Brown Girls Do It Too - Neelam Tailor, Bagels and Porn

Episode Date: December 18, 2020

One of Rubina's first experiences of porn was finding a VHS tape with no label on it, Poppy has to chose between her bagel or porn and the maker of the documentary, 'Porn Laid Bare', Neelam Tailor, talks about her porn addiction.It's all about the discovery of porn, Rubina was confronted with it at school and then she finds a tape at home, Poppy's porn is a Tom Cruise film and Neelam Tailor's first search in Google, on her brand new laptop, at the age of twelve, was of course the word sex.This episode looks at the prevalence of porn, the type of porn that Poppy and Rubina like, and they are joined by Neelam Tailor who confesses she was addicted to porn at a very young age and that it led to problems in her sex life later on.

BBC Sounds music, radio, podcast Asian Network presents Brown Girls Do It Too You're about to listen to Brown Girls Do It Too It's a podcast about sex so expect to hear adult conversations and some very strong language

Do feel free to check out other podcasts on BBC Sounds but if you're old enough, brave enough and not easily offended, give it a go. Brown Girls Do It Too, from the BBC Asian Network. You are listening to the dulcet, sexy tones of Poppy. And the more high-pitched patter of Rubina. And this is season two of our podcast, Brown Girls Do It Too. You can catch every single episode of Brown Girls Do It Too Series 1 on BBC Sounds.

We cover some risque topics, we always take it too far and we swear like sailors. If this doesn't sound like an ideal way to spend a Sunday afternoon, then there are loads of other podcasts you can check out on the BBC Sounds app. But I think you should plant your petunias and give us a chance. I've got a quick little story. Do you remember when we spoke about fanny farts and farting whilst having sex yesterday I had sex and I really like post coitus needed a fart and I was like it would be really much more rewarding for me and satisfying to fart than come right now

you know when you really need to get something out I had to hold it in oh because I just knew because I just knew if I had farted, it would have just completely killed the vibe. And then I was thinking of you as I was having sex to tell you this story the next time I see you. This is a story. Lots of things going through my head. Yeah, I actually had sex yesterday too. And obviously we both had sex yesterday because it's Sunday and Saturday is the couple's sex day. Obviously.

But I had sex yesterday and I really needed a piss. And I've never, ever had that before. And I was like, ah, is that my bladder? Yeah, I get that often. Do you not? And I was like, no, I didn't stop. Because I know that you said you should stop and go and pee. I didn't do it.

I was just like, just go for it. But then you just find it really uncomfortable if it's just like constantly jabbing against your bladder all the time. Well, it was a bit like, it was my body being like, there's a lot going on. Do you want to choose what you want to do? Are you going to cum? Are you going to pee?

Just decide. I really wanted to fart and not want to do? Are you going to cum? Are you going to pee? Just decide. I really wanted to fart and not cum yesterday. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. So this, ladies and gentlemen, is season two of Brown Girls Do It Too. Or as Rubina and myself sometimes like to affectionately refer to as our Kim K Paris Hilton sex tapes. For this series, we'd like to platform more female voices from South Asian tribes because unlike the word BAME,

we are a complicated, colourful and beautifully diverse lot. That's really well said. Really well put there. We would love more than anything for you to join in the gupshop or as us Bengalis like to call it, gofshof for season two. You can email browngirlsdoittoo at bbc.co.uk. You can also tweet at BBC Asian Network. Don't forget to use the hashtag browngirlsdoittoo at bbc.co.uk. You can also tweet at BBC Asian Network. Don't forget to use the hashtag browngirlsdoittoo. So this episode, we are talking about porn in all

its glory. Porn, pornography. Anne will be joined by our guest today, Neelam Taylor. She's a journalist and writer and presented a documentary called Porn Laid Bare. She was addicted to porn from a very young age and she'll be with us a little bit later to tell us her story. When was the first time you think you saw porn? And porn for me is like naked photos, like anyone naked on screen, sex on screen, anything that's like alluding to sex, but in photographic or audio visual material uh very very easy

question to answer 1993 tom cruise sex scene cocktail i was eight my vagina tingled and i was like this is this is a nice experience what is this i don't know what's going on here it was the first time i was watching a sex scene and i knew i wasn't supposed to be watching it and at the time I remember when you're eight I remember it being quite graphic I think if I watched it now probably be like an average sex scene but I was just completely um fascinated by it and titillated but not really knowing what titillated meant just like something was happening down there and I was like I didn't know my vagina could feel these tingly feelings I think that's good because I think for a lot of

people and I'd probably put me included in that it's like your first experience of like a naked I didn't know my vagina could feel these tingly feelings. I think that's good because I think for a lot of people, and I'd probably put me included in that, it's like your first experience of like a naked image would have been magazines when you were a kid. And when I was at school, some guy got the sun, page three, and put it on my school desk when I just arrived after lunch. I don't really know why. Probably fancied me. Everyone does.

And I was like, oh, my God, what is this? And it was just like this woman with these pert breasts, these pert white breasts, just like pointing north. They look nothing like me, nothing like any naked woman I'd ever seen. And I was like, what is this about? And then I got obsessed with breasts after that. I was like, because you know, you're a teenager. I just wanted breasts.

Yeah. Look at these. I mean, I wanted white breasts, basically. How old were you? Probably 11. 11. OK. white breasts, basically. How old were you? Probably 11. 11, okay. I mean, like, I didn't ever purchase pornographic magazines,

but I definitely saw things like that at school. I don't think I ever saw any of my, like, in my home, but 100% at school, everybody had them. And then I think I progressed from that to, when my parents were away once, I think I was, like, looking for a photograph for some school project of me when I was younger. And I just saw these VHSs. And I was like, oh, VHS is great.

And there was literally family movies and then just one that just had a ripped off VHS label. And I was like, what's this? Took it out, popped it in. And it was a recording from the telly, which is what people used to do back then. Oh my God, old school! It was a recording of a uh like a specific sky channel I guess or a channel from a cable network kind of thing and uh it was just graphic sex oh my god and I was like oh my god but then it became this thing that I was like obsessed with

because I would then regularly go in and be like let's take another look at that and it was like I didn't even understand. I wasn't titillated. I was just intrigued. I was like, I wasn't masturbating. I wasn't doing anything. I was just like, well, I remember there was this scene of a woman in like a bathing suit

and she'd come out of a swimming pool and it was like in German because obviously all those cable channels were in German. They're so ahead of their time. She'd come out and she'd just like lay down and then some guy had like come over to speak to her. And then he was like giving her a little massage and then massage turned into kind of more rubbing and he just like

basically put his hands all over her um and that is just stuck in my memory from when I was really young and I watched it so many times I mean it sounds very innocent well they did have sex but it wasn't like um it wasn't like pornography now okay it was definitely softcore like teleporn okay I think I think I'd be into that you see them like get naked and kiss but you never see penetration you never see um so it's like one down from a Bollywood film then or one up from a Bollywood film exactly how you look at it exactly I think that that's where the next stage of pornography went for me after magazines then VHS tapes and that so this thing if you're a woman I don't think girls are passing around

pornographic material and engaging each other in the same way that boys do. Like, I wish actually when I was a teenager I had a girlfriend send me some porn and I'd be like,

whoa, what is this? But at least I would feel some sort of sisterly vibe of being like, oh, okay, you're kind of interested in this too. And you're not doing this

on your own and feeling seedy and naughty. Yeah, so seedy. You feel so seedy and guilty. And I think, I don't know why

because I think like masturbating, there's all this level of guilt that goes along with it. Then adding porn to your masturbation is just like next level shame. You're like, why do I feel so bad about this? It's like you're in a hamburger of shame. It's like shame on all sides. Interesting. I think that like really young exposure to boobs, to sex, to kind of that kind of material.

It then became, I mean, you know, I make videos in my day job. I think it's all, all together. Like it's all part of my interest. It's all part of my identity. And like, I have no shame in being interested in that kind of stuff. And I don't think anyone should. Totally. I mean, I got, well, most of my porn references are from Bollywood. Bollywood was softcore porn for me for a long, long time. I've got, I think I've got quite a problematic, my relationship with porn is quite problematic, I think. I mean, for one thing, I, something inside me goes, when I see a vagina or a dick, and that's the whole point of porn. It's like there are vaginas and penises everywhere. But I just, I look at it and I'm like, I find it it really gross I was trying to watch porn yesterday as I

was eating my bagel and I was like I don't think I should be eating my bagel and watching porn so I finished the bagel and I was like all right let's just we're talking about porn I need to get into porn you know I spoke to my partner and he's like these are the things that you might be into because I said you know I said to you earlier like I'm I think I like softcore stuff and I was like really trying to get into it. And I was just like, this is so gross. I just want to watch the scene from Basic Instinct. Really.

Well, I think everyone has, like, the bit of porn that they enjoy. Because most porn videos are like, we meet, we take off each other's clothes. I like all that stuff. Exactly. I love that stuff. I love all the foreplay. Yeah. All the kind of leading up.

But then there's always a 20-minute blowjob session you're like i'm not enjoying this who's enjoying this someone out there is enjoying this i'm sorry it's not me i don't know who's enjoying it and i would love for someone to get in touch brown girls do it to bbc.co.uk like someone like what part of a penis and a vagina is attractive it just looks so i think penises can be attractive and i think my vagina is beautiful like i'm not hanging on myself I can't I think genitals are really sexy but I also think like the kind of touching and stimulating of genitals like the like I don't I don't just like look at a picture of a dick and like oh yeah that's really turning me on it's got to be like in context of something a floating penis doesn't do it for me yeah like I think I

think it absolutely is but um that you've got to get into your vagina poppy I do have to get into my vagina okay so I've got to send a nude it's a journey I'm gonna go on I've got to send a nude which I can then delete from the deleted folder and I've got it you're totally right like I think there's clearly some hang-ups there do you know what I mean like clearly I'm okay with my vagina but seeing other vaginas and penises I'm like do you find it hot when you see other people kiss on screen yes like tongues and you can see I'm okay with my vagina, but seeing other vaginas and penises, I'm like, it's so horrible looking. Do you find it hot when you see other people kiss on screen? Yes.

Like tongues, and you can see them kiss, and that's hot. Yeah, I think, yeah, if they have attractive people, yeah. So seeing attractive people kiss is good. And then what about seeing attractive people take off each other's clothes? Yeah, yeah, that's hot. Keep going. And then seeing attractive people suck nipples. Very hot to me. Okay, this is good.

Groping, yeah. This is good. This is all in the kind of soft core play area of porn. Okay, what about the girl is getting eaten out and she's really loving it. You can't see the vagina, you can only see the guy's head. Yeah, okay, maybe. We're on the line now. I'd prefer if you could just see her face.

Oh, just her face? Her face. And as his head's sort of bobbing, you sort of know he's down there. Interesting. Yeah. And then the other way, would you like it the other way?

Like if the gal was head bobbing and the guy's face was happening? No, not so much. Because I think a man's pleasure face is not depicted often enough in pornography. Yes. A woman's pleasure face. Constantly.

Everybody knows what that looks like. Man's pleasure face. No, no idea. I don't know what a man pleasure face looks like that sounds like I'm not giving

any men pleasure I have given men pleasure I've seen it well actually but you definitely have but your eyes are probably closed as well and you're doing

you're focusing on your own pleasure face but yesterday when I was perusing all these tabs the guy was so hot and I was like yes

and then it was it just went too intense so I think I just baby steps like I think I need to just start with soft core and then just lead yes and then it was it just went too intense so I think I just baby steps like I think I need to just do Star Wars softcore and then just lead up and then maybe

in two years time but then I sometimes feel like people judge me people will judge me if I say I don't like porn I think this is I think porn is so much

the norm now that when you when you say to people I don't actually I don't like porn they're like well I don't really enjoy it they just sort of look at you funny, like there's something wrong with you.

I think everyone has a love-hate relationship with porn. I'm not standing here being like, I fucking love porn. I think porn is good sometimes. And I think sometimes you can get really into it. And sometimes you see stuff that just kind of puts you off sex and yourself as well. I don't think anybody sits there and thinks, yeah, I have no problems with porn all all day every day like of course it's got its problems and its issues and sometimes you're just if you go through a week I mean I haven't done this for a long time but when I was single if you go through a week where you watch porn every day and you've literally

watched it every day before bed you're like oh who am I this is like am I like too into it right um but I mean I haven't done like too into it right but I mean I haven't done that for a long time but I mean I also probably quite enjoyed it because you know what

sometimes you knew that you could watch porn to come to go to sleep yeah and it would just be like the perfect way to fall asleep

and it was like your little routine that you had with yourself you'd be like whatever the day has happened I've got that to look forward to I've got that to look forward to and then you just would

try not to spend hours scrolling on it because you can just be like because there's so much of it is what you say oh it's like what I do on Netflix or any streaming service

it takes me 47 minutes to pick the film yeah exactly it'll take me ages to like oh what kind of and this is the other thing the paradox of choice and we're like

I'm not really into like maybe I want an Asian woman today maybe I want a white chick maybe I want a black chick maybe I want a black guy maybe I want a white guy like so I can see myself

just like scrolling down forever and then it's like oh shit yeah my lunch hour's gone but I think there's stuff that like when you like you were saying like there is so much choice and if you get into something and you're like what does that say about me like if you're interested in seeing like gorgeous black men have sex with white women what does that say about you? What does that mean? It's like you can't sometimes

just let your like sexuality just spill over and be like well these are all the things that I like watching it's just like but why? And also what is that like that representation

of black men is just like so unacceptable And Asian women East Asian women Stereotyping East Asian women Are you then playing to it? Are you part of the problem? You're funding

this kind of terrible thing That is such a thing that is such a good that is a really really good question and it constantly comes up time and time again especially when you're talking about porn I remember talking to my best girlfriends and asking them what sort of porn do you like watching and they wouldn't tell me because they were embarrassed interesting and I found that so interesting because we tell each other everything right like when we poo how we poo I mean like just how girls tell each other everything they wouldn't tell me and then later on one of my mates was like you know she was talking about

you know gangbang and you know she wasn't the way she said it she was sort of embarrassed about it and I was like I mean that's nothing to be embarrassed about I have those fantasies all the time um but I think it's quite telling that my girlfriends didn't tell me what they watch because, like you said, what they watch, I think, is a reflection of how they might be perceived or how they might think of themselves. Like, clearly there's something wrong with me if I'm watching a girl getting gangbanged. Or, you know, if I'm this way inclined to this type of porn,

then it says something about me so maybe I'll keep it private. And sometimes it doesn't say anything about you sometimes you're just like literally scrolling and you're like oh that's sexy I'm turned on by that instantly so I'm just gonna watch it like I remember having a conversation with somebody at a party once everyone was very wasted everyone was talking about pornography and a lady said to me have you watched the porn and it's called fake taxi and it's a guy who drives around in a taxi in London in a black cab and then he shags women in the back of the car and I was like oh my god I've 100% seen that and it was so weird because I think you don't think that people are ever watching the

same stuff as you but there's just these swathes of online videos that everybody has watched yeah and these things are getting like millions millions of views so you know there are other people out there watching the same shit one time I was scrolling and I saw a like a thumbnail like you said of an Indian woman and I was like oh my god no and it like it like shocked me because I was like oh my god no I can't these people aren't part of the fantasy that I've created yeah and then I started to feel so terrible about what my fantasy said about me yeah well I mean it I mean, it's all, it's the drip drip effect over years and years of what you've become accustomed to, right? Like if you'd seen that when you first, that magazine that you were presented with after

your lunch at school, if that had been brown jugs, your sort of porn would have been very, you know, you would have been informed by very different porn. And I wish that was something that turned me on more. I wish like the kind of brown female body thing was something that turned me on more because like I should feel turned on by my own body and other brown women's bodies. I was massively turned on by white bodies only because that's what I hated that too. That's the that's the only thing that we come on and black bodies, but mostly because they're really overly sexualized in all of our media.

Yeah. I think there is this market that perhaps you and I should delve into of people like me and you who grew up watching Bollywood, found it titillating, and if we could kind of re-empower the Bollywood scenes. So, sexy sorry in the rain. Hot. Hot.

Would be amazing if it ended in sex. That would be really, really hot. But with nice lighting, prime lenses. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. And consent. Yes. Brown girls do it too. Doing porn.

Watch out for that. Oh my God. It's going to drop. Season three. I'm sure our guest Neelam Taylor will add many more layers to this. She's up next. Welcome to The Players, the podcast that flips the script on how we talk football. I know in my mind and I'm very clear what do I have to do. If we just

kind of buckle down and like defend it then I was like okay we got it. I'm passing the mic to those who know it best. The players themselves. We are expected to win. Our federation our country expects that from us. What really goes on, on and off the pitch.

Why did I put the cowboy hat on? I'm Bec Smith and this is The Players. Subscribe on BBC Sounds. Brown girls do it too. Today's guest is a producer and freelance journalist. She's written for The Guardian, Huffington Post, Unilad, Galdem and many more. She co-hosted the BBC Three documentary,

Porn Laid Bare, has her own love-hate relationship with porn. So I think she might have something to say about today's topic. It's Neelam Taylor. How are you today? I'm good. I'm really good. How are you guys doing? Oh, we're great. Yeah, talking about porn. So happy, yeah, just loving chatting about porn.

Just feeling really good, feeling really vibed. We've been deconstructing porn. We've been talking about porn, yeah. Which we know that you know a lot about porn you are probably a bit more of a porn expert than I mean definitely Poppy she like when I asked her

what the first porn she'd watched she named a film with Tom Cruise from the 90s oh my gosh cocktail was porn right

I was eight things were happening down there and he was having sex and he was naked Neelam do you remember the the first time that you uh indulged in some pornography um i think similar to poppy i definitely started with films so i basically first just googled films of loads of sex scenes and then used my u-torrent to download them or line wire some vintage torrenting there and yeah so I think I started with that and then and then quickly was

like maybe I could just find just the sex bits and just typed in like I don't want all this storyline shit and then I think I just typed in sex into google and there it was right at the top Pornhub ready with open arms welcoming me so yeah then I just I think I just was like whoa exploring the home page And I think I was just shocked that I could so easily access such kind of pure sexual content. And I think I was like 11 or 12. What do you think you were going to look for? Because I always wonder about like people's intentions when they were young,

pre-understanding that it was like a sexual thing. I think I understood that it was a sexual thing. I think I was just really horny, really young. When was the first time you heard a wank? How old you uh I was seven yeah it was early it was early I don't I don't know why but I just started getting those urges very early and I think it was at the time I was like I am the only person in like my class who's doing this 100% that's what I thought maybe I wasn't but it felt very early and then I had to wait like until for like 10 to 11 like 10 to 10 or 11 years before people even started telling me that they did it too wow it's true though that's true people probably like when you're in your 20s

or even like 18 19 maybe you start hearing that does make sense yeah yeah it was only once I went to uni and I was like oh oh my God, everyone does this. Great. It was like a weight lifted. Yeah, it is the best thing. I mean, it's the best thing masturbating and it's the best thing knowing other people do it and not be weird or not feel shame around it. Like the more you can release the shame from it, it's very satisfying. Oh yeah, definitely. So you've had kind of an interesting relationship with porn. Do you kind of want to talk to us a little bit about your love hate vibe? So between the ages of like 12 and 16 something like that or 15 16 I watched it pretty much every day whenever I could kind of sneak off to my room um 12 is when I got a laptop

of my own and it was probably one of the first things I typed in was sex. Like any good 12 year old. I love how you typed in sex. I think I typed in weather. Loser. Sorry, go on. Such a loser. And then, yeah, so from then I basically would sneak off to my room and watch it every day and wank, obviously. It was basically just a love relationship with it up until I was about 15 16 so I hadn't had any kind of sexual contact with guys I hadn't kissed anyone at the age of 16 so literally my only interaction or kind of my only sexual experience I guess was with porn and with myself um so it was my release and it was a you know I felt like I needed it at that age it was like a good thing and that's what it felt like and uh then when I was 16 I got my first boyfriend and had my first kiss and first actual sexual

experience and um I still was watching it actually just at the beginning of my relationship and it was only when I kind of it was like a process of elimination basically when I was having real life sex I struggled to get wet and I was just like what is this like when I'm watching porn I get really wet why why now when I'm having actual sex why can't I and I wanted to have sex like the the impulses there but it's like my body was like nah this is not as interesting as 10 tabs do I mean like this is what is this this is one skinny guy in front of me and usually I've got like 10 different options going on from 10 different countries. Do you know what I mean? So I feel like my body was just like, no.

And then, so I actually didn't think it was the porn initially. I just carried on and just thought maybe it was just like, because I just started having sex, so it wasn't good. And then slowly, because I was watching porn and able to, I kind of assumed then it must be the porn. What kind of porn was your go-to porn, just to kind of track back? What is the porn that you were watching when you were just starting out? Just starting out watching porn.

Yeah, basically, talk us through your porn stages. What was 12-year-old Neelam watching and then what was 16-year-old Neelam watching? Okay, 12-year-old Neelam was watching anything on the home page of Pornhub because I was lazy easy access lazy 12 year old whatever was quickest um and then I started like thinking more about what I liked to see and so I think I went on to like lesbian porn a bit um probably because that was like about female pleasure and I think I was kind of looking for that and there wasn't a lot of that also like blowjob porn I think I was like oh how do you do that I was kind of like yeah just learning about a bit of deep sprouting um and then kind of slowly as time moved on it kind of got more

rough I'd say um I was watching straight porn it just got more rough and then as I got older again I'd say I watched like um older guys with younger girls and quite rough. Neelam would you would you say that if you were between the age of 12 or 15, 16, watching porn pretty much every day, would you say that you were a bit addicted to it? Yeah, definitely. I'd say it's weird because I would say that my body was definitely fully addicted to it because, like I said, when I was having sex,

my body just wouldn't function as normal, but it would with porn. And I stopped watching porn at 16 because it was basically a process of elimination. I wanted real life intimacy, but was struggling with it. So I stopped watching porn. And in terms of my mind, I didn't crave it. I didn't miss it because I had the real life intimacy, but my body did. My body was very addicted to it. So I didn't like miss it and want to go back when I was in the relationship. But it took my body like six months to go back to normal. So did you go cold turkey then? You just like stopped? Yeah, I went cold turkey.

And now where are you at with porn? Now I don't. I've tried it a few times and have genuinely noticed me getting less wet after watching it. And so I don't watch it anymore. Not because I'm not anti-porn or anything, but for me, I feel like I just rewired my brain or something and it just affects my physical arousal too much. As in affects it in a bad way or a good way now? In a bad way.

In a bad way now. In a bad way. In that, like when I'm having real life sex again, I still feel like it's messed with me in in some way in terms of me getting wet interesting I feel like because I probably watch porn like once every two weeks I mean when I was single and like living alone way more than that like every day 100% and I never felt like my relationship was unhealthy because I think I was also just having a lot of sex and watching a lot of porn. So I just felt like I was just over sex in lots of different ways.

Yeah. Like how much porn is two porn is every day too much. And for me at the time, I wasn't I wasn't thinking it was a problem. But actually, now hearing you speak, I probably was a bit disturbed by it, maybe. I don't know. Yeah. I mean, I think it hadn't had that physical effect on me. I probably wouldn't have stopped watching it. Like I still masturbate. I mean I think it hadn't had that physical effect on me I probably

wouldn't have stopped watching it like I still masturbate do I mean it's not like I've stopped it was the porn side of it that just affected so I don't I probably wouldn't have stopped if it wasn't for that kind of reaction that my body had and do you think do you found porn was a way to kind of like express different fantasies of yours or like some things might have inspired stuff in the bedroom? I think that watching porn definitely had an effect on how I was in sex after watching porn because like you know I'd had so many years 12 to 16 of shaping my idea of my own sexual identity and that was only through porn That was literally my only source of, oh, what is sex? What should I do? You know, what do people who look like me do? And,

you know, what are they like? And what should I look like? And stuff like that. Those are all things that I got from porn. So then when I went into an actual sexual relationship at 16, I just thought, you know, okay, so I need to be be fully shaved I need to make a lot of noise um I need to I still make porn noises now yeah I think I do sometimes as well I think it's very ingrained um and also like I dated older men after that and I don't know whether that taste is because of because of the porn you watch I wanted to ask you something about porn in school right so you you started watching porn when you were 12. Yeah.

Like, do you think that there should be like a porn module in school? Yeah, I definitely think that porn should be taught in schools. I think it should be taught in primary schools since that's when people are watching it. I think most, I think for, you know, I started watching at 12, but especially guys, like they start watching it younger. I think the average is like 11 or 10 I think I had sex education in year six that was my first experience of it and the girls and guys got separated we just got taught about our own biology that's all we got taught and also do you think they're like Asian communities because I think there's there's the

responsibility of the school right but within Asian, do you think we should be talking to each other a little bit more about it as well? Definitely. I think that's why I like this podcast, for example, is so important because in Asian communities, it's like ultimate taboo. Like you can't talk about anything. My parents aren't even traditional

and they didn't say a word to me about it, you know? So I think it's... It's like you want to pass the samosa around and be like, you know, word to me about it. You know, so I think it's... It's like you want to pass the samosa around and be like, you know, let's talk about anal. You know, let's talk about safe sex. It's like, oh, pass me the Tarka doll, I'll have a roti, and did you practice safe sex? You know what I mean?

It doesn't have to be gratuitous or salacious or like details, but we just need to be more open, goddammit, because Asian people are bonking, man. They're fucking everywhere. I think in Asian cultures as well, there's such an issue of like being seen to be doing the right thing. So it's like the actual right thing would be to talk about things of your kids so that they can learn and not have a twisted perception

of what sex is. But as long as they're seen to be doing the right thing by not talking about it because it's dirty or it's whatever did you have that kind of conversation at all with your with your parents and if any level are talking about sex talking about relationships talking about pornography with either of your parents or family members um not until I was an adult 18 plus then I started talking about them and then, then I started talking about them. And then, you know, I started talking about it openly, more with my mum than with my dad. Not really spoken about it with my dad at all. I'd love to invite someone onto this podcast who has talked about sex with their dad. That would be amazing. Our artwork here would be done. Dads are very tricky in most cultures, but I think in Asian cultures, because of the kind of deep patriarchal system,

there is just so many more walls. Being a daughter of a father in Asian culture is so complicated and multi-layered. Adding sex to it, like I just won't even go there. Me and my dad have way too many issues to go there. Yeah, me too, ditto. Hell yeah. I personally would be happy to go into schools and talk about porn

because I feel like it needs to happen more and it needs to happen more from people who look like us. Yeah. And also I think I will be very different. I'd rather have the awkward conversation with my kid than let them kind of just dive into this stuff with no critical thinking and no ability to know the difference between porn and sex they're very different things but they're presented the point of it is it's presented as real so if you're a kid how are you

supposed to know if you haven't had any education that that's not what real sex is like I think if you know what you're looking at and understand the big difference between it and what actual real life sex is then it's immediately a lot healthier I went in and I had no idea I thought that that was sex and I think that's why it was so unhealthy so I think if you're educated on it and you understand the difference and that it's fiction then that automatically makes it a lot healthier some people can watch it every day and it's fine. For me, I feel like it really had an impact on my function of getting wet. I don't know how, I've spoken to a couple of women since who say

that's actually a common thing that happens to women sometimes, which was nice to hear because I thought I was the only person. It's difficult in terms of the amount. I don't think loads of anything is good I think getting wet is actually uh the female version of an erection like there's a pressure for a man to get hard and there is a pressure for a woman to get wet and there's not enough there's not enough spoken about like yeah totally yeah why aren't you wet why aren't you it was like I'm fucking tired And being dry was such an insult. Like, it just is. Your chair's dry. You're dry.

Didn't think about it like that. I also felt really shit that I couldn't, like, squirt or anything. Oh, we were just talking about that. We were just saying squirting just feels like a superhuman power. And it's like, you know. Neelam, what is your sex life like now? Is it fun? Is it healthy?

Is it sexy? It's fun and healthy. I'm in a long-term relationship. So, yeah, it's regular. It's good. Definitely always looking to try new stuff. Definitely. But, yeah, it's definitely healthy.

I can get wet, which is great news. Woo-hoo! It's raining. It's raining, Neelam. Oh, my God. I just dance like's raining. It's raining, Neelam. Oh my God, I just dance like my mum. That's exactly what she does. You didn't see it, Neelam, but in the studio I did two little clicks to the side.

Oh Christ. And she's doing it again. So, Neelam, we play a game with all of our guests. Maybe you can help us with the name. At the moment, we ask all of our guests what this game should be called because we had a title but every single guest we had on goes that's a shit title

so we need to figure out the title is and now for the next how you like sex I have to have a think but I'll get back to you about that

fine okay the wetter the better producer Rayhan just came back with the wetter the better nice okay

it's a good no of course he would fucking say that. I'm sorry. Of course he would, he's a man. No, it should be dry as a Sahara. So quick fire. You get two options.

You can go with whatever option. Okay. Right. Doggy or missionary? Doggy. Pubes or no pubes? No pubes. Lights on or lights off?

Lights on. You're answering this like very, very well. Everyone who's come on before you has been like, uh, um. You just know what you want, Neelam.

I like that. Lube it up or natural juices? Natural juices. Well, because now your natural juices are flowing like, it's raining, Neelam. Funny, because now your natural juices are flowing like... It's raining in the...

Funny story, I have a 500 litre thing of E45 that I use as lube. It'll do. It'll do for ages. Honestly, it's like... We just use saliva. Oh, no, no, I prefer using E45. This is the one for this episode. Final answer.

I feel like I'm on, who wants to be a millionaire? Porn or no porn? No porn. Oh, good one, good one. Only because I can't get work. Can I add that one? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You can go rogue. You can add whatever you want. And that's the end of the game. And that's the end of the game. Thank you so much, Neelam. You have been an amazing guest on Brown Girls Do It Too. Welcome to the official family of Brown Girls Do It Too. Oh, thank you.

Thank you. It's been so good. I've really enjoyed it. Thank you so much for coming on Brown Girls Do It Too. You were amazing. No worries. Thank you for having me. Brown Girls Do It Too.

That was Neelam Taylor. That was great. I think she gave us a lot of things to think about with pornography. A hundred. I mean, it definitely needs a rebrand. Needs a revolution. I love that that is it. It needs a revolution. Maybe there should be, not password protected

porn, but certain questions to access the porn you need to be able to answer. Like, what's a good interest rate on a mortgage? Wouldn't know that until you're a certain age. Then you can access the porn you need to be able to answer yeah like what's a good interest rate on a mortgage wouldn't know that until you're a certain age then you can access the anal level you know they should also i completely agree with neil and they should 100 have be teaching about porn in schools in primary schools and certainly in uh secondary schools oh yeah totally and i think the last and most kind of big thing that I'm taking away from this episode is more brown people in porn, please.

More people that look like Poppy and I in pornography. And can we be the lead? And if you're watching porn and you're British Asian and you don't see people like you, wait for the sari special coming from Poppy and Raveena. Sexy sari special. Wait for it. It's dropping.

Series three. So next episode of Brown Girls Do It Too, we get down and dirty with Sangeeta Pillai from the brilliant Masala podcast about the A to Z of sex toys. And that episode will be out in the new year. Thanks so much for listening and subscribing. We wouldn't be here if it wasn't

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