Brown Girls Do It Too - Trad Wifey 4 Lifey?

Episode Date: March 29, 2024

Dangerous messaging or innocent, aesthetic fun?Poppy & Rubina unpack the Trad Wife internet trend with Reliable Sauce hosts and BBC journalists, Jonelle & Kirsty. What is a Trad Wife? Would any of them ever be tempted to live that way? How important is financial independence to modern women? And is Rubina too obsessed with Nara Smith?Have a message for Poppy and Rubina? If you’re over 16, you can message the BGDIT team via WhatsApp for free on 07968100822. Or email us at [e-mail] you're in the UK, for more BBC podcasts listen on BBC Sounds: bbc.in/3UjecF5

This morning my husband, Unlucky Abdul Khan, was craving a chip buddy and I had this recipe that I just had to try. So first I peeled the Purple Majesty potatoes, soaked them, sous-vide them, steamed them and then juggled them for good measure. Because Unlucky is very particular about how he likes his potatoes prepped. He likes big buddies and he cannot lie. Then I had churned the butter for three days with some organic whole milk that I got from my cow, Maisie Boo Boo.

I mixed the butter with the flour I had made from scratch to make the bread for my buddy. And then I went to give him his buddy and found him missing. It turns out he was starving and left me. I had taken a few days to prep his meal. All this work. What did it get me? and left me. I had taken a few days to prep his meal. All this work. What did it get me?

What was that? What was that? Okay. This podcast contains grass-fed, strong language and homemade adult content. What did it get me? What did it get you? All that work. What did it get you? All that work and what did it get me? This is a podcast about sex.

At least it started off like that. Now we talk about everything. Everything is sex. And sex is everything. And that includes our mistakes, our heartbreaks, and our hot, hot, hot takes. I'm Rubina and my most trad wife quality is I absolutely love cooking for my family and taking hours over a meal is something I defs enjoy. I make my own pasta. Not every meal, mind you, but I do love the kitchen. I'm Poppy and my most trad wife quality is all of them because I'm Asian and I've been conditioned since birth to have all of them, but I choose not to use them. So I really want to do

an episode about trad wives because I have inadvertently found myself in a TikTok hole where I just thought I was watching nice content of bread making and homemaking and looking after children, which is something I have less time to do because I have a full time job. I've been obsessed with this TikToker called Nora Smith. And yeah, I just kind of inadvertently fell into it because I just thought, oh, she's making nice bread and she's got this really nice life and she's this model and she's got this really hot husband and these cute kids.

I didn't even realise it was a thing until the producer sent me a link and I was utterly mesmerised. Initially, when producer Gronja sent me the link, I was like, are we doing an episode about sourdough bread I was so confused because this is a really long video about sourdough bread

and then I was like you know when you're like oh and then it's about like perfection and how we can't attain perfection but it kind of is that really

so when I clicked on the link I realized she had like three point something million views she's so unbelievably hot. Her voice is like one of those self-help tapes. But instead of saying, you are strong,

she's talking about kneading dough. Her husband's buff and she's got like a million kids. So she's a woman then. Yeah, well, I think she's just a really interesting genre of like social content of women doing more traditional roles. Like cooking, staying at home. So it's based on the Western idea of like a content of women doing more traditional roles like what is it staying at home so it's it's like it's based on the western idea of like a 50s housewife you know stay at home do all the kind of domestic labor while the husband does the money making and so you're kind

of yeah you're not you're not empowered with money to make financial decisions but you are providing care for the home um so there is some value in it. But I think the reason I wanted to do it because I think there's actually quite a fierce debate around trad wife content and whether it's feminist. And there's another added layer, us being both brown, that our mothers and aunties and most women I know over a particular age, but probably even our age, that are doing that anyway for fucking free.

Exactly. So when I looked into this trend, I just became more and more incensed. I mean, yes, feminism is choice and I will fight to the ground for her right to do this. Absolutely. But my thing is,

the message it gives out, I am vehemently, fundamentally against. Because my mother did all this shit for free, didn't get, like, no one paid her. No one high-fived her. The single mother in society. I also was looking at this TikTok. The woman that is the most fucked in society,

I mean, this is what this TikTok said, was the single mother. Because she does all of it. Raises a child on her own. And no one is congratulating her. No one is high-fiving her. You think about the cost of living crisis, benefits squeeze, et cetera, et cetera.

So I am so, and I feel like a lot of these trad wives, they are in positions of power and privilege. They probably already have a lot of money anyway. A lot of them tend to be conventionally pretty, which means they are easy to watch. Like they are so touchy-feely in their videos. You don't think people can be fake to make money and then like not even touch each other?

I mean, she's had two kids and is pregnant with her third. They are fucking. So she could have just had sex three times. No, I don't think people can be fake to make money and then like not even touch each other? I mean, she's had two kids and is pregnant with her so they are fucking. So she could have just had sex three times? No, I don't think so. Have you seen the way he looks at her? No, I don't think.

He looks at her the way she looks at yeast. That's so true. You're absolutely right. But also, we live in a world where people live out their lives on screens and you can either, you can put it on and you can put it off. Right. So they could be acting.

Do you think that in a trad wife set up in the house, people could have good sex? Because, I mean, I don't want to put this to you, but some of the sex that you have in that submissive way screams trad wife to me. You know what you are absolutely right you are absolutely but if a guy started whispering in my ear not trad wife outside but trad wife in the bedroom in the bedroom but if he started whispering in my ear because i love dirty talk so if he started whispering my ear you're gonna need some flour for the roti and you're gonna you're gonna need it out for me actually i'm turning myself on right now i probably would be into that yeah I probably would be into that. Yeah.

I probably would be into that. But I'm, yeah. The word wife, for me, it just triggers so many bad things. I don't know. Me too. I think it's also because I grew up in this house that's quite similar to you.

So I feel like our reactions are quite... Visceral. They're visceral. Like we're really rebelling against that because we literally grew up in houses where it was like that. And so women who live that way. Exactly.

Like I will never get married and I'm in a civil partnership because I never want to be anyone's wife and when someone's like how's your husband I'm like

not my husband he's not my husband he's my partner he's like he's my equal and so wife is just like a really but trad

love a few things that are trad some traditional things I like traditional Indian clothing I like traditional music

there are some traditional things That I really like I Yeah I I'm not anti-tradition Because I think traditions Are important in cultures

And I think traditions are important But I'm anti-wife But then trad But you're pro-trad But the combination Really fucks with me That's That's why I wanted to do this episode

But you're Like the trad Like the one You're anti-wife But you're pro-trad wife I'm not pro-trad wife I'm pro-trad And I'm anti-wife. It's confusing for me.

So now I don't know who I am. But I'm not your wife. So I looked at these videos. I went down a hole and, you know, a lot of these women are white and blonde. I mean, not strictly. Nara, what's her surname? Smith. Nara Smith is mixed race.

German, actually, born in Germany. Wow. Sorry. Wow. She was born in Germany and then she moved to the US. I am slightly alarmed at this level of brainwashing. Yeah, sometimes she's like, I'm going to make a Stroopwafel. I'm like, of course you are.

Because you're German. Did she make cereal the other day? Yes, she made cereal. This is the other fucking ridiculous thing about these videos. It's like, I'm going to make some cereal from scratch. It's like, bitch, just fucking go to Sainsbury's and other supermarket brands are available and buy cereal. It's not just the like unrealistic, just make it easier for you.

But it's also the like, the the time inconsistency thing what's that thing in films when you have somebody like a script supervisor who's monitoring the time to make sure it all matches up to like like you wore that tie in the last yeah yeah continuity person exactly continuity or something about time it's like it's unrealistic time because she'll be like i woke up this morning my toddlers wanted cereal i then started to make cereal by the time she's finished making the cereal, it's lunchtime. But she's giving her kids bowls of cereal. So here's,

so therein lies the problem, right? She clearly has, when you have so much time, that means you're in a position of privilege. So that means BTS, right? She's got a fucking nanny giving the kids actual cereal

while she makes the fake, real cereal and then gives it to the kids at lunchtime. Never seen the nanny, but her dad has visited to do some babysitting once. But think about the practicalities of that. You're absolutely right. I'm going to make cereal from scratch. Let's say that takes about an hour and a half. Your kids are now starving. Am I calling social services? What's going on here? It's like, it's not being a

woman and being a mother and you know this more than anyone. It's be, it's like, you have to think about the practical. Like you always come in and I love this about you. I look at your shoes and you're like, Poppy, I have hiking shoes. They're muddy. I have to walk through a field because I have to get my son to nursery. And it's like, it's the practical elements of raising a child. And when you have that much money, you have help.

She doesn't work at all. Yes. She's a model. She's a working model. Oh, she's a working model. Okay. No need to patronize this is a job no no she's a she's a working no no when you say she's a working model doing this content or like doing no sometimes she'll be like now i'm in paris for fashion week about to do this job i'm about to do a shoot like she's what she works okay fine To help us investigate this wild trend as accurately as possible, we've invited two BBC journalists into the studio.

Their podcast, Reliable Source, is the news but with flavour. Kirsty Grant and Jonal Awamoyi, welcome to Brown Girls Do It Too. I just love that you guys are shoe-free. We're always shoe-free. You've kicked off your shoes. It's like fresh white socks. I'm loving it. It's the number one rule of reliable source.

Get your shoes off. Do you think your voice sounds different? Shoes on, shoes off. Yeah. I think we feel grounded. Grounded. Yeah, right. You know when you go do yoga

and then they're like, put your palms, the palms of your feet on the ground. Yeah. You're rooted. And that's what we love, you know? You know my equivalent I sound different

when I really need a pee and when I don't need a pee oh yeah I sound more urgent apparently David Cameron would always do his speeches when he was almost bursting because there was a sort of

sense of urgency yeah I wonder if you sound different when you're on your period and not on your period just really angry because lots of hormonal yeah

just really fucking pissed shut up so this episode we're discussing trad wives. And we're wondering if you could give us a little bit of a background on where this trend has emerged, what's come from. Feels like something you guys will know about. Why don't you talk to us a little bit about trad wives?

So trad wives is something that's, you know, it's been traditional wives. That's what it stands for, being a traditional wife. So that's come from, you know, kind of ages. It's not new or as asian women call it fucking doing a bit we've been doing it for time our moms have been trad wives for ages but then it's like in african societies and arab societies the trad wife term is actually a specific reference to western ideas of the 50s housewife like it's very specific right

it's the more so that's online i think it became a bit more like a repackaged thing where it was like oh remember when we all just lived in a little cottage and put on a skirt I didn't I didn't I didn't even know what a trad wife was because I'm not fully on TikTok till I I looked at some of these followers and they're like sorry some of these people these women and they've got like 6.9 million followers yeah Yeah, not a sniff. But I think it all feeds into, it feeds into this whole, like, the Andrew Tate, it's like, it's very synergistic, like synergy, isn't it?

Like, Andrew Tate feeds all of this shit and drivel into kids and young men about incels and a wife needs to be at home. And then suddenly you get this growth, this spurt of these traditional wives who basically, it's the concept of cleaning and cooking and basically making shit from scratch, right? What are your views on the trad wife?

For me, it could never be me. I don't have the skill set. I don't have the desire. I would rather be a breadwinner than a breadmaker. I saw you were going, my God, that was perfection. I'll go out there I'll do the work

you know I don't want to break my back you know I want a bit of balance but I am not sitting at home being the bread winner this is the thing also at home

like I don't think that looks easy that lifestyle do you not think it's really funny that the domestic chores that they love to talk about are all cooking

but nobody's like I saw the toilet had a shit stain on it the other day I got out the brush and I got out the Domestos and I really went on in with the bleach

and I went round and round and round because that's the truth about domestic use that is the truth and also yeah they do the nice ones that's like

then I kneaded the dough and then I did this but like also a lot of these trad wives that we're talking about now like Nara Smith who is like huge

she's actually just a content creator if we deep it. Like she is. She's a TikToker really, isn't she? She's not a trad wife. Why do you think there's been such a, why have they risen in popularity? Why are people latching onto them? They're aesthetic videos. They're really satisfying to watch.

And listen to, right? And listen to. And the way that they're dressed and the way that she kind of pours the flour. Let's call a spade a spade. They're all fucking hot. They're all hot. They're objectively hot. And they sound like, you know, those self-help videos,

like, you are strong. It is like ASMR. But it's basically like kneading the dough. And you're just like, what is this? I'm mesmerized. You're in a bit of a trance when you watch it. I feel like I've fallen into the TikTok hole. Oh, she has.

She absolutely has. I like consumed lots of Nara Smith videos for ages. And then obviously the algorithm was like, you're loving this, here's more. And so I went really far in and then I didn't really realise everything she was representing. That actually was like maybe like against some of the things that I'm about. But I'm really struggling with being anti-trad wife because I'm not. I'm like pro women making decisions. If your decision is to stay in the kitchen, go right ahead ahead that's all good if that's what you want to do

but i i worry because if we're making that kitchen thing feel really glamorous we need to make other parts of society in the world feel glamorous do you think that on platforms like tiktok like we glamorize everything if that makes sense like the corporate curly is very glamorized the boss babe is glamorized we've got the molly mays the grace beverly's it's all really glamorized and then you've got the other side of it i think that side's just gaining prominence now but we have been seeing you know people like talking about their days at work we've got we've got so many influencers that work at like pretty little thing we've got influencers that work at Tesco we had that influencer Hannah

that makes it glamorous yeah you know what are you challenging me and Rubina to make cleaning the toilet glamorous because I bet you any money we couldn't do it

I watch a shit stain is a shit stain I watch that content I watch the cleaner talk the cleaner talk I watch it and is it glamorous

does it make you want to clean your toilet I mean I clean my toilet all the time by the way it's so satisfying to watch someone clean the toilet so I just clean my toilet all the time by the way it's so satisfying to watch someone clean the toilet so I just think

even with shit stains and things like that yeah I watch people clean the ear you know those oh I love those the ear

pimple popping also quite oh my god I am so I've never felt my age more than I have on this fucking episode

really have you never done you know when they attach the camera to the ear thing and they go right in and scrape out the ear wax I could use the tongs

I needed to use the suction yeah so hairy in there oh yuck but I just can't stop I can't stop myself I'm just like wow give me more

do you think like the trad wife content because you're right everything is glamorised and some of it is negative right some of it's like well that's unrealistic

expectations of that life and if that's all you're consuming, you're like, well, I'm going to become a trad wife because that's what that looks like. Do you see any... But like Alex Earl is like at the Oscars

and like these big ceremonies doing Get Ready With Me. Everyone's like, I want to be Alex Earl. You're not. You're just not going to be Alex Earl. This is what I wonder is like, I would want to know,

has anyone actually been inspired by it? Like, is there any like in Britain like, young girls who are like, oh, I'm actually just going to make bread all day? I can't see that happening. My theory, I find it all really sinister because I think, and this is my view, I think we've taken a giant leap backwards. And I see your point. Like, it should be, like, I'm also very much a feminist

and it's, like, pro-choice. You choose to live that life. But what is happening is, if you want to fucking live that life by yourself, fine. But the fact that you put it out on TikTok, you have 6.9 million followers, so there could be a generation of girls who could have been astronauts,

okay, far-fetched, but you know what I mean, like, scientists, who are like, I'm now going to clean the toilet and become a content creator. I'm just like, I don't know how I feel about that. Do you think the trad wives are that bad? They're worse influencers. They're Shira Seven, who literally promotes using dating as financial advice.

We've got Wizard Liz, who also promotes the same thing. Those girls are speakers. I follow Wizard Liz. Yeah, and those girls say, you know what? You deserve this. You should get this. I would put it on the same pedestal. I would put it on the same pedestal. Yeah, and then those girls say, you know what? You deserve this. You should get this. And they are actually telling women, giving them tips. I would put it on the same pedestal.

I would put it on the same pedestal. Yeah, I would. You really think that these trad wives are like, I'm cooking for the babies. No, no, no. You think that is a similar thing? Yeah, there's a bigger message. There's a bigger, you're just looking at like,

I'm rolling this, kneading this dough for the baby. I'm looking at the bigger overall message of, are we sending a generation of kids back into the, like, not kids, women back into, it just feels really regressive to me.

I think it's, I kind of disagree actually because I think, you know, we, we're like probably a chunk older than you, grew up with like this whole independent woman myth

of like, you can have it all, you should be earning everything, you can like be Miss Independent. That is like what we were sold. And I can see why the generation after us might be like you know what actually I do need help in the kitchen I do need support I want to split my finances with somebody and I want someone to look after me and I want to look after somebody else and that caring they're not splitting their finances the husband's the breadwinner no they're both models I mean sorry we're just talking about

Nara Smith here aren't we we're talking about trad wives I guess that some of the trad wife culture is about like, you know, then the man is in charge of everything. But there is, there is something about care in the home

that's missing now. Yeah, but then you've given me, given me, given me another point very neatly. These women who look like models,

let's, sorry, these women who look like models, let's be honest, are content creators, ultimately, let's deep it for what it is.

They look beautiful and you will always watch quote unquote, beautiful people kneading bread. When you are not that genetically enhanced and you'll need, no one's going to, unless you're really funny, you can make it really engaging. Like, and they're making so much money. So they're not trad wives. They're pretending to be trad wives. Well, they're not pretending to be. They are trad wives, I guess.

But they're also making money. Like, I don't like it. But what's, I don't know. No, no, let's talk don't know because let's talk about it there's so many different personas you've got like even amelia de moldenberg she had a whole persona she was people said to what she was doing at the time like she's not a trad wife i'm not i'm not she's playing a character on the internet which people have but she's also if you deep it she's she's playing a journalist. She's playing Alan Partridge. She's interviewing people. She's not like, for me, it's the domesticness.

I suppose it's like domestic chores. And it's like really linking into like, I don't know if we can say this, but like, you know, the whole like in Mormon culture, in the Mormon faith, the idea that women are supposed to be at home raising the children and cooking and cleaning. And serving.

And serving. To me, it's absolutely the subservient. Amelia is interviewing people. She's in her chicken shop. She's got this whole gimmick. She's now on the red carpet. She's working. She's out there, right?

It's a character and that's great. But these women are... Oh, I disagree. Do you think content creation is work? Yes, it is work. Content creation is money. Of course it's work. Nara Smith's working. Of course.

That's my point. Actually, as she was speaking, I was like, is it not exactly the same? It is. Like, she's basically playing a character of a trad wife, but actually she's a content creator.

I agree. This is my point. She's making money because she's been blessed with these looks and a model husband. But if you're just a normal girl called Lucy or Romina right

and you're trying to sorry almost my name just a normal girl Romina's my Romina's my go to Bengali name I've now realised

it's actually I think it's the message that it sends out it's not the Nara Smiths and the Bellarina Farms who are making a shit ton of money

it's the message that it gives out to like other girls who are like yeah some of them might be really successful some of them might be really successful some of them might see a bellarina farm and be like i can do that she makes content and she makes her millions do you guys think in any way it's damaging i i i don't

i don't i think that tiktok serves you a variety of different content and if you choose to watch that like for example like i'd watch loads of shows about like amish life when i was younger it didn't ever really make me want to you yeah but baby not you but there were so many people that would be impressionable

to that I understand that but I do also think that like when you do look at households in the UK for example who does most of the housework it's women

in general it's women women exactly who are the breadwinners also it's women too but is that the content creator's fault?

Is that like, it's interesting because like the Amish life thing of like, yeah, that's really interesting to watch. And you can't shelter someone from gender imbalance. So, you know, you can be like, yeah, don't watch Nara Smith, but look outside the window and let's look at the gender pay gap.

Like there's other stuff. So this is my point. You're all just feeding me. It's the subservient. Yeah. So we're further reinforcing the gender pay gap by keeping women in the kitchen number one because these women i'm not talking about the content creators but what they profess is you stay at home and your husband

will be the breadwinner can i say something about that domestic labor they stay at home but domestic labor is labor and should be paid for labor it's exactly my next point women are doing women are doing the workload anyway. So yes, the Nara Smiths. So make money over there. Yes, but that's,

yes, I'm saying, it's great, it's great for the people at the top, right? There can only be a few Nara Smiths

and a few Bellarina Farms, but everyone else in that pyramid is here. That's my next point. Also, you're a journalist. You think critically. Not everyone is going

to think like you, right? Like, you have an entire podcast to debunk myths, like take down stories not every impression not everyone will have those critical skills and actually I would argue we now live in a society where most people don't criticize anything and that's why we're so divisive and polarized wow well I my I think my main question is are like is that actually happening like are people watching that content and going oh I want to do that or are they just watching it and being like cool that was just a tiktok like it's just

brain rot on the app like you go through someone kneading dough and then you go to like subway surfers and then you go to like a clip from a podcast and it's like am I actually taking any of this in is any of this actually impacting because for me I don't think it is it also reminds me of when I was younger I would just watch all these YouTube morning routines like Zoella being like and then I go over and light my candle and I was like wow I need to be this put together but I think this is so different like I'm not actually going to go knead dough in the morning and stay home all day so I just feels like it wouldn't actually impact me and be like whoa I need to do that again you're like one individual though it's I suppose it's yeah I'm

interested in whether do you know what about you do you think it's the big message. Yeah, I'm interested in whether... Do you know what about you? Do you think it's something that people can be influenced by, like actually? I think people can be influenced by anything. So yeah, there's a potential that people can be influenced, of course.

However, I don't, I just don't see this as very direct, you should live this lifestyle content. I think there's so many more trends that are direct, that teach you tricks to manipulate people that are quite toxic. I also think there's so many more trends that are direct that teach you tricks to manipulate people that are quite toxic I also think there needs to be a demand for trad wives you've got

to be a wife which means that you need a guy or or a woman I don't know like you need a partner for example who's able to give you the comfortable lifestyle that record that you need so there needs to be a demand there and I think the supply even of those type of partners, those high value, whatever people call them, partners are getting smaller because things like their gender wage gap is getting similar.

So it's harder for men to earn that much more than women because this is something that we're focusing on now. So that's kind of a bit of an issue as well. It's like, yeah, I want to be a trad wife. Okay, then who's going to look after you if we're all in the costume living room?

I think the videos that you were referring to pretty much give a how-to on how to get the bag, like get the guy to do this and go on a date here. That is obviously clearly dangerous. But I think this overall, depending, I'm not on TikTok, right? So if it's a zeitgeist moment or a trend, if it dies down, then great.

But I think this is far more insidious and there's something deeper there. There is also another trend, which is like, spend the day with me as a stay at home girlfriend. And then it's these girls that are like, I wake up in the morning and my husband gives me a shower. And then why is my husband giving her a shower? She doesn't do anything. I don't know. They don't really do anything. I watch a lot of those.

I watch a lot of Girlfriend of a Millionaire. Yeah, yeah. I'm the girlfriend of a billionaire. You really down the TikTok hole. I really like this. This trad wife discussion between Poppy and I has really opened me up to be like, I cannot believe how much trash I consume.

I do not know how much trash you consume. But yeah, like Girlfriend of a Billionaire. And then I went to pick up this handbag. That's all they do. I did my nails. It's kind of just fascinating. It doesn't make me a billionaire and then I went to pick up this handbag that's all they do I did my nails it's kind of just fascinating it doesn't make me think wow I need to be this

I'm just like wow there's also creators that are just like I don't work and I live in Kensington and I have like three Birkins and this is my life and like

so I see those I see that content and I'm like I don't know how you do that but just to bring it back to Trad Wives you know what's really interesting

with Trad Wives is this idea of like unequal relationships at home so part of the Trad Wives thing that's interesting I don't know how you do that, but... Just to bring it back to trad wives, you know what's really interesting with trad wives is this idea of unequal relationships at home. So part of the trad wife thing that's interesting is basically saying, I'm going to do this bit of the relationship, the domestic house stuff, and you're going to be doing the other stuff. And some of that feels unequal

because there's a power imbalance on how much work I'm doing compared to you. I have a theory that most relationships are unequal and equality in relationships always kind of has to shift. What do you guys think of that? I think in relationships, you kind of just, each person has to give 100%, but that 100% doesn't necessarily look the same

or kind of can be the same in the real world, if that makes sense. That's the whole point, I think. Yeah, I think you're right. I think it depends on the two people and their personalities because sometimes one person is going to give more emotional support and the other person is going to cook dinner every night because they're home first.

It's practical, isn't it, if someone works late? But I think you're right. Sometimes it is unequal, but it kind of just works. I think what I don't like about The Tried Wives is that it's so unequal to the point where the woman is at home and the guy is the only person who is the breadwinner, therefore controls the finances. And if you can't again not nara and

ballerina because i'm sure they make money and it goes into her account i find it really uncomfortable when the shift in due in tasks is so it's like oil and water like if you were both cooking sorry if you were both working and then both doing a bit of the cooking and both taking care of the children like an equal partner should be and it's always an equilibrium that's cool but when it's like i'm to take care of the money and you're going to take care of the cooking, I'm like, fuck that. Do you feel like you cook together?

I was about to say, because he bakes, but I found that... No, he just bakes. You guys have actually seen everyone bake. He just bakes. Because she said,

my husband doesn't really like to cook, but he's a really great baker. But can I just say, do you think with the Nara Smith criticism that's been happening on social media, she's changed her content? Because I've noticed suddenly Lucky's a bit more baking

and suddenly she's being like, look, I'm not that Mormon, guys, chill out. She's started to respond to the critics in this really interesting way of making content that's kind of serving some of those questions. Well, yeah, because she's a content creator at the end of the day. If her audience haven't backed her,

she's going to switch that content up, which is smart because she's literally not a trad wife. she is a tiktoker oh my god so you've literally got me back to my my argument of like okay it's all it's all just bullshit i mean it's not bullshit but it's all content creating yes and you serve your audience but my and a bit is it like i don't know i don't know how real that like if i was a 14 year old girl i would find that shit so impressionable i really would don't you see that in dubai really would but don't you see that in Dubai Bling and don't you see that in all those

really selling sunsets all of those shows I'm not saying those shows are any less better than what these girls are doing but the thing is

those shows are kind I think they're so much worse because they have these really interesting conversations and like all of these women want it so bad and it's like maybe someone's

fallen out with their husband even the Real Housewives franchise one's fallen out with her husband even the Real Housewives franchise one's fallen out with her husband oh my god her husband's gone oh my god

so big I know she's really rich but and she gets half of his money what do you find difficult about those what do you find boas about those programs

those programs do promote the idea to be the trophy wife isn't that the whole point all they do is kind of like they're great women they're very smart

but I'm putting them on the same pedestal of shit. Because I don't think, I just don't think the trad wife trend is as bad because it doesn't really promote that negative message. But this is where I think fundamentally we disagree because for you it needs to be very overt. And for me, it's a very covert way of... But I think more women are like, oh my God, the girl. I know that that character

on Selling Sunset I love her oh my god have you seen her pictures on Instagram with her husband there's just so much more that they give

and there's so much you feel like you're part of that world when you watch those TV shows and I think that is way more damaging than kneading the bread

I like learning how to make you know some ravioli cereal she makes cereal I saw that she made the cookie crisp

or something it's mental I just I think we need to give the kids more credit is my take because like we grew up with like

you know people older than us grew up with like here's a comedy show here's the news you know it was like TV programmes and it's like

this one's funny this one's real this one's the news and now it's like we people that grow up they have so much content and it's like, this one's funny, this one's real, this one's the news. And now it's like people that grow up these days, they have so much content and it's all somewhere in between and I think they know the subtleties.

And we even have ads in the middle of different... We're trained to be like, oh, this is that, this is that. You work it out. Kirsty, if at the start of a relationship a partner came up to you and said, I will provide everything for you. You'll never have to work again. I'm in control of the finances, but anything you want, you will get from me. You know, how would you really honest go deep into your soul here? How would you really respond to that? The things I'm thinking about is I was really bored in lockdown when I had nothing to do, firstly.

Secondly, I can't make any food that really tastes anything interesting. And, like, I'm just like, what am I actually going to fill my day with? And he's going to get the it because he's going to be like, I've been out working, I said I'm going to provide you and I've come home and you've done nothing. So he's probably going to just leave. And I'm left with what at the end of the day? Some, like, flour and sugar in my cupboard.

It's a no, it's just a no from me. So you bought ten years ago? Yeah, it's like, cool, I don't know what to do with it. So I'm left with what at the end of the day? Some like flour and sugar in my cupboard. I'm not, it's a no. It's just a no from me. So you bought 10 years ago? Yeah, it looks like cool. I don't know what to do with it. So I'm going no. Okay. What about you, Jonah?

Listen, I'm a busy babe. I have 150 million hobbies. I like doing random things. I'll pick up skipping as a hobby. I'll pick up something random, skydiving. I'm going to be out all day. But. I don't think you'd be happy with that.

Anyway. So I don't, I don't, no, I don't. No, you've got to give out all day. But... I don't think you'd be happy with that. Anyway. So, I don't... I don't... No, you've got to give us an answer. Fine. He's providing for you. I'm going to say no, but... You're such a liar.

I would... I think you'd say... After all of that chat, you're saying no. After all of that chat, you're saying no. Nah. Nah. Come on. No, no, no.

I've actually had someone say something like that to me, and I was like, no. No. What did he say? I was like, no. No, no, no. I've actually had someone say something like that to me and I was like, no, no. What did he say? I was like, no, I was like, listen. What did he say he'd provide for you? I'm a news journalist. I'm a serious career-driven woman.

Okay. Has her own money. Not that much, but... But I'm working for my future so I can buy a nice handbag one day, maybe. Okay. But did he say that he was going to provide everything for you? Yeah, yeah.

Wow. So you're living proof of someone actually offered that to you and you rejected it. That's amazing. Wow. That's Will. That is, that is. No regrets.

Yeah, yeah. But at the end of the day, you know, if it happens, it happens. It doesn't, it doesn't. I'm still a working woman. I've got my own money. I've got my own cash. So we've basically got two no's then. Two no's from you two.

Rubina. I feel like hers was a maybe. Mine was a maybe. Okay, one no, one maybe. So Rubina, a guy, not your current partner, but in an alternative universe, comes up to you. He's so taken by your beauty, your intelligence. He wants to marry you.

He's proposed. In fact, you've had the civil partnership, okay? He now says to you, you never have to work a day in your life. He's not oppressive. He will take care of you. You never have to wake a day in your life. He's not oppressive. He will take care of you. You never have to wake up, send emails and do Zooms. Nothing ever again.

He will provide no work. What are you saying? A hundred percent. I'm in. Count me in. Sign me up. I'm there. The idea of financial freedom as a child of refugees blows my fucking mind.

I would love to not have to worry about money. And the freedom, creative freedom it gives you when you don't have to think about money all the time would blow fucking mind. I would love to not have to worry about money. And the freedom, creative freedom it gives you when you don't have to think about money all the time would blow my mind. I'd be a filmmaker. I'd be a filmmaker.

I think I'd be a filmmaker. But I also would open up a farm. I really want to have a farm where I grow apples and honey and flowers. Apples, honey and flowers, right? That's my dream. That's what I want to do.

Would you be a painter as well? I would tell you. Watercolours. Why not? Why not? Sapa Gallery. Sapa Girls School Education for Girls you know

everything everything and then we go to a gala then we go to a gala we'll go to your gala no this actually does sound good yeah because also like I think you know

in the end like I'm in a relationship right now that's quite long term one of us makes a bit more money than the other and I provide for him I provide for us

okay we get it we get it I'm in it, we get it. I'm in, I'm in. All right, all right. So my answer, fuck no. I never, ever, ever in my life want to have... People get divorced. I see how fucked up it is.

People run away with money. Like, absolutely will never in my life will you see me. If a guy came up to me, could be a six foot two, Cillian Murphy, ready to fake convert to Islam, and he said oh fucking I will do anything for you I'd be like

for fuck's sake and I would say no because the idea of relinquishing financial control to someone I don't give a fuck what he promises me

because he could be with you and then you're off making your film for 6 months and then he falls in love with one of you bitches no don't sign a prenup exactly

that would be my other caveat to it and that is my answer oh my god wow people are fickle as fuck and I want to be

I want to have complete autonomy maybe we should have the same guy though then he could just cheat the rest of us trad polyamory trad trad polyamory

trad wife polyamory so you can't have a bank Sheree has a bank account though the trad wives have money. No, but I'm sure they have money. No, it's in chart. That he gives them. That he gives them.

So they get a standing... But Sheree's got people buying that clothes. She's an it girl in the town about Lantau. No. In this world... She used that as a platform and she took it. In this world... You've got to be a smart lady in this.

I'm sure you two will be smart, but in this world he earns the money and he puts the money into your account. Don't you worry, we've got a little squirrel back in town. He doesn't know that. Where by all those you do? That's the only way I would do it. I'm sure they all do that. They definitely do. They must do. The jewellery, back up.

Get all the gold jewellery. Get the bag, the art in the house. You can sell it. Get it on vintage. The glasses. Do you know what I mean? If you get no assets. get the bag and then if he cuts you can sell it get it on vintage yeah the glasses you know what I mean if you get enough assets yeah vintage shops pop in

meanwhile you're selling you're selling your jewellery and he's married to someone 10 years young and offered the same thing still rolling in the money though so

yeah and you've got a film you've got credits you've got a farm you've got art you've got a gallery he's taken your farm no no

it's driving it's in his name how are you going to get a loan how are you getting that loan it's driving you've got a gallery he's taken your farm no no it's driving it's in his name how are you going to get a loan how are you getting that loan it's in his name wake up you two are smart as fuck man what's going on

you're actually the perfect candidates for these you know what you two should start a fucking TikTok oh my god it's in his name this is the real housewives

of the BBC right here there is no way you're getting any loan because everything is in his name because he earns all the money No no you've just got to put it in yours

No No it doesn't work that way We can kill him Right I listen any sort of behaviour that's criminal

I don't know I don't know about that Sure sure sure Raveen is like I'll just kill him myself I don't know where this went But anyways on the record I wouldn't do it Thank you so much I'll just kill him myself. I don't know where this went. But anyway,

on the record, I wouldn't do it. Thank you so much for coming on Brand Girls Do It Too. You have riled me up. Good. I think all of us need to go look at a mortgage application and loan application

to see who can apply. And you need to go onto TikTok and look at some more trad wives. Can I say something? What you two have done, I've realised today how far you are down TikTok because I did not know this about you

and I pretty much know nearly everything about you you are so in it I have to have a 15 minute limit every day oh good I did too she has those and she presses ignore

ignore ignore I literally I'm like 8 hours a day which sounds bad but it's my job yes I'm paid

I'm paid to do it and I do it so proudly and honestly no man can take that from me yes mic drop see TikTok Thank you so much. Thank you so much for coming on. And now we are your Shaggy Aunties.

You've reached the Shaggy Aunties call centre. Want advice you can't ask your real aunties for? Like, how do you ask for what you want in bed? Not sure which hole is a goal? Where do anal beads really go? Have you been faking orgasms your whole adult life? Accidentally called your boss daddy? Is your long-time love not going down south?

For more than just the tip, we're here for you. Yes, you. And and you and you please remember to ask the bill payers permission before calling our shagging aunties are not medical professionals and bear no responsibility for the consequences of your own actions okay so we've been sent this message hi poppy and robina during the pandemic i invested in a very fancy vibrator and when i tell you it changed my perception of life itself believe me the problem That's so great. Also, she's basically telling us that she's in love with her vibrator like there's a deep

connection there is the vibrator called unlucky Abdul Khan hello unlucky Abdul Khan do you want to go first no you go first I think this could be a problem

because I went through do you remember Victor you met Victor he's too skinny for me now I need something a bit more girthy Victor you met in the first series one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I became addicted to him. I used him a bit too much. So when I was with my partner at the time, he still made me cum, but it would just take a bit longer or it was a different orgasm. So I would say wean yourself off. Don't go cold turkey.

Wean yourself off. It sounds like she's having quite a few wanks. So I would say...an yourself off. Don't go cold turkey. Wean yourself off. It sounds like she's having quite a few wanks. So I would say... Give us some numbers. Like how many times can she be using the vibrator? How many times would you use the vibrator? Oh, you don't use vibrators. I reckon she's getting in about four times a week.

Four times a week? Minimum, minimum, minimum. And so what are you telling her to wean down to? Wean it down to two. One. One a week. Two and then down to one. Let's say she's doing it five, down to three, down to one.

Oh, really? And then in that time, go up on the hinge dates. Oh, for every one vibrator down, do one. Two to one ratio. I like that. Two dating apps, one wank on the vibrator. I agree. I kind of agree.

I think, look, masturbating and orgasming really hard is so fucking fun yeah it's the most fun thing you can do next to eating and then i would say orgasm is sometimes better than eating no eating is way better they're the same yeah they're the same a really good orgasm a really good but also what if you're eating a dud apple like this is it dud is it not sweet oh yeah sometimes you get those if you're eating a dud apple like this? Is it dud? Is it not sweet? Oh, yeah, sometimes you get those. If you're eating a shit apple. Not from my farm, would you find that problem?

If you're eating a dud apple, then the orgasm's better. But if you're eating like this amazing, like something. I think just going hard for pleasure can desensitize your own pleasure. So I'm currently going through a quite horny phase at the moment

where I'm masturbating every day and I haven't done this for a really long time I just find the time I just find the time to do it whether I take myself to bed early whether I'm in between I mean I don't know off camera you've said probably I just literally shut the laptop down but in the middle of an email I'm like fuck this I need to go sort myself out she's lying she's lying I'm currently like I was editing a video and I was like, oh, I probably need a break because we're going to have a break right now. So I could go downstairs

and eat a biscuit. It's like a cig break or the tea break. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think that has really made me feel desensitized because before when I started

masturbating, because I think I was having a gap and then I started masturbating and was like, oh my God, I fucking forgot how good this is.

I'm doing this every day and I'm doing it every day and it's not as good. So that's why I think she should definitely have a break well it's like you know how some guys

can be addicted to porn and when they see the real thing i.e. Poppy's vagina it doesn't quite do it for them so they have to finish themselves but also like

you know you've got to realise you live in 2024 you lucky thing you can actually introduce a vibrator into your sexual relationship with your partner now without it being weird

like they'll just be like cool I think because Hinge is like date three date three yeah like Hinge is like date three date three yeah like Hinge and some of these apps

they're quite they're full of basic bitch people Field is the app where you can be like here's a dildo and a cock ring let's go

whereas I think date one where you're like I can only come with Victor and you're joining in it would be like okay on date one

you'd be like I've got something in my handbag to show you there's three of us here yeah yeah you don't want to be creepy why would you rather

them take out a stick of dynamite like our show or Victor probably the dynamite I think like I mean like take a break

but also don't feel bad that if the thing that's making you come hard is like this toy because get a boyfriend who likes to play that is all

for now I've been really I've been I've got like a fire in my belly from today's episode man I really have

thank you so much for listening and if you have any thoughts or questions or dilemmas as always get in touch with the Shagging Aunties

because we are your aunties and you can email us at browngirlsdoittoo at bbc.co.uk or you can send us a whatsapp or a voice note on 07968 100 8 2 2 Or you can send us a WhatsApp or a voice note on

And do send us messages because it's anonymous, you know. Just be like asking for a friend. Bye.