BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 113 - The Gratest View!

Episode Date: May 5, 2021

The boys chat Pixar vs Dreamworks, Antz, lucky numbers, predictability and do a big old TAT attack! Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's bird pod 1, 1, 3, 113. 113. Do you reckon this unlucky 13 if it's 113? Yeah, does that make it 100 times more unlucky? Yeah, is it like 13 plus plus plus? Supercharged 13. Why weren't multiples of 13 ever unlucky

that's 26 that's even worse that's twice as bad 13 squared imagine that I don't want to I can't I wish my arithmetic was that good I guess 13 is a prime number

and it holds a lot of its power and its primacy can you say that? but multiples of 13 are by definition not prime anymore so they lose their power maybe that's it then it's always just prime numbers that's why people who

sold their bitcoin are so unlucky have you sold any nfts yet any of these newfangled things as i call them that would be so funny that turned out out That's what NFTs stood for It's one of these newfangled things I have not sold any NFTs yet I'm sure the time will come where I Jump fruitlessly too late

Onto that particular bandwagon As I have done with all bandwagons You know Have you seen the story of that Gal who's in the meme Who sold her original photo of the meme as an NFT? No. The disaster girl.

You know that meme of the burning house and the creepy girl kind of smiling in the foreground? Yeah, and it looks like she burnt the house down. Yeah, yeah. So she is now at university and she sold that original photo as an NFT for 500,000 US dollars. Some fucking weirdo in Silicon Valley, probably. Some creep who wants to document the history of the internet or something.

But this is it. The meme kids are going to cash in now. That's not even one of the major memes. I know. I know. It's like a sort of second, third level meme. Like, do you remember Victory Boy? Triumph Boy?

Yeah, and he's eating sand. Triumph Kid. Yeah, and he's going, yeah. Like, he's going to... I don't know how much money he'll make. I'm just amazed that she's at university I mean it makes sense that's how time works but fucking hell yeah

yeah she's at she's at a fire school she's at fire university I wonder if being a meme gets you laid it's a foot in the door isn't it it's a foot in the door, isn't it? It's a foot in the door. It's an icebreaker.

It's something to say, for God's sake. I mean, you're a hit at Freshers' Week if you were the kid in the meme. Are you kidding? That's the first fancy dress costume sorted. What you need is a very loud loud mouthed friend who goes around telling everyone that you're a meme. And you're the other guy going

come on it's embarrassing. Whereas if you're the guy who goes around going did you know I was a meme? People won't like that. Like a washed up rock star. You don't want that. Yeah exactly. Out of all the now meme adults,

who do you think gets the most action off their meme? Ooh. I mean, what other... There was the Triumph Kid. I mean, he just has that get up and go natural attitude, I guess. It has to be a meme where by sleeping with them, you could like recreate the meme or something or... It has to be some extra bit of juice.

Oh, right. Maybe the boyfriend checking out another girl meme. Yeah, maybe that. Do you think people transfer that onto him in real life and go, you're a bad boy. What about the meme where it's like a woman with her arms folded saying, I bet he's thinking about other women, and then the man is on the pillow, and he's thinking about something esoteric and amusing.

I don't know this meme. Do you not know this meme? No, I don't know this meme. It's another one of those stock images. Google search I bet he's thinking about other women, and you'll see. Okay, let's see. But because that is in bed, maybe if he's like, I'm that guy,

people are like, oh. Oh, this guy. I see. Maybe they think that's that's you know in bed and that puts them on the right track to sleeping with him yeah these are good i like these memes these have completely passed me by i see see this is was it was it worth all that great mental health, Phil? No, actually. Now I think about it. Because now I feel like a fucking idiot

for not knowing about the he's thinking about meme. Oh, man. I can't believe memes are A, such a thing at all, and B, have been around for so long that they're going to fucking meme university yeah meme university there's a pixar movie oh my god that don't even say like

saying that something could be a pixar movie is like mentioning the the devil like he he'll appear he hears you you know it will be a pixar movie now and it'll all and the pay the it will be a Pixar movie now and the poster will be success kid and burning down house girl with one eyebrow raised each standing back to back with their arms folded yeah so the angel and the devil

success and fire And then Pixar will do some kind of meta-meme thing About the meme about Pixar mums having huge dump truck behinds Oh yeah, they do That's a meme too, Phil Real badunkadunks Type in Pixar mom if you dare Pixar type in Pixar mom if you dare Pixar

it's already come up Pixar mom's meme Pixar mom's am I about to be turned on if you're not aware of this I encourage you to look it up you think you can name a couple of examples but there are so many.

Oh yeah, look at this. Pixar women and their big butts. It's a real child-bearing hips thing Pixar has going. I wonder what that is. Why are they doing that? I guess it's just, you want the apparent gender of the 3D person to be guessable in silhouette, right?

Yeah, I guess so. I guess they're cartoons. Yeah, they're exaggerations of physical attributes. It's always going to be the way. Do you think it may be... You know you are a caricaturist. That's true. Yeah, you've got to exaggerate to get recognition. Do you think that's true about... Is that an American thing?

American mums have just huge asses? Is that something... I'm sure a lot of Americans have huge asses, but I don't think many of them also have an otherwise slim body. I think it's... Like a wasp. I think it's just Like a wasp. I think it's just huge all the way through

for a lot of Americans. I think they look like wasps when they give them their tiny waist like that. Which makes sense in like a Bug's Life. They had to cut the scene with those sexy wasps. Or it's dark web alter ego ants with a Z. They had to cut the scene with those sexy wasps Or it's It's dark

Webalter ego ants with a Z The duplo To a bug's life Did you Ever watch ants with a Z Of course I saw ants with a Z With voices being Jerry Seinfeld wasn't it Woody Allen Fuck Of course I saw Ants with a Z With voices being provided by

Jerry Seinfeld wasn't it? Woody Allen Wasn't it Woody Allen? Fuck Wasn't it? Yeah it was Woody Allen Oh my god it was Woody Allen One of the ugliest movies I've ever seen

Ants with a Z So ugly They saw Pixar's Poetic license To add a little colour To an ant's nest And went no we're Dreamworks We're all about realism for some reason

So it's just all going to be brown mud Because that's what it is in real life There wouldn't be lamps made out of tulip bulbs It's just It's the ugliest fucking movie I've ever seen I'm going to look it up It's such a They also ugliest fucking movie I've ever seen I'm gonna look it up now It's such a They also have like Ant Vietnam in it

Ant Vietnam You remember they were getting like conscripted for a war and stuff Oh yeah And there's like a sergeant and stuff 92% on Rotten Tomatoes That's a surprise Ants with a Z. God, it's ugly.

It's like the plot is like a military thriller. Right. Which is surprising. Why does DreamWorks, for like two decades just doing the China of computer animated films? Like, it would just pull together these knockoffs, like straight away. Like they somehow find out Pixar was doing a movie, and then the next week they would release a say a similar but inferior movie okay so there's a bug's life there was um shark tail that came out right after finding nemo um um maybe those maybe there are only two examples so i'm looking up um

so I'm looking up so they have produced some absolute cack so they made the crudes sorry for any knocking by the way there's for some reason still hammering going down downstairs I think you just live above a place where they test hammers yeah I think they've converted the flat below us into a hammer testing facility, all right. I think James Dyson has employed a bunch of Malaysian women

who just test out his new hammer range downstairs. Now that he's brought all the work back to the UK. All the hammer jobs are back. All the hammer jobs are back. It's hammer time, baby. God, who remembers the movie Over the Hedge? What was the movie you said before this? The Dreamworks movie you said before this?

The Croods. Were they cavemen? Oh, yeah. Oh, God. So much of this is absolute bum eggs. Eggs from a bum The boss baby 72% They made boss baby

What is wrong with them I would love to meet someone who is just like God did you see boss baby Like they really love it Or someone who just like regularly says in conversation It's like in Boss Baby when Yeah yeah I would

Oh my god that's so fun that's like in Boss Baby when you know What's his name you know When the baby Let's say like you know sometimes where you're the odd one Out of a group of friends like you're Inside someone else's friendship circle You're inside someone else's friendship circle you're inside someone else's friendship circle yeah you're all hanging out

you're visiting you're hanging out to the bar it's like seven people and you're the incomer oh horrible horrible I'd rather my head explode yes I know it's your personal nightmare but imagine that you're in that scenario and like in that scenario you

get to witness their shared pool of references but just imagine if a really strong recurring one was the movie Boss Baby where you didn't just meet one person who loved the film you met a group of people who were like they were doing quotes like it was Anchorman you know

I wonder if you type in Boss Baby quotes what comes up maybe we can I mean this is our own fault that we didn't watch this Boss Baby was only in 2017 the quotes will be like oh it's time to invest in nap time

there you go there's one well one of the quotes is no just the word no what what okay no finally an addition boss baby i'm gonna guess like surely there's, like, a line about a boardroom or something. Or, like, I'm trying to think of what business vocabulary intersects with children vocabulary. What is the goo-goo-ga-ga for this quarter? Yeah, there you go. That's going to bust baby gold. Or maybe like he wipes his mouth wizard with his necktie instead of a bib.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. his mouth wizard with his necktie instead of a bib. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he says, don't worry, it's... don't worry, it's not tailor-made.

I don't know. Don't worry, it's off the rack. Or something like that. I don't know. I don't know if you get tailor-made toys. I feel like you don't. Guess what Boss Baby's budget was. The film? Uh-huh. I'm going to say...

$60 million. Okay, so $125 million. Wow. Wow! That's an expensive baby! Guess how much it grossed. I'm going to say it grossed less. I'm going to say it grossed $100 million.

Okay, so it cost $125 million, and it grossed $528 million worldwide. Holy shit, wow. It received... That film is a success. I know. It received Best Animated Feature nominations at the Academy Awards and Golden Globes. That's what I don't understand. How is that animation better? I mean, I'm not saying

it's worse than other films, but how is it better? It's just the same, isn't it? It's the same. Ugh. It's... That is it's it's so gross i just do you think there's a certain point where uh 3d movies will stop being like money printers no no in the same way that live action films have not stopped becoming money printers. They just have to find the genre, right? Yeah, I guess. But I mean, the formula is so much more tangible, I think, with animated films.

Do you think? I find it to be because they have to depict everything in this exaggerated way. And I don't think they have the beauty of the like, you know, the classic sort of, you know, hand-drawn or sort of painted background Disney stuff. I don't think they're as visually beautiful. I guess you're right. I guess, oh, I see, I see, I see. I see. I thought you meant sort of the stories are more predictable than a live-action film.

I think if the way the characters look and I think think they often they do feel more predictable than live action a lot of that's just because everything is by definition sort of planned and you know you're not going to stumble across a great shot or a fun a fun bit of improv in the way that you will a live action film yeah and also no one's making an animated film like a 3D Pixar movie of like there will be blood oh that'll be interesting won't it like a proper like horrific

yeah that'll be neat yeah like a Pixar style like a really adult Pixar film harrowing human interest completely undermined by everyone having big eyes. Yeah. I guess I've...

You have to go stop motion for that. That's kind of a very sad stop motion film. It's very beautiful. It's British. Annabella or something. Anomalisa. Yeah, that's what you need 3D Pixar whatever

I think it's because every Pixar film is the same genre Which is kids adventure A group of Misfits come together to Defeat greater force kind of thing So I think They're predictable because they're only ever one type of film, precisely because it's never going to be Pixar's There Will Be Blood.

What would be the least appropriate film? For Pixar to make? Yeah, I guess anything involving mass killings. Yeah, I guess anything involving mass killings. Yeah, I'd love to see a Pixar full metal jacket. Or basically any Pixar Kubrick-based film, like a Pixar or Clockwork Orange would be sick. Oh my God. be sick oh my god oh man yeah anything yeah anything harrowing kubrick full metal jacket

um like uh a pixar a pixar uncut gems sort of zany 3D Adam Sandler yeah and it's still PG, kids can go see it but they just come out really stressed yeah the kids come out like they've been given amphetamines just

just hyperventilating clutching their chests yeah that's great just hyperventilating clutching their chests yeah that's great yeah I think that would work I mean lots of it would certainly be an interesting artistic experiment

in the same way that it would be interesting to do some sort of harrowing live action toy story where it's really painful for them to move or yeah yeah they really explore death and things yeah they all the toys want to die but they can't they demand oblivion

yeah and every time the gandhi enters the room they they fall back into being toys but they don't want to and they're basically underneath they're like the people in get out there's like as they have a sort of the rictus grin i hate you andy i hate you or like the toys and toy story have to go back to the factory to try and determine the point in the manufacturing process in which they are given a soul. Yes, when does life begin, Pierre? Yeah, the toys from Toy Story attempt to meet and destroy their creator. Yeah, they use a slinky dog to garrot him.

Yeah, and then the tagline underneath is is buzz and woody shaking hands and the tagline is it's time to find and kill god that's such a long tagline it's time to find and kill not even as time to kill is not it's time to kill god it's time to just so just be clear we're going to find him first it's time to find and then kill God maybe for foreign language ease of translating

into the post it would be like time to kill God yeah yeah yeah yeah God death time yeah the era of god's death that's the Mexico release or something yeah god's death moment is here I wonder what like the dodgy

translation of toy story is about haunted dolls plastic sentience yeah space cowboy rivalry story i like when they don't even try and translate the title and they just call it something like look out for well for toy story or just for any movie where they just go we can't translate the title we're just going to call it whoa

yeah yeah yeah or Hero Man crazy story have you seen the old Toy Story recently it's amazing when you go back to something that was 3D or computer generated in the noughties.

And you look at it now and you go, really? I was convinced by that. Yeah, it's worse than a shoe on a string. Yeah, but in your memory it was as clear as if the toys sat next to you in the cinema. It's like, wow. I remember playing Metal Gear Solid 2 on the PlayStation 2 and thinking, wow, we've reached it. We've done it. We've reached the pinnacle of computer graphics.

Yeah, you thought if it gets any more realistic than this, people's minds will explode. I will get up and walk into the TV like a reverse grudge if it gets any I hope they don't get it any more realistic for my own safety I'm imagining something better than this I'm worried and I'm afraid

but you go back at them and you feel like an idiot for believing in them you feel like an idiot for believing in them. Well, yeah, you feel like you were taken in by someone drawing a face on a mop. But then that makes me think, so then what's actually the point of continuing to improve on things if at the moment it's as good as the best possible thing? You know what I mean?

So, like, at the moment, the best graphics around, we go, this as the best possible thing you know what I mean so like at the moment the best graphics around we go this is the best possible graphics so people might as well stop because if they improve on it we'll just then look back at what we used to think was good and go oh that was bad actually this is the best that's an interesting thought do you think that if we were left alone

we would eventually have become sick of the graphics or would we have never would we have been like an unspoiled Eden never knowing what we were missing? I think the vast majority of us would have never known. We'd have been like everyone else in the Matrix but Neo just walking around in our suits going, meh, meh, meh, this is as good as it gets.

In our pixelated angular suits. That's right. But all it takes is for a handful of Silicon Valley nerds and psychopaths to demand things are better because they are able to and care to imagine better versions of what we have.

And so they force us kicking and screaming up the ladder of technological progress, and then we realize on our new rung that our previous rung was lowly and beneath us and embarrassing, and then we hate it and we reject it. And so we just end up with all this rejected media, whereas if we just stayed at our rung, I'm starting to come across as a bit of a Luddite here,

but I'm a big believer in what you don't know can't hurt you. I like the idea of all these Silicon Valley weirdos being like the snake in Eden tricking us into eating the same apple over and over again. Well, they're not. They're saying, you like that apple? We're going to come up with a better apple then this apple is even better the last apple you had was worse

like every time we leave Eden and go into a new garden they make us leave with another apple trick that's right like we're just being continuously undermined by these advances maybe we should just smash all the cotton mills like real Luddites.

Phil, I think we should do some tat. It's been a long time. Oh, gosh. So long I've almost forgotten the word. I remember tat by the time that the graphics of Toy Story were impressing me. Last time I was looking at tat, I swear.

Yeah. Alright, let's do it. It's wine o'clock somewhere. Give me the coffee and no one gets hurt. Bless this mess. I like two things. Pals and Prosecco. And I'm all out of pals.

One Prosecco, two Prosecco, three Prosecco, floor. If the wife asks, I'm working. Keep calm and keep drinking tea. Tat attack! Tat is really entering the mainstream up here. I think we're sort of the unsung pioneers on Tat.

I think so, and I mean, our listeners are very dedicated to the point where when there's some new Tat, we will get a tweet from about 30 people about it. Oh yeah, oh yeah. We're the originals. I feel like how from about 30 people about it. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. So... Yeah, we're the originals. I feel like how Tim Berners-Lee must have felt

when the internet took off. Sort of quietly and calmly, you know, saying to himself, yep, that's my invention. This is free. This is for everyone. I feel that way about tat as I watch all these tat memes get spread around and people sharing tat.

People who haven't even heard of Budpod sharing tat. That's right. They have no idea where this came from. It seems to have just taken hold. I think... Yeah, it seems to be hooked in with a Karen meme as well right yes and obviously the gross

obviously the gross packaging, whackaging that's true but I think whackaging is different to tat and I do believe that we are the unsung grandfathers of tat appreciation. In the same way that I'm convinced, I think I've told you this, Pierre,

I'm convinced that I came up with the abbreviation for Duke of Edinburgh, D of E. I came up with that. I came up with that. No one said it. And then I said it at a boarding school in Brunei. And a couple of years later, because I mean, people were at boarding school who would have gone back to the UK.

A couple of years later, I'm in the UK. And what do I hear people abbreviating Duke of Edinburgh Ward to? D of E. D of E. Do you recall anyone saying D of E before the year 2015? 2005? I don't think so.

That's when I said it for the first time in Far Flung Borneo. All the way from Borneo. I can't prove it, but you can't disprove it. That's true. That is fair. I can't disprove it, nor am I willing to try. Jack from Canada has sent us some rural US tat. Jack from Canada has sent us some rural US tat Jack from Canada?

US tat? He's gone south past the border Yeah, he says These were spotted at Ryden's Border Store An otherwise invaluable outpost on the northernmost edge of Minnesota How cool I'd love to go to a border store Yeah

How cool does that sound? He says Providing cheap gas and a pathway to affordable cross-border online shopping to thousands of Canadians. It'd be funny if TAT was illegal in Canada and they had to do TAT runs across the border. We've determined that TAT's real bad for your health, eh? Gonna ban it. That was my attempt at a essentially a very generic accent that could really be from anywhere until I said eh at the end yeah it could have been Minnesota which makes sense

it could have been any of those northern countries oh yeah that's real bad for ya I don't wanna get some tat on your hands or your hands on some tat while you're here that's pretty good that's alright it would be fingernails on a blackboard to any actual North Americans

but anyway in this border store Phil bearing in mind we're on the border between Canada and America it's all snowy outside or whatever lovely I am looking at a hand carved wooden nativity scene featuring Joseph, Mary, and Baba Jizu. Wow, Baba Jizu.

I love Baba Jizu. Delicious dip. His Holiness Baba Jizu is here. That's a delicious dip. Get the wheat crackers. That's right. Baba Jizu is here. And Mary and Joseph.

But what, in terms of this hand-carved wooden nativity scene, Phil, what animals are they? Cats. No. They're all one animal. Ooh. Huh. Each of them are an animal.

Each of them are this one species of animal Yes And I must remind you Of the location of this shop Okay So it's on the northern borders A bear It's all bears Baby

Ah Is it called Baby Jesus? Joseph and Barry Mother Barry The Virgin Barry Very nice The Virgin Barry Which is how an American would say

The Virgin Barry Barry The Virgin Barry Barry's a virgin So they're all bears The virgin Barry. Barry's a virgin. So they're all bears. I will say baby bear Jesus is a sort of horrifying sight because they've got him sleeping on his back completely rigidly. Like planking.

Yeah, planking on his back and he's got a kind of cloth over his bear belly. Right, like he's about to be operated on Yes or the way they preserve the modesty of corpses In CSI Yeah yeah yeah So He's just been

Shown to his family To identify the body Basically The other bears are there to identify Bear B. Jesus' body. Yes, Bear Baba Jezul. There's also some wonderful tat of a frog. These are two separate items, a frog and a wolf, but they're kind of rolling onto their back

and tipping a wine bottle into their mouth. They're wine bottle holders. Great. Now this is getting closer to traditional tat. The last thing was like, that was an old-timey tat. That was just like, why would you have this tat? Yeah. But modern tat has to have a cheeky element.

There has to be something cheeky. This frog likes wine. That's it. That's cheeky enough. That'll do us. It's a frog and a wolf, did you say? Yeah, they're separate items. They're not meant to be mates or anything. Oh, okay. I presume they're not to scale either. Uh, no. No, the frog is far too big.

No, the frog is, to be fair, far too big. The frog is, it's far too big. There's also a kind of stamped metal sign that's been painted, like a post, it's like a poster, but it's clearly made of metal. And it's a... Oh, I wanted to do that. And it's a, it's a, it's a it's photoshopped like a fist holding a revolver

that's clearly pointing at the viewer oh dear and it says warning there is nothing here worth dying for wow aggressive tat aggression tat home defense tat home defense tat

there's nothing here worth dying for What about your partner Who said till death do you part There's nothing here worth you dying for I however love my wife and family Something like that maybe Yeah Yeah that would be inspiring to the burglar

the the that's all that is a genre of kind of like try me tat you know like there's these t-shirts that guys with ponytails wear it's like three men tried to touch my beard why don't you ask the two that survived how that went? Or something like that. Here's the number for the hospital. It's like, why are you so aggressive? What happened to you? Are people always attacking you?

But also like, the warning against his potential attackers is it always takes up like the entire back of his t-shirt. It's always like the longest message. It might as well begin, Dear Sir or Madam. It's so long. Dear Sir or Madam,

I kill everyone who tries to cross me. So don't you fucking dare. It's the violence version of constantly being underestimated what are the rules on that if I walked out on the street with a t-shirt if I walked out on the street with a t-shirt that just said on the front I'm going to fucking kill you

would I get arrested would police stop me maybe I don't know actually yeah I'm going to fucking kill everyone and on the back it says I mean it yeah on the back it says I mean it and it's your own face

like it's so clearly you've made the shirt yeah and I've signed it like it's my signature on the back as well there's a QR code that takes you to a website Yeah, and I've signed it like it's my signature on the back as well. There's a QR code that takes you to a website. Like, well, is that illegal? I don't know.

It can't... Because it's not an incitement of violence. I guess it's a threat, but is threatening people illegal? It's a statement of intent, isn't it? That's it, yeah. Is it conspiracy? Is it technically conspiracy to murder? I don't know if you can have a conspiracy on a t-shirt. Well, let's set the precedent.

I'm enjoying the idea. This is common law. We just need a precedent. I'm enjoying the idea of a version of the public where if you were just standing on a busy high street in some town and you just tilted your head all the way back and went I'm gonna kill everyone

that people reacted like as if they fully believed you oh my god did you hear him oh yeah imagine when someone on the street shouted God's coming to judge you Oh my god. Did you hear him? Yeah. Imagine when someone on the street shouted God's coming to judge you. Just like, what?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. I've got so much to do. Oh, I don't have time for this. Grabbing the lapel. Who told you this? You just drop. How much time? When?

When? When did he say? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Put a number on it. You just drop your shopping on the ground and run home. I've got to tell the others. You just join him?

Do you think they'd like that if you just joined them, stood next to them and going, Listen to this guy! Am I the only person who heard what he just said? He just said, he's coming. Do you think the guy would... Not only is God true, which I up to this point didn't believe, didn't realize, he is true and he's coming. Do you think...

I have to process so much. Do you think he'd like it? Like he'd be like, yes, brother, or whatever. Or do you think he'd be like, kind of jealous, you're stealing his thunder kind of thing? I think he'd be like, go get you're stealing his thunder kind of thing i think he'd be like go get your own patch yeah hey i think he'd honestly be like that yeah hey i this is my area for when he comes back yeah you start picking out all the little bits you're getting wrong like he's you know he's more here to judge the living than in the dead the dead are already judged so it's just a living he's here to judge the living than the dead. The dead are already judged, so it's just the living he's here to judge.

Hey, when he shows up, I don't want any of this 50-50. I was here first. He'll know that. Bandwagon here. Louis has sent some good tat. Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis. Not allowed to sing that anymore, of course? Nope.

His dear, dear partner recently brought this monstrosity into their house, he says. And it's... It's a sort of sports bottle. For water. Someone has brought in a sports bottle. Yeah, it's a sort of sports bottle and water. Someone has brought in a sports bottle. Yeah, it's a sort of sports bottle and it's got a lot

of good tat. The writing on the side. We're talking two different fonts and some errant capitalization. Great, great, great, great, great. So, I'll give you a clue The second half is in a kind of

All capitals font And the second half of the sentence is Is my cardio Is my cardio This is in all caps, is my cardio? Yeah, yeah, yeah, what's one of those fonts where it's all capitals, whether you want it to be or not? Okay, okay, okay. So the second half is...

And above it is blank, blank in cursive, both capitalized for no reason, Is My Cardio. Two words. Yeah, blank, blank, Is My Cardio. Drinking wine. No, close. It's actually more of a pun than that oh oh oh running late yeah you got it boy yes yes i think i've seen some version of this running late is my cardio nice nice nice nice nice nice i should have done the victoria also could use the vict the victorious throat singing

victorious throat singing what was it I kept saying didgeridoo but it was more like Mongolian throat singing oh yeah but um yeah you got it man you got it oh of course yeah yeah the tap whisperer

the psychic Tattwispra I've forgotten about that I've missed that you got it so he says is this grants for divorce on a lighter note here is my favourite souvenir from our holiday to Crete oh great

holiday tag. So, this is pretty funny, I will say. It's right to be his favourite souvenir. So, I don't really

know which bit of this to make you guess. It's quite unusual. Okay. I'm intrigued. Okay, I'll tell you the image and you can guess the two captions, which you won't be able to guess. It's not a fair challenge,

but let's see. So, it is a photograph of a woman on a beach. The tat itself is a photograph of a woman on a beach. The tat itself is a photograph. It's a postcard. A postcard, okay. So, it's a photograph of a woman on a beach,

and she is lying on a sort of sun loungery, inflatable, sunbathing thing. And she is topless. She has a boob out. You can see the profile of a boob. Oh, okay. And she's sort of reading a book And that's in the foreground And just Beyond her

In much sharper focus than the woman Is a recreational Beach donkey Wow A recreational beach donkey What's a beach donkey? Like one that gives you rides up and down the beach Yeah, yeah, yeah

A classic bit of British seaside fun Okay It's got like a saddle and stuff for little kids And you know And the donkey is looking at the lady The boob lady Yeah And the donkey has a huge boner

Wow, okay This is a postcard This is to send to someone Yeah And the donkey has a huge boner Wow okay This is a postcard This is to send to someone This is to send to a friend or relative Or a relative Or a dear grandmother Now in order to take this photo Either there's just a masterpiece of timing

Oh it's a photograph So this is real This is a photograph Phil This is real This is a real donkey with a real boner You better stop believing in photos with donkey boners Phil Because you're in one

It's real baby Oh my god Wow okay So either it's an incredible bit of luck It's real, baby Oh my god Wow, okay So, either it's an incredible bit of luck Or they've teased an erection out of a donkey And then kind of led him to the other side of a booby lady And it's taken all afternoon to arrange this photo What the photo doesn't see is just beyond the booby lady

Is a topless donkey A topless lady donkey Completely naked lady donkey. Completely naked lady donkey. I like the idea that this is a completely coincidental tableau and, you know, Philippus, the Greek photographer, was like, get my camera, get my camera!

He was just scrambling for it. Submits it to National Geographic, tries to get Wildlife Photographer of the Year. Yeah, he just couldn't believe his luck Has to settle for a postcard So There are two captions So there's one enormous caption

Which is one word along the bottom of the postcard Which is, as it were, just under the booby lady Who's lying down Okay So that's one big word underneath the booby lady And then just on the top left corner of the postcard in cursive above the head of the clearly visibly aroused donkey is a three letter phrase exclamation mark you mean three word sorry yeah three word phrase

with an exclamation mark in cursive okay Okay. And the two captions, does one follow on from the other? No, no. Okay, so they're unrelated. They're both related to the image in a way. Okay. Wow, okay. So the one word under the lady. I don't think you'll ever get this because it's so it's so it's such a funny

it's it's misspelled for one thing okay um milk milk like that uh the word is and bearing in mind it's so it's a souvenir from a holiday to Crete. The word is crease. Crease. Yeah. So if you glance at it, if you just glance at it, Phil, and don't give it its credit, you'd think it would say Greece, the country. Okay.

But whoever made this postcard didn't know the Roman alphabet and so it's spelt with a C so it reads as crease C-R-E-E-C yeah crease in huge letters which is you know one way to describe a cleavage

you know it's a big crease yes that's true and the three word phrase Cleavage? Yes. You know it's a big crease? Yes, that's true. And the three-word phrase is... My donkey dick. Crease. I just love... No, they're not related are they No

I'm the Minotaur Kreese That could be pretty good Thank you And the second word here is also misspelt The greatest view. Greatest is G-R-A. Why a donkey? I don't like

these bestiality tat. Yeah. I don't like tat that implies animals are attracted to humans. It's very ancient Greece though, really. That's true. The donkey's probably Zeus in disguise. And now we're talking. The greatest view.

So this is in truth a very Greek scene. It couldn't be more Greek, really. I'd rejected it out of hand, but I was wrong to. It's as Greek as it gets. It's as Greek as it gets. It's a horny animal. It's as Greek as it gets. It's as Greek as it gets. It's a

horny animal. It's as Greek as it gets. It's a horny animal and... Sorry, it's as Creek as it gets. It's something like something straight out of ancient Greece. This is all Creek to me. Don't understand this one bit. The

greatest view. I just like... Crease! That's funny too. Crease! Yeah. I like the idea of having to squint to read the greatest view misspelled and then realising it is just an enormous donkey's penis and a woman's boob. Imagine if the postcard was actually referring to the donkey dick as the greatest view. Yeah.

If this woman wasn't in the way. So is greatest misspelt similarly as crease? Createst? No, it's spelled G-R-A-T-est. Gratest. So they know what a G is. They do know what a G is. When it's put to them in lowercase cursive, yeah.

The grattest view. Grease! Louis says, a profile of a breast, a large donkey knob, and two spelling mistakes, all for 30 cents. That's lovely. I have shown this to pretty much every visitor we've had. I want to get back to that had I want to get back to that I want to get back to that this summer Yeah

Yeah It's going to be a hot summer Of donkey knobs and side boob everyone Enough of all this hot girl summer Where's donkey dick summer That's my summer I predict a donkey dick summer that's my summer i predicted a donkey dick summer increase he says i've shown this to pretty much every visitor we've had since keep up the excellent

work koji louis thank you louis for that that was very good imagine going to visit louis and he's like hey good to see you come come look at this look at this look at this hey hey just give me a second opens a drawer and you hear him like like hey, good to see you. Come, come look at this, look at this, look at this. Hey, hey, just give me a second. He opens a drawer. And you hear him like thump down into the basement and pull on one of those chain light bulbs like... Come on, where is it? I'll put it down here. Mary!

Mary! The postcard! Where is the postcard? What? The postcard, Mary! The postcard! Where is the postcard? What? The postcard, Mary! Yeah, really putting a lot of pressure on it. Yeah, when he brings it up, it's so worn on the edges

from how many people he's shown. Thank you for that, Louis. Ryan has sent us some absolutely appalling beer tat. Wow. Okay, great. I love beer tat. I love booze tat. Maybe, I think beer tat is possibly my favourite. Like, beer tat, man cave tat,

that is my genre. That is my PhD. That's what I want to say. So, Phil, this is a crossover, I would say, between beer tat and whackaging Okay Okay okay Is it on the beer itself?

It's on the can Okay The tat's coming from inside the can And it's quite a kind of Vividly decorated can Ah This will be a very strong IPA I imagine yeah I think so

so shall I just read it to you because it's like a whole paragraph okay go for it go ahead pick me up no look good don't I yuck not anymore not anymore

I put on my funkiest shirt this morning to catch your attention How do people sleep at night? When they came up with something like this I've heard it's a technique called peacocking Fucking hell It gets worse with every sentence I am full of a delicious, aromatic, sessionable pale ale.

Mm-hmm. Knew it. Knew it! If this sounds a bit like I'm whispering in your ear all creepily, remember, I'm just a beer can and it's all in your head. It's awful! It's awful. I'm being gaslit by Tat. It's awful I'm being gaslit by tat It's awful

And you know what I love tat But I hate wackaging because wackaging Is It's committee tat It's committee approved corporate tat And I think I think tat has become Too corporate

It's tat that thinks it's clever, goddammit. I hate it. If you think I'm being creepy, shut up. Yeah, you haven't tricked me. I don't love you now. Shut up. So it says, now stop talking to yourself and drink me. And then the last bit is,

I'm made from ingredients in a non-fashionable part of North London. Ugh. Ugh. Non-fashionable. I want to hit myself over the head with the beer. Really disgusting. Really unpleasant, actually. Horrible, horrible, horrible.

Disgusting. Horrible. Probably quite a nice beer, unfortunately. And, you know, I'm someone who loves a punk IPA but has to close his eyes so I don't read any of the writing on the can. I have to close my... do my absolute best not to catch any of the wackity. Yeah, really gross.

Thank you for that. That was horrible. We have some good tat for you to guess from March Walliams from my Twitch stream has sent us some tat. He says, hi Podfartas. Thank you. Fabulous bit of tat for Pierre to make

Phil guess the contents of. Crudely screen grabbed because I can't handle the fresh hell that will be unleashed on my online presence if I click the link. Okay, yeah. Yep, yep. What is it? It is a t-shirt. Mm-hmm.

And there's a lot of fonts happening. Mm-hmm. And it says once upon a time, there was a what? A lot of fun stuff happening. Once upon a time, there was a little girl?

A girl, yeah, a girl. You got it. Once upon a time, there was a girl who really loved blank and blank. Oh, blank and Blank Is it one of these random Whatever your interests are The algorithm puts them into the shirt It could be

It's not as insane as often when you see those Generated and it'll say once upon a time there was a girl Who really loved jet skiing And Steve Buscemi. Once upon a time, there was a girl who loved... There was a girl who loved... Who really loved. Who really loved Prosecco? No booze.

Who really loved... Really loved... Shopping. You've got to think nerdier. This is for people who are like, I'm just like an introvert. Introverts are the best, aren't they? Okay, Harry Potter. Less specific. Really really love books.

Oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi. Yep. Once upon a time, an old girl who really loved books. And? And science. I think more internet. Even more internet than science. More internet than science?

Books and computers? No, no. More internet. Okay. Books and computers No no more internet Books Okay books and Memes Oh you're so close even bigger than memes Wow books and

What's bigger than memes Pierre What is bigger than memes Books and posts? Cats. It's cats. Cats. Cats. I'd say cats is a subset of memes, to be honest.

I don't know, because you can get lots of Twitter accounts that are just cat pictures without any memeable element. Okay, fair enough. That was my logic anyway. Books and cats. So, once upon a time there was a girl who really loved books and cats. It was me, the end. That's the t-shirt

and it's a picture of a cat asleep on some books and some flowers as well. I actually don't mind that. I don't know why, but I don't mind that t-shirt. I really don't mind it. Maybe it's because I like books and cats, Pierre. That's true, the end.

The end, it was me. It was me, the end. That's a good cat attack. Cat attack! Cat attack. Yeah, cat attack. Cat attack. Cat attack. So... Okay, one last thing. Ollie gets in touch.

Ollie, what a folly to send us an email. He says, dear P and Pooh. Yep, classic, love it. I write with grave news. Vegans have launched their tat attack they've joined oh of course are they probably tattooing it on their on their vegan bodies that's that's their tat attack tattoo attack attached is the mug of a militant vegan i have to work with oh yeah yeah yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay, I reckon I can guess.

I'm going to try and whisper this time. Can I try and whisper this time? Okay. Okay. So it's one, two, three, four, five, six, seven words. Yeah. Any artwork? No artwork, just words. I'll say...

One font? The first three words are, I don't words are I don't eat. I don't eat. And then there's four more words. I don't eat blank, blank, blank, blank. I don't eat meat. Neither should you. No, it's trying to

it's trying to be a bit funnier than that but still still um appropriately for the type of person that ollie is describing uh appropriately pass ag okay so um okay so it'd be something like i don't

eat something that blah blah, I don't eat something that blah blah, right? I don't eat anything that makes a noise or anything that can speak. Oh, you're so close. It is I don't eat anything blank blank blank. You've got anything. I don't eat anything. I don't eat anything.

anything I don't eat anything I don't eat anything that can eat you're so close that's so close think about the end of the process you just described I don't eat anything

that can poop yes yes yes I don't eat anything that can poo yes we're so close yes yes yes I I don't need anything that can shit yeah like you're close like conceptually close I mean okay

I don't need anything that it's not that oh I don't eat anything who can poo it's not it's not a it's it's not the action it's the equipment i don't need anything with an a yes ah yes thank you thank you i don't need anything with an arsehole okay anything with an arsehole Okay I don't eat anything with an arsehole

Neither do I, I use my mouth That's for you Oli For work Yeah you tell them Oli You write that on your mug In scrawled crayon In blood In blood, In animal blood.

Right, in animal blood. A new each day. I don't eat anything with an R, sir. Yeah, and to be fair, I said there was no artwork, but there is a little dot on the O of the word whole as if to imply that it itself is an anus. Ah, yuck. Yeah.

Yuck. Yeah, which is, it's, I mean, it's a shame, isn't it, that mug? Yuck Yuck Yeah Which is It's I mean it's a shame Isn't it that mug It's a shame Leave it at home I'd say Leave it at home

Also just don't harass Your colleagues about Their Beliefs Or food Yeah it's also Off-putting It's just

It's just plain Unappetizing to be reminded of. Eh, assholes. Or just like... I wonder if Ollie would get in more trouble for saying, I eat assholes, and then winking. Yeah, they're actually being very sex negative. They're shaming Rimmers.

They really, really are are and that's not okay if you can't stand up for animal rights without shaming Rimmers well then I don't want any part of your crusade stop Rimm shaming lovely stuff, great to be reacquainted with Tat Stop rim shaming Lovely stuff Great to be reacquainted with Tat

Yeah And Ollie says he doesn't have a great poo story But age 7 I once really needed a wee during circle time Circle time? What's circle time? Yes in the decadent west Phil Children are given a sort of circle time And I

I think I did it at some point. I have very faint memories of it. But it's something to do with... You talk about your alcoholism? School report? Yeah, you're in CAA. And he says he didn't have the dinosaur toy, so he wasn't allowed to speak.

There you go. Oh, okay. So he couldn't say I need to go to the toilet I need a piss he said I wrongly assumed I could just piss a full Bladdersworth covertly just sneak it out slowly enough that it evaporates

so I ended up wearing lost property shorts of a presumably fully grown adult given the insane size of them very nice all the more space to pee in that's right and you can fit so much pee into these babies uh keep up the good work the pod's been a real light-hearted pick me up throughout this year thank you and ko Thank you, Ollie, for the vegan tat. Yes, thanks, Ollie. Thank you, Ollie. It wasn't a fault.

And I don't care that Ollie has an arsehole. I'll eat him. That's right. That's right. Your email didn't have an arsehole, Ollie, but that means that we can eat it up without any guilt. Maybe the vegan really person in that who has that mug really loves assholes and that it's a sympathetic think of the assholes

i don't understand like they they want them to be not eaten they're like think of the poor assholes yeah yeah yeah cut the asshole off at least yeah well they also misunderstand butchery because you really must cut off the arsehole they're just being they're just calling for more cautious butchers they're a cautious butchery advocate that would be a funny thing great stuff

thank you so much for sending in the tat everyone yes thank you for the tat guys and we will slowly work our way through the mountains of tat and correspondence as well great stuff. Thank you so much for sending in the tat, everyone. Yes, thank you for the tat, guys. And we will slowly work our way through the mountains of tat and correspondence as well. You know, never lose heart. It could be you. Pointing a gun at you, like in that tat.

The next tat could be from you! That's right. There's nothing worth dying for here, boy. There's no tat worth dying for here. Didn't you read my terrifying shirt? Do you think those people with the terrifying shirts, when they get home, they take them off and put on a plain shirt because they don't need to threaten anyone?

Or do you think they wear those shirts at home? I think they get home and they put on a plain shirt because they don't need to threaten anyone or do you think they wear those shirts at home I think they get home and they put on a sitting at home themed shirt and all over the back it says I'm here to watch TV on the couch with my wife in huge letters alright everyone keep jacking everything

coach you guys bye bye bye bye