Brown Girls Do It Too - Swipe Right for Brown Girl Sex

Episode Date: August 21, 2019

Having sex right now could well involve dating apps, some flirty texting, phone sex and maybe performing some porn film like moves. Poppy, Roya and Rubina have done it all.In this episode of Brown Girls Do It Too, Poppy, Roya and Rubina, talk about all the things involved in having a relationship or dating right now, from how and why they use dating apps to the effect watching porn is having on their sexual relationships.Roya also goes through her phone messages to give us a taste of her 'sexting' techniques, Rubina gives us a bit of dirty talk and Poppy talks about why she hates nudes.An Asian girl's sex life is often shrouded in secrecy. However Roya, Rubina and Poppy are breaking all taboos in this revealing podcast.‘Brown Girls Do It Too’ is a no holds barred conversation between three British Asian girls, who all have sex and are unashamed to talk about it. All the ‘ins and outs’, from the messy realities to the mythical fantasies and sexpectations, Poppy, Rubina and Roya talk about their relationships and sex lives in this funny full frontal podcast.These are genuine and thought provoking conversations, between three progressive British Asian girls who have and enjoy sex, conversations that have never been aired before. How do they navigate the complex world of sexual adventures with their cultural backgrounds and familial expectations?

big up to all you sexy listeners and thank you so much for taking the time to download and listen to this episode of Brown Girls Do It Too really really appreciate all of the love you've been giving us on social and a special holler to all those Asian men sliding into our DMs with their mixture of

perviness and self-loathing. So if you're not clued up by now, and if you're not, why aren't you? The thing to know is that this is a podcast in which three brown girls, us, talk about all things to do with sex. It gets deep. It gets good.

It gets gross. And on that note, Pops, do you want to add anything to that? Why am I synonymous with gross is all I have to say about that. You gets gross. And on that note, Pops, do you want to add anything to that? Why am I synonymous with gross is all I have to say about that. You know why. Yes, because ladies and gents, as this podcast is an honest, candid look into our sex lives, we will be getting very graphic. And there might even be the occasional swear word. I say occasional, we swear a lot.

If that's not for you, totally understandable. Just stop listening now and try another one of the fab BBC Sounds podcasts. But if you're ready to get into bed with us, snuggle up for some very, very intimate conversations. So this week, Roya has been gagging to do an episode about modern sex. We'll be talking about dating apps, we'll be talking about sexting, candid nudes and settling in for the night or day for a bit of porno and chill. You happy now, Roya?

Oh, so very happy. As a girl who lost her V plates on Tinder, I am a big advocate for the realm of online dating, online sexting. But before we get deep down and into my sheets, let's just remind everyone who we are. I'm Roya. I have Iranian heritage and I was one of the OGs on Tinder. I was on it when there was about 12 of us. I'm Rubina and I'm a British Indian. And I, similar to Roya, thought I was the first person to do something, but I thought I was the first British Indian

probably to watch porn, but because I didn't, thought it was really secretive and I didn't think anyone was doing it. I was like, this is naughty. I call false. I don't think you were the first. Sorry, mate.

I'm Poppy. I'm Bengali. I'm the eldest of far too many siblings that I care to count. I have to say that I'm deeply saddened by the fact that I missed the 21st century dating game because I just would have been on fire. Poppy, I have to ask you about this.

How have you missed it? I hooked up in 2012, so I just, I missed that whole deal. And let me tell you something, there isn't a moment that goes by. I mean, now it's a bit old, but you know when you're at a house party and you grab your mate's phone and you're like, Lev, Lev, he's hot, he's fit.

Or he's, let's like start. So I've missed everything. Yeah, you see, I know couples like you who, people and couples like you who just go on it to do the window shopping. Oh, we window shop hard. And I think some of us secretly are like, I wish I was single so I could just get on this train.

Rubina, you have been very lucky in love from Tinder. Yes, Tinder was a very successful app for me, but I did explore others. I was on Bumble, I was on POF, Plenty of Fish, and I've been on many, many internet dates. How many? Over 15. I think that's quite a lot. Normally, when I was chatting to guys, I'd just get really bored of the whole like, hi, how are you? I'm fine. How was your day?

Good. I'd just be like, do you want to go for a drink? And that would normally be my in and then it would just happen. And did you ever use Tinder for sex? Many times, yes. That's what I thought it was for, right? It's like downloading Siri and not asking it any questions. I do imagine if single Poppy was single,

single Poppy would probably use it for sex and like maybe just a fun Friday. Although I've had heard that it can turn into a full-time job because it can be quite exhausting. Oh my God, my friend works part-time, but she was going on like two, three dates a week because it takes, you have, it's statistics, right? So you've got to match with a certain amount of people. Then out of that people who you actually talk to is probably less than half.

Then out of those people who you meet up with, I would say it's about 10%. And then out of those people, the 10% who you actually think vibe with or even think, I wouldn't mind if you put your penis in me, which these days it doesn't take much money. I mean, you definitely go on dates and you're like, oh, you clearly fancy me and this is great because I'm not really that into you. But if I wanted to make this happen, I can make this happen. I love that.

I love the power. God, I think alternate Poppy would be doing that as well. Really fucking with their minds. Like, I could really change this night for you, but I've got work tomorrow, so I can't. My favourite, like, online app dating story that I have is that I started talking to... I matched with this guy at 9pm on Bumble

and we decided to meet for drinks at half ten in the evening. So quick, I love that. It was, like, record speed Bumble dating. Met for half ten. He was really boring. He was really boring. He was really boring, but he was very attractive. And it was, you know, it's London. The train stopped because it turned midnight.

So I was like, I'm going to have to go back with him because I can't afford the Uber. So I went back with him. The sex was actually pretty good. And then, as I've said about three billion times on this podcast I don't come from sex so for me all the before and after sex is really important so even if I don't fancy the guy like I don't want a relationship I like a spoon so the starter in the dessert is pretty key for you and not necessarily the main exactly exactly and so like

I you know I like a spoon even if I don't fancy you I think spooning's quite nice intimacy go into spoon with the guy and he goes don't get any ideas oh my god what did you say to him? were you like Meg I wasn't even thinking about you

just come and hold me you should have said I didn't even you should have said I didn't even come I didn't even come the spooning is the coming for me but also

if I had any ideas, how have I played tonight? I have come home with you after an hour and a half. In which possible world do you think I'm like, this is going to be a thing? Just the fact that I like

turned to him and I just like spooning because I, you know, it's like a nice activity. It's part of sex. And then he just said, don't get any ideas. I was fuming.

That's really funny. I was fuming. That's really funny. I was so angry. But just to, the thing is, I often, when I've had one night stands, I don't know why I'm whispering. You won't whisper, you've had anal. But one night stand is where you're like, I just had a one night stand. Okay. Cool.

When I had one night stand, I would be, because I love the stroking and the spooning and the touching and I love kissing I love the kissing I love it and so I love doing that that's actually part of the after sex care and I remember saying it to the it is after it's like key after sex care for me and I said to the I've often said to guys I don't I'm not doing this just to clarify I know this is I'm not going to see you again but this is important and I felt

the need sometimes not always to clarify the after sex care a bit not for fear but for some

douche bag to think oh just because I'm spooning you doesn't mean it means I want a mortgage and three babies and a dog

I think I'm going to be really radical here because if I'm having a one-night stand, I'm having a one-night stand and I've literally had sex with somebody, him turned around and spooned me and me being like,

please don't touch me. Oh God, yeah, yeah. And that's the best bit. No, it's good when you have somebody that you like, when you are literally like, we met on an app, we're going to meet in the hour, surely everybody knows what's happening here.

Well, you would think, but he clearly thought that I somehow now thought we are dating. We're getting married. We're buying a house. He's going to come and ask my dad. I'd love to see how that goes down, the radiant dad.

The funny thing is, he was like on paper, he was one of those guys who on paper, like he was a journalist, had gone to Oxford. So I was like, oh, perfect paper. Sounds sounds perfect and then you meet him and like you're the most boring man i've ever met but the thing i would say about that date that what that taught me was dating apps have this sort of uh what's it called like fast food nature to them or even when

you discussed about being like a sort of window shopper and just going swiping left and swiping right that is just imagine doing that in the real world we would never do that in the real world and yet somehow these dating apps have made that the norm you do it with your eyes don't you you're like fit not fit fit not fit you do that every day do you often find that the banter online is like yeah great yeah great and then when you meet them they're like ah because it sounds like it's like a minefield because a you've got to have you've got to be on form you have to be you have to find the energy and find the time in your diary to meet them and then sometimes so I was speaking to my colleague

I said you know when you go on a date do you often how do you know if there's like a zing like a vibe and he's like often within the hour and I was like do you have to sit it out and he's like sometimes I do sometimes it could be four hours I don't think I've ever been on a date first date which was four hours unless it's been a really good date I wouldn't sit it out

for four hours I'd do a two drink thing and then go yeah I was going to say what are your sort of get out clause what are your get out well quite upsettingly

and I'm really sorry if my dad's listening but one of my get out clauses is sex like if oh yeah like if the guy is really boring

I'm like you have no use to me on a conversation level and I know if I feel like if this was three men talking about this they would be slammed but you know if if you have no you have no use to me on a conversation level therefore sex yeah let's have a look I completely agree with. When I was on Tinder, I was just like, okay, well, we're not having the best chat here. And I really love kissing. And my stats and all the online datings I did,

I always went in for the snog because I was like, might as well see what you're like on the lips. You know? Because it felt like low commitment. And you just get to test someone out. And if they good kiss it, you'll be like, yeah, we can present in a second date. I think that you're probably going to be quite good in bed.

And you've got to be like second date at someone's house so that we can get the shag in. Or to like a pub very near your house. Yeah, a tactical pub near. But yeah, I think there's something in like, I've gone on, I went on about five to ten, I can't even remember, dates last year. And out of those five to ten, I think three or four I ended up doing stuff with.

And I think there's just something, you know, there's something about meeting a person through a dating app, which isn't the case in real life, where if you do stuff and then the next day you never hear from them again, it's more acceptable than if I had met someone... In real life. In real life on the tube or the coffee shop

because that happens so often. Have you ever tried an Asian-specific dating app? No. Never? No. And when you are swiping, because there are people who say that this does happen, when you are swiping,

what race do you think you're mostly going for? Be honest. White. White. But also more like... Yes, white. I love how you were like, let me justify this. Yes, there will be a really good reason.

There is no good reason. But you know when you're on them and you see like one really hot Asian guy and you're like oh and you're like wait I don't know if I know him

like how do you double check that's always was always my fear because I was like oh we might have some friends in common or like he might know somebody and what if I just want to shag him and say goodbye

then I can't when you were on dating apps Rubina who did you feel was you know when they show you who's liked you for example yeah

who were you mostly getting so many asian men yeah so many asian men black guys a lot of black guys white guys less interested in what's going on here i can't tell you why because you know i think it's all right my face is something that i present on on dating apps uh and also i tried to pick all the good pictures holiday picture with my friends picture you know all of the different styles of who you are let's talk about

also actually before we talk about photos who do you connect with Roya is it white guys at the moment the one that's sort of like in fashion

is Hinge because it's bringing sort of a higher calibre of people because it's sort of it's a bit of a blog like you've got

questions on it you know who are you what's your favourite chocolate? It's like questions like, how would your mum describe you? Or like, where would I find you at the party? My mum would describe me as a disappointment, so I definitely wouldn't say that. And I went in like...

I think you would be on fire if you were on sex apps now. Oh my God. Dating apps. I know, honestly, I just... I wish, I wish I could get permission to be like, I'm just, to take it. Just dates. Like I wouldn't even kiss or do anything naughty.

You should ask for a free pass. I would love to just like. One day, just one day. Because the way I dated was kind of old school. Really old school. Well, I say really old school. Like I would meet someone in a bar and be very direct and be like, want to go home?

And they'd say no. Just get drunk and get closer and closer to them. That was my strategy. I know you're thinking that you will never see a dating app again, but some couples go on dating apps. Together. Together. That's the best one.

Tinder becomes Thrinder. I went on a messaging thing with a couple for ages on Tinder because I was like, I've matched with a couple. This is sick. So then we started messing each other back and forth and I was like i've uh never had a threesome this could be the moment that i have a threesome and it's like i'm single this is a great idea and we were just sending each other messages being like should we meet up what's gonna happen and then what happened and then they ghosted me okay can someone like the ghosting thing i'm i'm baffled why what

is it about millennials even even though I am one? Why can't you just be honest and claim your feelings and say, I am not interested. Leave me alone. Why do people ghost each other? I don't want to hear that. I absolutely don't want to hear that. When it comes to dating, I don't want to hear that.

I've had two people in my whole life tell me the truth, which is I don't really fancy you or there's not much chemistry. Absolutely not. Ghost me. I can pretend that you died. I can pretend that you died. I can pretend that you got malaria. I can pretend that you got chicken pox.

I don't care. I just don't want to know. We have completely separate points of view on that because I would much rather someone be honest with me and tell me I don't fancy you or you're too brown for me or you're too desi for me or you smell of samosas I'll be like cool you're lost bitch the thing is with ghosting it's now become the norm and also because we're talking about how much admin there is with texting you just don't have time to text back sometimes so sometimes people drop off the

however talking about positive messages online what are your girls thoughts about sexting I like phone sex rather than sexting because I feel like it takes quite a lot a lot longer to get to you say sexting do you mean like I'm touching you you're touching me I'm touching myself oh my nipples are hard but you not, I'm touching you because he's not there. The whole point that you're sexting. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you're not like, is it like... Yeah, yeah. It's mainly, I'm touching myself.

I'm imagining myself touching you. Like phone sex, but sexting. Yes. I can't say that I've ever tried it, but I think I'd be down with that, yeah. My only thing is, and I've told you girls this before, it's the photos. I'm not big on photos

because I don't know who's hacking that kind of shit. Slash, you know, I just um quite private like that even though I'm on a podcast telling everyone about my fanny but um sexting yeah I'd be all right with that but it doesn't really float my boat you know if someone said to me my dick's really hard and I can't wait to get inside you I'm like cool I'm just gonna to be honest if I got that on a message or in a voice note with your voice I'd be like okay with my voice anything could happen but genuinely if someone I have no I mean I could try I'd probably be more into phone say like having a human voice oh my god phone sex is the best it's so good it's almost like a new level of having intimacy with somebody as well because you're just like both masturbating to each other.

And then you can save it in the long-term memory for the wank bank and use that for later, which is what I tend to do more, so it's less live. But you can't do that with a phone call. That's why texting is so great. There was a guy that I was seeing for a while, let's call him Generic White Man, and he was... Generic White man number three generic white man number

465 and he we we sort of sort of friends with benefits and just sort of sleeping together and the thing I like about the sexting is that I can return to it when now that it's over and you know I can read it and be like oh this time oh as in he's not your uh sexting booty call you've got something to go back to the receipts i've kept the messages yeah so then if i want like if i'm looking you've kept the metadata you can always go back anytime she's downloaded it into her cloud for that one time sometimes i'll be on the tube and i'll be like oh i just want a little pick me up so i'll go and read the messages I remember when that guy thought I was fit yeah that's quite good that does the sexting does nothing for me but if I this is gonna sound really embarrassing and girly but like if I needed pick-me-up

I sometimes would often go back to like a hot guy who said something nice to me or complimented me and that lifts me up do you know what I mean is that well that's the thing and it's like the good sexting should be like that like the thing. And it's like, the good sex thing should be like that. Like, the thing I love about sex thing is that good sex thing will build your self-esteem.

It's stuff like, you know, and that's why people send nudes because when you send a nude to a man, he's grateful to get anything. So he'll be like, oh, your body looks so good. You know,

I can't believe that's your ass. Blah, blah, blah. There is no way on hell's earth I would send a nude ever to anyone have you ever taken a picture of yourself naked yeah yeah to see how much i for weight reasons not for sex reasons but it's all about angle okay so like i've got lots of weight problems uh like with myself right now no actually can i just say none of these girls do this is rebellion speaking is bullshit. I'm not letting two women talk about their bodies like this.

It's absolute crap. And the way that you feel about your body is a total personal thing and everyone has their own relationship with it. But it's, don't give me shit

about you guys thinking. No, I have a fear. I think that. I don't think, you know, I might not be fat, but like, I feel like that at the moment.

But I've like learned that like, okay, I'm in bed and I'll take an angle of a photo. And I like when the guy I'll take an angle of a photo and I like when the guy's like you look really fucking fit and I want to bang you right now it makes me feel good and all that but also like I am good at the sexting like I have come up with a lot of synonyms for all the words okay give us give us a few then come on open the cloud well okay what if I found a

message that I've said I would like just give me I would like, just give me like a little transcript of what sexting looks like in the 21st century. Do you have a special folder called Nudes? Wait, I don't know what's... Because that's not a really good code name. So we've talked about sexting and Roya is now furiously going through her messages to find us an excellent example. But I want to ask you, Robina, give me some examples of what dirty language sounds like. I'm a dirty slut. Oh, you think that is the default kind of the slut on the go?

Oh, yeah. I think that's like filthy and quite hot to be like, I'm so naughty. In fact, once we've been doing this podcast, I've had a few messages in my inbox on Instagram and it's always said, naughty Rubino. And I'm like, oh, yeah. I'm so naughty, Sandeep. As a result of the first episode going out, I think I may have deleted them all.

So don't bother sending them to me unless they're positive, obviously. But they've often been. It's funny, isn't it? Three brown girls do a podcast about doing it uh and doing it well uh or not well sometimes and then immediately that I got quite a few saying you're naughty I haven't got any uh I haven't been slut shamed yet or haven't been called the s word but I've definitely got like naughty but I don't think that's naughty I think it's normal yeah you know why don't you

send me an image saying that's totally normal normal you normal girl you guys one guy said to me one guy was like oh 14 men you naughty girl I was like if you think 14's a lot you need to get out mate but okay so I found a bit so I think sexting is a lot about saying what you're going to do next time you see each other oh nice yeah so for example I was I say I already know what I'm going to do to you um and he goes what are you going to do and I go I don't think you want to know and he goes I do okay I'm getting turned on right now listening to this it's like a Mills and Boone so is so then i sent the little emoji you know the one which is like the aubergine the taco no no no it's like i've got a secret

emoji like the sort of like oh you're literally doing the asian stereotype of a woman being like chase me chase me not me wait for the next message okay so then i say i'm gonna tie your hands up and then set a timer for 30 minutes. And in those 30 minutes, I'm going to strip you and run my lips around every single part of your body. Next message. That's all. Oh, that's the sickest thing ever. You totally had me.

And then the 30 minutes just sounded like a lot of work. I was like, nah, I'm all right. I love the idea of tying someone up. Have you done that? Yes. But the thing is as well, there's a lot of things that I've spoken about in messages like that, right?

Which in, and this is why sexting is so brilliant, which in the written is this beautiful fantasy. And then in reality, we didn't have anything to tie his hands with. With the rope. Do you use a shawakamese like rope? Yeah, like I didn't really set a timer. That would have been weird.

There's so many... The realities of it kick in, really, don't they? Exactly, but in texting, there's no reality because you're not seeing each other. And there's always those lines where you're like, I just really want you to rip my clothes off, but don't rip them because they're my clothes. And they're really nice and expensive.

There's £70 from Zara. If you rip it you pay okay I can see the sort of reality versus fantasy of like you should try it this should be your homework

I really like the sound of that just text that to your boyfriend like oh I'm going to do this to you tonight he might expect it and I just might

want to watch Netflix yeah you just get home and be like I didn't actually mean it this is my issue my hazard these days is just the laziness

creeps in. But honestly, listening to you talk about that, you know, I mean, you had me at the tying. The 30 minutes were 30 minutes too long, frankly, but I was just like, this is deeply sexual and sensual and mysterious. I like it. It's all about the build-up, isn't it, Roya?

You want to entice somebody into your world and get them all like hot and heavy so that when you do finally meet them and have sex with them, it's like, this is what I've been wanting. It's like,

like stretching out foreplay. That will always help. Exactly. Edging. Edging and edging. And having that person in your mind even when you're not with them, which is,

I can imagine if you're in a relationship, that's even nicer because it's like, look, imagine all the fun we're going to get up to tonight. Yeah, but when you get into a relationship, you start even nicer because it's like, look, imagine all the fun we're going to get up to tonight. Yeah, but when you get into a relationship, you start to just have all sorts of things going on in your mind, like the laundry.

This is a sex podcast, Poppy. Oh, I'm really sorry. Stay right here because we're going to be talking about watching porn with your partner and we'll find out why Rubina wants to have sex with a robot. Radio One. I'm Scott Mills. He's Chris Stark. Everyone in the world has a podcast, but this is a good one.

I think we're quite fast-riding, see? I've been telling everyone. Rag and Bone Man is here. Are you up for my vocal coach lesson? Yes. What are you? I am a giant. Yes?

What about my boulders? We'll be breaking boulders. How do you feel? Good. Normally, it's the listener finding out when and where they were made. Today it's with Jack Whitehall. It was the night of the great storm. I see.

I just wanted to get on with it. The Scott Mills Daily. One. Listen now on BBC Sounds. Brown girls do it too. What are your thoughts about the digital age bringing us porn? I know a few people who, when they found out their partner was watching porn considered that like cheating basically when they were found out they were watching porn without them and so i'm intrigued because i watch porn all

the time we've covered that done dusted but i'm intrigued as two people in relationships what your uh like rabina let's start with you what your relationship is with porn and how your partner conceives of that relationship as well yeah that's really interesting I mean we both watch porn separately I guess and don't discuss it or do it together uh because I think we're both like they're both are like fantasy if you don't discuss it how do you know that he watches porn I know when the laptop's out. You live with somebody, you know what's going on. I know when my partner's, the pillows are in a certain position.

Yeah, exactly. They prop them up. They prop them up and they're like... I walk in and I'm like... Someone's had a good 3pm. Someone's had a good fucking 8am. Could have done the bloody dishes. What is with me?

What happened today? Jesus, I'm so sorry. Domestic. I'm so sorry. Yeah, sorry USA. No, I think that I would consider talking, like doing, like watching porn together. And when I was younger, I used to watch porn in groups. Like, that was something that happened.

I mean, probably not like to watch. In groups? I'm sorry, what? In groups? Yeah, like at school, like everyone gets together and watches porn. But not to masturbate. Like a YouTube video of like ha ha ha

he's got his dick out yeah oh yeah oh okay well I mean because the people used to go to like old sex cinemas

back in the day and I'd be so intrigued to like visit one of those and it sounds quite pervy but I am interested in it oh yeah I think I might if I did that

I might actually like come because in my head because my thing with porn well first of all to answer your question Roya um I think it's ludicrous and ridiculous to think that your partner's cheating if they watch porn oh yeah like they watch porn you should watch porn or you should find an outlet

that does something for you um I mean I might draw the line at like like really inappropriate bad porn yeah deep throating and like anything like overly aggressive or like of a specific niche I mean if you found out he was watching Indian porn that would be like yes come on yeah I made the right choice there son would you watch porn with him I would love to but I find I so I try to get into porn and I think ultimately because of my quite traditional conservative upbringing, I find porn quite difficult to watch. I've really tried to get into porn and maybe I'm not clicking the right tabs. I would say a good porn to ease yourself into, and I found this with a lot of straight girls, is lesbian porn. Because...

It's more gentle. Penises in porn are horrific. Like, you know, they're really big and they are, you know, they're quite daunting and they do really horrible things, like Rubina said, of like gagging and... And lesbian porn is like... Deep and like tactile and sensual.

And it's really fit women as well. Also, you'll probably like come before they even do anything because you're just like oh they're taking off each other's clothes oh my god I definitely

I definitely have like I get very titillated and aroused but I think of the porn that I've watched the sort of cross section has been awful

like I often feel like the woman it's like aggressive and the woman is forced to do something she doesn't want to do and I often feel like she woman, it's like aggressive and the woman is forced to do something she doesn't want to do. And I often feel like she isn't in the dominant position. I'm very into women and being in the dominant position and she's not. So I've sort of sacked it off.

But I would totally with the right kind of porn and like maybe lesbian porn. You should give me some recommendations afterwards. I'm sure we can sit down and like get involved. I think it's like completely changed the way that I would have been able to think about sex if I didn't have porn around like I can't imagine what my parents or any anyone who's like older who never had access to porn felt about sex or thought about it like I just now see it as such like a easy thing to dip into and it it's so so fun fantasy that it probably is affecting the way that I perform in the bedroom.

And it's affecting the way that I expect to come to orgasm, all of those things. And I just can't imagine a life without it. That is such our generation's unique contribution to sex is this growing up with pornography. And there's so much porn. There is so much porn. Good porn and bad porn. Millions and millions and millions of videos are getting uploaded every day. It's like terrifying how much is out there and the range and the genres and everything.

It's like fucking hell. It's scary. And I actually think like if we're talking about dating in the 21st century, one thing that I would say from porn, like I've talked about having worked on a porn drama and one thing that I recently learned from listening to John Ronson's The Butterfly Effect. I've listened to that as well. It's an amazing podcast. There's something that he says is that our generation is the highest generation of erectile dysfunction. And that has been linked psychologically to porn.

Because men can have this easy access to see these women who have not the typical body. And now they find it difficult to get it hard for our bodies. And while that is incredibly fascinating for men, what the hell is it doing to women? Like we don't have nothing. We have nothing. Are we like, are we desensitizing ourselves? Also, like no one ever told me how often watching porn is too much. When is it too much?

How often I should masturbate and when is it too much? And sometimes when you're in a funk arena, bad place and you want to wank every day for a week you do is that is that i think we've become a generation which is having less sex i really do yeah absolutely like if i hear about the 70s and the 80s i feel like they were having way more sex yeah yeah they are they i feel like the same because i think the ease with which we can have a wank via porn it's just too accessible and easy I mean I've got mates who wank at work in the loos I'm like oh yeah I've done that I did that at school yeah sorry I've definitely I've definitely wanted to but never like I've definitely been aroused at work and been like oh I'll just go for a pee or something I don't know

like trying to figure a different. I don't know. Trying to figure a different way. I don't know. I just couldn't bring myself to masturbate a lot. Ruby looks so disappointed with you, Ruby. I think we covered it in our masturbation ep, but I genuinely, do you remember I told you I just used to stand like this and clench my vagina? And I came and I was like,

what is this amazing, tingly feeling? And I was in year six and I used to do it all the time, but now I've lost that superpower. So there you go. Is there any kind of porn that you've watched that like troubled you? Where you were like,

oh my God, I'm really into this. And it's a bit dark or it's like a little bit, like I once watched some porn that was like a lot of men and one woman. And I was like, I would call that a gangbang.

Yeah, it was a gangbang. In my defence, those thumbnails are very unclear. And so it's hard to know what you're clicking into sometimes. Thumbnails. The thumbnails. The thumbnails, they're very deceptive. Anyway, and I was like into it. And I was like, wow, I feel like they're kind of taking advantage of her.

I don't even know, is she enjoying it? But I'm enjoying it. Oh my God, what's happening? And I had this mixed feeling of being like guilt and shame. But also I had completely orgasmed so it was yeah mixed but there's something in the fact that like I'm imagining Robina you wouldn't want to do that in real life um no probably not it's like I mean well how many men we're talking yeah exactly like two is acceptable three feels two feels like it would be stressful already but she had like five or something crazy five is excessive 13 with watching this drama they've done

lots of research what i love about porn is you can live out that fantasy yes without having to do it without that reality um which you know i've watched gangbang porn and it is there's something about like oh being so defenseless in these men and there is something why is've watched gangbang porn and it is there's something about like ooh being so defenceless in these men and there is something why is it called gangbang? because you're getting banged by a gang that's

yeah that's the idea oh right okay yeah that doesn't make sense sorry I said it I said it out loud and I was like is it that one time where I was like

what is nudes? and you guys are like so nude is a naked photo that people send themselves I'm like okay got you Rubin I hear what you're saying and I I don't often feel that sense of shame and guilt naked photo that people send themselves. I'm like, okay, got you. Rubina, I hear what you're saying.

And I don't often feel that sense of shame and guilt because I'm like, oh, just get over it, as into myself. But definitely any kind of tying, dominating, consensual sex, but pretend against my, oh God, we're in like murky territory here, if you know what I mean. I think if you're an Asian woman, most likely you've probably grown up in some sort of patriarchal section.

Well, you already live in Britain, so you are growing up in that sense anyway. And so if you have a situation where the things that you fantasize about and the things that get you off are a man dominating you, which is something that's, and to this is in your culture

that you turn against. It's all the Sherrick Kahn videos. Who am I? All these Bollywood films that you watch growing up. It's like constant woman running and the man is chasing her. And unfolding her sari like she's a Christmas present.

And I find that hot. So I think we've all agreed that porn is acceptable. And if you get off to it, you get off to it. Now, Rubina, you asked us a question, which was would we ever have sex with a robot? To which I vehemently said no. But Rubina, you seem to um and ah about that. Well, I'm super interested in where technology's,

like, what's the next turn of the wheel, right? We've got pornography. We've got dildos that you can put into your mate and you've got a remote that can get them off. There's all sorts of things that we've got now. There's amazing technology. I'm like, what's the next turn of the wheel? I would 100% have sex with a robot.

Poppy, no qualms. Yeah, absolutely. I'm talking about AI that knows exactly how you like it. AI that knows how you get turned on, knows exactly where to touch you and knows how to spoon you afterwards. That's why I'd be way more interested. Don't get any ideas.

I'd be way more interested in a robot. Don't get any ideas. AI would have to have a much sexier voice. I'd have Poppy's interested in a robot. Don't get any ideas. I'm imagining the AI would have to have a much sexier voice. I'd have Poppy's voice on an AI. Oh, yeah. Boom. Don't get any AI. I mean, look, I think the future is that we are probably in 50,

if probably less than that, years' time. It's going to be totally the norm. Look at the dating apps now. Porn, dating apps. Look at the way we're trained and programmed now. I think there's definitely going to be a future where it's going to be completely normalised to go on a date with someone

and then you see a sex robot in their bedroom. I mean, they should probably have the decency to hide it. Like, I don't have Victor out. I just think also you'll be scrolling through Tinder one day and you'll be like, oh, Mark, John. Oh, John's AI. Great. As an Asian person, I never really got dogs, right? I never really understood dogs.

Yeah, so true. And now I totally, even though I wouldn't get a dog, I totally understand why people have dogs. They're loyal. They don't challenge you. They love you unconditionally. I get, having seen far too many documentaries about sex robots, why someone who's lonely, who probably doesn't have the best luck with men or women, who is perhaps slightly socially awkward, might have

a companion and a sex robot. I would definitely be open to having sex with a sex robot, but I'm more interested in the sex aftercare. I just want someone to tickle me. Royal Wood, what's your deal? Do you think you'd have sex with an AI, a robot? I, so, I mean, at the moment, I'd just like... Have sex with anything? Yes, exactly. And so I can't be fussy, but I'm still a hopeless romantic and I still believe in sentient being I love the invention of porn I love the invention of dating apps I think these are all things that yes they've changed the way we meet people they've changed the way we have sex but they're all

positive because I think in some ways they have made it more accessible for other people and it's great for people who want to explore with you you know, polyamorous relationships and swing with their partners and like, meet up and go dogging, which is what I thought you were going to talk about when you said I was Asian and we went into dogs. Did you think I was going to talk about like dogging? I was like, maybe she's into dogging and that could be a thing. Poppy, we cannot leave it on the final note being about you dogging. So what's your message to our lovely listeners about dating in the 21st century? I feel like I'm dating in the 20th century is the overall message that I've learned from today's session. Look at dating apps now. It has, like you said, it's changed our views and it's changed our perception. I think my only thoughts on it and with porn is that sometimes

it can be quite skewed. So if you're a 15 year old and all you do is watch porn and your experience of porn is seeing these images, how then that relates to actual real life relationships. I think that's sort of my kind of thought of the day. Here, here. I really like that. Generally, I'm like, yeah, I mean, I'm just so fucking annoyed that I missed out on that gravy train, frankly. We'll get you on it. On a remember.

I'd get a Desi sex robot called Abdul. Oh, he sounds sexy already. Rubina, what about you? Final thoughts on 21st century dating? I think for me, I would just say that, like, thank God for technology opening up the world of sex for all of us. I mean, anyone who grows up in any sort of community anywhere in

the UK sometimes can often feel that they grow up in a bubble. And the wonder of the internet and the wonder of sex apps and pornography is to open your world up to these other things and give you this chance to explore. But on your journeys of exploring them, just be careful because not every new experience you have to do and not every new experience you have to do and not every new thing you have to try unless you want to. And yeah, be safe, internet practice and privacy. Oh, and definitely cover up your webcam. Yeah, I've already got sellotape.

I've got like three masking tapes on that. What about you, Roya? I've learned that following your positive gasp, I am a very good sexster. I know that slightly turned me on. Well, we'll talk later. I have a good lexicon when it comes to sexting. There's so much flirting on this podcast.

I know. It's been a will they, won't they for five episodes. And a reveal on the sixth. So guys, tune in for our next episode, our final episode. Awesome. Sad times. Final episode of this series. It's all about romance.

Thanks so much for listening. Yes, keep listening. And please, please do keep telling us what you think. We really value it. You just need to hashtag us on hashtag brown girls. We're all on social media and the BBC Asia network. We really love hearing your comments. And if you're listening right now,

hit the subscribe button now. Yes. Can I just say, I got a message from on Instagram. One of, I think it's a girl, it is a girl. A listener said, hi, I just wanted to say

I love the podcast you guys do. It caused some serious conversation with my friends on a recent trip I think it's great oh no I'm reading the wrong one no don't read that one that was the backhanded compliment guy no the girl who actually said thank you oh yes here she is she's online honestly I think what's been really positive for us is having young girls reach out to us via Instagram. And we've got one listener who said, I wish I'd had your podcast as a teenager. You're filling an important information gap.

Love your work. Keep it going. That's to all three of us. Having those people who have messaged us that has made all of it worth it. And has made up for all those Asian guys following us on Instagram. Please reduce the ratio of Asian men to Asian women. We love you, Asian women.

We love Asian men, but... We love Asian men, but, like, stop adding us and expecting us... No, you can totally follow, but don't call me naughty. Yeah, we're not naughty. We're normal.

We're normal. Brown girls do it too. Hi, Russell Cain here, the host of Evil Genius, the show where we take Brown Girls do it too.