Brown Girls Do It Too - Mysterious Girls with Ayamé

Episode Date: August 16, 2024

Poppy and Rubina are joined by content creator Ayamé to talk feminine allure, how some women have mastered the art of being mysterious and why do some people find the chase to be so thrilling? They also talk about the opposite of being a 'trad wife'! Have a message for Poppy and Rubina? If you’re over 16, you can message the BGDIT team via WhatsApp for free on 07968100822. Or email us at [e-mail]. Anger and all other emotions are welcomed!If you're in the UK, for more BBC podcasts listen on BBC Sounds: bbc.in/3UjecF5

BBC Sounds, music, radio, podcasts. Rubina, will this episode contain strong language or adult content? Oh, it might, but I couldn't possibly say. I was just wondering. It might. It might not. Rubina, just tell me. Poppy, I'm being a woman of mystery. Rubina, you've presented a sex podcast for over five years.

I think that ship has sailed. Rude. This podcast will contain swearing and adult content. This is a podcast about sex. At least it started off like that. Now we talk about everything. Everything is sex. And sex is everything. And that includes our mistakes, our heartbreaks.

And our hot, hot, hot, hot takes. Just thinking of charts still. I'm Poppy and I'm not telling you about the problematic role play I got up to last week Friday. I'm Rubina and I'm not telling you that I'm secretly worried about having a vaginal prolapse. You actually? Yeah, I worry about it all the time. Every time I go for a wee, I think, it's all coming out. Is it a real thing? Yes, vaginal prolapses happen.

I don't know if I want to dwell on this actually. It's my it's making me feel like i'm gonna have a vaginal prolapse when you go for a wee and you can like stop your wee and it's like supposed to be tested pelvic floor although they say don't do that because it's how you get urinary infections all right um i'm so pregnant now that when i go for a wee i don't even really feel anything you don't know if you're weeing couldn't tell you could be weeing right now I don't think I think you're fine I think you're

I think you're fine yeah but I literally want to write a horror movie today because it's so hot in London and getting on the tube and I just had this thing

when I was like coming down into the escalator like clutching my bottle of cold water thinking if I have a baby on a tube underground

trapped between two stops that's my worst nightmare and on a hot hot heat with a bunch of strangers around you. It's actually a really good premise for a horror film, isn't it? I mean, you'd watch it. So this episode, we are talking about the chase, the start of a relationship where you might do a bit of catch me if you can style flirting. Yeah. You might be revealing different parts of yourself

you know slowly uncloaking the many layers of you but also figuring out if you like somebody else and then fast pull fast forward to you're in your sweatpants and you're not having sex yeah the chase i mean that's the that's the marathon this is like the sprint at the start this is the sprint at the start yeah do you like chasing uh i think. Yeah. Do you like chasing? I think so. Early on? I think it's nice to have a bit of like, you know, when I was first dating my current partner, I remember going to a park with him

and there was these two dogs, you know, two dogs. I really want to know where this is going. One of the dogs was like... Chaser. Well, no. So my partner did this funny voice that I just really remember where he was like pretending to be one of the dogs where he was like to the other dog,. So my partner did this funny voice that I just really remember

where he was like pretending to be one of the dogs where he was like to the other dog, chase me, chase me, chase me, chase me, chase me. And that's all I can think about when I think about the chase because it was like this funny thing where we were like flirting with each other and he was doing these impressions

of these two dogs that we were watching and he was like, chase me. And the other dog was like chasing him. Chase me, chase me, stop. He'd be like, chase me, chase me, chase me. And he was like, actually, we're just like dogs. We love to have some play at the start. Like, it has to be fun at the start, right?

Because otherwise, what's the point? Do you wear both roles? So do you sometimes do the chasing or are you the chasey? Or do you stick to one? I like to switch up. Yeah, you strike me as a switcher-upper. Yeah, I think, you know, there are people that have chased me and I haven't been into them and there's people that I've chased

in my 20s I definitely was wanted to be chased that's the hang up of Bollywood films right so I definitely always wanted a guy to come after me

swoon after me woo me charm me now I have fully I am the Shah Rukh Khan in the relationship well in the situation

not really I'm not in a relationship but I am fully the Shah Rukh Khan so I relationship well in the situation not really I'm not in a relationship but I am fully the Shah Rukh Khan so I love chasing but there are some girls who will never chase you know that oh yeah yeah yeah

there are some girls who are like in no way would I approach I know loads of I know loads of those girls I know loads of those girls who won't chase they find it like

quite demeaning or there's something that they find unromantic about it also because they're probably steeped in quite a lot of traditional ideas of who should be

the chased person yeah I would agree with you of traditional ideas of who should be the chased person. Yeah, I would agree with you. There are more women who like to be chased than do the chasing. Don't get me wrong. In certain situations, I like to be chased. Like, I think it's sexy. But not a lot of guys do the chasing. Because I think men can find me quite maybe intimidating or too much or too loud or too confident.

I think it's nice when somebody tells you they like you and you're like, oh, they're just joking. And then they do it again and you're like, wait, are they joking? And then they do it again and you're like, oh my God, no, they like me. But I haven't mastered the art of being mysterious and coy. Like I'm talking, babe, like Monica Bellucci is a very sexy mysterious one right women who just like drop their voice and can whisper sweet nothings in your ear and then they give you just enough and you just are crazy and you want more like yeah I can't do that

but it's still like giving a little bit and then pulling back yeah it's that isn't it it's like I might not text you for four days now purposefully because I know that that's going to make you stupid oh yeah yeah I've done that all the time now I'm really thinking about it yeah I was massively in fact my current partner told me that he didn't want to text me on New Year's Eve the first year that we started dating because he was like I knew you would hate that I knew if I sent you a message saying happy new year it's vom so he was like so I just wasn't going to message you and he and he was with friends and they were like, yeah, don't do it. She sounds like she wouldn't appreciate that.

And is it true? Yeah, yeah. I was like, you played it so well with me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whenever you tell me about how you and your partner hooked up, I'm like, he played that game. But he also understood the chase. He played the long game.

He understood the chase. And he understood the chase because he was chasing you for nearly a long time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you'd just come out of your five-year relationship. Yeah. And you weren't, you didn't want a relationship.'re like i'm having fun i'm having fun and and then he the chase can be a slow chase a long game no but i find that so sexy like someone who like it was really smart i mean it's really annoying because now we're together and he'll tell me about those times and i'll be like oh my god you played me but you played me so well but like how else

if he hadn't played you that way it wouldn't have happened it wouldn't have worked he'd be like another one but also he's so good at he's actually I was thinking about this

the other day like such a don to play because I sometimes see guys do this with me because I don't want to be in a relationship and if they like me

they're like oh I'm going to see if I can change your mind change your mind right classic and we all do it it's not men doing it to women women do it to men and I was thinking about you and your partner and I'm like to see if I can change your mind change your mind right classic and we all do it it's not men doing it to women and women do it to men

and I was thinking about you and your partner and I'm like he was so smart because he started to pull back yeah and that's what you do the moment you and I treat him mean

keep him keen but when they start playing me at my own game if you like them enough you're then like hey hey hey hey hey hey hold on you were chasing me

yeah now I'm chasing you what the fuck is this what am I looking at my whatsapps for this is ridiculous. Joining us today is someone who positively radiates feminine allure. She's content creator, presenter and legend, Ayame. Welcome to our brothel.

This is how we introduce everyone. Oh. Our pink curtains. You're kind of matching the pink curtains today, actually. I am. Oh, pink curtains. Brothel, prank. curtains today actually I am oh pink curtains brothel pink beef curtains actually that is really

not intentional but now you've pointed it out that's what I thought you were doing oh my god no I was just thinking this feels like

girls on the town we're gonna have we're gonna get crazy I feel like I feel like it's a strip club in Scunthor or like Blackpool

where you get shots for a pound and it's really busy sometimes and then it's dead for like the next for the remaining no shade to Scunthor or Blackpool where you get shots for a pound and it's really busy sometimes and then it's dead for like the next for the remaining eight months No shade to Scum Thug

or Blackpool because that's like a good night Yeah it's a good night No shade No shade there So lots of people are invested in your

love life IRL Do you like to be chased or do you like to do the chasing I don't chase I just expect all men that come into contact with me to be chased or do you like to do the chasing i don't chase i just expect all men that come into

contact with me to to be you're laughing i'm not joking i'm literally not joking i know what you're gonna say exactly the same worship worship obey me um if you don't then you're not really worth my time but do you enjoy a bit of that that first engagement with a guy where you're not revealing everything about yourself and there's a bit of like, yeah, maybe I like you, maybe I don't. Maybe like any of that kind of back and forth. On my side, yeah. I like the whole kind of playing mysterious. But at the same time, I'm really loud.

So my mysteriousness only lasts for so long until it's like, Okay, controversial opinion. I think loud girls and loud people very like don't ever give you anything actually i think they're giving you what they want to so they're projecting something and to get like when you meet a really extroverted person you think you're understanding who they are because they're giving you everything but that's not the true of them that's really they're giving you something else because they're just like this is what i do with everyone i don't know do you do you feel that's an accurate yeah I'm actually really sad are we supposed to say so you're giving us a lot of uh dead silences

to feel are we supposed to be like you're right yeah no it's just um no no yeah I do agree that that loudness well yeah but are we all just projecting a version even innies introverts are not are projecting a version of their introverted self. We're all giving a version of ourselves on dates, right? It's the same with an interview or when you meet your mum and you're hungover, but you're trying to fucking hide it. But I guess that's the interesting thing about the chase, like those initial flirtation moments with somebody where you're trying to be like,

come to me, you're only giving them bits of you. You're only giving the bits that you want them to see. Yeah, I like to intimidate men. Nice. So that's my main kind of... I actually also enjoy that. Isn't it fun? Oh, yeah.

It's like a reverse patriarchy. I know, I love it. I'm all for that. But when you want to be chased, because I was thinking about it today on the train, like I would love to be chased and I'm a massive fantasist and I've got this fantasy in my head where I've just I've been replaying it in my head constantly

where I like this guy and I don't want to get into it too much because I'm actually still seeing this guy he's like one of the regs um but he basically like chases me literally chases me down the street and it's like grabs me consensually and like just like takes over and just like I'm trying to get away it's a classic Shah Rukh Khan thing

and yeah it's that would scare me no no it doesn't scare me because I'm usually I'm fine with it that's all that matters

what's your like fantasy kind of scenario of a chase yeah of a chase I wouldn't want a man to actually physically chase me that would absolutely ruin my life yeah this guy I'm not I've known him I'm not talking about a random guy I've known this guy for a while just even the thought of a man running

up behind me just well that's my fantasy but what's yours yeah um chase I have a fantasy of like anyone who's ever wronged me romantically yeah to just all kind of be in a room where it's almost like an award ceremony for me. Like I'm winning a Grammy or something or like a special recognition and they all have to watch me win. Oh, yeah. And there is something about like revenge being about success, like success. The best revenge you can have on a partner is like show them that you're happy without them. Yes. Have you been wronged many times?

Not many times, but just. But you want those men to be in the room while you accept the Grammy and you want them to see you accept. Exactly. I think it's an ego thing as well because it's like a, you're an idiot. How dare you? How the hoot and heck could you have turned me down? Now watch, I've won a Grammy. Yeah.

I won't probably win a Grammy. Do you do music? No. My manager won't let me. I want to release a song. She won't let me. Shout out my manager. I'm looking at her right now.

She won't let me release a song. I want to write a song. Actually, you know what? Just to turn this around back to the chase conversation. Go on. I had a boyfriend who wrote me loads of music. That was part of his wanting to woo me. He wrote music

but I tend to find that the guys who chase me are the ones that I don't really want interesting yeah and there's that whole thing about if they've chased you really hard you should never give it to them because then they've chased so hard not give it like the flower but just give in to the fact that they've chased you and also like the level of chasing it's proportionate to like how beggy they are. Because if they're chasing too much, they're begging it too much. Do you like to be chased or do you like to do the chasing?

Oh, I think I'm probably, I like a bit of both. I like definitely have chased men. Yeah. I'd say my current partner probably chased me a bit more, but I think it's good that it switches. And I think if somebody works hard

to be with you, they deserve a reward. Yeah. And you are the reward. I am the full reward. to be with you, they deserve a reward. Yeah. And you are the reward. I am the full reward. I am the Grammy, honey. Yeah, you are. I love that.

What's the biggest thing, like the biggest elaborate move a man has made that showed you that he was really into you? Oh, yeah. Oh. That you found attractive, that you didn't find icky. My love language is feeling known which isn't even

part of I'm just saying it's not even a love language it's basically it's actually not one of those I watched a TikTok where someone said oh here's an actual

like love language I've created which is feeling known and it just I connected with it where it's essentially like say for example we were all here

and we're all pals and you'd brought me a tea and you'd found out it was not the tea that I like and you were like, oh no, she's not going to like that tea. Let's get her a different tea. If I knew that you'd done that,

or if you'd have gotten me a tea, it's not an act of service, it's just knowing what I like. Do you know what? It sounds like you just described what an agent does. True. Yeah, it's like someone who really knows who you are. They second-guessed what you're going to think, so they've prepped. Is that kind of kind of what you mean yeah so they don't

even need to ask me they already know like you're gonna want to go to sushi that's someone that's someone who that's reserved for best friends and long-term partners like you have to get to a level where i totally get what you mean my best girlfriends are like this it's like they know your thought they know what you're going to be into it's like oh don't give her that she's going to get annoyed at that don't give her that yes She's going to get annoyed at that. Don't give her that. She loved this. Oh, my God. Don't talk to her about this. Love that.

What's the most exciting bit for you when you meet your girl? Probably the first date. The first ever date. The first time meeting. I'd say that's the most, like, the peak of the excitement. Then I just hate it. Why do you hate it? I'm kidding.

I'm kidding. You're single, right? Yeah. And are you dating a lot? No. I date no one. I'm actually so painfully single. No, it's not painful

because I actually really like it. So what does it, what does it, to describe to us like what a good date looks like for you? I hate activities.

I hate activity dates because I like, as I say, I like to intimidate the person I'm with to really see whether they're going to be aggressive back.

And if you're aggressive back then leave me alone yeah if you submit you can stay or if they banter back to you or if they give you the same yeah well you don't like that yeah no fine yeah banter's fun some sort of wait so you just want someone who's going to be like yeah yes man yeah so you so you are basically you want like a sub you want someone who's submissive to you. Absolutely. Wow, that's so cool to know that about yourself. Yeah. When did you discover that about yourself?

When I dated someone dominant, more dominant, more... With you than you, yeah. Yeah, but you've known that. You always say that with your partner, like you like equality. I think you would know that in a relationship. Like you would know that about yourself, that you want to be with someone where you are the alpha or they are the beta. I hate using this word beta, but do you know what I mean? Or you want a partnership where it's a bit more equal. So that makes sense.

I don't want incompetent though. No, no, no, no, no, no. Where I'm in control of everything. It's just kind of like, you want to be happy. So you want to wear the trousers in the relationship? Yes. Okay.

Wow, but I think that's a really bold thing to say because what you're looking for is essentially someone who's like, I'm happy for you to wear the trousers, girlfriend. Yeah, which is difficult. Which is really difficult

to find in men. Yeah, good luck. If you're listening right now and you are looking to get rid of your trousers, there is somebody who's going to take them. I've got a great mantelpiece for you.

So that's, so, I mean, this is the other challenge other challenge for you i guess do you often find men who'd be happy to who'd happily do that because i don't there aren't that many and what does that look like for you like because i guess like realistically it's it's for me i think relation like good relationships long-term relationships built on some level of we understand what each other want and so you're expecting this person to be like really submissive towards you and like long term what does that mean if you want to like buy a house have kids or or not do any of that stuff and do other things like who is controlling and maneuvering both of you who's wearing the trousers when it comes to shmoney purse me okay i intend to and i've always wanted to be the breadwinner when it comes to

breadwinners awful but yeah main money breadwinner when it comes to... Breadwinner's awful. But the main money mother when it comes to relationships. Main moneymaker, yeah, yeah. Why? I don't like the dynamic when men earn more. Don't like that dynamic at all. Why don't you just earn the same? That's rare. Like, exactly the same?

Or, like, roughly in the same fashion? Roughly in the same. Roughly, no. Could you take that? No. No. You definitely wouldn't... I could do roughly the same.

Okay. You could do roughly the same. What about levels of intelligence? Do you want to be smarter than your partner yeah that's a good question yes but i want them to have a level of intelligence in a realm that i have no understanding of yeah like um i i'm a i'm a total sapiosexual like intelligence to me is the sexiest thing and they would have to be i mean i'd I mean, I'd be street smart. I'd be street smart. You're so fucking smart.

They'd have to be smart. I would not mind. In fact, I actively would seek someone smarter than me. I had a really good friend who was in a long-term relationship tell me that the best thing that she loves about her relationship is they both still are trying to figure out who's smarter.

Oh, nice. And I'm like, that's quite cool. That's cool, yeah. Like one day, one of you thinks it's smarter and I'm like that's quite cool that's cool yeah like one day one of you thinks it's you and then the next day it like adds him and then it just like

changes a lot that does sound nice that is nice would you say that you're an opposite of like a trad wife you know that trend that's going on right now

with women that are sort of taking up do you know about trad wives you're an antithetic traditional gender role yeah sorry ballerina form there's no way in hell

I would ever be a trad wife. Yeah, so you're the antithesis of that. Yeah. Yeah. Completely. Yeah, no, I'm not traditional at all. You're more of a mad wife. I'm mad as hell.

And you'll love it. So when you meet these guys and you obviously make it plain and you make it very clear that like, I'm wearing the trousers, bitch. Yeah. How do they take it?

What do they say? I think it's, I mean, I think it's innate that they'll be like oh no but then they bow down they're kind of just like oh but where are you gonna go so that's that yeah it's it's difficult because i think yeah it's difficult finding anyone that will submit to anyone whether they're men or women um especially with men it's yeah i think a horse yeah i i think with powerful confident

single women i mean i'm obviously in my fuck girl era so it's fine it's all that deep but i honestly when i'm i think when i'm eventually ready to settle down it will take a fucking giant of a man to be able to deal with this not because i'm a difficult character no family are fucking difficult but um i don't think a lot of men can take a confident, independent woman. Or maybe it's the guys I'm dating. Yeah, we're too much. Have you been told that? You're too much.

Oh, all the time. Yeah. But that just means you're not there. Exactly. You're not enough. You're not enough. Yeah, you're just not where I am. You can't meet me where I am.

And that's fine. All my girlfriends, single girlfriends, get told they're too much by the guys they see. I am not going to lie. Sometimes they are too much. Sometimes I am too much. I know that about me. I am and that's fine. All my girlfriends, single girlfriends, get told they're too much by the guys they see. I am not going to lie, sometimes they are too much. Sometimes I am too much. I know that about me. I am too much. I was thinking when I was a teenager

I did this thing with friends where I had my friends all tell me two things they liked about me and one thing they didn't. You know, just like a game. Like a dangerous game.

It is a dangerous game but I was like a very, very chatty, talkative and kind of annoying teenager. And my very good friends, we played this game and all of them, their thing that they didn't like about me was that they felt like I talked too much and I was too loud. And sometimes it came across like I was trying too hard and I didn't need to try so hard because they loved me anyway. So that was kind of nice.

They kind of looped it around as an insult. But that stayed with me and it still does because I know I'm loud and I love to talk and I'm not a great listener. Do you give feedback to men that you date if it hasn't gone as planned? Yes. What kind of things do you say? I mean, I won't say, you were awful, get out of my life.

Tell a lie, actually. I dated someone and he arrived in skinny jeans and I said, if you ever grace my presence with skinny jeans again, I will absolutely. Skinny jeans really do it for me as well. Oh my God, I would never say that. Really? I would never say that to somebody really that's so impressive how did you respond uh you said sorry that's wicked yeah really i'm trying to help you yeah because get get them but then another girl might like skinny jeans weird i don't like skinny jeans weird we

had the exact same thought just said it in different ways yeah it's funny connected synergy do you like skinny jeans is that where you're well i wore skinny jeans for most of my teenage era when i was on the dance floor listening to the killers in my skinny jeans yeah oh my god i had loads of skinny jeans it's a different time i don't know i i'm i'm much more chilled out about what men wear because my as you can see my fashion sense is pretty experimental i do not ever I like this I don't know what you're talking about don't do that

but like I think I much prefer it when someone's like yeah I'm just trying this because I think men don't get a chance to you can try I mean if you're saying

if I said don't ever wear those skinny jeans again and you said oh I was just trying it out and I'd be like oh okay no fine just don't

again that's fine I don't mind you trying what didn't you like about them was it that you could see his balls no I don't like being trying new... What didn't you like about them? Was it that you could see his balls?

No. I don't like being able to see your calves in fabric. I don't mind if you wear shorts. I don't know how to explain it. I just think... I know exactly what you want to see. Do you know what I mean? They're wearing leggings. You can see the shape of their legs.

You're literally wearing leggings. I don't want to see that. And I just feel like they're not... He cannot wear something that shows the shape of his calves, but a woman is totally fine to do that. Of course. Yeah, because women's calves are just really nice. No, Henry VIII was famed for his calves.

Sorry to bring him up. He got so fat and died of gout. He was literally famed for his calves. But you know what? Henry VIII, before he got seriously ill and seriously obese, was really good looking, apparently. What? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Before he got fat and gout was really good looking apparently what? really yeah yeah yeah

before he got fat and gouty before he got gouty it was those calves man it was the calves it was those calves see it's funny because I went on a date

with this guy and he was really good looking really handsome but he wore skinny jeans they weren't skinny they were like a straight fit straight fit I can

do they're just difficult to style I feel like and look really like cool fit I can do. They're just difficult to style. Yeah, yeah. And look really like cool. But I didn't like it. But the thing is, it's a thing for me. It was not like a thing for me.

Like if a guy was well-dressed, noted, adds a few points to the overall report card. Adds loads of points to me. Right, for me, yes. One guy, I think I told you, he had like, it was very like emo aesthetic. Well, not emo, but quite as much, but like massive rings with eagles. And I was just like foxes. And I was like, I love a good ring. I love man jewellery.

But that's just a bit too. It was like, do you know what I mean? What's your ring thing? I just love a ring that you're like, oh, what's that? And it's like... I love a fox on a ring. Like, because it has a story or...

Or just because it's, like, so cool and different. What about tattoos? Tattoos, I don't mind if... But I don't go like, what? Tattoos. Ah, okay. What do you do that over?

Beard. Beard height. Okay, I'm height. Tall. Tall. Over six foot two and you're comingard. Beard, height. Okay, I'm height. Tall. Tall. Over six foot two and you're coming home. Oh my God.

Really? Literally on my hinge. That's not going to be that tall. Literally on my hinge it says if you're under six foot four don't slide in. Slay. Guys, you know this is like

really controversial. No, no, no. But then, but then. Do you know I watched a video the other day of a guy he wanted to go out and he was like how important is height to you?

And she was like yeah, that's important. And then he took out scales and he was like well weight's really important. I would have like yeah that's what I know what you're talking about and then he took out scales and he was like well weight's really important I would have stood on the way at scales I think we should not be so scared

it's a double standard no it's a double standard it's not a double standard it's not a double standard weight is so loaded okay it has so many different connotations me

women are constantly policed about their weight exactly height is totally different I'm sorry we live in a patriarchy where men fucking rule the system and weight we are scrutinised you're too fat you're too skinny you're not skinny enough constantly totally different I'm sorry we live in a patriarchy where men fucking rule the system and wait

we are scrutinised you're too fat you're too skinny you're not skinny enough constantly so him fucking you know what I wish he got the fucking scales

out of me what it was an awful video I'm a leavened stone I agree it was like a piece of misogyny but my point is more that yes you're right

men men like let's think about male hangups for a second because they do have these insecurities yeah yeah yeah and in order for us

to like live like feminists, we need to appreciate they have needs. Exactly. And fears. So then I go into a fight with a guy who's, oh, like, tall.

He called me ableist. You're so ableist, American. I have no sense of humour. Go into a fight with him. So then now, I've got T's and C's, short kings with bants,

I'm going to slide in. Yeah, yeah. So I do date short guys. I've got one thing that I'm a bit ashamed about. Oh, yeah. So I do date short guys. I've got one thing that I'm a bit ashamed about. Oh, yeah. Come on. Balding.

Oh. I have a problem with balding. I like... This is a very big thing for me, by the way. I'm ashamed about it. I like bald. I don't think it's cool.

I like a full bald head. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Full bald head, add a beard. Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. But if you're balding, like if you've got like... They need to come back to you

in three to six months' time. Yeah, or just shave it off, sweetie. Get rid of it. Hair, ladies, I've been told this by loads of guys, I am very sensitive around hair with men because a lot of men bald. I mean, I remember fancying the pants of Prince William and now he looks like a balding horse.

He's balding. But apparently it's from the mother's father. The trait of the mother's father. Oh, I didn't know that. But like, I would be very careful about men and hair. I wouldn't... But the thing is, you can fall in love with someone in your 20s. Get married to them in their 30s.

They start balding in their 40s. But shave it off. Shave it off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go full, but commit to the bald. So you'd have no problem telling a man, dress like this, do this to your hair. Yeah.

Wow, I'd really struggle with that why do you feel as though that you're you're stepping on I think like personal identity and how someone looks at themselves in the mirror uh is for them to make that decision and I think I've been through like a lot of phases with different boys where I've tried to change them and I'm like actually if the reason I love you is because you're you then you be you like I don't know why I'd want to change you don't want to change a little bit a little something about them like come on there's there's some things that you would if you if you could wave your wand or yeah but because I'm into this like equal partnership thing if he turned around to me and he was like I hate your outfit

oh fair fair fair fair that's a great that's a point yeah because it would be like you know like the the sound with Nicki Minaj where Safaree's like saying the outfit doesn't work and she's like you wore a jean jacket

please that kind of thing you can't hate my outfit that is so true and that does happen in relationships right where you come out in something

and you're like what are you wearing and they're like oh that's nice and you know each other's codes for like what are you doing what are you doing

yeah no I think I feel like I'm just I'm trying to help because I wouldn't I wouldn't say it if it's like you're not malicious

about it no yeah just like I think this would work better with your style but if you if they liked like

they really liked a specific band so they wanted to wear like one of their band t-shirts I wouldn't be like what yeah

I like little bits of individuality and that's fine as long as you're actually overall fashionable that's fine how do they take it when you say

when you kind of humble them that way like do they take it well or do they I don't think men like being humbled but I don't I don't think I've taken in

how they feel about it fair fair change your outfit. But also there's a skinny jean gal for every skinny jean guy out there. Exactly.

I don't think you not liking their outfit means that they're not an adequate human being. It's just they're not for you. They're not for me and you can go your merry way. So what are you looking for outfit-wise? Just to clarify and conclude the conversation. For anyone listening. Just something cool. I don't know how to say it. Like if I saw an outfit, I'd be like, conclude the conversation. For anyone listening. Just something cool.

I don't know how to say it. Like if I saw an outfit, I'd be like, you look nice. I would say you look nice. No skinny jeans, nothing incredibly generic. I like rings, I like jewellery. A straight leg, a nice trainer. Something that's actually, you've thought about how it fits. Like you're not just wearing something too tight because you're like...

Yeah. Because it shows off your muscle. Yeah. Smell to me is far bigger than dress. If you stink, you better get away from me. I have a special, unique affinity to smell. I literally cannot tell you. For me, there's nothing that puts me off more when the man's cologne is really strong.

He walks into the baths and I'm like, that's awful. Oh my God, I'm literally the opposite. I don't mind that. I'm literally the opposite. I'm like,'s awful oh my god I'm literally the opposite I don't mind that I'm literally the opposite I'm like give me all of it because I'd rather that than BO

yeah yeah so when I'm really intimate with someone I don't mind their natural BO I quite like that smell but I have to be really

in love with you to it's just your man your man smell you're in bed you just had sex I mean what are you not understanding

no but if you're in bed with someone you've had mean what are you not understanding no no i'm not gonna but if you're in bed with someone you've had sex with them and they wake up they're not gonna and they have like remnants of yesterday's cologne but they're not gonna have they're gonna smell like them right so like yeah but i wouldn't like kind of thing oh oh no i would yeah i've been in like boyfriends before being like yeah yeah yeah I mean, I save that for people I like, but I really love the scent of. But it's not like, it's not their BO. It's just the way their body smells.

Right. My ex-partner, when I did these, his skin. BO and the way their body smells are the same thing. It's the same thing. Yes, but I suppose body odor has negative connotations. My ex-partner, what I mean is my ex-partner, he smells of chocolate. So you're thinking sweat. I'm not talking about sweat.

Okay, I'm thinking sweat. Yeah, no, no, no. Don't have a shower. No sweat. I'm not talking about sweat. Okay, I'm thinking sweat dirt to go have a shower. No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm thinking, this is why I didn't say Brio. It's like what someone's skin smells. It's like what my skin smells. Like pheromones?

Yes, like a pheromone thing. Okay. Yeah, like he just smells of chocolate all the time. Oh, that's nice. That's lovely, actually. I'm going to bring this back round. Yeah, to,

let's get out of chocolate. Do you think that women are mysterious beings and that's something we should attend you're obviously quite open book as you said

but you know do you think that women are kind of taught to be a bit more like I'm not going to tell you everything well I think we're taught to be quite quiet and

humble and modest anyway so I think we're naturally quite we keep things to ourselves we're taught to feel more shame so I think yeah we naturally become quite mysterious because it's like don't say that don't embarrass yourself yeah i think so yeah i just personally think as me just getting really controversial again as beings i think women are just a lot more than men do you know for the listeners of this podcast,

she crunched her fingers together and did a fist. Yeah. It was more of a flat fist. It's like a, it's like a, you know, it's like an overpowering,

you are just, you are, they're more, they're more like deities, I'd say, than men are. Do you date women as well? I would like to.

Oh yeah. I'm scared of that. It'd be my first time. It'd be my first time. I've never dated a woman, but I am glad. It intrigues you. Yeah.

I completely agree with you. There is something about women. There is something that, we have this aura about us, around us, that makes men revere us, worship us, and repress us.

I think, there's something about women that make men go crazy, which is why we live in the world we live in. And that's why they have all these controls over us because we make them go crazy. But then it's that classic thing of like, men need to take accountability

for their own actions, right? Like we, just because we wore a short skirt doesn't mean we're fucking asking for it. 1,000%. So I see that. I think it's also to do with like biology in some sense because women get to do this really cool amazing thing which is like create human beings and i think men are like genuinely worried

and threatened by that and like especially now that women have autonomy and they're freezing their eggs or having kids solo it's like actually what do we need men for because we could continue the human race without them that's true literally do you, there needs to be lots of frozen spam. I just wanted to caveat. But you don't freeze them. You could freeze just a small amount and we'd be fine. Millions. But yeah, one jizz is millions.

One jizz could feed a family of jizz. £10.99 just for you. Oh my God. I was going to say so you said earlier that you are you're mysterious up until a point in the day

and then you're just like cards on the table now it's crazy yeah yeah I am trying in my fuck girl ethical fuck girl era to be more mysterious

but I just can't do it have you ever lied on a first date like inadvertently accidentally just been like a big lie this is who I think I am. Like a big lie?

Like a lie that was really hard to get out of, yeah. Ooh, no. I've lied to get out of a first date. Oh, yeah? But never... Lied something about you, yeah. Yeah, never lied about something about me. What was the lie to get out of a first date?

That basically, while we were on the date, texting my friend saying, God, so the car's broken down and I need to pick you up. And then she called and was like, my car's broken down and I need to pick you up and then she called and was like my car's broken down you need to pick me up and I'd be like

oh god that's the only time I've lied because they're just really weird I feel like you lied about yourself I might have already told the story but I was on a first date with a guy and we were just talking and he was like

yeah I was born in 1980 and I was like yeah me too I was actually born in 1987 and I have no idea why why did you do that it was so dumb anyway date number three so I was just like 1988. And I was like, yeah, me too. I was actually born in 1987 and I have no idea why. Why did you do that? It was so dumb. Anyway, date number three.

So I was just like carrying on this thing. You didn't tell me this. We were both born in the same year, 1988. That's quite a big lie. Date number three. Date number three, we're walking down the street together in Edinburgh and we see someone get hit by a car. So I'm like, I'll call the police.

I'll call the police. I'll call the police. I mean, it's, I mean, it's. And the police come on and they're like, who made the call i was like it was me and they came over on my third date with this guy and i'm feeling really good like i called the police and you look great in front of him and yeah this is already going well and they're like can we have your name yes we know maybe your date of birth and i was like i can't lie to the police oh my god 20 september 1987

and then he was just like rinsed me for it. We're actually really good friends now. Oh, that's great. It didn't actually go anywhere. We're really good friends. He's actually the godfather to my first child. Oh, God. And it's like this running joke that he's like, why?

It was like one year. You were going to be one year younger. I was like, because I wanted you to like me and not me with an older woman. Oh, wow. You could have just said, oh oh I just thought you said it in the 87 yeah but you actually

said I want you to like me and then you told the truth and I'm embarrassed about that but you told the truth yeah because the police

told me that I had to tell the truth I've never lied to the police you should never lie to the police what I'm having trouble with

and I actually need both your advice, actually. So I don't want to be in a relationship, but I'm like serially dating. And the problem I find is that when I like someone, it's very different to catching feels. When I catch feels for someone, I'll stop dating and I'll be with them. When I like someone, it just means I like you a lot. I like spending time with you. I like texting you. I like going out on dates with you.

I like to have fun with you right but I'm very much emotionally unavailable in that I I can't give you any more than what I'm giving you right now because and there's no future I I don't even bother knocking but the way I am carrying on it's like we may as well be dating to do you see what I mean I 100% do that I think that's like so and I on, it's like we may as well be dating. Do you see what I mean? I 100% do that. I think that's like so fucked up. And it's really bad. Yeah, it's not great.

I had lots of guys call me out on that, actually. Yeah. And I'd be like, yeah, this is just casual, but let me tell you about my really amazing life and let me actually ask you questions where I get to know you. That is exactly where I am. That is exactly where I am.

I'm keeping my certain bits of myself compartmentalised so that I can draw all the other good bits of relationship, sex, companionship but you're never going to get inside me because I'm not ready to do that yet. Yes.

Oh my god, that is literally, obviously not with every guy but like guys I like but I'm really, but I'm really explicit about it but just because you're clear

and just because you tell them it doesn't make it any better because you're still behaving and you give them mixed signals and I think this is, yeah, and I don't know what the fuck to do.

I think it's really, really bad. I remember I had a guy really call me out on it he's like it's upsetting actually yeah because you keep telling me something but then I'm like you boy me off then

don't fucking talk to me but they're still talking to me they're still fucking dancing because I've already made you fall in love with me do you have any just to end this do you have any hot tips for young girls dating out there

where you're like you know what don't hot tips for young girls dating out there where you're like you know what don't hot tips never try and please someone to your own detriment that's a really

fucking great bit of advice that's the biggest one I'd say and remember that even if if things don't work out something else will

it's not it's not the end of the world there's a skinny gene out there for everyone there's a skinny Jean out there for everyone. There's a skinny Jean out there for you. Or a short man. Short king. You can't even say it.

What if he was like nine in looks and nine in chat and he's 5'10"? The height to me is part of looks. Yeah, me too. I just threw something back at you which I'm like, absolutely not. Absolutely not. It's a hypothetical. I'd go on a date with them which I'm like, absolutely not. Absolutely not. It's a hypothetical. I mean, I'd go on a date with them, but I wouldn't like. Yeah, I've been on a date with them.

I'd date them. Like someone with good chat and they're really good looking. Of course. Well, from your very good advice over to the Shagany Aunties, perhaps you can help us answer a listener's dilemma. Was that like a weird transition that was going to work or not? Or as we like to say, it's time for

The Shaggany Aunties! We're so fucking lame. You've reached The Shaggany Aunties call centre. Want advice you can't ask your real aunties for? Like, how do you ask for what you want in bed?

Not sure which hole is a goal? Where do anal beads really go? Have you been faking orgasms your whole adult life? Accidentally called your boss daddy? Is your long-time love not going down south? For more than just the tip, we're here for you. Yes, you. And you.

And you. Please remember to ask the bill payers permission before calling our shagging aunties not medical professionals and bear no responsibility for the consequences of your own actions. So here we have our dilemma. Hi Poppy and Rubina. I'm a guy with quite the conundrum. I've been talking to this girl for a few months and it's been going so well. We have the same interests, spend hours talking and just get along. A few days ago I asked her where this was going and to go on a

date with me, but she said she's emotionally unavailable. I was stumped because what does this mean? I've asked a few of my friends, but I'm still unsure on how to navigate this. I really like her, but I've never heard the emotionally unavailable line before. Is that girl talk for something else? Help a guy out, please. Babe, get rid of her. Get rid of her now. She's emotionally unavailable. She wants what I want,

which is all the fluffy stuff of a relationship, but she's not going to give in to you, so bounce. Emotionally unavailable means she probably doesn't like you. No, emotionally, I like people when I'm emotionally, doesn't like you enough.

Doesn't like you enough ready Doesn't like you enough Doesn't like you enough What do you think? Well, I just think The whole emotionally unavailable thing Love your life Happy you're happy I feel like there's just

You need to uncover things What do you mean? To become emotionally available Like I feel like it's like a You're making You don't I'm emotionally unavailable But it's because you haven't Opened that book No, no, no I'm emotionally unavailable but you're it's because you haven't

opened that book no no no I'm emotionally unavailable because I have to be because I've literally been in two marriages my entire life now it's time for me

to be single and live life and do all those things it's not oh by the way sorry I'm not I'm not I'm not emotionally unavailable

because I'm hiding things or repressing things no no no I'm emotionally unavailable in that I just I really just don't want a relationship right now I wouldn't say that's emotionally unavailable in that I just, I really just don't want a relationship right now.

I wouldn't say that's emotionally unavailable then because I feel as though you're in touch with your emotional understanding. Yes, yes, okay, yes. It's not like, oh, I don't want to enter that.

It's just, I want to shag everyone. Maybe the world will describe you as emotionally unavailable. But you like all emotions all the time. Yeah, I feel very available with emotions.

So you're saying, I agree with you actually, use a different phrase. Yes. But she's saying she's emotionally... You're in your hot girl era. I'm in my hot girl era. Yeah, I agree with you actually, to use a different phrase. Yes. But she's saying she's emotional. You're in your hot girl era. I'm in my hot girl era.

Yeah, that's it. So maybe, okay, maybe not emotionally, but she's saying she's emotional. So what advice would you give to him? She needs therapy. Okay. Oh, she needs therapy. She needs therapy because she's...

Do you think it's acceptable for him to say to her, you need therapy? Yeah. I think that's so unacceptable. Oh, I think that's going to go so badly. I think you telling anyone that they need therapy is like not therapy. Yeah. I think that's so unacceptable. Oh, I think that's going to go so bad. I think you telling anyone that they need therapy is like not your position.

I think anyone, yeah, and especially a guy telling a girl. Also, she might be, so what do you, when she says she's emotionally unavailable, you're obviously taking that to mean there's clearly stuff going on. Yeah.

And she has chosen probably not to delve into it or deal with it and she's kind of blocking it and repressing it. That's your take on it. Yeah. So my take on emotionally unavailable was sort of our version of emotionally unavailable which is i just don't want to be i don't like you enough to give myself to you and if it's that

version to this guy my advice would be you're going to fall deep and it's not going to end well it's not going to end the way you want so you should bounce that's my advice to this list i would say that sadly we live in an era of therapy speak and that tiktok makes us all think we know how to construct ourselves because of pseudoscientists who come on and tell you how to be and i think that means that the way that we will speak to each other are using phrases like this and the thing about a phrase like this is she saw it somewhere she saw on a video she read it somewhere she thinks she knows what she means and he doesn't so just ask her say excuse me yeah yeah when you say emotionally unavailable does that mean yeah you are not wishing to fall in love with me yes you don't want me to meet your family or does it just mean

you're not ever gonna like me not my advice listener your advice just talk to her why am I thinking of her I'm like leave her now because I'm sorry but using those kind of therapy phrases of people like even even, you know, there's like these videos of young Asian kids telling their parents they want boundaries. You need to be able to caveat that with exactly what you mean. Yeah. And use better language.

Yeah. That's my answer. I'd say live in the realm of honesty. Yeah. And just ask and have an honest conversation. And if she's like, oh, I just want to get my pussy wet. Then you say, you decide whether you want to be part of getting that pussy wet. Yeah.

Or whether you don't. She might be emotionally unavailable, but her pussy is very available. Her pussy can be very available. Open 24 seven. Physically available. Yeah. All the time.

Emotionally, not so much. Just shag me, but don't look at me. Thank you very much. I think that is it. Thank you so much for coming on

today's episode thank you for having me yeah really lovely to meet you and love your content keep doing you thank you thank you for coming

and you know I hope you enjoyed our brothel studio boudoir yes I love is it giving brothel vibes or no

no it's this doesn't brothels make me sad this makes me happy yeah fair I was about to do a whole... For some reason,

I was about to go, thank you, come again. I don't know why I said that. Maybe it's the time with the brothel and we're Asian prostitutes in the brothel. Shopkeepers in a brothel.

I don't know where we're going with this. Thank you so much for coming on Bridal To Do It Too. We've had a lovely time having you here. Thank you. Thank you so much for listening.

If you enjoyed The Chase more than Bradley Walsh's game, TV show. Do you know what TV show's called? The Chase? I didn't know it's called The Chase. I didn't even know it had a TV show. Right, that's true. Yeah.

I feel like you're not sure. No, they verified it. Bradley Walsh. I was just talking about Bradley Cooper. Bradley Cooper's ITV game show. sure that's the world that's why we'll never be cooler than americans because bradley cooper would anyway if you've enjoyed this episode about chasing which was not like bradley walsh's uh game show but you know it had similar lol vibes um and you have any comments or questions uh or you have a dilemma please email us at brown girls do it too

at bbc.co.uk you know our number so if you've got a problem a conundrum and you need a little help whatsapp or voice note us at 079-688-100-822 bye thanks for listening chase you later