Brown Girls Do It Too - Sex Aftercare

Episode Date: April 5, 2024

Cuddling? Talking? Assessing the bed sheets? What is the perfect sex aftercare package? Poppy and Rubina delve deep into the often overlooked but important aspect of caring for your partner after sex. They talk about what they rate and slate when it comes to aftercare and how that differs when you're in a long-term relationship or casually hooking up. Have a message for Poppy and Rubina? If you’re over 16, you can message the BGDIT team via WhatsApp for free on 07968100822. Or email us at [e-mail] you're in the UK, for more BBC podcasts listen on BBC Sounds: bbc.in/3UjecF5

BBC Sounds. Music, radio, podcasts. Once upon a time in a land far, far away, there lived a prince and a princess who'd just started courting. One day, the prince built up the courage to ask the princess to marry him, and she said yes. The wedding bells tolled, the town was in rapture, and the princess in preparation started reading ye olde Fifty Shades of Grey. Meanwhile, the prince trimmed the leaves of his beanstalk.

We could go further, but we should warn you this podcast contains strong language and adult content, much like their wedding night. And of course, they lived happily ever after. But what happens after? After what? After that. They cuddle? This is a podcast about sex.

At least it started off like that. Now we talk about everything. Everything is sex. And sex is everything. And that includes our mistakes. Our is sex. And sex is everything. And that includes our mistakes, our heartbreaks, and our hot, hot, hot takes. The way you said

hot was kind of hot. Hot. When you say hot, usually I feel like you're saying chat. You know the Indian say everything. I'd love some chat. And every time you say it I feel hungry. I'm Poppy and straight after sex I go for a wee

I'm Rubina and straight after sex I slide the person out of me and calculate how much human jus has made it onto the sheets will we need to wash them

or can we survive another week sorry I didn't actually know that was for you that's hilarious human jus human jus do you find Sorry. I didn't actually know that was what you meant. That's hilarious. Human jus.

Human jus. Do you find? It's not just their jus. I've got some jus myself. Yeah, you've got your jus. It's the jus mixing. I don't want a jus sharing. Yeah, you want a jus. I remember when I was in a long-term stable relationship,

that is exactly the risk assessment I'd do, probably not immediately after. I'd do we, and the jus and the spooning would be done at the same time so like two and three simultaneously two and two simultaneously be like could this go on for another week I mean I I'm like I feel horrible saying this but like definitely when you're with the one person how often do you change your sheets well I I change my sheets um every six weeks probably because I'm now on my own and single and I'm usually quite clean and I shower every day

probably a bit like my sheets can go on longer. But now I'm sleeping with the mandem. I don't want their jus to mix with someone else's jus. Oh, interesting. Yeah, and also they might judge me on the state of my sheets. I mean, they're not because they're battered at that point. But also, who looks at the sheets down below? Also, I'm usually fucking on top of my bedsheets.

I'm having sex on top of the duvet. Oh, you're having sex on top of the duvet. Yeah, I don't even make top of the duvet Oh you're having sex on top of the duvet I don't even make it underneath the duvet I'm having sex on the sofa so there's a jus on the sofa Yeah yeah yeah a jus in the kitchen You want to mix up the kitchen jus and your jus But no there's jus There's potential jus on the sofa

But I make much more of a thing of cleaning it Because I have a flatmate and it's communal Whereas my own jus But yeah I used to do the same risk So how often are you changing your sheets um I think probably every six weeks as well feels right is that disgusting I don't know no I think what you and I can I say I think can I just be honest I think what you and I have done is we've given the internet answer let's give the real answer I'm thinking two three months

I think we do it more i think we do change it more often than that basically i think we're quite great because we'll get to the point where like the sheets need changing yeah so that's three months that's a three months because you're like smells the sheets need changing yeah yeah i i say six weeks that's lies it's two months and also now i'm on my own and i'm obviously not having sex all the time it can go on longer genuinely yeah because you know what I find really annoying is when you have to put on the duvet cover to the duvet

and you put your fingers in and you do that kind of in the corners, like you just need somebody there to help you with the duvet. Oh my God. Because you know, it was like the one thing when I was single

and I'd been dumped and it was the one thing that I used to cry about because I was like, this is a two person job and I'm lonely because I have to do the duvet by myself. My partner currently does this really hilarious thing because he knows how much I hate it so he'll always come up and help me and then he'll get inside oh my god he'll get inside

the duvet cover and be like come and get me it's very fun but it's very fun doing the duvet thing with somebody else but not by yourself can't do it yeah it's so long so look on this podcast we often talk about sex and whenever we talk about what happens after sex post coital things and don't you think in movies there's always a lot of

like post sex cigarettes that's what I thought post sex was all about yeah it's always someone smoking a cigarette always you never really see in a Reese Witherspoon

chick flick someone spooning or cuddling actually no you do you do you do sometimes You do sometimes. You know what it is? It's two camps.

It's the ones who are smoking cigarettes and then the other ones who are looking longingly into each other's eyes and caressing each other. Yeah, I prefer the cigarettes, guys. I so do I. But then you get ash in your bed. And how do we feel about that? Are we changing sheets then? Human jus ash. Oh, God.

You're basically building up. It sounds like you're having a French lover in bed all the time. It's cross-stitch sheets. They're just a bit crispy. Yuck. So I remember a friend said this to me. She was with a guy. They had sex.

And she was just like, it was early days, early days. Maybe on the second or third date. And she wanted to spoon him and cuddle him. And he said to her, I am not your boyfriend. Which I think, and she was like, bruv, I didn't even want you to be my boyfriend. I think and she was like bruv I didn't even want you to be my boyfriend I just like spooning

and I after weeing and assessing whether the sheets need to be changed probably in a long time relationship so weeing I love spooning

so much so now what I do with guys who I'm probably not going to see again I'm like much like our adult content strong language warning

I'm like I am now going to spoon you that does like much like our um adult content strong language warning I'm like I am now going to spoon you that does not mean I am in love with you I make it so crystal clear because what I guess I miss the one thing about being single I miss is I miss the intimacy and I think that spooning and cuddling in after sex phase is very much something that you tend to do in relationships not someone you're banging on date one right oh god absolutely not and it's always a bit of i think it's always a bit of a surprise when anything more when my partner and i were currently were shagging and it was all really casual the very first time we had sex which is like date two yeah um i remember having quite good sex with me like that was really good and then turning over to go to sleep because i was

like well whoa no because i was like it's casual whoa. No, because I was like, it's casual, like sleeping. Then he went in for a spoon. And I remember this so well. He kissed the back of my neck through my hair. And I remember sitting there, like lying there being like, oh, my God, he's so into me already. God. I mean, this is a guy that I'm having a child with. But, you know, like I just at the time, it wasn't what I was saying with the moment.

So I was like, why are we doing that? So, OK, take away your long term partner partner when you're thinking about your dating phase. When you would have sex, what's the first thing? I mean, obviously, you're not doing a real sex assessment of your sheets because you might be at his and you don't give a fuck, right? Yeah. So what would you be doing? Would you want to spoon? Like, take your mind back to that time.

I don't think I did. So what did you do? I think I was quite a cold lover. I'd just turn, turn away. Wow. Yeah. And then they'd come for like a little spin and I'd be like,

wow, I didn't, I didn't have you down as like a cold person. Yeah, I didn't know that I was an ice queen really. I mean, the first thing I say after sex and I'd still do this today. You talk, I mean,

I can imagine you're talking, yeah. Straight after sex, the first thing I say was like, that was good, if it was good. And actually, if it's not good, you want the same thing.

Me and my partner have gone through this phase of like turning around and being like, that was really good like rating it because we've had sex so many times that we're like

how good was that for you and because both of us think we're exceptional lovers so we often talk about that so ridiculous I was so good I'm really good at this I'm really good at this

and he's always like you're the best I've ever slept with I'm like you're the best I've ever slept with that's so adorable that's so lame the first thing I do

when someone has literally come inside me is I go to the loo. And that's probably why I go to the loo, so the cum's dripping out. Do you say, I'm just going for a piss? No, I just go, get up. And then I look for my thong, because inevitably I'm wearing a thong.

It's a date. And then I, it's all banter, chat, chat, chat. And I leave. I put my clothes on and I go. Oh, wow. Yeah, it's only when I like someone that I am like, I'm spooning you. It means I like you, but I'm not in love with you and I don't want to be your girlfriend. But it is so important to me that I spoon.

But I also know when you start doing that, especially a guy to a girl and dating, it can give off like the wrong signals. How do you spoon someone? Do you like get them to turn around and get the back of them? Or do you just put their bum? Or do you just shuffle your bum over to them? I'm always shuffling my bum inside something. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Inside some cove. Oh my God. And my bum is so like... It's so nice when you're, this is a bit weird, but when it's cold and you've got your knickers on and your partner's been in bed

and then you get in and you've got like a freezing cold bum and then you like get into them and you're like, okay, just see you. And they're like, ooh, get into them and you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're like, ooh, cold bum. And you're like, yeah.

Yeah, I know what I mean. Isn't that like a really satisfying move? This is a really, maybe this is a really gendered thing, but, or maybe this isn't the case in same-sex relationships, but like,

with a boy, no, I'd never be an outie. They would never be like, I would never, some guys don't like that. Some guys don't like you being the outing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is something else I did quite recently when you're like in their arms.

Yeah, yeah. And I love for me the poised Quetel aftercare package after I've weed is like spooning. And if anyone's listening, take note, spooning, like tickling, stroking, caressing, making me laugh, telling me how good that was. Yeah. And we do that for seven minutes and then I'm either out the door or we go on separate sides of the bed and sleep. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sounds like a good package. It's a really good package.

Does your partner spoon you and you're sleeping the whole night? Oh, no, no, no. A roll over. Exactly. And your bed's massive, by the way. It's absolutely massive. Super king. Yeah, yeah.

Is the key oh my god so good to long term relationships long term relationships 100% 100 oh my god it's like

I've got a few secrets for long term relationships now after having been in one which next year we're going to be have been together for 10 years I'm like that's going to be big but like that is 100%

one of them get the biggest bed you can possibly get it'll be so good for your sex life and so good for your sleep and if you can get those two things right

in a relationship the good balance of sex and sleep, magic. You literally inspired me after I came around yours to stay because I thought the bed I'd got for me was super king. It's not super king. It's like a normal bed with a giant bed frame. Yeah, it's really good. But you need it, especially with the tall guys I date.

And if I'm tall as well. And they're sleeping diagonally. I mean, again, no guy ever makes it beyond, I mean, they don't stay and I don't stay, but if they did, oh, anyway. I think like straight after sex, I'm really trying to think about exactly what happens. Yeah, what do you do? I think after sex, you both kind of slip out of each other, off of each other, back on your backs, and then you're like, you know, you ham it up a bit because you're like, oh

God, we did such a workout. Ham it up a bit. Definitely ham it up a bit. Definitely ham it up a bit. Because you're both just like, oh my God, we just did a really hard workout. Yeah. Then I turn around and be like that was really good you're really good

that was really hard you say something that's like hype talk good job good job then I'm like that's number two then I'm like

panicking about the sheets and then I'm like well is it fine is it going to be fine did we do a wash on Wednesdays and then I'm like and then I probably will go up for a pee

you're right I probably will go for a pee and then sometimes you know when someone's come inside of you and you go for a pee it's kind of a longer pee because you then sometimes, you know, when someone's come inside of you and you go for a pee, it's kind of a longer pee because you're also like waiting for the other stuff to come out. Do you not find that after you've come, peeing is actually not, it's not painful for women,

but it takes a bit longer. Like, you know, when guys pee, when they're hard, it hurts. Yeah, it's a bit stingy. So you're just like, oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you've got a bit of pee and cum juice. There's a lot going on. So you're just like, oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you've got a bit of pee and... Cum juice. Cum juice.

There's a lot going on. Their cum juice, your cum juice. And then you wipe yourself clean, because obviously my history with cystitis has been well documented on this podcast. But you're never really clean. Of course you're not clean, but I quite like the smell of that.

Then you go back. Then I go for an innie cuddle. Then you go back. Then I go for a... This is, again, this is me in a relationship. This is not me with guys I date. It's literally thong, bit of chat, bit of banter, out the fucking door, get loose.

What has someone done that you've hated that was really not cool? I mean, clearly you sound like you've done all of them to the person. That's an awful, yeah. Like if someone went on their phone immediately after they'd come. Oh my God,

now I have a good one. Okay, so when I was at university, I was shagging this guy who was just not right for me in any way and I really shouldn't have slept with him, but he was quite hot, but he was just a bit of a dick and everyone said he was a dick, but I did still sleep with him.

But I actually never had sex with him, but what he really liked to do was just like cum on my tits. He just loved to do that. Anyway, one time he came on my tits and then he went into my shower and showered. And I was like,

so you just come on me. Yeah. And you're showering as if you're dirty. Yeah. And didn't ask you, didn't say anything, just went to my shower and showered.

Wow, that's really, so bad etiquette, fucking rude. No communication. And also didn't really tell me that he was about to come on my tits and just like came on my tits. Wow.

Yeah, I think you've got to be like, I'm about to come or something. But I remember being like, why are you dirty? I'm the one that needs a shower. You just done to me. But I remember once when he was over and he came on my tits and it just felt like it was a really bad time. So I took his t-shirt while he was in the shower. I just rubbed his t-shirt on.

Is it that time or another time? Same guy. Different time. Different time. Yeah, absolutely. He did the same thing again. But then I once went, I went to a club toilet

and met a girl in there and I was talking about him to my friend and some girl opened up the club toilet and she's like, are you talking about, said his name? And I was like, yes. And she was like,

that's my boyfriend. Oh my God, this is almost like a scene from Six in the City, but it's not. And I was there with my friend being like, oh shit, I'm really sorry,

but like he definitely came on my tits last night, so you probably want to dump him. Oh my God, fuck. Yeah, because I was like talking to my friend being like, oh shit, I'm really sorry. But like, he definitely came on my tits last night. So you probably want to dump him. Oh my God, fuck. Yeah, because I was like talking to my friend about like how he'd like started being shitty on message and like cancelling on me. I thought he was cheating. That's where he wanted to go for a shower because he needed to be pure because he was so filthy. The other thing I was going to unpack from that is if I just fucked a guy and he went straight to the shower to clean, I would find that really offensive.

Yeah. Because I'm like, I want to sit in this filth. I know. And also because I'm Indian. I mean, because he was white. I was a bit like,

is it because. Oh, right. Is it because of anything like weird racial? I should like interpret. No, he's probably, well,

he's obviously cleaning off sins of his feet. Yeah. But it's okay. I Googled him the other day and he's not hot anymore. Okay, well, that's good. I think for me, going straight to the shower, doing something after you've come, and I mean within that millisecond of after that last bit of jus,

and you are on your phone or you're in the shower. On your phone, bad. The weeing I can understand because sometimes I have sex and I'm like, fuck, I really should have weed before sex. But phone, email. We don't have any phones in the bedroom in our house. Oh my God, that's amazing.

No phones in the bedroom, no phones in the living room because we were so bad at just ignoring each other in those rooms. Where are your phones? Where are your phones? We have to put them

in the corridor when we come in. I think that's brilliant. I don't do this. Whenever I put my phone in the other room, I get more work done. It's hard because all of our phones are alarm clocks.

So we had to buy the sunrise alarm clock that's awful but we bought it because it was like we were just using our phones then our phones and then you end up like unnecessarily looking at your phone right before bed and you would after sex be like instinctively go and reach for it and i can imagine that just being the worst thing someone oh my god i want to do a public service to all the guys i'm dating and slash guys who are single dating other women if you fuck a girl give her some care like touch her, stroke her it's like a gentleman like

behaviour, like it's just basic etiquette, it's just nice and it wins you so much favour I'm not saying I think you need to ask, I'm just going to say because I'm not sure I appreciated it when somebody just instantly snuggled me after sex when I thought it was casual and I'm not sure I appreciated it when somebody when somebody

just instantly snuggled me after sex when I thought it was casual and I was like now you're giving me mixed messaging so what's the in between phase

it's asking it's asking like am I cool to hug you am I cool to come in yeah okay yeah fine well then ask ask and if she says no

she says no but ask yeah yeah yeah sometimes I like it but then sometimes asking is not very sexy exactly but then you're right

if a guy I just met who I was like medium fancy started caressing my face, I'd be like. Sometimes you're just like, this was sex to me. This was nothing else. And you've just now taken me as if I'm your wife. Okay. I tell you what, public service to another public service. Ask, I think in moments where it's sexy, because sometimes it's like, can I kiss you? And it's sexy, but it's not always sexy.

Because sometimes it's like, shut the fuck up. Don't give me a commentary and just kiss me. But maybe, I don't think enough men, I don't know about women, I don't think enough men read body language well.

And especially when you're drunk as well. A, I don't think people communicate, not long term, not relationships. Men and women who shag, I mean, I'm talking about straight relationships. They don't communicate anyway

when it comes to sex. This is a big issue. that's why we talk about consent and foreplay and all this other shit because it gets into the grey area quite quickly but like

look at her body language and also how were you behaving on the date I think that's always a real signifier you know when you go on a date with somebody and like within an hour

they've got their hand on your leg or they're sitting with their arm around you like they're already exhibiting signs to you that they want to sleep with you

or they're already like touching you in some way and then if you do that and then you have sex with them and they stop touching you you're like with their arm around you yeah they're already exhibiting signs to you that they want to sleep with you or they're already like touching you in some way and then if you do that and then you have sex with them they stop touching you you're like that's not how you're behaving pre-date like if you'd agreed some codes some physical codes with each other where you're like obviously we're into each other because i'm touching you you're touching me you've touched my hair already before we've even kissed because you could you're like this is what you'd be like in bed there was this one guy i went on a date with he he was so polite. And then in bed, he was like, fuck you, bitch. Fuck you home. And I was just like, oh, I didn't see it coming at all. Fortunately,

because I'm submissive, I don't mind that. But I found that jarring. It was such a Jekyll and Hyde personality. How could he have possibly prepped you for that? I'm very open about what I like in the date, how I like to have sex. If I'd said, oh, I like a bit of dirty talk, he could have come in with, oh, I like to swear. Like, how do you feel about that?

Or a base level, if he swore like a sailor like me anyway, fucking this and fucking that, like he'd have some idea, right? But I think sometimes, and I need your opinion on this, am I low-key gaslighting people? Because I love, again, with people I like, who I have no intentions of having a relationship with, by the way, no intention.

But I love touching and holding, but they're so intimate. But I can detach myself from that intimacy because that's part of my after sex package, but they might not be able to. So I'm just a bit like, what do I do in that instance? To me, it's very intimate. Yeah, it's tricky because I do enjoy intimacy when I like somebody. And if I know somebody, I do like that.

And I've definitely had casual relationships where I've slipped into more intimate kind of, yeah, intimate patterns where you're like obviously we're going to spoon and we're going to hold we're going to hold hands like I think holding

holding hands is so intimate out in public with somebody holding hands oh yeah and then like being like but we're just shagging this isn't a relationship

I think that's like I think personally that's when you go from casual into something else and you don't really realise that you're doing it holding hands that's your thing

okay yeah can I have self contained intimacy though in the thing it's interesting I don't know realize that you're doing it. Holding hands, that's your thing. Okay, yeah. Can I have self-contained intimacy though in the thing? It's interesting. I don't know. Because you all think, you just said holding hands. I'm not holding hands with them.

I mean, I just met them. Why would I be holding their hands? But isn't that mad? Because you'd happily hold his dick. Yeah. So why are you like worried about holding his dick? Do you remember Samantha from Sex and the City? He always wanted to hold her hand.

And then she fell in the basement. Do you remember? Yeah, she fell in the fire escape. I completely agree with you. It's true because I think it's so intimate. And the stuff that you want to hold a hand and then she fell in the basement do you remember yeah she fell in the I completely agree with you it's true because I think it's so it's so intimate and the stuff that you want to save

for those people it's like you know you'll probably fall in love like two or three times in your life if you're lucky I probably have like saved three people

in my whole life so far that I've said that I love I know you're current and I know the five year guy who was the first guy oh my god the guy from school

who wrote me that album oh my god yes how could I forget of course i was in love with him i thought i was like 17 i'm finding out so much about you today i thought he was obsessed and besotted with you i didn't realize that you also loved him back oh my god massively yeah i loved him i was definitely in love with him i mean like when you're still attractive that kind of 18 That kind of 18. What's going on with him? I would say... Medium. I would say of all of my exes, I've done quite well. I'm the one who's succeeded in life.

Because you do that terrible thing where you're like, is my current partner hotter than you and your partner combined? Wow. You're doing like one to two people each. Oh my God, that's a horrible thing to say. I mean, if your partner was listening to this, wow you're doing like one to two people each go you are I mean if your partner was listening to this his fucking ego

would be about this big right now he doesn't know how much I like big him up but it's so funny because you know when you have a lot of friends who talk about their boyfriends

and they always bitch about their boyfriends I'm like I am never going to say anything shit about him he's so good to me he's so fucking good to me even I'm like

batshit crazy sometimes and he's still good to me and you are batshit crazy but I've known you since 2019 and not once not once have I heard you trash talk your partner

I've heard you trash talk many other people I know it's true I trash talk him it's because I love him I still really love him that is

so adorable I remember the first time I met you we were like what did you all do this morning? And you said you had sex and then your partner made you like a smoothie. Yeah. I know. I was like, this guy's a keeper.

In your dating days, if someone got the aftercare package right or wrong, would you sleep with them depending on how they were yeah massively I think like how someone holds you yeah is a real indicator of whether you want to do it again

absolutely because I think a lot of a lot of sex and especially straight after sex because you're so vulnerable is about them making you feel a little bit safe in what you've just done together

I completely agree I always I usually know if someone's aftercare is good because the chat's good other than the chat's good. Other than the guy's like, fuck you, whore! It tends to marry if someone is quite tactile in the date.

They tend to be, they mirror that in the bedroom. Another thing that's really important that I completely forgot, I love laughing after sex. Yeah. Immediately after sex, I love laughing, I love joking, I love banter, I loveter I love chat that is so in fact I actually do that almost with everyone yeah uh because it's very much a part of me I mean I'm not a quiet person um no I agree I think a bit of a bit of chat afterwards and I think since doing this podcast actually um and you've kind of inspired me as well not that I played a role I certainly didn't with my ex-partner.

But you do this sort of mysterious thing because you're like, this is what people in porn do and this is what I'm supposed to do. But actually, as I've gotten older, I'm not saying I give a live commentary while I'm having sex like a horse race. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I do talk in and amongst sex-like positions and I laugh and I joke. And I think, you know, that whole thing of like, it's fun to laugh after sex and if you're the one

making the joke, that's even better. I find it so satisfying when I can make my partner laugh. You know your partner. You know they do like different level laughs on Dependent on How Funny You Are.

Like you do for me. Like I know when I've done something that like really makes you... You get that machine gun laugh. Yeah, and then I'm like, I've won. And so for that, that's such a nice thing to do post-sex

is to be like, I'm going to make you laugh so we can like and it's what you said about like it's the one position in your life where it's just the two of you you're alone

you're completely naked you are at your most quote unquote vulnerable and so comedy and joking it's so disarming and actually if you do it well

and you're not taking the piss it can be quite a beautiful shared moment yeah yeah not always with all guys, but... An ex-boyfriend used to say, was that okay? And actually, I did find that quite sweet. He'd always be like, was that okay?

If they do it all the time, though, it's a bit clingy. It's a bit like, was that okay? Do I need a brand new one? Yeah, I think it... But once in a while, it's sexy. Once in a while, it just felt like someone was checking in to check that you're okay. And that's sweet.

Oh, my God. I found it sweet. No, no, I would find it sweet, but not like every time. Oh my God, I had my two youngest good friends over for dinner. They're like my gate into like younger Gen Z. They're not really Gen Z, but they're quite clued on. And they were saying there's something in the ether. There's something happening right now where guys, think back to your dating days.

Whenever I'd fuck a guy, they would be like, they would tell you they're about to come and then come but something's happening now where it's not trendy to say you're coming so when you're fucking you're like is it happening are you coming have you come what's going on yeah and it's like I'm like I need a warning I need some goal posts you know what I mean because I'm like it turns me on to know that you're being turned on and that you're coming so I mean I'm now lost I do think that's uh probably quite a difficult thing to ask men to vocalize because I mean just putting myself in the head of a man like for them to like have the kind of psychology to like get hard then to have sex with you then to let you know that they've come because a lot of men just won't come in that way that you think that they should come well this is true my friends were saying there used to be a

time and i noticed it where it would happen quite naturally never told me he was gonna come to come and never told me i i think it's linked to if you're drinking and then you're doing stuff on your date you have your dicks obviously needs a bit more work loads of guys I date pop Viagra yeah yeah yeah like that's a thing and so and then if you're like pornification of the world you're probably not gonna so I get it so maybe there's this sort of embarrassment I don't know but I think there's a pressure because I think like also I mean I don't think coming is the end game so for me I'm like a bit more chill about sex like it doesn't always have to be like one of us come both of us come sometimes it's just about like I just want to feel you inside. Yeah. Ten minutes and then that's fine.

I've learned that my growth from series one to series five is. I'm not coming. What's the point? Yeah, yeah. My growth is actually, oh, I haven't come, but actually I really enjoyed that. Yeah. And then there's a bit of pressure to be like, have you come? Was it good for you?

Are you coming? Is it because it's like, but that's not why I'm here. Yeah, yeah. No, I've learned that. I've got one weird thing that I totally forgot to mention. This is ages ago, pre-relationship. And I think, I can't remember where I was at in my head,

but I wasn't in a great place. I think I just really stressed out at work or whatever. And then I went out to a bar, super hot guy. We just started chatting. And in fact, me and my friends were like, look at that really hot guy. And I was like, God, he's so hot.

And then I remember being like, I think he's looking at me. And everyone was like, no, he's not Ravina. And I was like, no, I think he's looking at me. He was like no he's not Ravina and I was like no I think he's looking at me he was totally looking at me beelined for me we chatted for ages he was basically like

I'm only in town for one night straight up and I was like wow this is all like the right signals for a one night stand then he came back oh yeah

then he said goodbye to his friends and he came to me and one of his friends shouted make sure you use a condom so I was like it's on

this is happening all of the signs were like it's happening so I was like great so we went is happening all of the signs were like it's happening so I was like great so we went back to mine had sex then went to bed and I think it was

a bit snuggly but not really and then in the morning had sex again and he pulled out his phone like straight after sex pulled out his phone

to show me a video on BBC Earth of animals I can't I think it was gorillas not having sex something it was about being in the Seren I think it was gorillas. Doing what? Not having sex. Something, it was about being in the Serengeti.

It was just so wild. He was just wanting to show me this video. Did he shoot this video? No, nothing. He just said like, I watched this thing today. I watched this thing yesterday. I've got to talk to you about it. Was it beautiful?

Was it mesmerizing? It was just like any old scene from that, like David Attenborough thing. And I'm sitting there like naked with this stranger. I mean like, are we really watching BBC Earth on your iPhone right now? That was wild. I'm not really like naked with this stranger being like are we really watching BBC Earth on your iPhone right now that was wild I'm not really sure what happened there

and then we shook hands when he left the door it was nice to meet you we shook hands do you think there is something quite sexy about talking politics with a stranger after sex oh my god I absolutely avoid politics like the plague with a relationship I would probably,

and I think this is where some women go wrong, I'd put all of that in date one. Where is your politics at? But actually, what I do, I don't talk about politics with guys. I'm just like, I keep that completely separate. I've definitely had, I've had shagged people and then they've stayed a lot of the day afterwards.

Yeah, and I can imagine it comes out. You're in bed together and you're naked and you're going to get like cups of tea and you're just like, you're like naked with a stranger. And there's a bit of you that's like, why are you so hush and you go home? you're going to get like cups of tea and you're just like you're like naked with a stranger and there's a bit of you that's like

why are you so hush and you go home but then there's the other bit of you that's like this is really nice and then you just end up talking

about all this random shit that you're like this was never what it was going to be and you still know it's not going anywhere you know

there's things where you're like we're just naked talking I'm never going to see you again but like this is really nice I love talking about random shit

you literally be like snuggling naked with a stranger being like where's your mum from oh nice I love talking about random shit you literally be like snuggling naked with a stranger being like where's your mum from oh really I love talking about random shit

I've got a PhD in that but I would never I would never talk about anything serious immediately after sex during the day the day after well I'm never around

the day after but I think when you're with someone for a long time sometimes after sex you go like did you put a wash on sometimes that's just what happens because you're like did you put a wash on sometimes that's just

what happens because you're like did I put a wash on yeah yeah I definitely would have that with my ex-partner bless him

and sometimes that shit but you know I've had this conversation with my partner about like how when we're doing the domestic back and forth together

which we have to do all the time we have a child we run a house blah blah blah train tickets all that stuff we do like domestic

back and forth and then we'll suddenly like catch ourselves and be like lol look at us is this all the shit we're talking about immediately after six sometimes yeah yeah i'm saying it like it's an alien thing i would do that with my ex-partner shotgun not putting the bins out oh right why don't you and i rate or slate some common types of aftercare routine? That's like a really great idea. Right, number one.

Talking, whether it's about sex you just had and how you feel and other topics. Rate. Talking, yeah, talking, rate, rate. Cuddling? Rate. Reading together. Ooh. Rate in a long-term relationship.

Absolutely not. Like reading straight after sex? No. Okay. Dostoevsky or something. What are you reading? No. The package pubs,

it's like, it's always shifting. You might weed, then you might clean up and then you might touch each other, then you read. It's all in the same time frame. Reading together as a thing

is a really lovely thing to do in a partnership. I've thoroughly enjoyed that. Post-sex, probably not. Slate. I rate that. In a long-term relationship, I think it's that. Post sex, probably not. Slate. I rate that. In a long-term relationship, I think it's cute. But it's within the same time frame.

You're not, you're not, he's not come and then reaching for the fucking, what did you call it? Dostoevsky. Yeah, he's not reaching for that. Yeah. Okay. Watching TV. I don't rate that.

Slate. Slate. You should only watch TV in the evenings when it's dark. Yeah, in the sofa sofa in the living room Yeah Not after sex On Sunday mornings my partner wakes up with the toddler And he goes and puts the TV on

Which I didn't like Did you not like it? TV in the morning no no no no For your partner or the toddler? Either of them When I come down I make them turn it off Enough Or it was fucking trunchbull

Showering together Rate Super hot Rate rate rate Sometimes it can get Quite kerfuffly Depends on how big The shower is

And also like I honestly think If you shower with somebody And then you shower by yourself You feel cleaner After the shower by yourself Than you did after Yeah

Do you not find that When you shower with someone After you've had sex You have to have another shower Because one of you Gets most of the shower Yeah you kind of have to Like push them out Yeah yeah yeah It's ridiculous They only work in Fifty Shades of Grey Or in movies And then you find Other of the shower yeah you kind of have to like push them out

of the shower it's ridiculous they only work in Fifty Shades of Grey or in movies and then you find other patches of soap that you're like

I didn't even get to wash that off exactly and then you come out and it's a bit cold so actually I'm slating it bath a bath together's different

a bath together's different but I don't own a bath so there you are eating snacks absolutely I've got a friend who'd probably love it but I slate it

snacks in bed no crumbs on the sheets? No. Those crusty sheets are going to go through the sheets. They don't need a fucking wash. Absolutely not. What are you eating? Surely you ate before? No.

I've never eaten in my bed. My bed is not a place to eat. You don't have an orange in bed. Come on. I might have an orange, actually. A satsuma. Yeah. The skin smells quite nice in a satsuma. You love an apple. I can imagine you eating it. Do you not work in your bed? Do you not work from bed? No. No, I'm not you. I'm not apple. The skin smells quite nice. You love an apple. I can imagine you eating it. Do you not work in your bed? Do you not work from bed?

No. No, I'm not you. I'm not you. Every video call. Yesterday, yesterday we did a video call and I was like, oh, the red bathrobe's back.

Haven't seen that in a while. It's like a fluffy velvet, red, maroon bathrobe with like a tight waist. A toweling, maroon bathrobe. There's nothing sexy about it when you when you have guys

come and shag you at your bath they don't see that so I have you don't feel that no no no do you have a sexy yellow one

I have a sexy yellow one and they love it yeah yeah they love it and it's really short I've got a silk kimono it looks like a kimono vibe yeah yeah

that one goes out for professional zoom meetings I only save the toweling gown for professional zoom meetings i only saved the toweling gown for professional zoom meetings anyway taking a nap right so nice to take a nap together immediately after six what if you're not sleepy oh but if you do it sleepy together yeah yeah you know what i do i often do that when i'm on holiday and it's like hot days and it's that two to four sex window you've had sex and you're like oh just like sleep an afternoon siesta after post sex so nice rubbing each other's back

fucking rate that is one of my love languages rubbing touching tickling I think this is controversial I don't think my partner's very good at rubbing so he'll like do this thing where I put his hand like behind my neck and he'll try to like ease pressure points to like relax me. But it really hurts. And I'm like, oh my God, don't do that. Ow, ow. That's why I got a crook in my neck. Do you think that you could... I don't think he's gentle.

He's not a gentle lover. Do you think that you should cut this bit of the episode and just like slide it into his email? Just that. No, I just tell him. I'm like, softer, gentler. Yeah. It's like, you know, when you go for a massage and sometimes when you go for a Chinese massage, they love... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pressure points. Pressure points. And I'm like, softer, gentler yeah but yeah it's like you know when you go for a massage and sometimes when you go for a Chinese massage they love

and I'm like ow, ow, pressure points and I'm like softer, softer sometimes when I'm on my period I'm like oh could you rub like the base of my back because that's really nice

and he'll just go like do-do-do-do-do to see your hands like he'll just chop the back of me and I'm like that's just absolutely not what I want

please stop so it depends what the rub is the pressure points and the rubbing depends listening to music together. Right.

Do you listen to music whilst you're having sex? Yes. Oh, it's so hot. I love it. I love it. I love it. Right. Stroking each other's hair.

Absolutely. Nice. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I love a hair stroke. I've got a mate who doesn't like to have her hair touched. I'm like, what's wrong with you? My partner likes to do the twiddle, like twiddle his finger in a bit of my hair. And he'll do that going to sleep.

And so I'll wake up in the morning with just one straight ringlet like that in the morning. And I'll be like, thanks for that. I'm going to brush that out now. OK, it's time now for the Shagany Aunties. Please remember to ask the bill payers permission before calling us. Shagany Aunties are not medical professionals and bear no responsibility for the consequences of your own actions. I will read this week's dilemma. Hello, my name is Sue and I'm from South Korea.

As an Asian woman, I was more than thrilled to know your podcast. I absolutely love it and listen to it every day. That's great. I don't know if we have enough podcasts to last you every day, but hopefully. So one of my exes hated getting a blowjob. I don't know a single human man on earth that I've been with. When I first attempted to give him a blowjob, he quickly stopped me and said that he hates it. So can you not do that? At first I was outraged and didn't know what to do. And the thing is, I love giving blowjobs. It makes me feel like I'm really sexy and makes me feel like I'm

possessing this man. Love that. He even said that when I was giving him the blowjob, he felt almost sad. For me, sex is like the most important thing in romantic relationships. I eventually ended up breaking up with him. Well, he's an ex for a reason. Lol. What do you girls think about this? A man who hates getting a blowjob. And if your new partner has that thought, would you still date him or would you just dump him? Well, I fucking hate giving blowjobs, so I'd marry him. I've learned to deep throat, by the way. Really good skill.

I don't know how you measure a deep throat. You have to take it all the way in and it opens up your throat and you go all the way in and you don't gag. Honestly, I was so impressed with myself. But you can't breathe out your mouth. You can breathe out through your nose. Oh, yeah. What do you make of this?

I mean, yeah, I'm so interested in why he hates blowjobs. I think it's OK to be a guy not like blowjobs. It's like someone saying to women, oh, you're a woman, so you must like someone going down on you. I mean, I do like someone going down on me, but I don't come from it necessarily. So when a guy does go down on me, I'm almost like, oh, just can you hurry up? But I think I'm a bit unconvinced about why he doesn't like blowjobs because like they're good. There can

be men out there in the world. There's just some things that are good like someone licking your neck. Good. We're humans. We have these bodies. Press a couple of buttons. Things happen. I would love a male. Turn on, dick. Shit happens. I've never come across a man ever from all the friends I talk to and all the male friends I have. I've never come across a man, ever, from all the friends I talk to

and all the male friends I have, I don't know any guy who doesn't like a blowjob. So either something's happened to this guy and he doesn't like blowjobs, but I also think it's okay to not like blowjobs and be a man. Yeah, I know, you're right. So it's just unconventional and it's strange for us.

More importantly, you, babes, you love giving a blowjob. It's really important for you sexually. So yeah, good riddance. You've done the right thing. Would I date this man? I would marry him because it means I don't have to ever give a blowjob again. But that's me. I'm in your boat, in your blowjob boat.

You like giving blowjobs, don't you? I like giving blowjobs. And I think that they're really like a nice way to get super intimate with someone I love and I like how she said it like it feels like

she's possessing this man because that is so sexy it's like total control when you've got someone's you know their most like vulnerable part like in your control

I have so many of my girlfriends say that and I've heard you say that before I never feel that way I just feel I can't breathe it's probably because

I feel like I'm the captain of the chip like I'm the captain of the chip the chip? the captain of the ship the ship yeah a lot of my friends

who've said that they enjoy giving blowjobs it's the control element I feel like you obviously didn't like him enough to talk this through with him I think if you're with somebody

and you love their personality and actually there's loads of other amazing things about them but they don't like this one thing I think he's made up his mind I think he doesn't like it.

It's done. Do you? Yeah. From the way she's written it. No, I think it's done. But I'd be interested to know why he feels sad. There's nothing to feel sad about. I mean, unless there's a non-consensual element to it.

But if she's like, I love this, I want to do this. And he's like... I love this, not I love you. It's the difference between I love you and love you. It's like, she loves this. She doesn't love him. And I reckon if she'd loved him... If and love you it's like she loves this she doesn't love him and I reckon if she'd loved him if you love giving blowjobs

more than this dude's personality you're probably alright you probably made all the right decisions you're gonna be great in life and there is one there's one lucky guy out there for you Sue

well many lucky guys out many lucky guys love blowjobs yeah I didn't love it at the start when somebody was going down on me I'd kind of like fake it I'd be like oh gross gross it feels like a wet fish oh and you'd say that to them oh you'd be in my head about it oh yeah but you'd be like oh this is so gross yeah like don't do

this how do I stop you from doing this and I'd only let them do it for a little bit and then I'd be like okay that's enough thank you that's what I'm like but it's honestly because I had I had hang-ups about vagina smells and all that. Vagina stuff. But also like I just I kind of wasn't coming from it either. So I was like, this is like, are you really enjoying this? I think sometimes that psychology of when somebody is doing something to you that you think is like degrading. You immediately you immediately think what you're like.

Don't do this for me. Do this because you like it. Do this because you like it. But actually, if you find someone who's really into giving you head, there's nothing sexier than that. I think it's just polite. It's just manners. If I'm going down on you, I don't even love it that much,

but it feels nice. It feels nice. It's like going to a really nice restaurant and you get a really good starter before the main. You don't want to just skip to the main. And so that's how I feel. But then sometimes I like to taste myself just to be like, yeah, I taste fine.

Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I'm on the pill, so that could really, if you miss, it really fucks up the hormones. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, if someone goes down to me and asks to kiss me, like asks to kiss me, comes up and kisses me, like a bit of me is like, ooh, but then I'm like, oh, well. Oh, wow. You don't like it.

Well. Grab them and like, come here. I give someone head. Well, sometimes you just get like little things and you I'm like come here I feel like if someone had well sometimes you just get like little things like little bits in your mouth that you're like bits in my mouth

are the biggest icks on the planet like a little pube like a hair a bit of hair in my mouth I'm just like I just don't want to have sex because then you've got to do that thing

where you're like looking away from them you're trying to remove their pubic hair out from your mouth where you're like why am I hiding this from you it's your hair

and I've got to feel embarrassed about having a It's your hair. It's your hair. And I got too embarrassed about having a bit of your hair in my mouth in between my teeth. Anyway. So our advice to you is I think you've done the right thing. Good riddance. And may you go forth and give blowjobs to arts content. Many, many, many a blowjobs.

Yes. That's all for now. Thank you so much for listening. If you find yourself in a conundrum, please, please email us, the Shagney Aunties, at browngirlsdoittoo at bbc.co.uk. Or you can send us a WhatsApp or voice note

to 0796810822. That is 0796810822. Do. Do. That is 07968100822. Bye. Brown girls do it too.