Brown Girls Do It Too - What Men Want with Asim Chaudhry

Episode Date: October 25, 2024

What is Big Boy Energy? Poppy is about to find out and is joined by comedian and actor Asim Chaudhry, famously known for his role as Chabuddy G in People Just Do Nothing. They talk about first loves in the playground, the concept of marriage, brown boys and whether men cheat more than women. Have a message for Poppy? If you’re over 16, you can message the BGDIT team via WhatsApp for free on 07968100822. Or email us at [e-mail]. If you're in the UK, for more BBC podcasts listen on BBC Sounds: bbc.in/3UjecF5

If you're looking into my mind, then I should probably give a warning right now that this podcast will contain strong language and themes of an adult nature. Let's start with a mind trick. I'm going to try and guess what you're thinking about. What are you thinking about? I'm thinking about those old school bendy buses. You know, the ones that you could get on for free. And they don't exist anymore.

They're a liability, that's why. They are a liability because people would just get on them for free. So I'm thinking about bendy buses. What are you thinking about? How much those bendy buses were really smelly because they did, like, everyone could go on them. Yeah. A real sense of community, though.

It was, yeah. Bankers. To bankers, yeah. To wankers. To wankers. To wankers. People literally wanking on their phones. Like nannies in their shopping trolleys. The nannies weren't wanking.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. But they could, though, because the sari is quite, you know, it's like a trench coat, isn't it? They could be doing flashing or doing all sorts. Nannies flashing their nannies. Come on. There's something in that. Write that down. That's a really good idea for a podcast.

Maybe that's me and Rubino in 50 years' time. In our old people, we get you as a guest. Yeah. Narnie's flashing their narnie. And it's literally just a 10-second podcast. Thank you. Looks lovely. See you later. See you next week. You're not really looking there.

You're looking at the floor because that's where it is. Yeah. Oh, bless. Right. Okay. Sorry. We're going to have fun. Proud Goals do it too. in there you're looking at the floor because that's where it is yeah oh right okay sorry we're gonna have fun brown goals do it too presents big boy energy this is big boy energy a podcast where i'm on a mission to delve deep into the recesses of what men want what they really think, and find the answers we all want to know. Since the beginning of time, women have been treated as the more mysterious sex, but can anyone really claim to understand the hearts, minds, and the dicks of men?

I'm Poppy Jay, and you might have heard me on the award-winning podcast, Brown Girls Do It Too, which I present with the brown princess Diana, Rubina Pabani. We speak about everything from our sex lives to female rage and from Excel spreadsheets that our tax-dodging uncles would be proud of to the complicated relationships we have with our families. As you would have heard his dulcet tones already,

I'm joined by actor, writer and comedian, certified Don, Asim Chowdhury. Wow, thank you. I thought you were going to say Asim Chowdhury. Wow. Thank you. I thought you were going to say certified bendy bus wanker. No. I thought you were going to do something with a bendy bus. No, I'm not that clever. Okay.

We've been gagging to have you on Brown Girls Do It Too. I know, I wanted to come on Brown Girls Do It Too quite a few times. We tried and the dates just never aligned. Well, you're just a busy brown excellent sitting right here. Yeah, I'm just a slag. You should have been busy. Just a slag, aren't I? A brown slag. We love it. I're just a busy brown excellent sitting right here. Yeah, I'm just a slag. Just a slag, aren't I? A brown slag. We love it.

I'm just a brown slag. Well, you're busy. I'm busy and I'm a bit of a workaholic. So I do like, I think I get a little bit, even though I do love it when I have free time, because then it's like, I'm one of those guys who like, you know, my wife finds it quite frustrating because I never get bored.

Yeah. I never get bored. I've always got so much to do. And I always think like boring people get bored. So even though I do like my free time and even in my free time, I like to do creative stuff and write and music and blah, blah, blah. But then I do get a little bit of itch. I do think, oh, I need to be working.

I need to go and do something. Do you think that's like the brown immigrant mentality? I grew up poor. I was poor for a long time in my life. Broke. You know, I only really got success with people just do nothing in like the mid-20s 25 26 yeah so i know that feeling very well i don't even like money i'll be honest with you i'm not really a person who's like like i need to make money but i do i get stressed when i don't think if i can't pay mortgages and bills and look after certain people.

That does, it motivates me, but I do have that immigrant mentality. But that's a really different thought to like, I want money. Yeah, no. Exactly. I find money gross. It makes me feel sick.

Yeah. You know? And I also, I mean, it is. Am I getting paid for this? You're getting expensed for a fucking sandwich. I don't even know. That's the thing. And I don't care because.

This is it. No, I don't care because it's like, I mean, of course I care because it's money and you've got to pay bills and blah, blah, blah. And you have to know your worth

and all that bullshit. That's why I've got an agent though. I want her to do all that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to just focus on doing cool stuff, you know? So you know the deal. Rubina is off having a little bubs.

She needs a break. And each episode, she leaves us with a voice note. It might be a Rubina monologue, but I think today's one is a question she's asking us. Hey, Pops. I hope you're enjoying recording this podcast without me. Jokes. I hope you're having a terrible time. I've got a big earthy question for you here. What do you think men really want from life, relationships and love? Surely some of the same stuff as women. There's something to ponder on.

I think what men want is pussy. Right. Initially. Like levels one, two, three, four, five is pussy. Then they have to get to a certain stage and then they want a bit more. Right. Is my initial base level answer.

What about you? Yeah, I mean, when you talk about levels, are we talking about like age as well? Like, so like they're going up or what do you mean? Like I need to get 10 vaginas and then once I've got 10 vaginas,

then I want love. Really good question. You know? Yeah, I think it's to do with age and experience from, you know, puberty to a particular age. Maybe they have one thing

and I'm talking about straight men, obviously here. Perhaps they have one thing on their mind, and it's to get women. And then I think after a certain time, if they turn a corner, it could be 25, it could be 35, it changes for men. But after a particular time, that's when they want P and something a bit more. Whereas I think with women, it could be a bit of both. Right.

D and love and something a bit more meaningful. Security. And security. Not with all women, because I don't want that. Yeah, and I think it's the same not with all men as well. And not with all men, yeah. Yeah, because it is such a loaded question. I think, you know, I mean, my earliest memories of what I wanted,

like when I was first really started, like, actually liking girls in a way that is not like you smell and you've got the lurkies yeah you know which is actually probably i remember it was probably year five year six for me and i remember the girl actually and and i was completely in love with her and it was and we were very much in that you know taking the piss out of each other phase yeah and um we would do stuff like have quizzes on the backfield friends quizzes and i really fancied this girl i remember her mum died and i didn't think about having sex with her at all yeah i just thought you were in year five year six year five yes i'm very young six is that too young to no judgment here no but

that's what i'm saying that was the first girl i remember fancying like actually being like i would love for her to be my girlfriend or just to spend time with her outside of school yeah and i remember like i i didn't think about that at all you know sex or anything I actually just thought about being around her then I remember her mum died and I felt really sad for her and I felt like I wanted to help her and I remember when she came back from after her mum died I remember I went up to her and I gave her a pound and I went sorry your mum died And I think that set a pattern in my life to be attracted to emotionally, you know, damaged women and then try and throw money at them. Seriously.

You've got the whole room, literally. No, and sex never came into that equation. You gave her a pound. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You gave her a pound. And I said, I'm sorry. You gave her a pound. I said, sorry, your mum died. I swear to God.

Can I say, you could get a lot for a pound then. And actually, how do you alleviate the stress of a kid? You give them, how many pick and mixes could she get for a pound? A hundred. Literally. They were a penny. So she could literally get a hundred fried eggs. And you were probably

making her feel better so actually in this day and age you'd give someone a bouquet of flowers but a pound how does she feel about the pound

well yeah she was like thanks because she did not fancy me back and actually I remember a real heart crushing experience I had

when we they were girls it was like year six and they were all talking about which boys they fancy and she was like they were doing like a you know like year six or the, you know, and they were all talking about which boys they fancy. And she was like,

they were doing like a, you know, a Frankenstein of the boys. And then it was like, whatever, like John's body. Oh yeah. Blah, blah.

Yeah. And then she went, Oh, I've seen his personality. And I went, that's nice. And then, and then they were like,

Oh, you fancy Asim. Everyone was there. And then she was like, no, no, he's too fat. And I wasn't even that fat back then.

I was like the little, you know, like little baby fat. Yeah. Yes. Asian fat. Asian fat. I was super cute. like, no, no, he's too fat. And I wasn't even that fat back then. I was like the little, you know, like little baby fat. Yeah, yeah. Asian fat. Asian fat. I was super cute. And that really crushed me. And then I thought, you know what, bitch, give me my pound back.

No, I'm joking. Glad your mum's dead. I'm joking. I'm joking. I didn't do that. No, but you know, she really broke my heart. So it was my first, I mean, not broke my heart because I wasn't in love. You know, it was just pure

like puppy love kind of thing. But yeah, that was my, and in all that time, sex never came into it. It wasn't like I'd go home and hump the pillow, which is a normal thing for boys. You know, which I did do later on,

like year eight, year nine, year seven. But did you reach puberty at year five or year six? So you wouldn't have been humped. I think year six, year seven is probably puberty time. What age is that? What's the age?

Year seven is 11. Year seven is 11. Yeah, so it wouldn't have been six yeah seven is probably puberty time what age is that what's the age yeah yeah seven is yeah seven is 11 yeah seven is 11 yeah so it probably would have been around that i mean i remember like getting you know getting boners and like humping pillows and stuff but never actually yeah yeah nothing will come out come out yeah yeah yeah it was like just a bit of dust or something i don't know i don't know no follow-through no follow-through i remember being eight and uh be able to i would have orgasms i'd be able to stand in the playground near the frog bins and clench my vagina and i had orgasms which i know now now know to be orgasms but i didn't associate it with sex it was just something my body did i was like oh this is wow but near the frog bins near the frog can i ask you a question have you ever been attracted to men who look a bit froggy no no well sometimes you need to orgasm near some frogs

to find your prince is that a saying aww you really are smooth that is so bad well I use the massive giant frog bins do you remember these frog bins

in primary school they're huge yeah I've got them they're huge but now because you're doing that and you're wearing green I feel like you might be the frog

I think subconsciously you've come as a frog I've come as a permit that made you come when you were eight. Yeah, well, I knew it was something that was wrong that I needed to do in secret, so I'd hide behind the frogs. Oh, so you did know it was wrong? I knew it was something wrong.

That's interesting. Yeah, I knew it was wrong. I knew it was something to be hidden or do in secret. But I wanted to ask you something. A couple of things going back to your heartbreak. Number one, in year five, to get told in a Frankenstein... Year six.

Year six, sorry. Year six, in a Frankenstein experiment, personality, you're winning in life. Oh, yeah. My other thing I was going to say is, the fact that you're so emotionally aware at that age, that just sets you for life. Because women, ultimately, that's like in the top... You know, when you look at life because women, ultimately, that's what,

that's like in the top, you know, when you look at a JD of a man, that's top, top criteria. What do you mean JD? Job description. Oh,

I thought you meant JD sports. No. So what's the challenge? No, like criteria in sort of the qualities you look for in a man is a man who's emotionally available, who's in tune with the emotion.

I mean, I won't say I'm that. I just think I was funny. The fact that you gave her a pound. No, but that's fucked up don't you think no

no I would have loved that's throwing money at your problems no I mean it was meant it was meant well your intention

it's intention I didn't know what to do you weren't buying exactly I didn't I think at that stage maybe I only knew like my auntie died

when I was quite young I didn't know how to be with my cousin around then and when his mum died you know his mum had just died and so death is you know at that age you don't really understand death that much but I had a few experiences of it but not like like to a girl that I was like you know basically obsessed with yeah you know you basically gave her a pound what back in the 90s that's a lot of money million pounds a million pounds you gave this girl it's huge okay so in

year six what did you want as a young young man what did you want and how did that change over the years I think what I wanted is that um like you realize that your friends who are boys they have a certain energy which is fun and like you know you can fight with them and football and then I remember around that time, the fact that girl, she showed me a different type of energy, which was really soft and like really kind of nurturing and just so like cute. And like,

you just felt so like, I don't know, you felt like you wanted to protect her, but also they, they made you kind of not have this little bravado about being a little, little hard nut football. And you know, you could just be soft and you could be real real and that was what like for me in my experience with

just women in general that's why i've always loved female energy and i was raised by women yeah so my mom my sister my gran so i i love that nurturing element i think that was what i wanted yeah i think i wanted that nurturing element probably is quite Freudian in a way you know I mean it probably is quite a maternal thing even at that young age because my mum wasn't the most maternal or isn't the most maternal yeah so you're probably you're probably kind of craving a little bit of that yeah you know my mum was very young as well you know like she's born here got married when she was 18 had me by 20 you know a lot of weird stuff going in the house my dad was basically the original Chibati G

a crook you know so it was the house wasn't very it was a bit up and down so I think seeing that girl it made me think

oh maybe I could you know you could create something new with that even at that young age I probably wasn't aware of it but yeah I think that's what I wanted

I mean thinking back she was actually quite like not very liked did you like toxic girls? No, but we had a good connection because she could take the piss out of me, I could take the piss out of her. And we loved friends.

Yeah, yeah. That was our connection. Were you a good mate? Well, she friendzoned you, it sounds like, but you really liked her. No? Yeah, I just,

I felt like after she said I was, you know, too fat for her. You were like, fuck you. A little bit like, so heartbroken. That actually knocked my confidence for the next few years with girls in general,

because I would get that whole thing. And that's why I was going back to saying the story of my life. Like, I had a girlfriend a year, right? Very short. And then year nine, I had a couple of girlfriends. But I remember it was still the same thing. I remember the girls did it again. You know, girls always do that.

It's only boys. The list of rating boys and create the perfect boy. Again, I got personality and voice because I because I rapped even in like from year 8, year 9 so they were like

oh Asim's voice and I was like fuck my voice yeah but do you not think okay yeah fuck the voice but like at the end of the day personality is everything

I know looks are binary and it gets you so far but when you want to grow old with someone personality is key so the fact that you have that yeah surely that's a big thing to bank on.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah. That I would say is why. You really took me back to yesterday. I was in that room with you. I was in the classroom with you. It was amazing. When you chucked the pound,

did you chuck it in her face? Can I tell you something actually? So with that girl as well, so my best friend, Joseph, right? He was my best friend. And actually we were like, by year six,

we were quite smooth with the ladies, right? And we actually got in trouble, right? Because we did this thing where we bought loads of curly whirlies. Do you remember curly whirlies? Oh my God, year six we were quite smooth with the ladies right and we actually got in trouble right because we did this thing where we bought loads of curly whirlies oh my god of course i remember yeah so we bought like 20 curly whirlies and we were giving them out to girls to like nice girls in exchange for kisses right so you were pimps listen check this out well not even pimps we were like the johns we We were like the Johns.

We were like the customers. We weren't making any money off it. And I remember we did it as a joke, right? But our parents got called in. Oh, shit. Yeah. The teachers were like, ask them a joke. And you're Asian and Muslim,

so that's even worse. Yeah, he was Jewish. Oh, no. So it was a Muslim and a Jew taking all these white women. And they all went all white. But, you know, and I remember my mum and dad

got called in. And the head teacher was like, they can't be doing this doing this like this is so you'd get you'd give them a curly whirl in exchange for a kiss oh wow yeah and it was like things people would trade all the time we'd had like little pokemons a little i can't remember the little toys pogs pogs yes pogs and people would trade all the time and we were like it would just be you were just smart enough to take it beyond the line yeah and it was like it was you know it was so innocent

and so lovely but the teachers were like it's very inappropriate so that was weird because even like I said even back then we weren't thinking of sex what would be really inappropriate

was if you were doing it for a box of roses then I'm like that's a serious fucking operation here how much money do they have because a box of roses back in the day

yeah can you imagine they were like the freres of the day so you're like how imagine? They were like the Ferreira Roches. They were the Ferreira Roches of the day. So you're like, how are these kids funding it? Curly Wurlies and Innocents.

Yeah. So if we were smart, we would have got them to kiss other guys and then they'd charge the guys or give the guys... That's what you should have done. Charge the guys Curly Wurlies

and taken half of their Curly Wurlies. Then we would have been pimps. Then that would have been pimping. Yeah, that would have been illegal. No, of course, you're absolutely right. So they were kind of your Curly W sex workers yeah basically but yeah i don't know what that was about but yeah smart though and then what's so weird so joe the guy my old best friend hadn't seen him as well after year six and then so mental i went on the jonathan

ross show and um as chabadi g and and you know we're doing some promo and it was so insane I had a call with the researcher right talking to this guy for like 45 minutes and then at the end of it he was like

by the way mate he goes did you go to school in school and I went yeah and he went do you remember this boy called Joseph

and I was like well yeah obviously he was my best mate and he went it's me and then I literally met up with him and he was a researcher

and i told him i'm a german the curly wordy thing he was like yeah mate he went that was weird wasn't it god can you imagine the front page of the evening standard they go to town so you know for most women when they look for a guy yeah a lot of women will say personality is something that they rate as a quality. What do you think it is for men? It's so difficult. Let me just say, like, women are like the most beautiful things. Yeah. Like, you look at women and you're like, oh, my God.

Like, you know, like, that's why I'm not religious or anything, but I could never be an atheist because, I mean, God created women. I know. Women are beautiful things they're soft their eyes their lips their hair the shape the figure like oh my god women are incredible so of course like you you look at a woman and you think wow like she is beautiful but you don't instantly think i want to fuck the shit out of that woman you don't think that i don't always think that there's some women there's some women that you that you look at and they have got that energy yeah they've got that really

sexual energy where it's like oh my god rip my clothes off yeah but then there's some women that are so beautiful you want to just admire them you want to worship them you know and you want them on your arm i think status is a big thing status status is a big thing so i think especially for some insecure men what's more important for an insecure man is that i need to have that trophy wife because that's going to elevate me and it's going to say look at my wife i got her that makes me a fucking don yeah right and i think every man has an element of that yeah i think men have uh status in looks and women want status in money and power, which it's a universally

acknowledged truth, not for all men and women, but for most, right? My question to you is to ask you the question, what men want. So what does a man want, do you think, when you talk to your breadwinners, your friends in their twenties versus their thirties versus their forties? Oh, that's very interesting. Okay. Twenties, I think it is just, it becomes such a challenge for men. i remember like we'd go out some nights and the whole night was about yeah like who can get a girl and oh my god they're so competitive but but they're competitive but it's like it's friendly competition so it's like let me put it this way like say if you if you're in a club and you're on the same girl

with sam abdul and i'm going out with you on a night out rightly and we see this girl at first let's just say she's on me right and then i'm chatting to i'm chatting to her whatever you know but then say you coming after and you get her even though that is annoying but i'm still going to be like abdul bro you're a jiva like you did you secured it so you know and i think on the other hand respect i think and i think with women it's not as friendly with that it's like no fucking bitch you know, and I think on the other hand, I think, and I think with women, it's not as friendly with that. It's like, you fucking bitch. You know I was chatting to him all night. You know I was chatting to Abdul.

Why are you going there? Because sometimes men can vicariously, you know, live through their boy. You know, he'll tell him and he'll be like, you know, you joke about it. I set you up with that. Well, I was the Kevin De Bruyne. I gave you the assist on that one. You know, wingman. We enjoy being wingman and not many.

I don't think, I mean mean that's why it's wingman not wingwoman I know there's some great wingwomen but wingman is a thing so in the 20s it was all about that

I felt like not for me necessarily because so it was different for me but I think generally boys in the 20s it's all about the poon poon

and then 30s 30s I think it's very different I think it's about settling down and obviously I'm 37 think it's about settling down. And obviously I'm 37. So it's about settling down. It's about finding a good woman that you can settle down with and, you know, become a team.

I think 30s is about finding your team, you know, and being part of a team. There's also reminiscence. And you see this, you see a lot of guys in their 30s are quite regressed and they're still living like they're in their 20s. They're still looking for new shiny things. and i think that's another thing for men as well like you know i think women especially when we talk about cheating right i was talking to my wife about this the other day actually and i've got a theory where i think women were more likely to cheat on someone with someone like an ex or someone they know oh yeah right because it's like feel safe it's more of an emotional connection.

Than a rando. Than a rando. But men, I mean, it's very rare for a man to cheat on his current wife, Mrs. With an ex. Men want shiny new things.

shiny new things. Yeah. They are very regressed in that way. They want shiny. Look at this, look at this. But they don't want that. They don't want to marry her.

Yeah. They want that to be the fling because they, you know, so we, we, and that's, I just think that's an interesting I didn't think about it like that

but I think I would agree with you so are you saying that men and women cheat equally but they just cheat no I think definitely men cheat more do you think men cheat more men are trash come on

really yeah of course but I think why do you think men cheat more oh come on like every like most guys I know have cheated. And like my uncle's parents, I mean, come on.

Maybe women are just better at covering it up. Well, I think women are better at covering it up. And also they're cheating emotionally with exes or people in their lives or a work colleague from way back when, as opposed to some rando in Magaluf, right? Which is more risky, right? And deeper, the connection is way deeper. And also there's, I can't remember what this is

but I read this statistic where if your wife or your girlfriend does cheat she more than likely cheated with someone you both know so that's risky but also it's kind of

it's more high stakes isn't it it's more high stakes yeah but also it's you'd have to argue what's worse cheating with a rando

or cheating with someone you have emotional connection with oh definitely emotional connection emotional connection I did this with my ex-partner i had an emotional affair with someone for ages what does that mean so like you think about them but you never act physically acted i did physically act quite soon after we broke up but okay but what like you're texting them all the time they're on your mind no they're on my mind i'm not texting them okay i mean if i had their fucking number i'd fucking text them but like they're in their mind they're my mind I think an emotional connection and an emotional affair is worse than a than a random physical affair whereas for me sex is the same as eating sleeping

shitting and playing and go to the gym I it's it's an activity that you do right like you know those seven um I think that's how a lot of men think. Well, this is... I think that's how a lot of men think. It's just, babe, it's just sex. It's just sex. Yeah. To me, don't get me wrong, sex with someone you love can also be really special.

Well, that's making love. I'm not saying that's just like shitting. Yeah, yeah. Well, it depends on what you're into. I hate scatting. I think things have changed so much attitudes to sex have changed so much do you think that men are actually more afraid of commitment than women yeah 100 okay yeah of course they are because you know it's it goes to that thing of like and this is

this is probably bullshit but you know men i think a lot of men are like you're bullshit busting here with me yeah i'm trying to get into the mind of you okay well i think a lot of men are like... You're bullshit busting here with me. Yeah. I'm trying to get into the mind of you. Okay, well, I think a lot of men are quite, you know, are closer to their animal forms. They're more animalistic than women. I think women are evolved a bit more, you know, spiritually, emotionally, definitely. Emotionally, definitely.

Men are probably physically more evolved, like where it's stronger and faster and, you know, hunter-gatherers and all that shit. But I think emotionally, they're kind of stunted in a animalistic kind of form of conquering and i think um commitment is the opposite of conquering commitment is setting your flag down and saying this is my base now don't come near my base and i'm going to build this little castle where it's like that's not conquering that's being a pussy and saying this is my little castle i'm gonna live here forever with my wife a conqueror is someone who wants to take your fucking castle your castle your castle your woman your house your job that's a conqueror and that's

i think all men have that in them like and i don't know what you want to call it alpha male i hate all that i hate all that i hate all that bullshit also like I am from house though I am from that world also I'm not like super woke like I know there's a balance to it all but like

I really hate that toxic masculinity I think for me a real man is a sensitive man he is an emotionally intelligent and a man who's trying to

like grow so I think people like that they're about conquering so they're not about settling down but do you think most men are about that really basic level unfortunately I think these days it is people like that, they're about conquering. So they're not about settling down. But do you think most men are about that really basic level? Unfortunately, I think these days it is becoming like that a bit more.

And the thing that worries me is that the young, I've got little brothers, you know, 17, 18, 21. They're all good lads, but I've had to do a lot of work with them, you know, and chat to them about certain things. Do you think that's in direct relation to to girls other 17 year old girls or 18 year old girls that they see who are like uber feminist doing shit do you think it's a direct knee-jerk reaction to that well so on the flip side why are they having an identity crisis yeah i think that's exactly what it is on the flip side of that i've got a 16 year old little sister who's you know amazing and

her dad's not around so i basically played like a pseudo father figure for her and it's amazing to see those two those that those two groups my little brothers yeah and obviously they're all yeah same age right yeah same age but like so different i think my little sister is that uber not she used to be very uber feminist and woke and i think now that she's into a little bit more of like road culture and like drill yeah i think now that she's into a little bit more of road culture and drill, I think she sees the funny side of everything. But yeah, I do think there is that extreme knee-jerk reaction. And it's like we said, it is an identity thing.

And I think these are the children of COVID. I think that's what it's got to do. They lost two years, a developmental essential age for them. Two years is a very long time. If you're like, how old they must have been, 12, 13, that gone from COVID,

I mean, they're not going to be at the same level that we were at, you know, and they're advanced in many other ways, but in reality, like, you know,

they're fucking idiots. But we were fucking idiots when we were 16, 17, right? I think, but in terms of real world experience, we were out in the real world. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because we weren't like this.

We weren't like this. And we didn't have two years out doing that and the world going to shit. So I feel sorry for that generation. But sometimes I think of it, I look at them and I just think, are you guys fucking morons? Like, you know,

but like I said, some ways very advanced and some ways super stuck. Yeah, super stuck. And actually almost regressive. When you look at like the genders, what's the biggest differences

that you see in that in that age group? My little sister is very sensitive and she's very hyper aware of mental health. And, you know, and they, I think at some point, you know,

they can use it and they do know how to use it for them and they get triggered by certain things. And my little brothers, I think I feel so sorry for them because I don't,

I think that because of this whole toxic masculinity and yeah you know having wanting to be this kind of guy i think it's actually affected their game yeah with women like and i think me and my boys growing up we could always chat to girls because we weren't on this whole like alpha male shit yeah like what we were and when i when i look back on it we were like the boys like we would do all the shit that you'd think alpha males would do you know like we were like how do you undo that how are you undoing all that toxic i mean i don't think i am but you know i'm just i'm just trying to tell them you know stories of what we were like when we were growing up and it just i think the whole thing is like you know if you're an alpha male you don't you don't have to say you're an alpha male yeah but this generation they love labels they love labels but they just say they're an alpha do you know what

a simp is yes yeah i had to google that the other day because some guy was saying oh he's a simp and i'm like yeah he's not a simp he's just being romantic and really lovely yeah they love labels simps alpha males beta yeah sigma sigma there's so many labels and sometimes it's like are we doing ourselves any favorsours? Yeah. I thought you were going to come on the podcast and myth bust some of the things I thought. Everyone's like, yeah, men cheat more than women.

But I thought you were going to be like, no, it's the same. But you're like, no, men do cheat more than women. No, you listen. Men are more commitment-focused. Listen, I love men and women equally. Yeah.

You know, like, that's what I'm saying. Life is not just about being black and white. Yeah, no. It's nuances. Yeah, and I live in the gray i live in the gray we should be living in the grave there are some amazing amazing men out there most of my heroes are men you know most of my idols are men in terms of music and sports and you know film but at the same time you know some of my favorite people are women yeah you know like and that probably means more like in my real life you know when i think of real life people my little

sister my wife you know like they are some of my favorite people so it's like there's a balance it's not just so much like it's us versus them and it's the women against it's like and i don't want guys and i don't life is so hard already let's work together for fuck's sake because you could argue because of social media and because it feels like these two genders and these two groups are becoming more

and more disparate like no one's really talking and because you've got places like X that don't allow for nuance and the grey are those stereotypes

that I've frankly put to you about Dumenchi and are they more commitment which you've said yes are they becoming more are they becoming more are they becoming more

apparent I think they I think it's always been the same okay fine personally I think those things don't help because it's like

you know there's no grey there's no grey like you said but I think it's been a thing from forever I think men have always cheated more

I think men have always been terrified of commitment I honestly do think that do you know what a wife guy is so I think a wife guy is a guy who really wants to settle down with a woman or wants the or uses you know in like influencer culture where a guy gets a girl who's a massive influencer with huge reach

to basically a trophy wife right so it's the other way around but then there are guys who just want to settle that's weird i'm not gonna lie i was actually talking to my boy about this the other day and it was like because you know we were talking about weddings and marriage and all this stuff and i was like even though i know marriage can be a beautiful thing i don't think any i don't know any man who's like i've dreamt about my wedding day i'll plan my wedding day i can't wait to make like you know this is i can't wait to make you my wife i get that i get that right yeah kind of I kind of get that like because it's like you don't think there's a straight man out there who's like I can't wait to arrange my wedding I'm gonna have this sort of flower arrangement I'm gonna have this kind of cutlery oh my god the famous the

famous stop I haven't met a man okay who's dreamt of a wedding day. I've never met a man who gets excited by those things. I think it's more like you're with a woman for a long time and then the whole issue of like commitment and security comes up. Yeah. And you know, and like I was never a big believer in marriage but then the fact that I love my wife so much

and I know that she really wanted that as a gesture of your commitment to her my commitment to her which I was always like I think the biggest commitment is actually having a child with someone I think so you know

and I don't I didn't think that but I saw how much it meant to her you know so I did it and I love being married I love having a wife but it was not something I dreamt of

and I think a lot of men don't because we are and we are terrified of commitment why are you terrified of commitment? Because it's like, you know, you're holding someone in one place. Like I went back to the whole animalistic conquering thing.

It's like, this is your castle. This is your thing forever now. And women want forever. That's the thing. Women want forever. I don't want forever. Okay. But loads of women like me,

I think don't want forever. I want a right now. Right now could be two years, could be four years, could be five years. So you don't want forever I want a right now right now could be two years could be four years could be five years so you don't want it forever no but don't

I don't believe in the forever my wife is like I don't believe in my wife loves forever and in a way I love that as well because it's like oh my god like

you get to be in the forever too yeah like but I just don't think forever is real forever was real for our parents generation and our grandparents generation because they fucking had to deal

forced forever it's called forced marriage you know forced forever but our generation we've got we're going through our own dating industrial revolution we don't have to be fucking forever you know what i mean and i also don't think it's practical or real i know more couples who are getting divorces who are cheating than happy in the marriage or relationship that they're in yeah probably the same so probably the same but do you think it's different now because of social media and we can put our avatar of happiness up and you know when you see those couples and they're just like you

know i mean i know personally i know some couples and you look at them on instagram and you think wow perfect and i know what the shit they're really going through but i remember like one of my boys a couple years ago he was cheating on his on his missus and um it was really stressful not just for him but for us as well because we it got to a point where she knew he was cheating and like I swear to god this is so mental right at night she would get his fingerprint and unlock his phone and then he and I don't know if this is real okay because he's a bit of a bullshitter. He said he changed his fingerprint to his toe print on his phone. Oh, sorry. Man's been watching too many face-offs.

Listen, and then, yeah, so obviously it didn't work and he'd wake up and it would be like, your phone's locked, right? So he, oh my God, he programmed it to his toe. And he said he slept with like two socks on. So he'd wake up and she's trying to take them off. And I was like, you know why I said to her? Did she know that he changed it to his toe? No, no, she didn't. She didn't't find it but they did break up of course okay but but like

what i was saying and what that really made me realize is like what is the point of cheating it's so stressful yeah like i personally i think if you're unhappy in a relationship just break up i think men you want to have your cake and you want to eat it too do you think men do this conquering thing or a shiny new toy thing because they're thinking i can do better what motivates them i think what you said there about having your cake and eating i think that's very true yeah that should be a positive thing for the man right that should be fun oh my god i've got the missus at home and i'm out here with my with my with my mistress oh my god what a dream yeah that is not the reality like from not my experience,

but from what I've seen many, many times. And it's like, you know, there's a quote in Sopranos where someone's doing a chair and he says to my wife or my mistress, I pray that you never meet. Like, it's just stress, man. Like, I don't think that is having your cake and eating it.

But having mistresses is so much part of French culture. It's old school. It's since time immemorial, you'd have a side chick. It's a little bit on the side. But I think that's a more old school mentality. I don't think that's accepted now so much. Women are also constantly asking the question, could I do better? But I think women stay in these relationships

because we have our biological clock, right? Also, the moment they have a kid, things change a bit. So we're not as free-flowing. Like, two people split, man moves, he's a bit more of a free agent.

Woman, she's lumbered with the kid. What about open marriages, open relationships? No. Come on. I don't know what man, I mean, I don't know

what man can deal with that. I know two couples who are in an open, yeah. Really? No, I couldn't. And they've done it because they've been in long-term relationships. I think, I have a theory on that. I think it's always just one person in the couple who's up for that.

Yeah, and the other one is so passive and they're like, yeah, that's fine. You can fuck him, babe. No. No, I love it. No, I love it. Yeah, I'll have sex with that weird woman. No, it's...

I don't think monogamy works for society. Listen, how can it when this many people are cheating? Yes, but then break up. Break up, find a new couple, find a new person. For some people, monogamy doesn't work. There's 8 billion people in the world. I'll be honest with you. Honestly, I've seen a few documentaries on, you know, open relationships

and it's fucking depressing. And you can see the one person in the couple is dying dying like they don't want to be a cuck firstly anytime you see something on tv it's going to be the extreme version of that right you could you could have an extreme miserable monogamous version of that and it would and if it's on tv it's going to be the worst case version anyway do you think what men want is just nannies flashing their nannies yeah ultimately we've done it we've done a few... We're very simple. We're very stupid. Do you think that?

I think we're very primal. I think a lot of us are primal. I think there's a few things that make us happy. What makes you happy? Love, comfort, sex, good food. Yeah. You've just said all the things that make women happy. Well, there we go.

See, we're the same. We're the same. We are the same. We're not the same. I was going to talk about brown boys because I find brown boys you know the question I asked you about what men want like men want in their 20s 30s 40s I find with Asian boys because of the way they're raised there's like an age delay they're like 10 years younger than they are 100% and I think and mothers and nannies are enabling them yeah I mean it's the golden boy curse and I don't I never had that because like I said my mum wasn't that maternal so actually i had to be a bit more independent for myself and

yeah you know which i i'm actually really grateful for because i know so many asian boys who are literally fucking morons because they're so regressed because mommy's done everything for me oh mommy can you serve me oh mommy i don't shit my pants oh mommy mommy it's like bruv it's fucking butters and then they want a woman to replace that role these young asian women aren't gonna do that wipe your own ass you fucking bad you know what i mean exactly they are so regressed listen why do you think i had such a fucking trouble trying to date asian guys because they're so regressive so basic and then they see women like us with jobs and careers and maybe your mouth, dare I say.

Oh, I love that the saying is like when a woman's like, there's a saying where they go, yeah, she's good, but she's a little bit too free. Free. Free as a negative. Yeah. Free equals slut, too loud. Yeah.

Fucking pipe down. Yeah, wants to vote. You know what I mean? Wants to vote and recycle fuck this bitch lesbian no it's it's insane

but no I think I think there is hope there because I think well you're hoping your cousins and their boys coming out yeah so there needs to be work there needs to be

you know they need to be more independent that's why I say to them like don't rely on your mum for everything but why would you change the status quo it serves you if I was a guy

no you have to if I was called Popinda... It doesn't serve you. It doesn't serve you. Well, these men, they're so short-sighted. They can't see that. If your food's being cooked

and your shirt's being ironed and your bed's being made, like, why would you change that? Get a maid. Like, that's a maid. Your mum is the maid. No, but your mum shouldn't be a maid.

Exactly. That's what I'm saying. Your mum is... And emotionally, she's not giving you any support. Yes. So it's like, my mum,

even though she wasn't maternal in that way, she was emotionally maternal. That's why I value that more than her cooking me stuff and ironing my shirt and all that stuff. I value her actually speaking to me about emotions. You need to give lectures because there's a whole generation of men, not just our age, younger and older, who still live and die by what mummy says.

I would just say for us brown you know, us brown people, your parents are not gods. No. That's all I would say. And boundaries. Those are the two things you need to learn. Yeah. As in they don't have any, they don't understand it.

Yeah, no, learn about boundaries. Get some boundaries. Your parents are not gods. We love them. They are not gods. They're not these ethereal beings that we can't criticise and challenge. Like, it will help them to challenge them. They are not gods. They're not these ethereal beings that we can't criticise and challenge. Like, it will help them to challenge them.

My friend had this beautiful analogy where she's like, white people, if you imagine a bow and an arrow and the arrow is the child, they want that arrow to go as far as possible. Asian parents, they want the arrow to fall on their fucking feet. Stay with me.

Stay with me. No, no, don't go far. It's dangerous out there. Hey, you want a prata? That's, yeah, exactly. And on that note, stay with me stay with me no no don't go far it's dangerous out there hey you want a prata that's yeah exactly and on that note Asim you've been an absolute

legend man thank you so much for coming on for coming for coming have you come today three times I've got to give you

curly worthy actually for payment thank you so much for coming on Big Boy Energy I hope I gave Big Boy Energy. You did give Big Boy Energy, actually. You did.

Thank you for listening. If you have any thoughts, opinions, or you want to share what Big Boy Energy means to you, WhatsApp me on 07968 100 822. Boy, bye. Big Boy Energy. boy bye