BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 101 - Regression To The Meme

Episode Date: February 10, 2021

The boys chat Fabio and the Goose, regression to the mean, Jackie Weaver, moderate interventionist policy, Hitler clangs from Ellie, snow, the vaccine and the EU procurement nonsense and why The Beast is so sexy Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Bud Pod 101. Is that anything? 101. 101 Dalmatians. That's true. 101 Pal-mations. A pal is a bit like a bud. 101 Pal-mations, yes. Pal-nations. Pal-nations. Yeah, 101 Pal-nations, nations which is um as the un the pal nations do you know where you know where the dalmatian coast is oh is it italy uh it is croatia which. Yeah, it's on that side, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, very good. From what I can remember from Rome Total War, or whatever the fuck it was. Oh, was I in Rome? I don't remember the Dalmatian coast. It was in a historical video game, I'm just using that as a standard. Yeah, yeah. How are you, Philip? Are you enjoying the lovely weather? I love the snow.

I think it's so pretty. And seeing as we're all holed up at home anyway, might as well. It might as well snow. It might as well. Might as well feel like we have to, you know, might as well feel like we're getting a snow day done with as well. Might as well feel like we have to, you know, might as well feel like we're getting a snow day done with

as well as saving the NHS. NHS is cancelled today, snow. And also it's harder for the virus to spread in the snow because they don't have the right footwear. That's true. And all those little suckers get frozen. Yeah, yeah. They're trying trudging into the snow by so deep their little spike proteins go whoosh and go ahhh.

I would like to see a drawing of what a virus thinks a human looks like in a simplistic representation. Right. I think, well, it would just be like a single mass like an like it would be how we see space as just a single black mass or like a c we are so big to them we are basically just a color right yeah or i guess a a palette of different colours because the human race is rich in diversity in that way I don't know whether or not viruses can see colour

I feel like if dogs have difficulty a virus a virus's vision is going to be even more basic It would be funny if viruses did have eyes and then there was ways that you could trick them visually yeah like wily coyote yeah that's the part of the vaccine is you you paint a wall to look like a coughing old man who has obesity and the virus runs into and flattens itself yeah

and peels off when When the virus sees him, it does that, and the eyes burst out and hits himself in the head with a big hammer, like when Bugs Bunny is aroused or whatever it is. Yeah. But anyway. Yeah.

I don't know if we've touched on this, but the amount of horny cartoon characters we were brought up with as children. They're horny, man. I mean, some of theny cartoon characters we were brought up with as children they're horny man i mean some of the first fictional characters we were introduced as children were real dogs you know real pervs uh they'd be me too i mean i mean pepe lepew obviously famously he'd be me too up to the gills by now. But even like Bugs Bunny, you know, there'd be a few very thought-provoking Twitter threads, I think, about Bugs Bunny's past behavior and how he normalized it. Well, I mean, Bugs Bunny harassed Elmer Fudd, didn't he?

harassed Elmer Fudd. Didn't he? He continuously tricked Elmer Fudd using a sort of sexy woman's leg that he produced from inside his own rabbit's leg. Elmer Fudd, of course, was just a working class man trying to get his dinner. A recreational sportsman. With a speech impediment.

With a speech impediment. With a speech impediment. Doing his best to rid the local forest of a registered pest. A sex pest. A sex pest. Yeah. Obviously the local council said, now obviously rabbits are a pest when it comes to crops and so on. But this rabbit, whew.

Were you attracted to the female rabbit in Space Jam? Oh, of course I was. Next question, your honor. Yes. Between Lola Rabbit and Nala in The Lion King. Lola Bunny, Phil. Lola Bunny, of course. Yeah, which implies that they were related, Bugs Bunny and Lola Bunny.

Yeah, I suppose. Or maybe it's just like being called Smith. They're just like, yeah, it's just, you know. Or maybe there's a deleted scene of Space Jam, they never made the final cut, in which the movie goes at great length to explain that they are second cousins. Or the movie goes to great lengths to explain that in are second cousins. Well, the movie goes to great lengths

to explain that in cartoon rabbit society, it is much like some subcontinental or Asian societies where certain things that we in the West regard as surnames are in fact honorifics based on gender. And that's how you write a sci-fi or fantasy series. You just overcomplicate mistakes. Yeah, and then at the end, Michael Jordan raises an eyebrow like... Nails a slam dunk.

Yeah, he nails it, yeah. Lola Bunny, was there anyone who wasn't attracted to Lola Bunny? Do you think there was any boys watching that just going like, Oh, she's moving in slow motion a lot? I guess boys who weren't attracted to women. Oh, that's true. It would have been a formative experience for both the big sexualities.

Both the triple-A sexualities of straight and gay. You hear a lot on on twitter on that website you hear a lot about um when women talk about the sexy cartoons it's the fox from robin hood or it's the beast when he's the beast not the man the beast yeah the beast is not one i totally get the fox from robin hood what's not to love he's suave he's um talented he's not wearing any pants you know he's the perfect man he could shoot a bow he should have bow with his dick and balls out at the same time but a lovely vest on um the beast i mean the i think it tells you very much about the kind of lady if they're like, the Beast is my Disney fantasy.

It's like, you're too interested in fixing people, aren't you? You want a difficult relationship so that you can say you persevered through. It's partially that because the Beast is dark and brooding. Yeah. I mean, yeah, the gals who like the Beast are very much the gals who get me and my asshole husband against the world

on this motorbike made of bones. But remember, Phil, the thing you're missing here because you are such a such a prodigiously straight man, it's staring you in the face and you can't see it, is that the beast is big

the beast is big he's big he's tall right is it really that simple that's it what's that's a huge part of it that we haven't mentioned he looms over you and and dances around with you and can flip you around the room like a little rag doll and every now and then he gets all angry and he's probably going to shag you really angrily. Okay. Because he's a big angry beast man. That's a huge part of it, not just the fixing part. Of course, of course.

And of course he's got his own home. He's got his own house. It's huge. He's a rich aristocrat. He's very rich. Phil, he's a rich aristocrat. Because Robin Hood famously has nothing. He's a rich aristocrat and he's over 6'4". Let's get real here. He famously has nothing. He's a rich aristocrat and he's over six foot four.

Let's get real here. That's true. That's true. And, oh, and he has servants as well. You know, he's got all like magical pots and pans that just give you a big feast. That's pretty sweet. Of course. Well, that's all these gals are into. They want to marry into the land of gentry.

They make up all this nonsense about him being gruff and yeah but and complicated but they just want no just want the pantry and the service no phil because the attraction widely disappears when he turns into a man when this is what you're supposed to want i see he shrinks back down and now he's got a little little you know long brown hair and a nice smiley like generic like you know how disney does like the most generic white guy faces ever yeah he's just like hello i'm charles or whatever yeah the perfect the perfect man just a white guy with sort like almost blonde slightly brown hair just in case a bit long almost blonde, slightly brown hair, just in case. A bit long.

A bit wavy and long. Yeah. It's kind of, yeah. He looks like he's from a Fabio book from the 60s or whatever. I didn't know who Fabio was till my Twitch stream told me. Oh, really? I recognized him immediately when I Googled it, because he's just the picture of all those books. But I had no idea that it was the same guy and that he had a name.

Yeah, right. he's just the picture of all those books, but I had no idea that it was the same guy and that he had a name. Yeah. Right. You just thought he was, um, uh, what's the word? Proto, not prototype.

An archetype. Archetype. You just thought he was the, yeah, archetypal. Um, yeah, I just,

I assume there's, there's, there's, there's covers. Cause you know, those covers are like, there's like quite cheaply printed, like,

like photo technology from the 70s and 80s. So it almost looks like you go, well, it could be a painting. I mean. Oh, it's an actual guy, isn't it? It's a real guy posing in photos. And I was like, I thought you were like a sort of composite. Like a wax work that they posed and took pictures of. I wonder who Fabio really is.

His name is Fabio. Oh, his actual name. The man's actual name is Fabio. Yeah, and get this, Phil, this is what my Twitch stream told me. He went on a roller... He's most famous most recently for going on a rollercoaster and smashing his face into a goose. On the rollercoaster? Yeah, in flight, in a bird

or a seagull. He smashed his face into some sort of bird. Fabio Lanzoni, American-Italian actor. Type in Fabio Rollercoaster. Yeah, it's come up. His face is covered in blood because he smashes into a goose. There's a video of it from March

1999. Fabio gets hit by a goose riding Apollo's... This is crackers. Apollo's chariot. Apollo's chariot. Because he looks like Hercules. This is hilarious.

And there's this terrible picture of him. There's no footage of the goose hitting him. But he leaves the terminus of the roller coaster ride where everyone gets on. And the camera just follows. The camera follows the roller coaster moving around in the distance. And as he returns, his face is covered in blood. And the girls next to him are horrified. Actually, one is absolutely horrifiedified actually one's kind of like i know one is absolutely horrified the other is kind of laughing that is so funny the top comment

is anyone else disappointed we didn't see the goose yes i am i am honey bunny 99 um do you think he's broken his nose then birds are heavy man birds can hurt oh he's broken his nose um is that his own blood then i don't know, maybe his nose kind of looks fine. I mean, that goose is dead. That goose's corpse has got a really handsome imprint on its entire body. I mean, if anything, it's incredible more people don't smash their faces into birds mid-flight on roller coasters. It should be kind of one of those annual stories, shouldn't it? You know, in plane engines, it's called a bird strike.

Yeah. And when they build engines that rolls roars or whatever, they have to do a bird test. And in wind tunnel, they just throw frozen chickens at the engine to make sure it'll be all right if and when a duck goes through it. I would like to do that as if it was a bottle of champagne on a new ship. Is there a big plate behind the engine for someone to sort of make pulled duck or whatever? They just positioned Fabio behind there.

The Fabio test. Yeah. Yeah, if his face gets covered in goose blood and not jet fuel, then it's good to go. and not jet fuel, then it's good to go. Oh man, do you think that Fabio got hit by a goose because he angered the gods through his arrogance? It's called Apollo's Chariot. Yes, Apollo was envious of Fabio's chest, the sheer size of his chest,

and decided he had to take this mortal down a peg they've got him on the chariot with a load of women dressed as like Greek chorus women like classical Greek chorus ladies so this is clearly some promo but Fabio's just in a shirt and trousers so they clearly couldn't pay enough to

to get him in costume put him in a toga, no. He's briefly in a cape at the start of the video, but that's not the same. It was such a big thing in the 90s, Fabio. How did you know about Fabio? Because I obviously, like I say, I recognized it when I looked it up.

I think it was all just... He was mentioned regularly on American TV, which I got in Malaysia. Of course. Yeah, people always mention fabio he's 61 now and he looks like a roadie a roadie he looked like a metallic roadie is his long hair is his long hair in a ponytail now uh no he just has that kind of grizzled look of like a you guys want weed you want hookers yeah he, he does. He does.

Hey, I'm taller than Fabio. Really? Yeah. Nice one. I think he just looks tall because of how wide he is. Well, you know, he is tall, but I mean, he looks even taller because of his sheer girth. Yeah, I know what you mean about book covers. They do look like paintings, but they're actually him.

They do look like paintings. See, I just thought they, like, oh, someone's made you mean about book covers. They do look like paintings, but they're actually him. They do look like paintings. See, I just thought, like, oh, someone's made up a kind of insane... And it's only now that I'm saying that I realize that also I thought it was made up because in that old Simpsons episode where Marge fantasizes about being on a kind of pirate ship, it's clearly Fabio, the book that she's reading. Yes, that's right. Ah, of course. That makes a lot more sense now. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Ah. Ah, of course, that makes a lot more sense now Well That's the Fabio part of this podcast Well and truly done You're listening to Fabio part Fabio appeared prominently in advertising For I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. That's so weird. So weird. I mean, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, that's such a 90s thing. Of models being personalities and selling things things now it's not really now it's like jackie weaver from the hansforth parish council like she's going to get a bunch of advertising deals now yeah yeah we live in a joke world now we used to live in a very superficial looks-based world in the 90s and now it's a joke planet. Now we live on a joke planet, and the people who get advertising deals are jokes. Yeah, we live

on fucking Planet Joke, and everyone thinks, what's the stupidest way of advertising this? Planet Joke. Can we both start being like, sort of, the 20-teens Bill Hicks, the 2020s bill hicks rather just be like yeah we love on planet joke like these big rats

it used to be like like reminiscing nicely about what bill hicks hated used to be you could get fabio talking about butter now it's just these fucking memes yeah yeah if if you work in memes, kill yourself. You are struck off the cultural register. If you work in memes and you speak to me,

it's like a turd falling into my beer. Whatever horrible rant he had about shit in his beer um the he said some silly things he's inspired a lot of silly boys who think they're clever do you know um the one good thing about twitter is that the memes and the idiocy move so quickly that it is already too late to have jackie weaver advertise butter you're right you're absolutely right it's already too late to have jackie weaver advertise butter you're right you're absolutely right it's already too late it it it wouldn't be too late maybe at the end of last

week or yesterday for your mom and dad who've only just found out about jackie weaver and if your mom and dad haven't found out by now they will never ever hear about this yeah or maybe they send you a facebook link in two years time to the hansforth county council parish council video a facebook link and the video is unrecognizably pixelated and plastered in cry face emojis and square even though the original isn't square it's been cropped to be square for some reason. It's been cropped to include a needlessly enthusiastic caption written by an idiot. When Zoom meetings don't go to plan, cry face emoji, cry face emoji. Or like when they always give the punchline away.

Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. They always say like, he said she doesn't have any authority, Or like when they always give the punchline away. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They always say like, he said she doesn't have any authority and then she kicks him. Cry face, cry face, cry face. Like just to remove any of the guesswork from any of the terminally ill-attentive maniacs doom scrolling through their phone. I hate it. I hate it, Phil. It's a joke planet.

I do love though i don't know if there's a thread or like a reddit or something or some collection of uh baby boomers on facebook who have posted tributes to someone who's just died yeah and have added thinking it is the crying emoji the cry face emoji effect. Yeah, they don't think it's laughing. Into the background. And it looks like, it's like two years today we lost Joanna Flintingdon.

Cry laughing faces floating around in the background. Just pissing themselves. Absolutely wetting themselves. The dead friend. Just on the anniversary of any death, just absolutely losing your mind laughing. It's so sinister.

Like they're the Joker. Like, that would be incredibly sinister if you did it every year on the anniversary of when they shot Bin Laden. Just wetting yourself all day. Ah! Oh, man, oh, man. Oh, gosh. Yeah, I mean, it's, you know, Jackie Weaver was huge for two days, maybe.

huge for two days maybe i mean it's it really says something about the pace of modern culture that this is the soonest podcast the episode of this podcast we could mention her in and it's already too late we couldn't have we couldn't have mentioned on the podcast any sooner than this and it's all it already feels like we're behind the times god that's true isn't it yeah we this is we're like a weekly newspaper in the victorian era we just can't you know but i wonder and i think about this sometimes you know i think culture modern culture seems to exist on different planes of time scale yeah it's kind of like the dreams in inception each dream you go down the time moves slower slower slower with like meme culture the the more obscure the meme the further down into the memes you go the the faster the culture gets yeah and so like a jackie weaver level meme culture it's already over but then i don't know what what

is in but i don't know the kardashians many many levels above yeah far longer period of time right yeah and i think it's also because the the jackie weaver the jackie weaver thing will come back in in a month there's going to be a political scandal about someone getting kicked out of a party, say. Like a political party. And the first person to remember Jackie Weaver and post a screenshot of it, but with, you know, Alex Salmon's face superimposed. Yeah. Is going to get big numbers.

Because everyone's, it's going to be a bit like, it's going to be the meme equivalent of 20 years later. and this is the Peter Kay style, do you remember routine? Yes, exactly, exactly. Exactly. And everyone's going to, you know, Peter Kay's going to be like, do you remember, do you remember a month ago? Do you remember, do you remember Tiger King? And everyone's going to react as if it was like a memory from when they were eight.

Oh, yes. Yeah. It's too fast and also it's too like it's very difficult to write for say topical comedy shows as well because everyone on twitter has already had a go for free it's the opposite of a union

oh yeah I mean I'm not even going to bother doing a topical show I wouldn't ever bother I wouldn't ever bother. I wouldn't ever bother. Because you can't really beat Twitter to it. The only way that you could make people start restraining themselves or start charging or not just giving it away is that if you just made a show where you made millions by just reading out other people's great tweets and when they complain, just say, well, don't tweet them for free then. Like, be a real prick about it yeah although i think you can you can claim intellectual

property over your tweets um i think you can claim moral rights but you can't get any money okay because you gave it away for free so i think say, oh, you need to credit me as the author, but I don't think you can get any money. Right. This is my moral right! Yes. I am the author of the tweet where I wrote, you have no authority here, Jackie Weaver, but I alternated capitals and lowercase and it was a picture of Spongebob. I wonder who owns the rights to that council meeting video

probably whoever made the recording which I presume was none other than Jay Weaver one Jay Weaver witness one Jay Weaver she's about to fall down a hole they do get angry in that video though Pierre She's about to fall down a hole. They do get angry in that video though, Pierre.

They get upset. Read them and understand them. I'm in charge. I like that guy. The very old guy whose face is too close to the camera. That guy? No, no. The younger northern guy. The younger northern guy.

I'm in charge. I'm in charge. No, no. The younger northern guy. Oh, the younger guy. The younger northern guy. I'm in charge. I'm in charge. No, because the vice chair is here. I'm in charge. He's like something from the Game of Thrones. This is the Game of Thrones. He's like something from the Game of Thrones. Yeah.

He's like one of the Ramses. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, not the Ramses. The Boltons. Yeah. Ramsey Bolton. I'm in charge. George Fouracres, otherwise known as the white one from Daphne, your sketch group.

He and I are big fans of Sharp, and I enjoyed him pointing out how much he was either like... Sharp with... Sean Bean. What's his name? Sean Bean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How much that guy was like a villain or Sharp himself. I'm in charge.

Read the stunting orders. Read them and understand them. You bastard. You bastard. I love read them and understand them as an invective. It's so funny. Read them and understand them! It's like something a preacher would say.

I loved it. And people would go, and then that really old guy who for no reason is like, oh, did you notice that the screen name wasn't quite correct? And then the other old guy's like, reason is like, oh, did you notice that the screen name wasn't quite correct? And then the other old guy's like, I didn't see that. Where was it? And it's just fucking seven minutes of that.

Yeah, he's sort of not familiar with the idea that you can change your name on the Zoom window, despite, I presume, having done Zoom meetings for a year now. Yeah, a full year and it's still people just going, oh, I can't quite get my head around this. Oh. I'm so glad I'm not involved in any... I don't understand people who want to be involved in councils

or organisational groups like that. It's the kind of people who are in like the student government at school. Yeah. Or the ball planning committee at universities. Why? You don't get paid. Why are you doing this? What for? It's always just

to like, either it's to pad out their CV for the next rung of power. Or it's just because they are like weirdly, sort of weird busybodies. Every now and then, you get the ones that you want, which is people who are just genuinely smart or dedicated who think,

well, if I don't get involved, some idiot's going to fuck this up. And those are the people you want. Yes. But often it's just people who are obsessed with like, well, I thought I'd better get on the council because those trees have been growing out of control. And the leaves are, the wind blows them into my garden. So I thought, you know, I'd better get my hat on. And it's just like a formalized way of a bunch of pensioners to harass people who live somewhere

yeah yeah I'm looking at the news now having quarantined myself from the news and um and one

of the popular videos here is empty shelves no custard creams for brits in belgium i don't even want to look at what that is how long have you quarantined yourself from the news for because i knew it's because you were you were busy writing oh like two weeks what really a week maybe yeah pretty much i mean it's time to time i still get my the notifications are terrifying bbc News notifications On my phone The most terrifying notification you can get On your phone

What's the little tune? It's like the little end of the news jingle isn't it? Dun-chicka-chicka-chicka And you go Jesus no No And then it just says like 15 people were murdered And you go oh thank god

Jeez thank you It's just something that doesn't affect me That little jingle is like you're about to be told Bad news by a mysterious shaman Who's appeared at your window And he's just there peering in And he says trade with China Has dropped And he's just there peering in. And he says, trade with China has dropped. And he runs away.

And sometimes he turns up at your window and you're like, oh, God, no. And he's a bit sheepish. And he goes, a very old actor has died. And he's a bit embarrassed. And you go, well, that wasn't really worth you coming, was it? And he's like, sorry. And he flies away. Yeah, sometimes he stays at the window and you go, who? And he goes,

he was in Goodfellas. No, not that one. The, um... He was the one in the car. Ask your mum. Ask your mother. Where is your mother here She'll be sad So what's it like to come back to the news

I would say you've missed a lot But you've also kind of missed nothing Well this is how I feel, I've missed nothing The main headline on BBC News is Two tests for all uk arrivals during quarantine yeah which seems like a new story that should have been a new story in uh april of 2020 yeah i like i like how loads of the british news now is um it's just headlines of things like should we stop people with coronavirus coming to the uk and it's like yes yeah i thought we were doing that were we not

doing that still the vaccine you know the vaccination's going well in the uk it's an unlikely we would do a little bit of you know pride about something i guess we we would do a bit of even accidental competence just through the mathematical principle of regression to the mean we would do something it is regression to the mean an incredibly powerful statistical phenomenon oh once i found out about regression to the mean it changed my life oh my gosh yeah it's me too i found about it um two years ago maybe regression to the mean and it's it's i i don't get sad anymore ago, maybe, regression to the mean. And I don't get sad anymore, basically, after learning about regression to the mean. If you don't know what regression to the mean is...

It sounds like we're talking about vitamins. Yeah, vitamins or like Scientology. It changed my life. I discovered it. For those who don't know, regression to the mean is just this statistical law I suppose that states you know that something always

something has an average state of existence of quality of performance say and if you excel beyond that average or go below that average your statistics dictates that you're going to end up moving back towards it so if you've done very well recently you're probably due a failure coming up if you've done very badly recently

you're probably due a success coming up and and it's illustrated really nicely by daniel kahneman who is this nobel winning economist when he was working for the israeli air force and and they brought him in to help with the training and and and they were the the training the instructors were convinced that if they scolded the pilots for making a mistake they got better but if they praised them for doing well they got worse and daniel kahneman the show that all that's happening is when they do very badly that's not like them so odds are they're going to do better next time and if they do very well better than average odds are they're going to go back to the average or go back towards the average next time they're going to be worse yeah and they're not yeah so the scolding and the praise has makes no difference yeah and it's harder to understand with something like behavior whereas if you just

use like football if if a team wins a game nine nil it's it's not a bayesian prediction where you go well it must if they continue to improve they'll win the next game ten nil yes exactly the odds are that they'll they'll win the next game 1-0 or even lose a game. That's right. That's right. And so now if I'm in a bad mood, if I feel sad or like nothing's going my way or that nothing's worth doing, I go, oh yeah,

regression to the mean. I'll feel better tomorrow. And I always do. I always do every single time. Yeah, it's very powerful to just go, oh, this isn't something to do with crystals or hugging my inner child. It's maths and it's going to happen. Yeah, it's very powerful to just go oh this isn't something to do with crystals or hugging my inner child it's uh it's maths and it's going to happen yeah it's just statistics yeah um yeah so um i mean it's a double-edged sword i'm being aware of regression to the mean because when you're feeling bad you go oh yeah regression to the mean tomorrow i'll feel fine but if you're having a really

really great time regression the mean will sneak back into your mind and go enjoy tomorrow it'll be worse and you go oh for god's sake of course but then at least if you're having an amazing time you can still think to yourself well at least i can use regression to the mean to not feel as bad tomorrow when i have a perfectly normal time that's right you expect it yeah yeah there you go yeah this is a normal day that's fine whereas i think before you do sort of go god yesterday i was living high on the hog and today it's just oven food oven food yeah what's oven food that's my definition of um just sort of existing at the most basic level oven

food is you know chip oven chips nuggets fish cakes whatever anything in the oven yum that's a dish oh it's a very it's all perfectly good phil but yes britain's relative success with vaccinations is just regression to the mean after eating shit for four years straight yeah eventually the clown in charge had to honk his nose at the right scientist. Yeah, yeah, yeah, pretty good. And, I mean, it's a bloody field day for the old Brexiteers because the EU are shitting their starry pants.

They are, and it's essentially, the fact is that early on the uk government gave a trillion pounds to anywhere that made any kind of vaccine or even claimed to so we did spread we just enormously spread bet some guy with a barn and a load of syringes he'd found was like oh this could be a vaccine boris johnson was like have 10 million pounds as long as whatever comes out of that lab we get it first that's right i mean the downside of this success is some some spanish guy in miami who sold plastic bags to england is now a multi-millionaire yeah a bunch of people who sell an apple juice called vaccine from finland who

didn't realize that was a word in english are now millionaires but that's fine they can have it you know what you're welcome to it enjoy it that's right yeah spread betting yeah yeah whereas the eu was the opposite where they went well of course it would be ridiculous to give a hundred million pounds to someone who doesn't even have the product they're trying to sell and that's very sensible but it means that they're at the back of the queue when it comes to a combination of vaccines and delicious Finnish apple juice. Yeah. You know over the weekend

NHS was delivering almost a thousand jabs a minute. A thousand a minute? That's... Almost a thousand a minute. Suck my dick, Henry Ford. I like the idea of everyone in England being on a big conveyor belt, just being jabbed. Oh, I'd love it.

And those robot arms, like in a car factory, just come in and go... And then one signs Picasso on your ass. Like that Renault Picasso advert. That just reminds me of a scene in... Have you seen Minority Report? Of course, of course. I only saw it a few weeks ago.

And there's a bit where Tom Cruise is being chased by uh the minority report police and they are running through a car factory and he and he jumps into a car that's being assembled he like fights a guy over a car that's being assembled and he falls into it and a chair a robot arm brings a chair down because the robots aren't aware that the people in the conveyor belt. And the robot arm just installs a chair on top of Tom Cruise, who's in the chassis of a car. And the police go, that'll be the end of him then.

And they go to the viewing window to see where the cars are finished. And as the car is being finished and passing the window, Tom Cruise pops up inside the car and they're like, no and he gets into the driver's seat and the and this is where it just gets stupid because the car is finished in the factory it it rolls out onto a forecourt and he just drives off with it oh god i don't even remember that scene my mind had clearly deleted that for being fucking stupid he just drives off with this presumably full tank of petrol in a car that and it's like what kind of factory is this the cars just roll out onto an empty forecourt with a um with a pair

of open hangar doors and if you can just walk into the car you can drive off with it is that but are they then aren't they like futuristic hover cars or some shit isn't that part of it no it's like a normal car this one it's just like a normal car and he just drives off that is so fucking stupid i'm really upset at minority report for having that in it uh oh my god that's so that's uh that's really that's really irritated me that's really really dumb oh my god i i like i like minority report and now i'm gonna have to remember that that scene is in it where it's just do you think tom cruise likes that kind of thing do you think he just goes uh this is dumb this is a dumb one. I think he he's one of those lucky people who's just

smart enough to be really good at what he does but just dumb enough not to question the silly aspects of what he does and not to be embarrassed by them and not to overthink things. I mean that's the real Achilles heel of the intelligent person is to overthink things so much they never happen. But someone like

Tom Cruise, he's smart enough to go yeah put the camera here i'll jump over there uh this is where the story beats should go but not smart enough to to think this is a ridiculous way for a car factory to operate it implies that the car factory is a bit like um that's how they used to like during the the during the battle of stalingrad the russians were producing tanks at such a rate, like so desperately that they rolled them out of the factory without painting them. They were just raw metal. So maybe that was, Tom Cruise's Minority Report Society is a society so desperate for hatchbacks. There's just a sort of commissar Waving them through

Go go It's a good movie though And I think Very Relevant to our times Where someone can be Found guilty In the court of public opinion

For an opinion they haven't even had yet Someone could be cancelled Before they've even begun That's right I'm guilty in the court of public opinion, Pierre, for an opinion they haven't even had yet. Someone could be cancelled before they've even begun. That's right. The other day I was watching... Funny you should say that, Phil. I was watching this video of... It was a... I think it was from Russia. And it was...

Someone was making two dwarves fight in a pool of jelly and filming it. And I thought, you won't see this on the BBC. I love, oh, you won't see this on the BBC format. I get sent that message a lot on uh on my twitch chat whenever something weird happens or something someone mentions something horrible they all they all they all right oh you won't see that on the bbc that's great it's really funny i just uh anytime you see like a a gif of marge simpson baring her tits that someone's clearly drawn. You won't see that on the BBC. I might start tweeting the most horrible, weird pictures

I can find, like cursed images. I'll see this on the BBC, hashtag defund the BBC. Just really annoy all the really sincere defunders who are all just like 70 year old racists who like cricket Oh do you know The Superbowl happened in America The Superbowl occurred

Didn't it and the guys who always win the Superbowl Won it but just for a different team this time Right Right right I won't even pretend to understand how the the draft system works every i mean yeah every year they have a super bowl and the team tom brady is playing for wins that's right okay yeah yeah that's the truth i know he right he wasn't the patriots he was a patriot right yeah and now he is a

He was a patriot, right? Yeah And now he is a? Buccaneer? Buccaneer, okay I think, yeah I think so Basically, I just saw a big headline saying Tom Brady and someone who I believe is called Gronk

Teamed up again like a buddy movie Even though they're now, you know, 40 Which in American football must be like playing when you're 80. Oh, in any sport. I mean, in regular football, it's... I mean, I think it really goes to show how little sort of continuous aerobic movement is required in American football. You get a break every five seconds.

It does seem like that, doesn't it? You kick a ball and the referee blows a whistle it's like that's enough yeah or someone gets it okay enough moving around that's that's why you can see these guys where they're like i'm a professional athlete and i'm a defensive linesman and they're just clearly they're so fat that they could be in a documentary. Awful. Awful looking fellas. Just, like, yeah, they look like golfers. They look like golfers and they've got, like, some of them

have, like, tanks of oxygen at the side of the pitch and stuff. Ugh, really? I've seen that. I've seen someone rush off to a, just quickly breathe in some. Oh my god. Yeah, it's very strange. Whereas, like, rugby players look like, i don't know greek urns well you know there are some american football players who are like ex rugby players

yes yeah they just take the kicks there was there was a south african uh rugby player who did that he he played rugby in south africa for a bit and he just moved to america and he he just because they for them the kicking seems to be this like magically difficult thing whereas in rugby it's you know if you can't do it your team's never going to be able to even win and this guy could slot it from the halfway line and he just made like enormous amounts of money and my dad was saying there was some interview with him he was like oh i've probably played about a minute and a half of American football over the last 20 years. Crazy. Like he lives in a mansion in Miami or whatever.

Incredible. It's so American in the sense of this. There's lots of breaks. There's a bunch of sexy women dancing for no reason. There's loads of space for adverts. The team is like, it's so much, it's so American, I i think because it's so much to do with just like just having it just just ah just like well what having the best of everything like well let's not make a little guy have to play in a position where a big guy is let's have two teams on one team yeah yeah how many players are in like American football team? Like 40?

It's like 40 or 50. And they just go, all right, swap them around. They're all the big people around now. I watched the Super Bowl in America once with Americans. And I mean, I think it's partly because the people I was watching with were in comedy and entertainment industry or whatever. But their football was like an afterthought. Everyone is excited about the ads.

And, like, there was hype about the ads and who was in the ads and which ads were going to play when. And the football seemed almost there to serve the ads. I mean, it is there to serve the ads. It's so weird. I mean, obviously, advertising is everywhere in professional sport. it's so i mean it is there to serve the ads it's so weird that like i mean obviously advertising is everywhere in professional sport but in the uk it's not like it's not like if like liverpool play everton and the players come out all the announcers are like and of course which chinese

gambling company will it be sponsoring the shirts this week like they're not all excited it's not the point yeah and in football you know it isn't it's half time not Chrysler presents half time and half time is the bit where like old footballers wearing massive headsets just criticize some guy's ankle for 20

minutes you don't watch it it's the most boring part of the whole thing. Oh, man, man, man. Whereas instead, especially with the Super Bowl, like you say, they just go, well, we'll have all the scheduled adverts we're all excited about that cost more than the game,

and then Beyonce will come on. What the fuck? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to see how much the Super Bowl adverts... I wonder if they cost more this year because even more people are at home. Ooh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's all about the snacks.

Like, everyone posting pictures of their Super Bowl snacks. In 2020, a 30-second commercial cost about $5.6 million. Jesus Christ. Goodness me. But I was amazed they went ahead with it almost normally. I think it looked like a full stadium. It wasn't really a full stadium. But we forget because America

hasn't been in lockdown. They've been going to restaurants this whole goddamn time. Yeah, I think it's still just advice there not to congregate yeah with thousands of people i've seen i've seen posts on on social media from americans being like oh i i feel really bitter because i'm the only one following the advice and it's like advice yeah because these are people who are like so diligent that they're staying at home even though everyone else is just like g TGI Fridays is half off!

And just going out and coughing on everyone. Really weird. It's so, so strange. But then I guess it makes sense because during the election, Biden was just doing televised robot addresses. And then Donald Trump was just in a fucking 90s rave pool party just licking everyone. pool party just licking everyone just just just donald trump being crowd surfed along a pool of half-naked bathers on a miami beach with dibbity dibbity dibbity dibbity just insane footage it's so strange for a country obsessed and addicted to highly aggressive policing to be so against laws and like just using laws in

public interest. I think there would have been a really good lockdown in a lot of America if coronavirus had only been spread by black people. Then all the southern states that are anti-lockdown would be like, we gotta do something! They would have immediately put snipers

on every corner. Yeah. It's, I don't know. Yeah, and they're obsessed with healthcare costing them loads of money and bankrupting them. And they're like, well, I see no reason not to let this bankruptcy risk

rip through the community. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. But then we're halfway between that and, you know, Germany. It's true. It's true, isn't it? Yeah, we're like between that and Germany It's true We're like

Diet America in Europe Is our death rate worse than America? I don't know I think it was at one point I think maybe they've pulled ahead I'm not sure They always do creep ahead The bloody Yanks

We'll get them next time, though. We're going to refill those care homes, and then we're going to redo this whole thing again. Don't you worry. Amazing. Amazing to look back on almost a year ago, where the government was like, well, I think if we just take people with coronavirus from hospital

and put them in care homes, that should be fine. Post them through the letterbox. In a way, the safest place for the fox is inside the hen house. Because then we don't have to worry about him getting in the hen house, don't we? Yeah, he's already there. Yeah, he's in there. We know where he is. He's in the hen house.

Do you think you and I will ever get jabs? Yes. Well, I'm asthmatic, so I'm slightly ahead of you in the queue. I'm also asthmatic, but apparently not as importantly asthmatic. Yeah, we're not sure about this, but then the NHS,

after David Cameron's reforms, which the Tories are now about to undo, the NHS has become a bit more fragmented, so maybe we're just on different registers or something. I don't know. I got my flu jab pretty easily but then i did i did ring up and ask they didn't just contact me so maybe if i rang up and went like i literally i literally went like that they went oh my god i was sorry sir yes of course right this way uh okay well i'll look into that i'll look into playing this shit up Yeah I don't know man

We're definitely going to get our jabs Because there's going to be variants South Africa's already done the world proud Yeah Yeah yeah yeah South Africa always finding a new way to kill people I wonder how the South Africa variant is different

a bit more aggressive it's beefier beefier yeah it's huge absolutely huge you can see it with the naked eye and it's COVID

K-O-o-r-v-e-r-t corvid it's uh it spreads through hijacking cars that's how the brazilian variant has most of its spike proteins shaved off. Yes, yes. And what a sense of rhythm. It like sambas into your body. It's just a little parade. It's the gaudiest.

It's the gaudiest of the variants. Yeah, but also the most fun-loving. It's fun. Yeah, it is fun. It's Fun loving It's fun, yeah it is fun It's fun Shall we do a couple of correspondence? Yes, we shall Correspondence Alright Let's see

God, the wind Apparently this weather's coming in from The Arctic This is coming in from the north Whereas the beast from the east That was a couple years ago That was from Russia there That was like Siberian and shit, wasn't it? This one is like Arctic apparently

Oh man, well it feels Arctic and also at the same time I'm surprised but also I'm not surprised, it's a bit like Scooby Doo like a it was old man Arctic being cold the whole time It's Baltic I like that, that's my favourite, one of my

fave Scottishottish oh baltic baltic yeah blowing a hoolie is is good it's glasgow and isle of man slang when it's very windy very windy blowing a hoolie blowing a hoolie i think uh i think i know blowing a hoolie he's uh he's a folk singer right yeah blowing a Hooli actually used to open for Bob Dylan For a bit yeah During that folk renaissance In the late 60s A Hooli

Who's done this Ellie gets in touch Ellie let's get smelly Let's get smelly Dear Poo Poo and Pee Pee Yep, classic stuff I hope you're keeping well I was rapped by the story of Phil spotting a Nazi on the tube Oh yes

Yes yes yes And the general call for punching Nazis Reminded me of the best anecdote in my own family Ooh This is going to be spicy. Yeah. Also, we should post that picture, Lumps, the illustrator, who's an incredible artist, illustrator, whatever. Yes.

You can look him up on Instagram. Shout out to Lumps. Look up Lumps on Instagram. The most brilliant drawings. And he sent us his artist rendition of me spotting a Nazi in the tube. Yeah, and it's so brilliant. It looks like a tube poster. We need to post that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we should. We'll do it after this. Shout out to Lumps. So, reminded of her best anecdote, I have to admit this even beats my own magnum opus about being sick into drains. My grandfather was an Irish junior boxing champion in the early

1930s Blowing a hoolie And there with a championship belt it's blowing a hoolie So Ellie's grandfather was a boxing champ when? An Irish junior boxing champ in the early 1930s wow that's very

cool yeah um after winning a tournament in ireland he traveled over to germany to compete there he won and the medal was awarded to him by a middle-ranking german uh official soon to be chancellor and later fuhrer, Adolf Hitler. Wow! That's great. What a great story. This story is, by all accounts, completely true. For the rest of his life, Grandad would regale us with it and delighted

in dropping it on unsuspecting strangers. I mean, what a name drop. Is there a bigger clang than Hitler? Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! What a name drop. Is there a bigger clang than Hitler? I would love that. If someone told you an anecdote in a bar about them hanging out with, you know, Michael Cera or something, and you just go, yeah, I was just saying to Hitler the other day that we were having a pint and just wait for them to go, sorry, who? Hmm?

Oh. Adolf said the funniest thing when he handed me this medal. Oh, sorry, Hitler. Adolf Hitler. Adolf Hitler. So he says, so Eli says, with a nonchalant Irish twinkle in his eye, he would say to people, oh, you're German. Well, here's a funny thing now. Well, should I do it in an Irish accent?

Yeah, why not? Do my best not to. As long as it's good. As yeah why not do my best as long as it's good as long as it's good well then oh you're german well here's a funny thing now people would always say hitler's eyes were a piercing blue but really i would say they're more of a green color sure what do you think i think that was more than good enough i hope so i did my best very funny bearing in mind that ellie i have to say listeners to any to any of our to any of our celtic listeners uh ellie herself has written ting has she now yeah that she has now that wasn't me adding that uh

so well so she's either Irish or Jamaican. So let's not presume. That's true. That's true. But I like that. Here's a funny thing now. People would always say Hitler's eyes were a piercing blue, but I'd say they were more green. What do you think? That's a very funny thing to say to a German.

What do you think? Sure. What do you think? What do you think? That's really funny. Grandad's war stories did not start and end there. He went on to train as a doctor and learned to fly light aircraft with the RAF. And what a funny thing to train to defeat

the guy who gave you your medal. Yeah, if it was a movie, it would end with him pressing the medal through his eye and killing him with it. Yeah. But Ireland was neutral in the Second World War. Ireland, uh, the Irish government was neutral in the Second World War,

but the Irish people could and still can join the British Army whenever they want. Really? Yeah, they're still the Royal Irish Rangers, the Irish Guards. You can join the raf you can do what you like that's interesting in the same way that northern irish people can get irish passports okay okay similar similar sort of vibe um and lots of irish people did say you know it's not right that we're neutral and volunteered for stuff with the raf or or the navy things like that

um and and did help out. It's just that the government officially didn't, which I think we've discussed before, is that the Irish government at the time referred to the Second World War as the emergency. Really? Yeah. In some textbooks, apparently, it's still the emergency.

And Eamon de Valera sent Germany flowers when he heard Hitler had killed himself. Really? Why don't we talk about this more? Because no one wants to ruin the whole thing where everyone just loves Ireland forever, do they? Yeah, exactly. Gosh, that's funny. We really do glaze over that element of Irish history. Did he send, yes, de Valera's expression of sympathy. Yes, de Valera was told that by expressing condolences to the German ambassador on the death of Hitler, he'd shown allegiance to the devil. Wow.

Oh, wow. Yeah, so there was a little bit of very controversial. The Nazi leader shot himself At his bunker in Berlin Two days later de Valera who was Taoiseach And minister for external affairs Called on the German ambassador to express his condolences Mad Absolutely mad I mean I understand sort of sucking up to

Hitler himself But once he's dead surely Surely there's nothing to be won now once he shot himself that's when everyone needs to pile on the bandwagon of saying hitler was bad not to go well it's always sad when someone dies this is i i can't i have no time for it's always sad when someone dies people because it categorically isn't no like no i, I remember when Osama bin Laden was killed, some absolute twat would go, regardless of what he has done,

I will never celebrate the death of a human being. Shut the fuck up. Shut up. Who do you think you are? Shut up. Useless person. It's always someone who's never had a reason to want anyone dead. It's always like a fucking prince or equivalent

some middle class ass conscientious objector piece of fucking fuck off shut up live in the real world for us one second why can't we all just be nice maybe if we start by being nice

then it would be nice from nice on. Oh, nice, nice, nice. This podcast has so many different elements to it. The pooing, the philosophy, the science, the current affairs. That's right. The sort of gentle militaristic jingoism

as well, which kind of flies under the radar most of the time. Look, if you scrape away the poo, there's a moderate sort of pro-interventionist internationalism there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, very much so. But then that's because we're both from countries where, you know, we're both from countries which have benefited from internationalist intervention in their history. Whereas, like we say, all these people who always say,

oh, it's bad actually, are always just, you know, from fucking Hemel Hempstead. Yeah. They always just grew up, you know, just with a lovely garden and having, you know, trifle for dessert every day. They've just got no clue, I don't think. Maybe it's actually insulting to try to help people. What if their feelings are hurt because

we're trying to help? What are we saying when we try to help people? That they need help? Yes, yes. That's what we're trying to say. In a way, aren't we interfering with the tradition of that country if this is their fifth genocide? Who are we to say there is anything inherently wrong with murdering people for their religion?

Yeah, it always boils down to them saying, nothing means anything and nothing is real, so I don't have to feel bad anymore. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Oh, man. Anyway. So Ellie's granddad,

he learned to fly light aircraft with the RAF And she says that's right he earned the rights Not only to say he shook hands with Adolf Hitler But also say I'm a pilot Of course Of course I'm a pilot How am I supposed to

Defeat my Medal award Now That's right. That's right. With training. With training in light aircraft. When she says, uh, the story is by all accounts completely true, there's a star, and she says, I've investigated other family anecdotes and completely

debunked one. Not this one, but a different one, with the help of a slightly perplexed Alexander McCall Smith, the novelist. It's very niche. Oh. I wonder which one that was. Koji, respectfully, Ellie. Gosh. Yeah. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. It's very niche I wonder which one that was Koji respectfully Ellie Gosh The mysteries run fathoms deep With Ellie and her family

Yeah that's right Also The most almost offensively Irish thing For Ellie to finish with Oh I've got stories to tell But those will have to wait for another day Stories to tell, but those will have to wait for another day. Stories to tell of novelists and Hitler.

Your friend and mine, the comedian Johnny Leonard, who is at TheMaybePile on Twitter, he had a great joke years ago. He was, Ireland's main export is anecdotes yeah it is just every every irish person you meet in the uk has just got this absolute barrel of of tales to tell i love it it's it's one of those examples of like island is one of those countries where the stereotypes mix the mix with the truth the most i think yeah island and america and you know i don't know maybe russia or something i'm not sure but just uh how many things that are stereotypes are also like well also that does happen well most stereotypes have some element of truth to them yeah that's true there won't be stereotypes that's true but

then some places it's like what is a stereotype if not just um a piece of uncomfortable statistical observation we've got regression to the mean and a stereotype is when an observation makes people upset and could not be for the reasons that you think but it is there it's correlation is not causation Phil that's the principle there to make a stereotype okay

it's correlation okay I'll ponder on that I'll meditate on that Yeah please do Speak to you next week It's been a wide ranging episode This week but a rich one I think Full of ideas and the gift of regression

To the mean Don't squander that gift Dear Podbuds Enjoy And have a lovely week In the snow enjoy the snow pooping in a winter wonderland