BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 103 - Bin Laden's TikTok

Episode Date: February 24, 2021

It's a BudPodiversary! The boys discuss being wet forever, Breaking Bad, optimised apps that break your brain like TikTok, kid's youtube, gender reveal explosions, broccoli and Pierre's confusion about sour and bitter Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Budpod 103rd, 103rd. 103rd, that's I think, that's one of the lines on an American football pitch. We were talking about the Super Bowl last week. So he's got past 103rd. Yeah, or it sounds like a line from a movie about the American military. I'm from the Budpod 103rd, sir. Of course, yeah. We've taken up positions around the town.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nice one. It's also, Phil, it's also two years to the day, almost, since we started Budpod. Wow.

It's our second Budpodiversary. Two years to the day My entire Same length as my entire boarding school career I was at that school For as long as I've done Budpod Man And you've seen even more Flaccid penises

I've certainly heard More shit stories Because back then you were living the stories what did you what did your friend say at school that made me laugh so much he has a horrible wet oh yeah yeah i stood in i stood in his wet um which was the the little because you all all the rooms had a shower between three so if you were in afterwards you know you would step into the previous guy's wet which is just a bit of water

on the floor of the shower I stood in his wet it's so poetic I really love that it's so good this leaving this imprint yeah yeah yeah yeah like a memory like a like a

sudden memory of ectoplasm previous time yeah that's that's the vibe he gave off so ectoplasm it's wet imagine if you had a condition like it was fine you didn't shorten your lifespan you're completely normal except that you just were always like you had just stepped out of the shower well like so even if you're outside in your shoes you stood a place for a while and you walked away there would be a little puddle where you were it was always just sort of dripping but like pure clean water yeah yeah yeah like, yeah. Like spring water. Yeah. The loveliest water. But it doesn't matter because all people see is just a wet patch.

It would be even weirder. They'd analyze it and it would be like that distilled water they use for chemistry. Yeah, right, right, right. Like, yeah, pristine H2O. The kind of water that you can superheat. Do you know this? I think this was on... It was an episode of Mythbusters, maybe. Because if you get pure water, pure H2O

with no impurities, you can heat it to beyond 100 degrees Celsius, beyond its boiling point. Yes, because the impurities are what make it boil at that level, right? Yeah, something like that. And then the second you add an impurity to it, like you just drop a spoon in it, the whole thing explodes because it has to all evaporate at once.

That's definitely like a plot of a Nicolas Cage terrorism film. Yeah, or it's how Walter White gets out of a predicament in Series 2, I'd say say of Breaking Bad Series two or very late on when you've sort of forgotten that he's a scientist nerd Yeah, they ran out of the fun chemistry

You know there was, for Breaking Bad, they had like this chemistry professor who was like we got so many great ideas for, and by the end of series two he's just like, I've used everything, like there's only so many chemicals that explode yeah i'm sorry and there's only so many chemicals that one might find say in a police cell yeah or at a cvs cvs yeah exactly although to be to be honest i think american i think the pharmacies stock more chemicals than most British industrial estates.

It's so difficult to write anything as exciting set in the UK as it is in America, because in America it'll be like, he was just an average Joe, until someone murdered his wife. And then you're like, oh no, what's he going to do? And it's like, so he got a machine gun, and a bomb,

and a car, and a laser, and a satellite guidance system, oh no, what's he going to do? So he got a machine gun and a bomb and a car and a laser and a satellite guidance system and infrared goggles and one of those ghillie suits that snipers wear and also these combat boots and this pouch that can hold extra ammunition and some ammunition, lots of ammunition

and some dynamite. And he's like, Walmart. He went to Walmart once. It was one shop which is one big shop yeah yeah he he got what they call the punisher discount uh yeah he had to get one of the the deep shopping trolleys not the shallow ones for when you're just shopping for a week but like a deep family shop size trolley they should be they should do an offer where it's like the avenging my dead wife offer where it's like if you buy all those things together it's quarter quarter 25 off it's amazing there aren't more vigilantes in the u.s it's got to be so simple to be like like if i lived in america not like

in the uk if you think wow i really want to be a vigilante well you can't you what can you buy you can go buy a cricket bat. Good luck. Maybe a slingshot. You've got to be Dennis the Menace. You've got to be Dennis the Menace. And they're going to find you on CCTV. That's one of the reasons you don't need to be a vigilante.

Because they just found the guy you're looking for on CCTV as well. It's just CCTV everywhere. Whereas in America, the decision not to be a vigilante, you'd have to actively take that decision most days you're just in a traffic jam like michael douglas from falling down getting really angry and thinking god i should follow that car and shoot everyone inside not being a vigilant not being a vigilante in the u.s must just be like trying to avoid sugar. It must just be like you reach for it and you go, oh no, that's right, I'm trying not to.

It's Lent. Speaking of, have you given up anything for this unfestive period? The least festive period of the Christian festive calendar, the 40 days of voluntary misery. It's like they wanted to perfectly cancel out Christmas. Do you think in the early church they were saying uh people are being people

are starting to tell if you're christian by how fat you are in spring and we need something that's not helping our reputation you know we're a small organization we've got to grow let's get a kind of diet and exercise element in here yep the original dry January it's lent I I've basically so I've provisionally given up takeaways unless

I'm going to share one with my lady friend that's my rule okay if it's the closest I'm going to share one with my lady friend. That's my rule. Okay. If it's the closest thing I can get to a social event during lockdown, then maybe I'll indulge. Not necessarily, and we haven't. But all this means is that every other night

you're going to be going to your lady friend's takeaway night. I'm going to be like... I'm going to just be like my face at the window tapping, you know. Pointing at a Deliveroo or Just Eat on my phone, nodding. Yeah, yeah. Like a demon, like a demon of temptation. Which is appropriate for Lent. That's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I was ordering or getting takeaways just like because i can and there's nothing to do and that's what i've stopped have you stopped anything well i was thinking about it and then someone i know said um it's been a whole year of giving things up and and i was like oh yeah it's been lent a year i i think the i think if there's any year where you're allowed not to give anything up this land i think this is probably it i think that's true yeah but then like uh in defense of my own uh takeaways based concern that's that's someone talking to you there who still fits into their jeans right fair enough that's a problem how how is your physique at the moment you're pretty trim aren't you it's pretty gloopy

gloopy it's pretty gloopy at the moment um it's not disastrously gloopy but it's it's it's gloopier than it was and it's too gloopy and uh actually i'll tell you what would make more sense well no i only started it yesterday so your friend and mine comedian stewart laws who's very good on twitter and tiktok and oh yeah yeah good old stew law good old stew laws of turtle canyon as well um coleslaw all coleseslaw. He's doing a press-ups challenge and a squats challenge. I never know with him if it's a joke. He's filming it as a joke. I don't think he's even filmed this.

Okay. He's giving himself so many press-ups and so many squats to do a day? Yeah, but you do a certain number a day and then you add one each subsequent day. Ooh. So it gradually increases and the press-up one started yesterday and he was telling me about this and i was like oh man i want to do that because i haven't done exercise in a thousand years which is why i'm a kind of if if you could be an egyptian mummy who was also gloopy that's what i am i'm an egyptian mummy who got left out in the rain. I'm all gloopy and crusty. And not wrinkly at all. Yeah, too shiny.

Puffy and shiny. Horrible. So I said, I'm in. Like a drowned mummy you look like. A drowned mummy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some ancient Egyptian guy in his tunic or whatever. Oh, we only just mummified that guy and he washed away.

He washed down the Nile. So you're going to try this? You're going to try the... Yeah. One new push-up a day? No, no. So you do 10 of three different kinds and then you add one each day. So then the next day you do 11?

Yeah, of each kind. So you do 30 33 36 39 42 etc no no i'm out but i used to i used to uh be good at push-ups and now i i'm like a tiny weak baby so i'm got to i'm gonna fight back i'm gonna make it so that when I go back to gyms, when gyms reopen in 2025, I seem like I've been better behaved than I have been. I haven't just turned my body into a, well, lamb, really. Just fatty cuts of lamb.

Well, I mean, gym day is now 12th of April. Is it 12th of April now is that official 12th of April is gyms and outside restaurants you can eat outside did you not watch our favorite boy

little boy Johnson giving us all the good news yesterday our favorite cum streaked boy I didn't actually you know why because i saw he's been going prefer so he was giving a press conference and everyone was like oh we're gonna find out all this blah blah and i'm so i'm so sick of it all that i'm just like you know what i'll read it on twitter i don't care i don't fucking care someone else will tell me this and i get nothing from watching him blather his way

through it live and say the word alas and well you know I'm well I guess Twitter's been my Lent from before Lent I've not been on Twitter and I'm trying to stay off it for now trying to stay off social media for now

so I no longer, I used to be like that I was like, I won't watch the news I'll just watch an angry filtered version of it and unfold online but now it's so nice to receive news without

an opinion attachment that I'm forced to open without someone writing this in capitals Without an opinion attachment that I'm forced to open. Without someone writing THIS in capitals. Yes. Yes. Thank you. Oh, man. I just get the news neat now. Neat no ice.

Neat no ice. And, you know, I've not, like, for For not being on social media I've not missed out on Nothing's caught me by surprise There hasn't been like a giant robot Ant has walked up to the house And I was like what when did this happen And people were like haven't you seen on Twitter

The giant robot ants have taken over And I was like oh shit well I should have known. That hasn't happened. I know as much as anyone else, and I've not, you know, I've not tortured myself with the dumb opinions of others. All you've missed out on is some memes.

Yeah, I mean, that's a wicked thing. Like, when I have taken a break from social media, every time I come back, it's like a new, it's like a different country. Yeah, well, like we were saying with Jackie... Jackie Weaver. Yeah. See, you've already forgotten her name.

Already I forget. She was the biggest thing in the country a couple of weeks ago, and you've already forgotten her name. The Queen had an opinion. She's bigger than the Queen. Yeah, the Queen had an opinion on Jackie Weaver. Yeah, or how soon we forget and it's just this endless churn and nothing

sticks I think that's what I that's yeah that's it that's what I that's what I really grasped this year is that nothing sticks and with the briefings that's what they really hammered home is nothing sticks so there's no

why watch the day-to-day one yeah that's right nothing sticks and everything is just completely based on whatever's happened that day and it's just fluid i mean that's why like i still have my subscriptions to like you know private eye or new statesman or whatever in my my flatmate gets the economist and they're just there's never felt like any point in reading them because certainly over the last year the news is just like well that's out of date now it's been 10 hours yeah

so the idea of reading something that comes out monthly seems like insane yeah so unless you're working on the teams to solve it there's no point being up to date with a crisis really there's no point being up to date with a crisis really, there's no point being up to date with a crisis

they don't need you they're not going to call you in and be like quick yeah you'd make it too many cooks if you were to throw your hat in if they were calling you in the crisis would be much worse than you'd thought.

I was saying this to you earlier, you know, from time to time I see a screen grab of someone saying something online about they should be doing this to solve this unprecedented fiasco.

And in the past I would have been like yeah why aren't they doing that but now if I see someone I'm like who the fuck do you think you are what the hell do you think you know that these people don't

well this is the problem is that we've seen we've seen the consequences of being sick of experts. So now people look for some kind of... Our era is just like a bunch of people who have decided to overthrow the professor. And be like, we're sick of you telling us what to do, you fucking poindexter. And we've pushed him over in the mud. We've taken his pointing stick for lecturing with.

And now we're going to run the lecture. And his big motorboard. Yeah, we put on his motorboard hat hat um mortarboard that's right mortarboard hat mortarboard that's it i had a complete brain fart there and we've put it on and we go no i'm the lecturer and all the other muddy children have gone yeah and it's gone so everyone's failed their exams it's gone really badly um it's yeah we need i miss i'm i it's it's like if you if you were to go back and read some articles from the 70s about like uh far too many of our of people in power go through these traditional routes of slowly learning expertise in organizing a large trade union or

perhaps a biochemical company or an investment. Please, can we go back to that? Everyone in charge is boring and slow and clever. I've missed that a lot. That'd be great.

Imagine it. You wouldn't have Matt Hancock with his creepy little pumpkin face on TV just ignoring... Do you think he's... brilliant imagine you wouldn't have matt hancock with this creepy little pumpkin face on tv just ignoring he's do you think he's do you think he is like a gimp he would suit a tight leather suit wouldn't he because there's something about him that's like yeah he would fit perfectly with like a little red ball in his mouth you know i like not that i want to to do that to him it's just if i saw him in that outfit i wouldn't be shocked yeah i wouldn't be like the health secretary is wearing a game costume i just be like oh look it's matt hancock

yeah whereas like because i keep putting him on tv to to suffer and then he keep and he keeps fucking up and his life seems to consist of being hit with a big spade Did you watch him mid pandemic last year when he's always on Zoom on news shows in front of that disgusting

picture of the Queen that he bought at Camden Market Yeah, yeah and and there's a moment where every time he was on good morning britain he just had the eyes of like a guy who's about to snap he looked like a guy who's about to go vigilante in the u.s it's like yes well we're trying our best, yes. His approach to being in charge of a failing effort and to go on breakfast television

has been to sort of constantly emit a low-level chuckle. Like the Joker or like someone who's trying not to get shot in a hostage crisis. No, that's what it is. It's someone trying not to give away that there's a gun pressed against the base of their spine. He's going... Like while they're saying

unprecedented numbers of deaths, complete fiasco, and he's going... Just this constant rolling giggle. It's horrible. Between him and Priti Patel it's like the fucking it's like the fucking chuckle twins

in government yeah they've old smirk old smirk face it's like him giggling and chuckling or smirking it's like

there's no one taking this seriously well no they've been told like everyone thinks you're cold heartless and incompetent so maybe you could just be cheerful and incompetent

well you remember back in the day When it was obvious Gordon Brown Had been given that note And he'd have to remind himself Consciously to turn on the smile button And you'd go And you'd scare children He's the only person I know

Who can visibly make The decision to smile time to smile now Gordon and then just you could hear like wood creaking it was terrifying but um and then but then like Hancock's creepy chuckling and then the creepy crying and then the stuff with the school meals as well. Did you see that interview? No. But even when it's not his department, they put him on the news to be the gimp and get hit with six.

So when they did the U-turn, the second U-turn on school meals, or maybe it was even the first, I don't know. But then they were just like, Piers Morgan was just saying, well, so you think it's good that we're feeding all the kids now? Yeah, it's brilliant. It's really great. And, oh, Marcus Rashford, really great, blah, blah. And then the guy's like, Piers Morgan is like, well, then do you regret not doing it before? Well, it's really great that we're just doing it now. Well, then, so you think you should have been doing it.

You think it's a good thing to do? Yes. Well, do you regret not doing it then? Well, it's good to move forward. But it's the most awkward thing. If you haven't doing it then well it's it's good to move forward and like it but it's the most awkward thing if you haven't seen it i recommend it and he's just but he's smiling the whole time like oh as if as if it's like it's like the it's like the tory party all these waster kids smoking outside the school bins and every time a teacher comes around. They shove Matt Hancock. Go, go, go. Go on.

He's reacting, though. I miss. Someone's not asking a devastating question about his callous incompetence or the callous incompetence of his government. He's reacting as if Piers Morgan is going, are you sure you don't want a pudding? Oh, no, no. Well no well you know I'm just gonna leave the dinner there thank you it was delicious

but we have so much pudding well he's so pleased it's gotta be a sexual thing yeah that's what the game battle fits for behind that big horrible picture of the Queen

Is a vault That he opens And in it is all his Gimp stuff Do you think it's possible to do All that chuckling round a red ball gag Well that's why His laughing is so so rictus And stiff because he's used to having that gag

He's used to going like oh oh just on the news like that but yeah so the gym day is the 13th of April theater day is supposed to be 17th

of May really yes theater day is 17th of May. Really? Yes, Theatre Day is 17th of May. And most indoor hospitality settings are opening supposedly on 17th of May. And that was the relevant question for you and me. And I like Piers. What does that mean for the famous Edinburgh Fringe Festival? That's true. Is that Fringe Festival That's true Is that two indoors?

That's true June the 21st is supposed to be Freedom Day That's the day when all restrictions Supposedly are being lifted All social interaction restrictions Are being lifted 21st of June Which is a month and a bit

From the Fringe I guess a bit from the Fringe. I guess a lot of the Fringe preparations are non-physical up until that point anyway, right? Exactly, yeah. It's not like Glastonbury where they have to be there, you know, building shit and

carrying barrels. I don't know how Glastonbury works, but Digging up crystals from the year before. That's right. carrying barrels. I don't know how Glastonbury works, but... Digging up crystals from the year before. That's right. Shit, yeah, I mean, but then Scotland is... I don't know, because they need

the money. Oh, that's right, it's England. Yeah, this is England. When's Scotland's Freedom Day? They need the money, though. They like to be stricter to make Boris look bad, but they do need the money though they like to be stricter to make boris look bad but they do need the money from vietnam yeah huge huge huge money but remember what scotland does is um throughout the whole covid crisis they go man look what england have done and then a week later they do it quietly they do the same thing yeah well also i guess if you put like so many of the people who go to the fringe are international what if they put it on and it's like well other

countries can't come there's a travel ban they're not vaccinated that's true that's true yeah yeah yeah so i guess maybe it would be um maybe be a very nice and refringe when there's only like 20 shows on i think it'll. I think you're underestimating the harrowing ambitions and work ethic of clowns because I think there's going to be the same number of shows and like 80 Scottish people to go around. Unless they convince the rest of the country that would normally want to go to Marbella

to bother coming to the Fringe and holidaying within the UK for once. Maybe. That's a good point. I didn't think of that. And then we'll lose the long-standing fringe tradition, Phil, that you and I have both done of accidentally having an audience of sort of 30 German backpackers.

But, yeah, I mean There's a very good chance you'll be able to even get a Play ticket this summer Pierre Holiday bookings have gone Through the roof Since last night's announcements Oh have they? Yes

Yes I've been a regular news hound This last 24 hours The news, eh? Sounds like this is the sort of thing a fella should know about. Yeah, I should... Oh, dude, here's a bit of news. The loopiest story on BBC News app when I opened it up this morning, a guy in America was killed by

the gender reveal device he was building. You're kidding. Like a Taliban bomb maker? It blew up. I presume it blew up. It killed him. What? 28 years old. 28? That's younger than us now.

Yeah. Two years younger. Three years younger than me. He killed himself with a... And the worst thing about it, they asked his brother for a quote about it. His brother said, it's the freakiest of freaky accidents.

The freakiest of freak accidents, he said. What a thing to say about your just dead brother. it's a freakiest freak accident and he's not the only one a woman a couple years ago no 2019 i saw there was a woman killed at a gender reveal party when um the homemade the homemade i mean this goes back to what we started this podcast talking about, the homemade explosive device for the gender reveal

exploded and threw a piece of shrapnel into her head and killed her instantly. I mean, don't, don't, those are literally IEDs. That's what, like, the Taliban make, and the IRA. Yeah. Only in America. This is America, baby. You just make your own IEDs

Also like that guy saying it's the freakiest of Freaky accidents so that his brother doesn't seem Like an idiot And essentially Unfortunately for him I guess god bless him for trying What he's saying is god you'll never guess what exploded That explosive

It would only be a freaky accident is, God, you'll never guess what exploded. That explosive. It would only be a freaky accident if it had exploded and killed him and it had been a birthday cake. That's true. Then they'd be like, what? That's a very good point. It turns out if you whisk eggs fast enough, oh, it's like a grenade.

It's like, no, you were building a bomb and you're not an engineer with a robot that's building it for you in a factory. You're a domestic gender terrorist. Yeah, you're not in the Hurt Locker. You tried to build a bomb with some blue paint in it it why isn't there a bomb why isn't there a fucking terrorist attack in the america every day if people can make if if all it takes to have enough dedication and access to chemicals to make a bomb is to just be like i'm having a kid

oh well you should have said sir here have a cigar and five pounds of c4 we don't have any blue paint but uh are nails okay we have all these pink ball bearings would you like those it's just like you know this is the amazing influence of just like a seven second clip on tiktok yeah yeah dude the body count of tiktok at this point oh my god suicide because of people

hate how they look because um suicides they fucking filmed on TikTok I mean it's it's interesting isn't it to look back at say you know those like VHS tapes that Bin Laden would release yeah and they'd be like a kind of 20 minute long thing and he'd be in his cave and he'd be like

giving a sermon for 20 minutes and you just think if you just filmed yourself in the cave, Osama, just doing a little dance, lip syncing to something. Yeah. Who knows how many terror attacks there would have been by now. Someone should have told him, these diatribes are too long. It's got to be like eight seconds. You lose people in the first two.

Osama, we need snackable diatribes. We need bite-sized fatwas, Osama. People, they just don't have time these days. People want to learn about a new fatwa on the way to work, while they're on the toilet. While they're waiting for the bus. While they're waiting to blow up the bus don't you i mean can you believe there was a time pierre that was so innocent that we were horrified by uh the movie the ring in which a video of a dead person inspires people to die. Yeah. That's just TikTok now.

You've just described the most popular social media app in the world. The video from the ring is on TikTok. No one's noticed. People just skip past it. Anything's the least deadly. You get seven whole days. Yeah. They're like, wow, I can watch a trillion TikToks by then.

That's great. They scroll down to it, they find it, and there's just the slow focus on the well with the horrible music. And they just go, nah, and they just go on the next one. And it's like a dog with a Mexican hat. They just skip past that girl. She hasn't got a chance.

I always think you know about parents with kids you know when i was growing up parents who wouldn't let their kids listen to rap or play video games or i was like just chill out what do you think and parents going it ruins your brain and i'm going no it doesn't calm down your point dexter but if i had a kid now and they wanted to download tiktok i'd throw their phone in the sea i think like more and more i'm sympathizing with those people who go and raise their kids just in like a remote island we're like on a farm certainly not a smartphone even Even a smartphone generally. God knows.

I mean, like... Every app is just like, right, what's the way to become one of the most popular apps on the App Store? All we know is that it has to involve teenagers killing themselves. So let's just work that into the app. And we'll figure out what the app's for. Reverse engineer from that point. Yeah, they've got a big whiteboard and they draw like a teenager killing himself and they go right that's what we're aiming for how do we get here arrows point arrows pointing on this circle

they're circling it loads with one marker and underlining this this is what we want oh you know what i hate actually sorry to go on a tangent but people who like use like whiteboards in that way yeah and then every time they refer back to the point they add they they touch it and they add a little dot and so you end up with this fucking mess of just all these dots everywhere they think it's helping it's like you know there's like there's 200 dots on this board now yeah and it looks like um um what it's got a name like picked picked like the art that they make by doing that oh like the the art that weird japanese lady makes with all the polka dots with little dots yeah yeah or or sometimes yeah i've i've seen someone i remember people doing that at school and i've seen people do that in like maybe in a meeting or something and you're like oh and i didn't know what you were talking about till you dotted it for the 11th time but anyway we digress uh like yeah kids with I mean, I think sort of social media apps are cynically optimized to arrest our attention.

But have you seen like iPad apps for kids? Like for young kids? Oh, yeah. Like these interactive bright cartoons and the sounds. It's like... And they're literally throwing all these addictive colors at other kids. Like these interactive bright cartoons and the sounds. It's like... And they're literally throwing all these addictive colours at the kids. I've seen it.

If you try and take the iPad away from the small kid, it's like... It's like you're pulling his leg off. Awful, man. I don't know if I told you this, but I was... A couple of years ago, not very long ago, I was in an airport and I saw this toddler waddle up to a sign, just a normal

sign for, I don't know, the McDonald's or some credit card or whatever, and the kid just reached up to the sign and just started touching it and just started swiping left and right. And the kid couldn't figure out why it wasn't changing.

No way! It was like, what? It didn't understand that some screens in the world aren't touch screens and you can't change everything with your touch. It was really peculiar. That's so weird. Oh, man. I've seen, I remember seeing my nephew.

I got a glimpse of kids YouTube. Oh, yeah. And there's all sorts of, like, kids YouTube is huge. It's probably bigger than normal YouTube. It's massive. And it's full of, like, kids cartoons or whatever or, like. But there's, like, YouTubers who do, like, kids yoga, kids sing-along, whatever. And it's, of like kids cartoons or whatever or like but there's like youtubers who do like kids yoga kids sing along whatever and it's like it's yoga yeah yeah yeah like yeah

there's a like little yoga or ballet or whatever i guess you must find the child pose very easy yeah they've smashed that day one but there's these people who are like our age who are like youtubers but they dress up and put on a silly hat and they go, oh, I'm Binky the Clown. And they do a whole kid show. And some of them, like, obviously some of them are like, you know, millionaires from it and whatever. But they're so loud, Phil. Yeah. Because one of the best ways to keep kids' attention is like high-pitched screaming noises.

to keep kids attention is like high-pitched screaming noises. So it's like, it's really like an absolute assault on the senses. Bright colors and somebody's going, just like, like dinosaurs fucking, constant screaming and yelling and like,

you know when people put on a fake high voice? I don't have no idea what you mean, Pierre. What are you talking about? Well, that's just amazing just this horrible it's something ghoulish about it because it's done with such intent yeah yeah it's like they're trying to trick

the kids into something I wonder why babies like that what sort of natural reason is there for babies to like high pitched relentless noise? Well, they can hear more high frequencies than we can. That's true. Young kids. So maybe that's part of it.

I mean, look, at a certain point, you don't want to be the kind of person who's like, there's a plastic toy, and if you press a button, it says moo. It's not Orest the Devil. You know, you don't want to... The children should meet a real cow that lives in the yard and could bite their head off exactly slop out the cows then you'll learn they say moo soon enough you don't want to be that guy but there's a point where it's like you know what i think it is this

i think this is a workable analogy here so you know how like tiktok we're saying it's like it's engineered to to addict your rat brain your monkey brain yeah right i think it's the difference between weed and crack what okay so like uh something like which is correct yeah so something like a speak and spell or even i don't know just some boring video game like Sonic or whatever. Kids TV, that's just like a cartoon, whatever, Mickey Mouse. That's like weed. Yeah, it gets you high and it manipulates your brain chemistry. But in a kind of mellow, kind of scaled up, scaled down way, just up and down.

Okay, it does something and it's okay and it's fine and it should be legal whereas on paper crack cocaine or heroin is still just a drug that does that, but it's too good at it right and when it's too good it's dangerous

that's it right, yes yes you can't let people buy a pint of 90% proof vodka it's too good at getting you drunk yeah you'll die whereas you can have a beer

right so you're saying that that guy should be fine yeah yeah I'm saying that the ring app should be fine but yeah yeah i'm saying that if you're just like a ring app should be taken down yeah we're just apps where it's like okay this is it's too good now this is too good you're well done you're too good at this um you need to make the same thing they're doing with gambling apps and stuff where it's like cool down periods and stuff you can't use this for 45 minutes now right right right right, right, yeah.

Because I think we're so good at manipulating our own brain chemistry that there's a certain point where free will is almost in question, right? Like it is with drug addiction. Yes, okay, yeah they can we can get to a point where we understand human psychology so well that we turn free will into a debate well like a moot point or a debatable point yeah where it's like uh you it takes um you'd have to be a really serious libertarian to stand in front of a homeless heroin addict and be like, well, if the gentleman here decides to perhaps have some more heroin today, then, you know. Yeah. There's a point where it's like, yeah, it's not a decision.

Not really. Yeah, yeah. Are we going to have to be on tiktok you've quit twitter so you're you're out of the game i've not quit twitter i'm just i'm just off off um it for a bit and off the internet of opinions for a bit um it's the internet of opinions for i mean i used you know i love Twitter for the jokes and, and, um, like I've, I've picked up things I really love off of it, you know, like bits of TV I wouldn't have seen otherwise or radio shows or podcasts. But you have to make a judgment call whether or not it's worth listening to all the fucking bitching. Yeah. Fucking whining and the moral grandstanding well and yeah until that and until that subsides you know i'm gonna have to keep taking big breaks but why don't you use twitter the way that like i remember

finding out that some really old celebrity texted his tweets like you could just text them in right that's how it started isn't it i think so but you can turn it into a one-way pipe right okay yeah i mean i could just unfollow everyone no then that's a whole thing then you're the guy who's unfollowed everyone you don't want to be that guy well that's just that's just lemmy you know i understand i mean i could just unfollow all the opinion people but then i get such a the the dangerous thing is i i you know i get such a rush i mean i you know if i see something stupid someone said i'll screen grab it and i'll send it to you and i'll go look at this fucking idiot and it feels great it feels so good it feels great in

the moment this is how it's like a drug It feels fucking great in the moment But a couple hours later you feel sad And you don't know why You feel exhausted And sad and angry And nothing in particular It's because you've had a three hour argument

With an imaginary version of that person in your head Oh yeah Yeah totally Yeah and a three hour argument is tiring enough in real life maybe i should find a way of just texting basically i only go on that this is the funny thing is i basically go on there to tweet from like the bud pod account hey by the way bud pods out yeah i mean it's good for that it's good for letting people know what's up and you know when they can see you and you know i think people i think it's very useful for that mean, it's good for that. It's good for letting people know what's up and when they can see you.

I think it's very useful for that. You know what's funny? Sometimes I'll tweet like, hey, it's a new episode of Budpod from the Budpod account. And then you'll lose a couple of followers and you're like, well... You were following Budpod. What were you expecting?

This is all this is for. Well, this Budpod account doesn't tweet anything but Budpod pod this is not what i signed up for oh so you only wanted me to follow you so i'd listen to your podcast yes that's that's literally it that was my goal and anything beyond that is completely incidental to the goal that's funny i think that's yeah that's a big I think that's a big part of it where people don't understand the difference because they run their

Twitter account as just like a fun silly place where they look at dogs videos so when they encounter a Twitter account where it's like this is basically a business you're basically following at KFC it's just that it's not as successful as KFC yet yet watch out Colonel following at KFC. It's just that it's not as successful as KFC. Yet.

Yet. Watch out, Colonel. Watch out, Colonel. Our original recipe chant is coming for you. That's right, and we've got 12 herbs and spices. That's one more than you, you old fuck. That means that we can legally refer to you as The least spicy chicken The least spiced The blander

The blander recipe Yeah We've added cloves It's called Christmas chicken I don't know why the The stunning point of KFC is how many Herbs and spices there are in there It's not like The more the better is it

It's also I mean The days in which you could perceive That there is marjoram in the recipe Are long gone I don't think anyone's ever had a nibble of the colonel's produce and said is that marjoram? do I detect a hint of marjoram?

that's right I picked up a taste for the stuff in the Civil War I think I would love to see the herbs and spices as they're added now because I'm just imagining a big vat of like dust oh yeah yeah yeah

yeah it just comes with one big vat it's just got the letter h sprayed on it and they just call compound h and yeah they just it's put it's made perfectly exactly identically every single time. The proportions. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's absolutely the case. Do you ever have that thing where you have a little... What would you call it? A little bottle of herbs? A little...

They're not jars, are they? What would you call that? A shaker? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess you call it a little shaker of herbs. A little jar of herbs. Glass jar shaker. Vial Yes yes

It's After a bit they just become dusty leaves With no taste don't they Yeah although they always Hold their smell and then you put them in And it's not done anything actually Yeah they have a limit. And I think that maybe KFC get around it by being like,

well, technically we've put leaves from the marjoram plant in. It's just that we buy old leaves in bulk or whatever for nothing, get them for free. Because it genuinely is so profoundly... It genuinely is so profoundly... Not tasteless, but it's not a spice explosion in the mouth. No, yeah. To me, it tastes like pepper and salt.

I think they count salt and pepper as some of the spices, you know. I think so. Which is cheating, isn't it? It's like saying there's so many ingredients in our chicken and you're counting chicken as the first one. I've started recently eating things and having salt. And eating salt, it feels like a luxury uh flavor salt it feels like this amazing magical thing because i read a book set in the old the wild west where salt was a luxury item yeah and only like well-off people had like a little silver tub of salt on sundays they'd bring out a little

tub of salt and now that's in your head and now that's in my head so now every time i sprinkle salt on something like oh wow celerium i recommend it that's good yeah because then you can sort of wow it's this perfect crystal that just enhances the flavor of literally everything it's amazing salt it's um i cannot believe it sometimes. I'm like, salt? Where did you come from? Well done. How do you describe salt?

Try and describe the taste of salt to me, Pierre. Bitter and juicy. Wrong. It makes your mouth all juicy. It does make your mouth juicy juicy do you think it's bitter yeah salt and sour are similar vibes I'd say salt and sour

yeah you just said bitter sour is bitter isn't it sour is bitter isn't it bitter lemonour is bitter. Isn't it? Bitter lemon? Wouldn't you say lemon is bitter? I mean, lemon skin is bitter,

but sour and bitter are very different tastes. Would you say so? Are you having me on? What's sour and what's bitter? Sour is like vinegar. Bitter is like very dark chocolate I guess so yeah in my head it's just kind of interchangeable

are you mad? what? this is the strangest thing you've said to me in the 12 years we've known each other you think sour and bitter are similar I mean I think okay hang on I'm gonna say years we've known each other. You think sour and bitter are similar? I mean, I think... Okay, hang on. I'm going to say...

Sour, bitter, similar. You might have to upgrade the Budpod Gmail account, Pierre, because the emails... are going to come in. Oh, interesting. Sour refers to acidic pH and bitter refers to alkaline. Yeah.

Oh, I didn't know that i feel like i'm having an aneurysm i'll see okay the listen to this phil this is on the website of the society of sensory professionals okay there is a phenomenon in the sensory world that widely referred to as the sour bitter confusion that commonly occurs among untrained assessor. What? This occurrence involves the assessor describing a sour sensation as bitter or vice versa.

The practice appears to be limited to predominantly English-speaking countries, such as the US, Great Britain, and New Zealand. What? This is the most... Debate in the past has centered on whether this confusion stems from a physiological disorder or simply a deficit in exposure to and training with sour and bitter tastes. Is this your Asian cuisine mastery here, Phil?

Helping you out as a child? I guess so. I never thought this was an Asian privilege. Well, you guys have all sorts of special things that are sour and bitter. Well, we literally have something called bitter gourd, which is a disgusting vegetable that only hardcore Chinese uncles love. And it's a really bitter kind of spongy cucumber. And they have it with soy sauce.

It's disgusting and it's just plain bitter. So from a young age, I guess, I was like, this is bitter and is awful. And then sour, yeah, sour is obvious. That's just like the thing that makes you go... Before some lemons and vinegar. This is peculiar, though. This is like...

I'm trying to find out if I have a physiological condition now. I can't believe this hasn't come up before. Well, I guess, I mean, they so rarely are placed against each other, aren't they? Because they're sour and bitter. They're always against sweet and sour or bitter and whatever. Alkaline, I don't know. Well, I think in general, bitter is quite rare. Yeah, that's true.

Especially in the West. Yeah, I mean, coffee's a bit. Yeah, that's true. In food, bitter is quite rare. Especially in the West. Yeah. I mean, coffee's a bit bitter. Dark chocolate's bitter. Yeah, I suppose. This is extraordinary. I cannot believe this.

I don't know if I'd... You're right on a chemical level, but I would never... I don't know if I'd ever have said, wow, what a bitter coffee. Really? A bitter coffee? That would seem like a... What about like a pint of bitter?

Yeah, but I mean, so much of that just tastes like cream these days, right? Right, yeah. It's like a creamy pint, so it's like it's... Do you feel like a bitter taste and a sour taste activate like the same corners of your gums there, like at the back of your mouth? I think so.

I guess they sort of do. They make you sort of slap your tongue around a bit. That's true. And go, ooh. Yes, yes, yes. But to me it's just extraordinary that you think the taste of vinegar and the taste of dark chocolate are similar or comparable. I don't think they're similar. I just wouldn't necessarily...

You're right in the sense that I would rarely, rarely, but maybe not never, describe some dark chocolates as sour. Because sometimes they are so... You just go, ugh. But they're a bit like... You can get some dark chocolates that have an almost lemony aspect to them I find yeah I know what you mean

yes yes yes yes that is right yeah so you sort of go ooh that's a whole that's a whole vibe and coffee as well yeah and coffee

you get that coffee that still tastes like berries I don't like that stuff I met someone who has chocolate but only has like 90 or 95% cocoa

dark chocolate what it's like at that point you don't like chocolate just punch yourself in the face every day why don't you eat this why don't you eat this citron just eat this soil outside your house what is the point of 95 chocolate are you mad i don't i don't i don't have much time for people who are dark chocolate purists. It's like, yeah, I get it. You're an adult. Yeah. Congratulations.

Oh, you have a driver's license. Good for you. I've made this sweetie horrible. It's almost like a toughness thing, like putting out a cigarette on your arm you know it really is wow look at that guy he's eating something horrible that used to be good it's even more heartbreaking he took out an ingredient that made it nice that means he likes it more than we do and then the other side of this on the internet is that you get people being like every time you see some post saying something like what we're saying now someone underneath

will comment and be like exactly and my uh partner or my mom whatever always makes fun of me for adding syrup to my double chocolate sugar rose and it's like no you're also insane you know you're not on our team either man if it's what i need to enjoy my breakfast then that's what i need man what a bombshell what a bombshell i mean i'd love to hear from pod buds if they have a similar thing i don't know how how common this is and how strange that it's it's it's predominantly English speaking countries. Is it a deficit of language maybe? I think it might be a language thing and also the fact that bitter these days

is so often used to refer to like what a bitter winter's day or what a bitter person. Yeah and in my mind that's always like that person tastes like bitter gourd. See that's the thing. You have this like fruit in your

head or vegetable that you could just go straight to yeah that's right you're like that's that that's what that it's in the fucking name yeah whereas like you know you know bitter lemon is a is a drink well but yeah exactly but that's why they have to say bitter lemon to to differentiate it from normal lemon, which is just sour. Yeah, I guess. But in my head, it's just like, well, if it's coming out of a lemon, then whatever.

So if you have sweet and sour chicken, you go, I guess chickens are naturally sweet and sour. No, no, no. I just mean like, it's like, if there's a type of lemon that's also bitter as well as sour, then in my head, it's just like, okay, well, just whatever, any word that means lemon taste is enough for this.

I don't need to be assessing this at all times. I'm trying to think of anything I'd have. I drink black coffee, but I wouldn't say it's particularly bitter. Well, how would you describe the taste of black coffee? I don't know. I mean, it's just... Hang on, my

microphone's going all weird. One second. No! Oh, God. My desk is such a fucking mess. How would I describe the taste of black coffee? But I suppose what I mean more is

it wouldn't even be strong enough for me to call it bitter. Right. Okay, okay. It's just coffee. Yeah, it just is. I don't know. Sometimes certain black coffees can taste sour. That's the most I can tell you. Well, whatever it is, Pierre, don't even talk to me until I've had my sour.

Don't even talk to me until I've had my sour. Don't even talk to me until I've had my bitter gourd. I want to try one of those now. They sound awful. Oh, disgusting. Disgusting. It's the kind of thing you think, well, surely when the first person tried this, when everyone was testing out what was edible

and what wasn't in the world, they went, no, this goes on the no pile. You ever come across a bit of food and you go, how was this not thrown on the no pile back in the world they went no this goes on the no pile you ever you ever come across a bit of food and you go how is this not thrown on the no pile back in the day i used to imagine that you know when i was a kid i imagined that the the that time when when one guy had to go around tasting everything and putting it in his mouth and telling everyone if it was food or not. Yeah. Or yeah, just giving it a little, give it,

giving it to the person in the tribe who you hate the most. That would be a good way to stop kids being annoying. You know, in the old days, the most annoying kid was who had to try the berries. I mean, we don't, we don't appreciate enough how extraordinary it is.

We live in a time where we know what is the food and what is the rocks we know what is back in the day we didn't know maybe literally the origin story behind all vegetables is we didn't kill a deer today yeah so we had to

we were so hungry we haven't killed a deer for so long we dug into the ground and found these sort of beige testicles and we tried to eat them and they were gross but we didn't give up we then we we invented fire and we put it over there to see hopefully maybe this will help and it did well they just yeah they're going around well they wouldn't have been broccoli because broccoli is an invention did you know that

really broccoli ain't natural son well what's it from it's natural but in the sense everything is natural it is cauliflower crossed with I think a type of pea plant oh my days

is that true? oh my gosh or some kind of like green leafy vegetable crossed with cauliflower crossbred wow how about that and I'm not sure but I think it might be named

after the inventor Or maybe the inventor changed his name Because you know the Broccoli's The family that owned James Bond Excuse me This is This is your sour and bitter Broccoli invented

Type in Broccoli James Bond as well Broccoli Sprouting Broccoli was cultivated in Broccoli James Bond as well Broccoli Sprouting broccoli was cultivated in Italy That sounds about right In ancient Roman times And was introduced to England and America In the 1700s So it's about as old as the tomato In Europe

Yes the first broccoli How bizarre Yeah it's weird it's it's own weird little thing yes the first broccoli how bizarre yeah it's weird it's it's own weird little thing in a controlled environment it can be forced to reproduce itself many times that's what we've been doing in lockdown reproducing ourselves how was broccoli created

broccoli was created from a kale predecessor in the 1500s by selecting for the larger flower clusters Isn't it mad how like Civilizations were just Like before Darwin Civilizations just kind of got evolution

And they got genetics But then you tried to tell it to them In a book and they went You should burn It's like you already know this You just made a broccoli This perfectly reasonable explanation For things that I've seen every day

As a farmer is heresy It's in the cabbage family Look This has been too much of an episode for me I think I need to go and calm down Sour is bitter Broccoli is not real This has been too much of an episode for me. This... I think I need to go and calm down. Sour is bitter. Broccoli's not real.

And if it is, it's a cabbage. I've had enough. And it owns James Bond. And it owns James Bond. I've had enough. Didn't he... I think... It's like he's named after it or something. I want to find out.

Family, life. It's a name of... Well, so like they're the descendants of the inventor of broccoli. Surely. This is too much. I know, that's not a nickname. This is way too much for the middle of the week. What does it mean?

Family name. Why are people called broccoli? Well, presumably the name came first. A diminutive of brocco. See, brocco. Well, what's brocco? I hate it when things say that. Well, I mean, it's one of those languages where you add something, you know.

Yeah, but I'm trying to look at a definition and they just go, that's a diminutive of brocco. And you go, yeah, but what's that diminutive of brocco And you go yeah but what's that Well brocco would be a surname And then If I called you Well it's like in Russia they have Pichka

So you'd be like pichka or something Pichka A brocco is A broccolo is a cabbage sprout And a brocco is a broccolo. A broccolo is a cabbage sprout and a brocco is a shoot or a sprout. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. I always thought that the broccolis were somehow affiliated with it, but I guess they're just called little sprout head

men. Oh, thank God. So, they... So, the broccoli wasn't invented by a man called Broccoli, whose descendants owned James Bond. I do like telling people that, though, so I'm going to keep doing that. It is the slightly less insane truth that the broccoli was named a sprouting leaf vegetable, and someone was named after that.

Imagine inventing broccoli. What a fucking legacy. Yeah, that's something else you go over for dinner at someone's place like you uh you enjoying that dinner there and they're like yeah yeah yeah it's nice pretty good huh the broccoli is uh wouldn't be wouldn't be good without the broccoli would you say no no the broccoli is very nice no you enjoy you're welcome you're welcome and then later later on they're like why did that guy keep saying you're welcome you're welcome and then later on they're like why did that guy keep saying you're welcome about broccoli or even worse you go into someone's house for dinner and then you go you're not gonna you're not gonna serve any uh any any broccoli today is that uh i just i just think i just think it's a good you can have it as a starter it doesn't even have to come with a main meal

yeah nice to just pick at but no no no no I guess not everyone loves it well enjoy your sour and bitter broccoli pod buds well on those like

at this point five bombshells we should sign off have a good week guys happy pod-iversary yes happy two years the terrible twos will it be

yeah lots of screaming and pooping sounds like us yeah all right bye