BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 121 - Bud's Podding Home!

Episode Date: June 30, 2021

Eyyy! I’m BudPoddin’ here! Phil is in NYC and Pierre is in Pinewood, the home of innuendo. The boys talk football, NYC culture generally, vampire/werewolf exchanges, blood-cooler moments, does bullying footballers work, racist footballers and assumptions, ISIS hats, Fast and Furious mottos, castrati and Barry White, Uterus Fluids, “please return”, TRAY FOOD and the risks, joker reference in disguise, vaccine rates in Anti-abortionvilleAli Lewis poems here! https://www.alilewispoet.com Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Budpod 1, 2, 1, 121. Budpod 1, 1, 2, 1, 1, 2, 3, 2, 1. That was a warm-up that I did when I was singing a lot. Did you? It's a school choir warm-up, yeah. 1, 1, 2, 1, 1, 2, 3, 2, 1, 1, 2, 3, 4, 3, 2, 1. It's like the chant of a very unintimidating gang. three four three two one it's like the and then like chant of a very unintimidating gang i was about to say the numbers gang but in south africa the numbers gangs are actually terrifying

what what like a postcode gang no no they're just they're called the numbers gangs and each number means a different thing and has a different rank and it's all very sort of secret and esoteric and strange and they're based out of prisons yeah it's very weird well so each of the gangs just is identified with a number you're identified with a number depending on your role oh that's very organized it's very organized it's shockingly organized it's very you could i recommend it as a wikipedia black hole but you but but you know what phil you know the only numbers that our listeners care about what with our listeners being absolutely massive lads um are numbers that look like weapons yeah never mind the numbers that look like weapons phil obviously those are the most important numbers in the world the real numbers don't matter uh for you and me just now because we're big lads who love football is 2-0

the number 2-0 not 20 but 2-0 in isolation 2 goals to England and 0 goals to Germany it's coming home that's right just when we couldn't travel it's finally coming home

football is coming home and it won't be self-isolating. We've had to charter a special flight, but football is coming home. It's a really small plane with space for one ball and it's bringing it home. Football is being brought home

by a drone which will shoot the ball Into the statue of Churchill I just watched the game It was a great game Did you watch the game? I did It was exciting

It's so weird to see 2-0 in that order Between England and Germany England hasn't beaten Germany since 1966 in a major tournament, which is... that's a long time. There's a long time not to beat a country that I presume you play often. Yeah, England, I mean, I'm full of these stats now after one viewing. England has faced Germany more than any other country in a tournament setting. I mean, that must... Because I saw a stat saying that this game is like a tiebreaker

because they've won and lost over the course of history the same amount of times. And drawn too. But then... You wouldn't get the feeling from it. You get the feeling that it's been very one-sided. But then maybe they're going back to the 1910s. And also maybe it's just that England always fuck up when it matters.

Yeah. England must have just dicked over Germany. In every friendly. From the start of football until 1966. Well, we're pooling our ignorance anyway, so well done to the ball men. The ball boys are so young one of them like saka is just like he's just finished his a levels like they're talking about his a level results

it's insane how the hell i was saying this um where i was watching it how the hell do you come down like from the adrenaline i mean if you're like 19 and you just did that. I mean, it sort of suits that age of great excitement. It sort of makes sense, maybe, because there's all... You know, he's finished his A-levels. He's working on his UCAS form. It's all exciting stuff. Yeah, but I mean... So winning against Germany just sort of fits into that.

I mean more in terms of the adrenaline. I'm saying chemically, how do you deal with that? Because people, even old men of our age, of 30 and 31, Phil, if we do a particularly good hour of stand-up, then the adrenaline rush will last for three or four hours and you have to have a beer. It's true.

It's true. But for me, that adrenaline rush is not like like a humming unreleasable energy but it's like a come down it's i it's a sort of like loopiness i go just a bit so weird yeah well so maybe and also keep in mind they've been running around for 90 minutes which is sort of a sort of they've they've spent that energy in 90 minutes, which is a sort of... They've spent that energy in advance. Maybe that's it, yeah. Well, there'll be loopiness in the streets

of London tonight. I've just thought there are players in this England national team who are younger than FIFA, the game. Oh my god, yeah. Video game. Not one of them was even alive when 9-11

happened. Crazy. Coincidence? I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so either. Now... Yeah, I think the eruption of global Islamist terrorism, I think that gave

a whole generation of us a pessimistic attitude towards football that has presented in England's efforts up to this point but having been born being born after that disaster that tragedy maybe there's a greater

sense of optimism maybe people who had to live through 9-11 occurring just thought, well, what's the point in kicking a ball? I mean, this sort of thing goes on. But the reason we're recording remotely this time is that I am semi-excitingly in a TV studio because I'm doing some writing on a show. And Phil, you are in new york city i'm in new york which means i just watched

that england game on espn which feels weird it's like the american commentators no thank god they got english they gave english expats and to come over and do the voices because that would have been just too that would have been gross like watching football watching football on espn is like drinking a cold drink out of a mug it's like it'll do but it doesn't feel right you know when you drink like a cold cola out of a tea mug you're like i mean i guess it's the same but yeah there's something off or um having a sort of... Having something that normally you need for a bowl for on a flat plate. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sort of... Having a lot of pasta, saucy pasta on a flat plate is like, this will do, but it's not right. Yeah, I know the bowls are in the wash, but this still feels like I should almost wait for the bowls to come out the dishwasher. Because this is so perverse.

But yes, I've been in New York, how long now have I been here? I've been in New York for, wow, six days, almost a week, coming up to about six days a week. And I have had so many deli meat sandwiches. Really? I've had so many thin slices of meat.

Yes. This is what I want to hear. That is the staple food here. I'm also in a very Jewish part of New York, so... Oh, I've had bagels. And my first ever chicken noodle soup how was it it was actually lovely just a really nice chicken broth with not noodle but macaroni you know how these creeps over here in america call pasta noodles sometimes yeah just any pasta is noodles yeah i'm not not i mean

may i maybe give you a pass if it's spaghetti or linguine, but if it's macaroni... Yeah, if it could be mistaken for a noodle on a dark night. Yeah, exactly, that's fine. But if it could be mistaken for a small piece of piping, then it's not a noodle. If it could be mistaken for some sort of whistle. It's not a noodle. If it could be mistaken for some sort of whistle. If it could be a stopgap U-bend for a doll's toilet, then it's not a noodle. I think that's fair.

So wait, hang on. It's broth and noodles, and I've always wondered, is it shredded chicken? This one was, the chicken pieces themselves weren't that great great they're sort of just dry bits of chicken breast which weren't great um but i'm sure there's variance i'm you know i'm sure it depends where you go how they put the chicken in yeah i mean new york is as we were saying on the last episode the city of people going like that that place on the upper east side is a piece of shit let me take you to a real fucking bad idea I almost sent you a picture, there was a bigger place I almost went into

that was literally called Jimmy's Bagels was it Jimmy's Bagels? I think it was literally Jimmy's Bagels have you seen any places that were like trying to lean into the Jewish bagel tradition like Shlomo's Bagels there's KAL's which is near me which is pretty good which seems like a jewish name cows could be and and i mean presumably and obviously you have to say that

they are but are they like noticeably like wow these are only available here good um i mean to complete be completely honest they taste like the new New York bagels you get in the supermarket in England. I mean, what you're paying for, I guess, is... You know what? I'm not really sure what you're paying for. Because they're just bagels with fillings in them. And I had a bagel with cream cheese and smoked salmon, which was really, really nice. But there's only so much that can go wrong. Yeah.

And I don't know what expertise was really required to put those together but yeah they were nice what is cool is the range of bagels you have in the shop there's like onion and poppy seed and something called the everything bagel which has got everything on it everything the everything you can get an everything bagel because this is america yeah everything on that bagel. Because this is America. Everything on that bagel from the semen of Napoleon to sriracha sauce.

Every flavour perceivable by the human tongue is on the bagel. And you know what? It goes somehow. It goes together. It's just a bagel they've soaked in LSD. Oh, you'll taste everything. But it's been cool here in New York. Or should I say, hot.

It's blistering right now. I was going to say, there's a heat wave, isn't there? It's about 38 degrees. How many degrees? Apparently today, like 37, 38. No. It's hot, man man i'm not going outside today because thank goodness new york at least has air conditioning which london doesn't yeah that's the difference i'm not going out so have you been like hiding from your enemy the sun today definitely i probably won't go out at all today the The subway is, I had to leave the subway the other day because of a panic attack.

It was so hot. Oh, man. And I paid to go in, and it was so crammed and hot and stifling. And I just went, nope, and I just walked back out. It was awful. Awful. You don't know how good you have it with the London Underground. Yeah, man.

And in New York, they're like, the subway is great, and there's a train like every 15 minutes honestly yeah every 15 minutes every station is privately owned or something insane like that each station is owned by some different company or person yeah it's the whole thing i might have to brave it tomorrow oh no i mean yeah you know something's bad when like your proper like rat-like instincts make you leave before you're even in there yeah is it like yeah so you're hiding from the sun so it's an american werewolf in london and you're an english vampire in new york that's right yeah it's a it's an old-fashioned uh foreign exchange swap i'm staying with an American family here as a vampire

I'm staying with a werewolf family in New York and their son is staying with a vampire family in London you're both just bonding over like hey I love the smell of blood we like that as well we're more flesh

we're more flesh people but the blood's nice the blood's great we'll lap up the blood You know Oh well save me some Yeah exactly Mainly active at night Yeah yeah has to be night for us Oh you're a night owl too are you

Yes yes Something of a night owl Night bat I suppose a vampire would hate the summer too, are you? Yes, yes. Something of a night owl. Night bat. I suppose a vampire would hate the summer. The short nights. The particularly intense sun. Yeah, that's when the vampire's literally going there just aren't enough hours in the night.

Just a really busy vampire. By the time I'm halfway out the coffin I'll have to just get back in again just like really shit like vampire office banter by the blood cooler oh that's an image I love that

the bubbly blood cooler yeah sure the England German match Oh, that's an image. I love that. A bubbly blood cooler. Yeah. Yeah. Sure, the England-German match was thrilling, but is it a blood cooler moment? Are vampires going to chat about the England game around the blood cooler? That's when you know a TV moment has really made an impact.

That's it. That's it. Where you're at the blood cooler and someone else comes up in a big cape and says, Oh, did you see the game? What a performance. Yes. And because the game went well well the press will be temporarily leaving those particular celebrities alone

the footballers yeah that's right and Gareth Southgate the press will be saying okay we're going to pause our constant attempt to get you to break down or kill yourself for now well doesn't it seem like

our persistent large-scale bullying has worked oh no you're right you're welcome england that's right no it's validated it this yeah this is they're gonna call it tough love now this is this is What better proof is there Of the effect of tough love than England's win today No participation Medals for these boys And goals like

And three goals in the last Four games from Raheem Sterling Who has received From all accounts the most press abuse Of any player so I mean I hate to say it but it looks like the more abuse you get the better you play so i guess thank you daily mail i didn't think i'd be saying this but i'll be the first to do it thank you daily mail for today's

result maybe that's the secret that maybe maybe the real friendship was the bullies all along. The real friends were the bullies that we made along the way. That would be a good piece of reverse tat. You know what's something I've always tried to pass or understand is how... How the pervasive racism among england football fandom has been able to survive alongside the england national team's overwhelming reliance on black and mixed-raced players oh yeah it's like the most diverse team ever. But say from the perspective of...

Say I'm a racist England football fan. Sure. Which I'm not. But say I'm a racist England fan. And I really want England to win. Yeah. And they win 2-0. And those goals are from Marcus Rashford

and Raheem Sterling. Am I happy or not? You're definitely happy because England won. And I think that's the top of the brain of that man. You know. The top

of his brain. And as we all know the brain works from from the top to the bottom yeah the brain is like um an old side scrolling fighting level where you have to go up to the boss at the top um yes exactly so at the top of his brain he's happy that england won but the difficulty here is that um uh racists tend to you know historically and and now view black people and anyone sort of mixed race as like inherently better at physical things like that's what helped justify the slavery in the first place yeah so yeah they like the racists when they were enslaving black people, were already going, they're much stronger than us. That's true.

That was never a problem for them. Yes, that's true. Yeah, and I have had that thought in the back of my mind too. I suppose that would be how you would qualify it. Yeah. Perhaps the real test for racist England fans' resolve would be for England to have a very successful black manager yeah that would be difficult yeah and then that would be they bring out the accounting team and they're all black too anything yeah anything where they couldn't worm their way out of it

racially um did you see the it Racistly The accounting team England's accounting team has very much dodged the ire Of the tabloid press I have to say I don't know how they've done it I mean they're absolutely dismal in the accounting World Cups So maybe they're just Not on the radar

Did you see that amazing article about I think they did it in America first and then they analyzed the language in the press in the UK as well, that like the language used around black sportsmen, but especially black football players is like completely different. Like it's always quite animalistic

and it's always to do with like brute strength and things. Right. And like they totted up how often those words are used. Yeah, they totted up the adjectives and these guys who are like you know, doing it presumably completely unconsciously are like, white players would always

be like, intricate, clever footwork and stuff. And the black players were like, oh, sheer brute animal strength. I think Bill Burr had a bit about that and basketball commentary. Yes, yeah. In the US, yeah. animal strength. I think Bill Burr had a bit about that on basketball commentary. Yes, yeah. In the US, yeah.

He had a bit about that a few years ago. Yeah. Terrifying how it's in there subconsciously anyway. Sure. Sure. Do you think you've ever had that? Someone has subconsciously described you in a comedy review in some weird way? Well, I'm like,

I'm always characterized as sort of nerdy, which I guess I suppose I ostensibly am, but I wouldn't have thought obviously enough for it to be such

a marker. I guess I got the glasses and everything and whatever um so i think maybe maybe there's an element of that but not really i i've not really i i don't think i've suffered too much type racial typecast i'd be i'd be happy to assume that a big part of being called nerdy was just like someone's brain just going asian glasses yeah there's definitely that asian glasses just over and over again in their subconscious yeah but it's also not a completely unfair characterization so it's a hard one

i mean to take umbrage with you are a nerd but you're also a big boy who dresses well thank you which is it's not said often enough actually how well i dress yeah you well you well you dress well in a confident manner and you're a big you're a big boy you're a tall big boy i'm tall yeah yeah and they seem to they seem to not mention that enough tall laughs from phil way well i i actually mentioned this in my book side splitter which is coming out september the 16th you can pre-order on waterstones um and amazon yeah but i was i i i mentioned how bezos thank you bezos praise to bezos and I say how people always say to me I'm I forget how tall you are like even people I know say oh Phil I always forget how tall you are and I don't I

swear it happens because I'm Chinesey I think yeah you know because there was Yao Ming and that was it you remember Yao Ming? Yeah, yeah. That incredibly tall basketball player, the tallest Chinese man in history. Yeah. There's Yao Ming and that's it. Yeah. And people have forgotten about Yao Ming now and the stereotype has reset. Yeah, yeah.

And so when people come up to take a photo after a show, they're like, wow, you're tall, even though I've just been in the same room with them for two hours i am i i also get that i don't remember you tall or you're tall but not as much as you crucially and um i think the stage thing it's difficult isn't it because when you're on stage there's nothing to compare you to because the mic stand is just abstract yeah that's right also people don't think i'm tall on stage because i'm like as wide as i'm i'm like in proportion horrifyingly yeah maybe there's a bit of that for me too because i got a big head i always forget how big your head is yeah it's a big head that would be a big old honker that would be interesting is you measure all these like tv celebrities and stuff. It's a big old honker. That would be interesting,

is you measure all these TV celebrities and stuff, these actors, measure their big old honkers. I'm sorry, I've got you calling heads honkers. Yes, we're calling heads honkers now. That could be misleading. Measure their head honkers, and then just see, like, oh, are you on TV?

Because your face is nice and big yeah you look proportional you're easy to zoom in on there's a there's a lot to pick up yeah we'll get loads of pixels yeah off your face it'd be very high definition yeah we've got we've got acres of face to play with speaking of my big old honker i've brought a couple of baseball caps because i finally i i i'd written off hats my entire life because i got a big head same here yeah until i realized that um you can get xl size baseball hats so i got a couple oh if there's one country where you're going to find a big old baseball cap you're in it well i actually got these in in london so i i almost got my new york yankees i almost got my new york yankees i almost got my new york yankees hat because like well i'm going to new york i should wear

yankees hat and i thought it's a bit basic isn't it uh everyone's gonna have yankees hat so instead i i brought my my phillies hat which i only got because they're called the phillies and there's a big p on the front yes um and i thought that'd be cool and alternative. People respect me in New York for wearing a non-New York baseball hat. And the second I walked out of the apartment building, a guy went, you're wearing the wrong hat, buddy. Really? Instantly, yeah. Really?

That's so good. That's such a New York experience. First time I wore it out. You're wearing the wrong hat, buddy. That's great. That's great. God, you should go out wearing a hat with the ISIS flag on it. That's an even worse hat.

Didn't I talk to you yesterday in retrospect I wouldn't mind the previous hat put that on I don't see how I didn't realize how far this could go I don't see how do I with the Phillies but at least they respect the West me against my brother

but me and my brother against my cousin. As the Bedouins say. Me and my brother and my cousin against the world, of course. Of course. Of course, that's the motto of both the Bedouin and the Fast and Furious franchises. Oh, yeah. Yeah. What's the Fast and furious ones not all families have lots of cars not all families have lots of families but our family does

not all families ride around in a monster truck and then jump off a helicopter with a motorbike yeah but this is our family and our family does it yeah it's a bit clunky but people like it people like it when vin diesel says it yeah and then and then he slaps his bald head really quickly while saying i'm gonna put me in people love that right my car doesn't run on petrol it runs on me slaps his head Vin

he thinks cars run on wine Vin Vin Diesel is a French person really harshly criticizing some wine. This Vin is Diesel. C'est le Vin Diesel. Both of Vin Diesel's names are liquids. Yes, and his real speaking voice is very high.

Very high. I think that's actually a testosterone thing. I think high testosterone can result in a high voice, or is that completely made up? I mean, I like the sound of it, because it's like a testosterone thing i think like high testosterone can result in a high voice or is that completely made up i mean i like the sound of it because it's like a nature balance thing where it's like you're too big and muscly we're going to make your voice ridiculous because like you know the castrati those singers i do um from italy who are castrated as little boys so that they have these high voices for the rest of their lives and they became superstars they were like yeah they were superstars of their day.

And weirdly, like, real, like, macho symbols, like sex symbols, even though they had all these really high voices and they didn't have any balls. But it was actually, their arms would continue to grow. Losing their balls really messed up their growth hormone. Yeah. So they would just grow and grow and grow And their arms would get long and spindly

Like the Slenderman And they'd get these weird sort of large torsos They'd look freakish But that was actually because of Not enough estrogen I think Because I think your testicles also have estrogen in them Yeah and without it you just have testosterone And so it's the estrogen that stops you growing

I mean I'm speaking from some ignorance, but it's more complicated than just like testosterone's in your balls and testosterone makes you big and whatever. Yeah. And gives you a deep voice. I mean, they're probably also sex symbols because women were just like,

well, if there's one guy who's not going to impregnate me and because this is medieval times, kill me. It's that dangly-armed, testicleless maniac singing for the Pope. And he's all famous and rich. He's the proportions of an orangutan and the safest dick in the land. That's right.

They're the safest dicks in Christendom. And if you can sing well, a high voice, I mean, as we saw with all sorts of singers, you know, Prince a bit, Michael Jackson, you know, women never minded. Oh, hi there. They never minded it. Yeah, that's peculiar, isn't it?

Even like moderns of popular pop songs and R&B songs, it's all guys singing that high. Yeah. What's that about? It's not sexy. Is it just like they're going, oh, I can be nice? I think, yeah, I think it's showing a sensitive side, right? Where is our Barry White?

Yeah, because it used to be Barry White, Tom Jones. That was the masculine voice. Johnny Cash. voice Johnny Cash Johnny Cash Yes, Elvis Deep Voices Pavarotti, all the sex symbols And these big deep voices

Where's that gone? Has anyone got a deep voice now? I'm sure they do, but They're not showing it It's the last taboo in Hollywood. There's that Rag and Bone Man. Has he got a kind of deep voice? That's true.

There's a George Ezra. He's got a sort of silly Muppet deep voice. Maybe it's Rag and Bone Man, yeah. Don't put the blame on me. What does he not want to be blamed for? Do we know? Don't put the blame on me. Having a deep voice.

He's going to do a cover of Born this way, because when he came out, he was like he's gonna do a cover of born this way because when he came out he was like hi mom like just immediately terrifying bass voice yeah do you think your baby had a bass enough voice you could hear it through the pregnant stomach yeah i wonder what frequencies carry best through fluids through uterus fluids yeah that's right well i mean you think deep noise uterus fluids had a very deep singing voice uterus fluids that's right yeah beautiful singer uterus fluid oh nothing flowed like uterus fluids.

I'm going to put a noise gate on this, but if any pod buds can hear random just like, like sort of banging and stuff in the background of my thing, I apologize. There's busy work to be done. Pierre is working on a show in Pinewood, the home of Hollywood, Pinewood, London. That's right. That's right.

The home of the Carry On films. Is it? Yeah. They were all filmed here, apparently. James Bond. A lot of James Bond. Yeah. What's it like being at the heart of... Well, the heart of cinema, really. The epicenter of cinema.

Well, I mean, between the Carry On film franchise and James Bond, a lot of sex puns have been made where I'm sitting right now. Yeah, that's true. A lot of double entendre. And worse, judging by the kind of things people got up to in those decades. Oh, man. I mean, I can only imagine the type of old school celebrity human trafficking that went on. I mean.

But still, good gig. Yeah. Great gig. Yeah. All going well. Busy in Pinewood. I get to kind of wear a lanyard and stuff, which is pretty cool. Makes me feel like I have a job.

Because, I mean, I do for now. Oh, that's so sweet. What does a lanyard say that you can reveal? The lanyard says, dressing room five, please return. Yeah, nothing says the high life, like, please return. Oh. Oh, nothing says that highest echelons of showbiz, like, we will be needing

that back. That's what they said to Sinatra about his hats. You will need to dry clean that before you return it to us. Or you'll lose your deposit, Mr. Sinatra about his hats. You will need to dry clean that before you return it to us. Or you'll lose your deposit, Mr. Sinatra. Oh, the good life. That's what that

song was inspired by. That's right. He was looking at his Please Return lanyard and saying, full of fun. Some absolutely enormous noises happening behind me. People have decided that the best place to have a big, loud, important conversation is, as always, the corridor. What have the lunches been like?

Studio lunches, if you're lucky, can be hit or miss. Ooh, the catering. This has taught me, Phil, that I have a very institutionalized attitude to food. If the food is free and it's from a cafeteria, a part of my brain and its critical faculties, it just turns itself off. Yeah.

Is that because you regressed to being at school where there was no choice? You just have to have what's there? Yeah, I think it's because I regressed to being at school where there was no choice? You just have to have what's there. Yeah, I think it's because I regressed to being at school. And also it's free in the sense that I'm not immediately paying for it, at least. And it's just, you know, from a tray. And my expectations are already at kind of like below school level. So anything above that is sort of, ooh.

Yeah, I think it's nice. I think it's a good, nice mental state to be in, to have some choice taken from you. I mean, it sounds illiberal to say, but I love nothing more than some element of choice just being taken away from me. I don't want to make another fucking decision today. Just tell me it's potatoes

or pasta yes or as they would say here noodles yes and then just one of the two yeah yeah well they just like that's what's great about it's like you say like in a in a way one of the most profound freedoms is to not have to have the freedom to constantly think about slowly cobbling together your own fucking lunch. And you just walk into a room, and a person in an apron says, it's lasagna today, and you go, great, I like lasagna. It's the dream. I wish I had a cafeteria.

I would love, if there was an office block near me that had a cafeteria, I would sort of approach the was an office block near me that had a cafeteria, I would sort of approach the office, whatever the company was, and I'd be like, look, I'm a freelancer. I just love cafeterias. What kind of monthly subscription fee do I need to pay to get access to that tray food? I love food in trays.

As you say that tray food you just point at it That tray food I point but I'm a bit too close to the window And my finger like smushes backwards as I point on the As it hits the window as I'm pointing through I'm in the street That tray food There's a little squeak

I just love tray food and the tray food's been pretty good but I think I realize that why some of the people some of my colleagues Phil they complain oh really I think in their heads it's a restaurant yeah and they're thinking this isn't like restaurant food

I think restaurant food should be much nicer and I don't even understand where they're coming from no food. I think restaurant food should be much nicer, and I don't even understand where they're coming from. No. No. I mean, they're assuring disappointment for themselves. Of course. I mean, most restaurants aren't good enough to be restaurants.

That's true. That is true. Never mind tray food. Never mind tray food restaurants. These people are cooking food for 300 people of varying levels of hunger and idiocy it's going to be tray food all the way you have to expect the correct level yeah i yeah well you'll hear no complaints from me i love a bit of love a bit of tray food love a bit of tray food although i i i learned early in my career the hard way the dangers of

eating too much at a studio because oh yeah uh yeah i i i'm a like i've said on this before i'm not an addict but i'm a glutton yeah and if there's something in front of me i will just gorge and i ate a fried rice from wagamamas that ruined my appearance on Would I Lie To You? I didn't say a thing on the show because I was just digesting char han from Wagamamas. Like a snake. For two, three hours. Yeah, yeah, because your body goes, oh, you've eaten like a python,

so that is today's survival requirements satisfied we're done now we don't need to be we're done we can go to sleep and the whole time i'm trying to jump off of something lee macker said but my brain's going what are you doing just go to sleep and so my body's just i'm fighting my body the whole time not to go to sleep. And it's terrible. My worst TV pains. All. And it's all thanks to a fried rice at Wagamama's. Who I don't blame, by the way.

I still enjoy the occasional Wagamama's. But at that point, I learned it's a Faustian pact. Yeah. Food at a studio's. Yeah. Now I get like a... I now intentionally order something that I know I won't like

so I don't eat too much of it, like a pasta salad or... I mean, never as bad as baked salmon, but like towards that end of the disgusting spectrum. Yeah, you want something light and then make sure that you accept the hourly offer of an enormous coffee. Oh, I can't even do that. You know I'm a one-coffee guy in the morning.

Oh, see, I do it because I want that kind of frantic, sweating, hunger energy. Yeah. You know. I really like the tweet you did last summer when it was really hot in London, and you were still making yourself cup after cup of hot coffee. And you said, I think you tweeted that while you were making that coffee, you were screaming at the sun, you're locked in here with me. Which is a great Watchmen reference.

A great, yeah. Thank you, man. Well, actually, amusingly, so I caught up with your friend and mine, poet and scholar Ali Lewis, who is a fan of the Bud Pod. He's a pod bud. He's a listener. Hello, Ali. You can buy Ali Lewis's

book of poems if you Google Ali Lewis poetry and it'll come up. And I'll try and put something in the description if I remember. Anyway, Ali made the point that last week when we came up with Unfairness the Clown. Yeah. It was essentially yet another. He said, you know how you did a thing about how Phil said how you always referenced the Joker? Yeah.

He was like, well, what is Unfairness the Clown if not just the Joker in disguise? Of course, of course. We tried not to say the Joker, but we just did in a different way. Like Unfairness the Clown was the working title. He's like a clown, but he's so unfair. He's horrible. Yeah, when Bob Kane sat down to create batman which is a disputed fact yeah um most fans actually attribute the large majority of batman's quality elements to bill

finger but we won't get into that when bob kane sat down to create the joker which maybe bill finger did he thought a clown but a clown but. He thought, a clown but... A clown but what? A clown but... A clown but... He's unfair. He's unfair to everyone. He is, if anything, unfair. He poisons the water supply, which if you ask anyone, is an unfair thing to do.

Yeah. If you showed someone a picture of a poisoned water supply and said, fair or unfair? They'd say unfair. I'd hazard to get get yeah yeah most people are going to say unfair 10 out of 10 times most people 9 out of 10 if not yeah two doses of efficacy of people will say unfair. Yes, exactly. Well, yeah. That's the thing here in the States, Pierre. Everyone's double vaccinated. Like people younger than us are double vaccinated already.

Well, in New York particularly, right? It's state by state. Like if you go to... I think New York particularly. Yeah. Yeah, I think New York specifically. I think if you go to, you know, anti-abortionville gun town, then... Yeah, I mean, those people are going to be the ones least likely to appreciate a brand new injection from, I imagine, a first generation immigrant. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's like high on their list of phobias.

Yeah, that's a big on their list of phobias. Yeah, that's a big no-no in Abortionville. Look, the people of... And they have many no-nos. The people of Abortionville Gunton, which is how you pronounce Gunntown. Yeah. They

hate getting medicine for free. Hate it. Absolutely hate it. If you told them that it would cost $89.99, they'd go for it. Yeah. But because it's free medicine,

it's full of communism juice and Mexicans. If you told them you have to get the green light from your employer so that you can get this medicine, then they're like, great, this is what America was made for. They'd love it. Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

Exactly. Yeah. If you said you can only get this medicine from the NRA. Then they'd go, this is freedom. That's freedom. They have to shoot the vaccine into you with a dart gun. So it's your Second Amendment. That's an idea.

They should sneak little sort of James Bond-style vaccine needles into the butts of shooting range AR-15s yes yeah when they click the trigger it it pokes out into their shoulder really quick yeah and they won't even be able to tell the recall is painful anyway we won't be able to tell this we should be high by the biden administration we really should yeah we really should. Well, I know you're listening, Joe. We know you're a pod bud, Joe. We know you're a pod bud, Joe. We've seen your coded messages.

Yes. We appreciate that you've kept on jacking it in the White House there. Keep on jacking it for another term, if possible, please. Four more years of jacking it, Mr. President all we ask yes i'm still waiting for the first pod bud president oh oh they say it will never happen but someday yeah someday someday well phil you get on with that in new york i'm gonna go try and break into the James Bond filming set and steal Daniel Craig's little blue pants. Still wet.

Still wet from Casino Royale somehow. They've preserved the moisture. Oh, they will be, Philip. Oh, they will be when you're done with them. That's right, yeah. Well, I'm going to go get some matzo ball soup. Nice.

And how about them Mets? I'm going to go get some tray food. Okay. Okay. Keep on jacking it, everyone. Thanks for tuning in. It's coming home, everybody. It's coming home.

By which I mean me in a couple of weeks. Yeah, it is how we call Phil. Phil's coming home. Bye-bye. Bye. Keep on jacking it.