it's like proper romantic i'm not on a dating app but they dm'd you on instagram yeah it's like a meet cute. It's like a Gen Z meet cute. But she was like, oh, I found one of my videos funny. And then I went on a... Which one?

I can't even, I actually can't remember. It was ages ago. She was like, my mum just sent me this. And I was there like, what's your mum's it? I went on her profile

and I was there like, yeah, she's fit. And like messaged her back and she wasn't having any of it. She literally just wanted to let me know it's funny. And then one night we just were exchanging voice notes and I was being super weird. I was like really energetic and she was matching it.

And I was like, oh, I'm in love. Before the girl, before this girl, when you go out on dates, you'd have to drop in the TikTok stuff quite early on, right? Or they would say something. I would never bring it up because it's just, it's cringy enough. Like having to say you're a TikToker as a 26 year old, like adult. Yeah. Being a TikToker, it's not something to flex. You feel like you're too old for TikTok. No, he's saying it's embarrassing and cringe. Yeah. But like, it must be cool for some people. I think it's cool. You're not even on TikTok. I'm on TikTok, I just don't post videos. I mean, I posted 10.

Exactly. I got some subsidies. That's a cool way to be on TikTok. For some people, it's really cool. But like, if you think it's cool, it becomes even less cool than it actually is. If you're there like, yeah, I make TikToks, so pretty cool.

Everyone's like, shut up. So when you are dating or like looking, like qualities in a girl, funny V looks, what are we saying? What's the ratio here? I think in any relationship or any date, initial attraction is essential. I do think that you need to at least be attracted to them. But that can build over time.

I'd say funniness overall because someone could be like, I've been on dates with people who are incredibly attractive, way out of my league, but just nothing. No chat. And you just immediately lose attraction. Like there's that, you have to get along with them. I went on a date with a stand-up comedian. Oh yeah, who?

He told me he was a stand-up comedian. Oh my God, I don't remember his name. It was absolutely years ago. And the date was fine. It was good. I did bring him back to mind because I was like, oh, this is kind of going well. We like made out. But then he told me that he liked girls who were like really hairy.

And I was like, that's really strange. I going well. We like made out. But then he told me that he liked girls who were like really hairy. And I was like, that's really strange. I'm not sure I'm that comfortable with that vibe. So then I was like, I left him in the morning and as I was walking away, I was like,

it was nice to meet you, but we'll probably never do this again. Yeah. And then I went to see some stand-up comedy with a friend in a pub, in the room above a pub. And I sat in the front row

and third act up is him. Oh no. And I was like, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck like fuck fuck fuck fuck it's such a prime opportunity for him to rinse the shit out of me he could have bought the hairy thing he could have bought the fact that I messaged him

as I was walking away from him having him in my bed he could have really rinsed me he had all the material there he like saw me and was just like he must have it must have fucked up his set

so bad he was not funny but he saw me and was like I really like that's worse Like, he must have fucked up his set so bad. He was not funny. But he saw me and was like, I really like James. That's worse. After you've sacked him off and then he's got a gig, this is his chance to win you back.

And it's just fucking crumbled. Can you imagine? I've been there, yeah. Have you been there? Have you ever done a bit of stand-up and seen someone in the audience that you've, like, shagged, snogged, anything? I had at Fringe, on one of the Fringe shows, the host, Sorel, was talking to this girl in the crowd

about like her ex. And she was like, oh, do you like him? And I was like, I recognize that voice. And it was like, all of her friends were like, no. It was like, oh, your friends don't like him. It was like, how long did you go out? And it was like three years. And I was like, oh my God, that's my ex-girlfriend.

Because she said she was going to come to it. And I was like, shit. So I went out. Kind of really, someone was like, by the way, that was my ex-girlfriend. And like, no one laughed. So I was like, anyway, went out kind of really someone was like by the way that was my ex-girlfriend and like no one laughed so I was like anyway like did this set

and like didn't entirely bomb but was just a little bit thrown yeah at the end it turns out it wasn't and it was this 16 year old girl who then came up and was like

love the show I was the girl I don't think we went out and I was like oh no this is really weird oh I love that she was like I don't think we went out

yeah we might have but yeah it really throws you because you're suddenly like you're in the zone This is really weird. Oh, I love that. She was like, I don't think we went out. Yeah. We might have. It was terrifying for me. It really throws you because you're suddenly like, you're in the zone, you're going over your set and then suddenly there's this whole thing and you're like, oh, fuck. Also because it's like, who do you write your jokes for? For your TikTok, like when you think about the like prime audience member watching your stuff, what do you think they look like, talk like, act like?

I don't think about that. I just think what I find funny. And like, really, that's it. I think I've put, you can see like your demographics. So like mine's like UK data. Mine's like UK, mainly women. Do you think women follow you? I was going to say posh white boys.

70% women. No, okay. 30% men on Instagram and TikTok. That's answered our initial question, hasn't it? It's like, is it because you're good looking or funny? I don't think you're funny, mate. Maybe all this time I'm not. Maybe that's it. I don't know why I find that surprising, but yeah. I thought it was going to be like white guys, teenagers.

No, it's like 25 to 35. A lot of mums. A lot of mums. Well, that's how you met your lady as well. The mum did the intro. Yeah, yeah, it was. It was. And they always message me like, my son's just like you. And I'm like, oh, great. And then they'll say something like,

and you're so sexy. And I'm like, oh. You know what, milf is your category. Milf is your demographic. I know, my girlfriend needs to watch out. In a potential date, partner, wife, would they have to be as funny as you or do you want to have the trophy of being the funniest?

I feel like with you two, I feel like I know the answer. I feel like what I'm going to say is probably different to what it actually is. Give us the reality and expectation. Only the truth on Brown Girls do it too. I think whether someone's more or less funny, it's difficult because it is so subjective so I have to find them funny

I need someone who's going to make me laugh okay but probably without consciously thinking about it I would never look for it

but now you ask me I'm very much aware I need to be like the funny guy like well if you're about to make an entire career off of it yeah

and like comedians are incredibly insecure good luck with the rest of your life so you know if that's your thing then you kind of

can't be at home thinking man this person's funnier than me yeah but then don't you get exhausted just being funny all the time

like when you're out at a rave or a pub or a club or like just no laughing is so good it's the agent persona

you need to develop see it's actually made me almost less like that less like before I'd be very like blah I'm the funny guy but now, it's actually made me almost less like that. Less, like before I'd be very like, I'm the funny guy. But now because it's like the label and people are like, what do you do? There's a lot more pressure with every joke you make.

So a little bit, I'll maybe be a lot more like laid back and relaxed. I've got a mate called George who is funnier than me. But like, it will always be like... Do you let him shine? I'm not like, you go ahead, George. I'm letting you do this. No, it's not. like... Do you let him shine when you're around him? I'm there like, you go ahead, George. I'm letting you do this. Yeah, yeah. No, it's not. He is actually just funnier.

But then all of my mates are like, George is way funnier than you. He should be a comedian. And I'm there like, shut up. Don't you love those jokes that you're like, I found that really funny and I don't give a shit if anyone else doesn't. Yes, yeah.

Those are like my favourite things. Like when you're like, I found something really funny and I can't stop laughing and my partner's sitting there and being like, what the fuck is so funny? And then I'll tell him and be like it's actually funny would you want them to laugh at the same things as you

yeah yeah sometimes sometimes it's usually my jokes but my joke is my sense of humor so you think it's lame to laugh at your own jokes though no i don't know all the time no i think it's essential i don't get when people are like oh you laugh at your own jokes it's like yeah if i didn't it'd be really sad why would i say it also how do you think Jimmy Carr made it so big every bit of his stand-up is him being like oh my god his laugh is so bad it's so bad I'd love to hear him in bed oh my god he sounds like a donkey that's what he says about it he's like it's like a donkey being bummed how does he know what that sounds like? Well, apparently... Money can get you anything. Yeah, that is true.

That is true. Sorry, I was going down a... Bombing an animal. Ducks apparently have painful sex and foxes because they've got like a corkscrew... Oh yeah, same with cats. Cats, yeah. Cats?

Yeah, they've got corkscrew penises, I think. Really? That's just... We don't know. We should verify that. BBC Earth, what do you think? Have you ever done one of your TikTok impressions mid-sex? Yeah, all the time.

Are you serious? It's the most inclusive thing I do. Hugo. Are you actually? Scooby-Doo. Raggy. I can't believe you think so. That's my biggest ick.

No, I've never. I don't do that, no. I just bark. But not like manly that. That's my biggest ick. No, I've never. I don't do that. I just bark. But not like manly bark. It's like a little puppy. They usually leave. Oh, my God. I definitely.

I love talking while I'm having sex. What, like dirty talk? Dirty talk is definitely in the sex category. It's necessary. I need someone else to say shit in my ear. So what are you saying? But I'm just like, I could be talking to you. Sometimes I just like...

Oh my God, I really hope not. No, no, no, wait, wait. Let me rephrase. Hey, Amina. What are you doing? I wish Amina was here, actually. Let me just call her. Hey, buddy.

Should we go through our diary? Can you be around? What's the scan? No. What I fucking mean. I love the motion there. This is how you have sex. What I mean is,

I just talk to them like a mate. Like chat, banter, fuck, chat, banter, fuck. What, during? During, yeah. You're just like, oh, mate, let's go watch the football no it's about it's about the act it's not about what we're gonna do it's not about there is no after they leave or i leave but it's about what we're doing there and then but it's like in a

really it's done in like a bantery matey i can't describe it weird I sort of need to do a I had with my current girlfriend I had a moment where we were dirty talking I don't know if this is too much detail she looked mad

have you heard our anal episode I basically I basically was trying to it was something about without going into too much detail I was trying to say and then I'm going to lift your dress up

and I accidentally said in her ear and then I'm going to pull my dress up and it was just a moment we just burst out laughing going to lift your dress up. And I accidentally said, like, in her ear, and then I'm going to pull my dress up. And it was just a moment. We just burst out laughing. And it was a really, like,

nice moment where it was, like, really embarrassing and it still comes back to it now whenever we do it, talking and she's like, are you going to lift your dress up?

And I'm there like, come on, I'm trying to get in the mood. She opens her cupboard and she's like, do you want to wear some of these dresses? Do you not touch my shoes,

actually? We talk about laughter in the bed all the time. We've talked about it from series one to series five about how important it is to laugh at yourself

and laugh while you're having sex it's also because sex is all weird isn't it it's like it's how I make girls laugh having sex with them

yeah how you get them into bed and then get them to leave as well how was that they're like good I find sometimes

it's a good signifier if I'm talking not signifier, if I'm talking, not all the time, if I'm talking and having sex and laughing, I'm usually having a good time. Do you know what I mean? Where is anyone laughing and not having a good time? That's true. No, but like there could be awkward moments in sex and you're laughing. You're not necessarily not having a good time. It's not like pleasure,

but like it's an awkward moment that you both have to acknowledge and laugh at. I'm a big fan of dirty talk, but like you're in the moment and you get caught up in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then afterwards you kind of look at each other like, oh, we're disgusting. You're a little bit, you're like, yeah.

Oh my God. You go and fetch a towel. They're like, oh. The best dirty talker was that, my crash of 2022. Oh my God. You go and fetch a towel, they're lying there like... The best dirty talker was that my crash of 2022. Oh, my God. The things that that man could say in my ear, oh, I'd be putty. Did you, like, learn to dirty talk?

Like, what's your kind of early sexual experiences that gave you that knowledge on how to behave now? So first relationship was 16. There wasn't really any dirty talking because you're just blown away by the whole experience. You're like, wow! Thanks for letting me do this. Real life vagina.

It's amazing. I didn't have time to think of dirty talk. I lost my virginity younger. Wow, can I ask how old you were when you lost your virginity? I was like 14. Oh, right. That's pretty young. Yeah.

My days go fast though, don't they? She ended up being racist virginity? I was like 14. Oh, right. That's pretty young. 14, I think, yeah. Why don't you go faster, don't they? She ended up being racist. Yeah, it was really sad. I met her at a festival. To you? No, no, no, no, no, no. No, in general. So I'm from Leicester, right?

Yeah, everyone hates everyone from Leicester. No, Leicester's got a big Indian-Pakistani community. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I met her at this festival. She was from the outskirts of Leicester. And we were, like, kind of fucked up, and we ended up sleeping together in this tent. She seemed nice.

And then me and my mate had been seeing her mate over the festival. So it was, like, cute double dating. Yeah, and we went to meet in town, in Leicester. It was, like, a little double date for him to get his hoodie in. It was, like, going to be a little double date. And we met up with them, and it was, like, first time kind of sober. And, like, literally in the first five minutes, she was like, I hate Leicester. I was like, why? And she was like, it was like first time kind of sober and like literally within the first five minutes she was like

I hate Leicester I was like why and she was like that smells like P word in here and me and my mate James looked at each other

like what the fuck and then basically made a plan he got his mum to call him to say he needs to come home urgently and we ran basically and I was there like

but you'd already shagged her by then yes but you didn't know she was racist I didn't know she was racist she'd never said anything racist before like over the course of the whole weekend and then that's my

virginity story is a racist oh my god you lost it to a racist I lost it to a racist and that is why you're here and I've always got that

brown girls do it too I know to cleanse you're going to fall so hard for this I'm cleansing you need to burn the stage we found a racist here you've got a cleanest penis

it's been in bad blood it's been in bad blood thank god you came get the dust clear oh my god I mean that's part of the problem is that I came yeah

well if you're listening racist yeah look how well this tiktoker has done I hope you are listening because you've ruined it for me you could have ended up with him she was

did she do you think oh no we're going down the racist route I was just do you think she said it because she thought you'd join in or no no I think it was them she was do you think oh no we're going down the racist route do you think she said it because she thought you'd join in

no no I think it was like she was just that's what she is just where she'd grown up around like they could see immediately we were there like what the hell

and then I can't she said something to try and like make it okay but there's no making it okay I think it must be hard if you are a racist yeah

I feel bad for them poor racist because how do you test if another person is racist that Yeah. I feel bad for them. To really connect with people. Because how do you test if another person is racist? That's how you do it. You fuck them at a festival and then you use the P word. And if they're not engaging, you're like, okay. And the less than P word after sex rather than before.

Yes. Never would have got laid if you used that. What about during? P in the V and then P after sex. Oh, yeah. Also, you just hang out with other racists. I'm saying it must be hard for you to s like, suss out where all the other racists are because everyone's so shh about racism.

I think she's got a kid now. It's on Facebook a few years later. Do you get any exes, like, sliding into your DMs and be like, Henry, you're doing so well? No, no, not actually, no. No, I think every relationship I've had has ended amicably. Okay. Or, like, situationships and stuff.

And so there's no, like, it's always been very open. So you'll get, yeah, I think I've, you know, people I've dated have been really nice people and not shallow enough to be like, oh,

just I'm doing well, blah, blah, blah. And they also know I'm in a relationship now. Yeah. Back off. Do you get worried that, do you use, you know,

unlike us, do you, in your material, do you use any of your dates as stories? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So would you not be worried that they... I did one with my girlfriend because she's Northern.

She's got from Leeds. Right. And I did one about having sex with people from Leeds and dirty talking and how like dirty talking in porn is they're like, Oh my God, like, yeah. And then something from Leeds, it's like the dog from the Churchill advert, like, oh yeah. And they did from the leads, it's like the dog from the Churchill advert, like, oh yeah. And it did this whole bit

and like, she was in the audience and so was like my brother, my cousin, my uncle and auntie. I told her there was a bit to do with her and it was this whole bit

and like, yeah. And how did that go down? She found it so funny. She's like really, like me, like you can kind of say anything and she should just see the funny side this is that that's how you act this is why it literally says on my hinge t's and

c's not for sensitive people yes you have to be able to laugh at yourself yeah and take it if you can't take it then it's not working is it back to pornography though oh i love porn do you think pornography like informed a lot of like how you behave in the bedroom? No, no. Because can I just say, I've watched a lot of pornography, not very funny. No, no. Never funny. No, actually. And if it was funnier, that would be much more appealing to me.

Have you seen the proper high production ones where they come up with these ridiculous stories? It can be quite funny. There's one where she comes in and she's like, I'm the lifeguard to stop you from drowning. And then he's in the bath like, this't a beach this is a bathtub and then starts drowning and you're like it's quite it's quite entertaining it's quite funny that's a good one i just don't think they're very funny they take themselves too seriously the hyperdorsal value they're like you know i fancied my boss for weeks and like i just really needed to tell him i didn't know how i was going to tell him and then

cut to scene entirely fake as well so it didn't know how I was going to tell him and then cut to scene. This was entirely fake as well. So it didn't inform anything because I was, luckily I was informed from a very young age that that wasn't real sex. Okay, good. And I think growing up and experiencing sex within a loving relationship was also a really good way to explore. You're like a rarity.

Most young men and women, I think, are informed by sex. Sorry, informed by the porn they watch, right? Yeah, I definitely was. I feel like you're quite happy. I don't have sex with animals, but I love the porn. Sorry, I don't know. This is what I mean.

100% illegal to fuck your cat, guys. Do not do that. I think that's really important in a relationship as well. You know that laughter you have when you're a teenager with friends where you all can't stop laughing. And not because you're stoned, just because you're like really heavily laughing. And like, I cannot stop laughing. And just your laughing is making me laugh more. Having that in a relationship.

Yeah. Key. Oh, 100%. I think so important. When I'm ready to be in a relationship, it's like my one, it is so important. But people think that your friends should be the kind of humour part of your life. No. And it's like, if you're going to be with somebody,

you're going to be with them for a really long time. When you're old and the old people stay together, you want to be like, cracking jokes. They've got to be like a mate as well. You have to be like taking the piss out of each other. Absolutely. Playing little pranks and like. Because when you're 87 and doubling continent,

all you're going to have is the fucking jokes, right? Yeah. You're not going to be banging, are you? 100%. Well. I just love having funny sex at the moment. Funny sex? You've got to have much funny, are you? 100%. Well. I just love having funny sex at the moment. Funny sex? I don't have much funny sex.

Because I'm meeting guys. It's very rare that I meet a guy who just is like smouldering and just like stop talking and just, you know, those like alpha guys, you know, those old school alpha slightly problematic guys. I'm not saying hand-to-hand. I'm here. You don't worry. It's fine.

I mostly meet guys who I just could be my mates, right? So it's all banter, banter, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh. And so that's probably the phase that I'm here you don't worry it's fine I mostly meet guys who I just could be my mates right so it's all banter banter laugh laugh laugh and so that's probably the phase that I'm going through but I probably will go through a phase

where I go out with guys who are just like shhh you know what I mean yeah that's all they do stop they're like

so hi nice to meet you shhh let me tell you about myself I'm reading Virginia Woolf at the moment. I just, you know, like a guy with, like not a matey, bantery guy, but just like a guy who's just old.

I think there's going to be an older guy. When I go to my old guy phase. Like 1920 for you? No, about 45. Oh. Like secure, confident, knows himself, made his money, whatever. Yeah. And just is very self-assured. Like that's, when himself, made his money, whatever. Yeah.

And just is very self-assured. Like that's, when I'm having that phase, I think that's, I'll stop talking. I don't even do much dirty talk. Yeah, you're not into it. Well, I've been having sex

with the same person for like almost 10 years now. That's why you need it. Yeah. That's in a little bit of like... Do you want to, unless you feel like, so when I was with my ex-partner,

it did, after 10 years, it did feel very, and no one tells you about this, long-term relationships, it gets very samey-samey and stale. So we needed to switch things up. But actually, by the time we switched things up, it was time for us to...

Do you know what switches shit up? A baby. Yeah. That switches the fuck out there. Wait, wait, wait. Context. No, because the truth is you have to be so much more strategic about sex and you end up wanting each other so much more because you

never have a chance to do it so you're just like i don't really want to do it with you anyone do with you but there's a child here we have to look after this child and then it's like the child's asleep go go go go go you know it's like it does switch stuff up massively and it makes you like totally value their body in like a way that you're just like yeah I'm quite horny right now right now well not in the moment I wasn't thinking about you guys

but I'm like you could bang one out yeah I mean I'm so busy with work at the moment and I really wanted to wank yesterday but I had no time

do you think in 10 years you would open up you would think about opening up your relationship if you're still with your your partner I think I'm like quite traditionally monogamous, if I'm honest.

I think I really like the idea of the sex with my partner getting better and better. Maybe, I mean, I don't know. Who knows who I'm going to be in 10 years? Who knows who the Rubina in 10 years is going to be? And I think my partner's also open to constantly having conversations about it. But both of us are in the same place at the same time right now. And I really, like, I'm in love.

Aww. Yeah, I like... I'm kidding. The three of us have established humour and attractiveness are one and two, two and one, whatever. Yeah. What comes to number three for both of you? What's the third quality?

Oh, that's interesting. I mean, humour kind of comes into this, but I guess like fun. Yeah. It's kind of a shit one, but like... I feel, Henry, that's like interchangeable with funniness. Okay. Okay, I would say then, and people always take this as an insult, but I think nice.

Yeah, kind. People hate being described as nice, but I think it's the most essential thing. If someone's not like inherently at their core a kind person yeah I can't that's one thing I can't deal with like when you go around to your mate's house like this happened a lot in school and like I don't know you're playing playstation or something and this lovely woman comes in like hello I've made you guys some Nutella sandwiches and bought you some squash and you just say like oh my god mum fuck off you bitch and you're there like like if I said that to my mum

she'd slap me like yeah that for me is like absolutely and what does the mum say in that scenario because I am a mum

I've got a two year old and I never want him to speak to me like that but don't you think the mum would be like you fucking shut your fucking mouth you no because then she

because it's also partly her fault I'm taking these sandwiches out of him yeah it is partly her fault exactly because then she'd be like oh yeah have a good time

sweetie bye bye and she goes and she's like she's such a bitch and you're like what do you do with all of your friends like made in Chelsea guys

because that's what you're giving me no actually my Leicester friends aren't at all but then I went to Bristol Uni oh yeah

that's where it explains it but they're not like posh but there's a couple people that are there's a guy called Henry another Henry another Henry they're not like posh but there's a couple people that are there's a guy called Henry another Henry another Henry

and he's like he's Henna's of course he is he's like mate he's who Hugo was based on actually oh okay Henna's

Henna's does he know that yeah well he doesn't believe it he thinks it's a big joke but I say to him like no no no this is actually based on you

you're making me a star of course mate no you know I'm not that posh though and I'm like no, no, no, this is actually based on you. You're making me a star. Yeah, of course, mate. No, you know I'm not that posh, though. And I'm like, no, no, Henry, this is like Hugo was based on you. He's like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, no. Henry, in a long-term relationship, what do you think is harder to revive? Like, do you think if the, like, sexual attraction drops or the, like, kind of fun, silly, funny part of a relationship drops,

which one is going to be the harder one to resuscitate? I think they're not necessarily mutually exclusive entirely. I think sexual attraction is harder to resuscitate because if you build a long-term relationship with someone, you have that foundations and over years it comes in waves, it goes up and down. And there's a guy who said he fell in love with his ex-wife three times, one when they first met, one when they got married and one when they got divorced. And it was in three different ways.

So the first like initial love, then the marriage was like committing their lives together, building a family. And then when they got divorced was like as friends. And I think in life you have that, you can revive that if you put the effort in. But I think physical attraction you have that you can revive that if you put the effort in but I think physical attraction once it's entirely null is really really hard to get back but it's not necessarily

mutually exclusive like the first time I slept with my girlfriend I remember we were it was kind of like we were having sex and obviously and I was behind and she has like a mole on her bum and I don't know why like this is not something I'd normally do but with her I felt comfortable enough and I was like oh beauty spot more like booty spot

I'd known her for like not long and she just turned around like what the fuck are you talking about and I feel like that has kind of set the precedent of like the two go more and more like when you're having fun with someone you just and like are really into them

you are so much more sexually attracted to them yeah so I would personally say if you maintain that fun dynamic throughout the sexual chemistry

will remain and yeah that sense of play as well because like sex is fun like you know it is something you do for fun

unless you are trying to have a child you're doing it because you both want to just have a good time. Yes. And like that sense of play about everything. Like you said earlier about like pranks, like being silly with each other. It's so important.

And sex is essentially play, isn't it? Like let's just be silly together. Yeah. Would you ever on like a, you know, what do they call it? Cosplay. Would you dress up as a thing? It's like a brony. What the fuck?

What's a brony? Isn't that like a thing? Like people who are like My Little Pony, they like to dress up as My Little Pony and fuck each other. You've reached the Shaggy Auntie's call centre. Want advice you can't ask your real aunties for? Like, how do you ask for

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And you. And you. So we do this feature called Shagging the Aunties at the end of each episode, and we'd really appreciate it if you'd be up for helping us today. 100%. Great. Please remember to ask the bill payers permission before calling us. Shagging the Aunties are not medical professionals and bear no responsibility for the consequences of your own actions.

Today's listeners' dilemma is, my boyfriend and I moved in with each other a few months ago, and I'm struggling to adjust to having him as a housemate. He he's really good at housework but he does the bare minimum and I'm worried I'm turning into his mum it's killing my sex drive because I'm just so annoyed at him how do I navigate the conversation without coming across as intake of breath for this word naggy dump him leave him he's not not going to get fixed. I'm serious. That is brutal.

Can I, me and my ex-partner, yeah, love that man two bits and it's a testament to his character that I stayed with that man for 10 years, did fuck all work.

There's been, I've had so many girlfriends of mine come to me and be like, I'm going to leave him. I'm going to leave him. He does no work. He does no work.

And it has literally destroyed, nearly, nearly destroyed a marriage. So I'm like, you n. I'm going to leave him. He does no work. He does no work. And it has literally nearly, nearly destroyed a marriage. So I'm like, you nip it in the bud. I'm already so annoyed at this guy. You nip it in the bud. Look, key words here. Key words. Months ago, struggling, thinks I'm turning into his mum.

These are all triggering for me because I've done all this. Deidre, Deidre. What you've got to do is you've got to gamify the process. So what she needs to do is bribe him with sexual or food or whatever his love language is.

Yeah. And the better he cleans it, the better blowjob or the better the dinner or the better the gift. I don't know, whatever his love language is. Or maybe durations.

Yeah. If you spend 20 minutes cleaning the bathroom, I will spend 20 minutes giving you head. Yes. A hundred percent. I massively disagree. And it can work both ways with other things.

You know what I mean? And he can be, maybe if she's lacking in other areas, then he can be like, I don't know what it would be watching footy with me. Men, tits and porn. That's what we like. I don't think that's going to work. Okay. Also, it's not transactional, number one. Number two, women fucking do cleaning and all the shit all the time

without getting anything in return. He's not going to understand that language. I clean more than my girlfriend. I think that's like... Well, you're the rarity, Henry. Most men don't. I clean. Hear that, ladies?

And I'm not racist. I just sleep with them I think for me there is like there has to be some sort of like understanding

that we are very lucky to live in like an equal society and the men that are being raised now

the generations of women above them never let them do anything like they the women the generations weren women above them never let them do anything. Like they, the women, the generations weren't above them, just mollycoddled them.

And like, I'm with a partner who I think does a fair amount of equal cleaning, but there's always that thing in my head where I'm like, you can be, you can tell me you're a feminist as fuck, bro.

I still have to do the majority of the care. Yeah. Because also I've grown up in that society where I think I have to do the majority of care, where I'm the kind of main house person, parent person. You know, I think that is to do the majority of care, where I'm the kind of main house person, parent person. You know, I think that is just like a sad ripple effect of the generation that we're in. Your generation, I mean, you're a bit younger than us.

It's probably going to be a bit more different for you. But I think just talk to him about it. And also the naggy word is so annoying. She is talking to him about it. And that's why she's saying she already is. And she's aware that she's coming across naggy. And he's saying you're moaning. I've been here. No, no, no, no. She's not talking about it. She's saying, how is and she's aware that she's coming across Negi and he's saying you're moaning I've been here so

I think it depends she's not talking about them she's saying how do I navigate this conversation you don't think so she hasn't spoken to me you don't think

as a woman she's 100% been passive aggressive she's 100% passive aggressive isn't talking about it there exactly yes but she's been giving sighs

she's huffing and puffing and giving the eyes and eyebrows and blowing him away she's doing it all but maybe no it's alright maybe if if she really if she really wants to be with this man i don't know how old are they does

it say no because maybe it's a case they're moving let's do some rational maths they've moved in they've been together for long enough that they've now moved 29 okay so but maybe it's a case of like they've moved in a little bit too early this man needs to establish and she can say to him look this isn't working but i want to stay with you I'm going to go back to my own space. Give you a couple months or years or whatever her timeline is to figure that shit out for yourself. Because I'm not going to mollycoddle you. I'm not going to be your mum.

Where is she going if they're living together? That's what I mean. She moves out and lives with a friend or by herself. I like her. Figures it out and then gives him the time. Because then if he doesn't sort of shit out, then she's like, right, I'm moving on. But if she really loves him,

like relationships take work. You know, you can't, if someone's a little bit messy or something, you don't just give up. Henry, how would you feel about a cleaning rota? Oh, I like a cleaning rota. I really like a rota. I thought you were going to say cleaning lady

and I'm like, now you're speaking my language. I think that only is the right answer. Yeah, just get a cleaner. He has to pay for it because he's not cleaning but then we all know 50-50 but if she's cleaning

and he's not but then nobody cleans you're the cleaning lady guys guys everyone knows when you get a cleaner you have to clean for the cleaner

and guys don't do that that is so true and also the admin of booking the cleaner the woman has to do the whatsapp the woman has to do can you do this Maria

do you mind doing the fridge she will have to do it so they should be getting a cleaner as a bare has to do. The WhatsApp, the woman has to do. Can you do this, Maria? Do you mind doing the fridge? Do you mind? She will have to do it, okay? So they should be getting a cleaner as a bare minimum to make the relationship survive, number one. Number two,

oh, that's so triggering. You're so triggered by this. Number two, she does need to have a conversation with him. Now, I would say, but then I, our friends have said this to me

and it's never quite worked, she needs to live in a bomb site. So nothing should be done. No cleaning. This is the only way the men learn their lessons. So like, but then it,

because if you're a clean freak or like me, or if it bothers you, then you'll just clean. But she's, you're enabling him, darling. Stop cleaning. What you need to do

is you need to spill some milk on the counter just enough so that it's like in a pool, but not spilling over the side. Then what you do is you walk away some milk on the counter, just enough so that it's like in a pool, but not spilling over the side. Then what you do is you walk away from the scenario for five days. If in five days he has not cleaned the pool of milk, you say, what were you going to do about that?

I bet you any money. And then be like, this is what you're walking away from each time. Yeah, but my ex-partner. This is our relationship going mouldy. So you see how triggered I am right now? Because my ex-partner was so amazing, I forgave all this shit, right? So you'd have to be like 10-10 elite for me to just even turn a blind eye.

Barely, I'm not turning a blind eye. But I bet you any money this guy, like I remember my ex-partner saying to me, I just don't see what you see. And I'm like, why are you not seeing it? Anyway, I don't think he noticed the milk, the pool of milk. I just don't think he will notice the dirt the fundamentally their levels

of cleanliness and their standards are totally different you can start hiding their shit right bear with me you start hiding

their stuff around the house and so to find their stuff they need to do some more cleaning up you keep putting their stuff they're like I can't find my jumper

and you're like oh I think it's over there in the washing machine maybe you should do some laundry you'll probably find it there I can't find like I can't find my jumper and you're like oh I think it's over there in the washing machine maybe you should do some laundry you'll probably find it there I can't find my I can't find my phone maybe it's over there

in the living room in the sofa which needs a hoover I've honestly seen this I think I hate saying I hate to say this to this listener

but like if she doesn't knit this in the bud then they are it's just going to get worse and worse and worse I really do I would say

start the conversation and see where you go and. I really do. I would say, hey, start the conversation and see where you go and think about the milk thing. I would deny sex. Give him another, deny sex. Yeah, I would do the opposite

of what you guys are doing. I'd be like, if you don't fucking clean up or you don't stick to the rota, you're not getting a blowjob and you're not getting anal and we're going to have sex once a month now

and they'll probably break up after that. Yeah. But deny it, go the other way. Honestly, listener, you need to nip this in up after that but deny it go the other way honestly listener you need to

nip this in the bud and also this is the other thing I get really annoyed at like women always the moment you're like you didn't do the washing

or we just get like the naggy moaning no one describes a man as naggy exactly yeah

that is very very very true and also like aggy maybe it's a very gendered word isn't it I've never even considered that obviously because I've never had to

but honestly and Joe would well you know I'm finding you quite naggy right now I just want to even the stakes I'll take it I'll take it oh man

I've got high blood pressure from just talking about that anyway thank you so much Henry thank you for having me it's been a pleasure I hope it's been as enjoyable I really enjoyed meeting you.

It's been really fun. I really enjoyed it. What was that from today? I'm going to go through and like all your TikToks. I've learned that nagging is a gendered word. Yes. I've learned that you're really triggered by men making mess. Yeah.

And that ducks have corkscrew cocks. Okay, great. So I feel like a new man. Great. Great. Well, this is what we do. We're a public service. We bring white posh men on Brown Girls Do It Too,

and we teach them three things Yeah And we feel like you are now We send you on your way And stop sleeping with racists That'd be great, thank you It's my time I think he's redeemed himself

Thank you very much For listening to this episode It was a good one If you have any thoughts Or questions You can always email us At browngirlsdoittoo At bbc.co.uk

Or you can send us A WhatsApp orgirlsdoit2 at bbc.co.uk. Or you can send us a WhatsApp or voice note to 0796810822. Bye. See ya.