Brown Girls Do It Too - Oral Sex Class and Kitten Licks with Hardeep Dhadda

Episode Date: January 22, 2021

Poppy & Rubina get into the highs and lows of oral sex. Today's guest, presenter of the new 'Thank You Next' podcast, offers tips from an oral sex class she took, and also talks about being on a sex break.Poppy and Rubina talk about everything there is to discuss around the area of oral sex, from the techniques they use to the tastes and smells. Poppy relives the comical trauma of her first attempt at it and Rubina reveals her aversion to swallowing. They are joined by guest, Hardeep Dhadda, who offers some tips she learned when she attended an oral sex class. Hardeep also talks about taking a break from sex and some of the reasons behind that choice.

Hi I'm Robina and I once danced on stage with Pharrell Williams and I am way taller than him He's a shorty He's tiny He's a tiny man Yeah

And I'm Poppy and I once interviewed David Cameron when he was PM and it never made it Why? Long story It was a good interview I made it. Why? Long story. It was a good interview.

I thought it was a good interview. She probably said something inappropriate, let's be fair. David Cameron, do you think brown girls can do it too? No, I didn't. I didn't. Did you hear that? Someone's email came through. Was it me?

It was David Cameron. He's emailed to say brown girls can do it. And this is Brown Girls Do It Too season two on the BBC Asian Network and, of course, BBC Sounds. If you like the titillating vibes we're giving off here, you can catch every single episode of Brown Girls Do It Too on BBC Sounds. Just to warn you, though, these are really super adult conversations. We will get down and dirty and we might slash definitely will use some graphic sexually explicit language that some of you might find offensive. If it's not your thing, then please listen to one of the many less sexier programmes on BBC Sounds.

In today's episode, we are covering oral sex, blowies, licking, cunnilingus, gobjobs, rimming and the wonderful world of giving and receiving head. We'll be talking to our guest, Hardeep Dada, later. She's taking part in the BBC Three show, F Play, talking about sex and relationships. And she's someone who loves receiving oral sex, but is currently consciously celibate, something I know nothing about.

So we'll be talking to her about that too. We would love for you to join the chit chat by using the hashtag BrownGirlsDoIt2. You can email us in at BrownGirlsDoIt2 at bbc.co.uk and you can always tweet at BBC Asian Network or tweet at BBC Sounds. Um, Rubina you know when you are around a dinner

table and someone farts or burps and everyone's like, oh it's so disgusting how could you, how could you oh, oh I don't know where you're going to do that but bear with bear with it's like you think about like some of the behaviors in society you're like burping and farting is not allowed but yet we will give head in the bit where like we comes out and

discharge and period and potentially poo do you know know what I mean? It's like the double standards. Oh, no. I mean, it's the same thing. There is no getting away from the fact that oral sex, giving and receiving head, is gross. It's gross. It's gross. It's like the most, it is, it's not like that.

It is the most intimate, grossest part of your body that gets licked out. And it's the only other thing that you can do for another human being that is like so invasive and intense. Is it the same as kissing with tongues? Oh, it's four levels deeper, surely. Because your mouth is quite a dirty place. I mean, your mouth especially.

I've been told by producer A-Han to cut down on the swearing, which I fucking will. No way! Going down is like so much more intimate and grosser than kissing there's only one fluid that you have to think about when you're kissing it's saliva whereas down there there's various different types of bodily fluids that you've got to manage right okay yeah yeah and there's like also solids from the back end like depending on i mean i i'll admit

this on brown girls do it too but i i do love having my arsehole licked. Like, I do. I do love a bit of rimming. A little rim. I love a little rim. I love a little tuchus lingus. Tuchus lingus? According to Urban Dictionary and Sex and the City,

I remember there's one episode where Charlotte's like, yeah, and they were all quite shocked when she's like, I like being rimmed. And I have my three tuchus lingus vouchers for the year. That's what they're called, yeah. Yeah, so yeah, I cash in on them them i have to have a shower beforehand obviously uh and then yeah it's like my most erogenous part of my body wow what about you is that preferred over vulva licking yes wow yeah but i i fully appreciate where what they're doing so i don't actually do it often that often yeah yeah and it's a special

occasion which i love because it's you you know, you look forward to it. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. I mean, I'm much more of a, I just love having someone go down on me, down to the clitoral stimulation area. So that's your most erogenous spot? I probably would say so. Yeah. In terms of, in terms of, yeah, going down on me. That's where previous partners have all chosen to go. I've never had anyone try for the bum. Oh, so you've never been rimmed? No.

Okay. I'd like to be rimmed. Yeah. So how did that come about for you? Did someone just go for it and then you were like, this is great. Yeah, they did go for it and it was amazing. It was utterly so hot because it's like, for me, it's like the grossest bit of my body. You should feel violated.

I should feel violated but for whatever reason I'm loving it you know it's the kind of it's so naughty it's the paradigm of the naughty sexy slut I'm not into that by the way but like it's so it's so bad it's right it's it's that classic shit isn't it but I don't do it often because I think that I'll be desensitized to it right so it's a real special occasion like save it for the anniversaries birthdays Christmas holidays that kind of thing. Amazing. Yeah.

The only thing about giving head to somebody and receiving head is this bodily fluid problem. So like as a woman, discharge, right? In your neck, it's quite regularly. Don't know why it's there. Sometimes it's there, sometimes it's not. Sometimes it's a different colour to the normal colours. And sometimes it's unexpected and globby and different. And then if somebody just wants to go down on you,

you kind of want to be like, it's been a big discharge day. I don't know if you want to do that. But you also want to receive heads so you've really got to negotiate those things with them. I think if you're both equally dirty and sweaty and have had 12 hours of work life in you, then fair play because it's a level playing field,

quite literally. But if one person's clean and the other person's not, then it's like, well, you know, this's not then it's like well you know this is not it's not an equal transaction here I have gone down on like smelly penises

which has not been ideal but I'm fully not cheese yeah and I fully also we're not exactly

a basket of fruit down there either no and I also think like giving head to a penis is a little bit easier because it's kind of external and you can avoid. Easier? Oh my god, I do not agree with you at all. It's like locked jaw. It's like, ah, you just constantly like, it's so painful. Do you, surely

you get locked jaw? Oh yeah, for sure. The other day I tried to give a blowjob for like more than two minutes because I think I'm quite quick with it. And I was trying to be like, okay, yeah, for sure. The other day I tried to give a blowjob for like more than two minutes because I think I'm quite quick with it. And I was trying to be like, OK, well, let me just time this a little bit. See how long I can do it for. And actually, you know, over over a minute is like a really long time for me to give head. Is that really sad? No, not at all. I'm like, jeez, tell me you're done now. Look, I'm not massively into it, but I know you are.

And I'm so like, I'm also a big believer in giving and receiving and it's got to be equal. For me, it's a power thing. It's an absolute power thing. I think I find it incredibly respectful when somebody goes down on you first. Because I think often in male, female, heterosexual relationships, it's just expected that the woman's going to give you head and then you're ready to go. And so I think it's really lovely when somebody goes down on you first. I think it's like a real treat because then you're like, great. And I think it's power play.

I don't want someone to just go down on me and then fuck me. I want to be like, right, now it's my turn to do it to you. And to feel like sex can be equal. Because I think, I mean, I'm not sure I think that sex can ever, ever be equal. Finding those moments of equality in sex are hard because somebody's always in control, right? The thing when you're giving someone head is that you're in control yeah you're like i have your dick in my mouth i could bite it off but that's the control it's power right it's like i'm trusting you with it i don't really i don't see it as power i see

as can you come right now so this can finish but I know they love it and I suppose that's where the turn on comes from so when was the first time that you you did give a blowjob uh first time I gave a blowjob badly I think to my uh ex-husband um and I just uh you know what it is I just had a curry oh god that is the most that is the most asian network blowjob story ever i just had like a proper bengali scotch bonnet nagamori sfi like fucking hardcore curry and i didn't give it like an hour and a half so i was still digesting that shit and you know a bit of acid reflux what i should have done is i should have taken a swig of milk of magnesia and then given a blowjob right so i'm going down on him and I'm like, and it's, you know,

no hair. I hate it when they have pubes on the fucking penis because it really puts me off like hair in my mouth. Anyway, so I'm kind of going for it. My eyes are watering. I'm like crying. I'm not crying. It's consensual. But I'm like, and I'm like gagging at the same time. I'm like, what is this? And I hadn't seen porn at that point,

but I knew what deep throating was. So I'm really like trying to get it to the back of my head. Deep as possible, yeah. Deep as possible, so he could be like, oh wow, she's really good.

And I'm like, slightly gagging and I'm like, I didn't think I was going to vomit, but all of that was going through my head. I was like,

not thinking about sex as I was giving him a blowjob. I was thinking about the curry. I was thinking about my eyes. Also, my nose was running so I had boogies coming out it was like so not attractive this is a very dribbly wet blowjob it's so dribbly and wet I'm like slightly not panicking but like nothing in my head is thinking sex sexy I wasn't feeling sexy I was trying to pleasure him and that's where I was like this is

so invasive like something is going in my mouth making making me get locked up. And of course I was just like doing the same thing constantly. Yeah. And it's like, and you always remember the bobbing action in movies. So I'm like, this is hot. This is hot. Just keep,

keep bobbing. Indian head bob. So I think the trauma really came, came from that. And I was just like, I'm not enjoying this. And I wish, this is the other thing. And I was just like, I'm not enjoying this. And I wish, this is the other thing.

I didn't come out for air. I was just constantly doing it for like six minutes. You weren't breathing through your nose. Well, I couldn't because I had fucking bogeys coming out of my nose. I was like, everything was a mess. And the chicken was rumbling around my belly. And it was just like awful. And so since then, it's sort of kind of scarred me. Because don't forget forget I was a virgin

when I got married and I got married at 20 so I wasn't exactly like experienced yeah so that's where some of the trauma comes from yeah god I think I'm trying to remember the first time I gave a blowjob and who I gave it to I mean it was probably with my first sexual partner which is crazy because it feels like it's so intimate that maybe it's something you would do like later with somebody. But I remember, the only thing I do remember is knowing that I wanted to do the deep thing. You know, every, every girl is told a good blow job is a deep blow job,

whatever that means. And I thought the smartest thing to do was to increase the depth in a very scientific, Rabina way was to get two hands and then put my mouth on it. And so basically it would feel... But you're only getting the helmet at the top. No, no, no. I would go all the way down.

Oh, and you take your hands down. He obviously had a massive dick. I still think this about giving head is that when you see the pleasure that you can give to somebody on their face... Well, this is it, isn't it? When you do that, it's like the most satisfying thing ever. It just makes you feel really amazing that you can make another human being feel that good about themselves. Hey, giving head sometimes grows. Sometimes it tastes funny.

Sometimes like there are pubes in between my teeth and sometimes I'm in an awkward position trying to like pleasure you. But I'm doing it all for you, baby. I'm just there for you. And that's like the selfless loving bit of sex. Yeah. And I think there's like a whole performance of giving someone head as well. Because, you know, you are performing for them you're a bit like you're either like kissing down their chest and being like guess what i'm about to do or you're like kissing up their leg one of my friends always tells me you should kiss up the leg kiss up the thigh and then a little lick of the balls yes before you go up onto the uh which i just think is great the more you can

like um suspend pleasure right the more the more you can keep it going for as long as possible. But sometimes you're just like, I'll just get on with it. People like different parts of their penises massaged. One guy likes it when I make the skin taut at the base and then do it. It's the same with women, right? I think you need to move the foreskin up and down.

That's the key, isn't it? Is it? I don't know. Why are we doing a podcast? I don't know. You tell us. Have you ever let someone cum in your mouth? Yeah, isn't it? It's like, is it? I don't know. Why are we doing a podcast? I don't know. You tell us. Have you ever let someone come in your mouth? Yeah, always.

Always? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I swallow. I've let one person come in my mouth once. So that's quite, again, that's deeply intimate. I love the power. I love the power. You know, you talked about power earlier.

I love the power of that. When they come in my mouth and I swallow. Why does that give you power? Because I think a guys fucking love it and b it is like the most it is like ground zero of intimacy like I am swallowing a bodily fluid that comes out of you technically I'm swallowing your future babies but it's like it's swallowing cum it's like um this is gonna sound even more gross it's like someone hocking up some phlegm and you eating that phlegm like it's so that's love man that's love it's disgusting but that is that is power

to me and then like the satisfaction you see like immediately i look up and I'm like yes nailed it nailed it thank you um I know I just love it it's so powerful it's so sexy and it fucking turns me on I didn't even let anyone come in my mouth I just wouldn't you wish wouldn't so when they're about to come you're like well right see you later I'm just coming yourself geez but when you're giving them a blowjob and they're about to come in your mouth, are you like, bye Felicia? Yeah, I'm definitely like, bye. Oh, wow, okay. So they just come on your chest or whatever.

Or on themselves. Wow, okay. Well, you know what? Helps the clean up. Helps the clean up. I did do it once though because I was like, I feel like I should.

And this is another thing. It's like, you should do stuff in sex that's comfortable for you. But I felt like I should let this person come in my mouth and I didn't even really want them to. And I remember being like, okay, I'm going'm gonna do it and I had a glass of water beside the bed so I was like going down and then I was like okay it's coming it's coming

and then it's coming it's coming and then when you came in my mouth I was like I can't swallow it I just can't do that the water was gonna help me take it down. But instead I just spat it out into the glass of water. That is so minging and disgusting. Did he see you do that? But also then I was like, poor guy. Poor guy's lying there being like, she thinks I'm disgusting. So you've never swallowed cum then? Technically that was not swallowing cum. I've never swallowed cum.

I guess I probably swallowed pre-cum from giving birth. Pre-cum doesn't count. It's a starter. Yeah, I've never swallowed cum. It's your samosa to your chicken curry. Like it doesn't count. You want a biryani bit I don't know why I'm going with these Indian food references

So you hang on a second So we've set each other tasks During this podcast series You want me to So I need you to swallow now If you're comfortable obviously I don't want to make you do anything I think I do have quite a

Sharp gag reflex So what did that cum taste like? Do you remember what it tasted like? Oh it was just I remember it just being you remember what it tasted like? Oh, it was just, I remember it just being like, why is it so warm? Oh, okay. Some cum can be very sweet tasting.

Sweet? Yeah. Pineapple, right? That's the myth. Well, depending on what they eat. I mean, the pineapple thing is the myth, but I've not had, or is it a myth?

I don't know. I've never swallowed. So I do, I do get a little taste. Taste it. Yeah, I have a quick taste and then I swallow it immediately. It's not like a food tasting. I'm not like, it's not rolling around in my mouth for ages. Yeah, I have a quick taste and then I swallow it immediately. It's not like a food tasting.

I'm not like, it's not rolling around in my mouth for ages. Yeah. I just like to like take note of the taste and then swallow. So I've not had bad tasting cum,

I don't think. So during the recording of this podcast, slash I've set myself some tasks. So I've got to send a nude. I've got to watch high quality ethical

slash hardcore porn. What are your tasks? This could be one if you feel comfortable. I will happily try and swallow. I'll got to watch high quality ethical slash hardcore porn. What are your tasks? This could be one if you feel comfortable. I will happily try and swallow. I'll do my best. Yeah. Okay. But I don't want you to feel obligated at all. So don't honestly don't feel I feel like your description of it just today has made me be like, actually, it probably can be quite empowering. And I would love to give it a go and love to feed back to you about it. Do you remember at school where they used to say if you're going to give someone a blow job you should put a condom on i mean of course it's the smart and sensible thing to do but do they feel like they don't feel anything right

you could still get an sdi from giving someone a blow job if they've got an sdi i mean i completely appreciate that but i've known i don't know anyone in real life who's given someone a blow job with a condom on i've never done it but i but I have used the flavoured condom once. Oh, yeah. And then been like, oh, that's what this is for. Yeah. I put my mouth on it briefly,

but I was like, surely you're not feeling anything. Yeah, I did that once and the guy was like, I can't fucking feel a thing and then he took the condom off. I was like, well, I'm glad I got a little bit

of strawberry in me before. But then why do they flavour them? Is the flavour for you or is the flavour for you? I think the flavour is for the woman because she's the one going down. She's like, oh, pineapple. Oh, strawberry.

Pina colada. A gin and tonic. I wonder what the strangest condom flavours are. And if they make any Asian flavours. A paneer. A paneer? Cheese? What's like a squat?

Oh, cheese. Oh, like paneer knob cheese. Oh, man. This is so disgusting. I kind of would like to eat some paneer though. Oh, I can't. Literally can't. I cannot think about food right now. That is, we're just would like to eat some paneer though I can't literally can't I cannot think about food

right now that is we're just I'm ruining the paneer for myself why don't we ask our guest on the show today Hardeep Dada

what condom flavour she'd like she's about to appear in a BBC3 show called F Play about sex and relationships she co-hosts the Thank You Next podcast

and she's also attended a blowjob workshop we can get some tips off her. And interestingly, she's going through a period of abstaining from sex, so lots to talk to her about. She's up after this. Welcome to The Players, the podcast that flips the script on how we talk football. I know in my mind, and I'm very clear, what do I have to do?

If we just kind of buckle down and like defend it then I was like okay we got it. We are. I'm passing the mic to those who know it best the players themselves. We are expected to win. Our federation our country

expects that from us. What really goes on on and off the pitch. Why did I put the cowboy on? I'm Bec Smith and this is The Players. Subscribe on BBC Sounds. Brown girls do It Too.

So joining us now is Hardeep Dada. She's a content creator. She's going to be appearing in a BBC Three show called F Play. And she's the presenter of a new podcast called Thank You Next. Welcome to Brown Girls Do It Too, Hardeep. Thank you. You went super high pitched there. No, I was just listening to what you had to say.

I was like, wow, that's me. I'm so sorry. I feel like I should have given you a bigger cell. No, no, it's all good. I think that's quite good. Fine. So earlier, Rubina and I were talking about going down on someone and they're wearing a flavoured condom.

And we were thinking about what sort of flavours we'd be into. I took the curry route. But what flavour would you be into? It could be something that you already like or you can make up a brand new flavour. It's totally up to you. Candy floss or like chocolate. I've actually had a go with strawberry before.

It wasn't as good as I thought because it's like you get too into the taste and then you can't breathe and you're like, okay, wow, this is not the one. Someone's hungry. I said to Rubina earlier, I went down, I gave a blowjob and the guy had a strawberry flavoured condom and he couldn't feel anything. And I was just like, all I'm thinking about is strawberries right now.

So we took it off and finished the job. The truth is, I've only tried strawberry too. What's going on with strawberry flavoured condoms? Are they just the only thing that everybody gets? Well, this is why i'm telling you the it's probably men who make up this stuff and they're like oh we know girls like strawberry it's like think outside the box that's why we asked you candy floss did you say candy floss or sweets like candy floss that's a great shout that's a great shout okay hardeep we've got you on the podcast to talk about oral sex and the blowjob workshop you went to i also want to ask you about

why you're abstaining from sex right now but tell us first of all are you a fan of giving a blowy i don't know if everyone has this but like say there's like steps that you take like i take things very slowly step by step so okay i'll kiss the person and then then maybe be a bit of touching and like down the line after in my brain after like penetrative sex right is like head like that comes like there needs to be another like you've got to be on another level to get oh so you do penetration first and then oral yeah i don't know it's just the thing is like it's nice to do something for someone and obviously something that they're going to enjoy and obviously i love getting it so So I would love to have that like energy with giving it to somebody else.

But I just don't like I have tried. So you're actually a receiver rather than a giver. It's fair to say. Fair play to me. I sit in the same category as you. But talk us through your oral sex workshop. Yeah, I'd love to know like why you're going. So firstly, what was your motivation?

Was it, you know, were you thinking that you didn't give good head and that you wanted to learn how to get better or that you had like a fear of giving it so you decided it would be like a way to overcome it it was like a few things it was like okay so uh I've got a friend who he always like throws himself in the deep end with things tries different things like different jobs that just goes like where the comfort zone is take yourself out of it so I was like okay first of all I want to take myself out of my comfort zone and go to something that's a bit like out there um so there was that and there was also like the communication that I was having with like my partner at the time was just a bit off and I think that's like both of us I'm not saying that was them or it was me it was just like it could have

been better and it wasn't and I didn't know what to do so I just thought okay all I can do is just arm myself with the best knowledge from like experts basically can you give us an example so like is it when you say the comms wasn't great is it that he wasn't going down on you or he wasn't giving you he wasn't pleasuring you in a way that you wanted like what was the stumbling block I think I we're probably just too scared to hurt each other's feelings and say something that the other person wouldn't like to hear because like you've said it before like when you are having sex with someone you're so like vulnerable and then to be like that wasn't that great or whatever and also just

like giving feedback it's kind of like hard um it's the most intimate thing to give feedback on, right? And someone like you have a job, you have a performance review at work, and then you're giving someone a review about their sex. It's like, it's very much so personal. It's like the most personal thing ever. So I mean, I totally get that. So it was a two way thing. He wasn't giving me feedback and I wasn't giving him any feedback.

So I was just like, you know what, let me just take this into my own hands. And then I went to a workshop. And then by the time the workshop actually came around we were no longer together so you can even use your knowledge what was that what talk us through what happened at the workshop what did you learn and what can you what can you help us with oh guys you're gonna love this okay so um it's in like a sex shop so they'd like set it up yeah basically everything's right anything you would possibly need is in uh in reach lube sex toys everything anyway so we're sitting around in like a semi-circle all those women before covid uh and every single uh table had like a bright pink dildo one and just like different flavored lubes and oh they also

had like alcohol i don't drink so i got pissed really fast um and basically they were just talking first they go through like the anatomy blah blah blah you know what to be fair i knew everything they were saying and there were some people who were like really confident and they were just like get up and they'd be like oh just do this and then hang on they're showing it to you on this pink dildo oh yeah like the mouth around there this pink dildo in front of everyone oh mate you're not oh wow you ain't got i ain't even got to it yet yeah yeah slowly they're like okay start off with these like little licks on the end like don't just shove it in basically and i was like wow like shove it okay yeah yeah exactly aren't we all exactly not anymore not anymore yeah so right go on tell

us so like i'll start with these like little kitten licks at the end and kitten licks yeah one second yeah yeah kitten licks i'm just like a kitten would yeah yeah and all the way around like everyone was like copying as the lady was saying it and then she was just like i don't know slowly working away like like more in more in more in more in what what's more in more in oh sorry like more dildo in the mouth yeah oh more more more more okay yeah one thing they did mention as well was like because i know like to when i'm like receiving that if someone's like enjoying it and they're like really like this is great like and actually like physically like making like sounds and they're like oh yeah this is good like it makes you feel better so they were like oh yeah you've got to be like and then they're talking about like the vibration and that

and how that affects like pleasure and how vibration what vibrations oh they were like vibration of the mouth oh how does that work uh like? Like, if you're like, mmm, and then like... Oh! If you put your hand on it... I have heard that, actually. What do you do? I have heard that if you hum, if you try to hum while you've got dick in your mouth, apparently that's supposed to be quite good.

See, why don't they teach you this shit? It's really handy, this stuff. But anyway, take us back to the class. So you are humming, and then what happens? Yeah, they were doing all these things, and then like, yeah, slowly, I think literally everyone in the class has basically got this entire dildo in their mouth. Are you all humming like,

hmm, hmm, hmm? Yeah, we were like all trying. The dildo orchestra. Yeah. The dildo orchestra. Basically, yeah. So you had your mouth around a dildo then? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wow, okay. I was like a bit like, hmm, I don't know about this. And then I was like, you know what, fuck it. I had a couple of drinks and I was like, might as well try it. Might as well give like a bit like, I don't know about this. And then I was like, you know what, fuck it. I had a couple of drinks and I was like, might as well try it. Might as well give it a go. That's what I'm here for.

That's what I paid 50 quid for. 50 pounds. Pricey. Pricey. So kin licks around the area. More, more, more. Humming. Those are the kind of four to any other techniques.

Slowly. Yeah, yeah. So like a tease. Like they were like, oh, yeah, be a tease. Like slowly. Yeah, get to the main action. I think the main thing I took away from Like they were like, oh, yeah, be a tease. Like slowly, yeah, get to the main action. I think the main thing I took away from that was acting like, okay, so obviously don't do anything you don't like.

But if you're going to, if you're trying to give, like if you're trying to give your partner like pleasure, then show them that you're enjoying it. So the worst thing is like someone giving you head and you know they don't want to be there. And it's like, well, don't fucking go there. Me with the ex-husband. Hardy, did you get the impression that the workshop was about kind of a real focus on male pleasure oh yeah 100 and like obviously i wish there was something like that out there for women but i don't know if blokes would maybe they would would they all well only because i think i think giving

head to a man gives me pleasure as well and i wonder if they actually discuss that with you in the workshop like this isn't just about them this is what you can get out of it these are the ways that you can also be turned on by being a giver yeah I think all the like I think my confidence is like a bit has been a bit like all over the place but other women there were more like I love it like I enjoy it I want to be better like you know there was girls who were like on a hen party or whatever and it was just me like i've just been dumped what do i do good i love your strategy though what do i do get better at sex someone's just dumped me i'm gonna focus my attention on so you wouldn't get you wouldn't want a refund then that's 50 quid well spent um i knew most of the stuff anyway to be honest it was just the bits of like acting like you're

interested and uh being like taking your time slowly making it experience that's the thing like an experience yeah i actually got really brave that day and i was gonna go test my skills out nice and and i uh you can't get jilted can you people say jilted like at the altar i got i got um the person didn't answer the door to me oh i was like wow so they ghosted you well so you were like on a dating app and you messaged somebody and they were like come over and then when you got to the door they didn't open the door we were kind of like seeing each other at the time and i was like oh this person's gonna be so they're gonna be so surprised with what i've got. Don't get to use it. Well, hang on.

Did you know they were behind the door? Did you know they were inside the house? Oh, yeah. They knew I was there too. Oh, God. Oh, God. So this is like a proper, basically you knew the other person was on the other side of the door

and he didn't open. Yeah, yeah. They didn't want to know. Well, here's loss. You've just got all this fresh information. If they knew. Wow. Do you still talk to this person?

No, not really. Fine, okay. Well, his loss, I guess. 100%. Now, you took that class a while ago, but fast forward time a little, you've got to a stage where you're not having sex at all, really, and you've decided to take a break. Is that right? I've been thinking about this for a while now. What is this?

Okay, so you know, I'm a bit hungry, so I'll need to eat, or I'm a bit thirsty, so I need to drink some water. The only time I will want to have sex is like the week leading up to me having my period but that doesn't necessarily mean in my brain like I'm gonna then go and get it for me I'm basically not gonna have like I don't have sex I don't have casual sex and I'm only gonna have sex with people who I'm in a relationship with uh or like I'm in love with basically oh my god that sounds so sad but no it doesn't it doesn't sound sad at all I don't think it makes you prude and you can still be sex positive and have those boundaries about where you sit like some people love casual sex and want to fuck anyone that moves and some people are much more

like I need to feel a connection both are fine they're totally valid yeah just because we're slags doesn't mean you have to be no you're not no but that's the thing having loads of sex is completely glorified but taking time out to like you know just focus on yourself or not have someone else's energy like messing with you that's not glorified like that's not really like cool is it or celebrated yeah yeah i just i can i can really live without sex like it's been it's been a while and can i ask you how long yeah it's been over a year okay wow no sex no penetration no oral nothing no nothing wanky wanky the odd the odd the odd wank wow okay but but it's not got the same flavor anymore like it's been so long in my mind yeah that um i've got nothing to draw from like i've got no no like, I've got no wangbang. It's dead. It's completely like there's nothing in there. Your wangbang's empty.

Yeah. And it's not like connected to any feeling. Like the feeling is like, it's kind of like dried up and died. I know it will come back. If nothing's titillating you. I mean, for me personally, I'd find that quite difficult. Yeah. What's the longest you guys have gone?

Oh, I've probably gone. Six months, maybe a year. Oh, the longest I've difficult. Yeah, what's the longest you guys have gone? Oh, I've probably gone... Six months? Maybe a year? Oh, the longest I've gone? Yeah, okay, probably a year, I think. Was it hard? Oh, fuck yeah. I was so horny.

I masturbated every day, probably for six months. I wanked all the time. I was looking at a lamppost, inanimate objects. I'd be like, I wonder what that would feel like to ride. No, I was completely insane, yeah. Yeah, I think it's very...

Annoyingly, I think it's very much part of my body and my psyche I think sex has always been like that for me and it's been part of my mental health it's been part of making myself feel good definitely is the one of the biggest ways I connect my brain with my body yeah so yeah for me it would be really difficult but actually everyone's built differently I feel like hardy if it's not even affecting you I feel like maybe you're lucky. Because I wish sex didn't complicate everything I did. Yes, yeah. Yeah, I agree.

I do feel lucky. It feels like we're all addicted to sugar, caffeine, whatever. Or something that you eat every day or something you really enjoy. And then you can phase that out if you stop thinking about it. So say if you go on holiday and you keep eating paella, every day you really like paella. I fucking love paella. Sorry. But then like when it's not there, like you forget about it.

So like now there's no, there's like no one there. So I'm just like, well. I also am just quite jealous of the time perhaps you've saved. Because if I think about all the minutes, hours I've spent masturbating, I don't know if I was reading a book or doing something better with my time. It's very empowering to be the status you're at however you describe

it and not want it because I think there's some truth in what Rabin is saying like sex is wonderful and great but it can complicate things it takes up a lot of your time there was a moment yesterday the day before I was like waiting for my fucking partner to leave so I can have a wank and then he didn't leave in time so I was like great so that's a missed opportunity and it put me in a funk for the whole day I can have a wank. And then he didn't leave in time. So I was like, oh, great. So that's a missed opportunity.

And he put me in a funk for the whole day. You know, so. You're not just wank with them around. Oh, I've done danger ranks before. No, I just didn't want him to be there. I just wanted a session on my own. So I think that the fact that you are not missing it, not craving it, doesn't complicate your life in any way.

I applaud you. I think it is a superpower. Even relationships with people, emotional relationships, take such a toll on like energy wise. Like you're expending so much energy into that and I think sex is a that's another level of like energy like you're having sex with someone and say if they're like in a bad place or whatever and you get like emotionally involved and la la la it's a lot so it's kind of also like a means of like protection. I see that. I can definitely feel that from you. Do you feel a pressure as a woman or as a brown woman to be sexual at all?

Do you feel like that's a society kind of given thing onto you? Yeah, I do feel like at odds with like my friends and my entire life growing up, like trying to explain it to people and like, you know, wanting to be like have a relationship with someone and be like, oh yeah, but sex is not, you know how people are like, oh, third date date rule and then they think they deserve like a massive clap for like not having sex for three days like that's not a big thing to me and then like explaining it it's like you have to explain by the way sex is not on the cards like anywhere soon oh really you explain that and on your first second date or something with somebody i try to

because i don't want to i don't want to be like misunderstood or like for them to for there to be like different expectations but I am definitely born to go off chemistry go in the moment like and get lost in that but it just doesn't extend to sex like I can do that with conversations but just not with my body so I'm from the west midlands and my family are all like quite religious and quite traditional so like I think like even like showing too much skin or being like westernized was obviously a bit like like shamed but I think I think like I looked older than I was I'd chat to a lot of boys it was all just talking and like if you were seen talking to a boy you were a slag and then like the entire like school or the asian population in my city were like oh she's a slag so like i got like shamed a lot for just talking

which i think obviously has shaped the way that i have become my early experiences of having like romantic relationships with boys were the most positive that goes into your head like all guys want is sex and that's all they want from you so okay well i'll just hold off doing that and i don't mind anyway because like i'm not dying to have sex i'm not like driven by that too much i'm just being me and i'm weeding out these people so that's cool you've got this amazing ability to like know yourself in a way that like i think it takes a long time to be like actually no sex isn't that important to me or it is and you know what you were saying earlier about having kind of mixed experiences with boys at the start I think you still sound

like you're incredibly open-minded and perhaps that you know if you met somebody that was uh you know you had like a really good connection with you you might have sex right oh 100% like in the past I'm always like trying to spice things up and like oh let's do this or why don't we try this sex toy or oh why don't we try this this or why don't we try this sex toy or oh why don't we try this position or why don't we do this and that I'm not just like oh I don't want to do it like I want it I want it to be exciting I want it to be fun but just with the right person yeah when I hear you guys talk I'm like yes like they've got a different experience and that's great yeah and at the point with the reason that we do brown guys do it too is to talk about

the plethora of of experiences that brown women can have right we're not all the same people we're not all going to have the same vibe and we're all just like encouraging each other to be like the best best sexual version of ourselves right exactly i completely agree the best sexual version what's the best sexual version of you me uh god you put me on the spot. Someone who gives decent head for a fucking start. Oh my God, yeah. That would be a good point to start. What about you, Rubina? I think the best sexual version of myself is confidence. I think being good in the bedroom and enjoying sex, you've got to be in a really good confident headspace. And I'm not always

confident. I'm not always super horny and super sex positive. Sometimes I'm just like, meh. This is my problem though. I'm so confident even though when I know I'm giving shithead I'm like I've got too much confidence I'm like I know this is shit Bobby there's a word for that it's called cocky brown girls do it too hardy it's now time for the game thank you so much for coming on brown girls do it too this is a very silly game. It's very fun. So we just need a name for it.

We've gone through lots of iterations with other guests. Well, so we give you two options. You've got to pick one, but really you can go rogue. You can pick anything you want. It doesn't have to be the two options we give you. But you answer with your heart. All right, I'm ready. I'm excited.

Answer, be led by your groin okay I'll try I'll try I'll try to tap into my groin energy groin energy big groin energy okay here we go

doggy or missionary oh doggy obviously although although although if I'm going to have sex again right it's been a while

I need an introduction so it needs to be communicative your face is our next you're talking yeah eye contact so maybe a bit of that you want to start with missionary finish on a doggy I need an introduction so it needs to be communicative your faces are next to you talking yeah eye contact yeah so maybe a bit of that

you want to start with the missionary finish on a doggy yeah that sounds quite good pubes or no pubes on me or the other human that's up to you man you just

it's a quick firefight game oh damn there's no details here what I don't like is it is very anti-feminist but obviously no pubes I did have my vag lasered

by the way and yeah really well all of it gone? Everything off the nun? Yeah, I mean, it's still coming back, but it was like... Well, we're Asian, aren't we, babe?

Yeah, yeah. I think like lasering clinics across the country, 90% of their income must come from Asians. From Asian people, yeah. And they're shafting us because they're like, we know it's not going to work, bruv. We know you're going to need 25 treatments for this.

At £85 a pop, we're going to be making money. Lights on or lights off? In between. An in-between bit of lamp. A dimmer switch. Fine. Yeah. Okay, spit or swallow?

Oh, I heard a shadow there. That was a real shadow. I'm not going to be in a position where I'm spitting or swallowing. It's like she's like me. She doesn't let anyone come in her mouth. So you're not either. Okay, fine. Oh, yeah, because you don't like giving.

Fair play. Yeah, fine. Hand job or foot job? I don't get people who like feet. So, yeah, hand. And then the final one, which is a very special one for this episode, which we already know the answer to. Yeah, we know.

But tell us again, Hardeep. Would you like to give head or get head? One for you. I would like to get it from someone who is very enthusiastic about it and compliments my badge again and again and again. I think that is a wonderful way to end the show. Thank you so much. Hadeeb, thank you so much for coming on Brown Girls Do It Too.

You're Brown Girls Do It Too alumni. A fish. Where's your diploma? A fish. We've spent so much fucking fish chat. I'm going back to the byler again. I'm so hungry right now. Okay, well

thank you so much for coming on to the show. We've just learned so much. Thanks for filling us in. Shall we all end it on a hum? It's got to be open mouth hum, doesn't it? That was good. I'll practice it tonight. Yeah. I'll let you know.

That was the amazing Hardee. Wasn't she great, Poppy? She was great. I mean, I learned a whole bunch of stuff. Humming with a cock in your mouth. Kitten licks. Going around the area. There's a lot of chat about this.

We knew this. Going around the area, but not around the area but not on the area not in the area slowly around the area slow tease tease tease so I

I'm going to try out all this material and I think the other thing was just having this really fresh perspective on understanding that you can take a sex pause

you don't always have to be like up for it and gagging for it and look we're not all going to be sex positive and so sex confident and I think it's really good

to just take a little break and actually maybe having some moments of celibacy in your life is really helpful to your mental health and figuring out who you are. Definitely. It's just another way to enjoy or not enjoy sex. And she said that she would have sex tomorrow if the right person came along, right? So I think it's, you know,

I know this podcast is about sex and relationships, but equally it's about all kinds of experiences, whether that involves sex or not. So hats off to her. And I loved her whole approach of like waiting to get to know somebody and to feel connected and to trust somebody to have sex

because I think that is a common thread for lots of people to want to have sex with somebody who they have that connection with. Not all of us want that. Not all of us need it all the time, but I totally respect and admire that that's her stance on it at the moment. So yeah, thank you, Haji, for bringing that to us. Thank you so much for listening. We would love for you to join in the conversation

by using the hashtag Brown Girls Do It Too. You can also email browngirlsdoittoo at bbc.co.uk and you can also tweet at BBC Asian Network. If you giggled along this chat, then please do subscribe and download Brown Girls Do It Too. Brown Girls Do It Too. Hi, sorry for the surprise, but I wanted to catch you after your regular pod to tell you about a new podcast from Radio 4 called The Orgasm Cult. So I'm just going to break the ice for us, OK? My topic is female orgasm. I'm Nastra Antavakoli-Farr, and for the last year I've been investigating a Californian company called OneTaste.

They used to offer classes in something called orgasmic meditation, but maybe turned out to be a sex cult. And now the FBI is asking questions. Find out more on the orgasm cult. Subscribe now on BBC Sounds.