Brown Girls Do It Too - Love At Long Last

Episode Date: August 29, 2019

Poppy, Roya and Rubina, have talked about how they lost their virginity, how they masturbate and have even studied their vaginas during this podcast but they haven't really mentioned love or romance, till now.As Brown Girls Who Do It Too and who do it all, what are their experiences of love or romance and what part do their sex lives play in their love lives? Does being a sexually active Asian girl help or hinder finding love?From first crushes to abiding love, Roya, Rubina and Poppy are more intimate then ever before as they are talking about matters of the heart.An Asian girl's sex life is often shrouded in secrecy. However Roya, Rubina and Poppy are breaking all taboos in this revealing podcast.‘Brown Girls Do It Too’ is a no holds barred conversation between three British Asian girls, who all have sex and are unashamed to talk about it. All the ‘ins and outs’, from the messy realities to the mythical fantasies and sexpectations, Poppy, Rubina and Roya talk about their relationships and sex lives in this funny full frontal podcast.These are genuine and thought provoking conversations, between three progressive British Asian girls who have and enjoy sex, conversations that have never been aired before. How do they navigate the complex world of sexual adventures with their cultural backgrounds and familial expectations?

Hi guys, welcome to the last episode in the series of Brown Girls Do It Too. That was more of a whoop than a boo. Yeah, better, better. I'm Poppy and I'm with Roya and Rubina. Hi, better. I'm Poppy and I'm with Roya. Paula. And Rubina. Hi, hi. And thank you for finding us and taking the time to download and listen. So if the title of this podcast doesn't quite spell it out clearly enough, this is a sex podcast.

That's S-E-X. Yes. Sex, baby. Brown girls do it too and not all brown girls are able to talk about it. So we're here to represent and before we get started i should warn you that we talk a lot about sex in quite graphic detail and we definitely definitely swear so if this is not for you please find a podcast that doesn't talk about sex or brown girls doing it they'll be shit look we know all women get grief for talking about their sex lives. And Asian women, they get more than most.

I can tell you that from personal experience, which means whole parts of these experiences of our lives are going unrecorded and unsaid because we've just never been able to talk about them. Yep, so by us talking about our lives, we hope it's going to resonate with you and some of your experiences. And if you're a woman, we really hope you relate. And if you're a man, we hope that, you know, you fucking learn something.

Look, as British Asian women, we are taught that sex is a bad secret thing and that we should be ashamed of it. But the reality is we feel what we feel. We do who we want to. It is our bodies and we are no longer going to be slut shamed of it. But the reality is we feel what we feel. We do who we want to. It is our bodies and we are no longer going to be slut shamed. Over the course of this podcast, we've talked about everything from losing our virginities to masturbation to danger wanks. Woo! And this episode, the last in this series, we'll be talking about a subject that's pretty close to our hearts. We're talking about a subject that's pretty close to our hearts.

We'll talk about romance, guys. Romance. Romance. But before we get all romantic, hi again to anyone who has just found us. Where have you been? Where have you been? Go and listen to all the other episodes, please. I'm Rubina and I'm a British Asian and like many women my age, I've been in love many times. I'm Poppy. I'm British Bangladeshi. And I have only been in love once.

I'm currently in love, actually. So there you are. I bet he won't even listen to this. I'm going to make him fucking listen. He won't even listen. I'm going to make him listen. I'm Roya. I'm Iranian and proud. and I love these two bitches

Aww I know They're so cute Genuine love has been formed here So much sustained There has been real love through this sort of sex journey of ours It's a sort of sex journey of each other really, isn't it? If people haven't read the interviews

go and read the interviews we're in a lot of cool papers We didn't know each other before I don't know if we've ever addressed that but We didn't know each other before. I don't know if we've ever addressed that, but we didn't know each other before. So this has been a budding romance. This has been a journey. This has been the romance.

It's the three of us, actually. Oh my God, it's like a fable. It's like, and then they learned that all they needed was each other. And all men could die. Yes, amen. So guys, let's light some scented candles, turn up the music.

Let's get it on. And talk about romance. I have to say, guys, when I found out that this was our final topic, I'm not going to lie, I was a little bit deflated. It's not all blowjobs and wanking. For me it is. I mean, like, I feel like I'm so confessional with you guys, but I did confess that I've never come from a guy and I've never come from any type of sex. And I've got to

admit that I've never been in love. That's just crazy to me. Yeah, that's kind of deep. You never ever just loved somebody who didn't love you back? When you were a teenager, did been in love. That's just crazy to me. Yeah, that's kind of deep. You never ever just loved somebody who didn't love you back. When you were a teenager, did you not have crushes

on people that you were like, I love you, I think about you every night? I think that's infatuation. That's infatuation, that's not love. I think, like,

you know, and I definitely think this comes from Asian culture, love is like, I will sacrifice my life for you, you are everything to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We literally have the phrase in Iranian, love is like, I will sacrifice my life for you. You are everything to me. We literally have the phrase in Iranian, which is,

which you say to people when you're leaving. And it means, I will die for you. So you're like, hey guys. This is very much an Asian culture. It's like, hey guys, see you later. Hey guys, bye guys, I'll die for you. I do the same. I'm like, I'll take a fucking bullet for you. It's in our culture.

Like, what's that word? Sacrificial. It's like, basically, by saying you'll die for anyone, your sister, your lover, your dad, your mum, it means like, I will do anything for you. I'll go to the ends of the earth for you. And that is like super romantic, but it's not realistic. It's very violent.

You shouldn't be turning it around. It's very violent. It is violent. Let's call it what it is. Honestly, I'm like, I will get you that essay. I'll do it. I'll take a bullet for you. And that's how I, literally, I do this all the time now.

I show, I express love by saying I'll die for people. Wow. And I do mean it. You do mean it. No, of course I mean it. Ramin is like, I might get you a takeaway if you're lucky. If you're lucky. What is your, okay, so you haven't been in love and i think we need to

park that because it's quite a big thing but in terms of like a first crush like how old were you and who was it uh i was in year six and i uh i produced his band called the sex pistols which i'm pretty sure is another original and I made their posters for the year six concert thank you you're a really cool year six person I was a bit of a loser

I know and then he took Georgie to the ball the year six oh no this is like a classic American high school film

the thing I hate about those high school was she white though of course she was white I grew up Rubina's like mmhmm that's is like okay when you get done they always go for a white guy i'm just saying yeah yeah ladies ladies i grew up in kent everyone was but this is the problem with rom-coms right and this is what this is what my beef is with romance

is that the rom-com shows that the underdog always gets it. It's not true. Yeah. She goes to the disco and she doesn't get the guy at the first bit. And then at the end, the guy realizes that she's the talented, cool, sophisticated one. And he's like, you're the one I want. That still hasn't happened. And I'm 25. Yeah. Rubina, who was your first crush? My first crush was, oh, should I just say his name? This is so bad.

I went to school with him. Everyone's going to know. Don't say his surname. There was like a really tall blonde kid in my year who looked like he was just from like a Gap advert or something. And he was like the hottest thing ever. And I like completely thought about him all the time. I like was obsessed with him.

I used to follow him around school and I'd like wait for him to be there. And I'd just be standing there. I mean, God god he must have just thought I was stalking him for such a long time which I kind of was and then I would just stare at him like lose hours at school staring at him. Does anything ever happen? No way he was never gonna go for me I just like knew it wasn't gonna happen he was just this person that I like idolized for a really long time. Yeah I think we need to maybe um like label the crush as like obtainable first crush and like idolized for a really long time. Yeah, I think we need to maybe like label the crush as like obtainable first crush and like idolizing first crush because I've got two people that can be neatly filed

under those two labels. So my first crush, he was in year six. I was in year five. He was obviously an adult. He was obviously like this godlike creature. And it's awful. I used to have these fantasies where I would just he would follow me and I'd be like no no no and he'd still follow me and be like no no and it's clearly Shah Rukh Khan

I'm being dominated or I'm like no no but yes, but no. And honestly, so that was like the pathetic one. But an actual real friendship that I think blossomed was a guy called Jason. He was the only white boy in my class. And it was a competition really between me and Hamida. So we had the inverse, the inverse of what you had

where 99% of the kids were Bengali. And Jason and I we'd like every trip we'd go to like Clacton on sea and every school British Museum we all had to like find a partner and he was always my partner cute it was so cute and I was just like and then fucking meet her in year five year six she starts being his partner and then they start playing in the playground together and I'm like oh you want to play? Okay. So those were my two sort of real life school crushes. And then I went to an Asian secondary school.

And then, of course, I fancied Asian guys. And then I went to a school where it was predominantly, I think, well, black guys in my class. And I fancied black guys. George Aligaya's son went to my school. At my secondary school. And that was another major crush, like big time crush, a guy that I never spoke to for like three years being at school until the day he turned up to school with a broken

nose and the first thing that I've ever said to him and have ever only said to him when I was a kid is I walked around the corridor and I saw him and I was two years below him and I just saw him and I was like, what happened to your nose? He was like, never spoken to him before. The one thing the movies always get right is like, you know, when the dweebs, i.e. us, say that weird, stupid thing. It's like, oh, and it's like, oh, I could have been so much cooler.

I mean, talking about that, I have to say until now, I am the worst flirter you will ever meet in your life. I went out with this really hot guy who I fancied so much and I really liked him and I really fancied him and the first thing I did was look him up and down and go, oh, you just come from work. I can't flirt. Anytime that I fancy a guy, I just turn to insulting them because I'm like, I don't know how to.

That is a, I learned this from Buffy. That is a legit, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. That is a legitimate technique. Yeah, it's called negging, isn't it? You punch them and you tease them and you're always mocking them. And it's just your way of saying, I like you and I fancy you.

And the meaner you are, the more you like them. Exactly. But my flatmate, she's observed this many a time on a night out and just been like, stop insulting the guy. If you want to go home with him, be nice. So I think we need to change the technique. There's this thing in romantic comedy, it's called the meet cute, and it's the moment that you meet somebody that you like,

where you both kind of acknowledge that something's happening. And it doesn't always have to be a vocal flirting thing. So for me, my technique is always to be out, throw the guy some looks throw him some eyes like know that you're looking at him like he needs to know that and then you like hold someone's stare and when you hold it for just inappropriately too long yeah yeah yeah and then they're like it's on you know it's on and then they're coming to you that's never happened to me okay I think babe I think the uh you know cussing them down when you

first meet them is really got to go. You know what I mean? Okay, so in terms of like flirting, I've also never had really romantic gestures to give or to receive. But you two are in healthy, lovely relationships. Give me some romantic gestures. I think I've been, I've lucked out on romance, guys. Like my first boyfriend, first love love wrote me an album of music and put it on a CD

fucking hell what produced the album he wrote an album of music oh my god that is insane insane okay

there was a track on it about me called Dirty Ruby cool no I like it that's like a different podcast thing going on well I mean it's this podcast

isn't it let's be real it's this podcast he wrote an entire entire album he played the guitar he wrote an entire entire album he played guitar he wrote an album where is he

he's now married to somebody else wow yeah you set the bar high I think that was like one of the most romantic things he was also on his gap year

when I went to university this is the guy I lost my virginity to actually no it goes down as one of the best I mean I've kept the CD oh my god is it good

that doesn't matter Roya okay I mean, I've kept the CD. Oh my God. Is it good? That doesn't matter, Roya. Okay, you're just going to criticise it anyway. What about you, Poppy? I'm just now thinking because I've had a slightly, I've come from a slightly different perspective in that I have really never experienced romance till now because as you know, I was a virgin and had no boyfriend till I was married

and then I got divorced and then, know experimented and lived effectively and then met my current partner um I'm just thinking it's not so much Roma it's not like big sweeping albums but I think I've just never been with someone who's so kind and supportive and just makes me a better person and I just smile going home to him. Oh, that's so nice. You're disgusting. I know. Let's just fucking

talk about some rough sex. Do you know what? Do you want to hear? I have one romantic gesture that's ever happened to me. Get ready. Ready, ready. Drumroll.

So the central line was really busy. God, this is going to be so fucking great. I got the sky up okay great so I just thought the love the opening get ready guys it's happening to me

one time it's gonna be a big one one time the central line so I was on the central line and a man gave me a bottle of water it was so hot

okay now it's kind of the story don't shit on it oh my god are you serious okay it wasn't water okay the train was really busy

and I tried to step on and I like fell back, right? And this really attractive guy, the next time I tried to step on, put his hand on my back so I wouldn't fall off the train. Sorry, was that a romantic story? Anyone else hear a romantic story?

I hear like an 80% romance with 20% of me too it is tough out there okay oh my god you basically just said a guy brushed up against me it's very romantic I'm not gonna lie babe that's what I heard the only thing a man has ever bought me is tampons when I came on my period accidentally at his house I think that's cute I think that romance comes in all different shapes and sizes. Like, it's not 12 dozen roses, red roses. You know, it's not a bottle of champagne.

It's not strawberries. It's like giving you a glass of cold water when you're dehydrated and when you just needed it. And, you know, like coming home and having someone make you dinner is like one of the most romantic things that I get to experience regularly. Look at this man and be like, wow, that's wonderful. And romance can be so tiny.

Romance can also be like a thing between friends, you know, like some of your most everlasting friendships with people where you like write them a letter. Like getting a letter. I still find that so romantic. Oh, that is really hot. That's really hot.

I have to say, Robina bought Poppy and I a pair of boob socks and that's like the little things like that yeah really get me going I actually think girl romance there's something about women where like some of the comments that we've received on the podcast I've been like oh god I just love you like some of my friends and I do think that that there is that element but there is a part of me which just wants a man to just be like I think you're so amazing that I want to treat you so well and I've never had that this is the like the sad like Jerry Springer part of our podcast but I do feel like, you know, I feel romance feels like a bit of deservedness. And I'm really scared.

It's like, how come I don't deserve romance? You do. You definitely do. But when I was 25, obviously wasn't looking for romance. And I know this is one of those cheesy sayings that people have. I think I really do think that when you're looking for it, it doesn't come and then it comes when you least expect it. And also I think, oh God, I'm going to sound like a,

you have your whole life ahead of you and it will come. It will absolutely come. I think you should just casually bang people and then one of them is going to turn into something. I'll tell you this though. I think that going back to what we were talking about, like our Asian families and our brown families, Iranian families

and I'm sure it's the same with your communities as well do go like head over heels for you like my grandma calls me up about four months before I go to Iran to find out every day what I want to eat and cook it for me and like and my dad is as you both know the most important man in my life and the most incredible man in my life has come leaps and bounds in terms of what he does for me

and I think that spoils you oh big time my mum has this thing about unconditional love she always says better I love you unconditionally and in my mind

I was like that's amazing so if I did anything she was like you could go to prison I would still love you you could you know trash the car I would still love you she gives me, you know, trash the car. I would still love you. She gives me all these scenarios. And I really did try to apply that to relationships. But the truth is that it doesn't happen like that. You know, like I've had, I've been in love many times. I've had big heartbreaks as well. You know, when I looked at them and thought, yeah, you don't love me unconditionally. And that is something that maybe we feed from our families that we just don't always get in our personal relationship.

They set the bar high, really, don't they? It's so right. We're so loved. The grannies and the parents and that kind of, we do come from that culture of like, I'll take a bullet for you. So we approach the bullet method in everything. I'm hands down going to say that I bloody love that

about the Asian community. Yeah. I love that there is this. Amen. You know, when anything has happened on our street in Iran, the whole street rallies around the family

and is there to support. And yeah, it can get annoying, you can get nosy and you can get stuff, but there is a real romance. We love hard. We love hard.

We love hard. We love pet, like we love to the point of pain. Yeah. And I genuinely don't think that's a bad thing. Brown girls do it too. Unexpected Fluids is back,

and we promise to bring you more of this. How's your sex life? Wow! A little sprinkle of this. A big slice of this. It just keeps coming and coming. Just give it to us. And lots of this.

Wow! I'm Riyadh. And I'm Alex. We lift the lid on your sexual misadventures. Bedroom acrobatics, warts and all. We chat about all the stuff you want to talk about with your mates, but are far too embarrassed to. It's not for the faint-hearted.

Unexpected fluids. Download and subscribe now on the BBC Sounds app. Brown girls do it too. This is a sex podcast. We are app. Brown girls do it too. This is a sex podcast. We are brown girls. We do it too. Talk to me about sex and romance. Poppy.

Okay, so sex with the current partner is definitely the best sex I've had. This is the five and a half orgasm man. Oh, wow. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Strong, strong game. I mean, we don't have sex often but when we do it's almost like I'm backdating all the orgasms I didn't have and I just do it in one go which actually is really time efficient which is another theme I've noticed in

all these podcasts I'm like why am I not finding more time to masturbate and have sex um I think also but also because I suppose I come from I come at it from a kind of I've been in a lot in a long-term relationship I think more than sex keeping the romance alive is a real that takes a lot of work actually that is that in itself is a very crucial part of keeping a full-time job alive but I almost miss being single if I could be single for like 10 minutes and have that feeling of being in a bar and like and just stare at someone for like an inappropriate second longer than I should I just kind of miss that feeling that sort of butterfly feeling. I think you can still do that in a relationship these eyes are always open no I think like that's also kind of good, healthy bits of romance in a relationship too.

Because it's not just, you know, you are aware that you're both asexual beings, that you might be like interested in other people and having like nice, fun, healthy communication about it. Like I have caught my boyfriend many times looking at like a girl's ass. And I haven't been like, oh my God, you should only look at mine.

I'm like, well, actually mine's quite small. And actually I know what you're into. And what he's into is something bigger. And like, you should only look at mine. I'm like, well, actually, mine's quite small. And actually, I know what you're into. And what he's into is something bigger. And like, I see women all the time and I'm looking too. So, you know, that's fine. I mean, my rule is don't look back, but absolutely look back. I think don't look back is a little bit disrespectful. Yeah, it's true.

It's not cool. It's like that meme of that guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think it's completely healthy to window shop. And, you know, my partner does it all the time. I do it. It's not even wandering eyes. I think it's a completely normal process.

And this idea of like, it's just for me. It's not realistic at all. My relationship's been like, it's about three and a half years. And I do work hard in the sex game. But I just do like little things like don't wear pants with holes in them. Oh my God, I wear pants with holes in them. You don't always have to do that. Pants with holes is sexy because it's like...

No, I'm not talking crotchless. No. I'm talking my M&S underwear's gone in the dryer a little bit long. Something's wrong with it. I have some like sexy underwear that I definitely like to pull out. I also think it's really interesting to change

how much hair I have down there because it surprises them when they go down with their hand or their mouth and they're like, oh, it's all done or it's there. Mix it up. Mix it up. I'm taking notes from you, mental notes, because my bra and lingerie collection is frankly quite disgusting. In fact, I've been told it's disgusting many a time. And the situation downstairs is the situation downstairs it is what it is and I'm not going to vary it for you what about romantic sexual gestures that you might do oh I don't know about gestures oh god it's been a while I was gonna say that like when you have sex with somebody the same person regularly for years god that you get to some really beautiful moments with them where you're

like wow like this feels like spiritual what we just did there like god that sounds ridiculous you know at the start of a relationship you do just take the spiritual pathway yeah I'm like the hippie one here but you definitely have moments when you've been with somebody and they know your body so well and you trust them and the lights are on and you don't care and you're naked and you're sweating and you're just with them and you're like wow yeah we are nailing this and each other that's aspirations I have to say the most romantic thing happened to me the last time I had sex where the guy pushed me against the wall and then went as if he was going to lift me up and I was was like, oh, babe. I was like, oh, you're not the rock. But I was really, like,

found it really romantic that he was going to do that. Oh, that's cute. But I was like, who do you think you are? I mean, like, after everything we've said, I think romance is giving a blowjob. Like, I know that sounds so... It kind of is. But, like, genuinely, like,

it's something that is... We're talking about sacrifice and giving something and not receiving. Oral sex is 100% that. Yeah, oral sex is romance. I think that's a good argument. I think that's why I've drawn a blank. Because in my head,

romance is what the films teach you. It's the fucking music album, okay? It's the, I bought you a house. It's every plot line in every fucking... My big fat Greek wedding, my big fat Greek wedding, I watched my big fat Greek wedding and the dad buys her a house

and it's really fucking sad. But my point is, but this is it, like you say romance and I'm like... And the reality is, romance is I'm really, really tired. You like a blowjob. I'll give you a blowjob.

And actually, I think maybe my relationship and the way I see things is sort of less romantic in that sort of classic sense and much more like sacrificing and compromising. So I don't like blowjobs. I get locked jaw but I will give you them do you see what I mean? there is some stuff that you do in relationships that is a little bit more romantic

that I haven't done necessarily with casual partners where when you're having sex you do look into each other's eyes a bit more than you would with someone that you're casually sleeping with because that's weird

and you make out for much longer. It's a lot of kissing. Like for me anyway because that's what I'm into. It's like, wow, I just go for fourth base like all the time.

I like a lot of tongue kissing. Kissing's with tongue I think is like the sexiest thing you can do with your tongue. I haven't done that in ages. I haven't kissed. Oh my God, tonight,

go and do a slip in tongue. I haven't made out with my partner in forever. It literally happened. So when you say goodbye to him or when you say hi to him, do you kiss him? No, of course I kiss him, but that's like a peck. I'm talking making out. I'm talking like just touching each other and touching and just like kissing, really kissing.

I haven't done that in ages. Oh, I'm all about on the like just touching each other and touching and just like kissing really kissing I haven't done that in ages oh I'm all about I blame Netflix that's the best part like no but the thing with me is if I start kissing it leads to sex so I'm just like oh do you know what I'm talking about like the best parts and I like last episode I talked about how I the I tried to spoon with that guy from Bumble and he was like, oh, don't get any ideas. And I was like, you can go fuck yourself. I find when the guy puts his hand underneath your head to spoon you really romantic because he's going to get dead arm. And I think that's really cute.

Love is about sacrifice. You're right. I don't care if you've cut blood circulation off. It's cute. I think I find things like that cut blood circulation off. It's cute, right? I think I find things like that really sweet or when they put your head on their chest or like all those things. You know what?

I think one of the things I love is the, we talked about this and we touched on it, but the after sex care. So like you have sex and for me, the tactile touching and stroking is so important. It's almost as important as the sex and as important as the orgasms. And if you come on me, I want you to get me a tissue.

Yeah, this is what, can I just say what is very unromantic. So they come inside you without a condom. They're like, ah, they just like lie down. And you're like, I'm going to the toilet. I don't want to get suspicious. You're like, I don't want to get suspicious. Half coming out of you. And also you've just changed the bedsheets. So you're just like, you don't really want to get it on the bedsheets. I don't want to get suspicious. You're like, running to the loo while it's half coming out of you. And also, you've just changed the bedsheets.

So you're just like, you don't really want to get it on the bedsheets because you don't want to really change them again. And so you're like running to the loo. And I think this is like one of those things. It's like women can't pee. Women have to clean themselves up. And I'm like, this is so annoying. Like I literally, they've come. They're like, I'm such a dun.

And you're like, ah. And then it's like half everywhere. So that really, really hard. After admin. You have to clean up. I agree. I have this exact same thing.

I could not agree more because normally I'd like a bit of, you know, little snooze after sex is always quite nice if you have the time. But you want to relax. You want to stretch out

and be like, this has been amazing. And actually, I think often the woman always has to leave that situation. Yeah. I think that always does happen. She has to go first and be like, oh, I'm going.

I've never got to a point in a relationship where the guy's coming me. So I've never experienced this problem. Oh, it's the worst. It's the worst. Sometimes I'm like, I've literally said this many a time. I'm like, can we have sex with a condom so I don't have to go to the toilet? And it's all on you. Honestly, because it's like, because sometimes you have sex because you're like,

I'm going to get a good night's sleep if I have sex oh it's great but it's like so you're like you're in the zone you've come and then you immediately especially if you're a woman you know that film what woman one way like women have 50 000 different thoughts it's like now i've got to clean myself i've got to make sure i get the machine now i've got to like walk a certain way oh my god did i put the blinds on is someone gonna see me like you have like a million thoughts and by the time you've had all those thoughts and you come back, you're like,

well, I'm awake now. So, and they're like, Ladies, tips for a girl who doesn't experience romance enough. Come on, hit me with it. I mean, I don't think you should be asking me. Jesus.

What was yours to say? You need to go, your homework is to go home and kiss your boyfriend i know i really do i think like maybe sometimes our ideas of romance are based on what we see when you're younger and yes there is the kind of like film tv element to it but uh my parents like weren't that romantic in in the home growing up but my dad every valentine's day did something it was like a little card or a little rose or a little gesture and my mom would just like really like non-plus that the whole

thing was like whatever but my dad would every year do something and i think like for me i was like oh so on valentine's day i do kind of expect something i know were your your parents poppy romantic with each other establishing myself as the freak in this group let me tell you something okay so i as a bengali kid and i don't think that my experiences are that dissimilar to other Bengali kids in London. I have never in my life seen my parents kiss. I've never seen them be tactile. I don't think I've ever seen them hug. So in terms of any romantic gestures,

they didn't exist, frankly. And then this is a paradox with all the Bollywood films in the 90s that I just consumed because that was very romantic. It was over-the-top romance. It was Shah Rukh and Aamir Khan on top of a mountain, running down a mountain,

running to a girl from a mountain. I mean, there's always a mountain and rain. And family. And family. And being torn away from your family. And crying because you're so in love with each other. So you see romance on speed on TV, and then you see your family, and not just your parents,

but every auntie and uncle, they're exactly the same. But you're so right about parents not touching each other, because when you just said, I've never seen my parents kiss, I was kiss I was like actually no neither have I. That's mad. What about you Roy have you seen? Yeah no I mean my parents I think might be the only parents in the group to be broken up they're divorced and I think it was very much a relationship it was very much like a it was an arranged it wasn't an arranged marriage but it was like they were introduced to each other with the hope of them getting married. And I have to say, it's like I feel like certain relationships in my parents' religion and in similar communities were built for long lasting rather than because those relationships. I have this theory that those really passionate, fiery relationships burn out quickly.

Okay. I would challenge you to find me one where it's like, I need you. I need you. It doesn't. You're totally right. They're perishable. They have a short shelf life.

You know that scene in Speed where she's like underneath the thing and she looks at him and she's like, I've done studies on this. People who get involved in high octane situations, they don't end up well. And look, Keanu Reeves is not in Speed fucking too. And they're on a boat. You can't exist on that level, I think, so long because life has to carry on. You have to go to work.

You have to do all these things. And, you know, my grandparents got, my dad's parents got married very, very, very young. My grandma was an early teenager. She was 12, 13. And they are still together. And now, like, you know, if my granddad cries, my grandma cries. There's that sort of relationship.

That is romance. That to me is love. It's romance now. But I know, you know, from what I've heard and stories I've heard, that their life was tough, you know,

and my granddad wasn't the easiest of men and my grandma was raising four children. And that's not romance how we see it in these Hollywood films or in Speed.

That's endurance, I think. And those relationships do stay together, whether there's romance there. I can't tell. I can't tell if that's romance. But I can tell that every day when she gets his milk and bread and cream together for breakfast, that's love.

Oh, mate, this is like the notebook. They are the cutest two people ever. They really are. But, you know, that's not always been the case and they're an arranged marriage and and my parents they did eventually get divorced for a multitude of reasons um and so I do think I've never spotted in real life that speed high intensity romance all I've seen is a woman who puts bread and cream every morning for her husband of 60 years. And I still think that that's really adorable. I mean, longevity is so impressive.

I mean, it just is like I've been in three longish term relationships, been dumped everything like I think it's kind of amazing if you can find somebody that you want to stay with. And Asian communities seem to have these amazing like long-lasting loves they're really impressive but also terrifying because I bet you a lot of those people lots of people I know and in my family are in relationships they don't want to be because they feel like they have to be there yeah see there are two sides to this I mean there's this whole whole kind of we're all bees and it's like a big kind of honeycomb and we all there's like a structure I mean it is ingrained in us it's like what Roy kind of honeycomb and there's like a structure. I mean, it is ingrained in us. It's like what Roy was saying.

We have extended families. On the positive side, you've got your grandparents' wonderful, beautiful example. But on the other side, I feel like sometimes you can be trapped in relationships and in situations. And instead of having a voice, I mean, this is pretty much my experience. Instead of having a voice and saying, I don't want to be in this marriage anymore, I had to answer to lots of uncles and my parents who answered for me or who made those decisions for me. So I think there's a beauty in it,

but I think it could be quite tragic. And dark. And dark, and you can feel quite trapped and there are two sides to it. And talking about sex, I'm never ever going to have this conversation with her, but I would like to know if my grandma ever enjoyed sex with my granddad or whether it was to birth the four beautiful children that they had.

I want to know whether they're still doing it now when she's bringing him her milk and her bread. She's like, also. They're definitely not. They sleep on separate levels of the house. But there's something in like, you know, I hope in 20 years from now brown girls are having sex because they bloody enjoy it because it's this amazing gift

that we have as a humanity to like yeah we're like one of the only species that have sex to enjoy it it's like us and dolphins i know it's you know can i just this is the other thing i was gonna say i can't actually see our producer's face, but I bet he was laughing his pants off. People have sex. You came out of your mother's vagina or she had a C-section. But we just don't talk about it. You talk about all the foods you want to eat, the places you want to go, the relationships you've had. You talk about all the, you know, you talk about almost everything else.

But when it comes to sex and women, especially enjoying sex, you are slut shamed to high hell. And you can't, you know, you can't express yourself, you know, you immediately have that, that label. And the danger of not talking about it is the scary bit is that we're not talking about consent, we're not learning about our bodies, and we're being trapped. And I think that that's much worse, much worse. The alternatives aren't great. This is how it should be. Brown girls do it too. Final tips.

How are you keeping it alive with your man? It is quite hard work because in the first six months, you get the butterfly feeling and it's wonderful. First six months to a year, it really just feels really special and lovely. But I think sort of long-term relationships it's little things it's compromise because you can get set in your ways and you like doing the things that you want to do and I think the biggest romantic gesture is sometimes doing something for someone else that you might not want to do

I'm not talking about non-consensual sex but I I'm saying it's the smaller, finer day-to-day details. Because I think you can always have fun because fun is easy and it's there, but it's how you both deal with the shit times and the kind of unfun times. And if you can make, and it doesn't necessarily to be fun, but if you have an understanding with each other, I think that's what gets you through also practical note it's quite nice not to masturbate for quite a long time when you're with a partner because then the only person that's touching you down there is them and so it's like oh and so if you're wanting to like reinvigorate your long-term relationship maybe it feels a bit dead don't wank for a week yeah and then start up with them because you'll be like I haven't wanked I'm not touching myself because I'm waiting for you to. Oh, that is quite cute. On that most romantic note, Robina,

guys, we've come to the end of this series and Bradnell's doing two. I don't believe it. I'm refusing to let it go. We haven't. We're going home together yet. It's been a long time coming. This is the end.

I can't believe this is the end. This is the orgy. This is the post-orgie, post-after-sex care. I feel like I have really been on a journey with the three of you and I feel like almost it's been very like

sex confessions. Yeah. But not in a seedy way. It's just us talking about things. Big up the Asian network for letting us do this. Absolutely. And for letting us meet each other

and giving us a space. Big up BBC Sounds for letting three Asian girls talk about our vaginas we need to um think about how we're gonna get a warrior to orgasm from penetrative sex and any sex and get her to meet a guy who will make her the cream and tea that her oh yeah which i think you will get 100 that's why i came with the podcast i hope all of our listeners have like enjoyed or got

something out of it like found something fun and hopefully explored their bodies explored their sexuality had these conversations with their friends and like thanks for like joining us as well and being part of it do you know what I just came on this podcast and had an absolute blast with you two ladies it's like literally being at a sleepover again where you're just like oh my god you do that too but I think the moment that sort of sealed the deal for me is um all the girls who have messaged us particularly Asian women and just been like you girls are so relatable and it's so nice hearing that I'm not alone and it's sort of like 16 year old Roy is like giving me a little nod like thanks just being like yeah thanks because you know I so wish I could go back to her and be like you're gonna have sex and you know and men are gonna find you attractive and

and it will come just And you will come. TBC, TBC. But it will come and you'll have a great time. And on that note, that's us. We're all getting out of here to have sex, obviously, except Roya, who hasn't had any sex in at least six weeks now. Since this podcast began, it is depressing. Okay, well, you were working, you were busy, you were busy. Maybe we'll be back when she

finally has sex again and we can have a special podcast to celebrate that. What do you think, Roya? Yeah, I'm totally down. I'll give you all the gory details. Please, that's what we want, that's what we live for. I hope they're not gory. Yes, definitely not gory. You guys have been listening to Brown Girls Do It Too.

Make sure you subscribe to get more podcasts from the BBC Asian Network. Over and out, people. Thanks for listening. Bye. Brown Girls Do It Too. Honey, Kate being fabulous. Radio One presents...

My very first podcast. Jenna Collins. You're just going to realise i might be a star but i'm just exactly like you how can i help you you're gonna hear my views bit of glamour laughing hysterically cringing oh my god did you really say that oh yeah she did that all you have to do but this just once a week from brentwood to marbella it It's going to be next level. The name of my podcast is, what is it? The Gemma Collins Podcast. Download and subscribe on the BBC Sounds app.

I don't get how easy this is.