BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - BudPod Classic #5 - Brunch on the Planet of the Apes

Episode Date: March 3, 2025

Every Monday we will be releasing a hilarious snippet of a 'Classic' episode of BudPod for you to enjoy and reminisce in.This week’s BudPod Classic takes us back to Episode 10 - 'You Damn Dancing Ape!'. Release date: 1st May, 2019Link to the full episode below -Apple PodcastsSpotifyEnjoy and KOJI ! X Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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. . . ..... keep putting noun verbs in front of the phrase Planet of the Apes. Yeah, so this is part of the latest trilogy that rebooted the classic whatever. So it starts, now this is confusing, so I nearly watched the second movie by accident. So the real order is, it starts Rise of the Planet of the Apes, then confusingly Dawn of the Planet of the Apes.

Right, it's risen, now it's dawning. And then War of the Planet of the Apes. It's risen, now it's dawning. And then War of the Planet of the Apes. Fair enough, this third one. But the distinction between rise and dawn, so I went, oh, dawn, that's the first. It must be the first film, because it's the dawn. And then the sun rises. Yeah, dawn, the sun appears.

Yeah. Sun rises for the whole damn day. It dawns upon you. That's the first you've heard of something, is when it dawns upon you. Yeah, that's the first you've heard of something It's when it dawns upon you. Yeah, you don't you don't say it dawned upon me my what you say It dawned upon me. My wife is having an affair. You don't say it rose upon me Yeah, I was having an affair and then it dawned Yes, like my my wife left me and then it dawned upon that. She was leaving me

Was it a pile of poo poo then was this the one where they're all in the lab and it's the creation of the apes, the smart apes? Yeah, it's the creation of the smart apes with an Alzheimer's drug that is inexplicably made by scientist James Franco, who comes across as the dumbest man in the world. They don't even bother showing him in the lab or writing down chemical equations. He's just like, oh, my Alzheimer's medicine will fix my dad. And also I really care about these apes maybe, but I'm okay with using them as a test subject. He's like a fucking fuckboy.

He comes up with an Alzheimer's medication, which is called 112. So presumably he's come up with 111 on his own different Alzheimer's medication. There are a lot of forgetful monkeys out there. But it's just so unbelievable he's smart. Yeah. Because he's so like, in his DNA, he's like a stoner. Yeah, exactly. He's like, oh, no way.

Very few people are stoners by race. And he and Keanu Reeves are racially stoners. That's who they are. Where they just, oh, no, cool. Ha, ha, ha. A kind of loose laughter that isn't really laughter. Also, I love in movies where they just go like, why would a scientist ever want to cure Alzheimer's? Because his dad has got it. Yeah, there's

no other reason why. It is all science. Every great scientist in movies is motivated by... Pure personal selfishness. A direct relationship to the problem. They have no academic interest. They didn't spend years just studying the subject. Presumably, I mean, how long has... He's been working as a scientist for what? 15... How long has his dad... Been having Alzheimer's. Well, he can't remember. Well, maybe that's why he seems like such a stoner, because it was like he's so selfish that it was like

the second his dad got Alzheimer's was the first time he started bothering to work on up till then it was just bone a medicine Because my dad can't get a boner Okay that you could call rise And will to the planet the Apes. And then war or war? War. And then this actually quite common. It happens to a lot of apes.

Get your dicks off me, you damn dirty apes. Oh, and it's one of those classic sort of blockbuster films that is so subtly sexist. It is sexist by omission, if you know what I mean. Ah, yeah. Women are so unimportant in it. Yeah. Like no one goes, hey, toots or slaps everyone on the ass or anything. But women are such an unimportant garnish

in this film. They're just blurry shapes in the background. I've never known a film so openly fail the Bechdel test with not needing to at all. Yeah. Yeah, where there's absolutely no requirement to, it's not like it's set in a monastery. Yeah, exactly.

Or something. I don't mean this. That's right. There's not a single's set in a monastery. Yeah, exactly. Or something. I don't remember this. That's right. There's not a single, I've only just realized, there's not a single female ape in it even. Yeah, well, this is, I was going to say, because I remember from whatever the second one is, rising mcdawn of the ape planet.

Brunch? Br- of the Apes. There's one female ape, and she has two lines. And her job is to be sad, because her child ape is, like, sick. Pathetic. Well, maybe she's sick. But essentially, it's just, oh, I'm a lady ape. And that's it.

That basically the whole film. And I don't think there's any other real female character in it. Well, in this first one, there's only one female character who is just this... Oh, no, there's one like cool lady. Sexy heart scientist, bat lady, who he meets when he's stolen this ape from the lab and he gets injured or sick and he needs someone to help him. So he smuggles the ape in a pram through the zoo to get to the zoo doctor, who is this lady, who has no problem with the fact that he is illegally

keeping a chimpanzee in his home. This is a woman who works in a zoo taking care of and she has no worries about him also an ape as a pet. Also, it's not Although in a lot of America, it's not illegal. Oh, is that true? A chimp pet? Yeah, especially in California Where generally speaking they're chimps. Well, this is San Francisco. So well, I think the chimps they use in films They're like they retire and they live with their family and I remember Sort of laughing but in a way where you go, I shouldn't laugh at this. Some lady got her face ripped off, whatever,

because she was like the handler for this celebrity chimp. And then it just came to live with her and her husband. And it wore dungarees and ate at the table and would have like lobster with them. And then eventually, it just tried to rip off her head because it's a chimp. Also, I love that, because chimps are the most dangerous, aggressive, strong, insane apes of all.

More dangerous than gorillas? Yeah, gorillas are quite chill. Right, right, right. But they have more potential to cut you in half. But they're way less likely to fuck with you. And chimps as well, like the first thing they do is go for like eyes and genitals. Like they're so territorial.

Monstrous. So the idea that it's like, whereas if it was like an orangutan, it would be like, what does it want? You go, ants, a bowl of ants, to just poodle around? You go, no, the one that's going to become super smart is like, this couldn't have ended up worse, actually. The one that could be almost as smart as me, with more muscular strength than I could ever hope for.

Yeah. It'd be safe to keep around. Yeah, it's double my. And it'd definitely be frustrated that we treat it like an animal. Furious. Absolutely livid. So she becomes his girlfriend after the chimp signs to him

something, and she says, what did he say? And James Franco goes, he says we should have dinner. Oh my God. No, he doesn't. And it literally goes three years later and they're making it out in the forest. What? And then it goes to the chimp jumping about the forest becoming stronger and smarter. And then it goes five years later.

So now this is eight years later after the beginning of the movie. He goes back into his job at the lab where everyone looks exactly the same and his boss goes, for the last time we're not talking about this Alzheimer's medication anymore. Remembering that the last time he mentioned it was eight years ago and the guy says, all you've, all you don't come in anymore. Yeah, all you're obsessed I was like, how's he kept his job? He's been he's been like not working for eight years at this lab Oh, he only ever comes in to bother his boss about a medication. He does not want to continue

to about frequently. Yeah, everyone looks exactly the same. No one's aged at all except the monkey ape. Sorry it's just the most unbelievable horse shit. But also, like, a whole chimp went missing, and everyone was like, we should probably look that up. They don't care about it. They don't care. Do you think it's that guy who doesn't seem smart enough to be a scientist who keeps disappearing

for long periods of time, and also him and his girlfriend refuse to answer the question of how they met. So you met the same week, eight years ago, that that chimp went missing. And what was your job at the time, madam? I was the chimp vet at the zoo, specializing in stolen chimp medicine. I see, I see, I see.

Well, that seems fine. Isn't there a point where, am I imagining this? Because it's the same scene in loads of films where the ape gets really smart looking through the internet? Looking through the internet? Isn't there a bit where one of the apes looks through the internet? Maybe in one of the later ones. I recently watched one of the 10,000 different Avengers films and there's a bit where the robot man educates himself through the internet.

Is that Tony Stark's invented guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah, which made me laugh, because in reality it should have just been him going like, just let the robots start wanking, and becomes a Nazi. Yeah. And he just goes on fucking out. Why did we show him the internet first?

Why didn't we show him Wikipedia only? Was it Microsoft that started a Twitter account, a bot Twitter account that learned from the internet? And it just became a racist troll? Yeah, well the trouble is that anytime some well-meaning tech company goes, we've made a learning robot, all the racist troll message boards are like, right, let's go, obviously let's go fuck this up immediately.

That movie is a thousand times stupider than I remembered it. And I remembered it being pretty dumb. Which one rises at the time of the apes? Whichever one we're talking about. Yeah. Ape you make ape rise. It's pretty dumb. The only reason I want to watch it, well, the main reason

was I've seen a screenshot of the main ape, Caesar, wielding two machine guns riding a horse. Yeah. I think it's a horse. Yeah. I think it's a horse. And I was like, I'm going to see that. So now I've got to find a way of getting that point. Also, when you see that, that film, that film's not lying about what it is.

That film has no pretensions. A film of an ape riding a horse with two machine guns. Yeah, promises and I suppose it'll deliver. It knows what it's about. But like the script is just so bad. I, I, I, it's weird because when you have the right talent attached and stuff, and you have enough money to make the film, it genuinely seems like they just go, it doesn't matter.

Yeah. People will watch this because it's the same as the thing before. It's got a talking chimp in it. People will watch this. At one point- And it has precedent. Everyone goes, oh, I remember that. Yeah goes I remember that yeah reboots man you just do whatever you're fucking like the the dad with Alzheimer's at one point his Alzheimer's returns and he goes out and he thinking it's his car breaks into a neighbor's car and starts like ramming it into the cars in front of behind him and the neighbor sees it and goes hey

hey every every auxiliary character in this movie makes no sense and does not behave as any human being would. It's like the righteous have never interacted with any humans in their life. The guy goes, Hey, hey, get out, get out. He runs down to the car, pulls out this old man who's in a dressing gown, rips him out of his car, goes, What the hell are you doing? What the fuck is wrong with you? Like he's an old man in a dressing gown who looks confused. What do you think is wrong with him? He's like visibly unable to drive. And this neighbor, his angry neighbor goes, he goes, I'm a pilot. How am I supposed to

get to the airport now? Also. Report now! So the owner is going to go, oh, he is a pilot. He needed his car. Also, his car was fine. He can still get to the airport. Also, he's not saying he's a pilot and he's late. He's not a pilot. In general, he cannot think of any other way to get to the airport.

I have a job. How do I get to my job now? As you have destroyed my mode of transportation. This is my sole motivation in this film. I am a pilot. I am a pilot. That's the best line in the whole movie. I am a pilot.

I'm going to start saying that now whenever anything goes wrong and see if it really adds something where I'm sorry sir there are no McNuggets left. I'm a pilot. How am no McNuggets left. I'm a pilot How am I supposed to get my nuggets now? Acas powers the world's best podcast. Here's a show that we recommend We call them clicks at your world tonight recommend. news and help you understand it with a process you can trust.