Brown Girls Do It Too - Nature Wees & Having Sex in Your Mum’s Car

Episode Date: January 26, 2024

Poppy and Rubina are back to ask: What’s worse for one’s sex life? War, the Climate Crisis, or not being trusted to borrow your mum’s car?Have a message for Poppy and Rubina? If you’re over 16, you can message the BGDIT team via WhatsApp for free on 07968100822. Or email us at [e-mail] you're in the UK, for more BBC podcasts listen on BBC Sounds: bbc.in/3UjecF5

BBC Sounds Music, radio, podcasts 1, 2, 3, go Guess who's back Back again Prongle's dude who's back Tell a friend Guess who's back

Guess who's back Guess who's back Guess who's back Before we keep singing We must tell you that you may Have strong language and adult content Now this looks like a job for me So everybody just follow me

because we need a little controversy because it feels so empty without me. This is a podcast about sex. At least it started off like that. Now we talk about everything. Everything is sex. And sex is everything. And that includes our mistakes, our heartbreaks, and our hot, hot, hot takes. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. Hot cakes.

Hot cakes. I'm Poppy, and this year my unrealistic resolution is to have a lot of sex. I'm Robina and this year my unrealistic resolution is to have sex in my mum's Lexus. Do you think that if you did have sex in your mum's Lexus that Mama P would be unhappy with you or proud of you? As long as I went to one of those £5 washing inside and the outside things. Put cellophane on

before you have sex. I think she, I don't know if she'd mind because she won't even let me borrow the car anymore. She thinks I drive too close to the curb when I park

and then she's always like, look at all these scratches on my, do you know what's I'm like, it must be an Asian thing or like, I think that people

are just really into their cars. Asian, there's a whole thing about Asian car culture. The very like, proud must be an Asian thing or like, I think people are just really into their cars. Asian. There's a whole thing about Asian car culture. The very like crowd of the car. What is that? Public transport all the way. Not for me.

No. Well. You like an Uber. I like an Uber. Probably can't say that. Other brands. You like a Bengali driver. I like a Bengali.

I like an uncle. Yeah. Want an uncle? Have you ever been in the back of a cab where an uncle's driven and the driver's Bengali all the time and I'm off my fucking nuts

so I have to pretend to be Indian or Gujarati yeah yeah yeah which is just do you really pretend to be Indian or Gujarati yeah yeah yeah I do

you can pull that off yeah yeah I've never pretended to be Bengali but I might try now you have to say there's a lot of a lot of

you know what I mean? Five stars. It's been a long time since we recorded and I really feel like I haven't made much progress in the boudoir situation.

But you've been sleeping around and you've been quite busy. I've been busy with work and then obviously with the ongoing war it really fucking kills one's libido. Genuinely,

I felt flat standing. My vagina's like flat standing. If there was an ECG of my vajayjay it'd be like

beeep. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What about you? I think similarly, weirdly I've been having a lot of climate anxiety and I think that really destroys

climate anxiety. Climate anxiety. Right, okay. Yeah, I've been having a lot of climate anxiety and I think that really destroys. Climate anxiety. Climate anxiety. Right, okay. Yeah, I've been thinking about the world, you know, it's imploding, the doom. Should we just pack up this podcast because we sound really old. I know, we sound really old and like quite sad. We sound like sad. I mean, how many times, okay, wanking.

Used to be like champion wanker, series one. Series five, how many are you knocking out? I haven't, I can't remember the last time I masturbated, but I did have sex yesterday. Okay, that's good. Yeah. Do you have sex yesterday for today? No, I had sex yesterday because it was Sunday.

Sunday's your day. Sunday's your day. Saturday or Sunday. And it was quite good, but I was definitely not all there. You know, sometimes when you have sex and you're just like thinking about other things

yeah I was I was in it at the start and I was like this is really good and I was giving I was giving a blowjob because you know I don't often pull that out

but my partner had come out of the shower and I thought fuck it I'm feeling fresh you're feeling fresh let's get fresh and went for it

and you know like if you're in a long-term relationship and you give a blowjob to somebody, to your partner, it's such a treat still. Yeah. I think for them. Right.

Whereas he goes down on me all the time. Whereas I'm like, I hold them back. Interesting. You ration them. Well, I think it's like, no, I haven't been doing enough of, well, blowjobs,

but also like moving my tongue. Is it just like dead? What does it do when it's, what is it doing? Is it licking or is it it's kind of in one position do you move yours around i have to i'm fucking 24 year olds i have to really up the game yeah ironically though they're so shit in bed so i don't know why but i'm doing it for older women everywhere because i want them to fuck me and be like oh god older women yeah so i feel

like i've really taken on the pressure of the gills of the cougar you're the queen of the cougars so I'm now doing all the things

I never did with my ex-partner because you remember as a lazy lady series one to three slash four was like just kind of lying

there what a waste but now up and down and here and there oh that's good when was the last time you had sex

29th of 21st of October wow long time ago that's good. When was the last time you had sex? 29th of, 21st of October. Wow. Long time ago. That is a long time ago. Yeah, a long time ago. It's really difficult for me to have sex, which is why it is genuinely an unrealistic resolution of mine

to have a lot of sex. Right. It's so hard for me to get laid. I literally cannot tell you. And I'm reasonably attractive. Oh my God. You're like a nine. I'm funny.

I was going to say you're a 10, but I feel like your ego does not need any more massage. Oh my God. You're like a nine. I'm funny. I was going to say you're a 10, but I feel like your ego does not need any more massage. Well, look. You're a 9.3. Look, I'm reasonably attractive. I'm funny. I pay my taxes. I'm crazy, but I'm not that crazy.

It's a potent mix. You walk the thin line between crazy and not crazy. You do. What I'm saying is I have a good mix yeah i'm clean i think that's the problem you you're clean i'm just adding i'm like i have good hygiene yeah good hygiene good hygiene you know key it's so hard for me to get laid like right now it's it's it's not because your standards are really high and you're like i don't really want to sleep with you or is it because people are intimidated by you no no no none, no, none of those things. No. Just diaries.

Like I can't, I'm not around. They're not around. It's hard to get laid. Have you ever thought about journaling? I do journal. I have been journaling. I journaled all of yesterday. It's funny you should say that.

No way. What did you say? What did you write? I do want to talk to you about it, but I think we should get into it in a separate episode because it's quite a big it's a big thing for me and that ladies and gentlemen is what you call a tease so that you can stay on i think it's episode three there might be a bit of learning do you know what it does kind of annoy me that everybody does the therapy speak now though and everyone the buzzwords yeah gaslight is that when i get i hear

often and like people are using therapy terms and those people have never had therapy and they're using that it's like it's becoming non-vernacular. It's neat. It's absolutely. Gaslighting and what's the other one? Love bombing, narcissist. Narcissist.

Narcissist is a very popular word now. Very popular. I mean, it's literally on my Hinge profile. But look, we are new year, new us.

We are diversifying. We're switching things up. We got the brown boys in series four and actually we had such a good time yeah that was so much fun it was eye opening it was eye opening

leg opening eye opening I think more eye opening than leg opening maybe it was a bit more leg closing one moment for me that stuck with me

is when we asked Ishan and Junaid do you remember we asked them about sex and they were like we never felt this sex shame not really and I was like

this entire fucking podcast is about women and our shame that we don't have anything and then i was really annoying i was like you should be ashamed no you should be ashamed now so we're switching things up and we are now going to platform not just brilliant brown female voices which we've always done and we'll continue to do and we'll continue to do but um brown boys white boys white girls yeah posh white white boys, white girls. Yeah. Posh white girls. Posh white girls. I feel like to really expand the conversation of what brown girls do it to is, you know,

we don't really see ourselves as brown girls unless we're seeing it like through the white lens. Yeah. And actually that's interesting. So maybe we should get some white people on. Not too many though. Not too many, no. They've got lots of platforms. So genuinely since June

I can't believe the last time We recorded was in June Yeah We finished our show We finished our show We did this Yeah we did a show at Soho We've been doing our podcast

And then we've both Just gone back to work Because you know That's what happens It's life We have a life And my child has grown Yeah I know

He's going to be two Maybe is already two by the time... You showed me a photo of your child the other day and you gave him a haircut and I said, never do that again.

Oh yeah, I've cut his hair. You gave him a literal bowl haircut. I didn't know that. I think that's fine. I think nobody cares about children's hair. Well, when do kids

start bullying kids? What age is that? Ten? Ten maybe? Ten? I think there's my... I've got two things for 2024. Yeah.

Get a bit more religious As in like Whoa I know I know I'm saying it I'm saying it How? Like get a bit more Of an understanding of religion

And take my child to religion So get old You realise your mortality Yeah And then you find religion I think that's true I think that's true I also

Feeling a bit vulnerable Because I'm a bit ill today Maybe I've been thinking About my mortality just then. Right. But my other thing was like, I don't do enough self-care. Yes. I don't think either of us do, by the way.

I didn't do enough self-care. And sometimes I see girls and I'm like, all you look like is like you've just been all day in the mirror looking at yourself. I probably get a flash in the mirror, two minutes in the mirror. Oh, hang on. When you say self-care, do you mean like mindfulness self-care or physical self-care? The Vanity Project of Rabina Pabani starts in 2024. Oh, I'd be interested in this.

Where could it go? The Brazilian butt lift? The Botox? The Botox. I don't think you're going to get either of those things. I've got so many grey hairs, by the way. Grey hairs, I don't mind. You can dye your hair.

Yeah, but it's like part of getting older, which I don't mind. A wrinkle, a wrinkle like. I've got these two lines on my forehead. Oh yeah, I've got those too. Just get a fringe, cover it up like me. So since June, we've been working like crazy. Working like crazy. I've realised I don't really like the kind of projects I do in my other job I'm not loving

because that contributed to me not getting laid. I was actually in a hotel in Wales. Incidentally, men in Wales, much taller, much fitter. Oh, good to know. Cardiff? Were you in Cardiff? I was in Cardiff, yeah. Were you in Cwm Pen Macno? I once went on a 11 plus retreat to Cwm Pen Macno.

It's wherever my school goes. Sounds like it could be in Vietnam, the way you're saying it. It was really good I remember I remember really distinctly it was actually like one of those like

adventure holidays that you do when you're 11 but your parents my parents never took me hiking and then they were like you don't have any

waterproof trousers or walking boots but you can go into this dirty little cupboard where all the like old stuff are so I was like great so I put on these

waterproof trousers and I put on these walking boots and then I cannot tell you but I was this is a really good story. I couldn't, I couldn't pee outside. Right.

And we've been on this walk for ages. I'd never peed outside. You know, I can take off my trousers and do it by the day. And I told all these people, I was so desperate for a wee. And I was in these waterproof trousers and I was like walking through the mud. It started to rain so badly. And I was like, who would even notice if I pissed myself right now? Did you piss yourself

in the trousers but did it not smell I had like I had like leggings and then I had waterproof trousers and everything was so wet because it was raining so much so it diluted the smell then

well I just went back and showered but I was like it was a really low moment and then I just wished my mum and dad had told me about the nature wee like it's important

it's an important bit which ironically for our people we love a nature poo we love a nature wee and I'm so good at squatting yes I own two had told me about the Nature Wee. Like, it's important. It's an important bit of information. Which I want it for our people. We love a Nature Poo in a Nature Wee. And I'm so good at squatting. Yes. I own two. This is the whitest thing I've ever done,

except, well, actually, I don't wash my arse anymore, so that's pretty white. But I own two different types of hiking shoes. Wow. Who am I? Wow. You're quite middle-aged.

It's happening now. I'm middle-aged. Oh, God, yeah. Yeah. But I think work's Cock-blocked me It's slowed down your sex drive It's slowed down my sex drive And also you know

It's like when we're busy And we're working So I try to hook up With the mandem in Cardiff Yeah But it's just empty People I collect matches

People have that on their Dating apps now Oh yeah yeah sure Don't just be collecting matches So I just collect these matches Nothing comes of it And then You know Trying to Find a date Date Time to be collecting matches. So I just collect these matches. Nothing comes of it. And then, you know,

trying to find a date. Date, time. I did fuck a guy at a wedding though. Oh yeah, that was a good story. That was a good story. Tell everyone what happened then. So I was at this wedding

in the Peak District or Lake District. It was beautiful. Did you take your hiking boots? I took my wedges. It was beautiful. And I said to my friend, the bride, how many single men are here?

And she said three or four. And I looked at her. On her wedding day, you went up to her and said, can you point out? No, no, no, no, no. It was pre-game chat. Oh, pre-game, pre-game. What's up, good chat?

Oh, and then I also said a million things to her on her wedding day. I was like, these men are terrible. What's wrong with you? I was like, who are the single ones? And then she said, this tall guy. And I was like, no, not feeling it. It was a bit too men are terrible. What's wrong with you? I was like, who are the single ones? And then she said, this tall guy. And I was like,

no, not feeling it. It was a bit too scruffy. It wasn't for me. This was like really trendy. He looked like a trendy convert imam. Cool. Yeah,

he looked like a really cool imam. But no. And there was another guy that I was like, no, whatever. And then I ended up settling for the bartender. So I get there and he is, I want to say he looks like a child.

He was definitely 26. It was legal. But you know those people who just look. Like a baby face. Like a baby face. Which is a bit creepy, but sure. Which is a bit creepy. So he was definitely like looking, I don't know.

He's like making eyes. I was wearing an ice dress, whatever. I didn't really pay attention. I was like, I didn't care. I didn't care. I didn't care. I didn't know he's like making eyes I was wearing an ice dress whatever I didn't really pay attention I was like I didn't care didn't care didn't care didn't care and then

throughout the night as I got more and more drunk I was getting more and more horny who do we have who do we have and I walked up to him and this is my problem and I do think we need to

have an episode dedicated to this because I'm not very good at flirting I think you're very good at flirting I don't think I'm very good at flirting what did you do well I went straight to do you want to fuck did you do? Well, I went straight to, do you want to fuck?

Did you? Yeah, straight in. Straight in. Is this at a wedding? It's at a wedding. There's guests, people wearing nice dresses, fascinators.

It's great. All right. Missy Elliott's on. Get your freak on is. Bring it in your ears. It's my jam. It's my jam. Right. So I walk up

and we're making eyes. Oh, I forgot the whole preamble. He was giving me whole rounds of drinks for like £10, £11. Oh, so he was buying you. So I was like, okay, there's something going on here.

There's a vibe. There's a vibe. I'm Bengali. I'm cheap. I like what he's doing. So I go up to him and you're right. I was like,

the flirting was the drinks. So I go up to him and I'm cheap. I like what he's doing. So I go up to him and you're right. I was like, I, a very, no, the flirting was the drink. So I go up to him and I'm like, what are you doing later? And he was like, you. And I was like,

okay. So then I was like, it was very clandestine. It was like something out of born identity, but instead of beating each other up, we were organizing a time to fuck. I was like, meet me by the cheese counter,

by the cheese board at 1045. Oh Lord. They had a huge, it was like a huge cheesecake fuck I was like meet me by the cheese counter by the cheese board at 10.45 oh lord they had a huge it was like a huge cheesecake it was huge I couldn't eat anymore it was like insane there was so much food

it was amazing food but I was like so I was like free you later is that what you said to him no I did not say that to him so I was like meet me there

so we meet there and I'm like he's not going to meet me he's not going to be here so I'm by the cheese board doing this hi auntie oh everyone loved me I called everyone auntie I got very ethnic there So we meet there and I'm like, he's not going to meet me. He's not going to be here. So I'm by the cheese board doing this. Hi, auntie.

Oh, everyone loved me. I called everyone auntie. I got very ethnic there. And apparently also the gossip was I told the bride's mother if we wanted to have sex. That's another story for another time. And I did not do that. I did not say that. Liv, I did not say that.

Anyway, so I'm by and he comes and we swap numbers. He's like, I was like, where are we going? I was like, just meet me by the back, by the barn. This is my number. Meet there in 15 minutes. So I go there. Who's in the barn? Cows?

Pigs? No, no, no. It's like a renovated barn. It's not an actual barn. It's a wedding barn. It's a wedding barn. Let's just stop calling them barns. I know. It's so disappointing.

It's so disappointing. Where are the cows? And where's the pigs? I mean, no, where's the fucking straw? So we walk down the country lane. Oh. Down the country lane. Did you have a head torch?

No. I did have my iPhone camera. Did you actually? I was like, hang on, I'm wearing my dress. I don't want to send a counter. It's just as easy. And then we kissed. And then he turned me around.

And then I hoiked up my dress, took down my Spanx that I was wearing, and my thong. And then he fucked me from behind. And I was just like enjoying it. But also like if a car comes with flashlights on, we're fucked. You're just having sex on a country lane. Yeah.

And then he finishes and then we kiss. And then I'm like, you should go first because I don't want it to look obvious. So then he goes first and then I go after 10 minutes. And then apparently, according to my friends, I had this really smug look on my face. And I mean, I thought I was discreet, but apparently I told everyone that I just had sex.

I can imagine you on the dance floor. So come on, Eileen, happens in your life. Yes, I do. Missy Elliott was on. Did you use protection? No. Oh, that's not good. Yeah.

It's not great. I mean. We should that's not good. Yeah. It's not great. I mean... We should move on very quickly. This is a new thing that I want to do now because I'm really bad. So what I do is I go to an... I get a checkup. I have a clean bill of health.

Then the first two guys I fuck, I fuck with a condom and then I fall off a cliff. So my... Genuinely this year, I really need to like... My best friends are lecturing me on this stuff i mean they don't lecture me often but when my best friends are being like poppy don't be stupid do you know what'd be good if there was an app right and on the app it could tell you like how clean your sexual health is and when you're out on a night out you'd be like snogging someone

you'd be like should i check your your STI app and then you check it and you're like you just like scan it on their face and like this person is gonorrhea gonorrhea

oh that'd be so embarrassing even the alarm went off and you're like what I've got a cat again I didn't even know well I nearly got stage 3 syphilis I told you about that oh yeah so got the clap again I don't even know but I nearly got stage 3 syphilis I told you about that

oh yeah so that's terrible so I get these near misses but also it's a real lesson to me bad poppy but you know

the moment takes you but honestly when I went to the clinic last time the nurse told me AIDS and HIV is higher in the straight

population than it is in the gay population so we really need to get our shit together well have you ever tried a femidom what is it

it's a female condom that you just shove up your thingy yeah it's kind of like you fold it up and then you pop it in and then it kind of

springs back open oh I should try that and it just becomes a little shield do you have it on the whole time do you have it on all whole time do you have it on all the time

or just when you're having sex no just when you're having sex that's such a palaver though isn't it well it's a palaver to get a condom out

but a palaver means no baby syphilis and syphilis yeah exactly so what have you been up to then

I've actually been having more sex probably in the last six months than ever before interesting and actually some of it's really good sex like you know when you're with someone for a long time and sometimes you can have these kind of events events activities these sessions probably sessions these sessions that are like really intense really powerful because you both know each other's bodies and you're just like really able to get each other to that point and actually

me and my partner don't say I love you like all the time sometimes it happens it's not like an everyday thing in our house but recently we've been having sex

and they've both been like I love you yeah so I think I'm love making at the moment oh wow yeah that's really sweet

but trying to be quiet as well because we have a baby which just really sucks actually it really sucks because i also think that my baby's also coming to an age where he could hear us do you remember anything at two it's three four when you it's four when you start having a memory maybe i would like to go away for a dirty weekend with my partner do you know like just a hotel and then have like and just go for it and just go to one of those hotels where you don't have to leave yeah

you know the spa the gym the room service everything's there and then see how many times you can have sex in a row what's the most number of what's the most times

you've had sex in a day four not many I've got six six yeah six that's good yeah yeah

and come did you go out? No. You stayed indoors? Yeah, I'm running with your indoor thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not moving anywhere. I wonder if you keep having, if you like, do you get like numb down there?

Is there any minute where you stop feeling anything? I think after six. Do you remember we had Chan and Sing and she had it eight times? Yeah. But interestingly, I did ask her, did you come? She didn't come. No. If we were going to use that virtue virtue then we could have sex as many times

it's about you coming you have to come yeah because i think it takes a lot for a woman to get to that stage where like because the energy it takes to come is a lot and then if you're doing it multiple times in a day it's like whoa yeah yeah yeah i saw this stitch the other day i found out what stitch was interestingly enough god we're really aged in this podcast she's like what do 35 slash 40 year olds do these days and i found it really it really irked me oh you found it offensive yeah yeah i was like i'm right behind you bitch in the bar like we're not all like it was so condescending yeah and then it proved her point because there were so many older people being like, I'm in the car. I'm in the car all the time

to get away from the kids. Oh my God. I saw that same video. It was like the guy that influenced the dad who was like, I'll tell you where we are. We're in the car.

We're picking up our daughters and we're dropping our daughters off. I'm like, no we're not. What are you talking about? I found it really annoying. I don't have a car. My mum will not lend me the Lexus. Which you really want to have sex in.

But I found it really really like annoying firstly from her to assume that all 35 slash 40 year olds are just like

fucking hung but I feel like there's no golden age because even when I was in my 20s I wasn't like oh this is my prime this is where I'm at you know there's no

there's no golden age my prime is 26 my prime is like now I mean not right now because I actually have quite a lot of sinus infection going on but like

my I feel You're doing your Me bows fucking out Jesus Christ You and your drippy nose And me and my sore throat My prime is now I feel better now

About my body And sex I'm more confident To ask for things And try things I would like My prime is 27 But I'd like my

Bank balance Of now With the energy Of my 27 year old self Slash 26 I would like my prime was 27 but I'd like my bank balance of now with the energy of my 27 year old self slash 26 I look back at a time I'm like 26, 27 is great

I'm having a great time now if I can get laid I just like I feel like at 27, 26 I wasn't confident enough maybe was I?

maybe I was a bit all over the place I think in your 20s you are all over the place this is the other thing about growing older as women right because i have friends in their 40s being like only gets better yeah what do you think the new sex trends of 2024 are going to be i think we're going to be way more into polyamory now oh really yeah and ethically non-monogamous relationships i feel like that was that was trending in 2023 yeah but it was trending

in a way yeah but this is the thing with trends There are two types of trends Trends that you say are going to happen And then trends that actually happen So I think last year there was a lot of Trat and hype and magazine articles But now normal people are doing it When Dave down the road

Is thinking about polyamory You know when it seeps down to the masses It's actually happening When anyone talks about it in their relationships Yeah you're right I see that like yeah new open relationships i also think ai is going to have a new kind of change of how we think about ai for fucking deep fake technology is so advanced now though it's really coming what are we doing with like are we watching am i watching you deep faking stuff like are we watching well i think there's lots of things that

are going to be changing stuff like for example using chat gpt yeah to flirt with people online yeah so like being like what can i say to this person to make them feel good and then chat gpt like designing your personality for you because you don't have one wow i think ai ai is going to be a hot spot i also think there's going to be a lot more water-based sex. That is so specific. I just feel like everyone's going to be much more interested in what's happening with the climate and the oceans and people are going to be spending more time outdoors. ASMR sex.

Oh, ASMR sex. Ayahuasca ASMR sex. Oh. Whoa. Ayahuasca sex, I think, sounds awful, doesn't it? Because people who do ayahuasca, they always get really like, because it's so intense, you can have sex on ayahuasca sex I think sounds awful Doesn't it? Because people who do Ayahuasca They always get really like

Because it's so intense You don't even have sex on Ayahuasca Imagine having sex on Ayahuasca No I don't think it'd be physically Because you're constantly purging And vomiting I don't know

I've never tried it I'm actually just googling trends I was like why did you just jump to that? Okay the technology thing will be huge I don't know how, though. I know you said chat GPT, but like, do you not find that people are getting more and more into like fake, not real shit?

Yeah, people have been into fake, not real shit for a long time. But this, I feel like there's so much... Like pornography is essentially all fantasy, right? So it's all fake, but people love that. Yeah, but there's an element, I think AR takes it to another level because at least with porn you're seeing real people mcgee or someone mcgee is that debbie mcgee sister is it paul daniels and titty mcgee i know you fucking love magic but you're seeing

like a porn star that you love yeah who's a real person a real person doing something in a fantasy scenario but now this is like fake people doing fantasy scenarios you know what which means it's like there's no boundaries right so it could be they could literally be doing anything

I think also just because I read it mental health seems to be this big thing but I mean I'm never doing any mental health and sex at the same time

so I don't know I don't know that was the vaguest comment of all time mental health seems to be a big thing. Dude, you're about five years too late for that. You've reached the Shaggy Auntie's call centre. Want advice you can't ask your real aunties for?

Like, how do you ask for what you want in bed? Not sure which hole is a goal? Where do anal beads really go? Have you been faking orgasms your whole adult life? Accidentally called your boss daddy? Is your long-time love not going down south? For more than just the tip, we're here for you. Yes, you.

And you. And you. So we've been on a break, but our inbox was open. And whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa, wowzers. We've got loads of urgent dilemmas that need answering, Rabina Pabani. I am intrigued.

We are your Shaggly Aunties. La la la la la. Welcome one. La la la la la. Problem shared. Problem harmed. Right. Welcome one, welcome all Problem shared, problem harmed Right Please remember to ask the bill payers permission before calling us Shagging aunties are not medical professionals and bear no responsibility

for the consequences of your own actions Alright, okay so this is a long one that our producers have had to cut down, so I'll start I was a good brown girl growing up and didn't have sex until I was married to my husband, who I fell in love with and married at 27.

Aww. As he was my only sexual partner, I didn't know if it was good sex or not. But I was in love with him and it always did feel electric. Aww. But I did always feel a little unsatisfying and I don't think I've ever had an orgasm. Whoa. I don't think you would know. Well orgasm whoa I don't think you would know well you'd know wouldn't you he was a bit conservative I wouldn't talk about it much

and he never went down on me boo sorry I don't know why I'm coming up with these sound effects but that's how I'm feeling now I'm 37 two years since I divorced him. Whoa, she divorced him. And I've started casual dating to expand my sexual experiences. I've also been giving myself a pleasure-based sex education, reading workshops. I've even been to two sex parties too.

My God, that's more than me. You're amazing. I feel confident. I want to experience pleasure. Despite meeting some hot men and having some nice sex, I'm realizing my body Tenses up And I never orgasm

It's the same when I'm solo Even with toys Porn etc My body says no I've tried vanilla sex Tried being a sub With an experienced dom And a few other things too

I'm not sure what to do Any advice? Wow She never had an orgasm She must be 30 She's 37 And she's never had an orgasm That is wow

Wow She's making my nose run Poppy's having an orgasm she must be 30 she's 37 and she's never had an orgasm that is wow wow she's making my nose run poppy's having an orgasm here for you she's having a sympathy orgasm well i mean actually it's interesting because i feel like you're you're in a good place you're exploring all this interesting stuff and actually maybe it's not about the end girl really is it it's not about an orgasm i'm sorry when you're 37 and you haven't had an orgasm, you need to have an orgasm. That is the end game. But like,

what if you're biologically unable to have an orgasm? Are we saying that she's biologically unable to have an orgasm? I don't know this from this body. I have not looked inside her clitoris. Okay.

She's tried everything. It's not for want of not trying. But she keeps, the thing I keep coming back to, she realises my body keeps tensing up. So it might be a physical thing it might be a mental thing

so I think maybe seeing a sex therapist so we had a brilliant sex therapist Lahani Noor on Brown Girls Do It Too who I loved she could be a shout

yeah that could be interesting I guess also I don't know why we're all chasing orgasms all the time are you not chasing an orgasm? no because I think what we miss out a lot when we're in the hunt for the end game, for happy ending, is we miss out like the journey. And the journey is so pleasurable.

Like masturbating is really fun. Ordinarily, I'd agree with you. But she's 37 and has experienced no orgasm, from what I understand. But maybe she also needs to take some time to just enjoy the journey, which it looks like she is. She's been on a 37 year journey. Yeah. And she's been to two sex parties.

She's having a great time. She's having a great time. Maybe she needs to watch a woman who can orgasm, masturbate in an orgasm. I bet you any money she's done it. She's done that already. I feel like she's very diligent with her sex.

Because I think if you were like, I'm not orgasming, I can't make myself cum I'd want to watch multiple women Try and make themselves cum And then cum And then be like Oh I get it

Or I get what they do But that's what turns you on That wouldn't turn me on When I had my big cum block You know For ages After my ex-partner Yeah but if you feel like

You can't make yourself orgasm Then you've got to watch Other people do it So you can figure out What other people are doing Or watch something That titillates you Whether it's porn

Or gangbang Whatever it is No no I'm not Or watch something that titillates you, whether it's porn or gangbang, whatever it is. No, no, I'm not saying watch it to turn yourself on. I'm watch it to see how they do it. I just feel really like bad and shit that other people could do it and I'm not getting there.

It'd make me more frustrated. Or you'd be like, oh, interesting, two fingers. I've been using one. I think she's really, she's tried everything. So my advice is if you've

if you've really tried and it's been this long and sometimes it is about the end game not always yep and she hasn't been she hasn't experienced an orgasm

I think maybe maybe talking to someone and why does her body tense up well this is it exactly it's a physical thing and a mental thing although maybe you are

having an orgasm because my body tenses up when I orgasm and she doesn't know it maybe she's having an orgasm and she doesn't know it thing Although maybe you are Having an orgasm Because my body Tenses up when I orgasm And she doesn't know it Maybe she's having an orgasm And she doesn't know it You'd know if you had an orgasm You'd know

Wouldn't you know It's like having I was going to say Something illegal Well actually you know Sometimes when you have sex Don't you sometimes think Oh I feel like I've just come

And then you're like Have I come Yeah but they're half comes We talked about this A full orgasm You know A TBC A TB continued orgasm

Is like oh god It was like I was peaking at 50%. You know, when you have sound levels. But when you can't, it washes all over you. Listen, dear listener. Listen. Listen to us.

We wish you the best on your erotic journey. It sounds like you're having a really good time. And so crack on and good luck. And email us if you orgasm. Email us if you see, if you talk to someone. So I think therapist, but what are you saying? What's your actual advice? You still want her to crack on and keep on going with the sex parties and get nowhere.

I feel like she's doing really well. I'm quite proud of her as an individual. And I think she should carry on doing what she's doing. I don't think she needs our advice. That's terrible advice. My advice is you is terrible advice. Oh my God. My advice is, you need no advice.

Thanks for listening. We are so happy to be back. Are you happy? Are you happy? I'm quite happy. I mean, I'm always happy when I chat to you. I do feel like,

I know that's silly, isn't it? It is really silly. I have to do my nose again. Oh my God. I feel like we've aged, but we are aging It is really silly I'm sorry I have to do my nose again Oh my god I feel like we've aged But we are ageing And it's okay to age We're Asian again

Sorry There's ageing and Asian Mixed together I'm Asian again We're age-ging We're age-ging Do you feel like you're ageing

In a good way This is not This is not me saying this In a kind of We're old I'm not saying that You know my whole mantra's been You're only as old as you feel

I don't feel old But like I'm definitely in another part of my womanhood my journey like when I met you in 2019 like we were doing whatever we were doing yeah yeah which I now can't remember yeah I mean we're both in very long-term relationships and we've gone on this you've got a child I'm now single it's like it's a it feels like we're in a different chapter but i still love talking to you so do i even when it's like i like to check in i like to check in on what's going on i mean we if we didn't have our producers here i really think we could have gone on a 37 minute tangent about uber drivers oh god anyway if you have any thoughts questions or dilemmas for the shaggy aunties you know know what to do. You can email us at browngirlsdoit2 at bbc.co.uk

or you can send us a WhatsApp or voice note on, come on, 0796810822. One more for the road. 0796810822. Bye. Bit lacklustre, innit? Start of series four. Five.

What's the end of it on? Oh my God, we've got dementia as well. Five. Wow. How did the BBC let us do five series of this? We're the only two brown people. It's box-dicking exercise. Brown girls do it too.

Ha! We're One Direction! How did five boys from a talent show become a worldwide phenomenon? There was a really hungry fan base. Changing the face of fandom forever. There was just fans that literally were stopping us even getting to the studio. I'm Maddie Grace Jepsen, and we're the people who made them. That boy band really has something.'re the people who made them. That boy band really has something. And the people

who loved them. Stay outside of Niall Horan's house for six hours just to catch a glimpse of the top visitor. There's just a fire within teenage girls.

This is One Direction, a fan story. Listen on BBC Sounds.