BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - BookLaunchPod 260 - BonusPod 257!

Episode Date: April 3, 2024

Pre-order Pierre's book here! https://geni.us/pierrenovelliebook Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's BudBot260. It's not normal BudBot260 though, guys, because Phil, I'm afraid, is in Glasgow. And he's not on the run, nor has he moved to Glasgow. Sadly, the charms of that fair city have not seduced him yet. um, Phyllis and Glasgow filming, uh, Phyllis and Glasgow filming a reality show where a bunch of people who are extremely not Scottish have to pretend to be Scottish. Um, and you last as long as a predetermined group of 10 Scottish people,

um, vote to keep you in as it were. Um, they don't know they're on a show. They just get asked by the TV show anonymously, hey, you know how we're following 11 of you? Which of you do you think seems the least Scottish? And as long as you can keep a majority on side,

then, you know, anyway, you'll all know this. It will have aired by now. But Phil is attempting to win the series and the £10,000 prize or best offer for a used Skoda Fabia. He, with only 10 miles on the clock, he's going for glaswegian taxi driver so he's going for one of the toughest jobs and his angle is to just absolutely swear down to the face of anyone in the cab that he is to quote uh to quote phil i've seen the russias born and bred glasgow or glasgow i've seen him say both which I don't know it could hurt his chances it depends if he's gauged the the the passenger right so yeah so yes anyway the point

is is that he's off filming in Glasgow this this crazy new reality show and so um uh what we're gonna do is we're gonna do an old bonus part uh an old bonus part for you guys. The big news, the big news for me is that as of today, as I record this, or I guess kind of yesterday as you hear this, I have a book coming out. Excuse me. I've got a book being published. I got my autism diagnosis about two years ago. I don't know if you guys, my autism diagnosis about two years ago. I don't know if you guys, I assume you know that, but you might not. Um, and, uh, it's been very interesting. Um, I've learned a lot about myself, bloody blah. I've put this on Instagram already, so I feel stupid repeating it, but I know I should. Um, basically I thought to myself after I'd done the research, I cannot believe how little I knew, actually knew about

autism or what used to be called Asperger's syndrome as well. That's the, it's all autism now. Anyway, I had a friend at school with Asperger's and I just had no idea. I just had absolutely no idea what, what it was or what it meant or anything like that. And I was a real nerd and it turns out I have it. So if I didn't know, then, you know, who is going to know? Anyway, I thought to myself, I've done all this research. I've read all these books about it. But none of the books that were informative were funny. And none of the books that were funny were very broad.

I mean, loads of them were hilarious, but they were very specific memoirs. So I thought to myself, what if I wrote something that was like a kind of very broad guide to autism or the autistic spectrum now as it stands, and I could make it as funny as possible? I could put funny stories in or funny anecdotes or whatever thoughts opinions of mine um and maybe you know comedy is much better at

getting people informed than than anything serious so the two dream scenarios are people who relate to what i'm saying if you're diagnosed autistic or, they read it and they get a good laugh out of it, right? For them, it's like observational comedy. It's like Michael McIntyre, Jerry Seinfeld. They can read it and they can go, yes, me too. And that's nice. But also, hopefully, people with no need to learn about autism or who aren't directly affected by it also read it and they again hopefully laugh or have an enjoyable time reading it but they also you know learn something

they wouldn't have otherwise learned because i understand that it's it's a lot to ask that it's a lot to ask for someone to read a book about a particular condition, you might say, that has nothing to do with them. I mean, we're all very busy. I'm not, but you know, you guys are. Normal people are. So I thought maybe if I made it funny, then people would inform themselves. Well, we'll see. Anyway, the reason I'm saying this, the link will be in the description of the episode. I'll put it in the website link of the episode, whatever that means. You can pre-order it now. It only comes out on the 18th of July, but you can pre-order it now, and I'll let you guys into a little secret, okay? The publishing world is a little, it's not dod dodgy but it's very different to what i thought

basically if you guys pre-order it before it comes out all of those sales count as the first week so you know if everyone who listened to bud pod pre-ordered it before the first week it would look like i was like dan brown you you know, new fucking Da Vinci code. So everyone is very keen for that to happen. And I suppose I am as well. So if you can, if you can pre-order it, that would be great. Ebook and hardback count towards the pre-sales for stupid 1990s reasons. Audiobooks don't for some reason, but I do obviously in this format recommend the audiobook too. I'm speaking to you through audio there will be extra content on the audiobook so you know it's a conflicting time

but yes the book is out you can pre-order it it's on my Instagram it's on my link tree it's on my face it's in my dreams it's already written don't worry about that

it's all done it's proofread I'm gonna get some physical copies to send to people, excuse me, maybe next week or so. Which is very surreal. Very strange. I wrote it while I was on tour. So I should say to any pod buds who met me last autumn, if I seemed exhausted and weird, that's why. And also Koji, I should say Koji to anyone who has come to the Soho Theatre shows.

They've been great. They're still going till Saturday of this week when this comes out. They've all been sold out. It's been great. I've sometimes said Koji during the show, sometimes not. But I can always tell a pod bud. and I've met a few of you guys afterwards and as always always a very delightful fetching crowd thank you very much for buying your tickets etc

but yes so Phil is pretending to be a Glaswegian taxi driver you guys are about to get treated to an all bonus pod I believe it is. Let me double-check. I think it's 257's bonus pod. Ooh, is it, though? Let me see.

It is... Yes. Yes, it's 257's bonus pod. So if you can remember the episode 257, it's the bonus pod of that. I mean, what more do you need to know? And Patreon people will, whether they like it or not, I'm afraid,

be being treated to a one-on-one podcast. So hopefully they enjoy that. They may not, not but by god that's what's happening so yes pre-order the book um uh and follow me on instagram blah blah phil is gonna be on uh oh i don't know that's publicly announced, actually. I think it is. Let's check Phil's Instagram to see if I'm legally allowed to tell you. And it's not about the three-body problem. It is about... Yes, it is. Oh, thank God.

Okay, it's his special taping. The final ever show of Wang and Their Baby. It's on the 26th of April at the Sam Wanamaker Playhouse which is the candle lit Royal Shakespeare Company Playhouse attached to the Globe I've done an Edinburgh preview in there myself it's a beautiful room very wooden and very old seeming

so that's the 26th of April 6pm and 8.30pm like all good specials you need to takes for the sake of the edit for the sake of the edit anyway 8.30pm, like all good specials you need to takes. For the sake of the edit. For the sake of the edit. Anyway, enjoy the bonus pod episode. Pre-order the book if you like the sound of it.

Nothing in the book has been said on stage or I think on the podcast. I mean, maybe some opinions, but no specific stories. And it does get quite in depth. And if you're wondering about why people say Asperger's syndrome or autism or one versus the other, that's chapter three, baby. So it's very informative. Anyway,

um, see you guys next week, hopefully. And Koji. It's BonusPod257. You turn up at your hotel in the Tropical Islands. Oh. They're just called the tropical islands they're off the coast

of they're off the coast of East Africa and you heard about these tropical islands they're in the recent months they've become the new hot place to go on holiday literally hot too but also

metaphorically speaking and you got yourself on all sorry you got yourself an all-inclusive i had a bit chip um crisp in my tooth you get yourself an all-inclusive holiday to resort there it's called the shining sun resort and you land and you get off the plane the flights were included part of the deal that's what's great about these all-inclusives you say to yourself that's what's great about them is you don't have to worry about you don't have to think it's all handled for you all the little annoying bits that usually go with the holiday all handled for you by the touring company, which is called PP Play, PP Playtime. It's called PP Playtime.

And you get in your little shuttle. You go down to the hotel and you're driven through, like, not the best country you've ever seen to be completely honest with yourself there's problems here there's problems you can tell the bus driver's really whizzing you past the problems of this country this very small country and you sort of after a while it gets too depressing you just kind of look downwards at the seat in front of you and you sort of after a while it gets too depressing you just kind of look downwards at the seat in front of you and you just stay staring there but then eventually the driver goes look up and you look up and it's your beautiful resort the shining sun resort there's a big sign that says shining sun and you drive under the arches a shining sun and you disembark you look at this

beautiful white building towering above you and all these happy campers happy holiday makers running around wow and a bellhop comes up to you and says may i help you with your luggage and you say oh i don't really have any cash on me and he goes oh don't worry it's all included and you go of course it is thank you you hand him your suitcase and you go into the lobby and it's beautiful cool air-conditioned lobby a bit of relief from the hot temperatures outside and you walk up to the beautiful marble check-in desk and a very elegant lady says welcome to shining sun resort i let me just have what's your name i'll look up your booking and you go i'm a pod bud mr or miss pod bud and she puts in pod but ah mr and miss pod bud we've been expecting you we're looking forward to your visit

yes i i understand you have the all-inclusive experience booked with us. And you go, yes, yes, I'm not sure. I'm not sure what that means. I've never had one before. And she goes, oh, you'll understand pretty soon. Her voice goes real deep suddenly. She goes, you'll understand really soon. You'll understand.

So breakfast is at 8 to 10 a.m. Lunch is from 1 to 3 p.m and dinner dinner is all night long and you go wow can i go to lunch now and she goes sure tuck in oh here you go just take this and she hands you a silver bracelet made of real silver and she hands you a silver bracelet made of real silver and she puts it over your wrist and she goes for your entire stay you have to put you have to keep this on okay she's looking you strain the eye you realize at this point she hasn't blinked the whole time you've been speaking to her and she click but claps this around your wrist and you go oh wait a second it's just and then little

sharp teeth come up from the inside of the of of the bracelet into your skin and she goes hey yeah it might sting a little it's just to make sure you know we don't you sharing the the this thing around and other people getting the all-inclusive experience for free you understand you'll be fine it's only in skin deep the injury and you go yeah that's fine so lunch is downstairs you get lunch is downstairs and you go downstairs ah you go downstairs and you're going to the restaurant and before you is the most incredible buffet you've ever seen it goes on for meters and meters and meters you can't see the end of this thing and it's every cuisine in the world japanese italian there's pizza there's a um roast lunch roast dinner section with pork crackling there's noodles fresh wok toss noodles there's a guy there's a chinese guy he's chinese chef and he's got a big

hot wok and he's throwing noodles up in the air you can get as much as you like and there's a milkshake bar and ice cream and and a big oven and there's a french bakery bar and ice cream and a big oven and there's a French bakery chef and he's pulling out these beautiful perfect baguettes and you go, oh my god, you're running around you're filling your plate with all this delicious food and it's heaping, heaping, heaping up and up and up and up

and you take it over to a new table, a fresh table and you sit down and you pick up your fork and knife and you think you lick your lips and you hear Pierre

going no, no you say that's definitely Pierre Novelli's voice and you turn around and Pierre is standing over you going no, no and he says have you paid for that and you look up at Pierre and you turn around and Pierre standing over you going no no and he says have you paid for that and you look up at Pierre and you go well yes it's all inclusive and you show him

your wristband and Pierre goes yeah well it might be all inclusive but you haven't paid yet and you go I don't understand and then Phil turns up at your other shoulder and he goes just because it's all inclusive doesn't mean you don't have to pay. And you go, okay, I mean, it seems a bit ridiculous,

but you reach for your wallet and we both go, ah, ah, ah, not with that. And Pierre takes out of his pocket a vial, a glass vial. And Phil grabs your left arm that the wristband is on. And you go, hey, what are you doing? And Phil hovers your wrist over this glass vial. And Phil squeezes the bracelet. And the teeth go deeper into your arm. And a little drop of blood collects at the bottom of the bracelet

and drops into the glass vial. And Pierre goes, there you are. That wasn't so hard was it enjoy your lunch also the gym is not great but not many people here use it so i think it all balances out welcome to bonus part nice that's good stuff i i liked my natural reactions being incorporated into the story yeah i liked um the description of driving through not the best country you've ever seen and then they're going there are problems there are problems and the classic uh so many holiday destinations phil where the the bus driver from the airport to the resort or destination is doing or feels it feels like he's doing his best to drive you really quickly past the problems.

Exactly. It's the least you can do. It's the least you can do. Do you have any spice? You got any Chinese five spice for us, Phil? My spice... My spice is... Well, Pierre, I've been playing...

Oh, no, I think I'll save this for a later date. This will be maybe next week's spice. This week's spice this week's spice is this week's a spice is i think i think phones are too fun now and i haven't read a book in a long time i mean i've been halfway through the same book for for like months now and i love it i love this book i think it's so interesting every time i read this book it's so interesting what is it i'm embarrassed because you're going to say what you told me about a book

six months ago i don't want to say but it's a book i've already told you about oh yeah i'm still reading it but But hang on. What is so fun about phones? What's getting you on your phone? Because I'm now... I'm playing that New York Times games app. You know the New York Times? They've got a very lucrative side hustle hawking out their word puzzle games on your phone.

So the main trio is the wordle which they bought for a million i think they literally bought it for a million dollars which is like an evil amount of money to pay for anything a million what is it exactly one million exactly a million dollars the most suspicious amount to pay for something yeah do you think one million dollars do you think um if you have a british bank account and exactly one million dollars goes into it you just get arrested yeah they're like this is definitely not above board the police just go oh what did you earn exactly a million dollars doing something nice unlikely unlikely milad one million dollars so you got your wordle on there yeah and then you got um your your mini which is

a mini crossword which is like a crossword but very small and it's a lot of fun because i'm too dumb for a normal crossword and then there's the connections where you have to you're given a grid of 16 words and you have to come up with four collections of four words that they all have to do with each other that they can be in the same category together. It's a lot harder than you think, but it's very satisfying when you get it. So you haven't finished a book because you're a pensioner.

You're spending your free time the way that a pensioner would. Exactly. I'm spending my time playing games, puzzles, word puzzles, and then I go on chess.com and I do the chess puzzles there. I'm getting better at playing fewer games. I was about to say, Phil, this reminds me of the dark days of your chess.com addiction on your phone the dark yeah i got it off my phone i'm still playing chess online on my laptop but it's not as bad as it was it has been um yeah so i think my spicy take is that we should take games off of the internet

so that I can finish my work. But why can't you just set aside, say to yourself, this next hour or two is reading book time? Shut up. Shut up. What are you talking about? You can't do that. No one has ever done that. No one has ever done that.

No one has ever done that. People talk about doing that, but no one has actually ever done it. Yeah, you might be right, actually. Now that you've said that, I'm doubting myself, my argument. It's hard to read books. I'm a hypocrite here because I've got like a pack a pack of books a pack of books is that right? a pile of books

that I've been bought that I'm like wow this would be so interesting and it just stays there for me books and wine occupy a similar space and I love going to bookshops I love going into a wine shop. I love buying something that I'm never going to get to

because I don't actually drink enough to get through my wine. And I certainly don't read enough to get through my books. And now that I'm a published author, it turns out one of the rewards slash curses of being a published author is that you just get sent loads and loads of proof copies of new books. Ah. Maybe they want

a little quote. Maybe they dislike you to want to read it. But now I've just got piles and piles and piles of books that I'm never going to read. I'm going to have to do a Ringo Starr style. Love and peace. Love and peace, love and peace. No more books.

This is an official announcement. I'll not be reading any more books. That's it, yeah. This is your last warning. Love and peace. War and peace, war and peace. I will not be reading. Okay, well, that's yeah i i yeah i mean i haven't made time to read my stupid big pile of books but i will say this phil buying wine and not drinking it makes you seem even more sophisticated but buying books and not reading them makes you seem

dumber oh that's interesting isn isn't it? You're right. It's the other way around. Yeah, wine is sophisticated to hoard. Yeah. Books are dumb to hoard. If unread. If unread. Yes.

Because I suppose with not drinking wine, the implication is that you are resisting temptation. I can not only choose the most delicious thing, I can also not have it. Like just having a full Easter egg in all of your pockets at all times and never opening them. People go, my God, those Easter eggs have been in there for

years. And it also appeals to people who are very good at pleasure. Was it pleasure delaying um gratification delay delayed delayed gratification yeah and you know i this is interesting which is a a mentally healthy thing to say about your own thought yeah but you know that that that uh psychological experiment they did on the kids where they said yes you can have one marshmallow now or if you leave it for five minutes we'll give you

two and then there was the two groups they were the kids who waited five minutes to get the second marshmallow and they were the kids who put the marshmallow up their ass that's right right those were the two groups and this all happened in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory but I think they

followed them and throughout their lives not Chocolate Factory. But I think they followed them throughout their lives, not just like in the bushes, but they followed them throughout their lives and supposedly the kids who were able to wait lived more successful or wealthier lives because they were better at delaying gratification if it meant getting more. And I wonder if the kids were good at the labor gratification

got into things like collections, collecting wines, eating wines. You have restrained little dorks. Yeah, of course. Ah, maybe. Because there's a pleasure to holding onto something and thinking about it gaining value or flavor. Yes, but also those kids would make terrible

day traders. Ah, because that's all about being real quick. Speed, speed, speed. Don't get too attached. Move, move, move. There are lines of work where they would be very unsuitable. You need both. You need You need the both.

You need marshmallow hungry lunatics Ah For the day trade Move fast and break things That's Facebook's motto Yeah we're going to disrupt marshmallows I never thought I've never looked at Facebook and thought

Wow this is fast living These guys move fast That incredibly Pale narrow-faced man is the fastest most dangerous guy i've ever seen to be fair it is moving fast and breaking things to suddenly decide to spend a kishmish million dollars on making a shit version of the game second life it's very yeah that's really funny yeah yeah i don't think he ever thought he'd break his own bank account i don't think that was ever considered part of the break some records for amount of money wasted on a fucking crap idea

well it's all democracies they broke a lot of democracies they broke the election is that what they meant they broke with the country of myanmar basically i've told you this right yeah you go to myanmar you buy a phone myanmar the guy in the shop will make a facebook profile for you you can you people in myanmar you can't have a phone without having facebook and i think a lot i think the the rohingya um crisis started with a lot of anti-rohingya hate being whipped up on Facebook in Myanmar. And now they have a running civil war where people are using 3D printed plastic guns to take on the Myanmar military.

Woof. And they're actually doing pretty well. Woof. So it's very dystopian. Thank you, Mark. I can't believe this all started with you rating sexy ladies at your college. It's so funny, isn't it? Isn't that incredible?

It's like if someone invented an app that tracked your fucking bowel movements for you and the app ended up being used to destabilize the Uzbekistan fucking minerals industry. It's just such an insane well the trajectories of these technologies usually almost always start out flippantly i mean electricity when electricity first was first discovered yeah it was used mainly for parlor tricks it was like guys who understood a bit about static electricity would tour dinner parties and do little tricks oh look how this sticks to here and look at this little zap and people like oh this is a fun little toy and then electricity became the foundation of the modern world and what else um the oh no don't tell me it's only oh

like um deep fake technology started off in porn and now it's being used to impersonate politicians oh man we live in a car i you know here's my hot take turn it all off yeah turn it off it's a similar hot take to mine but yours is more even more broader range mine's just turning off the games yeah just turn all of it off as in all of the internet all of technology uh the internet and then we're bad part will be on the radio we'll start a pirate radio station oh nice and it'll just be radio forever and ever it'll be that turn it off turn it off no one should have a special cube in their pocket that lets them buy bitcoin and see porn and order groceries it's too much has a society in in world history ever reverted technologically for its own good the luddites i suppose would they did their best

but they lost oh look at all the spinning Jennys out there. So what happened with the Luddites? Was it in Germany, the Luddites? No, it was UK. Oh, UK. UK Luddites. And they were a group of people who thought technology had gone too far. The spinning Jenny. They were smashing up like weaving machines

and stuff from my vague recollection. And was it for, was it like a work union related sort of reasoning? I don't think they had unions of any sort that we would recognize back then. I think it was more just like, well, one weaving machine is worth like 800 people sat weaving in their house. So this is insane. This cannot be. So we'll smash them up.

It's bad. It's bad to do this. Yeah. Yeah. I don't like the idea of being a Ldite but i just also can't help but feel it's just so insane to me that it's taking so long for the government to just remember that it's in charge and can at any point just say okay you can't do that anymore it's bad well from time and time it does make those steps like with vaping yeah but it's so you want more it's always in the physical realm you know

that's true that's true it's it's it's i think it's because our political class are so old and out of touch that if you tell them that there's a problem and it's digital they just go oh is that on the google and then just any idea of progress goes out the window yeah yeah like i mean cyber bullying existed for like what 14 15 years before someone started saying my grandchildren say that there's this thing then then the word appeared on radio for fucking 15 years after it first started yeah yeah the time lag is crazy i think yeah oh there's there's my spicy take there has to be a member of the cabinet at all times that is an internet addicted 17 year old oh that's a great idea

and they're like a warning from history or from the future but how are they going to do any work if they're addicted to the internet their work is being addicted to it yeah their work is to be in that room and to deeply unsettle the people in charge okay so everyone's discussing

around the cabinet table and then the cabinet has to talk to that 17 year old for an hour and and right and just a 17 year old girl they're just like jittering and pale and they're just saying what's going on and they go sorry i just i just need to um i was getting all these snapchats and i've and like they just have to just like checking in with a young person and they say so I'm really stressed because I uploaded I took a selfie at my grandfather's deathbed and people were really mean about my eyes

and everyone goes hang on slow down you know I think the government should be both more across technology and more afraid of it well the government should be both more across technology and more afraid of it. Well, the government certainly does seem afraid of technology, but only in the sort of complaining old man kind of way. They just go, it's very worrying. And then nothing happens.

Yeah. Whereas if a 17 year old in that room just said, guys, it's so funny. Check this out. I made deep fakes of all of you sucking off Osama bin Laden. I did it in 10 seconds. I used AI. And just passed out, like a for the radio 4 reporter to go deep fake is a bit like photoshop um but done by a sort of robot where you could just tell they're doing their best to get something modern across to their listeners as they spoon marmalade onto their breakfast somewhere in the cotswolds which is in my head where every radio four listener lives so the 17 year old are they are they in the cabinet um they are an observer in cabinet they're not a minister not a minister okay okay okay they're a bit like a spad or maybe a civil so they have to be okay they don't have to be an mp no no no no no no okay no you can

hire a spad you can have a spad or you can because no in fact you know what it has to be a civil so they have to be okay they don't have to be an mp no no no no no no you can hire a spad you can have a spad or you can because no in fact you know what it has to be a civil servant because otherwise parties will just hire 17 year olds they like like reese moggs creepy children yeah and they'll just be like time to check in with the nation's youth and they'll go over to this fucking time traveling looking spooky kid and it's like we need to legislate against the dangers of the the wheels that you knock down the road with a stick yeah yeah he'll just say things like um uh really unsettling stuff that his dad's clearly told him to say i'm told that we should be worried about bauxite reserves. They go, right, and that's something your generation was worried about.

Yes. And then he looks over at Rees-Mogg, and Rees-Mogg just nods slightly. You've done well. You've done well, boy. There'll be extra rice pudding for you at the manor later. Well, speaking of dirty little boys and dirty little girls who've done well we should read some VIPCO

fucking A okay hoorah uh back to our um our old chat where we talk about

the the the farticles in the bathroom the farticles the poo particles what are the farticles the toilets oh yeah the poo particles floating about in the bathroom. The farticles? The poop articles. What are the farticles? Oh, yeah.

The poop articles floating about in the air. Yep. After a flush. Yeah. Sarah from Ohio says, what does she say? Do you know in Japanese, Ohio is good morning? Eh? It's very fun to say Ohio because you're saying oh hi to people in the morning, but you're

also saying a state. Oh. hi to people in the morning but you're also saying a state oh um i would never have i would never have i surely i would have come across that by now that's bizarre you ever knows konichiwa yeah a state called hiya um so sarah says morning morning where that's where i'm from yeah i live in birmingham morning says dear poo and particles as to the issue of poo particles floating around in the bathroom stink um i think i have the answer i'm not a chemist but i am a pathologist with some microbiology knowledge um the smell is path Pathologist studies the spread of germs. Eh? Does a pathologist specialize in the spread of germs?

I thought a pathologist was... Oh no, wait. Am I thinking of the wrong type of dead body pathologist? It's like pathogen. Oh. Pathology. Causes and effects of diseases.

Especially one who examines laboratory samples of body tissue for diagnostic or forensic purposes so it is a pathologist at a post-mortem CSI the smell is produced is from the gases produced by the bacteria within both you and poo and the smell can linger

as long as the gases remain concentrated such as in a small bathroom, but the actual bacteria are not necessarily there. Right. So you're not necessarily going to get sick off a stinky smell. Yeah. Unless aerosolized,

I think the bacteria are too big to be hanging about in the air waiting for Phil to fill his cup from the bathroom tap. Oh, phew. Well, that is a relief. It is a relief it is a relief that being said the fact that you do not have to multitask multiple errands such as hydration eating and email checking into your bathroom trips

tells me that you have no children or pets yeah true I think sometimes when I'm really busy I think this is the least hectic it'll ever be and I already feel like i don't have any time yeah yeah i mean yeah ugh ugh indeed and quickly one from louise

louise poo and wheeze. Poo-eeze. Good day to you fine purveyors of poop. Good day. Your last, and this is a while ago, episode unleashed a punami of trauma that had until now

been constipated inside my brain. Cast your minds back to a magical time known as pre-Brexit. Sit, sit, sit. Good time. Yeah. Spectre had just come out. Sit, sit, sit. Good time.

Spectre had just come out. Hadn't it just? Obviously back in those heady days of the free world makes the hedonistic adventure my mother and I embarked on was appropriate and encouraged. What? Makes it? I think she's saying this made more sense back in those

heady free days right on an adventure to the fine and vibrant metropolis of brighton my female parental unit and myself decided to take in the local culture a bottom parental unit meaning mom my mom yes a bottomless brunch drag queen cabaret Whoa Where was this again? Brighton baby I was going to say Where else could it be? It wasn't in Maidenhead

A bottomless brunch drag queen cabaret Across from us was a lady wearing A halter neck one piece jumpsuit Right What's halter neck one-piece jumpsuit right what's halter neck a halter neck one one-piece jumpsuit brackets phil you may wish to cast your mind back to the yellow jumpsuit from taskmaster to remember the many inconveniences such an outfit can bring out on a daily basis yes i can remember going to the toilet was was a bit of a nightmare. Well, hold on to your hats, Phil. Ah, here we go.

After much pop-fizz clinking and curdled hollandaise sauce, we noticed that jumpsuit had disappeared. Okay. We thought little on it and assumed that the tongue-in-cheek blue humour was too much for this fellow culture vulture. We were wrong. I excused myself, leaving Mum clapping and singing along to the show, only to find a show of my own. Apologies if you hear any robot noises.

There's a machine in my wall. It's too long to explain it any more than that. I excused myself. any more than that um i excused myself heading towards a cubicle that was a jar in the bathroom i pushed the door open and found it was obstructed by a foot oh oh no you cannot come in no no i obviously put on my best okay thank you voice and muttered oh sorry and went to find another pp palace but my gray matter had taken a few seconds to buffer. Must be all those eggs. And I thought, hang on.

That foot was the wrong way up. That's a good little mystery thing. That's an upside-down story. So like the sole of the foot was facing upwards? Yeah, or the heel was uppermost, not toes. Curiouser and curiouser. I went back and spoke to the upturned foot. Are you okay?

That's always the way people say it. Are you okay? Slightly afraid, but a bit concerned. Are you okay? Are you okay? Hello, you okay in there? Yeah. Nothing, no response.

So I announced that I was coming in and pushed the door a little more forcefully. The sight before me caused me to gasp like a 50s housewife seeing a full range of Tupperware. Nice. It was Jumpsuit. Yeah, of course She was face down in the dunny from vomiting

Naked as the jumpsuit was around her ankles Oh It's all or nothing with a jumpsuit Yeah Fortunately the shock caused me to take a step back Just before, and remember she was face down Ass up A fountain of liquid excrement shot out of her

no oh my god so she's gone utterly okay and then pushed her way in straight looking straight down the barrel of a fully nude bent over lady's ass who's throwing up and then just oh god Just this shooting out My god Oh my god The coward that I am I retreated to go find reinforcements And fortunately for me Bumped into one of her companions outside the loos

And I just said Your friend isn't well And scuttled off With visions of the naked bum volcano Still fresh in my mind Oh god Koji Lu Bloody hell That's insane lu that's that's monstrous it's monstrous timing are you okay and then just the bum and as you look at it go

and take a step back like almost in reply are you okay what do you think of this and so much your question so much of that will be going into what you might call the hammock of the jumpsuit of course pierre consider the hammock philip awful awful awful that's your that's the book you've been reading consider the hammock um consider the hammock the humble hammock. Consider the hammock. The humble hammock. Well, an amazing story. An amazing visual. Thank you so much.

Well done. Exactly what. Well done for surviving and telling us too. That's exactly what Vip goes for. We got to go, baby. We're out of time. We're out of luck. Thanks for being wonderful Patreons. We love you very much.

Pierre, did you have something to... Soho Theatre, baby. 26th of March. Soho Theatre. Starts 26th of March in London. Soho Theatre. for patreons we love you very much um pierre did you have something to soho theater baby 26 starts 26 march in london soho theater come see my show please and i am around have a lovely week have a lovely week everyone enjoy bye