Brown Girls Do It Too - Sex Toys with Sangeeta Pillai

Episode Date: January 8, 2021

Where do you keep your sex toys? Our guest, Masala Podcast's Sangeeta Pillai, just about fits them all in, in a massive trunk under her bed! How did Poppy choose her rubber friend Victor? Should Rubina experiment with sex aids and why is their so much embarrassment attached to them for South Asian women? Poppy and Rubina discuss their use of sex toys with Sangeeta Pillai who is a proud sex toy user and someone who has conducted a sex toy use survey among Asian women

BBC Sounds music, radio, podcast Asian Network presents Brown Girls Do It Too You're about to listen to Brown Girls Do It Too It's a podcast about sex so expect to hear adult conversations

and some very strong language Do feel free to check out other podcasts on BBC Sounds but if you're old enough, brave enough and not easily offended, give it a go. Brown Girls Do It Too from the BBC Asian Network.

I'm Poppy, like the flower, and my seeds can make you high. I'm Rubina, not like the blackcurrant drink, but my juices are just as sweet. And this is Season 2 of our sexy podcast, Brown Girls Do It Too.

Do download the BBC Sounds app and subscribe to this podcast. You can check out series one. There are some great banging titles in there. Popping Brown Cherries, My Big Fat Asian Vagina, to get you started. Now, Rubina and I are two British Asian women

who want to talk openly about our sex lives in a judgment-free space. And we really hope you guys will want to do the same. Come along. Welcome to the judgment-free space. If you want to share your story or ask questions or just tell us how filthy you are, you can email in at browngirlsdoittoo at bbc.co.uk or tweet the BBC Asian Network. Or why not go and tweet at BBC Sounds? But just make sure you use the hashtag BrownGirlsDoItToo.

So over the last few episodes, we've talked dirty with cam girl Alicia Sweets. We've shared our nude stories with Ash Sarkar. We went down the porn rabbit hole with writer Neelam Taylor. And in this episode, we reach into the bedside table and talk sex toys with the award-winning Masala podcast host, Sangeeta Pillai. Now, we've definitely touched on the and talked sex toys with the award winning Masala podcast host Sangeeta Pillai. Now, we've definitely touched on the subject of sex toys before,

way back in series one when we talked about masturbation and I brought along my friend Victor, my friend. He gets me through the hard times, the good times,

but the clean up is messy as fuck. Do you have a sex toy? I do not have a sex toy. Wow. I mean, I think, you know what just i never had that time when i when i was in a shop and decided to purchase one i don't know like i haven't had the moment i remember being um in my kind of late teens early 20s and uh sitting around like a big pub table with like loads of girls from my school and somebody said put your hand up if you own a sex toy classic school girl chat And everybody but three of us put their hands up

and I was like, holy shit, where are they getting this from? Like, I was never told that you could just go and buy one. You didn't go to an Anselmas party? No. Oh my God, I went to so many Anselmas parties. That's how I knew about sex toys. Right. You know, you met Victor.

I think you touched Victor. You tried Victor's many different settings. I think I probably did. My rating function. Yeah. Victor's, I think Victor will have to make an appearance. So what's the genesis of Victor? Anne Summer's party.

So you bought him at Anne Summer's party. I was pressured into buying him at Anne Summer's party. So I bought a fucking sex toy. I know it's the BBC and we're not advertising companies, but I have to really commend them because they make sex fun and funny and cool and giggly. And it's the stuff that you and I talk about, right? It's like this podcast. It's like I wish we had someone share with us a soft core porno when we were young or talk to us about sex in a way that was like just open and not this scary thing.

And I think Anne Summers, it does that. Obviously, it's fueled by alcohol and it's capitalism but like the general vibe I'm I'm down I'm down with I mean it is kind of fascinating this culture of like women getting together and there's one one of the women is like flogging dildos yeah at the time Rubina I thought she's just wants to sell stuff and make money and you know and everyone else just wants to get shit-faced but now I look back and I so appreciate those moments because it she they create this environment where women it's a they give women a license to talk about it like it's a that is the time to talk about it of course we should be talking about it all the time anywhere

and everywhere waiting for the tube or the bus or whatever but women would be cackling and giggling and looking at all the little naughty sex books. And like, obviously, there's an option to buy all these things as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a catalogue. And so she got her suitcase open, red suitcase, remember this? She'd open up her suitcase, show us all her wares. It was like a slight Del Boy quality about her which I really admired

and she had all manner of sex toys which I had no idea what you do with them. Like they just look so unusual. There's no So they don't

just look like they don't just look like cocks? No, no, they're not all cocks. Some of them are cocks. Obviously Victor's a cock. And is Victor

I can't really remember in my mind. Is he a so he's a's a white man's penis well now you put it like that yes well he's very pink though he's like the pink in the studio is that is that white man's penis that color and that's very pink it's hot pink he's like a hot pink he's a hot pink he's a fish pink therefore he's like not any race um they she didn't have any black cocks or asian co, you know, and when I bought

a black cock or an Asian cock, given the fact that given the kind of porn and the soft core porn that we were consuming and the fact that we were getting off on white bodies having sex, probably not. Yeah. I think for me, I never really got into it because I was always scared of, um, like sex shops because they always put like curtains in them and it's always kind of private. And then you're like, oh, should I even be going in there? But I did go into one quite recently. And the range is incredible. Like the stuff and the shapes of the things that people can put inside.

It's amazing. Oh, it's incredible. I think what can be quite overwhelming is you see all these contraptions and you're like, what the fuck do I do with this? You know, what is this? What is that? And it's like, you almost want a kind of play-by-play with diagrams, like, this is what you do. This is how you use it. It's for anal use and this use and that use. And so it can be quite mystifying. And even now, like, sex toys is,

it's not something I really talk about with my mates that much. I don't necessarily think it's coming from a space of like hush-hush, embarrassed, ashamed. It's just something that you keep by the bedside table incidentally I do not keep my Victor is not in the bedside table like all other sex stories are he is the Muslim in me is like he's hidden him deep deep in the cupboard he's like in his box in his original box you know like the cellophane with a remote control. I'm like, don't throw away the original packaging. He's in the original box

in a tote bag, in another tote bag, wedged inside my cupboard right at the corner. Wow. Like I hide him. Why am I hiding him? Yeah.

I mean, how often do you whip him out? Right now, because of the cleanup, not that often, I'm not going to lie. I just masturbate and wank

and it's just easier and I just come from wanking. I used to whip him out back in the day it used to be a real thing and initially when I first used him I was really scared

I was like fuck this is going inside me oh my god and you feel quite detached because you're like a penis has gone inside me this size

yeah like a floating penis with no body that was the weird part of it and then you're like it doesn't hurt but you're like you're quite not in the hurt but you're like you're quite not in the right mind frame because there's not another body attached to this thing yeah yeah

so you have to lube yourself up you have to get yourself excited and as we've as we've discovered i'm very impatient so you have to give yourself a lot of lead in time a lot of leading time to get you all loosey-goosey down there and then you've got to cover him in lube not in e45 and then he's going up and down you and then you're like and and him in lube not in e45 and then he's going up and down you and then you're like and and you're sort of controlling it so you control how fast or how do you go and the vibe yeah i did actually try to put him up my bum once and that was painful and i was like abort abort victor um that wasn't i wouldn't i wouldn't recommend that i think my fear is i have two fears one if i buy one and on the way home I get hit by a car, will I be found with it?

Two, if I put it inside me, will it get stuck? Well, you've got like a handle. You've got a handle, yeah, yeah. Unless you want to put that inside you, but I mean, it's pretty hard to call this. But yes, I totally get it with like balls and beads and, you know, things that are shaped weird. I've got two butt plugs that were given to me. Actually, I do have a sex toy. I have butt plugs that were given to me as a joke by a friend at Christmas.

And I have nipple tassels. Those are sex toys. Nipple tassels are sexy. Yeah, the nipple tassels I have definitely tried. But the butt plugs I have not put up my bum. No, and I know I'd like to. And I also have actually, what am I kidding? I've got loads of shit.

I once got given a Yomi egg. It's like a marble egg that you put inside your vagina and it helps the muscles tense. And so the next time that you have an orgasm, it'd be like amazing because everything's like tightened.

I got that for my birthday. People give me stuff. But you've not really bought. And you've not really used any of it. You've not used any of it. I've only ever used the nipple tassel. I don't know if I'd try a butt plug, but I would love to be more open to other types

of sex toys. I just think that there are so many and there are so many choices and it's like, I need an instruction manual. I need sex toys for dummies. This is how it works. This is what you do. I think the more you progress into a long-term relationship slash how kinky you are, you'll just have them and you'll try them more. And I think the future you progress into a long-term relationship slash how kinky you are, you'll just have them and you'll try them more.

And I think the future of my sex life, for sure, is going to involve sex toys. For sure. A strap-on, the whole shebang. I saw this amazing thing being advertised in a girl's toilet once. I don't know if you've ever seen it, but it's like a cock ring that has a vibrating top.

And it comes in like a little packet. And then I was like, you could just buy that in a girl's toilet. So you put it on him and then it's got a vibrating bit on the top so when you're shagging he's stimulating your clitoris with a small vibrator attached to a ring on his cock wow doesn't that sound quite good that's something I would try yeah absolutely what is with the why do people have butt plugs is the whole purpose of butt plugs to keep the anal sphincter muscles quite loosey-goosey?

Sphincter. Yeah. Yeah, I think 100% that's what you... There's different stages of butt plug, right? There's like the skinny one and then there's the fatter one and you kind of graduate to bigger sizes. And it keeps you loose so that when you do have anal sex, you're ready for it. It's less of an intensive shock. Yeah. But I mean, the whole idea of like wearing a butt plug. I mean, like you could be wearing a butt plug right now,

I wouldn't know. I think our producer Rayhan's wearing one. He's definitely wearing one. He's just said yes. His face pretty much always says I have a butt plug in my arse. Yes, I do.

Producer Rayhan, you've got to love him. He's so cute. And then there's that other type of sex that's really interesting. It's like the one that you can put inside

your female partner and that you can control on your wrist. What? Oh my God, there's that other type of sex toy that's really interesting. It's like the one that you can put inside your female partner and that you can control on your wristwatch. Oh my God, there's an amazing advert, this Indian advert. Like this lady's in a sari, daughter-in-law, and she sticks a vibrator or like this thing in her. And then her mother-in-law's got the control and she's watching TV. She thinks she's putting the volume up, but she's putting the vibrator up. And this woman in a sari, it's watching TV. She thinks she's putting the volume up, but she's putting the vibrator up.

And this woman in a sari, it's so hot. She's like, oh, oh, come here. And the mother-in-law's calling her, let's call her like Selena. Selena, I can't wear the control. And she's like, oh, oh. And she's like, literally like orgasming, like can't control herself.

And then she sits on the bed, like just coming basically. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but I think I've been on a like a journey to finally get a sex toy because I've had lots of little moments where I almost did and never did. And then the closest, the most recent one of that is I was at work and we were doing a project at work with a sex toy company. And then at the end, they said, everyone can take one. And I was like, oh my God, amazing. And so I went in and saw a tiny gold vibrator.

It was like this big, like a lipstick. And I was like, that's me. That's my starter dildo. I'm totally going to get it. I went out for dinner that night and I was hanging out with my friend. And she was having a bit of shit time and loads of bad stuff was going on in her life. And this happened and this happened. And then she was like, and I think my flatmate stole my dildo and I was feeling so guilty I was like and I was like oh

mate that's so shit you know what I've actually got one here and I gave her the one that I was going to take home and gave it to her and that was my only time like I almost had one. Rubina can I buy you a dildo? Can I have a small lipstick gold one? Can I can I would that be or would you rather get your own dildo because i feel like i've got a few things i need to do over the course of season two brown girls do it too i have to send a nude and i have to watch porn yeah like kind of hardcore-ish porn just porn i gotta watch porn um i think it's only fair that you buy a sex toy i don't want to push

you or anything but you know i could get you a starter dildo. I'm up for, I'm definitely up for trying it. Like, I have nothing against having them. I just, because now, because I'm worried about it getting stuck in, I don't know if I want a small one. I think start with a starter dildo and then work your way up. Right. I would love to buy you one as a gift. Or would you rather get, would you rather shop for your own dildo?

I don't know what, what like what's the common advice on that i feel like probably well it's a very subjective i mean you might you might want to get an asian dildo where can i buy one of those not anywhere i know i don't know if it'll be revolutionary but it was it was it revolutionary for you the thing is because i can come quickly from wanking not really yeah and and if i'm going to be honest, I'm so sorry, Victor. In the end, you just want a real penis. Yeah. And you want a body attached to that penis.

Because it's quite a commitment. Yeah. So you're like, and males will just have sex. And just have the kissing and the cuddling and all that stuff. I feel like it must be pretty empowering, though, the whole kind of, you know know female angle of like we don't actually even need men because I can literally have a crop like a cast of your penis and that's kind of the best bit of you yeah no I think it I think it can be quite uh I think it can be quite empowering definitely for women um and the independence that it gives you as well and actually just much like masturbating

figuring out what works for your body and what doesn't with the toys that you have when you when you don't have a sex toy sometimes you can uh get experimental with some other stuff the shower head perhaps been there done that um also i was about to say something that's totally inappropriate which i just say anyway i mean you're on brown girls do it too. We are inappropriate. Okay, a bus. Handrail? I've never shagged a bus handrail, but I've been turned on by a bus handrail.

Yeah, I know what you mean. It's like a six pole. It vibrates as well. You know, like hard steel can be quite a turn on. That's how people shag cars. I mean, everything can turn you on. I like the idea of getting one that does two holes at the same time yeah but it could probably enhance something that a partner can give you because if you think about what all the pleasure senses are when you're having sex

so like getting kissed on the neck is really nice and getting kissed on the mouth is really nice one man can't do both one man can't also kiss you on the mouth and the neck and the nipple yeah and then go down on you. That's a lot of lips. So we're going to be joined by a guest. Her name is Sangeeta Pillai. She's a writer, a columnist and presenter of the award winning Masala podcast. We're going to be talking to her right after this.

What's going through your mind right now? What have your experiences been like? One Extra Talks is about to get brave. Yes, that's right, Richie Brave. And I'm taking the reins for the show where we delve into the hot topics that matter to young black people in the UK. What does the future look like? Whatever the issues on your mind,

this is the place for your weekly fix of honest debate and discussion. One Extra Talks with Richie Brave. Listen on BBC Sounds. Brown Girls Do It Too. That's right, you're listening to Brown Girls Do It Too with Poppy and Rubina. And in this episode, we've been talking about toys, that is the sexual kind. Toys that make the sex better. Joining us today is founder of Soul Sutras, host of the award-winning Masala podcast,

and a woman that has been fighting the Indian patriarchy since she was three years old. Sangeeta Pillai, welcome to the show. I'm so excited to be here. I love your show, love what you do. And we're brown girls and we're doing it. Amen to that. And congratulations on being one of the best podcasts at the 2020 British Podcast Awards. Thank you. Congratulations to you too. Thank you. Thank you. This is so good to have you on the show to talk about the kind of progression that Indian women and you know, you as an Indian woman are making in this kind of sex industry, sex world, especially for us, because we try and normalise sex, try and talk about sex. In this episode, we're really trying to understand sex toys, why we don't talk about them them what's the best one to use and we'd love to hear your opinion like are you a sex toy user i am very loudly and proudly a sex toy

user i've got a whole box full of sex toys under my bed um is that where you keep them incidentally yeah this is literally a box you know like the kind of laundry box you've got oh yeah i've got i love it like usually our moms have like a box of cutlery and rolling pins and stuff for the samosa. You just like get out your little container, your box of like sex toys, sex toys. And I've got my sex toys. So I've got a whole box full of them. So I love them. And I think as South Asian women, I think we have a very interesting relationship with sex toys. I did a survey among my audience just for me to understand because i was very curious

because if you come from a culture that has no space for female pleasure i mean and traditionally that's south asian culture yeah um even the act of buying a sex toy becomes a revolutionary act because you're out of your own volition you You're like, okay, I'm saying that my pleasure is important. And I'm taking this actual step of going and buying something for my own pleasure. This is not for anybody else. And do you remember like the first time you bought, purchased and then used a sex toy? And what did you, what was your starter? Yeah, funny enough, I lived in India.

And my ex at that point, he was English and he'd come to India to see me and he turned up with this horrible plastic dildo but it was like this massive thing and it was plastic there was like the like sex toys now really soft and silicone right uh and it just did this one thing you just pressed it it just went doesn't sound very exciting it was at that point we didn't really have sex toys and there was nowhere that i knew that you could buy them and now you can like there's like 100 online retailers where you could buy sex toys online i love that he bought that over on the plane like import he did he did and i wonder what he said to the customs man like

the indian customs man hello sir what have you got in your bag? Oh, sorry. So this is your white boyfriend who bought you the toy? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he did. So were you surprised? Did you want the toy? Did you kind of... Yeah, I did. I asked him. He said, what do you want from the UK?

And I was like, oh, I think I'd quite like a sex toy, actually, because I don't think we can buy them here. Do you have any sex toys with you right now, Sangeeta? So I have with me a selection of my favourite sex toys from my little, not little, large sex toy box. I have what looks like a lipstick and it's kind of like a lipstick shape

and a lipstick size because I know you can't see this. And you literally twist it and it's got like a little buzzy thing and it's for your clit. So it's got like a little buzzy thing. And it's for your clit. So it's got like a little gap at the top. Imagine somewhere that fits your clit perfectly at the top of the lipstick. Oh, I see.

Yes, yes. You've got some sex toys like the snowman, right? So this looks like a cute little snowman. Christmas edition. I'm just looking at the photo that producer Rehan has sent. And it looks like something, it's like a Christmas decoration. And do you have a preference of use or is it kind of what takes your mood that day?

Yeah, I think it just depends on what I'm feeling like. I think I gravitate towards the clitoral sex toys because I quite like kind of very gentle sensation. I'm not one for massive like, boom, you know. Yeah. So I like things quite slow and gentle then i can choose the speed and the intensity so i think i like the clitoral because it feels a bit more i don't know nuanced or layered or i like to take my time and like have an evening okay there's me had a bath and i'll get my sex toys oh yeah that's me that's totally that's all me

and i think you're right like you're because the clitoris is so sensitive it's like lots of sexual partners in my past have got this wrong of just like plodding on it and thinking that that's okay or pinching it oh yeah just like doing something where you're like it's a very sensitive part of me that you need to stimulate, caress gently. And I think actually people forget about the gentleness of sex. Have either of you used something called a Hitachi magic wand? Now that is something I don't think I would ever dare to use. Poppy just showed me a picture of it.

I mean, remember, I don't know if you watch Sex and the City or if you're a fan, but there is an iconic episode of Samantha buying a sex toy that looks like this and then she gives it to Miranda's baby to calm him down. Oh yeah. And he's like shaking his butt.

Do you remember guys remember that? Yeah totally. This is exactly what it looks like. This is what she buys. And actually it looks like it's like the size

of a tennis ball you'd say. So that's the kind of size. Yeah yeah. Yeah it's pretty big. It's massive. So that's the kind of size. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's pretty big. It's massive. So that terrifies me. So you would not use this magic wand then?

I wouldn't. And I don't know. And sometimes I tell myself, like, am I being like, oh, I'm so feminine and delicate. And I would only use feminine, delicate sex toys. I don't think it's that. Something about that really scares me. And I'm like, whoa, it's like this massive thing. And you're going to shove it up. And when I I look at it like my insides just clench and you tense up

I'm not opening up I'm not opening up it's too much have you ever had any issues with partners and you're like at what stage with your partner do you say do you get out of the big box so I'll introduce things like handcuffs which i think are a bit more pc so men don't seem to get universal aren't they everyone loves it yeah they're like here's a safe sex toy thing nothing to feel threatened about you know you're still great in bed here's a little handcuff and then i'll introduce you know and once we've done that handcuffed you're like boom yes my giant dildo where are you gonna go this is coming to you the will comes out the gimp suit comes out the magic wand comes out for him not me I did once handcuff somebody um to the bed and then I went for a walk

oh my god oh wow that's amazing did you forget that he'd been handcuffed no no no it was intentional so I told him that I was going to do that. So I handcuffed him to the chair and it was part, and I kind of closed his eyes. I put like a tie. I think it was a dupatta actually around his eyes. And then I said, okay, I'm going to leave you like this because the whole point of this is to show that I'm in control.

So I went off for a walk and I came back. I think it was a 20 minute walk. Did he find it quite sexually arousing, the walk back did he love it okay yeah he loved it and he was into that the whole kind of being tied up and all of that stuff and which is why I was like oh I wonder how far I could push it nice and he loved it he absolutely loved it so you start with the handcuff stage one start with the handcuff stage one and then stage two i might take out a little um little one like a lipstick or something a little bit non-threatening just because you know or the bullet you know the bullet's like tiny yeah it looks really kind of pretty and shiny and then i might pull out things

like the rabbit because that's quite big isn't it so i would say start small buy something like a bullet or a lipstick or one of those things experiment see what works for you um and try something that's a clitoral one then try something that's like a vulva stimulator see again what suits you before you spend the big bucks because the bullet is like 10 quid or something nice and cheap so it's not a lot of yeah so buy a few little things experiment with them see what turns you on see what works for you and then maybe buy like a bigger one a more expensive sex toy i think would be my advice strong advice i think that's really helpful and what about just because

we were talking about this earlier other things such as nipple clamps discuss yes so i am not a big one for nipple clamps i've tried them a couple of times, but it's just too, like, my nipples are very, very sensitive. So nipple clamp is like, whoa, this is all too much, you know. So I don't know how it works for other people. I mean, I love things like handguards. I love, I've had whips and floggers and things like that as well. Yeah, I've been to that, I think, floggers. Yeah, I like that. I even once had a partner use hot wax on my back. I quite enjoyed that. Again, it's a little painful but also pleasurable because I think all your sensations are heightened, I think. So I had my kind of face to the wall and he was doing this behind me and I was like oh my god what are you doing what are you doing so that was quite sexy I didn't expect to like it as much as

I did so sex toys can be all sorts of things it isn't just something you go to a shop and buy and spend money on it can be like we were saying earlier it can be a scarf it can be like a bit of rope you find it can be a dupatta that you try around someone's eyes, right? It's what you make it up to be. From the survey that you've done, do you find that Asian women of a certain generation are much more open to sex toys? Like what surprised you from that survey? What surprised me very much was most of the people who took the survey

was between sort of 25 to 35 but rubina and poppy it astonished me how much guilt and shame there was in the language yeah well that's why we've got masala podcasts and uh do it too we want to get rid of that shame too yeah exactly get rid of it normalize normalize sisters. So they were saying things like, I feel ashamed of somebody who might be Asian seeing me in a sex toy shop. I feel really guilty. And I look for toys that don't look like toys. I'm so embarrassed by the whole idea. Somebody said that there's this idea of saving yourself for your partner. So I feel like sex toys is sort of cheating. Someone else said that South Asian men grew up thinking that female pleasure is not really relevant. So sex toys feel like this massive taboo. So there's a whole load of shame and guilt and I think trauma, if you ask me,

attached to the idea of sex toys and sexual pleasure and self-pleasure, which is such a shame. Some of the women described kind of hiding sex toys in the boots of cars. They were like... I'm hiding mine now and I don't even live with my parents. So, yeah, I can see that one. They're like, yeah, I can see that one.

They're like, yeah, I put it in this black bin liner, hide it in the boot of the car. So there's a lot of guilt and shame attached to female sexual pleasure in the culture, and that then extends to buying sex toys. And weirdly, to me, if you look at our culture, if you look at things like the Kama Sutra, which is what, 4th century BC, right? Or Anangaranga, there's a whole host of books written around the time. Where sex toys exist, they talk about wooden sex toys in the Kama Sutra. There's, female pleasure is very much front and center of these books and the literature.

There's in Anangaranga, which was written a couple of hundred years after writing the Kama Sutra. There's all these passages about, you know, in each phase of the moon, this is where a woman feels the most sensitive. So if the moon is in such and such phase, you must kiss her left thigh or whatever. I'm just making this up, but you get the gist of it. It's very specific and very oriented towards female pleasure. So that's our culture. Hello, ladies and gentlemen, aunties, uncles, bhai, behen.

This is our culture. It's entwined in our being to be like this. It's entwined in our being because we're human beings. We are interested in our bodies. We're interested in each other's bodies. We want to have sex. We want to fornicate. We want to love love each other we want to look at images of each other loving each other this is like the most human most normal thing ever and and where are

we going like could you give us like a prediction on where you think sex toys will head in the future because technology is moving faster than we are like what's gonna what are they like what is one of my great great grandchildren gonna be using maybe the hitachi magic wand yeah you know they'll dig it up from like some sort of archaeological i love that absolutely love that but uh Ask me to die. I'm coming and I'm going. I love that. Absolutely love that. But I think I wonder if we will use things like VR and AI to kind of simulate sex with people.

Because I don't know, a couple of decades time, we can create this whole person to look and feel and smell like a person for people like me, for whom that is important. Sangeeta's obsessed with smell. She needs the smell in her sex. I do, I do. I agree with you, Sangeeta. I need the smell in sex as well. And the warmth.

And the touch and the eye contact. And the jokes and the funny laughter. I wanted to ask you, Sangeeta, what about sex toys in like the Asian community, in the Asian space? Like you did this survey and you were astonished by like the guilt and the shame. Like, do you think over the next 10 years that language is going to be completely eradicated? I would love to say yes, but I think for South Asian women, I think it's going to be slow because we've, so many of us have been conditioned within the culture to kind of say oh yeah where it doesn't

matter kind of who we are or what we do but are we married have we got children you know these are the things that seem to define yeah in traditional Indian society or South Asian society who we are so things like pleasure and kind of orgasms and things are a long way down the list yeah so if we somehow come to a place where we say okay look my needs are important and my pleasure is important and my orgasm is important then you can start to have those conversations I think it's going to be slow but I think we're making a start so your podcast my podcast there are other amazing south asian women doing wonderful work yeah and at least when we start having these conversations we can say hang on a minute that's important what about me where's my pleasure and you know women start to ask these questions and then the

men they're with will also have to so i think in answer to your question i think it's going to be slow yeah but i think we'll get there. Crawl before you can walk, bullet before the magic wand. Yeah. I like that. That should be an applaud. Thank you so much for coming on the show, Sangeeta. We are going to play a little game with you, if that's okay.

Yeah. So once again, we have not got the name for this game correct in any way. So, so far it's called? It's called Quickfire Fuck Game. The wetter the better. Basically, we ask our guests what they think this name should be called. If you have any brainwaves and you think of a name, please.

Yeah, I will jot it down and email you. Let us know. So we give you some multiple choices and you just tell us which one you'd go for. Quite simple. Not a test. Sounds great. So shall we kick off, Poppy?

Yeah. Doggy or missionary? Can I say both? Oh, at the same time. One after the other. You can absolutely say both. And that is a very smart answer. I feel like I didn't want to let go of one.

I like that. Okay. Pubes or no pubes pubes yes i'm one for pubes i love because i feel like porn has kind of made us all into these hairless baby-like creatures uh and we don't look like adult women so i feel quite strongly about pubes uh lights on or lights off lights on definitely i want to see what's happening spit or swallow spit spit okay i'm not a swallow i'd have you down for a swallower all right all the sex toys the box of sex toys underneath the bed clearly a swallower clearly a swallower

you're a swallower I heard you down as a swallower I saw you from a mile away you're a swallower no I'm joking we don't swallow in Mumbai we're taught not to swallow porn or no porn porn I think but I'm trying to use porn that's a little bit ethical sort of of feminist porn where I know that the people in it are being paid fairly. Consume more ethical porn is my quest.

Hand job or foot job? Hand job. More control. My foot's not that flexible. And then we've got a special last one. And this one is especially for you, which we think we know the answer for, but we'll do it anyway. Dildo or no dildo? Oh my God. Dildo.

Yeah, amazing. Sangeeta, thank you so much. Yeah, thanks so much for being here. It's been such a pleasure. I love what you do. I love your show. I love kind of the idea and the concept of what you do getting people to talk about sex and have a laugh

and make it normal because it is we're human beings and we love sex and we should have a lot of it so we love you

thank you so much thank you for having me brown girls do it too and that was the lovely hilarious Sangeeta Pillai from the Masala podcast

how incredible and funny was she? She was so nice. So nice to have an authentic Indian on the show. I just loved her voice as well. It was so sexy. I know. I think Indian accents are really hot. I think especially on people like Sangeeta.

Well, that is something I've learned. Indian accents. Can be sexy. Fit. Yeah. Also, there's a lot of choice out there in the sex toy world. Wow.

Yeah, I definitely learned that you, and through you you actually start off small, start a dildo, start a bullet, then work your way up and graduate to maybe a wand. Strong advice. Strong advice. And I also learned that a wand doesn't just belong to Harry Potter. Hey. I was literally going to do the same thing so lame so another thing I've learned and another thing I think we both have learned is that no one should feel guilty or ashamed for having a sex toy

Asian women do tend to carry a lot of this guilt and shame around sex toys and I think it's completely normal to have sex with a toy you may as well just experience it figure this bit about your body that satiates you that you find fulfilling. So

yeah, fuck everyone else. Fuck yourself with your dildo. Thank you so much for listening and subscribing. We love doing this podcast and we love that you listen. So do hit us up and use the hashtag Brown Girls Do It Too. You can also email us at browngirlsdoittoo at bbc.co.uk and feel free to tweet, tweet, tweet, at BBC Asian Network or at BBC Sounds to really cause some trouble. If you like this, then please do subscribe and download Brown Girls Do It Too. Brown Girls Do It Too.

We're back for another series of... But where are you really from? Well, my name is Ishan. My dad's from Pakistan. My mum's from Bangladesh. I'm Nimmo Dedra. My dad's from Pakistan. My mum's from Bangladesh. I'm Nimmo Dedra. My parents are from Africa. My grandparents are from India.

And I'm Sunil Patel. And I'm from Bath. So, what's in the podcast? It's where we talk to amazing guests and ask them that tricky question. We find out what they really feel about their roots, their culture, their identity and their heritage. We'll hear from the likes of Ali Official, Sasha Tawan and Sharon Taliwal. But where are you really from?

Listen on BBC Sounds.